All Pro Dad Podcast – Details, episodes &amp; analysis

The Best Conversation Starters For Teenagers

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Have I Taken the Time to Get to Know My Children for Who They Are?

Season 1 · Episode 37

lundi 26 août 2024 • Duration 25:14

This is the All Pro Dad podcast, where in each episode dads of all ages dive into just one question. Today, we ask, “Have I Taken the Time to Get to Know My Children for Who They Are?”

You spend more time with your kids than pretty much anyone. But, how well do you know them? The real them? What things make them happy, anxious, and afraid? What are their hopes, dreams, and fears? Veteran dads Ted Lowe, Jason Hood, and All Pro Dad Founder Mark Merrill share strategies they’ve used to dig down deep and get to know their children better than ever.

When kids know dad wants to know the real them, they tend to open up more. That’s a win for us as dads but we can get in our own way sometimes. Our personalities may differ from our kids’. Our likes and dislikes don’t always align. It can be tough to find the right balance, but committing to do what it takes to truly connect with your kids will pay off. Here are a few steps you can take:

1. Be amazed.

2. Be curious.

3. Be affirming.

4. Be flexible.

5. Be there.

Bottom line: When your kid knows you get them, they know you love them.

Today’s Pro Move: For one week, ask your kid their high and low of the day.

Other resources:

How to be Amazed by Your Kids

Books by Mark Merrill:

From Me to You Journal: Sons

From Me to You Journal: Daughters

“I Said This, You Heard That” by Kathleen

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4 Things You Must Do After Yelling at Your Kids

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What Do I Do When I Get Angry With My Kid?

Season 1 · Episode 28

lundi 24 juin 2024 • Duration 28:37

Ever step on a LEGO? It feels like a sniper got you from the rooftop. It hurts even more if you asked your kids to put them away 50 times and they didn’t. So, what happens? Usually, we get angry, even if we don’t want to. On today’s episode, Ted Lowe, Bobby Lewis, and Reggie Lewis talk about how to deal with father anger issues.

Would you react calmly or angrily to the LEGO situation? Why is your tendency? Our reactions matter. When we are triggered by our children, we can react in ways that push them away in ways we later regret.

The research is clear on this. When you are triggered, your brain releases chemicals that send you into a fight-or-flight response while significantly limiting the logical part of your brain. While we should love our lightning-fast reaction times, the amygdala is often so efficient that our reaction times hurt our relationships. But we are not victims of our amygdala; there are some really practical, clear ways to respond.

When we get angry, our kids focus more on our reaction than their behavior. So, control your reaction as best you can. How? Pausing to breathe and listen. Fight the urge to immediately react. This approach gives you the space to be the dad you want to be and the one your kid needs you to be.

Today’s Pro Move: Pause the next time your child triggers your anger. It will help you be more of who you want to be and more of who your kid needs you to be.

Other resources:

5 Ways Dads Cause Family Tensions

5 Things Your Kids Want You To Know When You Yell

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3 Ways to Make Sure Your Kids Know You Love and Like Them

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How Do I Make Sure My Kids Know I Like Them?

Season 1 · Episode 27

lundi 17 juin 2024 • Duration 28:21

There is a difference between loving your kids and liking them. Both are important! Most kids believe they are loved by their parents. But, do they think they’re liked? Sometimes they test our patience. Dads manage meltdowns, muddy sneakers, and more. We may not like some of the things they do, but they need to know we like them as people. Ted Lowe, Bobby Lewis, and Buck Buchanan discuss how to love your kids, but how to show them you like them, too.

Try these three ways with your kids:

1. Tell them with your words.

Frequently tell your kid, “I like you.” Nobody wants to feel like an obligation. Saying “I like you” to your kid communicates that you accept them, they are enough, and they are not alone. Don’t shy away from telling them you like them in front of others

2. Tell them with your face.

Experts agree that 70–90 percent of communication is nonverbal. What are you communicating with your face and your body language when your kid walks into the room? Do you smile at them when you first see them in the morning, when you reconnect at the end of the day, and before going to bed? When they speak, do you put down your phone and listen? Your presence and attention scream, “I really like you.”

3. Tell them with your time.

As Buck put it, “How do you spell love? T-I-M-E.” Yes, it’s a cliché. But, it’s also true. Spending time with your kid taps into what we all know: People like to spend time with people they like.

Bottom line: Kids never feel more loved than when they feel liked.

Today’s Pro Move: Smile at your kids and tell them you like them.

Other resources

5 Ways To Love Your Tees When You Don’t Like Them

4 Things About Your Child That You Need To Know

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3 Steps to Having Empathy in Marriage

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Why Should I Get Good at Empathy?

