“Mattering,” is  one of the most underrated superpowers in the workplace!. Not "I got a cupcake on my work anniversary" mattering—but the real, gut-level kind where you feel seen, valued, and essential. Turns out, this isn't fluff. According to Crina, It's fuel.

Now, let’s clear something up: mattering isn’t the same as belonging. Belonging says, “You’re one of us.” Mattering says, “You’re essential to us.” It’s not just about being invited to the meeting—it’s knowing your presence changes what happens in the room.

We explore how leaders can make mattering happen through one simple (but wildly uncommon) practice: noticing. It’s seeing your team for more than their output. It’s remembering that Ava’s prepping for a big client meeting or that Margaret is quietly holding the team together. As an example, it is the lovely leader who wrote down one meaningful detail about each employee every Friday and followed up on Mondays. No grand gestures—just consistent, personal attention. Her team was consistently the most engaged in the building.

And it’s not just about seeing—it’s about hearing. We go beyond the nod-and-smile version of active listening to something deeper. It’s listening for total meaning—what people say, how they say it, what they don’t say, and what they’re feeling underneath. It’s following up. It’s asking, “What did you mean by that?” or “How did that feel?” or “Tell me more” and being ready to actually hear the answer.

We also talk about how to affirm people without sounding like a motivational poster. True affirmation is personal and specific. It’s not “you’re amazing”—it’s “your attention to detail really added to the quality of our work product.” When people feel their unique strengths are noticed, they show up stronger, take feedback better, and stay longer.

Ease. Meaning. Joy. They’re not nice-to-haves. They’re what happens when people know they matter. Let’s get after creating some mattering!

More to read:

The Power of Mattering at Work

There’s a persistent and punishing myth out there: that a college degree is the only ticket to a good life. Spoiler alert—it’s not. And the people hit hardest by this myth? Women without degrees, especially women of color, who are holding up families, caregiving, and entire communities while being boxed out of opportunity by arbitrary job requirements and social stigma.

Four out of five non-graduates say they’ve experienced some form of judgment for not having a degree. Education-based stigma and discrimination among young adults not in 4-year college | BMC Psychology.  Many employers still cling to degree requirements as if they are a magic wand for competence. Meanwhile, a generation of students is waking up to the fact that college isn’t the only (or even the best) path. In 2023, there were four million fewer college students than a decade ago. Interesting.

But for non-college women, the journey without packing a college degree is anything but scenic. The economic reality is significant. Half of working-age non-college women aren’t working full-time. Their median annual income is just $35,000—30% less than non-college men. And while non-college men still find decent-paying jobs in fields like manufacturing or construction, the landscape for women is shrinking fast. Their sectors—think retail, caregiving, service—are unstable, underpaid, and rarely lead to careers. Third Way.

And yet, these women are the backbone of millions of households. Nearly four million homes with children rely solely on the income of a woman without a college degree. And while certificates and credentials could help, they don’t offer women the same financial bump they give men. A woman earns just a 16% wage premium from a certificate; men get 27%.

So why do degree requirements still rule? Employers think they signal capability. But studies are questioning the ROI of four-year degrees, and forward-thinking companies (and states!) are finally ditching the B.A. bias. More than 20 states have scrapped degree mandates for government jobs, and Congress is cooking up bipartisan plans to fund non-traditional learning paths through the Stronger Workforce for America Act and the Workforce Pell Act.

The takeaway? The “paper ceiling” is cracking. But breaking it wide open means recognizing that skill, drive, and talent don’t come with a diploma. It’s time we rewrite the rules—and the résumés—to build a workforce that actually works for everyone.

Another good read:

Americans can get behind dropping degree requirements—but employers and hiring managers keep propping up the 'paper ceiling' | Fortune

Hope is often dismissed as fluffy sentiment, but is actually a powerhouse for transformation—especially in the workplace. Unlike optimism, which passively assumes everything will turn out fine, hope is active, intentional, and rooted in the belief that our actions can shape the future. It’s the antidote to despair, the spark that turns possibility into reality.

As Brene Brown reminds us, hope isn’t a fleeting emotion; it’s a cognitive process. It counters the suffocating weight of hopelessness, which arises from negative thought patterns and self-blame. Instead, hope is a skill—one that can be learned and harnessed to drive individual and organizational success. Psychologist C. Rick Snyder’s research defines hope as the ability to create pathways to goals and summon the motivation to pursue them. This dynamic combo of "willpower" and "waypower" sets hopeful people apart, making them more effective problem-solvers and leaders.

Rebecca Solnit takes it a step further: hope thrives in uncertainty. It acknowledges the unknown but embraces the idea that our actions matter—even if the outcome remains unknown. Optimists may wait passively for better days, but hopeful individuals roll up their sleeves and get to work. History is full of hopeful changemakers whose influence often became clearest after their time.

In the workplace, hope is a game-changer. Studies show hopeful employees outperform their peers, producing more creative solutions and tackling challenges with grit. Hope ignites virtuous cycles: workers who feel supported develop stronger waypower, creating a ripple effect of collaboration and resilience. Organizations with shared visions of hopeful futures—whether it’s making breakthroughs, changing lives, or improving margins—fuel collective motivation and perseverance.

Leaders play a vital role in cultivating hope. Here’s how they can turn hope into strategy:

1. Set Shared Goals: Align teams around meaningful, values-driven missions. 
2. Empower Teams: Give people agency over their work. 
3. Celebrate Progress: Highlight wins, big and small, to reinforce a sense of control and accomplishment.

Hope isn’t naïve or impractical; it’s a deliberate belief in action. It builds connections, creativity, and growth. By anchoring strategies in hope, leaders can steer their organizations through uncertainty toward brighter horizons. Hope doesn’t just dream of a better future—it equips us to build one.

GOOD READS

Hope as the antidote; 

The Strategic Power of Hope; ‘Hope is a​n embrace of the unknown​’: Rebecca Solnit on living in dark times | Society books | The Guardian; 

Research: The Complicated Role of Hope in the Workplace

A key to finding meaning at work lies in your ability to align your daily tasks with your values. It doesn’t matter what kind of work you do, it only matters that you, personally, know what you care about and express those values in your job. When you find meaning, or purpose, at work you are more productive, healthier, resilient, and more fun to be around! 

 

SHOW NOTES

 

In Part I of a two part series on finding meaning at work, our hale and happy hosts spend some time diving into what meaning is, why it is important and the backbone of meaning - identifying your values.

 

What are we talking about when we say meaning?  Meaning is the connection between two or more things or ideas that together fulfill a higher purpose, create esteem or admiration, have a positive impact, transcend our instincts or our view of what we can achieve or makes sense (aka lofty goals).  This is according to Kirsten and The Meaning of Life (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy)

 

Meaning is not happiness, it is not good character.  It is the connection between ourselves and one of those “lofty goals.”  Sometimes we find meaning because we are providing for our families, or helping someone else, being of service, discovering something new, solving problems, protecting the environment etc . . .

 

WHY IS IT IMPORTANT?

 

“People who live their purpose at work are more productive than people who don’t. They are also healthier, more resilient, and more likely to stay at the company. Moreover, when employees feel that their purpose is aligned with the organization’s purpose, the benefits expand to include stronger employee engagement, heightened loyalty, and a greater willingness to recommend the company to others.” Help your employees find purpose--or watch them leave

 

Simply put - meaning is good for us and good for the workplace. Meaning at work makes us:

 

• 2.5 times more likely to be free of dementia
• 22 percent less likely to exhibit risk factors for stroke
• 52 percent less likely to have experienced a stroke

 

And if this wasn’t enough, individual purpose benefits organizations, too… People who find their individual purpose congruent with their jobs tend to get more meaning from their roles, making them more productive and more likely to outperform their peers.  Igniting individual purpose in times of crisis.

 

HOW DO WE FIND MEANING:

 

Ideally, work is a place where you can express your values - it is a calling.  There are external factors - the work and the workplace that affect this and well an internal factors.

 

As always, the good and bad news is that we have more ability to affect change when it comes to our internal experience.  

 

• Identify Your Values

Values are the things that are most important in our lives.  When values and goals are aligned, we are much more likely to motivate ourselves towards action and success.  

 

According to Simon Senik values need to be actionable  Here is his terrific TEDTalk: Honesty is NOT a Value | Simon Sinek Values are not nouns, but actions.  He gives these great examples:

 

Honesty vs “tell the truth”

Innovation vs “allow for experimentation”

Humor vs. “laugh everyday”

Most of us have a sense of our values and can list our values.  However, it is interesting to move past your assumptions and reflect on them from an independent source.  For example, The Values Project is a decades-long effort to get people in touch with their values.  Click on the link to test your assumptions about your values. The Values Project | Let's reveal what matters to you.  Getting clear on your values is the first step to finding meaning at work.

Trauma and toxic stress is pervasive in the workplace. You, your friends, your coworkers are all dealing with some version of trauma from, among other things, adverse childhood experiences, the pandemic, climate change, natural disasters, poverty and racism. While all events impact us individually, it’s important to recognize the signs of trauma and normalize trauma-informed workplaces.

 

In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our dynamic duo takes on trauma.  The pandemic is a traumatic event, whether we know it or not - although its impacts on us individually are very different.

 

This episode draws from an article advancing a trauma informed approach to work - and while we of course need to be aware of our own trauma, being aware of co-workers’ trauma is important in creating the kind of workplace we all want - one with ease, meaning and joy.  

Here is the article.  TRAUMA-INFORMED APPROACH TO WORKFORCE

 

Trauma is physically or emotionally harmful or life threatening experiences with lasting adverse effects on our functioning, mental, physical, social, emotional, or spiritual well-being.  This can be things like a physical assault, verbal abuse, witnessing someone else endure these experiences.  Kirsten and Crina think that toxic and prolonged stress has much the same effect as trauma.  Think the pandemic, racism, political unrest - yes, friends, we have had it all.

 

When we experience trauma or toxic stress, we can feel disassociated, persecuted, depressed, negative and disheartened.  We can experience physical pain and discomfort, nightmares, insomnia, mood swings and panic attacks.  And things we may struggle with in normal times, like anxiety, become more difficult to deal with.

 

Our brains are literally hard-wired to deal with trauma and toxic stress.  When the brain senses danger, the amygdala springs into action, which causes the sympathetic nervous system to fight, take flight, or freeze. Blood and oxygen are diverted to muscles and away from our brains, and a surge of adrenaline enables us to fight or take flight. Cortisol is released to inhibit any pain that might slow us down. All systems not crucial to survival are suppressed. Basically, the “survival” brain overrides the “rational” or “thinking brain” in the cerebral cortex, where rational thought and executive functioning, like problem solving and cooperating with others, take place.  And when your brain sends these signals over and over again, well, it is overwhelming.  Now, imagine that you have to show up and work - or these things are going on at your work - yikes!

 

Most importantly, we need to manage our own trauma and toxic stress - and there are some great strategies for doing so:  get outside, connect with people you love and who are energy giving, simplify your life, love on your dogs and cats, find something to be grateful for - (chocolate?), extend grace and compassion to yourself, and reset your nervous system with yoga, breathing, meditation and movement in general.

 

After addressing what we can do about our own trauma and toxic stress, Crina and Kirsten dive into what about others’ trauma and toxic stress in the workplace.  And there are a lot of folks in the workplace with trauma and toxic stress - in fact two-thirds of us have experienced some kind of childhood trauma.  

 

The first step is to educate ourselves - like this podcast!  The next step is to normalize these experiences.  And provide space for these experiences.  As a co-worker, look for the signs of trauma and stress.  Be curious, listen and if someone does open up to you, try not to problem solve unless specifically asked, be a witness, hold space.  One on one check ins are a great opportunity for this.  

 

If you are in a place to influence the workplace, encourage employees to take breaks, make sure the break room is not just caffeine and sugar, institute scheduled stretching times, consider an educational program for all staff on these issues.

 

As Oprah says, “I'm really proud to say that even in my worst moments, I've always had the good sense to know that however bad things were, they wouldn't remain so."

A TRAUMA-INFORMED APPROACH TO WORKFORCE

Signs & Symptoms of Psychological & Emotional Trauma | Cascade Behavioral Health

Advocating for yourself, confronting a coworker, asking for a raise...these courageous conversations are nerve wracking at best and in some cases, cause great anxiety. But avoiding difficult conversations is not an option if you want ease, meaning and joy at work. 

SHOW NOTES

As most of us know – things are bad out there.  We are fractured about politics, COVID, black lives and all sort of other things.  As we have become fractured and unable to engage in meaningful conversation about our positions, beliefs and opinions, we “other” each other.  

“Pew Research did a study of 10,000 American adults, and they found that at this moment, we are more polarized, we are more divided, than we ever have been in history. We're less likely to compromise, which means we're not listening to each other. And we make decisions about where to live, who to marry and even who our friends are going to be, based on what we already believe. Again, that means we're not listening to each other. A conversation requires a balance between talking and listening, and somewhere along the way, we lost that balance.” Celeste Headlee: 10 ways to have a better conversation.  When we do not know and understand each other, it is easier for us to dismiss, denigrate and discriminate against each other. 

It turns out not addressing difficult issues is also creating problems at work.  We spend almost three hours a week at work dealing with a workplace conflict caused by people who should have taken part in a difficult/courageous conversation.  About a third of these conflicts lead to personal injury or attacks, 22% of us are sick because of these conflicts and about a third of us leave our jobs because of one of these conflicts that could be solved with difficult conversations.  The Work Conversations We Dread the Most, According to Research. 

What makes a difficult conversation so hard? It turns out that it is fear and embarrassment.  Emotions are high – we are angry, upset, frustrated, disappointed.  We are afraid we will lose something we will care about or something will challenge our identity and sense of self.

Once you identify an issue that calls for a difficult or courageous conversation – get yourself ready.  BE CURIOUS.  ASSUME THE BEST INTENTIONS IN THE OTHER PERSON AND GET OUT OF FAULT AND BLAME.

Once we get into the right mindset, we can plan our conversation.

What is the purpose?

What are your assumptions?

What emotional buttons do you anticipate being “pushed” and how do you keep calm when that happens?

What is your attitude about the conversation?

What are your needs and fears?

We Have to Talk: A Step-By-Step Checklist for Difficult Conversations | Judy Ringer

Plan the first thing you will say in the conversation.  Getting off on the right foot is important?  What is your opening line?

During the conversation ask questions, acknowledge the other person’s feelings and position, advocate for your position without minimizing the other person and be solution oriented.13 Ways To Have Difficult Conversations With Clients

Let’s get out there and have that difficult conversation in the most courageous way – we can do it!

Every day before work, women shave, shampoo, condition, exfoliate, moisturize, cover-up, tone, powder, brush, style, spray, whiten, clip, paint, smooth, enhance, conceal, deodorize and pluck (did we miss anything?). In fact women spend an average of 27 minutes a day getting ready for work, use somewhere around 16 unique products on their bodies and spend thousands of dollars on clothes and shoes.

 

Why do we do this? Some women use clothes, hair and makeup as a form of self expression, which is great! But many of us spend time on appearances in order to protect ourselves, fit into the mold and be “acceptable.” Remember what the patriarchy told you: ladies need to look the part in order to be successful. 

 

The truth of the matter is that a woman’s appearance can impact her income, status, and how others perceive her at work. 

 

According to Leah D. Sheppard, an assistant professor at Washington State University who conducted a variety of experiments testing others' perception of attractive women, found that “beautiful women were perceived to be less truthful, less trustworthy as leaders, and more deserving of termination than their ordinary-looking female counterparts.”

 

On another note, a seminal study conducted by NYU sociologist Dalton Conley and NYU graduate student Rebecca Glauber found that women’s weight gain results in a decrease in both their income level and job prestige. By contrast, men experience no such negative effects.

 

According to a landmark study from Cornell University, white women who put on an additional 64 pounds, experienced a 9% drop in wages. And according to a 2007 paper from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, there is a statistically significant "wage penalty" for overweight and obese white women. ("Previous studies have shown that white women are the only race-gender group for which weight has a statistically significant effect on wages," according to the paper.) The obese take a bigger hit, with a wage loss of 12%. 

