Explore every episode of the podcast Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes
Dive into the complete episode list for Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes. Each episode is cataloged with detailed descriptions, making it easy to find and explore specific topics. Keep track of all episodes from your favorite podcast and never miss a moment of insightful content.
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Title
Pub. Date
Duration
The Benefits of Normalizing Not Drinking at Friend Gatherings
27 Nov 2025
00:23:07
I’ve never been a big drinker. In my early twenties, I remember having to stand up for myself to be included during drinking games, even though I was drinking water.
But at a recent gathering we hosted, I realized there were actually MORE non-drinkers than drinkers present. Making non-alcoholic options (and non-alcoholic activities) a normal part of our get-togethers has certainly been an evolution, and I’m grateful for it.
There are lots of reasons people don’t drink. Maybe it’s due to health reasons or childhood trauma regarding alcohol; maybe they’re in recovery, they have responsibilities, or they just don’t feel like it. Today’s episode is about starting conversations about friends’ boundaries regarding alcohol so hangouts can fit those preferences.
If you want to drink less or if alcohol is a trigger for you, I hope you take this episode as encouragement to talk with friends about it. Personally, I’ve found gatherings that don’t revolve around alcohol to be not only more inclusive, but also more creative and fun.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Why I’ve never been a big drinker, and how my health has led me to stop consuming alcohol entirely
Conversations about understanding friends’ boundaries with alcohol and the importance in not making it a big deal
Different non-alcoholic activities: workout classes! Walks! Going for drives! Running errands! Etc.
Building shared experience roots through new activities, which also makes friendships more resilient and comfortable
Resources & Links
Listen to Episode 12 about emotional intimacy roots.
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Almost Everyone Has Experienced Friendship Break-Up (Twice!) with Meenadchi
20 Nov 2025
01:08:46
Ninety-four percent of people have experienced more than one friendship break-up.
Let that sink in. Nearly EVERYONE listening has been through this heartbreak multiple times – and yet, we barely even talk about it as a society!
This statistic comes from a survey conducted by today’s guest, Meenadchi, a somatic healing practitioner, communications expert, author of Decolonization Non-Violent Communication, and TEDx Talk presenter about her own friendship break-up.
This is a conversation about the losses we don't have scripts for and why that makes the healing so much harder. We share deeply about our own experiences, we talk about Meenadchi’s research, and we dive into the grief of friendship break-ups.
I hope this conversation gives you some of what I felt during this conversation – that you are not alone in this experience. The pain of friendship break-ups is real. Give yourself the space you need to grieve.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Meenadchi’s upbringing in a Sri Lankan immigrant community, where friendships are highly valued
Her long-term friendship that ended at age 36 and her subsequent fascination with friendship breakups
The vulnerability and intimacy shared in childhood friendships and the impact of losing such relationships
The concept of a "line in the sand" for setting boundaries and moving forward in relationships; when do boundaries work, and when can friendships be repaired?
The importance of community interconnectedness in healing from friendship breakups (plus, healing strategies, from letter-writing to the internet)
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Write Your Own Friendship Manual: Building Authentic Relationships While Neurodivergent with Lee Hopkins
18 Sep 2025
01:03:57
Have you ever felt like everyone but you received some kind of friend-making manual?
Today’s guest, Lee Hopkins, is a social connections and business culture coach and CEO of Patterns of Possibility – but his journey to this work started with his own decades-long struggle.
In this episode, Lee shares about navigating friendship after recently learning that he has autism, and how this revelation has impacted his relationships with friends, family, and ultimately, his way of life.
Lee says what’s made all the difference for him in this journey of self-discovery has been boundaries, conscious conversations, and knowing himself. Once he stopped trying to fit into relationships that required him to mask who he was, it opened him up to the kinds of connection that actually nourished him.
If you're feeling stuck in surface level relationships or tired of feeling like you're always performing to be accepted, then maybe it's time to get curious about what authentic connection looks like for you.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Lee’s life-long struggle with making friends and how he discovered he had autism later in life through TikTok
Common misconceptions about autism and how this diagnosis impacted how he communicated with the people around him
The importance in understanding the communication gap between neurodivergent and neurotypical people
Mentors, intentional conversations, and why we all need to stop comparing our relationships with other people’s
Resources & Links
Listen to other episodes about being a neurodivergent person looking for connection: Episode 40 and Episode 54.
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Navigating Friendships with ADHD with Charlotte Dover
09 Nov 2023
01:07:04
A few years ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD. I didn’t know it at the time, but ADHD was affecting so many areas of my life, including my friendships.
Navigating friendships with a neurodiverse brain is tricky. I talked about it in Episode 40, and here we delve into the topic again with today’s guest, Charlotte Dover, an ADHD life coach who supports late-diagnosed and self-diagnosed ADHD women.
Charlotte herself was diagnosed with ADHD at age 36 and has spent the past two and a half years learning about it from a personal perspective.
Listening back to this episode makes me emotional, but I think there’s power in putting this stuff out there. Hopefully today’s episode will create more understanding for the neurotypical people out there and help the neurodivergent listeners feel less alone.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Charlotte’s work with women who have ADHD and her personal journey of learning about her own diagnosis later in life
The traits and tendencies that can make friendship for people with ADHD very difficult and how Charlotte and Alex combat some of these obstacles
Common thought patterns (and thought spirals) for people with ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dyasphoria
“Regulating” ourselves for our neurotypical friends – which might sometimes feel necessary but can also be hard work that keeps us from important experiences
Loneliness – the definition of it and the importance of rethinking what we actually want out of our friendships (which might not always be a big birthday party!)
How a new neurodivergent diagnosis can be like bringing a new person into the equation
Resources & Links
Charlotte Dover is an ADHD coach – follow her on Instagram, reach out to her via her website, and listen to her podcast, This Beautiful Chaos.
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Why I Need You To Care About Friendship
02 Nov 2023
00:26:43
This week, the Friendship IRL podcast turns a year old. One whole year!
I launched this podcast knowing this was an important topic, but the more work I do, the more I think it’s such a fundamental thing we don’t talk enough about. People have told me this podcast makes them feel seen, which makes me so happy.
But here’s the thing: I cannot do this alone. The only way we make an impact is by people listening, reflecting, and by then making small changes in their own lives. Then, we create a ripple effect, making the social fabric out there a little tighter.
Today I’m talking about why I need you to care about friendship. For me, friendship is foundational, since I didn’t have a strong support system growing up. Here, I go a little deeper into my story.
If this is your first time listening to the podcast, or if you’ve been here for the very beginning: thank you. I’m really excited to dive in on year two.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
A year with Friendship IRL: we’ve covered loneliness, different types of friendships, societal problems that friendship/connection impacts, lived experiences and more
My story, growing up in an unpredictable household with substance abuse present – and why friendship isn’t just “nice to have,” but foundational for so many
How I relied on my friends, friends’ parents, coaches, neighbors, and people around me to learn how to get out of this and not be in survival mode anymore
How I got creative when I couldn’t find that “all consuming” support system and built a broader support system for myself on instinct made up mostly of friends
Reasons to care about friendship: for the people who are rock bottom, but also for the people who need support in more simple ways
The phrase “I’m fine, it’s fine, everything’s fine,” and the relief you can feel when you finally get the thing you need
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Why Simple Neighborhood Gatherings Are Important (and How to Pull One Off) with Erin Woodruff
26 Oct 2023
00:58:18
Last March, Erin Woodruff was walking through her neighborhood with her two-year-old daughter. It had been a long winter and it felt like spring would never come.
During the walk, Erin began wondering about her neighbors. Many were also moms of young children. Were they also depressed and tired of the cold weather? She wished she knew them better. So, she created a means to do so.
The next week, she hosted a “Favorite Things” party, a low-barrier gathering that had big effects. So much of the language regarding new friendships is about “joining” or “finding,” but here, Erin created her opportunity to get to know her neighbors better.
I was an event-planner for more than a decade, and I love helping people figure out how to pull off impactful, meaningful gatherings. In this episode, Erin and I talk in-depth about not only how to pull off an intentional neighborhood gathering, but why they’re so important.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Erin’s work as a communications coach and her resolution to make more friends that live close to her after a mid-pandemic move
The Favorite Things party – the inspiration, the details, how she prepared for it, the intentions behind it, and why the format works well with new acquaintances
How and why you sometimes want to keep things simple at gatherings – plus, how throwing a gathering like this creates more connection opportunities for the future
Decision fatigue and the mantra Erin learned from her mother about focusing not on who didn’t come, but instead, at who did
Creating intentional gatherings – thinking about what your goal is in a gathering and creating an environment in which you can reach that goal
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Behind the Scenes: A Friendship that Spans Decades with Elise Enriquez
19 Oct 2023
00:53:21
What does it take for a friendship to be a constant in your life for two decades?
