Explore every episode of the podcast Flying Free

In this episode I’m answering a pressing question Christian women in difficult marriages ask: how do you find a church that will actually support you instead of silence you?

Because not all churches are created equal, and the difference between a safe church and a harmful one can change everything for a woman trying to find her footing. I’ll break down exactly what to look for, what to ask, and what red flags to run from.

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• There's a question you can ask a pastor before ever setting foot in a pew that will tell you almost everything you need to know about whether that church is safe.
• What a church puts on its website (and what it leaves off) reveals far more than you might think about how they actually treat abuse survivors.
• One word in a pastor's answer about couples counseling is a dealbreaker. Do you know what it is?
• The church's leadership page can disqualify them before you ever walk through the door. 
• There's a theology that sounds biblical and even beautiful to some women, but I make a case that it's actually setting the stage for harm.

Get Today’s Free Resource:

📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

In this episode, I sit down with my real-life friend Jessica, a pastor's wife whose story intersects with mine: her husband was a pastor at the very church that excommunicated me. What started as a conversation about her story turned into one of the most layered, honest episodes I think we've ever recorded.

Jessica spent decades being told her emotions were idols, her feelings weren't facts, and her needs were sin problems she needed to repent of. In this conversation, she shares what it took to finally see through that, what the long road out of a high-control religious marriage actually looks like, and why freedom sometimes takes many years to arrive even after the divorce papers are signed.

Questions we cover:

• What does it actually take to leave when your abuser is also your pastor husband?
• Why do so many women choose the familiar over the safe?
• Is codependency just a fancy way to blame the victim?
• What does it look like when someone uses scripture as a weapon?
• What does a pastor's wife do when she can't tell anyone the truth?
• What actually happens when you let yourself grieve?
• What does it take to actually push yourself out?

Get Today’s Free Resource:

🧐 Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote a book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Get a free chapter by going to isitmebook.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

This is part four of the High Functioning Christian Women in Destructive Marriages series, and today we talk about a concept that ties the whole series together: sovereignty. 

Synonyms for sovereignty include: freedom, autonomy, and independence.

If you've spent years managing everyone's needs, shrinking your own, and building an identity around your capacity to give without limit, this episode will challenge a misunderstood theology that was never meant for women who are already pouring out from an empty cup.

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• There's a critical difference between two things that look almost identical from the outside, and which one you're living in changes everything about how you understand your marriage.
• The "die to self" command you've been handed your whole life? It may have been written for the exact opposite kind of person from you.
• Why does even asking yourself "what do I need?" feel like a threat to your survival, not just a little uncomfortable?
• What Jesus actually modeled about rest, limits, and saying no might completely reframe what you think faithful living looks like.
• The one question you could ask yourself in the mirror every single morning that could quietly begin to change everything.

Get Today’s Free Resource:

🧐 Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote a book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Get a free chapter by going to isitmebook.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

This is Part Three of our series on high-functioning Christian women in destructive marriages. You are the woman people call when something complicated needs solving. You read rooms, spot patterns, and get it right. And yet in this one area of your life, you have been told that your judgment, specifically, cannot be trusted.

Key Takeaways:

• Why the very perceptiveness that makes you exceptional everywhere else has been deliberately turned off in your marriage
• What is actually happening when religious systems tell you to wait, and who is really benefiting from your patience
• How to tell the difference between genuine knowing and fear, and which one you have most likely been carrying all these years
• What "blind adherence" has to do with faith, and why the real version of faith might look completely different than what you have been taught
• The one question that changes everything when someone tells you to wait a little longer

Get Today’s Free Resource:

🎁 I want to give you a free gift. It’s the audio version of my book, All the Scary Little Gods. It’s a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming. You can listen to it FREE by going to scarylittlegods.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

This is Part Two of my series on high-functioning Christian women in destructive marriages. In Part One, we explored how the very qualities that make these women extraordinary are the same ones that make them exceptionally vulnerable. Today we're going deeper into one of the most specific and targeted of those qualities: empathy.

If you've ever felt like your compassion is working against you, like the more you understand him, the more stuck you become, this episode will show you exactly what's happening underneath that cycle. And it will start to give you a way out.

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• Why does understanding his pain seem to pull you closer to danger instead of toward safety? The answer will reframe everything you thought you knew about your own compassion.
• There's a biological metaphor in this episode that explains precisely how your God-given empathy gets hijacked, and once you see it, you cannot unsee it.
• What does a "scapegoat" have to do with your marriage? Natalie unpacks a family systems concept that might explain why you always end up holding everyone else's chaos.
• There's a trap that was specifically designed to make every exit feel impossible. Natalie names it, and then shows you the crack in the wall.
• What's the difference between empathy and enabling, and why does that distinction change everything about how you move forward? The answer might surprise you.

Get Today’s Free Resource:

📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

So many capable, gifted Christian women are living a double life that is impressive in public, but diminished in private, and they don't even have words for what's happening to them. This episode will change that.

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• There's a specific kind of loneliness that has nothing to do with being sad, and it's far more common among high-functioning Christian women
• The reason you can run a business, lead a ministry, and hold everything together but still feel like no one actually knows you
• Why the very things people praise you for might be the things that are slowly killing you
• What's really happening in your body when you live this way, and why it's not a spiritual problem

Get Today’s Free Resource:

🧐 I wrote a book just for high functioning Christian women called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Get a free chapter by going to isitmebook.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

This is one of my favorite interviews! Today I’m talking with my friend, Dr. Tiffany Yecke Brooks, author of Gaslighted by God, Holy Ghosted, and her brand-new book, To Rebehold the Stars: Reimagining Faith After Deconstruction.

If you've walked through the painful process of deconstructing the toxic theology you inherited, this conversation is going to knock your socks off. 

Drawing from Dante's Inferno (I know, right?!), classical literature, and deep theological study, Tiffany shows you how to create a new spiritual lexicon that actually reflects the heart of God.

(Listen to find out what that even is!)

This isn't about burning it all down. It's about holding up each piece to the light and deciding: Does this stay or go?

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• The one thing fundamentalism can't tolerate (and why that's actually your doorway to freedom)
• What Dante's Inferno has to do with your faith journey, and why the final line matters so much
• The Greek word that completely reframes what forgiveness actually means
• Why the images you were given for God might be keeping you stuck in an outdated script
• What happens when you stop trying to be perfect and start focusing on being good

Resources mentioned: 

📰 Tiffany’s Substack Newsletter (but only if you like to laugh - otherwise stay away)

📚 Her new book: To Rebehold the Stars: Reimagining Faith After Deconstruction.

🎧 Her OTHER interviews with me (all AMAZEBALLS): 

1. Confronting Religious Trauma
2. Overcoming Spiritual Anxiety 

👹 The book Dr. Brooks copy-edited for me AND that is a perfect illustration of what her book Holy Ghosted is talking about: All the Scary Little Gods

🆓 And hey - listen to my book FREE by going to scarylittlegods.com!

Tiffany Yecke Brooks is the lead or contributing writer on more than two dozen books, including multiple New York Times bestsellers. She is the coauthor of Fear Is a Choice: Tackling Life’s Challenges With Dignity, Faith, and Determination (with NFL running back James Conner), Limitless: The Power of Hope and Resilience to Overcome Circumstance (with Paralympic gold-medalist Mallory Weggemann), and the narrative nonfiction historical thriller Espionage and Enslavement in the Revolution: The True Story of Robert Townsend and Elizabeth (with historian Claire Bellerjeau). Her newest book, To Rebehold the Stars: Reimagining Faith After Deconstruction, was released in March 2026 by Eerdmans. She has also published articles in peer-reviewed journals and the Smithsonian. Tiffany holds a PhD from Florida State University, where her dissertation covered, in part, cultural adaptations of stories from the book of Genesis, and an MA from the University of Bristol in the UK, where her thesis examined cultural influences and literary techniques in the Gospel of Luke. A popular speaker for student groups, faith conferences, and academic lectureships, Tiffany has taught literature and writing at Abilene Christian University, McMurry University, and the University of South Carolina – Beaufort.

What happens when seeing your ex derails all your progress? And why do your friends think he's such a great guy when you know the truth?

