In the final episode of Becoming Whole, Josh and Sarah Claire explore the deep human longing for connection—especially among queer Christians navigating loneliness, embodiment, and chosen family. They unpack how intimacy grows through sacrifice, presence, and healing, offering practices that move us from disconnection into meaningful, lasting belonging.

CHAPTERS

00:00 | Introduction

03:35 | Defining Isolation and Intimacy

05:45 | Why This Movement Comes Last

08:40 | Broader Definition of Sexuality

10:30 | The Importance of Physical Presence in a Digital World

11:25 | Two Distortions: Sexual Repression and Sexual Flippancy

12:53 | Five Key Memories from Your Sexual Story

17:30 | Why Intimacy Requires Sacrifice

19:25 | Celibacy, Connection, and Erotic Love for God

21:20 | Commitment, Uncertainty, and the Barriers to Intimacy

26:15 | Intimacy is More than Sexual or Romantic

29:12 | Three Practices for Moving Toward Intimacy

35:35 | Final Reflections: Becoming at Home in Ourselves

39:31 | Credits

FOOTNOTES

Referenced Works:

• Deborah Hirsch, Redeeming Sex: Naked Conversations About Sexuality and Spirituality | 08:49

Music Featured:

• Way Back Home by Ben Parks (00:00)

• Leave It All Behind by Transient Friends (35:20)

Special thanks to Zac Wagner for sound engineering support.

Read the full Research Document here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Go_PRhhwvmNDm7QKJbT99Bi7kG5qbXff/view?usp=sharing

In this episode, Josh and Sarah Claire explore the shift from entitlement to humility, revealing how both privilege and deprivation can shape our sense of scarcity. Through stories, theology, and practical practices like fasting and listening, they invite us into a posture of humility rooted not in shame, but in belovedness and abundance.

CHAPTERS

00:00 | Introduction

02:42 | Defining Entitlement

06:00 | Deprivation and Second Adolescence in Queer Experience

09:02 | Entitlement from Privilege vs. Entitlement from Deprivation

13:54 | Defining Humility

17:11 | Repentance as a Shift in Perspective

18:35 | Three Practices for Moving Toward Humility

26:20 | Final Reflections on Transformation and Encountering the Full Trinity

29:55 | Credits

• Sarah Patterson, Track Leader of Tyndale Seminary's DMin in Spiritual Formation | 28:54

Music Featured:

• Fragile by Ben Parks | 00:00
• Somebody to Hold by Drum & Co | 26:20

Read the full Research Document here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Go_PRhhwvmNDm7QKJbT99Bi7kG5qbXff/view?usp=sharing

In this deeply personal episode, Josh and Sarah Claire explore the fourth spiritual movement: the journey from resentment to gratitude. Against the backdrop of Josh’s own unfolding experience with relational pain, they discuss the role of anger, forgiveness, and the very real barriers to healing that queer Christians often face. They unpack the meaning of resentment, how it forms in response to injustice, and how true gratitude is not a bypassing of pain but an act of grace-infused transformation.

CHAPTERS

00:00 | Introduction

07:02 | Defining Resentment and Gratitude

11:45 | The Unique Resentments Faced by Queer People

18:15 | The Danger of Self-Righteousness

19:42 | Jonah, Nineveh, and God's Unwanted Mercy

24:50 | The Connection Between Shame and Resentment

27:45 | Belonging, Security, and Significance: The Roots of Perceived Enemies

31:20 | Releasing Control and Becoming Receivers

36:48 | Forgiveness as a Practice, Not a Moment

39:53 | Josh's Journey with Forgiveness and Resentment

43:47 | Forgiveness Rooted in God’s Justice and Our Own Forgiveness

49:13 | Three Practices to Move from Resentment to Gratitude

56:35 | Final Reflections for Pastors and Directors

60:05 | Credits

FOOTNOTES

Guest Contributors:

• Sarah Patterson, Track Leader of Tyndale Seminary's DMin in Spiritual Formation | 58:05

Referenced Works:

• Eve Tushnet, Tenderness (Chicago: Wiseblood Books, 2020) | 18:20, 38:36, 44:15, and 50:13 on forgiveness, resentment, and God's compassion.

