Explore every episode of the podcast Dismantling Dysfunction

These days it's increasingly common to hear leaders describe themselves as "a little ADHD," citing high energy and impulsive decisions as both a strength and a challenge in their professional lives. The same traits, often seen in some of the most successful organizational leaders, drive innovation and quick decision-making but can also lead to chaos, confusion, and increased insecurity among team members.

In this episode, we'll help listeners understand the complexities of chaotic leadership and its impact on accountability, exploring how the dynamic interplay between resilience, adaptability, and the need for structure and consistency affects organizational effectiveness. Through stories and our own experiences—like executives who pivot strategies with alarming frequency, and project leads struggling with maintaining a steady course—we will discuss the consequences this leadership style poses on the stability of the business.

Tune in to gain practical advice on how to identify and address chaotic leadership within your organization. From fostering self-awareness among leaders to implementing strategies for clarity and communication, we'll provide actionable insights to help you navigate the challenges and maximize the potential of your team. Don't miss out on this opportunity to unlock the secrets to fostering accountability and driving success in your workplace.

If you want to know more about leading effectively, check out our book, "So, You Think You Can Lead?": www.amazon.ca/dp/B07QMVKNSV/

Register for our 'Why Leaders Avoid Fostering Accountability' webinar where we delve into 4 mistakes that contribute to a lack of accountability in your organization and what you can do about it: www.leadingwithauthority.com/accountability  

IN THIS EPISODE:

[01:25] Episode Introduction

[02:50] What Is a Chaotic Leader?

[09:05] Why Chaotic Leaders Thrive in Uncertainty?

[18:40] Consequences of Chaotic Leadership

[24:48] Episode Gem

[27:14] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Certain personality types or brain organizations are prone to chaotic leadership behaviors. Rational Intuitive brain types like Performers and Visionaries (ENTP and INTJ types) are known for their innovative ideas and love for exploring possibilities, which can lead to a lack of structure and follow-through, which might appear chaotic or inconsistent in a leadership role.
• Chaotic leadership creates an environment where team members are left guessing about priorities and expectations. It can lead to missed deadlines, redundant work, and a general sense of disorganization, affecting the team's ability to deliver results effectively. Team members may find themselves constantly adjusting to new directives, unable to complete tasks, or pursuing long-term goals due to the changing landscape.
•  Leaders have a responsibility to develop and model effective leadership and interpersonal behaviors. This means tolerating frustration and delayed gratification, making decisions thoughtfully, communicating effectively, and managing one's emotions and impulses in a way that positively influences the organization and its members.
• Whether you're a seasoned leader or a new manager, join us in this enlightening Accountability Blockers series on the Dismantling Dysfunction Podcast as we pull back the curtain on what's really going on. Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us.

Have you ever noticed how some teams don't hit their targets, despite having leaders who seem really supportive and caring? Or maybe you've seen situations where everyone seems happy, but the actual work results just aren't there? If these situations sound familiar, you're not alone, and we've got just the topic for you in our newest podcast episode - Unseen Barriers to Accountability Caused by Over-Nurturing Leaders.

In this episode, we're taking a close look at a trend where leaders, in their effort to avoid conflict and keep everyone (including themselves) comfortable, might actually be holding their teams back from achieving their best. We'll talk about what happens when leaders focus more on their team's feelings, as well as being liked and avoiding tough conversations, rather than on setting clear goals and expectations.

Join us as we discuss real-life examples and share insights on how this well-intentioned approach can lead to a workplace where accountability is lost, and high performance is the exception, not the norm. This conversation is crucial for anyone who wants to understand the delicate balance between supporting and enabling their team.

Tune in to get practical advice on how leaders can foster an environment that values growth and accountability while still being supportive. Whether you're a leader yourself or part of a team, this episode will offer valuable perspectives on improving workplace dynamics and achieving better results.

If you want to know more about leading effectively, check out our book, "So, You Think You Can Lead?": https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B07QMVKNSV/

Register for our 'Why Leaders Avoid Fostering Accountability' webinar where we delve into 4 mistakes that contribute to a lack of accountability in your organization and what you can do about it: https://www.leadingwithauthority.com/accountability

IN THIS EPISODE:

[01:39] Episode Introduction

[03:06] What Is an Over-Nuturing Leader?

[14:52] Why Do Leaders Over-Nuture?

[18:03] Consequences of Over-Nurturing Leadership

[30:39] Episode Gem

[33:36] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

·       Over-nurturing leadership can inadvertently hinder accountability and excellence within teams by prioritizing emotional comfort over performance. It creates an environment where subjective feelings significantly influence decision-making processes, often at the expense of objective analysis and professional accountability. This approach may lead to a culture of mediocrity where high performers feel demotivated.

·       Leaders may adopt an over-nurturing approach due to a lack of confidence in handling difficult conversations, unresolved emotional needs, or a misunderstanding of what true support entails. Without proper leadership training, these leaders may default to what feels most comfortable or familiar to them.

·       Striking a balance between empathy and accountability is essential for effective leadership. Leaders need to provide clear expectations, offer direct and honest feedback, and cultivate an environment that values constructive criticism while still considering the emotional well-being of their team members.

·      Whether you're a seasoned leader or a new manager, join us in this enlightening Accountability Blockers series on the Dismantling Dysfunction Podcast as we pull back the curtain on what's really going on. Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us.

Imagine your team is on a tight deadline, but when you reach out to your leader for crucial feedback, they're nowhere to be found. Their office is empty, their Teams status says 'Do Not Disturb,' and there's no response to emails, DMs, or Messenger. This scenario is all too familiar for many, reflecting a leadership gap where guidance and support are needed the most. In today's episode, we talk about the challenges posed by leaders who disappear, leaving their teams to navigate obstacles without any direction.

During the podcast, we explore the impact of leaders who disappear on accountability, productivity, and team morale. We also address the issue of why some leaders withdraw during critical moments, avoiding decisions, feedback, and conflicts, leaving frustrated peers and direct reports in their wake.  

Our discussion includes strategies for identifying and addressing the issue of disappearing leaders. Understanding the reasons behind this behavior is the first step. We also consider measures to improve leadership presence and accountability, emphasizing the importance of communication and clear expectations.

Listeners will find relatable experiences and practical advice in this episode. From real-life examples of leadership absence and its effect on team performance to actionable solutions for fostering engaged and present leadership, we cover the essentials for anyone facing this challenge.

Join us as we tackle how to turn absent leaders into engaged, accountable figures who drive team success and maintain high morale. This conversation is a must-listen for anyone seeking to bridge the leadership gap and promote a culture of accountability within their teams.

If you want to know more about leading effectively, check out our book, "So, You Think You Can Lead?": https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B07QMVKNSV/

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [00:59] Episode Introduction
• [01:38] What Is a Disappearing Leader?
• [06:52] Why Do Leaders Disappear?
• [20:39] Consequences of Disappearing Leaders
• [29:07] Episode Gem
• [32:13] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS: 

• Disappearing leadership behavior is characterized by a pattern of absence when their presence is most needed, be it in decision-making, conflict resolution, or providing essential support to their team. Because it isn't identified as an issue, it isn't dealt with. Instead, employees will talk about their leader as "so busy" or "always in meetings," excusing this dysfunctional behavior instead of getting help to address it.
• Disappearing leaders might not necessarily be neglecting all their duties; instead, they selectively withdraw from situations that require active engagement, leadership visibility, or confrontational management. This selective absence can sometimes be misinterpreted as a hands-off management style, allowing the behavior to persist without being addressed.
• Some leaders use this coping strategy because they lack the necessary training in handling the interpersonal aspects of leadership, leading them to retreat instead of confronting challenges. The absence of proper training in issue resolution and team management leaves these leaders ill-equipped to handle difficult situations.
• Whether you're a seasoned leader or a new manager, join us in this enlightening Accountability Blockers series on the Dismantling Dysfunction Podcast as we pull back the curtain on what's really going on. Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us.

Register below for our upcoming exclusive webinar, Why Leaders Avoid Fostering Accountability, where we delve into 4 mistakes that contribute to a lack of accountability in your organization and what you can do about it. Link: https://www.leadingwithauthority.com/accountability 

Picture this: you step into your workplace, a space where you spend most of your waking hours, only to face subtle threats, overt hostility, or being outright ignored by your leader. Instead of feeling supported, you have a leader who resorts to bullying behavior to either make themselves look good or to get things done.  

While some leaders believe behaviors like yelling and dressing you down for a minor mistake are a sign of strength, more often, it's about control and insecurity. So why does this happen, and why is it normal in many organizations? Usually, it's because of a lack of leadership development and emotional intelligence and because the culture allows it. When they don't know how to consciously manage performance, they overpower, thinking it's going to motivate. 

And the impact it has on accountability is measurable. Instead of motivating, it backfires, and this type of leadership behavior causes employees to shut down, not level up. Other effects – increased stress, anxiety, reduced job satisfaction, and a significant hit to both morale and productivity in the workplace negatively impact productivity, accountability, reduced innovation, and elevated staff turnover.

In this episode, we explore the impact of bullying leaders on accountability. In addition to showing some of the ways bullying occurs, we'll provide insight into the reasons behind some leaders' unintentional use of bullying behaviors.  

Join us in this episode in the series on accountability so that bullying and other dysfunctional leadership behaviors don't become 'normalized' in your organization. Changing your approach to leadership can revolutionize your and your employees' work experiences. Don't miss out on this crucial conversation!

If you want to know more about leading effectively, check out our book, "So, You Think You Can Lead?": https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B07QMVKNSV/

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:58] Episode Introduction
• [03:12] Why Do Leaders Bully?
• [05:19] How Does Bullying Show Up?
• [36:08] The Negative Impact of Bullying
• [38:14] Episode Gem
• [42:05] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

•       Employees subjected to bullying endure emotional turmoil, including stress, anxiety, and depression, leading to decreased job satisfaction, engagement, productivity, and increased absenteeism, as well as potential physical health issues. Bullying by leaders significantly impedes accountability. 
•       Leaders might resort to bullying due to a desire for absolute control, an inability to handle opposition or criticism constructively, or as a response to their own internal pressures and stress. Such behavior can create a culture of fear where employees are more focused on avoiding negative outcomes than on contributing positively
•       A culture of bullying can lead to high staff turnover, with skilled employees leaving to escape the toxic environment. This turnover not only disrupts workflow and continuity but also places a strain on resources due to the constant need for recruitment and training of new employees. And the reputation of the organization can suffer, making it harder to attract top talent.
•       Whether you're a seasoned leader or a new manager, join us in this enlightening Accountability Blockers series on the Dismantling Dysfunction Podcast as we pull back the curtain on what's really going on. Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us.

Have you ever seen a spark of creativity extinguished by a single dismissive remark from a leader? If so, you're not alone. In this episode of Dismantling Dysfunction, we talk about the unconscious shaming done by leaders and peers and reveal how this pervasive issue chips away at team morale and damages a culture of accountability. Imagine the chilling effect when a team member's bright idea is met with a "That's been tried before. Didn't you do your homework?" The room falls silent, the employee's spirit deflates, and a wave of discomfort spreads through the team.

Join us as we discuss the subtle ways leaders, often unknowingly, demoralize their teams. We explore how this is not about intentional harm but about often unexamined behaviors that go unaddressed. We uncover the effects of thoughtless comments and how these can create a culture of fear and silence. This conversation isn't just about pointing out the problem; it's about understanding the profound impact of our words and actions in leadership roles and how we can use empathetic communication to motivate our teams.

Tune in to this episode to hear all about the complexities of unconscious shaming in leadership. We offer a unique perspective, blending stories with strategies for change, guiding both leaders and team members toward creating a more positive and accountable work environment. Tune in to learn how to recognize these patterns, the importance of emotional intelligence in leadership, and how nurturing the culture of accountability can transform team dynamics. Don't miss this crucial conversation—it's a game-changer for anyone committed to building a healthier, more collaborative workplace culture!

If you want to know more about leading effectively, check out our book, "So, You Think You Can Lead?": https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B07QMVKNSV/

IN THIS EPISODE:

●      [01:33] Episode Introduction

●      [02:50] What Is Unintentional Shaming?

●      [08:01] Effects of Unintentional Shaming

●      [18:59] Why Leaders Unintentionally Shame Employees

●      [27:54] Episode Gem

●      [31:07] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

●      Many organizations face challenges to employee accountability due to leaders who shame their employees unknowingly. This isn't about intentional cruelty but rather subtle behaviors and language that undermine individual and team morale. It's not like they set out to hurt people with their behavior; for most of them, it's an unconscious self-protective strategy.

●      Some leaders believe that shaming employees can be a motivating force, not realizing the negative impact it can have on morale and productivity. This approach stems from a misunderstanding of what truly motivates individuals. Rather than fostering motivation, it instills fear, reduces self-esteem, and creates mistrust and hostility.

●      Shaming is often a defense mechanism used to mask personal insecurities and cope with stress. Feeling uncertain about their leadership capabilities, leaders may unconsciously project these feelings onto their employees. This projection can manifest as shaming or belittling behavior, where the leader deflects attention from their insecurities by focusing on the perceived shortcomings of their team members.

●      Whether you're a seasoned leader or a new manager, join us in this enlightening Accountability Blockers series on the Dismantling Dysfunction Podcast as we pull back the curtain on what's really going on. Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us.

In the latest episode of "Dismantling Dysfunction," we delve into the significant impact of narcissistic leadership on workplace accountability. We highlight the unique challenges posed by leaders who exhibit narcissistic traits such as a grandiose sense of self-importance, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy towards others. The discussion underscores how these characteristics lead to a toxic work environment, where credit hoarding, denial of mistakes, and gaslighting are prevalent.

A key focus of the episode is the detrimental effect these leadership styles have on organizational culture. Narcissistic leaders often create a culture of blame and secrecy, hampering open communication and effective decision-making. This atmosphere not only erodes trust within the team but also hinders the organization's overall progress and adaptability. The hosts emphasize the necessity for transparent and empathetic leadership, which is crucial for fostering a positive and productive work environment.

Tune in to find out practical strategies to manage and mitigate the challenges posed by narcissistic leaders. Learn the importance of maintaining consistent standards of accountability and not taking the behavior of such leaders personally. By promoting alignment with stated goals and behaviors, organizations can effectively counteract the negative impact of narcissistic leadership, ensuring a healthier, more accountable workplace culture. The episode serves as a valuable resource for leaders and professionals seeking to navigate and transform challenging leadership dynamics and blockers to accountability in their organizations.

If you want to know more about leading effectively, check out our book, "So, You Think You Can Lead?": www.amazon.ca/dp/B07QMVKNSV/ 

IN THIS EPISODE:

●      [00:00] Episode Introduction

●       [03:42] Narcissistic Leadership Traits

●      [09:00] Challenges to Accountability

●      [22:45] Episode Gem

●      [26:49] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

●      Narcissistic leaders are characterized by their charismatic yet self-centered nature, significantly impacting workplace dynamics. They are a significant accountability blocker as their behavior is often marked by a lack of empathy, a tendency to hoard credit, a propensity for denying mistakes, and engaging in gaslighting behaviors.

●      Narcissistic leadership behaviors contribute to the creation of toxic work environments, erode trust among team members, and hinder effective decision-making. These leaders frequently set unrealistic expectations for their teams, leading to employee burnout and a decline in productivity and performance.

●      Practical strategies for managing narcissistic leaders are offered, highlighting the importance of adhering to consistent standards of accountability and advising against taking the behavior of such leaders personally. The need for alignment with stated goals and behaviors as a key strategy to counteract the problematic tendencies of narcissistic leaders is emphasized.

●      Whether you're a seasoned leader or a new manager, join us in this insightful episode on how Narcissistic Leaders block Accountability on the Dismantling Dysfunction Podcast and what you can do about it. Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us.

Leaders often miss crucial opportunities to engage meaningfully with their employees when reviewing performance, primarily due to a lack of knowledge or comfort in handling these sensitive discussions. Many leaders, uncertain about how to balance feedback with encouragement, may default to a more objective or critical approach. The discomfort leaders feel in navigating these conversations can lead to a transactional approach, where the review is treated as a checklist exercise rather than an opportunity for meaningful interaction. 

Reviewing performance is a pivotal moment where employees seek validation and connection. When leaders focus solely on metrics and outcomes, neglecting the human element, employees may feel undervalued and disconnected. This can erode an employee's sense of belonging and loyalty to the organization. Employees need to feel that their leaders not only recognize their contributions but also understand their challenges and aspirations. Without this, there's a missed opportunity to build trust and rapport, which are critical for long-term employee engagement and retention. 