That’s what we’re talking about with today’s guest, Elise Enriquez, a productivity coach who gives us a behind-the-scenes look at her friendship with Andrea, which she says is one of the most meaningful relationships in her life.
Elise tells us about how she and Andrea became friends, how they built the friendship, how they stayed connected through life’s big transitions, and how they fill the time between the “bright light” moments of their friendship.
They provide so many tangible examples of how they keep in touch. A lot of the time, that’s where the magic is – in the small, simple ways we show up for each other, those mundane details that can make the biggest impact.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Elise and Andrea’s friendship: how they met, how they became close, and how they navigated through some major life changes, from divorces and kids to new marriages
Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable in friendships, which gives other people an opportunity to really see us
“Doing life” with our friends – debriefing in real time or spending time with them – instead of spending our time together doing catch-up
Bright light moments in friendship, the darkness between them, and the everyday touchpoints that can fill that darkness
Creating more “roots” or strands in your friendship that make it easier to keep connections active, from a regular activity or shared interest
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Confession: I’ve Never Had a Best Friend, with Terri Huggins Hart
12 Oct 2023
00:50:21
Today’s episode is with Terri Huggins Hart, an award-winning journalist who has written for Parents, Good Housekeeping, and other major publications all over the country.
If you’ve been listening to this podcast, then you probably know I don’t like the term “best friend.” It’s too all-encompassing, and it’s too much pressure for one relationship.
Here, Terri and I talk about rewiring how we think of our closest relationships, the lack of language for friendship, and how the most important thing is creating connections that feel good to us – regardless of how society says they’re supposed to look.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
The lack of language for friendships and the space between “best friend, “friend” and “acquaintance”
Thinking about friendships in terms of how we think about physical care – there is no “one-size-fits-all” – you don’t want your dentist tending to your gynecological needs
The wellness culture and the narrow definition of what makes somebody “well” or “fit” or “healthy,” and how it often leaves out marginalized or neurodivergent populations
Things that are often simpler than they seem – and how it’s often us who make them more complicated than they need to be
Why many people don’t want to talk about best friends – both because they feel ashamed and because they don’t want their own friends to feel slighted
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
A Survival Guide for Navigating Small Talk
05 Oct 2023
00:31:31
If you’re getting out there and meeting new people, there’s no getting around the fact that you’re going to have to do some small talk.
I don’t think I’ve met a single person who’s told me they truly enjoy small talk. Many go to extreme lengths to avoid it. One reason people despise it? It’s Ground Zero. Our brains are wired for familiarity and certainty. Small talk is neither.
But as with most things, the more you do it, the better you get at it. I dread small talk, and I’m an extrovert – but over time, I’ve built that muscle and developed a few tricks I hope you find useful.
So that’s what today’s episode is all about. Small talk: what it is, why it’s necessary, and how to get through it fast, effectively and curiously so that you can get to those deeper and, frankly, more interesting conversations.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Small talk – what it is, who it’s with, what it’s about, and why it often feels uncomfortable
Looking at small talk in relation to working out (it’s a warm-up) or a long run (it takes a few miles before getting to the runner’s high/deeper conversations)
Ways to make small talk feel less awkward – for example, just being honest and acknowledging the awkwardness!
Questions to ask yourself before going into a gathering that will involve small talk such as, why am I here? What will make this gathering a success for me?
Finding common threads, ripping the band-aid off, and using low-priority topics as building blocks for high-priority ones
Setting yourself up for success in small talk (and setting other people up for success, too) – plus, how to get OUT of small talk
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Actionable Ways to Build the Connections You Need In Your Community
28 Sep 2023
00:58:31
Moving somewhere new? Here’s some advice from today’s guest: Get stuff on your walls.
Michele Reichman is a personal trainer, health coach, mom, and, most pertinent to today’s conversation, a military spouse. Often, her family doesn’t know how long they’ll be in a place, so when they get there, they waste no time turning it into their home.
Creating community is her way of doing that, and today, we discuss actionable ways she does this, from joining local groups to using social media as a tool.
Because for Michele, it’s not even that community and friendship are NICE to have – it’s a necessity for her and her family.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
How sometimes it can feel awkward asking somebody to do something with you – and how to get over that awkwardness
The Liking Gap (which you can learn about in Episode 41) about how we assume people find interactions with us less enjoyable than they actually do
Modeling friendship for the next generation, and the tips Michele gave her daughter about inviting a friend to hang out
Getting stuff up on the wall – i.e., taking action on things fast, from saying that first “hello” at a party to joining local groups/events/meet-ups, especially after a move
How Michele found people in her new home with similar interests/ideals, from hosting a boot camp and joining a church to using the “search” tab on social media
The different kinds of relationships you can form with people in a new community – for example, Michele’s old neighbors were like second grandparents to her kids
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Getting Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable: Life Changes in Friendships
21 Sep 2023
00:59:59
Picture this. You’ve been friends with somebody for 40 years. You’ve always lived close by.
Then, one of you moves across the world. Suddenly you have to Zoom to stay in touch – but talking online with somebody you’re used to sitting on a couch with feels uncomfortable. You might think there’s something wrong with your friendship. The reality? This is just a new way of connecting.
Today’s guest, Ivana Ivanek, an online business coach and podcast host of Fabulous by Design, and I talk about the evolving ways we connect and spend time with our friends. She shares vulnerably about how her move abroad to follow her dreams impacted her friendships.
It has me thinking about my own friendships that feel sticky, and I think a lot of people will identify with her same frustrations. Why is it so hard to connect with this friend I’m so close to? How can we change our ways of connecting? How can we lean into this discomfort to make it work?
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Ivana’s move from Austria to experience her dream and live by the sea – and the struggles she found maintaining long-distance friends with the time zone differences
The “online isn’t real” myth, and how to build fulfilling online connections by being ACTIVE and intentional about your interactions
Getting out of our comfort zones to maintain friendships and the feeling of not staying true to old friends by making new connections
How highly-sensitive people might actually find connecting with people online less draining than in person
Why it’s so easy to have all-consuming friendships as kids – and why it doesn’t always work that way as adults
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
The Myths of Mom Friends
14 Sep 2023
01:01:15
The energy it takes to raise little ones is intense. Parents and caregivers NEED friends because this is not a job you should have to go about alone.
Today’s guest is Emily Siegel. She is a friendship coach, mentor, podcast host of The Connected Mom Life, and a working mom of two little boys. In this episode, we cover the realities of mom friendship.
We discuss how to make building and maintaining friendships easier during this hectic stage of life, and Emily shares great advice for what has worked for her. If you’re a parent, try out some of her tips! As she says in this episode, life feels so much lighter with people by your side.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Being forward about wanting and desiring friends – and how sometimes people, especially parents, are grateful for forwardness
Building the friendship muscle – the more you invest in a new relationship, over time, it will feel less like work
Friendship between friends with kids and friends without kids, and friendship between people who are in different seasons of life
Emily’s “moms’ night out” weekly open door which has no barriers for entry (sweatpants, no planning to be done, no RSVP required)
Three things Emily tells moms who are trying to make new friends – plus, using phones and social media to actually ACCELERATE friendships
Lowering the bar for what friendship means and finding new ways to be friends while going through life’s transitions
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Friendship Demotions (and How To Build Even Better Friendships)
07 Sep 2023
00:21:54
Recently, somebody asked me how to go about friendship demotions.
I think it’s super common to go through a season in friendships where things feel good – and then, something changes. We aren’t talking about these friendship shifts enough. But “demoting” a friend has a bad feeling to it. Instead, what if we talked about building a better version of friendship for right now?
That’s what today’s episode is about – reframing the idea of a friendship demotion and offering 3 "do-the-work" options.
It will likely take time for these changes to become normal, but I hope this episode provides insight into how you might create new, beautiful versions of your friendships that suit your lives right now.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Friendship as a “plate” with things that keep getting added onto it – which often isn’t sustainable long-term
Getting more specific about what we expect from our friends and what they expect from us, and allowing for adjustments as time goes on
Questions to ask yourself, such as, what do you enjoy about this friendship? How do you feel most supported by it? What’s meaningful about it to you?
The myth of the no-sweat, no-conflict relationship, and asking yourself what work you’re willing to do
Focusing on feelings in the midst of friendship conflicts and brainstorming how you both can “win”
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
How to Not Feel Neglected in Conversations with Friends (and Why Sometimes TMI is a Good Thing)
11 Sep 2025
00:26:26
It happens to all of us: you leave an interaction and realize the conversation was all about the other person. They didn’t ask a thing about you.
Today’s episode is about feeling ignored in conversations with friends. In these situations, it’s easy to play the blame game, but the truth is, we are all responsible for our half of the connection.
