Do you wish your woman was more open to sex? Not just intercourse, but the fun of the whole sex thing -- kissing, making out, foreplay, getting hot and heavy, doing the dirty.

Ever longed for more from your wife/girlfriend/partner when it comes to sexuality -- and not just "from her" but with her? Ever wished she had more fun when it came to sex, that she enjoyed it more, was more expressed and into it?

Many of our clients feel a yearning to connect more with their woman, but aren't even sure how to bring it up. Talking about sex is sensitive, and even more so if sexual trauma is part of the picture. And masturbation can be even harder to discuss, especially in partnership.

Here, we talk all things sexual opening and awakening when it comes to the feminine. We draw from our own personal journeys as well as countless stories from other women who've learned how to connect to their own erotic essence (separate from a partner), and the myriad benefits associated with that. We cover the many health benefits of masturbation, yoni eggs, cervical wands, breast massage, G-spot de-armoring and more.

To close this out, I'm gonna drop some slang terms for women getting themselves off, because they're all kinds of fab:

• Ménage à moi
• Auditioning the finger puppets
• Womansplaining yourself
• Fanning the fur
• Checking the undercarriage
• Buttering your muffin
• Diddling Miss Daisy
• and my personal favorite ... Paddling the pink canoe

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Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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• Dear Men 153: Her sexual healing: How to support her *and* get your needs met (ft. Violet Lange)
• Dear Men 191: Supporting a woman in her sexual pleasure & healing (ft. Violet Lange & Keri Nola) -- the one about jade eggs
• Jaiya's erotic blueprints
• Please Her In Bed (my streaming course for men who have sex with women)
• Evolutionary Couples (Violet & Jason's new course for couples)

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• “I’m in a relationship, I’m finally happy! Why don’t I want to have sex with my partner?!”
• “I hear this from moms all the time: sex is not a priority for me.”
• “Even if your libido feels like it’s dormant, you can still work with responsive desire.”
• “I really miss the closeness I feel with your body … I long for you.”
• “Let’s swim in the sea of erotic energy.”

Ever been around a woman who was closed down, shut off, or emotionally unavailable? Ever felt like your partner wanted to say something but was holding back, and if you'd somehow shown up in a different way, maybe she'd have let you in?

Perhaps you've felt some version of, "I can’t handle that anger right now so I need to remove that anger from her." Or if your partner is upset with you, you've expressed something like, "You don’t need to feel that way because here was my *intention* in doing that."

Dating, sex, and relationships can feel like a huge mystery. Hell, women and feelings themselves can feel like a huge mystery! But there are certain principles that hold true, and grasping the nuances of polarity can help you navigate everything with more grace and clarity.

Here, I share personal stories of feeling opened by a man (as well as times I've felt closed by one), and we outline what it takes to become the man who can open an available woman.

—

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

• "Instead of acknowledging what she was feeling and getting curious, it triggered my wounding around not being enough as a man, so I would try to explain to her why she was wrong."
• "Can I allow the person who hurt me to then be the person to hold me?"
• "The deeper trust we form is, 'Oh, we can do this. We can move through conflict.'"
• "This is one of the greatest gifts we can bring to another human being."

There's a lot out there about Nice Guy Syndrome. But what happens after? What is the magical land of Boundaries, for example?

If you’ve figured out you’re a Nice Guy, you’ve likely been in a love relationship or two (or five) where you felt like your partner walked all over you, or where you developed resentment after overextending yourself. Or perhaps you've consistently felt used in your relationships. 

If you’ve ever had thoughts like, “When’s it going to be my turn? Why doesn’t she want to have sex with me?” or, “I’ve done so many good things, nobody should ever be mad at me.” — then you’re plenty familiar with Nice Guy Syndrome!

But what happens after you’ve recovered? What’s the dream? What happens once you’ve mastered things like asserting yourself, knowing what you want and need and how to speak up for it, and how to set healthy boundaries?

Here, Dr. Glover and I go through the before, during, and after states of Nice Guy Syndrome. It gets spicy in places, so get ready for a fun ride!

• “Nobody ever taught me, ‘Say what’s on your mind.’ In my family, that was actually punished.”
• “You begin to realize that a lot of the patterns in your life are triggered by unconscious toxic shame, and deep anxiety states.”
• “In the process of having good guy friends, my love relationship has improved dramatically.”
• “This is the most productive, satisfying year of my life.”
• “We’re healing for humanity.”

Ever felt like a woman was testing you, pushing your boundaries in annoying ways, or giving you a "shit test" (not a great term, but one you may be familiar with)? Here's a hint: if you don't want negative emotional tension, you may need to become skilled at positive emotional tension.

