Explore every episode of the podcast 19 Nocturne Boulevard
| Title | Pub. Date | Duration | |
|---|---|---|---|
| THE HORROR AT RED HOOK (The Lovecraft 5, story 7) | 02 Nov 2024 | 00:58:03 | |
Returning to the misty 1920s of the works of H.P. Lovecraft, the five fine fellows - Edward the author, Charles the dilettante, Howard the scientist, Richard the painter, and Warren the professor -come together for Edward's second chance to regale the group. Edward has a manuscript that he says was entrusted to him by an aspiring author who encountered an indescribable evil in his days as a New York City police detective. Warnings: This is considered one of Lovecraft's more racist stories, and I have explored some aspects of this, rather than downplayed or removed it. For a first episode after many years, this ran a bit long. Oops. | |||
| BINGO THE BIRTHDAY CLOWN, episode 15 (19 Nocturne reissue of the day) | 03 May 2023 | 00:11:19 | |
Episode 15 - The Mash Things move apace. Penny tries to mash herself into the boom chute, Gina talks mashed potatoes, something else ends up sort of mashed, and Tunis put the mash on Linda.... And a black leather catsuit. | |||
| BINGO THE BIRTHDAY CLOWN, episode 6 | 21 Apr 2023 | 00:08:45 | |
(19 Nocturne reissue of the day) Linda returns from the Red Zone.... but things have not gone well. | |||
| Atomic Julie - Puppet Government by George Revelle | 11 Jan 2022 | 00:28:28 | |
A man is pestered to take a government job.... | |||
| 19 Nocturne Boulevard - THE PICTURE IN THE HOUSE (The Lovecraft 5, #1) - Reissue | 06 Jan 2022 | 00:40:20 | |
(A loose adaptation of "The Picture in the House" by H.P. Lovecraft) Five friends get together to spook each other with stories, and Charles tells a tale of a weird encounter with a strange old man. Cast List Music by Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) "What kind of a place is it? *************************************************** THE PICTURE IN THE HOUSE (Lovecraft 5, #1) Cast:
OLIVIA [opening credits] Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a brownstone dinner party, can't you tell? MUSIC 1_after dinnerish SOUND RAIN. RECORD PLAYER CLICKS AND MUSIC STARTS SOUND FOOTSTEPS HERBERT What's the tune? SOUND MATCH STRIKES CHARLES It's-- RICHARD That's one of Eric's isn’t it? CHARLES No-o-o. You know he never records. WARREN I must say that veal cutlet was excellent. Positively delicious. Compliments to your cook, Charles. CHARLES Excellent woman. Don't know what I would do without her. Been with the family for years. HERBERT That's the only way to get good help these days - I wish I was fortunate enough to inherit hereditary retainers. WARREN Any chance I can get the recipe for the cooking staff at the faculty dining hall? We don't get veal very often, but-- CHARLES I'll ask, but I doubt it - she's very secretive about her seasonings. Now, Herbert, see that everyone has a good stiff drink, for-- RICHARD Aren't we waiting on Edward? CHARLES [darkly] He isn't able to join us tonight. Don't worry - I'm quite sure he won't hold it against us. HERBERT Here you go. WARREN Cheers. [drinks] So, what is this story you've brought us here for, Charles? HERBERT Anyone for a cigar? WARREN Ah, certainly. RICHARD I won't say no. WARREN You promised us a tale to - I believe the phrase you used was "to make the gorge rise and the hair stand on end", wasn't it? CHARLES Yes. And I know you all consider me the weakest of us all for telling a coherent tale, just because I have a tendency to let myself get distracted and lose my place, but I have a real corker for tonight. HERBERT Well, we're all uncorked ... now, so lets see what you can do to us. CHARLES All right, I won't keep you in suspense any longer. You recall that I was away for most of last summer, traveling around the back country roads of New England, looking up genealogical records, tracing my family? WARREN Of course - and we all envy you, being a man of enough leisure to be able to wander off at will, instead of having to stay around for your job. RICHARD What do you know about jobs? You're an academic. That's hardly a real job. HERBERT Hah! This from the artist. Now, science - science is an all-consuming master. CHARLES All right. All right. Come on - it's my party and my story. Don't really matter what your jobs are - you're all idiot enough to be my friends, and that's all that matters. EVERYONE [general laughter] CHARLES I don't know whether you'll believe me or not - probably not, but it's all true. HERBERT It won't be that easy - you're talking to a couple of hardened skeptics here. I won't believe anything without empirical proof and Warren won't believe you 'til it's written in a book at least a hundred years old, with footnotes and cross-references. WARREN [snort] RICHARD And me? HERBERT Oh, you artists - who knows what you'll believe. CHARLES [chuckles] We'll see what you all think by the time I'm finshed. RICHARD Edward'll regret having missed a good story. 2_story starts CHARLES [darkly] We'll worry about Edward later. [beat] If I don't start, we'll be here til dawn, so let's have a bit of hush. [beat] Damn-- [forgot] WARREN You were cycling around the countryside. CHARLES Right. And I was pedaling like mad, trying to keep in front of this wicked great thundershower, when I spotted a crumbling pile - an ancient cottage built right up into the side of a hill. It had reached that stage of decrepitude where you're not sure whether it was built there, or just sprang up like a mushroom. RICHARD Very evocative. Rounded corners, slanting walls, you can almost smell the mildew. CHARLES May I continue? WARREN You didn't happen to have a camera with you on your sojourn, did you? CHARLES I wasn't sightseeing. Never been any good with one of them contraptions anyway. [sigh] RICHARD [prompting] The house. CHARLES Right, so since it was the only structure - and I use the term very lightly - that I'd seen in hours and hours, I decided that forbidding as it looked, the clouds rolling in were worse. I was already feeling the rain, and the lightning kept striking closer and closer. SOUND THUNDER EVERYONE [gasps] WARREN Well! That was timely. HERBERT Now how did you manage that? CHARLES Sheer luck. Although the weather report did-- RICHARD Ah, so you haven't been looking through any of those old grimoires Warren has charge of? WARREN Oh, stop. CHARLES Where was I? WARREN Perhaps you should keep some notes - I find note cards work quite adequately for me when I'm called upon to give a lecture. CHARLES [sigh] I went into the house. I knocked first - I certainly didn't want to meet an angry homeowner with a shotgun in my face. But since there was no answer, I figured it might be abandoned. And the rain was starting to come down like rods. SOUND THUNDER EVERYONE [mild chuckles] CHARLES [full-on storytelling mode] Inside was a little vestibule with walls from which the plaster was falling, and through the doorway came a faint but peculiarly hateful odor. I entered, leaned my cycle against the wall, and crossed into a small, dim chamber, furnished in the barest and most primitive possible way. It appeared to be a kind of sitting-room, for it had a table and several chairs - and an immense fireplace above which ticked an antique clock on a mantel. Books and papers were very few, and in the prevailing gloom I could not readily discern the titles. Now, in all the room I could not discover a single article of definitely post-revolutionary date! Had the furnishings been less humble, the place would have been a collector's paradise. 3_music changes SOUND THE RECORD STOPS. CLICK AS THE NEXT RECORD GOES ON WARREN You didn't look at the books at all? Pity. CHARLES You enthusiasts - always gallivanting ahead. [dry chuckle] The first object of my curiosity was a book. It lay open upon the table, presenting such an antediluvian aspect that I marveled at beholding it outside a museum or libary. Bound in leather with metal fittings, it was in an excellent state of preservation - altogether an unusual sort of volume to encounter in an abode so lowly. WARREN [eager] And the title? CHARLES Hold your damn hosses. When I opened it to the title page my wonder grew even greater, for it proved to be nothing less rare than... [beat, dragging out the suspense] WARREN Ye-e-e-es? CHARLES Pigafetta's account of the Congo region, written in Latin from the notes of the sailor Lopex and printed at Frankfurt in 1598. WARREN [awed!] There's only 12 known copies extant. RICHARD And you know that off the top of your head? Oh, Warren. You need a wife... or at the very least a bad habit. WARREN Ssh. The book? CHARLES The engravings were indeed interesting, drawn wholly from imagination and careless descriptions - it even represented natives with Caucasian features. Nor would I soon have closed the book had not an exceedingly trivial circumstance upset my tired nerves and revived my sensation of disquiet. SOUND RATTLE OF HARD RAIN AGAINST THE WINDOW HERBERT I think I need another drink. Anyone? SOUND DRINKS POUR CHARLES Go on ahead. WARREN [jumping in] The book? CHARLES [exasperated sigh] What annoyed me was merely the persistent way in which the volume tended to fall open of itself at Plate twelve, which represented in gruesome detail a butcher's shop of the cannibal Anziques. WARREN Anziques? They were wiped off the face of the Congo in the seventeenth century, I believe? HERBERT Were you aware that cannibalism was nowhere near as widespread as so-called history tells us? WARREN That is a debatable point-- HERBERT No, no, really - One of the easiest rallying cries to convince your followers to annihilate or enslave another culture was to accuse them of anthropophagy. CHARLES Fascinating as this is, save it for your own dinner party, Herbert. What you find so very engaging, I found exceedingly grotesque - to my own shame. The drawing disturbed me, especially in connection with some adjacent passages descriptive of Anzique gastronomy. HERBERT What did it say? CHARLES [annoyed] It's hardly important. I've worked hard to forget it. [calm] Anyway, I was examining the rest of the meagre libary - an eighteenth century Bible, a "Pilgrim's Progress" of like period, the rotting bulk of Cotton Mather's "Magnalia Christi Americana," and a few other books of evidently equal age - when my attention was aroused by the unmistakable sound of walking in the room overhead. 4_cook SOUND DOOR OPENS EVERYONE [gasps] MARTHA I'm so sorry sir, I thought you'd all be done by now - I was gonna clean up. I'll just - I'll just get to it in the morning. CHARLES Yes, yes of course Martha. Have a good night. SOUND DOOR CLOSES RICHARD You set her up to do that. CHARLES [not quite convincing] Of course not. Heaven forbid. [a bit smug] That'd be such an entirely transparent ruse. RICHARD Perhaps you should be writing these sorts of thrillers, rather than Edward. WARREN Did he say why he missed coming out tonight? CHARLES [exasperated sigh] He dropped by earlier for a moment, but he didn't have much to say. If I may continue? WARREN I, at least, am interested. CHARLES Thank you very much. I concluded that the occupant had just awakened from a sound sleep, and listened with less surprise as the footsteps sounded on the creaking stairs. Then, after a moment of silence during which the walker may have been inspecting my bicycle, I heard a fumbling at the door latch and saw the paneled portal swing open again. SOUND PAUSE, SOME GASPS AS THEY AWAIT SOME SOUND WHICH DOESN'T COME. EVERYONE [chuckles] CHARLES In the doorway stood a person of such singular appearance that I might have exclaimed aloud - but for the restraints of good breeding. Old, white-bearded, and ragged, his height could not have been less than six feet, and despite a general air of age and poverty he was stout and powerful in proportion. His face, almost hidden by a long beard which grew high on the cheeks, seemed abnormally ruddy and less wrinkled than one might expect; while over a high forehead fell a shock of white hair little thinned by the years. His blue eyes, though a trifle bloodshot, seemed inexplicably keen and burning. But for his horrible unkemptness the man would have been as distinguished-looking as he was impressive. WARREN Unkemptness? HERBERT I expect the word he should be using - but for the restraints of good breeding - is odoriferous? RICHARD A-yuh. - the elderly... CHARLES Yes, yes. WARREN Well, Charles, you're halfway to your goal - that alone very nearly brought up my dinner. CHARLES It wasn't just the house that suffered from... damp and mildew. Shall we leave it at that?
5_old man speaks SOUND RECORD PLAYER CHANGES AGAIN - TO MUSIC FOR FLASHBACK SOUND CLOCK GETS LOUDER CHARLES [fading into flashback] The appearance of this man, and the instinctive fear he inspired, prepared me for something like enmity; so that I almost shuddered through surprise and a sense of uncanny incongruity when he motioned me to a chair and addressed me in a thin, weak voice full of fawning respect and ingratiating hospitality. OLD GUY Catched in the rain, be ye? Glad ye was nigh the house an' had the sense t' come right in. I calculate I was asleep, else I'd a heard ye - I ain't as young as I used to be, an' I need a powerful sight o' naps nowadays. WARREN [breaking] He truly sounded like that? That's quite an extreme form of archaic Yankee dialect. I'd thought anything like that dead and gone long years back. HERBERT There are strange holdouts in little pocket communities all over the back woods. CHARLES I apologized for my rude entry into his domicile, and-- OLD GUY Travelling far? I hain't seen many folks 'long this road since they took off the Arkham stage. CHARLES I replied that I was going to Arkham, whereupon he continued. OLD GUY Glad t' see ye, young Sir - new faces is scarce around here, an' I hain't got much t' cheer me up these days. Guess you hail from Boston, don't ye? I never been there, but I can tell a town man when I see 'im - we had one for district schoolmaster in 'eighty-four, but he quit sudden an' no one never heared on 'im since - CHARLES Here the old man lapsed into a kind of chuckle, and made no explanation when I questioned him. For some time he rambled on, when it struck me to ask him how he came by so rare a book as Pigafetta's "Regnum Congo." OLD GUY Oh, that Afriky book? Cap'n Ebenezer Holt traded me that in 'sixty-eight - him as was killed in the war. CHARLES Now, Ebenezer Holt was a name I had encountered in my genealogical work, but not in any record since the Revolution. I speculated that my host could help me in the task at which I was laboring. OLD GUY Ebenezer was on a Salem merchantman for years, an' picked up a sight o' queer stuff in every port. He got this in London, I guess - he used to like to buy things at the shops. I was up t' his house once, on the hill, trading horses, when I see this book. I relished the pictures, so he give it in on a swap. 'Tis a queer book - here, leave me get on my spectacles- HERBERT Spectacles. Quite terrifying. A smelly old man in cheaters. Funny I somehow recall you promising a tale that would set all our hair on end. WARREN I, for one, am fascinated. Your recall of his accent is quite impressive. Is he, do you know - despite being as old as you describe - is he still among the living? CHARLES I am quite certain of the contrary. WARREN Pity. 6_more drinks RICHARD More drinks? CHARLES Perhaps one more round. And yes, I am about to get to the meat of the matter, so to speak, if you can hold on for a bit longer, Herbert. HERBERT Very well. Patience is a virtue more useful to scientists than many. I'm putting on my listening face. CHARLES Good. The old man donned his glasses, then reached for the volume on the table and turned the pages lovingly. OLD GUY Ebenezer could read a little o' this - 'tis Latin - but I can't. I had two or three schoolmasters read me a bit, and Parson Clark, him they say got drownded in the pond - can you make anything out on it? CHARLES I told him that I could, and translated for his benefit a paragraph near the beginning. If I erred, he was not scholar enough to correct me; for he seemed childishly pleased at my English version. His proximity was becoming rather obnoxious-- HERBERT Simple hygiene was one of the most important scientific and medical discoveries of the-- CHARLES [overriding] --yet I saw no way to escape without offending him. I was amused at the childish fondness of this ignorant old man for the pictures in a book he could not read, and wondered how much better he could read the few books in English which adorned the room. This revelation of simplicity removed much of the ill-defined apprehension I had felt, and I smiled as my host rambled on: OLD GUY Queer how pictures kin set a body thinkin'. Take this one here near the front. Have you ever seen trees like that, with big leaves a floppin' over an' down? Some o' these here critters looks like monkeys, or half monkeys an' half men, but I never heared o' nothin' like this un. CHARLES Here he pointed to a fabulous creature of the artist, which one might describe as a sort of dragon with the head of an alligator. RICHARD I've seen things like that myself in mediaeval and renaissance art. To my recollection Bosch painted some, and there's at least one or two in the woodcuts of Breughel. OLD GUY But now I'll show ye the best un - over here nigh the middle - [getting excited] What d'ye think o' this - ain't never seen the like hereabouts, eh? When I see this I telled Eb Holt, 'That's somethin' to stir ye up an' make your blood tickle.' RICHARD Was this still the cut of the lizard man thing? CHARLES No, [heavy import] he'd just let the book fall open where it would-- OLD GUY When I read in Scripture about slayin' - like them Midianites was slew - I kinder think things, but I ain't got no picture of it. Here a body can see all they is to it - I s'pose 'tis sinful, but ain't we all born an' livin' in sin? WARREN Ahhh - the same picture that put the chills up you? CHARLES Well, he obviously didn't feel the same way about it-- OLD GUY That feller bein' chopped up gives me a tickle every time I look at 'im - I have to keep lookin' at 'im - see where the butcher cut off his feet? There's his head on that bench, with one arm side of it, an' t' other arm's on the other side o' the meat block. CHARLES As the man mumbled on in his shocking ecstasy the expression on his hairy, spectacled face became indescribable, but his voice sank rather than mounted. He was almost whispering now, with a huskiness more terrible than a scream. OLD GUY As I says, 'tis queer how pictures sets ye thinkin'. Do ye know, young Sir, I'm right sot on this one here. After I got the book off Eb I used to look at it a lot, especial when I'd heared Parson Clark rant o' Sundays in his big wig. WARREN [realizing what the word is] Oh, "Parson"! RICHARD Oh! I thought that was his name! WARREN No, it was the reference to the wig that-- CHARLES Tell him later. WARREN I'll never remember-- CHARLES Perhaps you should keep some note cards. OLD GUY Once I tried somethin' funny - here, young Sir, don't get skeert [scared] - all I done was to look at the picture afore I killed the sheep for market - killin' sheep was kind of more fun after lookin' at it - CHARLES The tone of the old man now sank very low, sometimes becoming so faint that his words were hardly audible. 7_killing sheep SOUND THE RECORD CHANGES, BECOMES MORE SINISTER SOUNDING CHARLES I listened to the rain, and to the rattling of the bleared, small-paned windows, and marked a rumbling of approaching thunder quite unusual for the season. OLD MAN Killin' sheep was kind of more fun - but d'ye know, 't wasn't quite satisfyin'. Queer how a cravin' gets a hold of ye - As ye love the Almighty, young man, don't tell nobody, but I swear to God that picture begun to make me hungry for victuals I couldn't raise nor buy - here, set still, what's ailin' ye? - I didn't do nothin', only I wondered how 't would be if I did - They say meat makes blood an' flesh, an' gives ye new life, so I wondered if 't wouldn't make a man live longer an' longer if 't was more o' the same - CHARLES But the whisperer never continued. The interruption was not produced by my fright, nor by the rapidly increasing storm. It was produced by a very simple, though somewhat unusual, happening. CHARLES The open book lay flat between us, with the picture staring repulsively upward. As the old man whispered the words-- OLD GUY more o' the same CHARLES --a tiny splattering impact was heard, and something showed on the yellowed paper of the upturned volume. SOUND THUNDER SHAKES THE HOUSE CHARLES Oh, heavens! RICHARD That's why Edward is absent, is it? I know he's quite the fellow for phobias and superstitions - maybe he has to stay in to avoid the lightning? HERBERT No - storms have never been on his list - not that he's ever told me. Anything underground, foreigners, the fair sex, getting lost, and cold drafts - those he will go on and on about avoiding, but never storms. WARREN Not that I've heard, either. But I can add illness, the clear night sky, and heredity to things which make him uneasy. CHARLES [heavy sigh] I'm almost finished, then you three can gossip on like old biddies all you want. [storytelling] The drip. I thought of the rain and of a leaky roof, but rain is not red. On the butcher's shop of the Anzique cannibals, a small red spattering glistened picturesquely, lending vividness to the horror of the engraving. SOUND SQUEAK OF LEATHER CHAIR, AS HE SITS FORWARD CHARLES The old man saw it, and stopped whispering even before my expression of horror made it necessary; saw it and glanced quickly toward the floor of the room he had left an hour before. I followed his glance, and beheld just above us on the loose plaster of the ancient ceiling a large irregular spot of wet crimson which seemed to spread even as I viewed it. For a moment I couldn't even move, Then a thunderclap broke me out of my hypnotic stare and I realized just what a fix I was in. RICHARD How did you manage to get away? CHARLES Oh, so now I have your attention. Well, it was simple really - I told the authorities later that lightning had struck the house, and I barely escaped with my life, but really-- HERBERT Lightning? Ridiculous. Not that it wouldn't strike a house, but-- CHARLES BUT - What happened was, I tipped over his lamp, sending burning oil everywhere. Then I dashed past and out the building, while the old man screamed and wailed behind me. WARREN Angry at you, was he? CHARLES [very dry] Well he was on fire. RICHARD And the blood? CHARLES For all that, I wasn't curious enough to go back and look. Even left my bicycle behind, and had to go shanks mare [on foot] - and through the tail end of the storm, mind you. WARREN Well, that was an interesting-- 8_windigo CHARLES Hold on, now. That's mostly the end of the story, but that crazy old man set me t'thinking ... [trails off] RICHARD [mildly curious] Yes? CHARLES Well, I recalled pretty clearly the names he'd mentioned as people he knew back in the day, and when I looked them up in historical records - a couple of them being rather famous, at least locally - and they'd all been dead for at least 50 years. WARREN He must have been telling you something told him by his father or grandfather - older folks, particularly those in isolated country settings, are often a bit delusional. RICHARD How old do you think he was? CHARLES He looked to be about 70, allowing for wind and weather and poverty-- RICHARD And unkemptness-- WARREN Yes, yes... CHARLES --but he was also hale and hearty and strong and .... plump. RICHARD But you can't think that-- CHARLES So I started to look into the whole theory. It was really those last words-- OLD GUY [echoey] More o'the same... CHARLES --that made me wonder. So I find out there's an old Indian myth from a ways up north-- WARREN The Wendigo? But that's strictly a cautionary tale. Ethnologists agree on that. HERBERT The windy-what? WARREN May I? CHARLES [sigh] Certainly. WARREN [lecturing] The Wendigo, also known as the Windeego, the windikkuk, or the whittikow, is a myth from the various Ojibwa-speaking Indian nations of Canada. We assume it is a cautionary myth about the evils and perils of resorting to cannibalism during times of famine, particularly during the frozen winter months, which is why the wendigo is inextricably linked with cold and snow. HERBERT Lovely. But like scholars everywhere, you left out the best part - what precisely is the myth? WARREN Oh! [chuckles] True, the background is often closer to the academic's heart-- RICHARD I know the story. And I won't bore Herbert with the ethnological derivations. WARREN Go on, then. RICHARD [spooky] It is said that the windigo is the spirit of winter, howling always just outside the camps of the people, calling to them to break the taboos and let it in. For when a man eats the flesh of another man, the spirit of the wendigo can enter him, and turn him into a ravening monster - never satisfied with lesser flesh ever again. For the wendigo is hunger, endless hunger, and the more it eats, the greater its hunger grows. So if you're ever in a snowstorm and see a man-like shape, thin and gaunt, and missing the tips of its fingers and its lips - for if it can't find other prey, it will devour its own extremities - you'd best run. Fast. SOUND [silent moment, then] LIGHT GOLF CLAP CHARLES Nicely told. RICHARD I really could have used a thunderclap there somewhere. How do you get so lucky? HERBERT But your old man, who seems to have indulged himself in cannibalism - or at least, that appeared to be the point of your tale, was ruddy and healthy and stout. Hmm. Sounds more like Stoker's description of Count Dracula after a good biting. CHARLES Interesting point. I must admit I hadn't made that connection. I suppose it's not that far a leap from drinking someone's blood to eating their flesh. HERBERT Wine and wafers. WARREN No! I am not going to waste time indulging you in another anti-religious diatribe, Herbert. We all know where you stand on that. CHARLES Let's get back to my yarn. RICHARD There's more? I thought you'd quite finished? CHARLES Just a bit to go yet. There is another myth of the windigo, by the by, though it may be merely a literary creation of Algernon Blackwood. He wrote of a windigo unrelated to the eating of human flesh-- HERBERT Anthropophagy. CHARLES Eh? HERBERT Sorry. Anthropophagy is the eating of human flesh. Cannibalism is the eating of human flesh by a fellow human. There's quite a difference. 9_blackwood CHARLES [sigh] Blackwood wrote of the windigo as a huge lonely entity living in the north woods, which calls the names of hunters in the night to lure them away from their campfires. And one sight of it could drive a man mad. WARREN Blackwood probably did a bit of bowdlerizing on the original myth - he heard a good story and felt that the cannibalism angle would make it less worthy of publication. HERBERT Yes. Edward has often spoken of his difficulties in getting some of his more gruesome tales into print. Surprising how old-maid-ish some of these vaunted editors can be. RICHARD He's not the only one. Why some of my paintings have been shunned and I've had to remove them from view for fear of having them burned! HERBERT It makes you wonder what people fear more, the mere act of being shown the horrible, or the person who shows it to them. CHARLES Enough digression. As I said, the old man made me wonder. Made me curious what other tales there were of cannibalism. After what I discovered, about various religious and cultural activities from around the world, I felt certain the windigo tale wasn't to be taken literally, but as a cautionary tale, created to warn people off from antisocial behavior-- RICHARD Like Struwwelpeter? You know, the children's book that warns good little children not to suck their thumbs or the scissor man will come and lop them off? CHARLES Essentially. In fact that's a very good example - teaching through use of extreme grotesquerie. You can't say to a child "leave off sucking that thumb or you'll have pruney thumb in the morning", they just won't take it very seriously, so we invent extremes. Go off the path and grandma will get eaten by a wolf. Eat another person and you will turn into a ravening monster. HERBERT I seem to remember struwwelpeter - it had some horrific illustrations, didn't it? Particularly for children. CHARLES I realize I can't possibly hold your interest much longer, but there is a bit more, if you will pay me the courtesy-- [beat] Right. Well I found that in most cultures - disregarding the various incidents of cannibalism for survival, such as during wars and famines-- A1_medusa WARREN Like the sinking of the Medusa? CHARLES What? WARREN Sorry. Nothing. Pray continue. CHARLES Disregarding eating for survival, there was a pervasive belief that eating parts of one's conquered enemies - human or otherwise - would grant the eater some of the strength of the fallen one. Many hunters ate the hearts of their prey for this very reason. Hearts being the seat of bravery in many ancient cultures. RICHARD The seat of bravery or romantic attachment - how sad it is now relegated to merely the centerpiece for the circulatory system. CHARLES So they would devour other humans for their strength. Now putting this together with the old man's tale, and his necessary age, if indeed he'd met half the people he mentioned in passing-- HERBERT And devoured them. CHARLES Eh? HERBERT I was thinking back on your tale - if you repeated his words and intonations correctly, and always assuming your cannibalism slant is the true one - then he probably et most of the people he referred to - like "him as they say drowned in the pond". CHARLES Hmm... [unconvincing] Never really thought much on it. WARREN Of course you did. Now you have me interested again. CHARLES Well, assuming he must have been a couple decades past a hundred when we spoke - at least - then the eating of human flesh had to have had the restorative properties he claimed it did. Gaining strength from the fallen. O'course there was always still the threat of the windigo, but I had ruled that out after all the extensive tales of cannibalism due to need in other quarters of the globe, and none of those folks gone crazy, running around eating their own lips. WARREN [Muttered] The crew of the Medusa went mad. CHARLES You're not going to let it go, are you? Fine. Tell us about the Medusa, but be quick, would you? WARREN The medusa was a sailing ship heading for the cape of good hope which through poor management was run aground on a sand bar. Everyone abandoned ship, and the sailors were lost on a raft for weeks. By the time they were found, they'd resorted to cannibalism and gone mad, not necessarily in that order. RICHARD I recall the painting in the Louvre - it's massive. The pathos. It seemed to imply they were within sight of land the entire time. WARREN Well, paintings. They're really more interested in the tragic story than the facts. CHARLES And they went mad, eh? WARREN Yes. You see how it is more universal than you think? CHARLES They went mad after eating each other. WARREN Yes. CHARLES --and being out on the open ocean, possibly within sight of land, for weeks, with no fresh water, in the blistering heat somewhere near the cape of good hope had nothing to do with it. HERBERT And they started out French. WARREN Well, when you put it that way-- A2_wrap up CHARLES [snort] Well, as a final touch to my collection of cannibalistic stories, I did find one rather interesting description of human flesh - the taste and texture of it - written by a connoisseur who had tried some, that said it was much like a good veal - not so tough as beef, nor stringy. RICHARD I expect that if your cook got ahold of some, it would taste just as good as the veal tonight. CHARLES Yes. [with import] Very likely. HERBERT Did the description say there was any way to tell the difference? CHARLES Not if it was cut and prepared right. Oh, if you found a finger in your stew, you would probably suspect something, but a chop is a chop. And a roast is a roast. WARREN [gulp] Where did Edward say he was tonight? CHARLES He didn't. You going mad yet? HERBERT [interested, not freaked] You mean, you tricked us into--? WARREN [trying not to vomit] Edward! But he was -- your-- our friend! CHARLES Still is. He'll be with us always. RICHARD [horrified and fascinated] How did you - do it? CHARLES Well, I wouldn't let him suffer, would I? After all, he was a friend. WARREN I can't -- SOUND GETTING UP FROM CHAIR, RAPID FOOTSTEPS SOUND DOOR OPENS. FEET STOP SHORT. EDWARD [laughing] The look on your face! WARREN [long painful gasp] Edward! EDWARD I never knew you cared. WARREN [faints] ahh! SOUND BODY DROP HERBERT These academics. Not enough exercise, too much theory. RICHARD So the cutlet? CHARLES Veal, o'course, you ninnies. I only promised you a story to make your gorge rise and your hair stand on end. Besides. Martha'd'a never put up with me pulling a stunt like that in her kitchen. END
| |||
| Atomic Julie - Spoken For by William Morrison | 04 Jan 2022 | 00:19:32 | |
A lot of things in space take a lot of time. | |||
| 19 Nocturne Boulevard - LONELY AT THE TOP - Reissue | 30 Dec 2021 | 00:40:53 | |
Trigger Warnings below the script, below. Two girls in very different times and places both make their way to the top - One finds exaltation, the other merely death.
Music: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com)
"What kind of a place is it? **************************************************************** LONELY AT THE TOP Cast:
NOTE: the roles are deliberately doubled to present the same “people” in both girls’ lives. The “mom” speeches apply to both at the same time.
OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a Mother's heart, can't you tell? MUSIC
MOM Darling, this is wonderful. You can't imagine how proud I am of you! I've always known you were special, but it means so much to have someone like that see what I have always seen! MUSIC OUT
MARKIE I totally can't believe it! You made the cut? TESS It's not set in stone yet - It's just the semi-finals, but mom's about to wet herself, she's so excited. MARKIE But Miss Modern Teen Model 2009! I mean, even if you wash out on the semi-finals, that's still soooo cool! I wish I was pretty. TESS Puh-lease. You're cute. Cute lasts. Beauty fades. MARKIE Cute. Yeah, that's my curse. Not tall enough to be a model, not short enough to walk under turnstiles... [laughs a bit bitterly] TESS Cute lasts. I have to make the most of this while I can. Besides, you have plans for your future - the scholarships are lining up. MARKIE Yeah yeah yeah, but brains don't get you dates. TESS Brains last too.
MOM The idea that my daughter - my lovely child - could go all the way to the top. That you could have the perseverance and willpower to do what has to be done to make it. It will reflect so well on all of us! MUSIC OUT
MARQUE You are one of the chosen? TEZA [laughs delightedly] Yes! There is still a long path ahead of me, but I feel - it feels right! MARQUE You are so fortunate! I wish I was graced with beauty pleasing to the gods. TEZA Everyone's fate is different, my dearest friend. I hear your parents have found you a husband! MARQUE He is ... kind. Not unappealing. Not too old. Yes, it is a promising match. I could certainly do worse. TEZA So you have as much to look forward to as I do! MARQUE Could you ... do something for me? TEZA Anything - you are my dearest friend and I love you! MARQUE When you ... get there, could you petition the great mother Chalchihuitlicue [chal-chee-weet-lee-cue] to smile upon my first pregnancy? That say that should you survive the first, the others are not so hard. TEZA Not even a bride yet, and you worry about bearing? Silly. Let your time come when it may. MARQUE But-- TEZA But! But I will. I will speak with every goddess in the heavens if it will help ease your burden. MARQUE I love you!
MOM Don't be afraid honey, I won't let you fail. I know you can reach any goal you set your mind on. You simply must keep your focus. Can you do that? Eyes on the prize, sweetheart. And you know what that means - giving up the things that don't matter to clear the way for the things that do.
MOM What are you eating? TESS What? Ice cream. MOM No, no, no! You know what Mr. Dupree said - these last few days before the pageant, you need to stick to simple foods. No sugar! Nothing bloaty. TESS Chill mom. I made it this far-- MOM It just gets harder, honey. Every inch of the way is like another huge step up the side of a mountain. None of these steps are easy, but they're worth the effort, if only because of the view once you get up there. TESS You're really stoked on this, aren’t you? MOM Yes honey, I'm stoked. For you. I want you to be able to get everything you can out of life - a model's life isn't easy, but there are plenty of rewards. TESS [heard it a million times] and you have to get it while you can, because models are over the hill before they can legally drink. MOM It's not funny, honey. It's very serious. Can't you give it just one year? How hard is that - to push yourself, for just one year? TESS I guess.
MOM When I heard that you had been chosen, that you were smiled upon out of all the girls, I nearly wept. I was so pleased. I've watched your sisters put themselves at the service of husband and children, and I wanted so much more for you. You are my special, beautiful, darling.
MARQUE I'm sorry you will miss my wedding. TEZA It is set, then? MARQUE Not the day, no, but it will be summer next, right after the sowing. TEZA A good time. And I will be with you in spirit. MARQUE The midwife thinks I will be old enough, then. [breaking a little] Oh, I will miss you! Once you enter the grand temple, we can never speak again! TEZA You will always be in my heart, as I know I will always be in yours. I will watch over you and always hear you when you speak to me. MARQUE It will be in the spring? For you? TEZA If I am selected to represent Chicomecoatl [chih-coe-me-coe-ah-tul]. It would be a great honor. MARQUE Your mother has been bragging everywhere. She cannot be quieted. TEZA It's as if she was the one being considered. MARQUE Never mind. Regardless, we will be together through the winter, while you learn all you must know for the big day. TEZA And you learn all you must know for your big day.
MOM My dearest child, you don't know how my heart swells with pride when I think about you, up there in front of everyone, beautiful and serene, like a shining star, and knowing, deep inside myself, that I made you perfect.
[Both are speechifying] TESS I am so pleased to be considered -- TEZA --to represent our lady of corn on this most sacred of days. I have always wanted-- TESS --to be able to find a way to show the world what I have inside, what I have to offer. And if I could do one thing-- TEZA --I would like to make my mother, my family, and my people proud of me, for community is everything. Without the people around us, we-- TESS --would never have made it this far, this close to becoming the next to represent-- TEZA --Lady of the corn-- TESS --Miss Modern Teen Model 2019.
TESS [crying] MOM What the hell did you think you were doing in there? They were laughing at you! TESS [teary] What? MOM That judge said you walk like a trucker with hemorrhoids! TESS I don't know how I walk! I don't watch me! MOM [softening] Honey! Sweetie! Oh, come here. It's not over - I promise you. You were doing so well, I'm sure this one thing won't put you out entirely, as long as you don't give up. TESS I want to-- MOM Shh. Shh. We'll just find someone to do something about that walk. No big deal.
TEZA [tears] It's all over! I know it! MARQUE Why? TEZA The rich merchant from Tenochtitlan - he has requested I marry him! MARQUE But doesn't he know you are destined for the temple? TEZA [scornful] Apparently he likes the idea of marrying someone perfect enough for the gods. MARQUE That is - he is asking for something terrible to happen! TEZA Well, I haven't been chosen yet - if I tried to step away then, that would be blasphemy. But to drop out now... what a blow it would be to everyone. And yet - my mother may consider his offer, since he is very prosperous. It is not fair! MARQUE No. Do not worry. I think this means as much to your mother - more even - than it does to you. She wishes you to secure her a place in the high tables of the night. And there is money from the temple as well - the position is a very prestigious one.
MOM Your dreams are all that matters, my dearest child. I will never try and stop you from getting everything you deserve. You know you can count on my support every step of the way. I will always be behind you to help you face forward, and will push you up every step, if that's what it takes.
SOUND VOMITING MUFFLED BY DOOR MOM Honey? You doing all right? TESS [recovering] Just a minute. MOM Quick rinse, dear - there's someone here to see you! SOUND DOOR SHUTS, FOOTSTEPS MOM She'll be out in a minute - fixing her face, you know. TRAINER Of course. Why don't work out my fees while we wait-- SOUND DOOR OPENS TESS [subdued] Hi. MOM Oh, come on, show a little enthusiasm! She's really much more excited than that. TRAINER Don't worry - I understand. So this is Tess. [hmming noises] SOUND FOOTSTEPS CIRCLE TESS TRAINER Has she had any formal modeling training? MOM She's been taking classes since she was nine. TRAINER [disapproving] Hmm. MOM But she also studied ballet, tap, jazz, deportment, and has kept up a 3.7 G-P-A. TRAINER [dismissive noise] TESS And I- TRAINER Shh! How old is she? MOM Fourteen. TRAINER We're starting it a bit late, but I see potential here. Show me this walk...
MOM Think on this. Think of the great ones - the ones we all idolize and hold in great regard. Now picture your face there, among them, gracing the rest of us below. Can't you see yourself? Your perfect self?
MOM [whispered] Don't they look grand in their feathers? They hold our future - your future in their very hands. TEZA Mother. You will make me tongue-tied. They are wise and all-knowing. They will know if I am the one-- MOM That you are the one-- TEZA --the minute they lay eyes upon me. MOM [gasp] Was that your name? Did they call your name? TEZA Yes, mother it was my name. Pray for me. SOUND ECHOING FOOTSTEPS PRIEST You, child. You aspire to represent the great lady of the corn? TEZA [awed and respectful] Yes, if it please the gods. PRIEST You are lovely, but are you pure? TEZA Yes, sire. My mother can swear to it. PRIEST Remove your shawl, show us your body. Do not hesitate, child - nothing untoward will happen. Your mother is right there watching. SOUND HEAVY FABRIC FALLS TO THE FLOOR
MOM It's just skin, honey. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You're lovely. Think of yourself as a work of art, and they are objective observers. They wouldn't be interested in you that way, anyway - you know that. And I'm right here. Tell me if you get nervous, and I'll make them stop. All right? You know every girl who has gone before has been through this same thing.
TESS [nervous, jittery] Well, they haven't said no, yet. MARKIE That's good. TESS I guess. I mean, I'm starting to wonder whether it's all really worth it. I'm supposed to get good sleep, be rested, so I can look my best, but half the time I'm too damn nervous, or hungry, or...something. I'm always trying not to think of things, like food, or having time to myself - I mean, what is it all for? MARKIE Wow. Maybe you should just tell your mom you want to stop. TESS Tell my mom? [laughs almost hysterically] Tell my mom? Are you high? She would toss me out on my ear. She's got so into this - and besides, she's spent all this money - mucho dinero, you know - to get me this far. How can I let her down - make her waste all that? MARKIE But you have to think of yourself, right? TESS I promised her I would do this for one year. Just a year - I can do it. [affirmations] I have the willpower to maintain, and the serenity to--[breaks into a sob] MARKIE Have you eaten anything today? TESS I can't! The pre-judging is tomorrow. MARKIE I have some tic-tacs-- TESS No! Don't tempt me! Shit, Markie, you're supposed to be helping me!
MOM It will all be worth it, you know it will. The purging, the special oils. You will always be the most lovely one in the place - caught in that one special moment, when you shine above all others. No one will ever forget you after that!
TEZA great and reverent master, what if I have doubts? PRIEST Doubts? What doubts, child? TEZA I fear that I will not be worthy. That I will falter in my steps and dishonor the crown of corn. PRIEST I can look into your heart, child, and I see that you have the strength within you to bear this burden - to rise to the heights, and carry the name of Chicomecoatl with dignity and grace. TEZA Do you? PRIEST It is always the way of men and women to doubt themselves. To worry that they will lose themselves in fear, or to ponder what life would be like had they not stepped out upon the path to greatness. Ever and always. TEZA But what can I do? PRIEST Fast and pray, child. I know you will see the correctness of your choice. And when your day of glory comes, you will never know fear or doubt again.
MOM A boy? What do you mean a boy? You don't have time for - you're too young for boys. All the boys you could possibly want will be at your feet, when the time comes, but right now - [hissed] it will ruin you.
TESS But Corey's on TV! He could help my-- MOM He could get you on the covers of a bunch of sleazy tabloids-- TESS But you said publicity is good-- MOM Not that kind - that will make sure everyone knows your name, but you will never be high class again! Save that kind of exploitation for when your looks start to fade. TESS Yeah, like when I'm 17. MOM You knew going in this was a short hard run, missy. There is no free ride. You wanted this as much as I did! TESS Well I don't want it any more! I want to have a normal life! MOM Fine. We can go back to living a normal life. You and me and your dad - oh, wait. Where should we live, hun? We sold the house when we came on the road with you - to finance your headshots and your spa treatments. I suppose if you quit school-- TESS [muttered] I can't concentrate anyway. MOM --and get a job in fast food, we three between us could make enough to [ramping up, each statement a dagger] live in a crappy little apartment and eat junk food all the time and get enormously fat and covered in acne, and then as soon as you're old enough, you can run off with some high school drop out who wants to start a band-- [sliding down, into her own misery] but of course you love each other and he ends up driving Greyhound and you lose the last vestige of your waist when you have the first three children, but the fourth child - your fourth child, she might just be perfect enough to live the good life - the beautiful life - at least until she ruins it! TEZA You gave me the choice mother, and I accept my fate. MOM I always knew you were just too good to live. You are an angel, honey, a perfect angel. TESS Yes, mother. MOM Sweetie. [all business] Now here's your pills from Dr. Gustavson - he said don't take them on an empty stomach, so go grab a cracker and some diet soda.
MOM There is nothing wrong with wanting more for your child than you had. Wanting to guide her and make sure she gets the advantages instead of making the same stupid mistakes you made. Is there? Isn’t all of life - at least the lives of parents - the effort to make a better life for your children?
