Explore every episode of the podcast Angel City Zen Center - Beginners Only Podcast

Gyokei takes an honest historical look at the tough love of monastic training, and the rebels and reformers who tried to improve it along the way. What kind of people are we trying to cultivate, and what kind of monks are we actually making? What does it take for a monk to be so bad even Dogen won’t sit with them? And does meeting the great matter of life and death actually require risking your life? Find out here!

Dave looks into Zen’s famous wariness towards teachers and teaching, while delving into his own hang ups around the role as he prepares to formally play it. Are we all doomed to unwittingly adopt our teachers hang ups and issues? Is obedience just a matter of finding someone to tell you to do what you want? Is liberation just telling ourselves that whatever we’re doing is what we really want?? Find out here!

Dave tries to find some harmony between the power of rigid forms and the chaos of personal liberation, with mixed results, and offers up a practical guide to finding fundamental self worth along the way. Is conforming to tradition a process of maturity, or a great way to stamp out the precious life and humanity from the things we love? Can Zen be an antidote to our corporate consumer culture? Can Dave properly use the word “noumenon” in a sentence without sounding pretentious? Find out here!

Henry eloquently confronts an all too relatable existential crisis of accomplishment as he graduates college and tries to figure out who he is when the stress he knew himself by suddenly falls away. Who are we when our burdens of purpose have run their course? Is setting aside 30 minutes a day to feel panicked the remedy we really need? Are a humble plate rice and beans the best recipe for a hot Buddha Body?? Find out here!

Andy generously shares his personal practice story (don’t call it a spiritual journey…) from young Catholic doubts to a midlife crisis that sent him exploring the wilds of the mind in Tibetan Buddhism, and why he turned his back on it to face the wall with us. Can Tibetan Buddhism teach us a few things we lack? Can Zen find a way to help Vajrayana relax? Is anxiety and crisis the best thing that can happen to your meditation?? Find out here!

Henry gets us out of our heads and into our bodies with encouragements for a more embodied understanding of what zazen is really doing with us. How can we convince our minds to let the body take the wheel for awhile? How do we translate a stillness that doesn’t speak in sense? Can Henry quote the late great Jacques Lecoq without giggling?? Find out here!!

Dave brings us a clear and lucid roadmap to working through the mind and body in zazen, from distracted self to senseless samadhi through a recently unearthed recording of a foundational practice discussion with his old teacher, Michael Elliston. How can consciousness let go of its own consciousness? Is breath practice mortally dangerous actually? If the willful mind is an illusion, who put it up to that, who’s really calling the shots, and… can we have a word with them?

“Would it necessarily be so bad to call out other people, to call out ourselves? What if the fact that we’re all sometimes petty, selfish, thoughtless, and cruel doesn't negate us from being people worth caring about?” - Jordan Mylet

Jordan bravely wades into the muddy waters of shi*t talk and judgements in Zen. Our vows tell us to not criticize, they also tell us to tell the truth…  Is liberation always polite? How much self-regulation is healthy in a relationship? Can denigration be a trust building exercise? Are the kids becoming unreasonably nice?? Find out here!

“I don't want to fight things anymore. I’d rather just make them beautiful. If we have to do something, let's make it art.” - Dave Cuomo

Dave tries to find a harmony between practiced embodiment and practical economics while sinking into the ocean of sound, being, and time. Is there an honest living waiting for us on the other side of our pretensions? Can we be sincere while still being savvy? Was monastery life awesome actually despite everything we may have said previously?? Find out here!

“You say you'd like to try to do zazen in order to become a better person. How ridiculous. How could a person ever become something better?” - Kodo Sawaki

Patrick gives a passionate exhortation for Kodo Sawaki’s classic encouragement “Zazen is good for nothing.” What do we lose trying to shape our time to fit a purpose? What is the point of a profitless pursuit? Why don’t these zennies want to admit how good zazen really is for us?? Find out here!

“It's not that we’re trying to be better people by sticking around and helping others, it's that you’re kidding yourself if you think you can get off this wheel alone.” - Dave Cuomo

Dave tries to find out if Zen is a wellness practice or a sincere spiritual practice and what the difference might or might not be. Is wellness good for you? Is Zen supposed to be good for you? Can meditation make you too powerful?? FInd out here!

