There's a profound truth that can often be overlooked: love, in its truest form, is sustainably sacrificial. This means loving your spouse in a way that endures, even when it's challenging.

If you're a spouse who is tempted towards apathy—losing hope and withdrawing—it can feel like a deep, unending chasm. This apathy might stem from various sources: exhaustion from the relentless demands of daily life, pride that blocks genuine connection, unforgiveness that creates barriers, or perhaps a combination of all these factors. Whatever the reason, it's crucial to recognize these signs before they evolve into a dangerous pattern that jeopardizes your relationship.

There may be times when your spouse's attempts to reach out (or lack thereof) seem ineffective or even hurtful. I encourage you to see beyond the surface and engage with the deeper purpose of marriage -- to make God proud of you.

Remember, you're not loving your spouse for a specific result; you're doing it because you love God. That love for God will sustain you when you're not seeing the fruit of your efforts. He CAN fill us with all joy and peace, irrespective of our circumstances or the immediate outcomes of our actions. 

Even amidst the temptation to lose hope and become apathetic. Don't. Instead, look to the Lord. Rejoice in Him, and trust that God is a God of hope. Your perseverance is not in vain, even when it feels like you're giving more than your fair share in loving and meeting your partner's needs.

 

Love,

 

Belah & Team

 

PS - If you are wanting to fight apathy, fight for your marriage, or just even get some clarity for your marriage... we would love to talk with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.

 

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"My biggest celebrations have been: Forgiveness- I had no idea how much resentment I had towards my wife. There is no doubt in my mind that she felt that… I learned to not only forgive her, but look at some of those things as a strength for her… Replacing bad habits with good daily habits of first thanking God for my blessings. praying for my wife, shouting my faith statement and focusing on making my marriage the best it can be. I learned that it is all up to me. I know God is with me every step of the way, but I have to be the leader of my life and my marriage."

 

Perhaps the most heartbreaking situations I encounter are when one spouse becomes apathetic—losing hope—and decides to "pull the plug" on the relationship. When a spouse gives up hope, apathy sets in, leading them to consider divorce, an affair, or even a secret addiction because they feel their spouse isn't meeting their needs.

I may not fully understand all the dynamics that have brought your marriage to its current state, but my hope is that you recognize the warning signs before apathy takes hold.

LISTEN to your spouse's heartcry. Don't let them lose hope because their attempts to communicate with you have been ignored. Yes, their communication may have been ineffective—perhaps controlling, critical, or accusatory—but underneath it all, they are expressing a hurt that you are overlooking.

If you ignore it long enough, they may stop hoping things will change. Tragically, this can lead to apathy and the potential destruction of your marriage.

As a marriage coach who genuinely cares, I urge you: please don't wait until apathy sets in before you start paying attention to what your spouse is trying to communicate. Even if their words make you feel like a failure, could you, just possibly, listen to the deeper message? They are crying out to be loved in the way they need to feel loved, and if you don't respond, they may become so weary that the dangerous temptation of apathy takes hold.

NOTE: If you're the spouse who seems to be doing more than your fair share of loving and meeting your partner's needs, know this: your reward will be great, far beyond what you might receive in this life. Don't stop. Don't let apathy take root in your heart. Remember, God is a God of hope, and He will fill you with hope as you trust in Him. He doesn't want you to be hopeless. Trust in God.   Love,  Belah   PS - If you're on the verge of losing hope and becoming apathetic about your marriage, we want to help. And if you're worried that your spouse might be feeling this way, we want to help too.

Your next step is a free, "low-stakes" conversation called a Clarity Call. We'd love to hear what's going on and potentially be the lifeline that prevents disaster—God has worked miracles in situations like yours before. But it takes courage to take that first step of HOPE. Speak to a compassionate Clarity Advisor: delightyourmarriage.com/cc   PPS -- Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"I had grown so apathetic towards my husband that I KNEW this was very dangerous. I had built a case against him in my mind for the ways he did not appreciate me or accept me... I am a highly sensitive person with strong feelings, so to have little to no feeling towards my husband was intolerable to me. This is what drove me to DYM... A truly KEY realization I had to admit, was that I was a "bickering wife" and that I had been undermining him, disrespecting him, and deeply wounding him... I am so convicted of how it tore down my marriage, impacted my husband's self-esteem, and definitely was negative example to our children... Once I admitted that, I was able to grow!"

Clarity is a Christian's speciality. 

Amidst a confused culture, a clear understanding of God's word is what we need. 

If you're a husband, I invite you to consider how Jesus led and what the Bible says about a husband's leadership in the family. 

If you're a wife, I invite you to hear what a man can be (really) so you are happy to be led. 

My story started without good role modeling. 

And then I tried to "submit" and it was soul crushing. 

Then I decided I would NOT submit, and it was stressful, frustrating, and deeply painful. 

Then I discovered God's way  (though I still make mistakes at times), and it has made both my husband and I flourish. 

I can lead in many, many ways outside of our family -- but I love that in our home I am not the leader. My husband is trustworthy and good to me and our children. 

I hope you can catch a vision of what it can mean for you as a man or a woman to empower the right order of family. 

We are to be a light on a hill for the non-believers. 

I hope you'll curiously seek to gain perspective and growth into more and more of who God wants you to be in and through your marriage so you can do more for the Kingdom of God. 

 

Love,
Belah

 

PS - We can help -- if you're a husband or a wife -- that's what we do. Check out delightyourmarriage.com/cc to learn more.

 

PPS - Here a quote from a recent graduate:

Before the Masculinity Reclaimed program: "I had quite a few struggles when starting the program...we were arguing quite a lot, I was defensive in my responses and even blamed [her] for the issues. I also hadn't been intentional in terms of dating or cherishing her for a long time and she was feeling neglected and getting more and more upset about the situation. 

 

Neither of us was very happy. I tried to do more around the house to make [her] happy, tried to act perfectly but still failed and ended up walking on eggshells most of the time. Not feeling or acting confidently or as a leader."

 

After MR: "I can see now that I had been both aloof and independent towards my wife...but also very dependent on her mood and feelings/actions towards me. 

 

I feel more secure now in who I am, I don't get defensive much at all any more and we rarely argue… I realized that I hadn't been a very good husband for a very long time. I didn't know the extent of it until I went through each week and realized that I hadn't really been doing the basics of knowing my wife, or making her feel safe and cherished. That was a hard realization, but actually really helped me to understand the situation and where [she] was coming from and also helped me to own my part in it. 

 

It's been a huge change for the better. I have daily devotions now, I practice gratitude daily now. I have more confidence and less anxiety around people or stressful situations. I feel closer to God now; what could be a bigger impact than that?"

Do you feel broken? Dirty? Ashamed?

These are all normal feelings for a victim of sexual trauma. 

 

Do you know what feelings Lisa now has?

Freedom. Confidence. Trust.

One in four, or even one in three women, have been victims of sexual abuse. 

One in six men have been. 

 

So, many of us need the HOPE for healing Lisa gives us. 

Was it instant?

Was it easy to confront?

Was it comfortable to start this process?

No.

 

She had to have courage to get out and join a healing process to get to the other side where God ultimately wanted her to be. 

 

You will love her story and the encouragements she gives. 

Especially the one and most important thing that she wants you to know, if you've been abused. 

 

Love & Blessings,

Belah

 

PS - If you'd like to get "vision", the opportunity for "intention" and the "means" to transformation (as Dallas Willard says)...

I invite you to sign up for a Clarity Call. You'll work with a Clarity Advisor to discern that vision. delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Looking forward to seeing how God heals you!

"Betrayal to a marriage is what dynamite is to a door" says Gary Thomas.

Obliterating all trust, safety, dreams...

Could there be hope?

Could there be restoration?

And...

How could this have been prevented? 

 

This is what we discuss on today's episode. 

 

If these are your questions, Gary gives a lot of insight I think you'll want to listen in to.

What can you do as a couple to right the ship?

What can you as a couple do to come together and see how to build your marriage with strength and solidness -- keeping any explosives far, far away. 

Check out Gary's work and his new book at garythomas.com -- (also he has many other books that you'll want to check out!)

Love & Blessings,

Belah

 

PS -- We'd love to help you heal your marriage no matter what the issue is, and if you're looking for a program to come alongside other men and/or women, I invite you to go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to speak to a Clarity Advisor to see how we can support you. 

 

PPS -- A recent grad wrote:
"Massively improved our marriage.

Brought me closer to God. Helped me see my wife in an entirely different way. Set us on a path to healing.

Facilitate mind-blowing, real-deal sexual intimacy...

...filled with lots of explanations of what and why things need to occur, but it's also very heavy on HOW to do things, which is missing from all other marriage content out there. Plus, Belah's insight is extraordinary.

I never once questioned if what I spent on MR was worth it, because without question it was."

Husband or wife, sign up for a Clarity Call now: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Are you getting close to marriage and the looming thought of a healthy sex life gives anxiety?

I invite you to listen in to these two women who were virgins when they got engaged (one is now married) and hear how they processed through the anxiety. 

And now on the other side of the program, they have a confidence and a relaxed sense around something that used to be very difficult to even think about. 

 

Maybe you or someone you know needs insights around marriage and intimacy before they start this journey. 

 

I hope this conversation blesses and encourages you!

Belah

 

PS -- If you want to see how we can serve you in your particular situation, sign up for a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

 

 

PPS - A woman in the Delighted Wife program shared this recently: 

This programme is Christ-centred, led by an amazing loving, wise, compassionate, trustworthy team.

They have all 'been there' in marriage challenges themselves so speak with humility and empathy. There's lots of laughter too which is so good.

This programme is about sex but so much more. If a person engages and does the work it will be deeply transformational. This may not be in the way they expect...

I wish I had this programme just before and in the early years of our marriage.

Enrollment for the program closes tonight, Masculinity Reclaimed delightyourmarriage.com/minvite

-----

Today's podcast episode...

If perverted masculinity is overly aggressive or on the other side, overly passive... what is it actually SUPPOSED to look like? 

What is a strong man? 

What is a true man of God?

What is the masculinity God desires of you?

 

That's the topic Kyle and I discuss today.

Lots of really fresh ideas, insights, frameworks, and also very, very old ways of viewing the nature of how God designed men. 

Kyle is super -- you're going to love his insights and heart after the Lord. 

Gosh, I'm excited for you to hear what it's all about!

 

If you've been praying about our 3-month program, Masculinity Reclaimed...

the program CLOSES TONIGHT, if you'd like to join, now is your time... 

delightyourmarriage.com/minvite

Wow -- God is so good.

Men are joining the 3-month program Masculinity Reclaimed because they're ready to become the men that God has called them to be (and as it turns out... that is very attractive to their wives... the results are intimate, as you'll hear.)

