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Explore every episode of the podcast Faith & Feelings

Dive into the complete episode list for Faith & Feelings. Each episode is cataloged with detailed descriptions, making it easy to find and explore specific topics. Keep track of all episodes from your favorite podcast and never miss a moment of insightful content.

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TitlePub. DateDuration
15 Characteristics of an Emotionally Mature Person23 Sep 202400:16:01

Have you ever longed to be seen and known as the person you truly are? To share anything with someone and know that you’ll be understood, accepted, and validated?

Emotional responsiveness is the single most essential ingredient of human relationships. Our relationships are built and sustained through emotional intimacy, and the feeling that someone is interested in taking time to listen and truly understand our experiences. But what happens if your parents were distant or emotionally unavailable? How did this impact you as a child? And how do these experiences continue to impact you as an adult?

To start off our new series “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents,” I talk about what emotionally maturity is (before talking about what it isn’t). This episodes highlights 15 characteristics of an emotionally mature person. I also talk about one possible reason why so many parents today are emotionally immature, and why emotional and spiritual maturity cannot be separated.

Series 4 Trailer | Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents16 Sep 202400:01:57

Although we’re used to thinking of adults as more mature than their children, what if some children come into the world, and within a few years, are more emotionally mature than their parents? 

In this next Faith & Feeling’s podcast series called “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents,” we’re going to talk about the ways that emotionally immature parents impact their children’s lives. Through these episodes, you’ll discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion that come from having a parent who refuses emotional intimacy. You’ll also gain some insight into possible reasons why your parent’s emotional development stopped early.

My hope is that these episodes will bring clarity and relief as you see that what you’ve been though has caused you to have these feelings. That you’re not the only one. And that it makes sense.

The Thing That Affects Your Minute-to-Minute Life More Than Anything Else15 Jul 202400:20:49

Few things impact your minute-to-minute—life more than emotional dysregulation. 

Another way to describe this term is the inability to control your insides. It’s that unexpected spiral into anger, anxiety, or insecurity. It’s what happening inside of you during that unsettling relational interaction.  It’s what’s going on when you burst into tears over losing your keys, or emotionally shut down when you feel like an outsider at a social gathering.

A huge misconception about emotional dysregulation is that these overblown or shut-down reactions happen out of nowhere. When we mistake them for isolated events, we may feel embarrassed or perhaps a little perplexed, so we just keep going. We rush past them without a second thought, or we try to move on as fast as possible. 

However, when big and seemingly illogical emotions, reactions, or behaviors come up in response to something, I’m learning that wisdom looks like slowing down and getting really curious about why we responded that way. There is always a reason why. In this episode, I highlight two key reasons why processing our own moments of dysregulation, and understanding the deeper story, is essential for our spiritual growth and emotional health.

Series 3 Trailer | Why On Earth Did I Do (Or Say) That?08 Jul 202400:04:40

Have you ever walked away from a conversation or situation, feeling bewildered or embarrassed, and thought to yourself, “Why on earth did I do (or say) that?”

We all have those disproportionate emotional responses to situations that typically wouldn’t affect us in such dramatic ways. You know in your head that your reaction was not rational, but your body was living out a different story. The counseling world has a term for these responses: emotional dysregulation. Many of us don’t realize that these revved-up reactions tell a story—a story about something we’ve lived. They point to a deep-seated something that has gone unaddressed in our hearts. 

In our next podcast series called “Why On Earth Did I Do (Or Say) That?”, I’ll be inviting several guests to share a recent story of dysregulation…and together, we trace the deeper story. My hope is that these conversations will create a greater awareness, compassion, and curiosity about your own moments of dysregulation, and what might be underneath. 

The Story We Tell Ourselves About Our Suffering01 Jul 202400:22:48

Sometimes suffering lasts…and where is God in this? How do we find joy, hope, and love when life becomes undone? 

When life doesn’t make sense, we need a theology of suffering that helps us expand to hold the brokenness & beauty of our world together. Over the last few months, we’ve been hearing from 8 wise, kind, and deeply authentic people about their stories of pain & sorrow, and what they’ve been learning about hope, lament, joy, and courage when life get really hard. In this episode, I wrap up our  “When Life Doesn’t Make Sense” series by sharing some of my reflections on the ways hardship shapes us, why the story we tell about our suffering matters, and how lament invites us back to a place of belonging in the bigger story that God is telling with our lives.

*Some of the concepts of this episode were taken and adapted from The Theology and Psychology of Suffering by Tyler Staton.

