Beat Your Genes Podcast – Details, episodes & analysis

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld.

0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro

02:25 Q1:  When Neuroticism Sees the Breakup Coming Before He Does

11:25 Small Adjustments vs Sudden shifts

20:30 Analyzing key parameters

36:20 Q2: Pair Bonding: Nature's Anti-Chippy Software Update

45:15 Final thoughts

Q1: I am a female scoring high on the vulnerability dimension of neuroticism on the Big 5 assessment. I have always left partners first when I felt any kind of instability in the relationship or felt they weren't completely into me. I married my husband who had been my friend for years and knew he was stable and completely into me, this was comforting and we have been married for 13 years. Just knowing that men naturally value women who are fertile scares me when thinking about our future together when I am 45 and up (I am currently 35)- he scores very low in openness and expresses his contentment for our relationship, seems to value me, but I am also going to be legally blind in older age. However, I'm setting myself up to be able to continue earning an income and I am involved in social activities and hobbies on my own. I find myself wanting to leave and establish my own apartment when my younger daughter is a teenager, just so I can avoid any future problems in my relationship with him. It's like with evo psych I can see the future that he will not value me and I just don't want to ever experience that (thanks, neuroticism :( ) I would appreciate any insight and advice about this! If I bring this up to my husband he just says "what a narrow view of the world you have".

Q2: I don't understand wife, wife, wife, chippy from an evolutionary psychology standpoint. If everything comes down to reproduction and pair bonding didn't exist in the stone age, wouldn't it just be chippy, chippy, chippy, chippy? Didn't the chiefs and best hunters just sleep with as many females as they chose? I know that traditionally men had harems, slaves, concubines and multiple wives, with the men sleeping with multiple females at the same time without commitment. What changed to create the wife relationship or pair bonding in the first place?

X: @BeatYourGenes

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Become Binge Free Course by Justina Froese

https://justinafroese.com/become-binge-free/

Participants will have long-term access. It includes 100+ lectures, a community, social eating solutions, over 10+ hours of video content, recipes, and more—literally everything about recovering from binge eating. It's like a binge eating library that will be updated whenever there's something new and valuable to share. 

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld.

0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro

04:03 Q1:  Married for 20 years but never loved him

21:10 Using the written word to express yourself

40:55 Q2: Can the "least attractive" still find sexual satisfaction and happiness? 

1:03:25 Final thoughts

Q1: I have been married to my husband for 20 years, we are both 45 now. He is a wonderful person, gentle, caring, sweet, intelligent, and an amazing father to our three small children, who all love him deeply. We have been through so much together and he helped make my dreams come true. I have great respect for him as a person and a deep seated gratitude for what he has done for me and my family, but I never loved him as a wife should love a husband, I've never been physically or sexually attracted to him. At this point in my life, I feel like I want to be with someone who I am physically attracted to. I want to experience the great romance that I never did in my youth. I know you will say leave him and find it, but you see, Dr. Lisle, it's not so simple. He loves us greatly, and If I leave, it would crush him. I just can't do that to him or the children, who are so very attached to him. If I leave, the guilt will eat away at me and I will be very unhappy, because I do love him in a way, for everything that he's done for me. But don't I deserve to at least try to go out and find my great romance? The more I think about it, the more it seems that I won't be happy either way. What should I do?

Q2: Can the woman who is objectively a 4 on the attractiveness scale really be happy and sexually satisfied with a man who is a 2 or 3? Or is she just with him because she knows she can't do any better? Is she actually attracted to that man? I know I would never find a man who is a 3 attractive. I would much rather stay single for life than be with a man I am not 100% attracted to. Can less attractive people truly be happy in their pair bond relationship?

X: @BeatYourGenes

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Become Binge Free Course by Justina Froese

https://justinafroese.com/become-binge-free/

Participants will have long-term access. It includes 100+ lectures, a community, social eating solutions, over 10+ hours of video content, recipes, and more—literally everything about recovering from binge eating. It's like a binge eating library that will be updated whenever there's something new and valuable to share. 

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld.

0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro

04:31 Q1: My daughter doesn't care about her appearance – could it be more than just preference?

14:32 Q2: Our 42 year old dependent daughter said she'll kill herself after we die

32:35 Communication & Negotiation

39:06 Q3:  My pot-smoking husband's libido has decreased – but is it me?

53:15 Final thoughts

Q1: Is neglecting personal hygiene and physical appearance really a sign of depression, or is it just personality? My 37 year old daughter doesn't care about her appearance at all, she wears pajamas and slippers everywhere with her hair up in a tangled bun and doesn't wear makeup at all. This doesn't seem so bad, but she's completely neglecting her personal hygiene, she doesn't shower for weeks, smells bad, doesn't wash her hair for months, doesn't brush her teeth regularly, hasn't gotten a haircut in years (her hair's almost down to her knees) and doesn't even brush her hair. Her complete lack of personal hygiene is worrying. She wasn't like this when she was living with me, but that could be because I was always telling her to do those things. Now that she's living alone, is this just who she is? Or should I be worried that there's something else wrong, like depression?

