Dr. Reedy discusses goals and how our goals change as we change. He discussed the difference between first order change (behavior, skills, tools) vs. second order change (a fundamentally different way of seeing the world and relating to it). He suggests that we ask different questions, bigger questions, to get unstuck from old patterns. The great task is to look critically into our programming and challenge the answers to the largest questions in life.

Dr. Reedy reviews Alice Miller’s, "The Drama of the Gifted Child." He touts this book as the most important book written on the subject of the parent-child dynamic. Miller explains how a child will give up who they are to meet the parent’s needs. The call is to do the deep work necessary to “cut the tragic link between admiration and love.”

Dr. Reedy explains the etiology of narcissism and how we all have some of it. He defines the narcissistic wound as the wound of not being seen. He debunks many ideas taught today in pop-psychology. He makes a plea to stop responding to the diagnosis intuitively, but with a deeper understanding we can help others and take-in less of the pain the narcissist tries to project on or into us.

Dr. Reedy explains Evoke’s approach to religion and emphasizes that therapists remain neutral when it comes to religion. He explains that good therapy will help clients find a spiritual practice that works for them. He explains how therapists are ethically bound to avoid giving advice when it comes to important life decisions including participation and identification with one’s religious ideology. He also talks about principle inherent in all the world’s major religions: surrender, humility, mindfulness, gratitude, and faith/radical acceptance.

Dr. Reedy talks about what to do when loved ones aren’t willing to look at their part in things. He answers questions on boundaries with children and how learning to love our horrible, rotten self is the key to freedom and leads to reduced suffering.

Dr. Reedy talks about the wound of abandonment. He talks about the different ways that we can abandon our children and how it’s not really accurate to talk about our children abandoning us. He talks about the benefit of studying parenting and child development from our perspective as children. He explains the need for us to take care of ourselves and come to terms with our “horrible, rotten selves” in order to be available to love more.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience on attachment from a distance, supporting your child over your family of origin, when sharing feelings becomes manipulative, and the advantages and disadvantages of a stepparent’s perspective.

Dr. Reedy discusses neurodiversity, Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), and how to navigate relationships with those who process information differently than we do. He discusses the empathy and patience that arises when parents understand their children and the uniqueness of their neurology.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience on boundaries and pressure we experience from our family of origin. He talks about how we decide boundaries. He explains how “this is what I am comfortable with” is the strongest position one can take when setting boundaries.

Dr. Reedy describes the clinical criteria for depression and anxiety and goes beneath to explore the spiritual and psychological functions of mood disorders. He explains that our symptoms are messengers for an unexplored or unfinished task that we must attend to in order to alleviate our suffering.

Dr. Reedy takes questions from live audience members on a variety of topics including preparing for transitions, what it means to awaken, and specific language for setting boundaries.

Dr. Reedy discusses the intrapsychic benefits and the underlying value of communication skills as a template for a new way to understand yourself and your relationship to others. He discusses “I statements,” reflective listening and the barriers to both. He also offers tools and skills that families use who identify as having improved family relationships.

Dr. Reedy welcomes Danielle Gabon to the Evoke Therapy team.

Dr. Reedy explores the process of projection, starting with splitting-off the parts of ourselves we were told were unacceptable and relegating them to the unconscious – the shadow. He talks about how we want the problem to be out there, in the other. He talks about othering when we don’t own our own feelings of fear, insecurity, or overwhelm.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience. He discusses how to listen and empathize with children while still maintaining a boundary. He talks about defending yourself when your child is angry and how to understand personality disorders.

Dr. Reedy discusses how to engage a therapist to know if they are the right one for you. He talks about the difference between therapists that have done and are doing their own work versus those who rely on technique and academics. He encourages clients to ask tough questions and expect intelligent answers. He explains how therapy can trigger a regressive position and invites clients to share their frustrations and feelings toward the therapist to see whether the therapist is capable. He also explains how therapy is less about fixing you and your symptoms and more about understanding you and your dilemmas.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience. He replies to questions about how to handle a child's anger due to placement in a treatment program and finding the balance between listening and the boundaries that support self-care.

