You’re the strong one. The capable one. The one everyone comes to. And when your mom dies, you expect yourself to handle it. After all, you handle everything.
In this first guest episode of Can’t Call Your Mom, Nicole sits down with Nikki, a fellow mom, entrepreneur, and motherless daughter who navigated two devastating losses in back-to-back years—her mom to dementia in 2019, and her brother the following year. What emerged from that season was a reckoning with anger, identity, the raw logistics of death, the darkness she never saw coming, and ultimately, a slow and honest return to herself.
This conversation is raw, real, and full of the kind of moments that make you feel less alone at 2am.
[03:15] The lesson Nikki’s mom gave her without knowing it: do things scared. How a fearless-looking woman was actually afraid of everything—and pushed through anyway.
[07:45] Losing her mom AND her brother in back-to-back years—and what it means to be in survival mode before you’ve even started grieving.
[10:00] The business of death: the U-Haul, the executor duties, the selling of her mom’s house—and why none of us are prepared for the logistics of loss.
[13:20] The moment the anger hit: “Mom, you didn’t teach me how to grieve. You didn’t teach me how to do this part without you.”
[18:30] How buying a horse became a return to herself—sitting in the field, a book in hand, six months to simply be sad.
[24:50] The darkness nobody talks about: “I didn’t know I was capable of having dark thoughts… and that was terrifying to me.”
[32:20] The identity crisis of the strong woman who judges herself for struggling. The self-judgment. The anger turned inward.
[40:00] Why there is no timeline for grief—and what Nikki’s journey back to herself actually looked like (it took until 2025).
[48:00] The moment her spark started coming back: glimmers, dark humor, and learning to use “nobody died today” as a barometer.
Nicki is a women’s self worth and freedom facilitator. She teaches women to put themselves first, especially after a major life event like loss or a divorce. She empowers women to be brave, break free from limiting beliefs, set healthy boundaries, and rediscover their worth. Nicki’s mission is to help women not just survive big things, but use them as a catalyst for growth, healing, and lasting empowerment. She is passionate about helping women move from self doubt and disconnection to clarity, self trust, and real internal power. She is a certified root cause therapy practitioner and uses this to help women reveal and release limiting beliefs and regulate their nervous systems. Her work is about real change, grounded in action, power, and possibility,
Website: www.healingufirstcoaching.com
This episode includes an open and honest conversation about the darkest moments of grief, including intrusive thoughts about not wanting and knowing how to live without thier loved ones. This is shared with love, courage, and the hope that you feel less alone.
If you are currently struggling with thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please reach out for support.
DISCLAIMER
Can't Call Your Mom is a podcast for storytelling, connection, and community. It is not a substitute for professional mental health support, therapy, or crisis intervention. The experiences shared here are personal and are not intended as medical or psychological advice. If you or someone you love is struggling, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional.
If you are in crisis or need immediate support:
🇨🇦 Canada: Talk Suicide Canada — 1-833-456-4566 (24/7) or text 45645🇺🇸 USA: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — call or text 988 (24/7)🌍 International: findahelpline.com
Resources & Links