The Things My Eating Disorder Taught Me24 Jun 202400:22:41

Over the last 6 years of recovering from an eating disorder, I’ve known one thing to be true: mental health struggles are difficult to describe, and they can be exhausting to live with. It’s a daily waking up to an inner battle that can be overwhelmingly unnoticed by others, and there is a certain strength that is required to endure pain that lingers, especially when it’s unseen.

As we wrap up our second podcast series “When Life Doesn’t Make Sense,” I share one of my stories when life hasn’t made sense: receiving an eating disorder diagnosis. Whether your story holds a similar diagnosis or a different kind of addiction/mental health struggle, or if you’re listening on behalf of a loved one, this episode is for you. I put some words to what mental health struggles can feel like, what my recovery journey has looked liked, and what my eating disorder has taught me along the way. I hope you’ll listen in.

*In this episode, I mention suicide/suicidal ideation. If you’re thinking about suicide and need to talk to someone, call or text 988. If you are worried about someone, you too can call or text 988 to get resources. Remember: you matter. Please listen with care.

The Ache of Emotional Loneliness with Carley17 Jun 202400:33:17

I recently heard loneliness described as “an agonizing hunger.”

It is possible to be in a room full of people and to feel more lonely than if the room was empty. It is to be unseen. And being unseen by those close to you is, in some ways, worse than having no one see you. This form of loneliness has a name: emotional loneliness, and can be experienced by anyone, regardless of your marital status.

In this episode, my friend Carley joins me to share about her experience of emotional loneliness, woven throughout her story of singleness. By inviting us into the ache of this story, Carley beautifully extends an invitation to all of us: that the very place where we feel most deeply alone is where we can most fully receive the welcome of God. I hope you’ll listen in.

Pouring Out Your Big Feelings to God with Lauren10 Jun 202400:29:45

Have you ever poured out your feelings to God, before editing your words? 

So many of us have internalized a narrative that stuffing down our emotions is strength. As children, we may have witnessed how “being fine” was praised and celebrated…and in some Christian contexts, even called spiritual maturity. So, we grew into adulthood having learned to disconnect from our own inner cries. 

In this episode, my friend Lauren joins me share about a recent miscarriage. By inviting us into her own grief and pain, she beautifully models why we have to let ourselves notice, name, and feel our emotions. It is the cost of being emotionally alive. It’s the cost, even, of holiness. Pouring out our big feelings to God is how we experience his presence in our pain. This takes tremendous courage. But, as Lauren helps us understand, unless we make space for our emotions, we cannot know the depths of God’s love. I hope you’ll listen in.

When a Parent is Not Good with Ashley03 Jun 202400:32:20

The image of the family is so deeply imprinted onto us: pressed into our minds, hearts, and sense of who we are in the world. What do we do when our families are sources of pain or confusion… or worse, harm, neglect or abuse? In this episode, my friend Ashley joins me to share about a painful relationship with a parent. She puts words to the long-lasting impact that absent or abusive parenting can have on our relationships with ourselves, others, and God.

Ashley sifts through these experiences with such wisdom, care, and surprising gentleness, inviting us into her own internal process of making sense of her childhood, naming how she’s been wronged, and offering compassion to the younger versions of herself who ached to be safe, held, and loved. She bears witness to the costly pursuit of learning and unlearning ways operating in the world that are no longer necessary, and of trying to live between the love you understood and the love that every child deserves. I hope you’ll listen in.

Grieving the Death of a Dream with Melissa27 May 202400:30:44

What do you do when it feels like God broke His promise to you?

Grief and pain come to us all, and sometimes they come through shattered dreams: when life crumbles, and with it, the God you thought you knew. In the disorientation and confusion of what grief can be, we can experience a death without a funeral. Those unseen, unclear deaths of ideals, expectations, hopes, and even versions of ourselves. 

In this episode, my friend Melissa joins me to share her about her family’s move to Togo, West Africa as missionaries…in which they staked everything they had…to the excruciating decision to return to the US just a few years later. She puts words to the visceral feelings of failure, shame, and not-enoughness that can surface when your whole world “dies.” By guiding us through her own messy, interior journey, Melissa beautifully models how staying awake to these deaths can be the crucible in which new life and spiritual wholeness is birthed. I hope you’ll listen in.

When the Voice in Your Head Is Not Kind with Iris20 May 202400:30:46

What do we do when something unexpected happens, and life suddenly curls up into the frightening mark of a question? When we’re standing on shifting ground, how do we live this question well?

In this episode, my friend Iris joins me to share about an injury during high-school that nearly resulted in the loss of her leg. She puts language to the panic, powerless, and self-contempt that can come when something happens in our lives that we would never choose. With gracious honesty and gentle humor, Iris helps us understand how being transformed into a person who experiences the Shepherd as near and kind begins by practicing a a more compassionate posture towards the darkest parts of yourself and your story. I hope you’ll listen in.

