(BPM #157).

• • daily building tool #3;
    • becoming a mashpia, a giver;
    • all 5 love languages are forms of healthy giving;

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(BPJ #159).

• • Strength #11.
    • they don't neglect their marriage relationship;
    • renewing your commitment to your marriage with positivity, hope and hischadshus!

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(BPM #152).

• • avoiding complaining and blaming;
  • being happy with your lot in life and with your wife;
  • gratitude;
  • the healthy approach to shame;
  • to turn to Hashem (and your wife) and not away;

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(BPJ #112).

• • don't nag;
  • encourage good behaviors through honest compliments;
  • influence your spouse by setting a good example;
  • avoid initiating fights;
  • don't provoke;
  • talk sparingly and short when disagreeing;

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(EX #39).

• This episode features a compelling interview with Eli Goldbaum, a mediator specializing in divorces within the orthodox Jewish world.
• Eli's approach emphasizes the importance of preventing divorces when possible and facilitating peaceful resolutions when dissolution of marriage becomes inevitable.

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(BPM #107).

• • nothing in life will affect you as much as your relationship with your wife;
  • unintentional pain and betraying of trust will hurt your marriage as surely as intentional ones will, only slower;

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(BPJ #111).

• • address causes, not symptoms;
  • don't "pile on";

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(BPM #106).

• • invalidation threat #3 is creating defenses for pain-causing behaviors;
  • how often do you remember your wife when you make decisions?

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(BPJ #110).

• • don't terrorize, tyrannize, dictate, or demand;

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(BPM #105).

• • good people can be bad spouses;
  • avoid the invalidating triple threat;
  • the first two is responding that your wife's thoughts were wrong or feelings were wrong;

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(BPJ #109).

• • learn how to influence your spouse;
  • criticism is poison to a relationship;
  • develop healthy self-worth to prevent defensiveness;

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(BPM #104).

• • how good people 'accidentally' hurt and betray their wives being unaware of the damage until its too late;
  • how to prevent this;
  • most marriages are harmed not by major blows but a series of 10,000 paper cuts;

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(BPJ #108).

• • learning a second language;
  • using both the language of the head and language of the heart;
  • for a husband and wife to speak and connect deeply using both languages;

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(BPJ #154).

• • Strength #8. (Part 2);
    • they don't blame each other for their problems;

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(BPM #103).

• • be your wife's best friend;
  • creating a safe space for her;
  • be truthful, loyal and full of integrity towards her;
  • honor her;
  • do things together;
  • step into her world;

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(BPJ #107).

• • giving your spouse your full attention;
  • saving your marriage by shutting down technology and connect with each other with a single one-to-one focus;

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(BPM #102a).

• • to know another person;

Insight from Rav. Cahan on BPM # 102

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(BPM #102).

• • your wife's need for encouragement;
  • give her first priority;
  • point out her potential;
  • the power of encouragement (very moving true story);

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(BPJ #106).

• • set aside fixed times for communication;
  • distinguish between empathetic listening and offering advice;
  • husband's listening empathetically when wife needs to talk;
  • wife regulating her talking to avoid overloading;

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(BPM #101).

• • meeting your wife's emotional intimacy;
  • listening;
  • give her attention and affection;

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(BPJ #105).

• • learn to talk about things that are bothering you;
  • don't let tensions and resentment build up;
  • be self reflective;
  • be calm;
  • daven for help from Hashem and then communicate;

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(BPM #100).

• • providing emotional intimacy for your wife will open up the safe space for sexual intimacy;

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(BPJ #104).

• • to learn the skill of deep listening;
  • seeing beyond the words your spouse is saying;
  • avoid defensiveness, which is why you need a strong sense of self-esteem to be a true listener to your spouse;

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(BPM #99).

• • friendship deepens love;
  • be a help and comfort to your wife;
  • friendly climate at home;
  • having fun;
  • making the home a safehaven;

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(BPM #151).

• • daily interactions with your wife;
    • avoid criticizing which hurts your marriage;
    • exercises on how to stop criticizing;
    • the only person you can change is yourself;

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(BPM #98).