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• Why seeing your ex after months can feel like all your progress disappeared (it didn't)
• What trauma bonding actually does to your memory of the relationship
• Why emotionally abusive people seem so great to everyone else
• The false equivalency that keeps people from believing abuse survivors
• How to know if you're lonely for him or for something else entirely

🎁 I want to give you a free gift. It’s the audio version of my book, All the Scary Little Gods. It’s a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming. You can listen to it FREE by going to scarylittlegods.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

In this episode we tackle three questions: What happens when the abuser is the one who leaves? How do you live with the fear of post-separation or post-divorce revenge? And what do you do when your friends just don't get it?

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• Why some abusers discard their victims (and what it reveals about your progress)
• The difference between fear you should listen to and fear that steals your peace
• What actually helps kids navigate their father leaving
• The one question to ask yourself when trying to help someone understand your experience
• Why chasing validation from people who don't get it creates unnecessary suffering

Get Today’s Free Resource:

📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

This isn't my typical podcast episode. Today I get personal, sharing why I’ve decided to pursue graduate studies in theology after experiencing profound spiritual abuse throughout my entire life. If you've read All the Scary Little Gods, you know my story, and you might be wondering why I’d ever step back into that world.

I invite you into my journey of healing, my commitment to simplicity in 2026, and the real reason I keep this podcast free. 

Get Today’s Free Resource:

🎁 I want to give you a free gift. It’s the audio version of my book, All the Scary Little Gods. It’s a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming. You can listen to it FREE by going to scarylittlegods.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

In Episode 369 of the Flying Free Podcast, you’ll learn a term that's more accurate than "narcissistic abuse,” and it's actually being recognized in courts of law. This is part four of The Narcissism Trap Series, and it shifts everything from trying to diagnose your partner to recognizing what's really happening to you.

If you've been stuck wondering whether he meets the clinical criteria for narcissism or whether therapy could change him, this episode will free you from that trap. Natalie breaks down coercive control—what sociologist Evan Stark calls a "liberty crime"—and why understanding this pattern matters more than any personality disorder diagnosis ever could.

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• Why sociologist Evan Stark calls coercive control a "liberty crime" (and what that means for you)
• The calculated reason behind those "small" controlling acts that don't seem like abuse
• What happens in your brain when you start to self-police your own thoughts and feelings
• Why England made this a criminal offense in 2015 (and which U.S. states are following)
• The internal checkpoint questions that reveal if you're living in coercive control right now

Get Today’s Free Resource:

🧐 Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote a book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Get a free chapter by going to isitmebook.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

In this third episode of The Narcissism Trap series, we shift from personal validation to legal strategy, exploring why the very word that brought you clarity could be the thing that sinks your court case. We’ll look at how judges actually view labels like "narcissist" and why focusing on clinical diagnoses can unintentionally dilute accountability and hand a "gift" to your ex’s legal team.

🎯 Key Takeaways:

• The label that saved your sanity might lose you your case. While identifying narcissistic patterns is vital for your personal healing, using that language in a courtroom often leads judges to label you as "high conflict" rather than a victim of abuse.
   
• Judges don't care about "psychobabble"; they care about concrete behaviors. An armchair diagnosis of NPD carries no weight in family court. To get the court's attention, you must swap labels for facts, like financial lockout, surveillance, and threats.
   
• Calling it a "sickness" can accidentally excuse the harm. If you frame his behavior as a mental illness he "can't help," you invite the court to suggest treatment instead of accountability. In reality, his actions are often calculated, strategic choices, not symptoms of a disordered brain.
   
• There is a more powerful legal framework: Coercive Control. While the court may ignore "narcissism," they are primed to hear about patterns of isolation, degradation, and entrapment. This shift moves the focus from who he is to what he does, which is a language the law is beginning to criminalize.
   
• Deep-diving into his psychology keeps you stuck. Spending years analyzing his "damaged inner self" or "Dark Triad" traits prevents you from the real work of safety planning and documenting the behavior that matters for your future.
   
• You don’t need a diagnosis to justify seeking safety. You cannot heal from a diagnosis; you heal from harm. Stop waiting for professional validation or a formal evaluation that will likely never come, and start tracking the ongoing patterns of intimidation and control. 

Get Today’s Free Resource:

🧐 Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote a book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Get a free chapter by going to isitmebook.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

In this second episode of The Narcissism Trap series, we open up the DSM-5 and walk through the actual clinical criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder but with a crucial twist.

🎯 Key Takeaways:

• The diagnosis you're hunting for might be the least of your problems. Even if your partner doesn't meet all nine DSM-5 criteria for NPD, you can still be experiencing serious harm in your relationship.
• Everyone has narcissistic traits, but it's about pattern, pervasiveness, and pathology. The difference between normal self-esteem and a personality disorder comes down to whether the behavior is consistent, shows up everywhere, and causes real damage.
• Not all narcissists look the same. Grandiose narcissists bulldoze you with charm and dominance. Vulnerable narcissists guilt-trip you with sensitivity and victimhood. Both cause devastation.
• You're likely dealing with coercive control, not just a difficult personality. This systematic pattern of isolation, gaslighting, financial control, and micro-regulation is psychological warfare, and it's actually a criminal offense in some countries.
• The label matters less than the behavior. Whether he's a clinical narcissist, has traits from the Dark Triad, or is just plain abusive, what matters is the harm you're experiencing, and you don't need a diagnosis to know it's not okay.
• Stop waiting for him to be diagnosed. Narcissistic traits are "ego-syntonic” which means he sees them as strengths, not problems. He'll never walk into a therapist's office asking for help, which means you can't wait for professional validation to seek safety.

Get Today’s Free Resource:

📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

🦋 Join me and hundreds of other Christian women for the transformation of your life inside the Flying Free Kaleidoscope! Learn more at joinflyingfree.com

In this kickoff to a powerful new series, The Narcissism Trap, Natalie Hoffman challenges a popular narrative in abuse recovery: labeling an emotionally abusive partner as a “narcissist.” 

While that term may feel validating at first, Natalie explains how it can actually work against your healing by keeping you locked in the wrong story. 

If you've been Googling “narcissist” at 2 a.m. to make sense of your painful marriage, this episode is for you.

🎯 Key Takeaways:

• Stop giving the abuse a medical label.
   Narcissism is a clinical diagnosis that can distract from the very real pattern of covert oppression you’re living in.

• Start calling it what it is: oppression.
   This isn’t about someone who’s mentally ill or just "struggling." This is about power, control, and silencing your voice.

• Shifting the language helps you shift your mindset.
   When you stop analyzing him and start focusing on your own story, healing becomes possible.

• You're not crazy or overreacting.
   You're likely experiencing strategic emotional abuse often invisible to outsiders but deeply damaging inside your home.

Get Today’s Free Resource:

🧐 Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote a book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Get a free chapter by going to isitmebook.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

What happens when you stop asking for permission in an abusive marriage?

Today, Jillian shares her story of waking up to covert abuse in her Christian marriage and what it took to finally get out.

You'll hear how she recognized the patterns, why she chose to leave despite having a young son, and what life looks like now on the other side. If you've been wondering whether things could actually be different, this conversation will show you what's possible when you start rescuing yourself.

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• The warning signs started immediately after marriage: Jillian noticed holiday ruining, rage, silent treatment, and passive aggression within the first year—but spent nine more years trying to fix it.
• The permission trap: When Jillian hired a life coach without asking, her husband threatened consequences and demanded she "ask permission"—revealing his need for control.
• Staying "for the kids" actually harms them: Jillian left because of her son, not despite him, knowing that growing up watching dysfunction would hardwire toxic patterns into his brain.
• Divorce doesn't have to be a war: Jillian's divorce took just three months because she was willing to "buy her freedom" and give him what he wanted (money, custody, reputation).
• Post-divorce transformation is real: Two years out, Jillian has rebuilt her self-trust, started a successful business, and is leveling up emotionally—proof that change isn't just possible, it's exponential.

Get Today’s Free Resource:

📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

What if an AI could help you organize your abuse evidence, understand your trauma, and save you thousands in legal fees?

