David finally takes things a step too far on his radio show and now Donna is on his case as well as Dylan. Meanwhile, the PPADAH is in full swing, to the point that a neighbor calls the police and Noah and Donna get arrested for trafficking. Gina gets away though, with Mel Silver, who decided to get a lap dance at his son’s workplace. And Matt has taken a high profile death penalty case. Too bad his client is a rapist murderer and Kelly isn’t okay with it.

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Steve and Janet tell their parents about the pregnancy / wedding, which goes horribly wrong, and Steve makes it worse by saying his mother’s partner is really his sister. They also need a place to live with the baby, so Matt and Noah have to decide who is going to move out of Casa Walsh for the baby. Matt talks to Kelly about living together, while Noah opens a strip club with Gina. And Dylan enters a prank war with some preteens in the hotel.

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Kelly and Dylan run into each other outside of a grocery store and save a pregnant woman from being mugged in broad daylight. Rather than be honest with their significant others, they lie and say that Steve was the hero. Which is a good thing because it stopped Steve from lying his way into a sex addict support group. Too bad he’s already introduced his sponsor to David, who doesn’t handle the situation appropriately at first. Elsewhere, Gina has received a job offer from the skating world, Matt is trying to avoid some serious research work, and Noah has found another biological sibling we’ll forget about in one week.

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Ray is back in town this week and we’re just treating that like it’s nothing. Val is so desperate to catch Colin that she’s willing to work with Kelly. And Joe and Donna realize their dreams are taking them in different directions

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Susan and Brandon win $5,000, lose $5,000, find $5,000, and donate $5,000. We learn about call forwarding (and a lot of it). And Val learns way too late that Colin is untrustworthy and definitely didn’t magically grow up in the last few weeks.

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TW: Mental Illness and Suicide

Kelly has finally decided Tara needs to move out, but moving day doesn’t go quite as planned. Neither do any of the big reveals of David and Donna’s music video. Or Colin’s court date. Nothing is going according to plan this week.

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David lands a gig filming a music video for a campus band and he asks Donna to help, much to Joe’s dismay. Brandon gets an interview with another Boston newspaper, which prompts Susan to definitely not give him an ultimatum. And tensions between Kelly and Colin and Val and the gang finally reach a boiling point.

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Cmon boys! We’re going camping! Only some of us though, Kelly and her new best friend are going on bowling. And Colin and Val have a surprise visit from a slightly expected character.

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Colin is definitely a Friends fan (he’s totally a Ross), and he’s totally sending his new sugar mama to his legal meetings for him because he’s just had a bad week and can’t even. It’s okay though, there’s a party tonight that’s totally gonna go fine because no parties in Beverly Hills ever go wrong.

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Kelly is coming home to adjust to life outside of rehab, and Tara is not handling it well. Speaking of not handling it well, Nat and Joan broke up and Susan and Clare are not about it. They convince Steve and Brandon to put on an elaborate plan to get them back together. Oh and Joe got heart surgery and is fine now byeeee.

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Kelly’s in therapy! And Colerie (Valin?) are definitely trying to be a normal couple, even though she just got out of a serious relationship and he’s still in love with his ex. Oh, and he gets busted for coke and leads the cops on a high speed chase, just Colin things. Meanwhile, Brandon goes home to meet the parents <3

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We've got a birthday this month and you know what that means! We're covering Gilmore Girls this week and we've got it all - Friday night dinners, boring boys, Gilmores as far as the eye can see, and coffee. So. Much. Coffee.

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Kelly’s doing a lot better this week - she’s in rehab, she’s dumped Colin, she’s making friends. What could go wrong? Elsewhere, the couples go on a ski trip with a newly single David who could use a distraction, and Susan and Brandon let their competitive sides come out. And the now single outsiders come together for a meeting of the fun shirt club.

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Steve and Janet entertain a child genius, who realizes that Steve loves his life even though he’s dumb (he did go to a state school after all). David meets one of his idols and helps him realize the best years aren’t behind him. Kelly gets hypnotized and accidentally reveals how much she still cares for Dylan, causing a rift between the couples. And Donna’s parents reveal to her that they’re separating and she handles it about how you would expect Donna to

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Ginger and Jonathan finally put their plans in action. One goes better for them, and one goes way better for us. And Kelly finally reaches her ‘rock bottom’, but at least she’ll get the help she needs. Oh also Colin sucks, a lot.

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Johnathon won’t leave (he’s got a lot of ideas), and to make matters worse, now Ginger is back. Joe’s heart condition comes up again, Val’s keeping secrets from David, Kelly is still doing her thing… Our avocado heads just can’t catch a break.