• Alan Downs, The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World (Cambridge, MA: Da Capo Press, 2005) | 17:20 and 43:26 on gay male anger and the power of forgiveness.

• Dan Kida, sermon at Providencia WPB | Quoted at 28:05: “An enemy is anyone who threatens my belonging, security, or significance.”

• The Chosen, Season 4 | 41:06

• C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle (New York: HarperCollins, 2001) Note: First published in 1956 | 53:40

Scripture

• The Book of Jonah | discussed at 19:42–23:35

• Exodus 32:6 | 22:07

• The parable of the Pharisee and tax collector (Luke 18:9–14) | 18:20

Music Featured:

• Bitter Mint by Emily Blaylock | 03:22

• Change by Emily Blaylock | 56:10

Read the full Research Document here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Go_PRhhwvmNDm7QKJbT99Bi7kG5qbXff/view?usp=sharing

In this episode of Becoming Whole, we explore the third spiritual movement: the journey from sorrow to joy. Recognizing that sorrow is an unavoidable part of life, particularly for LGBT+ and same-sex attracted individuals, Josh and Sarah Claire discuss how deep pains—both personal and collective—impact our spiritual lives. S Through reflections on clean and dirty pain, grief practices, and the transformative power of mourning, they chart a path toward resilient joy. 

CHAPTERS

00:00 | Introduction

01:20 | Lesli on the Unique Sorrows of Queer Christians

07:31 | Defining Sorrow: Loss, Pain and the Brokenness of the World

09:24 | Specific Griefs and Coping Mechanisms of Queer People

17:15 | Clean Pain vs. Dirty Pain: Moving Toward Healing

22:53 | Redefining Joy: Life After Pain, Not Absent of It

27:35 | How Mourning Leads to Joy

32:04 | Spiritual Practices for Joy

43:20 | Closing Conversations with Henry and Lesli 

49:50 | Credits

FOOTNOTES

Guest Contributors: 

• Lesli Hudson-Reynolds, Spiritual Director, Whispers in the Wind (whispersinthewind.org) | 01:26 and 44:57

• Henry Abuto, Co-host of the Life on Side B Podcast | 43:20

Referenced Works:

• Case Study 2, Interviewed by Josh Proctor, October 2023 | 00:33

• Resmaa Menakem, My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized trauma and the pathway to mending our hearts and bodies. (Central Recovery Press, 2017) | 17:50

• Julia Sadusky, interviewed on the Life on Side B Podcast, “S2E4 | Dr. Julia Sadusky on Mental Health and Loneliness” | 02:37

• Peter A. Levine, In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness (North Atlantic Books, 2010) | 35:23

Music Featured: 

• Why Does Everybody Leave by Ben Parks | 00:00

• The Doxology by Clayton Waller | 50:00

Read the full Research Document here.

This episode explores the second spiritual movement: Murkiness to Transparency, focused on how we see God and the world. We discuss the misconceptions and false teachings that have shaped the spiritual experiences of queer people, emphasizing the importance of recognizing God's incomprehensibility and the need for spiritual practices that foster surrender and connection. 

Footnotes

Chapter 1 | Introduction (00:00)

• 00:00 | Sergii Pavkin, “A Long Way,” Pixabay, 2023.

• 00:20 | Rachel Dowda, reading of Mary Oliver’s “The Journey”, 2024, Audio.

• 01:37 | Case Study 1, interview by Josh Proctor, October 2023. 

• 02:18 | Lin Melone, interview by Josh Proctor, July 29, 2024.

Chapter 2 | Defining Murkiness (03:33)

• 06:13 | Eve Tushnet, Tenderness: A Gay Christian’s Guide to Unlearning Rejection and Experiencing God's Extravagant Love (Notre Dame, IN: Ave Maria Press, 2021).