Q2: My husband and I are both 77 years old and we are still working to support our 42 year old daughter. We could have retired a long time ago, but we still work to save up money so our daughter can live comfortably after our passing. We know she'll never work - she hasn't worked for 20 years. She was always a smart girl, she graduated with a bachelor's degree in nursing and worked for a month during which she had many panic attacks and mental breakdowns. They forced her to take a medical leave of absence, was diagnosed with autism and anxiety issues, but she never went back to work and we've been supporting her ever since. We have quite a lot of money saved up, so she'll be able to live comfortably after we die. I recently asked her what she'll do after we die, she said she'll kill herself, that she can't live without us. This answer deeply upset me. My husband and I sacrificed our lives and retirement for her, just so she could kill herself in a few years. I feel like I wasted my life and she wasted hers, that I failed her and caused her to become so enmeshed with us that she can't live without us. I'm heartbroken. I don't know what to do. Do you have any advice?

Q3: Does a man's libido change overtime, and is it common? It has been a year since I've noticed a decrease in my husband's sexual advances and general sexual interest in me. What used to be sex at least once a week is now biweekly or less. And sometimes he even struggles to orgasm. I've brought this issue up to him a few times and his reasons is that he's tired because he works a lot (around 10 hours a day sometimes) and is generally stressed with work and life. I agree that our life is stressful right now for a few reasons (his new job, child raising, finances, dealing with family (his in-laws) issues etc) but I also have a hard time believing that those are the actual reasons. Even though I get stressed and tired, I still want to be intimate. I really don't believe he's cheating or anything like that- he's a devoted husband and father otherwise, and I also haven't gained weight, I'm the same I was when we met. But I've always been insecure about my looks and body so his lack of interest is really taking a toll on my ego. It seems he'd rather watch a show on his iPad than spend time with me. Could what he be saying really be true? Does a man's libido decline with stress or age? He is 43 and I'm 33. He is also smokes cannabis regularly (always has since I met him). Any advice on how to handle the situation is greatly appreciated!
 

X: @BeatYourGenes

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses:

1. Why do I often get small epiphanies about various things in my life when I'm half asleep?
2. I've noticed many people act differently around close friends and family than they do around coworkers and strangers. So, how do we know what our true personalities are? For example, I'm the life of the party around people I know very well, but totally shy and quiet around strangers and at work. I'm also quite disagreeable with close friends and family, but highly agreeable with everyone else. Is it my high conscientiousness that causes me to be such a Chamaeleon?
3. Do other animals (besides humans) show self destructive behaviour? Why are humans so self destructive?

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss: 

1. My question is about how evolutionary psychologists can interpret the species-specific human diet differently. Dr. Lisle supports a plant-based, starch-heavy diet. Meanwhile, Dr. Geoffrey Miller supports a paleo diet (heavy in meat and greens). It seems clear that the majority of calories were gathered, not hunted, which lends weight to the plant-based, starch-heavy type of diet being the standard human diet and the correct one to follow. How can researchers have such different interpretations of human diet?
2. I would love to get the doctors' take on the FIRE movement (Financial Independence Retire Early). Is it just another example of the enlightenment trap? I read "Your Money or Your Life" in my mid-twenties and since then have been saving approximately half of my income. I now have enough to "frugal retire" if I want to. But now I don't have a goal to work towards. I've always wanted to travel and learn foreign languages; so I'm doing that. But I know that if I wasn't taking classes every day I'd be bored out of my mind. Did I just waste the last decade of my life engineering my very own complacency cage?
3. Noways, a lot of people gravitate towards food when they are stressed. What did people do in the Stone Age when they were stressed? Did they fight, did they sleep, did they meditate, did they go on walks, did they talk about it? And what about animals? What do they do when they feel stressed?
4. I was wondering if Jen and Doug have ever talked about the increase in angry violent outbursts on airplanes and other places that has happened in this age of Covid.  There have always been angry outbursts but why have they increased now.  Is it some kind of temper tantrum in reaction to loss of control due to Covid.  Social media is just filled with these incidents.  

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, Dr. Howk discusses:

1. My house is lovely, and clutter free - except one attic room which is where I keep a large amount of sentimental objects all neatly packed and stored and kept clean. I have a lot of objects, letters and cards from my own childhood and life. I have a lot of my children's clothes from age 0- 5, and a lot of their toys from the early years. I have their dismantled cot. I have every picture they have ever drawn. Why do I feel I need to keep all these possessions? Is there a way past becoming so attached to things?
2. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and are very happy. I am 38 and he is 44. We've talked a little bit about children and both came to the conclusion that we don't want to start over. . Anyways, I've had to get on various forms of birth control and some have been horrible on my body and mind. I got information about a vasectomy for him, even told him I'd pay for half and he kind of makes excuses and doesn't sound like he's in a hurry to do so. What do you think this means? Does he eventually want another child but just not with me? Should I try and push the issue more or just keep trying different birth control methods even though they are costly and inconvenient for me? I'm a very non confrontational person, what is the best way to bring this up and also ways to help me not stew on the idea that I don't qualify as a mother to his potential child.
3. How do I get over the victim mentality?
4. Over the last few months I've been feeling 'down'. The only thing really missing is that 'other half' in my life. Could that one thing really be causing me to feel so unhappy with my life? Or do you think with current events, Covid etc there is just a general wariness and fatigue over us all? 