"How Do I Live With Pain That Lingers?" with Jenn 13 May 202400:29:09

I often wonder if, in our Western context, we’ve so fused the American dream with the risen Christ that when suffering enters our lives and does not leave quickly, all we know how to do is hide, judge, or despair. Prolonged, continual experience of weakness, pain, or loss often places us in a position that feels vulnerable and unsteady. How do we keep on living with pain that has no foreseeable ending? 

In this episode, my friend Jenn joins me to share about her husband, John’s, cancer journey. While suffering can cause us to question God’s nearness, Jenn bears witness to the truth that living with pain that lingers can mean more fully receiving God’s presence that lasts. I hope you’ll listen in.

How Your Relationship With Your Parents Shaped Your Relationship With God09 Sep 202400:22:47

Why does God sometimes feel so far away? The reason for this could be your attachment style.

We all experience moments when God's love and presence are tangible. But we can also experience feeling utterly abandoned by God. Why? In this episode, I talk about how your early childhood experiences and attachment (or emotional bond) that you developed with your primary caregivers can influence your relationship with God. 

Some of us have parents that make imagining a loving Father more difficult, and some of us have parents that make it easier. I describe each of the 4 attachment styles and explore how each style — developed from a pattern that we learned as children to maintain closeness with our primary caregivers — often translates to how we seek to maintain closeness with God. I also talk about 4 kinds of spiritually (secure, anxious, shutdown, and shame-filled) that can result from each of these 4 attachment styles. In other words, how might someone with a secure attachment experience God? How might someone with an anxious attachment experience God? 

"Am I Safe if I Trust God?" with Jennifer06 May 202400:38:15

One of the hardest questions to answer in life is not “Does God exist?” but “Is God kind?”

Sometimes, unspeakable things happen at the hands of others. Experiences of spiritual abuse in particular shatter our ability to trust ourselves, God, others, and the world around us. When the hands that harm us embody the words and face of Jesus, it can feel as if we’ve been given the raw data that God is not good. 

Today, my friend Jennifer joins me to share her excruciating story of spiritual wounding and sexual abuse from a church leader. This conversation is both profoundly painful and profoundly beautiful. By bearing witness to the truth of her wounds, Jennifer welcomes us to see the larger truth that the Wounded One walks with us… and even if we walk away, he still walks with us. I hope you’ll listen in.

*Jennifer is currently in the process of editing and updating her book. A link will be provided below as soon as the revised edition is available.

When You Feel Betrayed by God with Jessica 29 Apr 202400:35:58

So many of us have experienced a before and after. 

A "before” you knew that life was fragile…and an “after.” When you can’t go back. You can’t un-know. You are changed. In some ways, grief will always be accompanying us. Where is God in this? And what do we do when, like David expresses over and over again in the Psalms, we feel a sense of divine abandonment or betrayal? 

In this episode, my friend Jessica joins me to share about her recent miscarriage journey. Although she shares about the loss of a child, she speaks to the emotional undercurrent of loss in a way that I think will deeply resonate with many different experiences of sorrow. What Jessica does so beautifully is put words and phrases to the devastation of loss in a way that feels anchoring, truthful, and sacred. I hope you’ll listen in.

When Life is Disobedient 22 Apr 202400:18:01

Sometimes suffering lasts…and where is God in this? How do we find joy, hope, and love when life becomes undone? These are two questions that I’ve sat with over the last few months. In this episode, I set some groundwork for our next series “When Life Doesn’t Make Sense” and give you a glimpse of some of the guests I’ll be hosting on the podcast over the next several weeks.

In many of our Christian contexts, we’ve internalized a belief that we demonstrate holiness by demonstrating happiness. I share some raw and honest reflections on my story as I trace the threads of this belief throughout my own life up to this point. However, as I’ve taken a deeper look at the life of Jesus, I'm learning that emotions are not the opposite to faithfulness. They can actually be a compass, leading us to a God who is present, even in suffering.

Series 2 Trailer | When Life Doesn't Make Sense15 Apr 202400:03:36

There’s a myth that is easy to buy into: that obedience to God will equal an easy life. In our modern context, many of us have absorbed an understanding of faith that requires life to work out…but what happens when it doesn’t? In this next podcast series called “When Life Doesn’t Make Sense,” I’ll be hosting conversations with wise, deeply authentic, and kind people about their stories of pain and sorrow, and what they’ve learned about hope, lament, joy, and courage when life falls apart. My hope is that these conversations offer words and phrases that capture the emotions of your heart and give voice to your pain. Conversations that I pray will encourage and sustain you for the days and weeks to come.

7 Important Questions to Consider When Engaging With Someone Who Harmed You with Ashley Volk08 Apr 202400:34:12

What does it mean to love someone who has hurt you? In today’s episode I’m joined by my friend Ashley Volk, who received her certificate in narrative-focused trauma care from the Allender Center. In her experience over the last few years in facilitating Story Work groups, she has identified 7 important questions to consider when engaging with someone who has hurt you. We unpack each of these questions together and explore how love can take many different forms: from having a hard conversation, to putting up a firm boundary, to no longer engaging in the relationship. All of these options could be the right option when grounded in a prayerful discernment and Holy Spirit-driven love. 

LINKS + RESOURCES FROM THE EPISODE:

Your Questions Answered01 Apr 202400:18:53

To wrap up our first series on the podcast, I’m giving you the microphone to ask me your questions. I love hearing your voices whenever I can, and I think this will be a lot of fun. I’ll do my best to offer some solid and thoughtful responses, if not answers. 

LINKS + RESOURCES FROM THE EPISODE:

The Wisdom of Anxiety25 Mar 202400:23:49

The experience of anxiety is often coupled with a felt-sense that withdrawing and hiding is our safest option. It can have a crippling effect, reshaping the way that we engage in relationships and even the way that we inhabit our bodies. Of course, the goal is to move through our anxiety into a calmer, more regulated state. But do you know that there is an incredibly wise & kind part to your anxiety? Anxiety is often like a blinking light on the dashboard of your heart, alerting you of places inside of you that are hurting or not yet healed...and in doing so, invites you be loved here. In this episode, I explain why the antidote for anxiety is not a solution, but connection, and why healing often begins with the brave and risky act of being known.

Diffusing Anxiety Triggers When Your Body & Brain Won't Cooperate18 Mar 202400:16:49

Triggers can be a confusing word. At its heart, triggers are reactions to past trauma. They are not just about remembering past pain, but reexperiencing past pain as if it were happening in the present. But what do we do when we are triggered? Although there are no skills that can make a person stop themselves from ever being triggered again, there are skills that allow us to cope until we are less disarmed them and by the painful memories they bring up in us. In this episode, I explain three practical strategies for coping with triggers…and why practices like these are critical for spiritual and emotional health.

Triggers: Why Am I Reacting This Way?11 Mar 202400:20:47

Triggers can make us feel like we’re on fire when there is no flame. But what actually is a trigger? Being triggered is not the same as being uncomfortable. Being triggered isn’t just about something rubbing you the wrong way. When someone is triggered, it means that they are having a strong, reflexive reaction to something that wouldn’t ordinarily cause that response. At its heart, triggers are reactions to past trauma. They are not just about remembering past pain, but reexperiencing past pain as if it were happening in the present. In this episode, I talk about how triggers form, two kinds of triggers, and why triggers can actually invite us into deeper healing and wholeness.

3 Ways Trauma & Anxiety Are Connected04 Mar 202400:19:11

The anxiety that you feel today is not random. Anxiety in adulthood is often rooted in unprocessed stories of trauma… stories that our minds may have forgotten or suppressed but that our bodies still remember. As I talked about last week, our present anxiety is often trying to tell us some really important things about the story of our lives up to this point. But if you decide to begin reflecting on your childhood, what things should you be looking for? In this episode, I highlight 3 specific ways that trauma and anxiety are connected. I also share a personal story about a traumatic experience when I was 10 years old that has contributed to a pattern of anxiety in my life.

How Your Relationship With Your Parents Shaped Your Ability to Regulate Your Emotions02 Sep 202400:20:21

Do you get easily dysregulated? Or struggle to get back to a regulated state when you are dysregulated?

There’s a reason for that. In this episode, I connect your present experiences of dysregulation to your relationship — or attachment — with your primary caregivers when you were growing up. You’ll see how the emotional environment that you were raised in, and the ways that your parents interacted with and responded to you, shaped the way your brain learned to regulate emotions. I also talk about what secure attachment is, how to know if you developed a secure attachment bond as a child, how the presence or absence of this bond is directly linked to to your ability to self-regulate (and reach out for help) today.

Where Does My Anxiety Come From?26 Feb 202400:16:22

Have you ever wondered where your anxiety comes from? Many people are unaware that patterns of anxiety in adulthood are often rooted in unprocessed stories of trauma. Trauma has a tendency to hide, but the symptoms don’t lie. Our anxiety is often trying to tell us some really important things about the story of our lives up to this point. In this episode, I explore the questions “What exactly is trauma?” and “What makes something traumatic?” I also address a core reason why childhood trauma can be especially difficult for Christians to name & acknowledge. 