I want you to listen to these transformation stories (several shortened stories that haven't been on the podcast before, so you can hear what God is doing!)

If you're ready to take the leap and say I am going to risk the money and invest the time and effort for the next 3 months to see the results that God is clearly doing in others' lives and marriages 

I invite you to check out all the details and register here. delightyourmarriage.com/minvite

 

Prayers of hope for you,

Belah & Delight Your Marriage team

 

PS -- If you are moved at all by these transformations, I encourage you to check out the details here. delightyourmarriage.com/minvite

Is Jesus the Lord of your life in EVERY area? 

Are you trusting God in everything except your marriage? 

Are you saying, "Yes, I will follow," but then when Jesus says to sacrifice for your spouse, that's where you draw the line to do it your own way?

Is your emotional intimacy with your spouse in God's hands?

Is your spiritual intimacy with your spouse in God's hands?

Is your physical intimacy with your spouse in God's hands?

 

Or, have you decided (like I too often do, sadly) "God, in this area, I can do it my way"?

 

God is really interested in your marriage.

Your spouse is the closest relationship to you.

Whom you can influence the most -- and they influence you the most.

 

So... if you decide to do marriage your own way, that's a big deal.

 

I was recently reminded that when I don't TRUST God, I suffer... often, unnecessarily. 

 

When I don't trust God, and I try to do it my own way...the work that God was in the middle of doing -- behind the scenes -- I can ROYALLY mess up! 

The lesson I invite you to learn from my fumble is: TRUST God in your situation. 

TRUST God in the way He set up marriage and your role (husband and wife) and witness God move in your 

emotional

spiritual 

and 

physical 

intimacy. 

 

He has a way. If you're suffering doing it His way, there is a reward on this side (or the other side) of eternity. 

But, as I was reminded of, we may suffer because we are doing it OUR way. And I encourage you to make sure you're doing it His way. 

IMPORTANT: Make sure you ARE doing your marriage and intimacy God's way, so you and your wife don't unnecessarily suffer.

(That's the biggest sadness I see with men I work with, they didn't have to suffer, they just didn't know...)

This is where I (shamelessly) plug our FREE Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course! (Because I know it can help you!)

We are in the middle of it, but there's just enough time for you to catch up - if you sign up now. It won't be available much longer -- delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

(Also, if you already know you're going to join the 3-month Masculinity Reclaimed Program, we officially open enrollment Saturday, September 17 -- if you join the first day you get an extra Kick Start training -- where I'd love to spend time walking you through how to "win" MR and get yourself set up for amazing success -- by God's grace. You can join right away here: Masculinity Reclaimed Coaching Program) 

 

If you don't need help in your marriage -- will you pray for this free training -- that the men who need hope would sign on and witness God's transformation for many? And most importantly, that each man would draw closer to Jesus.

 

Thank you for your prayers. 

May God help you to TRUST Him in your specific situation. He continues to teach me, and I hope that encourages you!

Love & Blessings,

Belah

 

PS -- The free men's training is going away soon. Sign up, and catch up here: delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

**Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course is starting Monday, September 12, 2022 -- it's on-demand training but will only be available for about a week, so register now: delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining**

--

I've been posting a lot of resources for men, so this one is for the ladies (and the curious men :)

I used to be very confused on what my husband needed from me. A lot of women that I have worked with feel like it comes down to a clean house, hot meals and happy kids. 

And when that's not enough for him, it feels very unfair. That she is doing ALL of this and he's still grumpy and unsatisfied. 

She may even have intimacy as a part of their lives, but he still doesn't seem to care. 

What is missing? 

Well, it took a while, but by God's grace through trial and error, learning from mentors, books and courses... now I'm at a spot where I can give you the keys I wish I had! 

And I made it into a handy acronym so it's easy to remember:

RAWS. 

 

Super simple. But, not easy.

 

See that's God kindness. I've noticed, that in order to love our spouse well, we wives have to deny ourselves and choose to love our God-given assignment (our husband).

And that choice, every day, makes us more like Him. 

 

He's not like us, he's not designed like us. God made your husband unique and special. 

And it's my privilege to let you hear from my husband and what he recommends to us. 

Also, for the curious gents who plan to listen -- he's got some GREAT advice for you too! 

 

I hope this blesses you! 

Love, 

Belah

 

PS -- Women if you want to go further in this, we have a community of women who support and love each other on this journey to heal their marriage, honor God, and love well. If you're interested to find out if this is right for you, sign up for a Clarity Call and a kind, empathetic Clarity Advisor will listen to your story and be able to give you guidance on your next steps. delightyourmarriage.com/cc

 

PPS -- For the men who want direction for your next steps, join the free Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course, which is starting on Monday, September 12, 2022.

It's an on-demand training but has lots of interactive bells and whistles. It'll only be available for about a week, so register now! delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

(My boys make an audio appearance on today's episode).

I thought it was appropriate because Robert and I both got choked up towards the end of this interview -- you'll hear why. 

Robert has more kids than me. Not 2, 3, 4 or 5... He has 7.

Robert also has about 7 times more energy than I do. Which is why I'd like him to write a book. (Please, Robert, we all need it.)

 

His wife was actually the one who invited him to Delight Your Marriage. And felt sure he would learn what he needed for her. 

 

And... I have got to hand it to her :) I think she was right!

But I also have to hand it to Robert, because he totally humbled himself, did the work.

Changed himself -- and God did beautiful things in their marriage!

I can't wait for you to listen in to their story! 

If you're a husband -- he gives tons of ideas and thoughts about what you can do to change things. 

 

He started his journey with the free training, that we're offering just around the corner -- September 12, 2022. You'll need to be signed up -- you can do so here. 

Love and Blessings,

Belah

 

PS -- You might tear up too.

PPS -- Gents, grab a tissue while you sign up for the free training!

Or if you're a lady or a gent, and you want to get on a call 1:1 to see how we can help you, you can sign up for a Clarity Call here. 

From a past of pain and hurt Reed realized he needed healing.

His first wife left him after twenty years. He then found out that she had had several extramarital affairs. 

Completely devastating. And left him with 5 kids to raise on his own. 

Now, God be praised. He is remarried -- his wife is utterly wonderful. They had a really good marriage.

But he realized, the areas of his marriage that were not fully there around intimacy had to do with his woundedness from the past. 

He is in full-time ministry and heard God encourage him to take the program for himself. Not for others -- but he needed healing. 

And as he did the work of the program, his heart healed and his marriage did to -- in the ways he didn't even realize it was lacking. 

I want to share his story because -- you might be like Reed. 

Maybe you've done the right things for a LONG time... and you are hurt. And you are wounded. And you have rightfully, steadfastly done the good work.

And yet...

And yet... 

I want you to have hope through Reed's story. He not only shares his story -- but he also shares his process for healing. He gives lots of practicals!

He started by taking the free course: Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations (starting again Sept 12, 2022) -- and then decided to go forward with the full 3 month program. 

 

I am excited for you to get inspired by Reed's heart for the Lord and for his marriage and intimacy shifts because of the healing God brought in his heart. 

Love & Blessings,

Belah

PS -- We would love to have you on the Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations free training right around the corner -- sign up before you forget: delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

Reed began his healing through the free course.

PSS -- Seriously go register! :) But seriously... delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

 

 

An episode for a struggling husband -- or his wife. 

To give you hope. 

See, if you don't know what is the root of a behavior it's very hard to "white knuckle" yourself out of the behavior. 

Therapist Sam Tielemans specializes in helping couples who have suffered through the pain of porn addiction. 

He gives the specific reasons he sees over and over again at his practice (in Las Vegas of all places!) what is at the root of the porn addiction. 

Why does he keep going back? 

Why is he overwhelmed by shame but can't seem to stop?

And for the wife, how can she find healing in this?

Could she understand this addiction to see that the behavior is covering up the pain?

Should she have boundaries, and what should those be (we touch lightly on this -- there's a lot more depth we'll go into in the ladies program -- if you're interested, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc so we can support you).

 

For the man listening, Jesus took your sin. If you accept his sacrifice -- you are clean. Whiter than snow. As though it never happened. 

You can walk with that confidence.

We speak more about it -- but if you only read this -- I want you to know the truth. 

Jesus took your sin (yes, this is a bad sin). But HE -- the God of the universe -- died for it. 

Don't keep the sin and pay the price of shame anymore -- God came to die to pay the price FOR YOU. 

The gift you don't deserve. 

That's the good news. 

 

As a person who was addicted to porn for years, I know you can walk in victory, too. 

Blessings,

Belah

PS -- The men's training is coming up! All new videos and fresh training for you. I can't wait! It all starts September 12, 2022 -- sign up delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

Ladies -- if you want to witness your marriage transform -- go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc and get on a Clarity Call to see how we can help you. 

PPS -- Sign up before you forget! It'll be gone before you realize it!

We have all felt the frustration and disappointment of doing our best to do the right thing and life still does not go the way we thought. 

 

For 28 years, Stephen was a faithful husband to his wife. There were no drugs or alcohol or pornography. They raised two kids in a Christian home. From the outside, everything looked like it should be going right.

But within their marriage, they were falling apart. Stephen felt emotionally and physically abandoned by his wife and didn't know what to do.

 

After desperately searching "Sexual Intimacy" on Google in hopes of finding some answers, Stephen stumbled upon Delight Your Marriage.

After the first podcast episode, he knew this was what the Lord had for him. He was shocked that after signing up, exactly what he had been praying for came to pass... his wife greeted him with open arms, a smile, and a "How was your day?" followed by a passionate night!

 

Stephen had to do his work on himself. It wasn't easy and he had to have faith that God could change it all. And He did.

 

This is the story we want for each person listening: to be desired by their spouse, to be connected, and to be loved in a delight-filled marriage.

 

We are so thankful to Stephen for sharing his story with us and we hope that his story becomes your story too.

 

Blessings,

 

Belah & Team

 

P.S. - If you want to know more about our Clarity Calls or how to become involved in the same work Stephen did, please reach out to us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc. We would love to talk to you!

 

P.S.S. - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:

Before the men's program: "I often felt disrespected and controlled. To a degree I felt unloved because of the lack of physical intimacy.

I often felt I couldn't be myself or express my opinion because of the disapproval I would feel when I did. There was anger and indifference growing in me. We were growing further and further apart…"

 

After the men's program:

"Tension between us is pretty much gone! Our relationship, our discussions have become much more peaceful, easygoing and playful than before. My wife has become more affectionate and has initiated intimacy more! We can now discuss physical intimacy and not argue.

She has told me many times how she likes the changes she sees in me, and is expressing more and more desire to grow in intimacy herself!...