Tune in to find out more about how to engage while reviewing performance. Filled with real-life examples and actionable advice, this episode is a vital resource for any leader navigating these complex responsibilities. We emphasize the importance of leadership training in empathetic communication and emotional intelligence that equips leaders with the skills to conduct these reviews more effectively. Such an approach not only makes the experience more positive for the employee but also significantly enhances the leader's ability to truly engage with and understand their team. 

If you want to know more about leading effectively, check out our book, "So, You Think You Can Lead?": www.amazon.ca/dp/B07QMVKNSV/  

Register for our webinar "Why Leaders Avoid Fostering Accountability": https://www.leadingwithauthority.com/accountability 

IN THIS EPISODE:  

• [01:34] Episode Introduction  

• [02:57] Increased Leadership Responsibilities 

• [07:28] Why Leaders Don't Engage with Employees 

• [14:12] Employee (Dis)engagement 

• [25:45] Episode Gem 

• [29:30] Episode Wrap Up 

KEY TAKEAWAYS:  

• Leaders who have been brought up in very traditional corporate cultures might view employee engagement as a "soft" or "modern" concept. They may believe in a clear divide between management and workers, and that it's not necessary to engage employees beyond ensuring they complete their tasks.  

• Employees can be hurt by their leader's lack of interest or availability. Their need to feel they are valuable is diminished, as is their need to feel their work is important to the overall goals, leading to disengagement and resentment. When leaders don't prioritize their ongoing relationship with their employees, misunderstandings and hurt feelings arise.  

• Strengthening relationships with employees during the accountability cycle is crucial for fostering trust, understanding, and collaboration. Asking questions, letting the employee lead, empathizing with the employee experience show respect and understanding. We invite employees to have a conversation about their performance, not to talk to them. 

• Whether you're a seasoned leader or a new manager, join us in this enlightening Accountability series on the Dismantling Dysfunction Podcast, as we pull back the curtain on what's really going on. Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us. 

Ever heard a leader say they skipped reviewing their employee performance because they "don't have time" or because "Mercury was in retrograde"? While we all chuckle at the latter, there's an underlying truth we can't ignore - leaders often dance around performance evaluations, and in this episode, we unpack why. 

It's hard to believe, but some leaders sidestep evaluating their team's performance, opting out of what they view as a judgmental process. No clear expectations, no celebration of successes, no pinpointed development areas - just a pat on the back and a vague "good for you" or "better luck next time." It sounds almost fictitious, but it happens more often than you might think! 

Often, this reluctance can be traced back to a lack of proper leadership training. Leaders may not have been equipped with the necessary skills to conduct effective, empathetic, and empowering performance evaluations. From the assumption that "my employees already know how they're doing" to the fear of difficult conversations, leaders find themselves avoiding reviewing performance. But what if we told you that this doesn't have to be a once-a-year, suit-and-tie, cold-sweat kind of ordeal? What if performance reviews could be as natural as a morning huddle, as constant as the daily coffee run, and as engaging as a team brainstorm? 

Join us as we dissect the misconceptions and reveal the truths about ongoing performance reviews. We'll explore how to keep them simple, organic, and an integral part of the leadership journey. So stay tuned as we navigate the intricacies of performance reviews and how, with the right approach and training, they can become a positive force for leadership and team development. 

If you want to know more about leading effectively, check out our book, "So, You Think You Can Lead?": https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B07QMVKNSV/  

IN THIS EPISODE:  

• [01:29] Episode Introduction  

• [07:07] Why Ongoing Performance Review Matters 

• [11:47] Why Leaders Avoid Performance Reviews  

• [16:17] Episode Gem 

• [30:20] Episode Wrap Up 

KEY TAKEAWAYS:  

• Reviewing for growth is when leaders take the time to reflect on performance relative to expectations and determine what was completed effectively and what wasn't. This allows thought about the next steps for development or improvement.  

• When leaders say, "It's too time-consuming," they're often expressing a reluctance to engage deeply with their team. The underlying reason could be a lack of confidence in their leadership skills or feeling overwhelmed with their responsibilities. Reviewing frequently would mean they'd have to be consistent and present; not everyone feels equipped for that.  

• In avoiding performance reviews, leaders miss out on valuable opportunities to foster closer connections, understand employee aspirations, and identify latent challenges that might not manifest as obvious complaints. This proactive approach not only bolsters the leader-employee relationship but also meets the need of employees to feel a sense of belonging and recognition.  

• Whether you're a seasoned leader or a new manager, join us in this thrilling Accountability series on the Dismantling Dysfunction Podcast, as we pull back the curtain on what's really going on. Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us. 

Every leader has had to confront an employee's performance when a simple correction hasn't worked at some point in their career. It's part of the job. But when leaders mistake confrontation and consequences with punishment, they make the idea of a candid conversation even more daunting. Add to that the lack of training leaders receive to conduct an issue-resolution conversation about performance, and you get leaders going in the other direction – avoiding performance.  

Join us as we discuss how the lack of training leaders to confront performance leads to taking employee performance personally, using (un)intentional shaming or guilt-inducing, and impulsive and emotionally driven behavior that results in diminished accountability, employee morale, and engagement.  

And that's not the best part. We tell you how to effectively address performance issues while engaging your employees. From much-needed preparation to crystal-clear communication, we emphasize the importance of aligning consequences with specific behaviors. The aim? To create mutual understanding and foster an environment where both leaders and employees can thrive. 

If you've ever felt that knot in your stomach when confronting performance or been unsure how to guide a team member back to their best self, this episode is tailor-made for you. Through personal anecdotes and lessons learned, we highlight the fine line between punitive actions and steering team members back on track. So, grab a notebook, take a deep breath, and join us—it's time to transform apprehension into actionable insights for leadership success. 

If you want to know more about leading effectively, check out our book, "So, You Think You Can Lead?": https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B07QMVKNSV/  

Register for our webinar "Why Leaders Avoid Fostering Accountability": https://www.leadingwithauthority.com/accountability 

IN THIS EPISODE:  

• [01:39] Episode Introduction  
• [03:15] What Consequences Are 
• [08:31] How Not to Confront Performance 
• [11:16] How to Confront Performance Effectively 
• [29:37] Episode Gem 
• [32:23] Episode Wrap Up 

KEY TAKEAWAYS:  

• One of the most critical requirements of leaders is knowing when they are taking their employees' misaligned performance personally and how to depersonalize to remain objective. It's essential to focus on the performance issue rather than making it about the employee as an individual, separating the performance issue from the individual employee's character.  

• As leaders, managing our emotions and frustrations during these discussions is paramount. It begins with self-awareness. Leaders must recognize their emotions and judgments regarding employees and acknowledge how these feelings impact the conversation. In the absence of emotional self-awareness, leaders are more likely to use employee guilt- or shame-inducing statements that lead to demotivation and disengagement of employees.  

• Consequences act as a catalyst for change, ensuring that employees grasp the seriousness of performance issues. However, ensuring that consequences are fair, proportionate, and directly related to the performance problem is vital. Transparency is key when delivering consequences.  

• Whether you're a seasoned leader or a new manager, join us in this thrilling Accountability series on the Dismantling Dysfunction Podcast as we pull back the curtain on what's really going on. Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us. 

In the bustling corridors of a rapidly growing tech firm, CEO David found himself grappling with a dilemma. His teams were vibrant and intelligent, but something was amiss. Projects were lagging, and the quality wasn't consistent. At team meetings, David provided clear instructions, trusting that would suffice. Yet, when milestones were missed, he hesitated to step in, fearing confrontation. Does this sound familiar? In this podcast episode, we explore the challenges faced by leaders like David. Why do so many of us, despite our best intentions, shy away from setting clear benchmarks and guiding our teams effectively? 

Here's a prevailing myth: correcting performance equates to confrontation, damaged relationships, or quiet quitting. This misconception, driven by fear, often leaves employees abandoned post-instruction, leading to an environment of neglect rather than empowerment. We'll uncover the layers behind this avoidance and the price organizations pay for such omissions. Imagine a world where mere instructions magically lead to flawless execution—a world many leaders, unfortunately, believe exists. But as we'll explore, this belief is not only detached from reality but can also be detrimental. 

We want to emphasize a vital message: leaders have the opportunity to elevate their impact by embracing authentic, transparent conversations about performance and accountability. While celebrating achievements is essential, combining it with clarity brings out the best in everyone. If you're looking to cultivate a culture of accountability that thrives on both commendation and constructive feedback, join us! Let's redefine leadership and reshape the narrative around performance correction together. 

If you want to know more about leading effectively, check out our book, "So, You Think You Can Lead?": https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B07QMVKNSV/  

Sign up for our newsletters: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction 

IN THIS EPISODE:  

• [01:30] Episode Introduction  

• [10:11] Why Corrective Feedback Matters 

• [11:56] Fears Surrounding Giving Feedback 

• [23:41] Episode Gem 

• [28:06] Episode Wrap Up 

KEY TAKEAWAYS:  

• Observing how prevalent it is for leaders to delegate tasks to employees and then leave them to navigate the complexities alone is concerning. This "sink or swim" approach is far from conducive to nurturing employee growth. It creates an environment where people feel unsupported and undervalued, often leading to a lack of motivation and underperformance. 

• Leaders often hesitate to address misalignments or mistakes, fearing their feedback might be perceived as an attack or criticism. The root of this misconception lies in the often-held belief that correction inherently carries a negative connotation. As a result, leaders tend to avoid these essential conversations, hoping to maintain a harmonious workplace environment. 

• Leaders' hesitation to say anything can stem from various concerns – worrying about how the course correction will be received, the potential impact on the relationship, or even fearing retaliation.  

• Whether you're a seasoned leader, a new manager, or just curious about what's been tearing organizations apart, join us in this thrilling Accountability series on the Dismantling Dysfunction Podcast, as we pull back the curtain on what's really going on. Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us. 

Did you know that a whopping 60-70% of employees feel that leaders are not clear with their expectations? That's more than half of the workforce saying they feel lost in their roles. Concerning statistics for leaders, isn't it? 

Join us in this informative episode as we explore the reasons many leaders hesitate to clearly outline and guide performance, teams, and organizational processes. As we continue our series on the prevalent issue of Accountability Dysfunction, we aim to understand how our fears and fixed beliefs can prevent us from setting clear expectations.  

We discuss how the belief that accountability is a one-time confrontation gets in the way of accountability. With this mindset, leaders are so busy avoiding uncomfortable confrontation that they abdicate their responsibility to give corrective feedback. It is also seen as something that people either have or they do not have. These beliefs result in leaders feeling too powerless to lead. We provide insight into the reality of accountability as an ongoing, proactive approach essential to every phase of a task or project. 

We will investigate how a combination of internal and external pressures, a fear of confrontation, and a desire to maintain good relationships can often deter us from fulfilling our leadership duties. That can be tough for any seasoned leader, let alone folks transitioning from being an individual contributor into a leadership position. 

This episode promises to be highly relevant for leaders looking to understand and navigate the complexities of leadership and accountability in today's organizational environment. Don't miss your chance to become the leader your team deserves. Remember, true leadership begins with self-accountability. 

If you want to know more about leading effectively, check out our book, "So, You Think You Can Lead?": https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B07QMVKNSV/  

Sign up for our newsletters: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction 

IN THIS EPISODE:  

• [01:19] Episode Introduction  

• [11:58] Fears Surrounding Accountability  

• [15:13] Lack of Leadership Training 

• [26:30] Episode Gem 

• [31:03] Episode Wrap Up 

KEY TAKEAWAYS:  

• Most leaders mistakenly perceive accountability as a confrontational, one-time corrective action rather than an ongoing responsibility. These leaders dread holding others accountable, fearing it will make them appear mean or unsupportive.  

• Setting clear expectations and directions might be seen as laying the groundwork for potential disagreements or disputes. The apprehension isn't just about appearing strict or autocratic; it's the emotional and psychological toll that confrontations can take.  

• Leadership is as much about interpersonal skills as it is about strategic oversight. Not every leader has been trained in dealing with resistance, effective communication, and non-defensive communication skills. Without adequate training, leaders might feel ill-equipped to effectively define expectations or guide their teams.  

• Whether you're a seasoned leader, a new manager, or just curious about what's been tearing organizations apart, join us in this thrilling Accountability series on the Dismantling Dysfunction Podcast, as we pull back the curtain on what's really going on. Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us. 

Leaders today are burdened by increased expectations to achieve results without appearing to micromanage, define things too clearly (for fear of being labelled a control freak) and manage employee engagement. Some leaders seem to naturally possess the knack for seamlessly getting their team aligned with expectations, achieving exceptional results. But increasingly, leaders are struggling to know what to do to get employees to get their work done in a timely fashion. Despite telling employees exactly what to do and when to do it, leaders are dealing with their own frustration with inertia, quiet quitting, and overt opposition to their expectations.  

If you are experiencing this with your team or in your organization and are curious to find out what to do about a lack of accountability, join us live. In this episode, we explore the pivotal role of Emotional Intelligence (EI) in leadership and why a lack of it is contributing to the issue. Drawing from our collective experiences, we'll discuss how underlying emotions, especially fear, frequently manifest as the common refrain, "I'm too busy." Tuning in LIVE, we'll also emphasize the importance of defining clear expectations for our teams. (Spoiler alert - a key takeaway will be understanding that without clear expectations, even the best of efforts might fall short in promoting accountability.) 

For all of us in leadership roles, seeking to understand the intricate balance between EI, performance accountability, and the art of setting clear expectations, this episode will offer clarity. We hope you'll join us in this exploration, aimed at enhancing our roles as leaders and building stronger, more accountable teams.  

If you want to know more about leading effectively, check out our book, "So, You Think You Can Lead?": https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B07QMVKNSV/  

Sign up for our newsletters: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction 

IN THIS EPISODE:  

• [01:16] Episode Introduction  

• [05:24] Fear in Leadership 

• [08:29] The importance of Emotional Intelligence in Leadership 

• [24:30] Defining Expectations 

• [27:39] Episode Gem 

• [35:13] Episode Wrap Up 

KEY TAKEAWAYS:  

• While as a concept Accountability is a straightforward, objective process, the reality is that it's laden with personal feelings, doubts, and, honestly, a whole lot of avoidance. Teams pick up on that energy, sensing when things are skewed, unclear, or just plain unfair. And when morale dips, the entire organization's productivity and cohesion suffer. 

• Emotions are like the silent puppeteers behind the scenes, making us dance to their whims, often without us even realizing it. As leaders, there are moments when we know what needs to be done, but fear holds us back. Maybe it's fear of confrontation, fear of rejection, or even fear of admitting we might be wrong. But here's the issue: rarely do leaders admit to themselves that they are afraid. 

• By really tackling those fears and separating emotions from the actual metrics, leaders have the power to turn things around. This makes Accountability not something to dread, but a powerful tool that drives growth in the organization. 

• Whether you're a seasoned leader, a new manager, or just curious about what's been tearing organizations apart, join us in this thrilling Accountability series on the Dismantling Dysfunction Podcast, as we pull back the curtain on what's really going on. Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us. 

Get ready for an immersive journey into the intriguing universe of INFPs! These creative, introspective, and deeply emotional individuals are known for their profound inner lives and rich tapestry of feelings. In today's episode, we're going to peel back the layers of the INFP personality, revealing their innate warmth, integrity, and charisma hidden beneath their enigmatic exterior. We'll explore their paradoxical nature of self-criticism and perfectionism, guiding you through the complexity of their inner world.   

Join us as we dive into the turbulent sea of Imposter Syndrome, an all-too-familiar foe for many INFPs. Their unique gifts and talents often clash with an overwhelming sense of self-doubt and the relentless quest for a mythical "fatal flaw." This internal battle can transform their usually liberating creative process into an emotional whirlwind, leaving even their achievements feeling insignificant. But what if there's a way through the storm? 

Fasten your seat belts as we embark on an exhilarating exploration into how Imposter Syndrome weaves its tale in the lives of INFPs. We're set to unravel the knot of their self-woven victim narratives, unmask their perfectionism, and confront their constant negative self-referencing. Together, we'll unearth the profound real-world effects of this syndrome – from dwindling job satisfaction and stalled career growth to declining mental health and suppressed creativity. So, plug in those earphones and join us on this insightful expedition, shedding light on the dynamic dance between the INFP personality and Imposter Syndrome! 