Whether you're in a dating relationship, long-term marriage, or somewhere in between, the feminine is mysterious. Many men are baffled by how to relate when it seems like what he's doing is never enough. Why can't she just be satisfied? Why does it feel like she's always poking at you, overreacting to something small, or picking a fight? Why isn't sex easier?

Here, we go into what women are often thinking or wanting in those moments. We outline positive emotional tension (aka conscious tension), and how it can actually strengthen your relationship. And we cover the difference between tussling — healthy, positive emotional tension, which can actually be fun — and unhealthy abuse. This includes knowing the signs of Borderline Personality Disorder and how to avoid partners with BPD. We also go into how loving, conscious dominance can lead to hot sex. ;)

A few memorable quotes from this episode:

• "Having a PhD really didn’t help much when it came to my relationships!"
• “If I've got you arguing with me, at least I’ve got your attention.”
• “We all get needy.”
• "How can a man tell, 'Is it ever going to be enough for her?'"

Resources mentioned on this episode:

• Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) - an evidence-based treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
• The Wisdom of No Escape by Pema Chodron 

What does it mean to actually be honest when it comes to sex? 

A lot of couples never really talk about their sex life in depth. Sure, maybe one person in the relationship says they'd like to be having more sex. But that's different from having real, raw conversations about what's working, what each person wants more or less of, and what their deep-down turn-ons actually are.

Why? Because it's scary to have these kinds of talks! Whether you're new to dating or you're in a long-term, committed relationship (or even married), it's hard to be open about sexual intimacy. And at the same time, not having honest sex comes at a cost. When you're not real with your partner about sex, you're cutting off a part of yourself. Then you tend to feel more distant. More separate.

So how do you overcome this? How do you talk about sex with your partner in a way that's inviting instead of intimidating? Who brings it up and how? What if you wanna explore BDSM? Here we talk about all that — what it means to be truly honest, and how to elicit your partner’s truth and desires and share your own.

Mentioned on this episode:

Shana's site: https://shanajamescoaching.com/

Ever wished sex were easier? As in, that you could feel totally comfortable in your body, fearless in your sexuality, easily ask for what you want, and facilitate hot sexy experiences with women you feel attracted to?

Maybe you contend with premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, or porn addiction. Maybe you're ashamed of how much you want sex or don't even go after women you really want because you're unsure you'll be able to perform sexually. Maybe you're with a partner but feel like you two could have a way better sex life.

If any of this feels familiar, questions can come up like, "Why am I this way?" And, "How do I grow beyond this?"

A lot of the men we work with are survivors of developmental trauma, aka little-T trauma. Big-T trauma tends to be more "obvious" (domestic violence, sexual abuse, war, etc.). But little-T trauma (developmental trauma) can have equally as big an impact on your nervous system and mind.

And it affects not only how you feel about yourself, but how you operate sexually. One thing that can help these kinds of patterns dramatically is sexological bodywork — a modality that specifically helps with sexuality and overcoming trauma. Here we outline what sexological bodywork is and isn't, as well as somatic sex education.

Yep, we're talking about how to overcome erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, or delayed ejaculation. We're talking about how to stop feeling ashamed of wanting sex, or of feeling like a bad man for even thinking about it. Want to overcome childhood trauma and thrive sexually? Listen on, my friends.

Sites mentioned in this episode:

• Chris Muse's site: www.chris-muse.com
• Alyssa Morin's site: www.alyssamorin.org
• The Verdant Collective: www.theverdantcollective.com (for those who identify as women)
• Directory: https://sexologicalbodyworkers.org/

Do you want more sex with your wife (or partner)? Ever wanted to have sex in order to feel better? Do you get really pent-up when you haven't had sex with your woman in a while?

Men these days are overwhelmingly lonely. Over the past 30 years there has been a drastic drop in rates of friendships for both women and men, but the trend is far more pronounced for men. One study showed that nearly one in three men said they couldn't name a best friend, and a full 18% said they had no close friends at all.

What does this have to do with sex? Well, there aren't a lot of places where modern men get to feel closeness, warmth, and emotional safety. For many, sex with their woman is one of the only places where they can. But this comes at a cost. A lot of men don't realize they're using their woman for sex -- that there's a way they actually need sex with her to feel OK. They aren't conscious of how they're using her for sex.

Intrigued? Take a listen. We talk about this trend we've seen in clients, as well as what to do to address it.

Ever been abused by a woman partner? Been with a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? If so, you're not alone. But you may be confused.

Physical abuse is pretty clear — if someone throws something at you or hits you, you know they're abusive. But what about emotional abuse? The line between her healthy emotional expression and emotional abuse can be blurry sometimes, especially if you're isolated and haven't told anyone about what's going on.