MARQUE And is he very handsome, the chosen vessel of Tezcatlipoca? TEZA Don't be silly - he is perfect. They wouldn't have chosen him otherwise. [sigh] but of course, we are set upon different paths. MARQUE Perhaps you will meet later. Beyond the sun. TEZA Perhaps. But he has been given four wives who are all perfect as well. MARQUE And you are the Lady of Corn - none can shine brighter than a candle in the sunlight when you are in the room. I swear you get more beautiful every day. This suits you. TEZA Thank you - my mother says so also. [beat] We are to meet at another function - what if he talks to me again? MARQUE Talk is all well and good, but do not be alone. It is so humiliating to prove that you have not fallen into temptation. TEZA ugh [shudder] I could go my whole life without ever feeling that again. [bucks up] And I shall. I may talk to him, but I will never step out of the sight of the priests. We will both remain perfect. MARQUE Very good. TEZA I wish you could have come with me...but the temple handmaidens are devoted even earlier than we. MARQUE Well, I have news for you as well. My husband to be, [pleased] who has meals with my family more often than custom requires -hmm? - is really quite an amusing man. And very fond of me. I may not have my moment in the center of the universe, but I will have a good life. TEZA I am so pleased. And I will remember to petition for you. SOUND [hug noise]
MOM Unhappy? How can you be unhappy? You have everything you could possibly want - your face in front of everyone, men at your beck and call, and attending all the best celebrations! What could you possibly be missing? [wheedling] you know I'm only doing this for you! You want this as much as I do! You've finally made it, honey, what more could any girl want? Every girl out there looks at you and cries herself to sleep wishing she could trade lives with you. That is enough to make anyone happy, isn’t it? To be envied? How could you possibly be unhappy enough to do this?
DOCTOR Now take two of these every eight hours, to prevent infection, and change the dressings every 4 hours or so. MOM I'll keep her on schedule, don't you worry. And...this won't get out? DOCTOR It's hardly likely that people won't notice the change, even with the recuperation period, but I certainly don't keep in business by revealing personal info about my clientele. TESS Mom? MOM Don't worry, dear. Momma's right here. TESS You said I wouldn't feel it. MOM Does it hurt, honey? Here, doctor, can she have something for the pain? DOCTOR That's in the bag too, but do go light on them - you don't want to become dependent. MOM And when the scars heal, and everyone sees how lovely you are, with your new curves, you will be the envy of even more of the world. TESS [dully] Of course, mother.
MOM Even perfection can be improved on. Beauty is pain. That which is prized most is always hardest to come by. If it was easy to be beautiful, everyone would want to be ugly instead. You cannot be special if everyone can easily achieve what you have. You must stand out. You must shine. Look into that mirror, dearest child, and tell me you don't love yourself even more each day as you come closer and closer to perfection.
TEZA Life is pain TESS Beauty sucks. TEZA I am being remade in the image of the goddess. TESS Who decides what I should fucking look like? TEZA Painted and pierced. Smoothed and scented. I am treated like a queen. TESS If I have to have one more operation, I'll pee stitches. TEZA I bite the stick and let the pain carry me away as they mold my flesh. TESS I cry all night, silently, so my mother won't come and comfort me.
TEZA See my new ear plugs? They made them larger again, and heavy. They almost touch my shoulders now. MARQUE Don't they hurt? TEZA Of course, but pain won't last forever. I rather coveted a nose piercing as well, but that is not suited to the lady. I am being remade in her image. MARQUE I really admire your hair. Such elegantly styled coils and plaits! TEZA Smell! Only the finest oils must touch me. Everything is moving so quickly - such a short time left before the day I ascend to the top of the sky. MARQUE Too bad it is not sooner - my sister will start her labor soon, and she could use a blessing from the lady of rivers. TEZA I can still burn offerings, like anyone else. MARQUE True, but I can't help but feel the word of the corn lady will be heard so much louder than mere mortals such as we. TEZA [laughs ruefully] I can ask any one of a legion of priests to guide me in my prayers, and they will gladly help - for it is goodly for the lady of the corn to look after those with child. MARQUE Would you? TEZA Yes. And the priests - well their voices will carry as far as they need to go. [they laugh]
MOM The day is set, my child. You have reached the height. This can never be undone and leave you a nobody ever again. Everyone will see your face, and know - they will know - that you are the center of the universe.
TESS Who the hell am I? MOM What? Sweetie, you're-- TESS I used to know! I used to be Tess, a pretty and I dunno - slightly talented, maybe - high school student, and now--[sob catches] MOM Now, you're the most beautiful woman in the world - the magazine said so. It showed your absolute perfection-- TESS Not my perfection, mother - that's complete crap. I'm like - I'm like Mr. potato head, and you stuck hair and makeup and a pair of boobs on me - None of this is me! Who the hell am I? Did you ever ask? Did you ever care? MOM Honey! It's just icing on a wonderful cake. You like cake, don't you? [ingratiating] And isn’t it better with frosting? TESS [through gritted teeth] I don't GET cake, mother, not unless I want to taste it both ways [eating and throwing up]. I don’t even know if I could hold it down if I tried. MOM What the hell has got into you? TESS You couldn’t even leave me my own name, could you? "Tess" just isn't supermodel material. And you didn’t even choose it - you let a marketing firm do a survey and took their suggestions. MOM You got to pick one of the three they came up with-- TESS There isn’t any me left under all this, mother! Nothing. I'm hollow. Empty. MOM Where are you going? TESS To find something to fill me.
MOM Purpose. Purpose is enough, isn’t it? You are moving forward, ever forward. The search for perfection is a road, not a destination. There is nothing wrong with embellishing the beauty you were born with.
MARQUE [crying] It was horrible. TEZA I'm so sorry. I did what I could. MARQUE I know. She is with the gods, now, but it was so awful. I - I'm so scared. TEZA Why? MARQUE Watching her - watching the blood and the pain, hours and hours of it - and the baby died too! How can I ever choose to go through that? TEZA It is what women do. MARQUE You won't ever have to. TEZA [teasing a bit] I have to give life to the whole world. [serious] But I feel for you. And for your sister, and her baby. It is a tragedy. MARQUE Is there anything in life that doesn’t hurt? TEZA Flowers. Chocolate. Love. MARQUE You know what I mean - important things. TEZA What is more important than Love? MARQUE [sniff, then a tiny sad uh-huh]
MOM Only a few more days. Nothing must go wrong. You must be so very careful not to harm yourself, even a scratch or a nick will show. Only the most skilled may come to do your hair, massage, and dress you in the most beautiful garments. Nothing is left to chance. Nothing. Do you hear me? Nothing will go wrong, even if I have to hurt someone.
MOM I see you're feeling a little better? TESS [dull] Yes I took my medicine. MOM Good. Nothing like seeing a smile on my little girl's face again. And there's nothing wrong with using science to combat unhappiness. TESS Yes mother. MOM Unhappiness isn't natural. Especially for beautiful people. TESS Beautiful. MOM Dear. Don't frown. You don't want to get wrinkles! TESS Why don't I just lie here like a blob? That way I can't break a nail. MOM Are you sure you took your pills? TESS [sigh]
MOM It is always darkest right before the dawn. And it is always tensest the night before the main event. You hold your breath and pray for dawn, the watch the shadows crawl across the ground, feeling like the final moment will never come. And once it arrives? Pfft. It is over.
TEZA I'm happy you could sit vigil this night with me, mother. MOM How could I do otherwise, my darling chosen one? TEZA [teasing] You must relinquish your claim to me, since I am now the Corn lady. MOM [fondly, almost in tears] My lady of corn. I will never forget that I was able to contribute to the glory you represent. TEZA Without you I would not be here - would not be able to bring life to the crops for another year. MOM And yet it is a melancholy time as well. Knowing that the great lady will ascend to heaven tomorrow. TEZA I told Marque I will watch over her. I can watch you both. I have two eyes. MOM Can Teza give her mother a final kiss before the Corn lady must take her walk? TEZA Of course. [kiss noise]
MOM And this is it. The end. What we have worked so hard for. I know it is a sad time. I feel sad too, but the triumph, the glory, the joy will outweigh the sorrow.
MOM What the hell do you mean, she's gone? TRAINER She was here for the opening - the talent portion is about to start, and she's not in the dressing room. MOM Have you checked the bathroom? TRAINER I asked every girl in there, and between yarks they said they hadn't seen her. MOM How could she do this to me? TRAINER Worse - her opening number gown is gone too, and it was a rental.
[Tess is down, Teza is filled with joy] TEZA I gaze up the endless stairs TESS Knowing this will be my last trip BOTH I feel my sandals shift beneath my feet as I take the first step. TEZA With each step, the roaring grows louder TESS The voices in my head just won't shut up! TEZA I must go slowly, for while I cannot falter, neither can I look down. TESS My head is so heavy TEZA My crown is so weighty. BOTH I feel all those eyes upon me. TESS [shriek] They won't leave me alone! TEZA [ecstatic] They love me! TESS They hate me! TEZA Each step takes me higher. Closer to the heavens. TESS I haul myself up, one step at a time. TEZA My ears still ache - the pain reminds me of what I leave behind. TESS The pain of what I have become will never leave me. TEZA The scent of a thousand flowers, thrown by the crowd, surrounds me. TESS The hallway smells of puke. BOTH Only a few more steps. TEZA I thrill with fear and longing, yearning for the gods. TESS Please god don't let me fuck this up. TEZA The priests await me, stern and welcoming. TESS I see a face and don't recognize myself until I realize it's a mirror. TEZA The name me Chicomecoatl, and I know I have become the Lady of the corn. TESS I stare into the eyes in the mirror and have no clue who she is. BOTH I take up the cup. TEZA The drink warms me, and I love everyone. TESS I drink slowly, timing the pills - too fast and I'll barf it all up before it can work. TEZA My mind floats. BOTH I can't feel anything anymore. TEZA They gently lay me on the altar. TESS The bathroom tile is cool under my cheek. TEZA The knife above me catches light from Huitztipotchli's glory. TESS Everything is getting dark TEZA The knife falls and I transcend. TESS Everything goes black. OMINOUS SILENCE CLOSING MUSIC SLOWLY CREEPS IN **************************************************************** T R I G G E R W A R N I N G S
[TW - mature language and situations, extreme dieting, non-gender related body dysmorphia and modification, depression, suicide, human sacrifice] | |||
| Atomic Julie - Patch by William Shedenhelm | 28 Dec 2021 | 00:18:41 | |
The old boys who fly by the seat of their pants can solve problems that make the more modern space jockeys completely panic. | |||
| 19 Nocturne Boulevard - A TRILOGY FOR XMAS - Reissue | 23 Dec 2021 | 00:46:22 | |
Nothing is ever normal at 19 Nocturne Boulevard. So when Olivia, our sultry announcer, decides to read the listeners a few of her favorite Xmas tales, things get a bit out of hand. Adapted by Julie Hoverson from stories by Arnold Bennett, Rudyard Kipling, and Joseph Conrad, appearing in A Christmas Garland edited by Max Beerbohm, published in 1912 Cast List Music: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com)
"Puh-leeze! Do I sound like the type to offend with yet another
**************************************************** A TRILOGY FOR CHRISTMAS Cast:
SCRUTS
PC X36
THE FEAST
ANNOUNCER The stories for tonight's show have been abridged and dramatized by Julie Hoverson
OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? Well sit right down. I want to read you my favorite Christmas stories. No, don't go! [disgusted] Oh, puh-lease! Do I seem the type to offend with yet another rendition of A Christmas Carol, or The night Before Christmas? Even the Velveteen Rabbit, which is a truly disturbing tale to any small child, is far too common for this house. MUSIC CREEPS IN OLIVIA Indulge me, won't you? I promise I won't disappoint. I have selected three of my most favorite Christmas tales to share with you, and even if one is a bit romantic and sentimental, well, you have to let me be girly sometimes, right? So - I'll get sentiment out of the way and move right into the more... meaty stories. The first story, then, is Scruts by Arnold Bennett MUSIC CHANGES OLIVIA Emily Wrackgarth stirred the Christmas pudding till her right arm began to ache. But she did not cease for that. SOUND KITCHEN, STIRRING OLIVIA She stirred on till her right arm grew so numb that it might have been the right arm of some girl at the other end of Bursley. And yet something deep down in her whispered EMILY [muttered] It is your right arm! And you can do what you like with it! OLIVIA She did what she liked with it. Relentlessly she kept it moving till it reasserted itself as the arm of Emily Wrackgarth, prickling and tingling as with red-hot needles in every tendon from wrist to elbow. And still Emily Wrackgarth hardened her heart. EMILY Mine. You are mine. OLIVIA Presently she saw the spoon no longer revolving, but wavering aimlessly in the midst of the basin. EMILY Ridiculous! This must be seen to! OLIVIA In the down of dark hairs that connected her eyebrows there was a marked deepening of that vertical cleft which, visible at all times, warned you that here was a young woman not to be trifled with. Her brain despatched to her hand a peremptory message—which miscarried. The spoon wabbled as though held by a baby. EMILY [exasperated noise] OLIVIA Emily knew that she herself as a baby had been carried into this very kitchen to stir the Christmas pudding. Year after year, as she grew up, she had been allowed to stir it "for luck." And those, she reflected, were the only cookery lessons she ever got. EMILY How like Mother! OLIVIA Mrs. Wrackgarth had died in the past year, of a complication of ailments. Emily still wore on her left shoulder that small tag of crape which is as far as the Five Towns go in the way of mourning. Her father had died in the year previous to that, of a still more curious and enthralling complication of ailments. Jos, his son, carried on the Wrackgarth Works, EMILY [interrupting] and I kept house for Jos. I with my own hand made this pudding. But for me, this pudding would not have been. Fantastic! Utterly incredible! OLIVIA [slightly miffed] And yet so it was. She was grown-up. She was mistress of the house. She could make or unmake puddings at will. And yet she was Emily Wrackgarth. Which was absurd. EMILY It is doubtful whether the people of southern England have even yet realised how much introspection there is going on all the time in the Five Towns. OLIVIA [ahem!] Emily was now stirring the pudding with her left hand. The ingredients had already been mingled indistinguishably in that rich, undulating mass of tawniness which proclaims perfection. But Emily was determined to give her left hand, not less than her right, what she called EMILY "a doing." OLIVIA Emily was like that. At mid-day, when her brother came home from the Works, she was still at it. EMILY Brought those scruts with you? JOS That's a fact. OLIVIA And he dipped his hand into the sagging pocket of his coat. It is perhaps necessary to explain what scruts are. In the daily output of every potbank there are a certain proportion of flawed vessels. These are cast aside by the foreman, EMILY with a lordly gesture, OLIVIA and in due course are hammered into fragments. These fragments, which are put to various uses, are called scruts; and one of the uses they are put to is a sentimental one. EMILY The dainty and luxurious Southerner looks to find in his Christmas pudding a wedding-ring, a gold thimble, a threepenny-bit, or the like. To such fal-lals the Five Towns would say fie. OLIVIA A Christmas pudding in the Five Towns contains nothing but suet, flour, lemon-peel, cinnamon, brandy, almonds, raisins—and two or three scruts. There is a world of poetry, beauty, romance, in scruts—though you have to have been brought up on them to appreciate it. Scruts have passed into the proverbial philosophy of the district. EMILY "Him's a pudden with more scruts than raisins to 'm" OLIVIA is a criticism not infrequently heard. It implies respect, even admiration. Of Emily Wrackgarth herself people often said, in reference to her likeness to her father, JOS "Her's a scrut o' th' owd basin." [realizing he cut in] Oh, Hmm. Pardon. OLIVIA Jos had emptied out from his pocket on to the table a good three dozen of scruts. EMILY I laid aside my spoon, rubbed the palms of my hands on the bib of my apron, and proceeded to finger these scruts with the air of a connoisseur, rejecting one after another. OLIVIA The pudding was a small one, designed merely for herself and Jos, with remainder to "the girl"; so that it could hardly accommodate more than two or three scruts. EMILY I knew well that one scrut is as good as another. Yet I did not want my brother to feel that anything selected by him would necessarily pass muster. OLIVIA For his benefit she ostentatiously wrinkled her nose. JOS By the by, you remember Albert Grapp? I've asked him to step over from Hanbridge and help eat our snack on Christmas Day. EMILY [incensed] You've asked that Mr. Grapp? JOS No objection, I hope? He's not a bad sort. And he's considered a bit of a ladies' man, you know. EMILY [incensed noise] SOUND CLATTER OF SCRUTS INTO BOWL OLIVIA Emily gathered up all the scruts and let them fall in a rattling shower on the exiguous pudding. Two or three fell wide of the basin. EMILY [vengefully] I made sure they all fit, too. JOS [alarmed] Steady on! What's that for? EMILY That's for your guest. And if you think you're going to palm me off on to him, or on to any other young fellow, you're a fool, Jos Wrackgarth! JOS I - I would never-- EMILY Don't think I don't know what you've been after, just of late. Cracking up one young sawny and then another on the chance of me marrying him! I never heard of such goings on. But here I am, and here I'll stay, as sure as my name's Emily Wrackgarth, Jos Wrackgarth! OLIVIA It is difficult to write calmly about Emily at this point. For her, in another age, ships would have been launched and cities besieged. But brothers are a race apart, and blind. It is a fact that Jos would have been glad to see his sister "settled" JOS [muttered] —preferably in one of the other four Towns. OLIVIA [chuckle] She took up the spoon and stirred vigorously. The scruts grated and squeaked together around the basin, while the pudding feebly wormed its way up among them. MUSIC CHANGES ALBERT [whispered] Is it me? Oh! [up] Albert Grapp, ladies' man though he was, was humble of heart. Nobody knew this but himself. OLIVIA Not one of his fellow clerks in Clither's Bank knew it. The general theory in Hanbridge was "Him's got a stiff opinion o' hisself." ALBERT But this arose from what was really a sign of humility in him. He made the most of himself. OLIVIA He had, for instance, a way of his own in the matter of dressing. He always wore a voluminous frock-coat, with a pair of neatly-striped vicuna trousers-- ALBERT --which he placed every night under his mattress, thus preserving in perfection the crease down the centre of each. OLIVIA He had two caps, one of blue serge, the other of shepherd's plaid. These he wore on alternate days. He wore them in a way of his own—well back from his forehead, so as not to hide his hair. OLIVIA On wet days he wore a mackintosh. This, as he did not yet possess a great-coat, he wore also, but with less glory, on cold days. ALBERT He had hoped there might be rain on Christmas morning. But there was no rain. [sigh, resigned] Like my luck. OLIVIA [whispered, urgent] Stop referring to yourself in the third person, no one else does. [back up] Since Jos Wrackgarth had introduced Albert to his sister at the Hanbridge Oddfellows' Biennial Hop, ALBERT when he -I- danced two quadrilles with her, OLIVIA --he had seen her but once. He had nodded to her, Five Towns fashion, and she had nodded back at him, but with a look that seemed to say-- EMILY You needn't nod next time you see me. I can get along well enough without your nods. ALBERT A frightening girl! And yet her brother had since told ...me... she seemed "a bit gone, like" on me! Impossible! He, Albert Grapp, make an impression on the brilliant Miss Wrackgarth! Yet she had sent him a verbal invite to spend Christmas in her own home. OLIVIA You're doing it again. ALBERT [oblivious, enchanted] And the time had come. He was on his way. Incredible that he should arrive! The tram must surely overturn, or be struck by lightning. And yet no! He arrived safely. OLIVIA [sigh] The small servant who opened the door gave him another verbal message from Miss Wrackgarth. [disapproving] Wipe your feet well on the mat. [narrating again] In obeying this order he experienced a thrill of satisfaction he could not account for. He must have stood shuffling his boots vigorously for a full minute. ALBERT This, he told himself, was life. He, Albert Grapp, was alive. And the world was full of other men, all alive; and yet, because they were not doing Miss Wrackgarth's bidding, none of them really lived. OLIVIA In the parlour he found Jos awaiting him. The table was laid for three. JOS So you're here, are you? OLIVIA Said the host, using the Five Towns formula. JOS Emily's in the kitchen. Happen she'll be here directly. ALBERT I hope she's tol-lol-ish? JOS She is. But don't you go saying that to her. She doesn't care about society airs and graces. You'll make no headway if you aren't blunt. ALBERT Oh, right you are. OLIVIA A moment later Emily joined them, still wearing her kitchen apron. EMILY So you're here, are you? OLIVIA She said, but did not shake hands. The servant had followed her in with the tray, and the next few seconds were occupied in the disposal of the beef and trimmings. The meal began, Emily carving. JOS [sigh] The main thought of a man less infatuated than Albert Grapp would have been "This girl can't cook. And she'll never learn to." The beef, instead of being red and brown, was pink and white. Uneatable beef! ALBERT [rapturizing] And yet he relished it more than anything he had ever tasted. This beef was her own handiwork. Thus it was because she had made it so.... [up] Happen I could do with a bit more, like. OLIVIA Emily hacked off the bit more and jerked it on to the plate he had held out to her. ALBERT Thanks! OLIVIA Only when the second course came on did he suspect that the meal was a calculated protest. This a Christmas pudding? The litter of fractured earthenware was hardly held together by the suet and raisins. ALBERT All his pride of manhood—and there was plenty of pride mixed up with Albert Grapp's humility—dictated a refusal to touch that pudding. Yet he soon found himself touching it, though gingerly, with spoon and fork. OLIVIA In the matter of dealing with scruts there are two schools—the old and the new. The old school pushes its head well over its plate and drops the scrut straight from its mouth. The new school emits the scrut into the fingers of its left hand and therewith deposits it on the rim of the plate. ALBERT Albert noticed that Emily was of the new school. OLIVIA Oh, I give up. ALBERT But might she not despise as affectation in him what came natural to herself? On the other hand, if he showed himself as a prop of the old school, might she not set her face the more stringently against him? OLIVIA The chances were that whichever course he took would be the wrong one. ALBERT It was then that he had an inspiration—an idea of the sort that comes to a man once in his life and finds him, likely as not, unable to put it into practice. OLIVIA Albert was not sure he could consummate this idea of his. He had indisputably fine teeth— JOS "a proper mouthful of grinders" OLIVIA in local phrase. But would they stand the strain he was going to impose on them? He could but try them. OLIVIA [con't] Without a sign of nervousness he raised his spoon, with one scrut in it, to his mouth. This scrut he put between two of his left-side molars, bit hard on it, and—eternity of that moment!—felt it and heard it snap in two. SOUND GRINDING, CRUNCHING ALBERT He was conscious that at sound of the percussion Emily started forward and stared at him. But he did not look at her. EMILY [amazed] That was none so dusty. [similar to "not too shabby"] OLIVIA Calmly, systematically, with gradually diminishing crackles, he reduced that scrut to powder, and washed the powder down with a sip of beer. SOUND DRINK OLIVIA While he dealt with the second scrut, he talked to Jos about the Borough Council's proposal to erect an electric power-station on the site of the old gas-works down Hillport way. ALBERT He was aware of a slight abrasion inside his left cheek. No matter. He must be more careful. OLIVIA There were six scruts still to be negotiated. ALBERT He knew that what he was doing was a thing grandiose, unique, epical; a history-making thing; a thing that would outlive marble and the gilded monuments of princes. Yet he kept his head. OLIVIA He did not hurry, nor did he dawdle. Scrut by scrut, he ground slowly but he ground exceeding small. ALBERT And while he did so he talked wisely and well. OLIVIA He passed from the power-station to a first edition he had picked up for sixpence in Liverpool, and thence to the Midland's proposal to drive a tunnel under the Knype Canal so as to link up the main-line with the Critchworth and Suddleford loop-line. JOS I was too amazed to put in a word, but sat merely gaping—a gape that merged by imperceptible degrees into a grin. Presently I ceased to watch our guest. I sat watching my sister. OLIVIA Not once did Albert himself glance in her direction. She was just a dim silhouette on the outskirts of his vision. ALBERT But there she was, unmoving, and he could feel the fixture of her unseen eyes. The time was at hand when he would have to meet those eyes. Would he flinch? Was he master of himself? GRINDING STOPS OLIVIA The last scrut was powder. No temporising! He jerked his glass to his mouth. ALBERT A moment later, holding out his plate to her, he looked Emily full in the eyes. They were Emily's eyes, but not hers alone. They were collective eyes—that was it! They were the eyes of stark, staring womanhood. OLIVIA Her face had been dead white, but now suddenly up from her throat, over her cheeks, through the down between her eyebrows, went a rush of colour, up over her temples, through the very parting of her hair. ALBERT [casual] Happen, I'll have a bit more, like. OLIVIA Emily flung her arms forward on the table and buried her face in them. EMILY [breaking into sobs] OLIVIA It was a gesture wild and meek. It was the gesture foreseen and yet incredible. It was recondite, inexplicable, and yet obvious. EMILY [aside, not teary] It was the only thing to be done—and yet, by gum, I had done it. [back to sobbing] OLIVIA Her brother had risen from his seat and was now at the door. JOS [pleased with himself] Think I'll step round to the Works, and see if they banked up that furnace aright. OLIVIA NOTE.—The author has in preparation a series of volumes dealing with the life of Albert and Emily Grapp. MUSIC BACK TO NEUTRAL OLIVIA Sweet romance, eh? Well, I've indulged my sentimental side, now how about some gritty policework? EMILY Hold up. You really think I'll get hitched over some fellow who sups pottery? OLIVIA That's how the story ends. And he's a good looking chap. EMILY And your accent is wretched. OLIVIA Go back to your story. EMILY Won't. OLIVIA Your story is over. Shut up. EMILY Can't make me - you're no better'n me - have ten toes and ten fingers just the same. OLIVIA I'll close the book, and then you'll be gone until someone else reads you - and you're far enough out of print, THAT won't happen any time soon. EMILY [annoyed, seething] Right. I'll sit here, then shall I? OLIVIA Don't care. Just keep quiet. [deep breath] My next tale is PC X-36, by Rudyard Kipling. JUDLIP Then it's collar 'im tight, OLIVIA From police station ditties. EMILY Sounds like a donkey. OLIVIA Shh! KIPLING I had spent Christmas Eve at the Club, listening to a grand pow-wow between certain of the choicer sons of Adam. OLIVIA Hold on! I'm the one reading this story! KIPLING But I'm the narrator. EMILY Hear Hear. OLIVIA I'm the reader. You need to keep quiet. KIPLING You might have thought first before taking on a first person narrative, mightn't you? OLIVIA Well, I'll endeavor to sound like you. Now! Wait for your cue. [clears throat] Then Slushby had cut in. Slushby is one who writes to newspapers and is theirs obediently "HUMANITARIAN." When Slushby cuts in, men remember they have to be up early next morning. KIPLING Sharp round a corner on the way home, I collided with something firmer than the regulation pillar-box. OLIVIA [gritted teeth] I righted myself after the recoil and saw some stars that were very pretty indeed. Then I perceived the nature of the obstruction. KIPLING "Evening, Judlip," [quickly spitting out his descriptives] I said sweetly, when I had collected my hat from the gutter. "Have I broken the law, Judlip? If so, I'll go quiet." JUDLIP [Gruff] Time yer was in bed. Yer Ma'll be lookin' out for yer. KIPLING This from the friend -- OLIVIA Ahem! --of my bosom! It hurt. Many were the night-beats I had been privileged to walk with Judlip, imbibing curious lore that made glad the civilian heart of me. Seven whole 8x5 inch note-books had I pitmanised to the brim with Judlip. EMILY And now to be repulsed as one of the uninitiated! It hurt horrid. OLIVIA Don't you start in again! EMILY Hah! OLIVIA Don't! [back to the story] There is a thing called Dignity. Small boys sometimes stand on it. Then they have to be kicked. Then they get down, weeping. I don't stand on Dignity. KIPLING "What's wrong, Judlip?" I asked, more sweetly than ever. "Drawn a blank to-night?" JUDLIP Yuss. Drawn a blank blank blank. 'Avent 'ad so much as a kick at a lorst dorg. Christmas Eve ain't wot it was. KIPLING I felt for my note-book. JUDLIP Lawd! I remembers the time when the drunks and disorderlies down this street was as thick as flies on a fly-paper. One just picked 'em orf with one's finger and thumb. A bloomin' buffet, that's wot it wos. KIPLING "The night's yet young, Judlip," [quickly] I insinuated, with a jerk of my thumb at the flaring windows of the "Rat and Blood Hound." At that moment-- OLIVIA [Catching up] --the saloon-door swung open, emitting a man and woman who walked with linked arms and exceeding great care. EMILY [sarcastic] How sweet. OLIVIA Judlip eyed them longingly as they tacked up the street. Then he sighed. Now, when Judlip sighs the sound is like unto that which issues from the vent of a Crosby boiler when the cog-gauges are at 260 degrees. KIPLING "Come, Judlip!" I said. "Possess your soul in patience. You'll soon find someone to make an example of. Meanwhile"—I threw back my head and smacked my lips [he does] —"the usual, Judlip?" OLIVIA In another minute I emerged through the swing-door, bearing a furtive glass of that same "usual," and nipped down the mews where my friend was wont to await these little tokens of esteem. KIPLING "To the Majesty of the Law, Judlip!" OLIVIA When he had honoured the toast, I scooted back with the glass, leaving him wiping the beads off his beard-bristles. He was in his philosophic mood when I rejoined him at the corner. JUDLIP "Wot am I? [pronouncing] A bloomin' cypher. Wot's the sarjint? 'E's got the Inspector over 'im. Over above the Inspector there's the Sooprintendent. Over above 'im's the old red-tape-masticatin' Yard. Over above that there's the 'Ome Sec. Wot's 'e? A cypher, like me. Why? KIPLING Judlip looked up at the stars. JUDLIP Over above 'im's We Dunno Wot. Somethin' wot issues its horders an' regulations an' divisional injunctions, inscrootable like, but p'remptory; an' we 'as ter see as 'ow they're carried out, not arskin' no questions, but each man goin' about 'is dooty.' KIPLING "''Is dooty,'" said I, looking up from my note-book. "Yes, I've got that." JUDLIP Life ain't a bean-feast. It's a 'arsh reality. An' them as makes it a bean-feast 'as got to be 'arshly dealt with accordin'. That's wot the Force is put 'ere for from Above. Not as 'ow we ain't fallible. We makes our mistakes. An' when we makes 'em we sticks to 'em. For the honour o' the Force. Which same is the jool Britannia wears on 'er bosom as a charm against hanarchy. That's wot the brarsted old Beaks don't understand. Yer remember Smithers of our Div? KIPLING [takes breath, but is interupted] OLIVIA I remembered Smithers - well. As fine, upstanding, square-toed-- [hand over mouth] EMILY [Picking up quickly, but struggling slightly] bullet-headed, clean-living - go on! - son of a gun-- KIPLING Ta! --as ever perjured himself in the box. There was nothing of the softy about Smithers. I took off my billicock to Smithers' memory. JUDLIP Sacrificed to public opinion? Yuss, KIPLING Judlip paused at a front door, flashing his light down the slot of a two-grade Yale. JUDLIP Sacrificed to a parcel of screamin' old women wot ort ter 'ave gorn down on their knees an' thanked Gawd for such a protector. 'E'll be out in another 'alf year. JUDLIP Wot'll 'e do then, pore devil? Go a bust on 'is conduc' money an' throw in 'is lot with them same hexperts wot 'ad a 'oly terror of 'im. EMILY Then Judlip swore gently. KIPLING What should you do, O Great One, if ever it were your duty to apprehend him? JUDLIP Do? Why, yer blessed innocent, yer don't think I'd shirk a fair clean cop? Same time, I don't say as 'ow I wouldn't 'andle 'im tender like, for sake o' wot 'e wos. Likewise cos 'e'd be a stiff customer to tackle. Likewise 'cos— OLIVIA [muffled struggle] KIPLING He had broken off, and was peering fixedly upwards across the moonlit street. JUDLIP [drawn-out, hoarse whisper] Ullo! SOUND STRUGGLE OLIVIA [muffled, then deep breath] Back off! EMILY Hmph. [shrug] I made a good go. OLIVIA Striking an average between the direction of his eyes—for Judlip, when on the job, has a soul-stirring squint—I perceived someone in the act of emerging from a chimney-pot. Judlip's voice clove the silence. JUDLIP Wot are yer doin' hup there? OLIVIA The person addressed came to the edge of the parapet. KIPLING I saw then that he had a hoary white beard, a red ulster with the hood up, and what looked like a sack over his shoulder. OLIVIA He said something or other in a voice like a concertina that has been left out in the rain. EMILY [muttered] Not so very hard to pass it round, is it? JUDLIP I dessay. Just you come down, an' we'll see about that. OLIVIA The old man nodded and smiled. Then—as I hope to be saved—he came floating gently down through the moonlight, with the sack over his shoulder and a young fir-tree clasped to his chest. He alighted in a friendly manner on the curb beside us. EMILY Come along - let us have a go! KIPLING Judlip was the first to recover himself. Out went his right arm-- EMILY --and the airman was slung round by the scruff of the neck, spilling his sack in the road. KIPLING I made a bee-line for his shoulder-blades. Burglar or no burglar, he was the best airman out, and I was muchly desirous to know the precise nature of the apparatus under his ulster. OLIVIA Fine. Let's just keep it moving - A back-hander from Judlip's left caused me to hop quickly aside. The prisoner was squealing and whimpering. He didn't like the feel of Judlip's knuckles at his cervical vertebræ. JUDLIP Wot wos yer doin' hup there? EMILY asked Judlip, tightening the grip. SANTA CLAUS I'm S-Santa Claus, Sir. P-please, Sir, let me g-go.. KIPLING "Hold him," I shouted. "He's a German." JUDLIP It's my dooty ter caution yer that wotever yer say now may be used in hevidence against yer, yer old sinner. Pick up that there sack, an' come along o' me. EMILY The captive snivelled something about peace on earth, good will toward men. JUDLIP Yuss. That's in the Noo Testament, ain't it? The Noo Testament contains some uncommon nice readin' for old gents an' young ladies. But it ain't included in the librery o' the Force. We confine ourselves to the Old Testament — O-T, 'ot. An' 'ot you'll get it. Hup with that sack, an' quick march! OLIVIA I have seen worse attempts at a neck-wrench, but it was just not slippery enough for Judlip. EMILY And the kick that Judlip then let fly was a thing of beauty and a joy for ever. KIPLING "Frog's-march him!" I shrieked, dancing. "For the love of heaven, frog's-march him!" OLIVIA Trotting by Judlip's side to the Station, I reckoned it out that if Slushby had not been at the Club I should not have been here to see. ALL Which shows that even Slushbys are put into this world for a purpose. MUSIC CHANGES OLIVIA Oh, this is just getting silly. EMILY Only just? I should have said it's been a laugh for several miles. KIPLING D'you have some problem with a bit of a laugh? OLIVIA The third story I want to read is very serious. If this goes on, I won't be able to do it justice. EMILY What is it then? OLIVIA The Feast. By Joseph Conrad. KIPLING Conrad? He wrote a Christmas story? EMILY Who is this Conrad fellow? KIPLING Wrote something called heart of Darkness. OLIVIA Yes, yes, yes! Look, it's ruined now. I'm just going to give up and read The Night before Christmas. EMILY [disgusted noise] KIPLING That sentimental pap? OLIVIA [huffy] The mood is gone. EMILY AND KIPLING [whisper in the background] EMILY We might-- KIPLING Let me! EMILY I don't think so! [annoyed grunt] Look you! - um - I think we've not been introduced? OLIVIA [sulky] Olivia. EMILY Right. Olivia. Why not let us help read the story. We can do that well enough, can't we? KIPLING Certainly. OLIVIA And keep the comments to a minimum? KIPLING Well... EMILY I'll box his ears for you if he steps across the line. OLIVIA It's worth a try. MUSIC TURNS TROPICAL OLIVIA The hut in which slept the white man was on a clearing between the forest and the river. EMILY Silence, the silence murmurous and unquiet of a tropical night, brooded over the hut that, baked through by the sun, sweated a vapour beneath the cynical light of the stars. KIPLING Mahamo lay rigid and watchful at the hut's mouth. In his upturned eyes, and along the polished surface of his lean body black and immobile, the stars were reflected, creating an illusion of themselves who are illusions. OLIVIA The roofs of the congested trees, writhing in some kind of agony private and eternal, made tenebrous and shifty silhouettes against the sky, like shapes cut out of black paper by a maniac who pushes them with his thumb this way and that, irritably, on a concave surface of blue steel. EMILY Resin oozed unseen from the upper branches to the trunks swathed in creepers that clutched and interlocked with tendrils venomous, frantic and faint. KIPLING Down below, by force of habit, the lush herbage went through the farce of growth—that farce old and screaming, whose trite end is decomposition. [aside] Optimist, eh? Ouch! OLIVIA Ssh. Within the hut the form of the white man, corpulent and pale, was covered with a mosquito-net that was itself illusory like everything else, only more so. Flying squadrons of mosquitoes inside its meshes flickered and darted over him, working hard, but keeping silence so as not to excite him from sleep. EMILY [with distaste] Cohorts of yellow ants disputed him against cohorts of purple ants, the two kinds slaying one another in thousands. KIPLING [avid] The battle was undecided when suddenly, with no such warning as it gives in some parts of the world, the sun blazed up over the horizon, turning night into day, and the insects vanished back into their camps. OLIVIA The white man ground his knuckles into the corners of his eyes, emitting that snore final and querulous of a middle-aged man awakened rudely. With a gesture brusque but flaccid he plucked aside the net and peered around. EMILY The bales of cotton cloth, the beads, the brass wire, the bottles of rum, had not been spirited away in the night. So far so good. KIPLING The faithful servant of his employers was now at liberty to care for his own interests. He regarded himself, passing his hands over his skin. WILLIAMS [shouted] Hi! Mahamo! I've been eaten up. OLIVIA The islander, with one sinuous motion, sprang from the ground, through the mouth of the hut. Then, after a glance, he threw high his hands in thanks to such good and evil spirits as had charge of his concerns. In a tone half of reproach, half of apology, he murmured— MAHAMO You white men sometimes say strange things that deceive the heart. WILLIAMS Reach me that ammonia bottle, d'you hear? This is a pretty place you've brought me to! Christmas Day, too! Of all the —— But I suppose it seems all right to you, you heathen, to be here on Christmas Day? MAHAMO We are here on the day appointed, Mr. Williams. It is a feast-day of your people? OLIVIA Mr. Williams had lain back, with closed eyes, on his mat. Nostalgia was doing duty to him for imagination. EMILY He was wafted to a bedroom in Marylebone, where in honour of the Day he lay late dozing, with great contentment; outside, a slush of snow in the street, the sound of church-bells; from below a savour of especial cookery. [chuckles a bit] WILLIAMS Yes, it's a feast-day of my people. MAHAMO Of mine also. WILLIAMS [disinterested] Is it though? But they'll do business first? MAHAMO They must first do that. WILLIAMS And they'll bring their ivory with them? MAHAMO Every man will bring ivory. OLIVIA The islander answered with a smile gleaming and wide. WILLIAMS How soon'll they be here? MAHAMO Has not the sun risen? They are on their way. WILLIAMS Well, I hope they'll hurry. The sooner we're off this cursed island of yours the better. Take all those things out-- OLIVIA Mr. Williams added, pointing to the merchandise. WILLIAMS --and arrange them. Neatly, mind you! KIPLING In certain circumstances it is right that a man be humoured in trifles. Mahamo, having borne out the merchandise, arranged it very neatly. OLIVIA While Mr. Williams made his toilette, the sun and the forest, careless of the doings of white and black men alike, waged their warfare implacable and daily. The forest from its inmost depths sent forth perpetually its legions of shadows that fell dead in the instant of exposure to the enemy whose rays heroic and absurd its outposts annihilated. EMILY What's all this to do with Christmas? KIPLING Want me to cuff her one? OLIVIA It takes place on Christmas day - they already said that. EMILY But this is all jungle creepers and spooky shadows - and vermins. If there's one thing that doesn't come to my mind when I think of Christmas, it's ants and mosquitoes and such. KIPLING You should see some of the places I've been. OLIVIA Why don't we just finish the story? KIPLING There came from those inilluminable depths the equable rumour of myriads of winged things and crawling things newly roused to the task of killing and being killed. Thence detached itself, little by little, an insidious sound of a drum beaten. This sound drew more near. [aside] A-ha, I see where this is going. Drums in the distance are never a good sign. EMILY [huffy] Maybe I haven't traveled all over the great wide world, fellow, but even I can probably guess at that. DRUMS SNEAK IN OLIVIA Mr. Williams, issuing from the hut, heard it, and stood gaping towards it. WILLIAMS Is that them? MAHAMO That is they. OLIVIA The islander murmured, moving away towards the edge of the forest. EMILY Does he not notice? What sort of a dullard is he? [calling to williams] Do you have a gun? OLIVIA [exasperated sigh] KIPLING Calm down, it's just a story. EMILY Don't go telling me when to calm down! I just hate stories where stupid people do very stupid things - what possessed this fool to sail half round the world anyway? OLIVIA [resigned, trying to get it back on track] Sounds of chanting were a now audible accompaniment to the drum. WILLIAMS What's that they're singing? MAHAMO [off a bit] They sing of their business. WILLIAMS [shocked] Oh! I'd have thought they'd be singing of their feast. MAHAMO It is of their feast they sing. OLIVIA It has been stated that Mr. Williams was not imaginative. WILLIAMS Oh, I say--! OLIVIA Oh, no! You stay put! KIPLING [very knowingly] But a few years of life in climates alien and intemperate had disordered his nerves. There was that in the rhythms of the hymn which made bristle his flesh. EMILY Suddenly, when they were very near, the voices ceased, leaving a legacy of silence more sinister than themselves. And now the black spaces between the trees were relieved by bits of white that were the eyeballs and teeth of Mahamo's brethren. MAHAMO It was of their feast, it was of you, they sang. EMILY I knew it! KIPLING It was obvious. WILLIAMS Look here--! OLIVIA Cried Mr. Williams in his voice of a man not to be trifled with. WILLIAMS --Look here, if you've— SOUND JAVELIN HIT OLIVIA He was silenced by sight of what seemed to be a young sapling sprung up from the ground within a yard of him—a young sapling tremulous, with a root of steel. KIPLING Then a thread-like shadow skimmed the air, and another spear came impinging the ground within an inch of his feet. EMILY As he turned in his flight he saw the goods so neatly arranged at his orders, and there flashed through him, even in the thick of the spears, the thought that he would be a grave loss to his employers. OLIVIA This—for Mr. Williams was, not less than the goods, of a kind easily replaced—was an illusion. It was the last of Mr. Williams illusions. MOMENT OF SILENCE EMILY So what shall we do now? SOUND LARGE BOOK SHUTS DECISIVELY, CUTTING HER OFF OLIVIA Happy Holidays, all - wherever and whatever they may be. CLOSER OLIVIA Now that you know how to find us, you'll have to come back. Maybe next week? Don't be a stranger - we have enough of those already... The stories dramatized in tonight's episode appeared in a collection titled "A Christmas Garland", first published in October of 1912, collected by Max Beerbohm. Scruts was written by Arnold Bennett, PC X-36 was written by Rudyard Kipling, and The Feast was written by Joseph Conrad. These stories have been edited slightly to fit the program.