Are Worry & Anxiety the Same Thing?19 Feb 202400:20:54

Worry and anxiety are often blurred together as the same thing. But do you know that they actually have distinct differences? In fact, our ability to differentiate worry and anxiety is essential to be able to process them in a productive and healthy manner. I explain how worry and anxiety are different, and how they go together within the larger context of your nervous system. What I cover in this episode might surprise you! But I can personally speak to how these insights have helped me process what I'm feeling more quickly, and with so much more clarity...as they will for you, too.

Do I Have Anxiety?12 Feb 202400:19:11

Anxiety can feel debilitating. But what actually is it? What’s happening inside of us when we feel anxious, and why do feel it? Anxiety is often our body’s way of alerting us to important, unfelt emotions. It’s always trying to tell us something. Whether you’re wondering if you have anxiety, want to understand it more, or long to better support a loved one, this episode is for you. I unpack how to know when you’re feeling anxious and offer practical ways to respond.

Do I Pray About It or Go to Therapy?05 Feb 202400:20:02

In this episode, I share my heart behind Faith & Feelings, an interesting way that I prepared for the podcast, and what you can expect moving forward. You'll also hear some of my story behind hitting a wall (emotionally, spiritually, and physically) at 18, and why I slowly began to realize that prayer and therapy were never intended to be on opposite ends of the spectrum.

Welcome to Faith & Feelings!16 Jan 202400:02:53

Faith & Feelings is a podcast designed to help you untangle & honor your emotions, authentically practice your faith, and integrate both into your everyday life so that you can experience the goodness & delight that comes from living in relationship with yourself, God, and others.

Join author and clinical counseling grad student Taylor Joy every Monday, where she’ll share therapeutic insight and spiritual truth aimed at helping you implement small shifts into your daily rhythms and routines.

Each episode will also be released alongside a weekly Substack, a Wednesday email and reader’s favorite that continues the conversation started here on the podcast. This paid subscription ($5/month) includes personalized resources, recommended links, and reflection questions designed to help you process each week’s episode more deeply, both individually and in community.

"I Have to Be Perfect to Be Loved" with Ellen26 Aug 202400:30:10

We all have deep and inherent need for love and acceptance.

But, as children, what happens when unconditional love and acceptance were not freely given? In small ways, many of us learn that a “packaging of self” is what is necessary to find approval and affirmation in the eyes of others. As we begin to develop and experience life in the context of our closest relationships and social circles, we learn that we are liked and accepted by constructing a version of ourselves that puts us in the most flattering light. Maybe if we help enough. Self-sacrifice enough. Do all the right things. Maybe then we will be loved. 

In this conversation with a family friend, Ellen, she shares a recent story of dysregulation, triggered by a childhood belief that equated being perfect with being loved. She shares her own journey of growing in self-awareness, untangling this belief from her story, and learning to rest in the unmerited favor of God.

When Your Spiritual Growth Feels Frustratingly Slow with Chip19 Aug 202400:34:18

I think everyone could testify to how imperceptibly incremental our spiritual growth can feel in some areas of our lives.

If you’re like me, you often feel a disconnect between the theology that that you believe and the reactions that leak out of you in everyday life. Even though you know something is true in your head, it doesn’t seem to be shaping your heart or steering your hands. Sometimes you feel defeated because you don’t like how you’re acting, what your response was, or the way you sounded. But you don’t know how to change. You wonder if you’re doing something wrong. You wonder why God is working transformation into your life so frustratingly slowly.

In this conversation with a family friend, Chip, he shares a recent story of dysregulation that puts words to all of these tensions so beautifully. We talk about what initiated a deep inner change in his life five years ago (after decades of following Jesus and years in full-time ministry), and he models how true spiritual growth and emotional maturity often begin with getting to know your story and learning to tell it more truly.

"No Matter How Hard I Try I Can't Be Good Enough" with Kylie12 Aug 202400:32:58

“We all are born into the world looking for someone looking for us, and we remain in this mode of searching for the rest of our lives.” - Curt Thompson, MD

But we all have those experiences of being unseen. Un-chosen. When care was not given. When no one came. Somewhere along the way, many of us learned to stop listening to our gut instincts. We learned to grit it out and turn off the messages of our healthy needs. We stopped crying out. We no longer asked for help because we didn’t want to be a burden on others, or we didn’t expect anyone to respond.