Chapter 3 | False Ideas LGBT Christians Received (08:22)

• 09:08 | Zakhar Valaha, “Perfect Beauty,” Pixabay.

• 09:18 | The audio clip comes from the following podcast episode: “Heavy Burdens: Interview with Bridget Eileen Rivera (Part 1).” A Pastor and a Philosopher Walk into a Bar. Hosted by Randy Knie and Kyle Whitaker. February 24, 2022. Podcast, 51:07. https://open.spotify.com/episode/54DfBoYeDgoX2p5n5caXD9. A national study analyzing data from the 2016–2019 National Survey on Drug Use and Health found that while religious attendance is associated with lower suicide risk among heterosexual individuals, it correlates with higher suicide risk among gay, lesbian, and bisexual individuals.

• 09:55 | Bridget Eileen Rivera. Heavy Burdens: Seven Ways LGBTQ Christians Experience Harm in the Church. Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press, 2021.​

• 11:13 | Lin Melone, interview by Josh Proctor, July 29, 2024.

Chapter 4 | The Fear of God’s Will (12:40)

• 14:52 | Bekah Mason. "Non-Traditional Families Are Biblical Families." Workshop presented at Revoice18 Conference, St. Louis, MO, July 26-28, 2018.

Chapter 5 | Our Image of God Impacts Our Formation (16:55)

• 17:16 | A.W. Tozer. The Knowledge of the Holy. New York: HarperCollins, 1978.​

• 19:08 | Isaiah 6

• 22:17 | Jenkins, Dallas, creator. The Chosen. VidAngel Studios, 2019–present. Streaming video. https://watch.angelstudios.com/thechosen.

Chapter 6 | Embracing Mystery (23:11)

• 24:30 | Lin Melone, interview by Josh Proctor, July 29, 2024.

• 27:41 | M. Robert Mulholland Jr., Invitation to a Journey: A Road Map for Spiritual Formation (Downers Grove, IL: IVP Books, 1993).

Chapter 7 | Defining Transparency (28:32)

• 29:46 | 1 Corinthians 3:18

Chapter 8 | Spiritual Practices for Transparency (31:56)

• 33:41 | James Empereur, Spiritual Direction and the Gay Person (London: Bloomsbury Academic, 1998).​

• 39: 56 | C.S. Lewis. The Last Battle. New York: HarperCollins, 2001. (Note: First published in 1956.)

Chapter 9 | The Gift of Things Falling Apart (41:25)

• 44:40 | Paradise Hymns, “Arrow,” written by Daniel Brunjes, 2020, Spotify.

• 45:18 | Rachel Dowda, reader. Against a Closed Sky. By Walter Brueggemann. Audio recording. November 8, 2024.

Chapter 10 | Credits (47:04)

Read the full Research Document here.

Special thanks to Zac Wagner for sound engineering support.

This episode explores the spiritual movement from shame to dignity within the LGBTQ experiences. Josh and Sarah Claire delve into the roots of shame, its impact on queer people, and how to overcome it. The conversation emphasizes finding dignity in God’s love and the role of vulnerability in personal growth. 

Footnotes

Chapter 1 | Introduction (00:00)

• 1:14 | Grant Hartley, “S2E9 | Ashley, Grant, and Josh on Shame,” The Life on Side B Podcast, April 13, 2020, podcast audio. https://www.lifeonsideb.com/episodes/episode/1e3acc32/s2e9-or-ashley-grant-and-josh-on-shame 

• 2:09 | Essence, interview by Josh Proctor, July 12, 2024.

• 3:47 | Elijah Herral, “Casualties,” produced by Logan Murphy, Raccon Valley Records, 2024, Spotify

Chapter 2 | Understanding Shame: Its Roots and Impact (4:44)

• 4:55 | Alan Downs, The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World (Cambridge, MA: Da Capo Press, 2005).

