Blue MumDays is a podcast about perinatal illness, parenting and being kind to yourself. Up to 1 in 7 mums and 1 in 10 dads will suffer with their mental health after the birth of their baby. Having once interviewed the likes of Sir David Attenborough and Hans Zimmer during my BBC career, I’m now speaking to mums, dads and mental health experts each week, in an effort to understand my own experience of postnatal depression. Dispelling myths, smashing stigma & bringing hope to parents having a hard time.
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A Story of Conflict and Care - The Frontline Midwife: Anna Kent (Part 1)
Season 3 · Episode 38
Monday, December 2, 2024 • Duration 57:38
In this powerful Christmas episode, Anna Kent - a humanitarian aid worker, NHS nurse and midwife - reflects on her experiences working in some of the world's most challenging environments, including South Sudan, Haiti and Bangladesh. She offers an intimate look at the difficulties of providing maternity care in conflict zones and refugee camps, shedding light on the trauma faced by women in these regions.
Anna speaks candidly about her personal journey, the emotional toll of working in these high-stress situations and her mission to ensure all women have access to gold-standard maternity care. She opens up about her struggles with PTSD and the challenges of reintegrating into normal life after such intense work.
This episode is a moving testament to Anna's resilience, compassion and dedication to advocating for women's health rights in the direst circumstances. An inspiring and sobering reminder of the ongoing fight for equitable maternity care worldwide.
*Trigger Warning* Birthing in extreme situations, birth trauma, maternal loss, baby loss and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
In This Episode:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[02:20] Introducing Anna Kent, the 'Frontline Midwife'.
[04:46] Anna's journey to humanitarian work.
[08:35] Her first mission - the challenges and realities of working in South Sudan.
[11:11] Honouring the Lady on the Plane. The importance of telling women's stories.
[17:12] James: Anna's larger-than-life colleague.
[20:10] Life and work in Tam, South Sudan.
[25:54] Everyone deserves gold access to maternity care.
[30:33] Encounter with a black mamba!
[31:26] Life in a tent: a different perspective.
[32:53] The struggle of returning home.
[33:13] The harsh realities of humanitarian work - trauma and being scared to share.
[34:44] Hitting rock bottom.
[36:55] Missions to Haiti and Bangladesh - responsible for 30,000 Rohingya refugees.
[38:51] Feelings of powerlessness.
[39:44] The impact of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Flashbacks.
[42:43] Seeking help - finding solace in Buddhism and therapy.
[48:51] The pressure to save every life. Moral injury.
Medecins Sans Frontieres (MSF) provide vital medical care and humanitarian assistance to victims of conflict, natural disasters, epidemics or healthcare exclusion in more than 70 countries.
"My culture has no real word for mental health". The Unlikely Mummy: Kavita Trevena
Season 3 · Episode 37
Monday, November 4, 2024 • Duration 01:04:14
Kavita Trevena, founder of The Unlikely Mummy, shares her profoundly personal motherhood journey, including gestational diabetes, postnatal depression and being diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder after two stressful births. Kavita also talks about a lack of openness around mental health issues in her culture, and a general lack of support for South Asian mums within maternal care services.
Kavita discusses her community-driven initiatives such as The Unlikely Mummy blog, counselling services, exercise therapies, and wellness activities designed to support mothers.
Far from being a heavy listen, Kavita was a joy to speak to and our positive conversation underlines a message of hope, resilience, and the importance of creating supportive networks for mothers.
*Trigger Warning* Postnatal Depression, Birth Trauma and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
In This Episode:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[02:01] Introducing Kavita Trevena: founder of 'The Unlikely Mummy'.
[04:30] From being told she couldn't have children to a honeymoon baby - Kavita's journey through pregnancy.
[06:34] Discovery and challenges of Gestational Diabetes.
[13:16] The birth experience - an emergency caesarean.
[20:44] Postpartum struggles and support.
[23:16] Creating 'The Unlikely Mummy' community.
[28:34] Being diagnosed with PND (Postnatal Depression).
[31:04] The need for more support for mums. Growing the Unlikely Mummy to provide community support and specialist services.
[34:22] Running for the cause: The Big Half Marathon, raising funds for a Forest School, counselling and lactation consultant sessions.
[36:37] Starting a walking club for mums.