What do you say when a friend asks how you’re doing? Do you say “good” or “fine?” Or do you give an honest answer? How hard do we expect friends to work to extract information from us?
Here’s my challenge to you: in your next hangout, don’t deflect a question. Throw something out there you’ve never shared before. These details enrich relationships. Remember, your friends want to know you. Trust this, and take up a little space.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Why sharing the silly details matter: they help open up conversations and allow your friends to know you better
The importance of BOTH parties in the relationship contributing to a conversation; don’t deflect questions or give generic answers!
Common concerns about not wanting to dominate the conversation (or share TOO much information)
How I navigate not feeling left out when I’m in a conversation with people who share common interests with each other (but not with me)
Resources & Links
Listen to Episode 12 about emotional intimacy roots.
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
How Making Friends Can Help You Make the Big Life Choices with Deasha Waddup
31 Aug 2023
00:56:06
Making friends is one area in life where you just need to go out there and do it.
It might involve being a little uncomfortable. It takes time and practice to get used to navigating these situations – and no episode illustrates this better than this one.
Today’s guest, Deasha, has made and maintained friendships with people all over the world. She’s done it so many times, she trusts that when she goes out and does what she wants to do, she’s going to meet people while doing it. This confidence gives her the power to travel solo and make the big life choices.
I listened to today’s episode and was inspired to put myself out there a little bit more. I hope you feel the same way, and maybe decide to take a small action or two in your life – to be a little uncomfortable, and build this muscle that is making new connections.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Deasha’s experiences meeting people online and turning them into real friends, and, her friendship advice
Being friends with somebody for only a season of life, and being okay with falling out – plus, putting yourself in spaces where you’ll meet the kind of people you want to meet
Consistency in friendship and how to remove the friendship “administrative” work by creating recurring gatherings
The power of spending more time thinking about what could go RIGHT vs. what could go wrong – and the skills you gain when things DO go wrong
How the skill of making friends can give you the confidence to make the big life choices, from big travels and big moves to trying new things
Resources & Links
Deasha is accredited by Facebook as a Lead Trainer and Community Manager. Connect with Deasha on her website or on Facebook.
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Social Wellness in Millennials vs. Boomers, and How This Plays Out in Parental and In-Law Relationships
24 Aug 2023
01:14:55
A year ago, I went on a walk with a friend who’s around the age of my parents. I shared how I wished my parents and in-laws found other people to talk to besides just me. Doing so would not only make them happier – it would take some pressure off, too!
At the end of the walk, my friend said she saw herself in my story. And I actually think a lot of people will see themselves in this story. Boomers and Gen X generations were told by society that focusing on careers and families would bring fulfillment.
The impact? So many of them don’t have a robust social wellness net. This is an important (and possibly divisive!) topic that we’re talking about today with Janelle, whose online platform tackles motherhood and that sometimes tricky relationship with the in-laws.
I hope this episode helps start a conversation about the impact our own social wellness can have on our parents, children, and in-laws – that way, we can put our attention there and work on it.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Janelle’s platform, which contains content about motherhood and navigating in-law relationships – how it started, and how it’s going
Generational expectations and pressure, and how much of this comes from older generations not having strong social wellness situations or hobbies
The impact of social media on wellness – the good and the bad – for different generations, Gen Z to Boomers
The skill set required to take a friendship out of shared experiences, plus, the importance of modeling friendship for your kids
The easy ask – asking someone close to you for advice or help, even if they’re not the right person – and how this can weigh heavily on the people we love
The problem with the “family is family” perspective and creating NEW rules and boundaries
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Real Talk about Friend Trios
17 Aug 2023
01:00:01
Ever been in a friendship trio? It can be complicated, right?
I get questions about friendship trios all the time, and today, we’re finally tackling this topic with my guest, Brandi Cambric. We cover maintaining a friendship for multiple decades, introducing your closest friends, and existing in a friendship trio. The good, the hard, and the reality!
If you’re out there looking for a friendship trio, today’s story is going to make you realize it’s not always easy. It’s definitely not equal. Everybody fits their roles. Everybody supports their individual friendships. Everybody puts in the work.
While recording, I had a big, stupid smile on my face. I love sharing these stories – the ups and downs, the journey of these friendships. This isn’t the only way to approach a friendship trio – it’s just an option. My hope is that you’ll take what feels right for you.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Brandi’s real-life friendship trio between two friends – one she’s had for 32 years, the other for 20, and how she introduced them to each other
Friends who hold different parts of your life – it’s not a competition, and it won’t be equal, just different
The places where people often get in trouble with friendship trios, and how to maintain a strong triangle (hint: each side/relationship needs to be strong!)
The sides of the triangle, which won’t be equilateral – at times, it will be lopsided, some lines longer than others
The importance of refilling your “well” in friendships, and how Brandi refills hers by disconnecting
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
The Liking Gap: What It Is, Why It’s Important, and How to Overcome It
10 Aug 2023
00:35:32
Have you ever regretted a conversation with a stranger or acquaintance?
To be fair, reflecting on past interactions isn’t a bad thing. Maybe you said something that was slightly offensive. Maybe you said something not knowing a person’s full circumstances and worried you may have triggered them.
What you probably experienced was the Liking Gap. Research shows that people often underestimate how well they’re liked after interactions. More often than not, we are our own hardest critics. Today, we dig into the Liking Gap and discuss how to overcome it.
It might not feel that important having meaningful conversations with strangers or casual acquaintances, but it sets the foundation for other relationships and impacts our feelings of belonging, which is a basic human need for survival.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
The “Liking Gap” – how it’s measured and why it happens, from being too self-critical to feeling uncertain
Weak ties – the innate trust we sometimes feel in random strangers or acquaintances – and how this trust has deteriorated over the decades
How sometimes, we are so focused on wanting to be liked that we miss signals from the other person and are less present – plus, ways to overcome the Liking Gap
The studies that show people (introverts and extroverts!) feel happier and more connected when they have deep conversations with people they just met
Questions you can ask to start deeper conversations and techniques for more positive interactions with strangers
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Strawberry Friends: Forming Supportive Friendships While Neurodivergent
03 Aug 2023
00:59:10
“To love someone long-term is to attend a thousand funerals of the people they used to be.”
This quote by Heidi Priebe beautifully summarizes what I’m talking about in this episode – neurodiversity and nuances in friendships – with my guest Sadie, a self-connection coach and recovering people pleaser. It’s a subject I’ve been wanting to cover for ages.
Personally, I was diagnosed with ADHD two and a half years ago. Sadie was recently diagnosed with Autism. Today, we discuss it all: letting friendships go, building new ones, and building up new versions of existing friendships after learning you’re neurodiverse.
There are so many blanket statements about making and keeping friends. But if we dive into these nuances and subtleties in our friendships, this is what’s going to make it easier to keep them.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Sadie’s experience learning that she’s neurodivergent later in life and how this impacted her friendships
How interactions that neurotypical people see as easy can often be quite draining for neurodivergent people
The “scripts” we give ourselves on how to act in certain situations – and how these scripts prevent us from being our most authentic, true selves in friendships
Managing differences in friendships (check out Episode 15 for more on this!) and how doing this makes it easier for neurodivergent people in friendships
Strawberry Friends – the people with whom you can be yourself around the most and don’t feel forced to spend time with
The relief we can feel after learning that we’re neurodivergent – and also the grief we can feel about past interactions and years of struggle
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Take Action: Reviving Third Places and Walkable Communities
27 Jul 2023
01:15:54
In North America, there are laws in place that make it more difficult to connect.
Zoning and parking laws impact the amount of foot traffic in a town, which consequently affects the number and kinds of third places in a town. People often talk about how these laws impact things like home values or crime – but rarely do they touch on their social implications.
Joining me today is Nathan Allebach, a creative director, marketer, and lover of walkable communities. He has a wealth of knowledge on this topic, and of third places; at the end of this interview, I felt like I’d taken a college course on third places and walkable communities – even though I’d already read up on quite a lot of this.
Want to see more third places? Listening to this podcast is a step. Build awareness for yourself. Follow the organizations Nathan mentions. Talk to local businesses about it. Big changes start with awareness, followed by small changes.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
How so many people are having to choose between their financial goals and social wellness – and how third places can be a solution for that
Our own “third places” growing up – Walmart, Target, the mall, a car – and what millennials have done to try to create their own third places
Mixed-use zoning, which means shops existed where people lived, and the affect Post World War II America had on this
Building regulations that impact third places: single family zoning, setback requirements, minimum lot size/square footage requirements; parking requirements
The roles of race and class in third places, and the impact cars have had on them in history and today
Guerilla activism, and small things you can do to make an impact: plant street trees; advocate for public art, new benches, zoning and parking reforms; pay attention
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Third Places: Bringing “Living Rooms” Back to Our Communities
20 Jul 2023
00:45:00
Sometimes it's nice to just have a space to “exist” – to laugh and let go and feel light. I’ve mentioned third places in other episodes, and today, I dive deep into this concept – what they are, their decline, and ideas for bringing them back.
