This month has been a wild ride—I've spent a ton of money and even more energy waterproofing my basement, only to find out the pipes were completely clogged and needed major repairs. My childhood hangout is now a construction zone, and the work isn't over yet. But it's not all about the basement—this week I set out for what I thought would be a relaxing bike ride, only to end up carrying my bike up and down muddy stairs in pursuit of the elusive Brandywine Falls. Along the way, I found myself hot, sweaty, and covered in dust, whether I was cleaning at home or out on the trail. It got me thinking about attitude—how sometimes the work and the fun leave you feeling the same physically, but it's how you look at it that makes the difference. So join me as I share what I've learned about perseverance, getting older, and keeping your eye on the prize. Let's get better together, one adventure at a time!

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On this episode of Building a Better Dave, I open up about a lifelong battle with debt, from childhood lessons learned at the family kitchen table to the hard realities of bankruptcy, divorce, and the ever-looming burden of credit cards. I share how persistent financial setbacks reshaped his perspective on money, hard work, and resilience. Just when he thought he had finally conquered debt, an unexpected basement flood pulled him back in, reminding him that life's challenges are never really finished. Join me as I explore what it means to keep pushing forward when setbacks strike, the value of perseverance, and how sometimes tearing things down is the first step to building something even better.

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• Dave Jackson introduces debt as the main topic and his lifelong struggle with it 00:00.

• Show info and contact details are provided 00:08.

• Memories of his dad doing taxes and the tension around finances 00:36.

• The influence of the Lannister motto, "A Lannister always pays his debts," on his upbringing 01:22.

• Story of borrowing $300 from his grandfather to buy a car and the process of paying him back 01:28.

• Learning there are no "free lunches" and needing to earn money for things he wanted, such as music albums 01:47.

• Family's economic background (not rich, not poor, but frugal) 02:24.

• Use of coupons, hand-me-downs, and lessons in financial responsibility from his mother 02:33.

• First marriage: fertility challenges lead to substantial credit card debt for treatments 02:41.

• Living paycheck to paycheck and discussing bankruptcy, which conflicted with his "pay your debts" values 03:30.

• After 9/11, wife's hours were cut, leading them to file for bankruptcy reluctantly 03:40.

• Marriage to a partner with poor credit and inheriting someone else's credit card debt after divorce 04:17.

• Failed attempts at debt consolidation and the difficulty of accessing better loan rates 05:09.

• Gradual process of securing slightly better loans and working towards being debt-free 05:25.

• Conversation with his boss about potential for the School of Podcasting 05:42.

• Decision to sell the business for enough money to pay off debt, while maintaining a professional relationship 06:23.

• Finishing 2025  debt-free and entering the new year with a clean slate 07:07.

• Enjoying financial freedom and considering future opportunities and contributions to family 07:38.

• Feeling of finally catching up to peers in life after years of feeling behind 08:03.

• Discovery of water damage and mold in the basement after heavy rain 09:18.

• Realization of the high cost involved in repairs and choosing to finance the repairs rather than deplete savings 10:30.

• Resuming strategies from earlier years to manage debt and expenses 11:05.

• Acceptance of debt as a temporary setback and readiness to cut corners and reduce expenses (e.g., fewer streaming services, no fast food) 11:48.

• Reflecting on the possibility of being in debt into old age and the impact on personal plans 12:22.

• Clearing out the workshop and preparing for basement renovations 12:51.

• Parallel between demolishing basement parts and the demolition of his childhood schools 13:31.

• Considering new configurations for the basement, such as moving down his podcasting studio, and seeking hidden benefits 14:05.

• Drawing inspiration from his grandmother's longevity supported by daily movement 14:18.

• Paying for repairs and looking forward with optimism, knowing things will improve 14:46.

• Mention of listener support through "buy me a coffee" on the website to help with expenses 14:58.

• Closing wishes for the audience and a tease for the next episode 15:19.

This was recorded during my last few minutes of being 59. Life is dragging me kicking and screaming into my 60s. I'm not happy about it. 

Don't you get it? I'm 23 honest. I've been 23 my whole life? 

Have I made my last trip to Dairy Queen? It turns out everything I eat is poison. That's something you know but don't care, and it turns out you should've cared a little more than you did.

John Mayer has a great song called "Stop this Train" that has a line John 

Had a talk with my old man
Said, "Help me understand"
He said, "Turn 68"
"You renegotiate"

I was able to renew my drivers license for 8 years which means aside from a sticker (which I can get through the mail) I will be 68 the next time I renew my liscene.

WHen you go to the MBV you go in and get a number, and wait for your name to be called. I kind of feel like a 'This is not a drill" situation, and I'm waiting for my number to be called. UNlike the BMV, I'm hoping for a very long line.

You can buy me a coffee for my birthday using this link.

John Mayer - Stop This Train

People are paying $80/hr to cuddle. What? You heard me. I did a google search and there are multiple companies. So I thought, "Well is that what the kids are calling sex today?"

One person on the "How to Cuddle" page stated, "If you feel sexual desires coming on, communicate them as soon as possible and probably stop cuddling."

What does the training manual for a cuddle buddy look like?

I love that one site states,  " No intentional genital stimulation of any kind." (but unintentional is allowed...")

I'm picturing the High School Guidance Counselor looking at a student with straight Ds.

Counselor: "Well Billy, I've looked at your grade."

Billy: "My family says I should apply to clown college."

Counselor: "I've got something different and it pays $40/hr. 

Full show notes and videos at http://betterdave.com/182

Today I talk about an interaction with Frederick Michael Plant which goes from zero fo FU in a very quick time

Marriage at First Sight - Horrible television that I could not stop watching

This one woman feels the word "husband" has magical powers and even though she just met her husband they are "soulmates." This could be a good show to watch with your significant other.