Season 1 · Episode 26

lundi 10 juin 2024 • Duration 21:10

Empathy seems to be lacking in our world. In his song, The News, popular performer Jack Johnson sings, “Why don't the newscasters cry when they read about people who die? At least they could be decent enough to put just a tear in their eyes.” In today’s episode, Bobby Lewis and Ted Lowe discuss why “empathy is the way” in our relationships, especially with our kids.

Ted has written multiple books on family and marriage and speaks frequently around the country. The topic of empathy comes up often in his talks. It’s a key attitude to master as a parent, and spouse, because it shows the people around you that you care.

You may not be as good at showing empathy as you want to be. That’s OK. Work on it! Start by trying to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. That’s the essence of empathy, and something Ted unpacks during this episode. His three-phrase “cheat sheet” to help dads increase their level of empathy is, “I see you. I get you. I got you.” Here’s how you can put this into practice:

“I see you.”

Look the other person in the face. Eye contact makes a huge neurological difference and connects people.

“I get you.”

This is acknowledging the emotions in the topic. A great way to actively express this is to tell others, “That’s understandable.”

“I got you.”

Commit to always having your family’s back. We change things to make sure they know we support them.

Today’s Pro Move: Show empathy this week by choosing to look people in the eyes when you’re interacting.

Other resources:

Teaching Your Kids Empathy

5 Reasons Tween Boys Need Your Empathy
For Us Marriage

Date Night with Ted Lowe

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8 Kinds of Dads Who are Damaging Their Kids

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Am I Messing Up My Kids?

Season 1 · Episode 25

lundi 3 juin 2024 • Duration 31:27

We make mistakes all the time as parents. It never feels good, especially when feels have been hurt! We can beat ourselves up as dads worrying if we are messing up our kids, even if our intentions are pure. Sometimes, we mess up without even realizing it. How does that impact our children? Ted Lowe, Bobby Lewis, and Jason Hood share some of their failings as dads and ways to avoid them in this episode.

We want men to avoid becoming someone who, through his words and actions, continually stunts his child’s potential to grow and thrive. We hope you’re doing a great job, but even the most well-meaning dads can have blind spots. Are you any of these kinds of dads?

1. Absent Dad

2. Abusive Dad

3. Demanding Dad

4. Disneyland Dad

5. Distracted Dad

6. Hypocritical Dad

7. Macho Dad

8. Passive Dad

Maybe one of those stung. Maybe more than one really resonated with you. While it may hurt, consider it a powerful revelation. Knowing the type of dad you don’t want to be, helps you to be the type of dad you do. To be our best, we have to examine our behavior and make any necessary changes. If you’re not sure if you are any of these types of dads, ask your kids what they think.

Today’s Pro Move: Do one small thing this week to redirect yourself away from whichever “dad” you are becoming from this list.

Other resources:

Do You Have Resilient Children? Think Again

8 Warning Signs Your Child is Headed For Trouble

7 Things That Lead Kids Down the Wrong Road

5 Activities Good Fathers Should Stop Doing

5 Things Dads Say That Crush Their Sons

5 Things Dads Say That Crush Their Daughters

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I’m Worried About My Teen’s Mental Health

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Who Do I Ask to Help Me Be a Great Dad?

Season 1 · Episode 24

lundi 27 mai 2024 • Duration 27:57

Can you ride a unicycle? For how long? Sure, some guys can but most of us need a little extra support to keep from crashing. The same goes for parenting. You can try to ride it out solo, hoping for the best, but having supportive people in your life to lift you up when things get shaky is a great idea as a dad. Ted Lowe, Bobby Lewis, and Reggie Lewis talk about how to be a great dad and why all fathers shouldn’t try to handle the task of raising kids on their own.

Society tells men to be strong and self-sufficient, the hero who solves every family problem. But asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that you care enough about your kids to do whatever is best for them and leads to their flourishing. It takes courage to build a support team to help you weather meltdowns and share the journey. Why is important to ask other people to help you be a great dad? Consider this:

1. You may be missing something.

2. You may be giving your kid bad advice.

3. You sometimes need to bring a pro.

4. You feel less pressure as a dad.

The research is clear. We need other people in our lives to help us be the dads we want to be. Who do we choose to help us? Is it a coach? Pastor? Neighbor? Who can you trust to speak into your child’s life to create a strong support system for them and for you? Answer this question and the weight of parenting will become a little lighter.

Today’s Pro Move: Take one small step to dial another person into your kid's life.

Other resources:

10 Different Types of Men

How To Be a Good Dad When You Had a Bad Dad

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4 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Instructing Your Teenager

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How Do I Know When to Correct My Kid?