If you want to know more about the Imposter Syndrome, check out our book, "Power Past the Imposter Syndrome": https://amzn.to/40P0GvX  

Sign up for our newsletters: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction 

IN THIS EPISODE:  

• [02:38] Episode Introduction 
  
• [04:56] Why Does the INFP Experience Imposter Syndrome?
• [09:01] Impact of Imposter Syndrome on INFPs
• [30:29] Episode Gem
• [34:16] Episode Wrap Up

   

KEY TAKEAWAYS: 

• INFPs tend to downplay their accomplishments, always thinking they could've done better and should've been more perfect. This is particularly true regarding their self-expression or creative endeavors, where there's no clear "right" or "wrong", and no concrete guidelines. This subjectivity can intensify their feelings of not being good enough and falling short of their lofty standards.
  
  
• Being the deep thinkers that they are, INFPs often end up harboring an intense fear that there's something seriously wrong with them. They're constantly looking for a "fatal flaw," some major shortcoming that doesn't exist, but they're convinced it's there. In their minds, finding this flaw would confirm their suspicion that they're really an imposter.
  
  
• INFPs are highly creative individuals. However, the persistent self-doubt associated with Imposter Syndrome can stifle their creativity. The fear of their work being inadequate or of being exposed as a fraud hinders their confidence and their ability to think outside the box and come up with innovative ideas or solutions.
  
  
• Join us throughout our series on how the Imposter Syndrome shows up in the 16 MBTI types (or 8 Striving Styles). If you are not sure what your Striving Styles is, make sure to visit www.whoareyoumeanttobe.com to complete the assessment! Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us. 

Get ready to dive into the captivating world of ISFPs - those super-creative, free-spirited individuals who dance to the beat of their own drum. These enchanting personalities seem to effortlessly waltz in and out of societal norms, choosing instead to carve out their own unique path. They're champions of their values and ideals, defenders of peace, and experts in evasion when conflicts loom. Add to that their deep-rooted loyalty and open-mindedness, and their embodiment of the 'live and let live' principle, and you've got some truly admirable individuals. 

Now, let's turn a page and talk about the elephant in the room - Imposter Syndrome. Our creative, peace-loving ISFPs sometimes wrestle with this uninvited guest, especially given their unique style of communication. When words fail, they express through art, music, or movement, which can make them seem distant or unapproachable. This misunderstanding can make them feel like an outsider, triggering feelings of inadequacy, and causing them to question their own worth. The question is - what triggers these feelings and how can ISFPs navigate these hurdles? 

Well, stay tuned! This new episode delves into the depths of ISFPs' Imposter Syndrome, exploring how their self-doubt, sensitivity to criticism, and subjective artistic pursuits fuel this feeling of being an imposter. How does their inner decision-making process contribute to the syndrome? Why do they often dismiss their own strengths and achievements? And, most importantly, how does it affect their personal and professional growth, stress levels, self-confidence, and relationships? Get ready to unravel all these mysteries and more in our deep dive into the heart of an ISFP! 

If you want to know more about the Imposter Syndrome, check out our book, "Power Past the Imposter Syndrome": https://amzn.to/40P0GvX  

Sign up for our newsletters: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction 

IN THIS EPISODE:  

• [01:41] Episode Introduction  

• [04:44] Why Does the ISFP Experience Imposter Syndrome? 

• [10:36] Impact of Imposter Syndrome on ISFPs 

• [24:58] Episode Gem 

• [27:29] Episode Wrap Up 

KEY TAKEAWAYS: 

• ISFPs are known for their sensitivity and introspection. They frequently face moments of self-doubt and minimize their achievements because they seek perfection, especially in their self and creative expression. The subjective nature of their artistic pursuits can magnify these feelings of inadequacy. 
  

• One factor contributing to ISFPs' Imposter Syndrome is their struggle with verbal communication, preferring other forms of expression like art, music, or movement. This leads to self-judgment and feelings of not being friendly or good enough, especially when others perceive them as distant or unapproachable. Their demeanor may be misunderstood, leaving them feeling like something is wrong with them.  
  
  

• ISFPs may become hesitant to take on new challenges or explore unfamiliar territories, as they worry about the possibility of failure or being exposed as incompetent. This fear-based mindset can hinder their progress and prevent them from tapping into their true capabilities and exploring their full potential. 
  
  

• Join us throughout our series on how the Imposter Syndrome shows up in the 16 MBTI types (or 8 Striving Styles). If you are not sure what your Striving Styles is, make sure to visit www.whoareyoumeanttobe.com to complete the assessment! Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us. 

Buckle up and brace yourselves for an exhilarating ride into the fast and fabulous world of ESTPs in today's thrilling episode! Meet the masters of spontaneity and action, the life-force at every party and the quick thinkers in every crisis. These resourceful dynamos are always ready for the next adventure. They're all about diving into the unknown, embracing challenges head-on, and bringing everyone along for the thrill of it. With their can-do spirit and knack for rallying others, ESTPs are a powerhouse of energy, charisma, and enthusiasm.

While their love for spontaneity and breaking the norm sure sets them apart, it can also be the very source of their self-doubt. One day, they're the superstars, soaring high and achieving greatness, and the next, they might face unexpected challenges that leave them questioning their abilities. Does their rule-bending make them less deserving of success? Does their resistance to long-term planning question their competency? Are their impulsive decisions and inconsistent performances a sign that they're frauds?

Stay tuned as we unravel how the Imposter Syndrome manifests in ESTPs' lives, from self-sabotaging behaviors and an unsatisfied thirst for fulfillment to the constant risk of burnout and the impact on their relationships. We'll explore how the fear of being exposed as an imposter can lead them to procrastinate, dodge challenging opportunities, and even downplay their successes. Get ready to witness the hidden emotional landscapes of ESTPs, the fears lurking beneath their lively exterior, and the steps they can take to combat the Imposter Syndrome. You won't want to miss this action-packed journey into the world of ESTPs!

If you want to know more about the Imposter Syndrome, check out our book, "Power Past the Imposter Syndrome": https://amzn.to/40P0GvX

Sign up for our newsletters: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:36] Episode Introduction
• [07:03] Why Does the ESTP Experience Imposter Syndrome?
• [15:31] Impact of Imposter Syndrome on ESTPs
• [25:38] Episode Gem
• [27:20] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

·         Self-sabotage is a common pattern among ESTPs with Imposter Syndrome, as they struggle with their own perceived inadequacy. Procrastination becomes a familiar companion for ESTPs with Imposter Syndrome. They may put off important tasks or projects, fearing that they won't meet their own high standards or that they will ultimately fail.

·         ESTPs are typically high-energy individuals who thrive in dynamic environments. However, the relentless pursuit of success and the constant self-doubt that accompanies Imposter Syndrome can push them to the brink of exhaustion. They may find themselves in a perpetual cycle of overworking, always striving to prove their worth and competence.

·         ESTPs' impulsiveness may result in sporadic or unpredictable performance. They might excel in some situations while underperforming in others. This inconsistency can lead to doubts about their own competence and contribute to Imposter Syndrome. They may feel like imposters when they experience setbacks or struggle to meet expectations.

·         Join us throughout our series on how the Imposter Syndrome shows up in the 16 MBTI types (or 8 Striving Styles). If you are not sure what your Striving Styles is, make sure to visit www.whoareyoumeanttobe.com to complete the assessment! Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us.

Hold on to your headphones, listeners! Today, we're taking a deep dive into the riveting realm of ISTPs – the Intellectual Adventurers. Picture this: an agile mind, capable of crafting innovative solutions on the fly, an eye that catches every tiny detail, and a spirit of rugged self-reliance. That's an ISTP for you! They're the silent powerhouses of any team, bringing an arsenal of knowledge, dedication, and a knack for staying cool under pressure. 

But here's the twist. Even these problem-solving prodigies face hurdles. Imposter Syndrome, the cunning villain, often lurks in the shadows of their success. Perfectionism and procrastination? Those are its crafty sidekicks, fostering self-doubt. Planning isn't exactly an ISTP's best friend either, and social interactions can feel like walking a tightrope. Add to the mix their struggle with balancing cold, hard logic, and intuition, and you've got a thrilling narrative of an ISTP's battle with Imposter Syndrome. 

Ready for the rollercoaster ride? Tune into today's episode of the Dismantling Dysfunction podcast. We're journeying into the heart of the ISTP mind, navigating through real-life stories, discussing the effect of Imposter Syndrome on their work and relationships, and even their legendary problem-solving prowess. Get ready to gain an unprecedented understanding of ISTPs, their struggles, and their immense potential. journey together into the rich landscape of the ISTP personality. 

If you want to know more about the Imposter Syndrome, check out our book, "Power Past the Imposter Syndrome": https://amzn.to/40P0GvX  

Sign up for our newsletters: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction 

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:43] Episode Introduction  
• [08:06] Why Does the ISTP Experience Imposter Syndrome? 
• [15:19] Impact of Imposter Syndrome on ISTPs 
• [28:42] Episode Gem 
• [31:45] Episode Wrap Up 

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• ISTPs are known for their analytical and practical approach to problem-solving and their ability to remain calm under pressure. They value their autonomy and self-reliance and prefer to work on their own. But their need to fly solo causes issues for them and contributes to their Imposter Syndrome as they believe they should be able to do everything on their own.  
• When it comes to social cues, ISTPs can feel like fish out of water. This is particularly true in professional arenas where networking and public speaking are the name of the game. With their laser focus on practicalities and problem-solving, ISTPs might find the dance of social niceties more like navigating a minefield. This can make the task of building rapport feel as challenging as scaling a mountain, fueling their Imposter Syndrome 

• ISTPs prefer to make decisions based on objective data and evidence, rather than their emotions. While this can be an asset in many situations, it can also lead to a sense of inadequacy or self-doubt if the ISTP perceives that they lack the necessary emotional connection or intuition to succeed in certain situations. 
• Join us throughout our series on how the Imposter Syndrome shows up in the 16 MBTI types (or 8 Striving Styles). If you are not sure what your Striving Styles is, make sure to visit www.whoareyoumeanttobe.com to complete the assessment! Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us. 

ESFJs, the dedicated, responsible, and oh-so-warm connectors, are the backbone of families and communities, the go-to for comfort and support. They're the birthday-rememberers, the milestone-celebrators, the hardworking team players! Their dedication is a force to reckon with, and their commitment is as solid as a rock. But beneath this dedicated exterior, they too struggle with self-worth, self-esteem, and a deep-seated need to be needed.

Imposter Syndrome in ESFJs often sprouts from their relentless drive to please others, which sometimes spirals into feelings of inadequacy. Their relentless drive to please others, to ensure that everyone's needs are met before their own, can often lead them down a rocky path, riddled with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. They might find themselves in a whirlpool of overwhelm, feeling underappreciated, and in the worst cases, exploited by those they pour their hearts into supporting. It's a tough balancing act - constantly prioritizing others can result in ESFJs inadvertently neglecting their own emotional needs. Their feelings, desires, and dreams often take a backseat as they strive to keep everyone else happy.

In today's episode, we're turning the spotlight on ESFJs' silent struggle. We'll unravel the intricacies of how ESFJs experience Imposter Syndrome due to a lack of Emotional Intelligence, their tendency for excessive caretaking, and the inherent self-neglect that comes with constantly prioritizing others. We'll dive deep into this syndrome, revealing its impact on ESFJs and sharing some precious nuggets of advice to help you overcome these challenges. Grab your headphones, get comfy, and join us on this enlightening journey. Let's roll!

If you want to know more about the Imposter Syndrome, check out our book: https://amzn.to/40P0GvX

Sign up for our newsletters: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

●        [01:48] Episode Introduction 

●        [04:57] Why Does the ESFJ Experience Imposter Syndrome?

●        [19:56] Impact of Imposter Syndrome on ESFJs

●        [27:16] Episode Gem

●        [30:03] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

·         ESFJs tend to prioritize the needs of others over their own and may not take the time to reflect on their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. This can make it difficult for them to develop a strong sense of self-awareness and can prevent them from recognizing their own strengths and accomplishments.

·         ESFJs continually give their energy to others without taking the time to replenish their own reserves. As they consistently put the needs of others first, they may inadvertently develop the belief that their own needs are less important or even unworthy of attention.

·         ESFJs may become overworked and overwhelmed due to their desire to please others and take on too much responsibility. Because they don't say no, others take advantage of them, having the ESFJ do their work for them and then take credit for it. Their struggle with setting boundaries means they often don't receive proper recognition for their hard work.

·         Join us throughout our series on how the Imposter Syndrome shows up in the 16 MBTI types (or 8 Striving Styles). If you are not sure what your Striving Styles is, make sure to visit www.whoareyoumeanttobe.com to complete the assessment! Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us.

INFJs - what a unique and fascinating bunch! They're driven by a strong desire to understand and connect with others on a deep level. Their empathy fuels their passion for helping others and makes them perfect candidates for careers in counselling, teaching, or social work. But that's not all! INFJs are also visionary go-getters with a strong sense of purpose. They're always looking for ways to make a positive impact on the world and pursue causes that align with their values. This forward-thinking mindset allows them to create innovative solutions and push boundaries.

INFJs are all about seeing the big picture and trusting their intuition, but sometimes that can make them feel like square pegs in a world that values left-brain thinking and hard evidence. They struggle to explain how they came to their brilliant insights, leading them to doubt themselves and feel insecure. And that's where Imposter Syndrome can swoop in and wreak havoc, making INFJs feel like they're on the outside looking in.

In today's episode, we'll delve into three key reasons why INFJs are plagued with the Imposter Syndrome – their tendency to constantly compare themselves to others, sensitivity to even the slightest of criticism, and their inclination to personalize the behavior of others. We will also explore how the 'untreated' Imposter Syndrome can have a devastating impact on INFJs in their relationships and how it stifles their careers and affects their physical and mental well-being. Join us for an insightful episode on overcoming Imposter Syndrome as an INFJ, filled with valuable advice to help you thrive both personally and professionally!

If you want to know more about the Imposter Syndrome, check out our book: https://amzn.to/40P0GvX

Sign up for our newsletters: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

●        [01:37] Episode Introduction 

●        [05:01] Why Does the INFJ Experience Imposter Syndrome?

●        [16:28] Impact of Imposter Syndrome on INFJs

●        [31:57] Episode Gem

●        [36:13] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

·         INFJs sensitivity to criticism can make even well-intentioned feedback difficult to handle. They see corrective feedback as evidence that they just aren't like others, meaning they aren't good enough. INFJs doubt their abilities and question whether they belong in their field when they don't meet their unrealistic expectations.

·         INFJs possess a unique skill to empathize, frequently absorbing the feelings and difficulties of others as if they were their own. Assuming responsibility for resolving other people's issues results in feelings of stress and being overburdened. When INFJs are unable to fix these problems, they blame themselves, concluding they are inadequate.

·         Because they tend to overcompensate, INFJs struggle with setting boundaries in relationships due to their fear of rejection or abandonment. They put their partner's needs above their own, neglecting their own well-being in the process. This leads to feelings of resentment and burnout, as they may feel like their efforts are not being recognized or appreciated.

·         Join us throughout our series on how the Imposter Syndrome shows up in the 16 MBTI types (or 8 Striving Styles). If you are not sure what your Striving Styles is, make sure to visit www.whoareyoumeanttobe.com to complete the assessment! Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us.

Get ready to meet the real-life supercharged caregivers of the world - the ENFJs! With their unparalleled empathy and dedication to serving others, ENFJs have a unique gift for bringing out the best in people. They're always eager to lend a helping hand and genuinely care about the well-being of others. With top-notch interpersonal skills, ENFJs are the life of any party or team. Despite all of their remarkable qualities, ENFJs - are just like all the other MBTI types! - can still struggle with Imposter Syndrome, doubting their abilities and worth.

With their laser focus on others, ENFJs can easily forget about their own needs and goals, leading to feelings of inadequacy and unfulfillment. Their incredible sensitivity to others' emotions and knack for seeing people's potential can also make them susceptible to Imposter Syndrome. ENFJs have high standards for themselves and believe that everyone can achieve greatness, so they work tirelessly to help others reach their full potential. But when their advice goes unheeded, or their help isn't wanted, they start questioning whether they're good enough.

