If you’ve ever reread a text 10 times, filled in every silence with worst-case scenarios, or found yourself leaving too many hangouts with friends regretting what you said, this conversation is for you. Psychologist Dr. Jackie Henry and I discuss tools to stop overthinking your every friendship move and learn to tolerate uncertainty in your relationships. We rarely know what someone else is thinking, and we need to stop assuming we do. Wouldn't it be refreshing to just be in your friendships and not feel like you're "performing" to always say and do the exact "right" thing? Dr. Jackie offers Dear Nina listeners practical tips for getting out of your head and back into your life so your friendships can thrive.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Silence usually means “busy,” not “they secretly hate me.”
• Budget your “energy bucks.” Rumination is a waste of energy; spend wisely.
• Constant overthinking can create distance between friends and lead to miscommunication, anxiety, and the fear of judgment.
• Work to tolerate the unknown: there's power in letting things unfold naturally in friendships.
• Lead with curiosity. A simple “Hey, when’s good to chat?” beats the story your telling yourself about why someone hasn't responded.

LINKS & RESOURCES

• Dr. Jackie Henry’s Substack: Less Thinking, More Living
• The Dear Nina monthly friendship challenges. (The April one was mentioned in this episode.)
• The TikTok account I mentioned about recounting awkward moments. @amymaurercreel

MEET DR. JACKIE

Dr. Jackie Henry is a psychologist, writer, and founder of Less Thinking, More Living—a platform dedicated to helping people stop overthinking and start fully embracing life. Based in the Twin Cities, she also works as a wellness consultant and has a private therapy practice. Dr. Jackie combines humor, heart, and relatable insights to help individuals navigate life with greater ease and presence. Outside of work, she's at the cabin, playing board games, or enjoying happy hour with her husband, four daughters, and their small but mighty dog. You can find her on Instagram @dr.jackiehenry or on Substack at Less Thinking, More Living.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Meghan Keane, author of Party of One: Be Your Own Best Life Partner, says one of the top complaints single people have about their married friends is that they feel like a problem to be solved. Another is that their dating lives are the sole focus of a married friend’s attention. Meghan joins me to unpack “singlism,” the subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways society sidelines single adults. We discuss concrete steps couples can use to include their single friends, the reality of friendship after life transitions, and good basic social kindnesses everyone can use for ALL of their friendships. Whether you’re partnered or single, this conversation will sharpen your friendship skills and remind you that friends like to be asked about all aspects of their lives (not just their dating lives, their "mom life," their careers, and so on).

HIGHLIGHTS

• How singlism, a term coined by Dr. Bella DePaulo, is often based in myths and harmful stereotypes
• Why singleness isn't something to be solved by a partnered friends
• Rules for married/partners friends when it comes to their single friends (don't treat dating life as entertainment, help with mundane life tasks, celebrate accomplishments, hang out one on one, include in larger plans).
• Why working through conflict is a sign of a deep friendship
• What married people can learn from single people about maintaining strong social ties

LINKS & RESOURCES

• Meghan's book, Party of One: Be Your Own Best Life Partner
• Find Meghan on Instagram @damekeane
• We referred to previous Dear Nina episodes with Dr. Marisa Franco, Gretchen Rubin, and Ruchi Koval

MEET MEGHAN KEANE

Meghan Keane is the founder and supervising editor for NPR's Life Kit, which brings listeners advice and actionable information about personal finances, health, parenting, relationships and more. She is responsible for the editorial vision of Life Kit, which aims to serve NPR's larger mission of public service. Prior to founding Life Kit, Keane was a producer for NPR's award winning podcast Invisibilia. There, she produced long form stories about understanding human behavior and the invisible forces that shape our lives. She reported stories about the intersection of positivity, grief, and Disneyland and another story about a woman obsessed with her daydream world. Keane is also a founding producer of NPR's TED Radio Hour, which has consistently been one of NPR's top podcasts since its debut. Keane holds a B.S. journalism degree from Emerson College and is a native of the Washington, D.C. area.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

🙏 Support the Show:

Love what you’re hearing? Share this episode with a friend or leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Every bit helps us bring more meaningful conversations your way.

What if you have lots of friends, but nobody feels like your special confidante or the person who would have your back no matter what? The newest letter spotlight episode comes from a listener who signed off as "Too Many Fish in the Sea." She feels lucky to have cultivated a wide community and plenty of friends, but she doesn't feel like she has super close friends.

Joining me to answer the letter is my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs. Rebekah has been working with me for a while, but I wanted to get her on the mic so you can hear why I adore working with her so much. AND we're good friends---newer good friends--with our own friendship story to share.

We discussed concrete ways for getting closer to people you already like and creating deeper bonds: increase the frequency of your time together, share good news, be "messy," ask for a favor, change the venue, and become beginners together.