• 6:44 | Rich Villodas, The Deeply Formed Life: Spirituality That Shapes Our Lives and the World Around Us (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2020).

• 8:03 | Michael Hobbes, "The Epidemic of Gay Loneliness," Highline, March 2, 2017, https://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/gay-loneliness/.

Chapter 3 | Coming Out & Compartmentalization (8:45)

• 9:18 | Matthew Todd, Straight Jacket: Overcoming Society's Legacy of Gay Shame (London: Black Swan, 2018).

Chapter 4 | Shame Management (14:40)

• 14:55 | Christian Sexuality, “Christian Sexuality - Interview With Jay Stringer,” March 1, 2021, Youtube video, 4:16-4:54. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3Erj8mfUug

• 15:34 | Paradise Hymns, “Arrow,” written by Daniel Brunjes, 2020, Spotify

• 16:12 | Jay Stringer, Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 2018). 

• 17:00 | Lin Melone, interview by Josh Proctor, July 29, 2024.

Chapter 5 | Why The First Movement? (20:10)

• 20:30 | Gregg Webb, "Ten Years," Eleison, November 23, 2019, https://eleisonblog.org/2019/11/23/ten-years/.

Chapter 6 | Defining Dignity (23:21)

• 23:32 | John 3:16

• 24:00 | 1 John 4:19

• 25:24 | Matthew 7:12 

Chapter 7 | Self-Love And Finding Goodness in Queerness (30:00)

• 30:00 | Elijah Herrel, “Not As Easy As It Seemed,” produced by Logan Murphy, Raccon Valley Records, 2024, Spotify.

• 30:04 | James Empereur, Spiritual Direction and the Gay Person (London: Bloomsbury Academic, 1998).​

• 30:31 | James Empereur, interview by Josh Proctor, September 15, 2022.

• 34:49 | Eve Tushnet, Tenderness: A Gay Christian’s Guide to Unlearning Rejection and Experiencing God's Extravagant Love (Notre Dame, IN: Ave Maria Press, 2021).

• 35:53 | James Empereur, Spiritual Direction and the Gay Person (London: Bloomsbury Academic, 1998).​

Chapter 8 | The Power of Vulnerability (37:16)

• 37:57 | Psalm 139

• 39:57 - Brene Brown definition of vulnerability as emotional exposure without certainty (reference needed)

• 40:47 - Brene Brown - vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage

• 43:09 | Romans 2:4 

Chapter 9 | Healthy and Unsafe Routes of Vulnerability (44:39)

Chapter 10 | Spiritual Practices for Dignity (51:07)

• 57:28 | 1 Corinthians 11:17-34

• 59:02 | Matthew 5:23-24

Chapter 11 | Supporting Someone Through Shame (61:13)

• 61:13 | Paradise Hymns, “Near Again,” written by Daniel Brunjes, 2019, Spotify.

• 62:00 | Josh Proctor, Holistic and Integrated Spiritual Formation of LGBT+ and Same-Sex Attracted Christians: Six Spiritual Movements That Lead Toward Wholeness as Spiritual and Sexual Beings with Specific Application to Sexual Minorities (DMin diss., Kairos University, July 2024). 

Chapter 12 | Credits (63:12)

Read the full Research Document here.

Special thanks to Zac Wagner for sound engineering support.`

What does it look like to be spiritually formed as a queer person who follows Christ? Built on six years of doctoral research, this podcast moves beyond the common topics of identity and sexual ethics in queer faith conversations. Josh Proctor sits down with mental health therapist Sarah Claire Smith Colling to discuss elements of spiritual formation that will be vital and run throughout the whole series. 