Aimee Says isn't just another AI tool—it's a specialized digital health platform that understands power and control dynamics, helps you document patterns of abuse, organizes your evidence for court, and keeps your data completely private and encrypted. Whether you're trying to understand what's happening in your marriage, preparing for custody battles, or just need someone to help you see the patterns you can't yet name, this tool could change everything.

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• Privacy matters: Unlike ChatGPT, Aimee Says doesn't use your data to train AI models, and your conversations are encrypted and completely private which is critical when you're dealing with abuse.
• Specialized training: Aimee is educated in power and control dynamics, trauma-informed care, family court systems, and the intersection of faith and abuse. 
• Timeline and documentation: The paid version tracks everything you tell it, creates timelines of abuse, identifies patterns, and organizes evidence in ways that family court judges and attorneys actually want to see.
• Removes the emotion: Aimee takes your raw, emotional experiences and translates them into clean, professional documentation that won't trigger the "allergic reaction" judges have to trauma responses.
• You are the one rescuing you: The women who fare best are those who stop waiting for someone else to save them and use tools like this to take back control of their own stories.

Get Today’s Free Resource:

🧐 Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote a book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Get a free chapter by going to isitmebook.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

Anne Wintemute is the Co-Founder and CEO of Aimee Says, the AI companion for victims and survivors of domestic violence.  She is a fierce champion for the rights of survivors and children, and systems that hold perpetrators accountable.

Prior to working with survivors, Anne founded and directed an elementary school that became a model for micro-schools across the United States. In her spare time, she enjoys urban homesteading with her partner and their blended family in Denver, Colorado.

How do you actually break free from emotional and spiritual abuse in your Christian home?

Most Christian women stay stuck because nobody tells them the truth: breaking free requires three specific stages. 

In this episode, you'll find out why you keep falling for the "honeymoon phase" trap, what you need to do first before anything else, and why writing everything down literally saves your sanity. This isn't feel-good advice. This is the actual path thousands of women have walked to get out and stay out.

Key Takeaways:

• Stage One is safety. Learn what that looks like.
• The abuse cycle speeds up over time: Tension builds, he explodes, then comes the honeymoon where he's suddenly the man you married. Research shows this cycle gets faster and more violent the longer you stay.
• Write everything down: Keep a detailed abuse log with dates, quotes, and screenshots. This counters his gaslighting and becomes essential evidence down the road.
• You're in the cycle too: When you feel hopeful after his apology, you're caught in the honeymoon trap. Recognizing why you go back to the “hope drug” will be key to your ultimate freedom. 
• Real freedom is peace without dread: It's waking up without calculating how he'll react to your existence. It's making choices without permission. It's living as yourself instead of his idea of who you should be

🎙️ Watch the rest of this Emotional Abuse 101 series (as it comes out) HERE. 

Get Today’s Free Resource:

🎁 I want to give you a free gift. It’s the audio version of my book, All the Scary Little Gods. It’s my own story of getting out after over two decades. You can listen to it FREE by going to scarylittlegods.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

If you've been told that staying married "for the kids" is the most loving choice you can make, this episode will challenge everything you thought you knew about protecting your children.

The truth is, emotional and spiritual abuse doesn't just harm you, it rewires your children's brains, damages their attachment systems, and poisons their relationship with God. Research shows that staying in a high-conflict, abusive marriage can be up to 10 times more damaging to children than divorce. And when abuse is wrapped in religious language, the harm multiplies. Your kids aren't just losing safety, they're losing their ability to experience God as loving and trustworthy.

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• Emotional abuse causes documented brain changes in children: Studies show literal changes in brain development, delays in developmental milestones, and difficulty processing positive feedback.
• Children don't have to be direct targets to be harmed: Simply living in an environment of coercive control, manipulation, and contempt creates lasting damage.
• Spiritual abuse acts as a multiplier: When abuse is justified with God's name or Bible verses, children develop profound guilt, anger at God, and the belief that God is punishing and untrustworthy.
• Divorce isn't the problem - conflict is: Research shows that 80% of children from divorced homes grow up healthy and successful when at least one parent provides safety and stability.
• You can be the protective factor: One safe, emotionally attuned caregiver can change everything. Your healing and presence matter more than a legal document keeping the family "intact."

📌 Relevant Links and Resources:

🎙️ Watch the rest of this Emotional Abuse 101 series (as it comes out) HERE.

🎁 I want to give you a free gift. It’s the audio version of my book, All the Scary Little Gods. It’s a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming that was not only destroying me, but also my children. You can listen to it FREE by going to scarylittlegods.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

What is the weapon Christian abusers most commonly use?

In this sixth installment of the Emotional Abuse 101 series, Natalie Hoffman talks about a subtle weapon many Christian men wield in emotionally abusive relationships: criticism. But not the obvious, name-calling type. This is the more insidious, underhanded kind that’s drenched in misogyny and spiritual distortion.

If you've ever wondered why your husband criticizes you, even while appearing like a “good Christian man,” this episode will show you the truth behind the curtain. And it will help you take your power back.

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• Criticism is not always loud: Subtle criticism such as eye rolls, dismissive sighs, mansplaining, and “just joking” jabs can be more damaging than overt name-calling.
• This weapon is cultural and spiritual: Christian men are often raised to believe that anything “feminine” is weak, emotional, and inferior. This deep-rooted belief forms the foundation of their contempt.
• The misogyny is systemic: From Sunday school to locker rooms, boys are programmed to equate masculinity with power and femininity with weakness.
• The wife becomes the target: Once married, that learned disdain manifests as chronic correction, condescension, and disregard.
• You are not responsible for fixing him: Understanding the root of his behavior doesn’t mean justifying it. You have a right to healing, boundaries, and truth.

📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.com

I will also send you my weekly Freedom Notes Newsletter for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

📌 Relevant Links and Resources:

🎙️ Watch the rest of this Emotional Abuse 101 series (as it comes out) HERE. 

💡 Join the Flying Free Kaleidoscope community — Get the education and support you need to reclaim your identity and heal.

Emotional abuse in a Christian marriage doesn't just damage your mental health. It corrodes your spiritual foundation until you can't tell the difference between God's voice and your abuser's voice anymore.

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• Emotional abuse doesn’t just affect your mind and body. It wounds your soul.
  Natalie draws a powerful connection between emotional abuse and spiritual damage, especially for Christian women who’ve been taught not to trust themselves.
• When you’re conditioned to distrust your own inner knowing, spiritual confusion sets in. This leads to internal conflict, spiritual isolation, and the inability to differentiate between God's voice and the voice of your abuser.
• The church’s role often compounds the harm. Religious teachings that equate self-trust with rebellion against God cause many women to stay in abusive situations out of fear of divine punishment.
• You were never meant to worship at the altar of someone else’s control. God doesn’t ask you to sacrifice your voice, sanity, or safety. He offers freedom, not bondage.

📚 Natalie Reads from Her Memoir: All the Scary Little Gods

Timestamp 2:00–20:30
Natalie reads Chapter 58: “Bible Counseling”, which recounts two devastating encounters with so-called “biblical counselors.” These counselors weaponized scripture to enforce submission and silence rather than support.

Through deeply personal storytelling, she illustrates how spiritual guidance can become a vehicle for psychological and spiritual gaslighting.

🎁 I want to give you a free gift. It’s the audio version of my book, All the Scary Little Gods. It’s a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming. You can listen to it FREE by going to scarylittlegods.com

🎙️ Watch the rest of this Emotional Abuse 101 series (as it comes out) HERE.

🔗 Other Links and Resources Mentioned

• 🧭 Free Resources & Support — Visit flyingfreenow.com
• 📕 Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage — Order on Amazon  https://amzn.to/4o5FCM8
• 💌 Join the Flying Free Kaleidoscope — Visit joinflyingfree.com
  
  

What happens when you're the only one trying in your marriage? When your partner seems indifferent, and you're the one praying, planning, reading, learning, bending, sacrificing only to be met with silence or worse, resistance?

In this episode, Natalie peels back the layers of emotional and spiritual exhaustion that come from being the only emotionally invested person in a relationship. With grace, clarity, and a no-nonsense look at reality, she answers a powerful listener question: “If I’m the only one caring, what’s the point of staying?”