See https://youtu.be/soZf8jhcmus

Today it's 5 AM again, and I can't sleep. I'm slowly starting to work on my speech as on July 24th, 2018 I am being inducted into the Academy of Podcasters Hall of Fame.

It's really an honor and its humbling. Person and person have been leaving a message saying how it was, "Overdue," and "Well Deserved." They thank me for all the hard work. Hard work?

Somewhere I got a gene where I just love to help people. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy, so it really wasn't hard work

I got to be creative.

I got to play with technology

I got to help people. 

This wasn't hard work at all.

Thanks for listening

I had an epiphany and I'm not sure if I dreamed this, I don't know where it came from. I looked at the previous Mrs. Jacksons (since I have a matching set now) and I noticed that both of them were someone in a situation where I'm going to call it "Damsel in distress." When I met them, I saw them as a damsel in distress that I could come in on my white horse and save.

I was sitting in my bed and I wanted to think about how many women I had ever said the phrase, "I love you" to. I think this is spurred on this idea. Recently I've gone to two conferences in the past month and I'm starting to notice, where I thought my heart was just dead - for lack of a better phrase) I have met a few females that I would like to get to know you better. The bad news is they all live hundreds if not thousands of miles away and in some cases, are young enough to be my daughter, which makes me feel creepy.

Let's start off with the very first person I said I love you to. I was 16 years old, does that really count? Well, yeah, it did at the time. And I thought of the very first time I found myself attracted to this person. My very first memory is she was a flag girl. What else do you have to say? She was a flag girl in the marching band and I gave her a ride home after a football game because she was wasted. I remember her passing out. We'll kind of in her head hitting the passenger side window. And I thought, oh my God, she's going to break the window. But what is that? You guessed it.

Damsel in distress.

The second girl was a very, very brief dating period, but very intense. And you'll notice a pattern here. She was dating somebody who lived far away. It was a long-distance relationship. Which is hilarious when you're all of 16, 17 and I was the friend that she talked to deal with the fact that her boyfriend was far, far away. Yeah, you guessed it. Damsel in distress.

The third one I was a late teen now and we worked together. Again, I am the friend that she talks about her boyfriend who lives far, far away.

Damsel in distress

Number four turned into ex-wife number one who I would like to interview. I think it would be interesting 20 years out now too, to talk about our area of life. Let's just kick back and, and what do you think of if you were to describe Dave Jackson? That's the key. I think these people at one point did know me at one point. Anyway, when I first met her, she had a horrible living situation. Her mom was dating gigantic losers. And she lived in the hood:

Damsel in distress.

Damsel number five was the nurse (if you're a regular listener to the show you've met her as she became wife #2). When I met the nurse, she explained to me how she had been dating a guy who had cheated on her seven times.

Damsel in distress.

But when I look back at these women that I said, "I love you" to, I was like, oh my God, they were all damsels in distress. And that's amazing to me, and that's why I'm podcasting in fie in the morning as I can't sleep.

So if you looked up the word Gullible it says, "easily persuaded to believe something; credulous." So I looked up credulous and it said, "having or showing too great a readiness to believe things." 

I had an interesting conversation today and we were talking about these places that appear to prey on the Gullible. You know the drill.

You get dragged to a meeting where you hear a pitch.

Everyone can benefit from the product. It's super easy to join. It's even free.

You are encouraged to bring your friends.

If you want to become a member there are fees based on your level of dedication. 

There are weekly meetings to attend and in some cases twice a week. 

There are brainstorming session on how you can get the word out there and raise more money for the company.

If you are active enough and demonstrate dedication, you may get an advisory board.

Some people show up and swear the product works, while others don't attend weekly meetings and don't seem to be getting any results

Some people think the whole thing is a scam. The people pushing the product are just a bunch of snake oil salesmen trying to brainwash people

What company do you think I'm talking about?

So I'm watching Jerry's Seinfeld's Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee on Netflix.  It's amusing. He gets these obscure cars and picks up celebrities and talks with them over coffee. He gets paid a lot of money for this.  They aren't earth shattering interviews, but the show is cool. I was watching trying to figure out what it was that made this show cool. Then it came to me.

There was jazz music in the background. Now watching a toothless waitress in some strange dinner is cool. Look! it's coffee in slow motion put to jazz! I've never seen coffee poured like this. It's like seeing coffee for the first time. Holy Cow. 

Now when Jerry pulls up in a 1972 VW Van with rust to pick up Kramer, it's cool. 

Then I thought about the Charlie Brown Christmas Special. Here is this boy face male pattern baldness at a very early age, being bullied by his friends, and disrespected by his dog. There isn't much of a story, then get him involved with a bizarre play that also has no story. Then Linus just takes control and start blurting out random scripture like a long lost Osteen and the Christmas Special comes to an end. Why do we watch every year? Becuase it's got one of the coolest soundtracks ever. Filled with some really cool jazz. I don't even like jazz.

It makes anything cool. I recently started using Advocare products (which have boosted my weight loss efforts) and while they have great products let's not kid ourselves they are a multilevel marketing business. It's Amway for fat people. So I signed up so I can discount on the products and I'm reading some really boring stuff. 

Now lately I'm stuck. I keep throwing out my back, and that makes it hard to exercise. I'm losing weight (down 3 lbs in the last 30 days) but I keep throwing out my back from sneezing. Then when my back is out, it's hard to exercise. The lack of exercises makes me less healthy, which leaves me open to getting sick, which leads to me sneezing more. You see where this is headed. You know what makes exercising in your living room better? You guessed it. 

Mentioned in This Episode

Advocare

I have some friends who have giant TVs. Two years ago I bought a 32" flat screen. Now when I go to their house and come home, my 32" looks like a toy. So I decided to buy a bigger 1080 TV.

This lead to me asking about what is the difference between 1080 and 4K, then what was the difference between 4k and HDR?