Dr. Reedy discusses how myths can teach us about ourselves. He explains Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey and how the patterns in our stories and our myths provide a road map for living our authentic, human lives. He offers examples from movies and contemporary songwriters as well as classic mythology.

Dr. Reedy takes questions from the live audience on setting boundaries with a child who is abusive. He talks about tattoos, family systems-based approach to treatment, and how you can take responsibility for your own serenity.

Dr. Reedy explores what it means to “do your work.” He talks about the process of unlearning and liberating the self from the should and shouldn’t we unconsciously carry. He talks about what therapy looks like when the project is to become who we are.

Dr. Reedy takes live question from the audience on boundaries and parenting. He explains that there is no generic solution or advice when it comes to boundaries. Boundaries are synonymous with self-care and the discovery of the “right” boundary is essentially the discovery of the Self.

Dr. Reedy discusses how setting boundaries will feel like a betrayal. He talks about the differentiation scale and how if we move up the scale, those left behind may experience our increased awareness and individuation as abandonment.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience. In this episode he emphasizes the need for parents to model their imperfections and humanity to children. He explains how parents teach accountability by owning their mistakes and how when we share our struggles, from a place of strength and confidence, we show children how to grow up.

Dr. Reedy discusses the pros and cons of transporting. He talks about how to respond to children who report being traumatized by being transported to treatment. He talks about allowing children to define their own trauma and letting go of trying to control what they feel and think.

The Mysteries of Intimacy - Ep 629 by Dr. Brad Reedy

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience and talks about how healthy changes often feels wrong and those around use will not recognize it as healthy. He also talks about how, when we feel lost and the path seems darkest, to keep going – but we don’t have to do it alone. Therapists can walk beside us and help us carry some of the guilt.

Dr. Reedy discusses the role and impact of the field guide in wilderness therapy. He talks about the value of the mentor role, and how this role can be more impactful on young clients than that of the therapist. He also explains how the field guide is supported and trained to become capable facilitators in the therapeutic process.

Dr. Reedy answers question live on various topics like “How to apply lessons from wilderness therapy to home” and “How to confront children or others when we see something in their behavior where they are struggling.” He explains how to avoid confronting defenses and letting our advice or suggestion fail when the other person is not ready to hear it.

Dr. Reedy gives a glowing review of The Comfort Crisis. In his book, Michael Easter expounds on the scientific body of research which shows that humans thrive physically and psychologically through exercise, outdoor activities, and challenges which stress them to moderate degrees. He emphasizes primitive camping, exposure to nature’s harshness, and backpacking as the most effective ways to replicate what our ancestors did that helped them to survive and thrive as a species.

Dr. Reedy talks about marriage and couples. He explains how intimacy is painful, difficult, and requires us to so the work of facing our own issues. He explains how talking tends to be a taking thing and listening tends to be a giving thing. Dr. Reedy explains that the start of the marriage and our ideas and projections on it to give us all our childhood didn’t provide are the energies and issues that later become chasms.

Dr. Reedy takes live and pre-submitted questions from the audience and discusses how we can look beneath the behavioral problems of the child and look into what they are feeling. He also gives examples of how shifting our style from an emphasis on behavioral modification to relationship-connection can create a shift in the child’s life.

Dr. Reedy takes questions from Evoke's social media followers. He explains how children learn (compared to adults). He talks about how ego, the need to be good or right, is the great barrier to mental health. He also explains how children benefit when they, the parents, make their own anxiety their responsibility.

Dr. Reedy takes live and pre-submitted questions from the audience and discusses the cycle of shame that parents go through when their children give them feedback, or they become aware of their mistakes. He describes how tolerating feelings, what some refer to as an ego death, shows the child that we are a safe base in their lives.