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• One-sided effort isn’t love. If only one person is carrying the weight of emotional and relational labor, it’s not a partnership, it's a survival pattern.
• Control often disguises itself as passivity. Abusers don’t need to yell or hit to maintain power; many use silence, neglect, and apathy to keep you chasing connection.
• Spiritual bypassing keeps women trapped. Many Christian women are taught that leaving a cold or neglectful husband is rebellion against God. But that’s not what the Bible says, and it’s not what Jesus models.
• You can stop asking for crumbs. It’s okay to stop showing up for someone who consistently chooses not to show up for you.
• God isn’t asking you to abandon yourself. He's not honored by marriages that demand your silence, your sanity, or your soul. He's inviting you to freedom, not bondage.

🎙️ Watch the rest of this Emotional Abuse 101 series (as it comes out) HERE. 

Get a free chapter of Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse by going to isitmebook.com

Episode quotes:

“If you’re the only one working on the relationship, you’re not in a relationship. You’re in a slow death sentence, and it’s okay to want to live.”

“Control isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s a stone wall you beat your heart against, hoping it’ll soften.”

“You don’t need your partner to validate your pain for it to be real. It already is.”

“God doesn’t ask you to sacrifice your soul to prove your commitment.”

In this episode, I walk you through five crucial differences between a healthy Christian marriage and an emotionally abusive one.

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• Healthy marriages = clarity, respect, and growth
• Abusive marriages = confusion, control, and punishment
• If you're constantly walking on eggshells, it's not normal. 
• God never asked you to sacrifice your soul on the altar of someone else's entitlement.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

🎙️ Watch the rest of this Emotional Abuse 101 series (as it comes out) HERE.

Related Resources:

• Check out the first two parts of this eight-part series: “The 10 Most Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse in a Christian Marriage” and “The Art of Saying No: Setting Boundaries When You've Been Trained to Say Yes.” 

In this end-of-the-year BONUS episode, I want to share one of my recent PRIVATE podcast episodes exclusively for members of the Flying Free Kaleidoscope only. 

I also made an 8-minute video tour of the Flying Free Kaleidoscope on my phone. It will show you what the INSIDE of the Kaleidoscope looks like here at the end of 2025 and going into 2026. You can watch that on YouTube HERE.

The price is going up on January 1, 2026, and I'd love to see you get in on the lower price if you can. Prices never go up for current members, so lock yourself in on the price we've had for five years while you've got the chance because it will never be this low again.

(Currently $29/month or $290 for an entire year - but going up to $39/mo or $390/year starting January 1.)

Learn more and complete your application HERE. 

Have you ever been told that saying "no" makes you selfish? That good Christian women never rock the boat, always serve with a smile, and definitely do not have thoughts of their own?

This episode is Part 2 of our Emotional Abuse 101 series, and today we’re diving into the art of saying no.

If the idea of saying no makes your stomach flip or sends you into a guilt spiral, this episode is your lifeline. I’ll walk you through WHY it’s so hard to say no and HOW to start saying it anyway with confidence and without apology.

Key Takeaways:

• Saying no without guilt is an adult skill, not a rebellious sin. 
• People-pleasing is often a trauma response. Your nervous system isn’t broken. It’s just been doing its job a little too well.
• You don’t need permission to have boundaries. You’re not waiting for anyone’s approval. 
• Boundaries ≠ controlling others. Boundaries = choosing how YOU respond when others misbehave.
• There’s neuroscience behind this. Your brain can be rewired to feel safe even when saying no. 

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Get a FREE chapter of Is It ME? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, along with the companion workbook for that chapter, by going to flyingfreenow.com. I'll also send you the Freedom Letters. (Also free. 😉 )

🎙️ Watch the rest of this Emotional Abuse 101 series (as it comes out) HERE. 

Welcome to part one of a brand-new series I’m calling “Emotional Abuse 101: Everything You Need to Know,” because, let’s face it, the church didn’t exactly hand out “How to Spot a Narcissist in Your Youth Group” pamphlets in Sunday school.

In this episode, I’m diving into the 10 most subtle signs of emotional abuse, the kind of signs that don’t leave bruises on your body but do leave bruises on your soul. These are the red flags that fly under the radar, the ones that make you ask “Am I too sensitive?” or “Maybe I am the problem?”

Here are some things we’ll cover in this episode:

• The Silent Treatment Special — Why emotional withholding isn't just immature behavior, and the real reason he's using it against you
• Mr. Jekyll and Pastor Hyde — What happens when everyone else thinks he's amazing, but you're living with someone completely different at home
• Strategic Emotional Sabotage — The shocking pattern behind why your birthdays, holidays, and girls' nights keep getting ruined 
• Weaponized Vulnerability — How opening your heart becomes ammunition in his hands, and why you're not crazy for feeling betrayed
• Dream Crusher Lite™ — The subtle way he makes pursuing your goals absolutely miserable without ever saying "no" outright
• Plausible Deniability — Why you're always "too sensitive" or "making assumptions," and how this phrase is actually a manipulation tactic

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Take a FREE emotional abuse quiz by going to emotionalabusequiz.com. Find out if what you're experiencing is normal Christian marriage stuff...or abuse.

🎙️ Watch the rest of this Emotional Abuse 101 series (as it comes out) HERE.

Related Resources:

• Was this episode helpful? You may find these two Flying Free episodes equally worthwhile: “Does an Abuser Know They Are Abusive?” and “Nine Tricks Emotional Abuser Use to Pull Us Back Into the Cycle (and six clever ways to respond!)”

In this episode, I get down and dirty with a topic that triggers all the rule-followers and religious gatekeepers: salvation. Not the flannelgraph-Jesus kind where you prayed the “magic words” at age seven and then spent the next 30 years terrified you did it wrong. Nope. I’m talking about real, liberating, soul-exploding salvation.

This one’s especially for you if you’ve ever stayed in an abusive marriage because you thought God would be mad if you left. If you’re exhausted from trying to please “godly” authority figures who think they are mini Popes. If you’ve prayed the salvation prayer 73 times just to be sure it “took.”

Key Takeaways:

• Belief isn’t a checklist. It’s not about doing the right things, following the right leaders, or avoiding the wrong music. It’s about trusting that Christ already did it all.
• The gift of salvation is already yours. Yes, even if you cuss, leave your abuser, or buy non-organic lettuce.
• Many Christians are still hoping for a salvation that is already theirs. Why? Because we’ve been taught to fear God more than we trust Him. 
• The verse “God hates divorce” has been weaponized. (Psst…it doesn’t say what you think it does, anyway. Listen to find out what the Bible actually says in Malachi.)
• You can experience the joy of salvation the moment you believe it’s real. Like full-body joy. (Really!)

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Listen to my book, All the Scary Little Gods, FREE by going to scarylittlegods.com.

Related Resources:

• If this episode was helpful for you, you’ll love these two episodes, too: “Two Hotel Rooms: One Rescue Mission” and “Praying for a Miracle — When the Miracle Might Be You Walking Away.”

Ever wonder why you keep getting stuck in the same soul-sucking relational merry-go-round and can’t get off? Why you feel like you're starring in a never-ending soap opera you didn’t audition for, but somehow you’re the villain for wanting out?

I sat down with Gwendoline, a longtime member of Flying Free and Flying Higher, to talk about her epic butterfly transformation. We're talking cycles of chaos, religious gaslighting, and the sneaky little acronym that kept her trapped in marital misery: FOG (fear, obligation, guilt).

Key Takeaways:

• If it feels off, it probably is – Chaos, fights, and emotional whiplash aren’t just "normal marriage stuff." They're red flags.
• Your body knows before your brain does – Tight hips, tension, and dread? Not random. That’s trauma.
• Love isn’t a magical fix-all – You can love someone and still need to leave them. 
• Track the truth – Emoji mood calendars and journaling helped Gwendoline see the pattern she was gaslit into ignoring.
• You are the rescuer – No knight in shining armor is coming. Just you, your big-girl panties, and God on a divine co-rescue mission.
• Leaving is hard, but worth it – Healing takes time, but the moment you step out, your real life begins.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Get a FREE chapter of Is It ME? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, along with the companion workbook for that chapter, by going to flyingfreenow.com. I'll also send you the Freedom Letters. (Also free. 😉 )

Related Resources:

• Want to listen to more survivor stories? Check out “Military Marriage Abuse: Elizabeth’s Story” and “Out of the Poisoned Pond: Jennie’s Story.”