This conversation with my friend Kylie is just so beautiful. Through her story, she names a deep-seated belief running throughout many of our stories: asking for help doesn’t change anything. You have to do it on your own anyway. We process the ways that not asking for help can become a learned trait, and when carried into adulthood, fuel patterns of striving, exhaustion, and inadequacy. We also talk about the ways that Kylie is learning to trust in God’s rest, responsiveness, and delight.

Healing From the Trauma of Growing up Too Soon with Jonathan 05 Aug 202400:34:56

What happens when the circumstances of life force you to grow up too quickly & shoulder a weight of responsibility or caretaking far beyond your developmental age? When our bodies carry the story of an interrupted adolescence into adulthood, how can this kind of trauma impact us? And how do we begin to heal?

In this conversation, my friend Jonathan shares a recent experience of dysregulation: a chest-tightening, drowning sensation when too many people around him needed too many things. Together, Jonathan and I process how this everyday moment with his family strikingly paralleled some of his childhood experiences, and he names the longing inside so many of us with similar stories: “Can someone just take care of me?”

We talk about what he wishes he could tell his younger self, and how the way we are in our bodies tells the story of who we’ve been up to this point in our lives.

When It Feels Like You Don't Belong With Amina29 Jul 202400:32:59

How we walk into a room will always carry evidence of our formation.

The way we act, if we get big or small, whether our voices soften or louden, if our shoulders hunch or straighten, whether we anticipate acceptance or brace for unbelonging...it all tells a story. A story about something we’ve lived.

In those moments when it feels like you don’t fit in and that shame-filled question wells up inside, “why can’t I just be normal like everyone else?”, there’s always a deeper question: what is your definition of “normal”? Where did it come from, and when did you learn that you did not meet that standard?

This conversation with my friend Amina is just so beautiful. Through her story, she shows us that when we read rejection into a room, it’s roots can often be traced to pivotal moments of self-rejection in our childhoods that are still living inside of us today. Together, Amina and I process what it really looks like to belong, when to trust the invitation of others, and how to walk into a room as your own friend.

When Everything Seems Out of Sorts with David Floge, LPC22 Jul 202400:35:13

We are in a series on Faith & Feelings all about emotional dysregulation. Another way to describe this term is the inability to control your insides. It’s those moments when everything seems out of sorts. All of us experience emotional dysregulation, but so many of us can get dysregulated without even realizing it. 

Whether it looks like exploding or imploding, whether it feels like getting really angry or shutting down, dysregulating moments always point to something deeper. Something that needs to be noticed, named, and processed inside of us. How do we begin to notice & listen to what are bodies are trying to tell us?

In this conversation with licensed therapist David Floge, we talk about what emotional dysregulation is, what it can feel like in our bodies, and practical ways to self-regulate. This conversation is such a fun combination of clinical insight and personal experience. My hope is that you’ll find it practical (and you’ll also laugh, because some of the stories that David and I share are really funny!).

When Crisis Invites You to Encounter the Deepest Parts of Yourself with Josh Summers27 Jan 202500:37:16

While Josh and his family was doing ministry in China, he was detained and interrogated by authorities and had no idea if or when he would be released. 

In this week’s episode, Josh graciously shares some of his journey with self-awareness, and how this unexpected crisis led him to a deeper encounter with with himself.

While few of us will share the particularities of his experience, I think Josh beautifully puts words to the inner disorientation that all kinds of crises bring: feelings of shock and shame and a deep disrupting of identity. He transparently shares what it was like for him to begin processing this crisis. He talks about how he initially tried to distance himself from the pain, and also, what he began to discover – about himself and God – as he leaned in. 

It's What You Do With Self-Awareness That Matters20 Jan 202500:18:33

One of the things that I’ve learned about self-awareness over the last few years is that self-awareness is something we can choose, but it’s also something that happens to us.

It comes at certain points in our lives without our consent, experiences of pain and crisis often becoming the catalyst for this deeper awakening. While I don’t hold to the idea that God causes crisis and suffering, I do know that these things come along, and God uses them. He often uses them to facilitate our own encounter with some of the deepest parts of ourselves.

In this episode, I talk about 3 kinds of crises that our journeys hold: developmental transitions, intrusive events, and internal uprisings. I also talk about why our responses to self-awareness are so important. How we respond can either increase shame or motivate change…and this makes all the difference.

*Some of the concepts of this episode were taken and adapted from “Regerts” by Jennifer Hunt.

How to Interact With an Emotionally Immature Person18 Nov 202400:14:55

What is the ultimate goal of interacting with an emotionally immature person? To stay in control of our own mind and feelings.

While we can’t change the person, we can learn ways of interacting with emotionally immature people without sacrificing or losing parts of ourselves. When we learn how to keep an observational perspective, we can stay centered, no matter how the other person behaves. This also helps to keep us in our thinking brain instead of falling into our emotions or a fight-or-flight reaction.