The “third place” was coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg and refers to the place people spend their time after their “first place” (home) and their “second place” (work). They’re meant to be community hubs – places where people can exchange ideas, build relationships, and have a good time.
Here, I talk about the history of the third place and their decline in the past half century. So if you’re out there feeling like a bad friend for not calling people back or because you don’t know your neighbors, give yourself some grace – it’s a little more difficult than it once was.
I’m a total nerd about this topic, and this will be the first in many episodes talking about third places, from the laws and policy decisions that affect them, to how they might look in the future.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
What a third places is by Oldenburg’s definition and examples – libraries, parks, museums, social services, low-cost businesses
How third places cultivate a sense of belonging and trust – plus, the populations that especially benefit from them: teens, the elderly, and people with disabilities
The history of third places, from the 1800s through post World War II and the “American Dream” – plus, third place “replacements,” i.e., places where you pay to gain entry
How some modern day third places are more focused on self than the community (for example, getting in better shape, leaning into your hobby, etc.)
Ideas to bring third places back, from using a third place (going to the park, the library, or the neighborhood cafe) to following people who are talking about this
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
You Don’t Need to Understand People to Accept Them
13 Jul 2023
00:52:11
TRIGGER WARNING: In this episode we talk about depression and suicide.
Building friendships and community is a skill that takes hard work to master.
For many people, such as myself and today’s guest, Noah, building these connections isn’t just for fun. It’s also about survival. Today, we talk about growing up in a household where you don’t feel seen or supported and then going off on your own – only to realize you’ve never developed the skillset to make friends and build community.
As humans, we’re not meant to go through this life alone, and nothing reminds us of that more than when we feel alone. Eventually, Noah did find his chosen family, which was critical to battling his depression while living in Florida, where there’s a lot of anti-LGBTQIA+ legislation.
So many people think they need to understand you to accept you, but the reality is, we’re never going to understand why and how each person in the world lives – and we don’t need to in order to accept them for who they are.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Noah’s life after high school: studying drama in college and moving to Miami, where he fell into a deep depression
Fear of rejection in friendship – beginners have to get out there and build resilience and NOT view themselves as simply bad at making friends or unworthy
How, until you become an adult, you might not HAVE to make friends – your family chooses where you live, your community, and the precedent for what’s acceptable
Making friends with people with whom you don’t feel like yourself as a means of surviving this phase of life
The messages society tells us – if you’re low, get yourself out of it – and the alternative to create a community who can hold and love you when you’re in your low points
Resources & Links
There are only four states in the U.S. that don’t have active anti-LGBTQ legislation. Check out the ACLU website to see what bills are live in your state.
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
How To Feel Very “Not Alone”
06 Jul 2023
00:27:31
Today’s episode begins with a decision to book plane tickets to California over my birthday and stay with some friends who were going through a medical emergency. They needed an extra hand with day-to-day things: think cooking, laundry, and walking their dog.
Now, I’m not a big birthday person (never have been).
At a certain point in my life, I probably would have been thrilled to be alone on my birthday. Even though society says I should need “everyone” to text me and call me and throw me a big party and do all these things.
So why is it that I found myself alone at the beach in tears with such an overwhelming sense of gratitude?
Tune in to hear more of how this story unfolded, including why we need a “web” of people around us for support and assurance, and the magic of creating filters to decide where you're investing your energy.
Let today be the first day of your little, consistent, actions.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Having solid support systems that can inspire us to take risks, believe in ourselves, get outside of our comfort zones, and bring our wildest dreams to life
My messy process of how I went from feeling so lonely in a room full of people to feeling supported, starting with a set of reflection questions you can ask yourself to get really intentional about your existing relationships
Turning the dial up on what’s working well in your current friendships. How can you lean in more and take it to the next level?
The importance of setting boundaries or even letting go of friendships that are no longer serving us - but not letting that energy detract from focusing on what we want to add to our life with friends
A simple task you can try to build intentional connection that involves just 5 minutes of space on your calendar each day (or 30 minutes once per week)
Having a “mental Rolodex” of hundreds or thousands of small moments. This alone will bring you the confidence to tell your friends when you need them. Having a support system is beautiful
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
How To Show Up for the People In Your Lives Who Are Grieving
29 Jun 2023
01:10:33
If the title didn't already tell you, we're talking about grief and loss today.
Suzanne Jabour is a transformational coach, certified Grief Educator, and grieving mom who has found meaning in her loss through opening up conversations about grief, including how we can support people experiencing it and how to help grievers to chart their unique “grief path.”
Suzanne and I really get to the heart of it in this conversation. We open up about how we are showing up for the people in our lives that are grieving, which can often feel uncomfortable. But the only way we're going to grow and change and show up better for the people that we love is by reflecting and choosing to consciously do things differently the next time. And luckily, this episode has so many tangible, real life examples.
And if you're looking for more examples of how to show up for someone in grief, contact Suzanne via the links below.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
The fear and shame cycles we can fall into when a friend is experiencing grief, and how it prevents curiosity and creative problem solving
How to support a grieving person in the early, initial stages of their grief (and how it can be most helpful to “show up messy” and offer your best skill set)
The beauty of picking out the smallest possible actions and actually doing them - for your grieving friend, it may be a one-way street, but a simple heart emoji or “thinking of you” text can mean the world
People need support for much longer than we think - don’t show up wholeheartedly in the beginning and then fizzle out. Think about how you can continue to support the griever even months later
How to deal with probing questions from well-intentioned friends and shift the energy in the room back to a safer ground
Grief is a constant in our lives, and we have to normalize it! Grief can sometimes be a small loss, other times it can feel like an earthquake. No matter how big or small the grief is, all of those losses need to be grieved
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
[REPLAY] The Enormous Impact of Small Intimacies
04 Sep 2025
00:36:49
Sometimes to feel closer to our friends there’s this pressure to share our most vulnerable feelings or unearth some deep, dark secret.
But what if I told you there are more ways to feel connected to our friends that are actually simpler, easier, and more common? That in fact, there are DOZENS of ways we’re trying to open up to each other, but because they’re not “big” shares, they’re often overlooked?
I believe we are all missing out on small moments of connection with our friends, and in this episode, I’ll describe this concept that I’ve mentioned many times but never dug into: small intimacies.
My hope with this episode is to offer ways to shift the friendship culture and pay more attention to those small bids of connection, because as I’ve said before, friendship doesn’t have to be “all or nothing.” Sometimes those small intimacies are more than enough.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Definitions of vulnerability and rejection and the roles they play in whether or not we allow small intimacies
Examples of small intimacies that are overlooked in friendship, from inviting somebody into your house to telling the truth when somebody asks how you are
Topics that are vulnerable or considered big shares for some people but not for others, which can be both “positive” and “negative” shares
The cycle of overthinking what we share to our friends and how we can open ourselves up to small intacies
Spend some time thinking about some of the ways you could let people into your life through small intimacies. What are some things you could offer? How can you offer this up more regularly?
Notable Quotes:
“We get this hyper-focus on the big things. And yes, those are great. It feels great to be let in on your friends’ big moments. We talk so much about wanting that. But while we're sitting here waiting for that and focused on that, and focused on what isn't there in our friendships, we are often missing what is there or holding back what could be there.”
“So often on this podcast we talk about what is enough in our friendships. We talk about not forcing everything to be all or nothing: letting things live in the gray, letting things live on a spectrum, letting things build up to have a cumulative impact. And at the end of the day, I really think that is the whole point of the concept of small intimacies.”
Resources & Links
Learn more about my roots framework! And be sure to listen to Episode 12 if you haven’t already.
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
The Complexities of Introverted Friendships
22 Jun 2023
01:04:52
How does friendship affect introverts?
This is a topic I’ve been wanting to bring to the podcast for a long time, and since I’m an extrovert who is constantly energized by having people around me, I’m bringing in Becky Mollenkamp, a self-proclaimed “hardcore introvert” who likes to be alone a lot of the time.
Becky and I drop into the real, raw behind the scenes of how being an introvert has affected her friendships and how she’s created the experiences she desires. We also cover how to balance introverted and extroverted friendships, how to protect your friends’ time and boundaries, and why we often mix up what it truly means to be an introvert.
If you’ve ever told yourself “I'm a bad friend,” or “I am just not good at this,” or “I'm never going to make new friends,” those thoughts are VALID, and a lot of people are experiencing something similar.
