Processing grief and the Imago Dialogue

Attachment styles, Redirecting energy back to self and becoming a Conscious human being

Bringing ourselves back into regulation through breathing, body awareness and getting curious about our subconscious belief systems.

The hijacking of the animal soul, expanding consciousness and choice.

Developing body awareness, coming out of a dorsal state and expanding our capacity to feel our feelings without fear.

The importance of learning how to process pain and working with the nervous system. What's the energy that's driving my behaviour?

What is a soul? what is it made of? and why developing self awareness is so important.

The importance of developing self awareness, and the obstacles that can get in the way.

In this class we begin by explaining the different nervous system states. When learning anything new it is important to have awareness of which nervous system we are listening from. are we open and curious or defensive?

Be the love, Be the light

The process of Teshuva is one of pealing away the layers of defence so that we can engage in an emotionally intimate relationship with G-d. Emotional intimacy requires putting our defences down and embracing vulnerability and trust. We expand our capacity for feeling uncomfortable by stretching our tolenance for it slowly and mindfully.

Developing our capacity for choice, through understanding the nervous system

What is in my circle of choice and what is not?

Q & A session for teen girls 

Questions for today: How can we believe in g-d if we don't see him and how is it that we can just believe that he created us and everything in the world? I mean we don't see huge miracles that can give "proof" (obviously He's allowing us to wake up in the morning, breathe, etc...)

A lot of teachers will say we're the only people that have the same Torah and "stories" passed down through the generations and it didn't change from Moshe at Har Sinai so that's supposed to be proof to how we're such a great nation and we're the only ones like that and that's why should believe that there is obviously a g-d. But how is that supposed to be proof? It also feels like a question you "shouldn't have" because you're supposed to just have belief in Him...

Emotional health and emotional safety in relationship 

Todays Question:  How do we reconcile the concept of free choice with Divine Providence? We have free will, yet Hashem decides all outcomes and designs what is best for each of us. If there is such a fine line between the two, how do we find it and live in that space of a peaceful co-existence? How do we know when we have done enough and when to turn things over to Hashem? To co-create, to build a partnership & a trusting relationship, both sides have to do their part and trust in the process. I have to do my Hishtadlus before I surrender to Hashem for Him to do his part. How can I "feel" into and create a balance between the two?

Today's question: We speak in the Torah and in the prayers about G-d being our father in heaven. I don’t have a very good relationship with my father he was aloof and uncaring sometimes and at other times he was highly aggressive towards me. I find myself in moments of panic and fear thinking that G-d is just a bigger stronger version of that, and he doesn’t care about me. When I think about this deeply, I become very confused because on the one hand I know that in theory G-d is good, and G-d loves me and at the same time I feel something completely different. How do I make sense of this?

Today's questions: My mother has a very giving nature, she never kept anything for herself, if she just brought herself a new outfit and someone said to her that they liked it she would say, "here have it!"

The flip side of that is that she expects everyone else to be the same way, if I was playing with a toy and another child came over and wanted to play with it then she expected me to give it up… if I didn’t I was called selfish, and told I had bad middos… now as an adult I am trying to learn about how to have healthy boundaries, and I find that I have a lot of confusion and internal chaos, around this area, when I say no I have a voice in my head that is saying you are selfish and you have bad middos and when I say yes I feel resentful and then I have another voice in my head that says see how crazy you are you can never be happy for anyone… and then I feel guilt and like a horrible person… so my question is, could it be true that I just have bad middos? Am I selfish if I say no?

A pre Yom Kippur class

How do we know where a thought is coming from? How do we know if it should be taken seriously, believed and acted on? How do I know if its a logical thought or a fear based response of my heart disguised as a logical thought?  

Aligning with infinite energy only happens in a place where we completely let go of judgement and we stay with the question. An open state of curiosity and wonder beyond stories and judgements. If you find the judgements pulling you down, just become curious about them.