It’s time to talk about the two kinds of people in this world: the seekers and the stuck.

In this episode, I dive deep into the real reasons why some lives transform after abuse while others continue to feel stuck.

We’re unpacking:

• Why healing is not about labeling your abuser a narcissist and calling it a day 
• How to know when you’re ready to move from survivor to thriver.
• What your philosophy of life has to do with your emotional garden.
• Why reading one more Instagram post about toxic people isn’t going to transform your life.
• And how your anger might just be the spark that gets you out of the cage.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Listen to my book, All the Scary Little Gods, for FREE!
• Liked this episode? Then check out these two other Flying Free episodes, “An Emotional Recovery Tool That Changes Everything” and “How Pretending and Fear Keep You Stuck in Abuse Cycles.”

What if the very place you went for safety, love, and divine wisdom turned out to be the scene of the crime? Today we’re diving headfirst into the world of spiritual abuse. 

This week, I’m joined by Katherine Spearing, founder of Tears of Eden, trauma recovery practitioner, and author of a new book, A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts. 

If you’ve ever been told that “God doesn’t want your happiness, He wants your holiness” while you were slowly disintegrating inside, well, friend, you’re in for a ride. Buckle up, because we’re talking:

• Why spiritual abuse is often so subtle you won’t realize you’re bleeding out until you’re halfway through a panic attack
• How high-control religious environments get you to abuse yourself (sick, right?)
• The toxic theology that turns God into a cranky toddler with a lightning bolt

Key Takeaways:

• Spiritual abuse is real, complex, and often normalized. Just because it’s subtle doesn’t mean it’s not wrecking your soul.
• You’re not wrong for wanting peace, freedom, and autonomy. That’s not “selfish.” That’s survival.
• Religious trauma isn’t just in your head. It’s in your nervous system, and it needs gentle care to heal.
• You get to get your mail from God. Not from your pastor, your husband, or some elder board in polyester pants.
• Patriarchy is the backbone of most spiritual abuse. If your theology only benefits dudes, it’s not the gospel, it’s a con.
• There’s a whole beach of freedom outside that toxic church sandbox. And God’s not mad you left.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Grab a copy of Katherine’s book, A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts
• Connect with Katherine on Instagram
• Hop on Katherine’s mailing list and get some free resources while you’re on her site. 

Katherine Spearing MA, CTRC is the founder of Tears of Eden, a nonprofit supporting survivors of spiritual abuse, and the former executive producer and host of the groundbreaking podcast Uncertain, a podcast that pioneered pivotal conversations around spiritual abuse. She also is a Certified Trauma Recovery Practitioner working primarily with clients who have survived cults, high-control environments, spiritual abuse, and sexual abuse. Katherine is a huge advocate for the power of art to help us on our healing journey. She participates in improv theater both as a performer and coach and is the author of one novel. A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts, her new book on spiritual abuse, addresses the survivor’s recovery journey. She has been a guest on a number of podcasts, including IndoctriNation and A Little Bit Culty, is the author of several nonfiction articles, and writes regularly at katherinespearing.com and tearsofeden.org.

Has your inbox turned into a dumpster fire of accusatory texts from your abuser?

In this episode, I hand you a step-by-step strategy to shut down the inner emotional chaos without getting dragged into the mud pit with him. It's not just about survival. It's about winning (for YOU!)

What We Cover in This Episode: 

• What to do when your abuser won’t stop texting lies, and the courts won’t let you block him
• How to stop reacting and start playing offense with your own sanity-protecting strategy
• Why your emotional reaction is his favorite snack (and how to starve that monster)
• The magic of radical acceptance. No, he’s not going to wake up one day and be Prince Charming
• Why sarcasm is satisfying but not strategic (sorry, my fellow sass queens)
• A game-plan that builds a rock-solid paper trail, perfect for court receipts and your peace of mind
• How to rewire your nervous system before you even read his garbage texts

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Check out Aimee Says for help wading through the word salad your abuser is throwing at you. 
• Listen to some other Flying Free episodes, including “Winning Child Custody & Divorce Battles” and “How to Respond to Emotional Abuse Tactics.” 

“He doesn’t hit you, so it must not be abuse.” Yeah, no. That tired old line needs to die.

This week, I sat down with Dr. Christine Cocchiola, a powerhouse expert on coercive control, the kind of abuse that doesn’t leave bruises but instead, destroys lives. Christine breaks down how abusers don't need fists to dominate; they weaponize EVERYTHING from the court system, to churches, to your very own kids.

If you’ve ever been dismissed, disbelieved, or labeled “too angry,” this episode is a masterclass in seeing the invisible, calling it what it is, and taking your power back, even if you have to fake it ‘til you make it from the ICU of your life.

What You’ll Learn: 

• Why coercive control isn’t a form of abuse, it IS abuse. Period. Full stop.
• How abusers hide behind charisma, charm, and a well-timed Bible verse.
• The horrifying way the legal system often rewards abusers and punishes protective moms.
• How abuse affects children, even when it’s subtle, and especially when it’s court-sanctioned.
• Why your anger is holy fire, not a character defect.
• How to start healing and parenting differently, even while walking through hell with a diaper bag.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Check out Dr. Christine Cocchiola’s website.
• Connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.  
• Read FRAMED: Women in the Family Court Underworld, Dr. Cocchiola’s co-authored book. 
• Get her free map called Clinical Implications for Children Who Are Coercively Controlled
• Watch her recent TED Talk: It’s All Coercive Control

Christine M. Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW is an expert on the experiences of adult and child victims of coercive control. A college professor teaching social work, she received her doctorate in clinical social work from New York University working under the tutelage of Dr. Evan Stark. She presents nationally and internationally on the concept of coercive control with a focus on educating professionals, advocates, and protective parents, on the experiences of children and best intervention strategies for adult and child victims of coercive control/narcissistic abuse. Her Clinician Certification Training is ASWB approved for 14 CE’s. Dr. C is the creator of The Protective Parenting Program, a therapeutic evidence based attachment focused program for parents of children harmed by abusers and the co-author of FRAMED: Women in the Family Court Underworld.

Have you ever felt like life has you wearing a 200-pound emotional backpack labeled “Christian womanhood”? In this episode, I unpack (literally) the toxic beliefs that are holding us back using a metaphorical story about a woman who wants to run, but can’t. Because, surprise! She's lugging around spiritual abuse disguised as Bible truths.

You’ll meet Sarah, a fictional but oh-so-familiar woman who stands at the edge of a running trail, paralyzed by invisible weights. Enter Elena, the wise older woman who helps her go full Marie Kondo on her belief system. You’ll want to tattoo some of Elena’s one-liners on your forearm. (Okay maybe just put them on sticky notes.)

Key Takeaways:

• Toxic beliefs often come wrapped in spiritual language. Just because it came from a pulpit or your well-meaning Aunt Kathy doesn’t make it true or helpful.
• You’re allowed to question what you’ve been taught. Especially if what you’ve been taught keeps you silent, stuck, or scared.
• Jesus didn’t ask you to carry a crushing load. He said His yoke is easy. Your religious trauma backpack is not that.
• Replacing lies with truth doesn’t mean you’re sinning. It means you’re healing.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Here are some other related Flying Free Podcast episodes: “12 Life-Changing Beliefs That Will Unhook You From Abuse” and “The Beliefs that Keep Christian Women Stuck in Abusive Marriages.” 

What if that golden cage you're sitting in was never locked? What if all that “God’s will” rhetoric was just fear cosplaying as holiness? In this episode, I tell you a story, a simple one with birds, bars, and just enough metaphorical mic drops to wake up the part of you that’s been sedated by religious gaslighting. Buckle up, buttercup. It’s time to talk about freedom.

This isn’t just another chirpy motivational talk. It’s a truth-telling, cage-rattling invitation to examine the lies we’ve been fed about safety, love, and obedience, especially in the name of God. You were made to fly, not decorate someone else’s spiritual furniture.