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses:

1. Is there such a thing as going mad? Are similar expressions mostly just used to discredit people? What about mental breakdowns?
2. What would cause a fully-functional, productive member of society to have a "nervous breakdown," and become a total basket case? Conventional diagnoses include PTSD, anxiety, Major Depressive Disorder, and the treatment has, so far, been, treatment with more and more meds, whether in or outpatient. Is this just a function of personality? Is this person running a CB analysis that says it's better to be this way, even though she's miserable and claims that she wants to get back to work and life? What's the best way to support her?
3. How do I get over small slights in an otherwise happy and healthy relationship? I am probably more sensitive than the average bear. My partner of 5 years is great. But he has a habit of correcting me on the proper pronunciation of words whenever they come up, usually 1-3 times per year. The first few times I took it on the chin. But eventually I told him it really bothered me and made me feel stupid. Other small slights could be if he didn't show appreciation for a great meal that I make when I do all of the cooking. These incidents can set me off on a 3 day freeze out. I don't think he deserves me being angry with him for that long and always wish I could just stop. It took me a long time to even start bringing up hurt feelings because I've always felt so over rewarded, but now I try to so things don't fester. I try to think of all of his good qualities but that doesn't work. Is this just a neuroticism tinged disagreeability streak in me that I can't change? I tend not to think of myself as a disagreeable because I always go out of my way to not hurt others' feelings and am an otherwise happy, cheerful person. So, do you have any ideas on how to get over these slights?

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses: 

1. Is it different when a female partner indulges in the equivalent of but for women, than it is for if a male partner indulges? From what I understand, if the man is still very into his wife, it might not be much of a problem at all. Is it the same when a woman is indulging in shows and books that titillate the female mind?
2. At 24 years old (female) having left a long 4 year relationship I did quite a lot of "market research" and calibration via casual dating/sex which was incredibly informative and mostly fun. ​Near enough after 100+ matches and 20 dates, I met my current boyfriend, and it's been going great. We've been dating about six months and we're in love. He really resents me having had casual mating partners because he said it's a big turn off and likes to pretend it "didn't happen". Without my dating history I don't think I would be satisfied to pair bond or understand what I want from a long term partner, so it's hardly irrelevant to where I am now, but I am really committed to making him feel loved and secure with me.  Do you think this is a natural reaction in the stone age as men especially want evidence that their pair bonded partner is capable of loyalty and not flake or cheat on them? In which case do I avoid bringing it up and accept my past decisions are sending the wrong signals, or sit down to discuss if these decisions threaten the security of the relationship?
3. I understand marriage is unnatural to our natural history, and you're generally against getting married if you're not absolutely sure and haven't been together for 21 decades (joke), but what advice would you give for someone in a pairbond to make them continously more attractive for a pairbond? So if someone wants to simply settle down and be happy with one person, how do we beat our genes? 

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, Dr. Howk and Dr. Lisle discuss the current state of affairs in an analysis of human behavior and motivation. 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's replay of episode 223, the Dr's discuss:

1. How does withdrawal and Tolerance In drug usage compare to eating foods with addictive properties in terms of trying to quit? For instance, Would planning a strict day and time for a specific portioned unhealthy meal once a week then after get straight back on the wagon aid in keeping tolerance low and cravings at bay? or is complete abstinence the key to lifelong success in ending the addiction? I've been trying for about 3 years to be WFPB  but I've never made it more than 30 days and when I cave into crap foods each time it's making me doubt I could achieve this success.
2. It seems so far that calorie restriction might not offer the degree of increased longevity benefits for humans as is found in mice and other animals. If you took an evolutionary perspective on this, what might you guess could explain why humans don't get quite the boost that other animals do? Do you think humans and perhaps some other animals have physiology that might expect to go hungry fairly often, so it's required for a normal lifespan rather than causing an abnormally longer one?
3. I recently celebrated my 30th birthday during this time, as fun and different as it was, the classic questions have now come to my mind about dating/settling down. I am single, and have not been on a date in 2 years! I know my chances are decreasing by the year of "finding a mate", and I am worried that males will be able to tell I am not as young as is ideal. Is there any way of avoiding this/giving off the illusions/impression that I still have value on the market as much as a twenty something?
4. Is following your lust just another pleasure trap that will leave you dissatisfied long term? Should a person who is not pair bond oriented try to work towards this for long term happiness or is this like trying to change your personality?

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus