Welcome to the Brain First Parenting podcast with Eileen Devine! I'm thrilled you're here, and look forward to diving into the many elements of the Brain First parenting approach in the episodes to come. This trailer -- Episode 0! -- is a brief introduction to my goals and hopes for this podcast, and an invitation to parents and caregivers who will benefit from this transformational parenting model.

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You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

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SUMMARY

In this episode, Eileen explains what it looks like when a child, teen, or young adult lags behind in the skills to be cognitively flexible, and how to then accommodate them in this specific skill set.

TAKEAWAYS

• The definition of cognitive rigidity
• Common behaviors that reflect this lagging skill in kids and teens
• How parents can help their children and teens grow in this cognitive skill set
• What parents can expect to see, think, and feel as they shift their lens from a behavioral lens to a Brain First lens with this specific skill set
• Concrete and specific steps parents can take to support and accommodate a child or teen who struggles with cognitive flexibility

RESOURCES

Blog Post: The Uncompromising Child: Four Responses to Rigid Thinking

Free Infographic Poster: 8 Necessary Mind Shifts

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You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

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SUMMARY

In this episode, Eileen delves into the first step to understanding a neurodiverse child, teen, or young adult with challenging behaviors.

TAKEAWAYS

• This first, essential step to understanding your child who lives with a brain-based difference and challenging behaviors begins with neuroscience research on the brain/behavior connection.
• Understanding the foundation behind the Brain First Parenting approach is where we always need to begin as parents.
• Feeling internal resistance to seeing your child or teen through a Brain First lens is understandable, expected, and an opportunity for growth.
• The difference between seeing your child or teen through a behavioral lens vs a Brain First lens.

RESOURCES

Your Lens Matters FREE downloadable infographic

Blog Post: The Brain First Approach Will Change How You Parent

Blog Post: Looking Through a Different Lens

Thanks for listening! Please be sure to review and share the Brain First Parenting podcast with any listeners who might be interested. To see more tools, resources and learn more about Eileen you can visit eileendevine.com

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If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!

You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

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SUMMARY

In this first episode, Eileen introduces herself and explains how Brain First Parenting came to be. She shares personal stories about her own experience of parenting a teenage daughter who lives with a serious and permanent brain-based disability (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder). Eileen also talks about her therapy and coaching practice where, for the last decade, she has supported parents who are also parenting kids, teens, and young adults with brain-based differences and challenging behavioral symptoms, and how this led to the creation of Brain First Parenting.

RESOURCES

Learn more about Diane Malbin and her FACETS Program.

More about the work of Dr. Ross Greene

Dr. Kristin Neff's work on Self Compassion

Thanks for listening! Please be sure to review and share the Brain First Parenting podcast with any listeners who might be interested. To see more tools, resources and learn more about Eileen you can visit eileendevine.com

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If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!

You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

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SUMMARY -

In this episode, Eileen explains why so many kids and teens with brain-based differences struggle to make and keep friends, and how parents can support their children by building the cognitive skills required to be in relationship with peers.

TAKEAWAYS

• Why the process of making and keeping friends creates nearly universal challenges for kids and teens with brain-based differences.
• How to see this challenge through a Brain First Parenting lens (vs a behavioral lens).
• The specific lagging cognitive skills that get in the way of your child or teen having successful peer relationships.
• How parents can help their children grow in these cognitive skills.
• Common experiences for the parent of a child who struggles with making and keeping friends and why it's important to recognize the emotions this common struggles can bring to the forefront as a parent.

RELATED BLOG POSTS:

Moving Forward by Circling Back

'Why Can't We Be Friends?' - ​Cognitive Skills Your Child Needs for Successful Relationships...

Helping Our Children Navigate Friendships

Dysmaturity and the Challenges of Friendship

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SUMMARY -

In this episode, Eileen dives into a common characteristic in children and teens with brain-based differences and challenging behavioral symptoms, which is 'on 'and 'off' days. Eileen begins helping parents identify this common lagging skill in their kids, and how they can begin to accommodate their child or teen as it relates to on and off days.

TAKEAWAYS

• The definition of 'on' and 'off' days as it related to cognitive skills.
• How on and off days are linked to a brain that functions differently.
• What this lagging skill looks like behaviorally.
• What factors can lead to a child or teen living with a brain-based difference to have off days.
• How not recognizing off days can lead to burnout for the parent.
• How parents can work to see on and off days as a "brain thing" and how they can respond to off days in ways that result in skills growth and increased connection.

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You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

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SUMMARY -

In this episode, Eileen explains why kids who live with neurobehavioral conditions and are always seen as "the problem," are actually kids who are doing the best they can; they are highly misunderstood and need more support for their brain-based difference. She explains how the actual problem is society's view of behaviors, and how this behavioral lens is what leads to kids with brain-based differences experiencing challenging behavioral symptoms.

TAKEAWAYS

• Kids with brain-based differences are not "the problem." The "problem" begins with the way in which society views their differences.
• Viewing behaviors through a Brain First lens allows us to see challenging behaviors as symptoms of an environment that is lacking needed accommodations.
• It is essential to look at the true, root cause of the behavior, so that adequate supports can be put in place, which leads to less of the challenging behaviors.