Key Takeaways:

• The cage was never locked. You've been conditioned to think you're choosing it, but that choice was built on fear, not freedom.
• That “protection” they sold you? It's control in disguise. And the house full of golden cages? It’s not a sanctuary. It's a system designed to keep you small, scared, and obedient.
• Even your longing has been demonized. Longing is labeled sin. Discontent? A character flaw. But maybe it’s your soul whispering, “There’s more.”
• Freedom is risky, but it’s real. There are storms and hawks and hard days out there. But there’s also wind, sky, stars, and the exhilaration of living unchained.
• Jesus doesn’t lock cages. He flings those suckers open and says, “Come on out, sister. It’s time.”

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• If today’s episode resonated with you, here are some others you may find helpful: “From Trapped to Free in 30 Days” and “Praying for a Miracle—When the Miracle Might Be You Walking Away.”

In this episode, we're taking a look at the classic emotional abuse push-pull cycle that makes us feel like we’re starring in a soap opera we never auditioned for. 

This one's for the Christian woman who’s been there, twisting herself into a holy pretzel trying to keep the peace, hold the family together, and love like Jesus while getting emotionally sucker-punched by someone who claims to love her. 

What We Cover: 

• The nine mind-warping tactics emotional abusers use to keep you locked in their circus of dysfunction.
• Why your loving heart (and need for connection) makes you the perfect target, and why that’s not a flaw.
• The six empowering, grown-up strategies to unhook yourself from their drama without turning into a fire-breathing dragon.
• Why explanations are overrated, and how less really is more (especially when you're dealing with a manipulative guilt ninja).
• How to set boundaries like a boss while still loving people, but from a safe distance.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Liked this episode? Here are some others you might want to check out: “Your Marriage Abuse Cycle Exercise” and “How to Respond to Emotional Abuse Tactics.”

If you’ve ever second-guessed your sanity, asked Google “Is my husband a narcissist or just an annoying human?” or thought you might be sinning by not cheerfully submitting to your own emotional obliteration, this episode is your wake-up call... with love.

Christian counselor, Kris Reece, is back on the show for part two of our convo about the toxic mind games that keep Christian women stuck, particularly when Jesus is used as the emotional ball-and-chain.

Together, we unravel gaslighting, guilt, spiritual manipulation, emotional immaturity, and why you’re not selfish or sinful for walking away from garbage disguised as godliness.

Key Takeaways:

• Label-Schmabel: Stop obsessing over whether he's a narcissist or just "difficult." The real question is: does he take responsibility or make excuses? That’s your answer.
• Jesus Isn’t Your Abuser’s Alibi: Jesus didn’t die so you could stay trapped in a soul-sucking relationship. 
• Guilt is a Control Tool: Toxic people weaponize your good-girl guilt to keep you stuck. 
• Change the Dance: You can’t make him change. But you can change the steps you’re taking, and that alone can shift the entire dynamic. 
• You’re Not Powerless: If everything hinges on him, you’re trapped. Shift the focus back to YOU: your choices, your growth, your freedom.
• Truth Bomb: It’s Not Your Fault: You’re not responsible for his tantrums, beliefs, or abuse. You are responsible for how you respond and whether you keep playing along.
• Rebuilding Takes Time: Gaslighting screws with your reality. Healing comes as you reconnect with truth, reclaim your identity, and learn to giggle (a little) when grown men act like kindergartners.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Listen to Part One of my interview with Kris.
• Grab a copy of Kris’ new book, Breaking the Narcissist’s Grip.
• Get her FREE Narcissist Survival Guide. 
• Check out her YouTube channel.
• Connect with Kris on Instagram and Facebook.

Kris Reece is a Christian counselor, author, and speaker who helps believers break free from toxic relationships and codependency biblically and practically. With over 30 years of combined personal and professional experience, Kris has guided thousands through the emotional wreckage left by narcissistic and manipulative relationships. She blends deep biblical truth with real-world strategies to help others reclaim their identity, rebuild confidence, and walk in the freedom Christ offers. Kris is the author of Breaking the Narcissist’s Grip and host of a fast-growing YouTube channel where she equips Christians to set boundaries, overcome manipulation, break trauma bonds, and heal after toxic relationships.

Is it ever okay to walk away from your own mother… or your husband? (Cue the gasps from the peanut gallery clutching their pearls.) If you grew up in church culture, you probably heard that honoring your parents and submitting to your husband meant swallowing abuse with a smile. But guess what? That’s not actually what Jesus had in mind.

In this episode, I sit down with Christian counselor and author Kris Reese (yes, the YouTube powerhouse with over 476,000 subscribers) to dismantle the toxic myths that keep Christian women chained to destructive relationships.

Together, we talk about:

• The big guilt trip – Why Christians confuse “honor” with “obey” and how that keeps grown women stuck in parent-child dynamics with their 70-year-old mothers.
• The covenant conundrum – What makes walking away from a spouse more complicated, and why wisdom (not religious rule-keeping) is the real key.
• The fog machine – Fear, obligation, and guilt: the trifecta abusers use to keep you running in circles like a hamster who just discovered Peloton.
• Boundaries ≠ lack of forgiveness – FACTS: You can forgive your mom and still not show up to her guilt-drenched Sunday dinners. You can forgive your husband and still not share a bed with him while he weaponizes scripture against you.
• Manipulation tactics 101 – Victimhood and scripture-twisting are the go-to moves of toxic moms and spouses everywhere. (“You’re not being a good daughter/wife” translates to: “My control over you is slipping and I hate it.”)
• Trauma bonds and porcupines – Why you might be clinging to the emotional equivalent of a barbed-wire teddy bear, and how to finally put it down without losing your sanity.
• Why Christians stay too long – It’s not because they’re lazy or selfish. It’s because they’ve been conditioned to confuse holiness with masochism.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Grab a copy of Kris’ new book, Breaking the Narcissist’s Grip.
• Get her FREE Narcissist Survival Guide. 
• Check out her YouTube channel.
• Connect with Kris on Instagram and Facebook.

Kris Reece is a Christian counselor, author, and speaker who helps believers break free from toxic relationships and codependency biblically and practically. With over 30 years of combined personal and professional experience, Kris has guided thousands through the emotional wreckage left by narcissistic and manipulative relationships. She blends deep biblical truth with real-world strategies to help others reclaim their identity, rebuild confidence, and walk in the freedom Christ offers. Kris is the author of Breaking the Narcissist’s Grip and host of a fast-growing YouTube channel where she equips Christians to set boundaries, overcome manipulation, break trauma bonds, and heal after toxic relationships.

You know how sometimes life gives you lemons and then instead of sugar for lemonade, the church hands you a moldy marriage book and says, “Submit harder”? That was my reality. In this episode, I take you back to a hotel room where I was nine months pregnant and seriously questioning if I wanted to keep living. 

Instead, I stumbled my way out of despair and into freedom thanks to a stack of books, a laptop, and eventually, the real God (not the mean knock-off version I had been worshiping).

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• The two hotel rooms that changed everything: one where I nearly gave up, and one where I finally woke up.
• How books became my lifelines (thank you, Google rabbit holes).
• The moment I realized the “god” I was serving looked suspiciously like my abusive husband. 
• Why leaving my marriage also meant leaving behind a toxic image of God.
• What it really means to be a butterfly (It’s not about fluttering around in a meadow. It’s about fierce, unapologetic freedom).

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Who’s Pushing Your Buttons
• Foolproofing Your Life
• Check out a related Flying Free Podcast episode, “We Are Like the God We Worship,” and then check out my comprehensive list of the best books for Christian women in emotionally abusive marriages. 

What happens when you grow up in hyper-conservative church culture, marry your Bible camp sweetheart at 20, and then spend decades swimming in a poisoned pond of patriarchy, affairs, gaslighting, and spiritual abuse? Jennie’s story is a real look at what it takes to finally climb out of the muck and into fresh water.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Is it me? Or is this whole thing just completely bonkers?” then pull up a chair. Jennie’s journey from silent suffering to empowered freedom will resonate with every woman who’s ever been told to “submit more, pray harder, and wear longer skirts” while her husband runs wild and gets a pat on the back from church elders.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode: 

• How a “perfect Christian marriage” turned into decades of betrayal and control.
• The role toxic church teachings played in keeping Jennie (and her kids) trapped.
• Why standing up for her daughter was the unexpected turning point that led Jennie toward freedom.
• The difference between swimming in poisoned pond water and finally breathing fresh air.
• How Flying Free gave Jennie the tools, words, and community she needed to rewire her brain and rebuild her life.
• The power of “just the next step” (because I hate to break it to you, but God doesn’t hand out the whole escape plan on a silver platter).