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| Atomic Julie - The Birds and the Bees by Dave E. Fisher | 21 Dec 2021 | 00:27:42 | |
A story of a future without genders.... sort of. MANY COMMENTS from Julie, LOLOLOL | |||
| 19 Nocturne Boulevard - CRUMPING THE DEVIL - Reissue | 16 Dec 2021 | 00:41:43 | |
[warning - mature situations, foul language and violence] An ornery old woman takes on all comers in defense of her family and her freedom - even the Devil and Death! Cast List Music: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) "What kind of a place is it? ***************************************** CRUMPING THE DEVIL Cast:
OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a recovery ward, can't you tell? MUSIC AMBIANCE Hospital, beeps etc. MAGGIE [talking on phone] I don't give a flying rat's flaming anus how good a job he does! Shall I roll past your garage and post photos of what he did to his wife? Perhaps I should leave a nice big bloodstain on your doorstep with the words wifebeater scrawled on the pavemment - don't think I won't! PATIENT [groan] MAGGIE [up] Stuff it! [back on phone] Oh, yes! [evil laugh] You come down here and say that to my face - I'll call the press. [delighted laugh] I can just see the rags with you beating up a helpless gran in a wheelchair. Tough guy! SOUND DOOR OPENS, FEET COME IN NURSEY Now, now - phone time's over. Time to say goodbye to all your friends. MAGGIE Bugger off, stay-puft. NURSEY [tsks] SOUND PHONE GRABBED AND HUNG UP FORCEFULLY NURSEY Dear, dear - no need to drive up your blood pressure. You need to stay calm, ducks, and get your rest. SOUND CURTAIN PULLED AROUND BED MAGGIE I'm ordering prunes! Lots of prunes! Just so you have to clean up the mess when they come out the other end! NURSEY My, my - but I'm not here all the time. MAGGIE [snarled] I have your schedule memorized. MUSIC BERTHA Mother, you need to be rational about this. This is your fourth hospitalization this year - you've reached a point where you need someone to look after you. MAGGIE Visiting nurse comes by twice a week. BERTHA [prompting] Barry! BARRY What if you... fall? MAGGIE I have this very special invention. It allows me to magically contact help when I need it. BARRY Oh, what? MAGGIE It's called a cellphone, you scrofulous prick. I'll wear it on a lanyard if it'll make you piss off. Now get your sorry arses out of my sickroom. PATIENT Go away. MAGGIE See? Even that bastard hates you. BERTHA No mother, we're not leaving until we get this settled. MAGGIE Nurse! BARRY There is a button-- MAGGIE Fuck off - this annoys her more. Nurse! SOUND DOOR OPENS, FEET COME IN SLOWLY KEV H'lo Gran. [reluctant] Mum. [distasteful] Barry. MAGGIE Who the bloody buggery hell are you supposed to be? BERTHA Oh, heavens, her memory is going! MAGGIE Don't get your hopes up, arse-face. Are you trying to tell me the fruit of your sweaty loins-- BERTHA [gasp] MAGGIE --has taken to running about dressed as sir poncy de leon? KEV I'm Hamlet. MAGGIE [laughing wickedly] Go on! You? You can't memorize the balance of your overdraft! Come on then, soliloquize us! KEV [chuckles] It's a sales promotion for a mattress shop. To sleep or not to sleep, all that bollocks. BERTHA [muttered] I just don't know where he gets this language from. MAGGIE Oh, god - if you're truly that fucking dense, I wish I was your father so at least I'd have some slight glimmer of hope that you weren't mine! SOUND DOOR OPENS, NURSEY FEET ENTER NURSEY Come, come - let's keep it all nice and civil, there are other people in this hospital, you know. MAGGIE Well, there must be people somewhere, but there's a couple of wankers in here. Bugger off, knot-knickers. BERTHA [gasp, then affronted noises as she leaves] SOUND FEET STORM OUT NURSEY Dear, dear. Poor old Maggie's being deserted. MAGGIE Your turn, then isn't it, blancmange? Shuffle off and fetch something, would you? ...Like a stick? NURSEY Tsk Tsk. You really need to-- MAGGIE You, hey you in the tights. You stay. [beat] Gotta catflap in those bonbon knickers? KEV No, gran. NURSEY [psst, then confidential] Young man, you haven’t brought her any alcohol have you? KEV No - no! What sort of grandson would that make me? No bottle on me anywhere, [leering] want to pat me down? NURSEY [oblivious] No, no! Five minutes, then visiting hours are over. SOUND HER FEET LEAVE, DOOR SHUTS MAGGIE [hushed] You did bring me something, didn't you? You are aware I think you're the least worthless of all my pathetic offspring? SOUND PLASTIC BAG OUT OF POCKET KEV Love you too, gran. I remember how much you complained last time of not being able to find a place to light one up, so I baked you some brownies. MAGGIE You? Baked? KEV I'm a sensitive new age type of bloke. I can make a mix. SOUND OPENING PLASTIC BAG MAGGIE [sniffs] Nice. You didn't skimp on the "spices." SOUND TAP ON THE DOOR NURSEY Time's up! KEV Stuff em somewhere. Size of that cow, she probably snaps up everyone's sweeties. MAGGIE I think she just eats patients-- SOUND DOOR OPENS MAGGIE [louder] --mostly the males. KEV [wincey noise] Ooh... MUSIC MAGGIE [into phone, trying to be quiet] --the Maniac left me a mobile. Have you tracked down Python yet, then? [beat, then getting loud] Sod it! I thought you bastards had better legal these days! SOUND QUIETLY DOOR OPENS, SLOW FOOTSTEPS ENTER MAGGIE There must be someone there whose tattooes run more than knickers deep! [beat] Fine, I'll call the-- SOUND CURTAIN SWEPT ASIDE SUDDENLY MAGGIE [gasp] Bugger me! SOUND MUFFLED VOICE AS SHE HIDES THE PHONE, BEEPING, TRYING TO TURN IT OFF MORTE Madame? I believe you are expecting me. MAGGIE Riiight. Middle of the night, hospital room. Must be the stripper. Where's your music? MORTE [startled] Um, no, I-- MAGGIE Well, you can't be a doctor - they've all gone home. We're in the hands of the sadists and the diapers. MORTE The what? MAGGIE Nurses and interns. Look, It's late and I'm a bit too knackered to abuse you properly, so tell me who you bleeding think you are so you can sod off! MORTE [trying to get his spooky back on] I'm... death. MAGGIE Pull the other one - it spits. MORTE No, really. I'm... death. MAGGIE Always thought you'd be Welsh. So what are you doing swotting around here? I'm not dead. The infernal pinging thing says so. MORTE But you are old [spooky] ...and dying. MAGGIE [getting mad] So they keep fucking telling me, but I've never been one for following orders. If you're really the angel of death, why are you wearing such a for-fucks-sake ugly suit? And where's your bleeding scythe? Can't be death without a jolly great scythe, can you, now? MORTE Oh, please - this is the 21st century. MAGGIE First piece of sense to come out of your festering gob, you git. Now bugger off - I'm knackered, but I'm not ready for the tip yet. MORTE You will see me again tomorrow. MAGGIE Tell you what - you come back during visiting hours and I'll get my bastard son-in-law to drop in. All I have to do is wave money anywhere within ten kilometers of my Jemma and that bastard appears like bleeding magic. MORTE But I-- MAGGIE Him you can take, with all my heartfelts. If you're not going to make yourself useful, though, you can piss off and stay there. SOUND FISHES OUT THE PHONE AND DIALS MORTE [affronted, huffy] You're not supposed to have a mobile in the hospital. MAGGIE Fuck off. [into phone] Spike? MORTE You have a friend named Spike? MAGGIE [into phone] No, that's not a cop - just some prat trying to sell me life insurance. Are you Spike? MORTE You're really going to just ignore me? MAGGIE Hold on. [hand over phone] Sorry, didn't mean to leave you hanging like that. You're right, I should finish with you before making my calls. So if you would kindly FUCK OFF? Good. [back to phone] God, these bleeding salesmen. They're like some damn pet pekingese - no balls but still won't stop humping once they get a grip on your leg. MORTE Well, I- I-I- never! MAGGIE Spike? Great - what would it take to get some help with a problem? SOUND MORTE'S FEET STORM OUT, DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS. MAGGIE Nice! Hold that thought, and I'll ring you back tomorrow - that twat's just gone to grass on me to the warden. MUSIC AMB HOSPITAL ROOM - NOT SO URGENT. NO PINGING THING. SOUND TAP ON DOOR, THEN DOOR OPENS WITHOUT WAITING SOUND WHEELCHAIR BEING PUSHED IN JEMMA [weak, hopeful] Hello? [down] Mum. MAGGIE [trying to be calm and quiet] Jemma. NURSEY Here we all are then. SOUND DOOR SWINGS SHUT NURSEY Ready for a nice litle family chat. MAGGIE Just ignore her. [deep breath] They say you're going home soon. JEMMA I'm all right. [she's not] MAGGIE I'll see to it, someone drops around and keeps an eye on you. JEMMA I'll be careful. [not very convincing] Won't walk into any more... doors. MAGGIE [getting a bit annoyed] Won't walk into any more fists, more like. JEMMA [upset, "not in front of the nurse"] Mum! MAGGIE She's heard worse. Haven't you, snowball? NURSEY [affirming, acerbic] From you alone. MAGGIE [snort of laughter, then serious] So, when can I kill him? JEMMA What? MAGGIE That cocksucker husband of yours. JEMMA Mother! MAGGIE You can't say you don't want him dead. Bertha keeps pissing on and on about my hospital record - you're leagues ahead of me. Between the times he's knocked you up and the times he's knocked you down, it's amazing they don't just name a suite for you and give you your own key. JEMMA [crying] He doesn't mean to-- MAGGIE [losing it] Doesn't mean to! What, he was cleaning his swotting great fist and it went off!? Or the other part - dearie, you get preggers every time that arsehole even wanks in your direction. You'd be much better off without him. JEMMA He loves me. MAGGIE Oh, god - we are not having this discussion again. JEMMA And we have eight children to look after - nine, soon. MAGGIE [softer again] It's all right then? JEMMA [barely able to talk] Yes. MAGGIE Jems, that son of a syphilitic whore punched you - punched a pregnant woman, let alone a pregnant woman he claims to care for - in the bloody stomach. JEMMA [breaks into tears] NURSEY Oh, look at the time. Come along Maggie, musn't be late on your pills! MAGGIE [yelling as they leave] Get it through your sodding thick skull - He DID MEAN IT! MUSIC SOUND NIGHT, PINGING, ETC. SOUND MAGGIE MUNCHING ON SOMETHING SOUND DOOR OPENS, SLOW FOOSTEPS (two sets) SOUND PLASTIC BAG RATTLES AS IT'S HIDDEN MAGGIE [sucking stuff out of her teeth] Who's there? SOUND CURTAIN PULLED ASIDE MAGGIE [disgusted noise] Oh, it's just you. Piss off. MORTE I told you I would return. MAGGIE And take my soul blah blah blah. I have you sussed, you wanker. MORTE Sussed? I already told you - I'm death. MAGGIE Right. And I have a daughter who would like nothing more than to have her dear old mum babbling on about meeting death in the flesh - all so she can have me declared non compos and shoved away in some shithole of a home while she sends all my odds and sods to auction "on my behalf". Piss off, and tell her she can piss off too. SATAN [explosive laugh] MORTE See? I told you. MAGGIE Told me what? You're not making sense, the curtain is laughing like a drain, and I'm not that stoned. SOUND CURTAIN OPENS FURTHER WITH A DRAMATIC SWEEP MORTE She surely is the most frightful woman I've seen in years. SATAN I like it. MAGGIE And who are you supposed to be? Revival of the Rocky Horror show? SATAN [laughs harder] MORTE He's the devil. MAGGIE Well I knew he wasn't a doctor - not dressed like that. [sigh] SATAN [laughing subsides] MAGGIE Are you done? I wouldn’t want to waste a good insult on you when you can't hear it properly. SATAN [chuckles, but stops himself] Go on. MAGGIE Dressed like that, you look like Sir Elton John vomited all over you. SATAN [chuckles] MAGGIE And I suspect that'd be rare, since he's probably got a strong gag reflex. SATAN [a moment, then a gasp as he gets it, then uproarious laughter] MAGGIE Told you it was a good one. [joins in] MORTE I don't get it. MAGGIE Oh, god. You need to loosen the fuck up. [evil chuckle] Here. Have a brownie. MORTE A brownie? Ooh. Chocolate is my weakness. SOUND RATTLE OF PLASTIC MAGGIE Death and chocolate - imagine that. How about you, Gary Glitter? SATAN Well, if you're offering. [They munch for a minute] MORTE Interesting [licks his lips, speculatively] ...aftertaste. MAGGIE Old family recipe. The maniac bakes them for me. Don't tell the nurse - she's already thirteen stone. MORTE [snorts] Oh goodness! SATAN [giggles uncontrollably] SOUND CELL PHONE RINGS MAGGIE Scuse me for a minute, will you? [they murmur assent] SOUND PHONE ACTIVATED MAGGIE Yeah? Is this Spike? Then who the bloody hell-- [pleased] Really? MORTE [confiding, but loopy] Shouldn't have mobile in hospital. SATAN Might call for help? [they both laugh] MAGGIE You up for it, then? More the merrier, I always say. [beat] Oh, dead may be overkill, but I wouldn't shed any tears. Mostly I'd prefer him unable to fuck, or walk for at least a year - no, never again on the first - can you manage that? SATAN [awed] What? Did I hear you--? MAGGIE Shut it. [on phone] Candy striper. You know, one of those new homosexual ones. [back on topic] So, you can handle it? SATAN I'll have you know-- MAGGIE [covers phone] Everyone knows you swing both ways - the devil can fuck with anyone. SATAN Well [trying not to laugh], if you put it that way [bursts into hilarity again] MAGGIE Great - when? [upset] Weekend? Not sooner? They'll be sending her home tomorrow! MORTE I thought you were talking about a man? Who you don't want to be able to-- MAGGIE Fine. [annoyed] I'll try and get out of here too, then shall I? No I bloody well can't talk them into letting her stay-- MORTE --to [uncomfortable] "do it"-- SATAN Just say "fuck." MORTE [affronted] No. SATAN Come on, I dare you. MAGGIE Shut up or piss off. I'm almost finished. [into phone] Saturday night, then? Call me Thursday, same time, and I'll say where. Brilliant. SOUND PHONE OFF MORTE So is it? MAGGIE Is it what, arse-face? MORTE Is it a man or a woman? SATAN He means who are you talking on the phone about? MAGGIE I've got some friends of a-- MORTE --questionable moral character? MAGGIE Well, they do call themselves the Bastards of Carnage, so that might be a clue - Anyway, I've arranged will ... have a chat with ... my daughter's oozing sore of a so-called husband. MORTE And you don't want him to be able to-- MAGGIE And they won't be as kind as a vetrinarian. SATAN Well! [lip smacking noises] Have you any more of those brownies? MUSIC AMB MAGGIE'S ROOM KEV I hear they're letting you go? MAGGIE They have to get sick of me eventually. KEV Are you doing all right? Really? MAGGIE Healthy as a horse. [sighs] One of those swayback cartoon nags with glue factory stamped on them. You know what your evil bitch of a mother is trying to do to me? KEV Would it be so bad? MAGGIE Et tu, wanker? KEV No! I'm really just curious. MAGGIE Well, quite apart from the horrors of loss of control over your life, the fact that they will likely frown on my extensive collection of filthy artwork, and having to obey people whose nappies I might have changed, it's the piss. KEV Piss? MAGGIE At your age, piss is still romantic. Getting yourself well and truly pissed, pissing in the snow, nasty piss-scented alleys where you buy happy little packages - piss hasn't lost its shine. KEV Oh? MAGGIE By the time you get old, piss is the thing you fear the most. Your own, someone else's - fuck death, fuck the devil, if there was a sodding god of piss we'd all be sacrificing virgin sheep to him just to make him stay the fuck away. That's what those places are, Kev. [solemn] They are where piss goes to die. The smell, the damp, the feel in the air. As long as I can still hold my water and get myself in and out of the bogatory, it's my bleeding right to look after myself. KEV [serious] All right. MAGGIE [fierce again] Next time you feel yourself getting curious, darling beast, just swot on down to the crystal lights retirement complex - you don't even have to go inside, just stand downwind and have a good long whiff. MUSIC AMB NIGHTTIME AGAIN MAGGIE [anxious sigh, then fretting] What is the bloody holdup? I said-- SOUND PHONE BUZZES, TURNED ON MAGGIE Finally! Took your goddamn time, didn't you? [beat] So Jemma phoned you - God, how I spewed forth such a spineless cow, I've no idea. [beat, then disgusted] Oh, right, the bloody money - that's the only thing you give a shit about, isn't it? MAGGIE Don't bother, you mealy mouthed two faced prick! I know just how much you care for your wife - I've seen the sodding medical charts. [beat] Blah Blah Blah. Blah Blah Blah. Course you have a problem - you're still fucking breathing. I am planning on fixing that, you know. [beat] [chuckles nastily] Wouldn’t you like to know? I'll tell you when, though - give you something to stew about, you arsehole - Saturday night. You'd best watch your step, cause you may not realize it, but I have friends in low, low places, and they just love an excuse to beat some bastard to holy fuck and back! [beat] What do you mean, how are they going to find you? They're probably already watching you. Run if you want, but unless you find some way to get me first, they will get you. SOUND PHONE SHUT OFF SATAN Was that really a good idea? SOUND QUIET FOOTSTEPS APPROACH MAGGIE What, impressed? SATAN Yes and no. I like your intensity, but you shouldn't have warned him. MAGGIE Betcha I know what I'm doing. SATAN [seriously] Let me think about it. MAGGIE So, what's the pitch tonight? And where's the undertaker? SATAN He's a very busy entity. He's already wasted rather a lot of time trying to impress you. MAGGIE Why impress me - isn't he fucking all-powerful death? Doesn't he just whisk people off and bobs your uncle, you're hip deep in the bleeding river styx? SATAN Styx? Well, I'm impressed-- MAGGIE [dismissively] Beer mat trivia. So it's just you and me tonight, is it? Pity - I haven't had a really good threesome since 1968. SATAN [chortle] MAGGIE Right, laughing boy. Either you dropped in for more of the maniac's brownies, or you want something from me, and I don't fancy myself so fucking entertaining that I'd drag you away from the torture telly. SATAN Torture? MAGGIE Bleeding heart chat shows and those so-called game shows where people swallow foul things that haven't even taken them to dinner and a picture first. SATAN [sigh] Bloody hell - it's getting so hard to frighten people these days. You say you'll stick a red-hot poker up the bum and half say "been there, done that". MAGGIE Well, I've been and done around in my time. Are you planning to try and scare the crap out of me? SATAN Really, I just follow Morty around, since once he lets on he's coming for someone, it's usually a piece of piss to get them to agree to sell their soul... MAGGIE [bark of laughter] A bit like when a bloody great hurricane hits and all the bastard insurance salesmen clean up selling storm coverage? SATAN A bit. So. You selling? MAGGIE Blunt, aren't you? SATAN I feel we've gone a bit beyond a sales pitch here. MAGGIE So? I sell my soul and you - what? Give me my greatest wish? I assume immortality is only on the high shelf - the one you can't ever knock down enough sodding bottles to win. SATAN What do you want? MAGGIE [thinks, then] No. Two reasons. First, I still believe you're some starving artist Bertha paid to come round and chat me up. Second, I might have a mouth like a public urinal, but I still read my classics. Monkey's Paw? Nothing good ever comes from a bad deal. SATAN It's not my fault if people don't take time to read the small print. MAGGIE You ponder enough, there's always a way to bugger the customer. If nothing else - just send the damn thing round unassembled, with instructions in fucking Parsi. SATAN [laughing again] I do like you. MAGGIE Can’t say you're the worst bastard I've had to deal with in my whole sodding life. SATAN Tell you what - just to prove that I am what I claim to be, how about a freebie? MAGGIE I draw the line at giving up my favors for anything less than a fiver. SATAN [chuckling] No, I mean I'll do something for you. No strings. Cross my heart. MAGGIE You're not planning to bugger me on this? SATAN What would it get me, until I get a signature on the dotted line? It can't be anything huge - I'll not cure cancer or feed the world's hungry-- MAGGIE Sod the hungry. Too many bloody people clogging up the sewer we call the world anyway. SATAN --or make you healthy. MAGGIE [grim] Yeah, right. SATAN Something short term and simple. MAGGIE I got it. And if you do it, I promise to take under consideration that you might actually be the bleeding king of the underworld. Right? SATAN Ask and it shall be done. MAGGIE Right. Now you have to wait until I say "done" before you go swotting off and do this - I want every bloody condition met. SATAN [very serious] Very well. MAGGIE With no harm to either of them, in the immediate or long term, I want something to happen that will keep Jemma in hospital until Sunday. Can you do me that? Suspicious skin condition, something - and this is the part that if you fuck me I will find a way to rip your bollocks off - it has to be something that won't hurt the baby. Right, uh... [thinking, then] Fuck. Done. SATAN [dead serious] I see. Agreed. [beat, then a bit hesitant] You wouldn't happen to have any of those brownies, would you? MUSIC SOUND WHEELING DOWN A HOSPITAL HALL NURSEY Doctor says you're just about well enough to leave. MAGGIE [snarl] Lovely. NURSEY Probably tomorrow - just in time for the weekend. MAGGIE [snarl] Can't think of anything that would brighten my day more. SOUND DOOR OPENS BERTHA Oh! Here she is. MAGGIE Oh, bollocks, who decided to shit all over my parade? BERTHA Mother! MAGGIE Technically. Can you at least keep your festering gob shut until this pelican gets me settled? It's humiliating enough to be jumbled around like someone's sodding laundry, but to have an audience is just the bloody capper. BERTHA Mother, this is too important to wait. MAGGIE Fine. Talk. BERTHA I brought you the brochures-- MAGGIE [somewhat muffled] Talk over. Fuck off. BERTHA Mother! You must admit you need care. You can't-- MAGGIE I can! You'll never get an agreement from me to being stuck in your fucking P-O-W camp, and if you even think about trying to prove me incompetent, I will change my will and put Jemma in charge. BERTHA [indignant] Jemma! She doesn’t --- She has too many... children... to look after! MAGGIE [smug] And a bastard husband who will go through the bulk of my money in a week or two, slick as snot. BERTHA Besides, Jemma's going to be a bit longer here herself. Some weird rash has cropped up that they want to keep for observation. MAGGIE [at a loss] Really? [swallows, then her beligerance returns] Devil only knows how that happened. Right. Now, I'm tired and you need to PISS OFF. BERTHA This is not over! SOUND FEET STORM OUT, DOOR SLAMS NURSEY And what's wrong with a little care? MAGGIE You. MUSIC SOUND NIGHTTIME MAGGIE All right, you pouffy bastard - come out. SATAN [tsks] Names? MAGGIE Endearments, darling beast. So what did you do to my idiot daughter? SATAN You asked for a skin disease - I gave you one. Shouldn’t even be much scarring. MAGGIE Scars she's used to. I'll send her a bloody great tub of aloe vera. Or will it to her. I meant to ask, when can I expect another visit from lord stick up his bum? SATAN Death? About a week. Maybe less. MAGGIE And then--? SATAN [final, agreeing] And then. You ready to sign on? MAGGIE I'll read the bloody fine print first. SATAN [chuckling, evilly] You may not have time - there's a helluva lot of fine print. MAGGIE [chukles evilly back] Hand it over. SOUND HUGE SHEAF OF PAPER HITS THE TABLE WITH A THUD MAGGIE Bugger me! SATAN There may be an easier way. MAGGIE Than buggering me? What's that, then? SATAN A bet. MAGGIE A bet? SATAN You suggested it yourself last night. I asked if you know what you're doing, and you-- MAGGIE [considering, then quietly] I spoke very loosely. SATAN The devil is in the details. [laughs] MAGGIE How do I prove I won, and what do I get? SATAN What you get - hmm - I'll get Morty off your back, for, say, ten years? MAGGIE Is that all? SATAN Who do you think I am, bloody Oprah? MAGGIE That has to come with two things-- SATAN I said-- MAGGIE I have to be in at least as good health as I am now the entire time - no fucking coma for ten years - and abso-fucking-lutely no bloody nursing home. I'll live on the kerb before I'll-- SATAN Done. MAGGIE And if I lose? SATAN I get your soul - immediately. MAGGIE So the bet is I know what I'm doing - how do I prove I won? SATAN What are you trying to accomplish? MAGGIE Oh, no - I'm not giving you any chance to play silly beggars with my plans. Suffice to say that after Saturday night I will still be the one smiling? SATAN Hmm - give me a few more of those brownies and you have a deal. MUSIC SOUND DOOR OPENS, WHEELCHAIR ENTERS MAGGIE Jems? JEMMA [weak, but better than before] Yes? MAGGIE They say you're to stay here a few more days. JEMMA It's this bloody rash. [itching noise] NURSEY Now now, you know you're not supposed to-- MAGGIE [weary] Bugger off Moby Dick. Jems, I'm going home now, they say, and - uh - this weekend should be bloody interesting. JEMMA [dull] Of course, mum. You have someone to look in on you? Bertha? MAGGIE Only if I want to sign my away my soul. [laughs uncomfortably] Nah, I've talked Kev into roughing it with me for the weekend. JEMMA [a bit disbelieving] Oh. Yeah. Good. MUSIC KEV [muffled, nervous, on the phone] Of course this is her bloody mobile! She's asleep. [beat] Fuck no, I won't! You can haul your own bleeding carcass in here and do your own dirty work. [beat, sarcastic] Ri-i-ight. No, you don't understand - I'm rather fond of the old bag-- [beat] Well, yeah, there is a toady element to it, but we get on, gran and me. I'd just as soon have her around a while longer. [beat] Ain't impossible, innit? She is meeting her solicitor next-- [beat] Oh, you didn't know that yet, did you? [beat, then cowed] Y‑yeah, I know-- No! No, don't go to the cops. I'll-- [beaten] I'll leave latch up, then, shall I? MUSIC [very ominous] SOUND DOOR OPENS VERY CAREFULLY. SOUND OF GENTLE WHEEZY BREATHING. SLOW CREAKING FOOTFALLS. TED [muttering] Stupid bloody old cow. Have my guts for garters will she? Hah! SOUND CREEPING GETS CLOSER TO THE BREATHING. TED Once we've got your fucking money, you old bitch, Jemma'n me'll be just bloody fine. SOUND LIGHT SWITCH TURNED ON MAGGIE [casual, off in a corner] Oh, right. Tickety-bloody-boo. TED [whirling] You insane bitch! [unsure] Wait! If you're over there in the shadows, then who's in the sodding bed? SOUND BEDCLOTHES FLUNG BACK KEV [flamey] 'elo, luv! TED What kind of bloody game are you playing? MAGGIE Hmm. Red Rover. Red Rover, red rover, send the donkey's scrotum over. TED Two to one? The mummy and the weasel. I can take the both of you! [yells and runs at her] SOUND RUNNING FEET, BROUGHT TO A SUDDEN HALT TED [urk] SOUND BODY DROP SPIKE [chuckles nastily] No, me old son, I think you've got that ass-backwards. Hasn't he, lads? SOUND DOORS OPEN, SEVERAL SETS OF HEAVY FEET ENTER BIKERS [agreeing noises, laughs.] SOUND SLAP OF FIST INTO HAND, CHAIN RATTLES KEV You mind, gran? Not my thing. MAGGIE [kindly] Nah, go ahead, you ponce. I'll be right here. Better than a jolly great football riot. KEV [off] Yeah, but guess who gets to hose out your kip? SOUND FEET SCUTTLE OUT OF ROOM TED [panicking] Someone'll hear! MAGGIE Not bloody likely. I made dead cert of that. Amazing what free dinner coupons will do to get people to vacate for the night. Course, police'll chalk them up to the same burglars who broke in here - luckily Kev and I stopped in for dinner with Bertha. KEV [yelling from off] We had a sodding flat on the way. MAGGIE [threatening] Doesn't that just take the biscuit? Now Ted. If you take this like a good little mountain of elephant dung, quietly and repentant-like, they might leave you alive. SOUND PUNCHING COMMENCES, associated noises from the bikers TED [grunts] Hey! Why--? MAGGIE [incensed] Why? Hold up. [starting low, and mounting] Three broken wrists - that's why. A cracked fucking pelvis - that's why. A broken collarbone - that's why! Thirty-bloody-seven sodding black eyes, and that's only the ones I counted myself - that's why! Punching your fucking pregnant wife in her stomach [ragged breath, then almost a whisper] That. Is why. SOUND PUNCHING COMMENCES AGAIN, associated noises from the bikers MUSIC SOUND HOSPITAL HALLWAY, ANNOUNCEMENTS, WHEELCHAIR APPROACHES NURSEY [distasteful, but trying to hide it] Oh, goodness, are you back? MAGGIE No fear, yeti. We're just visiting, aren't we? KEV Right. We're family. NURSEY That's lovely. Well, just a minute then. He's not really up to much. Poor fellow. SOUND DOOR OPENS, PINGING MACHINES INSIDE MAGGIE I know. [pouring on the melodrama] Apparently he was coming by to bring some flowers - since I'd just got out of hospital - and surprised some burglars or something. [sounding almost teary] But for the grace of the almighty, that could have been us - couldn't it, Kev? KEV Worth every bite of mum's pork au poivre. MAGGIE [sharp] Shh. [teary] Tragic. NURSEY [softening] See, I knew you had it in you. SOUND DOOR SHUTS MAGGIE If only she had it in her more often, she wouldn't be such a tight-ass knicker-twisting sodding git. TED [muffled by tubes and such] uh? MAGGIE Good night. What a mess. TED [alarmed] uh! MAGGIE Don't call reinforcemants just yet - we're merely here to deliver a message. TED [shuddering] um? MAGGIE It boils down to this, my evil bastard sonofabitch in law. Quite apart from being ready to kill you should anything untoward happen to either of us here, my friends plan to visit anything you do to Jemma upon you. And I do mean anything. If you get anywhere near her, even with a freindly weapon, you better be ready to take every single bleeding stroke you give. SOUND WHEELCHAIR ROLLS AWAY MAGGIE I'll send round some vaseline. SOUND DOOR OPENS MUSIC SOUND TELLY ON LOW, MAGGIE TAPPING FURIOUSLY AWAY ON COMPUTER MAGGIE Bastards! Fucking evil empire bastards! They just wait until I'm in hospital, and change the rates on me again! SATAN [clears throat] MAGGIE One minute - I have to update my sodding bid structure. Again. SATAN What? MAGGIE Business. And... there. Good for now. SATAN Well, um. [a bit cowed] The bet. MAGGIE You have to admit, I got my bloody way. SATAN Yes. Very well too. MAGGIE So I win, do I? SATAN Oh... yes. You're very impressive. I'd almost offer you a job myself. MAGGIE Come back in ten years, [fondly] you ponce. So what, do we shake on it or somesuch? SATAN Frankly, I'm rather fond of my fingers. MAGGIE [laughs] You have my oath I won't bite... This time. SATAN Right, then. SOUND HESITATE, THEN A HANDSHAKE MAGGIE Go on then. I'm far too bloody busy to be swotting around all day with the likes of you. SOUND TAPS A FEW KEYS MAGGIE [to computer] What does that wanker bloody mean he forgot to pay me? [aside] There's some brownies there. Drop round any time. [back to computer, then fading out] Dammit! Dammit it all to bloody buggery arse-face fucking donkey scrotum hell!!! CLOSER OLIVIA Now that you know how to find us, you'll have to come back. Maybe next week? Don't be a stranger - we have enough of those already...
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| Atomic Julie - Green Grew The Lasses by Ruth Laura Wainwright | 14 Dec 2021 | 00:28:05 | |
Newsflash! Women turn green in small community! Strange growths everywhere! What could be behind it? | |||
| 19 Nocturne Boulevard - QUAIL SEED - Reissue | 09 Dec 2021 | 00:26:48 | |
Adapted by Julie Hoverson from a story by Saki (H.H. Munro) When the Christmas rush takes shoppers off to the big city, how do you get them to stick to the local shops? A lovely tale of viral marketing! [Saki was often way ahead of his time!] Announcer - Jennifer Dixon Sound and mastering by Julie Hoverson Music by Kevin McLeod (Incompetech.com) ************************************************ Quail Seed Cast:
SAKI OPENING MUSIC
SCENE 1. SCARRICK'S SUNDRIES (SHOP) SOUND SHOP DOOR, BELL, FOOTSTEPS LUCY Hello? Helloooo? JIMMY [close] Morning, Lucy! LUCY [startled gasp] Jimmy! There you are. Bit... empty in here, isn’t it? JIMMY [heavy sigh] A bit. LUCY But where are all the Christmas shoppers? JIMMY Shh! Whatever you do, don't ask that in front of Mr. Scarrick. You'll quite set him off. LUCY Oh! JIMMY It's all right, he's out at the moment. LUCY [impressed] He left you in charge? JIMMY [heavy sigh, morose] Only in the certainty that there won't be a stampede on our services. LUCY That bad, eh? JIMMY Yeah. Quite. SOUND DOOR, BELL, FOOTSTEPS MISS SMITH Hello? SOUND QUICK STEPS JIMMY Yes? How may I assist you? MISS SMITH [nervous] Oh, I was -um- just looking for a railway timetable? I'm going up to the city-- [breaks off] JIMMY Sorry. Clean out. Perhaps next week. MISS SMITH Ah. Thank you. SOUND FOOTSTEPS, BELL DOOR LUCY You might have made a sale! JIMMY She just wanted to look. LUCY You don't know that. JIMMY [bitter admission] She's the fourth today. Everyone would rather take the train to town and shop in a big department store than [quoting] bother to take advantage of the convenience-- SOUND DOOR BELL MISS JONES Hello? JIMMY ...and that's five. MUSIC
SCENE 2. PUB SCARRICK The outlook is not encouraging for us smaller businesses. SOUND POURING DRINK SCARRICK These big concerns are offering all sorts of attractions to the shopping public which we couldn't afford to imitate, even on a small scale-- reading-rooms and play-rooms and gramophones and Heaven knows what. BOY [normal, commiserating] People like shiny objects. SCARRICK And they don't care to buy half a pound of sugar nowadays unless they can listen to Harry Lauder and have the latest Australian cricket scores ticked off before their eyes. MAN Seems like quite a trip for sugar. SCARRICK With the big Christmas stock we've got in, we ought to keep half a dozen assistants hard at work. But as it is my nephew Jimmy and myself can pretty well attend to it ourselves. In fact, I've left him in charge. I've never done that before. BOY I'm sure he'll be fine. SCARRICK [drinks] It's a nice stock of goods, too. I could run it all off in a few weeks time, but there's no chance of that--not unless the London line was to get snowed up for a fortnight before Christmas. MAN [musing] How you gonna keep them home on the farm? MUSIC
SCENE 3. SCARRICK'S SOUND SHOP DOOR, BELL MRS. GREYES --so tedious, but there it is, and what else is one to do? MISS FRITTEN We shall simply wait for the next-- SCARRICK May I help you ladies? MRS. GREYES Oh! [evasive] Really, we just stopped in to see about --- um, about-- MISS FRITTEN Bootlaces. MRS. GREYES Bootlaces! Yes! I've been in dire need of some-- SCARRICK [hearty] Of course. Over on the left wall, near the back. MRS. GREYES Oh, yes, of course. [whispering] You knew he'd try and sell us something if we came in here! Bootlaces indeed. I already have more laces than boots! MISS FRITTEN At least if we do make a purchase, they're small enough to carry when we go to-- MRS. GREYES Shh! SCARRICK Finding everything? MRS. GREYES Oh, yes. This is the best ... um... anchovy paste. Just what I was looking for. MISS FRITTEN Just lovely! SCARRICK Perhaps you ladies could help me. I was thinking of adding a little entertainment to the shop. MRS. GREYES Oh? SCARRICK I did have a sort of idea of engaging Miss Luffcombe to give recitations during afternoons; she made a great hit at the Post Office entertainment with her rendering of 'Little Beatrice's Resolve'. MISS FRITTEN [very uncertain] Oh, that would be ...just ... lovely. SOUND DOOR OPENS, BELL RINGS ODDLY SCARRICK What? SOUND ODD FOOTSTEPS ENTER SCARRICK [excusing himself] Your pardon. SOUND SCARRICK GOES TO THE COUNTER MRS. GREYES [whispered] Perhaps we should just do our shopping here. MISS FRITTEN But I'm in my best hat! MRS. GREYES Shh! Shh! Look at that! MISS FRITTEN What an odd looking boy. Brown as a nut, but we've not had sun in weeks! MRS. GREYES And those clothes. Like something out of the Arabian nights! SOUND CLANG BOY [accented now] Six pomegranates, please, and a packet of quail seed. MISS FRITTEN What's the bowl for? MRS. GREYES To carry the pomegranates? MISS FRITTEN Why not a string bag? MRS. GREYES Allergies? Shh! SCARRICK [business as usual] Here you are. We have some lovely pomegranates. MISS FRITTEN He doesn't even look surprised! MRS. GREYES The boy must have been here before. SOUND COIN SKITTERING, CAUGHT BOY The wine and figs were not paid for yesterday. Keep what is over of the money for our future purchases. SCARRICK [formal and serious] As you wish. SOUND BOY LEAVES, DOOR SHUTS SOUND SKITTERING OF LADIES FEET MISS FRITTEN [to Scarrick, hinting] A very strange-looking boy? SCARRICK [final] A foreigner, I believe. MRS. GREYES Does he shop here often? Surely there can't be much call for ...quail seed... at this time of year. SCARRICK It takes all sorts. SOUND DOOR OPENS SOUND HEAVY OMINOUS FOOTSTEPS MISS FRITTEN [gasp] MRS. GREYES Oh! [covering her consternation] Oh, I forgot those bootlaces! [hissed] Come on! SOUND THEY SKITTER AWAY MAN [accented] I wish for a pound and a half of the best coffee you have. SCARRICK [wary] Certainly sir. MRS. GREYES Look at that beard! MISS FRITTEN Like a comedy Russian. MRS. GREYES No, more like an ancient Assyrian. MAN [suspicious] Has a dark-faced boy been here buying pomegranates? SCARRICK Can't say that I've seen anyone like that. MRS. GREYES Oh! [muffles self] MISS FRITTEN [whispered] How could he! SCARRICK [offhanded] We have a few pomegranates in stock, but there has been no real demand for them. MAN My servant will fetch the coffee, as usual. SOUND COIN SKITTERS, HEAVY FEET START TO WALK AWAY, THEN STOP MAN [very importantly] Have you, perhaps, any quail seed? SCARRICK [unhesitating] No. we don't stock it. GREYES AND FRITTEN [gasp] SOUND FEET WALK AWAY MRS. GREYES [whispered] What will he deny next? MISS FRITTEN And I always believed Mr. Scarrick to be such a truthful man. Heavens! He just presided at a lecture on Savonarola. SOUND DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES MRS. GREYES Don't let's bother about the 3.12. Let's dash, and talk this out at Laura Lipping's MISS FRITTEN Perhaps we should buy a few things first. Since we're here. MUSIC
SCENE 4. TEA MISS FRITTEN [recounting lusciously] Turning up the deep astrakhan collar of his long coat, the stranger swept out of the shop, with the air of a Satrap proroguing a Sanhedrim. MRS. LIPPING Do Satraps prorogue? MISS FRITTEN [coldly superior] Have you ever seen one that didn't? GLORIA I don't even know what a Sanhedrim is. Is it a dance? MISS FRITTEN It is a simile and hardly matters. Or do I mean an allegory? MRS. GORDON And the boy? MRS. GREYES I should have though him Greek, but after seeing that beard-- MRS. LIPPING They could have been unrelated. MISS FRITTEN Unrelated? And both asking for "quail seed"? Mark my words. There's something afoot. MRS. GREYES What bothers me most is this unprecedented streak of falsity in our local grocer! GLORIA I've never known Mr. Scarrick to prevaricate like that before! MRS. GREYES It's the influence of that artist that took the flat above the shop. Mark my words. [importantly] Bohemian. MRS. GORDON [tragically] I shall never again be able to believe what he tells me about the absence of colouring matter in the jam. MUSIC
SCENE 5. SCARRICK'S SOUND DOOR, BELL SOUND BROOM LUCY Jimmy? JIMMY Yeah. Here. LUCY Goodness, it looks like a tornado touched down. JIMMY Fabulous, isn't it? LUCY But, what happened? JIMMY This afternoon, from tea onwards, we had a constant stream of shoppers. LUCY Is this something to do with the odd individuals who may or may not have been in this afternoon? JIMMY [overly innocent] Whomever do you refer to? LUCY Come on! It's all over town. People talked about it at tea, and more people talked about it at supper. I expect they're all talking about it over Bridge even as we speak. The dark young man and the Beard. JIMMY Sounds a bit like a music hall act. LUCY [speculatively] Yes... yes, it does.... MUSIC
SCENE 6. SCARRICK'S [MANY CUSTOMERS] MISS SMITH Is this the freshest jar of pickles? JIMMY Miss? I suppose so. MISS SMITH It looks a bit dusty. JIMMY That would be my fault-- SCARRICK [commanding] Jimmy! JIMMY So sorry, must jump. MISS FRITTEN [whispered] Do you think they will return? MRS. GREYES I have it on good authority someone's rented that house at the far end of Plummergen. MISS FRITTEN But why should they come all this way to shop? MRS. GREYES [knowing] Plummergen drapers don't stock quail seed. MISS FRITTEN [getting it] Ah! SOUND REGISTER NOISE SCARRICK That will be three shillings and four pence. SOUND COINS MRS. LIPPING I'm looking for something interesting for a savory. Have you any, any‑‑ SOUND GENERAL HUSH MRS. LIPPING [nervous] --any, um-- SCARRICK [as if nothing is amiss] I have some pickled olives. Imported from turkey. MRS. LIPPING Yes, anything. SOUND JAR SET DOWN, CASH REGISTER SOUND JABBER BEGINS AGAIN SOUND DOOR OPENS, BELL, JABBER SLOWLY DIES AWAY. SILENCE SOUND BOY WALKS IN. SOUND BOWL SET DOWN. SCARRICK [normal] What can I get for you today? BOY I require a pound of honey. SOUND BREATH BEING LET OUT ALL OVER BOY and - [quieter] and a packet of quail seed. SOUND GENERAL INTAKE OF BREATH, GIGGLE QUICKLY MUFFLED SCARRICK Very good, sir. SOUND CONVERSATIONS, FORCED LAUGHTER, BUT MUTED, LISTENING MISS FRITTEN [excited whisper] We might be living in the Arabian Nights. MRS. GREYES Hush! Listen! SOUND THINGS PLACED INTO BOWL, BOWL REMOVED, BOY STARTS TO LEAVE. SOUND QUICK FOOTSTEPS JIMMY [hurried, fraught with meaning] We have some very fine Jaffa oranges. Around behind here. BOY [gasps] SOUND QUICK SHUFFLE OF FEET SOUND DOOR OPENS, MAN STRIDES IN. SOUND GASPS SCARRICK [unperturbed] What may I get for you today, Sir? MAN A pound of dates and a tin of the best Smyrna halva. MISS FRITTEN Halva? What is that? MRS. GREYES It comes from Smyrna - that's figs, isn't it, Smyrna is? GLORIA Who would want dates AND figs? MRS. LIPPING Hush. SCARRICK There you are. MAN Hmm [evaluating noise] Yes. SOUND COINS DROPPED MAN Has the dark-faced boy, of whom I spoke yesterday, been here to-day? GLORIA [stifled squeak of excitement] SOUND [shushing all round] SCARRICK We've had rather more people than usual in the shop to-day... but I can't recall a boy such as you describe. SOUND [gasps] MRS. GREYES [satisfied] Didn't we say? MISS FRITTEN It's too too terrible. MUSIC
SCENE 7. TEA MRS. GREYES It is deplorable that anyone - particularly someone in a position such as Mr. Scarrick -should treat the truth as an article temporarily and excusably out of stock. MISS FRITTEN More quail seed! Those quails must be voracious! [realizing] or else... perhaps it isn't quail seed at all. MRS. GREYES I believe it's opium, and the bearded man is a detective. MRS. LIPPING I don't. I'm sure it's something to do with the Portuguese Throne. MISS FRITTEN More likely to be a Persian intrigue on behalf of the ex-Shah. The bearded man belongs to the Government Party. The quail-seed is a countersign, of course; Persia is almost next door to Palestine, and quails come into the Old Testament, you know. GLORIA [exasperated] Only as a miracle. [knowing] I've thought all along it was part of a love intrigue. MRS. LIPPING I distinctly saw a snarl of baffled rage as the man departed, sandwiched between that heavy moustache and upturned astrakhan collar. GLORIA I can’t imagine that that boy is the guilty party here. Much more likely he's simply perishing of love for someone - perhaps the daughter of the beard, but the match is quite unsuitable-- MISS FRITTEN Honey and pomegranates - of course!!! MUSIC
SCENE 8. SCARRICK'S SHOP, NIGHT, QUIET SOUND DOOR, BELL JIMMY [calling from off] Closed! LUCY I know, mutton head. JIMMY Oh, Lucy! SOUND BROOM DOWN, STEPS LUCY Another busy day? JIMMY The busiest. Another day or two of brisk trade and we'll be--[cut off with a gasp] SOUND KISS LUCY [laughing] I was here today, you know. JIMMY [uneasy] Oh? LUCY [indulgent] You were quite the hero. Hustling that poor young man off behind the biscuit tins in the very nick of time. JIMMY [flustered] Well, I've got a good view of the street from my post at the cheese and bacon counter. LUCY [pouty] Jimmy. Have you EVER known me to gossip? JIMMY You, Lucy? I don’t think so. LUCY Quite a vote of confidence. JIMMY I didn’t mean that-- [sigh] No. No I've never known you to gossip. LUCY Let me in, then! Perhaps there's something I can do to help? MUSIC
SCENE 9. PUB SCARRICK It was quite marvelous! And we sold out of that blasted Halva. MAN It looked crowded, but they were actually buying? SCARRICK They bought and bought - some came back three or four times, just to have an excuse to linger. BOY "Oh, I forgot" and "silly me, one more thing." SCARRICK Exactly. Even those women whose purchases were of "modest proportions" dawdled over them as though they had, uh-- MAN Brutal, drunken husbands to go home to? SCARRICK [chuckles] I've even had to take on a couple of extra assistants for tomorrow. MUSIC
SCENE 10. SCARRICK'S STORE - BUSY MISS FRITTEN What do you think? Is this bowl anything like the one the young gentleman carries? MRS. GREYES Nonsense. His is brass. Or bronze, perhaps. That one is copper. MISS FRITTEN Still, it's got a lovely patina. MRS GORDON Ducks? SCARRICK [distracted] Pardon? MRS GORDON Ducks? I found a lovely recipe for Bombay duck, and I was wondering if a domestic duck would suffice. SCARRICK I suspect that ducks are much the same the world over-- [small gasp] SOUND DOOR OPENS, BELL GENERAL EXPECTANT HUSH SCARRICK You'll excuse me. SOUND BOY'S FOOTSTEPS, SCARRICK MEETS HIM MRS GORDON oh! SCARRICK Sir? BOY Yes? SCARRICK [overtly confidential] I must warn you-- SOUND [gasps] SCARRICK [as if saying something else] We have run out of quail seed. BOY [shocked and disappointed] Oh. I should-- I must-- MRS GORDON Oh no! SOUND SCUTTLING FEET JIMMY [excited] We do have some much finer oranges today, if you want to step over here. BOY [dramatic gasp] SOUND BOY RUNS SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN, BELL SOUND OMINOUS FOOTSTEPS MRS. GORDON [voice over] I found my self sub-consciously repeating "The Assyrian came down like a wolf on the fold" under my breath. MISS FRITTEN [whispered] Watch the door! SCARRICK [very tense] Ah. Coffee again today sir? Perhaps figs? MAN I am looking for-- LUCY [in disguise, foreign sounding] Jaffa oranges, I think. MAN What? MRS GREYES [voiceover] She slithered out of the aisle like the lady in the lake. LUCY Your Excellency does his shopping himself? MAN [suspicious] I order the things myself. I find it difficult to make my servants understand. MISS FRITTEN [voiceover] How ever did we miss a mysterious veiled lady, right in the midst of us all? LUCY I was saying... They have some excellent Jaffa oranges here. [tinkling laugh] SOUND HER FEET TAP AWAY TO THE DOOR, BELL MAN [considering] Hmph. MRS. GORDON [gasp] MAN You! SCARRICK [tense] Yes? MAN You have, perhaps, some good Jaffa oranges? GLORIA [voiceover] Everyone expected an instant denial on the part of Mr. Scarrick of any such possession, but before he could answer‑‑ BOY No! SOUND RUNNING FEET, DOOR, BELL MISS FRITTEN [voiceover] Holding his empty brass bowl before him as he dashed into the street. His face was masked with studied indifference SOUND THE VOICEOVERS START TO FADE INTO TEA
SCENE 11. TEA MRS GREYES Overspread with ghastly pallor! MRS. LIPPING I would call it blazing with defiance. GLORIA How defiant could he be! He was so terrified that his teeth chattered! MRS. GORDON I distinctly heard him whistling the Persian National anthem. MISS FRITTEN But the bearded man - his face was a mask of abject terror! MRS GREYES I thought he would dash out after the boy, but he just paced to and fro like a caged animal seeking an outlet for escape. GLORIA He couldn't take his eyes off the door. MRS GORDON Did he ever come back for his purchases? Or send his servant? MISS FRITTEN I've not had the nerve to ask Mr. Scarrick. The whole thing was so ... overwhelming. MUSIC
SCENE 12. SCARRICK'S STORE LUCY It was so overwhelming. Trying not to laugh while watching all their faces. JIMMY [chuckles] You did a fabulous job. LUCY You like me in a veil? JIMMY I can think of a certain veil I'd like to see you in. LUCY [interested, pleased] Really? JIMMY Mm-hmm [yes] SOUND KISS MUSIC
SCENE 13. PUB SCARRICK I can never thank you fellows enough. MAN We enjoyed the fun of it. [laughs, then talks like beard] And the figs. BOY It was a welcome vacation from posing for hours for 'The Lost Hylas' MAN You just have to sit still. I'm the one who has to make you look good. SCARRICK What do I owe you? MAN No, no. It was far too entertaining. BOY We did get all those lovely pomegranates. SCARRICK At any rate... I insist on paying for the hire of the black beard.
