Todd hates slime. He hates it when things get goopy. So he went to a planet full of it to exact his revenge. We, however, are indifferent to slime, and also think this game isn't too terribly bad. So we talk about the dead-end economics of the slime-content, and carousels for some reason.

Garbage Pail Kids: Mad Mike and the Quest for Stale Gum advertises itself as a lost NES adaptation of the Garbage Pail kids line of collectible trading cards. In reality, it’s a modern game made by talented devs who make games for NES hardware. And it’s pretty fine! But there are so many Garbage Pail kids to talk about, so we spend most of our time camping out on them.

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To prove just how dead in the water Sega was in the mid-1990s, they bet big on Bug!, a very slow 2.5D platformer that began life as a Sonic game. The Sega Saturn was a system in search of an identity, and boy howdy, Bug! did not provide it.

There are so many Mega Men Battles Network that you don't even know which one this is.

Be ant. Live ant. Laugh ant. Love ant.

Even though we did an episode about this game, we're still unsure if it actually exists.

Alvin and the Chipmunks are back. Again. This is a threat.

People love this game. We don't! Whoops!

It's like your favorite anti-comedy movie. But it's a fake game!

Boring early horror gaming, but hey it's still horror, so respect.

An 80s action movie themed beat em video game. No, you don't play as animals.

Wow, living through a disaster would suck. Let's make a comedy game out of it.

This is actually really tame. What law did they break exactly?

Have we talked about Spider-Man more than any other superhero on this show? Maybe Batman is up there. And Gary has definitely shoehorned “Turn Off the Dark” into more episodes than is necessary. But this is the first time we’ve really camped out on the Sinister Six, one of the more incoherent supervillain groups of all time. Also, take a look at Spider-Man’s sprites for this game. He’s so schlubby!

A sequel made for literally nobody, in an attempt to make a game for everybody.

Van Helsing is actually the doctor. The character is Van Helsing's monster.

I'm pretty sure I ate Shadow Blasters on Saturday mornings as a kid

Personally, I'm not really sure how, exactly, Hell runs.

Despite it's original and unique title, you have heard the story of this game before.

Game Introduction

Finish one labyrinth and you will be rewarded with a picture of the top half of a woman. Complete two labyrinths to be able to view the entire picture which is approximately 2.5 times larger than the screen. Move the joystick up and down to pan across the image. The game has 15 pictures and a total of 30 stages.

Not a typo.

I hope nobody finds out that I eat like one or two Uncrustables a week.

It's Edcruciating.

Okay, but imagine more muscles. More. MORE, DAMN YOU!

Folks, Gary chose to harm all of us by picking this game for Abject Suffering. Part of the shovelware dance game craze of about fifteen years ago, the Black Eyed Peas Experience ranks pretty low on the list of things we’ve covered. And that list is long.

Please do not listen before listening to Wild 1-5, and 7-8. You can skip 6 and 0.

7h1s 1s 0n3 y0u d0n'7 w4n7 70 m1ss, f0lk5.

I had to check the title five times to make sure I spelled it right. Whoever was in charge of localizing this game made some interesting naming choices.

Finally a game that answers the question, why do we pay professional athletes when there's a perfectly good bear right there?

"The game was one of the first extensive CD-ROM titles and used full-motion video for both cutscene and interactive portions. It is over a gigabyte in size over two discs." --Wikipedia

Are you ready to have a BONER while you BIKE?! Bike Boner?!

Oh, no, you're thinking of my cousin Mike Boner. He is a professional BMX rider though.

Big round number is big AND round.

To celebrate, here is a bad game on a bad system that we all know. Plus, Gary and Kole, in the same room! That hasn't happened in years!

These dudes are past bad. They're downright crude.

This is a sequel, or something, to Bad Dudes. You don't attempt to rescue the president, so what's even the point?

To maintain order, the Secret Games Commission (SGC) is formed to organize tournaments deciding which organization gets to control all of Neo-Amerika, leading to the creation of Biological Flying Robotic Enhanced Armored Killing Synthoids (Bio F.R.E.A.K.S.) serving as the champions for each participating organization.

Comedy Podcast: Games. With graphics by Factory of Assets.

Covering Guardian War right after Paperboy 64 is a one-two punch of some of the most hideous games we’ve played. But looking past its shoddy veneer, Guardian War is kind of interesting, if insufficient. Of all of the 3DO games we’ve played, this is the one that’s most like an actual video game… being a kind of over-the-shoulder tactics RPG.

Gary also underwent a harrowing medical experience, so we had to talk about that too.

I've never heard of this holiday before. I guess it's for celebrating mini-games?

This episode is fuckin' RAW!

If you ever wanted a weird CGI Gordon Ramsey yell at you in a lifeless void, oh man, do I have the game for you.

It turns out "Zendor" is what your grand uncle called "debt".

What I'm saying is you just inherited a lot debt.

Come KRUM!

Wine, sodomy and the lash. Or something like that I'm assuming.

I'm not saying it is porn but I sure felt embarassed accidentally googling it at my day job.

Inside of you are two wolves. One is a Litil Debil. The other, a Litil Angle. Who will you listen to?

You know, it's probably about time we give freeware Linux games a shot!

Ew.

Nevermind, let's go to Chili's.

Nobody knows why, but people in the 90s thought if golf video games had comedians in them, maybe that would connect with the kids? Anyway, Eugene Levy fails to convince the boys that this golf is all that whacky.

Bionic Commando is one of the best games for the NES. Taking away your jump and forcing you to rely on predictable swinging physics was (and is!) a novel concept, matched by a delightful semi-serious, semi-goofy tone and exquisite level design. So you can imagine how high hopes were when a sequel was announced. Well, that was a mistake.

Tootinis is a game that feels like a student project that ended up getting a little money behind it. Very little money, mind you. So we're fully in "Please Be Cool" mode because all these people did was make a weird kids' game with baffling characters and a very funny intro. Additionally we talk about what Totino's Pizzas become when they enter your mouth, the new garage that Kole saw, and Gary's glimpse at our cold metallic future.

Would you believe that the Paperboy game for the N64 would be one of the ugliest things we’ve covered for this show? It seems like that would be hard to accomplish, given the competition, but this game’s spindly polygonal horrors are genuinely unnerving.

Magician Lord is an okay arcade game about a transforming wizard. That's not what's important, however. What's important is that we know that 2023 will be the year of the Buff Wizard, Who May or May Not Be a Frog Man. It's imperative that we embrace and hype this early so we can make it happen.

Extremely ripped wizard. Possibly a humanoid frog. Strong as hell. Lots of lightning. Lovingly rendered buttocks and genitalia. Let's make it happen, people.

We've spoken on the charms and pitfalls of FMV video games before, and we're happy to report that Corpse Killer falls well on the charms side. It's a dead basic lightgun game, making Terminator 2 look like Time Crisis, but it also has ridiculously over the top acting and a bonkers story. So instead of laying into it for too long, we talk about how it's driving us crazy that someone out there is trying to make people care about Avatar.

City Connection is a fun arcade maze chase that takes place in a world where everything's the same, but cars jump for some reason? So we talk about the dangers of being so competitive that you scream about Bingo, and also cap things off with a vexatious Burger King anecdote.