In this episode, I talk about 3 three practical steps for interacting with an emotionally immature person: (1) detached observation, (2) accurate assessment, (3) and re-entering the relationship in a different way. I also explore how grace is often misused today, and I emphasize what it truly looks like to extend real grace — the kind of grace that Jesus died for — in our relationships.

Signs That You Might Be Hitting the Wall11 Nov 202400:16:34

Hitting a wall is not an if, but when.

We all have this experience, typically several times throughout our lives. Suddenly, the ways that we learned to cope with childhood wounds and unmet needs begin begin to fail us in adulthood. Unhealthy coping patterns catch up with us. Our souls often begin summoning us to a deeper, inner change through emotional or physical symptoms like panic, anxiety, depression, anger, a continual sense of low-grade agitation, addictions, or other dysfunctional attempts to numb our pain.

We feel stuck. We want to change, but we don’t know how. It’s here, where God longs to meet us, opening our eyes to see the truth of ourselves, our stories, and who he’s created us to be. In this episode, I offer common signs that you might be hitting the wall, and I also talk about how to begin opening ourselves to God to bring transformation into the deepest parts of ourselves.

What It Feels Like to Be an Internalizer04 Nov 202400:16:19

Are patterns from your past impacting how you show up to your life and relationships today?

How we learned to cope with childhood wounds and unmet needs often become the dysfunctional patterns that we live out in adulthood. This is one way that the impact of emotionally immature parenting can leak into our adult lives.

Healing starts with noticing and naming these patterns. When we invite God’s spirit into this process, change begins. I talk about 2 ways that we may have reacted to emotionally immature parenting as children (internalizing or externalizing our pain), and how these childhood coping styles might be showing up in our adult lives today. In her research, psychologist Lindsey Gibson found that most children of emotionally immature parents are internalizers. I also highlight 8 common patterns of internalizers in adulthood and offer practical steps for change.

How Memories Shape Core Beliefs in Early Childhood 28 Oct 202400:16:06

From the time we entered the world, we all began crafting a story that helped us make sense and give meaning to the painful things that happened to us.

As we absorbed explicit and implicit messages from family members, authority figures, and peers about who we were and what the world expected of us, we gradually began forming a narrative that explained our lives to us… a narrative that grooved itself deeply into our hearts. This story helped us, as children, to know what we needed to be and what we needed to do to stay safe in the world.

However, this story becomes a broken story when lived out in adulthood. I talk about why it’s so important to get to know your childhood story, and I also offer some practical steps for exhuming the hurtful events, unchallenged, taken-for-granted beliefs, and unhelpful internalized messages from our childhoods that may still be ruling our lives today.

4 Types of Emotionally Immature Parents21 Oct 202400:16:12

We all need someone who reads us well and believes in us.

This is the essence of what security feels like in a relationship: knowing that the other person sees you, understands you, and celebrates who you are. But what happens if you didn’t receive this kind of nurturing love as a child?

There is essentially one way to provide this kind nurturing love that we all need to develop and thrive, but there are many ways to frustrate a child’s need for love. I talk about 3 things every child needs from their parents, and I also unpack 4 types of emotionally immature parents by psychologist Lindsey Gibson.

Why Anger Is a Surprising Friend 14 Oct 202400:15:59

Many of us have a confusing relationship with anger.

Anger is a complex emotion that can create significant internal conflict, fueling both guilt and fear. Similar to anxiety, it’s a powerful force that can do great harm and also has great value. It’s such a physical emotion, and we can feel anger in our bodies with incredibly intensity. In this episode, I talk about 4 ways that that we tend to avoid anger, how we learned these strategies (and why they actually make sense), and practical ways that we can start to befriend and create space for a healthy expression of anger.

I also talk about some common theological misconceptions about anger, and I highlight examples of Jesus expressing anger in the gospels and modeling how to speak on behalf of anger rather than from it.

Personality Traits Associated With Emotional Immaturity 07 Oct 202400:18:05

If emotional immaturity could be summed up in a sentence, it might be this: “it’s not me, it’s you.”

People who are emotionally immature often engage in inappropriate or harmful behavior, and then revert to altering their perceptions of reality to fit what makes sense to them. They lack emotional sensitivity, are self-preoccupied, and often cause others to question reality instead of taking responsibility for their actions. In other words: “It’s your fault for what I did, not mine.”