Then the guy at Best Buy gave me a demo of both, and I could feel myself getting sucked in. I had found a cheaper TV but now I could feel myself talking myself into grabbing the credit card.

I ended up with a 55" 4K HDR tv.

Then I brought it home. Uh Oh.

Then I went to plug it into my soundbar. Uh Oh.

Through the process of carrying these items from store to trunk to apartment, I pulled muscles in my back.

When I watch the Tonight Show, it feels like Jimmy Fallon is in my living room. My TV is just about the size of my couch.

You must run do not walk to your television listing and find the Hallmark Channel. They are running the same movie (disguised with a different name) over and over. 

There will be lots of crying as Christmas is almost ruined, then, in the end, you find in the nick of time that Yes, Yes, (cheesy storyline) is true!

It will start people like Shelly Long (remember her from Cheers), Angie Dickinson (isn't she dead) and lots of people from sitcoms that you watched in the 80's and 90's that kind find work anyplace else and have no integrity. 

I went to Washington DC last week. I met a girl who does a show called "Good Grief." She started recording her podcast after he died and she found out he had a second family with two additional children of which she was one. Woa. I also got to meet Darwyn Dave who does the show Dealing With My Grief. Darwyn's Dad was murdered. Damn. Like straight up murdered. So I listened to these shows on the way home. This lead to some strange thinking, and emotions bubbling through.

I focus on the weirdest things lately. My brother got pretty sick a little while ago and he had a weird situation where he was sweating under a bunch of blankets because he was freezing. He had lost a lot of color, and looked bad. It was spooky even though I knew he would pull through. The bottom line is we are out of Grandparents, we have a few Aunts to play, one Uncle who is 94, and then we become the next generation in line. You know and I know that it's going to get here sooner or later. There is nothing we can do about that. 

Maybe it's because my brother and I were estranged for years, and now we're not, that the thought of us being apart can cause my eyes to leak. 

And when I start to grieve, I feel like I have a buy one get one free. That I have leftovers that have been sitting in the pantry waiting to be consumed. 

My Mom died in 1989. That's a while ago. My finals at college were the next week and yet I still had to take them. I cried. I wept. Then it was back to school. I was now running a house as my Dad was still a long distance truck driver, and my sister..... while she has never been diagnosed I think she has assburgers.  She doesn't like any change in her routine. I remember trying to get her to write things on a shopping list. She would say, "but that's not how Mom did it." I would have to answer, "I know, but Mom's not here." It was a strange relationship because I was the little brother taking care of my older sister. When my Dad got home on the weekends, I would fill him in on the bills, house, and get to my homework. 

I remember my last semester. I took more credit hours than I have ever taken because if I didn't graduate I was going to lose my mind. It was graduate or die trying. My GPA took a hit, but I got the piece of paper and moved on. 

Being That Guy

My Mom died when I was 24. Looking back, I was a baby. I thought I was an adult, but I was pretty young. It deeply affected me. I became a workaholic. I still am. I've never wanted that to be my calling card. Hello, I'm Dave Jackson and my Mom died when I was 24. Yet, it is part of my history. It left a scar. It shaped me. I just don't want it to be my definition. 

I Asked God For a Kid and He Said No

I spent myself into bankruptcy trying to have a kid. It didn't happen and instead, my wife became an alcoholic and cheated on me. Pity party for one, again... 

The last episode of Good Grief, Sam has her Dad (the man who raised her ) explain what it means to be a Dad. He explained how it changes you. It transforms you. It makes you complete. It was like a bad horror flick where the person rips out your hear and holds it in front of you. 

Again, I don't want to be that guy. When I got to meet my friend's nine-month-old son it was awesome. He is the sweetest kid. This doesn't bother me. I don't ache to have my own, but I do have a major fear of missing out. If having children makes you complete, then I'm not. Am I broken? I dunno. I like me. I think I'm ok... confused..

Playing Ball With My Dad

My Dad was not a bad Dad. He just wasn't around. He was on the road four to five days a week and would come home and sleep and then repeat. My brother bought me my first baseball glove. My brother was pushing the bike that I learned to ride. My Dad did take me fishing once. But it was that ball thing. Aren't you supposed to go in the backyard and toss the ball, any ball around? It never happened. Now here is the stupid part. We played ping pong on a regular basis. It was fun. We laughed, and battle hard. I'm not sure why this doesn't count for me. I guess cause you don't see it on TV or in the movies...

I was at the park walking through the woods. The woods opened into an opening with a baseball field. There it was. A boy about age seven or eight pitching the ball to his Dad playing catcher. My heart just jumped out of my chest. It was like looking into a store window of something you will never be able to buy. I wanted to run out on the field and go, "DUDE, do you know how LUCKY you are?!" Then I got mad. Like any child who doesn't get what they want. Why did everyone get to play catch but me? Pity party for one. 

When I was young, some of my oldest memories are sitting on my Granpa's living room floor. My Dad would argue with him Mom about something stupid, and eventually, my Grandpa and my Dad would go outside. I'm assuming they talked. They had a father and son moment, some sort of discussion. I'm assuming this is why we came over. My Dad wanted to hang with his Dad. This again pisses me off. My father and I had chit chat. We talked about my weather. For most of my life, my father was confused about what I did for a living. I was a corporate trainer teaching people software and he still thought I was fixing copiers. Actually, he thought I was fixing printers. He's open a Best Buy advertisement and say, "David here's your stuff." I got tired of correcting him. 

I remember after my first divorce, and I thought I need to try to play catch up with my Dad. We weren't close, and the only way to fix that was to spend some time together. I asked my Dad if he wanted to go to an Indians game. I was going to buy some tickets, and he could get to see the new stadium the team had built. He turned me down. He said you can see things better on TV. To this, I can't argue. It's true. But it wasn't about the game, it was about spending time with your son. I would go over to his house and watch a game with him, and we would exchange chit-chat. This an often open the door of anger. Like why did you not want that? I had more "Mentoring talks" with my oldest stepson about women, school, life in the eight years I was in his life than my Dad and I had in the 50 years I knew him. 