RELATED BLOG POST:

Your Child is Not the ‘Problem’... It's Actually Society’s Narrow Lens

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You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

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SUMMARY -

In this episode, Eileen takes you, step-by-step, through a universal and highly misunderstood characteristic seen in kids and teens with brain-based differences, which is a maturity gap in comparison to same-aged peers. She explains how this gap is connected to the brain, how to identify it for what it is (as a lagging cognitive skill set), and how to more successfully support a child or teen who experiences this gap.

TAKEAWAYS

• Why kids with brain-based differences so often behave in ways that are seen as "immature"
• How this "immaturity" is connected to their unique brain
• How this behavioral symptom is typically viewed (through a behavioral lens), and how to shift our understanding of it to a Brain First lens
• Dysmaturity: what it is and how to identify it in your child or teen
• How to respond to dysmaturity from a Brain First lens, allowing you to help your child or teen grow in their cognitive skills
• Common experiences for a parent who has a child or teen experiencing dysmaturity

RELATED BLOG POSTS:

Helping Our Children Navigate Friendships

Dysmaturity and the Challenges of Friendship

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You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

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SUMMARY -

In this episode, Eileen will break down the common and often exhausting behavioral symptom called perseveration. She takes the listeners through what perseveration looks like behaviorally, so parents can identify it in their child or teen; how it is connected to the brain; and how parents can help their child when they get stuck in perseveration loops.

TAKEAWAYS

• The definition of perseveration
• The difference between perseveration and OCD
• How to see this behavioral symptom through a Brain First lens
• What cognitive skills are connected to perseveration
• How you can identify preservation in your child or teen
• What you can do as a parent to help break the perseveration loop your child or teen is stuck in
• Common experiences for a parent who has a child or teen experiencing perseveration

RELATED BLOG POSTS:

Getting Unstuck: 4 Ways to Help Your Child Break the Perseveration Loop

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You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen walks through a common fear that many parents hold, which is that if they fully accommodate their child or teen, that they will prevent their child from growing, developing and maturing.

TAKEAWAYS

• Why, exactly, we provide accommodations to kids, teens, and young adults who have brain-based differences
• Why accommodations are the path towards less challenging behavioral symptoms
• It is a normal part of learning to parent from a Brain First lens to have a concern that you (the parent) are over-accommodating your child or teen
• We all need adequate support in our various environments to be able to keep our thinking brain on-line, stay in our window of tolerance and grow in our skills
• When kids live with brain-based differences and a fragile nervous system, they need even greater accommodations to experience felt-safety and navigate their world successfully, due to their unique neurobiology
• Accommodations do not stunt growth, they are the very thing that promotes growth and helps our kids mature

RELATED BLOG POSTS:

6 Key Questions that Lead to Effective Accommodations

Understanding the Window of Tolerance - Pt. 1

The Brain First approach will change how you parent

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SUMMARY - In this episode of the Brain First Parenting podcast, Eileen sits down with a very special guest, her husband of 20+ years, Dave Devine. Eileen & Dave have a conversation about what it's been like for Dave, in his role as a father to his now teenage daughter who lives with FASD, a serious neurobehavioral condition, to shift his lens over the years to a Brain First lens.

TAKEAWAYS:

• The experience of dads are often overlooked in the parenting spaces, leaving a gap in support which can lead to feelings of isolation and hopelessness for these fathers. Their experience is unique and deserves unique support.
• Dave shares memories of feeling inadequate and ineffective as a dad, especially early on when he began to realize his daughter's development was not "on track".
• Stepping away from a behavioral lens and shifting to a Brain First lens was possible with education and support, over time.
• The question, "What do you need from me, to be a good parent to you?" as been helpful for Dave as he works to parent two kids who have drastically different needs.
• Curiosity and openness is at the heart of finding success, joy, and delight in this parenting experience, specifically the father experience. It takes practice to cultivate this as the dad of a child with a serious neurobehavioral condition.
• The steepest part of the learning curve for Dave has been to remember that his daughter has an invisible, brain-based difference, especially when her behavioral symptoms are acute.
• Deeply-held beliefs and values will clash with your kid's behavioral symptoms. Getting clarity on where and why this is happening is important in order to parent from a Brain First lens.
• We discuss why connection and relationship has become the highest priority for Dave (in relation to his kids) vs behavioral compliance

RESOURCES:

Join the waitlist for the Focus on Father Program! 2025 cohort is opening for registration soon!

Blog Post: Dads Need Support, Too: Three Ways That Fathers Raising Neurodiverse Kids Struggle, and One Thing They Can Do

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SUMMARY - In this newest episode, Eileen highlights a trap that is common for parents, teachers, and providers to fall into when supporting with kids and teens who have brain-based differences and challenging behaviors. This trap is making assumptions, often without even realizing it, about what that child or teen's brain can do and not factoring in their lagging cognitive skills and how this impacts that specific situation. In this episode, Eileen gives 8 examples of common assumptions made about kids with brain-based differences and provides a free downloadable infographic to accompany this episode. See details on how to access that infographic below.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Learning about the brain, what it does, and how it functions helps us gain a better understanding of what this means for individuals with brains that work differently.
• Learning about this also makes us (parents, teachers and providers) less susceptible to making assumptions about others' brains and how they work.
• The goal, when supporting kids with brain-based differences, is to recognize when we are making assumptions about their brain and cognitive skills so we can pause and assess as to whether or not this is true for that individual.
• Examples of common assumptions society makes about brains and how this compares to what we know about those living with neurobehavioral differences.