 

And as if that isn’t enough, a more recent study by researchers at Harvard University, Boston University, and the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute found makeup was found to increase people’s perceptions of a woman’s likeability and trustworthiness as well.

 

And finally, although there is no correlation between height and effectiveness or intelligence, a woman who is 5 feet 7 inches tall--well above the national female average of 5 feet, 3.5 inches--will make $5,250 more over the course of a year than a female co-worker standing 5 feet 2 inches.

 

So what to do about it?

 

• Be aware of your bias
• Create a “work uniform” so you don’t have to spend so much time and money on outfits
• Stop commenting on women’s appearances. No more, “How are you feeling?” “You look tired!”
• According to Tracy Spicer:
  • Take note of the number of minutes your personal grooming eats up over a day a week and month
  • Think about all the other things you could be doing
  • Decide what you can reduce or live without
• Anonymous recruitment practices
• Celebrate women of all shapes and sizes

 

And of course, the good reads:

For Women in Business, Beauty Is a Liability

Your looks and your job

Think Looks Don't Matter? Think Again

The double standards women face at work every day

The lady stripped bare | Tracey Spicer | TEDxSouthBankWomen

When every one of your tasks is urgent, you quickly lose control. In fact, when trapped by urgency, your stress increases, your judgement declines and your anger and anxiety become front-and-center. So how to get out of the urgency trap and start getting yourself some ease, meaning and joy at work? The answers might surprise you!

 

SHOW NOTES

 

In the episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work our hosts tackle one of the most significant negative impacts on your ease, meaning and joy in the workplace - URGENCY!  Yes, the topic is the hair-raising, spine-tingling, sweat producing, pulse racing and shallow breathing of urgency. 

 

When something big or just everything feels urgent, we experience:

 

• A rise in stress hormones
• Executive function decline
• Memory, judgement, impulse control deteriorate
• Anger and anxiety centers of the brain are activated

 

And once we experience those things, we experience:

• Low energy
• Cravings
• Insomnia
• Irritability
• Anxiety
• Poor concentration

 

Before you read on - just consider for a moment the bullet points above - a buzzkill on your ease, meaning and joy!

 

When every task is the most urgent, it limits our mind’s ability to think creatively. Problem solving is nearly impossible, and we resort to rushed, bad decisions that cause our team’s more time and effort in the long run to correct.

 

Urgency also gets in the way of the things our higher selves want to accomplish - diversity, equity and inclusion, which require us to consider our biases and question our assumptions and conclusions.  While we all experience urgency - white culture seems to embrace the nettle of urgency in an almost reverent manner.  Sometimes we white folks equate our self worth with the urgency of our attention to someone or some task.  WHITE SUPREMACY CULTURE: Characteristics

 

And while Crina and Kirsten like to give you good news, there is bad news here - our brains are hard wired to respond to urgency.  In fact, in order to get our urgency rush, we will give up bigger rewards over the long term.  See the reading below for the data and science behind “our brains on urgency.”

 

If we know urgency has negative effects on our physical, psychological and emotional capacity - and how effective we are at work, how do we minimize urgency - and note - our gals are realistic - urgency is our forever friend, but we have some boundaries with that frenemy urgency:

 

• Set realistic work plans - and check you optimism (which in other areas Crina and Kirsten generally encourage, but optimism can really take us to a bad place if we are not realistic about work plans
• Set aside time for planning
• When we do planning - plan for urgency, what is your response
• Think like an ER doctor - assess, prioritize and make a plan - An ER doctor on triaging your "crazy busy" life

• Don't assume that "urgent" means "immediately"
• Stop hurrying  - awareness
• Push back against your inner urgency bias by:
  • Making lists
  • Challenge your own thinking - because we know we have an urgency bias

For those who want to dig in deeper - here are some great reads on the topic:

 

When every task is top priority, 

My Sense of Urgency Is Killing Me (Slowly)

When Everything Is Urgent, Nothing Really Is

When everything feels urgent, choose significant instead

How to manage your time better by fighting "urgency bias" — Quartz at Work (qz.com)

WHITE SUPREMACY CULTURE: Characteristics

The Psychology of Urgency: 9 Ways to Drive Conversions

For the first time in history, there are five generations in the workforce...yes, five! And while this might cause some struggles with communication (ahem...did someone say mute?), and possible differences of opinion, it turns out that we all want many of the same things. Yep, we’re talking about ease, meaning and joy.

 

SHOW NOTES

In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work our hosts consider the impact of five generations of humans on the workforce - yes 5!! Workers from their early seventies until their late teens.  In their quest for ease, meaning and joy at work and at life, let’s dive into what this means for us!

The five generations in the workplace include:

• Traditionalists – those in the early seventies or later.  These folks are shaped by the Great Depression, World War II, radio and movies.  They are motivated by respect, recognition, and providing long-term value to their employer.  Their communication style is personal.  Their worldview values obedience over individualism, age equals seniority and workers move up the ladder.  These people are respectful and loyal.
• Baby Boomers are in the mid fifties to early seventies.  These folks are shaped by the Vietnam War, the Civil Rights Movement and Watergate.  They are motivated by company loyalty, teamwork and duty.  The communication style of these people is varied - face to face, person, phone - whatever works.  Their worldview is that achievement comes after paying one’s dues; and sacrifice equals success.
• Generation X are folks in their early forties to mid fifties.  They were shaped by the AIDS epidemic, the fall of the Berlin Wall and the dot.com boom.  They are motivated by diversity, work life balance and their own personal-professional interests rather than company interests.  Their worldview favors diversity, they are quick to move on if the employer fails to meet their needs, resistant to changes at work when it impacts their personal  interests.  Their communication style is also what is most efficient.
• Millennials are folks who are twenty-one to forty.  They were shaped by Columbine, 9/11 and the internet.  They are motivated by responsibility, the quality of their manager and unique work experience.  Their world view is seeking challenge, growth, and development; a fun work life and work-life balance; likely to leave an organization if they don't like change.  Their communication style isIMs, texts, and email. 
• Generation Z are folks twenty and younger.  They were shaped by the Great Recession technology from a young age.  They are motivated by diversity, personalization, individuality and creativity.  Their communication style is IMs, texts, social media.  They are self-identifying as digital device addicts; and value independence and individuality.

See [Infographic]Generational Differences in the Workplace [Infographic]

 

Lots has changed for some of these folks.  There are more women in the workplace, less religion, fewer veterans and less people who are married.  How Millennials today compare with their grandparents 50 years ago

 

It turns out that we can make gross generalizations about each other - see above - :-)!  And it also turns out we make even more assumptions about how others think of us.

 

We all want the same four things:

 

Working for someone who care about employees well-being

Ethical leadership

Diverse and inclusion of all people

FInancial stability

 

Tune in and learn how our alikeness is more important than our differences and how our differences create more ease, meaning and joy at work.

 

And more good reads:

4 Things Gen Z and Millennials Expect From Their Workplace

Just How Different Are Millennials, Gen Xers, and Baby Boomers at Work?

Generations in the Workplace

Managing People from 5 Generations

How Millennials today compare with their grandparents 50 years ago

Rest is so much more than sleep. Our minds and bodies also need rest from things like mental stimulation, social encounters, creative endeavors and emotional outputs. Taking time to truly rest your mind, body and soul is the ultimate self care regiment and a direct line to ease, meaning and joy at work, and in life!

 

SHOW NOTES

 

On this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our hosts go deep on rest.  Of course, there is sleep, but oh so much more.  We expend different kinds of energy throughout the day - mental, creative, sensory, physical and social.  Consider one meeting in your day - you use mental and possibly creative energy, if you are on Zoom, you are taxing your senses by what you can (and what you cannot) discern from Zoom and you are probably using some of your social energy as well.  How is that we renew and restore?  No question rest is a big part of the ease, meaning and joy equation.

 

Why do We Working Women Need Rest?

 

According to Saundra Dalton-Smith in The 7 Types of Rest that Every Person Needs,  “[w]ithout attention to rest, we are creating a culture of high-achieving, high-producing, chronically tired and chronically burned-out individuals.”  According to psych central, 70 percent of visits to the doctor are due to stress-related health issues. “Rest is the only way to engage the part of our nervous system that allows for relaxation.” It is literally vital for our physical and mental health.”  The 7 types of rest that every person needs | (ted.com)

 

What Does the Data Say about the Effectiveness of Rest?

 

Researchers at Stanford did a series of experiments looking at the effects of walking on creativity, as measured by a test of divergent thinking—which asked people to come up with novel ways of using an everyday item, like a brick or a doorstop. The researchers compared participants’ performance under four conditions: while walking on a treadmill, while seated inside, while walking outside, or while being wheeled outside in a wheelchair. Their results showed that walking and being outside each separately led to better performance on the test. Moreover, in one experiment, the researchers showed that the benefits of walking on creativity did not fade immediately, but carried over into performance on future tests. ”https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_resting_more_can_boost_your_productivity

 

The company Basecamp added another day to the weekend and found productivity unchanged.  Workers got done in 4 days what had taken 5.  8 Minute Read Why Restorative Rest Makes You More Productive And How To Achieve It

 

How Do We Achieve the Restorative Rest 

 

Whether you schedule a walk with a friend (or by yourself), commit to get up from your desk once every hour to get a glass of water, meditate for 10 minutes before you start your day or book your solo vacation - get it on your schedule!  

 

If you want to restore your creative energy - get inspired by listening to music, getting outside in nature, watching the sunset or enjoying beautiful art. If you want to restore your physical energy, sleep - of course, but also just sitting.  If you find yourself irritable and unable to concentrate, you may have expended too much mental energy - which is classic Kirsten.  Schedule a time to take a breath.  Crina schedules lunch and commits to healthy, nutritious food and it is an anchor in her day and restorative in many ways. If you are on sensory overload - turn everything off and shut your eyes - just for 10 deep breaths - and avoid going home and turning the tv on - find some quiet. Emotional energy is complicated - are you holding others emotions or has life just sent you on an emotional roller-coaster?  Identify what you need - maybe you need to authentically express your emotions in a safe place or to wrap a metaphorical quilt around your tender soul?  Social rest is an obvious one for those of us who are introverts - we need time to ourselves, and so do those of us who are extroverts - we just tend to need less of it and sometimes not realize it.  Spiritual rest is the energy to find deep meaning, a sense of purpose and belonging and love.  When those things are missing from our lives, it may be time to up our spiritual energy quotient.  It could be faith or religion, but Dalton-Smith suggests that you can cultivate a sense of purpose with music, uplifting and inspiring videos, focusing on the magical - such as the bloom of a flower or dew on a leaf - and then going back to these moments when you feel disconnected.

 

Check out Dalton-Smith’s article above - it is a rich trove of ideas and the inspiration for this show.

Stoicism teaches us how to keep a calm and rational mind no matter what. This ancient philosophy lends insight into understanding and focusing on what you can control while letting go and accepting what you can't. 

 

SHOW NOTES

 

Today on Crina and Kirsten Get to Work our hosts do an archaeological dig into an ancient philosophy - Stoicism - to find the golden nuggets to create more ease, meaning and joy at work.  The idea for this episode comes from Ryan Holiday’s Daily Stoic podcast - 2-3 minute Stoic inspired daily meditations to help you live your best life.  Ryan is a New Your Times best selling author and his style and content are really relatable.  Okay - so now you know it, Kirsten got a little obsessed - and highly recommends the podcast.

 

Stoicism was created by a dude named Zeno in Athens in the third century BC.  Stoicism is a school of philosophy for people who want to get stuff done in the world - then and now.  As a side note, it was the philosophical inspiration for cognitive behavioral therapy - cool.  It has been a relatively male-dominated school of thought.  Crina and Kirsten make it the working woman’s philosophy.  

 

In addition to Zeno, three people took Zenp’s work and ran with it.  Marcus Aurelius, reputed to be the last good emperor of the Roman Empire and the most powerful man on earth, journalled his thoughts each day. This journal has been published as the book Meditations.  Epictetus was born a slave and went on to found his own school and taught many of Rome’s greatest minds, one of which was Marcus Aurelius. Epictetus’ teachings were memorialized by another of his students, Arrian on Discourses and Enchiridion.   Senec was a tutor and adviser to Nero and Rome’s best playwright and super hero power broker – sometimes said to be what we think of as the modern modern day entrepreneur. His personal letters are another source of Stoic philosophy.

Stoicism teaches how to keep a calm and rational mind no matter what happens to you and it helps you understand and focus on what you can control and not worry about and accept what you can't control.  The goal of Stoicism is eudaimonia or supreme happiness or fulfilment attainable by human beings  - core purpose or the good life – a flourishing, lofty, and smoothly flowing life. The idea is that we can control our own behavior, but not the outcome of our behavior or others’ behaviors; and a calm and rational mind allows us to accept those outcomes.

 

There are five main elements according to our ametuer Stoics, Kirsten and Crina:

• Nature: Nature is rational.  Live in agreement with nature
• Law of Reason: The universe is governed by the law of reason. 
• Virtue: Courage, justice and discipline  - and virtue is its own reward
• Control: Focus on what you can control and accept what you cannot
• Wisdom: Wisdom is the root virtue (see above).

Crina and Kirsten turn to modern female Stoics to explore the importance of emotion in Stoicism, and some core principles applied to women and work, such as The Way is Through, Don’t Make Things Harder than they Need to Be, Impossible Without Your Consent, Keep it Simple, Protect Your Peace of Mind and A Career is Not a Life Sentence.  

 

This episode is a great introduction to Stoicism and how it can bring more ease, meaning and joy to work and life.  And of course - the obvious - that men do not have the corner on Stoicism - or anything else.

Stoicism and Emotion: An Interview with Professor Margaret Graver (dailystoic.com)

Nutshell: Stoicism: a practical philosophy for life and work

A Universal Philosophy: Great Insights From Female Stoics (dailystoic.com)

Stoicism (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy)

Feedback is AWESOME, unless it’s not. The crazy thing is that the vast majority of evaluations/assessments/performance reviews are lame and unproductive, yet we are subjected to them time and time again. The good news is that employee reviews don’t need to suck!

 

SHOW NOTES

 

On this second in a series of episodes exploring what does not need to suck at work, Crina and Kirsten delve into workplace performance evaluations.

 

And yes, even in the midst of a year into the pandemic, evaluations of how we do at work continue.  Evaluations, reviews, appraisals . . . so many names for what can be stress inducing and a waste of time.  To understand how we got here with evaluations, let’s look at the history.

 

Evaluations can be traced back to WWI when the military wanted to identify poor performers.  By the 1960s, 90% of companies were using appraisals and ranking systems.  During this same time there was a shortage of managerial talent and companies started shifting away from evaluations that reflected performance by scores to using evaluations as a professional development tool. This new approach was based on a theory that employees wanted to perform well and would do so if supported properly, opposed to the previous theory which assumed you had to motivate people with material rewards and punishments.  And this is the part where evaluations do not have to suck - evaluations should motivate and inspire employees to do better.  Companies have moved back to ranking and scoring rather than motivating and inspiring and we see evaluation programs trying to do it all and not doing a lot of it well.  The Future of Performance Reviews (hbr.org)

 

All of this is to say that we are all still trying to figure out how to 

1. Support employees
2. Reward good performance
3. Recruit and retain talent
4. Eliminate poor performers who are “uncoachable”

 

Here’s some of what we know about performance reviews and employee engagement:

 

• 45% of HR leaders do not think annual performance reviews are an accurate appraisal for employee’s work. Employee Performance Program & Coaching | CoreAxis Corporate Training & eLearning
• Only 8% of companies believe their performance management process is highly effective in driving business value, while 58% say it’s not an effective use of time. Employee Performance Program & Coaching | CoreAxis Corporate Training & eLearning

 

The Harvard Business Review summarizes workers experience, “[w]ith their heavy emphasis on financial rewards and punishments and their end-of-year structure, [annual reviews] hold people accountable for past behavior at the expense of improving current performance and grooming talent for the future, both of which are critical for organizations’ long-term survival.   In contrast, regular conversations about performance and development change the focus to building the workforce your organization needs to be competitive both today and years from now. Business researcher Josh Bersin estimates that about 70% of multinational companies are moving toward this model, even if they haven’t arrived quite yet.”  The Future of Performance Reviews (hbr.org) 

 

SO WHAT CAN WE DO INSTEAD?