Artists are especially aware of creative block and it’s opposite: the ‘flow state.’ The flow state is when we experiences a huge amount of pleasure and energy from creativity or creative genius flowing through us. We lose track of space and time and often marvel at what is created in the end, having a sense that it came through us and not from us. As Julia Cameron, author of The Artists Way wrote, all creativity is ‘eavesdropping on G-d.’ When we think that we are the one creating, we often get stuck. Because, is it good enough? Will people like it? Is it prefect to my standards of perfection? We get stuck on ‘whatever I am creating is an expression of me,’ and then, ‘what will people think of me?  this thought process blocks the flow of infinity coming through us.

One of the keys that help us to stay in the flow state is remembering: ‘All success is G-ds, all failure is G-d gently reminding me that I thought it was me’

A true relationship involves feeling the other, love and respect of an active kind. If we feel indifferent towards G-d we must know that connection is not possible when the heart is closed and defended. If we feel closed and defended the first place to begin in our divine service is facing our grief, opening our hearts and returning to the expanded light that we always were.                                        

Working with our parts, Directing our own energy and Letting go of control.

https://astillsmallvoice.org/the-two-trees-at-edens-center/ - this is a link the the article I talk about in this class

To go out of our comfort zone for someone or something we love, we first must feel comfort in our zone, and then choose to come out for the other. To sacrifice our will for someone of something that we love, is the greatest act of love if we choose it, from a regulated place, knowing we have choice and desiring to do so.  If we don't know we have a choice, if we feel dysregulated and fearful, and we act impulsively out of fear of rejection, this is an act of self preservation and has nothing to do with relationship. 

What are the spiritual possibilities available to us?

What are the spiritual possibilities available to us?

The role of the Benoni, what they are capable of, and how they are able to consistently choose, right action. 

What is our inner Chometz? Inner Moshe? Inner Egypt? What is the definition of the 5 categories of people that we began discussing in chapter 1 of Tanya? How does each category show up within each of us?

Taking a look at food, health, and body-related fear. 

Understanding the energetics of food and how it helped me to heal.

Where are my souls within my body? How do they express themselves?

Redefining Teshuva:

What is a Baal Teshuva?

A master of returning

Returning what?

Returning the hey to the rest of the name of G-d (first 9 sefiros)

Hey represents malchus (the 10th sefira):

Dignity, open, softness, flexibility and receiving deep nurture and connection, letting go of control… watching in wonder as things unfold with deep inner joy and pleasure that comes from presence… letting go of all stories, expectations and assumptions and laughing with G-ds plan

When we are born

We are completely divine and completely instinctive

Divine soul and animal soul do not communicate with each other, they are in a state of fragmentation

The divine is always there, yet it doesn’t have expression… as the animal soul develops, we spin our stories and create belief systems about how to keep ourselves safe through the journey of life

One of the ways we keep ourselves safe is though attempting to control that which is out of our control this is the fragmented hey… the fallen malchus

As we go through life, we learn that the more we try to control the more pain we experience the tenser and more ridged we become the more we break when we fall… the more we try to control the more we smash into a million pieces when things don’t go as we ‘planned’. The more we resist this the more we blame, others and ourselves, the more we fragment the more shame, guilt and doubt we experience

However it is also our experiences that are the ideal opportunity for integration. We integrate both souls through our experiences… through letting go again and again and choosing love and connection over being ‘the right good one’

A master is one who lives doing this work… the work of letting go, every day choosing deeper connection and integration of parts, everyday facing apathy, shame and guilt and asking what are you afraid of today… every day choosing presence and joy over getting things done and stress

We are masters of retuning to our wholeness… integrating divine and animal consciousness when we hold the tension of opposites, see all our parts and get curious without fear, have unconditional compassion and see the good intentions behind everything

When we return we experience anew that there is no good, bad, worthy, unworthy, we are all everything and everyone… it is all within us… The whole world and G-d Himself

The place where the Baal Teshuva stands the complete Tzadik… (the one who is fully integrated and transparent) cannot stand.