RESOURCES:

FREE downloadable handout: 10 Assumptions We Make About How All Brains Function

Understanding the Window of Tolerance (blog post)

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SUMMARY - When you have a child who often behaves in ways that are not good, right, or appropriate, you want to address the problematic behavior as their parent. This can be challenging to do with a child who lives with a neurobehavioral difference and must be approached in a way that has their brain in mind. In this episode, Eileen talks about why this process can be more challenging for kids with neurobehavioral differences, and how parents can take a different approach to address problematic behaviors.

TAKEAWAYS:

• It is within the role and responsibility of a parent to address problematic behavior with their child, even when these behaviors are symptoms of a brain-based difference.
• How addressing problematic behaviors looks different when your child or teen has a neurobehavioral difference.
• Traditional parenting lens approach to addressing challenging behaviors vs a Brain First approach
• How to address problematic behaviors from a Brain First lens
• What cognitive skills are involved in having a conversation about a specific event or situation that included the problematic behavior
• What it looks like to shift the focus from punishments to building lagging skills and why this is a better use of your energy

RELATED BLOG POSTS:

Moving Forward by Circling Back

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You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

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SUMMARY -

In this episode, Eileen speaks to the experience of parenting a child who is often times seen as the kid who "ruins everything". She breaks down what is actually happening when a child's behavior appears to be intentional and willful, how to shift to seeing them through a Brain First Parenting lens, and steps parents can take to proactively prevent the same outcome in the future.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Having a child who is seen as "ruining everything" is unfortunately a common experience for parents of kids with brain-based differences and challenging behavioral symptoms.
• In these hard moments, the task for parents is to shift from a behavioral lens to a Brain First lens. Eileen provides some ideas on how to do this.
• What parents can focus and reflect on after the difficult experience has passed, to deepen their understanding of their child and proactively build in more accommodations for future events to prevent the same negative outcome.
• What a child begins to believe about themselves when they are seen as "ruining everything" and how parents can buffer against these negative outcomes.

Related Blog Posts:

"You Ruin Everything."

Looking for individualized parent support? Eileen offers parent coaching to parents across the globe. You can learn more about her one-to-one support services HERE.

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SUMMARY - When you are the parent of a child or teen with brain-based differences and challenging behavioral symptoms, it is a common experience to not have your experience, as the parent, acknowledged or supported. This is the other side of the "coin" when parenting from a Brain First lens, and deserves (and requires) as much attention and support as the other side of the "coin", which is the child and their needs. In this episode, Eileen reflects on her own experience, as well as those of parents she has worked with, highlighting the importance of attending to your well-being as a parent of a complex child with intense needs.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Understanding both sides of the Brain First Parenting "coin" is essential to being able to thrive in the experience of parenting a child with brain-based differences and challenging behavioral symptoms.
• The first side is understanding your child's unique neurobiology and parenting them in alignment with how their brain and nervous system works. The other side, which is largely ignored or unacknowledged, is the lived experience of the parent.
• Why it is essential to acknowledge the unique (and often hard) aspects of parenting a child or teen with intense needs, and why this is where healing can take place.

If you feel like you would benefit from one-to-one, individualized support, you can checkout the parent coaching support Eileen offers parents just like you.

RELATED BLOG POSTS:

Tending Both Sides of the Parenting Coin

Reconsidering What It Means to Be Resilient

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SUMMARY - It is a common frustration among parents of kids with neurobehavioral differences that they feel like they cannot have even simple conversations with their children. Why is this such a common frustration and struggle? You guessed it-- it has to do with the brain, and how that brain works differently for that child or teen. In this episode, Eileen breaks down this common challenge, discusses the cognitive skills involved in having a seemingly simple conversation with another person, and how parents and other support people in a child's life can provide them with accommodations to help them be more successful in this area.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Having a back-and-forth, seemingly simple conversation involves a set a complex cognitive skills with which many kids and teens with neurobehavioral differences struggle.
• Once we peel back the layers of what's involved, from a brain perspective, to have a conversation with another person and can see clearly the complexities involved, what was previously frustrating regarding a child's behaviors now makes more sense.
• Once the behaviors make more sense, because lagging cognitive skills have been identified, then the parent or support person has a clear path toward providing effective accommodations.
• The list of cognitive skills involved is lengthy and examples are provided in this episode.
• The list of accommodations is also lengthy! Examples of accommodations are also provided in this episode.