"It's Not The End". Recovery after the Devastation of Stillbirth: KEJI MOSES of MAYAH'S LEGACY
Season 2 · Episode 29
Monday, February 13, 2023 • Duration 01:01:21
In a very moving yet inspirational episode, I speak to author, podcaster and professional grief counsellor Keji Moses. Keji talks about her early loss through miscarriage and the devastation of losing her baby girl Mayah, who was stillborn at 35 weeks. She has since made it her mission to shed light on the mental health impacts of pregnancy loss. Through her charity Mayah's Legacy, Keji supports families affected by this very personal tragedy and helps them to advocate for the care they need.
*TRIGGER WARNING: *Miscarriage and Baby Loss*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[02:16 ] Introduction to Keji Moses.
[04:35] Having her son, following an earlier miscarriage.
[09:12] The impact and loss of her first miscarriage. Lack of support.
[14:25] Keji's husband's reaction to the loss.
[16:52] Her pregnancy with Mayah - a diagnosis of Edwards' Syndrome.
[22:07] Knowing something was wrong. Being told there was no heartbeat.
[25:11] Saying goodbye.
[29:03] Starting her charity, 'Mayah's Legacy'.
[30:25] Equipping families for self advocacy.
[32:11] Channelling her pain into her creative offering.
[32:58] "It's not the end."
[34:13] A lack of support after Mayah's stillbirth.
[36:53] The need to put mothers experiencing baby loss on a different ward.
[39:20] Cultural attitudes to baby loss and mental health.
[42:30] How Keji's children dealt with the loss of Mayah.
[44:56] Advice for those who want to help a loved one affected by baby loss.
"No, I Am Not Fine!" P.T.S.D. and Birth Trauma: AMY LEIGH LOOPER
Season 2 · Episode 28
Sunday, January 29, 2023 • Duration 01:00:46
This week's guest is Amy Leigh Looper, a maternal leadership coach based in the United States. After a hugely successful career in enterprise software sales, Amy suffered postpartum depression with both of her children. We discuss the impact this had on her life and how she has turned her drive and knowledge to coaching mums on her maternal leadership program, which reduces fear and anxiety and encourages connection, confidence and growth.
This episode was recorded over Zoom from America, so apologies for the fluctuating sound quality. And for Brandy the Siamese cat's cameo at the beginning!
*TRIGGER WARNING: *Birth Trauma, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, brief mention of Suicide*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:53] Introduction to Amy.
[03:41] Life before having her daughters.
[04:47] The first pregnancy - placenta praevia and bed rest.
[07:27] The mental load of tongue tie issues and sleep deprivation.
[10:04] Aiva's birth - C-section.
[10:58] *Trigger warning: brief mention of suicide of close family member*
[12:17] Lack of emotional support from her husband due to grief.
[15:05] Emberly's birth - V.B.A.C. and forceps.
[16:42] Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and E.M.D.R. Therapy.
[20:15] A forced smile 'get this baby off of me'.
[21:30] The impact of medical students watching the birth.
[25:10] P.T.S.D. and heightened anxiety. Leaving her high-flying career.
[30:14] How you fundamentally change when you become a mother.
BLUE MONDAY BONUS: It's Good To Walk: JUSTIN EADE, WELLBEING SPECIALIST
Season 2 · Episode 27
Sunday, January 15, 2023 • Duration 07:56
As a special bonus for 'Blue Monday', wellbeing specialist Justin Eade of Glimpse ~ Moving Well shares 3 quick tips for making the most of a walk. He explains why time outside is so beneficial to us - no matter how short - and how a gym ball can help soothe a crying baby!
Bringing together more than 25 years of experience with mind-body practices and holistic health research, Justin is also a nebosh accredited occupational health and safety specialist.
He offers tailored and accessible workshops on topics like better sleep and rest, stress and anxiety, digestion, energy levels, joy and relaxation. These can be bespoke to your personal needs and interests and delivered on a 1-2-1 or group basis, either in person or online.
Simple embodied practice & ideas to help people achieve a good work (and family) life balance.
If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe.It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.