MEET REBEKAH JACOBS:

Rebekah has been a reading specialist and writing instructor for over 20 years, teaching in Boston, Chicago, DC, and Los Angeles. Currently, she teaches college writing in DC, and her own writing has been featured in Kveller. As assistant producer for Dear Nina, she is passionate about ideation and brainstorming creative concepts. She tries to read 80 books a year and loves TV—though, unlike Nina, cooking and tech are not her strong suit. She lives with her husband, three kids, and a goldendoodle named Peanut.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE:

• Episode #19: with Rebekah Jacobs-- Novels and Memoirs About Friendship
• Episode #62: with Leslie Hooten-- The Friendship of the Weekly Walking Partners
• Episode #173: with Ruchi Koval-- I'm Just Not Into This Friendship
• Episode #126 with Anna Goldfarb-- Is it Time For a Friendship Cleanse?
• Episode #134 with SC Perot-- Fandom and the Potential for Friendship
• Anna's book: Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections
• Rebekah mentioned: The Five Types of Wealth by Sahil Bloom and a Laurie Santos reference to a beautiful mess here from Date Like A Scientist.

 

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

I have author, Christie Tate, back on the show! I have been so eager for this conversation. We are talking about Christie's newest memoir, B.F.F.: A Memoir of Friendship Lost and Found. We're focusing on friendship triangles, envy, jealousy, competition, and ghosting--all issues that come up in the book.

You might know Christie as the author of the fantastic memoir Group: How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life. It was a New York Times bestseller and a Reese Witherspoon book club pick. You might know her from a previous episode of this podcast (ep #4) where we talked about revealing too much too soon with new friends. I can't wait for you to hear our newest chat.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

This week's episode with guest, Shari Leid, focuses on wisdom she’s gained after meeting with 144 of her friends. Our episode makes the case for the casual friendship. We also talked about expanding your friendship network by putting yourself out there to connect with new and old friends, giving friends grace, having intentional conversations to deepen friendships, and considering whether your "bar for entry” to friendship is too high.

Meet Guest, Shari Leid

Former litigator, Shari Leid, currently operates An Imperfectly Perfect Life, LLC, a professional mindset coaching business primarily serving clients who feel stuck and helping them to create the life of their dreams. She is a national speaker and author of The Friendship Series, including The 50/50 Friendship Flow: Life Lessons From and For My Girlfriends, Make Your Mess Your Message: More Life Lessons From and For My Girlfriends and Ask Yourself This: Ultimate Life Lessons From and For My Girlfriends (September 2022). Throughout 2023, she is traveling to all 50 states where she’ll share a meal with 50 different women (one woman per state). Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, and LinkedIn.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Do your adult friendships mirror what you saw growing up in your household, or did you set out to do the exact opposite in your adult social life? I spoke to author, Linda Pressman, about her experiences growing up as the child of Holocaust survivors, her parents' friends, and her own adult take on friendship.

Meet Linda Pressman

Linda Pressman is the author of the recently published memoir, Jewish Girls Gone Wild. Her previous memoir, Looking Up: A Memoir of Sisters, Survivors and Skokie won the Grand Prize in the Writer’s Digest 20th Annual Contest and is part of the permanent collections of Yad Vashem in Jerusalem, the U.S. Holocaust Museum in Washington, D.C., and the National Library of Israel. Her freelance writing has appeared in Newsweek, the Times of Israel, on Kveller, and other venues. She is a book coach and teaches memoir on an individual basis and through Scottsdale Arts. 

Linda can be reached through her website: http://lindajpressman.com. 

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

The topic of diet culture and friendship inspired more emails from my Facebook group--Dear Nina: The Group--than any other topic since I started the podcast. What do I mean by diet culture and friendship? I'm referring to how the culture of dieting and the worship of thinness affects friendships, can become competitive, and is spread among friends. We also discussed friends being overly invested in and overly influenced by each other's decisions about food.

Pam Moore is an occupational therapist-turned-intuitive eating coach and health and fitness journalist. As an intuitive eating coach, her mission is to help women detach their self-worth from their weight and to move their bodies because it feels good — not as a punishment. The author of There's No Room for Fear in a Burley Trailer, Pam's writing has also been published in The Washington Post, Runner's World, SELF, The Guardian, Time, Outside, AARP, and Forbes, among others.

Despite, or more likely because of being picked last for every team as a kid, Pam is also a certified personal trainer, six-time marathoner, and two-time Ironman finisher. Her podcast, Real Fit, features conversations with women athletes about body image, enoughness, and more.

You can learn more at: pam-moore.com, LinkedIn, TikTok, Instagram, and Twitter

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Do you overspend to keep up with friends? It's tricky to navigate conversations about money with friends. What issues have come up for you about money and friendship? Does splitting things get tense? Planning trips? Participating in expectations around weddings, showers, going in with friends for gifts? Money can be a big issue between friends. Some of the solutions discussed in the episode can apply to any topic that's normally private and therefore tough to handle in friendship.

Mia Brabham, staff writer at Shondaland.com, and I discussed some ways to make dealing with money and talking about finances less awkward.

Meet Mia Brabham: Mia is currently a staff writer at Shondaland.com. She pens the series "Joy Makers" and "The Art of Friendship." Her debut book, Note to Self, which is a short collection of life lessons, is in the hands of readers all over the world.