RESOURCES:

Blog Post: The 6 Ways Your Child Might 'Talk the Talk,' but Can’t 'Walk the Walk'

Blog Post: Understanding the Window of Tolerance - Pt. 1

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen explores a very specific defensive behavioral symptom that can be highly triggering for parents and providers alike: inappropriate or excessive laughter and silliness. Listen in as she helps reframe this behavior, moving from a behavioral lens to a Brain First lens.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Excessive laughter or inappropriate laughter is a reflection of a fragile nervous system and a sign that the brain is under stress.
• In moments of stress or high emotion, kids with brain-based differences are thrown out of their window of tolerance and are unable to manage the moment at hand.
• Lagging cognitive skills add to the level of stress the brain is under, resulting in this defensive behavior. Cognitive skills like emotional regulation, sensory integration, and social skills are a few main skill sets required to respond appropriately, and are also skills that many kids with brain-based differences lag behind in.
• This challenging behavior is a reflection of the nervous system and brain trying to find relief and attempting to find balance again.
• A few ideas on what parents and providers can do in these moments when they are seeing this challenging behavior from the child or teen they are experiencing.

RESOURCES:

Think Brain First Training and Consultation Program for Professionals and Organizations

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen dives into how to unlock your child's ability to learn and grow. This is a high priority for any parent, and when there is evidence that it's going as expected, there is no stress or concern. But when you have a child or teen who is not learning, growing, and maturing in the ways you expected, it can become a huge area of concern and strain. This episode breaks down how all of us learn and grow and how to then take this information and apply it to your child who lives with a brain-based difference.

TAKEAWAYS:

• The first essential question for parents to clarify for themselves is, "What do I actually want my child to learn, and what skills are required to be able to do this?"
• When we recognize the gap between a child or teen's cognitive skills and the goals set for them, then we know where we can support that child or teen to help close that gap.
• When we default to a behavioral lens and focus entirely on the behavior and what punishment it deserves, the growth, learning, and maturing cannot take place.
• A lack of accommodations to assist with the growth and learning process will signal "threat" to the nervous system, resulting in overwhelm, and this will be reflected through challenging behaviors. It will also cause the "thinking brain" to be off-line, making learning impossible.
• There are accommodations that promote growth and learning, with examples provided in this episode.

RESOURCES:

Ep 9: Let Go of the Fear That You Are Over-Accommodating

Ep 5: Making Sense of On and Off Days

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen addresses 5 common misconceptions parents and providers have about what it means to parent and support kids from a Brain First lens.

TAKEAWAYS:

Here are the 5 misconceptions that Eileen addresses in this episode. With each misconception, she breaks down why it is a misconception and helps listeners deepen their understanding even further about what it means to parent from a Brain First lens.

• Misconception 1: "Parenting from a Brain First lens means I am allowing or giving in to behavior that is definitely not okay."

• Misconception 2: "If I parent my child through a Brain First lens, they will never learn how to live in the 'real' world."

• Misconception 3: "If I parent from child from a Brain First lens, then I am saying I no longer have expectations for them or their behavior."

• Misconception 4: "If I do not show my child that I am in charge by addressing behavior immediately, I will lose my parental authority and my child will believe they can walk over me and do whatever they want."

• Misconception 5: "Parenting from a Brain First lens sounds like a lot of work and I am already exhausted. I can not add another thing to my plate."

RESOURCES:

Blog: Moving Forward by Circling Back

Brain First Parenting Podcast Episode 9: Let Go of the Fear That You Are Over-Accommodating

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SUMMARY - This podcast dives into what resilience is and why it's essential for parents of kids with challenging behavioral symptoms to not only understand what it is, but steps they can take to build it each day.

TAKEAWAYS:

• It is imperative as parents of complex kids with intense needs that you understand what it is and how to build it each day.
• Resilience is what allows us to move through difficult emotions like grief, sadness, and resentment.
• Resilience is something we all have access to, something we can cultivate within us each day.
• "Grit" or "soldiering on" chips away at resilience over time
• Honoring your response to the situation at hand and offering yourself self-compassion builds resilience
• Getting support, one-to-one or through community is essential for building resilience, especially when experiencing compassion fatigue and caregiver burnout.
• Ways to build resilience: find your "people" (be in community), practice self-compassion, move your body, breath work

RESOURCES:

• The Resilience Room Membership Community
• FREE (downloadable) Weekly Plan for Nervous System Care
• Reconsidering What It Means to Be Resilient (blog post)
• Kristin Neff: Self-compassion resources

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You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

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SUMMARY - This podcast helps parents think through the personal and sometimes difficult question of when they should share their child's diagnosis with others.

TAKEAWAYS:

• There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to making decisions about when to disclose to others about your child's diagnosis or brain-based difference
• While it is important to consider what the impact will be if you do decide to disclose, it is even more important to consider the possible negative impact of not disclosing.
• When people who hold the power in various environments are missing information about your child's brain-based differences and their need for accommodations, your child is at high risk for being misunderstood and punished for their disability.
• Disclosure (when and why) also applies to family members (siblings, extended family, etc.).
• Disclosure is also important to consider in relation to your child understanding themselves. If they don't have information about their brain-based differences, they are left to jump to their own conclusions which are often negative in nature, impacting self-esteem and mental health.