THE END
| |||
| BINGO THE BIRTHDAY CLOWN, episode 5 (19 Nocturne reissue of the day) | 20 Apr 2023 | 00:09:52 | |
"Let Bingo Out" | |||
| ATOMIC JULIE - Ely's Automatic Housemaid by Elizabeth W. Bellamy | 07 Dec 2021 | 00:26:14 | |
From Black Cat Magazine in 1889 What could be better than clockwork staff who don't eat, complain, or revolt? So, the programming's a little... off.... | |||
| 19 Nocturne Boulevard - THE WATER GHOST OF HARROWBY HALL - Reissue | 02 Dec 2021 | 00:38:24 | |
From our Edwardian Entertainments collection, just in time for the winter holidays. The Water Ghost of Harrowby Hall A hereditary curse appears in a torrent of water every Christmas to the current heir. How to stop this perennial wet blanket? By John Kendrick Bangs, adapted by Julie Hoverson Cast: **************************************************** THE WATER GHOST OF HARROWBY HALL Adapted by Julie Hoverson from the story by John Kendrick Bangs [published in 1894] Cast:
MUSIC - CHRISTMAS
SCENE 1. BALLROOM SOUND FAIRLY SEDATE PARTY CHRISTINA [american] I'm terribly charmed to meet you! I've never danced with a Lord before. Makes me feel like a lady. EDWARD [chuckles] You're lucky I'm also a gentleman - not every lord can claim that. CHRISTINA Oh, you! EDWARD You're in London with friends? CHRISTINA I'm a guest of the Harrisons. Daddy thought a trip to England would be nice polish. He's very impressed by nobilities. EDWARD I'm sure. SOUND CLOCK STARTS TO STRIKE TWELVE CHRISTINA Goodness, your parties go late over here. I'm afraid you must think I'm terribly provincial. EDWARD Oh no. Never. SOUND CLOCK FINISHES, SUDDEN DELUGE OF WATER, COVERS EVERYTHING. CHRISTINA [screaming!] My dress! Oh no! SOUND OTHER PEOPLE PROTESTING, RUNNING AWAY EDWARD [calm but shouting] Just clear out, everyone, please! SOUND DOORS SLAM, NO MORE RUNNING GHOST Oglethorpe. EDWARD [sigh] Yes. MUSIC
SCENE 2. BALLROOM, DRIPPING WET SOUND KNOCK ON THE DOOR LESLIE Hello? SOUND WATER STILL DRIPPING ALL OVER EDWARD [glum] It's all over but the blotting. Safe to come in. SOUND DOOR OPENS, WOMAN WALKS IN LESLIE Oh, my. EDWARD [resigned] I'll take care of any repairs. LESLIE Towel? I also brought you a robe, but we haven't even been properly introduced yet. EDWARD Henry Oglethorpe. [sigh] Baron Harrowby, I suspect. LESLIE Leslie Widdrington. Poor relation. EDWARD [chuckles, but not really amused] Huh. I've just come into a great deal of money. LESLIE How's that? EDWARD My father must have died, or this would have happened to him. LESLIE Ah. [sympathetical understanding] Ancestral curse? EDWARD You're curiously sanguine about it. LESLIE [flippant] It's not my ballroom. Come along, let's get you out of this damp. Perhaps a hot bath would be in order? MUSIC
SCENE 3. CASTLE LESLIE [reading] "The trouble with Harrowby Hall is that it was haunted. What was worse, the ghost did not content itself with merely appearing at the bedside of the afflicted person who saw it, but persisted in remaining there for one mortal hour before it would disappear." EDWARD My father had a flowery turn of phrase. LESLIE A style the suits the classic ghost story. You're quite sure you don't mind? EDWARD I need to confide in someone, and he's already written it all down. But you can skip past the part about it appearing only for an hour every Christmas at midnight. I think we've established that. LESLIE You're lucky you didn't catch pneumonia. EDWARD I'm still undecided. [coughs, but not seriously] At least one good thing came from the deluge. LESLIE Oh? EDWARD I needed a secretary. LESLIE I suppose it pays to be intrepid, then. SOUND PAGES FLIP LESLIE Ah. [start here?] "The owners of Harrowby Hall had done their utmost--?" EDWARD Sounds good. LESLIE "--their utmost to rid themselves of the damp and dewy lady who rose up out of the best bedroom floor at midnight, but without avail. They had tried stopping the clock, so that the ghost would not know when it was midnight; but she made her appearance just the same, with that fearful miasmatic personality of hers, and there she would stand until everything about her was thoroughly saturated." EDWARD We've done absolutely everything. Or tried to. My own grandfather caulked up every crack in the floor, covered it with tarpaper - every conceivable kind of waterproofing was put into effect. And yet-- LESLIE But you weren't even in the tower room. EDWARD [sigh] It's all in the manuscript. LESLIE At least it will be another year until she makes an appearance. EDWARD There is a great deal to be said for predictability. LESLIE [reading dramatically] "The following Christmas eve she appeared as promptly as before, and frightened the occupant of the room--" EDWARD That wasn't even one of my forefathers. Just an unfortunate guest. LESLIE "Frightened him quite out of his senses by sitting down alongside of him and gazing with her cavernous blue eyes into his; and her long, aqueously bony fingers were entwined with bits of dripping seaweed - these ends she drew across his forehead until he became like one insane. EDWARD I believe he never recovered from the shock, or the damp, or perhaps the cold, and died several years later of pneumonia and nervous prostration. LESLIE Then comes a year they chose not to open the room at all. EDWARD "Let her haunt the room - she'll not haunt me!" Father railed, or so I have been told. LESLIE Didn't work, though, did it? EDWARD [sigh] No. Apparently the room is only the primary target. If there is no one present to receive her, the current lord will always have a visitor. LESLIE Thus the monsoon in the ballroom? EDWARD [rueful] Father didn't even tell me he was doing poorly. [snappy again] A little warning would have been ... convenient. I could have spent the night in the desert. LESLIE What do you plan to do? EDWARD Foil her. LESLIE How? EDWARD That I do not quite know... yet. I need to go over father's manuscript with a fine tooth comb for any possible clues. Anything can be overcome with the application of a modicum of logic. LESLIE Well, then. Shall we get back to it? EDWARD Go back to the year father tried to simply ignore the ghost. It seems she first appeared in the tower room, for the parlor below had a great damp spot on the ceiling. But she didn't stay there. LESLIE [reading] "She found me in my own cozy room drinking whiskey," undiluted, he notes, "and felicitating myself upon having foiled her ghostship, when all of a sudden the curl went out of my hair, the whiskey bottle filled and overflowed, and I found myself in a condition similar to that of a man who has fallen into a water-butt." [chuckles] EDWARD Father always did have a turn of phrase. And a fondness for water-butts. [dramatic] And there she stood. The lady of the cavernous eyes and seaweed fingers. LESLIE "The sight was so unexpected and so terrifying that I fainted, but immediately came to, as the vast amount of chill water trickling down over my face restored my consciousness." EDWARD I like a good shower bath as much as the next person, but I do prefer it on the tropical side of tepid. LESLIE [teasing] Hush. EDWARD My father was a brave man, and not to be daunted. Forced to face the ghost, he determined to discover some particulars. LESLIE "In an effort to warm myself, I approached the hearth, an unfortunate move as it turned out, because it brought the ghost directly over the fire, which immediately was extinguished." EDWARD So he faced her with all the bravado he could muster. LESLIE Sounds like he was chock a block with bravado. At least the way he wrote it. EDWARD Let us hope it runs in the family. LESLIE [leading into flashback] He faced the ghost... MUSIC SEGUE INTO FLASHBACK SOUND WATER DRIPPING and TRICKLING HENRY Far be it from me to be impolite to a woman, madam, but I'm hanged if it wouldn't please me better if you'd stop these infernal visits of yours to this house. Go sit out on the lake, if you like that sort of thing; soak the water-butt, if you wish; but do not, I implore you, come into a gentleman's house and saturate him and his possessions in this way. It is damned disagreeable. GHOST Henry Hartwick Oglethorpe. That is a bit of specious nonsense. You must know that I am compelled to haunt this place year after year by inexorable fate. I never aspired to be a shower-bath, but it is my doom. Do you know who I am? HENRY No, I do not. I should say you were the Lady of the Lake, or Little Sallie Waters. GHOST You are a witty man for your years. HENRY Well, my humor is drier than yours ever will be. GHOST No doubt - I am never dry. I am the Water Ghost of Harrowby Hall, and dryness is a quality entirely beyond my wildest hope. I have been the incumbent of this highly unpleasant office for two hundred years tonight. HENRY How the deuce did you ever come to get elected? GHOST [matter of fact] Suicide. I am the ghost of that fair maiden whose picture hangs over the mantelpiece in the drawing room. LESLIE [v.o.] That lovely early Georgian piece? Or do I mean Jacobean? EDWARD [v.o.] Take down a memorandum - draw a mustache on her at the earliest opportunity. GHOST Had I lived, I should have been your great-great-great-great-great-aunt. HENRY But what induced you to get this house into such a predicament? GHOST It was my father's fault. It was he who built Harrowby Hall, and the haunted chamber was to have been mine. My father had it furnished in pink and yellow, knowing well that blue and gray formed the only combination of colours I could tolerate. HENRY And...? GHOST He did it merely to spite me, and I declined to live in the room. Whereupon father said I could live there or on the lawn, he didn't care which. That night I ran from the house and jumped over the cliff into the sea. EDWARD [v.o.] That was rash. LESLIE [v.o.] Dying over pink and yellow? I should say so. Green and orange, perhaps. EDWARD [v.o.] But only if one is Irish. GHOST Had I but known the consequences, I should not have jumped. HENRY A bit late for hindsight. GHOST I had been drowned a week when I was informed it would be my doom to haunt Harrowby Hall. LESLIE [v.o.] Informed? Informed by whom? EDWARD [v.o.] Hmm. Never considered it. The local union of apparations, phantoms and sundry visitations? HENRY I'll sell the place. EDWARD [v.o.] Sound thinking. GHOST That you cannot do, for it is also required of me that I shall appear to any purchaser, and divulge to him the awful secret of the house. LESLIE [v.o.] Snap! HENRY Do you mean to tell me that on every Christmas eve you are going to haunt me wherever I may be, ruining my whiskey and extinguishing my fire? And soaking me through to the skin? GHOST You have stated the case clearly, Oglethorpe. And what is more - it doesn't make the slightest difference where you are. If I find that room empty, wherever you may be I shall douse you with my spectral pres-- SOUND CLOCK STRIKES ONE LESLIE [v.o.] "Here the clock struck one, and immediately the apparition faded away. It was perhaps more of a trickle than a fade, but as a disappearance it was complete" HENRY By St. George and his Dragon! It is guineas to hot-cross buns that next Christmas there'll be an occupant of that room, or I shall spend the night in a bathtub! EDWARD [v.o. fading to normal] He would have lost that bet. That was last year, and this year, he passed away just in time to avoid the deluge. LESLIE And you didn't know, and we are now caught up to the present. EDWARD [sigh] But for the bill for the ballroom. MUSIC
SCENE 4. TEA LYDIA So glad you could accommodate me for tea, Edward. I've not returned to society yet, and I'm getting sick to the teeth of a house covered in black crepe. EDWARD Ah. LYDIA Your father positively loathed black. EDWARD Ah. LYDIA And I loathe crepe. I've developed quite a mental aversion to it. I don't supposed a doctor could furnish me with some sort of prescription? EDWARD I doubt it. Mourning is mourning, mother. And you are hardly the only one inconvenienced by father's untimely demise. LYDIA [slightly amused] Ah, yes I heard. EDWARD You might have sent a wire or something. LYDIA I was rather preoccupied. So, now that you are the Baron, am I to expect the pitter-patter of little feet in the great hall any time soon? EDWARD I could get you some corgis. LYDIA Hush. You know very well what I mean! It is your responsibility to produce an heir and a spare, particularly now that you are effectively the last of the line. EDWARD Hmm... [chuckle] It would be funny to find out who gets haunted, should I die early. LYDIA I should say not! EDWARD Anyway, after my very public unmasking as the bearer of an ancestral curse, there's hardly a family worth knowing that would want me as a graft to the family tree. LYDIA There's always some rich American. they'll even pay extra for such a heritage! EDWARD [laughing ruefully] While an American won't bat an eye at a spectre or two, true - threaten them with a waterlogged poiret [pwah-RAY] or patou [pah-TOO], and they flee in panic, clutching their pocketbooks. LYDIA OH. Yes, I see. EDWARD So I'm down to shop assistants and ladies who speak no English. SOUND DOOR OPENS, LESLIE ENTERS BRISKLY LESLIE Here's your correspondence for the day-- oh. I'm so dreadfully sorry. I wasn't aware -- I don't have any engagements on your calendar for this afternoon. EDWARD Miss Widdrington, may I present my mother, the Dowager Baroness of Harrowby. Mother, my new secretary. LYDIA [a bit snotty] Charmed. LESLIE [overly subservient, almost goofy] I'll be in the study, then, sir, should you need me. If I may excuse myself? EDWARD [equally over the top] Dismissed. SOUND LESLIE LEAVES LYDIA Who is she? EDWARD My secretary. LYDIA Widdrington. Widdrington. Any relation to the Haversham Widdringtons? EDWARD [offhanded] Poor relation. Quite destitute. LYDIA [musing] Still. She's got a good back. Does she ride? MUSIC
SCENE 5. STUDY SOUND DOOR OPENS LESLIE So sorry about that-- EDWARD You couldn't have known. LESLIE It's dreadfully easy to fall into old habits. EDWARD Old? LESLIE I wasn't always "how you see me now." Impoverished. I was polished at the finest schools, only to find that the family coffer had been tapped out to pay death duties and father's debts. And that, as they say, was that. EDWARD At least you're not bitter. LESLIE Oh you should have heard me a year ago. I would have blistered a sailor's ears. EDWARD And now? LESLIE [pleased] Now, I am employed. EDWARD And you don't mind? LESLIE Well I'm also intrigued by your dilemma - most particularly because it's not my own. EDWARD [laughs] LESLIE But today's problem is your social calander. EDWARD oh? More cancellations? LESLIE Every dinner party, every engagement for the opera, every ball. EDWARD Everything that might possibly involve late nights, in other words. LESLIE Precisely. But there are still afternoon teas, ascot, and a tentative engagement for croquet. EDWARD [sulky] Suddenly I'm an elderly uncle. MUSIC - CHRISTMAS
SCENE 6. NEXT YEAR SOUND DRIPPING SOUND STEAM HISS SOUND DOOR OPENS LESLIE Time? EDWARD [sigh] Yes. SOUND HUGE SWOOSH OF WATER EDWARD [disgusted sigh] LESLIE I brought some heated towels. EDWARD I am par-broiled. I'll need more than towels! MUSIC
SCENE 7. STUDY SOUND DOOR OPENS, FABRIC RUBS LESLIE Check off steam pipes. EDWARD Yes. Just turned her from cold water to hot. The Turkish baths for the past month seem to have helped a bit, but on the whole, it was‑‑ [searching for the right word] LESLIE [teasing] A washout? EDWARD Oh, please don’t. LESLIE [apologetic] Sorry. I thought that since steam-pipes could lie hundreds of feet deep in water, and still retain sufficient heat to drive the water away in vapor, they might‑‑ EDWARD [cutting her off] It was a good sight better than any of my ideas. Trying to evaporate the ghost into steam. LESLIE Now you have a year to plan. Again. EDWARD I don't know. I doubt my health can take another such night. And the room is destroyed. Again. Anything not simply soaked through has been cracked and warped to an extent that I've no doubt it will break me to repair. LESLIE Heat can do terrible things. Tea. SOUND POURS EDWARD [sips] Worst of all, as the last drop of the water ghost was slowly sizzling itself out on the floor, she whispered that this scheme would avail me nothing, because-- GHOST There is always water in great plenty where I come from, and next year will find me rehabilitated and as exasperatingly saturating as ever. EDWARD She will always be wet. So I must somehow be dry... MUSIC
SCENE 8. CASTLE SOUND TEA SOUND CONSTRUCTION [OFF] MOTHER Must they be so loud? EDWARD At least I can tell they're working. MOTHER So it happened again? EDWARD You can't be surprised. You had to go through it, didn't you? With father? MOTHER Oh, no. No, I didn't even know about it for quite years. EDWARD How the devil? MOTHER Language. EDWARD I'll devil as I please, until I get what I want. MOTHER When your father inherited the title - after his father died of pneumonia, as I recall. EDWARD [sarcasm] Imagine. MOTHER Hush. It was in the spring, and Henry somehow managed to pick a dreadful quarrel with me - something that sent me flying home to mother for the holidays. EDWARD Truly? That was clever. MOTHER And I believe there was a year where he had to take a business trip. EDWARD to the tropics, by any chance? MOTHER May very well have been. I believe I spent the holidays with my sister, in town. EDWARD And he kept this up for years and years? MOTHER Well you were away at school for much of this. EDWARD No wonder he never had me home for the winter holidays. I was rather bereft at the time. MOTHER We sent presents. EDWARD Much appreciated, but-- MOTHER So - what are you doing about this? EDWARD I tried steam pipes. SOUND CRASH EDWARD That's what they are engaged in repairing upstairs at the moment, and-- MOTHER Not that! What are you doing about providing me with a brace of grandchildren to brighten my declining years? EDWARD Oh, that. [sigh] MUSIC
SCENE 9. STUDY SOUND TEARING PAPER - letter opening. LESLIE Hmm. Catalog of some sort? [gasp, the laughing a bit] oh-ho. SOUND DOOR OPENS EDWARD What's the joke? LESLIE [arch] A catalog of gentlemen's garments? EDWARD Hmm? LESLIE In the finest quality india rubber? EDWARD Oh that! Uhhhhh... It's not what you-- LESLIE I would assume they're for waterproofing, except that many of them seem to be ... excised in certain locations. EDWARD Skip to the back. They assured me there would be more... complete... units. SOUND PAGES FLIP LESLIE Ah. So you're thinking--? EDWARD If I can't keep the room dry, at least I might be able to keep my person insulated. LESLIE If you were to wear one of these over something in wool, perhaps? EDWARD Mm. I would start to look like a child in swaddling. LESLIE Better swaddled than soaked. EDWARD True. LESLIE And it would be warm, even if wet. EDWARD Wouldn't want to get cold. I might -- [idea] oh! LESLIE Oh? EDWARD I've got it! LESLIE Do tell? EDWARD Order me one of those - a size bigger than my suits, and in their thickest rubber. Then another two sizes larger. LESLIE Why? EDWARD I'll let you guess. I must go and consult a furrier. MUSIC
SCENE 10. MONTAGE - PHONE CALLS LESLIE That sounds like it will precisely fill the bill. And everything is reinforced with asbestos? Very good. EDWARD You have the address to ship to? Excellent. I realize it will take a prodigious amount of power to maintain. If necessary, I shall buy the power company! LESLIE Woolens. Two sizes larger than I had originally inquired. Yes - the warmest you have. Oh, no, he likes it thick. EDWARD No, no, the first set was quite satisfactory. [annoyed] Please place my order and refrain from further comment on my proclivities! MUSIC
SCENE 11. DRESSING ROOM SOUND CHRISTMAS CAROLS PLAY LIGHTLY IN THE BACKGROUND SOUNDS RUBBERY SQUEAKS AND RUSTLES AS SHE DRESSES HIM. EDWARD I've come to hate that music. LESLIE This may be the last time it calls to mind such misfortunes. I've stitched the wool together at the waist. Too bad your valet can be no help. EDWARD He demanded this week off. No wish to be anywhere in the entire country when the ghost arrives. LESLIE Some people simply do not pay attention. The ghost only makes a bother in a given vicinity for a given time. EDWARD Logic has nothing to do with superstitious fear. Let's see if the second rubber suit will go on. LESLIE I've brought talc. EDWARD You plan for everything, don't you? LESLIE That's why you keep me around, though I must say you are the master planner here. Fur, then rubber, then wool, and rubber again - she shan't be able to get a drop of her icy dampness near you! EDWARD No, indeed. Have you noticed, is it still snowing? LESLIE There are great drifts on the windward side of the house, though the wind has died away. EDWARD Excellent. LESLIE When this is all over, you can focus on finding yourself a bride and satisfying your poor mother. EDWARD [musing] Yes. LESLIE Now the diving helmet. SOUND LARGE METAL PICKED UP MUSIC
SCENE 12. MUD ROOM / PORCH SOUND DOOR OPENS, HEAVY SQUEAKY RUBBER NOISES ENTER SOUND CLOCK CHIMES TWELVE, DOOR SHUT IN THE MIDDLE OF IT SOUND CAREFULLY SITTING DOWN EDWARD [slightly canned throughout - in his diving helmet] Oh... that's a bit tight. SOUND SQUEAK AS HE ADJUSTS EDWARD [hums a bit] SOUND BANGING OF DOORS, WIND, SPLASH EDWARD Right on time. GHOST Greetings. You must know you cannot avoid me by hiding here in - in - what is this room, anyway? EDWARD It is called a mud room, and I'm not hiding. In fact, I'm glad to see you. GHOST You are the most original man I've met, if that is true. And what an odd hat! EDWARD It is a little portable observatory I had made for just such engagements as this. SOUND CLUNK ON HELMET EDWARD Is it true that you are doomed to follow me for one mortal hour -- to stand where I stand, to sit where I sit? GHOST That is my detestable fate. EDWARD Let's go for a walk, then. GHOST You cannot get rid of me that way! My water does not wear out with movement of any sort. I will merely damage more of your home. EDWARD Then we will not walk through the house. Come along. SOUND SQUEAKING, FOOTSTEPS SOUND DRIPPING SQUISHES FOLLOW SOUND DOOR OPENS, SNOWSTORM, FEET INTO SNOW
SCENE 13. OUTSIDE SOUND XMAS MUSIC NEARBY FROM INSIDE GHOST But, my dear sir! It is fearfully cold out there! You shall be frozen hard before you've been out ten minutes. EDWARD Not I! I am very warmly dressed. Come along! SOUND SNOWSTORM GETS LOUDER TO SHOW TIME SOUND MUSIC IS FARTHER AWAY GHOST Oh sir! You walk too slowly! I am nearly frozen. EDWARD Is that so. Hmm. GHOST My knees are so stiff now I can hardly move. I beseech you to accelerate your step. EDWARD I should like to oblige a lady, but my clothes are rather heavy, and a hundred yards an hour is about my top speed. Indeed, I think we would better sit down here on this snowdrift and talk matters over. GHOST Do not! Do not do so, I beg! Let us move along. I feel myself growing rigid as it is. If we stop here, I shall be frozen stiff. EDWARD [chuckles] That, madam, is precisely why I have brought you here. We have been on this spot just ten minutes; we have fifty more before your hour ends. Take your time about it, madam, but freeze, that is all I ask of you. GHOST I cannot move my right leg now! And my overskirt is a solid sheet of ice. Oh, good, kind Mr. Oglethorpe, light a fire, and let me go free from these icy fetters. EDWARD Never, madam. I have you at last, and I plan to keep you! GHOST Alas! Help me, I beg. I congeal! EDWARD Congeal, madam, congeal! You have drenched me and mine for over two hundred years, madam. Tonight you have had your last drench. GHOST Ah, but I shall thaw out again, and then you'll see. Instead of the comfortably tepid, genial ghost I have been in my past, sir, I shall be iced water! EDWARD No, you won't, either! For when you are frozen quite stiff, I shall send you to a cold-storage warehouse, and there you shall remain an icy work of art forever more. GHOST But warehouses burn. EDWARD So they do, but this warehouse cannot burn. It is made of asbestos and surrounding it are fireproof walls. GHOST For the last time let me beseech you. I would go on my knees to you, Oglethorpe, were they not already frozen. [freezing up] I beg of you do not doom me-- SOUND DISTANT CLOCK STRIKES ONE SOUND CRACKLE OF ICE SOUND WIND RISES EDWARD I do feel for you, miss. But I feel for myself more. MUSIC
SCENE 14. STUDY SOUND PHONE HUNG UP LESLIE Delivery was made, and all is well. The room has been sealed, and that, as they say, is that. EDWARD I'm almost at a loss. LESLIE What? Why? EDWARD If you have an obstacle for such a long time, then it is gone, what can be left? LESLIE Your mother still wishes for grandchildren. EDWARD Now that "all good families" will have me over again? LESLIE You are now not only rich and titled and eligible, you are also known to have single-handedly defeated an ancestral ghost. You are quite the talk of the town. Parents will be lining up to introduce their marriageable daughters to you. EDWARD I think I can save them the trouble. LESLIE What do you mean? EDWARD There is something very alluring about a person who will stand by you through thick and thin. LESLIE [oblivious] You're still upset that they wouldn't have anything to do with you while you were haunted? EDWARD I shan't pay any mind to what they did. Just what you did. LESLIE Pardon? EDWARD [teasing] Are you not interested in being the mistress of Harrowby Hall? There is an opening in that position. LESLIE [startled] Me? Marry you? EDWARD If not you, my next best option is to thaw out the ghost and make an honest woman of her. I'm reasonably certain we're far enough removed that it would be legal. LESLIE You're quite serious? About me, not her. EDWARD Of course. About you, not her. LESLIE Of course! CLOSER END
| |||
| Atomic Julie - The Non-Electronic Bug by E. Mittleman | 30 Nov 2021 | 00:19:32 | |
Rigging a card game is tricky, but rigging someone's thoughts? | |||
| Atomic Julie - A Little Knowledge by Russ Winterbotham | 23 Nov 2021 | 00:25:16 | |
Sometimes an advance takes a long long time... | |||
| 19 Nocturne Boulevard - DRAWER 23 - Reissue | 20 Nov 2021 | 00:34:09 | |
Tim might expect to see corpses, working graveyard Cast List Music: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) "What kind of a place is it?
********************************************************* DRAWER 23 Cast:
OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a morgue, can't you tell? MUSIC
SCENE 1. MORGUE, NIGHT SOUND WHOOSH OF HYDRAULIC DOORS OPENING SOPHIA And THIS-- TIM --Got it. I watch CSI. SOPHIA On this shift, you won't usually have to deal with the - well, everyday ins and outs, but there are times when somebody has to get in here right away, so you need to know the check-in procedures. TIM Oh, sure. SOPHIA Is this your first time dealing with cadavers? TIM Mm, yeah, but I-- SOPHIA Try not to faint when you smell them. The cold helps, but I have some mentholatum if you need it-- TIM Oh, yeah, I saw Silence of the Lambs. SOPHIA [sigh, then muttered] And you plan to be a doctor...? TIM Hmm? SOPHIA If you, or anyone else, does faint, and sustains any appreciable injury, you must fill out a form 5-C-H dash 2-1-7 dash 62. TIM There's a form for it? SOPHIA There's insurance for it. Did you ever see Quincy? TIM Quincy Jones? SOPHIA [Sigh] A television show. In the opening credits - never mind. SOUND DOOR OPENS SOPHIA There are 30 drawers. You always fill the top row first, followed by the next down, and the floor level ones last of all. TIM 30? I never thought that Cumberland Pass would-- SOPHIA We really don't. I've only seen all the drawers filled once - after that really bad fire. Well, all the drawers but one. TIM [waits, then] One? SOPHIA [sighs, somewhat embarrassed] This one. Twenty-three. It's... tsk... It's supposed to be haunted. TIM I guess it's the right place for a-- SOPHIA I don't really believe it, but everybody else does. No one will put a body in that drawer. And me, I figure - why take a chance? TIM I-- I'm not getting it. So there's a ghost and you don't want to put a body in the drawer why...? Because it'll get scared? SOPHIA For 12 years, I have not seen anything to be scared of. I haven't heard anything but stories. TIM [eager] Tell me! SOPHIA Timothy, most people find working third shift hard enough without having ghost stories to freak out over. Just do the three months and when I get back, I promise you I will tell you everything I know. TIM What if you decide not to come back? SOPHIA Oh, please! Once this munchkin arrives, I'll be desperate to get back to my wonderful peaceful nights here. Dale swears up and down she's ready to lose sleep for the both of us. TIM Kids take a lot of time. SOPHIA [teasing] Don't get your hopes up - they take a lot of cash too, and I'm not about to give up my health benefits. MUSIC
SCENE 2. CAFETERIA GORDY [coming on] Hey pal! I heard you got graveyard shift in the land of the dead! TIM Yeah, Sophia's been showing me the ropes. Seems easy. Clean this, lock that, don't take pictures of dead celebrities, make sure no one gets in without proper authorization. GORDY Did she tell you about the ghosts? TIM More than one? I mean, she mentioned [snickers] a haunted drawer in the cool room, but-- GORDY Hmm. Never heard THAT one, but there are supposed to be a bunch of-- DARCY [coming on] This seat taken? [sits without waiting] Hey, Tim! [less enthused] Gordy. GORDY The lovely Lady Darcy. TIM Hey Darce. GORDY Deigning to sit among the common folk? What will the world come to? TIM Gordy was just telling me-- GORDY Warning you. About the ghosts. In the morgue. DARCY That's ridiculous. GORDY Huh? And I suppose you know everything about-- DARCY I don't know anything about the morgue, but I do have a smattering of supernatural lore‑‑ GORDY I suppose someone's got to watch Ghosthunters. DARCY AND it is absolutely accepted common belief that a ghost haunts the place it DIED, not the place its body went later. TIM Maybe someone ... died in the morgue. [shudder] GORDY "Accepted common belief"? That's about as nebulous as "according to statistics." DARCY The O.R., now. Or the Burn Ward. That's where you'd find ghosts. MUSIC
SCENE 3. MORGUE, NIGHT SOUND HYDRAULIC DOOR OPENS TIM Hello? Hello? Hello? HALSTON [off] Just a moment! SOUND HYDRAULIC DOOR CLOSES SOUND PAPERS RUSTLE TIM [muttering to self] Checklist, check. Clipboard - no scheduled arrivals, check. HALSTON [coming on] Yeah? TIM I'm Timothy Grant-- HALSTON Oh, yeah. Soph's gone off to spawn? TIM She went into labor this morning, so I get to start early-- HALSTON Don't worry. Piece of cake job. Could be done by a monkey, only monkeys won't work for this pay. TIM [chuckles] Seems fine to me. HALSTON Yeah, well, you don't have the monkeys' union. You need anything before I take off? Any last questions? TIM I don't think so - Sophia left me a pretty comprehensive set of notes. HALSTON Not surprising - she's so damn organized, that kid won't stand a chance. Well, don't you go slacking off and make her clean up your messes when she gets back. It'll be bad enough when all the construction starts, [shrugs] but she's always happiest telling people what to do. SOUND FOOTSTEPS START TO LEAVE, DOOR OPENS TIM Oh, I did-- HALSTON [pause] What? TIM Oh, [embarrassed] someone was telling me about a... well, a ghost. In one of the body drawers. HALSTON And? TIM What do you think? I'm dying of curiosity. HALSTON You ain't the ghoulish type, are you Tim? TIM I - I don't think so. HALSTON [thinks, then sighs] The guy who used to do nights, before Sophia took over, swore that there was ghost in drawer 23. He said the guy before him told him about it, but that no one really knew any details, like who or what it was, just that-- TIM Yes? HALSTON Shit. This is just one of those "you can't win" things. No matter what I say now, chances are you're gonna do something stupid. TIM Maybe not. I mean, I'll try-- HALSTON Just don't blame me. So Fred - the guy who told me this - Fred said that one night he DID put a body into 23. And nothing happened. TIM [deflated] Oh. HALSTON Until midnight. Then the corpse woke up and screamed. It screamed and scratched at the drawer for just about an hour-- TIM The witching hour-- HALSTON Whatever - around one, it just shut off like a light. TIM Maybe the poor stiff was still alive! Why didn't he open the drawer and check? HALSTON [beat, ominous] Because the body was already autopsied. MUSIC
SCENE 4. DAY, SCHOOL SOUND QUICK FOOTSTEPS IN A TILED HALLWAY TIM [off mike, slightly out of breath] Hey! Darcy? DARCY Huh? Tim? What...? SOUND FOOTSTEPS APPROACH AND STOP TIM Hey. I- um, I wanted to ask-- DARCY [excited] Yes? TIM --about ghosts. DARCY [deflated] Oh. Why? TIM It's the stories - you know about the ghosts in the morgue. And you seemed to know a lot. I mean, about ghosts. So-- I figured what the heck? DARCY This is really not the place-- TIM Step outside? Just for a moment. I just got off shift and need some fresh air, anyway.