It is only through facing the fragmentation, that we grow and stretch so deep and wide that we can see that everything was perfect all along and we were never In need of fixing because we were never Brocken in the first place.

The ratzina says:

True Teshuva is when we recognise that we didn’t need to do Teshuva in the first place, but we only get to the point of knowing this by doing Teshuva

Growing up in our consciousness and parts work.

In this episode, I share my experience of healing from an eating disorder and what I learned along the way. 

This gets confusing because on the one hand we live in a world which is clearly defined by right and wrong actions. We are told don’t steal, don’t murder if someone does those things, they are absolutely wrong.

On the other hand, we are told G-d is one unified field, G-d is everything and G-d is good, so how do we live with this paradox?

This equal and opposite rule applies only to physical reality. In the realm of action, there is duality, right and wrong action - which can always be shifted and changed as soon as its recognised. Therefore all 3 forms of expression - conscious thought, speech and action are called clothes. (Chapter 4 tanya) Clothing don’t define who we are.

The world of perception however is empowered to remain in the realm of unity. This means, instead of going down the road of because I did this wrong thing that means I am very bad. Or because you did this wrong thing you are disgusting. Unity consciousness holds the tension of opposites and sees the whole picture.

Curiously wondering, what is the opportunity of this moment? If I do wrong action, it is an opportunity for me to practice being accountable and facing my fears of rejection - showing that authenticity is more important to me then saving face. If someone does wrong action towards me it is an opportunity for me to practice holding boundaries with compassion.

Either one expresses divine light in the world through one action or another, but the connection and expression is always possible. we are Never stuck, never hopeless.

There is a wonderful story of Reb Zusha of Anipoli and Reb Elimelech of Lezenshk. They were arrested one evening for wondering around town and thrown into a prison cell filled with many peasants and one bucket used as a toilet. In the morning Reb Elimelech was very upset, Reb Zusha asked him, why? He said that every day of his life he had begun his day with prayer and today he would not be able to do so, being that there was an uncovered toilet in the room and it was forbid to daven in a place like that. Reb Zusha told him, why are you sad? The same G-d that told us to daven, told us not to daven if there was a toilet. So we have an opportunity to channel divine light today by not Davening. Reb Elimelech became so excited by this idea he began to dance and sing with his brother, soon all the other prisoners joined in. The guard came and asked what the fuss was all about. One of the other prisoners said he didn’t know but he thought it had something to do with the bucket. So the guard removed the bucket and the brothers were able to pray.

Wherever you are you are within G-d, you can’t get out even if you tried.

This is being in reality and yet rising above separateness consciousness Holding the tension of opposites between duality and unity, when we do this, we bridging the gap between the spiritual and physical worlds. We transcend reality whilst remaining in reality.

Right action keeps us rooted in reality, allowing us to drop deeper into our bodies and become more present, feet firmly planted on the ground, and unity consciousness stretches our minds and hearts as far as the heavens and bigger then the whole universe, it expands us so we can hold the whole world within.

The body has a quality that surpasses the soul itself. This quality is that it has the tools to interact with G-d Himself. 

When the raw energy of the middos in ones body is strong – giants compared to the small voice of reason in the brain, the emotions in a state of chaos (tohu)pay no attention to logic. So how does one harness the energy? How can one lead and create order? Only by introducing Chochma – the power of saying ‘what is this?’ the curious silence of being a channel, being open to receive insight from a place so much greater then oneself – watching and experiencing the emotion as it is, without any pre-determined meaning, judgments or story. Staying with, ‘what is this?’ rather than getting caught in analysis or judgment, feeling ones way through middos whilst standing in Chochma is what allows one to gain access to Hashems Himself and create a home for Him in the world (maamar, Meraglim Shlach 5715) Open curious questions to sit in silence with and listen for answers for… What do I feel in my body? what is it? what age does it feel? how does it move? What does it want? What does it fear? what tone does it speak in? What does it say or what sound does it make if it had a voice? What posture does it sit in? how does it relate to others? What does it look like? What colour is it? What texture is it?