I hope this conversation makes you feel a lot less alone. So much energy is spent comparing what we “think” friendship should look like, when in reality, we should take that energy and think about how to build relationships that feel good for us.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
The limiting beliefs Becky has held on to about friendship, and why it’s sometimes easier for her to forgo investing time and energy into friendships in favor of being alone
Becky recaps her experiences with friendship through childhood and beyond college. Most of her friends were only there for a season since she moved around so much
Attachment styles, and how your given attachment style can affect how you form close relationships (and potentially sabotage them)
“The Liking Gap” and why most people actually underestimate how much another person likes them
Most of what we see in society is an extroverted vision of friendship. We talk about what it looks like to have a friendship amongst introverts, or where one person in the friendship is an introvert
Spending time together will look differently for introverts than it will for extroverts. As such, some friends will spend more time together as they have similar energies, but there are ways to make introverted friendships even more fulfilling
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
The New Version of Friendship - It’s Not “All or Nothing”
15 Jun 2023
00:58:03
Today is one of those episodes where you get to sit on my big couch in my living room with me and Nkem Chukwumerije, having a late night conversation where we're trying to figure out life. And it's SO good.
Nkem (she/they) is a Nigerian-American writer, transformational program designer, artist, teacher, and energy cultivation practitioner. Her style of being in the world is intentional, (com)passionate, idealistic, pleasure-centered, and wisdom-centered. All of these attributes are woven throughout her art and projects, the programs she creates, and the way she works with her communities.
Nkem is at a place where she’s ready to redefine what friendship means in her own life. We explore interracial, intercultural, and interspiritual aspects, masculine and feminine dynamics, along with the healing power of community and why we need to normalize social wellness as a constant journey.
I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on this episode. Daydream, reflect, and let it give you the inspiration to think about how friendships are playing out in your life.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Nkem shares her many experiences with friendships, including the intensity of having friends for just a season, and how moving around a lot has affected the types of friends she’s attracting
The balance between having a powerful community around you to support you, and also having the power to show up for yourself and validate yourself without having to outsource your burdens
What it was like for Nkem to grow up as an American, understanding her Nigerian roots and building “protected spaces” rather than following the mainstream ideals of “the American Dream”
The ripple effect we can create within “friend group cultures” and how to navigate, accept, and grieve our friends’ life transitions
Normalizing social wellness as a “constant journey” - some friends are not meant to be in our lives forever. Plus, how the feminine and the masculine dynamic can apply
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
What Are We Doing About Men's Friendships? Part 2
08 Jun 2023
00:43:06
Men’s friendships feel like a big ball of yarn with thousands of strings that we have to untangle. In Part 2 of today’s episode, we’re delving into the small actions we can start to take to bring men back into the fold into community and into connection.
Some of this work starts with having open conversations out loud. I’ll share some tangible questions you can talk about with the men in your life, plus we’ll dive into how men can begin to prioritize the logistics around the friendships in their lives, and even change the culture of their existing relationships by asking deeper questions.
No more comparing men’s friendships to women's friendships or romantic relationships.
I don’t think men can do this alone - we ALL have to be in this together! (And if you haven't already, go back and listen to Episode 31 for Part 1: All About Men's Friendships).
In this episode you’ll hear about:
What we need to start paying attention to - from moments where men are shutting down in conversations, to societal messages that say men’s friendships are “lesser than”
How my husband Michael has built a consistent connection point with his friends through a Fantasy Football league.
Why friendship should not be an afterthought for men. They shouldn't feel the need to complete every other thing in their life before they spend time with their friends.
The importance of discussing the meaning of social capital out loud and with the men in your life: How are you maintaining relationships? How much work is it? How are those relationships supporting your life? What vital roles are they playing?
How Michael and I handle prioritization around our time together vs. our friends. What do we do if we’re invited to a birthday party the same night as a scheduled date night? We’re not always each other’s “person” for everything in life.
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
All About Men's Friendships
01 Jun 2023
01:23:39
The more I think about men's friendships, the more fired up I get. If I could paint an analogy for you, men’s friendships feel like a big ball of yarn with thousands of strings that we have to untangle.
There are a lot of narrowly defined stories about how a man should “be” in today’s society - they should be powerful, they should provide and be self-sufficient, and they should be in control. But just because society was built for men, by men, does not mean these systems are working for the modern man.
Studies show that men have nearly the same amount of friends as women, but their fear of vulnerability and authenticity prevents them from creating genuine, meaningful connections.
So let’s dig in and talk about the three systems of power that are keeping men in these very narrow boxes. And stay tuned as Part 2 comes out next week to explore more ideas around this topic.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Being a man can be lonely. Between suicide rates, mental health, drops in admission and graduation for higher education, and higher earnings, what does all this mean to “be a man”?
Why we’re in a weird, limbo place with redefining the definition of masculinity. Men are “allowed” to be more vulnerable, but the boundaries are so unclear.
A breakdown of the 3 systems of power that are keeping men in a box, including capitalism and white supremacy.
The many issues that are affecting men’s friendships with women - women can be so much more than just romantic and sexual partners.
Why men struggle to make meaningful connections in their community, especially with the loss of “third spaces” and circumstantial situations, like going through a divorce or navigating a new life as a widower.
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Living on a Boat: Friendship in the Cruising Community
25 May 2023
00:57:58
As much as I love having the hard conversations and talking about the big life moments, sometimes it's just as fun to talk about how community and friendship are really working.
Vickie Leuenberger traded cold Canadian winters to live full-time on a boat cruising the Caribbean Sea and its surrounding islands. She fuels her adventurous lifestyle through 4 different streams of income.
Her stories of unexpected generosity and kindness from complete strangers, especially in moments of adversity, will give you the chills. She also shares so many practical and actionable tips for anyone who is curious about this alternative lifestyle.
My biggest takeaway is that the cruising community is so much richer and more beautiful than I could have anticipated, and I think it’s safe to say that many of us are craving the types of experiences Vickie talks about in this episode.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
“Cruising culture”, what surprised Vickie the most about living on a sailboat, and how she stayed mentally prepared for the adventure
The fast and furious nature of building community - including the unexpected generosity of other cruisers when Vickie’s motor died on her boat
How the cruising lifestyle changed Vickie’s perspective about family and relationships (it’s actually common for some cruisers to have children who live on land after experiencing sailing for many years!)
The beauty of the Caribbean’s relationship-centric approach to life - rather than focusing on consumerism, it’s all about who you are connected to
How Vickie now helps set the tone of cruising culture with new cruisers by leading the way and showing them the ropes
Why curiosity is the #1 skill you need to have to be successful living on water (curiosity solves most problems!)
Vickie’s favorite tips for anyone considering this lifestyle, including getting formal training, avoiding cheap equipment and electricity, joining Facebook groups, and yes, even getting couples therapy first, if you’re sailing with a partner
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Friendship as Comfort and Making Meaningful Connections
18 May 2023
00:52:14
Are you blocking yourself from making beautiful connections?
My favorite thing is meeting people I never would have met otherwise and today’s guest, Manpreet Singh is one of them. He wears multiple hats as a father, son, husband, and friend to many beautiful souls. His definition of friendship? Comfort.
This is one of those conversations where I really was IN it. Manpreet and I talk about breaking the ice when making new friends, the magic of “third places”, and what friendship means to both of us. There is so much to glean from this episode. I was expanding my own thoughts about friendship, people's experiences, and am now thinking about it so much differently.
Friendship IS possible for all of us and building new connections and embracing the discomfort along the way is one of the most powerful skill sets we can have.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
The beauty of meeting new people for the first time. It can be uncomfortable at first to break the ice, but there’s a secret to minimizing the awkwardness.
Why friendship is all about unsaid “comfort” - it’s about being yourself, letting your guard down, and spending time together without needing to prove yourself.
The all-too-common trend of blocking potentially incredible connections. It’s simply not true that your best connections are made in your first two decades of life.
Why it’s better to loosen our expectations of friendship, co-create together, and just allow our friends to be there for us, even if we lose touch for years at a time.
The scarcity mindset society has around friendship that is making us feel lonely.
Bonding with friends when we’re going through our lowest points in life: divorce, heartbreak, financial turmoil. We can choose to stay open and vulnerable.
The lack of “third places” that exist in today’s society and why that makes it even harder to form new friendships.
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Creating Space to Just Exist: The One About Adult Slumber Parties
11 May 2023
01:01:37
Can you imagine what it would be like to find “unicorn friends”? The kind you can have adult slumber parties with and just “exist” and do life with, unapologetically?
You’re about to hear an incredibly inspiring story of friendship between two families. Dr. Erika Michalski is an aggressive optimist, fierce authenticity advocate, and the founder of Strategically Authentic, a consulting company dedicated to helping individuals and teams leverage who they are to get where they want to be. Did I mention she’s also passionate about data, documentaries, dance parties, and dessert?