Secrets are rarely healthy, and never when it comes to relationship issues that have you feeling depressed, anxious, or on edge. Whether you're single, in a dating relationship, or married, you should know what's OK to tolerate and what's not. This is also a good episode for anyone who has related with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. We go into the difference between a woman's healthy expression of feelings like disappointment, anger, or frustration — and what crosses the line into abuse.

What are the signs a girl likes you? How do you know whether a woman is interested? If you're a man who has sex with women and you've ever wondered how to tell if she likes you, you're not alone. It can be especially hard to tell when it's a woman in a service role, like a barista, waitress, or cashier. How do you know whether she's just being friendly or she's interested in dating you or being sexual with you?

As a late bloomer, Jason shares his own personal journey around figuring out how women work, what the "open door" signals are, and when to pursue versus stop trying.

I talk about my own personal experience of signaling to a man that I'm into him, and what it looks like when I drop handkerchiefs ("come and get me!" style). We also talk about the importance of striking while the iron is hot when it comes to sex, dating, and relationships. Oh, and of course there's a bit about eye contact in Da Club. ;)

As a culture we don't talk about this a lot, but what happens when you're jealous of your partner? Not jealous in the traditional sense, but wanting to feel as successful as your partner — say financially, or career-wise.

It can be hard to handle it when your partner is doing better than you in a certain way, because while you want to be happy for them, you may also wish you had that great job, opportunity, money boost, etc. As a man, this may hit extra-hard if you feel like you "should" be the one to contribute more financially. (What if she makes more than you?)

The fact is, if you're in a long-term relationship, each of you is going to go through different seasons in life. Sometimes one of you will be up, and the other will be down in a certain area. So whether you're dating or in a long-term relationship, this dynamic is worth exploring. Believe it or not, it can actually bring the two of you closer together if you remain awake, aware, and are willing to engage in conscious dialogue.

If you've ever been married or in a long-term committed relationship, you know that the sparks that flew at the beginning don't just keep burning over time -- especially if kids are in the picture.

When you're cohabitating, parenting, running a household together, and dealing with life's everyday stressors, sexy time can fall by the wayside. While sex is vital in a healthy relationship, desire can seem to fade.

The good news? It is possible to get that hot sexy spark back. Here, we discuss Alicia's personal experience with that, as well as in her many clients. In her words, "the loss of the chemistry is the primary complaint when people come work with us." But it doesn't have to stay that way.

Mentioned on this episode:

For access to the Pleasure Course, text 415-308-9580 or email alicia@erwandavon.com or go to: https://erwandavon.com/inquire/

Ever felt like your wife or partner has sex with you just to fulfill her duty in the relationship? That she's not really into it, but knows she "should" or feels like she "must"?

If so, you're not alone -- for many men, one of the most painful experiences in long-term relationships is feeling like their partner is just "letting" them have sex with them, but doesn't really want to be doing it. It can be immensely lonely, not to mention demoralizing.

Fortunately things don't have to stay this way. Here, we talk about the loneliness inherent in this kind of sexual and relational dynamic, and how to come out of it. If you've ever wanted to be closer with your wife or partner but haven't known how to get there, this is one to listen to.

Ever struggled with porn addiction, premature ejaculation, concern over how your cock looks (for the record, all penises are beautiful, including uncircumcised ones)?

Ever had trouble asserting yourself in relationship, or telling the full truth, or asking for what you really want?

This SPECIAL EPISODE goes into all that and more. Our first mosaic episode, these brave men all share their answers to three questions:

• What's a major lesson you learned in your last relationship?
• What's a sexual challenge you've had and how have you addressed it?
• Why do you choose to do consciousness work?

If you've ever wanted to hear the raw truth from other men on the path, then get in here. I couldn't be more proud of these men and their vulnerability, growth, humor, and love.

Ever contended with anxiety, depression, chronic pain, ADHD, or OCD ... and had that affect your sex or love life?

Ever suspected that you have generational trauma, or thought you were broken?

Ever felt like there was something wrong with you because you just can't seem to get it together when it comes to relationships?

Spoiler alert: There is nothing wrong with you, and you are not broken. Sometimes we just all need some support to break through big blocks.

Here, I talk with David Romero, psychedelic integration coach, about how microdosing psilocybin can help human beings live fuller, richer lives -- including in relationship.

So-called "magic mushrooms" have huge potential when it comes to healing. And with all the stresses of modern life, we can use all the advantages we can get when it comes to helping us to have more regulated nervous systems, heal attachment issues, and overcome chronic pain.