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

Some other survivor stories to give you hope: “Military Marriage Abuse: Elizabeth’s Story,” and “Escaping the Man Everyone Admired: Lisa’s Story.”

Do you ever feel like you’re drowning in guilt, shame, and Christian “shoulds” while trying to survive a toxic marriage, a brutal divorce, or the aftermath of both? What if I told you that letting go, accepting reality, and loving yourself isn’t just a cliche, but it can actually change everything?

In this episode of Flying Free, I dive into the “Let Go, Accept, and Love” tool (a.k.a. LAL, because who doesn’t love an acronym?). Plus, you’ll hear how one brave mama used these steps in the middle of a soul-crushing custody battle, and she came out stronger, freer, and a whole lot wiser.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode: 

• Why believing the actual good news (and not the toxic “dirty worm theology”) matters more than you think.
• The three steps of the LAL tool
• How one Flying Free member used LAL to survive a painful separation from her child with compassion instead of despair.
• The messy, real-life lessons another member learned during her custody evaluation, and why showing humility beats trying to look like “Super Perfect Christian Mom.”
• Practical ways to prepare for divorce and custody evaluations without losing your sanity.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Check out the Divorced Christian Woman Podcast, my newest podcast specifically for divorced women rebuilding their lives.
• The Mirror Bible is a refreshing Bible translation I highly recommend. 
• Go follow Gretchen Baskerville’s YouTube channel. Also check out a recent interview I did with her, “Do Marriage Intensives Help to Heal Abusive Marriages?”
• Need a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA)? Rhonda Noordyk will help you with financial clarity and advocacy in divorce.

Have you ever felt like you're starring in a rerun of your own life? Same arguments. Same heartbreak. Same fake flowers and empty promises. It’s called the abuse cycle, my friend.

In this episode, I dive deep into an exercise that one of our Flying Free members shared in the private forum. She mapped out her relationship’s specific abuse cycle, and what she discovered was pretty important.

Nothing changes when nothing changes. Oof. That one landed.

What you’ll learn:

• The Three Phases of the Abuse Cycle
• What HE Does vs. What YOU Do in each phase, and why it’s crucial to spell it out.
• How this member's personalized cycle became her key to awareness, and eventually, empowerment.
• The Denial Trap: Why “love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs” is not a permission slip to forget he’s hurting you.
• The radical difference between surviving the cycle and disrupting it with intentional action.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

Check out some other related Flying Free Podcast episodes: “Interrupting the Abuse Cycle” and “How to Change Yourself While Still Stuck in an Emotionally Abusive Marriage.”

Ever fallen for someone who looked flawless on paper, but in real life turned out to be your personal nightmare with a Christian smile slapped on top? 

In today’s episode, I sit down with Maile, a bright spark in our Flying Free community, who thought she’d landed in God’s will when she married her second husband. Instead, she found herself suffocating under spiritual gaslighting, emotional sabotage, and escalating violence, all hidden behind the shiny veneer of “good Christian marriage.”

This is a real story of what it looks like to wake up, break free, and rebuild your life, even when you’ve already done the divorce thing once before, and the church ladies are clutching their pearls at you for round two.

In this episode:

• The red flags Maile ignored during dating (love bombing, control, snooping)
• How spiritual abuse kept her stuck under the “good Christian wife” lie
• Why COVID became the unexpected wake-up call she needed
• How she found the courage to leave, even after already being divorced once
• What freedom and faith look like on the other side of abuse

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Book mentioned: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk.
• Some other survivor stories: Shelley’s story and Stacie’s story.

Have you ever crawled your way out of an emotionally abusive relationship, finally free, only to be met with cold shoulders, Christian cliques, and confused stares from the very people who should’ve been first in line at your welcome-back party? 

Or maybe you’ve thought about getting out, but your instincts all tell you that you’ll lose everyone you love in the process?

In this episode, I answer two listener-submitted questions that go straight to the heart of what so many Christian women wrestle with post-abuse: rejection from family, exclusion in church, and the confusion that comes with trying to be a decent human in the aftermath of emotional trauma.

We talk:

• The underbelly of emotional immaturity
• Spiritual bypassing in religious circles
• What “grace” actually looks like (hint: it’s not begging for scraps)
• And why your healing is not up for debate

This one’s for every woman who’s been ghosted by her family or made to feel like a spiritual pariah in the church lobby.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Get a free chapter of my book, “Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage” and companion workbook when you hop on my mailing list. 
• Listen to some related Flying Free Podcast episodes, including “Why Being Rejected by Your Church and Family Hurts So Bad” and “When You’ve Been Hurt by Church.”

So you’re getting out of your emotionally and spiritually abusive marriage (congratulations, by the way, you’re a hero), and you think the hard part is over? Honey, buckle up. This episode pulls back the curtain on what actually goes down in family court and why women like you and me need to step into the CEO role of our divorce process.

I talk with Amy Polacko, a woman who’s been through it, wrote a book about it, and now helps other women survive it. We cover everything from strategic silence and choosing the right attorney, to the "he’s such a good guy" nonsense that courts just eat up.

Here’s the low-down: You could be framed. Literally. Not metaphorically. Actually framed. So let’s talk about how to not let that happen.

Key Takeaways: 

• You must be the CEO of your divorce. Do not—I repeat, do NOT—hand the wheel to someone else and hope for the best.
• The justice system isn’t always just. Especially if you're a woman who dares to leave an abuser.
• Document everything and hire smart. Get a coach before you get an attorney. Better yet, get Amy. 
• Abusers have a playbook. And Amy knows what’s on every page.
• Your “Christian” husband might still screw you over. Faith language doesn’t mean he’s safe. It might just mean he’s scarier.
• Kids grow up. Even if you lose custody, there’s hope. Connection isn't court-mandated, it’s soul-deep. We’ll talk about what to do if the unthinkable happens.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Check out Amy’s website and get some one-on-one coaching with her.
• Get Amy’s FREE resource, 10 Divorce Mistakes You Can’t Afford to Make. 
• Get the Proactive Playbook for Divorce or take her course, Divorce Decoded.
• Read her co-authored book, Framed: Women in the Family Court Underworld.
• Connect with Amy on Instagram. 
• Go listen to some related Flying Free Podcast episodes, including “Winning Child Custody & Divorce Battles” and “How to Be the Parent Your Child Needs During Divorce.” 
• And of course, consider joining the Flying Free Kaleidoscope where we make education and support for Christian women in emotionally abusive marriages (or making their exit) affordable and life-changing. (Plus Amy is one of our resident coaches!)

Amy is a divorce coach and an award-winning journalist who is a domestic abuse survivor. Through her Freedom Warrior coaching business, she has guided hundreds of women out of toxic relationships and empowers women to be the CEO of their divorce. She is a former full-time investigative reporter on television. Amy’s work has been featured in HuffPost, The Washington Post, Newsweek, NBC News, The Independent, New York Observer and Ms. She co-authored the groundbreaking book FRAMED: Women in the Family Court Underworld with Dr. Christine Cocchiola which exposes the gender bias crisis in our justice system

What if the miracle you've been begging God for—the divine intervention, the total transformation of your emotionally bankrupt marriage—is actually you walking out the door?

In this episode, I pull back the curtain on my own bathroom-floor prayer sob sessions (complete with cold tile and mascara rivers) and challenge the dangerous theology that says staying in abusive marriages = holy martyrdom. 

If you’ve been stuck in a cycle of “pray harder, suffer longer,” it’s time to consider that the still, small voice urging you to get out might actually be God.