Other people around us, even strangers, have noticed something different about us. One change that I think is the most telling of how the DYM program has impacted our lives:

Prior to the program we had been sleeping in separate rooms for years. I am thankful to say that I am back in our marriage bed, physically, emotionally – for good now!"

 

P.S.S.S… :) 

A few weeks ago, I had the wonderful privilege of being a guest on the 'That's Just What I Needed' podcast with speaker & author Donna Jones, who is a friend of DYM and has actually been on our podcast as well! If you'd like to listen to the episode, we talk about what you can do make your marriage better, regardless of where you're starting. You can find it here: That's Just What I Needed

 

It was so great getting to chat with her and we hope the episode blesses you immensely! We want to support Donna and the great work she is doing so if you are on social media, please give her a follow on @donnaajones and make sure to check out her new book, Healthy Conflict, Peaceful Life. Thank you again for having me, Donna!

We invite you to listen in to Jameson's story.

Jameson participated in the free MR Foundations course that we offered in March 2022, and then decided to enroll in the full Masculinity Reclaimed course. (We're offering the free course very soon for a very limited time - Sept. 12th! Sign up here!)

 Having a good marriage, but wanting to take it to the next level, he learned of the free course and signed up for it.

One of the first lessons in the free course "wrecked me," Jameson said. He realized that he had more work to do on himself than he had realized. The deep reflection caused him to see things that he couldn't see before.

Another cool thing Jameson shared as an unexpected, but also "biggest game changer" result of him taking the Masculinity Reclaimed course, "was me growing with God."

"I wish I could make everyone take the course." ~Jameson

One important thing to remember about Jameson is that his wife joined the women's program AFTER he did the work on himself. She was incredibly impressed with the results and wanted to join him in the journey! He said there's no chance she would have done the program on her end had he not gone first. And he's very grateful – by God's grace – that things transformed.

If you're doubting that things can ever really change, check out Jameson's story. God can and does do powerful things in marriages and we invite you to have faith to believe that God CAN move in your marriage...through YOU!

Come join us for the free sampler course...what do you have to lose? God cares about you and your marriage and we do, too! Sign up here.

The FREE Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations training is back for the last time this year. If you missed it previously, join on September 12 -- sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

-- 

First of all.

I'd like to tell you that I'm right in all that I do.

 In fact, I'd like to say that I'm right... all the time. 

I'd also like to tell you that I'm right even when others think I'm wrong.

I'd especially like to tell you that I'm right when other people think I'm right. (I mean, isn't that extra confirmation that I am definitely right...?)

 

So, the truth is...

[I have] become like something unclean, and all [my] righteous acts are like filthy rags (Is 64:6).

 

Even the things I think I did that are right... are filthy. 

Even the things you think I did that were right... are filthy. 

 

Oh, but then the things I did that were wrong! (The things I am sure were wrong... eek!) 

 

I hope you see where I'm going with all of this. 

You're in the same sad boat that I am. 

 

And... it's sinking. 

 

Seriously.

Can you imagine being on a boat in the middle of the ocean, and it sprung a leak... and then another... and then another... 

Seriously, take a moment to put the picture in your mind... breathe fast... your stomach is turning and feel utter alarm and desperation. 

The ONLY way you could survive is by being saved. 

 

That's what's happening here. You and me. We are in a leaky boat in the middle of the ocean.

We desperately need to be saved. 

Every single time we sin and we hammer a hole in our boat, we need a Savior to restore it. We can't do that ourselves. 

 

When we try to defend our sin, we continue to hammer through the sides of our boat.

 

What does this look like in your marriage...

As an example, when you are rude and cruel to your spouse (disrespecting and/or making them feel unsafe), you hammered a hole in your "marriage boat".

And then you defend your own righteousness by saying they triggered you... thus hammering another hole in your "marriage boat". Making your marriage worse.

The marriage boat is sinking and your self-righteousness is making it worse... it's going to continue to make it worse and worse and worse.

You can't fix it.

 

We can't hammer our way out of a leaky boat.

--

How hopeless this is for people who don't depend on Jesus.

If you don't, here's how it is...

You know you're on a leaky boat. You've made mistakes and your whole sense of self is tied up to being a good person.

So, when you see evilness in yourself, it threatens you're whole identity of being a good person. And you can't erode your whole identity by humbling yourself and saying you were wrong (!?)

Of course not! It wasn't your fault, you were triggered, someone didn't do something they should have... it was someone else's fault.

--

Do you see yourself in that description?

Are you following Jesus? Do you really believe in Him? Is He really your King, Master, Lord?

Is He mine? Every. Single. Day?

 

Our boat is sinking. 

 

That's why only in Jesus is there hope.

 

We need forgiveness for our sin against God and others. 

We need Jesus over and over and over again. 

 

Every day.

Every single action. 

 

It's pride to think we can do it ourselves. 

It's pride to think we're good enough.

It's pride to think we are righteous. 

It's pride, to defend our own righteousness. 

It's even pride to think we can do something great for God without Him. 

That's why our burdens are heavy. We think it's our job to do what only God can do. We just need to be grateful slaves. Humbled servants. Dying to ourselves and doing it God's way. 

 

Humility means depending on Him.

Humility is coming before Him. 

Humility is needing Him.

Humility is resting in Him.

Humility is being faithful to Him.

 

Humility is not contriving and defending an identity of perfection, it's boasting in our weaknesses.

 

Instead, go before Jesus, hand your worry, your issue, your burden, your identity, your pride to Him. 

 

Humble yourself... you can't fix your sinking boat. 

You need to be saved. Over and over again.

 

If you're married... you have hurt your spouse. You have hurt others in your life. 

 

And that was sinning against a precious child of God. 

That was sinning against God. 

That was tarnishing God's name in front of them. You represented God and you did evil to them. That was sin.

 

Here's your hope. This is the process.

1- Repent to Jesus --

Confess your need for Him. Accept His sacrifice for all of your sins, and believe in Jesus to be saved. Make Him truly your Lord. (Start reading the Bible and find a Bible-believing church to be discipled).

2- Every day after your first conversion, continue in the same way --- repent of that new sin that He reveals. Come closer to Him over and over and over. That is His invitation.

3- Regarding marriage, your next step is to repent -- tell them the wrong you did, own it, listen to and validate their hurt, and say genuinely how sorry you are that you hurt them like that. That you were wrong. 

 

Guess what that means? 

You're strong!

Because you humbled yourself, that means you're strong.

[God said:] "'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness'

[Paul said:] For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor 12:9 & 10b)

 

Humble yourself today. 

Accept Jesus' sacrifice today.

Accept Him saving your boat today. 

 

And then apologize to others you've hurt.

 

Don't squander today. 

You don't know how many days you have left. 

 

I don't do right.
You don't do right.
Jesus is right. :)

 

Love, 

Belah

 

PS -- If you're a husband, you want to love your wife the way she was designed by God to be loved.

Maybe you know you have hurt her, you've accepted Jesus sacrifice but you don't know what to do next... this free training is going to be a big help.

The free Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations course will be coming on September 12, 2022 -- Sign up here. delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

Alternate Title: 7 Steps to a Productive Disagreement

--

Arguing. Ugh. It's so... so... unhelpful.

When have you left an argument where the dust has settled and you felt 100% good with everything you said -- your eyes, your words, your tones...? Everything. 

In fact, how would you feel if your church congregation watched what you said and did? 

Would you be proud of yourself? 

Would you feel small and immature?

Usually, after an argument, I only feel the latter.

 

To clarify, what I mean by arguing is having elevated emotions when we start using a stronger voice and intense words. 

Essentially, the judging/reasoning/impulse-control part of our brains (pre-frontal cortex) goes offline during that stressful conversation and we're left with the "lizard brain" which only knows how to flight, fight, or freeze.

All the wisdom that we have cultivated throughout all of our lives and have prayed for and read about, goes out of the window during an argument. 

We say things we don't mean and throw verbal knives at each other. 

Sure, we might apologize for it the next day when we're calm, but those words leave scars. 

 

So, can we ever disagree? 

Yes. 

We need to disagree. That's healthy and correct. 

 

We need to be courageous and disagree about things that matter. 

 

But we need to do it the Jesus way. 

 

I have some very practical tips on how to disagree well, and how to honor God in it. 

 

It's easy to use "popular thinking" and just say what you think. But the Bible is clear that's not best. 

"We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check...

The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one's life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell." James 3:1 & 6

(Also, see the full book of James for more of this type of goodness. :)

 

How do we make sure we're not setting forest fires with our mouth? 

Well, I have given you 7 or 8 keys in this episode that if we could consistently apply, I'd be a closer reflection of Jesus, and I think you would be, too. 

Love & Blessings,

Belah

PS - We'd love to help you with your marriage and intimacy - to be connected, and for you to rate your marriage a 9 or even a 10 out of 10 marriage! 

If you're interested in finding out if we can help you, sign up for a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Encouraging believers is a very biblical concept in the New Testament. 

I want to encourage you in this episode. 

I am praying for several people through this episode:

7:00 - invitation prayer

8:30 - prayer for men who feel like they're not leaders in their home

12:28 - men who are receiving frequency in intimacy, but it feels like a duty from their wife

14:30 - men who don't have frequency in intimacy and lack joy in their marriage

17:00 - women who have a critical and judgmental husband

19:45 - women who want to find pleasure and desire

23:30 - churches and ministries and pastors who would have courage to address the hard issues around sex, sin, desire, & God-designed passion

May God give you grace and strength and encouragement - wherever you are in this mix. Or, if you want to agree and pray with me on these topics.

 

Love & Blessings,

Belah

 

PS We're here to bring hope and help in all these areas of your marriage...we invite you to schedule a Clarity Call to see if we can help you.

*"I speak the name of Jesus over you

In your hurting, in your sorrow

I will ask my God to move..."

*Lyrics to "In Jesus Name" by Katy Nichole

I'm excited to share that my wonderful friend Darcy is here to share her story and advice for you!

She is actually the Delight Your Marriage Office Manager, and she reads all of your emails and prays for all of those who are suffering and in such difficulty in their marriages. She often weeps for you and truly, truly cares about you and feels your pain for those of you who are in need of hope.

Her conversation today reflects what God has done in her and what she prays He does in you. I am excited to let you hear what she has to say!

Love,

Belah

--

Thank you, Belah, for giving me this opportunity.

God is doing and has done so many amazing things and what an honor to testify of His power, love, and goodness!

*"Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands." Ps. 63:3-4

I pray that God speaks to and encourages many weary hearts through this podcast.