SCENE 5. OUTDOORS, CONTINUOUS SOUND DOOR OPENS. MORNING NOISES - BIRDS, CARS DARCY [takes a deep breath] So. Ghosts. TIM Anything you can tell me. DARCY That's like asking a gearhead about cars. It covers way too much territory. You need to be more specific. TIM How do you ...talk to them? DARCY Depends. Some ghosts can't talk. A lot of them don't even realize they're dead - they say it's the trauma. They wipe their death right out of their memories, and then get mad because people are ignoring them. TIM Do you ...need a medium or something? DARCY Do you need a doctor to know when you have a cold? TIM What? DARCY I'm saying that without some detail about your symptoms, you won't know whether to consult an expert. TIM Oh, Ok. DARCY I approach ghosts from a theoretical and psychological angle. TIM Very scientific. DARCY So? Bring me some parameters. MUSIC
SCENE 6. MORGUE, NIGHT SOUND BIG DRAWER ROLLS OUT TIM I wonder if it has to be pushed in? GORDY [filter, crackly] Dude, you're breaking up - the morgue sucks for reception. TIM [snicker] A dead zone. GORDY [filter, crackly] Ha-ha. TIM So I got this guy... [muttered, to corpse] Sorry, man. [to Gordy] I wonder if it needs to be rolled in? GORDY [filter, crackly] Did you remember to tie it up? TIM [resigned] Yes. GORDY [filter, crackly, fading] You'll thank me if this is a flesh eating zombie situation. TIM In, I think. SOUND DRAWER ROLLS IN TIM 10, 9, 8-- GORDY [filter, crackly, fading badly] 7--[static] 5-- TIM 4, 3, 2... SOUND PHONE BEEPS OFF TIM Crap! SOUND MUFFLED SCREAMING ["MALE BODY"] AND BANGING - CONTINUES UNTIL NOTED MALE BODY [light accent - very southern belle] LET ME OUT! TIM [almost paralyzed] Oh, shit! Oh, shit oh shit oh shit!!! MALE BODY PLEASE!!! LET ME OUT!!! SOUND DIALING PHONE TIM Gordy, man! SOUND PHONE BAD CONNECTION SOUND TIM Shit! MALE BODY [Screaming incoherently] TIM [yelling] If I open the drawer, will you shut up? MALE BODY [suddenly silent, then] Is there someone out there? TIM Yes. Just, be calm, OK? MALE BODY I'll try. SOUND DRAWER ROLLED OUT TIM [reacts in fear] MALE BODY Thank you ever so much! I was afraid-- I-- Why on earth am I bound? [clears throat, tries to speak higher pitch] And what in heaven's name has happened to my voice? MALE BODY I think somehow there is a great deal you are choosing not to tell me. TIM You're right, but--- this isn't going to be easy. First, who are you? Do you remember? MALE BODY Remember? Of course. Bedelia Crane. Miss Bedelia to my students. And yourself? TIM Um, Tim. Timothy Grant. MALE BODY Grant. Well, there's a name for you. TIM And -- what year do you think it is? MALE BODY 1932. Now it's your turn. Why don't you begin by telling me what it is you are keeping back. MUSIC
SCENE 7. EMPTY CAFETERIA SOUND STRAW POPS MILK CARTON GORDY One advantage of working nights - we have our choice of tables. TIM Yup. GORDY So, do I have to beat it out of you? TIM What? GORDY What happened? TIM Oh. [lightly] Body came to life, killed me, went off on a rampage. GORDY Right, and even now, it is heading for the nation's capital, in search of brains. TIM Wrong direction. GORDY Well, that's because I was employing sarcasm. It's a tool of the trade for oncologists. TIM [beat, shrug] Nothing. GORDY Nothing? TIM Nope. GORDY Well. Guess I better cancel that Ghostbuster stripper I hired. MUSIC
SCENE 8. OUTSIDE, DAY SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON CONCRETE, SECOND SET HURRY UP TIM Darcy! Got a minute? DARCY Hi! [damping her enthusiasm] Tim. TIM I have some more info on the ghost. DARCY You're serious? TIM Oh, yeah. I talked to her last night. Asked a bunch of questions - it was weird cause I didn't know she was a SHE, and I'd stuck in a man's body, but-- DARCY Tim? TIM Yes? DARCY You're telling me you spoke to a ghost? TIM Yes. DARCY A real live ghost? TIM Apart from the poor choice of words, yes. DARCY Are you sure you didn't just fall asleep? TIM [not too sure] Pretty sure. DARCY [sigh] I mean, I want to believe you, but - actually speaking to a ghost? Most people "feel a presence," or notice items have been moved a teensy bit from their previous position, or run into a cold spot. TIM Nope. We just chatted - once I explained how things were, she seemed mostly OK with it. I guess no one ever just talked with her before. DARCY [thinks for a moment, then] You need to video this or something. TIM Don't you even want to know who she is? I was kind of hoping you could help me look up her records... [running out of steam] Being in records, and all. DARCY Oh sure. Once I see your recording. MUSIC
SCENE 9. MORGUE, NIGHT SOUND DRAWER ROLLS OUT TIM Is this one better? BEDELIA [delighted] Oh, much. I almost feel like myself again. Though of course, I am not. TIM You're taking it very well. BEDELIA I have always prided myself on being a practical woman. There is no use in shedding tears over what cannot be changed. [losing confidence] I do, however, worry some little about what's to become of me. TIM I have some questions for you. Are you up to answering? BEDELIA Certainly. And, Timothy? Thank you so very much. For everything. Particularly for providing me with ... garments. I know it's ludicrous to be modest with another's-- TIM No, no. Perfectly reasonable. I'm curious‑‑ BEDELIA Could you help me out first? I would prefer to hold any such interview in a less horizontal position. SOUND DRAWER OUT A BIT MORE TIM & BEDELIA [grunts as he helps her up] SOUND SEVERAL BARE FOOTSTEPS BEDELIA [sighs as she sits] Timothy, was this poor girl deformed? TIM Huh? BEDELIA I can barely keep my balance and walk with such a monstrous bosom. Poor, poor child. TIM It's-- Um - guys like girls who-- BEDELIA How times change. Now in my day - well, my heyday, shall we say - the style was a more delicate, and slender figure. Athletic. A girl like this would have cried her eyes out every night and bound herself to kingdom come, trying to achieve a decent flapper slouch. TIM [shudder] Uhh. BEDELIA Of, course, I was hardly a flapper - I was a bit old to run with that crowd, [nostalgic] but I spent my share of time in the speaks. Weekends only, o'course. It would never do to show up hung at the schoolhouse of a morning. TIM Can I ask - I mean without offending you - when you were born? BEDELIA Oh, Timothy. You are a delight. I'm dead, child, how can you offend me? MUSIC
SCENE 10. MEETING DARCY SOUND [On RECORDING] OUTSIDE NOISES BEDELIA [on recording] I was born in the year 1891, in Rock Creek, Georgia. I came here in-- SOUND CLICK - TAPE MACHINE OFF DARCY [sucks in breath, exasperated noise] But-- but that could be anyone. TIM Yeah, I figured you might think that, so here-- SOUND CLICKING OF COMPUTER KEYS DARCY [gasp] TIM Sorry, it's the only way to prove - see the time code - this was 11:50, and then this-- SOUND CLICKING TIM Was 1:08. There. Before and after shots of the same woman - dead. Autopsy scars and all. DARCY Still... TIM You could come and see for yourself. You can even choose the body-- DARCY I -- no. I mean, I'm in records for a reason. I don't like ...the smelly parts of medicine. TIM All right, so-- GORDY [coming on] Hey, hey! Darcy, are you warm in here, or is it just me? DARCY Is it funny in here, or is it just the way you smell? TIM Um-- DARCY I've got to go, Tim. If I think of anything, I'll let you know. TIM Um, Ok. SOUND CHAIR, FOOTSTEPS LEAVE GORDY Since the ghost in the drawer was a bust-- TIM [snort - almost a laugh] GORDY --I did a little digging in old newspapers and I found you another one. TIM Really? In the morgue too? GORDY Yup. There was this freshman at the medical school, who for a hazing had to spend the night in the morgue - to make sure he didn't cheat, the frat boys handcuffed him to one of the drawers TIM Number 23? GORDY Dude, no one was sober enough to count. Anyway, so this poor newbie was handcuffed, in his underwear, in the morgue all night, and when they came to let him out-- TIM [waits, then] --Yes? GORDY He was gone. TIM Oh. GORDY Wait, wait - He was gone, but his hand was still in the handcuff - he had chewed it off to escape! TIM That's insane -you can't chew through bone. GORDY Animals do it. TIM Animals have teeth made for it. Humans simply don't have the jaw strength-- GORDY Dude, it's just a story. I guess you don't want to hear the best part. TIM [long sigh, then] OK, what is it? GORDY [offhand, not caring] His body was never found. TIM Mm. Of course. MUSIC
SCENE 11. MORGUE, NIGHT SOUND DRAWER PULLS OUT TIM Morning. BEDELIA [chuckle] Help me out of here, if you please. TIM Up you come. [grunt] BEDELIA [sigh] Oh, this is very nice. TIM You like? BEDELIA Yes. A good deal closer my own age, and not bad looking. TIM I was telling a friend about you-- BEDELIA [curious] But why? I mean, you start telling people that you're speaking with the dead, they're liable to look at you strangely. TIM Oh, no - Darcy's cool. I asked if she wanted to drop in, but she's - a bit creeped out. BEDELIA You have the most colorful colloquialisms. TIM It's not the ghosts that wig her, it's more the corpses. BEDELIA "wig"? TIM Bother her. BEDELIA Ahh. I don't wonder - not everyone can take a spirit at face value. TIM Come, sit. I'm eating lunch - I don't suppose you would like some...? BEDELIA I highly doubt it. But it certainly smells delicious. TIM [gracious] Smell away. BEDELIA Tell me about this lady friend of yours. Is it serious? TIM [almost choking] You mean like dating? Me and Darcy? BEDELIA Of course we called it courting in my day, but yes - is she your intended? TIM I-- we-- I guess I never really thought about it. I mean, she's smart and pretty and all, but she-- [snort] She'd never be interested in me. BEDELIA Why not? After all, you're obviously smart, kindhearted, and a fine-looking young man. TIM [huh?] Me? BEDELIA Of course. Is there anyone else in this room? Why, if I weren't a couple decades too old for you-- TIM --and dead-- BEDELIA --and, yes-- [sigh] You see there? Perhaps that's why you haven't any lady friend. You don't seem to think before you open your mouth. TIM But - I just - it's the truth. BEDELIA You are much too literal, Timothy. Sometimes - most of the time - tact isn't in what you say, so much as when you choose to say nothing at all. You would be amazed at how far a little tact and charm can take you. SOUND DOOR OPENS, ANGRY FOOTSTEPS ENTER SUMMERFIELD What in hell's going on? TIM I--I-- BEDELIA [sharp] Sir? And who the devil are you? TIM [whispered] It's my boss. SUMMERFIELD Yeah, I'm his boss, he's my soon to fired employee, and who the devil are you? BEDELIA [sweetness] I am Timothy's aunt, Bedelia Crane. I am so pleased to meet one of Timothy's co-workers. I didn't think I'd have such a chance-- SUMMERFIELD This is a restricted area, lady. BEDELIA [as if he was being polite] Oh, you can call me Bedelia. And you are--? SUMMERFIELD [rapidly losing steam] Alvin Summerfield, but-- BEDELIA I'm afraid this is all my fault, Mr. Summerfield. Or may I call you Alvin? SUMMERFIELD [softening noticeably] Alvin--Alvin's fine. Or Al. BEDELIA [troweling it on] Alvin is much more dignified. As I was saying, this is entirely my fault. I'm afraid I dropped in without the least warning - I'm only in town for a couple of hours, before my bus leaves again - and I came by with lunch to surprise him. I'm afraid Timothy just didn't have the heart to send his poor old aunt back out into the night, when we never get to see each other, ever, ever. TIM Yeah. SUMMERFIELD Well, I really can't let you stay, ma'am, but I... I understand. I won't write Tim up. This time. May I walk you to your car? BEDELIA I'm parked quite some ways away, and couldn't possibly take you away from your business here for that long - but I would certainly appreciate an escort out of the building-- SOUND TAKES HIS ARM, THEY WALK OFF BEDELIA [fading out] --I got myself terribly lost, trying to find my way in. But then, it is a fascinating place! SOUND DOOR STARTS TO SWING SHUT, RUNNING FOOTSTEPS, DOOR SWINGS OPEN AGAIN TIM Don't forget the time, aunt Bedelia! BEDELIA Oh? TIM You've only got [checks] uh, 43 minutes. Until you gotta be where you have to be. BEDELIA I understand! [fading again] Such a good boy - wants to make sure I don't get left behind somewhere-- SOUND DOOR SHUTS MUSIC
SCENE 12. MORGUE, NIGHT, LATER SOUND PACING TIM 12:49. Where the heck is she? I need to get that body back-- SOUND CELL PHONE RINGS TIM [startled] Aah! SOUND FUMBLES WITH PHONE, THEN TURNS IT ON TIM H-hello? GORDY [on phone] [spooooky voice] Whooo-ooooo. This is your wake-up ghost. TIM Gordy? GORDY [on phone] No, it's Mabel fable, put the money back on the table. TIM Gordy! GORDY [on phone] Ok, ok! Jeez, don't get your shroud in a bunch. TIM Is there a point--? GORDY [on phone] Yeah. I was googling the morgue and stuff, and realized that one reason I didn't find much was that the hospital changed its name in the 1970s. Once I found that, I uncovered a bunch of stuff. TIM In the middle of the night? GORDY [on phone] "Best time" "In an empty house"? - "best place." TIM Huh? GORDY [on phone] [sigh] You're such a nerd. All right. Most of the stuff is crap. Not very interesting. [beat] Except.... TIM [disinterested] The freshman's handless body? GORDY [on phone] No. [serious] There really was a guy - and you can believe this, cause there's a wiki entry on it - who was working in the morgue and went nuts in the middle of July 17th. TIM [beat] That's it? GORDY [on phone] He claimed that a huge black shadow had risen from the floor or something, and touched him, and he like had visions or something and went nuts. TIM When did this happen? GORDY [on phone] uh [checking] 1945. TIM He was probably listening to War of the Worlds or something. GORDY [on phone] Well, there's more, [tailing off] but if you're not interested-- TIM All right. Go on. GORDY [on phone] It happened three other times - People claimed to have seen something horrible on July 17th, or else [pause, for suspense] they killed themselves. Two suicides - a janitor and a nurse who wasn't even supposed to be in the area, both in the mid 50s. TIM You're really serious? GORDY [on phone] As a snack attack. TIM But Sophia's worked here for twelve years, and she's never had a problem. GORDY [on phone] Hmm. Ask her. TIM Yeah - besides, she'll be back by then anyway. GORDY [on phone] Good. You can start leading a normal life again. Oh, wait, you never had a normal life. Oh well. Chow! TIM Bye. SOUND TURNS OFF PHONE SOUND MOMENT OF SILENCE, THEN A TAP AT THE WINDOW TIM [startled] Ahh! Oh shit - Bedelia! MUSIC
SCENE 13. OUTDOORS, EARLY MORNING TIM [fading in] --and then it was 1 a-m and I had to drag the body back in really quick and clean it up! DARCY [chuckling] You are such a freak! TIM You think I'm a freak - It's Mr. Summerfield who was making all googly eyes at her. Ugh. Jeez, I hope he doesn't spot that body on the slab. DARCY [shudder] The way you talk about her, it's easy to forget she's really... well... dead. TIM Yeah, and she's been giving me all sorts of great advice-- [stops] DARCY Mm? TIM Nothing. [changing gears with difficulty] Um, Gordy told me there's concrete evidence of another ghostly presence, and I was hoping you might be interested. DARCY Who is it this time? TIM He said the only description was a "dark presence" and that came from a guy who went mad. I can forward you the e-mail. DARCY [interested] Yeah. Do. MUSIC
SCENE 14. MORGUE, NIGHT BEDELIA It was so lovely. Being outside, in the night. TIM You shouldn't have been out alone! You could have been-- BEDELIA Killed? [chuckles] Oh, I haven't any real worries on that score. TIM Guess not. BEDELIA But I do appreciate your concern, Timothy. That's very considerate of you. TIM Well, I-- BEDELIA Now yesterday, before we were so rudely interrupted, you were telling me about your young lady friend. TIM Uh, yeah. Look - there's something more important-- BEDELIA More important than romance? Goodness. That is just like a man. TIM It's another ghost. BEDELIA Oh? TIM Here in the morgue. Someone - something - who only appears once a year - July 17 - and drives people crazy. BEDELIA I had an uncle like that, but he only-- TIM Please! Have you ever seen this - thing? BEDELIA [takes a moment to contemplate him] tsk. Timothy, you know very well that I have spent very little time of the last 75 years or so taking any notice of the world around me. When there's no body in the drawer at midnight, I just carry on asleep. TIM I figured it couldn't hurt to ask. BEDELIA Of course not. It never hurts to ask. You should ask your young lady to dinner sometime. TIM Why? We eat together - breakfast - all the time. [flushes, realizing how this must sound, blurts] I mean when I get off shift, and she's coming in. BEDELIA Silly boy. That's just food. "Dinner" is an event. MUSIC
SCENE 15. OUTSIDE, MORNING DARCY I think I found out something for you... about your friend Bedelia. TIM Go on? SOUND FLIPS PAGES DARCY Hold on. All right. I found her hospital records, and they're pretty useless - it's amazing how unspecific stuff was back in the day! But they do say she was admitted on a Saturday morning, very early, unconscious, slipped into a coma and stopped breathing. TIM But did it say why? DARCY [she knows something] Noooo. [beat] But-- TIM But? DARCY I checked the papers around the same time, and there were a number of near deaths from a bad batch of bathtub gin-- TIM In 1932 - but prohibition ended-- [cuts self off] DARCY [waits a second, then] And, they all looked dead, presumably a deep coma, but then revived. TIM You mean she--? DARCY She probably revived in the drawer and then really died. TIM Oh. [swallows] Well, thanks! Sounds like you did a lot of work on that. DARCY Oh, I like going through old newspapers. The ads are hilarious! [beat] I also discovered one of the ineffable truths of life. TIM Huh? DARCY Gordy is an idiot. TIM Oh, well - we knew that. DARCY Your dark shape? It exists. TIM Really? DARCY In Ontario. Gordy mistook Moss Creek General, which was the old name here, for Moose Creek General, which is in some teensy town in Canada. Tsch. The wonders of the internet. TIM Darcy... DARCY Hmm? TIM [very awkward] Would you like to go to dinner sometime? MUSIC, MUCH TIME PASSES
SCENE 16. ENTERING MORGUE, NIGHT TIM Thanks for staying up - Sophia warned me it would be awkward to readjust to days - and even more awkward to just work weekends like this. DARCY What else am I going to do with my weekend nights? [teasing] My boyfriend has to work. SOUND KISS, they break apart, both laughing a little SOUND A COUPLE MORE STEPS, THEN DOOR PUSHES OPEN. TIM [shock and horror] What the hell? HALSTON Hiya Tim. I shoulda warned you - they finished over on the quad building ahead of schedule, so they started tearing stuff out over here. Think of it - six months, and we'll have the newest facilities in the state! TIM But-- DARCY Oh, no! [sympathetic] Tim! HALSTON What? Didya leave something in the morgue? TIM Yeah. In one of the drawers. Where- where ... are ... they? HALSTON Out back with the rest of the rubble, I suppose. Why? TIM [strained] Nothing. Have a good night! [aside, to Darcy] Help me? DARCY Um, sure. What do you-- TIM Come back at 11:30 and-- HALSTON [slightly off] At least it means work will be a piece of cake - everyone's being re-rerouted to Central until we get an interim suite set back up. TIM [whispered] 11:30. We'll take a look. I just need to - at least say goodbye. DARCY [a little unsure] Sure. Um. What's the worst that can happen? MUSIC
SCENE 17. OUTSIDE, OUT BACK AMBIANCE DISTANT TRAFFIC, NIGHTTIME SOUND CLANKING NOISES DARCY [whispered call] Found em! SOUND HURRIED FOOTSTEPS TIM Where? DARCY But they're all out of order. Ooh. Some really didn't take it well. TIM Check the numbers? DARCY Oh, Tim - most of them don't seem to have them-- TIM Look for a dent on the front that looks like a pair of lips - I rammed a gurney into the drawer one night. SOUND METAL RATTLES, ETC. DARCY [beat] This one? TIM Oh, yes! Help me turn it back over. DARCY But without a body, how can you-- SECURITY GUARD Hey, you over there! TIM Run, Darcy! SOUND DARCY RUNS SOUND TIM CLIMBS UNDER THE DRAWER AND HIDES. SECURITY GUARD Hey! You kids! SOUND RUNNING FEET GO PAST TIME PASSES SOUND DARCY'S FEET RETURN DARCY [whispered call] Tim? Tim? TIM Over here. DARCY Oh! When I realized you weren't behind me, I thought he got you! TIM [Sounding like Bedelia] Nonsense. I waited in ambush. [then, completely himself] Gotta get back to work. See you for breakfast? DARCY Did you--? The drawer--? TIM No. [rueful, but sounding just a touch like Bedelia] Not a soul. Any longer. CLOSER OLIVIA Now that you know how to find us, don't be a stranger - we have enough of those already... END | |||
| Atomic Julie - Planet of Dreams by James McKimmey, Jr. | 16 Nov 2021 | 00:22:47 | |
A life of nothing but pleasant contemplation - no work, no worry - would be a lovely hell, wouldn't it? | |||
| 19 Nocturne Boulevard - THE SEVENTH KEY - Reissue | 11 Nov 2021 | 00:34:04 | |
THE SEVENTH KEY A writer makes a bet that she can change her style - and perhaps her life - overnight Written and produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List
19 Nocturne theme music: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) All other music is from the album "Pursuit of Happiness" by C. Filipe Alves (used under a Creative Commons License, found at www.jamendo.com) Recorded with the assistance of Ryan Hirst of Neohoodoo Studio Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson
"What kind of a place is it?
********************************************** The seventh key The seventh Key is the other play vaguely inspired by the Seven Keys to Bald Pate - The book by Earl Derr Biggars, and the play by George M. Cohan, and the 1970s loosely inspired film The House of Long Shadows. While Murder Ward arose primarily from the catfishing aspect of the story, this one is more obviously the basic plotline - author makes a bet to write something different if given an inspirational place, and then things go awry. There's a hint that the catfishing is still happening, but maybe it's not. Part of this is simply an indictment of the unrealistic expectations that romance novels give women - we all complain about porn creating unreal expectations for men, then dream about 7 foot tall warrior hunks with long fabio hair and tribal tatoos, and more junk than any man should have, since he would pass out every time from blood loss to the brain. That's why every man in this play is utterly impossible, from Cindy's point of view. They all prove that reality is terrible. Originally Tex and Luke were both sort of dudebros, but a last minute replacement put Michael Campbell in for his first session with us, and he sounded too similar to Luke, and wasn't comfortable with a cowboy type accent (my original intention for Tex). So on the spot we decided Tex was effusively gay - which would be another and different way he could be "completely unavailable" to our lovelorn writer. The multiple endings are also inspired by Seven Keys to Bald Pate, and are more meant to show the many horrible ways a writers mind expects projects to go down in flames, or fall apart, than necessarily to show an actual event. We all imagine having our book done, then finding it's gone horribly wrong.... ********************************************** THE SEVENTH KEY Cast:
OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a writer's condo, can't you tell? MUSIC
SCENE 1. WRITING AT HOME SOUND COMPUTER, TYPING CINDY [muttering as she types, overwrought] ...and I love you too, my dearest darling. SOUND PHONE RINGS CINDY [irritated mumble] Go away, he's about to make an indecent proposal. TROY I can no longer contain my passion. My blood hums for you. You must be mine! CINDY [ecstatic sigh] SOUND PICKS UP PHONE CINDY [almost an ecstatic sigh] Yes? REGIA You've been writing, haven't you? CINDY [still dreamy] Of course. That's what you want me to do, isn't it? REGIA Of course. So. What's the new one? CINDY "Rogue of Fate" REGIA Quick précis? CINDY Warwick Wellington, handsome and devilish owner of Wellington shipping lines and dabbler in exotic animals hires cat breeder Gloriana Mundy to help him birth a rare white leopard-- REGIA They hate each other on sight, and yet fall in love, have a steamy sex scene and then argue, never to see each other again, but then the panther-- CINDY --Leopard-- REGIA --goes into labour and they have to work together to save the cubs, and realize their attraction is unavoidable? CINDY [shocked] How-- how did you guess? REGIA Cindy, you know I'm your friend as well as your agent, right? CINDY Yes, but what has-- REGIA It's roughly the same as every plot you've ever written. In fact I think it's identical to "Never the Twain Shall Sleep" except that was a prize-winning race horse instead of a leopard. You're kind of predictable. CINDY [truly distressed] But - no. It can't be, I don't-- not on purpose! REGIA I know. That's actually the very sad part. I know, and you know, that you just happen to write that way, and not that you have a formula tacked to the wall that says "page 32, they meet. At page 230, they quarrel" or anything like that. CINDY I don't! I swear! REGIA The good thing is that your books always sell. I'm never going to fault you for that - but I'd love to see what you could do if you ever did break out of this rut. You're a competent writer, and you'll always have an audience, but you could do more, if you tried something a little different. CINDY Like what? REGIA Are you seeing anyone? CINDY Dr. Mallory said I didn't really need-- REGIA I meant dating. CINDY Oh. [grudging] No. REGIA You should. CINDY Men are pigs. REGIA Which is why your heroes perspire rather than sweat. Real women like real men. At least a little bit. CINDY They're ... messy. Uncooperative. REGIA. Yup. Try it - you might like it. SOUND PHONE HANGS UP MUSIC
SCENE 2. CINDY You are the only one who understand me, Troy. TROY Of course, my proud beauty. For you are complex and mysterious and most men can't be bothered to see past the ends of their-- CINDY [cutting him off] Yes, yes. Troy, you will always love me, won't you? TROY As long as there is breath in my body. CINDY Oh, Troy! TROY Oh, Cindy! SOUND PHONE RINGS CINDY Oh, pooh! SOUND PICKS UP PHONE CINDY Yes? MANDY Hey sis. I guess I caught you at a bad time? CINDY [irritated] I was just... composing. What do you need? MANDY I was just going to see if you wanted to come to dinner this weekend. George and I haven't seen you in ages. CINDY Who is it this time? MANDY [overly innocent] Whatever can you mean? CINDY Please - when you start talking like... like-- MANDY One of your heroines? CINDY [pedantic] The way people talked in the 18th and 19th century-- MANDY I give up! I will give you the code words. His name is Rob, and he's a banker. He's nice. Cute even - if you don't mind someone a tad... cuddly. CINDY Stop trying to fix me up - why can't you believe I'm just fine? MANDY Because you're alone, and if I know you, you're talking to your imaginary boyfriend again. CINDY You said you'd never-- MANDY Drop it! Sorry! Come to dinner anyway. We'll tell Rob you have something contagious, and you can just sit and be bored with the three of us. [beat] Cody misses his auntie. CINDY Cody can't feed himself yet. I doubt he can tell us apart, the way he keeps trying to get into my shirt. MANDY For a romance writer, you are the least sentimental person I know. No wonder all your characters are cardboard cutouts. CINDY They are not! MANDY Sweetie. They all use the same 10 lines at some point in their respective narrative - there's an entire website devoted to spotting them and mocking you. CINDY What ten lines? MANDY Lessee - "my proud beauty" CINDY [squeaky gasp] MANDY "As long as there is breath in my body", "you may take my body but you will never have my heart" - that one from her, whoever "her" is at the moment. Hmm. I can forward you the URL if you like. CINDY No! And I'm not going to come to dinner. I'm busy. Writing. Something completely different. MANDY I'll believe that when I read it. CINDY You bet you will. MANDY You're on! CINDY What? MANDY I'll bet you one year that you can't write a real novel - even a novella - in the same time that it takes you to rattle off one of your froufrou books. CINDY One year? Of what? MANDY [chuckles evilly] One year that you come to dinner twice a month and be nice to whoever we invite-- CINDY Whomever. MANDY --against one year when I won't even ask you over. CINDY You're - you're on! I could use a year of not being nagged. MANDY But you have to get the first draft done in a weekend - that's how long you told Women's Day it takes you to write one of your books. CINDY [gasp] How can anyone be so horrid? MANDY I'm your sister - and yes, that one's on the list too. SOUND MANDY HANGS UP. CINDY SLOWLY PUTS DOWN RECEIVER CINDY Am I really that ... predictable? TROY A woman is a bundle of senses, with a dash of nonsense. CINDY Argh! MUSIC
SCENE 3. CINDY Why didn’t you ever tell me? REGIA [on phone] I did - you just never heard. I didn't push it because you always sell so well - to women who like a certain kind of man, a certain kind of story, and a certain kind of resolution. You always deliver. CINDY I'm - I'm boring! This website even says so. "Good god! How could I have been so blind" - oh No! I will never say that again! REGIA It's not that bad. Ignore the critics. Write what you love. As long as it sells, why worry about it? CINDY Is money all you think about? REGIA I am an agent. CINDY But I want people to like my books, not laugh at them. I want to write something good. Something meaningful. REGIA Oh, man. I said you should try something different, but, meaningful? Why such a change? CINDY Because just surviving isn’t living at all. [defiant] and yes, that's one of the ten. REGIA Ten? CINDY Never mind. Will you help me? REGIA Help you - with what? CINDY I need a place to write. Inspiration. Atmosphere. Just for a weekend - enough to rough out a new story. [definite] Something meaningful. REGIA Meaningful books are a tougher sell. I like your books the way they are. CINDY I can always go back to churning out the same old... crap...later. TROY During our year of peace. MUSIC
SCENE 4. OUTSIDE THE LIGHTHOUSE SOUND WALKING, OUTSIDE, WIND, ONE PAIR OF FEET IS VERY STOMPY OLD SCUPPER Yar. The lighthouse heah was decommissioned night on fotty yeahs gone. SOUND BIRD NOISE CINDY Oh, seagulls! OLD SCUPPER [completely dry] Cahnt see why - being right heah on the beach, and all. SOUND KEYS JINGLE - OLD CREAKY DOOR OPENS OLD SCUPPER Cahs it ain't been empty the hul time - we gets renters from time to time who want to paint or try that meditation yahoo, but-- but no one eveh stays more'n a month. SOUND THEY GO INSIDE, CREAKY DOOR SLAMS SHUT WITH AN ECHO CINDY [eep!] OLD SCUPPER It's all on account o' the ghost. CINDY Yes, that's exactly why I came here. OLD SCUPPER Har har har. Y'ain't the fust, young lady, to think they cud stand up t' the ghost. CINDY I heard it was a woman who committed suicide? Jumped off the-- OLD SCUPPER Ain't that romantic, now? Nar. She were killed. And then he killed hisself. No one atall is dead sure which one itis which haunts the place - or mayhaps it's both of 'em. CINDY Well, can't they see? If it's in a dress--? OLD SCUPPER Yer head is full o' crap. It's them movies and the T-V makes it sound like ghosts look just like regular folks. Bah. [spookier and spookier] This haunt - or haunts, as the case may be - is just a dark shape which covers the winduhs, making day inta night, and then it lets out such a scream - a scream to shake down the very heavens. Them as hears the scream falls inter a deep sleep and when they finally wake up, they find they've done ... terrible things. Best you come on back befoah dark and stay in town. Tis not far - just an hour or so afoot. CINDY No. I'm fine. Thanks. OLD SCUPPER Suit yerself. SOUND FEET STOMP OFF. DOOR OPENS. CLICK CINDY Hey! OLD SCUPPER Ayah? CINDY What about the electricity? OLD SCUPPER Yer don' know how t'work a jenny? CINDY Who's Jenny? OLD SCUPPER [disgusted noise] Gar. SOUND DOOR SHUTS, FEET STOMP AWAY INSIDE MUSIC
SCENE 5. SOUND TYPING AWAY ON A LAPTOP CINDY [mutters as she types] --window high above the pounding surf. The darkness closes in, the wind echoes through the huge column of stone, and the rocks call out to her. "Join us." No, scratch that, "we have the answer to all your pain"-- SOUND KNOCK ON THE OUTER DOOR ECHOES LOUDLY CINDY [eep!] Coming! SOUND A COUPLE MORE LAPTOP KEYS SOUND ENDLESS FEET DOWN STAIRS, THEY STOP. THEN CONTINUE CINDY Just a minute! SOUND FEET DESCEND AND FINALLY FADE INTO-- CINDY Coming! SOUND DOOR OPENS CINDY [out of breath] Hello? [half wolf whistle, half gasp] Hell-o! TEX [very campy] Hello! Is this the Sutter's Wharf lighthouse? CINDY [puzzled and disappointed] Yes. Um. Is there something I can do for you? TEX I wanted to make sure before we start bringing in the equipment. [turns away and gives a huge whistle] CINDY Equip... what? TEX We'll be staying in here, then? SOUND FOOTSTEPS INTO ECHOES TEX [echoey] Hmm. Not bad. We're with "In Specter" - you know, the ghost hunting show? We're doing a spot on the lighthouse this weekend. Didn't you get the memo? CINDY But... but I'm renting the lighthouse this weekend. TEX You aren't the owner? CINDY I-I'm a writer - I came here for some peace and quiet and-- SOUND SQUEAKY WHEELS APPROACH LUKE ["dude" yelling from off] Dude, get out of the way! Got the beers! CINDY [nearly in tears] -- and atmosphere. TEX Sorry. We've had it booked for six months. You'll have to talk to Roarke. Our boss. CINDY Roarke? That's a nice name. I gotta make a note-- TEX You got one? CINDY A note? TEX [snorting laugh] No. A name. I'm Tex, and this ...studmuffin is Luke. LUKE [a little off] Yo! CINDY Cindy. Cindy Applegate. LUKE Oh! Woah! Any relation to--? CINDY [surprised and pleased] Yes - yes, it's me - I'm the writer. LUKE Writer? No - you know, the hot actress. Babelicious! Smoking! Awoo! CINDY Argh! MUSIC
SCENE 6. OUTSIDE SOUND PACING ON DIRT CINDY This Roarke will just have to understand. TROY You will sway him with your plight. And your beauty. CINDY Maybe he'll even be handsome-- TROY Your eyes devoured those two musclebound-- CINDY But this Roarke guy is the boss. He's probably Irish or something. Fiery. Passionate. TROY Who wouldn't be, faced with your loveliness? CINDY Regia said she arranged everything. TROY Unless... CINDY What? TROY Perhaps she thought the presence of other people might stir your creative juices. CINDY Maybe... SOUND CAR WINDOW ROLLS DOWN CINDY Roarke? ROARKE [obnoxiously Brooklyn] OK, I got 5 minutes. CINDY [vastly disappointed] Oh. Sure. Um, my publicist-- ROARKE I was just on the phone with her. Someone well and truly screwed the pooch on this one, but we're willing to let you stick around while we work-- CINDY But I need quiet to write! ROARKE Tough titty, babe. You can stay, but only if you let the crew fit you into the show - Your agent said it would be good for your image, all that crap. CINDY But when will I be able to write? ROARKE We'll be shooting local color tonight and tomorrow by day - write then. But at night, you gotta be around in case this ghost shows up. CINDY You think I'll really enhance the show? ROARKE Chicks scream better. SOUND WINDOW ROLLS UP MUSIC
SCENE 7. SOUND SEAGULLS, OUTSIDE AMBIANCE, OCEAN, WIND SOUND KEYBOARD CLICKS CINDY [Muttering through gritted teeth] Ensconced on the parapet, I gazed down over the jagged cliffs below, and wondered if perhaps this was the same view - the last view - of the murdered woman so long ago. Whether the moaning of the wind in the rocks called to her, the way they sing now - even now - in my head. SOUND A COUPLE OF LAST CLICKS, LAPTOP CLOSES CINDY [sigh] TROY It's going well, all things considered. CINDY Yes. But it's almost dark, and then-- TROY He required you be available, not actually present. CINDY I hope the ghost shows up - then they can get what they want and go. TROY Have you considered--? CINDY What? TROY That this was much too fortuitous - your arrival followed so closely by theirs? Perhaps your agent did this a'purpose. CINDY But why? She wants me to write-- TROY Ah, but she also wants you to socialize. With real people. CINDY Well, if I don't get this darn draft done, I'll definitely be stuck socializing - if you can call any of Mandy and George's friends "real". [shudder] TROY Would it be so horrible? CINDY Yes. SOUND KNOCK ON DOOR TEX Hey, you up here? SOUND DOOR OPENS TEX There you are, pretty lady. CINDY What do you want? TEX Making sure you didn't fall off or nothing. CINDY [chilling] Nope. Not yet. TEX Well. Dinner's on, anyway. MUSIC
SCENE 8. SHOOTING SOUND WHIRRING OF MACHINERY VOICE [on P.A.] IN SPECTOR LUKE OK, so we're here in Sutter's Wharf lighthouse, waiting to see if the infamous screaming shadow will appear. TEX And for once, we're not all alone. We have a guest - famous romance writer Cindy Appleton. CINDY [hollow, deer in headlights] Applegate. TEX Applegate. [beat] Here, honey, wave. I guess little Cindy ain't exactly hard to scare, huh, Luke? LUKE [chuckles] Well, Tex, writing's a pretty lonely business. And this is a lonely place. Right Cindy? CINDY Yes. LUKE Yeah. See, dude? CINDY It is a lonely business. TEX Right. Well, they say the ghost has been known to walk the platform around the light, upstairs. So we're going to haul ass up there for a while. Come on. SOUND LIGHTS SWITCHED OFF ROARKE That coulda been better. CINDY I thought ...there would be a script. ROARKE You wanna write one, go ahead, but we don't got the budget to pay for nuttin like that. CINDY I'm... sorry. ROARKE No skin off my ass. Embarrassing famous people goes over great on TV. And your agent agreed that, short of actual nudity, anything we shoot of you this weekend will get her ok for air time. TROY We should get clear of this nest of vipers! CINDY [trying to be brave] Well. You can film me writing for the next half hour. I have a scene that has to get written. ROARKE Not bad - use the publicity from the show to push the book. And vicey-versy. Not bad at all. MUSIC
SCENE 9. SOUND DOOR SLAMS, SQUEAK, LATCH CINDY Well, I can get a little privacy anyway. SOUND OPEN LAPTOP, POWER UP TROY You know I will always support anything you do-- SOUND HORRIBLE DRILLING NOISE CINDY What the blazes? SOUND LATCH OPENS, DOOR OPENS CINDY What's the-- SOUND HORRIBLE DRILLING NOISE, LOUDER CINDY Ahhhhhhh! [as soon as it ends] What IS that! LUKE Eyebolts, little dudette. Can't have the cameras falling if the ghost shows up. We got permission. CINDY But the noise! LUKE Yeah, sucks, don't it. Oh, well. Be done soon. [laughs] Woah! SOUND DRILLING SOUND DOOR SLAMS MUSIC
SCENE 10. TIME PASSES SOUND TYPING TROY [voice cutting the music] Weren't they coming back to get you? CINDY Hmm? Maybe they forgot about me. TROY But it's been hours. CINDY Has it? SOUND TURNING DOWN VOLUME OF THE MUSIC CINDY It is awfully quiet. TROY It's past one. CINDY Wow. SOUND TAPPING A FEW LAST KEYS, CLOSE LAPTOP, REMOVE MEMORY STICK CINDY I guess I should see. SOUND LATCH LIFTS, THEN HESITATES CINDY They might just be waiting to catch me off guard again. TROY Don't let them. You're much too clever. You can do this. SOUND DOOR OPENS CINDY [quiet, echoing] Hello? MUSIC
SCENE 11. SOUND WALKING AND TURNING ON A CELLPHONE CINDY Searching, searching... TROY Perhaps they're filming outside? CINDY They wouldn't have left all the equipment. It's all just sitting there... Even that darn drill. [gasp] Drat. No bars. Figures. SOUND CELL PHONE SLAPS SHUT TROY Leaving is a very viable option. Grab your smallest case and we can-- CINDY But their blasted truck has boxed me in. TROY Only about an hour's walk. According to the ...rustic. CINDY But if something happened here, wouldn't it have happened to me too? TROY Then... what? CINDY I think it's a joke. They thought it was funny catching me out in front of the camera, and now... TROY An even more persuasive argument that you must leave this place. CINDY No. I can just see it - bedraggled author crawls into town after night in haunted lighthouse, only to find camera crew at local bar. Yes! That's where they must be. Well, I'm not playing. TROY So you will--? CINDY Go upstairs and get back to work. There's still plenty of time before they stagger in. MUSIC
SCENE 12. POWER TROUBLE SOUND DOOR SHUTS, DOOR LATCH SOUND ELECTRIC NOISE, BUZZ-DIP. CINDY Oh, shi--oot! SOUND LAPTOP UNPLUGGED, THEN TURNED ON CINDY Oh, no! Good thing I have backup. SOUND LAPTOP BOOTS CINDY [sigh of relief] SOUND ELECTRIC DIP, THEN OUT. POP OF LIGHT BULB CINDY [eep!] TROY Now it's truly time to go. CINDY But how will I get back down and out of here in the dark? TROY How can you stay? CINDY Easy. I write for the four hours I have on battery, and by then dawn will be coming up. I just sit tight. MUSIC
SCENE 13. WORKING SOUND TYPING MADLY TROY What if it was the ghost? CINDY Hey, whose imaginary friend are you anyway? TROY [calming] I help you to express your fears. CINDY Well, right now, any fears I have are right outside that door, and can stay there. SOUND ELECTRIC NOISE RETURNS SOUND DRILL OUTSIDE THE DOOR - continues until noted CINDY [Starts screaming] TROY Shh, It's going to be all right. Shh. Calm down. You need to be calm. CINDY [down to whimpering] TROY It's not that bad - the power just came back on and the surge started the drill. CINDY [gasping] Really? TROY [uncertain] It's the only logical answer. CINDY Logic sucks. TROY The noise won't go away until you go out there and turn it off. CINDY No! TROY What if you're the only one here - that damn noise will drive you mad until you put it right. CINDY Someone had to turn on the generator. TROY Really? CINDY I think so. So someone has to be out there. TROY [ominous] Someone. CINDY You're doing it again! Shh! SOUND FOOTSTEPS COMING UP THE STAIRS CINDY [eep] TROY Who do you think it is? CINDY Ssh. TROY No one but you can hear me, my sweet one. CINDY [whispered] Oh. Right. SOUND FOOTSTEPS GET CLOSE. DOOR IS RATTLED CINDY [gasping] TROY If they were not villains, they'd hail you, wouldn't they? CINDY Uh-huh. TROY Bloody hell. CINDY Uh-huh! SOUND FOOTSTEPS GO ON PAST TROY Oh good. SOUND DRILL IS TURNED OFF CINDY [huge sigh] SOUND SOMETHING HEAVY DROPS. FOOTSTEPS START TO RETURN CINDY [rapid breathing, trying to stay quiet] SOUND SUDDEN POUNDING ON DOOR CINDY [hands over mouth, to keep self quiet] TROOPER [muffled] Police! Open up! CINDY Police? TROY Can you trust him? CINDY [whispered] What else can I do? [up, but shaky] I'm coming. SOUND SLOW STEPS TO DOOR, LATCH OPENS, THEN DOOR CINDY Police? TROOPER1 Will you step out here ma'am? Please keep your hands where I can see them. CINDY What? Why? TROOPER1 [calling off] Found one! CINDY One what? TROOPER1 Survivor. Come on. CINDY I can't leave my laptop! What do you mean, survivor? TROOPER1 We're just going downstairs - for the moment. Everything will be perfectly safe. SOUND FEET SLOWLY DESCEND STAIRS CINDY Heavens! TROOPER1 Stay to the right here, at the bottom of the stairs - we don't want you walking in the evidence. Come on. CINDY I can't! TROOPER2 Hey! What's the hold up? CINDY What happened? TROOPER1 That's what we want you to tell us, ma'am. Now if you would just step this way-- CINDY No! SOUND FEET RUN UPSTAIRS, HEAVY BOOTS FOLLOW. SHE IS GRABBED TROOPER1 [struggling with her] We've tried to be polite about this, but you have to come with us - it's not a request. CINDY [breathing hard, half whispered] I've never seen so much blood! SOUND FOOTSTEPS DESCEND AGAIN TROOPER1 I'm willing to believe that, miss, but we need to find out what you did see. I mean tonight. CINDY Nothing. Before the lights went out, no one was here, and then there was no power, so I worked on battery in my room, and then you turned...them back on... TROOPER1 You didn't hear anything? Anything at all? CINDY I tend to be ... lost... in thought - when I write. And the walls seem pretty thick. [breath catches] What... happened? TROOPER1 Don't know. The bodies are all ... missing. MUSIC
SCENE 14. ONE PHONE CALL CINDY I promise you, I didn't see or hear anything. REGIA [on phone] Did you tell them that? CINDY Over and over again. They won't believe me. They think I did some awful thing! REGIA I know a few lawyers. We'll get this sorted out. CINDY But I didn’t do anything! REGIA Sorry, you caught me in a bad cell zone. Let me get to a land line and call you back. SOUND CLICK PHONE OFF CINDY That's a fine kettle of fish. TROY They would never convict you - they must see what a lovely soul you truly are. CINDY People have been wrongly convicted in the past. TROY Perhaps she will find you a handsome and masculine attorney who, convinced of your innocence, will set you free in the eleventh hour. CINDY I want to be set free in the first hour! SOUND DOOR OPENS CINDY [eep!] TROOPER1 All right, you're free to go. CINDY I ...am? TROOPER1 Found them. They're fine. CINDY But the blood? TROOPER1 Minor accident with a drill. All cleared up now. CINDY So I can - go? Go back to my writing? TROOPER1 [up close and personal] From the state of you, you need a long hot soak in a scented tub, with candles, and maybe a hot oil massage. CINDY [breathless, hopeful] Really? TROOPER1 [flippant] That’s what your agent suggested, anyway. We can get you to a nice hotel where you can-- CINDY No. I'm going to stay right here and finish my new book, and you can't stop me. [losing her edge] You can't stop me, can you? TROOPER1 Do what you want. You'll be all alone - at least for the night. The crew should be back by mid-morning, though. CINDY All the more reason to use my time wisely. Bye, now! TROOPER1 Oh, and watch out for the ghost! CINDY [gasp!] MUSIC
SCENE 15. THE HAUNTING CINDY What time is it? TROY Nearly 4 am. Long past the witching hour, now is truly the dead of night. The darkest hour just before dawn. CINDY Dawn is at 6:43 a-m today. TROY Ah! Then the darkest hour is yet to come. CINDY Well, I'm a good 150 pages in, anyway. SOUND SCREECH CINDY What--? TROY A night bird, perhaps? SOUND SCREECH, LOUDER TROY No, it's-- CINDY The ghost! TROY Hide yourself! Cover your ears! CINDY No! The only way to conquer this sort of phantasm-- SOUND SCREECH CINDY [losing steam rapidly] Is to... face it down? TROY You are so brave. And so beautiful. CINDY Thank you. I needed that. TROY Of course. SOUND DOOR FLUNG OPEN SOUND SCREECH CINDY [Screams - much like she is falling, much like the squeak] MUSIC
SCENE 16. FALSE ENDING ONE CINDY [waking up noises, eep] REGIA See. Told you she'd be fine. Cindy-- [trying not to laugh] The look on your face! It was priceless. Here, I caught it - see? SOUND PHONE BEING OPENED, PICTURES SCROLLED THROUGH CINDY What are you doing here? What happened? MANDY I just won a bet, is what happened. Now you've got to make nice to every one of George's friends. CINDY What do you mean? I still have time-- REGIA You've been dead to the world for over 10 hours, which brings your window of opportunity to a nice tidy close. Sorry about that, but you should learn to pace yourself. CINDY But it's nearly completed - that MUST count for something! REGIA This file on your laptop? The one that just repeats the same ten lines over and over. Very Stephen King, but not really marketable, sweetheart. CINDY I didn’t! Let me see! Oh, god, what have I done? MANDY Yes, that's one of them. CINDY You rigged it, didn’t you? REGIA What? Why would I do that? CINDY The two of you - you were in it together, conspiring to make me ... to force me to lose! REGIA [Laughing] Well, we did hire a couple of guys. MANDY They were more than ready to help. CINDY But why? MANDY A single woman is an embarrassment. It's just a fact. CINDY This is all just to convince me to find a man? REGIA Pretty much. CINDY Troy? Where are you--? MANDY Troy's not real. You must realize that. CINDY [Screams - much like she is falling] MUSIC
SCENE 17. FALSE ENDING 2 SOUND TAPPING AWAY ON KEYS CINDY [mutters] And she spent the rest of her days locked up in a padded cell, demanding that someone find Troy and get him to come and visit her. The end. TROY Most excellent. You will surely win your bet. CINDY [melodrama] Somehow, the bet is unimportant, now. I've really grown through writing this. I can see that my life will be different - better - if I let myself deal with people on a one to one basis. If I forge a meaningful relationship with a good man. TROY Then you will no longer need me? CINDY I will always need you, Troy! TROY Oh, Cindy! CINDY [Screams in ecstacy - still sound much like she is falling] MUSIC
SCENE 18. THE ENDING REGIA And that's how it ends. It's really-- MANDY Really? REGIA A steaming heap of poo. MANDY [very disappointed] Ohh. REGIA It'll still sell millions. MANDY But she worked so hard-- REGIA Yeah, yeah. And it has the huge advantage of being the last thing she wrote. Lucky we were able to recover anything from the laptop at all - since she took it with her when she made that leap off the lighthouse. CLOSING OLIVIA Now that you know how to find us, don't be a stranger - we have enough of those already...