Dr. Reedy explains the concept of boundaries: where they come from, what they are, and the barriers we have to setting them. He explains that surrender, choosing how to lose, is a key component in developing healthy boundaries.

Dr. Reedy takes live and pre-submitted questions from the audience on topics such as “How to help your co-parent,” “Should I allow my young adult to use THC while living at home,” and “How much should I tell my child about my own issues?”

Dr. Reedy discusses the difference between trying to be right or good and being yourself. He discusses how the things we have been taught to fear often hold great wisdom or energy. He explains that if we are operating with the need to be good, driven by ego, we are incapable of love. He explains that when we come to terms with who we are, through self-compassion (by time spent with someone who sees us and doesn’t judge us), we are free to love and hold space for others and their feelings.

Dr. Brad Reedy discusses one of the most invaluable tools in building connection with others: the ability to listen and hear what another person is saying without reaction, defense, justification, or retaliation.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from parents on the topics of the attachment, weather in the field, and navigating a loved one who doesn’t want to do their own work. He explains further how to support someone who is experiencing a lack of a will to go on and gives some great book recommendations!

Dr. Brad Reedy responds to and offers insight on the recent news that has come out regarding wilderness therapy and wilderness therapy alumni experiences.

Dr. Brad Reedy covers co-parenting. Whether divorced or married, couples can help their children by following some key guidelines such as: separating their need form the child's need, not parentifying the child, and focusing on one's own growth rather than the co-parent's, among many others.

Dr. Brad Reedy answers questions about how or if parents can help their "almost adults" see the effects of their actions on the family, how to know whether to bring a child directly home after wilderness or send them to another program, whether to do a family Intensive as a final step before a child returns home from treatment, and how best to support a sober child in danger of relapse, among others.

Dr. Reedy welcomes Evoke Therapy's Cori Wright. Cori works with adolescents and young adults in Evoke's Wilderness Therapy Program and she shares her journey into the field. She talks about the gift of regulating the nervous system using somatic experiencing and the outdoors. She explains how therapists set the stage for a client's healing through the process of co-regulation with the therapist via deep listening. She shares how becoming a mother has carved out deeper compassion and humility in her work with parents.

Dr. Brad Reedy talks about what the winter season is like for Evoke students: how they stay warm and healthy, how they mark the winter holidays, and how their varied emotions about not being home for the holidays can lead to important insights.

Dr. Brad Reedy took live questions regarding a son's self-sabotage, how to "be close with" your teenager, what to do when your child is engaged in illegal activity, and self-forgiveness.

Dr. Brad Reedy discusses his habit of practicing mindfulness rather than gratitude. He shares how sometimes redirecting oneself to gratitude when one is feeling difficult feelings--looking on the bright side--can drift into toxic positivity or a denial/avoidance of uncomfortable feelings. Alternatively, when one is mindful, one can feel and manage the difficult feelings as they arrive--and then also naturally appreciate and feel grateful for life when things are going well. He also elaborates on his belief that the most important step to more contented living is self-care/self-compassion.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from parents on the topics of the guilt, shame and self-care. He explains how that in order to expand our skills as a parent, we need to let go of our guilt.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience and discusses how to hold boundaries without sacrificing the relationship. He discusses how to honor your feelings of betrayal while staying in relationship to the other. He explains the benefit of group work at Finding You Intensives.

Dr. Brad Reedy details the immense growth and change going on in the young adult brain as well as their attendant behaviors. He then discusses Evoke's updated Young Adult program, which makes space for their growth and change employing expeditions, adventure, mindfulness, service, as well as a newly added therapeutic Intensive, among other activities.

Dr. Brad Reedy took questions about how to know when you have formed a secure attachment, how not to absorb your teen's moods, how to get in alignment with your spouse about parenting issues, and what codependency does--and doesn't--mean, among others.

Dr. Brad Reedy reviews, explains, and illustrates Evoke's Three Founding Principles: 1. Know Your Truth 2. Express Your Truth 3. Heal in Relationships