If you've ever been curious about microdosing psilocybin as a therapeutic modality, you won't want to miss this one.

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• "More often than not, the root causes of physical pain are deeply psychological."
• "We’re byproducts of the stress that took place before we even arrived in this world."
• "These things do amazing things because they help give you a different perspective."
• "It allows us to take a step back from the crisis our mind is putting us into."
• "I can confidently say it has made a profound impact on my life and my love relationship."

---

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

• How to Change Your Mind -- mini-series on psychedelics used for healing, streaming on Netflix
• Fantastic Fungi -- excellent documentary on mushrooms (psychedelic as well as other kinds), streaming on Netflix

Ever been scared of your woman's upset? You’re not alone. Perhaps you can hold space for her hurt, anger, or grief if it’s not about you (i.e. she’s upset about work, or a friend). But as soon as it’s about something you did, you want to turn away or you get overwhelmed.

Whether you're dating, married, or somewhere in between, if you’re always at the mercy of your woman’s feelings, your life can feel out of control. And “feminine storm” is not an excuse for her to rail at you. There are both toxic and healthy expressions of upset, and you’ve got to know the difference in order to stay safe (and keep your kids safe).

That said, holding space for a woman’s hurt is one of the most profound ways you can serve her. It’s also deeply bonding. Learn to do this skillfully, and you can experience true freedom in relationship. Your ability to hold space for — and even elicit — her full range of expression also leads to hotter sex. ;) When she feels deeply heard, seen, and known, even in her "big" feelings, she wants to open to you like a big, beautiful flower.

"Kids have a hole in their soul in the shape of their dad," says Roland Warren, former president of the National Fatherhood Initiative. "And if a father is unwilling or unable to fill that hole, it can leave a wound that is not easily healed."

If your sex and love life hasn't worked — i.e. you often attract chaotic partners; or you can't seem to screw up the courage to approach the women you really want; or you just keep getting ghosted no matter what— then you may have a father wound.

Here we go over 3 common archetypes around the father wound and what their impact is on a man. This includes dads who either physically or emotionally absent, as well alcoholics and those who had a mental health issue like depression/anxiety.

The good news? It's more than possible to overcome the father wound and grow into the healthy masculine. We specifically lay out the concrete strategy you can use to prevail over this wound. Yes, it takes work to get there, but it's totally achievable — and worth it.

Ever had these kinds of thoughts?:

• “If I didn’t initiate sex with my woman, we’d never have it.”
• “My partner doesn’t want sex as much as me.”
• “I sometimes feel like she only has sex with me because she feels like she has to."

If so, you’re not alone. This is a painful problem in a relationship. When you feel like your partner is constantly turning you down, that rejection button just keeps getting hit over and over. It can be excruciating.

Why is this happening and what can you do about it? Here, we break down the pattern, where it can stem from, and steps you may need to take. The truth is, if you constantly feel anxious, depressed, or stressed due to your relationship, it may not be healthy.

If you’re longing for more intimacy — not just sexual intimacy, but closeness — in your marriage or committed relationship, give this a listen.

"I was raised by a mom who was dependent, controlling, and self-centered. Then I looked for women like that."

So begins this episode about what it's like to attract the wrong kind of women repeatedly ... and then do something different to get a different result.

The root of the word "familiar" is family — what we learn in the family is familiar. So what did you learn in your family system, and is it serving you now in your ability to form healthy attachments with romantic partners?

If you didn't have good role models, fear not! You can un-learn what you learned in the past. It is possible to grow, heal, and attract healthy partners. If you've ever felt like giving up on love, or you just don't understand relationships, or dating or sex or any of it -- listen to this.

“Living without love in your life” mentioned in this episode: https://lovelifelearningcenter.com/how-to-live-without-love-in-your-life/

Most men I work with want a healthy, happy love relationship. Yet it often feels like there's something in the way -- some kind of block or sense that there's something "wrong." This can even provoke the kind of loneliness that leads to thoughts of suicide.

If this is you, then one thing to include in your awareness is your family lineage. You likely know your parents had a massive impact on who you became. But did you know you can carry legacy burdens from grandparents and even older ancestors?

Family constellations, or family systems constellations, is one of the deepest and most profound modalities I've ever come across. It's a kind of somatic therapy -- a way of healing on a body level, in community. Listen to learn how family constellations can help with chronic and seemingly intractable patterns like attachment issues, feelings of isolation and abandonment, and even the desire to die.

Books mentioned in this episode:

The Constellation Approach: Finding peace through your family lineage

Even If It Costs Me My Life: Systematic Constellations and Serious Illness

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How to overcome anxious attachment; how to overcome avoidant attachment; how to deal with anxious/avoidant attachment; how to become securely attached; how to get to secure attachment.