When he died I mourned what I lost, but I mainly mourned that what never was and never would be. I mourned a blown opportunity. It was classic cats and the cradle. He was busy, then I was busy. Then his mind left before I could pick his brain. 

Closing the Hallway Doors

As I go through life, I feel I'm OK. My life could be so much worse. I have a job I love, a cool apartment and the freedom to do pretty much whatever I want whenever I want. But there are times when I'm left alone with my thoughts, or I'm listening to a podcast about grief that I hear the drips of grief. I hear a door stressing against the pressure of what is behind it. I turn the knob and a river of tears covers me. I'm not surprised but still shocked. What is up with this? I struggle, I push hard, and finally, the door closes. I few more steps and sometimes the weirdest thing will set off another door. It glows orange from the anger behind it. When I crack the door, the heat blows back my hair like opening an oven. I fell it engulfing my body, but I don't want it. I push and push with all I have and eventually, it closes. 

What Happened to Time Heals All Wounds

It's been decades. What is up with this? I read about Grief, and I hear how some people can't move on. I've moved on. I work, I eat, I laugh. I accept that this is the new normal. This is as good as it is probably going to get. My Dad burned two things into my brain:

1. The world doesn't revolve around David Jackson
2. The world is not fair (which is somewhat of a rerun). 

So when I didn't want to do something, I did it anyway. When I wanted something, and couldn't have it. I had to suck it up. I remember on the few occasions when my Dad had to spank me it was always the most conflicting of actions. He would put me on his legs, smacked my butt and then I would cry. This would last for about 10 seconds, and my Dad would then tell me to go get a warm washcloth and bring it to him. Not wanting to get spanked, I would do that. He would then take the cloth, put on the back of my neck, shoosh me and tell me it was going to be OK. It worked, and I calmed down, and in many cases that's all my parents needed me to do. 

But When Is This Grieving Thing Over?

I thought time heals all wounds. Well, I guess if you count that I can function a win, I guess it's true. When you read about the seven steps it always sounded like when you got done with the last step you would be back to normal. 

As I don't want to be "That Guy" I looked into this and found an article that seemed to make sense. Here is a paragraph

The misguided notion that grief is a process that allows a final working through of a loss is likely the fault of my own profession--mental health professionals who have promoted this notion in their work with grieving individuals. Clinical data makes it clear that any significant loss, later and repeatedly, brings up longing and sadness. Is it because these people have not achieved closure by traversing prescribed stages of mourning or because they have not "worked through the loss" as some therapists boldly claim? No. It's because you never get over loss. As time passes, the intensity of feelings about the loss will lessen, you might also find ways to sooth or distract yourself, or you can partially bury grief-related feelings by creating new memories. But you're not going to get over it because that's impossible: you cannot erase emotional memory. Besides, it's not about achieving closure. Instead, you have to figure out what you are going to do when your emotional memories are later triggered.  (Full Article)

This is good and bad. It's good that I no longer feel like I'm broken because I still miss my parents. It's bad, because grief is like a website design. It's never done. You always need to tweak it. It might be fine for years, but something will come along and you will need to tear it all down and rebuild it. A website is never really done, and apparently, you cannot erase the emotional memory. 

A West Virginia school during Patriotism week made a sign about their opponent from Pittsburgh. They made the sign red white and blue, and the sign read, "Trump Perry." It did not say, "WE HATE BLACK PEOPLE." A football banner is intended to intimidate the other team.

My high school was Ellet High School so Ellet rhymed with Smell iT. As our mascot was a giant Orange Hulk, and we were known as the Orangemen, we often saw many signs about "Squeezing the Orangemen."

Our arch rival was Springfield High School. Springfield had a lake. So we called students from Springfield, "Swamp Rats."

I guess by today's standards we were bullying when we played the fight song after a touchdown.

I can't believe this made the news. Instead of the superintendent from the WV school writing an apology, they should've suspended the LIBRARIAN for being a narcissist and making everything about her, and for not being able to process any opinion besides her own.

While I can't "tell you how to feel" you should be willing, and wanting to hear the other side of a story and be willing to participate in a dialogue. Here is the story from CNN

See http://www.cnn.com/videos/tv/2017/10/21/trump-banner-at-hs-football-game-sparks-furor.cnn

In this episode, Dave reflects on his recent struggles with his car in frigid Ohio weather and how it reminded him of the "old days" of dealing with unreliable vehicles. From the quirks of old, hand-me-down cars to the challenges of modern, fuel-injected engines, Dave humorously recounts the learning curves of car maintenance. The episode dives into the importance of adaptability, whether in fixing a car, keeping up with evolving technology, or navigating life's unexpected hurdles.

If you like this show, you can buy me a coffee.

1. Winter Woes & Car Troubles:

   • Dave shares his frustrations about his car refusing to start in Ohio's brutal winter weather.
   • Memories of growing up with unreliable cars and the "DIY" fixes of the past (like using Bondo or ether) highlight how technology has changed car maintenance.

2. Lessons in Adaptability:

   • From cars to technology, Dave emphasizes the importance of staying adaptable and keeping up with advancements.
   • He parallels learning to fix cars and his ongoing efforts to master artificial intelligence and SEO.

3. Keeping Emergency Funds & Friends Handy:

   • Dave reminds listeners of the value of having an emergency fund and reliable friends who can lend their expertise when needed.
   • His Ford mechanic friend saves the day with a simple car-starting trick.

4. Balancing Technology & Life:

   • Dave acknowledges how fast-paced technology evolves and highlights the importance of continuous learning to avoid falling behind.
   • He reflects on losing weight, staying updated with AI, and preparing for a milestone birthday.