RESOURCES:

Blog Post - Disclosure: A Path to Understanding

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SUMMARY - There is a universal grief that affects parents of neurodivergent kids that often goes unrecognized, leaving parents feeling alone in a difficult emotional experience. This episode takes listeners through what this unique grief looks like and why it's so unique to parents of neurodivergent kids and how to begin to move through it so healing can begin.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Grief, while such a common experience for parents of neurodivergent kids, is often unacknowledged, which leads to additional suffering for parents. This is why it's so important to talk about it.
• Grief is defined by Dr. Brene Brown in three ways: loss, longing, and feeling lost
• Grief can show up for parents in many ways, like feelings of resentment, guilt, self-judgement or jealousy
• It is an understandable that for many parents, they try to keep grief at arms length because of the darkness it can bring.
• Disenfranchised grief is grief that is unrecognized and unacknowledged by society and is the type of grief many parents experience making it even more difficult to heal
• There are steps parents can take so that they do not get stuck in their feelings of grief, but instead can move through it and begin to heal

RESOURCES:

Blog post: Grappling with Grief

The Resilience Room Membership Community

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SUMMARY - Kids who have brains that work differently, have brains that are working hard all day long, resulting in cognitive fatigue or this empty fuel tank. Their cognitive fatigue is reflected through challenging behaviors. This episode helps listeners identify cognitive fatigue in kids with brain-based differences and what the adults supporting them can do to help their brain rest and recover, resulting in less challenging behaviors.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Every task or expectation we are faced with each day takes a bit of our "cognitive fuel" in order to make it through the day successfully.
• Individuals with brains that work differently end up on "empty" more quickly and more often, resulting in challenging behavioral symptoms.
• Brains that are working harder (which are brains that work differently) need more support throughout the day in the way of fuel (food/calories) and rest.
• There are some common scenarios that result in cognitive fatigue more frequently than others.
• There are some common accommodations that, when put in place proactively, can help preserve a child's "cognitive fuel" and prevent challenging behaviors.

RESOURCES:

FREE "Running on Empty" Infographic (for download)

Blog post: Running on Empty: Understanding your child's cognitive fuel tank

The Resilience Room Community

=======================

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SUMMARY - It is common for kids with neurobehavioral conditions to struggle with slow processing pace. Slow processing pace is a cognitive skill that is often missed or misunderstood, seen as a behavioral issue, and therefore not accommodated. This episode helps listeners better understand and identify slow processing pace as a lagging cognitive skill, and from there, provides concrete examples of accommodations.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Slow processing pace is a cognitive skill set that everyone needs to have firmly in place to navigate their day successfully.
• Processing pace is the speed at which someone can process information, especially verbal information.
• There are behaviors that reflect slower processing pace which parents, caregivers and adults need to be aware of in order to be able to then accommodate this lagging cognitive skill vs punish the behavioral symptom.
• Accommodations take into consideration the additional time that kids with neurobehavioral conditions require to navigate their day successfully.

RESOURCES:

Recording of Free Workshop: 10-Second Child in a One-Second World: Slow Processing Pace and How to Support It

Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 15: Why "Simple" Conversations Are Hard For Your Child

Blog Post: 'The 10-Second Child in a One-Second World' - Slower Processing Pace and 4 Ways to Support It

=======================

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SUMMARY - This episode focuses in on five mantras that will help parents of kids with brain-based differences and challenging behaviors stay in a Brain First mindset.

TAKEAWAYS:

• One point of "growing pains" parents of kids with neurobehavioral challenges experience is how to react in productive ways, from a Brain First lens, when they are faced with their child's challenging behaviors.
• When we have mantras "in our back pocket" that resonate with us in a way that helps slow down our visceral reaction so we can decide how to respond in that moment, it helps us access our thinking brain so we can respond in ways we truly desire.
• The infographic linked below as 15 mantras for parents to "try on" to see which one resonates! Download at the link below.

RESOURCES:

Free Infographic: Helpful Mantras For Staying in a Brain First Parenting Mindset

=======================

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen explains what it means for a child with a neurobehavioral condition to live with a narrow window of tolerance as a result of their unique neurobiology, specifically their fragile nervous system. She walks listeners through how the brain and nervous system help each of us manage life stressors, and why this is often difficult for individuals with brain-based differences.

TAKEAWAYS:

• The "window of tolerance" is a concept developed by Dr. Dan Siegel, to describe the optimal zone of “arousal” for a person to function in everyday life. 
• Each person's behaviors reflect whether or not they are inside their window of tolerance.
• Kids and teens living with a neurobehavioral condition means they may struggle with emotional regulation skills, meaning their window of tolerance for life's most minor stressors is challenged.
• When an individual struggles with these cognitive skills and lives with a fragile nervous system, as a result of their brain-based differences, they require accommodations that support these lagging skills and their nervous system.
• Cognitive fatigue is another important layer to understanding a child's window of tolerance and why it might be especially narrow.

RESOURCES:

Brain First Parenting Podcast: Ep. 21 | Why Your Child Melts Down: The Hidden Impact of Cognitive Fatigue

Blog: Understanding the Window of Tolerance - Part 1

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen speaks with Dr. Emily King, a psychologist with extensive experience working in schools and supporting neurodivergent youth about how parents can support their neurodivergent learners.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Neuro-affirming environments are environments that are aligned with each person's nervous system. There are some key ways that adults/teachers can set up environments to support regulation in kids/students and "level the playing field" amongst students.
• Communication with teachers should happen early and often.
• Collaboration is most effective when the parent and teacher share what they are seeing behaviorally from the child in each of their unique settings and brainstorm accommodations based on this shared knowledge.
• Recognizing cognitive fatigue as a major factor in the child's behavior is essential to their success.
• Any asynchronicity in a child's skills is often misinterpreted as willful behavior instead of differences across skill sets.