Chesed -desire, love, kindness, expansion, water, coolness, growth, upwards movement, abundance, unlimited, boundless, giving, “yes”, supernatural. (Avraham was the person that personified this sefirah in the world.)

Gevura-boundaries, strength, judgment, constraint, “no”, containing, fire, downward moving, limitations, heat, fear, strictness, assessment, nature. (Yitzchok)

Tiferes-truth, connection, beauty, harmony, healing, tension of opposites, joy, gratitude, presence in the now, integration between right and left sides, healthy balance of boundaries and love, compassion, space for every part of who I am, for belonging as I am, where I am. My authenticity is my beauty. (Yacov)

Netzach - victory, unwavering commitment, determination, confidence, success (Moshe)

Hod-thanksgiving, humility, acknowledging, admitting, sincerity, consistency, simplicity splendour, realistic, endurance (Aaron)

Yesod-is translated literally as foundation. While Tiferes allows and makes space for varying voices to exist in one’s inner world, Yesod is about bonding and harmonizing with the world and others. It guides how one forms relationships with people, with money, and manage all the desires of the world. It’s the point where one connects, inner world with outer world in an authentic way. It is a conquering, giving, masculine energy (Yosef).

Malchus – kingship, dignity, a deep connection to ones essence, the inner power of conviction that one makes a difference in the world. It is the experience of deep inner pleasure. It is the sefirah that is represented by Shabbos as there are 7 sefirah’s and 7 days of the week-- Shabbos being a day when one rests and engages in physical pleasures as part of the mitzva (beautiful clothes, lavish foods). Other qualities of Malchus are: leadership, speech, graciousness, authority, devotion, benevolence, royalty, letting go of attempting to control things that are not within ones circle of choice It is receiving, nurturing, feminine energy. It is the ability to be a vessel/channel/pipeline, to bring forward (energy, consciousness, abundance etc.) from a higher place down to its full expression in reality. King Dovid is the person who represents this sefirah. When he was asked how he merited to be the king he said, ‘because I know who the real King is.’ Malchus is interchangeable with Keter, (the 11th sefirah which is above the 10 sefirot like a crown) Malchus is the lowest sefirah of each world and is interchangeable with the the highest sefirah of the world below it, it’s the link.

Keter/crown is made up of a will (the outside) and pleasure (the inside) - ratzon and tanug).

Chochma –Curiosity - a state of mind where one is open and empty, ready to receive without preconceived notions, just curious, wondering. The Hebrew word “Chochma”is made up of two smaller words, “co’ach”--“ma” which literally means, “the power of what”. It’s the ability to hear something completely new.

It is the capacity for one to stand back and watch something in wonder, to witness with an open heart.

it is the part of a person that has the capacity to become one with the All, and lose a sense of self-consciousness

It is the part of one’s soul that is able to feel and experience complete oneness with G-d and creation. Because it is a window into infinity and therefore not bound by time and space. When in this state of mind one can feel like they lose track of time. Time and space perception alters.

In this curious and creative space, one receives moments of inspiration, otherwise known as a “eureka moment” or a  stroke of genius and insight, you can say it’s when one ‘gets’ a concept; they know that they have it all in their head, but they can't explain it to someone else yet. i.e., When one goes to a class and feels totally inspired by what they learned, but when someone asks them what it was, they just have no idea how to say it.

It is creative inspiration before it is fully expressed into words; it is great ideas

Bina-This is the ability to take the insight of Chochma and expand it. Bing allows one to teach the insight, to understand it fully in all its details--its breadth and depth. It is the ability to derive one thing from another, to comprehend it in its entirety, and then express it.