If things are feeling hard and limiting in your friendships, maybe the answer is to think outside of societal norms. To smash the box, and instead, build what feels right to you. I'm so excited for the conversations that are going to come out of listening to this one.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
The challenges of building relationships where we’re constantly in a state of apology. The secret to authenticity is just existing as ourselves - not apologizing for our house being a mess!
Flipping friendship questions back on yourself: Do you even want this friendship? What do YOU bring? What are you looking for? You have to serve yourself.
The moment where Erika and her family formed a near “instant” friendship with another couple and their children (plus, how their story roots were created)
What it means to have “unicorn friends” and how Erika’s most sacred memories in her friendship are tied to having adult slumber parties
How to make your friends feel deeply valued and be able to enjoy the endless “do nothing” space that exists after you get past the barriers of catching up
Resources & Links
Connect with Dr. Erika Michalski on her website or follow her on Instagram at @consultantbarbie.
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
What is Loneliness?
04 May 2023
00:37:30
What is loneliness? It’s a feeling a lot of people are having nowadays. And if we can get to the heart of this question, we can come up with some strategies to minimize it for ourselves.
Cigna conducted a study in 2022 and revealed that 58% (!) of people say they always or sometimes feel like people don’t know them well.
So today I want to talk about loneliness. I want to talk about its definition, the 3 types that researchers have found, and why I think having an understanding of the concept of loneliness can help us combat it.
Loneliness does not have to be an elusive mystery. There are things we can do to redirect our energy and slowly chip away at this feeling so we can all feel a little less lonely.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
The definition of loneliness, and how it differs from social isolation. Isolation is a risk factor for loneliness, but it is not loneliness
3 dimensions of loneliness: intimate or emotional loneliness, relational or social loneliness, and collective loneliness
Why some of our loneliness can be blamed on our expectations that come from societal messages, pop culture, mass media, social media, or even expectations we’re holding on to about a certain friendship
How to recalibrate our expectations by ignoring the the shiny, unrealistic highlight reels of someone else’s life in favor of celebrating the quiet moments we have with friends that may not be that interesting from the outside looking in
The incredible value of pouring into our “weak ties” and building a broader support system, rather than focusing on one or two relationships
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
The Tricky Balance of Friendships as an Expat
27 Apr 2023
00:55:57
When some of your closest people move across the world, there are so many things to learn - whether it’s a new appreciation for the beauty that can come out of people you love moving far away, or even getting to witness the new communities they built.
Travel blogger Amber Haggerty is here to talk about the balance of building intentional expat friendships and making a new community of friends after you move. It's actually a pretty wild story - Amber was on vacation when lockdown happened and decided to make a permanent move to Ireland, where she’s now been living for the past two and a half years.
Today’s conversation is filled with so many honest moments and I hope it helps you approach long-distance relationships with your friends in a whole new way, with a little more intention and thought.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
The constant pull of navigating your relationships back home, vs. the new people you’re meeting when you move away (and why Amber works under the assumption that she’ll be in Ireland “for the foreseeable future”)
Amber shares how she sets boundaries with out-of-town guests who want to visit her, while offloading some of the emotional and non-emotional labor of hosting to avoid resentment
Approaching travel itineraries with curiosity - sometimes it’s not as straightforward or easy to get from one European country to another! Consider asking yourself, “is there a version of this that would be fun?”
How to create enjoyable “workcations” with friends to maximize quality time together. Plus, how to be a great guest.
The sometimes complicated dynamics of making “couple friends” and what to do if you prefer to invest more into one person within the couple.
How Amber curated an “intentional friend group” on Bumble that she can invest into outside of her relationship.
Resources & Links
Check out Amber’s travel blog, Amber Everywhere (especially if you’re planning a trip to Ireland), and follow her on Instagram at @amber.everywhere.
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
The Real Pain of Friendship Break-Ups with Patrice Poltzer
20 Apr 2023
00:59:34
The pain from friendship break-ups is real.
Society doesn’t give them the same weight as romantic break-ups, but sometimes they can leave you even more broken. When I had my own friendship break-up, I cried myself to sleep multiple nights a week for almost a year.
Today’s guest is Patrice Poltzer, whose friendship break-up was with a high school friend who she remained close with until the birth of her first child. She describes their parting as one of the greatest tragedies and mysteries of her life.
Patrice and I are not alone in feeling this way. The friendship break-up is one of this show’s most requested topics. We need to normalize the fact that not all friendships last forever. They have highs, lows, and some end very painfully. But, as Patrice says, maybe this is okay - it allows us more room to expand our hearts and let other people in.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
The story of Patrice’s friendship break-up and the repercussions it had on her life for years afterward
How sometimes with deep friendship break-ups, you can’t move to being surface-level friends
“Best friends” in pop culture vs. real life, and how, as adults, the term “best friend” is too all-encompassing
Part of what makes some friendship break-ups so hard is that these friends knew us during important moments in our lives – potentially when nobody else knew us
How even after a friendship break-up, the history is always there; it’s like walking into a room you’ve been in before and being flooded with memories
The need to normalize that friendships have highs and lows, and not all friendships are meant to last forever
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
[REPLAY] You Say You Want a Village … But Do You?
28 Aug 2025
00:36:44
Your village is out there, waiting for you. It might even be knocking on your door, and you haven’t realized.
People often think they need to make enormous shifts to find community; they need to move to a tiny village on the other side of the world or into a compound in the woods. But that’s not true. Here’s what you actually need: subtle shifts and a willingness to be uncomfortable.
So many people talk about how they want a village, and yet, I see them rejecting the small changes they need to make to let their villages in. They won’t accept help – a ride to the airport, a babysitter, a pre-cooked meal – because they don’t want to put a person out or let go of control.
I can offer to pick up your groceries or watch your children over and over again. I am choosing that; I want to be in community with you. But at the end of the day, you have to want that, too. We need to co-create this relationship and support system together.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Community, which is cited as the answer for societal issues like childcare/elder care shortages, mental health issues, etc. – but rarely is there advice on how to find it
The idea of “hiring” a village – a message families often hear – for grocery pick-ups, babysitting, Uber rides, etc.
Rejecting help when you need it because you feel like you can’t accept unpaid help or are unwilling to let go of control
The level of internal required to step off the hamster wheel and be willing to feel discomfort in either asking for help or offering it
Resources & Links
Listen to Episode 8 with my friend Adrienne about building a friendship community for her family.
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
How the Marco Polo App Helped Create an Epic Friendship Group with Brenda Bloczynski
13 Apr 2023
00:57:40
Today’s guest is life coach Brenda Bloczynski, who reached out to us to share about a friendship group she’s a part of with her church. It began as a “favorites” group that met via Marco Polo – a video messaging mobile app – right at the pandemic’s start. They shared favorite kitchen gadgets, make-up lines, hacks, etc.
Over time, it grew to become so much more. After lockdown, the women began meeting for regular dinners, breakfast clubs, and girls’ weekends. When one member was diagnosed with cancer, the rest gathered behind to support her.
Digital connection is “at our fingertips” all the time, but Brenda’s story shows us that what’s important is how we USE these tools. Hers is a beautiful example of how something so simple can grow into a flourishing, supportive community.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Brenda’s story of how the Marco Polo group started and grew into what it is today – and how much of its success derives from being PRESENT with other people
How people are often scared of big groups – but if you feel the magic of a group, you often want to bring others in so they can feel it too
There is no “equal exchange” in friendship – and why instead, we should think about nourishing our friends using our natural gifts
How, as adults, society really champions the “catch-up” friends – but here, Brenda found a group of women to DO LIFE with as it happens, day by day.
Group vacations, which are often most successful when you can break up and come back together at various points
How Brenda’s friend group rallied around one of the members who was diagnosed with cancer
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
How I’m Approaching My 5 Friendship Goals of 2023
06 Apr 2023
00:36:12
The past few years, loneliness has become the new normal.
Yes, we want to learn how to self-soothe, to sit with ourselves, to be bored. What’s NOT good? Constantly wishing you had more connections. Society tells us that making friends is hard as an adult, but I believe we CAN impact this area of our life through small actions that build up over time.
So today, I’m going to tell you how I’m trying to figure out this problem in my own life through my 5 friendship goals for 2023 – plus the small actions I’m taking to get there. (Side note: listening to my episode about friendship goals might help in understanding today’s show.)
In this episode you’ll hear about:
How I’m mixing up my patterns and putting myself out there in the world, from having random conversations with people in coffee shops, to going to classes
Benefits of formal communities, including: never knowing who will walk through the door, common goals, learning and improving ourselves, and different perspectives
How I’m trying to make more business friends – specifically, entrepreneurs building online-based businesses – including partaking in more groups and saying YES
One way Michael and I have decided to use our money to further our goals of spending more time with friends who’ve since moved far away from us
How I’m reinvesting in my historic friendships, from connecting virtually to reinvigorating our old traditions through travel and check-ins
Getting creative and using your resources to create your own systems to invest in social wellness
Resources & Links
Visit my website to see the “Your People” framework, which can help to understand your friends, family and community.