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Our Altered Life - Parenting A Child With Disabilities: CHARLIE BESWICK
Season 2 · Episode 26
Sunday, January 15, 2023 • Duration 01:06:54
This week's episode is a wonderful lesson in triumphing over adversity - a brave, beautiful and inspiring conversation for 'Blue Monday'. My guest is the incredible Charlie Beswick of facial disfigurement and visible difference charity 'More Than A Face'. Charlie is mum to twins Oliver and Harry - Harry was born with a rare craniofacial condition and is also autistic. Her experience led to her writing her best-selling book 'Our Altered Life', a brutally honest account of how she came to terms with a life she never expected and often resented.
UPDATE: This conversation was recorded in Spring 2022 - Charlie's beautiful wedding did go ahead on 24th April, with Harry playing 'You Are My Sunshine' on piano as she walked down the aisle.
*TRIGGER WARNING: *Birth Trauma, Feelings of Suicide, Negative Reactions to Disability*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:47] Introduction to Charlie.
[03:20] Life before motherhood.
[04:43] Finding out she was having twins.
[08:12] The pregnancy - feeling good, followed by bed rest.
[09:52] The birth - waters breaking at 32 weeks.
[12:49] Meeting the boys.
[15:03] The shock of hearing Harry's diagnosis.
[19:16] Lack of support.
[20:48] Hiding behind a smile.
[23:40] The impact on her partner and her relationship.
[25:25] Coming out of hospital.
[26:50] Getting used to the ICU, feeling like a visitor rather than a mother.
[29:12] Bringing the boys home.
[32:32] Becoming aware that she needed help. Muscle memory of the shock.
I Was Called 'Aggressive' During My Labour: SANDRA IGWE of The Motherhood Group
Season 2 · Episode 25
Sunday, January 1, 2023 • Duration 01:02:31
Our Christmas/New Year episode is with the hugely inspiring Sandra Igwe - maternal health advocate, TEDx speaker and founder of The Motherhood Group. Sandra talked to me in Spring 2022 about her work raising awareness of the disparities of black women's maternal mental health outcomes and issues. She also bravely shares her own personal experience of birth trauma and racism and the profound affect this has had on navigating motherhood.
Despite the heavy subject matter, I found this a joyous conversation and once again - like so many of my guests - Sandra has turned a hugely traumatic experience into something so positive, helping educate health professionals and offering support to other mums.
*TRIGGER WARNING: *Birth Trauma and Racial Discrimination*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:52] Introduction to Sandra.
[03:26] Writing her latest book based on her experience, 'My Black Motherhood'.
[05:37] Life before becoming a mum and the transition into motherhood.
[09:52] Sandra's first pregnancy - a beautiful surprise!
[13:49] Worries about not being a 'good' mum during pregnancy.
[16:04] Zoe's birth - dismissive, racist treatment and lack of adequate care/choice.
[21:15] Similar situation with her second daughter's birth - more trauma.
[25:05] Aftercare - or lack of it! The need for healthcare professionals to be better trained, especially on cultural competence.
[30:12] How this birth trauma impacted on Sandra's mental health.
[33:30] Cultural stigma and shame regarding perinatal mental health.
[35:17] Finding her tribe and finding her voice - starting The Motherhood Group.
Mum Guilt, Trauma and Systemic Inequality: DR ORINAYO ONABANJO
Season 2 · Episode 24
Sunday, December 11, 2022 • Duration 40:41
This week my guest is Dr Orinayo Onabanjo, a chartered counselling psychologist with a passion for perinatal mental health. Orin's skills include helping mums cultivate stronger attachments with their babies and addressing the impact unresolved childhood trauma can have on the journey of motherhood. We chat everything from mum guilt to the racist inequalities faced by black and brown parents in the UK maternity system.
*TRIGGER WARNING: Birth Trauma and PTSD*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:46] Introducing Orin.
[04:12] How Orin helps new parents.
[04:45] The identity change and adjustment that occurs when you become a parent.
[13:03] The relationship of unresolved childhood trauma and becoming a parent.
[15:23] High expectations and the pressure to be 'super mum' or 'super dad'. The need to be more self compassionate.
[16:51] Reflecting on perfectionism and the drive to be the 'perfect' parent. The importance of self compassionate action.
[19:49] 'Good enough' parenting and mum guilt.
[23:17] Black and minority mums are 4x more likely to die in childbirth. The urgent need to look into this and better understand the black experience.
[28:05] Orin's work with healthcare providers, increasing their understanding of perinatal mental health.
[34:26] Early intervention is key.