When Jade got divorced and entered her 40s, she had some fears and uncertainties ... especially after going to The Internet for advice. But her explorations of sex, dating, and relationships after 40 turned out to be both rewarding and hot. And she's sharing them with the world through her brand, Scarlet Society.

Whether you identify as a woman or man or something else, if you're doing the dating thing after 40, things can feel intimidating. Even if you're not divorced and just getting back out there, things can be hard —especially on the apps! Questions like, "What DO I want?" are appropriate. On this episode we cover things like:

• What's it like being single again after years or even decades of being married?
• What do you do when you've done everything society says you should do, but you still feel empty, or some sense of, "Is this all there is?"
• Can I be a feminist and still be submissive in sex (or dominant)?
• What exactly is ethical non-monogamy (ENM) and why is it gaining popularity?

Articles mentioned in this episode:

• One Woman’s Guide to Feeld, the Alternative Dating App (https://bit.ly/3tYvaMX)
• You should date a younger man -- really (https://bit.ly/3yfvDNj)

When Jason was in his 20s he felt stuck and kind of numb. He'd never had sex. He'd had a really hard time with dating and relationships. He couldn't put his finger on it, but even outside of dating women it was like there was something missing in his life. Like he knew he wanted something different but didn't know how to get there.

Then he went to an in-person men's workshop. Within twenty minutes of work with a mentor, he got to a place he hadn't gotten to in 3 years of talk therapy. It was a transformative experience that released something that had been stuck in him for decades. In a way, it set him free and set him up for the life he actually wanted to lead.

Why is in-person men's work important? What's different about live personal growth work?

If whatever had the thought, "Whatever I'm doing isn't working," you're not alone. And it doesn't have to stay that way. Give this a listen. It might just change the game.

Ever felt like you suck at girls? Examples:

• You just don't know what you're doing when it comes to dating (or sex, or relationships)
• Getting along really well with women in general but when it comes to initiating with a woman you like, you freeze up
• Wondering how to approach women without being creepy

Whether you're a late bloomer, you feel like you're lagging behind and other guys know how to do this better, or you're just unsure in this area of your life, you're not alone!

Here, four real men get personal with respect to how much they used to not know what to do when it came to sex, dating, or relationships with women.

Then they go into how far they've come! Several are actively dating or in a relationship now, and they get specific about what changed that had them feel more secure.

It turns out things get a lot easier when you figure out how, as a man, to lead in life and love in a way that's genuinely authentic to who you are (not some pickup artist nonsense).

If you're looking for a little hope and inspiration, this isn't one to miss! Also you don't want to miss one man's description in this episode of "somewhat coed situations." ;)

Should you stay together for the kids? It's a critical question. When a relationship/marriage isn't working (say because your sex life is dead) but you're great co-parents, it can be confusing. Should you stay together because that gives the kids "stability"? What does that really mean? Here, we talk about how healthy vs. unhealthy relationship dynamics affect your children, whether "making it work" actually works, and what you role model to your kids daily, without even saying a word. Growing often requires getting uncomfortable, but if you want your family to truly thrive, sometimes facing discomfort is the bravest thing of all.

Ever wondered whether you can have a passionate marriage even if the beginning was rocky? Ever wanted to know what powerful, sexy women really want from their partners? Here, Anna Rova shares her experience of moving from a less-than-stellar first sexual experience with a man, to saying YES to marrying him a year later. How does that work!? The answer is pretty great ("Oh, he definitely didn't have game when we met."). We also cover what it means for strong, successful women to "do the work," stories about men, the role of dating & relationships in the modern world, and the future of fully awake, alive partnerships.

"I took responsibility for things that wasn’t mine to take."

So begins the brave stories of four men who share their personal experiences of what it was like being in relationship with a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder (or with traits of it).

If you've ever been unsure about whether your partner may have traits of BPD, this is a good one to listen to. For example, ever felt like your role in your relationship is solely that of a caretaker? In one man's words, "I felt like a caregiver and she was my responsibility."

Thrillingly, this episode is about more than just the intensity of being in an unhealthy relationship. It's also the story of freedom, expansion, and joy. It's how these men got out, and the brightness, love, and peace that's possible on the other side.

In one man's words, a turning point was interacting with someone who treated him with kindness and respect: "It was a healing moment and I began to imagine a different life for myself."

What does it take to get out of an unhealthy relationship? What is life like after you do personal growth work and heal? Sex, dating, and relationships are complex, and here we delve into all the dynamics at play from beginning to end.