In today's episode, we'll delve into three key reasons why ENFJs are plagued with the Imposter Syndrome – their tendency to neglect themselves, difficulty accepting praise, and overidentification with the supportive, teaching and guiding roles they tend to take on. We will also explore how the 'untreated' Imposter Syndrome can lead to ENFJ's difficulty maintaining authentic relationships, stifled career growth and struggle to be an effective leader. Join us for an insightful episode on overcoming Imposter Syndrome as an ENFJ, filled with valuable advice to help you thrive both personally and professionally.

If you want to know more about the Imposter Syndrome, check out our book: https://amzn.to/40P0GvX

Sign up for our newsletters: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

●        [02:03] Episode Introduction 

●        [04:30] Why Does the ENFJ Experience Imposter Syndrome?

●        [18:14] Impact of Imposter Syndrome on ENFJs

●        [35:25] Episode Gem

●        [38:26] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

·         ENFJs are driven by a genuine concern for others' well-being and prioritize the needs of others above their own. While this selflessness can have positive impacts on the lives of those they help, it can also lead to self-neglect and a feeling that they don't deserve any help for themselves. This self-neglect manifests in physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion.

·         ENFJs' idealistic nature and the Imposter Syndrome can create a barrier to forming deep, authentic connections with others. As they constantly feel that they are never good enough to achieve their ideals, they may hold themselves to unattainable standards, preventing them from fully opening up and being vulnerable with their partners, friends, or family members.

·         ENFJs with Imposter Syndrome often struggle in leadership roles, as they lead with their strengths: supporting and helping others. It doesn't come naturally for them to be directive or use their role of authority. ENFJs become overly cautious in their decision-making, second-guessing themselves and being hesitant to take decisive action.

·         Join us throughout our series on how the Imposter Syndrome shows up in the 16 MBTI types (or 8 Striving Styles). If you are not sure what your Striving Styles is, make sure to visit www.whoareyoumeanttobe.com to complete the assessment! Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us.

Hey there! We're here to talk about the incredible INTJs and their awe-inspiring cognitive abilities! If you're lucky enough to have an INTJ in your life, you'll definitely know they have an amazing knack for spotting patterns and connections, making them absolute rockstars at setting ambitious goals and envisioning multiple paths to success.

However, their analytical thinking combined with their super high standards for themselves can trip them up, resulting in a pressure-cooker environment and allowing the Imposter Syndrome to rear its ugly head. You see, INTJs believe that anything less than perfection equals failure (you agree it is an impossible standard to meet, right?). When they inevitably fall short of this standard, they can feel like they are not living up to their own expectations and start doubting their abilities – while others, in the meantime, are inspired by the INTJ's achievements…

In today's episode, we'll delve into three key reasons why INTJs are plagued with the Imposter Syndrome – their impatience, the tendency to compare themselves to others and their discomfort with being human (those pesky human emotions!). We will also explore how it can lead to missed opportunities, fear of taking risks, and isolation. Join us for an insightful episode on overcoming Imposter Syndrome as an INTJ, filled with valuable advice to help you thrive both personally and professionally.

If you want to know more about the Imposter Syndrome, check out our book: https://amzn.to/40P0GvX

Sign up for our newsletters to stay in the loop: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

●        [01:49] Episode Introduction 

●        [04:33] Why Does the INTJ Experience Imposter Syndrome?

●        [10:24] Impact of Imposter Syndrome on INTJs

●        [34:57] Episode Gem

●        [37:13] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

·         INTJs have an innate tendency to measure their own worth and progress by comparing themselves to others, particularly those they regard as more accomplished or skillful and coming up short. This comparative analysis contributes to the Imposter Syndrome as they feel they're not living up to the standards set by their peers. The looming shadow of perceived underperformance can weigh heavily on their minds.

·         INTJs create paranoid stories about what people think about them and their ideas. Sharing themselves can cause them to feel so vulnerable that they are triggered into overanalyzing their interactions and looking for evidence that others believe they are weak or incompetent. They create scenarios in their minds where others judge them harshly, question their competence, or make fun of them behind their back.

·         INTJs may have difficulty forming deep emotional bonds, showing vulnerability, or expressing their feelings. This emotional distance can make it challenging for them to seek help or support when faced with Imposter Syndrome. As a result, they may experience feelings of isolation and self-doubt, which can further reinforce their belief that they are undeserving of their achievements.

Join us throughout our series on how the Imposter Syndrome shows up in the 16 MBTI types (or 8 Striving Styles). If you are not sure what your Striving Styles are, make sure to visit www.whoareyoumeanttobe.com to complete the assessment today! Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us.

Oh, ENFPs! With their vivacious and captivating personalities, they effortlessly take center stage and light up every room they enter. Their infectious energy and unwavering optimism make them a magnet for people, and they have an innate ability to inspire and motivate others. ENFPs are often the life of the party, bringing a sense of fun and adventure wherever they go. They're not afraid to try new things, and their passion for life is contagious.

Here comes a plot twist though: despite all of their wonderful qualities, ENFPs are not immune to the insidious grip of Imposter Syndrome. When they experience Imposter Syndrome, they can become so consumed with trying to please everyone around them that they forget to take a step back and see their own worth. They may work tirelessly to show they are worthy of love and respect, but the fear of being exposed as a fraud can be crippling. This constant need for validation can be exhausting, leading to burnout and a lack of fulfillment. 

In today's episode, we'll delve into three key reasons why ENFPs are plagued with the Imposter Syndrome – their constant need for approval, the tendency to personalize every situation and (accidental!) creation of chaos. We will also explore how it can lead to a tarnished reputation, difficulty maintaining healthy relationships, and overcompensating. And we've got a gem of a tip just for ENFPs: you are true superstars! Don't let self-doubt dim your sparkle – it's time to break free from the Imposter Syndrome.

Join us for an insightful episode on overcoming Imposter Syndrome as an ENFP, filled with valuable advice to help you thrive both personally and professionally.

If you want to know more about the Imposter Syndrome, check out our book: https://amzn.to/40P0GvX

Sign up for our newsletters to stay in the loop: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

●        [01:47] Episode Introduction 

●        [05:27] Why Does the ENFP Experience Imposter Syndrome?

●        [08:21] Impact of Imposter Syndrome on ENFPs

●        [32:54] Episode Gem

●        [35:47] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

·         The absence of positive feedback and approval can be particularly challenging for ENFPs, as they have a propensity for self-referral and personalizing the behaviors of others. Coupled with their empathetic nature, sensitivity, and idealistic tendencies, this can lead them to feel as though they haven't achieved perfection if others don't respond as they had hoped or anticipated.

·        Need for constant stimulation and their enthusiasm for generating ideas can make it difficult for ENFPs to focus on one project at a time, leading to procrastination and unfinished tasks. This habit can create chaos and reinforce Imposter Syndrome when they struggle to meet deadlines or complete projects.

·         Self-abandonment and Imposter Syndrome are intricately connected for ENFPs, creating a complex web of emotions and behaviors that can significantly impact their well-being. This can manifest in their tendency to prioritize the needs of others and adapt to their emotional environment, often at the expense of their own authentic selves.

·         Join us throughout our series on how the Imposter Syndrome shows up in the 16 MBTI types (or 8 Striving Styles). If you are not sure what your Striving Styles are, make sure to visit www.whoareyoumeanttobe.com to complete the assessment today! Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us.

Procrastination and perfectionism – what a perilous duo for anyone suffering from Imposter Syndrome. But for those with an INTP personality type, it's like a fatal blow! But why is that you ask? You see, the INTP personality type is characterized by an inquisitive nature and a desire to understand the world on a deep level. They value knowledge and expertise above all else, and they enjoy the challenge of intellectual debate and argumentation.

Here's the kicker, though: their thirst for knowledge and their competitive nature often causes them to be extremely critical of their own work, constantly questioning whether they've done things "correctly" or whether their work is up to (their own) incredibly high standards. This can make them feel like they're not good enough or that they're "faking it" in their field, even if they have plenty of evidence to prove otherwise.

In today's episode, we'll delve into the deadly duo of procrastination and perfectionism that plagues INTPs suffering from Imposter Syndrome. We'll explore how it can lead to a lack of confidence, difficulty forming connections, and even passive-aggressive behaviour. We'll also drop a gem for all INTPs suffering from the Imposter Syndrome that will help them escape the all-or-nothing trap that they may find themselves falling into too often for comfort.

Whether you're an INTP struggling with Imposter Syndrome, or you know someone who is, this episode is packed with valuable insights to help you overcome these challenges in both your personal and professional life.

If you want to know more about the Imposter Syndrome, check out our book: https://amzn.to/40P0GvX

Sign up for our newsletters to stay in the loop: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

●        [1:48] Episode Introduction 

●        [4:52] Why Does the INTP Experience Imposter Syndrome?

●        [11:19] Impact of Imposter Syndrome on INTPs

●        [30:26] Episode Gem

●        [32:00] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

·         INTPs are known for their love of learning and exploration, which can sometimes lead them to procrastinate on tasks that they find uninteresting or uninspiring.  When INTPs put off a task that they know they should be doing, they start to doubt their ability to do anything. This can lead to feelings of fraudulence or inadequacy as they start to question their own competence and ability to succeed.

·         One of INTPs' main coping mechanisms is becoming passive-aggressive and argumentative. They feel both defensive and protective of their knowledge and expertise. Passive-aggressive behavior causes them to engage in behavior that is intentionally undermining or resistant, creating a negative work or social environment, and limiting INTPs' ability to build meaningful connections and collaborate effectively with others.

·         INTPs have difficulty sharing themselves and are notorious for keeping their thoughts and feelings to themselves, which can lead to a lack of curiosity about others' lives and a struggle to share their own. When they do open up, it's awkward, and instead of sharing their feelings, they may unintentionally point out faults in others, making them appear insensitive and uncaring.

·         Join us throughout our series on how the Imposter Syndrome shows up in the 16 MBTI types (or 8 Striving Styles). If you are not sure what your Striving Styles is, make sure to visit www.whoareyoumeanttobe.com to complete the assessment today! Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us.

Imagine walking into a room and feeling an electric buzz in the air - that's what it feels like when an ENTP is nearby! These are the people who make things happen with an energy that's contagious and an enthusiasm that's impossible to ignore. They're constantly seeking ways to shake things up, push the limits and try something new - they have a knack for thinking ahead and seeing future possibilities that others can't even fathom. 

But here's the catch: this same strength is also their biggest weakness, leading to their version of the dreaded Imposter Syndrome. You see, ENTPs set the bar incredibly high for themselves. They envision all the possibilities for success and achievement and strive to make them a reality. However, their focus on the future causes them to feel like they're falling short in the present (especially with those pesky little details that fall through the cracks!). They worry that they're not making enough progress toward their goals. It's like they're always trying to run before they can even walk! 

In today's episode, we'll explore the trio of symptoms of Imposter Syndrome in ENTPs - constantly seeking validation, the pursuit of perfectionism, and the need for non-stop stimulation - and how they lead to a lack of career direction, impulsive decision making and even relationship issues. We'll also drop a gem for all ENTPs suffering from the Imposter Syndrome that will help them stay the course during challenging times or when some bright, shiny new idea compels them to drop everything in pursuit of their perfect future.  

Whether you're an ENTP struggling with Imposter Syndrome or you know someone who is, this episode is packed with valuable insights to help you overcome these challenges and thrive in both your personal and professional life.  

If you want to know more about the Imposter Syndrome, check out our book: https://amzn.to/40P0GvX  

Sign up for our newsletters: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction 

IN THIS EPISODE:  

• [2:52] Episode Introduction  

• [3:48] Why Does the ENTP Experience Imposter Syndrome? 

• [12:47] Impact of Imposter Syndrome on ENTPs 

• [29:55] Episode Gem 

• [32:36] Episode Wrap Up 

KEY TAKEAWAYS: 

• ENTPs have a need for recognition, and they seek affirmation and praise from those around them. They thrive on the attention of others, and their self-worth is often tied to the level of external validation they receive. This need for approval can be both a blessing and a curse, as it drives them to excel and achieve great things, but it can also lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.  

• While the intellectual curiosity and openness to new experiences of the ENTP can be an asset, it can also create a sense of uncertainty and insecurity. They may question their own knowledge and understanding, doubt themselves, and double down on the need for positive feedback and validation from others.  

• As high-achievers, ENTPs often hold themselves to incredibly high standards, striving for excellence in everything they do. However, because this constant striving for perfection is self-protective and inauthentic, it can also lead to a fear of failure and a sense of not measuring up.  

• Join us throughout our series on how the Imposter Syndrome shows up in the 16 MBTI types (or 8 Striving Styles). If you are not sure what your Striving Styles is, visit www.whoareyoumeanttobe.com to complete the assessment! Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us. 

Hey there, our dependable, hard-working ISFJs! Have you ever found yourselves striving for perfection at work, even when no one else seems to be holding you to such impossible standards? Do you avoid taking on new challenges because the thought of failure is just too overwhelming – and you're just sure you WILL FAIL? If so, we are saddened to inform you that you are likely suffering from the Imposter Syndrome!

Yes, that nagging feeling that always seems to be lurking in the back of our minds. It's the fear that keeps us from taking on new challenges, going after that promotion, asking for feedback, or even speaking up in a meeting. But fear not, ISFJs, as it is possible to break free from the Imposter Syndrome, learn to embrace being outside of the comfort zone and becoming who you are meant to be!

In today's episode, we'll explore some common triggers and symptoms of Imposter Syndrome in ISFJs, such as fear of failure, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and how they lead to career stagnation, burnout, and even relationship issues. We'll also provide some practical strategies and tools that ISFJs can use to start building more confidence in themselves and their abilities and to start living more authentically.

Whether you're an ISFJ struggling with Imposter Syndrome, or you know someone who is, this episode is packed with valuable insights and tips to help you overcome these challenges and thrive in both your personal and professional life. So, tune in now to learn more!

If you want to know more about the Imposter Syndrome, check out our book, 'Power Past the Imposter Syndrome': https://amzn.to/40P0GvX

Make sure you sign up for our newsletters: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

●        [01:15] Episode Introduction

●        [09:11] Why Does the ISFJ Experience the Imposter Syndrome?

●        [15:43] Negative Impact of the Imposter Syndrome on ISFJs

●        [34:38] Episode Gem

●        [36:58] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

·         ISFJs are the epitome of dependability and hard work in the workplace. They are known for their methodical approach and attention to detail, which makes them the ideal candidate for roles requiring meticulousness and accuracy. However, their fear of failure can hold them back from pursuing new challenges or taking on additional responsibilities.

·         The root of ISFJs' Imposter Syndrome lies in their desire for external validation and their belief that they must constantly prove their worth to others. ISFJs, known for their strong desire to please others and their fear of not meeting expectations, often experience Imposter Syndrome. Even when no one is criticizing them, they tend to constantly criticize themselves and believe they have to be perfect in everything they do.

·         ISFJs interpret feedback as criticism, which can cause them to become defensive or shut down completely. When they receive feedback, it can trigger a strong emotional response, and they may take it as confirmation of their worst fears - that they are not meeting the expectations of others. Because of this, ISFJs may avoid seeking feedback altogether or may become upset and shut down when they receive it.

·         Join us throughout our series on how the Imposter Syndrome shows up in each of the 16 MBTI types (or 8 Striving Styles). If you are not sure what your Striving Styles are, make sure to visit www.whoareyoumeanttobe.com to complete the assessment today! Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us directly.

Let us paint you a picture: as an ENTJ, you try to set high standards for yourself and your team. But sometimes, it feels like your team just DOESN'T GET IT! I mean, you've given them clear instructions, right? So, when they drop the ball, you have every right just to lose it. I mean, how can they be SO clueless? Don't they realize how important this project is?! It's like they're not even trying.

But as the dust settles, the self-doubt creeps in. Now you become anxious, wondering if you lashed out because you were trying to make yourself look better by putting team members down, projecting your incompetence onto them. You are ashamed, embarrassed even, and to avoid further discomfort, you put your competent Imposter Syndrome face back on and sweep it all under the rug. Yeah, the Imposter Syndrome persona of the ENTJ can be a real doozy!

In today's episode, we'll explore some common triggers and symptoms of Imposter Syndrome in ENTJs, such as being unable to live up to their own vision of themselves, negative impact on their reputation and workaholism. We'll also provide some practical strategies and tools that ENTJs can use to start building more confidence in themselves and their abilities and to start living more authentically.