[36:30] If you feel trauma from your birth, you have birth trauma. You don't need a formal diagnosis of it.
[37:01] The impact of being emotionally invalidated during your labour.
[39:30] How to get in touch with Orin.
I Felt Like A Bystander: PROFESSOR VIREN SWAMI
Season 2 · Episode 23
Monday, November 28, 2022 • Duration 01:03:26
In a Movember male-mental-health special, this week I chat to Professor Viren Swami. Viren is Professor of Social Psychology at Anglia Ruskin University and is ranked in the top 2% of 'most-cited scientists' in the world. Viren's research is focused on the promotion of positive body image in diverse cultural groups, as well as mental health literacy and understandings of mental ill-health.
His work has moved on to include paternal postnatal depression following Viren's own struggles with fatherhood. He talks to me very candidly and movingly about the effects of suffering from PND after the birth of his son. Not to be missed.
*TRIGGER WARNING: Postnatal Depression, Birth Trauma and feelings of Suicide*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:59] Introducing Viren.
[02:54] Viren before his son came along.
[03:27] The abstract concept of 'having a baby'.
[04:44] Viren's work in mental health literacy.
[06:02] How men often put off seeking help.
[07:04] Highlight to other relevant episodes from S1 - Mark Williams, Elliott Rae and Dr Andy Mayers.
[07:27] It's a myth that men don't suffer from postnatal depression - 8-12% of first-time fathers do.
[08:13] Applying the term 'postnatal depression' to men can often make people less understanding, due to the misconception they are taking emphasis away from women.
[09:42] During the pregnancy, Viren felt estranged and 'not part of the process'.
[10:26] The birth itself - an unexpected and traumatic birth at home.
[12:20] Holding his son for the first time - feelings of numbness and not wanting to be there.
Parenting With ADHD: CHRISTINE CUNNINGHAM of PERINATAL WELLBEING ONTARIO
Season 2 · Episode 22
Sunday, November 13, 2022 • Duration 01:12:26
This week I'm joined by the wonderful Christine Cunningham of Perinatal Wellbeing Ontario. Despite sailing through motherhood with her first two children, Christine went on to suffer postnatal depression and anxiety with the birth of her third. In this mega-episode, Christine talks about the shock diagnosis of finding out she had ADHD at the age of 40, when seeking a diagnosis for her son. Christine talks so eloquently about the huge impact this has had on her life and on her role as a mother. A must listen for anyone affected by ADHD.
Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is a hormonal condition that affects women of reproductive age and is a leading cause of infertility. NHS information on Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. It’s believed 1 in 10 women may suffer from PCOS.
Postnatal depression is depression that happens after you've had a baby. It can range from mild to severe and is more common than you think. Up to 1 in 7 mums are affected and up to 1 in 10 dads.
[49:13] The need for advocacy.
[54:06] Negative racial stereotyping within the maternal health system.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Click this link to find out more about Keji's charity, Mayah's Legacy
For Keji's empowerment tools for women on their healing journey, click this link to go to the Goddess Hub website.
[44:53] Recovery, including support from her partner.
[50:30] Finding your groove.
[52:24] Sandra's faith.
[54:48] Advice for people currently struggling.
[58:53] Free support available via The Motherhood Group.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Sandra's organisation The Motherhood Group raises awareness of black maternal health issues and offers peer-to-peer support, free doula support and free counselling for issues like anxiety, PND and stress.
Black Maternal Health Week highlights the disparity of black mums' maternal mental health outcomes and issues. It occurs 11-17 April and this year's theme is: "Our Bodies Belong to Us: Restoring Black Autonomy and Joy!'(#BMHW23).
Sandra's latest book 'My Black Motherhood: Mental Health, Stigma, Racism & The System' is available in all good book stores. You can purchase it here.
Feeling emotionally invalidated during your labour is highly traumatising.
If you can, have someone at your birth who can advocate for you while you are in a vulnerable position.
The MBBRACE-UK Report 2020 into maternal deaths showed that black mums in the UK have 4x the risk of dying in pregnancy in comparison to a white woman.
Black and minority mums are more like to have or develop mental health problems during the perinatal period and are less likely to get help.
The phrase 'perinatal' refers to the period before and after having your baby.
It can be difficult to adjust to your new identity, and it's okay for you to 'grieve' for the person you were before. It's a huge transition - allow yourself to time to adjust.