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• “Anything I shared about myself was eventually used against me, and sometimes in cruel ways.”
• “My life in the relationship was like being on a rollercoaster with no safety harness.”
• “My self-worth started to come back, and that’s what made me think, ‘What am I doing in this situation?’”
• “In my current relationship, I feel grounded, safe and loved. It’s a world of difference.”
• “Now life is pretty fucking great.”

---

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

• National Domestic Violence hotline (includes a live chat feature, if you don't want to get on the phone yet): TheHotline
• Dear Men episode 128: Feel like you're walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder
• Dear men episode 289: Do Nice Guys attract volatile women?

… and get into a relationship. ;) What then!? How does being an introvert or extrovert impact your sex, dating, and relationship life? How do you make sure to get enough alone time while also getting enough connection? Negotiating things like how much time you spend together is critical in maintaining a healthy & loving partnership, and knowing yourself and how to support your partner makes you masterful at relating (which, let’s be honest, makes you sexy). As Jason is a strong introvert and I’m a strong extrovert, this is a fun episode with lots of personal stories and meaningful questions.

If you're a man who has sex with women, chance are you'd love to know how women really feel about going down. We got you. In this frank discussion, we talk about how we feel about giving blow jobs in casual dating scenarios vs. committed relationships, what makes a BJ particularly awesome to us, and the differences between engaging in oral sex on someone else vs. receiving oral ourselves. We also touch on power dynamics, porn, sexual satisfaction, and how giving a BJ can be a very hot experience -- for both the giver and receiver. If you've been wanting to improve your marriage or help your sex life, you may also find some valuable tips here. Fellatio-my. ;)

When you think of the success of your relationship, or how to improve your marriage, the first thing you think of might not be how close your male friendships are. But if you're lonely (and you can definitely be lonely while you're dating someone or with your relationship partner -- hell, you can even be lonely during sex itself if it doesn't feel connected), then everything in your life is impacted.

Weston Karnes created the game Let's Get Real Bro to help make it really accessible for guys to connect with each other. Questions like, “If you were dating yourself, what parts would really suck?” -- are not ones you'd normally pose to your guy friends, but they can make conversations deeper, richer, and, well, funnier. If you've been feeling like there's something "off" in your sex, dating, or love life but can't put your finger on it, take a listen. There may be something here.

What do you do when aspects of your long-term relationship work, but your sex life is DOA? Sex therapists define a sexless marriage as one in which the couple has sex 10 times a year or fewer — in other words, just under once a month. If you're in this position, it can feel hopeless. You can feel deprived and helpless and lacking in intimacy, unsure of what to do or where to go. What if, while your sex life sucks, you're great co-parents, raising wonderful children together? The fear of what could happen in a breakup (which might be a divorce) can often lead to a certain kind of paralysis. Here we discuss the hope behind the heartbreak; what to do if you're in this position and the elements of polarity that can bring a couple's sex life back from the brink; and what we've seen in the clients who've made it through to the other side.

Ever felt like you're either left out or somehow behind everyone else when it comes to sex, dating, or relationships? Is it hard for you to be around someone you're attracted to without freezing or feeling like you're somehow messing it up?

Social anxiety, including the common, sometimes crushing anxiety that comes from being around women you're attracted to, is extremely possible. Here, one man describes his experience overcoming such social anxiety, which included delving deep into the pickup artist community (PUA). We talk about why pick-up "techniques" didn't work for him, and what worked a whole hell of a lot better. Within months of engaging with women in the new way he learned, he was ethically dating multiple women, and is now in a relationship with a girlfriend he cares about deeply. It can be done, and the path there might not be what you expect.

For many men, there's nothing better than knowing that you're deeply trusted. And for many women, a man who inspires profound trust also inspires deep, embodied surrender — including sexually. Combine polarity and trust, and you've got a powerful relationship. So what does it take for a man to be deeply trusted by the feminine? Here, we reveal the traits that are the most important to us when it comes to how trustable a man is, whether we're dating, in relationship, or simply having sex with him. Whether you're looking to improve your marriage, inspire a new dating partner, or become the man you've always longed to be when it comes to being trustworthy, you'll get something out of this candid discussion of the men who inspired our deep trust, and to whom we wanted to gratefully and gracefully surrender.

The core of most attachment issues, relationship problems, and sexual dysfunction (like not being able to get it up, keep it up, or cum when you want) is often trauma. When you address your childhood trauma, whether that's neglect, abuse, or just poor role models when it comes to relationship patterns, you fundamentally transform yourself and your experience of sex, dating, and relationship. Somatic modalities like de-armoring, outlined here, can help drastically in letting go of trauma, and can specifically help those who wish to overcome erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, and more. Here we cover somatic de-armoring, including cervical de-armoring and anal de-armoring, but also body-based de-armoring, such as helping the psoas muscle release tension (this is known to sometimes hold repressed memories and/or emotions). Men, women, non-binary folks, and all human beings can benefit from this practice.