Whether you're an ENTJ struggling with Imposter Syndrome, or you know someone who is, this episode is packed with valuable insights and tips to help you overcome these challenges and thrive in both your personal and professional life. So, tune in now to learn more!

If you want to know more about the Imposter Syndrome, check out our book, 'Power Past the Imposter Syndrome': https://amzn.to/40P0GvX

Make sure you sign up for our newsletters: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

●        [01:18] Episode Introduction

●        [02:30] Why Does the ENTJ Experience the Imposter Syndrome?

●        [16:34] Negative Impact of the Imposter Syndrome on ENTJs

●        [26:18] Episode Gem

●        [28:29] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

·         For ENTJs, the Imposter Syndrome can be a particularly tricky thing to deal with because they're known for their confidence and go-getter attitude and their inability to ask anyone for help. It's a real challenge for them because these feelings of inadequacy can pop up even when they've done everything right and achieved great things.

·         Despite the ENTJ's confident and assertive demeanour and achievement orientation, they are not immune to Imposter Syndrome. Their tendency to prioritize competence and strive to achieve their future vision for themselves can lead to an overuse of their strengths, resulting in a lack of development in their lesser preferred functions.

·         When an ENTJ feels like they don't know something or can't handle everything they envision they should be able to, they beat themselves up over it. They actually believe they should know things they have never learned and will blame themselves for not anticipating what could never have been foreseen.

·         Join us throughout our series on how the Imposter Syndrome shows up in each of the 16 MBTI types (or 8 Striving Styles). If you are not sure what your Striving Styles / MBTI type is yet, make sure to visit www.whoareyoumeanttobe.com to complete the assessment today! Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us directly.

Imagine this: you're an ISTJ - a natural planner who is diligent in getting things done. You have your systems, processes and routines in place and you're crushing it even when things get crazy at work. And then, out of nowhere, this pesky co-worker of yours suggests some new automated system that seems sketchy at best, that is supposed to "help everyone". You're all about keeping things as they are (they work fine, so what's the point?!), but it seems like everyone else is cheering for this new idea. Does that ring a bell?

To most, ISTJs might seem like they have everything together, with their meticulous planning and attention to detail. But deep down, they can struggle with feeling like they don't measure up. The Imposter Syndrome hits hard for ISTJs, who may worry that they don't deserve their success or that they're just one mistake away from being exposed as a fraud. This fear can make them dread change, as they worry that trying something new might expose their weaknesses.

In today's episode, we'll explore some common triggers and symptoms of Imposter Syndrome in ISTJs, such as fear of change, relationship issues and loss of career opportunities. We'll also provide some practical strategies and tools that ISTJs can use to start building more confidence in themselves and their abilities and to start living more authentically.

Whether you're an ISTJ struggling with Imposter Syndrome, or you know someone who is, this episode is packed with valuable insights and tips to help you overcome these challenges and thrive in both your personal and professional life. So, tune in now to learn more!

If you want to know more about the Imposter Syndrome, check out our book, 'Power Past the Imposter Syndrome': https://amzn.to/40P0GvX

Make sure you sign up for our newsletters: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

●        [01:46] Episode Introduction

●        [02:40] Why Does the ISTJ Experience the Imposter Syndrome?

●        [22:45] Negative Impact of the Imposter Syndrome on ISTJs

●        [29:02] Episode Gem

●        [32:23] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

·         ISTJs work hard and are often the unsung heroes who keep things running smoothly in the community, their organization or family. Despite this, they frequently catastrophize about not pulling their weight or living in fear that someone's going to say, "You're not doing enough, you slacker!"

·         ISTJs work hard to maintain the status quo due to their need for security. Any suggestion of change can trigger the Imposter Syndrome's Saboteur. They fear that any change will expose them as an imposter who is not qualified for their job. Despite their desire to comply and follow, ISTJs can become immovable objects. Their fear is not the change itself, but the potential humiliation of being exposed as incompetent.

·         ISTJs are naturally inclined to follow a hierarchy. When they have the Imposter Syndrome they feel inadequate and doubt their abilities, leading them to seek reassurance and validation from others, especially authority figures. They may feel more comfortable taking orders and complying with rules rather than making decisions on their own.

·         Join us throughout our series on how the Imposter Syndrome shows up in each of the 16 MBTI types (or 8 Striving Styles). If you are not sure what your Striving Styles / MBTI type is yet, make sure to visit www.whoareyoumeanttobe.com to complete the assessment today! Remember, if you need help dealing with dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, reach out to us directly.

Let's paint a picture: you're an ESTJ - a born leader who always gets things done. You have a clear idea of what success looks like, and you hustle hard to make it happen. But deep down, you feel like a phony. You wonder if you're really as good as people say you are and if you're a step away from being exposed as a fraud. Oof, it's a gut-wrenching feeling, isn't it?

But here's the thing: the Imposter Syndrome doesn't discriminate, hitting all personality types, even our bold, authoritarian ESTJ (aka the Leader Striving Style). Despite their practicality, organization, and natural leadership abilities, ESTJs can still feel like they're not as competent as others perceive them to be. The Imposter Syndrome can be a real hurdle for ESTJs to overcome, leading to a cycle of self-doubt and anxiety.

In today's episode, we'll explore some common triggers and symptoms of Imposter Syndrome in ESTJs, such as perfectionism, fear of failure, and a tendency to downplay their own accomplishments. We'll also provide some practical strategies and tools that ESTJs can use to start building more confidence in themselves and their abilities, and to start living more authentically. Whether you're an ESTJ struggling with Imposter Syndrome, or you know someone who is, this episode is packed with valuable insights and tips to help you overcome these challenges and thrive in both your personal and professional life. So, tune in now to learn more!

If you want to know more about the Imposter Syndrome, check out our book, 'Power Past the Imposter Syndrome': https://amzn.to/40P0GvX

Make sure you sign up for our newsletters: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

●        [01:18] Episode Introduction

●        [02:30] Why Does the ESTJ Experience the Imposter Syndrome?

●        [16:34] Negative Impact of the Imposter Syndrome on ESTJs

●        [26:18] Episode Gem

●        [28:29] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• When ESTJs are acting from their Imposter Syndrome Persona, they behave like they need to handle everything on their own. They don't want to ask for help, because they feel like that'll make them look weak or like they don't know what they're doing. They put a lot of pressure on themselves to be perfect, and they don't let anyone else do things for them because they're afraid they'll mess it up.
• The ESTJ is often fueled by a competitive drive to be the best of the best, but this can be taken to an unhealthy extreme when the Imposter Syndrome sets in. Deep down, they may fear that if they take a break or slow down, they'll fall behind or lose their hard-won position of competence. This fear can be pretty intense, driving them to keep pushing themselves, even when they're exhausted.
• The fear of showing feelings causes ESTJs to struggle in forming meaningful relationships. The constant pressure to prove themselves and maintain a strong, competent image can make it difficult for them to let their guard down and reveal their true selves to others. ESTJs may avoid introspection and self-reflection, which can prevent them from recognizing their vulnerabilities.
• Join us throughout our series on how the Imposter Syndrome shows up in each of the 16 MBTI types (or 8 Striving Styles). If you are not sure what your Striving Styles / MBTI type is yet, make sure to visit www.whoareyoumeanttobe.com to complete the assessment today! Remember, if you need help dealing with behavioural or relationship dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, and you need help, reach out to us directly.

Have you ever had a dreadful thought that perhaps you're not as competent or talented as others think you are? Or that, despite all the blood, sweat and tears, you're not worthy of the success you've achieved, and it's just a matter of time before you're finally exposed as a fraud? If so, you're not alone. These thoughts are actually quite common and even have a name. We present to you… the Imposter Syndrome. Yes, it's that sneaky little voice in our heads that can make us doubt ourselves and our abilities, even when there's significant evidence to the contrary.

Individuals with the Imposter Syndrome struggle with recognizing their own achievements and talents and instead attribute their success to luck, timing, or even deception. No matter your personality, type or style, any one of us can find ourselves struggling with the Imposter Syndrome as it is a developmental delay. According to the American Psychological Association, 70 percent of people will experience it at some point in their lives.

In today's episode, we launch into the kickoff for our newest series of conversations around the Imposter Syndrome, and how it shows up in each of the 16 MBTI personality types and 8 Striving Styles. We'll also share our own personal experiences with the Imposter Syndrome and how we've grappled with it (and ultimately learnt to conquer it!) Our stories will give you a glimpse into our own journeys and offer valuable insights into why it's so important to power past it. So, join us as we tackle the Imposter Syndrome head-on and start on the path to greater self-awareness and self-acceptance. You won't want to miss it!

If you want to know more about the Imposter Syndrome, check out our book, 'Power Past the Imposter Syndrome': https://amzn.to/40P0GvX

Make sure you sign up for our newsletters: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [00:51] Episode Introduction
• [02:02] What Is the Imposter Syndrome?
• [11:47] The Imposter Syndrome & Leadership
• [14:33] Why It's Important to Power Past the Imposter Syndrome
• [26:23] Episode Gem
• [28:07] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

·        Our childhood conditioning has a huge impact on our self-worth and how we tend to neglect ourselves as a result. We become imposters, trying to fit into the mold that our parents have created for us, often suppressing our true needs. As a result, we don't live up to our full potential and remain feeling "not enough". It is essential to learn how to prioritize nurturing ourselves, rather than worrying about fitting in or pleasing others.

·        The Imposter Syndrome can be a pervasive force that seeps into every aspect of our lives, causing anxiety, stress, and even a sense of feeling overwhelmed. It can manifest itself in our careers, relationships, and personal endeavors, slowly eroding our confidence and self-worth. Overcoming the Imposter Syndrome means acknowledging and accepting our vulnerabilities and allowing ourselves to be soft and gentle, which can be difficult in a world that values strength and toughness.

·         Don't forget to join us as we kick off our new series on how the Imposter Syndrome shows up in each of the 16 MBTI types (or 8 Striving Styles). If you are not sure what your Striving Styles / MBTI type is yet, make sure to visit www.whoareyoumeanttobe.com to complete the assessment today! Remember, if you need help dealing with behavioural or relationship dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, and you need help, reach out to us directly.

The season of love is upon us! Time to indulge in all swoon-worthy matters: heart-shaped jewellery, romantic candle-lit dinners, red roses, chocolate covered strawberries… Except your partner just texted you they will be working late tonight (likely masking their discomfort with all things 'touchy feely') but will buy you the same boring flowers they do every year; you also just realized you forgot to buy a dozen ingredients for your home-made dinner that seemed so great in your fantasies but actually takes 6 hours to prepare, and you are about to open that bottle of wine and drink it in the kitchen on your own. Sounds familiar?

Truth be told, the one true culprit to such situations is… how our brains are organized. We each have a Romance Style: our own unique way of being romantic and how we like to be romanced by others. Not understanding our Romance Style or that of our partner is what leads to disappointment and frustration, especially during the hype of Valentine's Day. Knowing our Romance Styles lets us define expectations for our relationships without being burdened by the ideals fostered through society.

In today's episode we'll give you a taste of the Romance Styles of the 8 Striving Styles and 16 Personality Types. We'll be talking a little about each of their Relationship Styles and how they are likely to woo their lover on Valentine's Day. We'll also add some personal and client examples on this topic and offer some tips for each Style on how to enhance this romantic celebration. Tune in to hear all about how knowing your style, your predominant emotional needs and those of your partner sets you up for healthy loving relationships, with or without the romance.

If you want to know more about unleashing relationship potential, check out: www.nowfixyourrelationship.com

Make sure you sign up for our newsletters: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:49] Episode Introduction
• [03:03] What Are Romance Styles?
• [14:13] Leader (ESTJ, ENTJ)
• [16:09] Intellectual (INTP, ISTP)
• [18:34] Performer (ENTP, ENFP)
• [21:38] Visionary (INTJ, INFJ)
• [25:06] Socializer (ENFJ, ESFJ)
• [27:52] Artist (INFP, ISFP)
• [31:50] Adventurer (ESTP, ESFP)
• [33:40] Stabilizer (ISTJ, ISFJ)
• [36:27] Episode Gem
• [39:03] Episode Wrap Up

 KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Humans have an innate need for connection and affection, and romance serves as a means to fulfill those needs. Romance provides emotional intimacy, a sense of security, and a feeling of being loved and valued. It also helps to foster a deeper and stronger bond between two people and can bring a sense of joy, excitement, and playfulness to life. However, when it comes to romance, one size doesn't fit all.
• People need to see romance as a partnership. The notion that you should not have to tell your partner what you need leads only to a cycle of disappointment and disillusionment with love and with your partner. The focus needs to be on creating rituals of love and romance that have meaning for each person in the relationship.
•  If you are not sure what your Striving Styles / MBTI type is yet, make sure to visit www.whoareyoumeanttobe.com to complete the assessment today! Remember, if you need help dealing with behavioural or relationship dysfunctions at work or in your personal life, and you need help, reach out to us directly.

·

It gets REALLY tiresome being around people who act like they have everything together and are above our normal, everyday human struggles, doesn't it? They do this even when everyone else is letting it all hang out and being vulnerable. These same people can't seem to stop with the insights the profound comments and try to enlighten everyone rather than just being human with them. Dear readers and listeners, we introduce you to the Compromising Codependents!

Compromisers adopt a detached approach with people, sometimes treating others as though they were specimens to be inspected and critiqued. This type of scrutinizing makes them seem arrogant and haughty. And while this is a submissive codependent approach to relationships, it really does make them seem like they are above others or more dominant. Their desire to figure people out so they can serve their development needs is often misinterpreted.

In reality, Compromisers prefer their Utopian inner worlds (we call it Utopian Palace) because they can't bear being human and deal with the mundane realities of life. Their sense of being above all the messy, distressing aspects of being human and in relationships cause them to live in lonely isolation, not knowing how to bridge the gap between how they see people and themselves and reality.

In today's episode, we finish our series of the 8 Codependent Strategies used in relationships, deep diving into the Compromising Codependent Dysfunction. We talk about how it manifests in relationships and reveal that it is actually a survival coping strategy used by certain personality types because they got stuck in their development. We'll also recount many stories and share tips and tricks for dismantling this dysfunction. You might recognize yourself, your partner, or your boss in this session, so make sure you listen!

If you want to know more about our work with dismantling dysfunctions and unleashing relationship potential, check out: https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

Make sure you sign up for our newsletters: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [02:25] Episode Introduction
• [03:26] What Is the Compromising Codependent Dysfunction?
• [13:19] Behaviors of the Strategy
• [27:04] Tips for Dismantling the Strategy
• [39:33] Episode Gem
• [41:20] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• The power dynamic with the Compromiser is that they figure out what someone else needs to be happy and then put their needs ahead of their own, becoming what others want them to be. Those using this strategy project their power onto others, abandoning their own agenda because they believe others' goals, objectives or ideas are better or more worthy of their time.
• Compromisers fear they will lose something if they don't side with, placate, or give in to the desires of others. So, on the one hand, they are perceived as arrogant and superior, while on the other hand, they see themselves as soft, weak and malleable.
• Compromising Codependents find it difficult when they have to share their emotions or reveal too much personal information about themselves. They can find it challenging and exhausting to be with a partner or friend who wants them to open up and share intimate details about their emotional life when they might not be in touch with them.
• If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using the Compromising Dysfunctional Codependent Strategy, you are not alone. Contact us for more information on how we can help.

If you have ever had that annoying conversation where you say, "Where should we go for dinner?" and your partner or friend responds, "I don't really care, wherever you pick," you'll relate with how frustrating it is to be in relationship with someone who uses the Complying Codependent strategy. These Compliers have a nasty habit of making you the boss, whether you want to be or not by always deferring to what you want and not initiating. But it's not that they have to. They believe they are doing it because you want them to!

Those who use the Complying Codependent strategy have a greater need to be useful than to relate to others. Compliers see themselves lower on the social hierarchy than their partner or others in their lives. They wait to be told what to do so they can comply, make sure they do things correctly and never get in trouble. They can always be sure they're doing the right thing if someone else tells them what to do. This approach to relationships means they can maintain the comfort of their "inner cave" where they are safe from rejection, abandonment, and disapproval.

In our 50th episode (what a milestone!), we continue our series of the four Submissive Codependent Strategies used in relationships, deep diving into the Complying Codependent Dysfunction. We talk about how it manifests in relationships and reveal that it is actually a survival coping strategy used by certain personality types because they got stuck in their development. We'll also recount many stories (our own and of our clients) and share tips and tricks for dismantling this dysfunction. You might recognize yourself, your partner, or your boss in this session, so make sure you listen!