You can find Mia on: Instagram, Twitter, and bymiabrabham.com.

The two pieces of Mia's in Shondaland.com we specifically discussed in depth:

"How Much Are Your Friendships Costing You"

"The Art of Friendship: How to Open Up About Money"

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Taking time to identify the friendships that are going well in your life and WHY is a worthwhile activity. It's my January challenge for listeners, readers, and for the Dear Nina Facebook group. This is one of my more personal episodes. Thanks for being here!

The challenge was inspired by the long study on happiness, all of which is compiled in the book The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

I spoke to narrative coach, Lisa Harris, about the sometimes-fuzzy lines between "work friends" and "real friends" and also the line people cross between friend and customer. In other words--treating your friends like your customers. Not a good idea!

Meet Lisa Harris: Lisa Harris the CEO/founder of Lisa Harris & Company. Lisa’s entrepreneurial journey began in 2016 after publishing her book, Unveiled Beauty: Handwritten Stories From a Poetic Heart. She spent 18 years in executive leadership roles working for and with many Fortune 500 companies and nationally recognized brands. Today Lisa successfully guides women on their personal growth and empowerment journeys through the lens of their own life stories. Lisa is in her 6th year producing Unveiled Beauty events, narrative coaching and speaking. She is also the co-host of the Life In Our Skin podcast.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

I think this is the first time I've publicly discussed the bizarre memory of waiting up long into the night to see if I made the Pom Pom squad at Highland Park High School. 

Thank you to Rachel Levy Lesser and Stephanie Goldstein for inviting me on Life's Accessories, The Podcast to talk about the BIG mistake I made quitting the tennis team in high school, how a little bit of good old-fashioned friendship jealousy got me back into tennis, and why I love tennis people so much. 

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Episode #40: After discussing the topic of great gift ideas for friends in my Facebook group--Dear Nina: The Group--I heard such thoughtful examples that I wanted to share those ideas with listeners. There are some really creative gifts in this quick 10-minute episode. 

I also briefly discussed Anna Goldfarb's recent Atlantic article, "Gift-Giving is About the Buyer, Not the Receiver." Anna was a guest on episode 35 of Dear Nina.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Everyone tells me their city is the hardest city for making new friends. It's a common problem! I spoke to Pam Lamp who has a fun and helpful story about making new friends at 57-years-old when she moved to Nashville with her husband and had to rebuild her social life. Pam's story spoke to me because I often hear from listeners and readers who struggle to make new friends as an adult. I don't think people realize how much work and humility it takes. You truly have to take the initiative and not worry about being the one to reach out several times in a row. Even many times in a row!

Meet Pam Lamp:

For more than six years, Pam Lamp has explored one new thing—every single day. At Who I Met Today she writes about these discoveries and the inspiring people she’s met along the way. Find Pam on Facebook and Instagram.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

There are local friends and there are “HYPERLOCAL” friends. This month in the Dear Nina community, we’re focusing on hyperlocal friendships—developing new ones and maintaining the ones you already have in your life. 

I introduce the March friendship challenge in this episode, which of course you can start any day of ANY MONTH. The challenge this month focuses on hyperlocal friendships, emphasizing the significance of proximity in building connections. I share some personal anecdotes and practical tips for engaging with friends in your neighborhood or at least nearby. 

I’m encouraging listeners to take actionable steps to add this important layer to their social lives. As always, the Dear Nina friendship challenges help you to become a better friend and have better friendships. 

Stay in touch and let me know how it’s going in the Dear Nina Facebook group, through my newsletter at dearnina.substack.com, or on Instagram at @dearninafriendship.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE:

• Episode #127: January challenge--See a Friend in Person
• Episode #131: February challenge--Start a Ritual with Friends
• Fragile Neighborhoods by Seth D. Kaplan

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

I spoke to author Diana Spechler about a piece she wrote in her Substack called “How to Make Friends.” It was a refreshing take on making friends when moving to a new city and on friendship "deal breakers." What are your friendship preferences and limitations? Does repeated cancelling get to you? Is a friend who wants to talk several times a week asking for too much? Each of us has different "deal breakers." Outside of a significant breach of trust, there is no right and wrong here--just personal preferences. 

MEET DIANA SPECHLER

Diana Spechler is the author of the novels Who by Fire and Skinny and of the New York Times Opinion series “Going Off.” She has written for The Guardian, GQ, Washington Post, Esquire, McSweeney's Quarterly Tendency, Electric Literature, Harper's Travel and Leisure, and many other publications.

Diana is and eight-time Moth Story Slam winner and has been featured on the Moth Radio Hour, The Moth Podcast, and NPR. She teaches writing at the MFA program at Cedar Crest College. And check out her newsletter, Dispatches From the Road, on Substack about the travel writing life. And it's also where you'll find her essay, "How to Make Friends.”

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

There are lots of benefits to having couple friends. My husband joined me as we reflected on why we have made such a big effort to maintain couple friendships throughout our 20+ year marriage and what we think it adds to our lives. We each have our own friends, but couple friendships have been important too. 