Its logical thought processes.

Daas- This is the ability to fully integrate the idea until it becomes a felt sense in the body. Becoming a part of the person – who they are vs what they know. When one deeply knows something, it impacts their immune system and body; it becomes part of the, Nefesh or DNA (cellular memory). This felt recognition is achieved by ‘chewing over’ or contemplating ideas from many angles until all parts of one’s psyche get it.

Daas bridges the intellect and the emotions it sees the whole picture and hears all the parts. It is the source of compassion or empathy and one’s ability to see other perspectives

It is one’s self-awareness and the source of one's capacity for free choice.

It is the inner capacity for connection and integration with a person, an idea, or an object.

What is a soul? What does it mean to live with two souls? What is the difference between both of my souls and how do they each express themselves in the world? How do I begin to integrate them? 

Taking a look at Tzimtzum, what it's like for a soul to become embodied. Confronting fear without fear, staying curious, open, and compassionate. Exploring all thought processes that keep one in a dysregulated state. Replacing these fragmented fear-based thought processes with knowledge of the greatness of G-d and His blessed unity. 

In this class, we talk in more detail about how to regulate the nervous system. 

Chris Maskens, an expert in the field of trauma, talks about integrating the fragmented parts of our being and creating inner leadership. What the process looks like and how the more embodied one becomes the more choice one has.

In his book, Healing Developmental Trauma, Laurence Heller talks about the far-reaching effects of being able to regulate the nervous system from a psychological perspective. Heller tells us:

‘Spiritual connection and meaning in life can only be found when our biology is regulated and our capacity for connection is developed. It is through connection that coherency of mind body and spirit, expansion, engaged relationship and aliveness are possible’

‘For hundreds of years, the body, particularly in western traditions, was seen as an impediment to spirituality. We have found that a coherent biological/psychological self is a springboard to the higher self. It is only when individuals have a solid sense of who they are that they can open to the fluid nature of self.’

A recap of what we have done so far and 3 powerful Self awareness exercises.

footnote Keser Shem Tov #25:
The workings of a person’s soul are very deep and convoluted, and most people are not aware of what motivates them and why they act in certain ways. These motivations are usually based on deep-seated emotional needs that were formed in one’s early years, in one’s stage of ‘katnus’-- childhood/adolescence. Because one’s consciousness is constricted and limited during these years, these dynamics develop without one’s awareness, and sink deeply into the unconsciousness. It may only be many years later that one begins to become aware of these deep-rooted motivations and how so much of one’s behavior arises from this immature consciousness. The Baal Shem Tov teaches here that simply becoming more and more aware of these dynamics softens their grip on us and gradually releases us from our constricted behavior patterns revealing to us depth of soul that had previously been concealed. There is no other way to heal oneself, as the Baal Shem Tov concludes.)

Bessel Van Der Kolk writes in his book, The Body Keeps the Score:

Most human suffering is related to love and loss and that the job of therapists is to help people “acknowledge, experience, and bear” the reality of life – with all its pleasure and heartbreak. “The greatest source of our suffering are the lies we tell ourselves,” he’d say, urging us to be honest with ourselves about every facet of our experience. He often said that people can never get better without knowing what they know and feeling what they feel.

Healing, depends on experiential knowledge: you can be fully in charge of your life only if you can acknowledge the reality of your body, in all its visceral dimensions.

The world is constantly being recreated every moment.

Everything that exists, exists within G-d, there is no thing outside of Him, we are within Him as if we are a thought in His head.

G-d is not bound by space, matter, and time.

G-ds self-awareness is absolute, He knows the tiny worm in the sea and the mosquito in the center of the earth all by knowing Himself, He truly knows each and every one of us more than we know ourselves.

G-d knowledge is infinite and perfect, His emotions are aligned with this knowledge.

He guides everything towards its purpose with love.