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CW: Abortion, Transphobia

Susan is up for an award for an article she wrote before we met her. Brandon is going to be her date, but so is Johnothon. One is a significantly better date than the other. Clare and Steve also went to the awards dinner and that's a whole different story. Elsewhere, Kelly is still deep in her drug feelings, but slowly remembering that she had a life before cocaine

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Kelly is spending too much money and doing too much coke on a "don't think about my abandonment issues" binge. Joe refuses to listen to medical professionals who suggest he could have serious problems if he doesn't take care of himself. Clare and Steve go to comedy traffic school. Yes, all of these things are real.

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Some things never change - Steve fails upwards, Brandon and Susan are a bit jealous, and 90s dads are not Riverdale daddies. Other topics of conversation - very specific memory loss, how much cocaine is too much cocaine, and NOT jokes

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It’s January 2. Wonder what happened between New Year’s Eve and now? Don’t worry, the gang will tell you.

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This Christmas is full of surprises! Cindy shows up unannounced, and is thinking of leaving Jim. Colin hasn’t given up his bad habits and he hasn’t told Kelly about it. And Joe wants to give Donna as good of a birthday present as he got (spoiler alert: he doesn’t).

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Donna is doing one day of work at a convenient store and Joe is less than thrilled about it. She ends up protecting a boy who steals a teddy bear and then inserts herself completely into his life. Meanwhile the Alphas are having a casino night at the PPAD and remember when Brandon had a gambling addiction? We do!

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Joe is in court for his assault charges, Donna is in the final moments of the Rose Court, and the gang is there to support them through it all. That may not sound like much but this. episode. has. everything.

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Brandon and Kelly are left on their own over Thanksgiving weekend, which we can all agree is the sexiest holiday. And speaking of sex, Donna has decided that waiting until marriage may not be for her anymore.

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Donna agrees to help out the West Bev drama club with their production of Romeo and Juliet, but another former classmate has different plans. Dylan rigs a raffle for Kelly that he was supposed to rig for Gina, so Gina pretends to be Kelly and it’s all super normal and positive for everyone’s relationships. Meanwhile, Matt needs to drum up some clientele so he makes a commercial, and David and Claudia come to terms with the realities of their green card marriage plan. And lest we forget them, Steve hires a psychic (and fires her), and Janet must deal with the fallout.

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Brandon and the gang are trying to process their feelings after Dylan’s wedding last week. Or at least Brandon is, everyone else is busy with Homecoming week and protecting Corny the Condor from SCU. And the Martins reveal some major secrets to each other in some strong family moments.

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What happened this week? Doesn't matter. There are only four rules you need to remember: make the plan, execute the plan, expect the plan to go off the rails, throw away the plan.

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This week, Donna goes to therapy. And by therapy, we mean Ray’s therapist is bad at her job. And all of Beverly Hills feels the effects of an earthquake, while Dylan and Toni have an earth shattering moment of their own.

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It’s Halloween, which means angry pumpkin Ray is back. The PPAD is having a party, which means we’ve got costumes (and of course there's one we're not a fan of). At the party Kelly gives Colin an ultimatum - stop being a sugar baby or lose me, and at the Peach Pit Toni confronts Tony Business about Jack McKay's death.

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Bruno is a total Toni and Dylan stan and we are into it! Toni and Dylan can’t keep apart and have to make the ultimate decision - revenge or love? Meanwhile, Valerie is crushing her marketing class and her marketing professor is noticing - in more ways than one. It’s a very Legally Blonde moment.

Colin’s “benefactor” is in town and Kelly is uncomfortable with their relationship. She finds out what’s been going on in Donna’s life for the last four months and is almost a good friend. And finally, Steve and Clare are inching closer and closer to banging it out but they refuse to talk about their feelings.

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Brandon is over budget and desperate enough to trust Steve to find them a good opportunity. Meanwhile, the girls go on a road trip spa weekend and end up not speaking to each other. It’ll take an act of god to bring them back together.

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Trigger Warning: Self harm, talks of suicide

David is really struggling in the aftermath of last week’s episode and his friends are not being helpful at all. Meanwhile, Dylan is falling hard for Toni and has to decide which is more important - love for her or justice for his father.

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Trigger Warning: Self harm, talks of suicide

The Tournament of Roses, a pageant connected to the Rose Parade, is upon us. Brandon and Susan are gonna cover it, Donna wants to win it, and the rest of the gang is going to use it as an excuse to go to a party. Meanwhile, Steve has gotten into internet flirting and it goes as well as you would imagine.

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Now that Brandon's out of politics it's time to do the only thing he knows how to do, begrudgingly work for a powerful woman on a newspaper. Meanwhile, Steve needs a tutor and there's only one woman for the job, and Dylan continues to be reckless in his never ending quest to avenge his father.

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It’s Kelly’s 21st birthday (she’s a virgo now), Dylan’s stalking Tony Marchette poorly, and the friends try to find out who’s stealing their easily stealable items. We discuss Brandon hiding $200 in a cookie jar during a giant house party, how GIFs mean something way different now, and how this show is one big toxic relationship.