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| Atomic Julie - A Bottle of Old Wine by Richard O. Lewis | 09 Nov 2021 | 00:29:16 | |
A 1953 prediction of "virtual reality" AND "reality reality".
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| 19 Nocturne Boulevard - ONE OUT OF TEN (from a story by J. Anthony Ferlaine - REISSUE | 04 Nov 2021 | 00:15:13 | |
Ask Mrs. Freda Dunny where her home town is. Go on - we dare you. Adapted by Julie Hoverson from a short story by J. Anthony Ferlaine (published in Fantastic Universe, November 1956) . Cast List
Music: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound: Neil Gustin of Twilight Audio Theatre Cover Design: Brett Coulstock Much thanx to Librivox and Project Gutenberg for curating stories, like this one, that have passed into the public domain. "What kind of a place is it? ************************************* One out of ten This was a quick little adaptation from a story I read for Atomic Julie's Galactic Bedtime Stories. It didn't take much to adapt, just a few tweaks, and I think I had to add in the actual questions, since that was just a "dot dot dot" in the story. Otherwise, this one basically wrote itself. Atomic Julie, though, was my idea for some filler that has become my secondary series - I read old scifi stories that show up on Project Gutenberg - at gutenberg.org - that public domain treasure house. I started out adding music to the stories, but people expressed a preference for just the reading, so I adapted. Hey one less thing to do, right? Few people realize that I do all Atomic Julie's as cold reads, not even looking at anything but the word count and first page beforehand, as a challenge to myself. It's also good practice. The biggest advantage to Atomic Julie is finding stories to adapt - or stories that inspire new ideas in my head. And then I figured, if I'm going to be reading them anyway, why not read them aloud and then share them with everyone else? ************************************* ONE OUT OF TEN Adapted from a short story by J. Anthony Ferlaine from _Fantastic Universe_ November 1956. Sound and Mastering by Neil Gustin
Cast:
OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a television studio, in 1956 can't you tell? MUSIC SOUND COMMERCIAL RUNS IN THE BACKGROUND DON PHILLIPS Parlor Quiz! JIM What's on the menu tonight, Gertie? GERTIE We have five possibles. Here. SOUND INDEX CARDS FLIPPED THROUGH GERTIE Don't want to run short again. JIM Noooo. Anything really juicy? GERTIE Let's see - [listing off people] kooky name; too many kids; unusual job - she's a taxidermist; oh, here's one - interesting relative, no details; and this top one you're really gonna want to see. SOUND SNATCH CARD JIM "Ask her where she's from"? GERTIE Guess. JIM I'm no good at guessing. Alaska? GERTIE Nope. JIM Timbuktu? GERTIE Trust me. SOUND FANFARE JIM Holy crow, that's me. [mock teasing] Am I beautiful? GERTIE Turn. Yup. Twenty-four karat gold. JIM That's me! SOUND DOOR OPENS, NOISE LOUDER. FOOTSTEPS UNDER. DON PHILIPS [on P.A.] ... And now, on with the show! And here, ready to test your wits, is your quizzing quiz master, Smiling Jim Parsons. SOUND MUCH APPLAUSE, THEN LOWERS JIM [ON] Good afternoon! Here we go again with another half hour of fun and prizes on television's newest, most exciting, game, 'Parlor Quiz.' In a moment I'll introduce you to our first contestant. But first here is a special message to all you mothers ... SOUND AD PLAYS DON PHILIPS [on P.A.] Children constipated? Ladies, does your child have trouble with irregularity? Issues in the bathroom? Too much toilet paper? You know what I mean - trouble with a lack of movement? Try Maxi-Lax, the mother's little helper for childhood irregularity. Made with the finest England castor beans, our special patented old-world formula helps with relaxation, since often such troubles stem from tension and stress - yes, even in children - though it works just as well for big folks, too! So add Maxi-Law to your shopping list! You can thank us later! Available at your local R-X Druggist! Get that Bull Out of the Ring! Try Maxi-Lax! SOUND APPLAUSE JIM Now which one is-- SOUND WALKING JIM [spotting her] Ah. No mukluks. Not even a crazy hat or wooden shoes. [to her] Mrs. Freda Dunny? FREDA Oh, yes. JIM You're first. FREDA [strangely certain] I know. SOUND AD ENDS JIM [disconcerted] Oh. [up, to camera] Well, now, we're all set to go ... and our first contestant today is this charming little lady right here beside me, Mrs. Freda Dunny. SOUND APPLAUSE JIM How are you, Mrs. Dunny? FREDA Fine! Just fine. JIM All set to answer a lot of questions and win a lot of prizes? FREDA Oh, I'll win all right. SOUND LAUGHTER JIM You sound pretty sure of yourself. [chuckles] Where are you from, Mrs. Dunny? FREDA Mars. SOUND LAUGHTER JIM [a moment, then] Mars! [chuckles] Mars, Montana? Mars, Peru? FREDA [earnest] No, Mars! Up there. The planet Mars. The fourth planet out from the sun. SOUND UNCERTAIN LAUGHTER JIM Well, well... well [rallying] all the way from Mars, eh? And how long have you been on Earth, Mrs. Dunny? FREDA Oh, about thirty or forty years. I've been here nearly all my life. Came here when I was a wee slip of a girl. Not a weekend getaway, then? JIM You're practically an Earthwoman by now, then, wouldn’t you say? SOUND LOTS OF LAUGHS JIM Do you plan on going back someday or have you made up your mind to stay here on Earth for the rest of your days? FREDA Oh, I'm just here for the invasion. When that's over I'll probably go back home again. JIM [blank] The... invasion? SOUND AUDIENCE MURMURS FREDA Yes, the invasion of Earth. As soon as enough of us are here we'll get started. JIM You mean there are others here, too? FREDA Oh, yes, there are several million of us here in the United States already--and more are on the way. JIM [faltering a bit, but trying to stay "on"] There are only about a hundred and seventy million people in the United States, Mrs. Dunny. If there are seven million Martians among us, one out of every hundred would have to be a Martian. FREDA Oh, one out of every ten. That's what the boss said just the other day. 'We're getting pretty close to the number we need to take over Earth.' [laughs] SOUND MORE NERVOUS MURMURS, TITTERS JIM What do you need? One to one? One Martian for every Earthman? FREDA Oh, no. One Martian is worth ten Earthmen. The only reason we're waiting is we don't want any trouble. JIM You don't look any different from us Earth people, Mrs. Dunny. How does one tell the difference between a Martian and an Earthman when one sees one? FREDA Oh, we don't look any different. Some of the kids don't even know they're Martians. Most mothers don't tell their children until they're grown-up. And there are other children who are never told because they just don't develop their full powers. JIM Uhh...powers? FREDA Oh, telepathy, thought control--that sort of thing. JIM [back to humor - this is too silly] You mean that Martians can read people's thoughts? FREDA Sure! It's no trouble at all. It's very easy really, once you get the hang of it. JIM [joking] Can you read my mind? FREDA Sure! That's why I said that I'd know the answers. I'll be able to read them in your mind when you look at that sheet of paper. JIM Now, that's hardly sporting, is it, Mrs. Dunny? Everybody else has to do it the hard way and here you are reading it from my mind? FREDA [complacent] All's fair in love and war. JIM Tell me, Mrs. Dunny. Why are you telling me about all this? Isn't it supposed to be a secret? FREDA Why not? Nobody believes me anyhow. Besides, I have my reasons. JIM [grave] Oh, I believe you, Mrs. Dunny. But we need to take a quick break and consult the rules - mind-reading might be fair in love and war, but this is television! SOUND AD COMES ON JIM I'll be right back, Mrs. Dunny. FREDA I know. JIM [really disconcerted] Right. SOUND APPLAUSE SOUND DASHES OFF JIM Gertie? GERTIE I've been on the phone with the big brass. They don't take it very seriously, but they did say I should pull out packet 13 for her. JIM [baffled] Packet 13? GERTIE You know the one sealed and certified, in case of cheats like that fellow a few years back? No one knows a single question in here until we break the seal. JIM But what if she--? GERTIE I asked! They said if she wins - well, gosh she wins. JIM Even if she manages to ace the whole ten? GERTIE Yup. They figure the publicity is worth it. And you're on! SOUND JIM DASHES AGAIN DON PHILLIPS It looks like we have a decision! JIM Well, Mrs. Dunny, we scoured the rulebook, and couldn't find a darn thing to stop you. Guess there's just no precedent for mind-reading. SOUND LAUGHTER FREDA Of course. JIM And now, let's see how you do on the questions. Are you ready? SOUND RIP OF ENVELOPE, CARDS PULLED OUT FREDA Oh, yes! SOUND AUDIENCE MURMURS JIM I should point out, even I haven't seen these questions and answers before this very moment, so there's no possibility of collusion. SOUND APPLAUSE JIM Name the one and only mammal that has the ability to fly. FREDA A bat. JIM Right! Did you read that from my mind? FREDA Oh, yes, you're coming over very clear! FADING INTO MONTAGE SCENE - TICK TOCK MUSIC, FADE OUT BETWEEN EACH PAIR JIM A princess is any daughter of a sovereign. What is a princess royal? FREDA The eldest daughter of a sovereign. SOUND APPLAUSE JIM Is a Kodiak a kind of simple box camera; a type of double-bowed boat; or a type of Alaskan bear? FREDA A bear. SOUND APPLAUSE JIM And finally, who directed the 1925 silent film "The Crowd?" FREDA King Vidor. JIM [shaken] Very good. That was a tough one. Don Phillips, tell the lady what she's won! DON PHILLIPS [in the background] You get a lovely modern cyber-electric garbage disposal and a lovely gas range, provided by Savannah Ranges of Burbank. JIM Gertie? What just happened? GERTIE I dunno! The impossible? SOUND FREDA APPROACHES FREDA Mr. Parsons? Perhaps you could help me carry my prizes to the car. After all this is finished. JIM [almost robotic] Of course. FREDA You're such a nice fellow. GERTIE You're what? [incredulous] Helping? Jim? JIM [snapping back, searching for an excuse] I ... I just have to find out who put her up to this. GERTIE Sure. MUSIC SURGES, THEN RECEDES DON PHILLIPS join us tomorrow for another round of Parlor Quiz! GERTIE Jim! Morty Howard of Savannah Ranges has been calling for the last twenty minutes, to confirm the win, and wants an assurance that he won't have to shell out another one for at least three months. JIM Later. SOUND HE TROTS OFF GERTIE [calling after him] Jim? SOUND OUTSIDE DOOR OPENS. DISTANT TRAFFIC JIM [calling] Mrs. Dunny? FREDA [satisfied chuckle] JIM I want to talk to you! FREDA When do I get the gas stove? JIM uh... It should be delivered in a few days. Did you leave us your address? FREDA Oh, yes. My Philadelphia address, that is. I don't even remember my address at home any more. JIM Come, now, Mrs. Dunny. You don't have to keep up that Mars business now that we're off the air. FREDA It's the truth. JIM But-- FREDA [cutting him off] And I didn't come here just by accident. JIM No? FREDA I came here to see you. JIM Me? SOUND PURSE OPENED, RUMMAGING, PAPER NOISE FREDA Ah, there it is. [up] Yes, I came to see you. And you didn't follow me out here because you wanted to. I commanded you to come. JIM [spluttering but worried] Commanded me to come! What for? FREDA To prove something to you. Do you see this piece of paper? SOUND PAPER SHAKEN JIM It's blank. FREDA Well, that side is. This side has my address. JIM So...? FREDA I am reading the address. Concentrate on what I'm reading. JIM [unable to stop] Two fifty-one South Eighth Street! FREDA You see, it's very easy - once you get the hang of it. JIM Oh. [realizing] Oh! [beat, then kind of pleased] Let me see you home, Mrs. Dunny. I guess we have a lot to talk about. CLOSER OLIVIA Now that you know how to find us, don't be a stranger - we have enough of those already...
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| Atomic Julie - Restricted Tool by Malcolm B. Morehart, Jr. | 02 Nov 2021 | 00:16:28 | |
Finding an advanced alien machine could change the course of history, right? | |||
| BINGO THE BIRTHDAY CLOWN, episode 4 (19 Nocturne reissue of the day) | 19 Apr 2023 | 00:09:00 | |
It's episode 256 - again. And again. And again. What's behind the magic door? | |||
| 19 Nocturne Boulevard - HALLOW'S EVE - Reissue | 28 Oct 2021 | 00:30:58 | |
HALLOW'S EVE Good intentions may pave the way to ruin, but when Fran - a precocious 11-year old - sets out to rescue what she fervently hopes is a kidnapped child, Halloween may never be the same! Written and produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List
Music: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Recorded with the assistance of Ryan Hirst of Neohoodoo Studio Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover Photo: Jeff Mackay (courtesy of Stock Xchange.com)
"What kind of a place is it?
***************************************** This was one of the original episodes I had ready for the 2008 Halloween season. It's set in a sort of 1950s era of classic monster movies. I never actually specify that, but references to bobby socks and Corliss Archer (an old time radio show) should be a bit of a clue. One silly thing I should note in here is Fred and Bob (and in other episodes June and Kathy as well) - these are my generic names for extra characters who speak but don't really have personalities, and show up in surprising numbers if you look over the cast lists for a lot of my shows. I found that I would waste time trying to come up with interesting names for all these background characters, and lose my train of thought and it would stall my writing, so I just dub the first such characters Bob and Fred for males and June and Kathy for females, and move on. Later, they may become more specific and get real names, but often enough they just remain half generic. I also find it makes them slightly easier to keep track of than "man1" or "woman B" Naming characters is often half the fun. You see me play with names in many of my shows - D. Meeks in "A Stitch in Time", where Dougie jokes about "D. Meeks inheriting de Earth," or the way so many people in the vampire world of "The Big Dark" took new "vampire names" that are some variation on the characters from Stoker's Dracula. The names of episodes are often some kind of pun or inference, as well. Not so much Hallow's Eve, but The Big Dark is a riff on The Big Sleep (which was a euphemism for death, in the Chandler novel), and the most difficult title to explain "Crumping The Devil" - crumping being a sort of hip hop adjacent challenge dance, conflated with my vague memory of story about an old woman Mrs. Crump who was so awful the devil wouldn’t even take her. ***************************************** ALL HALLOW'S EVE Cast:
MUSIC OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a suburban street, can't you tell? Where else would you find "goblins"? MUSIC SOMETHING CHILDLIKE
SCENE 1. OUTSIDE, STREET SOUND FOOTSTEPS, COSTUMES BOBBIE There you go, that one's got a light, now shh! SOUND CRUNCHING OF LEAVES, THEN FOOTSTEPS ON WOOD. BILLY [giggles] TIMMY Shh! SOUND DOORBELL RINGS. DOOR CREAKS OPEN.
CHILDREN Trick or Treat!!!
FRAN I'm a girl. And I'm a Martian.
MUSIC
SCENE 2. INSIDE, HOUSE MRS. HOOPER Looks like we've got more goblins coming, dear! SOUND FOOTSTEPS RADIO VOICE --in the five county manhunt for-- OFFICER HOOPER Just a minute, hun. Gotta see what they're saying-- RADIO VOICE --involved in the Stanopopolus kidnapping-- [continues under] MRS. HOOPER It's not your case. And it's Halloween. Just because Bobbie was kind enough to take Fran with her doesn't let you off for holiday spirit. At least until you go on shift. SOUND SNAP. RADIO OFF. SOUND DOORBELL. MRS. HOOPER Well? MUSIC
SCENE 3. OUTSIDE, STREET BOBBIE Come on punkins, you must be getting tired by now! BILLY [very tired] I'm not! TIMMY I slept all day. FRAN [raring to go] I only have half a bag. We can't stop yet! BOBBIE It's almost 9 o'clock! No one will be up much longer. CHILDREN Please! BOBBIE All right. Three more houses. That's all. FRAN Big houses always have the best treats. We should go to the Palmer's, the Winchell's and that big one on the corner. BILLY On the corner? But, that's ... that's the haunted house! TIMMY Scaredy cat. FRAN Phooey! It was just empty. I saw someone moving in yesterday. BOBBIE If they just moved in, they're probably not-- TIMMY Let's make Billy go into the haunted house! BOBBIE No! Timothy-- BILLY No! I don't wanna-- FRAN Shut up! It's not haunted. Boys are dumb. BILLY Not haunted? BOBBIE Look, it's getting cold out here, so let's get a move on, whichever houses you plan to go to. OK? MUSIC
SCENE 4. ON PORCH SOUND TENTATIVE KNOCK ON THE DOOR BILLY [scared, but hiding it - relieved] No one home! FRAN I hear something! SOUND DOOR OPENS SLOWLY CHILDREN [Gasp] BOBBI Well, he looks normal enough. GRIGG [weird foreignish accent] Help you may I? TIM [giggles] He's funny. FRAN We're here for candy. Trick or treat. GRIGG Please? BOBBIE Oh, gosh, you're foreign aren't you? They might not even DO trick or treat where he comes from. FRAN You have to give us candy or we have to play a trick on you! BOBBIE That's hardly fair if he doesn't know the rules. Plus, you said it yourself, they just moved in. GRIGG Candy? Schweets? I have-- BOOL [child's voice, off mike, accented] I want to go home! I hate it here! Take me home! [Tails off into gibberish with lots of Ls and Ss] GRIGG [agitated] My child. He wants to go back to our old home. He is not used to this one. I should go to him. SOUND DOOR SHUTS TIMMY [beat] I don't want any foreign candy anyway. FRAN Bobbie? BOBBIE No arguments. Time to go home. MUSIC
SCENE 5. BOBBIE'S ROOM SOUND TAP ON WINDOW BOBBIE Hank? SOUND FOOTSTEPS BOBBIE Hank, this is hardly-- SOUND WINDOW OPENS BOBBIE Who's that? You're too short for Hank. FRAN [whispered] It's me. BOBBIE [sarcastic] So it's The Whisperer? FRAN Me! Fran! BOBBIE Fran? By Crosby, this is way too late for you to be out playing Halloween jokes, even on a Saturday night. You need to get home - your parents will be worried sick. FRAN Dad's on patrol. BOBBIE Oh, great, then he'll be the one to arrest you for something. FRAN Did you listen to the radio at all tonight? BOBBIE Only Corliss Archer. Gee, she has some trouble with-- FRAN Argh! The news? BOBBIE Why? FRAN The kidnapping news! BOBBIE Look, let me get my penny loafers on and I'll walk you home. FRAN The son of a Greek raccoon was kidnapped today. No, that's not right. Raccoon, typhoon-- BOBBIE Tycoon? FRAN A rich guy. He was kidnapped from their hotel room. BOBBIE Was he a tycoon, or just a millionaire? FRAN [whispered with emphasis] IT DOESN'T MATTER. We heard him, and we need to go rescue him. BOBBIE We did what? FRAN The kid at the haunted house. Screaming "I want to go home"? Does that maybe put some thought into that teased-up skull of yours? BOBBIE They did sound awfully foreign, but I'm not sure if it's Greek. FRAN Well it ain't Spanish or Chinese. Or French. What else is there? BOBBIE Don't say "ain't" - it ain't in the dictionary. FRAN Are you coming, or am I going by myself? BOBBIE Why me? FRAN Who else? Timmy? [dismissive noise] Besides, you're the only one tall enough to see in the windows. MUSIC
SCENE 6. OUTSIDE, YARD SOUND CREEPING THROUGH BUSHES BOBBIE OK, this is silly. And dirty. I'm walking‑‑ FRAN No, we have to crawl! They'll see us! BOBBIE No one's looking! FRAN But the window's open, they'll hear us. [panic] Shh! Did you hear that? BOBBIE [beat, listening, then dismissively] No. FRAN [grumpy] Ok. Walk to the window. Get spotted. See if I care. SOUND WALKING CAREFULLY ON GRAVEL. BUSHES RUSTLE BOBBIE Fran? FRAN [off, loud whisper] I'm coming. Keep your hair on. BOBBIE Don't worry-- Shh! SOUND LOUD RUSTLE SOUND [FROM INSIDE] CLICK, FOOTSTEPS NOTE: BOOL AND GRIG ARE INSIDE, HEARD THROUGH A WINDOW, WHILE BOBBIE AND FRAN ARE OUTSIDE. EAVESDROPPING BOOL I down wanna be here. Go home. GRIGG "don't", not "down", child. You need talk some good words, living here. BOOL No talk. No stay. Home! GRIGG Home is soon enough. Soon as requirement is received. FRAN [coming on, loud whisper] What are they saying? BOBBIE Shh! BOOL [speaks foreign] BOBBIE Is that Greek? FRAN Oh, sure, I'm the expert. GRIGG [angry] English. Need to hear normal! BOBBIE [muttered] Like your English is so good, mister. GRIGG People must not apprehend you are strange. FRAN Shh. GRIGG Sleep, child. Dream of home. BOBBIE Now that's just mean. SOUND DOOR CLOSES FRAN See? We've got to rescue him! BOBBIE But what if--? FRAN What if he turns up dead like little Charlie Lindburgh? How you gonna feel then? BOBBIE You need to stop reading those crime books. FRAN Argh! Fine. Boost me up, and you can go. I'll figure something out! BOBBIE No. I-- I'll help, but only if the kid wants to come. That's where I draw the line - if he wants to stay, then we'll just... let your dad know and leave it at that. FRAN Fine, but who's gonna ask him? Better do it now, or he might fall asleep. BOBBIE [sigh, then voice raised a bit, calling quietly] Little boy? BOOL [off, gasp] BOBBIE We're here to -- FRAN [prompting, whisper] --to take you home. BOBBIE We're here to take you home! BOOL [off] Home? SOUND SCUFFLE AS HE ROLLS OUT OF BED AND RUNS TO THE WINDOW FRAN Yes, home! Don't you wanna go home? BOBBIE Your parents must be worried sick about you. BOOL What is *lala* parents? Want home! FRAN Come on then, we'll get you out of there. Bobbie, give him a boost. BOBBIE [sigh] MUSIC
SCENE 7. OUTSIDE SOUND NIGHT NOISES, WALKING ON SIDEWALK BOOL [squeak] SOUND MILD SCUFFLE FRAN Put it on! They won't look twice at us if we got masks on! BOBBIE It is a little late for-- FRAN So they'll worry, but they won't-- GRIGG [way off, unearthly shriek] FRAN Eep! That sounds like-- BOOL [squeak] BOBBIE What if he has a car? FRAN Then we duck into the bushes - honestly, does every girl lose her brains when she grows into angora? BOBBIE It's Acrilon. GRIGG [slightly closer, shriek] FRAN Run! BOOL [squeak, ends in gasp] SOUND RUNNING FOOTSTEPS MUSIC
SCENE 8. OUTSIDE, A LITTLE LATER BOBBIE [whispered] Do you hear anything? FRAN [listens, then whispered] Nope. BOOL [whispered squeak] BOBBIE [comforting whispers] Shh. It'll be o-k, kid. All we have to do is get you safe and then-- [sudden thought] Say, Fran, what is the plan? Where are we taking this poor kid? FRAN [whispered, sarcastic] I thought we'd just lie here under this bush until morning and hope it doesn't rain. BOOL [a bit too loud] What is *lala* rain? BOBBIE Rain makes-- [whispered] Rain makes you wet. We should take him to your father. He'll know what to do to get him home. BOOL [plaintive wail, way too loud] Home! FRAN [whispered] Great. Now you've set him off again. We can't go to pop, cause - being a cop and all - he might just deduce I sneaked out. BOOL Holme! Home! BOBBIE [whispered] Well, you did. FRAN [exasperated noise, then] Ssh! BOOL Home-- [cut off in mid-word as a hand is clapped over his mouth, then a squeak] FRAN [whispered] His parents must be worried sick about him-- we need to get him h-o-m-e. BOBBIE [whispered] To Greece? [sarcastic] I'm pretty sure my folks' car doesn't have that much gas. FRAN [whispered] See? There's still a little smarts under all that fluff! They're stopping at a hotel downtown. BOBBIE [whispered] Which one? FRAN [whispered] The news didn't say - there can't be that many, can there? BOBBIE [exasperated] Ohhhh! BOOL [muffled squeak] GRIGG [distant, shriek] FRAN [whispered] What is that weird guy doing? He's not exactly sneaky. BOBBIE [whispered] Someone's going to-- SOUND CAR PULLS UP, SINGLE WHOOP OF SIREN FRAN [normal voice, resigned] --Call my dad. BOBBIE It's probably for the best - this bush isn't doing my Acrilon any good. FRAN All right, but-- GRIGG [closer, shriek] BOOL [squeak] BOBBIE It's all right little boy, we won't let the scary man take you away. MUSIC
SCENE 9. INSIDE, HOUSE SOUND RADIO PLAYS IN BACKGROUND FRED No way! How could they have found us? BOB Stay cool. It's Halloween, it could be anything. SOUND WINDOW SASH GOES UP BOB [worried] Stop it. SOUND REVOLVER HAMMER CLICKS BACK FRED But it's parked right outside! I'm not going down for this! Go check on the kid. MUSIC
SCENE 10. OUTSIDE, STREET GRIGG [shriek] OFFICER HOOPER Ok, that's enough. GRIGG [caught in mid-shriek] *Haysa?* [deep breath] What? OFFICER HOOPER It's much too late, even on Halloween, to be running around screaming. Time to go home and sleep it off, pal. GRIGG Sleep, what? I am missing child. Must find. Child will listen me. [starts to shriek] OFFICER HOOPER [cutting off the shriek] Hey! I'm figuring you're new around here, so you may not understand how we do things in the U-S of A, but if your kid's gone missing, you need to let the authorities - that's me - know about it, so we - I - can help you. GRIGG Help? Too many wordsssss. [wail] Bool! BOOL [slightly off, squeak] OFFICER HOOPER Eh? FRAN [slightly off] SHH! OFFICER HOOPER What the--? GRIGG Bool! OFFICER HOOPER Fran? SOUND GUNSHOT BOBBIE [Scream] BOOL [squeak, quickly muffled] GRIGG Bool! OFFICER HOOPER Get down! FRAN Bobbie, get the kid out of here! OFFICER HOOPER That you, Barbara Chandler? Don't you move a muscle! SOUND GUNSHOT GRIGG [voice no longer sounds remotely human] WHAT IS THAT NOISE? OFFICER HOOPER Stay down, sir, and let me handle this. SOUND QUICK GRAPPLE GRIGG [intense] YOU ME TELL - IS WEAPON? HURT MY CHILD? BOBBIE Heavens to Bette Davis, Fran, it's the kid's real dad! FRAN Phooey. BOOL [long squeak] OFFICER HOOPER [forced calm, but furious underneath] As long as they stay behind my car there, they will be fine, now let go of me and let me stop the idiot who's been shooting up my town. GRIGG SHOOT ARE GUN ARE DANGER? OFFICER HOOPER That's my job. You stay here, and when it's clear, you can go to your kid. [raising his voice] Bobbie! You get those children down behind the car, you hear? BOBBIE Yes, sir, Officer Hooper! OFFICER HOOPER [calling] You're still in trouble. [to Grigg] You. Stay. MUSIC
SCENE 11. INSIDE, HOUSE SOUND RADIO PLAYS UNDER BOB You idiot! They weren't here for us! FRED They won't take me alive! Federal pen? BOB Fine. You play at O-K Corral. I'll be out of the line of fire. FRED [cold, commanding] Don't. BOB What? You gonna shoot me, now? FRED Bring the kid out here. We can still do this. BOB Yeah, we give him back, and they take us alive. I like that - the being alive part. FRED Get him! MUSIC
SCENE 12. OUTSIDE HOUSE OFFICER HOOPER Throw out your guns and come out with your hands up! FRED [calling from inside] We've got the kid. Walk away or we kill him. OFFICER HOOPER [calling to off] That's not going to happen. Let the kid go and I'll put in a good word for you. FRED [from inside] I've got all the words I need, copper! ARI [from inside] ow! FRAN That must be the real Greek tyfoon's son, OFFICE HOOPER [warning] Fran!? I told you to-- FRAN Pop! I'm going to be a policeman when I grow up, so I figure I should start learning. OFFICER HOOPER No, you're not, and you shouldn't. This isn't a game. Get back over there-- SOUND GUNSHOT BOTH [react] FRAN He hasta run out of bullets ... eventually. OFFICER HOOPER And how many guns does he have? FRAN Huh? [shrug] I dunno. [realizing] Oh. OFFICER HOOPER See? Now, get back-- SOUND GUNSHOT OFFICER HOOPER [fading out] Oh, heck. Stay right here. On this spot, young lady. MUSIC
SCENE 13. INSIDE, HOUSE, BUT HEARD FROM OUTSIDE SOUND RADIO PLAYS UNDER BOB [fading in] You've got the kid, you've got the gun. Let me go. FRED Like you say, I've got the kid and the gun - what do I need you around for, ya bum? BOB Good. [raising his voice] I'm coming out coppers! I'm giving myself up! SOUND FOOTSTEPS, DOOR OPENS
SCENE 14. OUTSIDE, SHIFT OF PERSPECTIVE, BUT NO ACTUAL SCENE BREAK BOB Don't shoot! SOUND BOB TAKES THREE MORE STEPS, THEN-- SOUND GUNSHOT BOB Argh! SOUND BODY FALLS SOUND DOOR SLAMS MOMENT OF SILENCE
FRAN Is that guy ... dead? OFFICER HOOPER Dammit, I can't even go check. GRIGG [incoherent, alien tongue] OFFICER HOOPER Oh, jeez, not you too? [speaking slow] Go back. Your child is safe. Bobbie has him, over there. GRIGG [deep breath, then equally slowly] This you child? FRAN I'm Fran. I'm really really sorry about-- OFFICER HOOPER Yes. Much as I may want to deny it, she has my nose. FRAN [not getting it] Huh? GRIGG Much words. You child? FRAN He don't speak much English, do he? OFFICER HOOPER [sigh] Yes. Mine. BOOL [squeak] SOUND SKITTERING FOOTSTEPS SOUND GUNSHOT BOOL [Screamy squeak] SOUND BODY DROP FRAN [running off] Hey! Kid! OFFICER HOOPER Fran! No! SOUND [after a moment] SCUTTLING COMING CLOSER FRAN [breathing hard] Here. I think he's OK. BOOL [whimpering] GRIGG My child! OFFICER HOOPER Fran, dammit! FRAN What? He coulda got shot! MUSIC
SCENE 15. INSIDE, HOUSE SOUND RADIO ON IN BACKGROUND FRED Kid, you speak English? ARI A little. FRED You know I'm gonna shoot you if you don't do everything I say? ARI Yes. FRED Good. MUSIC
SCENE 16. OUTSIDE GRIGG Your child is brave heart. OFFICER HOOPER That's one word for it. GRIGG She bring safe my Bool. OFFICER HOOPER Um, yeah. Dammit. I can't tell where that guy is. GRIGG Some child is hurted there? FRAN Stolen. Like we did, except we were only trying to help. GRIGG [decisive] I help bring child to home. OFFICER HOOPER At least you're an adult, even if you can't understand English. [talking loud again] We go in. You go left - that way - I go right. Get to wall, up against it, then to door. GRIGG Ahhhh. OFFICER HOOPER Does he understand? FRAN I guess. He's nodding. OFFICER HOOPER You don't come with us. FRAN But I-- OFFICER HOOPER Give me your hand. FRAN Are you giving me a gun? OFFICER HOOPER [heavy sigh] SOUND HANDCUFFS SLAP ON WRIST, THEN ON DOOR HANDLE FRAN Hey! OFFICER HOOPER Now you'll stay put. [sigh] I'm leaving the key here, in case. SOUND KEY PUT DOWN ON CAR OFFICER HOOPER Out of reach. [loud, to Grigg] We go. SOUND RUNNING FEET, OFF IN TWO DIRECTIONS SOUND AFTER THEY LEAVE, JINGLE OF STRUGGLING WITH HANDCUFFS FRAN [grunting] Uun uun. Darn it. SOUND SCRABBLING ON THE CAR HOOD, TRYING TO STRETCH FRAN Hey, Bool? BOOL Bool! FRAN Yeah, [talking slow] I'm Fran. BOOL Flan? FRAN Good enough. Can you hand me that? BOOL [Hmm noise] FRAN [slowly again] Give to me? BOBBIE [coming on] You're still here! Let's get going. SOUND REACTION INCLUDING RATTLE OF THE HANDCUFFS FRAN How'd you--? BOBBIE I went around the block. I'm no dummy. FRAN Brilliant! We should-- BOBBIE You are not talking me into any more shenanigans. FRAN [whispered] Bool, get the key! [Up] Huh? No, of course not... I -- BOBBIE Are you -- chained to the car? BOOL Kaaaay? FRAN [too bright] No! Whatever gave you that idea? [whispered] Bool! BOBBIE Oh-- SOUND SMALL METAL SCRAPE BOBBIE --so this isn't the key? FRAN Oh -- Drat! BOOL [squeak] FRAN Boo-ul! MUSIC
SCENE 17. OUTSIDE, AROUND HOUSE SOUND RUSTLE IN A BUSH OFFICER HOOPER [muttered] Ok, mister rat bastard kidnapper, let me get a look atcha. GRIGG [off] Go? OFFICER HOOPER [muttered] Oh, good, you know one word. [up, calling very quietly] Make a noise! GRIGG [shriek] SOUND [OFF] CLATTER INSIDE FRED [from inside] What the hell--? OFFICER HOOPER Come out of there with your hands up! FRED [from inside] What's that noise? GRIGG [shriek] OFFICER HOOPER [sudden idea] Uh, what noise? I don't hear anything. FRED [from inside] What do you mean--? You didn't hear that-- GRIGG [shriek] FRED [from inside] --that "THAT"? OFFICER HOOPER [very pleased] Nope. Don't hear anything. They say some people are bothered more than others by [slight chuckle] haunted houses. FRED [a bit disturbed] Haunted--? MUSIC
SCENE 18. OUTSIDE AT CAR BOBBIE If I unlock it, you have to come home. FRAN [sounding almost teary] But- but our dads are in there. BOBBIE That's what your dad does. It's his job. FRAN But it's not Bool's dad's job. BOBBIE Bool? Is that your name? BOOL [sounding mournful] Chob. FRAN See? He's upset too. BOBBIE Is he? Tell you what, I'll get you home and then we'll call for more police. FRAN [sniffing] But I was thinking... tsch. ohhhh. SOUND THREE METAL TAPS - key on car BOBBIE [thinking...] What? FRAN [sounding really down] Nothing. Unlock me and we'll go home - [offhanded] even if we maybe COULD help. BOBBIE Right. FRAN Even if maybe our dads end up shot. [long sniff] BOOL [squeaky sniff] SOUND UNLOCKING HANDCUFF BOBBIE Come on. MUSIC
SCENE 19. INSIDE, HOUSE SOUND SHUFFLING FEET AS FRED PACES NERVOUSLY, DRAGGING ARI BACK AND FORTH WITH HIM SOUND RADIO IN BACKGROUND FRED [to self] Haunted? Of course. That explains so much. ARI Maybe there is ghosts? FRED That's what haunted means, ain't it? And it's Halloween. OFFICER HOOPER [from outside] It's late, pal. Almost the witching hour. Let's get this sorted out. FRED Witching--? OFFICER HOOPER [from outside] You know, midnight. Let's settle this and get that kid home safe and sound. FRED You're going to tell me I can still get out of this, huh? What about Bob out there? OFFICER HOOPER Oh, your friend here? FRED Friend. [snort] yeah. OFFICER HOOPER Hmm. Killing him on the doorway of house like that might a been a bad move. FRED Whadda you mean? Oh! GRIGG [long, drawn-out shriek] FRED Oh!! SOUND RUSTY CREAK OF DISTANT DOOR, INSIDE FRED What the heck? ARI [scared] Oh no! FRED Shut up, kid. I'm trying to listen, you hear me? ARI [gasp and sniff- trying to stay quiet] FRED [trying to convince himself] It's those cops. They're doing this - [up, calling] You're doing this, aintcha, copper? OFFICER HOOPER Doing what? FRED [clinging to control] Making the damn noises! OFFICER HOOPER [pleased with himself] What noises? MUSIC
SCENE 20. INSIDE, HOUSE, UPSTAIRS [NOTE, THEY WHISPER THROUGHOUT SCENE] SOUND CREAKING MOVEMENT BOBBIE [whispered] Frannie, if any of us end up dead, it is entirely your fault. That door was so loud. FRAN On purpose. C'mon, the stairs are over here. BOBBIE How do you know? This house-- FRAN Sleepover two years ago, when Jennie and Sam lived here. BOBBIE Your father is going to kill me. FRAN We'll be upstairs - well out of the line of fire. Now c'mon. BOOL 'mon. FRAN See, Bool agrees with me. BOBBIE Yeah. Like a parrot. [sigh] SOUND TIPTOEING FOOTSTEPS MUSIC
SCENE 21. INSIDE, HOUSE, DOWNSTAIRS SOUND RADIO MUTTERS IN BACKGROUND FRED [muttering] They've probably got the back door covered... ARI [small voice] You should let me go. FRED [about to hit him] Ahh! SOUND CREAKING FOOTSTEPS SOUND IN WALL AND CEILING FRED Shh! Hell! What's that? ARI [scary whisper] Evil spirits. FRED [gulp] Really? ARI Maybe it is your dead friend. He is very angry, I think. FRED [weak] Shut up. SOUND THEIR SCUFFLING FOOTSTEPS FRED We'll just - Let's go check it out, eh? I bet even ghosts don't like getting shot. MUSIC
SCENE 22. INSIDE, HOUSE, UPSTAIRS [NOTE: STILL WHISPERING] FRAN OK, Bool, you see this vent? BOOL See. BOBBIE Great, now he's Spanish. FRAN Sh. Bool, lean in and make a scary noise, like this... [she does, and the noise echoes through the vents] BOOL [like a laugh] Ah! [leans in, mimics her noise, but it ends in his standard squeak - all echoey] BOBBIE Did we ever figure out where Bool and his dad come from? FRAN This isn't the time. C'mon. Now, Bobbie, you creak this door - not too often, just from time to time. Got it? MUSIC
SCENE 23. OUTSIDE NEAR FRONT DOOR OFFICER HOOPER OK, fella, time to come out. [a beat] Are you in there? [beat] Oh, darn it all to--, they're gone. Come on - [slow] help me break in the door. GRIGG [yes] *Heh*. MUSIC
SCENE 24. INSIDE, HOUSE, UPSTAIRS FRAN I'll be right across the hall - now start. SOUND DOOR OPENS FRAN Eep! BOBBIE Oh, no! BOOL [squeak, which echoes] FRED Ghosts, eh. Looks like I got me a bunch more bargaining chips. All of you move out here in the hall, real slow. [snarls] Get over there-- ARI [gasp] SOUND THUD AS HE HITS THE WALL FRED Keep your hands where I can see 'em! FRAN [sarcastic] Of course, I might just have a gun. SOUND SMACK FRED Keep your mouth shut! FRAN [gasps in real pain] BOOL [mimics her gasp] FRED You, too! BOOL Flan! [squeaky growl] Lalalala! FRED What the hell's wrong with that kid? BOOL [growl builds] FRED [starting to get freaked out] Stop it. What the hell? BOBBIE Fran, is Bool glowing? FRAN [sniff, then uncertain] Um, I think so. BOOL [shriek which is a childish echo of Grigg's] FRED [scream of terror] SOUND GUNSHOT BOBBIE, BOOL, FRAN, ARI - scream, gasp, etc. SOUND POUNDING FEET COMING UP THE STAIRS GRIGG [full-on shriek, deeper and very alien] OFFICER HOOPER Holy cow! What the--? FRED The light! No! [drawn out scream, which fades into a weird little popping noise] BOBBIE I guess we--[gasp] might know--[gasp] where they came from, now. OFFICER HOOPER [suspicious] Where'd he go? GRIGG I made him nothing. He try my child hurt. Your child also. OFFICER HOOPER Yeah, I, uh, noticed-- FRAN [excited] Are you guys Martians? OFFICER HOOPER [exasperated] --but she's clearly fine. GRIGG I know not Marchan. BOOL [Part muffled, satisfied] Flan! FRAN [just as pleased] Bool! BOBBIE I don't know what to tell you, Mister - officer, I mean - Hooper. OFFICER HOOPER Don't worry, I blame my daughter. [Back to Grigg] So we don't have to worry about him coming back? GRIGG Nothing. No colme back. OFFICER HOOPER And what exactly - well - are you? ARI They saved us, is that not enough? FRAN Yeah. They're "good people," as mom would say. GRIGG No concern, Hooper man. We no stay now, you see us be do that. We find more - uh - new home. BOOL Home? No! [plaintive] Flan! GRIGG [softly] No, Bool. Go. OFFICER HOOPER Tell me one thing, Grigg. You planning to invade? GRIGG *Haysa*? FRAN He means are you gonna bring a bunch of people here and try and take over the planet - like in the movies? GRIGG We hide - no one come with. Bad place come away. Alone. FRAN There! BOBBIE Are you thinking--? OFFICER HOOPER [considering] I'm thinking I don't want to try writing this up. Much easier if we just didn't see anything. The one guy shot the other, then when he saw it was hopeless, he skedaddled. BOBBIE But-- what--? FRAN I didn't see anything. You, Ari? ARI No. I was much too frightened. He threw me against a wall and then ran off before my head cleared. FRAN See, Bobbie? BOOL Bah-bee? BOBBIE That's kinda cute. Good thing I-- I didn't see anything else. Besides, anyone who would do whatever it takes to protect their kid - well, they can't be too bad. OFFICER HOOPER You're still not babysitting for Fran ever again. BOBBIE [truly relieved] Oh! Thank you! FRAN Hey! MUSIC, CLOSING OLIVIA Now that you know how to find us, don't be a stranger - we have enough of those already... | |||
| Atomic Julie - Beyond the Yellow Fog (pt 8 of 8) by Emmett McDowell | 26 Oct 2021 | 00:16:32 | |
The finale chapter!!! Yay!