Likkutei Diburim volume 1, chapter 4a section 3

The concept of hasgacha protis, Divine providence, as it is explained by the Baal Shem Tov, is well known: even a wisp of straw or a leaf are governed by Divine ruling that determines how many times they are to be turned about and where they will come to.

The Baal Shem Tov teaches that the Holy One, blessed be He, arranges sets of circumstances of various kinds in order to implement the Divine providence that governs a minute creation This goes even as far as a fallen leaf that has been rolling about since last year in some back yard or other, or a bit of straw from a stalk which someone used when thatching a cottage roof a few years ago, and now travels from one place to another. To accomplish this, a storm wind breaks out shaking heaven and earth in the middle of a warm and sunny day etc.

The Baal Shem Tov explains that every single created thing has its own worth Above, each according to its essence. That which is domem (still life) is different to that which is tzome’ach (plant life), and this in turn is different to that which is chai (animal kingdom) which is further different than medaber(speakers- human). And within the realm of medaber, the people of Israel are ‘the people close to Him’. Even with such a hierarchy, Divine providence applies even to the minutest detail. The Baal Shem Tov concludes by saying that the degree to which Divine providence applies to ‘the people close to Him’ cannot even be imagined. For if a question as petty as whether the straw or the leaf will remain in their present place or be moved elsewhere is determined by Divine providence, then how much more so with regard to that which affects any one of His people. The Divine providence that determines movement in a Jew’s life transcends our understanding.

Disclaimer: These recordings are an edited version of an interactive live class. The exercises described are done together and processed in the group. All this has been edited out for the privacy of the participants. If you are attempting to do these exercises alone please do so responsibly. Seek support if need be.

The question that this class begins with:

'I don't feel like I deserve to receive any good personally, I feel I can only ask G-d for good if it is for others. Is this a limiting belief? 

The deep need for attachment and the pain of feeling separate/ disconnected is at the core of one’s experience of being human. In the book Body-centred psychotherapy, Ron Kurtz describes it as the cause of all psychological pain: ‘The primal and most destructive illusion is the false distinction between self and other. “self” here doesn’t even mean you’re a person or a body or anything like that. It means you perceive and live a basic separateness. This is the primal lie’.…. ‘We see each other as separate objects because we see through our eyes (all senses are encoders) and because we have learned to think of ourselves and others in this way’…. ‘The big break comes when we decide that we are separate. We further separate ourselves into minds and bodies, and then mind itself splits into pieces’…. ‘The drive to unite is the healing force. The process of communication organizes parts into wholes. That’s the healing’… ‘We embrace unity when we bring attention to aspects of ourselves and others that are in isolation and conflict. We embrace it when our way is acceptance and curiosity; when our goal is to bring together all aspects of the person: mind/mind, mind/body, and self/universe; when we know as part of our being that we are connected, to each other and this world. that knowing is the healing power of this work. ‘ Chassidus teaches about the unity of all things, the unity of G-d, and that one couldn’t be disconnected even if they tried. It teaches that the illusion of disconnection is the primary Klipa (shell or block), it is the reason why people feel the need to prove themselves, judge themselves, defend themselves or abandon themselves. It is what drives one to spend a whole lifetime looking for ways to achieve approval (so they will feel they belong and are worthy of love). It is why one cares about what others think, why one feels so much pain when alone and why a life without attachment leads one to find ways of coping with the pain, such as addictions, keeping oneself very busy, fears and defenses, numbness, anxiety, depression, OCD etc. Whatever the case, one can infer how much one cares about connection by looking at the lengths one is willing to go, to fill the void when it is lacking. Knowing that one is connected and loved is of limited use if one doesn’t experience this as a reality. To bridge the gap between what one knows and what one experiences one needs to go through a process of inner work (Avoda). Not only to ask questions and gain clarity but to find all the fragmented parts of one’s inner world and begin to connect with them again, creating an inner wholeness, leading to an experience of connection.