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life." Prov. 13:12

 

This is my prayer for you:

Father, thank You for the one listening to this podcast. Thank You that You know them...intimately! You know how many hairs are on their head. You know their hurts, desires, and joys.

You desire good for them and desire them to know and experience You and Your love in ways that will reveal to them the abundant life that You have offered to any who will come to You in faith in Jesus and walk in the power of the Spirit of God.

Father, you see the tears. You see the brokenness. Even more incredibly, You care about them and have the power to do something good with them.

God, You know that we so often want to run from hurt and pain! Teach us to trust You...to take You at Your word...

 

I encourage you to read this scripture as though you've never read it before:

*"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Rom. 8:18-28

 

Thank You, Father, that You NEVER lie! Thank You that we can cling to You and Your promises through every storm, every hurt, every disappointment, and every thing that we face on this planet! People may fail us, but You NEVER do! 

You use the trials and pain to teach us greater things. You may seem far off at times, yet You are more interested in the details of our lives than we could ever imagine!

Teach us to relinquish everything we hold onto to You, trusting that You will never disappoint...we wait on You.

...in Jesus' name, I ask this, amen.

 

So, dear listener, remember:

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." Ps. 34:18

*"Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Ps. 37:4 

 

And let me ask you:

How long was Joseph a slave and a prisoner?

How long did David wait for the throne or Abraham and Sarah wait for a son?

How long were the Jews in captivity?

Hebrews 11 tells us that some died not yet having received the promise, yet they looked forward in faith and believed what God said.

God asked Abraham to sacrifice the fulfillment of His promise - Isaac. Abraham was willing. He even got up early the next morning to do so.

Likely not because he felt like it or wanted to, but because he believed God.

 

Husband...wife...are you willing to believe God?

Are you willing to sacrifice what you hold dear and trust God to deliver on His promises regardless of how bad things look and regardless of how long it takes?

Faith fleshes out in obedience. Because Abraham believed God, he acted like he believed God.

What does that look like for you in your situation today?

 

He is worthy! He is faithful! You and I can bank on it!

 

Grateful for His presence and His great and precious promises,

Darcy

Office Manager

*(All verses are in the ESV Bible version - emphasis mine)

 

PS If you would like to grow in your walk with God in many various ways, and particularly how that relates to your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our very caring Clarity Call advisor - click here to schedule

 

A testimonial from a course graduate:

"I was very, very nervous to try this program out. My wife still doesn't know about my involvement and I was very nervous about doing this without her knowledge.

But it has really exceeded any expectations I had about what might happen in my marriage.

I do believe I will talk with my wife about MR, in the right time, and I think it will go just fine. But if that is the reason you are hesitating, I can tell you…it really can work!"

Well, first of all, I feel very ill-equipped to answer this question. 

 

However, I don't think it serves you best for me to pretend that I don't know the limited things that I do believe God has taught me. 

 

So, with that in mind, I'd like to share the general themes of today's episode

-humility

-the horrific humiliation of the cross 

-how that makes us more surrendered followers

-the necessity of solitude

-the reality of our nothingness which we will only perceive should we stay in solitude long enough

-how I wrestle and fight pride and seek humility -- and how I always hope to. 

 

May this draw you closer to who God wants you to be. 

 

Blessings,

Belah

 

Invitation: Would you like help in your marriage? We truly do care and so does God! Have you given up hope of change? God can do the impossible!

We invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with a caring, understanding advisor here at Delight Your Marriage. Click here to schedule.

Here is what one man shared about the Clarity Call experience: "Fear and shame tried to stop me from a clarity call.  I had to humble myself to get the help I needed. The advisor was warm and friendly and could empathize with my situation."

Invitation: Would you like help in your marriage? We truly do care and so does God! Have you given up hope of change? God can do the impossible! We invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with a caring, understanding advisor here at Delight Your Marriage. Click here to schedule.

 

Here is what one man shared about the Clarity Call experience: "Fear and shame tried to stop me from a clarity call.  I had to humble myself to get the help I needed. The advisor was warm and friendly and could empathize with my situation."

A quote from a course graduate: "Nothing good ever comes easy, so if you are ready to stop trying to get your marriage and your intimacy to a good place and start TRAINING to get your marriage and your intimacy to a good place…this program is for you."

When God said, "Let there be light," something amazing happened. 

When I said, "Let there be light," ummm... well... I felt silly and 0 things, amazing or not, happened.

 

I guess I'm just not God. Which is surprising? 

 

No, it's not. 

But, the world thinks we get to decide who God is. 

Unfortunately, too many Christians feel that way, too. 

 

It's tragic. 

God is not us. 

And we don't get to live by feelings. 

We don't get to say, "Today I feel x, so it must be true."

 

A follower of Jesus -- surrendered -- taking up his/her cross -- dying to his/herself -- is not led by his/her feelings. 

Feelings of right and wrong...

Feelings of attraction or non-attraction (to spouse or many types of others...)

Feelings of desire for sexual intimacy...

Feelings of pleasure in sex... 

 

Does this mean as a follower of Jesus you have to do things you don't want to do? 

...

Ummm...

...

Yes.

 

Does it mean that you have to do what the Bible says?

...

Ummm...

...

Yes.

 

Are there things I don't LIKE that the Bible says?

Yes. 

 

Am I the one who said "Let there be light," and something happened? 

No. 

 

So, I get to humbly submit to the God and author of ALL and say "You're smarter, You're wiser, Your ways are better, and I'm going to submit my will/feelings/desires to You".

My sexuality included. 

 

"No one should say God is tempting me...

but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death...

[God] does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth."

 

So, stop asking, "Why am I tempted?" Or, "Why don't I have desire for my spouse?" Or, "Why don't I enjoy sex?"

And instead, embrace the cross of Christ. Deny yourself. And decide this IS God's best for You. 

The surrendered Christian's questions become: "How do I do this Your way?" "How do I have desire for my spouse?" "How do I love MY spouse the way You created them?" "How do I enjoy and find pleasure in the sexual intimacy You designed and ordained and said I should not withhold?"

 

Yes -- sexual intimacy is a spiritual battle. Do you surrender all to Jesus?

Or are you still self-surrendered? Self-guided? Self-centered?

 

I pray that this would be as convicting to you as it is to me. May you listen and feel God calling you to greater repentance, depth, love, and worship of Him.

Love, 

Belah

 

PS -- We'd love to partner with you in this. God doesn't ask us to do any of this alone. We love helping people into joy in sexual intimacy and marriage at every level in every area. Get on a call with a Clarity Advisor to see if you'd be the right fit for us to help you in this vital part of life. delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Clarity is crucial in a marriage because it allows individuals to gain self-awareness, understand their own emotions and behaviors, and without even realizing it, it can help you take responsibility for your part in the relationship dynamics. Maybe you didn't "cause it" but you haven't worked to solve it.

When couples face challenges or conflicts, it's easy to blame each other or external factors without examining what is really going on under the surface of the behaviors. A Clarity Call encourages an individual to look carefully at themselves, their patterns, history, and reflect on their thoughts, feelings, actions, and current situation.

Sign up for a free Clarity Call today! Delightyourmarriage.com/cc

By engaging in a Clarity Call, individuals can identify their own patterns and unresolved issues that may be impacting the relationship. It helps them recognize their own biases, insecurities, woundedness, and areas for personal growth. Through a Clarity Call, individuals can better understand how their own behaviors and reactions may influence the dynamics within the marriage.

Believe it or not, a Clarity Call can also foster empathy and compassion. When Dana speaks with an individual -- they take the time to understand their own experiences, process them, and become more attuned to their partner's emotions and perspectives.

This increased awareness enables them to approach conflicts with empathy, communicate more effectively, and find solutions that meet both partners' needs.

This is why the individuals on today's call said this: 

• "After that call, everything that I went through, it was just like, all the pieces of a major puzzle being put together."

 

• "You make it very easy. You make it our lives are in chaos and you guys just speak peace right into that situation and calm it down to where we can unload what we need to unload."

 

• "It was a great experience something I'll never forget because it was a great moment that I'll hold dear to my heart for the rest of my life."

Sign up for a free Clarity Call today! Delightyourmarriage.com/cc

I am sharing the episode that has the most downloads at Delight Your Marriage of all time!

 

Blessings,
Belah

PS - Also, I have many free resources and would love to invite you to check them out: delightyourmarriage.com/free

PPS - If you need help with your marriage -- do not hesitate to apply for a free Clarity Call. One of our Clarity Advisors (a former graduate of a DYM course themselves and experienced transformation in their own marriage) will guide you through the process to determine how we can help you. Sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

A recent grad wrote,

"I could probably fill a journal with the celebrations I experienced in the program!...

By far, the biggest celebrations have been what God has done in my heart! Our sex life has never been better…

our times of making love are passionate, tender, emotional and spiritual."

If your marriage is still plagued by your past mistakes -- she brings up what happened 20 years ago... or he brings up how you used to be all the time...

 

What can you do to heal it?

How can you two move forward and actually build a better marriage? 

 

I would like you to remember some important scriptures on this topic: 

It is His kindness that leads us to repentance.

He disciplines those He loves. 

Whoever heeds discipline shows the ways to life.

 

And then this is the one that's super practical: 

"if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar.

First, go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift."

 

How do you reconcile? 

Apologize. 

 

How do you make your apologies effective? 

That is what I want to walk through with you on this episode.

 

I want you to have all of the know-how to get out there and do the scary, excruciating but necessary thing of owning your side and apologizing for it. 

Is it 100% your fault. I bet not.

But, there is always an opportunity for us to own our side and for the purposes of getting right before God -- go and repair with your spouse. 

 

I hope this helps and gives you the encouragement you need to do the right thing. 

Blessings,

Belah

PS -- We'd love to support you in your marriage -- feel free to get on a Clarity Call with a Clarity Advisor to see how we can help transform your ho-hum marriage to one that's warm and inviting! 

A recent grad wrote:

"I'm not exaggerating, I'm keeping it real…this is what I would tell anyone who asked…

I had been praying intensely for my marriage daily for 8 months... I had very limited improvements until starting the program.

The [Clarity] Advisor was warm and friendly and could empathize with my situation.

This program helped me stop doing the things that were undermining my efforts to improve my marriage.

I have spent much more money trying to rekindle my marriage with no results.

This might possibly be the best investment of my life."

We'd love to have you see this kind of transformation! delightyourmarriage.com/cc

 "Throughout all of history, it is clear that humans naturally are humble, self-sacrificial, and want to be of service to others"

...said no one, ever. 

 

That is the right heart and mindset but it must be chosen and cultivated.

When we look back at our lives the things we are most proud of are not what came easily.

We are most proud of what was difficult, what took sacrifice and what was in service to something bigger than ourselves. 