5. Humor & Nostalgia:

   • Dave's stories about his past cars (like the "Slova" and Fred Flintstone-style Datsun) bring laughter and nostalgia.
   • The absurd quirks of old vehicles, like passenger doors flying open mid-drive, make for entertaining storytelling.

• "If you don't keep learning, you don't just stop—you go backwards."
• "I could pop the hood, look at it, and say, 'Yep, there it is. That's the engine.'"
• "Every car I bought, the very first day, I swapped out the stereo for ear-bleeding madness."

• Dave Ramsey's Emergency Fund Advice: A reminder to always be prepared for unexpected expenses. Check out his book.
• Artificial Intelligence & SEO: Dave's exploration of how these tools are shaping the future of technology and online presence.

• Stay tuned for the next episode, where Dave dives into how his upcoming milestone birthday is messing with his head.

Visit Us: BetterDave.com
Subscribe: www.betterdave.com/follow

I was born and raised in Akron Ohio, and my elementary school had one African-American student (Melody Hardy) and she sat right next to me. What I'm worried about is it seems if a white person says something that is insensitive, they are INSTANTLY labeled a RACIST. 

If a person is like me, we aren't racist - we are untrained. We've had zero practice dealing with different cultures and races. If a white person says something that sounds racist, it may be that they are missing some key ingredients in their education of what it's like to be a person of color. 

The problem is if we are all waiting with our "guns" locked and loaded, then everyone (especially white folks) don't start any conversations. The ability to grow, and understand other cultures is limited if we don't open up the door to understanding different perspectives.

As someone who constantly hears about "White privilege," it sounds like all I need is to be white and have a penis and I will never have anything to worry about. It didn't work for my Dad when we went on welfare and we got to enjoy the awesome taste of government cheese. This doesn't mean I had it worse than you, I'm just saying not all white males got a free ride. 

Some of the best conversations you can have are when you quit trying to convince someone to think you like you do, and instead just provide your side of the story and let people make their own decisions. This requires you to listen, and I don't think we are open to hearing another side of the story because you might actually change your opinion. 

Just be careful labeling all white people as racists.

I haven't been to a McDonald's in quite some time, and apparently, we've come a long way from the days of the paper hat and smock. Maybe it's just me flashing back to the days when I had to have my hair above my collar to keep my job.Maybe it's because I'm the only person on the planet who doesn't have a single tattoo, but some of the people who serve my food at the drive through are startling.

I drive up to the window to hand them my ATM card and they turn around and HOLY CRAP!

It looks like the dove face fist into a tackle box. I don't care that you have enough hardware in your face to pick up a shortwave radio stat, but when you're not ready for it, it can be quite a surprise.

Tonight I went to a Books a Million (BAM) and was surprised to see they had installed a Library in the coffee shop. There were at leat 10 people who are not "Skimming" a book to see if they should buy it, but starting at page 1 and going straight through. I swear one guy was in there the last time I was in this location. At some point, shouldn't you just buy the book and take it home? Why would you when you can buy a water and an oatmeal raisin cookie and come back tomorrow and finish up the book. One person even fell asleep in his chair.

It is one of the few places on earth that doesn't have 50 TV's on the wall.

Today I talk about how I'm stuck.

I don't want to be a person who lives in the past. 

On the flip side, if I don't remember life changing events is that disrespectful?

There is a great quote in the Sheryl Crow song "Every Day is a Winding Road" and she asks, "Why am I a stranger in my own life?"

I talk about the day I watched my Mom breakdown upon hearing her father's voice for the first time in a long time. So now I'm worried about playing an old tape that has my Mom's voice.

I don't want to be "THAT GUY" who is always talking about his Mom. At this point, I've spent more time without her than I did with her. 

So I get really worried that I spend too much time looking back. 

So I was halfway filling out the application at match.com when I hear a familiar voice in my head ask, "Is that what you're going to wear?" 

There is a part of me that feels I need someone to go through life with, and someone to hold my hand, when I get old and feeble. This might've been brought on by the Death of my Dad followed by my Aunt, but I can see the bus coming, and it's a ways off, but its not that far away. So I am torn between two worlds. 

And today I decided to turn on a microphone and talk about it. 

Today I share what it was like to go through the holidays ALONE last year. 

As horrifying as that might sound, there were some perks. 

Today I talk about the lost art of losing gracefully.

Today I talk about a negative voice in my head that just always seems to be there. Always.

Lately something has not felt normal. Something was weird. Something didn't feel right. 

It turns out the thing that wasn't wrong, was there wasn't something wrong. 

I'm not dreading going home

I'm not under lots of stress.

I like my job.

I'm not super stressed about money

I'm pretty sure, that it may be a while before I get in another argument. 

I feel respected. 

Holy cow, I'm happy. I forgot what this has felt like. Much like a dog who has been beat too much, I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop - and it's not. 

You can feel bad about yourself when you compare yourself to others. 

The American life is to have a spouse, a house and kids. Well I have no spouse, probably not going to have a house, and the kids boat has sailed. If I think about this too much, I can feel like I've missed something. Yet, I have a great life. I'm sitting in air conditioning, employed, I'm down 30 lbs. 

Life is good, quit being an A-hole and enjoy it!

I almost bought a magazine filled with Shi-tzu dogs that in the end would leave me feeling sad missing my old dog. At first seeing their pictures of the dogs/puppies it made me smile. However, if I bought that magazine, I know I would eventually lead to me missing my dog. So I passed on the magazine. Instead I'm going to focus on the things in front of me that bring me joy (like air conditioning)

Want to help keep the show floating? Go to www.supportthisshow.com and use the shopping and donation buttons. 

Last weekend I was driving to the place where I ride my bike. It beautiful. I get out there, relax, and enjoy nature.