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Donna and Kelly are suffering from their first disagreement at the store, at the same time that Nat’s lease is up in the Peach Pit (which is in a building Noah owns). David’s new girlfriend Claudia has a big secret, while Steve (and unfortunately Janet) try to convince us that Leprechauns are real. Oh and Dylan needs direction in his life and Gina is the devil on everyone’s shoulders, but what else is new?

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Summer’s almost over so it’s time for the gang to reunite after basically not talking for three months. Kelly comes back from summer with a new boyfriend, Colin Robins the artist (couple name - Artel). Dylan comes back from Europe more determined than ever to solve his father’s murder. And Donna and Ray apparently had a beautiful summer that we didn’t see just to start having trouble as soon as we’re back.

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KEG and the Alphas are having a thing in Palm Springs (get it? PS?), and the gang decides to go with. Donna and Ray have ‘made up’ after Ray’s abusive behavior last week just in time for him to be abusive again this week. Valerie is trying her hardest to wear Brandon down, because he’s as exhausted from this 32 episode season as we are.

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Andrea’s finally going to Yale! All of the friends want to get together to say goodbye, but Ray is too busy being abusive to let Donna enjoy her last few days with her friends, and Dylan and Brandon care more about emotionally manipulating Kelly to say goodbye either. Oh and Jim and Cindy are moving to Hong Kong so there’s that too.

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“Next time, if there is a next time, there just won’t be a next time.” Dylan McCoy, I mean, McKay. Dylan is experiencing his past life as an old timey bank robber with a heart of gold. In the current year, Brandon decides to run for Student Body President again and the election is just about to happen! Will he win, or will a twist of cataclysmic proportions happen?

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Brandon is going to Sacramento for a meeting of the student body presidents. While he’s gone, Steve inserts himself into Kelly’s life and tries to manage her modeling career. Elsewhere, Jesse gets his clerkship and it’s Boise baby. And Ray is back in LA and his mom reveals a secret may change the show forever.

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Val can’t find the PPAD’s vibe without Ray, and lets Clare and David host open mic and hip hop nights to fill in the week. She flies to Reno to make Ray an offer he can’t refuse, and a not-Australian death metal band she (didn’t?) hire comes to the PPAD looking for a fight. Elsewhere, Brandon finally meets someone on his own level, Dylan continues his regression therapy, and this may be the week we finally give up on Steve.

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Valerie wants a tattoo and Dylan is not a tattoo lover. He’s also skeptical of past lives and decides to do his own research for Charley’s script.

Meanwhile, on spring break, Donna and David have made it to Portland. Ray is surprised that David is there and David is surprised to find out that his mother has lost her job and her home and is nowhere to be seen. Ray is furious and David is worried and Donna is tired and we all just wish we were in Palm Springs.

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Brandon and Clare (and Andrea!) get invited to try out for college Jeopardy, and Steve and Donna step in to help them prep. Andrea doesn’t think she has capacity to play because of her and Jesse’s relationship. And speaking of relationships, David has conflicted feelings about Donna, Donna misses Ray, and Valerie brings a baby to a hookup.

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This week, everyone stops being polite and starts being real. Andrea attempts to come clean to Jesse (and we find out she’s been in therapy!) but Jesse beats her to it with a confession of his own. Valerie has blown through all of her Jonesy money in less than two months, surprising no one. And the rest of the gang proves that there’s only one actor in the friend group and she’s not here.

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CW: Sexual violence

CU is still dealing with the aftermath of the attacks from last week. We talk about Steve and Brandon taking steps to address student concerns, Dylan discovering Andrea’s little secret, and Lenny.

Special shout out to our Degrassi references and to the Flaming Lips who we never see.

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Gina continues on the path to recover her $60k, and it turns out she and her mother have a more devious plan in mind. Dylan almost dies out on the water and makes a new sad friend. Kelly and Matt continue to try and navigate their relationship around her addiction to Dylan and his soon-to-be ex wife. And Steve and Janet buy a little black book in Steve’s newest get rich quick scheme which definitely won’t backfire on them at all.

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CW: Assault

This week the gang steals another friend group’s picnic. And speaking of crime, someone is going on a crime spree on campus and it’s escalating quickly. Meanwhile, Valerie is forcing her way into everyone’s life by buying the PPAD and attempting to own Ray’s future. And we debate whether Ray/Val is better or worse than David/Ariel.

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CW for this episode: self harm

Brandon and Dylan put Operating Save Kelly into action, but we wonder what it would look like if the entire gang evolved. And Andrea’s falling more and more into her affair, Ray is in more and more trouble with his affair, and Chancellor Arnold has a flooded office, which we guess is funny?

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The New Evolution is looking more and more like a cult, to the point that Brandon finally does something about it. Meanwhile, ANOTHER of Donna’s boyfriends has decided to treat her like shit over her virginity. And Val made a lot more money than we thought she did. Oh, did we also mention a charity for children with heart conditions let a bunch of teenagers run a telethon for them?

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