By nature, we don't want to do "hard".

Easy SEEMS better in the short-term, but when we choose the hard, we look back and see a life of meaning and purpose. 

 

As a wife, it's not easy to reject the lies that society feeds us nowadays.

Lie - "Men and women are the same"

The problem is if we're the same then we'll expect to give and receive love the same way.

So, if a wife doesn't need sex to feel loved, she'll be bitter that her husband can't live without it.

The truth sets us free. And the truth is men and women are designed differently -- equal in value and dignity but different in the ways we receive love (among other things).

 

When I push myself towards the gym because of a doctor's wisdom, am I oppressing myself? Is the doctor oppressing me for suggesting such a gruesome and heinous encouragement that could leave me sore and in discomfort for days...

No--I'm grateful he told me the truth so I can have the results he knows I want: health and well-being. Ultimately, if I do push myself to go to the gym, I feel a LOT better once I'm there and started.

 

In the same way, if it is true and wise and good to go towards intimacy in marriage -- regardless of how I feel naturally -- I can change my attitude and go towards this gift that God has given. And generally with the right attitude, I'll start to enjoy it in the midst. 

The beautiful part about sex is when you sacrifice your feelings and wants for the good of God's plan for your marriage, you can actually start to enjoy, love, and relish in His good gift of intimacy!

It all starts with a choice to say "Not my will, but Your will be done in my life".

 

Love,
Belah

 

PS - If you are wanting to improve your marriage and have deeper intimacy with your spouse, we would love to talk with you. Please feel free to contact us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to schedule a free Clarity Call.

 

PPS - Here is quote from a recent graduate:
Before: "[Before the Delighted Wife program], My husband and I were at the brink of complete and utter separation.  We were not communicating.  There was anger and yelling and volatile behavior.  We were not even sleeping in the same bed, in the same room. I was feeling absolutely helpless and broken.  I feared for the future and for what would happen to our family. My health was being affected and all of the struggles were really destroying both of us."

After DW: "Through the program, I realized that first, my husband is different than I am.  Second, I learned that I was not respecting, admiring, or being wholehearted in my approach to intimacy.   Third, I learned that the improvement that God was effecting for our marriage needed to begin with one of us and that it was me who needed to start… I learned to see my husband through God's eyes and am determined to love him with all of his strengths and weaknesses without wanting any change but instead being grateful for all that he is in my life… Delight Your Marriage opened my eyes to what the Lord has in store and has filled me with so much hope. Through the tools of the program, I have been able to see the improvements that have been affected almost miraculously.  To God be the Glory!!!"

When I look back on my life -- when I see what is currently unseen -- when I see Jesus face to face -- when all has been revealed...

I am convinced I will be BLOWN AWAY by the love I never realized He truly had for me. 

In the Bible, it says that God feeds the birds. (Mt 6:26)

He FEEDS the birds. 

 

I was observing birds yesterday in the park. 

There are tons of them, flitting around, this way and that. 

And yet the God of the universe cares about His creation, so much so, that He Himself feeds the birds! 

 

He is intimately aware of your life and what you're going through. 

And He is feeding you. He is clothing you. He is giving you far more than just that.

He wants you to realize that in every good AND in every suffering, He remains good. 

There is SO much you (and I) cannot see. 

He allows suffering for His reasons only He can see.

But when you trust this truth that He is the one that gives everything that is right in your life -- it allows you to see the suffering better.

You can endure the suffering with a peace, a joy, and a contentment that is important.

In fact, when you have that peace/joy/contentment during the suffering, you will accomplish at least some of the important purposes He has for that suffering. 

 

Make no mistake, God cares about your suffering.

God cares about the rejection you feel from your spouse. 

He cares about your loneliness in the one supposedly "safe relationship" - your marriage.

He cares about the lack of intimacy. 

He cares about the lack of warmth. 

He cares when your spouse ignores the cravings of your soul that you were designed to have. 

He cares. 

 

And IN THIS He is good.

 

If we only knew how much He truly loved you... 

He would risk you possibly turning away from him due to that suffering because He has bigger purposes. 

Remember...

Higher than the heavens are above the earth are His ways higher than our ways, are His thoughts higher than our thoughts. 

We do NOT have to understand.

We DO have to trust His goodness. 

That starts with realizing, if the God of the Universe feeds each of these birds, that means he makes each of my breaths happen, each of my blood vessels moves when they are meant to. 

It means He causes my son to smile at me. 

It means He causes my eyes to even see the sunset. 

It means that He not only knit me together in my mother's womb for 9 to 10 months...

But He didn't stop.

He is still in me.

He is still designing, directing, causing all these things to go well in me. 

 

EVERY good gift is from Him.

Even the ones I don't take time to notice. 

 

When my arm breaks it should remind me that He was the one that caused it to thrive every other day. 

If we only soaked in the truth of His love, we could more easily trust it during the suffering... He is still good. 

If we only knew His love. 

 

If we only knew His love. 

 

If we only knew His love. 

 

May you know the love of Christ. 

May I know it, too.

 

Love & Blessings,

Belah

You're doing it. You want to hear where you might need to grow. You want to see where you might not see yet. That was Meredith's heart and what led to their amazing transformation. 

 

It is God's kindness to lead us to repentance. 

He loves those He disciples. 

What are Christians...?

Who are Christ-followers...?

What is a Disciple of Jesus?

We're the ones who ask:

"Jesus, what do you want to teach me? What can I learn to be more like you? How can I walk more in your will today? Show me. Teach me. Guide me."

 

We are all broken and blind to many things.

(I am in that category, for sure!) 

We are all missing some things that others already know -- because God opened their eyes.

 

If you click this episode, I am proud of you.

You are seeking how you might need to change.

You are seeking what God might want to show you, too, just as He opened Meredith's eyes. 

 

This is a story of transformation from a woman who chose to see the world as God set it up. 

Not because it's easy. 

Not because it's "natural".

Not because the non-Christians agree with this mindset. 

But, because when the Lord spoke truth to her heart surrounding her marriage, she chose to have an open heart and be moved by His truth. 

May God speak to you through her story. 

She loves God.

She wants to share her story not because it's easy to share.

But, because it's her duty to share what God has done in her, and now, how He can do it in others, too. 

 

What is her story: 

Through many things, she started her young life away from God and was promiscuous.

So, sex was tainted from the beginning. When she got into marriage, she associated negative things with sex and now she is a repentant Jesus follower.

This sex-thing must not be important to God.

But then, her eyes were opened and God has done incredible things in her, her husband, and their family.   

Now she even has the desire for intimacy. True desire. She's enjoying it and desiring it for herself. 

It wasn't immediate, it was a process.

But you can get there, too.

I love you and I'm rooting for you.

 

Blessings,

Belah

 

PS - We'd love to join you on this journey. A single podcast episode isn't enough. 

I'd encourage you to take the leap of faith and decide it's time to address this head-on. 

And like Meredith, we'd love to join you on a (proven) journey, where you can come to a place of healing, joy, and even desire for the gift God gave Adam and Eve. 

Let's talk: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

When you sign up for a time with a Clarity Advisor - a trained graduate of these very programs - where it's fully confidential and judgment-free, you'll have time to process things you may never have before.

An opportunity for us to see how we can help you in your specific situation. 

We love you. delightyourmarriage.com/cc

If you have temptations to jealousy, here's what I recommend. 

If you've listened to the transformation stories and become upset, angry, bitter, resentful...

I want to give you some ideas on what to do.

I get that way too.

I have certain triggers that throw me completely off. 

You might as well. 

I want to give you some ideas on how I deal with my triggers. 

And I want you to get really CURIOUS about what you can learn from these triggers to jealousy and how you can end the cycle. 

 

Blessings,

Belah

 

PS -- We'd love to help you on a Clarity Call, feel free to sign up for a free one here: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

We get to see miracles everyday and we'd love to help you.

I've been there. 

Angry because he wouldn't change. 

Hurt because he wasn't giving me what I needed.

And God was kind to me. 

He helped me to see that there were places in my heart that needed to be utterly changed. 

This journey to freedom in your marriage is one that should start with the heart. 

If you're a wife, you may see yourself in Emily's story. I know I do. 

If you're a husband, you can see more of how you can serve and love your wife, and also, have hope that God can do miracles in your marriage. 

Looking forward to you being blessed by God's kindness through this testimony of Jesus' transformation.

Blessings,

Belah

PS - If you'd like to find out how your marriage can shift in the ways Emily speaks about, I invite you to join a free Clarity Call ($300 value) at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

We'd love to serve you and witness God do a miracle in your life as well. Schedule now: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - Last year, Belah was part of the special intimacy expert panel in the 2021 Sex Seminar (a huge success!). Well, she was honored to be invited back for the 2022 Sex Seminar, presenting alongside 22 other professionals in the field. Her topic is THE 8 BARRIERS WOMEN HAVE TO SEX. 

Next week, we'll be sending you a discount code for the entire seminar (which is packed full of value and helpful insights from all sorts of important intimacy topics) and we hope it will be a blessing for your marriage!

 

"I was pretty much done with life...I wouldn't have minded if I passed away. If this is all life has to offer, what's the point?"

 

A father of 7.

Deep sadness of his inner life. 

Deep pain.

Desperation.

 

But then... God did an incredible, incredible, incredible thing.

 

This title doesn't by any means tell the whole story. But I want you to hear the incredible result that God did.

(My other suggested title was "Zero/yr to 5x/wk and She Didn't Know He Did the Program!")

However, the process is what God did in His heart and the fruits showed up in his marriage and intimacy.

 

And after 10 months of nothing, she started initiating (A LOT) and loving him the way he receives love (in response to his change.)

 

My favorite part of this story?

That there are seven children growing up in a happy home. A man who no longer hopes for the end, but one who looks forward to what God is doing through and in his life.

That is a good God story.

Blessings,
Belah

PS -  If you'd like to have access to the program that Ken took, sign up for a free Clarity Call (a $300 value) to see if your situation would transform like his. We have a trained Clarity Advisor who will help you discern where you are and if DYM can help you.

Whether your marriage is good or desperate. We get to witness the transformation like Ken, but also that those who have good marriages go to great (!!) 

Sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
 
PS - A recent grad wrote:

"My marriage has completely changed.

I would have not guessed that all of this could have happened in such a short amount of time…

and I will forever be grateful for what God is doing in y'all and through y'all!"

Why couldn't this be you?

Sign up for a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

They're saying a lot of hurtful things.

They're saying it in a mean tone of voice.

Their face has the look of disgust, or worse.

 

You can feel your temperature rising. 

You can feel your face getting red. 

You can feel your rage welling up from the pit of your belly. 

 

Is it righteous indignation?

Is it because they need godly correction -- and fast?

Is it that you're just plain tired of being unfairly beaten down?

 

Well...

In the midst of that moment of emotional alarm...

When the atomic bomb is counting down and it feels like everything has to happen right then, or else...

And your "wise brain" - the prefrontal cortex - has gone completely offline and your "childish/immature brain" is the only thing left and can't seem to see anything but red alarm bells everywhere...

 

Here are 3 tools to dismantle the bomb BEFORE the explosion detonates and destroys and/or damages all that you hold dear

...hurting the people you love the most - those you're assigned by God to protect, respect, love, and cherish.

 

But just like a professional bomb dismantler (it's probably called that, right?)...

You've got to be trained AND you've got to practice before the bomb is about to go off. 

These are tools to practice. 

These are tools that will make you more like Jesus if you practice them. 

God has given us wonderful ways to respond to situations in the moment and here are 3 that I want you to have.

Looking forward to hearing how this impacts your life! 

Blessings,

Belah

PS - We'd love to help you have the marriage you deeply desire and increase how God can use you more effectively if you do have it.

Emotionally, physically, and spiritually fulfilled in God's design. 

Get on a call with one of our Clarity Advisors to let us hear your story and to have the insights to see how we can help you. 

This is a $300 value -- our gift to you for free -- so God can move in you and your marriage. 

It's a brave and important step to get your marriage healed: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

SO much packed in here, but I tried to narrow it down so you have a helpful summary. We go deep in this episode, I really think it'll help you.

Three points are made in this episode:

1 - Your feelings are God given and He wants to do something because of them.

2 - It is healthy and even Jesus-like to express your frustration emotions (without hurting anyone) and grieve through your sad emotions (tears are important).

3 - Regardless of your lot in life, it is your responsibility (not your family of origin, perhaps you didn't have a good role model, maybe you were exposed to porn, or your wife doesn't have wholehearted sex with you every other day...) to correctly follow God with your emotions. 

 

A lot of men learned to deal with frustration through masturbation and/or pornography. It was a very tactical way to get frustration out of their body. 

However, that stunted the opportunity to get frustration out in a healthy way, so that their brains could develop in the way God wanted it to -- with empathy, gentleness, and kindness. 

So, they came into marriage assuming they'd be able to replace their "frustration valve" of pornography with their wife's body. 

And surprise... they're still frustrated. 

Because that's not Jesus' way. 

They may struggle now with anger, aggression, bitterness, resentment, being judgmental...

Sex addiction, still...

Alcoholism, video game addiction, binge-watching nonsense...

Longing for your past sexual escapades...

Daydreaming about divorce so you could get a new partner...

Other similar things are unhealthy ways of expelling the frustration.

(Things that, if it was printed on the front page of a newspaper, you would be ashamed of.) 

 

I want you to know -- I am proud of you for even reading this email -- and if you're in any of these loops -- I think God is proud of you for facing it! Bravo!

Listen, this is not just for men, but I hope this will help you process what's going on with you a bit more.

 

Feelings are good. They're God given. They tell us something. It may be that WE need to process, mature, slow-down, feel grief, etc. so we can feel empathy...

I want you to listen to this episode because I really think it could help you and help all of us pursue Jesus better. 

Love & Blessings,

Belah

PS - If you want to dedicate a short season of your life to DO this practically. To live this out for the betterment of your marriage & intimacy but also in service to your kids and ministry -- I'd love to invite you to join a free Clarity Call.

On that call, a Clarity Advisor who is specifically trained in helping you draw out your emotions that may be pent up and looking like anger and self-righteousness instead of frustration and sadness.

People who chose not to move forward with our recommendation because of their current season of life or any other things have emailed afterwards to share how helpful it was for that empathetic and listening ear. 

We'd love to help, schedule a call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

This is a great sadness to me.

When a wife steps out (even an inch) from her comfort zone and her husband mishandles this vulnerability. 

Whether it's an inch sexually or in any part of their relationship...vulnerability should be appreciated and complimented and encouraged. 

Your response to her discovery of more sexual freedom (big or small) should be, "Oh! How can I love HER more, too?" Not, "Oh, how can I perfect/change/improve her attempts?"

Because the second piece undermines her sexual freedom. That is what saddens me and makes me pray that God will help me do this thing better. 

That's why it grieves me at times that my podcast can be heard by both men and women... because the enemy WANTS your focus to be on yourself. 

The enemy wants you to be focused on whether or not you're getting your "fair share". Or on "how can she love me better". 

But if we can be more like Christ and put the focus on the other "how can I love her better?"

How can her attempts to love me... inspire me to love HER!? That's the heart I believe God wants us to have around this topic.  

This is a part of what our Masculinity Reclaimed program addresses. 

Maybe you have lost all hope that intimacy could be different and you may think you're doing all the right things -- everything I teach you to do, right? But, if it's still not working, you haven't tried the program and that might be the step you're missing. 

Listen to the testimonials please, because you'll hear some stellar men who were doing it "right" and just couldn't get there until they followed the program and got incredible breakthroughs. 

Our whole team will give you 100%, we'd love to have you on the inside!

Schedule a free Clarity Call to get started in our online courses to begin healing your marriage at delightyourmarriage.com/cc!

Love, blessings, & prayers,

Belah

I never want to "get over" the miracles we see, daily.

But, you will be blown away by what God continues to do.

It can happen for you.

It can happen for your friend.

It can happen for your acquaintance. 

Families do NOT need to be torn apart.

Husbands do not need to cry in their cars of loneliness due to lack of intimacy.

Kids do not need to grow up fearful and stressed because of the strife in the home.

Ministries don't need to be undermined by leadership infidelity (privately or publicly.)

God can change it all. 

It's not automatic. 

It is a system. 

A strategy.

A... program. 

By God's grace, He uses "Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy & love being married again" for amazing purposes. 

For His glory. Listen in to understand that the work is heart work but the results are true healing, connection & intimacy.

Could it all be different in just 3 months? Maybe! For these gents -- it was! Join us: delightyourmarriage.com/minvite 

Blessings,

Belah

PS - This cohort closes Monday, April 4, 2022

Join us: delightyourmarriage.com/minvite 

(Enrollment is open for Masculinity Reclaimed program -- check it out here delightyourmarriage.com/minvite -- closes April 4, 2022)

--

Skeptical. Yep, that's Bill :)  (Ehemm, *was* Bill).

I don't blame him. He had been through it. His first marriage didn't work out. 

He came to peace with being single for the rest of his life, until his (now) wife came along. 

Things were good for a while. Until they weren't. And then that lasted 20 years. 

Bill went through these two major heartbreaks... there's only so much heartbreak we can go through til we don't want to have hope that it could change. 

Why would it. How could it. It's been like this for so long. 

Well, though skeptical, he thought he would try the program just for the betterment of himself. 

And he worked hard -- ups and downs -- because it's real life. But after a year of continuing what he learned -- he's here to say that it can change. 

Completely. 

God brought him closer to Himself than he had been for many years.

And God utterly transformed their marriage.

Truly amazing. 

If you've gone through heartbreak in your marriage. I want you to have hope. It can change. It can. It can. 

You may be skeptical like Bill because of your pain and history. It's ok. But listen and see if God has a reason you should still have hope.

Enrollment into the same program he took: Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy & enjoy marriage again! is open now (but closes on April 4 at midnight EST). 

Our whole team of graduates would love to serve you and help you to witness God's transformation just like Bill! All for His glory. 

Join us! delightyourmarriage.com/minvite

Prayers & Blessings,

Belah

When you see everyone else has great intimacy except you, how can you survive? 

How can you live without this vital need being met (as God even designed it)? 

I hear you.

It's painful. 

It really is. 

 

In this conversation, I hope you will feel encouraged and supported and also feel that God does care and there is direction.

Blessings, 
Belah

 

PS - Do you want to improve your marriage? Do you want to see a move of God in your own life and in the life of your spouse, family, and friendships? We want to help you. Check out this link to schedule a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "[Before the Masculinity Reclaimed program], I was stuck in the sin of self pity.  We were not enjoying each other's company. Our youngest two children were noticing, and it was not the examples we wanted to be showing them.

[After the MR program], I have become more thankful. I learned to focus on the positives. I have learned to become a better listener. I understand my wife's needs better.  Because of past disappointments my wife was not my #1 priority after the Lord. Now she is... There is so much in this program that is good.  I loved Belah's insights for each guy during each week's coaching call. I believe she is relying on the Holy Spirit for wisdom and it shows with each guy's reactions and progress."

Click here to sign up for the all-new Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course! THIS Monday, March 28, 2022! delightyourmarriage.com/menscourse

--

How many broken, sad, dramatic stories have you heard this week, this month, this year? Where hearts are broken and families torn apart? Maybe you're even in a similar situation.

This is why I want to share as many of these transformations as possible. Here's where Steve began...

"I felt like I was looking down a long dark tunnel and there was no light at the end. Divorce wasn't an option. But I was feeling hopeless it could ever be different."

Sadly, this is not the first time I've heard a husband describe his marriage that way. He is committed to Jesus. He loves his family. He wants his kids to grow up in a Godly home, with joy and laughter. And he wants them to see what a wonderful marriage can look like.

But instead, his wife is cold. Stand off-ish. Sex is just a scheduled thing that happens because it's on the (very bottom of) her checklist. A lot of frustration and tension was in their home.

One thing you'll find out about Steve is he's not one to sit idly by letting the marriage disintegrate. This is why when he was searching for podcasts on intimacy, he stumbled on DYM and became an avid listener.  

Well, I am happy to say that after 3 months of, only him doing the work, in fact, she didn't know! He said she had no interest in changing, working on the relationship or certainly not discussing sex... but God has done some awesome things!

I want you to listen today because it's when we hear stories that God puts hope in us to a greater degree (I think) than just direct teaching. It's really through stories that we hear someone's heart and we hear what God has done in them and in their marriages.

If you're struggling... I want you to resist the temptation towards jealousy. And instead rejoice that God is still changing hearts, lives, and marriages! (Even if only 1 does the work!) Steve can give you great evidence that it's worth it even on this side of heaven.

Love & Blessings,
Belah

PS - We'd love to have you join the FREE men's course Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations!! Available for a very short time and will be released starting  Monday, March 28th!

Click here to register for the FREE all-new Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course!

A recent grad of the full MR Program wrote:

"DYM has changed me and my marriage, I hope it will be a forever change, but that will depend on me continuing to be the man God has asked me to be.

My wife is responding to me in ways that she has never responded, her love and affection are at all time highs and our intimacy is at a place I have always hoped it would be. I have more energy, focus, and life to give the people around me."

Click here to sign up for the all-new Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course! THIS Monday, March 28, 2022!
 

Duty sex…this is such a huge challenge for SO many couples - on both sides of the aisle!

 

Husbands and wives, how does our personal approach to sexual intimacy affect our spouse? 

 

Does sexual intimacy within our marriage lead us toward one another or away from one another?

 

And if it often or sometimes leads us away from each other, is that our Creator's intention? How do we fix this? Can it be fixed?

 

The fact of the matter is, the answers to these questions can be hard to come by! There just isn't a lot of guidance out there for couples who want a God-honoring sexual relationship in their marriage! 

 

If sexual intimacy is a gift from our Creator - and we know that ALL of His gifts are good - then why is this area of our lives so often filled with hurt and pain?

 

Does it really matter whose fault it is? Playing the blame game doesn't fix the problem, does it. Can one spouse change the dynamics in our marriages? YES - a thousand times, YES!! We've seen it! We've experienced it!

 

Here at Delight Your Marriage, God has blessed Belah with a lot of really good advice and encouragement for couples in this specific arena. Yes! There are principles that we can learn and apply to help us grow in our relationships - not just in the area of sexual intimacy, but in the overall connection within our marriage. This is what Delight Your Marriage is all about!

 

Okay, now this is THE bonus piece of information here that we hope you don't miss because it can be cliche or common to our ears: THE key of loving others well is to be filled up with Jesus' love and to lean into loving Him well! He IS love! As we grow in His love, the fruit of the Spirit becomes more abundant in OUR lives! I Cor. 14:1 "Pursue love…"

 

Would you pause right there and snatch that and think on it for a bit? I'm dead serious! 

 

You know, we're similar to a tree. Have you seen a branch on a tree that is partly broken off? What does the branch generally look like? A lot of times the leaves are shriveling up, right? The health of the branch is directly correlated to how well the branch is connected to the trunk of the tree. 

 

Are we feeling shriveled up? Are we feeling unfruitful? Are we struggling to experience the abundant life that Jesus has offered to us? …That's a good gauge that we need to check our attachment to The Vine. 

 

Do you need some guidance, accountability, and encouragement to grow in these areas? We want to help you! 

We're SO excited to announce we are offering a FREE men's course - it will only be available for a very short time! We offer this only a few times/year. March 28th is when the first lesson will be released. Sign up here if you want to join us!

I promise I didn't put them up to this...

But I was nervous about what they'd say, so I asked if they'd let me hear it before it went live. 

Golly... made me blush and eyes water. It meant a lot to me. 

But more than that, I hope you feel like you've been invited into our DYM family virtual living room and know that we love you and we care about you. 

This DYM Team is truly amazing. I am honored and blessed to be a part of others doing this amazing work. 

I just came back from sabbatical this week, and things are better than when I left :)

So, God is working through these wonderful individuals and I'm so glad you finally get to meet: Dana, Darcy, Kevin, Vikas, Kyle, and Ali!

I believe that you'll be encouraged to hear more of their stories and their work.

May it comfort you! (If it can happen for them, it can happen for you! Don't lose heart!)

Love & Blessings,
Belah

 

PS -- if you'd like to witness your marriage transform as these team members have (all of them saw dramatic changes in their marriages due to the DYM programs) then get on a call with one of our Clarity Advisors to see how we can help you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Have you lost hope of your marriage EVER changing? You're not alone! Many who come to Delight Your Marriage (DYM) have all but given up on their marriages. Some who come here, are separated and/or on the verge of divorce.

Many others, have good marriages but want an even better one!

In regard to the specific challenges that Minister Matt and his wife experienced in their marriage, he shares, "I kind of resigned myself to, 'That's what it is and this is how it's going to be.'"

After finding Delight Your Marriage, "It gave me hope for the first time in a long time."

Minister Matt found the supportive community within DYM to be a key factor to helping guys to continue moving in the right direction. 

For those of you who are in ministry and feel somewhat isolated to get the help you need in your marriage, DYM is the ideal place to come!

Your marriages are likely under a higher level of enemy attack because of your position as a leader in your church or ministry.

We welcome you and offer a safe and godly environment to get the support and help that you need! We love you and want to pour into you and your marriage to release you to better serve in the critical work that you are doing!

Thank you pastors and church leaders for your work! Don't suffer and struggle in silence, don't settle for defeat in your marriage...FIGHT for your marriage, knowing that the battle is with the principalities and powers of the darkness and not a physical battle! DYM will help support you in the battle for your heart, your marriage, and your family!

One of the coolest things that I loved about what Pastor Matt shares on this podcast is that He felt God's encouragement in this pursuit to learn to love his wife well and grow in intimacy with her but He also challenged Pastor Matt that he and God were going to grow in intimacy at the same time!

God longs for our heart and devotion, just as we long for the heart and devotion of our spouse! This is an earnest pursuit for us here at DYM...the heart of God - as He has already pursued us!! Would you like to join us?

We WELCOME you! Schedule a free call with one of our advisors at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.

How would you rate intimacy in your marriage…any type of intimacy? 

 

Do you wonder why intimacy is such a difficult topic in marriage? Do you wish you could understand why husbands and wives see this topic so differently?

 

How do you know if you're off target in how you relate to your spouse? 

 

Maybe you feel like you're not the one with a problem, it's your spouse…

"You don't know what you don't know!" 

Listen in as Pastor Luke shares how things that he thought he knew and had a handle on, had a whole new light shone on them in Masculinity Reclaimed. He also discovered that some things that he had once found confusing, now seem so clear!

 

Pastor Luke explains why he thinks Delight Your Marriage is effective, "It's easy for women to understand how women feel. It's easy for men to understand how men feel, but if you can find a man who understands women or women who understand men, I think they have a responsibility to help bridge that gap. Belah has it and she is living into that responsibility. She is bridging the gap for men and for women to understand each other and understand how they are different and understand sexuality. What a blessing!"

 

So, you've been hearing about this Masculinity Reclaimed course and wonder just how effective it is. Pastor Luke shares his observation of others in the course with him…

 

"Twelve weeks is not a lot of time but I think probably every guy was experiencing some change, if not like insane amounts of change over twelve weeks, from just following these simple principles consistently."

 

Pastor Luke also says, "The cost was well worth it. I would pay it again…The value was there. The quality was there. The group time with Belah was there…It was worth every single penny. What would you pay to have your marriage filled with intimacy?...I would be really, REALLY surprised if you regretted it after the program."

 

We're here because God cares about marriages and He has equipped Belah and the team here at DYM to help marriages! He loves you and wants to heal and redeem your brokenness! All who are weak and heavy laden, come find rest at our Savior's feet!  

 

We invite you to schedule a free call with one of our course advisors to see if we're a good fit for you.

"I wish I could have done this course before I got married." - Pastor Bennie

This is a statement that we commonly hear at DYM. Whether a marriage is good or bad, whether couples have been married many years or few, marriage after marriage has been profoundly impacted through DYM - praise God!

In this podcast, Pastor Bennie shares about his personal experience taking Masculinity Reclaimed - DYM's main coursework for husbands.

He shares how the course helped him to better understand and love his wife and helps to address heart issues - which is the root of the problem to begin with.

Pastor Bennie shares about the "massive" changes that he and other men in the course with him experienced while progressing through the course.

You know, I don't know where you are in your marriage right now, but I would want for every marriage out there the great results that SO many couples are experiencing here at DYM!

We invite you to consider if this may be the place for you to find breakthrough or even just a brand new level of great in your marriage. It has been that way for all of us on the DYM team, and we love sharing our new normal with everyone else...because you just can't help but share things that have totally changed your life!

You don't have to just take our word for it, Pastor Bennie and so many others have shared their stories, too! We would love for YOU to experience a better, richer marriage, too, so come on in and join us!!

delightyourmarriage.com/cc - I invite you to schedule a free call with our course advisor to investigate if DYM may be the right fit for you.

"She felt he was pushing her towards sex and she would pull away and it would make him angry".

After 37 years of marriage, God has done a work in their marriage. Even though they were best friends, this was something that was always this "friction" between them.

She felt like she was up against a wall all the time and being pushed caused her to have no libido.

She had never, ever spoken to ANYONE about sex, ever. And she said now she is able to speak about it. After 37 years of questions and pain, now she's feeling healing.

He thought he was expressing his heart and it was just pushing me farther from him sexually.

She says this freedom in intimacy "impacts everything".

I think this will give you so much hope and insights into what you can do as a husband, and how you can be encouraged as a wife.

God is still transforming hearts!

Blessings,

Belah

PS - If you'd like to find out if a program that Julie was discussing that she or her husband went through, join us on a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to speak to a Clarity Advisor (a $300 value, for free) to determine if we can help you like Julie.

What a fantastic interview with Gary Thomas!

If you're not familiar with him yet, I think you'll be glad that you are now!

Gary has a new book out: Married Sex -- to add to the other books that have been such a perspective shift for me and many I know. His heart is specifically about God's design for marriage as an opportunity to grow closer to Him.

I want to share one specific phrase, the tagline of his bestseller Sacred Marriage, "What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?" That inspires me and encourages me away from secular values and norms, and provokes me to be more aligned with God's will and desires.

But know, dear listener, he believes that enjoyable and pleasurable sex is a great part of God's plan!

How? Well, we talk about tools and tips and understandings around sex and the differences in men and women that can give you a whole different view of what God intended sex to be. 

Gary helps people open their hearts to more. And because you can see so clearly his pursuit for the Lord, it helps to hear him say some things about sex that you might otherwise think are not "appropriate" for a holy person. But the truth is they are and so much more joy can be had in this realm.

Do pick up his book Married Sex and check out more of his work at marriedsex.us

 

It was a true honor to get to speak to Gary in person as I have admired his work from afar. It really has been a huge blessing to me, my understanding of God as well as grace, joy and respect for my own husband. I'm excited for you to get to know him better!

Blessings,

Belah

PS - If you'd like to find out more about Delight Your Marriage accountability-based programs and live coaching, you can go to delightyourmarriage.com and click on Clarity Calls or other free resources.

Do you ever feel humbled by your mistakes?

Do you ever feel flat-out humiliated? 

 

Oh my, do I fall into that sometimes! 

I think the enemy feels glad about that -- and then the shame he heaps upon us while we're recognizing the mistake (and maybe the enormity of it.)

 

And that's when God's truth (as Kyle, DYM Mentor, reminded me of yesterday) is so helpful.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" Romans 8:1

 

See, when we go out of our comfort zone and try to do God's work, we're going to trip. And that's normal. 

One reason I hope and pray that you have seen me trip is so that you can have more courage to get out there and do something that God has called you to do also. 

It takes courage, and we're going to trip. I'll raise my hand to that.

We're going to mess up. 

But the nice thing is God is present and He is helping us to get up and get better over and over again.

Note: Perfection isn't even a real possibility anyway -- who gets to decide what "perfect" even is? Who are we trying to impress, really? Which of the billions of humans' opinions are you going to listen to? And what if their opinion changes? 

But if you say, "I'm going to do my best. I'm going to do something bold". You're gonna mess up sometimes. And it's good! 

 

It feels terrible though. But that means you're still living. Just like a plant, if you're growing it means you're living. 

We have to own it and clean up the mess we made, but thank God you're not perfect and you're still growing. 

 

Also, the great thing about God, is that He may reveal your imperfections to those who admire you, for the reason that they need to see you as "not God".

They need to see God as God and you as a humble, imperfect servant who is just trying their best to make Him proud. 

 

So... 

 

Bravo to you. You're out there! You're doing it! 

We're not perfect. We're making a mess, but we're cleaning it up and trying to move forward a bit wiser and more compassionate next time. 

 

(Also, if you want to see someone "making a mess in public" check out our website right now: delightyourmarriage.com

We're in the middle of a refresh. And it's definitely in the "getting there" mode. 

Why didn't we put an "under construction" sign up and reveal once it's perfect? Well, then I would be taking away a lot of ways I serve you, plus how interesting is it to walk into someone's workshop and see what they're tinkering with as it happens? So, you're welcome to see how we're tinkering :)  

 

Wishing you a fantastic rest of your day, may this episode bless you and give you courage! 

 

Blessings,

Belah

 

PS -- If you'd like your marriage to go from ok even good to wonderful -- we'd love to help! delightyourmarriage.com/cc

 

This is a resource to invite your wife to Delight Your Marriage, and to me, Belah Rose. 

 

I would love for you, husband, to listen first and see if you might use this as a warm introduction to my material. 

 

It's so easy to see words on a page and be repelled by it, but it's far better for us to get to know each other on a personal level and I'm hoping that's what this episode allows for. 

 

(For those who have already gone through MR1 -- or are the recent graduating class -- I especially made this for you!)

 

If you've done the work on yourself, I think it makes sense to pray and ask God for His timing and see if this might be a tool that He can use for a brief and positive introduction to the work. 

The work that is transforming families and marriages around the world -- by God's grace! 

Blessings,

Belah

PS -- If you'd like your marriage to have the passion (even if you're really great friends right now), then you need to chat with one of our Clarity Advisors.

Allow them to hear your story and see if a program could truly make the change you're seeking. delightyourmarriage.com/cc

If you're discontent...

If you feel you've been praying against a cement ceiling...

If you've actually felt disappointed in life and at God...

Or maybe it's less severe, you're going through the motions in life but something feels "off"...

 

I want you to know that your discontentment is something to pay attention to.

 

God does come in dreams and visions (sometimes) but often he leads us by our feelings. 

And my wonder for you is are you paying attention? 

Are you considering the feeling of "discontentment" as something

a - outside of you in your world needs to change or

b - something about you in your inner world needs to change

 

God gives us opportunities to change all the time.

Change the way we think, the way we are, the way we understand the world. 

 

You don't need to assume this is as good as it gets and that we're not going to be able to do anything to make it better.

 

I think God wants us to take Him at His word "we are more than conquerors" and stand on our own feet and decide to improve what we are discontent about.

 

Yes, there are sad and bad things going on in the world.

But as followers of Jesus, we get to DO something about it.

We have the opportunity to change things for the better, all the time.

 

Ultimately, I want you to take responsibility for your heart and what you choose to meditate on.

 

Don't be a "Discontent Debbie" or a "Wallowing Walter!"

It's not what God has for you. I promise.

How about "Determined Debbie" and "Wonderfully Wise Walter"?

And I think it has eternal consequences...

 

Be a wise gardener of your mind and heart, so that you can have a life and joy that brings honor to Jesus. 

 

Blessings,

Belah

 

PS - Would you like to improve your marriage? 

Are you willing to let the Lord grow in you more of His love, grace, and power in your most important human relationship? 

Would you like our help? 

If so, schedule a free Clarity call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

 

To fan the flame of hope, a quote from one of our program graduates:

"DYM [Delight Your Marriage] has been a great blessing to our marriage!  

After several years of feeling "stuck" in patterns in our marriage that left both of us feeling alone, hurt, unheard, and without much hope of any real and lasting change, I have found the material, ministry culture, and most importantly, the faith at work through the team of DYM to be exactly what I needed to take real steps of faith in practical ways that mattered to my wife and our marriage."

I think we often forget about the power of words. Especially if the "party" we're talking about isn't present. 

But what about the "party" that is present? 

 

Here's a true saying: "those who talk to you about others, will talk to others about you".

And when your spouse hears you judge another person, they may feel glad that you consider them a confidant. 

But the problem is, they also get to hear what kind of person you are. 

They understand if you judge others, you're going to judge them the same way. 

And judging outside of the bedroom means judging inside of the bedroom.

A judging mindset doesn't stop when you get in the sheets -- and your spouse knows it.

And specifically, women, can't feel safe and free if she knows she's sharing a mattress with a meany. 

 

Then, Jesus has some pretty scary things to say about our words:

"But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken."

Yikes! 

 

Who needs to go delete a few social media posts (or dozens?), amazon reviews, apologize to our spouse/kids/family/friends/acquaintances/coworkers, and repent bitterly for the silly nonsense we say!?

Gossip. Slander. Criticism. 

Lord have mercy.

 

This episode is a message to encourage all of us to watch our tongue. 

Or... keyboards.

(Regardless of how many followers someone has... you may be reading/listening to plain-old gossip.

And it's on each of us to look away from the "juicy slander" and recognize it for what it is and recognize that the speaker will have to give an account for it.)

 

This episode is a message is to remember the power of the tongue.

In James, he says A FOREST FIRE is ignited through it.

I want to challenge our cultural norm to say.... all sorts of immature things :) I can only say that with a knowing through experience expression. 

 

Thank you, dear listener...

...for always wanting to grow. 

...for always trying to do better. 

...for always wanting to make God proud of you. 

Bravo -- and good on ya!

 

Have a great weekend. 

 

Love and Blessings,

Belah

 

PS -- You need help in your marriage? You know where to find us! delightyourmarriage.com/cc

We'll get on a call with you and see how we can support you to transform your marriage to peace, playful, and passion <3

 

 

Jfyi, I recorded all of this episode (except for the very last portion) about 11 weeks ago, so for those currently in DYM programs -- take it personally -- but not because I recorded it thinking of you specifically :) 
 
What is masculinity? 

What our society says it is?

Powerful, rich, authority, direct, right, muscular, able and willing to kill, tough, deep, deep voice, no emotion, immovable, winner in every arena, sexually desired, admired by all...

Do you feel you have to always have the last word or you're considered weak?

Do you feel you have to fight to preserve your "manhood"?

Do you feel you have to have sex in a certain way/frequency/variety/engagement/enthusiasm from her, for you to feel like a man?

Do you feel your wife has to treat you with respect for you to feel like you're masculine?
 
I get how it is confusing based on the poor role modeling we get in our SERIOUSLY backward society.
 


The problem is... 

A mature woman scarcely gives a crumb about the aforementioned descriptions. 

And lucky you... you married a mature woman who grew from the early days of your relationship where a lot of those things mattered.

And now she wants a man who... well, I'll tell you.
 
There's an actual, clear example of true masculinity. 

The manliest of men.

The best example of manhood. 

The only one we must compare ourselves to and rise higher because of.

It's impossible to overstate the importance of us looking at Jesus as the role model of masculinity.
 

Jesus.
The one who was ridiculed, spit on, false accused, humiliated, laughed at, disrespected, endured suffering when he could have killed them all with a simple word...

That is the true man. 

That is our true masculinity. 

And that is what it means to be potent. 
 
When you live, love, and lead like Jesus, that is the man your wife is longing for.
 
Blessings, 
Belah
 
PS - If you're ready... but you don't know how to do this practically. 

That's why we've created and perfected the program Masculinity Reclaimed... God has used it to restore and revive MANY a sexless and lonely marriage. 

We'd love to help you, starting with a simple risky step of getting on a call with a Clarity Advisor who themselves have gone through a DYM program and God change THEIR marriages as a result. 

Would love to join you in this delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Be a real man, (LOL ;) we'd love to take that next step with you.

 

Do you have your goals for 2022?

Do you have your goals for Q1 of 2022?

I don't just mean business/work goals. I mean goals that help align your life with God's will.

Do you have a system for discerning God's will?

Well, in this episode I give you my system for discerning God's will and writing goals accordingly.

It's thorough, comprehensive, "begins with the end in mind", and keeps an eye to meeting Jesus central.

Too often people fail to consider the big picture so the small picture seems like it doesn't matter. Well, I want to give you a serious kick in the motivation and "you can do it!" through this episode.

Because -- through Christ -- you following God's will, can be super practical and doable! Here's my system.

The beginning of January is when everyone is excited about goals, so I suggest you use that momentum to set your own goals for the next 3 months (Not year, 3 months -- you'll hear why).

Now is the best time to discern and commit to those goals.

---

Also, if marriage is on that list...we can help!

Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to schedule a free Clarity Call (similar to a consultation) where a Clarity Advisor speaks with you about your situation and evaluates how we can help.

Our 3-month programs cost about what you would pay a marriage therapist if you did weekly sessions for 3 months. We have seen couple after couple experiencing huge benefits in their marriages! (Have you checked out our amazing testimonials????)

Ever considered how much that you paid to get married? (Average cost of a wedding in the US is $28,000 nowadays!) Maybe yours was far less than that, but may I ask how much have you invested since then...to make it a lifelong, intimate & happy marriage? Which touches EVERY area of your life?

2022 may be the year to get help on that vow you made however many years ago!

Sign up for a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to find out how we can help you.

---

No matter what your goals are in 2022...I want you to be intentional about discerning and setting them.

From all of us at DYM -- We love you and love being a part of your lives in the last year and are so grateful we get to be a part in 2022!!!

Listen in to today's podcast: 320-How I Discern God's Will -- Your 2022 Goals

---

 

Blessings,

Belah

PS - A recent wife graduate wrote, "I have so enjoyed working with Belah. She has opened my mind and eyes to so many needs and desires of my husband that I honestly was ignorant of.

I am so grateful for the way we have grown closer in our relationship both sexually and emotionally.

Even though we are in a busy, tiring stage of life with 4 kids - 5 and under, I still find myself craving intimate sex and alone time with my husband."

Sign up for a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to find out how we can help you.