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

My mom, Kathy Sackheim, joined me to discuss widowhood and friendship, as well as friendships while my dad was in the later years of Parkinson's Disease. I'm so grateful for my mom's honesty and advice.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Journalist, Anna Goldfarb, joins me to discuss managing a lopsided friendship— that feeling you’re putting more into the friendship than your friend is, and, maybe even being okay with it depending on the situation.

The episode came about after reading Anna's article in vox.com called "How to Handle a Lopsided Friendship."

Anna Goldfarb is the author of Modern Friendship and writes about friendships, relationships, and pop psychology for major publications. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Vice, TIME, The Cut and more. She's the author of the humor memoir "Clearly, I Didn't Think This Through" as well as an upcoming book about modern friendship. She lives in Philadelphia.

Follow Anna on twitter @AnnaGoldfarb and on Instagram. 

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

It is possible to reconnect with an ex-friend and forget the issues that caused the breakup? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. But forgiveness is a necessary ingredient if you're even going to try. In this replay episode, I have a candid conversation with one of my best friends, Rebecca Kotok, who for about three years in our 20s, was my ex-best friend. We discuss why we stopped talking, and how and why we rekindled our friendship.

Plus, Rebecca and I discuss two voicemails from listeners with their own forgiveness stories, one that worked well and one that didn't last.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

When the desire for friendship is not equal, things can get very tricky. My guest, the wise Ruchi Koval, is here to help. We talked about the reality of hurt feelings and disappointments in real friendships, and the question of whether every friendship needs to "fill your cup." 

It was a challenging letter from a listener and a challenging conversation overall. 

Meet Ruchi Koval

Ruchi is the co-founder and Associate Director of Congregation JFX, an innovative community in Cleveland, Ohio. She has been a Jewish educator for two decades, leading self-development groups for adults and teens, and mentoring educators around the world. She’s is a certified parenting coach, motivational speaker, musician, author of two books, and a mother. And she is a Trip Leader for Momentum, inspiring hundreds of women on their journeys in Israel. I recently finished her second book, called Soul Construction: Shape Your Character Using 8 Steps From the Timeless Jewish Practice of Mussar. 

Find Ruchi on Instagram and on her website.

"Feelings will be hurt and you can't always prevent that. That's not real life. We want to be as kind as we can. We want to be as truthful as we need to be. We want to pursue peace as much as we can. But the bottom line is, there are relationships in which nobody ever gets hurt. Those people are called acquaintances." ~ Ruchi Koval

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.



Dr. Marisa G. Franco, author of Platonic, and I talk about how expressing anger can strengthen a friendship. Dr. Franco also gives tips for how conflict between friends can have a win-win outcome. We talk about attachment theory in friendship and more.

"When someone brings up an issue with us, remember it as an act of love. They are giving us an opportunity to reconcile and to heal things. They're giving us enlightenment as to how we can do better as a friend. And that's gold. How rare do we get that in our interactions? And if we can remember, in a larger way, this is really going to help me grow as a person, even if it hurts in the moment, I think that can be helpful with making us less defensive." 

~ Dr. Marisa G. Franco

MEET DR. MARISA G. FRANCO

An enlightening psychologist and national speaker, Dr. Marisa G Franco is known for digesting and communicating science in ways that resonate deeply enough with people to change their lives. She works as a professor at The University of Maryland and her forthcoming book Platonic: How The Science of AttachmentCan Help You Make—and Keep—Friends debuts with Penguin Random House in September 2022. She writes about friendship for Psychology Today and has been a featured connection expert for major publications like The New York Times, The Telegraph, and Vice. She speaks on belonging at corporations, government agencies, non-profits, and universities across the country, including Harper Collins Publishers, Cisco, American Association for the Advancement of Science, and The Department of State. On her Instagram (DrMarisaGFranco), you can find more friendship tips, and on her website, www.DrMarisaGFranco.com, you can find a free quiz to assess your strengths and weaknesses as a friend.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Today we’re talking about being friends with people who are different from you. There have been a ton of articles on the topic lately because of a new study about cross-class friendships— just one kind of difference possible in a friendship

I of course could not tackle this topic alone, so I invited the fabulous friendship pair and podcast duo from HerNext Chapter, Stephanie Pierce and Julie Burton.

I’ve seen tons of research over the years on the benefits for society as a whole when everyone isn’t exactly like their friends. This is also common sense! We talked about Stephanie and Julie meeting through a friend who brought them together because of their shared business goals. Their deeper friendship developed over time. And I loved their points throughout the episode that the purpose of their friendship was not to learn about each other or become a "project" or "education" for each other. Yes, they eventually spoke about differences in their experiences and found their lives richer for it, but it was the commonalities that brought them together.

Stephanie is a mom, wife, connector, and coach. After a 24-year career in engineering and HR, Stephanie re-invented her work life to bring her passion for building communities with her HR expertise. This led to the creation of 2 businesses: Stephpierce.com and KJP Consulting. 