Personality patterns of emotional immaturity can be devastating to families and relationships. So how does emotional immaturity show up interpersonally? And how do we recognize signs of emotional immaturity? To continue our series on Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, I highlight 15 personality traits associated with emotional immaturity. I also talk about how to know the difference between a pattern of emotional immaturity and a temporary emotional regression.

The Reason Why You Feel Emotionally Lonely30 Sep 202400:17:05

Emotional loneliness is the kind of loneliness that you can feel even in the presence of others.

It results from a lack of emotional connection, and it can sometimes be even more painful than being physically alone. It’s that feeling of being unseen… a vague and private experience, not easy to recognize or find words for. While just as wounding as a physical injury, emotional loneliness is less obvious because doesn’t show on the outside.

So many of us experience emotional loneliness. But what exactly is it? And where does it come from? To continue our series on “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents,” I talk about what emotional loneliness is, how emotional loneliness is the result of unmet emotional needs during childhood, and some specific ways that emotionally immature parents can affect their adult children’s lives.

Why Self-Awareness Changes Everything13 Jan 202500:15:36

When I reflect on my own journey over the last 7 or 8 years, I can’t think of something that has changed my life, my relationship with God, others, or even myself more than self-awareness.

I truly believe that pursuing a deeper understanding of our own hearts and stories is one of the most spiritually formative and transformative things we could ever do. That’s why I’m so excited to invite you to join me in this new series on the podcast called “How Can I Be More Self-Aware?”

In this episode, I talk about what specifically makes self-awareness so important and highlight 3 different kinds of self-awareness that we’re invited into. I also offer some reflective questions that will help you get a sense of how well you know yourself right now. 

Series 6 Trailer | How Can I Be More Self-Aware?06 Jan 202500:03:29

How well do you know yourself? 

Growing in self-awareness is probably one of the hardest, but most important things we could ever do. Why? The short answer is this: you can’t change what you don’t know. But one of the trickiest things about self-awareness is that most of us are on autopilot and don't even know it.

So many of us are moving through life and not paying attention. We’re living by default... numb and disconnected from our hearts. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re going through the motions, but you’re not really living. You’re not present to yourself or your relationships. You long to be more awake to joy, to hope, and to passion, but there’s this sense inside of you that you’re missing your life.

In this next Faith and Feelings series “How Can I Be More Self-Aware?”, we’re going to be talking about what it practically looks like to grow in self-awareness. We’ll also be hearing from some amazing guests who will be sharing their journey with self-awareness and what they’ve learned along the way. 

When Your Spiritual Growth Feels Frustratingly Slow with Chip (Replay)30 Dec 202400:33:24

I think that everyone could testify to how imperceptibly incremental our spiritual growth can feel in some areas of our lives.

 If you’re like me, you’ve often felt a disconnect between the theology that that you believe and the reactions that leak out of you in everyday life. Even though you know something is true in your head, it doesn’t seem to be shaping your heart or steering your hands.

In this conversation with a family friend, Chip, he shares a recent story of dysregulation that puts words to all of these tensions so beautifully. We talk about what initiated a deep inner change in his life five years ago (after decades of following Jesus and years in full-time ministry), and he models how true spiritual growth and emotional maturity often begin with getting to know your story and learning to tell it more truly.

When You Feel Betrayed by God with Jessica (Replay)23 Dec 202400:34:34

So many of us have experienced a before and after.

A “before” you knew that life was fragile… and an “after.” When you can’t go back. You can’t un-know. You are changed. In this episode, my friend Jess joins me to share about her recent miscarriage journey. Although Jess shares about the loss of a child, she speaks to the emotional undercurrent of loss in a way that I think will deeply resonate with many different experiences of sorrow.

In a week full of holiday celebration, the complexity of holding both grief and joy together can often times feel overwhelming. What Jess does so beautifully is put words and phrases to the experience of loss in a way that feels anchoring, truthful, and sacred. As you’ll hear in our conversation, she does this through the wise and painful work of staying present to herself, God, and to her own heart. 

"Am I Safe if I Trust God?" with Jennifer (Replay)16 Dec 202400:36:43

One of the hardest questions to answer in life is not “Does God exist?” but “Is God kind?”

Sometimes, unspeakable things happen at the hands of others. Trauma of any kind often shatters are capacity to trust ourselves, God others, and the world around us. When we feel left in our pain, holding more questions than answers, it can feel like we’ve been given the raw data that God is not good.

In this conversation, my Jennifer joins me to share her story of spiritual and sexual abuse from a church leader. Through her lived experience, she puts words and phrases to the disorientation that comes when life doesn’t make sense, and how to begin a healing journey when you doubt if you’ll ever be able to trust again. This conversation is beautiful, honest, and also one of Faith & Feeling’s most downloaded episodes yet.

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