1. Engage more deeply with the work of your direct reports and team:

 

Regular check ins provide frequent and timely feedback and support.  And the data supports that frequency is important.  Studies show weekly check-ins increase performance by 13% where monthly check-ins decrease it by 5%.  9 Lies About Work, Buckingham and Goodall.

Companies who implement regular employee feedback have turnover rates that are 14.9% lower than for employees who receive no feedback. Employee Performance Program & Coaching | CoreAxis Corporate Training & eLearning.

 

Frequency is important because it allows real time considerations to occur, ongoing problem solving and direct application of learning. It allows employees and managers to make sense of real-time information together, focus on the next week, the problem to solve; build relationships and trust; and evaluates performance. It allows for listening, course-correcting, adjusting, coaching, pinpointing, advising, paying attention and providing real-time feedback.

 

This is in contrast to annual check ins where information is discussed when it is likely to be obsolete or irrelevant. 

 

1. Provide meaningful, real time feedback

 

Whatever the feedback, the purpose should be to motivate employees to do better work, position them for success and further engage them.  Gallup research tells us that managers have a tough time with this and only about 15% of managers strongly agree that they are effective at giving feedback.  And this is in contrast to employees who tell us that meaningful feedback would inspire them to work harder.  Employee Performance Program & Coaching | CoreAxis Corporate Training & eLearning

 

1. Reframe the annual review

The annual review process is better suited for a development opportunity.  Annual reviews should do a couple of big things:  set goals, align those individual goals with those of the company, include clear measurement towards the goals, including measuring progress.

The content of evaluations should not be a surprise, but rather a chance to sit down and review what you’ve been discussing all year.  

 

HOW TO JUMP START THIS PROCESS FOR YOURSELF, AS THE EMPLOYEE ON THE RECEIVING END?

 

The first thing we can do is to ask for regular feedback.  Start small - or not - always interesting to go big!  When we ask for feedback, we need to be open to feedback and open to the process and we need to pay close attention.  

 

Another helpful strategy is to ask about the review process your manager uses.  What is it meant to accomplish, what does she want to measure?  Understanding the process can be helpful in determining what is important about your performance and allows you to better use the information you get.

 

There are things managers and employees can do to make the evaluation and review process better.  We can take it further from its military WWII roots and rather than use it as a way to punish, use it as a way to inspire and motivate to bring more ease, meaning and joy to the workplace.

 

And another great read:

17 Mind-blowing Statistics on Performance Reviews and Employee Engagement

You need to laugh at work...or at least chuckle! According to the research, humor can dissolve tension, reduce stress and  make you more productive and committed to your workplace. 

 

SHOW NOTES

 

On this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our hosts focus on humor in the workplace.  Who does not love to laugh?!!  Whether at home or at work or frankly anywhere!!  The “humor” our duo discusses is not just the belly laugh, but also the amusing, the cheerful, the light and the genial ways we can interact with each other at work.  Humor is for more than the comedians among us!

 

This episode was inspired by Kirsten’s cousin, Dr. Rufus Browning - Professor of Humor at University of Maryland.  Cousin Rufus was one of the founders of International Humor Conference -fancy!.  He explained to Kirsten that humor is the juxtaposition of the absurd (putting things next to each other that do not make sense), which causes our brains to freak out a little bit and we laugh because it releases good chemicals and allows us to better manage the absurdity.  

 

When we laugh, our brains produce less cortisol (inducing calm and reducing stress) and release more endorphins (which give us something like a runner’s high) and oxytocin (often called the “love” hormone). It’s like meditating, exercising, and having sex at the same time. 

 

Sophie Scott, a professor from the University College London, is a humor expert and researcher.  She says that laughter is one of the first things you learn as a baby. It is a tool for socialization.  She talks about all kinds of laughter, polite laughter, agreeable laughter and the humorous or comedic laughter.  She says, “laughter is not just about ‘funny.’ it’s about being human.”  We signal our trust in each other when we laugh.  Laughter: The Best Medicine | Hidden Brain

 

Even rats laugh and it contributes to their socialization as well.  When researchers cut the vocal cords of rats (sad!), the rats could no longer laugh.  When introduced with other rats who still had their vocal cords and could laugh, the laughless rats were more likely to get bitten.  It appears when rats laughed during play, they were signaling something to each other that reduced aggression, and those rats who could not laugh were not able to send those signals and got bitten more.  

 

WHAT ARE THE REWARDS OF HUMOR?

“Research shows that leaders with any sense of humor are seen as 27% more motivating and admired than those who don’t joke around. Their employees are 15% more engaged, and their teams are more than twice as likely to solve a creativity challenge — all of which can translate into improved performance. Studies even show that something as simple as adding a lighthearted line at the end of a sales pitch — like “My final offer is X and I’ll throw in my pet frog” — can increase customers’ willingness to pay by 18%.  A bad dad joke can literally help you get paid.” How to Be Funny at Work.

 

Humor can make employees more productive and engaged.  It can improve decision-making and creativity, it can make new information, problems easier to solve and ideas easier to absorb. Humor also improves your communication in that people are more likely to listen to you and remember what you said.  And of course it increases our connection to others.  And it clearly is the magic elixir because it also improves your health.  16 thoughts on “30 Benefits of Humor at Work”

 

HOW TO BE HUMOROUS AT WORK

And, of course, our hosts are down with some practical tips to get more of that goodness at work.

Warning - maintain PC and PG at work - it is tempting to engage in a little racy frivolity, but save that for non-work spaces.  

Reminder - this is more about levity and lightness than it is comedy. Allow for the lightness

Ideas:

• Set a goal - laugh 20 times days
• Be silly 
• Add lightness to your presentations - some pictures of puppies and kittens are a fine choice
• Add fun to introductions - i.e. what should your job title really be, what StarWars character are you?
• If there are outings - choose fun over stiff - i.e. bowling
• Zoom backgrounds offer an opportunity for levity
• Email sign off -- yours heavily caffeinated, yours unvaccinated

 

If this is not something you are already comfortable with, dip your toe in - it feels great and if you are comfortable with humor and lightness - bring it on at work because it will give everyone more ease meaning and joy.

And another great read:

Why Humor in the Workplace is a Key to Success

In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work our hosts consider the silent exclusively female workplace challenge - menopause.  Menopause affects over 1 million women in the U.S. annually. Nearly 20% of all women are grappling with its symptoms right now, often in silence. Hot flashes, brain fog, and fatigue aren’t just physical nuisances—they’re cultural battlegrounds. Society often wraps a woman's worth in fertility, leaving those navigating menopause potentially battling stigma, shame, and a perceived loss of identity. Unlike aging men hailed as "silver foxes," menopausal women rarely get the same applause. So let’s change that narrative.

And the workplace is our first stop because, well, it's not such a great place for people experiencing menopause. A Mayo Clinic study revealed menopause costs American women an incredible $1.8 billion annually in lost work time. And we have lots to do with that time, folks!  Fifteen percent of participants reported cutting back hours or missing work due to symptoms, with the worst-affected women 16 times more likely to face “adverse work outcomes.” Disturbingly, over 1% of women quit or were laid off due to debilitating symptoms. Black and Hispanic women often face even harsher impacts, reporting higher rates of symptoms and workplace struggles.

In the UK, a similar story unfolds. Nearly half of menopausal women report work-related challenges like low energy, poor concentration, and feelings of isolation. Many fear disclosing their struggles to employers; 47% avoid sharing the real reason for taking sick days. This culture of silence drives one in ten to leave their jobs entirely.

So, why does menopause get such a raw deal? Unlike conditions like cardiac disease, menopause doesn’t slot neatly into existing workplace health frameworks. The unpredictable, chronic nature of its symptoms demands nuanced solutions—something most workplaces lack.

But change is on the horizon. Forward-thinking companies and organizations are beginning to recognize menopause as a workplace issue. From the British Menopause Society to the European Menopause and Andropause Society, folks are advocating for tangible support around menopause: flexible schedules, breathable uniforms, and health plans that cover menopause treatments. 

Studies show interventions like yoga, cognitive behavioral therapy, and work-life coaching can make a world of difference. With the right support, menopausal women can thrive—not just survive—in their careers. Let’s ditch the stigma, embrace the conversation, and build workplaces where every stage of womanhood is valued. Menopause isn’t the end; it’s a new chapter, and it’s time we wrote it right or maybe write it right?!  You get the point listeners.

Study Shows the Staggering Cost of Menopause for Women in the Work Force

Impact of Menopause Symptoms on Women in the Workplace; 

Without support, many menopausal workers are quitting their jobs; 

Menopause in the Workplace - Women's Health Concern

Saying, “sorry” is great, except when it’s not. An apology says you value the relationship, you have learned something and the offense will not happen again (or at least making efforts to do so). So why do sooooo many apologies end up feeling all wrong?

SHOW NOTES

On this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work our hosts delve into apologizing.  You may love an apology or you may hate an apology, but unless you are perfect (and if you think you are, you can stop reading right now - :-)), an apology is an important part of any relationship, including workplace relationships.

Crina hates hearing the words, “I am sorry.”  She hates over apologizing, shitty apologies, particularly those apologies used like a get out of jail free card.  Kirsten loves the opportunity an apology offers and how a real apology opens the door to further conversation.

Apologies at work build trust, build team and show humility. An apology says you value the relationship, you have learned something and the offense will not happen again (or at least making efforts to do so)

Gender Difference in Apologizing

Like many things, there are differences when it comes to apologies between men and women,  Women Really Do Apologize More Than Men. Here's Why (and It Has Nothing to Do With Men Refusing to Admit Wrongdoing) | Inc.com.  

A series of studies found that women apologize more than men because they report committing more offenses than men.  The studies suggest that men apologize less frequently than women because they have a higher threshold for what constitutes offensive behavior. “It takes a more serious offense for men to think of an apology as deserved,” Dr. Karina Schumann, one of the study’s researchers, said in an email. In another study, Dr. Schumann and her colleagues gave men and women various hypothetical offenses to commit. Men rated the offenses as less severe and less deserving of an apology than women. “These findings supported our suspicion that men apologize less often because they are less likely to think they’ve offended anyone,” Dr. Schumann said.  Why women apologize more than men: gender differences in thresholds for perceiving offensive behavior.  In other words, women are more willing to see an offense and apologize more often.

The question of women’s apologies is a hot topic.  Some people feel that women should stop apologizing, while others think we should stop pathologizing apologies.  Deborah Tannen, communications author, says, maybe we should stop stigmatizing apologies.

No, You Don’t Have to Stop Apologizing (Published 2019)

Telling women to apologize less isn’t about empowerment. It’s about shame. - The Washington Post  Crina and Kirsten are in the camp that you should apologize if you want to - it is up to you - and no pathologized, demonizing or stigmatizing - and apology to add to your power rather than take away from it.

The Gift of Apologies

Apologies offer a gift to the person making the apology, a gift to the person to whom the apology is made and a gift to the relationship.  Apologies can create better relationships in the workplace.

Elements of an Apology

1. According to ​The 6 elements of an effective apology, according to science, the elements of apology are as follows:
2. Expression of regret
3. Explanation of what went wrong
4. Acknowledgment of responsibility
5. Declaration of repentance
6. Offer of repair
7. Request for forgiveness

What Makes a Good Apology According to Harriet Lerner

1. No buts, a “but” undercuts your apology.
2. Focus on your acts not the other person’s feelings - what did you do and what was your part
3. Make amends, whether you can return or replace something or make best efforts so that you will not do what you did again
4. Don’t overdo an apology - to Crina’s point at the beginning
   • Don’t take too much responsibility
   • Don’t make it about you
   • Stay on point
5. No blame to the other person
6. No repeat performance - change behavior (see amends)
7. Your apology should not silence the other party - an apology is a great time to listen
8. Don’t make an apology for your own benefit - if someone does not want to hear from you, stop.
9. A true apology does not ask the other person for anything

What an Apology Does for Us

1. The best thing about an apology is what it does for us.  We grow in ourselves.
2. We maintain our integrity about how we live in the world.  We build self-esteem and self respect by living our values.
3. And here is the Podcast from Brene Brown and Harriet Lerner that inspired this episode.

Harriet Lerner and Brené - I'm Sorry: How To Apologize & Why It Matters

Why we've been saying 'sorry' all wrong - BBC Worklife

Yes, you spend a ton of time in meetings and yes, most of them are miserable! You are not alone! In fact a recent poll revealed that people just like you rank over 50% of their meetings as poor.

 

In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our dynamic duo brings their laser focus to meetings - with the hope that we can defy the data that 50% of meetings are not satisfying - and great more joy, meaning and ease.

 

Check out the data . . .

 

Dr Joseph Allen, professor of industrial and organizational psychology at University of Utah, has been studying meetings for 15 years.  He found that pre- Pandemic a manager spent 75% of her time in meeting activities (prep, meetings and follow-up).  This is 30 hours!!. During lock down that time increased by 48.5 minutes average per work day.  A manager now spends 85-90% of her time in meetings!  And remember during all of these meetings, we are “performing” of “surface acting.” You know the smiling, engaged, professional, energetic self.  And this is draining.

 

And here is the bad news, over 50% of participants rate the meetings as poor.  Why:

No agenda

No clear purpose

Attendees do not stay on the topic

Attendees are not equally participating

Lack of information needed for the meeting

 

And like everything in the workplace, race and gender bias play a significant role in meetings.  Women and people of color are given less time to talk, perceived as less capable and talked over more.  According to Adam Grant: “Political scientists find that when groups of five make democratic decisions, if only one member is a woman, she speaks 40 percent less than each of the men. Even if the group has a majority of three women, they each speak 36 percent less than each of the two men. Only in groups with four women do they each finally take up as much airtime as the one man.”  The Silent Sex: Gender, Deliberation, and Institutions eBook: Karpowitz, Christopher F., Mendelberg, Tali: Kindle Store.  One study by the Yale psychologist Victoria Bresoll found that when male executives spoke more often, they were perceived to be more competent, but when female executives spoke more often, they were given lower competence ratings. Who Takes the Floor and Why: Gender, Power, and Volubility in Organizations - Victoria L. Brescoll, 2011

 

Personality type is important to understanding meeting dynamics. In The Four Personality Types in Your Meetings - HR Daily Advisor, Cameron Herold divides us into 4 personality types and being mindful of their needs and how they contribute:

1. Dominant Personalities: extroverts, assertive, verbose, forceful, strong, type-A, and driven personalities. They will say what they mean, argue for it, and act forcefully. 
2. Expressive Personalities extroverts, plus they are animated, talk with their hands, and think out loud. They tend to get excitable and emotional, and they eagerly jump in to speak.
3. Analytical Personalities will literally think through their answers before speaking and tend to be introverts. Typically, they think through their answers for so long that Dominant and Expressive people feel they’re too slow
4. Amiable Personalities avoid conflict and tend to get along in a passive manner. Amiables will say things like, “Well, whatever,” or “Whatever you’d like,” or “That’s fine,” or “I’m okay too.” Truthfully, they mean it most of the time.

Tips for meetings that do not make you want to put a needle in your eye:

 

Here are some ideas for better meetings - and if you are a participant, it is fair to ask questions when you have questions about the meeting.

 

• Define the purpose or goal of the meeting
• Consider whether you really need a meeting - will an email accomplish the goal?

• Is discussed or collaboration essential
• Is there complex or sensitive information

• Make sure everyone who needs to be at the meeting is at the meeting
• Create and share an agenda with any information needed - make everyone at the meeting knows why they are there
• Start the meeting in some mindful way - check in, intention setting etc. . . .

• Infuses mindful practices into meetings
• effective meeting structure
• Focused attention
• Deeper connection
• Thoughtful responses

- Think about how you will deal with the over-talkers AHEAD OF TIME

- During the meeting

• Use Procedural Communication ...we’re here for this purpose...can we get back to it?

• For big decisions, consider presenting the issue or question and having folks write down their answers - allows folks who are analyzers to take some time, requires the talkers to be quiet and everyone gets to answer

- Run an inclusive meeting!