Erectile dysfunction (ED) affects about 30 million men in the US alone; a whopping 30-40% of men report struggling with premature ejaculation (PE) during their lives; and delayed ejaculation affects 1-4% of men. So if you've struggled with some kind of sexual performance issue as a man, you're not alone. It's no wonder, then, that a lot of men turn to things like Viagra, Levitra, Cialis, Stendra, etc. But what if you really don't want to take drugs? Brian works with men from all different walks of life, helping them boost their overall sexual health -- and change can happen quickly. If you want to overcome erectile dysfunction, handle premature ejaculation, or just have more control over your erections and boost your overall sexual health, you'll want to listen to this.

Brian's YouTube channel (mentioned in this episode): https://www.youtube.com/c/BrianAyers23

One of the most pivotal moments in a man's life is becoming a father. How do you prepare for it? If you're already a father, how do you reconcile mistakes you've made? How does parenthood affect a couple's sex life? There are both immense joys and challenges in the process of becoming and being a father, and Tripp breaks down his own journey as well as insights from his experience coaching hundreds of men. We also touch on meaning, purpose, career and fulfillment, in addition to sex, love, dating, and relationships.

Ever pushed someone away in a relationship without even realizing it -- or known you were doing it but couldn't stop? Ever felt needy or anxious in dating to an outsized degree (i.e you're more anxious than most when it comes to sex, going on dates, or connecting with a dating partner)? When you're seeking to improve your romantic relationship, or just improve your relationship to dating and sex, you need to know about behind-the-scenes emotional "stuff" that could be in your way -- including childhood neglect. As sex and relationship coaches, many of our clients experience the patterns we talk about here, and if you identify with this, this is an episode you don't want to miss.

Article mentioned in this episode: https://www.lovemyanxiousbrain.com/childhood-emotional-neglect-romantic-relationships/

Have you ever felt like you needed to make a lot of money to impress women?

Ever had a dynamic shift around money in a relationship, and not known how to deal with it (for example, she starts making more than you, and you have unexpected feelings about that)?

Have you wondered who should pay on a date (do you offer to? Is that considered sexist now?)

If you've wanted to be a fly on the wall and hear the unvarnished truth about how women feel about men, money, and masculinity, then this one's for you! Of course we don't represent all women, but you'll likely appreciate the diversity of perspectives. Get ready for vulnerability, depth, and some good laughs along the way.

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Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

There's a difference between good and bad couples therapy. When you're trying to understand how to improve your marriage/romantic relationship, you often need help. Fighting about sex, money, or who picks up around the house can get exhausting, especially if you're going in circles. Couples counseling can help, but you need the right help. Here we cover Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT), which Psychology Today calls "The Most Effective Couples Therapy, by Far." According to a meta analysis, 90% of couples who go through EFT significantly improve their relationship, and 70-75% no longer fit criteria for relationship distress. The next leading modality has a 35% success rate. Both men and women (and everyone in between) will be able to identify with the patterns discussed here. Oh, and we also talk about naked mole rats. ;)

Ever felt like your cock wasn't big enough, or worried that because you don't know how to please a woman in bed, she'll shame you in some way? Kenneth Play used to be so terrified of sexual performance and concern over his cock being too small that he wouldn't even really approach women. But that all changed at a single, fateful sex party. This episode isn't one to miss!

Kenneth's site: https://kennethplay.com/

You can be an expert on your anxious, avoidant, or anxious/avoidant attachment style, but that doesn't necessarily help you actually get to healthy attachment. What does it actually take to get there? Tracy Crossley and I break it down, and in a fascinating twist we cover the link between healthy attachment to other human beings and your attachment to life itself. Tracy also shares her own in-depth experience of moving into healthy attachment over time — the work we each need to do solo, and then the work we must do in relationship.

To find Tracy's podcast: https://tracycrossley.com/podcast/

When you're in a relationship, how do you navigate the really hard conversations — the ones where you know you could be risking everything by even engaging the topic. Like, for example, "I want kids" when you know the other person doesn't. Coordinating moments or even long periods of tension in a relationship with grace is part of what a healthy relationship is about. But it turns out you need to have a strong relationship with something else to even be able to do that in a romantic partnership. Listen for what that is.