The 15 minute Loving Kindness Meditation will help you relax, reset and recharge any time you need it. You don't need to meditate - just close your eyes and listen to Poonam's words.
It's not realistic to be 'perfect' - there is no such thing!
Don't compare yourself to people's social media feeds - it's not a true reflection of what's really going on for them.
The MBBRACE-UK Report 2020 into maternal deaths showed that black mums in the UK have 4x the risk...
[15:09] The overwhelming responsibility of having a tiny human being and not knowing what to do.
[15:50] Problems with sleep.
[19:30] Viren's wife's experience - worrying about Viren on top of being a new mum.
[20:48] Issues with Jesse not feeding. Feelings of helplessness and not being able to 'fix' things.
[23:16] Struggling to function normally. Feelings of shame.
[24:21] Research study demonstrated the difference in how people perceived PND in mums and fathers.
[25:23] Keeping his feelings hidden.
[27:44] The devastating consequences of men suffering from postnatal depression.
[29:18] Depression doesn't get better on its own - the importance of talking.
[30:15] Internalising the depression, "there's nothing wrong with me!"
[31:04] Once opening up to a health visitor and being shut down.
[33:42] Plans for screening fathers - the need for everyone to be screened.
[35:33] Fears around being 'mentally ill' or having his son taken away.
[36:34] Feelings of anger at everything.
[37:08] "Why'd you hate me?" Irrational thoughts that Viren wasn't needed by his family. Feelings of suicide and battling himself.
[39:22] Feelings of love for Jesse didn't come till much later.
[41:17] The turning point - a letter from his wife and a visit to his GP.
[43:55] Advice for dads going through it right now. The affect of non-help-seeking on your family.
[46:33] Getting better isn't a linear process - there will be many ups and downs along the way.
[48:39] Realising that 'it's not your fault'.
[50:10] Playing with Jesse in front of his psychotherapist and being told that he was a good parent.
[52:00] Falling in love with his son and learning how to 'parent'.
[53:14] Breaking the fear of taking his son out on his own.
[55:06] The brilliance of baby cinema, like the Picturehouse's 'Big Scream'.
[56:03] The difficulty 'rationalising' those intrusive thoughts.
[56:28] The potential to be depressed after the birth of a child exists in everyone.
[57:29] So many people go through this experience - it...
[19:16] The fear of going back 'to that place'.
[21:00] Feelings of grief about the experience we lost in early motherhood.
[23:35] Recovery isn't linear - the fear of 'slipping back'.
[24:51] The hell of PND/PPD and the feeling of clarity and gratitude Christine felt when she started to recover.
[27:16] The role of medication and hormones. Introducing the 'Fanny Club'!
[30:24] Davina - fitness videos and the menopause.
[31:24] The impact of hormones on symptoms of ADHD.
[32:04] Getting a diagnosis for her son.
[33:35] Biological males and biological females present differently with ADHD. The misconceptions and stereotypes of ADHD 'behaviour'.
[34:52] Looking back - how the diagnosis helped her make sense of her past, the feeling that she was always 'missing the mark'.
[36:34] ADHD does not mean you're not intelligent! The benefits of a neurodivergent mind.
[38:54] The lack of support for adults with ADHD.
[39:48] The link between ADHD and GAD (General Anxiety Disorder).
[40:46] Christine's initial bias against ADHD medication. The lack of support available when you don't take medication.
[43:02] How an anxiety programme helped with her son's feelings of anger and frustration.
[44:19] Vikki's brother's friend given Ritalin in the 1980s. Christine's concerns over medication.
[45:55] Christine's discovery that unmedicated ADHD is what can lead to addiction - not the medication itself.
[46:52] The stress of homeschooling during the Covid pandemic.
[49:15] The role of executive functioning and how it is impaired by ADHD.
[50:19] Finding the right medication - 'it's been lifechanging'.
[54:27] Mark Williams' late diagnosis of ADHD (see the 'Daddy Blues' episodes). The importance of validation.
[57:37] The intersection of ADHD and postpartum depression. The role of hormones.
[01:00:21] The 'fight or flight' panic of PND and postnatal anxiety. The role of the prefrontal cortex and impaired executive...
🇬🇧 Great Britain - parenting
04/12/2024
#63
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