If you want to know more about our work with dismantling dysfunctions and unleashing relationship potential, check out: https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

Sign up for our newsletters: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [02:02] Episode Introduction
• [03:03] What Is the Complying Codependent Dysfunction?
• [12:32] Behaviors of the Strategy
• [25:36] Tips for Dismantling the Strategy
• [42:07] Episode Gem
• [44:00] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Complying Codependents defer to others to avoid conflict or end a discussion that might lead to conflict, having conversations that are superficial or task oriented. Anyone looking for an equal partnership or collaboration with someone who uses this strategy will run into a lot of relationship issues.
• The emotional expression of others is perceived as a threat to the Complying Codependent. They find emotions to be unpredictable, unnecessary, and anxiety-producing. They prefer everyone to interact in a logical, pragmatic fashion without messy emotions that create so much distress for them. Believing emotions are problems to be solved, they don't know how to be useful if their partner is upset as nothing is broken that needs fixing.
• Complying Codependents are often accused by others of not caring. Whether at work or at home, they can appear to be in a holding pattern waiting for something to happen or for someone to tell them what to do. Complying codependents aren't always sure what to talk about and are often unable to tolerate even simple personal conversations or conversations where there is brainstorming or problem-solving.
• If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using the Complying Dysfunctional Codependent Strategy, you are not alone. Contact us for more information on how we can help.

It's not uncommon for certain personalities to believe they are the smartest person in the room. But being in a relationship with someone like this is exhausting. Not surprising, those in a relationship with a Dismissing Codependent become fatigued by their arrogance, condescension and superiority. And when they try to confront it, well, the Dismissing Codependent simply disappears behind their wall, unreachable and untouchable making their partner even more furious.

Dismissive Codependents create psychological safety for themselves by acting independently within their relationships. These people want to be left alone to do their own thing and are afraid that if they engage too much with people, they will get bogged down unnecessarily. They keep themselves emotionally isolated for fear of being hurt, rejected or devalued. While the Dismissing Codependent wants to be in a relationship, they don't share themselves with their partner, nor demonstrate any interest in what their partner wants to share, which can lead to resentment and further relationship problems.

In this episode, we continue our series of the four Submissive Codependent Strategies used in relationships, deep diving into the Dismissing Codependent Dysfunction. We talk about how it manifests in relationships and reveal that it is actually a survival coping strategy used by certain personality types because they got stuck in their development. We'll also recount many stories (our own and of our clients) and share tips and tricks for dismantling this dysfunction. You might recognize yourself, your partner, or your boss in this session, so make sure you listen. Tune in to make sure you don't miss out on the gems we share this week!

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions and unleashing relationship potential, check out: https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

Sign up for our newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [02:08] Episode Introduction
• [03:12] What Is the Dismissive Codependent Dysfunction?
• [13:38] Behaviors of the Strategy
• [28:15] Tips for Dismantling the Strategy
• [45:30] Episode Gem
• [46:54] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Dismissive Codependents primary relationship is the pursuit of knowledge and expertise with relationships taking second place. They spend more time in their inner world than in the external where we, of course, engage with and relate to others. They don't see the point of putting energy into relationships in an area where they don't feel competent.
• Feeling incompetent frustrates their need to be knowledgeable which means that if they are asked about their feelings, they immediately go behind their wall, adopting an indifferent, aloof persona that uses dismissing tactics to communicate to the other person, they are not at all interested in this topic. Others feel shut down, dismissed and confused about their reactions.
• The Dismissive Codependent has an aura of arrogance that makes getting close to them seem improbable. They are detached, act superior, and are argumentative for no other reason but to stop others from expressing feelings or to keep them at a distance. They express their negative opinions about the ideas of others directly and, at times, forcefully.
• If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using the Dismissing Dysfunctional Codependent Strategy, you are not alone. Contact us for more information on how we can help.

How do you react when your friend or partner starts a conversation with: "You won't believe how stupid I am"? Trust us, we've been there too, and our first reaction is to jump in and affirm them that they are great, intelligent, wonderful and definitely not stupid. Negative self-talk is one of the most common strategies of people who suffer from the Devaluing Codependent Dysfunction.

This disarming strategy has a way of triggering a desire to protect those who use it from themselves. As we contradict their negative descriptions of themselves, we find ourselves arguing for them while they disparage themselves. Friends or family members who use this tactic cause us to stop expecting much from them and cause us to do things to make them feel better. It's like they can't help themselves from constantly comparing themselves and coming up short.

In this episode, we start our series of the four Submissive Codependent Strategies used in relationships, starting with a deep dive into the Devaluing Codependent Dysfunction. We talk about how it manifests in relationships and reveal that it is actually a survival coping strategy used by certain personality types because they got stuck in their development. We'll also recount many stories (our own and of our clients) and share tips and tricks for dismantling this dysfunction. You might recognize yourself, your partner, or your boss in this session, so make sure you listen. Tune in to make sure you don't miss out on the gems we share this week!

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions and unleashing relationship potential, check out: https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

Sign up for our newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [02:22] Episode Introduction
• [03:23] What Is the Devaluing Codependent Dysfunction?
• [13:53] Behaviors of the Strategy
• [27:09] Tips for Dismantling the Strategy
• [40:51] Episode Gem
• [41:59] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Devaluing Codependents are on a perpetual quest to discover what's wrong with them to explain why they think so little of themselves. Exploring their faults in minute detail seems more compelling to them than building self-awareness and confidence. They're more likely to get down on themselves for not being confident than to use affirmations to build confidence. The search for their fatal flaw absorbs them, as do all their perceived imperfections and inadequacies.
• People who use the Devaluing Codependent Strategy expect others to contradict them and tell them they are better than how they are describing themselves. When they present a devalued version of themselves it's automatic that one would jump in and try to get them to see themselves realistically. But their power is in getting others to take care of them and do things for them that they say they are incapable of doing.
• Devaluing Codependents have little tolerance for anxiety and interpersonal tension and avoid situations that are likely to cause it. They feel victimized by the demands of others, believing that others expect too much of them when they perceive themselves as always doing for and giving to others.
• If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using the Devaluing Dysfunctional Codependent Strategy, you are not alone. Contact us for more information on how we can help.

We all like to place blame for things that go wrong in our lives – the public transit being late on your morning commute, your employee who didn't finish a report in time, a partner that doesn't pull their weight in the relationship, and sometimes… even ourselves. If you use the Personalizing Codependent Strategy, "it must have something to do with me!" is likely your daily mantra.

Personalizing Codependents act as though they are to blame for EVERYTHING that goes on even when they have little (or nothing!) to do with the situation. It's also a way of making things about them to gain attention and shift the focus to them. It's an automatic process of self-referring they do so that somehow, everything must be about them, even if it means taking the blame for something they were minutely involved with.

You must be assertive to get yourself in a conversation with the Personalizing Codependent as they have the habit of hijacking conversations, taking center stage. They have an enormous talent for taking anything you have to say and making it about them. They can even stop others from bringing things up for fear the Personalizing Codependent will suddenly put themselves in the starring role of your show.

In our first episode of 2023, we explore the Personalizing Codependent Dysfunction, talk about how it manifests in relationships and reveal that it is actually a survival coping strategy used by certain personality types because they got stuck in their development. We'll also recount many and share tips and tricks for dismantling this dysfunction. You might recognize yourself, your partner, or your boss in this session, so make sure you listen.

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions and unleashing relationship potential, check out: https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

Sign up for our newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:39] Episode Introduction
• [02:42] What Is the Personalizing Codependent Dysfunction?
• [17:30] Behaviors of the Strategy
• [28:05] Tips for Dismantling the Strategy
• [44:02] Episode Gem
• [45:19] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Personalizing Codependents blame themselves for something that was caused by another person, or something that was otherwise completely outside their control. They will also take credit when they only have a minor role. They distill everything down to themselves being at the center of the issue or conversation.
• However, when something is their fault, they don't take responsibility and will blame others. Instead of owning their errors, they accuse others of being confrontational. Rather than listening to what the issue is, they focus on how they feel (embarrassed, ashamed, disappointed) and blame the other person for making them feel bad. If someone shares a success with them, they can quickly pass it over and move on to something more interesting. Themselves.
• People who use Personalizing Codependent Dysfunction cause their partners to doubt themselves and their experience. They are quick to jump in, revise the story, gaslight, or use other tactics to make others pay attention to them. Over-apologizing for little things to make others feel sorry for them ensures others pay them attention.
• If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using the Personalizing Dysfunctional Codependent Strategy, you are not alone. Contact us for more information on how we can help.

"OMG, I hate this time of year. The gift giving is so stressful, I never have enough time to prepare properly, my family is insane, and I feel like such a disappointment! HELP!". If you have a holiday script like the one above, you are likely on your way to creating anxiety and misery for yourself. Winding ourselves up with "not enough" thoughts and "I'm so stressed" exclamations every 15 minutes is a formula for unhappiness during the season and depression come January.

BUT WAIT… it doesn't have to be like that!

As we mentioned in Episode 45, Part 1 of our Holiday Special (if you haven't had a chance to listen to it, make sure you check it out here), the holiday season has a way of triggering codependent patterns of behaviors that seem to arise out of nowhere, changing us from our regular successful and competent adults to emotionally turbulent teens. We forget about the intention of the season and begin to strive to meet the expectations and needs of others, losing ourselves in what we should be doing, rather than doing what we want to do. The good news is, it is possible to change your internal holiday script and have a wonderful festive season despite the triggers we face.

In today's episode, we continue navigating the intricacies of the holiday season and arm you with some tips and tricks you can use to prevent codependent behavior patterns from spoiling your holiday season. Tune in to make sure you don't miss out on the gems we share this week!

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions and unleashing relationship potential, check out:

https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

Make sure you sign up for our weekly newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:29] Episode Introduction
• [02:27] Why Holiday Season Triggers Self-Protective Behaviors: Recap
• [07:04] How to Avoid Codependent Holiday Season
• [25:04] Episode Gem
• [26:56] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Like it or not, your buttons are your sensitivities, and you have to stop blaming the button pusher. These triggers reveal your insecurity, fear, low self-esteem, or unmet needs. Just because a family member is out of line doesn't mean you have to react to them. Their behavior is usually motivated by what they want to feel and sometimes has nothing to do with us.
• Remind yourself not to get pulled into drama. Don't let your emotional reaction add fuel to the fire. The less energy you put into caretaking the feelings of others when they act out, the better you will feel. If you go into the mediator role, you will adapt, and possibility disappear into coping strategies, likely drinking and eating.
• The season is meant to be fun, not something to hate. And while it can be easy to get wrapped up in all the logistics the season requires, constantly ticking things off to-do lists, don't lose yourself and what your goal is. You want to enjoy, to celebrate, not to be the Grinch. Remember all the things you enjoy doing and notice when you are saying "I'm too old, or it's too cold."
• If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using the codependent behaviors, you are not alone. Contact us for more information on how we can help.

Snow is falling, the fireplace is crackling, and the turkey is slowly roasting in the oven while you sip from your mug of hot chocolate, surrounded by your loving family. Idyllic, isn't it? We wish! In reality, most of us get overwhelmed the minute we arrive at family gatherings: we overeat, overdrink, and spend time trying to get the approval and love that we never quite feel we got as children. There is nothing like family with all its unresolved conflicts and unrealized expectations to hijack our brains.

The holiday season has a way of triggering codependent patterns of behaviors that seem to arise out of nowhere, changing us from our regular successful and competent adults to emotionally turbulent teens. This season has a way of pressing buttons that enliven codependent patterns of behavior embedded in our nervous system. Chances are you are like so many other people who are caught up with one foot in the Codependent Stage of Development and the other as an Interdependent functioning adult. So, the question is, will you go into survival patterns this holiday season and have a codependent family event, or will you decide the kind of holiday season you want and make it happen?

In today's episode, we navigate the intricacies of the holiday season, family gatherings and why our brains default to survival mode instead of allowing us to celebrate the joyous holidays and enjoy time spent with our loved ones.

Tune in to make sure you don't miss out on the gems we share this week!

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions and unleashing relationship potential, check out:

https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

Make sure you sign up for our weekly newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:50] Episode Introduction
• [02:41] Why Holiday Season Triggers Self-Protective Behaviors
• [14:46] Common Codependent Strategies We Use
• [35:44] Episode Gem
• [37:11] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• While for many people the holidays represent a time for fun, family and much merriment, for many, it is a time of simply surviving the season. We forget about the intention of the season and begin to strive to meet the expectations and needs of others, losing ourselves in what we should be doing, rather than doing what we want to do.
• The holiday season has a way of triggering Imposter Syndrome behaviors that seem to arise out of nowhere, changing us from competent adults to being driven by fears. We become anxious about everything from not giving good enough gifts to reverting to our childhood role in the family, pressing buttons that enliven automatic negative thoughts and behavior embedded in our nervous system.
• Just as we have roles in our family of origin, we have some predictable patterns of behavior that emerge at Christmas time because of both nature and nurture. Whatever our strategy for getting attention, love or approval, we are trying to meet the unmet needs of childhood or operating on automatic pilot instead of being a grounded and confident adult.
• If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using the codependent behaviors, you are not alone. Contact us for more information on how we can help.

Have you noticed how often people tell you your problem is insignificant because it's a first world problem?  Maybe others say this to you or you're thinking – OMG, I say that all the time. Without realizing it, we are invalidating the experiences of others or having our feelings invalidated when we are seeking empathy. It's called emotional invalidation and we use it when we can't tolerate what we or others are feeling.

Most of us can recall a time when we've said to our partner, child, or employee "You're making a big deal out of nothing. You're just too sensitive." If we haven't said it, for sure there have been times when we thought it. This is situational invalidation, an off the cuff comment when we can't relate to or pull any empathy out for the person talking.

The difference between a normal, situational invalidating that we all do from time to time and the behavior of the Invalidating Codependent is the latter does it all the time. This allows them to keep and maintain their dominant position in their relationships. These people act like they have a "no feeling" zone that disallows the any opinions, feelings, and ideas that differ from their own. They send a message that your emotions aren't welcome, real or valid and that you just need to grow up if you want to be in a relationship with them.

In today's episode, we explore the Invalidating Codependent Dysfunction, talk about how it manifests in relationships and reveal that it is actually a survival coping strategy that begins in our childhood. We'll also recount many stories (our own and of our clients') and share tips and tricks for dismantling this dysfunction that you can start implementing today. You might recognize yourself, your partner or your boss in this session, so make sure you listen.  Tune in to make sure you don't miss out on the gems we share this week!

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions and unleashing relationship potential, check out:

https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

Make sure you sign up for our weekly newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:44] Episode Introduction
• [02:43] What Is the Invalidating Codependent Dysfunction?
• [08:20] Behaviors of the Invalidating Codependent Strategy
• [16:26] Tips for Dismantling the Invalidating Codependent Strategy
• [35:11] Episode Gem
• [36:52] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Invalidating Codependents consider emotions as signs of weakness and judge themselves and others for their feelings. They stamp out perceived weaknesses in those around them, so they never have to feel anything.
• Invalidating Codependent relationships where one person constantly invalidates the emotion of the other can be extremely difficult to endure. If the person emotionally invalidating the other doesn't accept responsibility for what they have done, the couples end up in breakups or very dysfunctional relationships.
• Dealing with an Invalidating Codependent requires you to name their behavior. Don't resort to your own defensive strategies, instead name clearly what you perceive is happening. Becoming emotional or stating more feelings leaves you open to further invalidation.
• If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using the Invalidating Dysfunctional Codependent Strategy, you are not alone. Contact us for more information on how we can help.

"I don't know what my family would do without me. I cook, clean, organize and make sure everyone gets out of the house on time. I find interesting articles that I know each of my kids and partner needs to read because if I didn't, why they wouldn't have a clue about themselves, how to behave, or what's going on in the world. The other day, I had to remind my son who is 25 years old to take the lunch I made him to work. I was late for my first client and tried to make it up to them by giving them longer than they were scheduled for, which I hope they appreciated because they never said anything."