Julie is a mom, wife, writer, and founder of ModernWell, the first women-centered co-working and wellness space in Minneapolis. She's the author of The Self-Care Solution: A Modern Mother’s Guide to Health and Well-Being. 

Find Stephanie and Julie's podcast, Her Next Chapter, anywhere you listen to podcasts!

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Author, Mary Laura Philpott, joins me to discuss feeling loneliness and worry despite having close friends. Mary Laura Philpott is the nationally bestselling author of I Miss You When I Blink and of Bomb Shelter: Love, Time, and Other Explosives. She writes about the overlap of the absurd and the profound in everyday life. Her writing has been featured by The New York Times, The Washington Post, and The Atlantic, among many other publications. A former bookseller, she also hosted an interview program on Nashville Public Television for several years. Mary Laura lives in Nashville, Tennessee, with her family. 

Find Mary Laura on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook.

"You can have great friendships and still be lonely because loneliness is a facet of the human experience, especially in times of life when you're going through something that the people around you are not going through. But I think that's why we have to be so intentional about putting ourselves with other people and talking and asking how are things going. And then listening. We have to make ourselves do that, even when it's hard. We can't just default to, well, we just won't talk about it. It's too much." ~ Mary Laura Philpott on episode 30

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Chaz Sandifer joins me to discuss the reality of outgrowing friendships and friends who disappear in the good times but show up in bad times. 

"Over the course of 10 years, as I've grown as an entrepreneur, I realized there are people in your life who are there for a season, some people who are in our lives forever, and some who are there to teach a lesson and just for you to take the next step." ~ Chaz

"'Must be nice' is not a compliment. 'Must be nice' is always full of jealousy or envy, which is very dangerous in a friendship and in your journey." ~ Chaz

Meet Chaz Sandifer:

Chaz is the founder and owner of theNEWmpls, a holistic health and wellness company specializing in fitness, wellness, and nutrition. They offer private fitness classes around the Twin Cities and a variety of special programs with various partners. Shay is the sole source for diabetes prevention in Ramsey County. She also owns Lakeview Terrace Farmers Market, the only Black woman owned farmer’s market in Minnesota. 

Find Chaz on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.



MAKING FRIENDS IN A FANDOM COMMUNITY

Fandom, especially very enthusiastic fandom, can provide community, belonging, and friendship. In episode #134 of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, I'm joined by Vanderbilt professor, lawyer, author, and joy enthusiast, SC Perot, who shares her story of rediscovering joy after a devastating divorce, highlighting how her newfound interest in Harry Styles and the community surrounding his concerts provided a much-needed escape and a way to connect with people who wanted to discuss something other than divorce. A formerly-casual fan of Harry Styles, SC ended up attending 17 Harry Styles concerts in five countries!

SC and I discuss her memoir Styles of Joy: A Feel-Good Framework for Rediscovering Joy (with a Twist!), which encompass her study of joy, the importance of being open to new experiences, the power of shared interests in fostering new friendships, the particular qualities of emotional generosity and uncomplicated friendships in fan communities.

This conversation highlights the significance of community and the joy that comes from the deep love of a musician, team, book series, or anything where a fan community forms. Ultimately, all friends start as strangers, and fan communities are a great place to bond with strangers over a shared passion.

MEET SC PEROT

Sarah Catherine "SC" Perot was born and raised in Dallas, Texas, and currently lives in Nashville, Tennessee. She is a proud graduate of Vanderbilt University and Stanford Law School, where she earned a Juris Doctor degree. After practicing law, she pivoted during the pandemic to follow a longtime desire to teach. She is presently an Adjunct Faculty member at her alma mater, Vanderbilt University, where she teaches in the Human and Organizational Development department. The running through line of her varied career and life is a steadfast love for people and storytelling. Find her on Instagram @scperot.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

The one and only Zibby Owens joins me to talk about her memoir, Bookends, and her experiences grieving the death of three close friends.

In her new book, Bookends: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Literature, Zibby tells several story threads at the same time, all organized around the books Zibby was reading when events occurred. It starts as a personal family history of Zibby's grandparents rising in America, her own childhood, education, and career story. It's a motherhood story and a romance, too. But very central to this memoir is the tragedy of losing close friends too soon. Bookends in many ways reads like a love letter to three friends of Zibby's: Stacey, Avery, and Paige.

I've had episodes about helping friends who are sick and episodes about friendship breakups or when friends drift away, but I've never discussed the reality of grieving a friend.

Meet Zibby Owens:

Zibby is an author, a podcaster, a publisher, a CEO, and this next part we have in common— she’s a mother of four. She's the founder of Zibby Owens Media, a privately-held media company designed to help busy people live their best lives by connecting to books and each other. For more information, visit zibbyowens.com and follow her on Instagram @zibbyowens.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.



We're tackling four friendship dilemmas from listeners in under 30 minutes. This time the topics circle around (mild) covid issues in friendships, the role of a best friend in adulthood, what happens when a teen's group is drifting away, and a listener whose friends keep walking away from the friendship. Thank you once again to Taryn Kessel for joining me!

