Explore every episode of the podcast Crumbs

In this bonus episode, Emmy answers questions from listeners. She shares her thoughts about identity, her transition, and the latest in her love life.

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Monica and Emmy have been friends since high school. And Monica was the first person Emmy told about her transition. In this bonus episode, they'll discuss Emmy's life and family.

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Young love feels like it'll last forever - until it doesn't. Emmy and Hilda unpack the end of her marriage to Neto, and the beginning of a new love.

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hilda didn't exactly have a conventional childhood. Her mom worked for a Mexican drug cartel, after all. So Emmy and Hilda talk about Mami Licha's life - and how she came from humble beginnings in Mexico to end up as the family matriarch who shaped their lives.

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

To better understand her own story, Emmy Olea is bringing in her mom. And they're going to start at the beginning: Emmy's birth, and how Hilda fell in love with a cholo from the other side of town and thought her life was about to change for the better.

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

En la vida y en el amor todo es perfecto hasta que no lo es. Emmy repasa dos días en su vida - uno con un novio, y otro con su familia - en el que el mundo se le vino abajo. ¿Podrá Emmy escribir el final perfecto?

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Zach es el hombre de los sueños de Emmy, hasta que él hace un comentario que la hace dudar de si misma.

Conocer gente online y ser fetichizada ha cambiado la manera en la que Emmy se relaciona. El hombre con el que va a una cita prometedora, desaparece. 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Emmy sale con alguien que se interesa por ella y se da cuenta que su adicción por la atención viene de un lugar muy específico. 

Adam ama una versión de Emmy, pero quiere que ella esconda todo lo demás. Desafortunadamente, Emmy está acostumbrada a esconderse.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

En su primera relación después de su transición, Emmy aprende que los celos no son sinónimo de amor, y que lo que presenció cuando era niña no es buen ejemplo de lo que debe ser el amor romántico. 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Emmy sits down with her best friend Dayna and looks back on how they met in recovery, her coming-out as trans, the challenges of dating as a sober person — and the challenges of exploring all these experiences, publicly through a podcast, during a pandemic.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Emmy and Hilda discuss two of the people who had the biggest impact on both their lives — Kiko and Mami Licha — and unearth the root causes of cycles of violence and addiction in their lives. They then reflect on their paths to recovery, and the renewed bond that was built along the way.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Emmy was a sibling and then a parent to Andrea, her younger sister. In this bonus episode, Emmy sits down with Andrea to reflect on their mom, Emmy's time as a parent, her addiction, and their family.

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Emmy and her mother Hilda revisit some of Emmy’s most formative childhood memories, from San Diego to Guadalajara and back. Hearing these stories from her mother’s perspective, Emmy finds that she and her mother are connected not only through the shared struggle of addiction, but through loss. 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Everything is perfect until it isn’t, in love and in life. Emmy revisits two days in her life -- one with a boyfriend, and one with her family -- when her world came crashing down. But can she write her perfect ending?

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A promising date ghosts Emmy, and she explores how online dating has totally changed her ability to set boundaries, and how being fetishized warped her approach to dating as a transwoman. 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Zach is Emmy’s dream partner, until an off-handed comment sets her on a spiral of self-doubt.

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Emmy's new love, Adam, adores one version of Emmy, but wants her to hide everything else. Unfortunately, Emmy is used to hiding. 

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Emmy dates someone who gives her attention, but she realizes that her addiction to attention comes from a very specific place -- and that satisfying it doesn’t constitute love. 

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In Emmy’s first relationship post-transition, she learns that jealousy is not love, and that what she witnessed as a child isn’t what romance needs to look like. 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Emmy decides to reach back out to Hilda. She doesn't expect her to get clean. But a sudden death in the family is the catalyst that drives Hilda to change.

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Emmy is under a lot of pressure, and she starts partying to let off steam. Then she starts partying more - and more. Soon, she realizes she has a lot more in common with her mom than she'd care to admit.

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Things have gotten really bad with Emmy's family. She's trying to stay away, but now, her siblings are at risk. So she decides to get involved again - to save her family.

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Having spent all the family's money, Hilda ends up with her kids in a roach-filled motel. Emmy is tired of the chaos, and she starts to distance herself from the family.

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hilda's addiction really takes off. With Emmy along for the ride, she's frequenting a Mexican restaurant along the border that's home to junkies and hustlers like her. There, she meets the love of her life.

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Freshly divorced, Hilda begins a string of relationships - including one that brings her and Emmy to a Mormon farm in rural Utah.

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Emmy briefly disappeared as a kid. In trying to figure out what happened, she uncovers something else: the ongoing battle between the two women that raised her.

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Emmy ends up in rehab almost by accident. She was looking for a place to escape her problems rather than face them head-on. And while she isn't making bad decisions, the harsh reality is that Emmy is not yet ready to fully commit to the steps needed to improve her life.

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Emmy finally recognizes her problem with alcohol and begins a long journey toward recovery. The biggest challenge? Accepting that she needs to truly believe in the process. And most importantly, Emmy needs to start trusting herself. After spending many years in the dark, is she ready to begin this journey?

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Emmy is in denial: she's consuming more, and conflicts with friends and coworkers are starting to surface. Still, Emmy is convinced that people are just overreacting—until she can no longer hold everything together and loses control of it all.

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

After 16 years of sobriety, Emmy Olea is ready to retrace the winding road that led her to become the person she is today. Her journey with alcohol began at a young age. Caught between the conflicting desires ands demands of adolescence, she starts living a double life. Eventually, it all began to unravel as she realizes that maintaining this facade is unsustainable.

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Emmy relapses. A fight with someone very close pushes her to the edge, and she starts drinking again. Emmy wants to regain control, but it's harder this time. Until she receives a message from the universe, renewing her hope for recovery.

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Little by little, Emmy starts to gain confidence in her recovery—until someone new appears in her life, only to break her heart. This results in a new stumble in the process. But not everything is lost; this time, she has a strong community willing to help her heal from the heartbreak without falling into relapse.

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

After literally driving through a fire, Emmy is ready to fully commit to her journey to sobriety. She attends 12-step meetings, begins making friends, and learns to rely on people who genuinely want to help her. Doing the work is hard, but Emmy is finally ready to take it on.

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

As part of her recovery process, Emmy is required to perform esteemable acts. This means helping others with small things, but most importantly, working to heal past relationships. She learns to understand that people who hurt her, like her mother, deserve compassion, while also recognizing that she must be accountable for the harm she has caused.

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Emmy finally talks to someone she hurt. In this special episode, Emmy has a conversation with her close friend Cynthia, who shares why she was deeply hurt by Emmy on one of her birthdays and how she realized Emmy had a serious problem with alcohol. After drifting apart for a long time, could this esteemable act help heal their friendship?

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

After a new heartbreak, Emmy decides to pursue her dream and move to L.A. On her road to recovery, she finds a skeleton in the closet: her relationship with her body. In a culture where society constantly tells us that being overweight is wrong, she makes a life-changing decision.

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

As Emmy recovers from surgery and gains clarity through sobriety, she realizes that her true self is calling. After taking small steps, she discovers herself and decides to transition to fully embrace who she has always been.

CONTENT WARNING: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like drug abuse, domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES: There’s a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in this show. If you or someone you know needs help - you can reach the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. They’ll connect you with information and resources on treatment. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Both are available 24/7. You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. They're available for anyone who needs help.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.