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Taking the Pressure Off Our Inevitable Friendship “Pivots”
30 Mar 2023
00:46:22
A lot of us want direct beginnings and endings in friendship.
But the reality is, most of us are just riding a wave. We control our friendships less than we think we do, and life’s major transitions inevitably affect our relationships – sometimes causing these friendships to drift apart.
It’s important to remember these relationships – and how they existed during a period in our lives – will always be dear to us. Personally, I wish I could go back to when my friends lived 10 minutes away. But life changes, and dwelling on it doesn’t help me figure out the NOW.
This episode is Part 2 of my conversation with today’s guest, Kristian, who reached out to Friendship IRL after finding us on Apple Podcasts. Kristian is in her 20s, and today, we talk more about the relationship changes that happen during this age.
There is no exact answer on how to be a good friend as an adult. Your mid-20s represent a big transitional moment. But hopefully today’s discussion helps reframe how to approach these friendships – and takes some pressure off of them, too.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Musings about why romantic relationships might affect more female friendships than male friendships
Getting together for “the deep stuff” vs. just getting together and doing things less emotionally intense – and why both are nice things to have in friendships
How, with every new life stage, there are new people you’re putting more energy into and people you’re pivoting away from – which, of course, can hurt sometimes
Drifting apart gradually vs. a big “friendship break-up,” and what to ask yourself when determining whether to put more energy into a friendship
Friends who primarily prioritize their partners, and why talking about and prioritizing friendships is counter-cultural in so many circles
How to use the business term MVP in looking at friendships
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
The Shift in Friendship During Our Mid to Late 20’s
23 Mar 2023
00:42:37
When we were kids, proximity was the basis for our friendships.
As adults, we have more control over our friendships than ever before. We get to choose where we’re going, what we’re doing, where we’re living, who we’re calling. And I think sometimes we get overwhelmed with all the choices we have and forget that WE have the power here.
This episode is Part 1 of my conversation with today’s guest, Kristian, who reached out after finding Friendship IRL by typing “friendship” into Apple Podcasts. Kristian is in her 20’s, a phase in life in which we often find we can’t rely on proximity for our friendships anymore.
Our 20’s are full of so many changes – changes that will inevitably impact our friendships. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. These changes also allow us to better understand who we are, what we enjoy, and what we WANT – not only out of life, but out of our friendships, too.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
How you can be lonely even while having “friends,” and the importance of letting go of being our “best selves” and embracing our messy, unique, true selves
Harmful societal messages around friendship: put your best foot forward; give a great first impression; the first seven seconds set the tone of your friendship forever
Making friends as an adult, which often involves deciding who we are; what makes us unique; ways we want to show up; and how we want others to show up for us
In our mid-20s, friendships often aren’t based on proximity anymore, so for a lot of people, it’s hard to know what friendship looks like during this stage of life
How our own personal growth and “tweaks” impact our friendships; for example, deciding to stop drinking might affect relationships with people we go to the bar with
The difference in being nice and kind, in friendships and in life
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Small Actions Add Up: Putting Energy into Your Friendships
16 Mar 2023
01:15:51
Becoming more invested in our friendships is like becoming a runner.
At first, it takes energy just convincing yourself to get out the door. That first run feels exhausting and maybe a little awkward. The next is a little easier. Eventually, you get to a place where you can finally experience the runner’s high.
Today’s episode features Kristin Morrison, a business coach who also manages the podcast Business Pathfinder. Originally, our idea was to talk about making business friends, but our conversation quickly encapsulated so much more, focusing especially on intentional everyday actions we need to take to build the connections we want.
Typically, I’m the person in friendship regularly lacing up my shoes. I have great connections and friends I trust in. But I have spent the past few months so focused on work, I’m out of social wellness shape. It’s time for me to get back to it.
Friendship, social wellness, community, connection – it’s never-ending. There will be ups and downs, and that’s okay.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
The lack of feedback you get digitally vs. in person, and how technology allows us to control what we show our friends – which often doesn’t contain anything vulnerable
The energy expenditure required of spending time with friends if you’re out of practice – plus, Kristin’s story about showing up for her friend who was dying
Limiting beliefs in friendship, including: that you can only have so many friends; that investing in friendship is a struggle; that you’re too old to make friends
Using feng shui to manifest friendships by making space in our schedules – similar to how Kristin used it to “manifest” her husband by making space in her home
Inviting people into our existing experiences, like having dinner, wrapping presents or getting our oil change, and the friendships Kristin made through her business group
How, if we BELIEVE we are contributing friends, we’ll naturally start to pick up the phone, call people, and take action
Resources & Links
Today, we referenced a previous episode – What is a Friend?, available on Alex’s website – that you should check out if you haven’t already!
Be sure to also visit Kristin’s website and check out her podcast.
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
The One for "Little Alex"
09 Mar 2023
00:37:10
Episode Description
I can't believe I recorded this episode.
I hope this work – bringing more community + friendship-focused conversations to the world – causes a ripple of change. In my wildest dreams, we all see a societal shift in how we think, speak, and act regarding community + friendship in our lifetime.
But I'd be lying if I told you this work is all 100% selfless.
At the core of this work is a selfish desire: I want my support system to be seen as valid.
Presently, that isn't the reality.
I am almost always met with resistance when telling people about the alternative support system I've built.
"But those people aren't really your family."
"Your nieces and nephews… aren't those your friends' kids? You aren't their real aunt."
"You aren't spending the holidays with your family...?"
"Family is everything" being accepted blindly as an absolute truth in society harms some people – myself included.
Please listen to today's episode with an open mind. I am sharing a deeply personal perspective that isn't often discussed.
I hope this episode challenges societal narratives and leaves everyone with a new perspective that causes us to approach each person's support system with compassion rather than judgment. It wasn't easy to record, but I'm proud that I did.
So here goes. My story. This one is for Little Alex.
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Showing Up for People Who are Grieving With Aly Bird
02 Mar 2023
00:55:04
TRIGGER WARNING: This episode contains some sensitive topics around the loss of loved ones.
As you probably know by now, I’m no stranger to grief. My mom passed away when I was 13. It’s the club nobody wants to be a part of.
Today I’m with Aly Bird, a coach, therapist-in-training, and the author of Grief Ally, about teaching people how to support their loved ones through the long haul of grief, which she knows about all too well, having lost her husband to a hiking accident back in 2019.
When Aly’s inquiry showed up in my inbox, I couldn’t have said yes to having her on the show any faster. It’s exactly the kind of conversation I want to have on here. Grief hits people differently every time, and to be frank, it never goes away. It’s been 20 years since I lost my mom, and I still have moments of grief.
In this episode, Aly and I cover it all, from showing up for grieving loved ones to remembering that all kinds of emotions can exist simultaneously - and how, sometimes, the best thing to do is surrender and let yourself feel all the feels.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
How supporting someone who’s grieving a LEARNED skill set that takes practice and transparency
The different kinds of grief besides losing loved ones, from new parents grieving their freedom to empty-nesters grieving their full houses
Grief’s never-ending quality, and how it’s never too late to offer your support, condolences, and willingness to be leaned on
One great way to support someone who’s grieving: sharing memories of the person lost, emphasizing that this person was real and seen
Surrendering and letting ourselves to feel things like jealousy (but not acting on them), and how that can shorten the timeline of these unhappy emotions
Navigating the duality of life, where grief exists for one friend and a happy occasion exists for another at the same time
Resources & Links
Be sure to check out Aly’s amazing book, Grief Ally, and check out her website.
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Formal Communities, from the Military to Toastmasters
23 Feb 2023
00:55:51
I am not from a military family. So to me, deployment sounds terrifying.
Think about it: you’re moving to a place where you don’t know anyone. If you’re part of a couple, one person is going to be alone a LOT.
But that wasn’t the experience for my friend Laura, who in this episode describes what it was like moving to Spain with a toddler and baby for her husband’s deployment in the aftermath of Sept. 11.
Upon her arrival, Laura was immediately enveloped in a warm welcome and greeted by a list of contacts and invitations to numerous events, get-togethers, and clubs. Throughout her husband’s many deployments, she learned this was the normal welcome for military families.
The military is essentially a formal community. Participation in formal communities has dwindled over the years, but I think there’s major appeal to them. When you join these groups, you’re not only eased into meeting other people, but you also take on a sense of belonging to the group. I think it breaks down a lot of western beliefs about support systems.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Individuals getting over social barriers vs. people in the community taking on the responsibility to reach out
What constitutes a formal community – rules, structure, organization – and the importance of a common bond within them
Downsides of expecting reciprocity in friendship, and instead, thinking of what we do for each other as nourishment
Going into new friendships curious instead of via structured paths, and how to get past hierarchy in formal communities
The disappointment that will come from expecting one friend to be your EVERYTHING when you’re a grown-up
How scarcity can create more awareness of the importance of time well-spent
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
“Chosen Family” with My Chosen Family Member, Jeffrey
16 Feb 2023
00:47:02
All right gang. Here’s to nights that turn into mornings, and friends that turn into family.