• Call on folks for partition

- And don’t forget after the meeting

• Send highlights/action items
• Gather feedback and contributions
• Evaluate and improve
• Recover - a minimum of five minutes is needed to recover from good meetings and bad meetings much longer 

 

And here are some more good reads:

How to Deal with Difficult People in Meetings

Simple Tips for Happier, More Productive Meetings

Mindful Meetings Checklist

Perspective | Who won’t shut up in meetings? Men say it’s women. It’s not.

It’s Not Just You: In Online Meetings, Many Women Can’t Get a Word In

Humans make thousands of decisions every single day...what to eat for breakfast; when to call mom; whether to wear pants during that zoom meeting. Some people are shockingly quick to make even the most complex decisions while others are virtually paralyzed by choice. Insane curiosity led Crina and Kirsten to learn about how decisions are made, how to make better decisions and how to help others get off the decision-making hamster wheel.

SHOW NOTES

In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our gorgeous gals - even though ya’ can’t see ‘em - talk about the thing that makes or breaks our lives in big and small ways - DECISIONS.  And because this topic is so important, Crina and Kirsten went to the best source for information - our listeners!!  

A listener focus group provided great input and fodder for thought on decisions - how they make them, what they are comfortable with, what decisions are hard, what decisions are easy and how do they handle consequences - from choosing between three suitors to the motto better done than perfect - these listeners were a rich source of information.

Crina and Kirsten chose the topic because they each see some of their clients struggle mightily with making decisions.  

The first part of the show is about the science of decision making.  Science has only recently begun to discover how we make decisions. A lot of the research is aimed at understanding what parts of the brain are involved in making decisions so they can understand why some people make consistently bad ones...adicts, for example; people with poor impulse control.

First, unconscious bias, or those powerful hidden, unconscious processes at work when we make decisions have been the subject of two Nobel Prize winners, which means it is pretty important.  If we do not bring these biases to the surface, we risk making decisions that we are not fully conscious of.  See This is how our brains make decisions by Adam Piore

Second, another fancy scientist, Daniel Kahneman, who won the Nobel Prize in 2002 in Economics for his widely referenced work in the area of human judgment determined there are two systems of decision making that compete with each other and sometimes overlap, acting as checks on each other.

System 1: nearly instantaneous impressions of people and situations;

For example, “that person looks suspicious.”  This system of thinking also drives some racism. 

• Offers preferences based on patterns that we are unaware of i.e. unconscious bias
• Tends to be fast, non-conscious and emotionally charged
• Useful for high-pressure, high stress situations 
• Can be harnessed and trained to speed up reaction times and save mental energy
• These decisions are made using systemic, unconscious bias that constantly distort our judgement

 System 2: rational analysis and ability to handle complexity

 For example, “after doing a reference check and a background check, that person   

 seems safe.”

• Analytical, deliberate and “rational”
• Slow, controlled, rule-governed
• Allows you to consider consequences before deciding
• Slower and can breakdown under stress causing you to “choke”

Some people wrongly assume that system 1 is bad and system 2 is good, but that’s not necessarily the case. They are just different - and we go back and forth and sometimes use both systems to make a decision.

Third - who would have known (well, we do, frankly) that emotions are critical for decisions and people who have lost the ability to process emotions turn out to be horrible decision makers - so do not let anyone tell you that emotions have no place in decisions - in fact science tells us it is the opposite.  Decisions and Desire

Fourth, our hosts consider the impact of too many choices, too few choices and how abundance thinking affects decisions.  Abundance mindset: why it’s important and 8 ways to create it - Recent news science and psychology news about happiness - happiness.com

And here is what we learned from listeners about real life decisions outside of the science lab.

The more you know about yourself the better your decisions will be:

• Consider developing a set of rules, principles and believes to guide your life and you decision
• Make sure you feel comfortable in your mind, heart and body
• How do you deal with fear, anxiety and risk aversion
• If you are impulse driven - look before you jump
• If you are analysis paralysis - just jump for crying out loud
• What you believe about the world drives your decisions:
• Abundance mindset tends to produce better and more satisfying results than the scarcity mindset
• Permanence vs impermanence - are you comfortable with the truth that we live with impermanence
• What you can (cannot) control
• Do your life decisions begin to narrow as you age, or does your mind? I.e. why can’t you be a volunteer firefighter at 70
• Be wary of self-limiting beliefs
• Be comfortable with experimentation and trial and error - you can almost always make a different decision

There are some processes for making decisions that can help:

•  Relax into your decision - calm down and breath
•  Ignore criticism
• Yes, make that list, but do not get stuck in analysis paralysis
•  Limit your options: more options doesn’t make it easier
•  As one listener said, “done is better than perfect.”

There are lots of opportunities to make decisions - and honing your ability to do so is a fundamental part of finding ease, meaning and job in your workplace and in your life.

Are you in control of time or does time control you? Your relationship to time can impact how you manage your day, how you organize your tasks and even how you feel about your life. 

 

SHOW NOTES

 

Today on Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, we get to learn a new word -  chronemics.  Who doesn’t want to learn a new and very cool word?  And now that you have waited with bated breath to know what it is - it is the study of time.  How do you think about time?  Are you in control of time? Does time control you? What is your relationship with time?  These are the big questions and considerations for this episode.

 

Up until a few thousand years or so ago - there was no clock time.  The sun rose and the sun set and it was game over.  Clock time allowed us to gain efficiency, organize work, maximize productivity, etc., but is that how all of us feel comfortable organizing our day?  Clock time was also a convenient way of compensating people in a newly industrialized society.

 

Most people’s work days are dictated by clock time: punch in, punch out...track your hours, take your breaks, etc.  Education also favors people who operate on clock time...standardized tests, school schedules, etc.

 

But here is the problem with clock time - even considering all of its productivity and efficiency - the “clock time” construct does not work for everyone.  Many people are more comfortable on “event” time, which is essentially, when the thing you are doing comes to its natural end - which may not coincide with both hands of a clock being pointed in any particular direction.

 

How do you know if you are a clock timer or an event timer?

Do you eat at 12 or when you are hungry?.  If you eat at noon, you are a clock timer and if you eat when you are hungry, you are an event timer.

Is your to do list also scheduled into your calendar or is your to do list driven by the “right” time to complete a task? If you are a “right” timer, you are an event timer.

 Is a meeting done for you when those clock hands point in a particular direction or when you feel like you have accomplished what needs to be accomplished?  

 

Clock time is pretty interchangeable - meaning we can move out meeting from 10 am to 2 pm, but if we are on event time, it may not work to move the exercise session because you have to do exercise first so you can shower next and then shop.  Who wants to shop dirty and stinky from working out?  (well, probably Kirsten, but don’t tell anyone).  The point is there is a flow to event time - things happen in sequence.  Clock time tends to be more like legos - interchangeable.

 

Why does this matter?  Event time allows you to be in the moment and aware of your surroundings.  Clock time allows you to be efficient and productive, but the locus of control is the clock.  Most of us are comfortable with event time and clock time, although Crina is primarily a clock time and Kirsten prefers event time.  And they can still be friends!!!

 

Anne-Laure Sellier, a fancy professor from France currently a Visiting Professor at NYU, conducted an interesting experiment where she put a clock in a room where people were doing yoga.  She watched them and talked with them after the class.  Then she covered up the clock for the next class and she watched them and talked to them.  Here is what she discovered.  Students were more engaged in the class where the clock was covered up.  Students also took and felt more agency over their performance when there was no clock.  Students with a clock in the room tended to attribute their performance to the instructor and gave up more easily.

 

Clock time is great for standardized tasks and efficiency, event time is good to fully experience your surroundings and for creativity.  People on event time feel more control over their lives versus people on event time who believe the hands on the clock do not control their lives as much.

 

How does this translate into work?  First, if you understand your relationship to time, you will probably understand why certain things work for you and others do not.  Understanding how you best experience time will allow you to better shift between the two and better structure your work environment to accomplish what you need to accomplish.  And after giving you insight into your own work habits and productivity and satisfaction, it will give you that same insight into your workers’ habits and productivity and satisfaction.

 

And, as always, more good information

Clock Time Event Time – Love Your Work, Episode 235

If scheduling causes you conflict, maybe you're on "event time"

What how you view time says about you | Anne-Laure Sellier | TEDxHECParis

COVID 19 has exposed the very real fact that working women depend on outside support in order to do their jobs-support that has virtually disappeared during the pandemic. The loss of childcare, school and other services has forced so very many of us to leave the workforce or at the very least, stretch ourselves WAY too thin.  Join us as we explore how to harness the power of women to make the systemic changes necessary to support all working women, during COVID and beyond.

SHOW NOTES

In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get Work, our dynamic duo discuss what Covid has magnified about women and work.  In short, Covid has taken its toll in so many ways - including women and their work.

 

In Part I of Women’s Work and Covid the focus was that “COVID-19 is hard on women because the U.S. economy is hard on women, and this virus excels at taking existing tensions and ratcheting them up.” Why has COVID-19 been especially harmful for working women?   

 

This is because women hold more low-wage and face to face jobs and these types of jobs were especially hit with layoffs.  Losses in child care and school hours as a result of the pandemic have and will likely lead to a significant decline in women’s total wages and an increase in women leaving the workforce.

 

And this whole “dealio” threatens the progress women have made in the last years.

 

COVID has created the perfect storm and exposed what already existed: we “let” women be successful, but only if they can simultaneously care for the children, the elderly, the husbands, the community, etc.  If you can add a shift in your day from 8pm to 3 am to get your work done, plan the team potluck or whatever, you are golden.  We all know this is unsustainable and based on the big fat lie that certain work such as caring for children, families and households is primarily the purview of women.  The paradigm is false.

 

There are systemic issues that create and exacerbate the work women have been shouldering, all exacerbated by COVID.  Those systemic issues include insufficient childcare, no care when children are ill, a lack of support for the elderly, lack of predictable schedules, and, oh yes, minimum wage jobs held by single women with children who could not hope to sustain their life and the life of their children on minimum wage.   None of these issues are women’s issues, they are family issues and we need to start thinking about them as such.

 

The solution is to change things on a federal level.  If we change things with individual employers, individual cities or states, we risk advancing some and leaving others behind.  We need a solution for everyone.  The Women’s National Law Center is an excellent place to explore solutions on the federal level.  Listeners should consider taking action to support these federal solutions on issues such as:.

Childcare

Improving the Child and Dependent Care Tax Credit Would Help Working Families with the High Cost of Child Care | NWLC

Regulating Schedules

National Women's Law Center Take Action: Tell Congress to Support Fair Work Schedules (nwlc.org) - Seattle has this restriction on the ability to change schedules without notice

And don’t forget paid time off,and raising the minimum wage. And don’t forget, the best thing we can do is to support, raise up and sponsor other women - as individuals and collectively.

Women, work and COVID 19 adds up to a whole lot of frustration, lost wages and lost jobs. It has also exacerbated systemic issues that women have been dealing with for a very long time, most notably: The fact that women, many of whom work for minimum wage and/or in service jobs, depend on childcare, school and other social programs in order to do their jobs.

SHOW NOTES On this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our hosts embark on a two part series about women and Covid-19 - the effect of the pandemic on women at work.  In part one, our data-driven duo delve into the data to figure out what is happening to women at work in the pandemic.

 

Crina revisits the basics of what we know about women at work.  We make up over half of the US labor force, we make less money than men and we occupy fewer high-level and C-suite positions.  We women typically have more care-taking obligations and household duties than men.  The Department of Labor tells us that the top 10 jobs that women occupy are: teacher, nurse, home health aid, secretary, cashier, customer service rep, retail sales,waitress, supervisor of retail sales, managers, which require a knowledge of the management and operations of an organization, rather than a scientific, technical, or administrative specialty.  100 Years of Working Women.  25% of us have a child at home under 14.  And according to the State of Women at Work survey by McKinsey and Lean In, women are doing more of all of this during the pandemic.

 

And the systems that support women in their work - childcare and schools - are closed, providing less services - and are basically inadequate - and this is against the backdrop that no state in our great Union offers what is considered affordable childcare, which is defined as 7% of your income. https://www.brookings.edu/essay/why-has-covid-19-been-especially-harmful-for-working-women/ 

 

As you would expect - all of this leaves women feeling stressed and anxious.  Women are worrying about losing a job, the pandemic, cold-care, home-schooling, kids returning home, caregiving, racial inequity, economy - what is not stressful?

 

Many women have jobs that are service focused and are not conducive to remote work - which means they are dealing with masks, fear of illness for them and their families, customers and co-workers who may have their own perspective about Covid safety - in other words - hard work has become harder.  

 

Women who are working remotely say that are more productive, but it comes at a cost - more meetings, more hours working, less distinction between work and homeRemote Work Statistics: Navigating the New Normal

 

The fact is that work is not working for many women.  Weber Shandwick reports that 66% of their respondents in a September survey report planning to switch jobs, move to another town or cut their work to part-time. One in four are considering this due to COVID.

 

Four times as many women as men dropped out of the labor force in September 2020, roughly 865,000 women compared with 216,000 men. How the Coronavirus Crisis Threatens to Set Back Women’s Careers

 

Women leaving the labor force and reducing work hours to assume caretaking responsibilities amounts to $64.5 billion per year in lost wages and economic activity.  How COVID-19 Sent Women's Workforce Progress Back

 

As stated by the Brooks Institute “Covid is hard on women because the U.S. economy is hard on women, and this virus excels at taking existing tensions and ratcheting them up.” Why has COVID-19 been especially harmful for working women?

 

We look at the systems that support women at work as social welfare systems, childcare, school, elder care, health care, but in fact they are economic development programs.  Our government and society needs to develop the support structures necessary to support an important, integral and valuable aspect of our economy - women at work.  Stay tuned for the next episode when our hosts discuss what next.

Each one of us will be someone different at the end of this year and we can influence what we become - healthier, more peaceful, kinder, richer or whatever - or not.   As Abraham Lincoln said, “the best way to predict the future is to create it.”

SHOW NOTES

On this 50th episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our hosts talk about intention in the workplace.  And if you can wait for Kirsten to tell her story about floating in a sensory deprivation tank, you can hear all about intention and how it helps us in accomplishing goals, actualizing resolutions and just getting done what we want to get done in the way we want to get it done and how we want to feel while we are doing it.  

 

As we start the New Year, many of us set goals, make resolutions, create vision boards, choose words to define our year and engage in all kinds of other actions and activities to help us create the year we want. 

 

What is intention?  It’s worth consideration.  Intention is something we want and plan to do - the process we go through until we accomplish what we want to accomplish.  And of course our hosts like to get all intellectual every once in a while (to offset the smack talk), intent originates from the Latin word “intentus” which means an extending, attentive to, and strained.  

 

Now that we know what intention is - why do we care so much? Each of us will be someone else at the end of 2021 - and who we end up being depends largely on our intentions.  With intention, we are more likely to achieve our goals, create more of what we want, be more present and mindful and have more fun.

 

How do we bring intention to our lives?  Mindfulness and awareness are good starts, but it is something more than this and requires the energy of effort, extending, moving in the direction of the end result.  Here are some suggestions - and intentions should be positive, otherwise we risk sabotaging ourselves:

 

• take intention breaks - stop and set your intention
  • just any moment of the day
  • when you want through a door, what is your intention in the room
  • in the shower as you start your day
• ritualize your intention setting, i.e. every Sunday, on your walk etc.
• planning is a form of intention 
• journaling
• list making
• mediation

And two fun reads:

Why setting intentions is the way to achieve your goals | by Coralie SAWRUK | Medium

3 Tips to Create an Intentional Workplace - Fierce (fierceinc.com)

December is either a magical, mystical month or humans are so tired of the cold and dark that we have evented no less than 40 sacred or secular celebrations – all packed into the month of December – at least according to Wikipedia!

SHOW NOTES

Happy Holidays – well, at least Holidays with more ease, meaning and joy.  On this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our hosts tackle the holidays at work.

How do you feel about the holidays – are you a scrooge and don’t enjoy the holidays or just do not want to participate?  Are you a Tiny Tim and do it out of guilt?  Or are you a Cindy Lou Who from Whoville – just spilling over with holiday joy?  As listeners know, we think whoever you are is just spectacular – so embrace it, come to terms with it and make the holidays into a time that works for you.