This is a typical morning in the life of a Caretaking Codependent. Not a thought about themselves, only about what others need and how they go out of their way to make sure no one suffers any consequences but them. They offer advice to others whether it is asked for or not and are upset when others don't take it. They form relationships and friendships with people who are struggling in some way, taking the more dominant position. They become anxious should others show independence from them. Sad, but true, these people run themselves into the ground never receiving the appreciation their efforts warrant.

In today's episode, we will recount many stories (our own and of our clients) and share tips and tricks for dismantling the Caretaking Dysfunction used in codependent relationships that you can start implementing today. Tune in to make sure you don't miss out on the gems we share this week!

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions, check out:

https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

Make sure you sign up for our weekly newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:46] Episode Introduction
• [02:44] What Is the Caretaking Codependent Dysfunction?
• [07:03] Behaviors of the Caretaking Codependent Strategy
• [21:02] Tips for Dismantling the Caretaking Codependent Strategy
• [31:32] Episode Gem
• [33:01] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Caretaking means that if someone else has a problem, you want to help them to the point that you give up yourself, your money, time, and energy. While It's normal and natural to feel empathy and sympathy for someone, codependents have their own agenda for helping over and above the needs of others. They need to be needed. In fact, they might feel rejected if another person doesn't want help or goes to someone else for advice.
• Caretaking Codependents use a variety of tactics to ensure they others depend on them. They are social leaders who makes sure everyone eats, dresses, and keeps their room the way they want them to, because they do everything for them. It meets their need to have everyone conform and to have everyone connected, even if they have to do all the work themselves.
• The biggest resistance you will face when dismantling this dysfunction is the feeling you are abandoning others. But it's you that decided others couldn't make it without your help and it makes you anxious to see if it was actually true. If you don't stop caretaking, you won't find out that you were wrong, and that you must look at the fears and underlying anxieties that have caused you to needlessly prioritize others.
• If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using the Caretaking Dysfunctional Codependent Strategy, you are not alone. Contact us for more information on how we can help.

Did you know that the bossy, selfish friend or partner you always complain about is likely codependent? If you answered no, you aren't alone. People who use dominant codependent behaviours, especially controlling behaviors, look the same and act the same as narcissistic people at times. That's because we don't give them the same empathy or compassion as "nice" submissive codependents. Instead, most people react to them by vilifying them and complaining to friends and family members about them and how powerless they are to do anything about their behavior.

People who use the Controlling Codependent Strategy don't always know they are being bossy or offensive. Like others who are codependent they need to be in control, and their way of getting that need met is by making everyone around them aligns with their agenda. When others are being submissive towards them, it empowers the Controlling Codependent person and reassures them that others need and depend on them. This unconscious dynamic ultimately leads to relationship breakups, children failing to launch, and unhappiness in all parties to name just a few of the consequences of this strategy.

In today's episode, we will recount many stories (our own and of our clients) and share tips and tricks for dismantling on the Dominant Strategies used in codependent relationships that you can start implementing today. Tune in to make sure you don't miss out on the gems we share this week!

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions, check out:

https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

Tired of feeling and thinking like you are 'not enough'? Pick up your copy of  Power Past the Imposter Syndrome.

Make sure you sign up for our weekly newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction and develop your leaders: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [02:01] Episode Introduction
• [03:04] What Is the Controlling Codependent Dysfunction?
• [10:51] Behaviors of the Controlling Codependent Strategy
• [30:14] Tips for Dismantling the Controlling Codependent Strategy
• [44:13] Episode Gem
• [45:59] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Controlling Codependents are frequently seen as "control freaks" or "micromanagers."They overpower and take charge in such a way that it shuts down everyone around them. They don't ask others what they want and make decisions based on what they believe is right and just expect others to follow. They create fear, obedience, and submission rather than collaboration and partnership.
• Controlling Codependents feel the need to be the ones who define the rules of conduct and behavior for the relationship. These people demonstrate an air of superiority as though they have been chosen to enlighten others. They don't just inform others, they talk down to them, making sure the other person is punished for opposing them or presenting another idea.
• Controlling Codependent people need to develop the capacity to use their right brain, the relational side of the brain. Softening their approach, asking instead of telling, sharing their feelings, and learning to empathize with others are all aspects of the next stage of development. While it may be anxiety-producing to not be in control, opening up and trusting the people you love is critical.
• If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using the Controlling Dysfunctional Codependent Strategy, you are not alone. Contact us for more information on how we can help.

Does this sound familiar? Despite doing all you can to hold your relationship together, and everything you've sacrificed to make it work, it's still dysfunctional and you're still miserable. The more you try to "fix" your partner or figure out new ways of approaching them to change their behavior, the worse it gets. Frustrating, isn't it? That's because while we try to rescue our partner, child or friend and fix the relationship, we should actually be focusing on ourselves and how we are contributing to the codependent relationship, recognizing the developmental delay that has us acting like the only power we have is to decide to submit and conform.

There are 8 distinct codependent strategies in total: 4 are strategies used to dominate in the relationship (if you curious to learn more about them, make sure you check out episode #40 – Dominant Dysfunctional Codependent Strategies) and 4 are submissive strategies. Those who tend to be submissive in a codependent relationship, will act out from one of the four Codependent Submissive Strategies: Compliant, People Pleasing, Self-devaluing and Self-deception.

In today's episode, we explore the different Submissive Strategies, talk about how each of them manifests in relationships and reveal that they are actually survival coping strategies that begin in our childhood. We'll also recount many stories (our own and of our clients') and share tips and tricks for dismantling Submissive Behavioral Strategies used in codependent relationships that you can start implementing today. Tune in to make sure you don't miss out on the gems we share this week!

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions, check out:

https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

Make sure you sign up for our weekly newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction and develop your leaders: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:29] Episode Introduction
• [02:24] Dominant vs. Submissive Codependent Strategies
• [07:14] Compliant Strategy
• [16:38] People Pleasing Strategy
• [29:25] Self-devaluing Strategy
• [33:08] Self-deception Strategy
• [44:19] Episode Gem
• [47:54] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Compliant, People Pleasing, Self-devaluing and Self-deception strategies manifest themselves in different ways in relationships, but they all are used to get the other person to take responsibility for them by giving in, going along and praising the other person for their help. While pop psychology definitions tell us these are learned behaviors, they're actually intrinsic survival strategies begun in childhood to ensure psychological security and well-being.
• For submissive codependents who submit to keep themselves out of harms way and manage their anxiety and fear of being alone, they need to learn to assert themselves and develop conflict management skills. You must recognize they feel threatened by conflict and learn to tolerate differences without feeling rejected. Think about what the purpose is for you using the strategy. Are you afraid that if you don't submit, you'll feel anxious or lose the relationship; that it will prevent conflict? Make a note of what you are afraid of and why.
• If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using Submissive Dysfunctional Codependent Strategies, you are not alone. Listen to the episode to learn more about the many strategies that create codependent relationships. Contact us for more information on how we can help.

Narcissists aren't the only people who are manipulative. It's a primary Codependent Strategy used to control and dominate in a codependent relationship. The use of indirect communication and manipulation to get their own way, including pouting, guilting, becoming outraged or indignant, devaluing and gaslighting to name a few tactics make the other person submit because they feel so bad about themselves.

We don't often think of it this way, but how people behave in relationships is very brain dependent. Our psychological type (for example, our MBTI® type or Striving Style®) plays a large role in determining the self-protective position we're most likely to take in relationships – most of the time we do it without even realizing it! Those who tend to dominate in a codependent relationship, will act out from one of the four Codependent Dominant Strategies: Controlling, Caretaking, Disrupting and Personalizing.

In today's episode, we explore the different Dominant Strategies, talk about how each of them manifests in relationships and reveal that they are actually survival coping strategies that begin in our childhood. We'll also recount many stories (our own and of our clients') and share tips and tricks for dismantling Dominant Behavioral Strategies used in codependent relationships that you can start implementing today. Tune in to make sure you don't miss out on the gems we share this week!

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions, check out:

https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

Make sure you sign up for our weekly newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction and develop your leaders: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:33] Episode Introduction
• [02:32] Dominant vs. Submissive Codependent Strategies
• [07:55] Controlling Strategy
• [19:10] Caretaking Strategy
• [28:04] Disrupting Strategy
• [36:03] Personalizing Strategy
• [43:10] Episode Gem
• [46:29] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Codependent Strategies can be grouped into two based on the fight/flight response. Dominant strategies are connected to the fight reaction and Submissive is connected to the flight/freeze reaction. We can use both Dominant and Submissive strategies when we feel threatened but tend to favour one grouping over the other.
• Controlling, Caretaking, Disrupting and Personalizing Codependent Strategies manifest themselves in different ways in relationships, but they all are used to get the other person to submit to what they want and need through devaluing, manipulating and guilt-producing tactics. While pop psychology definitions tell us these are learned behaviors, they're actually intrinsic survival strategies begun in childhood to ensure psychological security and well-being.
• To stop being at the mercy of codependent behavior in relationships, you need to identify and own the Dominant Codependent Strategies you use and reflect on why you use them. Think about what the purpose is for you using the strategy. Are you afraid that if you don't take over, you'll feel anxious or out of control; that others won't respect you; that it will prevent conflict? Make a note of what you are afraid of and why.
• If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using Dominant Dysfunctional Codependent Strategies, you are not alone. Listen to the episode to learn more about the many strategies that create codependent relationships. Contact us for more information on how we can help.

Would you consider yourself codependent? When asked that question, some people will say yes, and others will say, no, but I think my partner is. Most of the time we equate Codependency with a clingy, needy person who takes a lot of abuse from their partner, boss, children, and friends. We may think of Codependency as the peacekeeper in relationships, putting needs aside and taking care of others or of someone who constantly blabbers or complains about their partner and never talks about themselves or their own needs. Even worse, people like that never accept advice.

As they say, it takes two to tango and if two people form a relationship with one being a dominant and one a submissive person, as with most role-driven patriarchal, traditional marriages, both people are codependent. As a general needs a soldier to boss around and a caretaker needs a patient to care for, both are meeting psychological survival needs.

In today's episode, we explore the Dysfunction of Codependent Relationships, talk about multiple myths surrounding this Dysfunction (did you know it is not a mental illness?), uncovering less talked about realities that can empower anyone hiding out behind the shield of Codependency. We'll also recount numerous stories (our own and of our clients') and share tips and tricks for developing from Codependency that you can start implementing today. Tune in to make sure you don't miss out on the gems we share this week!

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions in organizations and leadership behavior at Caliber Leadership Systems, check out:

https://dismantlingdysfunction.com

https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

https://caliberleadership.com

Tired of feeling, thinking and acting like you are 'not enough'? Pick up your copy of  Power Past the Imposter Syndrome: A Brain-Building Framework for Changing Painful, Self-Limiting Beliefs & Habits of Mind.

Make sure you sign up for our weekly newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction and develop your leaders: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

Do you have a story you would like to share on our show? Contact us at info@caliberleadership.com.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:33] Episode Introduction
• [02:25] What Codependency Is and What It Is Not
• [07:45] Codependency and the Archetypes of Survival
• [21:36] Myths and Realities of Codependency
• [33:06] Episode Gem
• [35:36] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Codependency and codependent relationships are surrounded by myths. The most important to note is that Codependency is a developmental delay of childhood and NOT a mental illness although people tend to approach it as though it is. As a result, they think they have to recover from it instead of developing through it.
• The Codependent Developmental Stage happens from puberty to our early 20s. This is a time when we can survive physically on our own, but our brain and relationship development apparatus still require another decade before it moves to the Adult Stage of Development. If our development is thwarted during this time, this is the relationship pattern we are left with to form our adult relationships with.
• Codependency is a self-protective coping strategy with two people operating from survival needs. One needs attention and constant support to survive, and the other needs to give attention and support to survive. They are equally dysfunctional although we mostly see the codependent person as the one who is the victim of someone whose self-protective style is to dominate.
• Do you feel like the folks in your personal or work life are stuck in the Codependency Stage of development? Listen to the full episode to learn how to develop from it and make the shift from living from our Self-protective Personas.

Some people identify as procrastinators, some as perfectionists. And still, others - as risk averse. These proclamations are usually made when someone is asked to do something that feels scary or out of their comfort zone. They expect others to simply accept that this is who they are and to respect their "boundaries" despite the commitments they may have made. These same people feel powerless to do anything about their own self-limiting and often destructive beliefs and tendencies. They say they can't help themselves, and act as though they have no power to even try.

Little do they know that they are in the grip of the Saboteur, that nasty little self-protective Archetype that takes the fun out of trying new things, speaking up or interviewing for a job you've been lusting after for months. Catastrophizing, instead of being optimistic about possibilities. Giving up instead of going for it.

In today's episode, we explore the Saboteur Archetype, its tendency to keep us stuck in the "safe" status quo, whilst also making us believe we are never good enough to even try. We'll also recount numerous Saboteur Archetype stories (our own and of our clients') and share tips and tricks we use to get out of the comfort zone – while it's a nice place to visit, it is no place to live your life. Tune in to make sure you don't miss out on the gems we share this week!

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions in organizations and leadership behavior at Caliber Leadership Systems, check out:

https://dismantlingdysfunction.com

https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

https://caliberleadership.com

Tired of feeling, thinking and acting like you are 'not enough'? Pick up your copy of  Power Past the Imposter Syndrome: A Brain-Building Framework for Changing Painful, Self-Limiting Beliefs & Habits of Mind.

Make sure you sign up for our weekly newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction and develop your leaders: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

Do you have a story you would like to share on our show? Contact us at info@caliberleadership.com.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:34] Episode Introduction
• [02:51] What is the Saboteur Archetype?
• [05:57] Status Quo & Stagnation
• [14:36] The Saboteur at Work
• [27:41] Episode Gem
• [29:42] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• The Saboteur is the Guardian of Change and at its highest potency, it invites change into our lives that lead to the expression and development of our Authentic Self. When self-protective, instead of feeling optimistic, it catastrophizes, generating fears of loss, abandonment, or failure as a result of striving to achieve our potential.
• While the Saboteur is strongly connected to change, when we act from fear it becomes the Guardian of our comfort zone. We are willing to give up so much to be safe, betraying our hopes, dreams, and potential by sabotaging opportunities and relationships just to be secure. The core belief of the Saboteur Imposter Syndrome Persona is that no good will come of any change.
• Procrastination is a strategy the Saboteur uses to get in their own way. It's when we decide to do something or know we have to get something done and we still don't do anything. We drag our feet and know that we are procrastinating yet make no move. It is a way of maintaining the status quo.
• Do you feel like the folks in your personal or work life live from the Saboteur Archetype? Listen to the full episode to learn how to start living from your Authentic Self!

We are sure most people would agree that it's absolutely horrifying when competent and accomplished adults resort to childish behavior, like having temper tantrums, sulking, pretending nothing is their fault, or shifting the blame to others for their mistakes, to name a few. Yet we all do it - and don't think for a moment you don't!

All of us can abdicate responsibility or blame others in situations that make us feel insecure or embarrass us. When we see leaders fly into a rage because they are confronted or insist defensively that it isn't their fault when employees miss deadlines, it's hard to know what to do. Or when parents complain about their children's behavior, yelling and arguing with them, calling them bad and shaming them for who they are, it's not just dysfunctional… it's destructive.

In today's episode, we explore the Child Archetype, its skewed relationship to responsibility and constant need for approval – be it from their families, friends or managers. We'll also recount numerous Child Archetype stories (our own and of our clients') and share tips and tricks we use to stop making ourselves safe and small and so that we regain the driver's seat in our lives. Tune in to make sure you don't miss out on the gems we share this week!

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions in organizations and leadership behavior at Caliber Leadership Systems, check out:

https://dismantlingdysfunction.com

https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

https://caliberleadership.com

Tired of feeling, thinking and acting like you are 'not enough'? Pick up your copy of  Power Past the Imposter Syndrome: A Brain-Building Framework for Changing Painful, Self-Limiting Beliefs & Habits of Mind.