Footnotes

Chapter 1 | The Tension of Sexuality and Spiritual Formation (00:00)

• 0:37 | Mel [@melbtrippin_], “Christianity is holding back human evolution.” TikTok, July 8, 2023.https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT2dW7rwx/ 

• 2:48 | Saturday Night Live, “Protective Mom 2 - SNL,” October 22, 2023, Youtube video, 3:42-3:47. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVjQImP8x5s 

• 4:16 | Christian Sexuality, “Christian Sexuality - Interview With Jay Stringer,” March 1, 2021, Youtube video, 2:45-3:34. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3Erj8mfUug 

• 5:30 | Trey Parker, Robert Lopez, and Matt Stone, "Turn It Off," track 3 on The Book of Mormon (Original Broadway Cast Recording), Ghostlight Records, 2011, Spotify.

• 7:46 | Elijah Herrel, “Not As Easy As It Seemed,” produced by Logan Murphy, Raccon Valley Records, 2024, Spotify.

Chapter 2 | Introducing Josh and Clarifying Terms and Expectations (8:50)

• 12:48 | Josh Proctor, “S4E6 | Sarah Claire on Listening to Your Own Story (w/ Josh),” The Life on Side B Podcast, April 25, 2022, podcast audio. https://www.lifeonsideb.com/episodes/episode/1d4f98ab/s4e6-or-sarah-claire-on-listening-to-your-own-story-with-josh  

Chapter 3 | Interview with Sarah Claire Smith Colling (12:33)

• 16:43 | Alan Downs, The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World (Cambridge, MA: Da Capo Press, 2005).

• 16:47 | Pete Scazzero, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: It's Impossible to Be Spiritually Mature While Remaining Emotionally Immature (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2014).

Chapter 4 | The Concept of Spiritual Formation (17:40)

• 18:13 | Josh Proctor, “Biblical and Theological Presentation for DMin Program,” Kairos University, zoom, April 27, 2022.

• 18:48 | Sarah Patterson (Track Leader of Tyndale Seminary’s DMin in Spiritual Formation), interview by Josh Proctor 

• 25:01 | M. Robert Mulholland Jr., Invitation to a Journey: A Road Map for Spiritual Formation (Downers Grove, IL: IVP Books, 1993). 

• 25:53 | Pete Scazzero, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality.

Chapter 5 | Knowing Myself and Knowing God (26:06)

• 28:44 | John Mark Comer, “The Journey | Discovering Your Identity and Calling E1 (Revamped),” John Mark Comer Teachings, January 12, 2024, podcast audio, 11:22-12:12, Spotify.

Chapter 6 | What are Spiritual Movements? (30:58)

• 31:18 | Henry Nouwen, Spiritual Formation: Following the Movements of the Spirit (San Francisco: HarperOne, 2010).

• 32:26 | Henri Nouwen originally referred to “Murkiness to Transparency” as “Opaqueness to Transparency”.

Chapter 7 | The Role Spiritual Practices (35:30)

• 36:24 | Rich Villodas, The Deeply Formed Life: Spirituality That Shapes Our Lives and the World Around Us (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2020).

Chapter 8 | Research and Case Studies (39:55) 

• 40:10 | James Emperour, Spiritual Direction and the Gay Person (New York: Paulist Press, 1984).

• 41:26 | Eve Tushnet, Tenderness (Chicago: Wiseblood Books, 2020).

• 41:44 | The case studies included eleven non-heterosexual individuals over a period of six months.

Chapter 9 | Guidance for Pastors and Leaders (47:28)

• 48:04 | Sarah Patterson (Track Leader of Tyndale Seminary’s DMin in Spiritual Formation), interview by Josh Proctor.

Chapter 10 | Conclusion and Next Steps (50:22)

• 51:11 | Paradise Hymns, “Surrounding You,” written by Daniel Brunjes, 2019, Spotify.

Read the full Research Document here.

Special thanks to Zac Wagner & Alfonso Corona for sound engineering support.

What does it look like to be spiritually formed as a queer person who follows Christ?

Dive into six transformative spiritual movements, designed to help LGBT+ and same-sex-attracted Christians integrate their faith and sexuality. Join us starting on April 7th for seven episodes exploring LGBT+ spiritual formation and emotional health. Learn more at ⁠whollyourselves.org/becomingwholepodcast⁠.