We can really step in the metaphorical “it” during the holidays – as evidenced by Crina’s tale of coming into the office early one morning to decorate her office (and those of others) with trappings of the Christmas spirit.  Unfortunately, her ardor (and good intentions) did not have the desired effect as not all of her co-workers shared her enthusiasm and wanted to live in a Christmas wonderland for the next several weeks.

Holidays are complicated - some of us are depressed and some are excited and some struggle with big issues from childhood that affect our holidays.  There are good reasons that some of the best episodes of The Office are about the holidays. People can be really messed up.

Our hosts tackle gifts, parties, activities and collective days off – at work – during the holidays,

Gifts present an interesting power dynamic.  Some people feel that they should not give their bosses a gift and that gifts flow down.  And if that is your belief – that is just fine.  Alternatively, if you are a gift giver and you find joy in that, do it – up the ladder, down the ladder, and across the ladder (and that should be a thing – across the ladder).  Kirsten shares her stories of co-workers who give really fun, uplifting gifts – and her admission that she knows people at her workplace do not participate in gift giving, but she does not know who they are – and that is just fine.  You will hear that a lot in this episode – what works for you is JUST FINE!  Whatever you do - do not spend a lot of money!!

Most employees dread parties and with good reason.  Some of us feel uncomfortable interacting with our co-workers in an entirely different way, some people misbehave at parties and some people just do not like a party.  Parties can be a great time for team - building and setting office culture - particularly inclusion of all employees.  These kinds of parties tend to have fun activities – and keep us out of the punch bowl.

Many workplaces choose to engage in a giving activity – adopting a family or a child for Christmas, working at the foodbank, delivering meals – these are all wonderful ways for co-workers to connect over something bigger than themselves. 

And then we have many folks’ favorite part – the collective days off where we can all stop and  take a deep breath.  We know these breaks are rejuvenating and necessary – and there is something really special when the whole workplace does it! 

Whoever you are, whatever you enjoy – make the holidays your own.  If you can make agreements with people about what the holidays look like in a way that works to give you more of what you want during the holidays – wonderful.  If not, remember you can make agreements with the best person to make agreements with – yourself.  Okay listeners – get out there and make some more ease, meaning and joy! 

 

And a good read:

Preparing for the Holidays During COVID-19

https://vurbl.com/station/PUoY7t7WMK/

There is power in anger. There is purpose in anger. Anger is that beautiful, much-maligned and useful emotion that women, in particular, are discouraged and punished for expressing. 

SHOW NOTES

In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work our hosts talk about anger – that much maligned and useful emotion that women, in particular, are discouraged from and punished for expressing.  There is power in anger and there is purpose in anger – even at work.  And it’s time women understood and used their anger in the workplace – for real!  Crina recalls experiences of white-hot anger in her personal life, and little of that in her professional life.  Kirsten admits that she was an early adopter of anger and has honed her expression of it over the years into something that she believes makes her more effective and authentic.

Anger at work comes with a strict warning for its use – nothing physical and no yelling!! And if you know you are out of control, we recommend against its use. 

Now to the juicy topic of anger.

Soroya Chemaly is one of the most thoughtful people on the topic of women’s anger.  She believes women are told that anger is an emotion better left unvoiced.  “It is reserved as the moral property of boys and men” says Chemaly.  Chemaly has some other good observations about anger.  Women who are angry are called such things as spoiled, high maintenance, shrill/ugly.  And when we add race and ethnicity to the mix, we get labels like spicy Latina, crazy white women, sad Asian, angry Black woman.  Chemaly notes that instead of getting angry, women tend to cry or be sad or disappointed, use minimizing language and the like.  Chemaly believes these distortions of anger actually negatively affect women’s physical and mental health.  Women are twice as likely as men to have heart problems, anxiety, eating disorders and self-harming behaviors.

Women have a lot to be angry about.  According to a New Yorker article, American women between the ages of eighteen and forty-four are nearly twice as likely as men to:

• Report feeling exhausted every day; 

• Make less money than their male colleagues; 

• of the thirty highest-paying job categories, twenty-six are dominated by men, while women dominate twenty-three of the thirty lowest-paying categories; 

• female patients are treated for pain less often than male patients who present with the same symptoms; 

• one in four women lives with domestic violence; 

• one in five women has been sexually assaulted; 

• and two-thirds of women have experienced street harassment, roughly half of them before they turned seventeen. 

The Perils and Possibilities of Anger

Against this backdrop – our hosts dive into anger at work.  Of course, men are generally rewarded for their anger, while women are generally punished.  The issue seems to be that we are comfortable with and assume a purpose in men’s anger, but because we do not feel comfortable with women’s anger, we often impute an intention that is negative – to match our discomfort with the anger.  However, when women explain their anger, it is more likely to advance status in the workplace. (Can Angry Women Get Ahead?).  Explaining and additional information tend to undermine the biases that people form – so explaining your anger substitutes for the negative assumptions people tend to make about women’s anger.

Anger can be very useful at work.  People who are able to process their anger and make meaning from it are more creative, more optimistic, create more intimacy and be better problem solvers – and these are all great things for and that we want more of in the workplace. (Can Angry Women Get Ahead?)

Our hosts end the episode by examining what smart and thoughtful women have said about anger.

"I felt like a hand was at my throat when I first started writing. That if I was going to be a proper writer, I’d better be as polite as possible and as calm as possible and as un-angry as possible — and recently I’ve been thinking, you know, fuck that, basically." Zadie Smith

"One of the things I wanted was for her [a Netflix tv character she was writing] to be a hothead because it is so unacceptable in society to be an angry Asian woman. You’re supposed to be demure and agreeable. I always had so much impatience and ambition — these things that if you had them, you were supposed to have them secretly." Mindy Kaling

"Every woman has a well-stocked arsenal of anger potentially useful against those oppressions, personal and institutional, which brought that anger into being. Focused with precision it can become a powerful source of energy serving progress and change." Audre Lorde

"You should be angry. You must not be bitter. Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. It doesn’t do anything to the object of its displeasure. So use that anger. You write it. You paint it. You dance it. You march it. You vote it. You do everything about it. You talk it. Never stop talking it." Maya Angelou

 

More Good Stuff on Anger

Can an Angry Woman Get Ahead?: Status Conferral, Gender, and Expression of Emotion in the Workplace

 I Used to Insist I Didn’t Get Angry. Not Anymore. (Published 2018)

The Perils and Possibilities of Anger

Soraya Chemaly: The power of women's anger | TED Talk

Can an Angry Woman Get Ahead?: Status Conferral, Gender, and Expression of Emotion in the Workplace

The Perils and Possibilities of Anger

 

 

 

When you have healthy, positive human connections you are happier, healthier and more productive. Join us as we explore how to build relationships in a covid world and what can happen if you fail to find people to relate to.

How can you have more joy, meaning and ease in the workplace - positive relationships and connections!!  Crina and Kirsten talk about the importance of positive relationships and connections in the workplace and how those affect our well-being in the workplace and our productivity and creativity of the workplace generally.

 

Crina shares her experience at TedWomen 2020 - where she had to gird herself for Zoom meetups with other attendees - something she actually dreaded.  After some procrastination pacing around her office (aka her eldest’s recently vacated bedroom), she endered Zoomland and found herself engaged and connected with other women- and her experience at TED was better for it.

 

This episode is not so much about friends in the workplace (although that is good stuff - and see Crina and Kirsten Get to Work Episode 1), but about positive human connection, which is the wonderful energy exchange between two people paying attention to each other.

 

And of course, our gals gotta talk science - why do positive connections make us feel good?  Why is our mental and physical health better - why are we even less likely to kick the bucket with positive connections?  Close relationships are linked to better health and support our miraculous biological systems, and are even thought to protect against the ravages of STRESS. 

 

When human connections are positive, then trust, cooperation and confidence build and our brains are activated in a way that encourages more of the same. Workplaces that have positive connections are more efficient, have better performance outcomes, less turnover and absenteeism - and fewer safety issues.  When workers have strong ties, innovation increases because workers feel safe to share and collaborate and take risks.

Crina and Kirsten share examples in their own workplaces and with friends and colleagues.  Kirsten shares a story about the co-worker who is abrupt and short with co-workers, and is not able to get support when facing a deadline because she did not create positive connections.  And conversely, she shares her own experience of a co-worker kindness opened the door to her asking questions that greatly improved the quality of her work. Crina shared that many of her clients are struggling in COVID to find positive connections in the workplace given that we do not have the everyday opportunities to connect when we are working from home.  And the lack of these positive connections has negatively impacted employees’ experience in work - and the work itself.

How do we create more positive connections:  make it a point to be ready to create a positive connection - and make it a point to do that before you get to your business - even if the connection is short; show genuine interest and be curious about your coworkers; keep your word; try not to surprise people; and if you want to play it safe - food and sports are always good topics.  Managers should take care to model the behavior you want to see in the employees you supervise; plan collaborative events; and timely and effectively mediate conflicts.

And challenge of the week - create a positive connection with someone in the workplace that you do not usually interact with.

 

And find the details of the science and the data - and lots of other great information in https://positivepsychology.com/positive-relationships-workplace/.

We acknowledge many of us enter this new year with some uncertainty - and maybe even some fear.  Some of us are just depleted.  As we go into 2025, we need to care for ourselves and each other, preserve our sanity and focus our energy.

 

January is a great time to reflect on what 2025 will look like for each of us - and not just because it is the beginning of the year, but also because we do the least amount of productive work in January as compared to other months of the year, which means we have some time to consider what we can do in 2025 to create more ease, meaning and joy.

 

Ideas for 2025:

 

-Try unexpected appreciation in the workplace.  Surprising coworkers with lunch or a compliment or if you are the manager, sending folks home an hour early can lift spirits.

-Remember the why and connect with how we serve our customers and clients, which is best done through examples. 

-Devote some time in the new year to experimentation - try something new with your personal routine or consider what Shopify did - cancelling all meetings for two weeks to reconsider what meetings were productive and necessary

 

Wishing you a 2025 filled with ease, meaning and joy.

When we are able to manage conflict, we are also able to nurture our relationships, collectively solve problems, learn from each other and minimize our burdens. While conflict can lead to positive outcomes, it’s a rare individual who nails it every time. 

 

SHOW NOTES 

Differences, disagreements and conflicts-these definitely get in the way of joy, meaning and ease in the workplace. Our laser-focused (HA!) co-hosts, Crina and Kirsten share isights into this topic from our fabulous listener focus group and provide some tools and strategies to deal with differences, disagreements and conflicts at work. 

Many thanks to our listener focus group.  Crina and Kirsten appreciate so much the input of listeners into our show topics.  It is one of the best parts of producing the podcast.

 

There are lots of differences in the workplace - generational, personality type (outgoing, quiet, shy etc), approach to solving a problem, risk tolerance, education, experience, religion and of course political beliefs.

 

Our focus group shares that they most worry about conflict resulting from aggressive communication style (such as a brusque or abrupt style), unclear expectations around policies, boundaries, what can and can’t be shared in terms of opinions, emotions and perspectives.

 

Conflict creates a battle between our reason and our emotion.  And feelings (disappointment, loss, grief, betrayal etc.) often fuel our conflicts. When relationships in the workplace are characterized by cooperation, trust, and fairness, the reward center of the brain is activated which encourages future interactions that promote employee trust, respect, and confidence, with employees believing the best in each other and inspiring each other in their performance (Geue, 2017). The Importance of Positive Relationships in the Workplace

When we become angry, the amygdala, part of the limbic system in our brain, is flooded with hormones such as cortisol, adrenaline and testosterone and we become “high” on conflict. If we’re shown acknowledgment and feel that we’re heard, the front or neocortex part of the brain, which is responsible for higher thinking and reasoning, is flooded with serotonin, oxytocin and dopamine. These are hormones that are released when we experience trust and respect.

 

Our listener focus group talked about times they felt they had handled conflict particular well or poorly.  One listener said that when she does not handle conflict well, she shuts down and it robs her of her joy at work and makes her less effective.

Another listener said that she feels she handles conflicts poorly when she is not empathic with the other person and fails to fully consider their position.  Another reported that one of her successes was her ability to flex her communication style with a co-worker to diffuse the conflict.  Note - it is possible that instead of her co-worker’s brain flooding with adrenaline and cortisol, it flooded with serotonin and dopamine! 

 

What are the strategies we use in conflict?

Understanding the science of conflict

• Avoiding involves withdrawing from the situation in order to avoid conflict at all costs. This could mean leaving the solution to the passage of time or fate.
• Smoothing involves sweeping the disagreement “under the rug” and pretending that everything is pleasant, serene, and cooperative.
• Compromising involves each party getting something and giving up something.
• Battling involves fighting in a way that produces a clear winner and loser.
• Problem solving involves both parties first confronting the disagreement and then resolving it through collaboration.

All of these strategies can be good - and we should probably be using all of them depending on the situation.

 

In the context of all of these strategies - make an effort to find out the needs, concerns, be curious, and fears behind the other party’s position. Always be on the lookout for some of those bedrock needs that drive most people, such as security, economic well-being, a feeling of belonging, status, recognition, being regarded by others as being highly competent, and possessing power and control.

 

Our focus group had some great suggestions.

 “Don’t catch the football” - let the ball drop

Be rich not right - what do you want more - to do a great job or be right

Focus on the facts

Focus on the here and now

HAND CLAP - what is right between your hands to address right now:

Lean back and breathe

Consider where you will get the most traction

Practice empathy, 

Educate herself about the viewpoints of others 

Understanding the root of the conflict and/or their ideas

Do not compromise yourself

Find the PAIN POINT - and gentle ways to work through that

Look for intentions

Ask questions 

Challenge assumptions

Establish agreements and policies and procedures on the front end

 

At the end of it - we are humans and the root of conflict allows us to find our common humanity.

 

And another great article.

https://www.baltimoremagazine.com/special/how-to-manage-disagreements-with-others-in-the-workplace/

In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our hosts welcome the amazing and fabulous Cheryl Strayed to discuss mentorship, women, work, writing and so much more!  Cheryl is a wonderful mentor to so many - through her writing, through her workshops, through her podcasts, through her public speaking - and if that is not enough - through her own personal relationships.  Listeners, our twosome really delivered with this one.  

 

Our hosts and Cheryl discuss the importance of mentorship, how you find a mentor and what to do when you cannot, what happens when mentorship goes bad and how mentorship enriches both the mentor and the mentee.  And really - Cheryl would be interesting regardless of what she talked about, but her thoughts on mentorship are fun and interesting - and big-hearted.

Enjoy!

Photo of Crina and Kirsten by Lemon Wing Photography

Photo of Cheryl by Jennie Baker

Your ‘A’ game, your best self, your peak performance is all about reaching that optimal state of consciousness when you feel like you’re kicking butt and taking names. It’s about getting in the zone, feeling the flow and delivering 100 percent. 

 

SHOW NOTES

 

This episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work is about bringing your A-game.  From a good bra to preparation and performance, Crina and Kirsten have some ideas about how to show up as your best self.

 

Peak performance is about being in the flow, and is described as an optimal state of consciousness - a lack of self- absorption, where the self vanishes, time flies, and optimal performance is achieved.   “It’s an efficiency exchange,” says American University in Beirut neuroscientist Arne Dietrich, who helped discover this phenomena. “We’re trading energy usually used for higher cognitive functions for heightened attention and awareness.” This is one of the main reasons flow feels flowy—because any brain structure that would hamper rapid-fire decision-making is literally shut off - and performance, well, just works.

 

When do we need to bring our A-game?  An interview, public speaking, a presentation, saying no, asking for a raise, pitching a new client, interviewing Cheryl Strayed on your next episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work.

 

What does peak performance look like?  It looks like Anne-Marie Faiola, founder of Brambleberry, Soap Queen, Author of Best Day Ever and all around amazing human.  Anne Marie brings these key elements to show up as her best self:

• Over prepare, the big and small things
• Evaluate your work - she says for the first few years she cried every time she watched episodes of Soap Queen because she wished she had done better.
• ReFrame your negative emotions - butterflies mean you care

 

Anne Marie says some people do not want to try hard because they are afraid of being nerdy - or of failing.  But if you do not do your best, you do not know what you are capable of.