Benjamin & Azrya's site: https://www.beqoming.me

Their IG: @beqoming

Sexual trauma shows up in different ways — both physically and emotionally. For example, some folks may not have undergone sexual abuse or assault, but have experienced religious trauma that actually impacts their physical body and experience of sex. If you've ever had a woman partner who struggled with vaginismus, vaginal dryness, sexual trauma, or other issues with ladyparts, you'll appreciate this non-judgmental, open conversation about sexual pleasure on the feminine side. Topics include vaginal steaming, the jade egg, sexual healing, and more. Plus shifts in levels of libido (what if hers is higher?) and how lubrication changes over time.

Violet's site: https://violetlange.com/

Ever wished you were better at receiving feedback in dating or relationship? For many men, it's a challenge to respond with grace instead of defensively when getting hard feedback – especially from a woman. Here, Jason shares how he has grown in his own marriage around feedback, criticism, and expression. (We also acknowledge that there's a difference between a woman shaming you and offering you a heart-based message.) When you can skillfully incorporate feedback, it's extremely nourishing to women. Master this, and you'll often have a woman who wants to open herself to you in a number of ways, including sexually. Who doesn't want hot, openhearted sex?

Jason's site: https://evolutionary.men/

Yep, we're talkin' about cocks! When it comes to penises, there are all different kinds, and as women who have sex with men we've seen a whole variety. Sex, dating, and relationships with penis-owners wouldn't be the same without that magical appendage. Your cock is sacred and we love it. Here we discuss whether size matters in sex, and what kind of cock play we enjoy. ;)

My sex research and course mentioned in this episode: www.pleaseherinbed.com

Ever been frustrated by the dating apps? If so, you're not alone -- studies show 40-50% of people using them are frustrated! Maybe there's a better way to evaluate your fit with someone, and be guided through the "hard" questions that can make or break a relationship (even if it's casual). CanWe is a dating/relationship guidance application that helps potential new couples get to know one another in a new way. Imagine being able to see how your new dating partner actually feels about having kids, critical political issues, sharing finances, or polyamory in a smooth way, without having to "pry" or ask questions that might feel too personal too soon.

Ever wondered what it's like to work at a high-end, legal brothel? Alice Little, attuned sex worker and essentially intimacy coach, discusses her work with men, women, and everyone in between — including neuro-divergent men who are first-timers when it comes to sex, as well as what it's like guiding a couple through their first threesome. We also talk about sex toys, legalization, and what Alice's dating life is like!

Ever seen an attractive woman at a coffee shop, grocery store, or just on the street who you'd love to get to know -- but don't know how to approach her? It can feel challenging to "cold approach" in a way that feels safe to her. Here, four of us women who have sex with men share stories about times a man approached us that didn't feel so great, and times when it was fantastic! Dating and relationships can feel daunting but can actually be smooth; it always helps to get an insider view.

Ever chased emotionally unavailable women? Ever dropped a connection because you felt overwhelmed, or like something was "off" but you couldn't quite name what it was? Ever been uncomfortable with the "mess" of dealing with someone else's emotions, or been hesitant to share your own out of a fear of rocking the boat? Then this episode will resonate.

Here we talk directly about avoidant attachment traits -- including what they've been like for us personally. For example, finding something small but unappealing about someone (like what kind of shoes they wear), and having that get in the way of relationship.

We do this to bring these patterns to light, so that we can learn to work with them. When it comes to the different attachment styles, including anxious, avoidant, and anxious/avoidant (aka disorganized attachment), we also want to be clear that we can always move towards secure attachment, and that learning and growth are more than possible.

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• Dear Men episode 196: Did you experience emotional neglect as a kid? Here's how to know
• Dear Men episode 62: What do you do if you're not sure she's "The One"? (ft. Dr. Laura Kasper) (this one goes more into de-activating strategies mentioned on this episode)

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Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

Both men and women want even better, more connected sex (for that matter, who doesn't)? Whether you're having casual sex, in a dating relationship, or married, all couples can use a boost when it comes to high-quality communication about sex. This is a great episode for those who want an easy way to deepen their sex life.

What if she makes more than you -- or vice versa? Should you pay for dates or go Dutch, and is one of those somehow rude/sexist? How do women really feel about the connection between finances and masculinity? Here, we reveal how we feel about men, money, connection, vulnerability, and love.

Mixed messages in your relationship can be one of the most frustrating elements of communication. Whether it's about sex, love, or something in between, what do you do when you think your partner is upset but they say everything's fine? How do you handle little jabs -- and what do you do when you're the one issuing them? Here we discuss the ins and outs of passive aggression, as well as what healthy anger looks and sounds like (yes, healthy anger is a good thing). Grasping the dynamics of passive aggression and how to handle things instead could just save your relationship -- or help you build a better, healthier, and more rewarding one in the future.