RESOURCES:

Learn with Dr. Emily

=======================

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SUMMARY - As parents, we all have high priorities as they relate to our kids and these high priorities are directly tied to our concern and care for them, wanting them to do well and develop into independent, responsible adults. This episode helps listeners think about their own priorities they hold, as they relate to their kids, and what needs to be considered when your child lives with a neurobehavioral condition.

TAKEAWAYS:

• All parents have priorities related to their kids and these priorities are tied to the parent's deeply held beliefs and values.
• Having a high priorities as a parent are a reflection of the concern and care for their child.
• One's brain (cognitive skills) are required when working to meet the expectations or complete the task that are inherent in those high priorities held by parents.
• This is why parents of kids with brain-based differences need to routinely evaluate whether or not their high priorities are in alignment with their child's neurobiology (brain and nervous system).

RESOURCES:

Brain First Parenting Podcast Episode 21- Why Your Child Melts Down: The Hidden Impact of Cognitive Fatigue

=======================

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SUMMARY - This episode is with guest Wendy Sue Horn, a master clinician, who has been treating individuals of all ages for over 20 years, including supporting parents. Wendy Sue is also an EMDRIA-approved consultant trainer in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), a trauma-informed psychotherapy that helps individuals heal from the symptoms and emotional distress of disturbing life experiences. Listen in as Eileen talks with Wendy Sue about what she describes as the three essential ingredients parents need in order to attune to their child.

TAKEAWAYS:

• We don't come into parenthood as blank slates and our history follows us into our own parenting and relationship with our kids. Once we understand how and why this happens, it helps us (parents) make sense of our experience with a non-shaming lens.
• Attunement is the parent's ability to "tune in" to their child's internal, emotional experience.
• The parental goal is not to prevent pain for their child because this is not possible, but instead is to provide accompaniment in their pain because this is when it is less lonely, there is less suffering, and the child's resilience can shine through.
• There are three ingredients required for parents to attune to their child: motivation, awareness, and resources.
• The parent's ability to recognizing when fear is the motivation behind their behavior is essential because fear, by nature, moves the attention away from their child's experience, leaving them unable to attune to them.
• A parent's history of attachment and adverse experiences "show up" in the relationship with their child, which can impact the internal resources a parent has access to and may require supports to build the internal resources and resilience.
• Ways that EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can support parents who have kids with challenging behavioral symptoms.

RESOURCES:

• Wendy Sue Horn - EMDR Resource Center

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen sits down to speak with Carrie Bonnett, Executive Function Coach, to talk about what exactly executive function skills are and how parents can identify, through their child's behavior, whether this is a skill set they struggle with and from there, how to support them in this area.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Carrie defines executive function in a very relatable way, as the brain skills that help us "get important things done".
• Difficulty with executive function skills is a brain thing, not a character flaw, and we can see this lagging skills reflected through one's behaviors.
• Why parents play a integral role in helping their child find strategies that will help them manage the executive function load they carry each day and how this partnership with their child can play out in "every day life".
• Relationship between a parent and child is the foundational piece to a child being able to feel more open to help and strategies that will support their executive function skills.
• At times this means a parent temporarily setting aside or adjusting expectations so that they can, over time, be more open to support.

RESOURCES:

Carrie Bonnett - Executive Function Coach (website)

Carrie's FREE Resource: Task Initiation Toolkit

=======================

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SUMMARY - This episode is part 2 of a two-part series on each person's unique window of tolerance. This episode focuses on the parent's window of tolerance, an essential concept for parents of kids with neurobehavioral conditions.

TAKEAWAYS:

• It is essential for parents of complex kids with fragile nervous systems and big behaviors to understand their own window of tolerance.
• It is a common pattern for parents of kids with neurobehavioral conditions to notice their window of tolerance narrowing over time.
• When a person is exposed to chronic, unpredictable, and prolonged stress, it impacts their neurobiology, specifically their nervous system.
• The nervous system becomes more fragile over time, the window of tolerance narrows, and it is easy to be thrown into dysregulation
• The best use of a parent's energy is to support their fragile nervous system by using their own regulated presence. This requires a strong and steady nervous system.
• The path to expanding your window of tolerance is taking steps to build resilience each day.

RESOURCES:

Episode 28: When the World Feels Too Big: Your Child’s Window of Tolerance

Episode 19: Rethinking What It Means to Be Resilient

Blog: Understanding the Window of Tolerance - Pt. 2

Book Recommendation: "What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing" by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey

=======================

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen discussed a topic that is at the center of stress for many parents of kids with neurobehavioral conditions which is their extended family's inability to understand their child from a Brain First lens. Eileen offers some suggestions on ways to manage this specific, often tricky dynamic.

TAKEAWAYS:

• It is a common experience amongst parents of kids with neurobehavioral conditions to experience feelings of judgement, shame, and being misunderstood when it comes to their extended family members' inability to see their child through a Brain First lens.
• Often times, family members are missing information that is needed in order to shift their lens.
• There are resources and strategies Eileen suggests in this episode to help bridge this gap (resources are also listed below).
• There are common internal beliefs that parents hold that prevent them from asking for the accommodations their child needs. Reflecting on what "stuck points" you experience when asking family members to accommodate your child is essential so you can confidently move forward with what your child needs.

RESOURCES:

(Blog Post) Dear Family Member: A Letter I Hope You Read

(Free Downloadable Infographic) Your Lens Matters: Shifting to a Brain First Lens

Episode 6: Your Child is Not the Problem

Episode 22: The Unique Grief Affecting Parents of Neurodivergent Kids

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen outlines in detail what attention and working memory skills are exactly, and seven signs that may indicate a child struggles with this cognitive skill set.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Attention and working memory refers to the ability to selectively process information and then also retain this information in an accessible state.
• There are behaviors that reflect lagging attention and working memory skills and this episode provides seven common behaviors for parents and professionals to be aware of.
• Recognizing the signs and symptoms of lagging attention and working memory skills is essential in order to provide a child/teen with the accommodations they need to be successful.

RESOURCES:

Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 5: Making Sense of Those Frustrating On and Off Days

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen sits down with Amy Lang, sexuality educator and expert, for a frank and open conversation about sex education for kids who are neurodivergent. Amy is the founder of Bird & Bees & Kids, and since 2006 has helped thousands of families have stronger, more open communication about sexuality and relationships.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Talking to kids about sexuality is a health and safety issue; knowledge is empowering and reduces vulnerability.
• This is an essential on-going conversation to have with your kids, especially given the access kids have to misinformation from friends and online.
• Having conversations about sexuality and changing bodies early and often helps normalize very natural part of the human experience, especially given that these changes can be extremely distressing to neurodivergent kids.
• All parents come into parenthood with deeply held beliefs and values that play into their level of comfort with sexuality and talking about this with their kids. Reflecting on this as a parent will help with confidence in moving forward with these conversations.

RESOURCES:

• Birds & Bees & Kids
• Sexuality and Safety with Tom and Ellie Book Series
• Never Have I Ever (TV series)

=======================

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SUMMARY - In this episode of the Brain First Parenting podcast, Eileen explores the idea - which is grounded in research - that caregiver burnout can become contagious through shared nervous system dysregulation. Drawing on a recent keynote experience with those in professional and personal caregiver roles, she describes how caregiver burnout often builds gradually, frequently goes unrecognized, and how the right kind of support can act as a buffer from the stress.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Caregiver burnout is not a personal failure. It is a nervous system response to prolonged stress and responsibility.
• Burnout can have a contagion effect, spreading socially, emotionally, and physiologically within families, communities, and care teams.
• Many caregivers are deeply burned out without realizing it, often experiencing anxiety, depression, irritability, and physical symptoms.
• Living with or caring for someone with a fragile nervous system can dysregulate the caregiver’s own nervous system over time.
• Connection and co-regulation are essential resilience-building tools that help heal and stabilize the nervous system.
• Support matters—but how and where you receive support matters just as much.
• Communities that focus only on how hard things are can increase burnout; healing support helps move caregivers toward relief, regulation, and hope.

RESOURCES:

Resilience Room Membership Community is a supportive space for caregivers focused on nervous system healing, co-regulation, and resilience building. Join the waitlist so you can be notified when we open our doors for new Members!

=======================

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SUMMARY - In Part 2 of this series on supporting siblings, we shift from awareness to action. Building on the themes discussed in Part 1, this episode offers practical, brain-first strategies parents can use to support siblings who are impacted by challenging behaviors at home. From conversations about how brains work differently to creating safety plans and strengthening protective factors, this episode focuses on what you can do to help siblings feel safe, seen, and supported.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Begin ongoing, age-appropriate conversations about how brains work differently to help siblings make sense of behavior without excusing harm.
• Clarify that “fair doesn’t mean equal". Fairness is about meeting each child’s unique brain and nervous system needs.
• Explain the "why" behind different rules, responses, or accommodations to create predictability and security.
• Build protective factors for siblings, including consistent one-on-one time with a regulated parent or other trusted adult.
• Create clear safety plans so siblings know exactly what to do during escalations and do not feel responsible for managing the situation.
• Provide open space for siblings to express the full range of their emotions without minimizing or shaming them.
• Avoid creating a culture of secrecy, meaning help siblings develop language and a plan for how to talk about their family experience with others.
• Prioritize your own resilience and nervous system care, as your regulation is one of the most powerful supports for everyone in the home.

RESOURCES:

Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 19: Building Resilience in Moments a Day

Concrete, manageable ways to strengthen your own nervous system and resilience over time.

Blog Post on “Circling Back”

Explanation of the circling back process and why addressing behaviors outside of escalated moments supports learning and safety.

=======================

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen explores the sibling experience in families where one child struggles with intense, challenging behaviors. Siblings are not passive observers. Their nervous systems are deeply impacted by the unpredictability, confusion, trauma, grief, and conflicting emotions that can arise in these dynamics. This conversation offers clarity around what siblings may be carrying, and sets the stage for Part 2, where we’ll discuss practical steps parents can take to support them.