“You are the universe experiencing itself. And you have to respect that… The way that I am is exactly the way I should be. It's not just about stripping you of the stuff that's getting in your way, but also building you up.” - Sara Campbell

Sara raises some deep questions about femininity and masculinity in Zen while looking back on her own life of practice. Were our teachings and techniques really built for all who might attend? Is there a practice that can build us up as much as it breaks us down? Does a meditation of dropping off risk some voices disappearing entirely?? Find out here!

“Zen is not an established technique. It's sitting down and admitting that nobody can tell you what is right but you. No one knows the ground beneath your feet but you. Nobody can bear witness for you. And when something really shakes you, there can be a powerful moment where all of the sudden you just know one thing for certain. But it might be different than what you think.” - Dave Cuomo

Dave goes looking for confidence in a world of certain uncertainty with the story of the time Buddha touched grass and knew one thing for certain. What can we know for certain when the whole world seems to disagree with what we see? Is there a non hubristic confidence that can’t be shaken despite all the slings, arrows, and earthquakes that come our way? Is there a non-dogmatic certainty so strong it can shake the earth right back?? Find out here.

“If there is just one person in the world, he will always be neutral. If someone is very angry, but is the only person in the world, he's a little crazy.“ - Kobun Chino

Chris opens up the pandoras box of trying to productively deal with anger. We get angry, we vow not to indulge it, we know we can’t wish it away. Is it wisdom, skill, or spiritual bypassing to pretend not to be angry when we actually are? Can we be a jerk without being a jerk? And was driving ever a sane thing to do?? Find out here!

“The most destabilizing thing I know is trying to impose harmony on other people. Because it always finds a way to explode. Everything finds a way to come out.” - Dave Cuomo

Dave looks into harmony and discord, and whether trying to all just get along  means suppressing our unruly little individualities (as much of our teachings and training seem to suggest), weaving myths and legends from across continents and centuries along the way, and bonus! A fresh original translation of the Harmony of Difference and Equality. Is your success as dangerous to society as some might say? Is inconsistent practice a worthy practice of its own? Can we invite discord to the party without ruining the party? Find out here!

“Revenge fantasy #3: Live a satisfactory life. Rescue from the rubble what I still love about Buddhism…” - Samm

Samm brings us the unvarnished story of what she’s doing and why she’s here as a second generation Zennie growing up in Buddhist America; a story of snake oil salesmen, tyrants, a revenge best served warm, and a Buddhism that somehow survives despite everything us humans try to throw at it. Should we trust the spiritually special? Is it possible to disidentify from your own narrative? Is it ok to wear shorts in the zendo?? Let’s find out!

“If you don't want a boss, don't need a boss. If you don't like your country, be a better one.” - Dave Cuomo

Dave takes us out to the odd intersection where the warm fuzzies of scrappy boot strap community organizing meet the wild and wonderful mysticisms of space, time, and being. Can all that trippy transcendent brain candy of Zen philosophy help ground us in the things that matter most, or are they just one more pretension waiting to be let go? Is it possible to live an authentic meaningful life in the 21st century? is it possible to afford to? is it even possible not to?? Find out here!

“Let it run. Let your mind go. Let it wear itself out like a kid running around going crazy while their parents say, ‘They’ll sleep good tonight.’”- Patrick Carroll

Patrick draws on the full education of his bartending certificate and his sobriety chips to sort through our most intoxicating impulses with a deeply person talk on the 5th precept - no dealing in intoxicants. Can good Buddhists still enjoy a little beer? How can Zen help us control our addictive impulses? Is the desire for self control just one more addictive desire? And is that new fangled weed the kids are smoking getting them too damn high?? Find out here!