This week I was driving and I passed signs for Brian and Linda's wedding, and then the reception. I thought of how happy Brian and Linda must be on this day. It was an awesome day to sweat 20 lbs off in a tux. I thought of how I felt on my wedding days. Yes, there have been two. With this in mind, you can learn from people who succeed at something, or you can also learn from people who fail at something so I feel I have some good advice from a divorced guy.

Your spouse is not perfect. This you need to learn right up front. Your life will not be perfect. How you handle the reality of that is HUGE part of how your marriage will go. This doesn't mean you become a welcome mat for your spouse to walk over, but you do need to set realistic expectations. With this in mind, let some things roll off your back. Wait a day or two to see if it is still bugging you. If it is, then start thinking about how to bring it up, and more importantly when to bring it up.

There is that whole "Don't go to bed mad at each other" and it's next to impossible if you bring up stuff AS YOU ARE GOING TO BED. For me, when my head hit the pillow I had two things on my mind, and if we weren't doing the first thing, I wanted to sleep. This is NOT the best time to bring up serious subjects. Your spouse is exhausted and wants to sleep. I know, let's dump some serious discussion on them, and see how they make decisions when their brain checked out hours ago.

In the morning before work is a crappy way to start the day. As soon as you get home from work is awful because you want to relax. How about after dinner. Another tip I would add is give a warning shot. Maybe some time during the day send a "I need to talk to you tonight" text to let them know. While a "we need to talk" used to mean you are breaking up, now that you're married that option is off the table. Don't panic.

Let's face it, there will be times when things are said or done, and you are royally cheesed off. This happens. Remember, it's not going to be perfect. So if you are going to bed angry, try to remind your spouse that while you don't like them at the moment, you do love them. I know that's weird. Buy can you love a child who just spilled chocolate on the carpet? Sure. Well then, remember that you can be upset with someone and still love them. 

State that, "You know that really hurt me, and I'm upset. I want you to know that I still love you, and I'm sure we can work through this." Why I feel this is important is when you get into a bad situation, it may feel like everything you do is not good enough, that all you do is wrong, and that your relationship is doomed. A reminder that you are a team, and you will work through your problems might be a key to having a dialogue vs an argument. 

If you need to point out something that needs work, the "bad news" might go down better if you add something positive to it first. "I love that you are such a (hard worker, good mom, etc) and I can see that when you (whatever they did) and I deeply appreciate it. Here is a way that take that great action and maximize the impact would be to ____. 

Be careful saying something nice up front if it is followed by "But..." as everything before the word But gets erased when you use it. This is really hard to do. I the love the way you do this, and that BUT when you.... that doesn't work.

There are two schools of marriage (for me). 

1. Two complete people who choose to be together.
2. Two incomplete people who choose to be together to complete each other (the Jerry McQuire Marriage). 

By the time you get married, you are who you are for the most part. People can change, that is true. It's a bit like steering a giant cruise boat. Sure it can turn, but it takes time, and it is slow. If you are marrying someone and thinking later that annoying thing they do will change, you might want to reconsider. For one, if they do change it may be something that comes naturally, and consequently, it takes effort to not do something that is just like a reflex. So if you marry someone who drinks, and think later you can talk them into giving it up, you may be not so presently surprised. If you want someone to give up something they truly enjoy, it may happen along with this thing we call resentment. 

You are going to be spending a lot time with this person, it would be nice if you could do things together that you BOTH enjoy. 

You never get any time together. You finally do, don't spend that time telling your spouse they you never spend any time together. Instead tell them how much you miss them, and how great it is to spend time together. Give them something to miss. Nobody likes a no it all. Nobody wants to be around a person who is always complaining. Be someone your spouse wants to hang out with. 

Don't sleep with someone. I know that women are independent and strong, but thanks to movies, romance novels, etc when you have sex with a man you become blind to their faults (in most cases). Typically, it is harder for women to have sex with a man without having emotional ties. 

We are busy, so come up with dedicated times to spend together. There are no exceptions. This shows your dedication. If you do need to use a Date Night for a non-date night activity, be sure to appreciate the other person for letting you go off the plan, and make it up to them. To the person who is "giving permission" do it with a smile, and you will be the coolest person on the planet. A person people (your spouse) will want to hang out with. 

You're busy, I'm busy, you're tired, I'm tired. Sex is important to everyone in the marriage. I know it would be great if violins started to play and "it just happened" but it doesn't. Here again, it's not going to be perfect. But if you put it on the calendar, all expectations are on the calendar, everyone knows what is expected. Sure it's not as romantic, but are you going to tell me that when it's done you're going to say, "well that was awful." There is no bad pizza; there is no bad horrible sex."

I went and saw Captain America Civil War, and I missed Batman Vs Superman. Why is everyone fighting? What is up with that?

I also talk about "The new Normal" and why old people are grumpy. 

Today Dave shares his insights from a tip to Michigan where Toyota owners are not exactly welcome. Really? This is how you get me to purchase your car in the future by punishing me?

Then my phone went into roaming….

Why is channel 2 in Japanese?

You've got to watch the Netflix show Making a Murderer. It's super interesting and keep in mind:

If you are ever have a legal problem that relies on common sense, YOU'RE SCREWED

The interesting thing is some of the people in this documentary are not that intelligent, and yet

THEY STILL GET TO VOTE.

• A Christmas Conundrum:

  What do you do when the much-anticipated family gathering is jeopardized by an unexpected bout of COVID-19? Dave recounts his experience, offering a candid and touching perspective on the true meaning of the season.

• Reminiscing with Friends:

  From cherished childhood memories to the pains and aches of getting older, Dave and his best friend embark on a nostalgic journey, bringing laughs and poignant moments.

• The Gift of Adaptation:

  Learn how Dave turned a disappointing holiday season into a moment of gratitude and reflection, even dubbing COVID-19 as an unexpected Christmas gift.

• Chicken Noodle Soup for the Soul:

  A simple can of soup leads Dave down memory lane, teaching us all the power of sensory experiences and the warmth of family traditions.