• • intimacy of touch;
  • intimacy of kindness;
  • forging friendship;

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(BPJ #103).

• • learning how to communicate with your spouse;
  • learning to express needs, hurts, and to gain insight into your spouse's inner reality;

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(BPM #97).

• • 3 modes of connection;
    • quantity time (needed for quality time);
    • tuning in (one on one focus on your wife);
    • intimacy (into me see);

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(BPJ #102).

• • developing respect in your relationship;
  • see the truth in your spouses perspective and honor it;
  • have the inner peace to admit your mistakes;

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(BPM #96).

• • identifying disconnecting behaviors;
  • advice of connecting;
    • thought stopping;
    • taking responsibility for your actions;
    • committing strong to the sexual physical connection;

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(BPJ #101).

• • say something nice to your spouse every day;
  • inner thoughts and feelings are influenced by their speech;
  • see the truth in your spouse;

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(BPM #95).

• • expanding commitment;
  • focus on positive;
  • resist the fear to connect;
  • the beauty and gift of long-term committed marriages;

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(BPJ #100).

• • do something nice for your spouse every day;
  • true purpose is to help others and it starts first with one's own spouse;

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(BPM #94).

• • honesty with sensitivity;
  • building trust through fidelity;
  • overcoming your resistance of developing trust;
  • say what you are going to do, then DO it;
  • checklist of the 3C's;

http://streamdigitalvideo.com/pd_sb/BPM93-Trust on 3 C's.pdf

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(BPJ #99).

• • never speak disparaging about your spouse in public;
  • don't give spouse insulting nicknames;
  • always say 'please' and 'thank you';

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(BPJ #153).

• • Strength #8. (Part 1);
    • they don't blame each other for their problems;

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(BPM #93).

• • to learn how to be clear, reasonable, flexible and fair;
  • true love is built on a foundation of trust;

http://streamdigitalvideo.com/pd_sb/BPM93-Trust on 3 C's.pdf

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(BPJ #98).

• • developing respect, gratitude, and love to your spouse;
  • importance of "outer" behaviors;
  • don't compare your spouse to anyone else;

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(EX #38).

• Where is Hashem?

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(BPM #92).

• • the 3 Cs: 1. chemistry, 2. compatibility, 3. commitment;
    • working hard to nurture the Cs of Compatibility and Commitment;
    • like chemistry, these qualities can be worked on and achieved, bringing great blessings to the marriage;

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(EX #37).

• Rabbi Yaakov Biderman, director of Chabad-Lubavitch in Austria, discovered that he was not the first shliach to Vienna. Over two decades before his arrival, the Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson sent Mrs. Marguerite Chajes to pay a visit to Doctor Viktor Frankl, the founder of logo-therapy and author of Man's Search for Meaning.

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(BPJ #97).

• • maintain your physical appearance;
  • don't talk too much;

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(BPM #91).

• • how physical intimacy, always connected to emotional intimacy, needs to be a priority in every marriage;
  • adapting in a healthy way to differences in sex drives between spouses;

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(JH #2).

• • Julie Hartman: The majority of what we worry about is silly.

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(JH #1).

• • Julie Hartman: How the brain and eyes work.

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(BPJ #96).

• • be involved in meaningful activities;
  • don't be self absorbed;
  • keep up with your good hobbies, habits and talents;

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(BPM #150).

• • foundational weapon #2;
    • decode all messages of "lack" as messages from the yetzer hora;
    • I have everything I need;
    • resist the urge to disconnect from your wife;

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(BPM #90).

• • the 3 Cs: 1. chemistry, 2. compatibility, 3. commitment;
    • chemistry even if doesn't come naturally, can be acquired with both prayer and healthy effort;
    • how that spark can come into their physical connection bringing a fresh renewal to their physical intimate life;

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(BPJ #95).

• • accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, even about yourself;
  • it's ok to be vulnerable and express human weakness but never in a negative attacking way;

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(EX #36).

• How do we make our prayers more powerful? How do we become experts at communicating with G-d?

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