“I have no self. I'm fully responsible for everything. I can't control anything. Also I'll do better next time. Also we don't technically believe in time...” - Dave Cuomo

Do we need to change the world, or do we need to change ourselves? Dave tries to figure out if Buddhism is advocating for supreme personal responsibility, or ultimate social accountability. How do we take responsibility for a world, self, and circumstances we don’t have any real control over and technically are all emptiness anyway? Is anything ever anyone’s fault? Does the universe being all one bright pearl mean we can’t actually get mad at it? Find out here!!

“If you dislike a sound, listen to it again. If you still dislike it, listen to it again. If you dislike that, listen to it again. And if you like something, listen to it again. If you still like it, listen to it again…” - Robert Holliday 

Robert demonstrates how creativity can lead to realization in an autobiography of deconstructing himself through sound and music, complete with all the bells and whistles (literally!) as he plays us a symphony of revealing irrationalities. Can we find spiritual security through sound? Is reveling in art just another attachment, or an opportunity for letting go? Are our favorite earworms a distraction or a revelation?? Find out here!

“Don't sell yourself short. It's been done by lesser people than you. It might've even been done by you when you weren't paying attention and didn't count it.” - Dave Cuomo

Dave takes a nitty gritty bare bones look at spiritual attainments in Buddhism while trying to find out where Zen gets it credibility from, whether we can trust them on that, and what we can aspire to ourselves. What are the stages of meditation that lead to awakening? What’s beyond them? Is the idea of dharma transmission just good PR? And if we do manage to drop off the cliffs of enlightenment, will anyone else be there to catch us?? Find out here!

“Just living my life has a very big effect on the planet, there's a cost to me living my life. And, I still belong here. I have just as much right to belong here as the crickets, and greedy politicians, or righteous beautiful people.” - Jitsujo Gauthier

Jitsujo helps us find a way through the stuckness of the internalized hierarchies that can both hold us back from actual freedom, and propel us forward into the little awakenings that we can only ever come to on our own. How do we inspire ourselves when our role models and ideals lose their luster? Why should we follow forms and rituals once we’ve seen through them? If we see a fork in the road, do we really have to take it?? Find out here!

“We're not here to be martyrs, we’re not here to take care of others at our own expense. The more I respect myself, the more I  can support and give to others.” - Sara Campbell

Sara tries to find out what it takes to find contentment in any weather. Do we owe it to the world to be pleasant people, and if not can our bs be at least entertaining? Are we obligated to not inflict our negativity on others? Which coast has the better weather for aimless wandering? Is it the heat or is it the humidity?? Find out here!

“Shitsticks become dirty to clean us. If these are not Buddhas, what is?“ - Shundo Aoyama

After a messy month of his own, Dave gives us a Zen (and personal) look at conflict in practice, how it happens, whether it’s a problem, and how to work with it in meditation and maybe even with other people. Can we meditate arguments away? Is there a healthy way to incorporate difficult relationships into our lives? For the sake of cleaning up all of our messes effortlessly, should ACZC invest in one of those fancy Japanese toilets?? Find out here!

“The dissidents, the ones who disagree, the most eccentric figures… in the world where Soto Zen teaching is alive, these figures become the leadership.” - Gyokei Yokoyama

Gyokei has an unfortunate incident at his temple and takes the opportunity to contemplate his life choices, question entanglements, questions the tradition, and give us a little deep dive into everyone’s favorite poet monk, Ryokan, the patron saint of going reverently rogue. Are all rogues and rebels doomed to being respected? Do our teachers need to find their own teachers? Is it possible to leave behind the worlds that let us down?? Find out here!

“Roshi said, go outside and look at the moon and I promise you, you will be enlightened. but I looked tonight and there was no moon. What’s so wrong with us the way we are, Roshi? an angry cloud wants to know” - Angry Cloud

Dave gives us a raw and honest report on his personal experience at the monastery over the Spring. Does Zen inherently breed cruelty and can we find a healthy place for the sociopaths in our lives? Does imagination and creativity have a place in a tradition of, well, strict tradition? Is having faith in your religion ultimately a help or a hindrance?? Find out here!

“If we want to be true to the tradition of Zen, what were the ancients doing? They were throwing away tradition and recreating it for their time and place. And it worked gangbusters.” - Dave Cuomo

Dave returns home from his final round of monastery training with a few thoughts on this whole Zen thing (and a two parter of a talk). This week! The historical context of monks and how and why we train them (next week - personal stories…). Is what we call classical Zen practice actually just obedience training for unruly adolescents? Have we misunderstood Zen and Buddhism entirely? How did monasticism go from being a loose group of sincere seekers to a position of institutional prestige? Did the policies meant to cynically destroy Zen ironically save it? Or did they work and now we’re just sitting in the corpse of wisdom? Find out here!

"There's an very easy way to become a Buddha. Stop doing things wrong.” - Dogen

Muhō, Former longtime abbot of Antaiji Monastery (home temple of Kodo Sawaki), treats us to a talk about best practices for farming students and the self, and why zazen alone might not be the answer to Zen. Do each of us really create the whole universe, and if so, how is our practice not about ourselves? Is just sitting enough? Can we teach a cucumber to grow itself? Why can’t pumpkins just get along?? Find out here! (Recorded live at Toshoji Monastery)

“One of the hardest things about being human is that you have to be with other human beings.” - Emily Eslami

In a particularly divided year, in a particularly divisive culture, Emily tackles the uncomfortableness of living with other human beings, and how to manage argument and conflict as a practice all their own. When should we speak up and when should we just listen? Is hell other people, or is being truly alone? Has anyone ever convinced anyone of anything? Find out here!

“Illness vanishes. Stress vanishes. Depression vanishes. So where do they go? Don't worry. If you want, you can pull them back at any moment.“ - Gary Shinshin Wick

Corey gets a bad diagnosis and gets inspired to give us some Zen teachings on sickness - how to deal with it, how to view it, and how to work with it as practice. Can we meditate the pain away? Do we take care of the sick, or do the sick take care of us? Does it only get worse? Find out here!

“It freaks me out to even think about ordaining someone whose goodness hasn't been shattered.” - Gyokei Yokoyama

First, we learn to be good. Then we have that goodness shattered. And then, when we stop trying to do anything, the true goodness can shine through. Dave walks us through Baizhang’s three teachings to try to find out if we are inherently good or bad by nature and whether thinking like that does us any good. Did we really learn everything we need to know in kindergarten or have we just forgotten how cruel kids can be? Are dogs ever to blame (absolutely not)? Are cats (ok, maybe)? Has scolding someone every helped anyone?? Find out here!

“Be nice to yourself, include yourself in that ancient twisted karma, allow for the inevitability of people just being people and how irritating that is, but then also how beautiful it is too.“ - Jordan Mylet

Jordan takes us on a guided tour of our ancient twisted karma - what it is, where it comes from, and what the hell we’re supposed to do with it. Are we better people when we’re not being good? Can we blame our parents for being our parents? Can we blame ourselves for being ourselves? Do we need more therapy or do we need more Zen? Find out here!

“Westerners like to conquer mountains. Easterners like to contemplate them. As for me, I like to taste them” - Santoka Taneda

Henry brings us a highly entertaining poetry hour as we follow the the lives and words of two Buddhist poets; Miyazawa Kenji trying to help the masses one annoyed farmer at a time, and Santoka Kenji picking himself up from a life of tragedy to drink himself into a sutra steeped stupor. What does it take to live a free life, an honest life, and/or a helpful life? Does the world want to be changed or be accepted as it is? Is just being your self ultimately being selfish? Find out here!

“We are the lonely all together. All together, we’re all alone.” - John Prine

Dave indulges us in a little story time while also indulging in some explananing of how koans work with a classic tale of dharma drama, jealous rivalries, and onomatopoetic poetry. What should we ask in practice discussion when we don’t know what to say? Can we find a safe place for our passions instead of practicing them away? Does every living creature really die alone, and wait… isn’t that something we all share?? Find out here!

“I've seen too much, man. I know what's out there. And it's not all bad. And it's also not all good.” - Sara Campbell

Sara revels in the nightmare of a beautiful spring evening, the fragility of the daffodils, the darkness of the rain, and the five powers that can turn that nightmare into a perfectly present dream. How do we remember to notice the cool breeze of a deep blue twilight when all we feel is dark? Can we include fear and pessimism in our all inclusiveness, or are they the absence of all inclusiveness? And will anyone remember to bring light and laughter to the bodhisattva of light and laughter? Find out here!

“When the problem is a part of you, there is no problem, because you are the problem itself.” - Shunryu Suzuki

Emily brings us a meditation on problems, problem solving, and all the machinations, rationalizations, and somersaults we do to try to prove that our problems are somewhere outside of ourselves, and then what happens when we start to point that finger right back where it came from. When is the problem actually other people? Have we earned that sense of superiority we get from meditating while our partners are sleeping in? Are our thoughts pulling us away from ourselves, and is that even possible?? Find out here!

“It’s not an attainment, it’s a lament.” - Dave Cuomo

Dave tries to figure out his purpose and articulate what meaning in Zen is while trying to give a talk in a park with threatening geese and impending rain on a retreat not going entirely to plan. What are the stages of meaning making and how do we rate? Is Dave’s level as off the charts as he claims? And what are the secret criteria for trustworthy lay leaders and Zen teachers?? Find out here!

“The biggest change for me is to stop feeling like I should have it all figured out. And stop believing that anyone else does; and finding it a deep red flag if they claim to.” - Sara Campbell

Sara marks her five year anniversary with ACZC by taking stock and admitting how maybe all this goalless practice has changed her for the better, while the sangha takes the opportunity to get personal and share what’s working, what’s not, and how those kind of assessments may or may not be working out for them. Will we ever be able to untangle the big ball of yarn that is ourselves? Will the sangha exhaust the limits of that metaphor? (absolutely... knot!) Find out here!

“If somebody is an a-hole, they must be going through something tough. And they’re making it as bad or worse for themselves as they are for anyone they're hurting. So they deserve just as much care as anybody else suffering from the what they're dealing out. That's a hard truth I want to wrestle with. Because I believe it, but I'm not always instinctively there yet.” - Dave Cuomo

Dave takes us on a historical, literary,  and autobiographical tour of the Heart Sutra to see what exactly it has to say that’s so important we’ve been belting it out every morning for a couple thousand years. Is there a practical meaning behind the nonsense of it all? How do we wish love to the dead in a way that enlivens everyone? Are we ultimately existentially alone? Is emptiness a yawning chasm of despair or the gate of liberation standing wide open and just waiting for us to walk through? Find out here!

“The winning ticket, the unfortunate truth, is that you have to take a good look at your bullsh*t before you can get to the good stuff.” - Tanya Orlov

Tanya brings us some wise warnings about our purported wisdoms with an in depth look at spiritual bypassing; what it is, how to know when we’re doing it, and how it might be holding us back from the real peace we’re trying to claim. Is our practice making us the cool, calm, collected people we always whished to be, or is that just another delusion we’re clinging to? What kind of grit does it take to get to the good sit? And how do we (or should we...) tell our noisy neighbors they’re being too loud? Find out here!

“There's no reason sound can't be appreciated wherever you're at. It's always there. We think something has to be dramatic or highly structured, but there's always structures to find in our minds. We have that freedom in our own being to be able to see with what's there, with what's here, with what's happening.” - Robert Holliday

Robert explores the intersection of experimental music and zazen from Buddha to John Cage, in a fascinating real time experiment in music, mind, and sound. What’s the difference between music and being, composition and compassion? Where is the mind? What is the mind? What masterpieces have been waiting right here and now for us to find? Find out here!

“Can we keep the goofy light heartedness of being rebel antagonists, along side the sincerity of really caring? Can we care and be funny at the same time? And you know what I've seen us do? Exactly that. And that delights me. Thank you everybody.” - Dave Cuomo

Dave gives us his “See Y’all Soon” address before hungry ghosting us for the Spring with a look at some favorite poetry about learning to see the nuances and subtleties and what it means to be self fulfilled. Are we enough for ourselves? Can we light up the world without ever shining? Are American Buddhists too conflict averse? Or is Zen too amoral and heavily meditated to concern itself? Find out here!