You can find the full show notes with the questionsHERE.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

You want to make new friends, but worry it’s too late? Too hard? Too intimidating? You don’t know where to start? 

I believe it's never too late to make new friends, which is why I invited Carolyn Cochrane, Kristin Nilsen, and Michelle Newman of the Pop Culture Preservation Society Podcast to tell us how they become good friends in the last handful of years, what these new friendships have meant to them in a new stage of life, and what advice they have for others who want to bring new people into their orbits.

The Pop Culture Preservation Society is a podcast dedicated to preserving the pop-culture nuggets of our GenX childhoods. Carolyn, Kristin, and Michelle do deep dives into topics such as Barry Manilow, Tiger Beat, The Blue Lagoon, Love Boat, Solid Gold, Saturday Night Fever, and more. But this passion project began with new friendships. 

Find the Pop Culture Preservation Society Podcast anywhere you listen to podcasts! They're on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter too! AND, they have a new, super fun Facebook group called Growing Up Gen-X.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Love them or hate them, you're probably in a group chat once in a while or even very regularly. Author, Kat Vellos, and I are navigating the world of group texts and all the friendship issues and potential that come along with them.

Kat and I discuss the ideal uses for group chats, the less than ideal uses, and all the potential etiquette opportunities that could make our group chats more effective and enjoyable. I say opportunities because sometimes etiquette has a bad rap, but when done well, it can make communication better.

 Kat Vellos is the author of We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships. She's a sought after speaker and facilitator who helps people experience authentic connections and develop healthier friendships.

If you follow me on Instagram, you've seen me posting about Kat's book and sharing her posts. And everyone should follow Kat at Instagram, where she shares fantastic illustrations that go along with her work that she has created herself. However, she saves her best gems for her fantastic newsletter!

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.



Did you love the movie Steel Magnolias in the 80s/early 90s? I did, but rewatching it recently brought up some thoughts I never would have had as a kid when I watched it MANY times.

Instead of a regular Dear Nina episode this week, I’m directing you to a deep dive discussion I had with Lori at the The Untitled Gen-X Podcast. We left no stone of Steel Magnolias unturned, including the friendships it portrayed, like why did Julia Roberts' character have NO friends?! 

 The Untitled Gen-X Podcast is an all around really fun podcast. Each episode is dedicated to a different movie TV show music or some aspect of the genX experience.

You can find the Untitled Gen-X Podcast anywhere you get your podcasts.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

How to gracefully maintain boundaries and stop giving away too much information without damaging your friendships. This episode with my husband, Bryan, is a direct follow-up to the discussion I had in episode 23 when my guest and I spoke about kids' issues becoming too private to share with friends. I asked Bryan to share his advice for keeping information private because he's really good at connecting with people without feeling he has to overshare-- something I'm constantly working on improving. 

Many people agreed with me after listening to episode 23 that it's important to keep some information private, especially information about others. But how can we get out of these types of probing conversations without hurting anyone's feelings or making it seem like we don't trust them?

There are lots of ideas in the episode!

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

I answered an anonymous listener's question about how to still feel close to friends when you can no longer discuss issues that once might have bonded you like certain parenting conundrums. There comes a point when our kids' problems are really their stories to share and we have to honor their privacy.

Here to help me is Twin Cities author, Rebecca Prenevost, a mom of two daughters who enjoys reading, writing, and listening to all things related to parenting tweens and teens. Rebecca is the author of the Mom Walks series, a women’s fiction series that follows a mom and her two best friends as they navigate the trenches of parenting tweens. You can find her on Instagram, which is where we met!

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Fast forward a friendship by hosting friends for a meal! I'm taking on two topics today, with one topic logically leading to the other. #1. How to go from being casual acquaintances to actually considering someone a friend. #2. How to make it easier to have people over for a meal.

I have the only sensible guest to handle this challenge, and that is my good friend, Debra Arbit. In addition to being a consultant for women business owners, and raising three young kids, Debra has hosted TONS of friends and acquaintances at her house for meals over the past handful of years (pre-Covid). 

And then at some point when it became clear she couldn’t have people over like she used to, Debra took her love for cooking onto her instagram account, @fortheloveofcookbooks, where she brought her longtime passion for cooking her way through entire cookbooks and does much of it live on her stories. 

Before Debra and I discussed 10 tips for hosting, we told our friendship story, which is a great example of taking a casual friendship to the next level. Then we gave 10 solid tips for making it easier to host friends for meals, something each of us have a lot of experience doing at this point in our lives. We hope our ideas help.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

I loved my conversation with Pennsylvania-based author Rachel Levy Lesser, and I REALLY enjoyed Rachel's memoir, Life’s Accessories. In the episode, we discussed Rachel losing her mother so soon after Rachel had her first child. We talked about how close Rachel was with her mom and the ways friends stepped up for her when her mom was sick with cancer and when her mom passed away. We also covered the ways friends showed up for me when my dad died in December, at a much different stage of my life. It was a really touching conversation, and I’ve enjoyed getting to know Rachel even more since we recorded. Real life friend-making in action! 

