What if the trust we struggle to give, to God, to people, even to ourselves, traces back to how our earliest needs were met? Counselor, author, and trainer Melinda Cathey joins Jesse to talk about how attachment shapes our ability to trust, why caregivers often have to start with their own stories, and what a corrective experience looks like for a child who has experienced stress, trauma, and adversity. This episode discusses faith openly: Melinda shares her Christian perspective and how attachment connects to trusting God, so it's a thoughtful, faith-forward conversation for anyone who loves a child who struggles to trust, or who has wrestled with trust themselves.
Key Takeaways
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Belief and trust are different things. Belief is cognitive (do I think you're telling the truth?), while trust is relational and only grows through experience with someone who has proven safe.
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The four attachment styles (Secure, Anxious Avoidant, Anxious Ambivalent, and Disorganized) shape how we relate to people and, for many, how we picture God. Change starts with awareness, then picking one skill to work on with a friend or therapist.
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Children who have experienced trauma need corrective experiences, not just corrected behavior. Caregivers do this work best when they've looked honestly at their own wounds first.
Timestamped Outline
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00:00 – Introduction: meet Melinda Cathey
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00:01 – Moving to Russia in 1992 and co-founding a transitional care program for young adults aging out of orphanages
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00:04 – The 10 to 15 percent of young adults she couldn't reach
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00:05 – Discovering Dr. Karen Purvis and TBRI
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00:11 – Why Melinda wrote Deeper Than Belief
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00:12 – Belief vs. trust
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00:16 – Faith and psychology: what each side gets wrong
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00:22 – Why healing starts with the caregiver
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00:27 – The attachment cycle and the four attachment styles
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00:40 – Corrective experiences for kids with hard beginnings
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00:45 – Dependency by design
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00:49 – Changing long-held patterns: awareness, "lights on," and picking one skill
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00:53 – An invitation for those with church wounds
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01:00 – Prayer and therapy: both/and
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01:06 – Advice for parents and pastors sharing faith with children who have experienced trauma
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01:09 – Final thoughts and wrap-up
Guest Bio & Links
Melinda Cathey is a counselor, trainer, and author of Deeper Than Belief. After moving to Russia as a missionary in 1992, she co-founded The Harbor, a transitional care program for young adults aging out of orphanages, and now trains caregivers and ministry partners around the world.
Website: Melinda Cathey at Orphanos
Resources Mentioned
Chapters
- (00:00:00) - Introduction and welcome
- (00:00:48) - Melinda's background: mission work in Russia
- (00:01:44) - Building a program for aging-out orphans
- (00:04:36) - The stubborn 10-15% and seeking answers
- (00:05:47) - Discovering TBRI and personal transformation
- (00:08:49) - Training mission partners globally
- (00:09:58) - Writing the book Deeper Than Belief
- (00:12:37) - Belief vs. trust: a key distinction
- (00:16:33) - Why Christians pit psychology against faith
- (00:21:04) - Starting with wounded caregivers first
- (00:27:11) - Unpacking the attachment cycle
- (00:31:08) - Secure attachment as a metaphor for God's love
- (00:33:03) - Avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized attachment
- (00:39:48) - Reaching the hardest kids through trust and corrective experience
- (00:45:22) - Dependency on God by design
- (00:48:42) - Starting your own healing: awareness first
- (00:53:56) - Spiritual invitation for the wounded
- (00:58:28) - Perfect love casting out fear
- (01:00:56) - Balancing prayer with practical help
- (01:06:38) - Advice for parents and pastors on faith and trauma
- (01:09:20) - Closing thoughts and gratitude