 

Peak performance also looks like being your mental, emotional and physical best - and here are some other ideas.

 

Mental 

• Visualize
• Learn to control your thoughts 
• According to research, peak performance is achievable when you have 
  • A clear goal
  • Ongoing feedback so you know how you’re doing: remember Anne Marie watching her Soap Queen videos?
  • A challenging task
• Find your “pre-game ritual.” Create your own pre-game ritual – something that helps pump you up and makes you feel positive before walking into a big meeting. 

Emotional

 

• Positive emotions are much more likely to drive high performance.  And if you do not have positive emotions, well, Fake it til you make it.  

Physical

• Remember the power pose
• Lots of water
• Good night’s sleep
• Know the players. Much stress comes from not knowing, and the more knowledge you walk in with, the better you’ll feel. 
• Pre performance routine 
• Eliminate distractions and energy vampires
• Never drink alcohol, be careful about what they eat
• Take care of yourself!

And this trying thing is really important.  Really try hard at something - bring your best self - and see what magic you can create.

 

And good reads . . .

 

How to bring your A Game 

The Making of a Corporate Athlete

The Science of Peak Human Performance

Trusting your gut is about trusting yourself. It is about trusting the most important person in your life - YOU!!  Trusting your gut means you make better decisions, decisions that are true to you and you learn you are reliable and trustworthy!  

SHOW NOTES

Crina and Kirsten are on a big high from a listener focus group on this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get toWork - trusting your gut.  Seven listeners gathered for a virtual cocktail hour (or fabulously hydrating water) to discuss what they thought about trusting your gut - what exactly is it, their experience with trusting their gut and how it worked for them.  It was AMAZING!  These wonderful women shared what gut instinct felt like in their bodies, times they found it most useful and how it has affected their career and life path.

So exactly what is your instinct - is it supernatural ESP, a belly-ache or your amazing ability to process information and feelings, physical and emotional?  Of course, it’s the later, but we kinda hope there is a little woo-woo somewhere in there as well.

Courtnet Helgoe writes in 5 Gut Instincts You Shouldn’t Ignore (Five gut instincts you shouldn't ignore) that (you guessed it) there are five main gut instances:

1. Something feels wrong in my body
2. I’m in danger
3. I want to help
4. I know how to do this, which is more effective for experienced people, once you develop experience, be careful not to overthink it - and trust your gut that you can do it.
5. This is it (and as one of our focus group listeners said “this isn’t it”)

So why do we care about trusting your gut?  Fundamentally, it is about trusting the most important person in your life - YOU!!  Trusting your gut means you make better decisions, decisions that are true to you and you learn you are reliable and trustworthy!  Who do you think knows you better?!

Cautionary note - trusting your gut about your own personal and professional decisions is great, but be careful about trusting your gut for personnel decisions, such as hiring, firing and promoting.  Doing so can often promote bias.  If we just pick people we are comfortable with - then is it likely we end up with people just like us rather than a diverse work culture of experiences, skills and talents. Be suspicious of your gut in these situations.

Here's why your gut instinct is wrong at work

It is important to cultivate trusting your gut.  Kirsten started with low-level decisions, like what to eat at a restaurant.  Crina had experiences where she did not trust her gut and regretted it.  Learning to trust her gut was a defining moment in Crina’s career.  

So what else can you do to hone your gut instinct:

1. Listen - check in - what it your literal gut health - use all of your senses
2. Pay attention to your energy levels
3. Capture your “AHA” or “WOW”  flashes
4. Pay attention to your first thought - particularly in the morning when you wake up
5. 5 minute meditation or breathing exercise (yes, again!)
6. Connect with nature
7. Kirsten’s friend Jody asks the Universe/higher power for guidance and then listens
8. Engage in repetitive behavior, preferable physical - walk, run, row, lift weights

Listeners - you are a rich trove of wisdom for yourself - know it, cultivate and use it!  And here are some more good reads on the subject.

thriveglobal.com/stories/womens-intuition-in-business/

How to know when your intuition is talking to you

Trusting Your Gut Is The Best Business Tool You've Got -- If You Can Listen

5 Gut Instincts You Shouldn't Ignore

4 Techniques Guaranteed to Strengthen Your Intuition (Even If You Think You Have None)

While most moms will agree that since becoming a mom, they have honed their skills as negotiators, facilitators, creative problem-solvers (and in Crina’s case; triage nurses) they are frequently paid less, promoted less and treated as “less” than their counterparts who don’t have kids. Let’s stop putting moms in boxes and start rewarding them for being awesome at work!

 

SHOW NOTES

Don’t be mean to moms - or really anyone!  This episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work is about the bias faced in the workplace against mothers, and by biological extension, all women (who are often assumed to be able and want to have children).  

Our hosts start off with the exploration of the word “mom.”  In many respects “mom” is an honorific, a sacred and respected title.  However, there are times when “mom” is derogatory and limiting - such as “mom” hair, or a “mom” car or “mom” clothes .  In fact, Crina and Kirsten think moms have GREAT hair!!  

The fundamental problem with mom bias is that it limits our experiences, defines our roles, names our place, confines us to expectations simply because we have children. It’s limiting and frustrating - a box too small.

 

One article notes:

 “The pervasive American assumption that mothers should be committed to their children without reservation, that children’s emotional health and academic achievement depend on their mothers being available to them 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Never mind the time a father, relative, friend, or trained caregiver spends with a child — it is a mother’s time that is critical and irreplaceable.” How to Recognize Bias Against Working Mothers

Given these societal expectations on moms, how do moms make it in the workplace?  Crina took both her boys to work until they could walk - and was promoted several times while doing so.  Kirsten also took her youngest to work as an infant, but worked very hard - and was successful - in keeping it a secret from her bosses.  Here’s the truth: Being a mom is an asset to professional growth, driving productivity, management skills and more. 

Researchers from the Center for Creative Leadership studied productivity of parents in the workplace, and found just what working mothers already know: “Raising a family helps develop skills such as negotiating, compromising, conflict resolution and multitasking.”  How Working Mothers Can Overcome Bias.  Unfortunately, the strengths are often not recognized and moms face compensation disparities, are less likely to be hired and promoted to jobs and are more likely to leave jobs.

There are lots of things our governments and communities can do - childcare, paid leave, support for caregivers, flex hours and the like, but there are also things that we, as moms, can do to push back against and mitigate this bias.

• Overcommunicate your intentions, do not leave co-workers and supervisors to make conclusions based on bias against working moms - articulate your plans, particularly career goals - because those around you may assume you have none or will quit.
• Let folks know when you are out of your office - otherwise they assume you are with your kids.  Telling your coworkers that you are visiting a client, at an appointment etc prevents another assumption about moms.  
• If you are the boss, bring your children into the workplace, literally or figuratively.  You will make it more acceptable to integrate the reality of children with the reality that you (and other women) are a successful, kick butt worker!
• Advocate for the changes that would make work and parenting more manageable.
• And do not forget your legal rights:
  • Lactation breaks
  • Pregnancy accommodation
  • Caring for a seriously sick child
  • Using your sick leave to care for a sick child
  • Parental Leave

And here are some more good reads:

How Working Mothers Can Overcome Bias

Will Working Mothers Take Your Company to Court?

Working mothers face a ‘wall’ of bias—but there are ways to push back

Your body is constantly sending messages to your brain. The good news is that for the most part, you’re in control! Simple changes to your posture, your facial expression, even the way you’re standing can change how you feel! 

SHOW NOTES

In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our twosome talks about using your body to hack your brain.  What you do with your body can affect your performance, your success - and get you more of that joy, meaning and ease we are looking for in our work. Who knew?!

As with most show topics, this show topic was inspired by a listener and her own struggle with her body’s response during public speaking.  Crina has listened to Amy Cuddy’s Ted Talk Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are - and suggested a few of Amy’s strategies on how you can use your body language to affect your own brain and body.  We often think about what our body language communicates to others, but this episode is about what your body language communicates to YOU!

 

Think power poses, think the runner crossing the finish line first and raising arms overhead, think the soccer player scoring a goal and arms thrust overhead and eyes to the sky - these are the poses of winners.  Many of these poses are associated with men and masculine traits, but it's time for us fabulous females to own some of that magic.  And this is a real thing - a field of science called embodied cognition.

Cuddy conducted an experiment where applicants were interviewed - and the situation was stressful because the interviewers were coached to show no reaction at all.  Half of the participants were instructed to do the power pose (arms outstretched and overhead) before the interview and half were instructed to wrap their arms around themselves and curl up.  These interviews were taped and when operservers watched the interviews and picked the successful candidates - the cast majority were the candidates who had performed the power pose.

 

There is some interesting work from Mat Boule in Montreal on how posture affects how you learn and perform.

What we do with our bodies can affect how we perform and how we experience our workplace.  Listen in for the extra special not-so-secret strategies on how to get your body to speak the language you need to hear.

And, of course, as always - interesting reads and listens:

Science Says These 11 Body Language Secrets Will Make You More Successful

Your body language may shape who you areccessful.html

When the future is unknown we tend to unravel, but is this the only option? While our brains are not trained to settle down in uncertain conditions, it is possible to survive and even thrive when life, and work, is up in the air.

SHOW NOTES

Our hosts on Crina and Kirsten Get to Work do some metaphorical spelunking into our brains on uncertainty - and most importantly - what to do about it.  How can you have joy, meaning and ease in your work when you are experiencing uncertainty?  Crina and Kirsten will tell you how.

First, an exploration of our brains on uncertainty . . .

According to a 2014 study in the journal Nature Reviews Neuroscience, uncertainty disrupts many of the habitual and automatic mental processes that govern routine action. This disruption creates conflict in the brain, and this conflict can lead to a state of both hypervigilance and outsized emotional reactivity to negative experiences or information. In other words, uncertainty acts like rocket fuel for worry; it causes people to see threats everywhere they look, and at the same time it makes them more likely to react emotionally in response to those threats.  And that is no good when it comes to meaning, ease and joy!

 

And there is lots of uncertainty at work:

• Meetings with no agenda
• Meetings where you’re put on the spot
• No regular check-ins with your supervisor or your team
• Unclear expectations
• No control of outcomes
• Unsafe work environment
• Being the “only”
• No clear measurements of success
• Arbitrary decision-making
• Constantly shifting priorities

And or course our wonder women will not leave us holding the big ugly bag of uncertainty.  Crina’s “go to” response to uncertainty is to plan or plan not to plan and COVID has presented her with many opportunities to use her coping strategies for uncertainty.  Kirsten tends to rely on radical acceptance in the face of uncertainty - to accept what is  - or  - is not.

Here are some other strategies to deal with uncertainty:

• Prepare for different possibilities (a riff on Crina’s planning).
• Become a feeling observer.
• Get confident about your coping and adapting skills.
• Utilize stress reduction techniques preemptively.
• Focus on what you can control.
• Practice mindfulness.
• Don’t expose yourself to too much news 
• Choose as much as you can to be with people who are calm, authentic and optimistic

 

And as always - the good reads:

How to Cope With Uncertainty

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0965856414002146

Uncertainty and Anticipation in Anxiety

Why we're hardwired to hate uncertainty | Marc Lewis

Performing a ritual has been proven to suppress the anxiety response in the brain. Rituals also calm the mind, help us transition from one task to the next, bond people together and provide structure to otherwise chaotic days.

 

SHOW NOTES

 

In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our hosts turn their attention to the importance of rituals - the secret sauce to satisfaction.

 

The world can be a crazy and chaotic place - and that is certainly true now with COVID and protests and politics and working from home (or not working at all), working outside of your home (back to COVID) plus all of the things that “normal” life presents.  Rituals can keep us grounded and connected.

 

Dr. Nick Hobson is a neuroscientist from the University of Toronto and founder of The Behaviorist, a behavioral and brain science consultancy, describes a ritual as:

 

1. a ritual script - a “predefined sequence characterized by rigidity, formality and repetition.” 
2. meaningful  - it must be “embedded in a larger system of symbolism and meaning.” 
3. some irrationality associated with it, or “lack instrumental purpose.”

 

But don’t get stuck on the definition - focus on whether there is meaning in the repetitive action.

 

While we can have rituals that are just our own, rituals often involve other people.  Dr. Cristine H. Legare, associate professor of psychology at The University of Texas at Austin says, “[m]ost rituals are done in groups as collective practices. And there is always group buy-in. The amazing thing is that, unlike habits or routines, they have been shown in social psychology to improve everything—from making your food tastier to making you more motivated.”.

 

And here are some more benefits from rituals - rituals can regulate 

1. emotions, 
2. performance goal states, and
3. social connection to others.

Rituals help us regulate strong emotions - think about a funeral.  They impose order in the chaos that is sometimes life - think renewing wedding vows.  Rituals can also be more everyday - think a family eating pizza and cozying up on a couch to watch a movie every Friday night to wind down from the week and reconnect.  

But our hosts are talking about WORK - so what about rituals at work??!!

Work rituals can express values and build connection and have been found to increase satisfaction and productivity.  Rituals at work should be as inclusive as possible to ensure everyone can take part. Key questions to ask: is this something that everyone can feel comfortable participating in? What is the impact on overall company culture? What happens if someone wants to opt-out?

Here are some ideas for workplace rituals:

 

When a new employee joins, how do you welcome and connect the new person:

Lunch out

At one company, each employee leaves something from their desk and the new employee has to find the owner and the story behind the object

DropBox, a company who values delight, dends each new employee the ingredients to make and decorate cupcakes

When an employee leaves, how do you send them off:

At AirBNB, the entire office forms a human tunnel of well-wishers for the departing employee to run through

How do you create connection during COVID:

A weekly Zoom meeting with an interesting question for everyone to answer - and no work topics

Send boxes of snacks and drinks for a Zoom happy hour

 

Whatever you do, it should be engaging, meaningful and regular - the data says it will make your workplace more productive and satisfying!

 

And interesting reading:

How Rituals at Work Boost Team Performance (An Investigative Report)| The Beautiful Blog

Using purposeful workplace rituals to build better teams - Bracket

Tons of humor and light-hearted commentary about the co-workers and bosses who make our lives miserable.

 

This show marks the one year anniversary of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work - and what a great and fun ride it has been!!  From KMRE Community Powered Radio to the Clubhouse, from Zoom and now from the barn - Crina and Kirsten Get to Work has been on the move and evolving.  Most important - thanks to our listeners - we appreciate you and what you contribute to your world and workplaces - and you ask great questions and make great comments.

 

Because it is our anniversary episode, we want to indulge ourselves and have a little fun calling out some folks who make our workplace miserable - and to laugh a bit and point some fingers - cuz every once in a while that feels good.  

 

Here are the co-workers who bug us . . . .

 

• Co-workers who suck all of the joy out of the room and have nothing good to say or contribute
• The know it all who uses information as an aggressive act in the workplace
• Co-workers who form cliques and play favorites.
• Co-workers who broker information and triangulate - and just anyone who uses communication as an offensive or defensive weapon.
• Co-workers who don't accept responsibility and worse, throw others under the bus to avoid being wrong
• Co-workers who take up your time without a good reason (and it is not fun)
• Co-workers who do not know anything about the people they work with 

 

And here are the Covid complaints  . . .

• Co-workers who cannot get there mute on (or off)
• Co-workers who refuse to turn on their video
• Co-workers who behave in a way that makes us think their screen is frozen - we want active listeners!

And just because we can, here is what bugs us about bosses . . .

 

• Bosses who act like everything is urgent
• Bosses who continually change strategies and direction
• Bosses who keep communication vague
• Bosses who are never wrong
• Bosses who take credit for your work
• Bosses who micromanage us.

 

And Crina offers some helpful tips to make sure you are not one of these people.

• • Carve out observational time to observe how you interact with others in the workplace
  • Put yourself into new environments to get feedback - if you do some volunteer work and run into the same issues you run into at work, it may be you

• If the circumstances are right and the environment is safe - ask for feedback from your co-workers.

• Understand your own triggers and what causes you to behave in ways that alienates your co-workers and scars them for life - :-)

Seriously, our listeners are perfect - and we hope you enjoy this episode with some light-hearted ribbing.