TAKEAWAYS:

• The sibling experience often mirrors the parents’ experience. The way we frame and respond to the struggling child shapes how siblings make sense of it all.
• Supporting siblings requires a “both/and” approach: we can hold empathy for the child with behavioral symptoms without dismissing the sibling’s pain or experience.
• Many siblings live with a pervasive sense of confusion, especially when behavior is not addressed in the moment or feels like a double standard.
• Many siblings carry intense, conflicting emotions: love, resentment, guilt, protectiveness, and grief.
• Some siblings cope by trying not to be a burden, becoming perfectionistic, overly independent, or parentified over time.
• Living with scary or unpredictable behaviors can be traumatic, and recovery depends on protective factors that parents can strengthen.
• Clarity is the first step toward meaningful support and Part 2 will focus on practical actions parents can take.

RESOURCES:

Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 22: Parental Grief (Recommended to revisit through the lens of the sibling experience, as many of the same themes apply)

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SUMMARY - Many parenting struggles with neurodivergent kids don’t come down to behavior, they come from a clash between deeply held parental values and a child’s brain-based capacities. In this episode, Eileen explores what happens when beliefs about “good parenting” collide with asynchronous development, emotional regulation challenges, and inconsistent cognitive skills. You’ll learn why pushing harder often backfires and how shifting from a behavior lens to a Brain First lens allows your parental values to actually take root.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Parenting frustration often lives at the intersection of adult values and a child’s neurobiology, not a lack of effort or care.
• Chronological age does not equal ability for kids with brain-based differences; uneven skill development changes what’s reasonable to expect.
• You don’t need to abandon your parental values, you need to adjust how you teach them so they align with your child’s cognitive skills.
• You cannot consequence a skill into existence; responsibility develops through repeated teaching, regulation, and scaffolding.
• Flexibility in rules and expectations is not permissive parenting, it’s responsive parenting that reduces power struggles and supports growth.

RESOURCES:

Your Lens Matters – Free downloadable infographic

=======================

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SUMMARY - Today's episode is Part 2 of a 2-part conversation with Guy Stephens, founder and executive director of the Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint (AASR), a national nonprofit dedicated to ending the use of punitive, exclusionary, and dangerous discipline in schools.

Takeaways:

• AASR's work is guided by 5 principles: trauma-informed, neuroscience-aligned, neurodiversity-affirming, collaborative, and relationship-driven
• Implementing these principles into the culture of an organization and the work of the individual professional is not a "one-and-done" event. It requires on-going commitment and work.
• When behavior is assessed using these five principles, it is then possible to see beyond the surface behavior, through a brain and nervous system informed lens.
• When the root cause of behavior is accurately identified, there are other, more compassionate and effective approaches that emerge in how to support the individual who is struggling behaviorally.

RESOURCES:

• Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint (AASR)
• YouTube: Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint

=======================

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SUMMARY - Today's episode is Part 1 of a 2-part conversation with Guy Stephens, founder and executive director of the Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint (AASR), a national nonprofit dedicated to ending the use of punitive, exclusionary, and dangerous discipline in schools. Driven by his own son’s traumatic experiences, Guy advocates for trauma-informed, neuroscience-aligned, and neurodiversity-affirming approaches in child-serving systems. Listen in on the conversation with Eileen and Guy, as they discuss a topic that is important for parents and professionals alike.

TAKEAWAYS:

• This work is personal for Guy and he shares how he came to his advocacy work to prevent seclusion and restraint in schools and other environments as the parent of a neurodivergent child who had multiple experiences of being secluded and restrained.
• Guy shares details about the mission of Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint (AASR), which is to inform changes in policy and practice to reduce and eliminate the use of punitive discipline and outdated behavioral management approaches and end the school-to-prison pipeline.
• Guy explains the AASR's 3 areas of focus: legislation and law policy; education; and support.

RESOURCES:

• Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint (AASR)
• YouTube: Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint

=======================

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SUMMARY - In this episode, we explore relational cognitive skills, the brain-based abilities that shape how children navigate relationships, manage emotions, and respond to others. When these skills are still developing, behaviors can feel deeply personal and even hurtful. This episode offers a powerful reframe: your child’s behavior is not a reflection of their character, but a signal of lagging skills that can be supported and strengthened over time.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Many of the most challenging behaviors are rooted in lagging relational cognitive skills, not defiance or disrespect
• Skills like flexibility, frustration tolerance, perspective-taking, and emotional regulation are brain-based and develop over time
• When these skills are underdeveloped, behaviors can feel personal, hurtful, and scary for parents
• Social awareness and interpersonal skills impact a child’s ability to read cues, understand others, and build relationships
• Cognitive rigidity can make it extremely difficult for kids to shift plans, handle “no,” or consider other perspectives
• Emotional outbursts often reflect difficulty regulating, expressing, and responding to emotions, not intentional misbehavior
• Under stress, a child’s thinking brain can go offline, making these skills temporarily inaccessible
• Shifting from a “won’t” mindset to a “can’t yet” lens can transform how you respond to your child
• Skills can be supported and strengthened over time with the right understanding and approach

RESOURCES:

Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 3: Help Your Rigid Thinking Child Become More Flexible

Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 8: Help Your Child Break the Perseveration Loop

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