Explore every episode of the podcast Episodes of Life

I thought moving would fix it… but it doesn’t really work like that.

In this episode of Episodes of Life, Daniel talks about what came after everything, leaving home, moving to Australia, and trying to start again.

But the truth is, no matter how far you go, you take it with you.

He opens up about the reality of that fresh start. The part no one really talks about. Still thinking about Lydia every day. Still carrying the guilt. Still questioning everything even when life starts to look “better” on the outside.

This is also where things begin to shift.

Daniel shares what it was like letting someone in again, and how hard that actually was. The fear that it could all happen again. The feeling that he didn’t deserve to be happy. And the ways he would push people away without even realizing it.

It’s not a clean turning point. It’s messy, uncertain, and honest.

But for the first time, it’s not just about escaping anymore; it’s about trying to live with it.

In this episode:

•  Moving across the world for a fresh start 
•  Realizing you can’t run from what’s in your head 
•  The fear of loving someone again 
•  Feeling like you don’t deserve to be happy 
•  Learning to slowly let your guard down 

I still think about her every day.
That hasn’t changed.

But maybe the way I live with it is starting to.

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I didn’t know how to deal with it… so I tried not to feel it at all.

In this episode of Episodes of Life, Daniel opens up about the period where everything started to spiral.

The nights out that went too far. The drinking, the drugs, the moments he doesn’t fully remember and the ones he wishes he could forget.

This is the part of grief that doesn’t always get talked about. Not the sadness, but the escape. The self-destruction. The point where you stop caring what happens to you.

Daniel shares what it was really like during that time, becoming someone his friends had to look after, pushing things too far again and again, and trying to shut his mind off any way he could.

Until something forced it to stop.

This episode also explores the unexpected turning point when everything slowed down, and for the first time, he had to actually sit with what he’d been avoiding.

In this episode:

• Using alcohol and drugs to numb the pain 
• Losing control and not knowing when to stop 
• The impact it had on friendships and family 
• Moments of regret that still stick 
• The turning point that forced everything to slow down 

If you’ve ever tried to outrun what you’re feeling…
If you’ve ever gone too far just to switch your mind off…
If you’ve ever looked back and not recognized yourself…

You’ll understand this one.

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Life didn’t stop. It just stopped feeling real. 

In the 2nd episode of Episodes of Life, Daniel picks up where everything left off, the days and weeks after Lydia’s death, when the world slowly returned to normal for everyone else… but not for him. 

He talks about what that actually felt like. 

Going back to work too soon, breaking down when reality finally hit, being surrounded by people but feeling completely alone... and the quiet weight of guilt that didn’t go away. 

This isn’t the part people see. It’s the part people live through. Daniel opens up about the numbness, the pressure to be “okay,” and the moments where his mind went to some dark places, not because he wanted to die, but because he didn’t know how to live with what had happened. 

If you’ve ever felt left behind while the world kept moving…
If you’ve ever smiled around people but felt empty inside…
If you’ve ever just been getting through the day… 

This one will hit close. 

The Night that Changed Everything.

In this first episode of Episodes of Life, Daniel Buckner shares the story he’s been holding onto for years, starting with who Lydia was, the life they were building together and the kind of love that felt simple and real.

What begins as a normal Friday night slowly turns into the moment that changed his life forever.

Daniel walks through that night as it happened; the small details, the conversations, the drive and the moment he realised something wasn’t right.
There’s no filter here. Just honesty.

This episode isn’t about trying to explain grief. It’s about sitting in it, in the shock, the confusion and the thoughts that don’t leave you.

If you’ve ever gone over a moment again and again in your head…
If you’ve ever wished you could go back and change something…
If you’ve ever lost someone and didn’t know how to carry it…

This episode will stay with you.