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

I'm fascinated by what makes people click. Within minutes we often know whether we want to pursue a friendship with someone, or not. Is that fair? Maybe not, but it's reality. Time and experience together can overcome a so-so initial chemistry, but I want to talk about those magical friendship moments. Those "friends at first sight" feelings. Have you had them? I’d love to hear about them in the Facebook group if you’re willing to share. Today's post quotes Click: The Forces Behind How We Engage with People, Work, and Everything We Do by Ori and Ram Brafman to explain why some people hit it off and some don't.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Talking to Friends About Sex at Any Age

It's not uncommon to discuss our sex lives with friends during the adolescent and college years. But as we age, it becomes less comfortable. Trust and privacy (of our partner) can be significant barriers to discussing intimate details as well as a fear that friends will judge our issues, desires, and choices.

Dr. Arielle Buch-Frohlich, a clinical psychologist specializing in sex and couples therapy, joins me to remind listeners how discussing sex with friends at any age can have major benefits. Perhaps our sex lives, as we get older, would stay better, healthier, more robust, or we'd have better feelings about it, if we were talking about it with our friends.

Dr. Arielle feels that normalizing conversations about sex, despite significant taboos around this topic, can lead to healthier relationships since human sexuality evolves over time, just like we do. She says that single and married friends can share experiences, but it requires mutual trust. We discuss how romance/fantasy novels and certain shows and movies can facilitate conversations about sex and other ideas for broaching the topic with friends.

Meet Dr. Arielle Buch-Frohlich

Dr. Arielle Buch-Frohlich is a clinical psychologist licensed in Ontario and Quebec. She completed a doctorate in Clinical Psychology (Psy.D) from the Université du Québec à Montréal (UQAM) and received clinical training from the Sex and Couple Therapy Service at the Allen Memorial Institute. Dr. Arielle specializes in sex and relationships, to help individuals and couples thrive. Additionally, Dr. Arielle seeks to help young couples thrive through the transition to parenthood, with expertise in fertility, perinatal and postpartum mental health.

For more information, please email dr.arielle.therapy@gmail.com or book a free consult online at annasalomon.com.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Books about friendship! Today's episode combines two of my favorite topics—friendship and books--specifically, novels and memoirs about friendship for adults. Thank you to my guest, Rebekah Jacobs, who came up with all the book categories and was the perfect well-read guest to join me in this discussion. It was like the best giant book club meeting ever.

You can find the show notes with the BOOK LISTS here.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Scaling back, reaching out, overlooking flaws, and accepting boundaries. Taryn and I answered four listeners' questions about friendship in about 30 minutes. We jammed a lot in!

You can find the full show note with the questions here.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Episode #17: An important discussion about sobriety in friendship, from addiction to all levels of sober living and how friendships transition and sometimes completely phase out in early sobriety. Jen Veralle shared her personal story and offered extremely helpful tips. 

You can find the full show notes here. 

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.



This whole idea of "the in crowd" or "the popular crowd" comes up in questions I’ve received for many years.

As a generality, I’m calling the issue in crowd vs out crowd, but let me clear, nobody uses that exactly language when they write to me. What I get instead are letters explaining how frustrated people are when they aren’t being welcomed into a certain group, or when their kids aren’t included to hang out with a certain group.

Or perhaps a kid has encountered a "mean girls" situation where they were friends with a certain group and are now being excluded. In these various questions I get, so much rides on a particular group of people. As if being being part of that one special group will be the key to all the friendship problems without recognizing that being included in such a group can create new problems, like not trusting that these are your real friends. 

I find this worry comes especially from parents upset that their kids aren’t part of “that one group.”

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.



Making small talk is an essential step of making friends. There's no avoiding it. All relationships, casual or deep, start with those first moments of small talk. 

 I invited Ali Wenzke, author of The Art of Happy Moving, to give us lots of tips about making this kind of (sometimes) awkward conversation and how body language cues can help in making friends, too.

You can find the show notes HERE.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

The most essential point in this episode is about creating opportunities to see the same people on a regular basis. It takes a lot of repeated time together to get more familiar and really feel CLOSE. I think it’s why pickle ball and paddle ball leagues are getting so popular as one example.

I also discuss how keeping expectations in check might also be the key to feeling happier with the friendships we already have. 

My guest for this episode is Jessica Smock, one of the co-creators of The HerStories Project website along with Stephanie Sprenger. Jessica and Stephanie first hired me in 2014 to become their friendship advice columnist!

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Making new friends as an adult is difficult whether it’s because you moved to a new city, you’re in a new stage of life, or you’re lonely and could use more friends. It takes tons of time to make casual friends you want to see repeatedly and even more time to make close friends. But it’s not impossible. Difficult? Yes. Takes consistent effort and work? Also yes. But it can be done.

What helped me make friends in Minneapolis when I moved 20+ years ago in my 20s was accepting that I would often have to be the one to make the effort, and I'd have to do things out of my comfort zone. My guest, Michelle Platt, found she needed the same attitude when she moved to Minneapolis a few years ago in her 40s. This episode isn't only about Minneapolis! Moving anywhere at any age presents challenges. 

