Topic: “Not Too Near, Not Too Far”: Relating to Others
Dear folks of Baba,
In the late 1930s and into the mid-40s, Baba was working with a large group of Eastern and Western women on the hill at Upper Meherabad. At one point when He was with Helen Dahm, an artist from Switzerland, she complained to Him about her difficulties and discomfort in being around so many others. She was a loner type, but He did not humor her and said of this Advent that--“The Path is through people.” We know when He came as Buddha, He advocated setting aside periods of time in isolation to meditate on the Divine. What is asked of us today is quite different. Baba is emphasizing a family feeling for each other, to be as brothers and sisters in His love. From His last message on the alphabet board, Baba went so far to say that we would “realize Truth by being bound to each other with internal links.” This is extraordinary! He is not only encouraging us to be bound to Him, but bound to each other.
Baba gave a valuable hint on how to relate to others that keeps our love flowing. Back in the 1930s, Baba gave an order to His men mandali in regard to women: “Not too near, not too far.” I have found that this order is of immense and invaluable help in relating to others. I witnessed over the years how Baba’s mandali embodied the truth of these words in relating so intimately to all of us when we were with them. Its deeper meaning became clearer to me as I discussed with the mandali what our relationship with others should be. As I wrote in one of the recent emails, Darwin Shaw would tell us that we are embodiments of Baba’s Ocean of Divine Love right now, not just in the future. And even though this ocean is striking us with its full force every moment, by the time it passes through all of the layers of our ego and personality with its likes and dislikes, this ocean is often reduced to a mere stream, at most a river. There is little love left to offer to others.
However, from the mandali I learned that there is a way of making the most of the love coming through us. The heart is our primary vehicle for expressing love, and if it is shut down, the flow of love is blocked. Therefore, it is supremely important to keep the heart open and flowing, and that is where Baba’s injunction, “Not too near, not too far,” is extremely valuable. If, for example, we are confronted with a person with a prickly personality, we have to be careful not to bring our heart too near, otherwise they may lash out and cause our heart to shut down, and so the flow of love, which is what we are here to express, is blocked. This is not done for self-protection but for safeguarding the flow of our love. Thus, it is important to position ourself by withdrawing inwardly a certain distance which allows the person to be their prickly self without causing our heart to shut down. Even in the course of a conversation, we may have to withdraw at times when sharp or sarcastic remarks are likely to happen. The whole aim is to keep the love flowing toward the other person, because if we don’t flow out with love to others (this can be done invisibly), we diminish ourselves by that much. Our life becomes smaller.
The same is true if our heart is too distant; others don’t know how to relate to us and so they keep their love at a distance, and we miss out on the joy of the “give and take” of love with others. However, if a person is especially abusive or even dangerous, we may have to love them from a great distance, from afar. Baba’s simple advice is an invaluable guideline in relating to others which enables our love to continue flowing and maintaining, as Baba has encouraged, our internal links with others. Tuning into our intuition moment-to-moment is our best guide in this process. Of course, when our heart is deeply broken as in a divorce or the death of a loved one, the heart may shut down for years, and that usually requires a different method altogether to get the love flowing again.
How do see your heart responding in situations with others? Do you sometimes come too close to them and frequently get your heart hurt? Do you play it safe and keep a distance, but then lose some of the intimacy with others? What kinds of behavior from others do you find that shuts down your heart? Are you particularly sensitive to such things as sarcasm or indifference or a superior air expressed by others? What type of treatment from others hurts your heart? How do you deal with these subtle and problematic situations?
Baba has said, “How can you realize My Infinite Presence If you shrink from me in those who hurt you and welcome Me only in those who please you.”
In His love, Jeff
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