“First, there's ‘the thing that I want to do.’ They strip that away completely. Then when we’re hollow and empty they come back and ask, ‘So now, what do you really, really want?’” - Gyokei Yokoyama

Gyokei pulls back the curtain on the rituals and forms of Zen, the true koan of the Soto School, to find out if there's any meaning in the method or maybe even some practical value to our venerations. Who are we doing these rituals for anyway? Why don’t they want us to be good at our jobs? How do we move like a hummingbird and when should we move like a rhino? Find out here!!

“In order to learn something new,  first you have to be confused about it. If you aren't confused about it, you already know what it is and then you're not learning anything.” - Jitsujo Gauthier

Great sangha friend Jitusjo brings us hard won personal tips and tricks for navigating the confusion and fear of the inner world, and the discomfort we might find when we honestly shine the light inward. How can we read a room by listening to ourselves? Are we lonely, or is that just what the loneliness wants us to think? How do we let down our guard and be vulnerable when there are real things out there to guard against?? Find out here!

“Whatever goals you accomplish, you're still the same. There's still that same emptiness - there's still something missing. There's always going to be something missing. And that's okay.” - Pedro Peres

Long time sangha friend Pedro Peres regales us with the story of what he’s doing and why he’s here - from early forays into beating koans at their own game, to communities built around the beauty of emptiness, and chasing that certain something missing that just might be the real liberation we were looking for all along. Why do we avoid the cushion when we know damn well how well it works? Are we better off without an answer to life, the universe, and everything? Do we need more zazen or do we need more sleep?? Find out here!!

“Think for yourselves. Be unruly. Challenge what we tell you, Challenge what I think I know about how this place should work. That’s what all the old teachings tell us to do - even if it is kind of inconvenient to have a room full of people thinking for themselves when you’re trying to run a Zen Center.” - Dave Cuomo

In the final installment of his paramita series, Dave unravels the subtle mysteries of prajna, aka perfect wisdom, aka the great unknowable truth that’s supposedly the only truth you need to know. What is the ultimate truth in Zen, can we get access to it, and will it help us if we do?? Find out here!!

“You can't sit motionless for 30 minutes without learning something,  and when that happens day after day, we learn and we learn. Like it or not, we learn.” - Heather Ross

Heather opens up the Pandora’s Box of zazen and takes a hard and healing look at the hidden aspects of ourselves that inevitably unhide themselves through regular sitting. How do we cope when we start to see through our own coping mechanisms? What do we do in the messy middle when we start seeing our mistakes all too clearly, but before we’ve learned how not to make them? How are we supposed take personal responsibility for the faults of others without making it all about us??

“Liberation means being liberated from the inclination to ignore our flaws - to dismiss them, hide them, divert or disguise them.“ - Gyokei Yokoyama

Gyokei unravels the deeper meaning of Dharma Combat on the eve of ACZC’s first ever attempt at such a ceremony.  What qualifies someone to be a Zen teacher? Is a vow to liberate all beings actually good for us? Is it as arrogant as it sounds?? And at what point does healthy humility turn into les healthy self depreciation?? Find out here!

“There's a freedom, a pit, a dropping off into something you don't know and don't necessarily trust… It takes a strange kind of trust to let go of everything you’ve known as you.” - Dave Cuomo

Dave celebrates the year of the wood dragon with evocative writings on dragons, frogs, and earthworms singing through the hollow trees of you and me. What can we hold onto when everything falls away? What’s the voice that speaks through you when you find nothing to say? Who’s the little person deep inside stoking the flames of our anxiety, and can we talk them into taking a well earned break? Can we find a word in English that means grief and liberation at the same time?? Let’s find out.

“There's some discomfort there, and there's some comfort there. And when you let that go… it's quite a revolution.” - Gyokei Yokoyama

Gyokei gives us fully fleshed out, bare bones official Soto Zen explanations and instructions for zazen -  body, breath, and mind. How does it work? How much should it hurt? Are Westerners doing it right? Is Japan doing it right?? Is Gyokei doing it enough? And did the monastery permanently screw up his zazen?? Find out here!