This episode features my friend Jeffrey, whose voice you MIGHT recognize from the Friendship IRL introduction! We’ve known each other as long as I’ve been with my husband Michael, and we’ve been saying that “cheers!” for more than a decade.
Jeffrey is part of my “chosen family,” which as you know, is a concept I lean on heavily. For me, it’s a necessity. But one of the things that’s so interesting about Jeff: he has a strong, supportive family of origin, but also naturally leans into the idea of a chosen family, too.
In this episode, Jeffrey and I talk about our relationship and this idea of chosen family – with emphasis on the word “chosen.”
These days, the time we spend together is different from that of our college days – there are stays with three-week old babies, now – but we CHOOSE to keep in touch, to be there for each other, and that’s what keeps our chosen family intact.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Trust, which is the foundation of our friendship; we don’t second-guess our intentions or whether we want to hear from each other
Being OK showing up in sweatpants, and how that can set the precedent of coming as you are (AND eliminate reasons to not hang out)
When chosen families expand to your friends’ families, and the things we do because we’ve decided to add someone to our chosen family
How sometimes, adding someone to your chosen family means you’re committing to work harder – to fix problems and be there during the hard stuff
Spending time together without plans instead of formalized settings or big events in place
How being honest about what you’re looking for in a friendship can make all the difference in building your own chosen family
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Staying Curious and Managing Differences Within Friendships
09 Feb 2023
00:28:00
I feel like everybody wants the easy button to friendship.
And while there isn’t an easy button, I do think managing friendship dynamics is something you can get better at. I also think a lot of us are making it harder than it needs to be.
A lot of people tell me they want friends who are in the same place as them. Maybe that means they want friends who are parents. Friends who have the same interests. Friends who are in similar financial situations. Couple friends.
It makes sense; managing differences is difficult. It’s easier to be friends with people doing the same things as us. But even if you make friends with people who are in the same life moment as you, at some point, if this is a lasting friendship, you will have to manage differences with these friends.
So that’s what today’s episode is about: managing differences with new and established friends, and how staying open and curious can actually SUPERCHARGE our friendships.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
How friends are some of the only people we don’t necessarily factor into big life choices – which means we’re constantly making different life choices than our friends
Putting your best foot forward – i.e., morphing ourselves to become desirable friends – and how this is inauthentic and takes more energy in the long run
Managing differences within friendships that already exist – and why it can be more difficult with these friends than with new ones
The importance of staying curious and seeing our friends’ lives as windows into other ways of living, which can help alleviate problems and SUPERCHARGE friendships
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
[REPLAY] An Extensive Look at the Wheel of Connection
21 Aug 2025
01:03:31
This whole podcast was only a dream a couple years ago, and here we are now with 100 episodes. Thank you for being here, for listening, and for sharing these conversations with your friends.
In this episode, I share some life updates and talk intensely about the Wheel of Connection (view this visual diagram!), which is a foundational concept to my work. I give an overview about each of the categories, and at the end of the episode, I talk about how to do a basic Wheel of Connection audit.
You deserve Level 10 support, and hopefully this helps you to take more intentional action to develop the connections you need for this season of life.
Want to go even deeper? Sign up for my newsletter to receive more information, including announcements about my forthcoming book and the Wheel of Connection audio guide.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
Life updates regarding my health, two Taylor Swift concerts, and the major milestone of this episode
The Wheel of Connection: why I made it, why it’s round, why it looks different for everyone
How your own Wheel of Connection is constantly changing: people move between categories, and different categories grow and shrink depending on your needs
Wheel of Connection components: family of origin; family of choice; formal community; acquaintance; and familiar/defined/present/historic friend
How the Wheel of Connection and Roots Framework work together, and how to conduct a Wheel of Connection audit
Resources & Links:
Here are some visuals of the Wheel of Connection and my Roots framework. Want more? Sign up for my newsletter to receive more information, including announcements about my forthcoming book and the Wheel of Connection audio guide.
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Friend Groups: How to Join a Friend Group or Create One
02 Feb 2023
00:32:02
Friend groups get a lot of attention whenever I post about them on social media, and I’m not surprised. The group itself is like a story root. You feel like you BELONG inside it.
But what do we really KNOW about friend groups? Where did we learn about how they should operate? Sometimes they’re modeled to us, and sometimes, we imagine them to be what we see in books or TV shows.
So that’s what I’m tackling in today’s episode: how to join one, create one, strengthen one, and how to use them to enhance your life. I’m sure there will be more episodes on this topic, but today, I just wanted to lay down some thoughts.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
The strength of a friend group – and how it’s actually based on the strength of the individual relationships and connections within it
How to join an established friend group and become a more permanent member by taking initiative, showing up, contributing, and investing in the relationships
The pros and cons of joining a group – for example, you don’t have to start from scratch, but you might feel behind! – and the evolutions friend groups go through
Effort, energy, trial and error required to create a friend group – and the importance to remember other people might not be as invested, which is OK
Utilizing open-ended invites – for example, “I’m going to the bar at 4 p.m. tomorrow; stop by if you want to!” – and making it something you were going to do anyways
Picking an interest and creating a group around it – for example, a movie group!
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
There’s No “One-Size-Fits-All” Version of Social Wellness, with Lizzie Braicks-Rinker
26 Jan 2023
01:07:57
TRIGGER WARNING: This episode contains some sensitive topics around the loss of a parent.
Today I’m with my dear friend, Lizzie Braicks-Rinker, a wellness brand strategist and holistic health and fitness coach.
We met in college, baking pie in the dorm basement, and bonded quickly; I told Lizzie my mom had passed away. She told me hers had cancer. We were at different stages in our lives than our peers, and because of this, had different needs and perspectives on wellness than they did, too.
In 2022, Lizzie gave a TED Talk on Mother’s Day about the difference between wellness and physical health. Her beliefs stemmed from her experience in college, when, on paper, she was extremely healthy – she was vegan, she was on the rowing team – and yet, she was having panic attacks and chronic pain due to the wellness pieces that were missing in her life.
In this episode, Lizzie and I talk a lot about holistic wellness – especially social wellness, of course – and how, really, there is no one-size-fits-all recipe.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
The eight pillars of holistic wellness (emotional, physical, occupational, social, spiritual, intellectual, environmental, financial) vs. the wellness industrial complex
How self-care looks different for everybody – it could involve playing with your dogs, getting your finances in order, or building a community support system
Why social wellness is often left off the priority list of wellness
How health (especially social health) – doesn’t have to be linear; for example, your social needs might be higher in the summer than they are in the winter
Creating the “third option” instead of accepting social obligations you’re just not into – or, creating INTENTION in these obligations so they feel fulfilling to you
Who is your true self vs. your ideal self? Plus, the importance of taking baby steps
Be sure to check out Lizzie’s TED Talk and the book she recommended in this episode, The Worthy Project by Meadow DeVor, and follow her on Instagram and check out her website.
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
Digging Into the 3 Kinds of Friendship Roots
19 Jan 2023
00:47:00
About three years ago, many of my friends moved away within a six month period.
While I was excited for these friends, I also grieved; my friends are my main support system, my family. How would I keep these friendships alive? I invested a lot of energy into thinking about it, through which I developed what I’m tentatively calling the “Your People” framework.
The best way to think about this framework is to imagine a tree. Trees start as seeds, and then you provide them with nutrients and soil. Over time, trees grow roots. Some roots get really thick and strong; some grow deep. Some grow offshoots. The more roots that grow, the more stable the tree.
In my friendship theory, there are three kinds of roots, which I’ll dig into today. My hope is that this framework and language helps people think about these relationships and consider what actions to take to build better versions of our friendships.
SHARED EXPERIENCE ROOTS and their offshoot roots – i.e., when you’re doing something related to the shared experience root, but in a way you’re comfortable
EMOTIONAL INTIMACY ROOTS – what we know about our friends and our shared memories – plus shared/overlapping history roots and big/small intimacies
STORY ROOTS – the beliefs you have about your friendships, and how we come to develop those beliefs
How letting roots (i.e., friendships) die is not a bad thing – we can’t be in high school geometry class forever – but it doesn’t mean it’s not a sad thing
How to keep these friendships thriving as we grow and change, and how to replace dead story routes with simpler, more straightforward story roots
One of the biggest problems when it comes to adult friendships – plus, the REAL foundations of these friendships
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!
WANT MORE?
My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.
Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.