• Adventures in Everyday Life:

  From rolling into a gas station with an empty tank to making peace with life's unpredictable nature, Dave's tales offer inspiration and a fresh perspective on life's little adventures.

It's been 5 months since I've documented my life. I'm trying to do this without throwing people under the bus, pointing fingers, cause in the end – it doesn't matter. I am now divorced. Pointing fingers will not change that, so I take the high road and wish the best for my (oh, good God – now SECOND) ex-wife.

So I'm living alone. Me and a cat. Bernie. I've never been a cat person, but Bernie is OK. There are times when its nice to just have another heartbeat under the roof.

I'm not looking for as pitty party. It is what it is. I feel we did what we could. We spend thousands on counseling. We knew what to do, but thanks to our childhoods, our experiences, we are wired the way we are, and we couldn't change. As a teacher, I find this fact hard to believe. I believe in constant improvement. In the end, I guess a leopard can't change it's spots, and a Zebra can't change it's stripes. At that pint you either accept what you have (even if it's not exactly what you want) or you move on.

Geese are pretty, but the crap on everything. It's one thing thing to have a robin poop on your car. Its a whole other story when its a goose.

Toilet paper rolls last for MONTHS when there are no women in the house.

It's easier to change the littler box daily for a few minutes, then to do it once a week.

I am developing an unhealthy fear of the unknown. I'm worried I will blow my 50's worrying about my 70's.

The choices I've made my life have got me to where I am. I can't change the past. I can only do the best with what is left.

I ruined an Angel. I did. There was an Angel in my mother-in-laws bathroom. Its been there for years. One day while peeing, I looked up and noticed it had something (maybe a book) in its one hand, and in the other it had a candle with no wick. A candle with no wick, and the top of it slight indentation around it. It looked falic. Now there are certain words you don't use around your mother-in-law. You are still trying to help be happy that her daughter is married to you. That's the plan at least. But one word I typically do not use around my mother in law "Dildo." So on the way home I told my wife (trying to be weird, shocking and goofy) "Why is the Angel in the bathroom holding a Dildo?" To this I believe my wife just said ," David?... sigh..." My warped sense of humor that she found unique as we were dating has lost its magic. Never in my life would I think my wife (my trusted and most intimate partner) would tell her mother, "Dave thinks the Angel in the bathroom is holding a Dildo." Now for the record, I was told my mother-in-law laughed (I am very lucky in the Mother in law department), but on the other hand I ruined the Angel. Nobody can look at the "Candle" anymore without thinking Dildo. Rumor has it, I may end up with it as a present as nobody can look at it anymore.

I was thinking of all the Christmas specials and how one sided the are. In the aftermath of children getting shot by cops we are becoming a little cynical. We want to look at the other side. When I thought about it, here is what I came up with.

Frosty Was a Pedophile

Frosty the snowman could slide around without moving his feet (OK, he didn't have any) and he loved to play with Children. He sounds like Michael Jackson and that's when it came it me. Frosty was a pedophile

Rudolph Had A Serious Coke Problem

Rudolph stayed up thinking about leading Santa's sleigh. We think this was his dream, but really he was on a three day coke binge. His nose was Red because he did lots of coke. This is why Santa didn't want him guiding his sleigh. He knew Rudolph was going to crash unexpectedly, quickly, and Santa didn't want to die.

It's funny how different smells and sound just zap you back to certain time and places. Every time I hear "Eruption" by Van Halen its 1978 and I'm sitting in Al School's bedroom with Scott Kenepp looking at the record player (it was 1978) just baffled as to how Eddie is making that noise. When I hear the song "Linus and Lucy" (what most people consider the Peanuts theme) I think we all can flash back to sitting in front of the television, of hurrying back because the commercials were almost over and the show was coming back on, and watching a Charlie Brown Christmas.

I had a weird experience the other day. I was driving to Michigan and stopped at a rest area (the older I get I have to pee every 15 minutes). Maybe it was the smell of diesel fuel and the sound of trucks, but for a second I really felt like my Dad was standing right behind me. It's so strange to miss someone so much you rarely saw. I didn't turn around, but it was just a very strange feeling. It was cold outside, but I was suddenly warm. I just felt his presence. It's strange how much someone who didn't see a whole lot at the end of his life. But in a way my Dad was like a Charlie Brown Christmas. You know every year he's going to be there. How weird would it be if all of the sudden they just didn't broadcast that? Well that's how I feel this year. It's not surprising after all. The holidays always make us think of family, but for the record I miss you Dad and I'm really going to miss you telling me the same thing you told me the last time I visited you. Alzheimers sucked, but it was better than nothing. Nothing. Nothing sucks.

I will forever associate the word "home" with being wrapped in the supper thick black comforter we had after playing in the freezing snow, and having mom bring me some hot chocolate. Christmas music on the stereo, and staring at our tree. Peace, warmth, and love. The world' best combination.

Last night I was sitting in my mother in law's awesome home. I had all my kids there, we were decorating the tree. We were making fun of ornaments made long ago (Why is Santa carrying a giant green bean?). At point we were running out of room for ornaments and all the cool ornaments were on the tree so I sat down, and I pulled out my phone and plugged it into a portable speaker and started playing Harry Belefonte's Christmas album. Every year I play Harry Belefonte's Christmas album while decorating the tree and I'm right back in my living room with Mom making hot chocolate. I just wanted to suck it in. Here are my step kids. One is married, one is in college with a serious boyfriend in South Carolina, and one getting ready to go to College. Who knows how many of these we will have. Soon they all will have in-laws and it's a crap shoot to get them all together. So I just sat there and watched my beautiful wife, my awesome kids finish decorating a tree. I told my brain to be a sponge and suck in and hold on to this memory. With my astigmatism and my glasses needing cleaned there were extra sparkles added to the lights. It was awesome. It felt like home.