Key Takeaways:

• You might be the miracle. Sometimes, walking away is the divine answer.
• God doesn’t endorse abuse. Staying to suffer isn’t a spiritual badge of honor.
• Faith isn’t a formula. Praying harder won’t fix what someone refuses to change.
• Waiting on God means moving. Biblical waiting sometimes involves action, not passive endurance.
• Peace is holy. A quiet, safe life isn’t boring—it’s blessed. 
• Leaving can be faith-filled. Seeking safety is aligning with God's heart, not betraying Him.
• You’re already worthy. Your value isn’t tied to enduring mistreatment.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

If you liked today’s episode, you may relate to some of my others, including “What Are the Biblical Grounds for Divorce?” and “How Can You Tell if Your Abusive Partner Has Changed?” 

Ever wondered what it’s like to be married to someone who swears allegiance to both their country and their ego? Meet Elizabeth, a brave survivor of emotional, spiritual, and psychological abuse within a military marriage. Spoiler alert: It’s not all flag-waving and family barbecues.

Key Takeaways:

• Abuse in Uniform: Elizabeth shares how military culture and constant relocation masked the escalating abuse in her marriage.
• Gaslight Central: Her husband weaponized patriotism, shifting blame and memory-wiping every argument like a bad magician.
• Mother of All Burnouts: From managing everything—including his moods—to finally realizing she wasn’t the crazy one, Elizabeth walks us through her awakening.
• Mini Steps, Mega Impact: Discover how moving into a different bedroom and refusing to play the smiling spouse at a promotion ceremony were small, powerful boundaries.
• From Silence to Sisterhood: Elizabeth’s healing journey took off with Flying Free, and she’s now part of our “veteran” squad of badass women who got out, stayed out, and grew like weeds in springtime.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

Listen to some of our other recent survivor stories, including Lisa’s story and Erin’s story. 

Let’s talk about that weird emotional hangover you get after confronting your husband’s bad behavior. You know, the one where he hurts you, but somehow you end up feeling sorry for him? Yep. That old chestnut. In this episode, I get real about the trap so many of us Christian women fall into, the compassion boomerang that keeps us stuck in abusive marriages.

I’ve lived this. I breathed this for 25 years. I know exactly what it feels like to see the abuse for what it is, feel a spark of righteous anger… only to have it snuffed out by a fake tear, a Bible verse, or a bouquet of “I didn’t mean it that way” flowers. Before you know it, you’re back to feeling like the monster for having feelings in the first place.

So I’m calling it out. We’re unpacking why this happens, how it messes with your brain, and what you can do to flip the script and start feeling sorry for the person who truly deserves your compassion: you.

What I Want You to Walk Away With: 

• You’re not crazy. You’re chemically trauma bonded. And yes, that’s a thing.
• Your compassion is beautiful, but when it’s misdirected at your abuser, it becomes a prison.
• The church has taught us to tolerate abuse in the name of Jesus—and honestly, Jesus would’ve flipped a table over that.
• Grief isn’t the enemy. Denial is. Grief is the beginning of healing.
• You can feel sorry for yourself. You should. That’s what healing starts with.
• You don’t need to be brave enough for the whole mountain—just the next step.
• You are the one who’s going to rescue you. (No prince required.)

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

Liked this episode? Then you’ll like two of my other Flying Free Podcast episodes, “How Can You Tell if Your Abusive Partner Has Changed?” and “Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About Your Abuser - and When That Changes.”

Have you ever sat in a women’s Bible study, nodding politely while someone says “your husband is your spiritual covering,” and inside you’re thinking, I think I’m dying a little bit every time I say “yes, dear”?

In this episode, I get real about complementarianism, the nice-sounding theology that quietly hijacked our self-worth, autonomy, and sanity. I share how I was the poster child for it once (hello, Created to Be His Help Meet), and how that life script nearly destroyed my soul.

I’m unpacking the research, the psychology, the theology, and yes, the “are you kidding me right now?” stories from real women who’ve lived this. It's systemic. And it's deeply damaging.

What You’ll Learn: 

• How complementarianism teaches learned helplessness (like, literal textbook psychology)
• That a shocking number of women from these teachings suffer from anxiety, decision fatigue, and depression but think it’s a faith issue, not a mental health one
• Why your pastor’s advice to “submit harder” is about as helpful as telling someone with a broken leg to “walk it off with a godly attitude”
• That yes, the research confirms it: biblical womanhood theology messes with your brain
• How to tell the difference between “conviction” and religious trauma

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Head to our website to find ALL the resources I packed into today’s episode.
• Check out some related Flying Free resources, including an article I wrote called “How Complementarianism Causes Abuse in Churches and Homes” and an episode called “Do Gender Roles Contribute to Emotional Abuse in the Home and Church?”

In this episode, I’m diving into a question I get all the time: Is legal separation the better option for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages? Or is divorce actually the path to healing and wholeness?

(Please note: this episode is for Christian women considering a more permanent end to their relationship. If that's not you, give this one a pass for today!)

I know how hard it is to navigate these decisions, especially when your faith, your safety, and your identity are all tangled together. I’ve lived it. I’ve wrestled with it. And I’ve coached hundreds of women through it.

So I’m walking you through the differences between legal separation and divorce from a biblical, emotional, financial, and psychological perspective without shame, fear tactics, or pressure. Just clarity, truth, and love.

What You’ll Learn: 

• What legal separation really involves (hint: it’s not just sleeping in separate rooms)
• The truth behind “God hates divorce” and what Scripture actually says
• How legal separation can keep you stuck emotionally and financially
• Why divorce might be the healthiest choice for you and your children
• What your church may be getting wrong—and how to respond with courage and grace
• My own story of choosing divorce and what changed in my life after

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here 

Related Resources:

• Get a free, practical guide to legal separation and divorce that will help you decide what is best for you.
• Some more Flying Free Podcast episodes on divorce and separation: “How Do I Know if Divorce Is the Right Choice for Me?” “Will God Punish Me if I Get a Divorce?” “During Separation, How Do I Deal With an Overwhelming Workload and No Support?”

In this episode, Natalie shares the raw, unfiltered voices of Christian women who took a powerful step toward reclaiming their lives. What begins with deep confusion, spiritual exhaustion, and the belief that “I’m the problem” transforms into clarity, courage, and freedom. This episode is a love letter to every woman who feels stuck in a toxic relationship yet longs for something more.

Through the annual Flying Free satisfaction survey, listeners hear dozens of honest, heart-wrenching, and ultimately hopeful testimonies of what healing looks like when women dare to believe they deserve better.

Key Takeaways:

• You are not the problem. Many women enter Flying Free believing they’re broken. The truth? They’re trapped in harmful belief systems—not failures.
• Healing is possible. Even women who felt suicidal or hopeless now describe themselves as joyful, empowered, and free.
• You don’t have to do it alone. Community and coaching are a lifeline. The kaleidoscope of women in Flying Free offers safety, connection, and understanding.
• Transformation isn’t a miracle—it’s a process. One decision at a time, one new belief at a time, one boundary at a time. And it works.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here 

Related Resources:

• Want to learn more about a tool we use inside the program all the time that literally changes lives? Check out Episode 160 of the Flying Free Podcast. 

What happens when the man everyone admires is the one silently destroying your soul behind closed doors?

In this gripping episode, I sit down with Lisa: a strong, truth-telling woman who walked through 40 years of emotional and spiritual abuse in her marriage. From the trauma of date rape on her first date, to the covert spiritual manipulation in a seemingly “perfect” Christian home, Lisa vulnerably shares how she survived, how she healed, and how she’s now helping other women rise.

This episode is not just a story. It’s a reclamation.

Key Takeaways: 

• “You’re not crazy—he just told you that you were.” Lisa unpacks the slow unraveling of decades of covert abuse masked as devotion.
• How Christian culture kept her trapped in a narrative of self-blame, silence, and “submission.”
• The pivotal role of trauma-informed therapy, especially EMDR, in unlocking the truth and breaking the trauma bond.
• Lisa’s experience with betrayal by Christian counselors and the devastating weaponization of Scripture.
• Why she now calls it an escape—not a divorce.
• The healing power of boundaries, honest storytelling, and godly anger.
• What real love looks like after abuse—and yes, it can come at 66.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here 

Related Resources:

• Want to listen to some more survivor stories? Check out Erin’s story and Marie’s story.