Make sure you sign up for our weekly newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction and develop your leaders: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

Do you have a story you would like to share on our show? Contact us at info@caliberleadership.com.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:33] Episode Introduction and Overview
• [02:45] What is the Child Archetype?
• [13:25] Relationship to Responsibility
• [16:30] The Child Leadership Persona
• [27:44] Episode Gem
• [30:10] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• When we shift to what we call the Child Shield, we start using the behaviors and characteristics of the Persona we need to shield us from the perceived psychological threat. When we use the Child Archetype as a survival mechanism, we act as though we have no power and remain dependent on others to decide for us.
• The Child Archetype has to do with our relationship to responsibility. Based on whether we take responsibility for ourselves, our beliefs, our ideas, and advocate for them, or we silence ourselves and go along with the status quo giving our responsibility to others and remain dependent on them. We can also take excessive responsibility for things that aren't ours.
• The Child Leadership Persona has both a dominant and submissive aspect to it. As with children, this Persona can be bossy or bratty (dominant and autocratic) and insist on things being done their way or they can be submissive (permissive) and go along because they are afraid of the extra responsibility.
• Do you feel like the folks in your personal or work life live from the Child Archetype? Listen to the full episode to learn how to start living from your Authentic Self!

If there is anyone in your life who tends to agree with you when you know they disagree, you're acquainted with the Prostitute Archetype (before you say anything – as you likely got caught off guard after reading that - when we talk about the Prostitute Archetype it's NOT related to sex!). People using this Archetype believe it's a whole lot safer if they just keep their mouths shut. It's true that everyone does this to a certain extent - we go along to get along, pick our battles, and might not speak up when we really aren't invested one way or another, however, the Prostitute Archetype does it ALL THE TIME!

People who live from this Persona don't even bother negotiating for what they want, instead rationalizing, doing mental gymnastics, and finding workarounds to get what they need in secret. The problem is that at the same time they whine they aren't being respected or if it's being used by a parent or leader, that they aren't listened to. They don't see how their permissive behavior and willingness to sell out their integrity are at the root of their dysfunctional relationships.

In today's episode, we explore the Prostitute Archetype, the tendency to sell out its integrity for the sake of security, and the loss of self-esteem that occurs as a result. We'll also recount numerous Prostitute Archetype stories (our own and of our clients) and share tips and tricks for empowering yourself and gaining the courage to live up to your own values. Tune in to make sure you don't miss out on the gems we share this week!

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions in organizations and leadership behavior at Caliber Leadership Systems, check out:

https://dismantlingdysfunction.com

https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

https://caliberleadership.com

Pick up your copy of So, You Think You Can Lead?: A Guide to Developing Your Leadership Authority and Potential

Make sure you sign up for our weekly newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction and develop your leaders: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

Do you have a story you would like to share on our show? Contact us at info@caliberleadership.com.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:51] Episode Introduction and Overview
• [03:21] What is the Prostitute Archetype?
• [05:34] Importance of Integrity
• [21:59] Imposter Syndrome & The Prostitute Archetype
• [29:36] Episode Gem
• [32:18] Episode Wrap Up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• The Prostitute Archetype trades in power. It is mostly unspoken and sometimes it is hard to see that there is a trade-off at all. When expressing an opposing opinion or asking for something for us, we have a conversation with ourselves and come up with reasons and excuses to put the needs of others first.
• When we shift to the Prostitute Shield, we start using the behaviors and characteristics of the Persona we need to shield us from the perceived psychological threat. In other words, we are on the defensive, using fight-flight instinctual reactions.
• The Prostitute Persona causes us to carry a feeling within us that we are lacking, that we are not enough and is closely related to the Imposter Syndrome. As a result, we're compelled to look outside of ourselves to find our wholeness. We believe that we can fill what we perceive as lacking in ourselves by selling ourselves out to others so that they'll approve of us and affirm our value.
• Do you feel like the folks in your personal or work life live from the Prostitute Archetype? Listen to the full episode to learn what you can do to start living from your Authentic Self!

We all know people who always seem to be victims of someone or some situation. People who blame others when disappointing or frustrating things happen to them or even when they make a mistake. They don't discriminate and will blame their boss, peers, direct reports, family, partner, children - anyone is subject to their ability to spin a story to make it look like they are the victims while they in fact are victimizing others.

But don't try rescuing them, because if you have ever tried helping someone who is trapped in the Victim Persona, you've discovered that they really don't want help - they want you to side with their exaggerated version of whatever story they are telling. If any of these observations apply, you may be dealing with people who suffer from the Victim Syndrome.

In today's episode, we explore the Drama Triangle and the three personas associated with it: the Victim, the Persecutor / Victimizer, and the Rescuer / Hero (if you are interested in learning more about these roles that keep you stuck and how to power past them, make sure you check out our book, Power Past the Imposter Syndrome by clicking here!). We'll also recount personal and client Victim stories and share tips and tricks for empowering yourself and leaving the Drama Triangle behind for good. Tune in to make sure you don't miss out on the gems we share this week!

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions in organizations and leadership behavior at Caliber Leadership Systems, check out:

https://dismantlingdysfunction.com

https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

https://caliberleadership.com

Stop contributing to organizational dysfunction. Pick up your copy of So, You Think You Can Lead?: A Guide to Developing Your Leadership Authority and Potential

Make sure you sign up for our weekly newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction and develop your leaders: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

Are you dealing with an organizational dysfunction you need help with? Or do you have a story you would like to share on our show? Contact us at info@caliberleadership.com.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:50] Episode introduction and overview
• [05:21] What is the Victim Archetype?
• [10:53] Exploring the Drama Triangle
• [13:00] The Victim Persona
• [15:20] The Persecutor / Victimizer Persona
• [20:52] The Rescuer / Hero Persona
• [38:43] Episode Gem
• [41:41] Episode wrap up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• The Victim Leadership Persona is really powerful and often used when we feel hurt or think that we are powerless to do anything about the situation. When we use this Persona, we refuse to take responsibility for ourselves.
• The Victim Persona is associated with Karpman's Drama Triangle. The triangle involves 3 distinct positions or roles: Victim (Flight), the Persecutor / Victimizer (Fight), or the Rescuer / Hero (Freeze). Behavior from all three positions may be very different but it has the same intention, which is to gain control of the behaviour of others and restore a feeling of power in ourselves.
• The only way to 'defeat' the roles is to ensure you take responsibility for yourself. To experience a fulfilling life requires a conscious willingness to get off the Triangle and extend grace to those still encumbered by their drama.
• Do you feel like the folks in your personal or work life act out from their Drama Triangle roles? Listen to the full episode to learn what you can do to exit the Triangle and empower yourself!

Complain, complain, complain... We hear an endless myriad of complaints these days from leaders who believe that disengagement, lack of quality, poor work ethic, and entitled behaviors are the employee's fault, and they have no power to do anything about it. When and why did leaders become so disempowered?

It seems that leadership powerlessness may have slowly crept in over the last decade on the heels of the popularity of the extreme version of laisse-faire leadership, otherwise known as Permissive Leadership (if you haven't already, you must check out our Episode #13 – Dysfunctions of Permissive Leadership to learn more!). Clearly, if leaders want to play 'good' guys or gals and will keep abdicating or giving away their authority to decide, define, and hold employees accountable out of some notion that employees will be more productive, they will continue to have lots to whine about.

In today's episode, we share some practical tips for dismantling the Dysfunction of Disempowerment that you can use if your organization suffers from this dysfunction. We'll also talk about some of the common consequences to the organizations when leaders disempower themselves, reveal real client stories that illustrate just how common it is to find this type of leadership behavior in organizations today and teach you how to recognize the symptoms in yourself and your workplace! Tune in to make sure you don't miss out on the gems we share this week.

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions in organizations and leadership behavior at Caliber Leadership Systems, check out:

https://dismantlingdysfunction.com

https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

https://caliberleadership.com

Stop contributing to organizational dysfunction. Pick up your copy of So, You Think You Can Lead?: A Guide to Developing Your Leadership Authority and Potential

Make sure you sign up for our weekly newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction and develop your leaders: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

Are you dealing with an organizational dysfunction you need help with? Or do you have a story you would like to share on our show? Contact us at info@caliberleadership.com.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:25] Episode introduction and overview
• [02:21] What is the Dysfunction of Disempowerment?
• [07:59] Take charge: create a leadership vision
• [12:19] How to step out of your comfort zone
• [16:56] Start developing leadership potency
• [22:02] Drop a gem
• [26:04] Episode wrap up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Disempowerment and impotence are characterized as a leader's inability to take effective action, accompanied by feelings of helplessness and a leader's perceived lack of power to change or improve a situation.
• To empower yourself as a leader, you need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. You must learn to make difficult decisions and stand behind them, facing the consequences of errors and the pleasure of your successes. Stepping out of your comfort zone means making difficult decisions and not backing down when things get hard.
• Leaving the comfort zone is hard enough as it is – don't try doing it alone! Make sure you create a support system for yourself – reach out to a leadership coach or a mentor – to ensure you have help when working through defensivenss and resistance.
• Do you feel like the folks in your organization are contributing to the Dysfunction of Disempowerment? Listen to the full episode to learn what you can do to start dismantling the Dysfunction of Disempowerment today!

Why is it that leaders keep themselves so busy that they don't have time to deal with their people? And why, despite their position of power, do leaders struggle with asserting their authority and managing the performance of their employees?

It is all too common for employees to bring their personal issues to work with the expectation that their boss will take special care of them. This form of employee entitlement has some leaders avoiding their employees out of fear that they will not know how to handle the situation. Leaders are giving away their power to lead and are instead choosing the seemingly easier route, namely, to be "liked" by their employees. Yet these are the same leaders that end up drowning in employee and performance issues and are frustrated by employee entitlement, resistance, and opposition. Because leadership is fraught with challenges, leaders are abdicating their authority and giving away their power. After all, why would anyone spend time doing something that made them feel impotent?

In today's episode, we discuss how leaders contribute to the Dysfunction of Disempowerment and share some practical tips you can use if your organization suffers from this dysfunction. We'll also share real client stories that illustrate just how common it is to find this type of leadership behavior in organizations today. Tune in to learn about how leaders contribute to the Dysfunction of Disempowerment and how to recognize the symptoms in yourself and your organization!

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions in organizations and leadership behavior at Caliber Leadership Systems, check out:

https://dismantlingdysfunction.com

https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

https://caliberleadership.com

Stop contributing to organizational dysfunction. Pick up your copy of So, You Think You Can Lead?: A Guide to Developing Your Leadership Authority and Potential

Make sure you sign up for our weekly newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction and develop your leaders: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

Are you dealing with an organizational dysfunction you need help with? Or do you have a story you would like to share on our show? Contact us at info@caliberleadership.com.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:32] Episode introduction and overview
• [02:26] What is the Dysfunction of Disempowerment?
• [14:20] Take responsibility for feelings, not leading
• [18:42] Excessive inclusion in decision making
• [23:31] Don't see how their behavior contributes to poor performance
• [29:22] Drop a gem
• [31:32] Episode wrap up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Leaders give rise to the Dysfunction of Disempowerment when theygive their power and authority away in an attempt to disguise their own incompetence, inexperience or inability to deal with the issues that are presenting being presented to them.
• Rather than holding their decision-making authority, disempowered leaders busy themselves with tasks that make them feel competent, allowing and enabling employees to do things their own way. This fuels the flames of employee entitlement.
• Focusing on performance instead of feelings, developing emotional intelligence, and building leadership skills increases the results you can achieve as a leader.
• Do you feel like the leaders in your organization may be contributing to the Dysfunction of Disempowerment in your organization? Listen to the full episode to learn what you can do to start dismantling the Dysfunction of Disempowerment today!

In today's workplaces, accountability has become part of a leader's role they increasingly avoid.  They avoid difficult conversations, let employees miss deadlines and waste precious time and resources, all to the detriment of the organization. Impulsiveness, entitlement and emotions which create more drama than results are no longer held in check by leaders who are supposed to be managing and developing performance. Everyone is noticing the bar slipping from high to mediocre performance as a result, with leaders doing nothing to stop the decline.

Recent research conducted by the Futures Company found that the average worker spends over 2 hours per day engaged in drama of some sort– arguing, venting, resisting change, or just not aligning with the organization's needs. A lack of accountability has proven to be one of the key sources of workplace drama. This behavior zaps the happiness of staff while costing the organization millions of dollars annually. Imagine how much more beneficial it would be if that time and energy could be recaptured and put toward issue resolution, performance mastery and productivity!

In today's episode, we discuss the Dysfunction of Accountability and share some practical tips that you can start using today if this dysfunction is causing your organization to suffer. We'll also share real client stories that illustrate just how common this dysfunction is. Tune in to find out tips on how you and your organization can help dismantle the Dysfunction of Accountability especially if it's suffocating your organization's success.

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions in organizations and leadership behavior at Caliber Leadership Systems, check out:

https://dismantlingdysfunction.com

https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

https://caliberleadership.com

Stop contributing to organizational dysfunction. Pick up your copy of So, You Think You Can Lead?: A Guide to Developing Your Leadership Authority and Potential

Make sure you sign up for our weekly newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction and develop your leaders: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

Are you dealing with an organizational dysfunction you need help with? Or do you have a story you would like to share on our show? Contact us at info@caliberleadership.com.

IN THIS EPISODE:  Are their more points than this?

• [01:45] Episode introduction and overview
• [06:38] Create an accountability framework  
• [08:50] Set leadership expectations
• [12:58] Manage performance to expectations
• [16.12] Episode gem and practical takeaway
• [17.59] Episode wrap up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Leaders give rise to the Dysfunction of Accountability when they are afraid of having difficult conversations or don't know how to deal with opposition, defensiveness and emotionality from employees.
• Accountability is critical to high performance and to the success of an organization and its people. Without it, employees are more prone to underperform without fear of being held accountable.
• A system for accountability that includes goal-setting, corrective and supportive feedback, and employee engagement are critical components for fostering an environment that encourages accountability. When employees clearly understand the standard they are being held to, and are held to account, their performance is much more likely to improve.
• Think you might be suffering from issues caused by the Dysfunction of Accountability in your workplace? Listen to the full episode to learn what you can do to start empowering yourself and fighting back against the Dysfunction of Accountability today!

Today, leaders complain about employees not being accountable for getting things done. But is it really the employee or is it the issue that leaders don't hold themselves accountable for managing the performance of their direct reports? Our experience is that many leaders don't define tasks in a clear manner, leaving employees lost and confused about their expectations. And they fail to follow up to see how the employee is doing, missing the opportunity to praise progress or course correct.

Leaders have this nasty habit of believing that employees are "mini-me's," joined at the brain, with the same attitudes, work ethic, experience and smarts they had when doing their job. This lets them off the hook for actually leading employee performance. This lack of accountability contributes to poor performance, high turnover, and employee disengagement. Leaders not being held to any expectations or having any leadership development are only a couple of reasons why they operate from outdated beliefs instead of meeting their employee's needs during the performance development cycle, leading to this all too prevalent dysfunction.

In today's episode, we discuss the Dysfunction of Accountability and share some practical tips that you can start using today if your organization is struggling with this Dysfunction. We'll also share real client stories that illustrate just how common it is to find this type of leadership behavior in organizations today. Tune in to learn all about the Dysfunction of Accountability and discover what you can do if it's suffocating your organization's success.

If you want to know more about Anne & Heather's work with dismantling dysfunctions in organizations and leadership behavior at Caliber Leadership Systems, check out:

https://dismantlingdysfunction.com

https://www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

https://caliberleadership.com

Stop contributing to organizational dysfunction. Pick up your copy of So, You Think You Can Lead?: A Guide to Developing Your Leadership Authority and Potential

Make sure you sign up for our weekly newsletters for tips on how to dismantle dysfunction and develop your leaders: https://bit.ly/dismantlingdysfunction

Are you dealing with an organizational dysfunction you need help with? Or do you have a story you would like to share on our show? Contact us at info@caliberleadership.com.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:25] Episode introduction and overview
• [02:34] What is the Dysfunction of Accountability?
• [05:57] Failure to set expectations
• [11:08] Leaders not holding themselves accountable
• [22:09] Abdicating responsibility
• [28:40] Episode wrap up

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• The Dysfunction of Accountability stems from the failure of leaders to set expectations, give corrective feedback and poor or inconsistent communication. When leaders don't believe they should manage performance or don't prioritize it, they fail to hold themselves accountable for their commitment to their employees.
• A lack of expectations and abdication from holding themselves and employees accountable has significant emotional and financial costs to people and the organization.
• Leaders need to take a planful approach to developing their employees. They need to create an accountability framework, set expectations and manage performance.
• Think you might be suffering from issues caused by the Dysfunction of Accountability in your workplace? Listen to the full episode to learn what you can do to start empowering yourself and fighting back against the Dysfunction of Accountability today!