Celebrating and honoring women is one of the most effective ways to ensure that more of us step up and engage in our work and our lives. In fact studies show that efforts to call out women's contributions can have a profound impact on our willingness to lead and contribute.

SHOW NOTES

Happy Fourth of July!  Not so fast . . .  July 4 is a complicated holiday for some Americans.  So our hosts decide to pole vault over the thicket of complicated feelings about the 4th and celebrate the contributions women of color have made to the amazing and beautiful quilt that is the American workplace.

 

This episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work is all about inspiration - and what we know from the research is that calling out, recognizing, acknowledging womens’ success in the workplace not only creates more willingness in the women acknowledged to take on bigger challenges, but does the same thing for the women around them.  So put on your jet pack, listener, you are on for a rocket fueled inspirational ride.

 

Dr. Mae Jemeson - the real life Buckaroo Bonzai, astronaut, physician, dancer and on a mission to send humans outside the solar system.  We can all learn from her life motto, “live deeply and look up.”

 

Fawn Sharp - Quinault Nation President and president of the North American Indian Congress.  Fawn is a leader among leaders who has used her leadership and the law to advance native people in the United States and to advocate for the protection of the land.

 

Dr. Alexa Canady - first black female neuroscientist, who made an incredible difference in the lives of the children she cared for - and she struggled with confidence at many points in her career.  She cites the mentors in her life for opening doors for her as a key to her success.

 

Rosalinda Guillen - farm worker organizer and head of the intentionally female-led organization, Community to Community. Rosalinda works for farm worker rights while she transforms our political relationships and our relationship to the land and the people who grow our food.

.

Janice Bryant Howroyd - owner of ActOne Group - a $3 billion dollar company located in 19 countries.  Her business philosophy came from her family of 13 - organization, respect and communication.

 

Yuri Kochiyama - interned in Arkansas after the bombing of Pearl Harbor, which she says was the beginning of her political awakening, she was influenced by Malcom X and spent her life working on civil rights issues.

Look at your story

 

What makes your life difficult?  Can you use it like Yuri Kochiyama?

Where is the opportunity in your life?  Maybe you can just look up and see it like Dr. Jemeson

Where do you have the opportunity to make change?  Maybe like Rosalinda Guilien, it is literally where you stand.

What is your contribution to work?

 

And enjoy this good stuff  . . .

 

Fawn Sharp, Newly Elected NCAI President, to Tap 'Strength and Braintrust All Across Indian Country'

Fawn Sharp World Ceres Talk: "Climate Impact on the Future of the Quinault Nation"               

Latina Lens: Rosalinda Guillen               

Rosalinda Guillen: Rainbow Coalition; United Farm Workers (UFW); LUPE; Community to Community Development (C2C) - Seattle Civil Rights and Labor History Project

Janice Bryant Howroyd - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DfaTtDNMb0

Contagious Positive Energy: The Rocket Fuel of Great Leaders

Let’s talk about relational energy and why it’s a game-changer for organizations! With new books bursting onto the scene every year, it's like rummaging through a treasure trove of ideas. But what if we told you that the magic ingredient isn't charisma, charm, or sheer brilliance? Nope! It's all about that vibrant, uplifting energy that flows between people!

 

SHOW NOTES

 

Enter Kim Cameron from the University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business. While diving into the dynamics of various organizations, he made an electrifying discovery: some groups were absolutely buzzing with productivity, and it wasn’t just luck. What was their secret? It’s what we call relational energy — that wonderful sense of positivity that comes alive during interactions. Some people ignite our spirits, while others leave us feeling a little flat. You know the ones who light up the room just by walking in? Yup, that's relational energy in action!

 

So, why is this so important? Leaders who radiate positive energy are like magnets, attracting motivation and enthusiasm from their teams. When you surround yourself with these energizers, the performance of the entire organization skyrockets. Think about it: when a leader embodies positivity, the whole crew vibes off that energy, leading to a healthier, happier workplace. 

 

Now, what makes someone a true positive energizer? It boils down to a handful of essential qualities. These folks genuinely care about others, uplifting everyone around them. They show support during tough times, inspire their teams to focus on the bright side, and celebrate successes. They embrace meaningful contributions and treat everyone with respect and kindness. Most importantly, they nurture a loving relationship with themselves, ensuring they radiate that positivity outward.

 

Why does this all matter? Research reveals that positive energizers significantly boost engagement, lower turnover, and foster a culture of well-being. When organizations are led by these energetic dynamos, they often see a flourishing bottom line too!

It turns out the positive relational energy doesn’t just benefit the workplace — it’s like a health potion for our brains and bodies! Studies indicate that when we soak in this vibrant energy, we reduce stress, boost our immune systems, and foster healthier connections all around us.

 

GOOD READS

The Best Leaders Have a Contagious Positive Energy

 

Relational energy - what it is and why it matters to organisations

Many of us are out of work and struggling to manage the very real, difficult reality of losing a job. Whether you were laid off, furloughed or are simply concerned about your job security, we want to help you manage the emotions, examine your situation and make a plan to move forward.

SHOW NOTES

In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our fierce friends tackle losing your job - YIKES!  Some people lose their job because there is a pandemic, business closure or some other reason out of their control, others lose their job because the boss is a jerk or just plain wrong and some of us lose a job because our skill set is in some way not matched to the job.  

So what do you do when this happens?  First, throw an effective, but short pity party.  Second, get to work!

Reframing the situation is the first step - what opportunities are out there?  Kirsten’s sister was fired from a job over 20 years ago and as a result now runs a very successful and highly regarded veterinary hospital.  Now that’s a silver linin!.  Kirsten also has clients routinely tell they are in the end glad they were let go because they were MISERABLE!  Crina has experienced the same thing with people she has terminated.  There may be something good in losing a job - really!

Spend some time understanding what went wrong - and the only person you can control is yourself - so mine for gold there.  How did this happen?  Was it the pandemic?  If so, maybe that’s enough digging.  If not, how did you find yourself with no job - and while there will certainly be people you want to blame, you will make the next decision about a job.  What do you need to know about yourself to make the next decision about a job a great one?

Make a plan - do you need to talk with a lawyer to determine whether your termination was about the color of your skin, your gender, your age, disability or some other protected status? And get that unemployment application in! Do you want the same job or is it time for a new kind of job?  While you are deciding and once you have decided and are looking, keep your contacts warm, continue to educate yourself - look for ways to acquire new skills or training.

And most importantly, treat yourself well during this time - get sleep, exercise, stay in touch with friends and colleague and keep that incredible brain firing - doing this will help you ward off depression and getting stuck and move you 

And the interesting reads referenced in the episode:

CEO of Airbnb Taught Us an Extraordinary Lesson When He Fired 25% of His Company

What to Do When You Have Been Fired

The Employment Situation - April 2020

Taking a vacation is one of the most effective ways to improve your work, change your perspective and recharge your batteries. Now more than ever we encourage all of you to find ways to disconnect and focus on you.

SHOW NOTES

This episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work is all about VACATIONS!!  Yeah!  Time off, a get away, a break, a grand adventure, slowing down or maybe speeding up - whatever you find restorative and enriching. This episode was taped before the pandemic, and while it did not feel timely to our hosts to release an episode on travel in the middle of stay at home proclamations and orders, given that some of that is easing and lots of listeners are telling us they need a change of scenery, it is time to discuss how good it is to create a vacation for yourself - and being closer to home can still be great.  

Before our hosts take off on the vacation topic, they consider the advantages of shorter, yet still meaningful breaks in your day.  Crina talks about her time with trees, and as usual, Kirsten has her head in a book called Stillness is the Key by Ryan Holiday, which discusses the benefits of space to your intellectual, physical and spiritual well-being.  

The data about vacations very clearly tells us that vacations increase productivity and satisfaction in the workplace.  In fact, studies show that even planning your vacation can lift your spirits.  And, just an additional 10 hours of vacation can improve performance according to a study by Ernst & Young.

Too many people let cost, pets, concern about work coverage, too much work, fear of being gone from work or home get in the way of what is an uplifting and rejuvenating experience, including the 52% of Americans who do not use all of their vacation.  WHAT??!!

Our host end this show with some tips about how to make getting out of and coming back to the workplace easier, a discussion about whether you work while you are on vacation (mostly no) and how to make the most of your time away.  So get out there and enjoy!

And now . . . . the fun reads.

5 reasons you need to take a vacation according to science.

Opinion | Relax! You'll Be More Productive

Why You Need to Take a Vacation (Even When You Can't Afford One)

USTravel.org

What to Do With a Day off

We all feel anxious at work sometimes, and for some, these emotions impact performance, relationships with coworkers and the quality of their work. 

SHOW NOTES

On this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work our terrific twosome analyze anxiety in the workplace.

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.  Anxiety can also be triggered after the fact, i.e. by a death, job loss.  Anxiety can express itself as feeling nervous, jittery, sick to your stomach, jumpy, tired, irritable, dry mouth, sweaty and having difficulty sleeping – these are all signs of anxiety.  And Crina explains that if you get sweaty, panty liners stuck to the inside of your jacket is an excellent solution.

And what causes it – what does not?!!  Deadlines, conflicts at work, managing people, unclear expectations, and of course - a pandemic.  Anxiety is prevalent among women at work. A study referenced in Mind Matters: Anxiety in the Workplace says 71% of women experience anxiety in the workplace. 

How do we manage it and how do we know when we need help?  Help may be just the thing if your anxiety interferes with your participation at work or in your life.  If you avoid experiences because of anxiety or feel as if your suffering is not reasonable, get help from a licensed therapist or counselor. 

Experts believe, in fact, that people may be hard-wired in the way they experience anxiety. Although scientists still don't precisely understand the interactions among genetic, environmental, psychological, and developmental factors, research suggests that high anxiety tends to run in families.

And of course there are real COVID reasons for anxiety both in and outside of the workplace - women are on the front lines in healthcare (80% are women) and in women in social services (83% are women)  according to Tina Tchen of Time’s Up - and there are real risks being on the frontlines.  Covid also presents loves of uncertainties for all of us - what will returning to work be like, is it safe, will I catch it, is the information I am seeing in the news accurate, will I get a job in what will likely be a competitive market?

So what do we do:

• Work – people need meaningful work.
• Talk with a Friend you Trust – it usually make us feel better
• Be Organized and Prepare Yourself – when you are organized and prepared there is less to worry about
• Educate yourself about Anxiety – it will help you learn whether you need help to manage
• Ask for help – both inside and outside of work
• Stay organized. Filing and clearing your desk and computer desktop may rank low on your priority list, but they can save you time in the long run and may prevent a crisis later.
• Avoid toxic coworkers. Try to ignore negativity and gossip in your workplace.
• Take breaks. A walk around the block or a few minutes of deep breathing can help clear your head.
• Be Healthy - eat healthfully, get enough sleep, exercise regularly, and limit caffeine and alcohol. Try to keep your body and mind in shape.
• Engage deeply in the here and now.

 

Check out these articles for more inf

Anxiety and Stress in the Workplace

Mind Matters: Anxiety in the Workplace

Mind Matters: Anxiety in the Workplace

https://www.verywellmind.com/work-anxiety-4692762

Managing Stress and Anxiety

           

The pressure to do it all is nearly overwhelming and something has to give. We can't simply work harder and expect to get everything done, especially when we're juggling jobs, family, community AND our own needs.  

SHOW NOTES 

Crina and Kirsten tackle the hard truths of what it is really like to work from home in this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work.  

First up – expectations.  There are expectations from all sides when it comes to working from home.  There are expectations from our bosses (even if you are your own boss), but that is not all that happens when we are at home – add expectations from ourselves, from our family, from our friends and those expectations that we see as “normal” on social media. 

Second up – pressure.  There is pressure to meet those expectations, to perform, produce, caretake, solve – and do to it all as gracefully as a Zen Buddhist monk, but sexy.  ARGHH. 

These are things many of us have struggled with for years and even decades – and one of the things the pandemic has exposed is the depth and breadth of those things that just don’t work.

We need to examine whether we’re holding on to expectations that have never really worked for us.   The experience of the pandemic has brought this to light in a way we had not seen before.  We need a paradigm shift – away from what does not work and to something that allows us to be whole humans rather than freaked out and frenetic.

Crina thought it would be wonderful to take virtual tour of a museum every week during the Stay at Home Order.  Kirsten envisioned on-line yoga and long walks.  And the reality - Crina is still in the same clothes she wore yesterday and Kirsten is hunkered down on the brown coach pounding away on her computer and talking with clients before the sun comes up and after it goes down – working harder than ever.  Crina and Kirsten share stories of friends and colleagues doing crazy $%&# to keep everything together for family, work and friends.  Take away – this does not work – probably not in the short term and definitely not in the long term – and maybe it never has worked for women.

Here is the solution – from the author and thought-leader Glennon Doyle – throw away the memo!  Recognize when the “memo” does not work for you.  Recognize when the expectations others have for you deplete you in a way that is unsustainable and sucks joy from your life. 

In the short term, the pandemic is not normal, and our reactions and responses are likely not normal either.  This is an opportunity to be more humane to ourselves and each other – and possibly address some of the long-term issues that we have been struggling with that the realities of working from home during a pandemic have shown us.

We have a chance to lower the bar, which does not mean we do not want excellence, but maybe good enough is good enough with most things – particularly when so much excellence means giving up your humanness.  Be kind to yourself, look at your patterns. Ask yourself if your behavior is the product of habit or is it full of intention?  And how does it serve you and your values? 

In the midst of change and transition comes the opportunity for innovation, new ideas and new ways of seeing the world. Join us as we continue to explore how to manage personal change and how to harness the opportunities that transition can offer.

SHOW NOTES

In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our hosts take on Part II of Change and Transitions - Innovation.  After we get through the hard stuff of change - acknowledging endings and getting ourselves ready for what is to come, we get to the good stuff, innovation.  As a reminder, Crina and Kirsten put this two-part conversation in the context of William Bridges’ Change and Transition Model.

Last week they discussed endings -  letting go, mourning loss, identifying what is being left behind.  And your response to change is often driven by how much notice you have.  Sudden change can be more traumatic and take more work and time to deal with.  When you know change is coming, it can sometimes be easier.  Think about how much easier it is to get kids off of n the playground when they have a 10-minute warning of leaving versus the kids who do not have any warning.

Once you let go, you find yourself in the neutral zone.  Bridges describes this as the  in-between time when the old is gone, but the new is not fully functional.  It can be uncomfortable.  Folks can have low-energy and can get stuck.  You may have a sense of what to come, but you are not actually quite there.

The next step is new beginnings and Bridges describes those as:

• Feeling different
• Forming new identities 
• Forming new ideas
• More energy
• Openness to learning

The light at the end of the tunnel is innovation.  And out hosts take a dive into history to articulate that hard stuff can lead to good stuff.  History tells us that good things can come out of this pandemic.

For example, the Black Plague led to workers earning a wage for their labors and the Enlightenment. 

Pandemics in the in the early 20th century led to the concept of modern altruism, led in Philadelphia by the African Free Society

And look what is happening now  . . . we are all doing things that not long ago would seem impossible.  We are moving workers home, establishing new ways of doing things and new processes - in record speed.

 

Crina and Kirsten get all “fortune-teller” about what will happen as a result of this COVID-19 pandemic.  Crina thinks sweatpants will be the new little black dress.  There will be new DIY with at home wax and dye kits.  But in all seriousness, this will be a time where we revamp our workplaces and our homes to accomodate long term changes in how we work.  We will rethink how we make money.  And hopefully we will use this opportunity to think how we create more of what we want - more meaning, ease and joy - in our lives.  Don’t miss the opportunity.

And please enjoy this goodness:

Five Predictions For What Coronavirus Means For Innovation Leaders

“Coronavirus Capitalism”: Naomi Klein’s Case for Transformative Change Amid Coronavirus Pandemic

The Number One Key to Innovation: Scarcity

COVID-19 Will Fuel the Next Wave of Innovation

Why Coronavirus Will Stimulate Innovation

How Epidemics of the Past Changed the Way Americans Lived

Change is inevitable and you are in control of how you manage it. Your emotions, your actions and your attitude are all dictated by how you deal with an ever-changing environment. Join Crina and Kirsten as they explore tools to get a grip in this time of extreme change.