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

How can we help a friend who’s in crisis because of illness or grief? And how can we ask for help rather than waiting for friends to know exactly what to do?

A few months ago, Alissa reached out on email to discuss a trend she saw on some of the Facebook pages and forums for widows.

She wrote: "One thing I see over and over in these groups is people complaining that friends who said they'd be there for them have disappeared or dropped off or stopped supporting them. Now, maybe I am just lucky, but I honestly don't feel that way. I feel like I have lots of friends who would be there for me -- all I have to do is ask. I certainly don't expect my friends to read my mind or guess what I need from them. And each time I see one of these complaints, I WANT to reply, "Have you asked for help? Do they know what you need? Are you expecting too much?" 

So that started a conversation between the two of us about the nature of friendships when one of the friends is experiencing a crisis. I had not started DEAR NINA yet, but I knew I would, and I knew Alissa could help so many listeners.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

My brother-in-law, Dave Dluger, and I were talking after recording an episode, we got into a conversation about how male friendships seem to involve less drama and I realized we ought to record it as an episode. I loved getting a male perspective on some of the previous episodes.

In addition to male friendships, we talked about friends being there for Dave and my sister during hard times, being aware of our personality foibles while with good friends, thoughts on friends ignoring our social media posts, and much more.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Last week in episode #10 with author Jessica Speer who wrote BFF or NRF, we talked briefly about her nine friendship truths. We mainly focused on truth #9— which was “You choose which of your friendships to grow. Grow the healthy ones.” In this mini-episode I am focusing on Jessica's truth #6— "Everyone makes mistakes." If we want wiggle room to make mistakes with friends, we have to allow friends to make mistakes with us. Sounds obvious, but there are definitely people out there with a zero tolerance for others' mistakes (while allowing themselves room to mess up).

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.



While friendship is an essential type of connection at every age and the one area of personal growth I discuss most often on Dear Nina, today’s guest, psychologist Dr. Adam Dorsay, expands the conversation to the four types of connections we need to lead fulfilling lives. Those four areas are: connection to ourselves, to others, to the world, and to something greater. 

Dr. Adam, author of Super Psyched: Unleash the Power of the 4 Types of Connection and Live the Life You Love, shares the FEED model for enhancing connection. We also talk about the consequences of disconnection, the nuances of loneliness and solitude, strategies for revitalizing old friendships, the role of activities in making new friends, and the impact of fear of rejection on social interactions. 

Super Psyched has been endorsed by Lori Gottlieb, Daniel H. Pink, Mel Robbins, Guy Kawasaki, A.J. Jacobs, and many others. And Dr. Adam and I got along so well on this episode that we also recorded an episode about adult friendships on his podcast! (Ep #247 of SuperPsyched, “A Conversation With Nina Badzin”)

MEET DR. ADAM DORSAY:

Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist and executive coach in Silicon Valley where he serves high-achieving adults (including professionals, executives, entrepreneurs, and professional athletes). Adam is the host of SuperPsyched, an award-winning podcast, and the author of Super Psyched: Unleash the Power of the 4 Types of Connection and Live the Life You Love.

Beyond his private practice, Adam is a resiliency expert who co-created an international program for Facebook’s Online Safety employees for several years. He now serves as the resiliency consultant to DigitalOcean and has frequent requests from the media for interviews. He has provided keynotes and trainings to multiple corporations and organizations, including Microsoft, Linkedin, and the California Psychological Association. He is happily married, the father of young boys, and he has a hypoallergenic 33-pound Australian Labradoodle therapy dog named Raffi, who lives at his home and works at his office.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

It's not easy to say no to a friendship. And it's just as hard to help our kids do the same. How do you handle it when you’re not interested in pursuing a friendship, but you don’t want to be unkind when subtly communicating that message to an acquaintance? And how do we help kids make decisions about which friendships to pursue? It's tricky to simultaneously teach kids to make their own decisions about friendships while teaching them to treat people with kindness. 

I have the perfect guest to help me dissect this issue of balancing kindness and inclusivity but also boundaries and independence in friendship decisions--author, Jessica Speer.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Accepting that friends will hang out without you is a key to happier adult friendships. My best friend Taryn Kessel and I discuss that truth. We also talked about how to balance the desire for smaller, intimate friend gatherings with the desire to never leave anyone out. If you've ever been excluded, you know how terrible it feels. But as we get older, we need to figure out how to be gracious about "letting" friends hang out without us, especially if we are also the types who value outings with a few friends at a time. In other words, everybody can't be invited to everything. Most of us know that, but it's too hard to accept.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

A mini-ep to understand why friends ask personal or even intrusive questions, which came up in episode 8 with my mom: “How to handle friends’ questions you don’t want to answer." In that episode, my mom and I talked about strategies for avoiding giving away information, but we didn’t try to understand where intrusive/personal/intimate questions come from in the first place. Today's episode is a more positive view to consider.Let's connect! 

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.