Season 1 · Episode 23

lundi 20 mai 2024 • Duration 27:38

Deciding between addressing kids’ mistakes in the moment or waiting for a better time in the future is a delicate balance. Figuring out when to discipline a child is crucial and can impact the father–child relationship tremendously. How do we find the sweet spot? Veteran dads Ted Lowe, Bobby Lewis, and Buck Buchanan weigh the options in today’s episode.

We want them to develop problem-solving skills and resilience but watching them struggle can be tough! This may be a confusing question for dads. Here are a few questions to consider before you jump to current your child:

1. Should I say this?

This one question can be a game-changer. Kids are constantly doing and saying illogical things. Weigh the pros and cons of speaking in the moment. Pausing before sharing begins the process of choosing the best response.

2. Should I say this now?

If you do decide to speak, considering when to get vocal is the next key step. Is your child operating in his or her emotional or logical side of their brain? You want them to hear you, so think about how your words will be received in the moment.

3. What should I say?

Our automatic words to our kids are not always the best ones. When we take time to consider what we should say, it increases the odds of saying what we need to say versus what our frustrations want to say. Thinking through your words also gives us time to seek wisdom from others. Often, using fewer words is better.

4. How should I follow up?

If your initial conversation went well, great. If it didn’t, waiting until they have calmed down to follow up is usually best.

Today’s Pro Move: Choose one of the following and apply it this week:

1. Should I say this?

2. Should I say it now?

3. What should I say?

4. How should I follow-up?

Other resources:

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The Biggest Thing I Wish I Could Go Back and Tell Myself as a Dad

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What Do I Wish I Had Known Sooner As A Dad?

Season 1 · Episode 22

lundi 13 mai 2024 • Duration 29:40

Humorist Richard Armour is credited with being the first person to use the phrase, “hindsight is 20/20.” He used it in a California newspaper article in 1949. It felt true then and still does today. As a dad, how many times have you wished someone had pulled you aside and whispered some fatherly advice in your ear?

Don’t blame yourself for what you didn’t know when your kids were younger. We learn and grow as we gain experience. Consider the wisdom you’ve gained and apply it in the future so you can become the parent you want to be.

Here are 5 things you may not know that you can apply to your parenting:

1. Kids need calm correction.

Is your correction accompanied by too much energy? When we are calm, kids have a better chance of focusing on their behavior and not our mannerisms. Consider your breathing, facial expression, body language, and tone when you correct them.

2. Kids need times of correction AND connection.

Focus on connecting with your kids. Why? More connection often leads to a lesser need for correction. It builds trust and respect.

3. Kids have different communication styles.

Kids have different, often evolving, communication styles. Discovering whether your child communicates best eye-to-eye or shoulder-to-shoulder is a good first step to speaking their language.

4. Daily Routines or rituals are good for everyone in the family.

Daily routines and rituals can make kids feel safe. If you add in a little fun to those routines and rituals it typically makes them more appealing.

5. Enjoy the ride.

Being a dad is one of the biggest jobs on the planet. We are supposed to be kind yet firm, providing yet present, sensitive yet strong, accepting yet shaping – all the things! Don’t get overwhelmed. You are equipped for the job. You’re on the roller coaster ride of being a dad; sometimes you just have to throw your hands up in the air, throw your head back, laugh, and simply enjoy the ride.

Today’s Pro Move: Find your “down the road dad” and ask him a question about how to parent well.

Other resources:

What Advice Wou

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10 Ways to Teach Your Children How to Forgive

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Are My Kids Learning to Forgive?

Season 1 · Episode 21

lundi 6 mai 2024 • Duration 27:02

We all know the frustration of holding onto a grudge. Getting out from underneath it requires choosing forgiveness. It’s a powerful tool that allows us to work through conflict, free from the burden of anger and resentment. It’s a skill we must master and teach to our kids.

Why do we want kids to be good at this? It’s a vital skill that leads to healthy conflict management and better friendships. How do we teach our kids to forgive? Try these three steps:

1. Define it.

We like to say that forgiveness is deciding that someone who has wronged you doesn’t have to pay.

2. Acknowledge feelings.

It’s totally normal to be hurt and angry when someone has wronged you, but holding onto that pain can impact you and your relationship.

3. Lead by Example.

Dad, you have to show them the way on this one. Don’t assume they’ll just figure it out. Model it!

Today’s Pro Move: Model forgiveness.

Helping your kid define forgiveness helps them to give forgiveness. Talk to your child about the definition of forgiveness. Remind them that God forgave us.

Other resources:

Forgiveness is Not What You Think

5 Reasons People Don’t Forgive

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