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| 19 Nocturne Boulevard - QUESTIONS IN A DARK ROOM - Reissue | 22 Oct 2021 | 00:30:23 | |
QUESTIONS IN A DARK ROOM Written and produced by Julie Hoverson Carol wakes in a strange dark room, with a man she's never seen before - and when the questions start to fly, there's lives at stake. CAST Music: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) "What kind of a place is it? Why, it's a residential hotel, ****************************************** QUESTIONS IN A DARK ROOM
Cast: [Olivia, host] Carol (20F), urban songbird Thaddeus (20-30M), deep south Madame Foulet (50-60F), calm older lady Crowd Noise (any) Tour Guide (any) OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a residential hotel, can't you tell? MUSIC CREEPS IN NOTE: there are no definite "scene changes" in this episode - characters slide in and out of scenes without any break until the very end. Scene changes are marked only when Foulet enters and leaves
SCENE 1. DARK ROOM, SLIGHTLY ECHOEY, NO SPECIFIC ERA. CAROL SPEAKS LIKE SOMEONE FROM THE 1920s, THADDEUS IS FROM THE 1860S DEEP SOUTH CAROL [waking up noises] Mmm. Oh. [suddenly sitting up] What! [panicking] Where-- THADDEUS Don' you worry none. You safe now. CAROL Safe? Why--? Who are you? I-I don't know you. [rising hysteria] Is this... your room? THADDEUS Calm yourself, now, miss. I be all the way over here. No threat to you, I promise. CAROL But I -- how did I get here? What's going on? [whimper of pain] Ahh! My side. What.. happened? THADDEUS Probly a bruise. You was attacked, miss. In the stairs. I spect he hit you some. I got you outta there and din't have no other place to put you. You been out cold. CAROL [calming a bit, but still in pain] You rescued me? [deep breath] Oh, goodness that hurts. Well, thank y-- [sharp] In the stairs, you said? THADDEUS Yes miss. I heared you start-- Well, I heared it when you screamed. The stairwell, it echoes somethin fierce. CAROL I guess I'm lucky you were there. THADDEUS Well, I was kind of listenin fer you, miss. CAROL Listening? THADDEUS [aw shucks] I got a lot of time on my hands during days, and one time a while back I heared you singin in there, so sometimes I jest ... wait. CAROL [pleased and embarrassed] Oh. Thank you. But-- But, do you think -- the creep who attacked me... was...? THADDEUS I don' see the papers much, miss, but even I heared about that there Stairway Stabber. I'm pretty sure that was the fella, all right. CAROL They say he's already killed at least eight girls! THADDEUS That they do. At least. CAROL Oh! Oh, goodness. I - I could have been murdered! THADDEUS [quiet] Yes'm. CAROL You saved me? THADDEUS I did what I could, miss. You was right out before I done got there. CAROL I -- I don't remember ... well, anything, really. Um, what should I call you? Your name. I mean. THADDEUS I understand, miss. You can call me Thaddeus. Tha's my name. CAROL And you live in my building? THADDEUS More years'n I care to count. I mostly jest keep an eye on things. Don' you worry now, I don' take up much space. CAROL I didn't mean to imply-- THADDEUS It's understandable, miss. I don' much look like I belong here. CAROL Please. I don't want to sound like a snob. I'm really just overwhelmed. And you can call me Carol, if you'd like. I mean, you don't have to call me "miss" all the time. THADDEUS I'd be right pleased to, Miss Carol. CAROL [forced laugh] Just Carol, Thaddeus. No miss. Please. THADDEUS Don' seem quite respectful, miss Carol.
SCENE 2. MADAME [filter] Is there anyone here? THADDEUS By golly, she early. CAROL What was that? THADDEUS This lady wanna ask about what happened. She with the police. CAROL But I don't remember-- THADDEUS And I din't see much, but we gots to talk to her. You gon' be all right? I can hep you. CAROL [standing] Well, I'm a little wobbly, but I'm game, I guess. SOUND: SLOW FOOTSTEPS CAROL But, my head -- it's amnesia. I'm sure of it. THADDEUS You might be surprised what all come back to you if a body ask the right questions. Come on now. SOUND Door opens. Footsteps continue. CAROL Why is the room so dark? I can barely see her. NOTE: [unless otherwise mentioned, Madame sounds very calm and speaks almost in a sing song voice.] MADAME Ah. [deep breath] I mean you no harm. Please come and speak with me. Am I addressing Carol Bournemouth? CAROL Why yes. [to Thaddeus] Did you-- [puzzled] Oh... no, I only just told you my name. THADDEUS I said she with the police. She know a lot. MADAME Carol, I want to hear what happened to you yesterday. CAROL Yesterday? I was knocked out for a whole day? THADDEUS Shh now, and answer, miss Carol. CAROL Oh. I really don't.... I don't remember a darn thing. He -- Thaddeus -- said I was attacked in the stairwell. I think I was hit on the head. SOUND Very distant sound of someone knocking on a door. CAROL Amnesia. I don't remember a thing! Really! MADAME Calm down, Carol. There is no need to-- CAROL I'm...sorry. MADAME Ah, good. Everything is all right now. You are safe. It is safe to remember. Think of it like a movie, and you are the projector. The projector can stop a movie, Carol. The projector can simply freeze on a single frame, and the movie never has to reach its end. Have you ever seen that happen, Carol? CAROL Why is she talking like that? THADDEUS Can they really just up and stop a movin' picture? That would be somethin' to see. CAROL Not very exciting, really. It's -- well, it's just a slide, then. MADAME [sharp] Carol! [calm again] I need you to concentrate. What is the last thing you remember? CAROL [pain] Oh! [deep breaths] SOUND Knocking on door again. THADDEUS Just a minute, ma'am. She got a stitch. MADAME Relax Carol. Relax. Remember, you are the projector, and the movie can stop long before anything unpleasant happens. Just take it one frame at a time, Carol. Do you remember going into the stairwell? Picture the door for me. You push open the door and step in. There are five flights of stairs below you, but you walk them every day, don't you? You walk them-- CAROL It's slimming. MADAME You begin to walk down the stairs, just as usual. One step, then another. CAROL The way she talks-- MADAME You pass the fourth floor door. Nothing there for you. THADDEUS She just tryin to help. MADAME One brisk step in front of another-- CAROL [getting agitated] But it's like-- it's like she's trying to hypnotize me! SOUND Knocking on door, slightly louder. MADAME Passing the baby carriage the Joneses leave tucked into the corner of the third floor landing-- THADDEUS Don' know nothin 'bout that, but I spect she think it'a help you 'member what happened. MADAME All the way around to the next set of stairs-- CAROL STOP IT. I don't want to be hypnotized! I don't want to-- [pain] Aaagh! Whatever happened, I don't want to remember it, you hear? Do you HEAR me? SOUND Muffled and distant: Strange thumping and crashing noises. Particularly, a noise like someone pounding on a door, and a crash of a broken glass.
SCENE 3. THADDEUS Shh, listen, miss Carol. Shh. CAROL What was that? Something broke? THADDEUS Don't pay it no mind. They's some noisy neighbors in this building. CAROL But-- It's-- it's gone now. THADDEUS Yes'm. Never lasts. Just so long as someone done got a mad on. Then it blow over. CAROL Oh. THADDEUS You gon' try and answer the lady, now? CAROL What? No, no Thaddeus, I can't. I don't remember anything, and when I try, oh, it hurts! THADDEUS Look around. Ain't no one here gon' hurt you, and that there pain in your side - well, a bruise is jest a bruise, ain't it? Whatever caused it, that's all over now, and you safe. CAROL Safe? THADDEUS I swear'n I won't let no one touch you. The lady, she jest tryin to find out what you know so's the police can stop this fella. CAROL Oh. Yes, you said she's with the police. THADDEUS Since I never saw none of his face, you the only one who can help. You got to help stop this fella. CAROL She looks -- awfully tired. THADDEUS [gently] You been wearin her out a bit with your temper.
SCENE 4. CAROL Oh. I'll try and do better. You're-- sure it's safe? THADDEUS She said you the projector, miss Carol, you can-- MADAME [a bit gravelly] Shall we continue? Ahem. [normal, not sing song] Carol. If you will not help, please let me know. I want to work you through this, but your resistance-- CAROL I just don't know what I can do! I'm frustrated too, you know. I can't remember a thing about-- [realizing] Oh. MADAME Yes? Continue. CAROL I was in a hurry. On my way to a job interview. Or was that Tuesday? MADAME Yesterday was Tuesday, yes. CAROL Oh! So I was dashing down the stairs, quick as I could -- I'm faster than the elevator, you see. That old thing. [chuckles] I swear it's pulled by mice. THADDEUS [chuckles] MADAME Can you remember how far you got? Did you reach the second floor landing? CAROL Second floor. Hmm. I -- yes! Little Billy from 203 keeps dropping gum wrappers in there, and I was thinking-- [gasp of pain] MADAME [gasp of pain] SOUND distant, barrage of knocks on a door. THADDEUS Miss Carol? Miss Carol, come on -- you tough. You can do this. No old stitch gon' slow you down. Here, take my hand. Right there, now you squeeze. Squeeze out all that bad old pain. CAROL No! No, I-- THADDEUS [hiss intake of breath] Good. You keep on squeezin long as you need. CAROL [several quick breaths, then one deep one] I think -- Thaddeus, I think that's when he hit me. He must have hit me real hard. MADAME [deep breath] Carol. I need to stop for now. I will return soon. While I'm gone, can you try and remember? CAROL I'll try... MADAME Goodbye. [NO footsteps or door] SOUND brief, vague rumble of voices, nothing clear.
SCENE 5. CAROL Are they having a party? THADDEUS Who? CAROL Your neighbors. THADDEUS Might could be. You doin' all right? CAROL Sorry to be such a baby about all this. When it hurts - well it really hurts. THADDEUS I know. Get myself the same thing in my neck sometimes. CAROL Oh? [beat, changing subject] So, do you know her? The woman asking the questions? THADDEUS A bit. She Madame Foulet and work for police, I do know that. Some years back, she asked me a coupla questions. CAROL About what? THADDEUS Somethin I seen ... way back when. CAROL She seems kind of old to be a police matron or whatever she is. THADDEUS She one of a kind, I guess. they cain't afford to retire her. CAROL Is she a hypnotist? Was I right? THADDEUS I don' know nothin about that, miss. I spect you probly mostly right. CAROL [decisive] Well. If I want this guy caught - and boy do I want him caught, especially if he's the one who killed all those girls - I better get cracking and remember something. SOUND pacing footsteps CAROL In the movies, if you hit your head and get amnesia, you can hit your head again to get your memory back. THADDEUS I don' guess it work that way in real life, miss. CAROL I have got to stop being a whiny baby about this - after all, I survived, didn't I? THADDEUS [dubious] Well-- CAROL So, it's all in the past and I shouldn't be frightened. Oh. SOUND: PACING STOPS CAROL Unless he decides to come back -- to make sure I can't identify him. THADDEUS He won't never find you now. I promise you that. CAROL Really? You didn't... THADDEUS Din't what, miss? CAROL No, no. You said you never even-- THADDEUS [amused] You thinkin I mighta kilt him? I know I'm a big fella, but I cain't-- CAROL I meant it as a compliment. THADDEUS I guess so. CAROL Did you have to ... fight him off? I mean, to save me? THADDEUS [distinctly uncomfortable] Nah. When he caught sight a me, he jest run. CAROL [smiling] You do look pretty intimidating. THADDEUS Nah. Look, you should be tryin' t'member-- CAROL [sigh] I know, but this takes my mind off it. I figure, it's like a word at the tip of your tongue. When you THINK about it SO HARD that you feel like your brain may be squeezed out your ears, it never comes. Then, the minute your mind is off it, voila! The word tumbles right out. THADDEUS That sounds 'bout right. CAROL I need to get into the stairwell. That'll really jog my memory. SOUND Rapid footsteps. Doorknob turns, but doesn't open. CAROL What? Why is the door locked? THADDEUS I reckon it's jest stuck, miss. [worried] But you really don' wanna go into the stairwell. I- I promise you that. CAROL Open this door! I don't like being locked in here-- THADDEUS With me? CAROL What? No, no. No-- It's got nothing to do with you, Thaddeus. I like you. I just [SOUND: pounds once on door] don't [pound] like [pound, weakening] being [more of a smack] locked [tap] in [tap].
SCENE 6. MADAME [slightly off mike] Good. We can begin again. CAROL What? Where'd she...? THADDEUS Madame said she jest needed a lil break. She didn't say she was goin' off no place. CAROL But she was gone. THADDEUS It's real dark in here. I never heared her go. CAROL Then she must have listened to everything we said. THADDEUS I spect she jest shut up her eyes and her ears and took a lil nap, miss. MADAME May we proceed? CAROL [sigh] Yes. [fierce] Yeah, I want this fiend drawn and quartered! SOUND distant brief chuckle, like several people in another room. MADAME Now, Carol. We'll start with something easy. I want you to be comfortable. I want you to remember something very pleasant. CAROL Pleasant? MADAME Think back to a time when you were happy. CAROL [thinking] Oh! No, no - that's too silly. MADAME The first thing that comes to mind, Carol. CAROL Well, I was very sick once, when I was little - measles, I think, but I don't remember too well - Just the itching. Oh, how it itched! Mama gave me sweet tea each night she came home and didn't see any scratches on me. If I could just control myself, I could have sweet tea. [pause] Of course, I fooled her - I learned to scratch around. THADDEUS Scratch around? CAROL Yes. Maybe it was chicken pox. But anyway, if you scratch around the spots, it stops some of the itch, but doesn't look like you've been scratching. THADDEUS Your best memory is of feelin poorly? CAROL No, don't be silly. She just asked me for a memory of a happy time, and it was... oddly enough. I got sweet tea, AND I fooled my mother. [giggle] SOUND distant chuckles CAROL Sounds like they're having a whale of a time over there. MADAME Very good Carol. You sound like you feel better now. I need you to keep this feeling of well-being with you while we try again. CAROL I still don't think it will work. THADDEUS Try. CAROL All right. MADAME Ignore any pain. Ignore any fear. Ignore any interruptions. Ignore any distractions. We must find this man. We must find him and stop him. [beat] You have just reached the second floor landing. What do you see, Carol? CAROL [breathing rapidly] I see the gum wrappers. Little brat. Then a shadow. I hardly ever see people - oh! - on the stairs. [groans] MADAME Continue, please. THADDEUS Take my hand, Carol, jest like before. Thass a girl. SOUND very distant knocking and shuffling noises. CAROL [whining gasp, obviously in pain] I turn around, and there's a flash - like sunlight on water. MADAME Ignore the flash. Look only at the face. SOUND knocking and shuffling noises get louder, nearer. CAROL No! No I can't - it hurts too much! THADDEUS Yes you can. You gots to. You the only one left behind - none of them other girls can say nothin, but you - you got yourself a chance to be a hero, now. CAROL Are you sure he can't come back and get me? SOUND glass breaks THADDEUS Sure as I'm sittin here wit you, miss. He cain't never even touch you - no way, no how. MADAME Carol! Stop the movie! You need to stop it and look! Break the film in your mind, so there IS NO END. Nothing but the face. CAROL No, I can't! SOUND heavy pounding, neighbors getting upset. THADDEUS Shh. Shh. You takin my hand right off, miss Carol. SOUND ALL sounds stop abruptly. CAROL It's a knife, isn't it? THADDEUS Yes. CAROL He's holding a knife, but it's on my right - my right... Oh No! Oh, Thaddeus, I'm-- SOUND distant knocking begins again. THADDEUS That ain't nothing, miss Carol. You gots to see it's just hysteria. SOUND Knocking gets louder CAROL [in tears] But I'm bleeding! I have to get to a doctor! THADDEUS They ain't no blood, miss. Not a chance of it. It's all in ya' head, see? CAROL No, look, my side, it hurts-- THADDEUS Shh. I don' see no blood. SOUND knocking begins to recede CAROL No blood? THADDEUS Not a bit of it. CAROL [deep breath] All right. [realization] Oh! But if I saw a knife in his hand, on my right, then he must be left-handed! That's important, isn't it? MADAME [very tired] Very ...good. I must have another rest. We shall speak again. Goodbye.
SCENE 7. CAROL How does she do that? THADDEUS What? CAROL She just -- it was like she just wrapped some of the darkness around her and vanished. THADDEUS She probly jest turned off a light. You doin all right? CAROL No. My side hurts. I want to go home. THADDEUS Got to finish first. This GOT to be done. CAROL I know, but-- [begins to weep] THADDEUS I shore do like that song Poor Papa you sing sometimes. CAROL [surprised] What? THADDEUS I heared you sing it over and over one day, so I got it near enough memorized myself. CAROL [sniffs, but no longer crying] I was getting ready for an audition. No one can hear me in the stairwell, so it doesn't bother anyone if I practice there. THADDEUS And that song -- that song is jest plain funny. When mama gets to ride in the car-- CAROL [cheering up] Oh, yes, when "papa bought a limousine, the most expensive kind, now he wears a chauffeur's suit, and mama rides behind!" THADDEUS [laughing] Thassa one, thassa one gets me every time. One tough female, mama is. CAROL You really listen to me? THADDEUS Whenever I hears you in the stair, I'm there quick as all get out, tucked up high so's not to bother you or, well, make you afeared. CAROL Oh, I'm not afraid of you. THADDEUS You probly would be if'n we hadn't talked first. CAROL [beat] I wish I could say you were wrong. [deep breath] Thank you. THADDEUS Fer what? CAROL For the distraction. THADDEUS [teasing] Is that what I's doin? I thought I was complimentin you on your singin, thass all. CAROL Don't act dopey. THADDEUS You up to tryin again? CAROL Maybe... Should we see if she'll come back? THADDEUS Nah. Jest try right here. Maybe SHE the one makin it hard fer you to think. You come up with somethin now, you can always tell her when she come back. SOUND PACING CAROL [beat] This is futile. THADDEUS Nah-- CAROL [revving up] Futile. Pointless! Hopeless! THADDEUS You know what you needs? You needs to scratch around. CAROL What? THADDEUS You cain't scratch the spot what itches, cause that jest get you into trouble. Scratch around. CAROL [realizing] Thaddeus, you're brilliant! [beat] But, how CAN I think around--? THADDEUS Mebbe... you ever see them funny pictures with an artist, and he holdin up his thumb? How bout if you hold up ya' thumb - block out the part you gots to scratch around. CAROL I think I see -- Just look at the edges, because the middle is too scary. THADDEUS Yes'm. CAROL I see the door to the second floor hallway. It's off to my left. I see the light fixture on the wall. THADDEUS Don' worry about no lights. CAROL Right. I see a [deep breath] a hat - no a cap, like a deliveryman would wear. It's [breathes quickly for a moment] blue- I think it's blue-- SOUND Thud, like a body drop. THADDEUS Calm now, Miss Carol. CAROL --and hair, blonde? Or maybe light brown.
SCENE 8. MADAME Be calm, Carol. CAROL Yes, a deliveryman. I remember! I was thinking it must have been a small package, since he was coming up the stairs instead of the elevator, when-- [hollow, pained] oh! SOUND LOUDEST thumpings and rattlings yet. they CONTINUE until noted. CAROL Oh! THADDEUS S'all right. CAROL Oh! No, but Thaddeus-- THADDEUS I understand. I promise you, I do. CAROL But-- SOUND CRASH OF GLASS. CROWD [reactions - gasps, a scream.] CAROL But, he ... he killed me, didn't he? [beat] Didn't he Thaddeus? SOUND Deep creaking & cracking noises. CROWD [reacts again] MADAME Carol. I need to end this now. Goodbye. SOUND Sudden silence.
SCENE 9. CAROL Thaddeus? THADDEUS Yes, miss Carol? CAROL [calm] I'm right, aren't I? THADDEUS I spect you'd rather not be, but -- yes. You dead, too. CAROL Too? THADDEUS I wished I coulda stopped him, I truly do - but they ain't nothin much a ghost can do! Jest makin him see me was hard enough, and I was ... too late... CAROL But, what do I do now? Do I go somewhere? THADDEUS [rueful laugh] If'n I had an answer fer that, miss Carol, I spect I wouldn't be here talkin wit' you. MUSIC
SCENE 10. TOUR GUIDE [clearly reading] And here we are at stop number 12 on the haunted hotel tour, the Garibaldi Residential Suites -- rumored to be home to a plethora of ghosts, including a baby in the basement, a chain rattling spook in suite 405, a runaway slave, and the poor girl who was the final victim of the stairway stabber - and can sometimes be heard singing in the stairwells. MUSIC OLIVIA Now that you know how to find us, you'll have to come back. Maybe next week? Don't be a stranger - we have enough of those already...
"Poor Papa" lyrics by Billy Rose, 1926.
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| 19 Nocturne Boulevard - PLEASE OUIJA PLEASE - reissue | 21 Oct 2021 | 00:07:52 | |
Be careful what you wish for. Please Ouija Please
Written and produced by Julie Hoverson *************************************** This is one of my newer short audio pieces. Another one where a single scene in some movie will stick in my head and I will come up with an entirely new story - in this case, a nurse walking away, and someone sneaking out of their rooms at night. Can't even recall what movie it was, but the whole story came to me in an instant. *************************************** Please Ouija Please Cast:
MUSIC - MELANCHOLY
SCENE 1. OLD FOLKS HOME SOUND DOOR SHUTS VERY QUIETLY SOUND SOFT FOOTSTEPS NURSE 1 [report, quiet] Everything's fine in here. SOUND THEY WALK AWAY NURSE 2 The boys have been fractious tonight. They keep claiming they have to "go home." [chuckles sadly] These senile cases. At least they aren't the type to play grabsies like frat boys. NURSE 1 I'd hate for any of our oldies to get out and go missing like those kids from over the hill. NURSE 2 I know. Who knows what could be happening to the poor little things? SOUND THEY GO OUT A DISTANT DOOR, IT SHUTS SOUND AFTER A MOMENT, A NEARBY DOOR OPENS MAUDE [whispered] All clear. WINIFRID [whispered] Do you see the boys? GRISWOLD Psst! MAUDE There they are. Stay close, Winnie! SOUND VERY SOFT SLIPPERED FOOTSTEPS MUSIC - MYSTICAL
SCENE 2. ATTIC SOUND MATCHES STRIKE EDGAR [bragging] Stole these from the orderly. WINIFRID You could have got caught! SOUND CHALK WRITING - WITH MAUDE'S LETTERS MAUDE A-B GRISWOLD I was watching his back. MAUDE C-D-E GRISWOLD If anyone came, I was gonna fake a seizure or something. At least til Eddie got clear. MAUDE F-G-H-I- [falters] uh-- WINIFRID J-K-L MAUDE right. M- N- EDGAR I couldn't find anything quite like a reader thing-- WINIFRID A planchette. EDGAR Yeah, one of those. But maybe this would work. MAUDE O-P-Q-R GRISWOLD We don't want to take any chances. Not again. WINIFRID [agreeing dolefully] Nuh-uh! MAUDE S-T-U- EDGAR But this - I found this magnifying glass - it can circle letters. WINIFRID They use a little drinking glass in the movies. When they don't have a proper one. MAUDE V-W-X- GRISWOLD There's no time to go get anything else. And they lock up the dining hall. EDGAR We can all touch the edges of the magnifier. It's big enough. MAUDE Y-Z. There. SOUND WRITING ENDS WINIFRID [anxious] Now put yes and no. GRISWOLD And Goodbye. NEVER forget goodbye. SOUND WRITING AGAIN MAUDE [sigh as she starts] Good...bye. SOUND DRAGGING OF MAGNIFYING GLASS ACROSS GROUND. EDGAR See? WINIFRID That's awful noisy. Are you sure they won't hear? GRISWOLD I don't think so. MAUDE [writing, not responding] Yes. EDGAR You always agree with Griswold. MAUDE [writing, not responding] No. WINIFRID Hush, Eddie. MAUDE [finished] There. What? [waits] We better start. Who knows when they'll spot we're all gone. GRISWOLD Circle up. SOUND SCUFFLING MOVEMENT EDGAR We all got to touch this. SOUND MAGNIFYING GLASS SET ON FLOOR WINIFRID Who starts? MAUDE Griz did it before, he has to again. Do you remember who to call? GRISWOLD Shh. [in an important voice] We are here to call on the spirits. Are there any here? SOUND MAGNIFYING GLASS SLIDES EDGAR [hushed but excited] Yes! WINIFRID I didn't--! MAUDE Shh! Go on Griz. GRISWOLD We need to speak to the spirit we found before. The one named-- WINIFRID It's moving. SOUND MOVING EDGAR Spelling something! MAUDE U-M-A- GRISWOLD Sh. Don't say it if you don't have to. MAUDE I wasn't saying it, I was-- GRISWOLD Shh! WINIFRID It was the same name, I was watching. EDGAR Me too! GRISWOLD Are you here? SOUND MOVING EDGAR Yes. WINIFRID [blurting] Please let us go home! MAUDE Shh. You know it's not that easy. GRISWOLD We want to reverse what happened. Can we do that? SOUND MOVING EDGAR [shaky and excited] Yes! WINIFRID [whimpers] MAUDE How? [prompting] Ask how? GRISWOLD How can we reverse it? SOUND MOVING EDGAR K- MAUDE I- GRISWOLD L- WINIFRID [whimpers, cries] No. GRISWOLD Who? WINIFRID [crying] What? GRISWOLD [ignoring her] Who do we have to-- SOUND MOVING MAUDE [reading] Anyone. GRISWOLD How many? How many total? EDGAR What? GRISWOLD I don't want to get fooled again. Is it one for all of us, or one each? SOUND MOVING WINIFRID I can't! MAUDE [reading] Only One. EDGAR Whew. WINIFRID No! MAUDE [sigh] We have to, or we'll be here forever. EDGAR And forever ain't gonna last very long. [slight whine] I want to go home, don't you, Winnie? WINIFRID I- I- [breaking down into tears] Y-yes. I want mommy! MAUDE Do we all have to,.. help? Or can you handle it, Griz? GRISWOLD Me? Um. I'll ask. [clears throat] Who needs to - uh - do the killing? SOUND MOVING GRISWOLD [reading] No matter. EDGAR You make it say it clear! GRISWOLD [commanding] If I do it - kill someone - will that count for all of us so we can go home? SOUND MOVING - ONE SHIFT MAUDE [sharp, reading] Yes! GRISWOLD Okay, then. EDGAR [dubious] I-I- can help? GRISWOLD I got us into this. WINIFRID But Edgar made the wish. EDGAR What? MAUDE You are the one who said we all wanted to be older. GRISWOLD [grim] Never mind. Let's get it over with. EDGAR Don't forget to say-- ALL JOIN IN Goodbye. SOUND LONG WAIT, THEN MOVING - ONE SHIFT
MUSIC
SCENE 3. NEWS NEWS1 Breaking news tonight is the fire at the Ronson Elder Care facility that claimed three lives. No details at this time as to the cause of the conflagration. More as the story develops. NEWS2 In other, more pleasant, news, four young siblings who have been missing in the Ronson area for almost two weeks have mysteriously found their way home. NEWS1 I'm sure we all wish them the best. MUSIC STING TO END | |||
| Atomic Julie - Beyond the Yellow Fog (pt 7 of 8) by Emmett McDowell | 19 Oct 2021 | 00:16:47 | |
Chapter 8: forget the heavy gravity, I'm booking! | |||
| 19 Nocturne Boulevard - MURDER WARD - Reissue | 14 Oct 2021 | 00:33:48 | |
MURDER WARD "Not guilty by reason of insanity" sounds like an easy out to murderer Edmund - but when he checks into Dr. Larson's mental hospital, he gets much more than he bargained for. Cast List Music: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Recorded with American Radio Theater "What kind of a place is it? ************************************************************ Murder Ward This was another episode I wrote specifically in an Old Time Radio format and put together with American Radio Theater, a group that recreates old time radio shows. Parts of this story were very loosely inspired by (of all things) The Seven Keys to Baldpate, a stage play by George M. Cohen (and a film inspired by it, "The House of Long Shadows"), as was at least one other episode of my show, though in a completely separate way. Some stories just stick with me.... Or make me think of ways I could do it better.... A big part of this particular story comes from my love of old true crime and detective stories, and how often (in fiction at least) people claim to be temporarily insane in order to get an easier sentence. I don't want to say more about this story, just will leave it up to the listener. I want to talk about how I got into podcast audio dramas. I was doing OTR re-creations with ART when Reynaud Leboeuf (one of my most reliable stock actors in 19 Nocturne Boulevard) said he'd been cast in this podcast Lovecraftian comedy soap opera called The Unspeakable and the Inhuman (which was hilarious), and that they were still looking for a female lead, and would I like to audition? Well, of course I would! I was cast, and we recorded in early 2008 at Neohoodoo Studios (Ryan's basement), and during one of these recordings, one of the other actors commented that this was so fun, they should make more shows so that we could record more.... ...and I said I have some scripts!!!! Of course, I still had to learn how to mix, and all that sort of thing, but that's basically where it started. For most of 2008, 19 Nocturne was recorded primarily at Neohoodoo, with the help and kind permission of Ryan - and that got me good sound to work with for my beginning efforts, which made a huge difference. Joy from ART and Ryan both showed me a few things and gave me some tips on mixing. I have to admit to being a teensy bit smug when, after Unspeakable and Inhuman kind of fell apart, I ran into the main writer Derek at a convention a few years later, and he asked me "How did you make it to so many episodes, when we never got past 9?" and I replied "I'm not a committee." I do wish Unspeakable and Inhuman was still available somewhere, but I don't think it is. Maybe I'll get in touch with Derek someday and get permission to post the episodes - for posterity. For the first year of 19 Nocturne, episodes came out in the U&I feed - after the first 8 came out at Brokensea - which further muddies the waters as to what the original order of episodes might have been. It was late 2009 before I decided I was definitely going to keep making shows, and therefore it was worth getting my own page and RSS feed. ...Everything else, as they say, is history. ************************************************************ MURDER WARD Cast:
OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's an insane asylum, can't you tell? Where else would you find ...a murderer? MUSIC OLIVIA [voice over] "Not guilty by reason of insanity". A legal defense, often misused to try and get a lighter sentence for a heinous crime. And what does it really mean? In a nutshell--
SCENE 1. OFFICE RUDY --it means at the time you did what you did, you didn't - couldn't - understand what you were doing was wrong. It's a tough sell, Ed. No matter what the movies make out, most juries just don't believe-- EDMUND [cultured voice] Mr. Horton, I would prefer that you address me directly when you speak to me. RUDY Ed, this isn't funny. EDMUND There is no "Ed" here. Edmund, however, is sleeping. Mr. Horton, if you cannot bring yourself to use my name, at least-- RUDY OK, look-- SOUND rustling paper RUDY [disapproving] --Achilles - I-- EDMUND And I am not insane. Nor is Edmund. I knew perfectly well what I did was wrong. All those pretty little women. I was really doing them a favor. The world is so harsh. RUDY I-- Look, Achilles, let me talk to Ed for a while. It's his name on the docket, after all. EDMUND Very well. I shall rouse him for you. [voice changes to more lower class - after this, he speaks as Ed any time not otherwise noted] Yeah? What is it shyster? Hey! Why's my cigarette all burned down all of a sudden? MUSIC
SCENE 2. COURTROOM CROWD [MURMURS] SOUND GAVEL DOCTOR LARSON Ahem. As I said, after a thorough examination, I have concluded that while Edmund is nominally the dominant persona, his alter ego Achilles was the one who actually committed... [fade out] MUSIC
SCENE 3. ASYLUM HALLWAY SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON TILE. JINGLE OF KEYS TERRANCE Guess you think you're lucky, eh? SOUND DOOR UNLOCKS EDMUND And why's that? SOUND DOOR OPENS INMATES [AD LIB, MURMURS "IN CHARACTER" see monologues at end] EDMUND What the--? TERRANCE Your new pals, bub. As I was saying, I guess you THINK you're lucky, getting off without the death penalty and all. Come on. SOUND SLOW FOOTSTEPS EDMUND Look mac, I thought I was gonna have a private room-- TERRANCE These are the induction cells. Once the Doc gets a handle on your syko-sees, she'll move you to someplace appropriate. EDMUND She? SOUND FOOTSTEPS STOP TERRANCE Sure. You saw her at your trial - Doctor Larson. She's got some big-brain new ideas about how ta deal with luniacks like yourself. SOUND KEYS JINGLE. TERRANCE Your room, misshur. SOUND CELL UNLOCKS, DOOR OPENS. EDMUND But, but there's a DAME in here. Ain't we supposed to be-- TERRANCE Funny thing about that. Dames go off the pier too. And we're overbooked in that department. She probly won't be here long. Besides, she's waaaay over there. She can't hurt you. SOUND FOOTSTEPS HECTOR [fading in - urgent milktoast] --he's right. She shouldn't be in here. You don't understand the damage they can do. [fading] Women are-- RONALD [fading in, hissing whispers] ‑‑have new instructions. It is time for you to let me go. HE has declared it. [fading] My presence is required-- SOUND FOOTSTEPS END, JINGLE OF KEYS ROSE [fading in] --staring at me. Are you sure they can't get out? Please, would you check the locks again? [fading] I'm so afraid-- SOUND DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS. INMATES [MOMENT OF SILENCE] ROSE [sigh] RONALD [normal, husky voice] Hey. New guy. Got any smokes? EDMUND What? RONALD Smokes. EDMUND Even if I did, they wouldn't let us have any matches, would they? ROSE [hard dame] Who are you kidding? You can get pretty much anything in here, just as long as you know who to ask. And HOW to ask it. EDMUND Funny, you sounded crazy a minute ago. ROSE [snort] Yeah, well. We all have our bad days... [raising voice slightly] And some never have good days, right Heck? HECTOR Wicked Jezebel. You shouldn't be here. ROSE [to Edmund] We're pretty sure that Hector there is the real McCoy. RONALD Now, now. We're ALL nuts. We must keep that in mind. ROSE Yeah, but THAT guy - he just never lets up! EDMUND But if you ain't crazy-- RONALD [chuckles] Court says we are. Even with moments of lucidity, well-- What can they do? EDMUND What if they're listening? Recording, maybe? ROSE I thought I was the one with the persecution complex. RONALD I've been trying to catch them for over a month. Nothing doing. They're just not interested. Besides, once the jury brings down the verdict, the court has to keep you locked you up until they cure you. ROSE OR you give up and confess. RONALD Oh, sure. [sarcastic] I'll just admit it was all phony, take my lumps and go to the Chair! EDMUND What if one of you decides to squeal? ROSE [laughs] Who'd take the word of a head case? HECTOR If you try and spit your fiendish poison at me, fiend, I shall find a way to defend myself! ROSE [disgusted sigh] I am real sick of him. RONALD He probably had a bad mother. ROSE Yeah? Well who didn't? EDMUND The guard said I'd only be in here for a little while-- RONALD Yeah. Us too. I've now been here for two months, and Rose-- ROSE Rose Connelly, p'raps you hearda me? EDMUND YOU'RE Rose Connelly? ROSE [pleased] Yeah. The one and only. My sister's got a scrapbook of clippings for me. She can't bring them, but she tells me all about them when she visits. RONALD Rose's been here about three weeks. Since her sentencing. EDMUND And Romeo over there? ROSE Hah! Cute. Two incredibly long days. EDMUND And...this is it? RONALD What? EDMUND This is what we get? I mean, in prison they at least get some kind of exercise and stuff. Geneva convention, and all that. ROSE Ah, it's just temporary. I guess the loony bins are all booked up right now. [giggles] Say, maybe there's a convention in town. RONALD Don't worry. We get to talk to the Doc each day, regular as clockwork. She's a sweetheart, but I bet Hector isn't making any improvements. HECTOR [matter of fact] Doctor? She's the devil! I refuse to give her the satisfaction of a single word. ROSE [derisive] "Doctor," hah! She's the one that let me get myself in here. I thought it would be real tough to fool a head shrinker, but boy was she a pushover. Always so sympathetic. So understanding. She don't deserve to be a nurse, let alone a doctor. RONALD Funny, she testified at my trial too. Hmm. Guess we both got lucky. EDMUND [absently] Yeah. Lucky. MUSIC
SCENE 4. DOCTOR'S OFFICE DOCTOR LARSON Edmund, I can't help you if you refuse to cooperate. EDMUND [as Achilles] I am trying my utmost, madam, but he simply refuses to converse with you. DOCTOR LARSON [not batting an eye] Then let's you and I talk, Achilles. You claim that the killing was-- EDMUND [as Achilles] Killings. Let us be precise. Mercy killings, actually. [fading] I felt so kindly‑‑ MUSIC
SCENE 5. CELL HALLWAY SOUND SNORING FROM ALL INMATES SOUND SCRITCHING, LIKE A MOUSE TRYING TO BORE THROUGH WOOD EDMUND [snores, then wakes, frightened] Ah! ah! What? [NOTE LOW VOICES] RONALD Shh. You'll wake the neighbors. EDMUND What was that? But that noise - it's-- RONALD I know. We call him Mortimer. EDMUND This place has mice? RONALD We haven't seen him, so we're not sure what particular type of rodentia he is, but we sure hear him. Particularly when it's quiet. EDMUND But how can I get any sleep--? RONALD You get used to it. We all get used to lots of things. HECTOR [coming awake with a scream] Aaagh! Off me, you fiend from hell! No! No! [goes on incoherently] ROSE [Wakes with a whimper] [NOTE VOICES NORMAL] EDMUND That'll take some getting used to. RONALD Yeah. MUSIC
SCENE 6. DOCTOR'S OFFICE DOCTOR LARSON Edmund, why don't you tell me about your mother? EDMUND [as Edmund] My mother? What - why? My mother's fine. She got nothing to do with this. DOCTOR LARSON Do you love your mother? EDMUND Well, o'course. I mean, you gotta - it's just nature, ain't it? [trailing off with] No matter... what... she does t'you. DOCTOR LARSON What did your mother do, Edmund? [beat] Edmund? EDMUND [as Achilles] It's no use, doctor. He has gone into retreat. MUSIC
SCENE 7. CELL HALLWAY SOUND CELL BLOCK DOOR OPENS INMATES [begin their various muttering] TERRANCE This way folks. Step lively now. SOUND CROWD MURMURS, LOTS OF SHUFFLING FOOTSTEPS HECTOR What is this? How dare you bring in more of THEM! Mischief! Mischief! ROSE [aside, shocked, not pretending] What's a kid doing here? MOM Tommy, now look at that - that's what crazy folks look like. KID Gee. TERRANCE [like a carnival barker] Not just any crazy folks, lady, these are all crazy murderers! CROWD Ooh! TERRANCE Each and every one of these... people... has committed the most heinous of crimes! GIRL Wow, look at that one over there, he's kinda cute--! HECTOR Harlot! Harlot! Do not approach, or I must smite thee down! GIRL What's smite - is that bad? TERRANCE Best to stay away from the bars. Now, this here is Rose Connolly, known throughout the entire state-- ROSE [seriously disturbed] Stop looking at me! How can you--? Get them outta here, wontcha? TERRANCE --For killing her husband while under the inexorable compulsion of a persecution complex. ROSE This isn't right! GIRL What's inexcorable - is that bad? MOM Killing your man - now, that ain't right! RONALD Come, come, now - leave her, she is unimportant, aha! But I - I have a message to give unto you. MUSIC - TIME PASSES