SHOW NOTES

We are deep in the COVID-19 pandemic and out hosts, Crina and Kirsten, are deep in innovation with their remote recording session on Change and Transitions. This is Part I of a two-part series.  In Part I Crina and Kirsten talk about change and transition, why it is so hard and what to do about it. This is the hard work we do before we get to the good stuff - innovations, which will be discussed in Part II.

Crina and Kirsten talk about their experiences with the change that the Covid-19 pandemic has created in their own lives and those of their family and friends and of course, listeners.  The big take-away is that we are all in different places. Some folks have been forced to innovate at hyper-speed, such as medical professionals, governments, first responders and newly remote workers.  Others of us are in a holding pattern or home with no work. All of us have some uncertainty. Will our work change? Will the changes that have happened be forever? Will I be able to adapt to this change and what will it look like in the long-term? 

In order to help listeners navigate change and transition, Crina and Kirsten focus on a model, developed by William Bridges. Bridges asserts that change is something that is external, where transition is an internal process. According to Bridges, “Transition is not just a nice way to say change. It is the inner process through which people come to terms with a change, as they let go of how things used to be and reorient themselves to the way that things are now.” 

Crina and Kirsten also talk about strategies for moving through transition including: don’t underestimate how hard change can be; acknowledge your sense of loss; take control; acknowledge your feelings;  and take care of yourself. 

For more information, check out these resources:

Making sense of life's changes: The Transition Model by William Bridges 

William Bridges Associates | Transition Management Leaders

Is competition "lady-like?" Do you care? Join us as we consider how women compete, challenge you to think about competition as a positive way and encourage you to use it to strive for the things that you want! GO FOR IT!!  

SHOW NOTES

Science tells us women tend to compete in ways that minimize risk and use fewer resources.  For example, males in the animal kingdom (and we can include our own males) tend to engage in competition with riskier behaviors that use greater resources - think of a fist-fight over a perceived slight. Alternatively, females in our animal kingdom do the opposite  - think the silent treatment. The smart folk, also known as scientists, say this may be due to females’ generally greater responsibilities around procreation.

And of course, there is that nasty thing called the patriarchy that tells us that competitive behavior by women is socially unacceptable.  Women are often perceived negatively when they exhibit competitive traits. Our hosts call BS (bologna sandwich) on that!

Studies show that competition increases innovation and creativity, quality and productivity - and that most people perform better with competition.  Alternatively, too much competition or dysfunctional competition can kill morale, cause stress and just generally create more bologna sandwiches.

Crina and Kirsten talk about competition at work for jobs, raises, attention, respect and how we can engage in that in a positive way.  Kirsten shares her experience as a new lawyer in an office full of male co-workers as well as her experience participating in sports as forming her feelings about and approach to competition.  

Our hosts end by discussing a new approach to competition.  Using others as examples of what can be achieved and what you may want in your life can create inspiration. Is someone you know creating something in their life that you think is good?  Aspire to that thing - but rather than being motivated by jealousy, be motivated by what is possible and work to achieve that with confidence in yourself. Others can show us what is possible, but it has to be your journey and your inspiration.  And the joy of helping others along the way will carry you forward. 

 

Women Experience More Incivility at Work — Especially from Other Women

Opinion | Why Women Compete With Each Other

Gender and Competition

htthttps://hbr.org/2017/03/the-pros-and-cons-of-competition-among-employeesps://womensoundoff.com/blog/2018/3/14/negative-competition-among-women

Competition Among Women: Myth and Reality

https://www.forbes.com/sites/work-in-progress/2015/07/08/competition-at-work-positive-or-positively-awful/#3e0915d32da8

Female competition and aggression: interdisciplinary perspectives

(PDF) Sisters at Arms: A Theory of Same-Sex Conflict and Its Problematization in Organizations

Covid-19 SUCKS! What are you going to do about it?

 

SHOW NOTES

Like all of you, Crina and Kirsten are adjusting to life during a pandemic. There is so much uncertainty about the disease, fear about the economy, and confusion about what we should and should not do to protect ourselves and our community. There is also the very real fact that many people are losing their jobs and their livelihoods.  

 

Join us for this special edition, off-the-cuff episode of our podcast to hear what we’re thinking, how we’re coping and what we’re suggesting for workers, employers and business owners.   

 

We also offer you ways to express kindness, generosity and abundance during these difficult times. 

Money makes the world go round, but it might not make you happy. In fact women who make more money than their partner report that they are less satisfied with their lives and their marriage. Crina and Kirsten ask, “How can this be true? And how can we start to change the narrative about female breadwinners?” 

SHOW NOTES

Who doesn’t like making a good salary?  But what happens when you make more money than your partner?  A listener encouraged us to consider this topic and her suggestion is our next episode,  On Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our lively ladies discuss the different aspects of making more money than your partner.

Let’s not deny it, it is great to make money - there are very few downsides to doing so.  However, it may present complications when you make more money than your partner, particularly when your partner is a male.  

In 1960, women were the primary breadwinner in 6% of American households, that number is up to 25% today - so we know this topic affects a lot of women - and while that is good news, it is also, as we said, complicated.

What is interesting about the demographics on this issue is that younger women are less likely to make more than their male partners.  Women in the 50s and 60s are actually more likely to make more than their dudes. Race and ethnicity also affect these numbers. So, we know that the same factors that affect women’s compensation in general also affect whether women make more money than their beloveds.

The data shows that most men still think it is better when women do not work outside the home and when a woman makes 40% of the household income, male partners start to get nervous.  When women make more, both men and women report lower marital happiness than couples where the men make more.

Crina and Kirsten have lots of experience with this.  Crina has made more money, made less money, worked more and worked less than her spouse.  Kirsten has been the earner, a single mom and has also made less than her spouse. So with all the bases covered, these gals get to the reality of wrestling with these issues.

And find all the interesting information below:

7 Women Who Make More Money Than Their Men Sound Off.

When Women Earn More Than Men

When Wives Earn More Than Husbands, Neither Partner Likes to Admit It

Men's stress jumps if their wives earn more than 40% of household income

The Happiness Penalty for Breadwinning Moms

 

Breadwinning Mothers Continue To Be the US Norm

 

Women Breadwinners Household Income Family Impact Study

While many people see racism as intentional and overt, it is actually woven into the fabric of our daily lives. Well-meaning people perpetuate systems, policies and structures that are designed to benefit white people and discriminate against people of color. Check out this episode to hear how Crina and Kirsten have confronted their own racism and the racist systems that they are a part of.

SHOW NOTES

Our co-hosts are tackling a big, ugly problem - maybe the biggest - racism in the workplace.  Before you listen - trust their intentions. This is an important topic and they are pushing themselves to talk about it - and making themselves more vulnerable than usual.  They do not have all of the answers and probably get lots wrong, but it would be way worse to not talk about it. So hold tight and bear with our gals.

This show is for people who acknowledge that racism exists - our dynamic duo is not out to convince anyone about anything, but just to get us all thinking about these issues.

Crina starts with a discussion of the nomenclature of racism - institutional, system and structural racism.  It helps to define what we are talking about so we can better understand it. Just like men sometimes do not recognize the patriarchy, white people sometimes do not recognize white privilege.  

Kirsten digs into the data about race and jobs and advancement in the workplace - as she loves to do.

Crina shares stories from her executive director days that are candid and revealing as to how this really happens and plays itself out in the workplace.

Crina and Kirsten hope you leave the show with more awareness and curiosity and less defensiveness - and that it leads to less suffering from racism and enjoying the riches of diversity.

And please ding in deeper with the following . . . there is so much!

Views on Race in America 2019 | Pew Research Center

Being Black at a White WorkplaceStatus and Trends in the Education of Racial and Ethnic Groups 2018

What Is White Privilege? Here Are 9 Everyday Examples

January 28, 2009

The Urgency of Intersectionality

17 Deplorable Examples Of White Privilege

What I Said When My White Friend Asked for My Black Opinion on White Privilege

Why Aren't Black Employees Getting More White-Collar Jobs?

Women are responsible for over 85% of consumer spending. Not only do we buy for ourselves, but we purchase for everyone else in the house! (Don’t get us started on the burden that represents). Why not consider using your economic power to support businesses that are owned by WOMEN! 

 

SHOW NOTES

Globally, women control about $20 trillion in annual consumer spending, and that figure could climb as high as $28 trillion in the next five years.   These numbers amount to women controlling and/or influencing 85% of all consumer spending.  Wow - that’s a lot of votes with our economic dollars.  We buy for ourselves, our families, including children and spouses and so many of the people we care for.  And yes, women find the shopping experience unsatisfactory and in many cases shopping experiences are foolishly geared to men.  Ladies, let’s leverage our economic voting power for women owned businesses.  

 

The number of new women owned businesses is outpacing the number of businesses owned by men.  In 2021, women owned about 25% of all businesses in the US and by 2023, that number had reached 39%.  While women owned 39% of business in 2023, we employed about 9% of the employees and about 5% of all revenues.  Just under 40,000 women owned businesses employ 50 or more people.  This is all to say there are lots of small women owned businesses out there.

 

Women owned businesses face particular challenges - such as lack of access to capital - but the impacts of women owned businesses are significant, and that incongruity does not make sense.  So let’s use our dollars to support the business making the most difference.  Women tend to start businesses to make a difference rather than just to make money; and women owned businesses are more likely to support their communities.  

 

Turn Black Friday into a political act and shop women owned.

 

More good reads:

Women Owned Directory 

The 2024 Impact of Women-Owned Businesses

Women-owned businesses | U.S. Small Business Administration

Women Ownership Statistics 2024 | Advocacy

New Report Finds Growth of Women Business Owners Outpaces the Market

Supporting Women-Owned Business Giving Back To Communities | Bankrate

Statistics show that the majority of workers have been in a romantic relationship at work, but it’s not all rainbows and unicorns out there. While some of these relationships end in marriage, most of them fail. Even more disrupting are the surprising number of adulterous relationships at work! With all this love, sex, drama and secrecy...how does anyone get their work done?

 

SHOW NOTES

What better way to celebrate Valentine’s Day - or really any day - than a bit of time with Crina and Kirsten and an episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work on romance in the workplace.  We know relationships at work are important to our satisfaction in our workplaces. And the data indicates that many of us meet our special someone at work. While all that is fantastic, too much of a good thing can be complicated (and even uncomfortable) for everyone - including co-workers.

This episode is for those in workplace romances and for those who work with those in workplace romances - which is apparently almost all of us.  A romantic relationship can be fodder for gossip and distraction in the workplace. It can be stressful and difficult to be in a romantic relationship that co-workers do not know about.  Secrets are hard - and of course if you are a co-worker who knows a secret - secrets can be even harder. Given that 1 in 6 romantic relationships at work is adulterous, we suspect this happens more than we think or want - particularly for those concerned with their productivity at work and of course, the business bottom line.  And, of course, it can be complicated to supervise employees in romantic relationships. And then there is the tragic break up . . .

Crina and Kirsten talk about the different kinds of romantic relationships, the difficulties and benefits that can arise, how the workplace is impacted and some strategies for these difficulties and impacts.

And, as always, we encourage you to explore this topic more deeply with the following links - how can you resist?

Why Relationships in the Workplace Matter | Blog

8 Workplace Romance Statistics You Need to Know Right Now

Professionally Pursuing Workplace Romance: What Organizations Should Teach Employees

The Truth About Office Romance

Tips for Dealing With Romantic Relationships in the Workplace 

Regardless of where you are in your career, you need to get clear on where you're going and how you're going to get there. Set your sights high, surround yourself with allies and supporters, and go get what you want!

 

In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our hosts talk about moving your self into the work life you want - whether you call it climbing the ladder, running a ropes course with team members or just creating your own vision for what you want your experience to be - this episode addresses how to get clear about where you are going and how to get there.  

 

However you think of advancing yourself, remember that it’s a journey and one on which folks spend a lot of time and energy, so it better be a great journey.

 

Crina works her magic on goal creation by reminding listeners to:

1. Be realistic. As yourself, “Do I really want it?” and “What about it do you want?” 
2. Get clarity. A goal must be specific, clear and measurable.
3. Challenge yourself. An easy or tedious goal is demotivating. But keep a realistic balance: don’t expect to climb to the top overnight
4. Remain Committed. You need to buy into the goal at the outset. Write it down! Post it somewhere! Believe in it (and yourself). 
5. Determine how you’ll get feedback and how you’ll measure progress. Figure out what you’re going to use as feedback. What are the road signs that will tell you if you’re on track or not? For instance, if your goal is to get a promotion or advance in your field, you might choose benchmarks such as: getting more responsibility; being given a new project; seeing doors open up for you; gaining the trust of your supervisor.  This helps to keep the goal on track.
6. Revisit your goals regularly and adjust as needed

 

Kirsten, with help from Crina, focuses on how to get there and how to deal with the frustrating reality of the percentage of women who advance in the workplace.  This is referred to as getting over the broken rung on women’s advancement in the workplace.

 

Our hosts talk about what actually works and what does not.  Forget the BS advice about playing golf, dressing for success, be funny/don’t be funny, make cookies and on and on.  Instead, find people and groups to support your ascent to where you want to be, such as taking actions that showcase what you are good at, say yes to things that move you towards your goal and of course ask for what you want - see episode 10.

 

And as always - below are some good resources for further thinking on this.

 

The CEO's Secret To Moving Up the Corporate Career Ladder

 

Ladder Down: Climbing to the Top | 2018 Women in Law Issue

New Flash!!  It is a myth that men are more confident than women.  In fact, studies show that women are in fact as confident as men,but we are judged, criticized and punished for owning our confidence.  In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our curious couple considers confidence, what it is, who exhibits it and why it’s time to own it, sister!

Psychology Dictionary Online defines self-confidence as an individual’s trust in her own abilities, capacities, and judgments, or belief that she can successfully face day to day challenges and demands.

Crina and Kirsten talk about their own experience with confidence. Kirsten trusts her judgement about what she does and does not know.  She is confident in her ability to learn and become competent in something. Kirsten attributes this to lots of experience, failure and recovery.

Crina discusses a friend of hers who is confident, but does not feel comfortable expressing her confidence – and leans towards wanting to be liked.  Her friend is getting ready to start a new job and when asked why she wants to do it, it is because the position pays better, and other people think she will be good.   When Crina went deeper with her friend, she discovered that her friend was confident in her ability to do the job, was excited about it, but did not know how to express these things.    

Our hosts consider what is confidence in a woman?

Character traits:

• Doesn’t apologize for “being”
• Owns her awesomeness
• Willing to be vulnerable or not know something
• Doesn’t seem to have anything to prove
• Self-assured
• Typically, ambitious because she knows what she wants
• Willing to take risks
• Generally positive

Behavior traits:

• Speaks up in meetings 
• Takes up space physically 
• Projects her own voice
• Is direct and clear in her communication

We read these traits as indicators of confidence, and colleagues often infer a lack of confidence when they are absent. Because many of these “executive” behaviors show up more in men, we perceive a “confidence gap.” 

There are things we can do about this, such as speaking well to yourself, taking care of yourself, taking risks, not apologizing, finding ways to get feedback.  And of course, we can help others with this, we can lift other women up, be a mentor, encourage other women, and normalize expressions of confidence.

And why do we want confidence – because it feels good. It is key to getting what you want, particularly in the workplace.  Individuals with confidence experience greater enjoyment in life, less fear and anxiety, more energy and motivation and better interactions with others. 

 We hope you enjoy these articles:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-power-women/201001/the-truth-about-women-and-self-esteem

What is Self-Confidence? + 9 Ways to Increase It [2019 Update]

Is the Confidence Gap Between Men and Women a Myth?

https://www.forbes.com/sites/hannahart/2019/03/05/the-confidence-gap-is-a-myth-but-a-double-standard-does-exist-how-women-can-navigate/#43797e69867d

https://hbr.org/2014/08/why-women-dont-apply-for-jobs-unless-theyre-100-qualified?utm_medium=email&utm_source=tgr_newnlsignup&utm_campaign=nlconfirmwomenatwork_notactsub_v20191101&deliveryName=DM61551