Today I share a story about playing an outdoor festival with my band "The $ugar Daddies" on a July fourth weekend. We headlined this outdoor festival. The bad news is nobody had tested the power going to the flatbed truck along with the power so that by the time my band took the stage we needed the lights. The bad news as is soon as we turned them on, the power would trip a breaker. The solution? We had to play the indoor stage where there was no air conditioning and it was easy 95+ degrees with the giant holiday weekend crowd. It was one of those nights that everybody was hitting on all points and we just had that groove. Everything was just working. 

Then it came time for me to do the Song "Texas Flood" by Stevie Ray Vaughn. This was a song that I just got to "Go Off" on and have fun. To this day, it was like being hit by lightning. I felt what I wanted to play from my toes and it just shot out my fingers. It was awesome. The crowd reacted. It was a feeling like no other. The band lasted a few more years, but we started flipping musicians, playing smaller clubs and we eventually fizzled out. For me, July 4th at the Northside was in the top 5 gigs. Opening for Blue Oyster Cult was another one. 

So one of the old trumpet players contacts me and he's trying to get a band together that is close to what my old band played. I've been in so many bands that just didn't work for so many reasons. This sounds promising. I'm a bit nervous as I might get really disappointed. I want that feeling one more time, so I'm going to go chase that high. e. 

This week I am home alone (feel free to put your hands on your face and make a face like Macaulay Culkin). I did something I hardly ever do.

Nothing.

I sat on the couch and petted my cat. 

It is here where I learned why I love working on my next project. This might be reading or listening to a book, thinking of the next product I want to create, etc. 

When I'm not thinking about things coming in the future, I think about the past. 

I don't like to think about the past. 

I sat there and reality let me know that my Dad was really gone. The cards I had been dealt, were gone. Game over. 

I had a good old fashioned cry. 

It felt good in the end.

My cat was very confused.

I prefer to look forward, and see a picture of an improved life. One where I help people. One where I leave the planet a better place. 

I often fall asleep at my desk. I then get up, and go home. I bop till I drop in the immortal words of Rick Springsfield. 

I'm OK with that. 

Relaxation is over rated in my book. It doesn't compare to the adrenaline rush of new ideas, of creativity pulsing in my veins. No contest. 

I'll sleep when I'm dead. 

www.betterdave.com

Today I talk about the train wreck that was American Idol 13.

When I was 24, my mother passed away from her second (well technically third) heart attack. It was April 27, 1989. It had been 6 years since she had passed. As someone who talks in public for a living (teaching technology) it didn't seem like a stretch to take two of my passions (teaching and God) and put them together. At least that's what the Pastor's assistant thought when she asked me to sub for him and do a sermon titled, "What my Mother meant to me" on Mother's Day.

This would be the sermon that would "Launch" my role as a pastor in training (a course that later went  away from this church and landed on the Internet). As this is Mother's day, I thought I would share it with you. The audio quality is very 1989 (originally recorded on a cassette deck)

Today I talk about turning 49, and making the same mistakes our parents made. The website is www.betterdave.com

I filed for Bankrupcy in 2004. I know there is a difference between being poor and being BROKE. 

Today I share a strategy I've been doing for most of this year and it's saving me close to $50 a month and I don't have to do a thing.

A bundle of Disney+, Hulu, and Max is $30/month
Peacock $14/month
Paramount and Showtime $13/month.
Total: $57

(and yes, I know there are more). 

Rotate Your Streaming Services:

• Cancel all but one streaming service at a time.

• Saves up to $50 a month by only paying for one service at a time.

• Focus on quality content, avoiding time wasted on subpar shows.

⭐ Smart Meal Planning:

• Instead of eating out, consider quick and affordable home cooking.

• A simple George Foreman Grill can make delicious burgers at a fraction of the cost.

• This not only saves money but is healthier and faster than fast food.

⭐ Avoid Impulse Purchases:

• Think twice before buying things you don't need, especially during sales.

• Consider if the purchase truly adds value to your life.

• Practice this discipline to accelerate your journey towards being debt-free.

Want more money tips? Check out "Get Your Money Working For You."

Want to give back? Buy Me a Coffee (or two).

I was very surprised when I went to the mall and saw there was no line to sit with Santa. Santa looked pretty good (probably an out of work financial consultant), and I thought "Let's get our picture taken." It would be interesting to see how things have changed since you sat on his lap and had a polaroid taken. We asked, not the elf, but some college kid (or Santa has put into place "business casual" as the new dress code). We were told, "Here are the packages." Packages? I just need a picture.

What a lovely greedy con job that if they wanted to they could make $166 an hour, BUT THAT'S NOT ENOUGH. Before we can make $166 an hour ($9.73 profit on a 5 minute CD) you need to spend $20 on a "Package." That means Santa Will be making $357 an hour. Well here is what I say to you.

SCREW YOU SANTA!

SCREW YOU AND THE REINDEER YOU FLEW IN ON!

Today Dave talks about the disgust that Dave is feeling based on the current holiday season

Today I talk about putting me dog to sleep. The behind the scenes story. FUN!

First things first. I am NOT taking light the horrible situation these women went through. What I'm pointing out is the media, and asking the question, "Do they help create these monsters?" Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus, Michelle Knight are free. Praise God.On the other hand, I commend Charles Ramsey for doing the right thing. He now has t-shirts, and a lot of attention. It should be interested to see what he does with the spotlight.

In the latest episode, I share my personal experience with podcasting, detailing how I ended up in podcasting post-divorce while living in my brother's basement.

Despite successfully establishing myself over two decades and earning recognition, I still struggle with imposter syndrome. Reflecting on accolades like being called an influencer and my moves within the industry, I discuss the complicated feelings of self-worth and acceptance.

Wrapping up, I share some cozy moments from my day-to-day life, which help ground me amid these introspective thoughts.

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