SCENE 8. CELL HALLWAY SOUND CROWD WANDERS OUT, DOOR SHUTS ROSE [Breaks down] Oh! RONALD How mortifying. ROSE [sobbing] Like animals in a zoo. EDMUND I'm surprised they didn't start throwing us peanuts. RONALD I tried to get them away from you, Rose, I really did. But big headlines trumps preaching, I guess. HECTOR This should stand as a warning to you, woman! You are never alone! There is always a witness to the wicked things you do! ROSE I have had just about enough out of you! You-- noisy little weasel! We girls, we're just folks just like everybody else - you have no right to-- RONALD Rose, calm down. Shh. It's not going to help. EDMUND Yeah. For crying out loud, we've made it this far, how much worse can it get? MUSIC
SCENE 9. DOCTOR'S OFFICE EDMUND [as Achilles] It was mortifying for Edmund, Doctor. I think he may have suffered a terrible setback. DOCTOR Now, the tours are conducted for very good reasons. EDMUND What, pray tell? DOCTOR It's really not something we should be discussing, but - since you are so concerned - First, it is to show the public that this facility is on the up and up - you've certainly heard of the old fashioned "asylums" where inmates were neglected and beaten? This way, nothing is hidden - so no abuses occur-- EDMUND [almost breaking character] No abuses? DOCTOR Also, it helps to make insanity seem less frightening to the general public. Most people have seen insanity only in movies - where it is so inevitably terribly destructive and dangerous. This way, they see the human side of it. EDMUND [as Achilles] I see that your intentions are admirable, but I can't help but think that a trip through the violent ward would merely reinforce the negative popular belief? DOCTOR That's why the tour through the violent ward is only for serious students of psychology. [fading] You must have misunderstood. MUSIC
SCENE 10. CELL HALLWAY SOUND CELL BLOCK DOOR OPENS RONALD And the lord said-- ROSE Can't you make them stop staring? SOUND FOOTSTEPS, DOOR CLOSES INMATES [CONTINUE MURMURS] SOUND CELL DOOR OPENS EDMUND [Achilles] Thank you, my good man. SOUND CELL DOOR CLOSES, FOOTSTEPS. THEN A SCUFFLE! HECTOR [struggling] Give it to me! TERRANCE [struggling] Leave go, you ape! HECTOR [struggling] I have to-- oof! [air knocked out of him] SOUND TWO FOOTSTEPS. DUSTING OFF HANDS TERRANCE That'll show you to tangle with me. HECTOR [weak] Yes, but ... I have your gun. ROSE [scream] EDMUND Stop him Ron - you're closest! SOUND GUN SHOT TERRANCE Aargh! ROSE Oh no! No! HECTOR [calm and creepy] The next one is for you, Delilah! Salome! ROSE Me? I didn't do anything-- [gasps] INMATES [GASP] SOUND CLICK RONALD Who put out the lights? HECTOR It was the monster - Lilith, devourer of infants! SOUND PSSST OF GAS EDMUND Do you... hear... [getting sleepy] Some...thing...? MUSIC - TIME PASSES
SCENE 11. CELL HALLWAY EDMUND [waking up] Hmm? Wha--? RONALD [groans] ROSE [wakes with a startled gasp] EDMUND What happened? RONALD At least the lights are back on. ROSE But I don't wanna open my eyes. EDMUND Look! RONALD Where? [disgust] Oh! ROSE Just ... just tell me, I don't wanna-- EDMUND Better you don't look, Rose. [muttered] That's a lot of blood. RONALD [muttered back] You don't lose that much and walk away. Too bad. Terry was a right guy. ROSE Blood? Oh, no! Hector? Where is he? He's going to shoot me! RONALD Calm down, Rose. He's gone. EDMUND So's the guard. There's just the... blood. SOUND CLICK - LOUDSPEAKER ON DOCTOR LARSON [filter/loudspeaker] We apologize for the inconvenience of using a psychotropic gas on you. EDMUND Gas? DOCTOR LARSON [filter] Rest assured there will be no long-term effects. EDMUND That was what I heard. DOCTOR LARSON [filter] If you are feeling groggy or your head aches, sit quietly, breath deeply, and it will pass. SOUND CLICK - LOUDSPEAKER OFF ROSE [breathing deeply but raggedly] It wasn't our fault - they haveta know that! EDMUND It's not like we're a bunch of babes in the woods. They may know what happened and just not care. ROSE So just because I killed my husband, I;m gonna - I'm gonna hurt a random stranger? That's silly. RONALD [chuckles] No. Just insane, m'dear. MUSIC
SCENE 12. OFFICE RUDY I don't see any way to-- EDMUND What? This is cruel and inhumane-- RUDY You don't understand, Ed. [dry] It is Ed I'm talking to, isn't it? EDMUND Yeah, yeah. RUDY You are not a free citizen. You've been consigned to Dr. Larson's care, and-- EDMUND Now you don't understand, Horton. A guard was killed last night, in our block-- RUDY You didn't--? EDMUND Nah, it was this loony who thinks women are all evil. RUDY Which, of course, you don't--? EDMUND This ain't the time for that, Rudy. I'm talking about a murder. RUDY There's no record of-- EDMUND The corpse's name is Terry, Terrance, something like that. He is - was - a guard here. Come on, someone's gotta be doing something! RUDY I haven't seen anything in the papers. These state-run facilities, though-- sometimes they're like a world in themselves. EDMUND Well get me another world. RUDY [chuckles] There's only ONE way to do that. EDMUND Yes? RUDY Admit that you're not insane... and go to the chair. MUSIC
SCENE 13. CELL HALLWAY SOUND CELL BLOCK DOOR OPENS, ROSE'S FOOTSTEPS AND A HEAVY SET OF MAN'S FOOTSTEPS, SLOW AND MEASURED. ROSE Can't you please stop looking at me? I know why - I know why you're staring! You can read my mind! SOUND KEYS JINGLE EDMUND [Achilles] You are such a lovely young lady. And so frightened. Come to me and I shall cure you of all your fear. SOUND DOOR UNLOCKS, OPENS ROSE Stop! Don't say things like that. He never takes his eyes off of me, you know. RONALD [quietly] And he said unto me, for I am the way-- SOUND ROSE'S QUICK FOOTSTEPS, DOOR SHUTS, LOCKS. EDMUND Hey, buddy, don't you talk? SOUND KEYS JINGLE. HEAVY FOOTSTEPS LEAVE RONALD Justice is ever mute. SOUND DOOR OPENS, CLOSES INMATES [quiet for a moment] EDMUND What's with that guy? RONALD I hate being ignored like that. ROSE He didn't say anything in the halls - going to the doc's office OR coming back, either. No matter what I did. EDMUND Did the doc say anything about the dead guard? ROSE Not a word, even though I asked. She just ignored the question. RONALD She didn't ignore you completely, though? ROSE No... But she didn't say much. Did she talk to you at all during your appointment? RONALD I didn't have an appointment with her this morning. EDMUND But you were gone-- RONALD I wasn't going to say anything, but the guard just took me out and walked me around the halls for an hour. MUSIC
SCENE 14. OFFICE EDMUND I got rights, Horton! RUDY Well, technically, no. Actually, I could do more for you if you WERE in prison. Once you're committed to the doctor's care, you really can't complain. Particularly since you don't have any proof for any of your allegations-- EDMUND Allegations? Proof? How's this for proof - the others will back me up! RUDY [condescending] Two other certified inmates? Oh, sure. That'll stand up in court. MUSIC
SCENE 15. EDMUND You guys ever wonder what they did with old Hector? RONALD Solitary confinement, I guess. Killing a guard's pretty serious. EDMUND [sarcastic] Oh, yeah, unlike whatever it was we did to get here. ROSE Hey, I draw the line at killing strangers. EDMUND Just your husband? ROSE Looking back, I guess it wasn't such a great idea. RONALD You guess? Hah! You-- EDMUND Why'd you do it, then? Did he push you around or something? ROSE [snorts] Nah. If he'd'a beaten me, I woulda had a defense in court. Nah, it was just little things. Like the sounds he makes when he eats - ate - and the thing with his toenails. Us women have to put up with this kind of thing all the time, but... It just got to me. EDMUND It just got to you? ROSE Well, yeah! RONALD There's a reason the marriage vows say until death do we part-- ROSE AND I wasn't going to the chair for something like that, so I started pulling the "he was out to get me" hash on my lawyer, and it worked. More or less. Not like this joint is anything to write home about. RONALD It wasn't so bad up until that guy Hector showed up. Since then... well. EDMUND So who'd you kill? SOUND TINNY CHAMBER MUSIC BEGINS TO PIPE IN, VERY QUIETLY. RONALD I don’t think so-- EDMUND [pushing] Go on. Who? ROSE Oh, leave off. Hey, that's kind of nice. RONALD What? ROSE The music. RONALD Hmm. And if I prefer to maintain my right to avoid self-incrimination? EDMUND Geez. Don't take it that way, I was just curious. [pause] I killed four women. ROSE Four? Maybe I SHOULD be worried. SOUND MUSIC STARTS TO VERY SLOWLY GET LOUDER EDMUND Oh, I put on a song and dance for the cops about how they needed to be killed to save them and all. Making up a Mr. Hyde personality to take all the blame. [beat] Three of em were mob snitches. RONALD So what, you're a hit man? EDMUND I owed some money. Shouldn't have got caught at all, seeing as how there was no connection between me and them, but the cops got something - fingerprints or something - and they tracked me down. ROSE And ...the fourth? EDMUND Huh? [offhanded] Oh, just some dame - I did her to throw off the connections and make myself look nuts. I'd already figured on being caught - and better a whacko than a torpedo, ya know? SOUND MUSIC IS LOUD ENOUGH THAT THEY ARE RAISING THEIR VOICES OVER IT RONALD You are some piece of work. EDMUND Still casting stones, eh, preacher? Why don't you explain how you got here-- What in the name of --- What IS that MUSIC? ROSE It was ok... to start with... but, now--! SOUND MUSIC REACHES A CRESCENDO, THEN CUTS OUT WITH MUSIC STING - TIME PASSES
SCENE 16. CELL HALLWAY SOUND DOOR LOCK UNLOCKS, DOOR OPENS. RONALD --said the offender must be plucked out! SOUND SLOW FOOTSTEPS - ORDERLY BRINGING IN NEW INMATE, VICTOR EDMUND I am so sick of this guy. ROSE Are you taking me away? I know you've been watching me. SOUND RATTLE OF LARGE CHAIN, STUMBLING FOOTSTEPS VICTOR [growls and snaps] SOUND KEYS, CELL DOOR OPENS. ROSE [whispered] Ed? Ed? That guy - is he even human? EDMUND [whispered] Shh. I dunno. ROSE [whispered] But he's so... so huge! SOUND SHUFFLING FOOTSTEPS, CHAIN RATTLING. RONALD The beast! For I have seen-- VICTOR [growl - lunge] SOUND SCUFFLE OF FEET, CHAINS CLANG AGAINST BARS. RONALD Aah! SOUND SCUFFLE AWAY. VICTOR [snarling] SOUND THUNK OF NIGHTSTICK ON FLESH, RATTLE OF CHAINS ROSE He didn't-- it didn't even notice! The guard hit it and hit it-- [screaming] Get me out of here! Please! Please get me out of here! sound cell door closes, locks, rattle of chains against bars EDMUND Shh. He's not listening anyway. ROSE Anything! Whatever you want! [collapsing into sobs] I can't take any more! SOUND GUARD'S FOOTSTEPS, KEYS, CELL BLOCK DOOR UNLOCKED ROSE Please! I'll admit everything! Take me to the doctor - the lawyer - the JUDGE! Anything! SOUND [BEAT] FOOTSTEPS RETURN, KEYS, CELL DOOR UNLOCKS. ROSE [Breaking down] Oh... thank you. Thank you...! MUSIC
SCENE 17. OFFICE RUDY --none of your business. She's not my case. Now, Ed, they can keep you locked up any way they want - with anyone they want - for as long as they want. You're getting three squares a day, right? EDMUND Usually. Sometimes it comes pretty late, though. And there's been a couple of times it's been too salty to eat. RUDY So they have a crummy cook - place like this? Go figure. EDMUND You gotta get me out of here, Rudy. RUDY I've told you, there's no place else to put you. MUSIC
SCENE 18. CELL HALLWAY RONALD I think he's asleep. EDMUND It. Rose called it an it. RONALD I asked the doctor about Rose. The doc said a whole lot of nothing, but I get the impression she - Rose - has revealed all, as they say, and is heading for a short vacation in a nice clean death row cell. EDMUND Not so bad for her. Women get pardoned all the time, specially pretty ones. RONALD Yeah. And you would know all about the pretty ones, eh? EDMUND [remembering fondly] They were all lookers, yeah. RONALD How can you sleep? EDMUND Don't get high and mighty moral on me, bud, you're in here too. RONALD I was only-- It WAS a moral choice. A decision that had to be made and no one was making it. EDMUND Oh, so who'd you kill? Cripples? RONALD I ended the suffering of several decrepit-- VINCENT [ROAR!] SOUND CHAINS SMACK AGAINST CELL BARS RONALD [half choking] Let go! EDMUND Nobody's got arms that--! RONALD [gasping] Get someone! You gotta-- [choking] EDMUND Hey! Hey! over here, ugly! SOUND RATTLE OF CHAINS RONALD [gasps for breath] SOUND THUMPING FOOTSTEPS, RATTLE OF CHAINS EDMUND Hah! Gorilla! Even you can't reach this far, eh? SOUND CELL DOOR BEING SHAKEN VICTOR [growls] RONALD [hoarse] Thanks, pal. EDMUND Don't thank me yet - I think those hinges are coming loose! SOUND CELL DOOR BREAKS OPEN, RATTLE OF CHAINS RONALD Oh, god! No! Release the gas! Someone please release the gas!!! [choking] VICTOR [growls] SOUND CHAINS RATTLING AGAINST BARS SOUND TINNY CHAMBER MUSIC PLAYS OVER THE FIGHT NOISES EDMUND Not the music! The gas! He's dying, for crying out loud! RONALD [expiring noise] SOUND GAS MUSIC
SCENE 19. OFFICE EDMUND Horton, whatever I need to do, whatever I need to sign, just hand it over. I ain't spending another night in this place. RUDY You understand the consequences? You won't have the slightest option of recanting again and going back to your original statement. EDMUND Yeah, yeah. Anything - and I mean anything - is better than this freak show. MUSIC
SCENE 20. RECEPTION PARTY SOUND GLASSES TINKLE, DRINKS BEING POURED DOCTOR LARSON I'm so glad you find my program effective, Mr. District Attorney. D-A. Well, I admit I had my doubts, when you first outlined it-- DOCTOR LARSON You expressed concern about the danger of physical harm to the subject? As you now see, there is never any direct physical contact. Thus, there can be no allegations of physical harm or coersion. ROSE He might have come close to dying with fright, though. [teasing] You were quite terrifying, darling. VICTOR [growls jokingly, then fairly cultured voice] After fifteen movies as monsters ROSE And an apeman... VICTOR [chuckles] And one apemen, who wouldn't be? HECTOR I'm rather glad I get to duck out early. Murderers just [shudders] give me the creeps. TERRANCE Hey, we're out of sham-pane. Want me to go and get some more? HECTOR Nah, I'll go. Be right back! D-A. It seems like a lot of effort, though, for a single confession. A lot of manpower. [tip of the hat] And woman power. DOCTOR LARSON Ah, but it's valuable work on a number of levels. We convince a murderer to confess, and we learn a great deal about the human psyche each time through the experiment. D-A. Each time? How many--? ROSE Hmm... [thinking] I've had the screaming meemies four times-- RONALD And I've nearly died... oh, three, I think. DOCTOR LARSON Not all of them last as long as our good friend Edmund. D-A. I'll drink to that. MUSIC CLOSER OLIVIA Now that you know how to find us, you'll have to come back. Maybe next week? Don't be a stranger - we have enough of those already...
INDIVIDUAL SPEECHES FOR THE "INMATES" FOR "ad lib" SECTIONS ROSE I can feel them, all the time, watching everything I do - always making sure. Always knowing. I never get a moment alone, never a smidgen of privacy. How can I live like this? It's always the same - at first, they seem so nice, so different, then they turn on you, controlling you, having to know everything you do, and then they just don't let you do anything. I couldn't even have a glass of water without getting permission. HECTOR Sinner! Be penitent and god may be merciful and end your despicable life - hah, raise your head in the presence of your condemnation, will you? Created to sin, designed by Satan to tempt honest men from the path of righteousness. Daughters of Eve, you share her taint! You try and draw us into your web, to make us debase ourselves for your enjoyment! Wickedness! Temptress! Succubus! RONALD God moves in mysterious ways, for his decisions are inscrutable and his calling ineffable. He has summoned me to his bidding, and I must obey. There is no evil in ending the suffering of those that god would have called home to his presence. He does not strike out in anger, but reaches forth to embrace his injured and damaged children, who need his solace. | |||
| Atomic Julie - Beyond the Yellow Fog (pt 6 of 8) by Emmett McDowell | 12 Oct 2021 | 00:18:46 | |
Chapter 7 - a short trip to the slave camp on the heavy gravity planet. | |||
| 19 Nocturne Boulevard - THE CANTERVILLE GHOST - Reissue | 07 Oct 2021 | 00:33:40 | |
Adapted by Julie Hoverson from the story "The Canterville Ghost" by Oscar Wilde [Family friendly] In the late 1800s, an American family moves into an old English castle, only to find that the fixtures include an ancestral ghost... Cast List Music: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) "What kind of a place is it? Why it's an Olde English Castle *********************************************************** The Canterville Ghost Who doesn't love the classic Oscar Wilde satire "The Canterville Ghost"? It's a story about a traditional horrific British spirit haunting a traditional British Manor, who runs afoul of a very modern (for the late 1800s) American family who has no respect at all for tradition. This has always been one of my two favorite classic comedic ghost stories, the other being "The Water Ghost of Harrowby Hall", which I will probably get in here soon, just because of the season. I had so much fun adapting this, playing with the practical, unflappable, and often gormless Americans. I did make one major change in the cast, which was not entirely original to me. I added the ghost of Lady Canterville to pester and haunt Sir Simon - and also give him someone to rant to, complain at, and plan with, since otherwise all his best bits would either be pages of soliloquies or just left out (like they usually end up being left out when this story gets made into films). I really really tried to keep as much of the descriptions of Sir Simon's various semblances and costumes in the dialogue as I could. They're so much fun, along with the descriptions of whom he terrified with them. I crammed it as full as possible, without going completely off the deep end. I recall when I was in grade school, I read a novelization someone had done based on The Canterville Ghost where they added Lady Canterville as a ghost, but I specifically didn't go back and find that book again before writing this, so I wouldn't accidentally usurp any other ideas from it - I have a good memory, but it has been decades since I read it (more then 2), so I should be pretty safe. Including her is a logical step, anyway, since if HE haunts the house because he was murdered, why shouldn't SHE also haunt it because HE murdered HER? When I set about to cast this, I was still pretty much working with friends and locals, and not yet to the point of recruiting or auditioning people on line. And while I knew I wanted Cole as Sir Simon - and of course myself as Lady Eleanor, since I wrote the role for me (a big advantage of being a writer/producer), I had no particular idea who else I wanted in there. So I got Beverly Poole (who was at the time in high school) and said "Cast all the living characters from your high school drama class." In response, she rubbed her hands together gleefully (and a bit evilly), grinned, and said "Ooh! The Power!" Of all the special effects in this story that were hard to make or find, considering it has rattling chains and moans and all the classic ghost noises, the most awkward turned out to be "knocking small bottle to floor" and "throwing pillow across room". *********************************************************** THE CANTERVILLE GHOST Cast: OLIVIA The English:
The Americans:
NOTE: The Americans are the classic annoying Americans of a previous century, very self-assured at all times and never bothered. OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's an English Castle, can't you tell? Where else would you find an ancestral ghost? MUSIC
SCENE 1. MAIN HALL SOUND HEAVY FOOTSTEPS, LOW MOAN OF EFFORT, HEAVY SOMETHING BEING DROPPED [play up as if a ghost, then] MOVER Ow! Leave off! Now, on two... one-- [grunt of effort] SOUND HEAVY FOOTSTEPS GO OFF. THE OTIS FAMILY IS MOVING IN. HIRAM [self satisfied] Yes, that - that will do nicely. SOUND SHARP FOOTSTEPS AMONG THE HUBBUB MRS. UMNEY [nervous] Mr. Otis, Sir? HIRAM Yes, my good woman? MRS. UMNEY Sir, where are the Canterville portraits? HIRAM Those? I'm returning them to his Lordship. I'm quite sure he didn't mean them to go with the house. They're rather ugly old gewgaws, to be perfectly frank. Out with the old, in with the new. MRS. UMNEY [muttered] These are the ugly new gewgaws, then? HIRAM [didn't hear her] Hm? MRS. UMNEY [louder] This is your family, then, sir? HIRAM What is your name, my good woman? MRS. UMNEY Mrs. Umney. I've been housekeeper here at Canterville Hall for-- HIRAM Oh, yes, we did take on all the fixtures. Well, Madam, we Americans don't hold with all this "sir" nonsense. You can call me Mister Otis, just like anyone else. MRS. UMNEY [servile] Of course, Mr. Otis. Certainly Mr. Otis. HIRAM Stop with the curtseying, it's bad for your knees. Ask my wife - she's campaigned against it, you know. MRS. UMNEY That would be Lady - pardon - Mrs. Otis in the portrait with you? HIRAM Yes - lovely woman, though she does tend to look a bit cross-eyed when she's forced to sit staring into a lens for time on end. Still it's a lovely shot. This is the children. Washington, in back - he's even taller now. Must remember to get another study taken. They grow so fast, don't they? MRS. UMNEY Yes sir. Mr. Otis, sir. HIRAM The twins, Oscar and Grover - like weeds, as well - are going to Eton. They'll be home with us until the school year begins. MRS. UMNEY And the young lady? HIRAM [with warmth] Virginia. She is just the perfect doll - smart as a whip. Takes right after her mother that way. And the way she rides - she raced old Lord Bilton twice round the park and won by a length and a half. That Cecil [he prnounces it incorrectly, as SEEsel] fellow, Duke of Cheshire[chehSHYER], proposed for her on the spot, but they're both much too young, and we Americans don't hold much with titles. MRS. UMNEY [muttered] Tell that to the Vanderbilts. [out loud] And this must be... your father? HIRAM [laughs uproariously] Ho-ho! No, that's President Cleveland, our country's leader. You know, a bit like your British Queen Victoria, except that we choose ours. [pause] And they don't carry on quite so long. MRS. UMNEY [disapproving] Ah. SOUND DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS ENTER MRS. OTIS Dearest, can you do something with the twins, they've gone quite mad in the conservatory. HIRAM Boys will be boys. SOUND HIS FOOTSTEPS LEAVE, DOOR MRS. OTIS Mrs. Umney, why what's the matter? MRS. UMNEY Ma'am? I'm ... just not used to your American ways, I expect. MRS. OTIS I'm so sorry for you. Well. SOUND FOOTSTEPS START TO LEAVE, HESITATE MRS. OTIS [suddenly remembering] Oh, there is something you could help with - there's a terrible stain near the fireplace in the library. Would you be a dear and see that it gets cleaned up? MRS. UMNEY [ominously] The bloodstain? MRS. OTIS How horrid! I don't at all care for blood-stains in a library. It cannot possibly be hygienic. MRS. UMNEY [ghoulish, enjoying every minute] It is the blood of Lady Eleanor de Canterville, murdered on that very spot by her own husband, Sir Simon de Canterville, in 1575. Sir Simon's guilty spirit still haunts the Chase, though HIS body has never been found. [Umney clearly expects to scare her, but gets no response.] MRS. OTIS It must be removed immediately-- MRS. UMNEY The blood-stain has been much admired by tourists, and cannot be removed. MRS. OTIS Nonsense. [calling] Washington!! MRS. UMNEY [mood broken] What? Ma'am? SOUND THUNDERING FEET COMING DOWN STAIRCASE WASHINGTON [entering] Yes, mother? MRS. OTIS Do you have some of that new cleaning solution in your kit? WASHINGTON [eager] Pinkerton's Champion Stain Remover and Paragon Detergent? I'll fetch it directly. MRS. UMNEY [trying to be spooky again] The blood stain cannot be cleaned, ma'am. It is proven fact. Many have tried. Many more have faced the ghost and were never the same again. MRS. OTIS Ah, but this is a patented formulation. MUSIC
SCENE 2. SOUND OUTSIDE. TWO HORSES' HOOVES MOVING SLOWLY, AN OCCASIONAL WHINNY CECIL I'm frightfully pleased you're so nearby, Miss Otis. I mean, we can... go riding together... often. VIRGINIA [she pronounces it correctly - seh-sel] Cecil. Or... I'm so sorry, I've forgotten, what does one call a Duke? CECIL It's Your Grace, but you needn't-- VIRGINIA But I should at least KNOW. And an Earl? CECIL [quietly] I would rather you thought of me as more than merely a tutor. VIRGINIA [musing] How DO you keep them all straight? [catching up] What? CECIL [earnest] You know how I feel. VIRGINIA I also, which is why this is all particularly important. Just in case... In case... [gasp] BOTH [Take a breath, as if about to speak, or possibly kiss, then check themselves] [SLIGHT PAUSE AS THEY BOTH CALM DOWN A BIT, CLICK TO THE HORSES, ETC.] CECIL Oh, Virginia, I hate the thought of you living in this blasted old pile. VIRGINIA [pleased] You called me Virginia. CECIL My apologies, Miss Otis. VIRGINIA Silly. Cecil, I've been trying for ages to get you to call me-- [by my first name] CECIL It's the ghost! VIRGINIA The ghost's name is Virginia? CECIL No. Your father cannot have heard about it, or he'd never have put you in such danger. VIRGINIA While he's not actually against them, father generally avoids spirits. [joke - "spirits" as in alcohol] CECIL [ominously, admitting] My own grand-uncle once bet a hundred guineas that he would play dice with the ghost, and was found the next morning on the floor of the card-room in such a paralytic state that, though he lived to a great age, he was never able to say anything but "Double Sixes." VIRGINIA Backgammon, was it? CECIL It isn't important! It's simply not safe! MUSIC
SCENE 3. AMB BEDROOM, GETTING READY FOR SLEEP MRS. OTIS [exasperated] It's simply not safe, I tell you! That housekeeper fainting all about the place - and all over cleaning up a silly bloodstain. HIRAM Hmm... SOUND RATTLE OF A PAGE TURNING IN A BOOK MRS. OTIS What if it happens again? What if she's holding crockery? What do you do with a woman who faints? HIRAM Yes, dear. MRS. OTIS [sweetly] Dearest, your nose has fallen off. HIRAM Oh, has it? Good. MRS. OTIS You're not listening to me! HIRAM Gracious! Do you hear that? MRS. OTIS What, over the sound of my own voice? Heaven forbid! HIRAM Shh. SOUND MUFFLED, AND SLOWLY GETTING CLOSER, HEAVY FOOTFALLS AND CHAINS RATTLING. THEY CONTINUE UNTIL NOTED HIRAM Now that is just too much. SOUND BEDCLOTHES FLUNG ASIDE, SLIPPERED FOOTSTEPS. HIRAM We'll see about-- SOUND DOOR IS FLUNG OPEN SOUND HEAVY FOOTSTEPS AND CHAINS ARE NO LONGER MUFFLED. SIMON [off - low moaning] HIRAM Now see here! SIMON [moan interrupts] MRS. OTIS [unworried, off] Is it the twins? HIRAM I don't think so. SIMON [insistent ghostly moaning] HIRAM No, it's certainly not the twins. Hold it right there. SIMON [moan interrupts quizzically] SOUND SLIPPERED FOOTSTEPS, DRAWER PULLED OUT, RUMMAGING MRS. OTIS Should I join you? HIRAM No need. Though he is quite a curiosity - looks like a scraggly old feller all done up in chains and ragged old-style clothes. SIMON [off - moaning again, suppressed fury] HIRAM Now where did I - Aha! SOUND RUMMAGING STOPS, SLIPPERED FOOTSTEPS HIRAM My dear sir, I really must insist on your oiling those chains, and I have brought you for that purpose a small bottle of the Tammany Rising Sun Lubricator. SIMON [moaning stops, grumpy noises] HIRAM It is said to be completely efficacious upon one application, and there are several testimonials to that effect on the wrapper. I shall leave it here for you, and will be happy to supply more, should you require it. SOUND SMALL BOTTLE SET DOWN, LIGHT FOOTSTEPS, DOOR CLOSES DECISIVELY SIMON [bellow of rage, then moaning until noted] SOUND BOTTLE SLAPPED, ROLLS ACROSS TABLE, CLATTERS TO FLOOR. SOUND TWO HEAVY FOOTSTEPS, HEAVY THUD ON WALL ACCOMPANIED BY CHAIN RATTLING OSCAR Get em! SOUND PILLOW FLIES THROUGH THE AIR, HITS THE WALL GROVER Did I score? SIMON [one last shriek, and out] OSCAR Tsk. Nope. MUSIC SPOOKY
SCENE 4. AMB GHOST'S GARRET SOUND AGITATED PACING, ROCKING CHAIR SIMON [bellowing and outraged] A Pillow! At my HEAD! ELEANOR [complacent but needling] I suppose it's a good thing you were wearing it, then. SIMON Not if they'd hit me! I'm not certain I fastened it on completely. It's never been an issue! ELEANOR You've gone without a challenge for far too long. SIMON A challenge!! A challenge! Who needs a bloody challenge when I have you to torment me? ELEANOR Every time you get frustrated you turn the argument on me. If you didn't want me haunting you, you should've never killed me. SIMON Tcha! ELEANOR Ruined my favorite bodice, as well. SIMON Oh, your bloody bodice. ELEANOR Precisely. SIMON Hush! These ... people... Have no respect for artistry. When I think back on the Dowager Duchess, frightened into a fit; the four housemaids, who went into hysterics when I merely grinned at them through the curtains; old Madame de Tremouillac, who woke to find me, as a skeleton, seated by the fire reading her diary, and was confined to her bed for six weeks with brain fever-- ELEANOR [dry] Yes, yes, you're quite handy with the ladies. SIMON Shut up, wife! What about wicked Lord Canterville, whom I left choking on the knave of diamonds because he had cheated by means of that very card, so I made him swallow it. That was justice! ELEANOR Oh, yes, justice for men and torment for women. So like a man. What did poor Lady Stutfield, ever do to you? You left her obliged to wear a black velvet band round her throat to hide the mark of five fingers burnt upon her white skin. SIMON [pleased] She drowned herself at last in the carp-pond at the end of the King's Walk. ELEANOR Did she cheat at cards as well? SIMON [grudgingly] No. ELEANOR Admit it, you just like the attention. Women are so much more -- SIMON Biddable? ELEANOR I was going to say demonstrative. I know how you adore an appreciative audience. Women are allowed hysterics, while men are limited to "good god!", a little gibbering, and then shooting themselves in the pantry. There's simply not much in between. SIMON [sulky] Or offering you oil for your chains! Oh, what impertinence!! ELEANOR What do you plan to do about it, my lord? SIMON Aha! I was thinking of reprising my costume as "Gaunt Gibeon, the Blood-sucker of Bexley Moor," and playing ninepins with my own bones upon the lawn-tennis ground. ELEANOR Perhaps Americans do not play ninepins? SIMON No? I think the point will not fail. It is bones... [thinking] Or perhaps ... Oh, yes! "Reckless Rupert, or the Headless Earl." ELEANOR Oh, my lord. You know that one takes hours to put on. Do you even know where both horse pistols are? SIMON Bah! I am an artist. I laugh at complex preparation. [chuckling] I haven't pulled out old Rupert for some fifty years-- ELEANOR Seventy. SIMON Seventy? Really? Where does time go? [warming up again] Not since the night I frightened pretty Lady Barbara and she broke off her engagement with Lord Canterville's grandfather, and ran away with Jack Castleton, declaring that nothing would induce her to marry into a family that allowed such a horrible phantom to walk up and down the terrace at twilight. ELEANOR [bored] ...and then he was shot in a duel. SIMON [running over her] Poor Jack was afterwards shot in a duel by Lord Canterville ELEANOR [bored] You sound like the social pages. SIMON [trying to drown her out] --and Lady Barbara died of a broken heart, so, in every way, it was a great success. ELEANOR Yes, yes, yes. You recall I was present. SIMON I am merely reiterating-- ELEANOR Reiterate away. I shan't return until you are quite through. SIMON Oh, if I only could believe that, I would never stop. ELEANOR Just as big fish eat little fish, my own good lord, ghosts are never truly alone. MUSIC
SCENE 5. SOUND GENTEEL BREAKFAST NOISES MRS. UMNEY [off, screams] VIRGINIA Oh no! WASHINGTON What? MRS. OTIS Good gracious, she's at it again. HIRAM I'll just go and see-- MRS. OTIS No, no. You finish your breakfast, Hiram, dear. I shall see to the household. SOUND WE FOLLOW HER AS SHE LEAVES THE ROOM, ENTERS THE LIBRARY MRS. UMNEY [praying, slightly hysterical] ...deliver us from evil for thine is the power and the glory-- MRS. OTIS [coming on] What is the matter now? MRS. UMNEY [spoooooky] Look!!! The bloodstain! I told you that it could never be removed! MRS. OTIS [mildly bemused] Oh. How unusual. I wonder if there is a leak somewhere. [calling] Washington? SOUND EAGER FOOTSTEPS APPROACH WASHINGTON Yes, Mother? MRS. OTIS I thought you said you had dealt with this? WASHINGTON Well, now doesn't that just take the cake? MRS. OTIS Pray don't be vulgar. MRS. UMNEY [muffled snort] VIRGINIA [coming on] What's going on? WASHINGTON Mother, I give you my solemn oath - that stain was gone. I guess I'll just have at it again. MUSIC TIME PASSES
SCENE 6. SOUND GENTEEL BREAKFAST NOISES [the blood stain keeps re-appearing, and they're finding it amusing] HIRAM Shall we? I made a particular point of locking the door last night, so there can be no chance of outside interference. MRS. OTIS Yes, let's. SOUND DOOR OPENS OSCAR Me first! GROVER No, me! SOUND SCUFFLE, RUNNING FOOTSTEPS GROVER It's back! MUSIC TIME PASSES
SCENE 7. SOUND RAIN, GENTEEL BREAKFAST NOISES WASHINGTON [listing the colors the bloodstain has come back in] ...that's crimson, rust, burnt sienna, and maroon. So far. Anyone? HIRAM Perhaps the color changes like leaves in the fall? I think I shall lay odds on pumpkin. WASHINGTON I am more inclined to believe, father, that there is a scientific basis for the inconsistent pigmentation. Some chemical interaction between the nature of ectoplasm and Pinkerton's Champion Stain Remover. All I need to do is find another, similar ghostly stain and compare the results. HIRAM Sound thinking, my boy. MRS. OTIS Well, I'm in the mood for a bright cherry red myself, on such a gray day. Virginia? VIRGINIA [subdued, almost sulky] I have no opinion on the matter. SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN GROVER It's green!! OSCAR Emerald green! VIRGINIA [very quiet wail, then going off] Oh, no! MUSIC
SCENE 8. AMB GHOST'S GARRET SOUND RUMMAGING THROUGH PILES OF CLOTHES SIMON [off, muffled] Have you seen my red slouch hat? ELEANOR It is no longer my responsibility to look after your garments, husband. SIMON Hmph. SIMON Which winding sheet do you think will be most effective, the ones with the ruffles at the cuffs, or the hideous brown stains? ELEANOR My lord - those aren't your brown stains. I believe a mouse has littered in your sheet. SIMON Eugh. SOUND FABRIC FALLS TO FLOOR SIMON Well, aren't you even curious? I mean about what I intend to do? ELEANOR Not really. [sigh] Pray enlighten me. If you must. SIMON You'll be singing a different tune when you hear-- ELEANOR Begin, my lord - we haven't all day. SIMON Very well. [dramatic] See this rusty dagger? ELEANOR Yay, verily. One rusty dagger. Noted. SIMON [dramatic] I will make my way quietly to Washington Otis's room, you know Washington - the interfering knave who repeatedly cleans my bloody-- well... bloodstain. ELEANOR My bloodstain. Bright boy. SIMON Shush. Here, you be Washington. ELEANOR I haven't the height. SIMON [angry] I mean, you stand in and I shall show you what I intend! [back to glee] I will gibber at him from the foot of the bed, and stab myself - once, twice, thrice! - in the throat to the sound of low music. Having reduced the reckless and foolhardy youth to a condition of abject terror... [prompting] Terror! ELEANOR [flat] Oh, terror! SIMON [sigh] I will proceed to the bedroom of the parents. Now, you are Mrs. Otis. ELEANOR To do that I shall have to secure some exceedingly plain underclothes. SIMON [growl] Woman! I will place a clammy hand on Mrs. Otis's forehead-- ELEANOR [flat] Oh, clammy. SIMON --while I hiss into her trembling husband's ear the awful secrets of the charnel-house. ELEANOR He'll probably tell you of some new patented method for charnelling. I suppose that poor girl will get the worst of it, since she's the only one even a mite sympathetic? SIMON I... [almost sheepish] I ...don't think so. She's done nothing at all to annoy me, even though she could easily... [he's been stealing her paints, as she mentions later - so she could unmask the bloodstain] A few hollow groans from the wardrobe will suffice. ELEANOR You're becoming soft in your old age. SIMON I am merely saving my best efforts for [snarling] those wretched twins... ELEANOR Shall I be one of them? SIMON No need. ELEANOR Oh, prithee my lord. I wish to realize the full impact of your cunning plan. SIMON Truly? Well, go ahead then. ELEANOR I shall be Grover. He has the sweeter disposition. SIMON Be whichever you wish to be, but be quiet! [deep breath] I will enter the room, in the form of a green, icy-cold corpse-- SOUND WHOOSH THUMP OF A PILLOW ELEANOR Ha-ha! [aping the twins' laughter] SIMON WOMAN!!!! MUSIC STING
SCENE 9. AMB BALLROOM MUSIC WALTZ CECIL You are so brave. And so lovely tonight. VIRGINIA You dance divinely, Cecil, but this must be our last waltz, or people will talk. CECIL My cousin says your brother is an excellent partner as well. VIRGINIA Oh, yes. He is well suited for diplomacy. CECIL I wish we could dance all night and you never need return to that moldy old pile. VIRGINIA Fainting aside, Mrs. Umney is a fine woman. CECIL Tomorrow is the anniversary of Lady Eleanor's death. The ghost will certainly leap upon the propitious moment. MUSIC
SCENE 10. AMB ECHOEY HALLWAY SIMON [soliloquizing] Ah! The propitious moment! The clock strikes the quarter-- SOUND CLOCK STRIKES THE QUARTER SIMON The moon hides her face behind a cloud. All is in readiness, and the night holds its stygian breath. SOUND STEALTHY THUMPING FOOTSTEPS SIMON And now Washington, screw your courage to the sticking point you may, but I shall have you unstuck! [begins a moan] SOUND TWO MORE STEPS SIMON [moan become a shriek of fear] MUSIC
SCENE 11. AMB PARENTS BEDROOM HIRAM [snoring] MRS. OTIS [waking up] Huh? [matter of fact] Hiram! Wake up! HIRAM Yes, dearest? MRS. OTIS Do you hear ...something? HIRAM Is it that ghost fellow again? [listens] No, I cannot say I actually hear anything. MRS. OTIS [already falling back] Hmm. Must be the twins. HIRAM [snoring] MUSIC
SCENE 12. AMB GHOST'S GARRET SOUND AGITATED PACING, ROCKING CHAIR THROUGHOUT ELEANOR [flatly amused] A ghost? SOUND CRUMPLING OF PAPER IN SIMON'S HAND SIMON [terrified] YES! A Ghost! Its head was bald and burnished, its face round, and fat, and white. From the eyes streamed rays of scarlet light, the mouth was a wide well of fire, and a hideous garment, much like mine own-- ELEANOR Lacking the mouse insults. SIMON --like to mine own, swathed its Titan form. On its breast was a placard with strange writing in antique characters-- SOUND RATTLE OF HEAVY PAPER SIMON Doubtless some record of wild sins, some awful calendar of crime, some-- ELEANOR Why not read it and see? SIMON [voice cracking] See? ELEANOR See what it says. SIMON [hesitates] No. ELEANOR Why take it, then? SIMON [mutters something] ELEANOR Speak up, my lord. SIMON [through gritted teeth] I found I had just clutched it as I left. I have no need to know-- ELEANOR Afraid? SIMON AFRAID! [unconvincing] No. ELEANOR Perhaps because he is the more terrifying ghost? SIMON Nonsense! I have merely never chanced to SEE a ghost - except in a looking glass. ELEANOR Give it me, ninny. I shall read it. SIMON You dare-- ELEANOR I'll call you coward in an instant-- SIMON I WILL READ IT! [muttering as he reads, then a sound of outrage!] ELEANOR So very wicked, my lord? SOUND PAPER BEING VICIOUSLY CRUMPLED SIMON [grim] Those damned children! They made it! ELEANOR Made a ghost? I should have thought murder was a bit outside their purview. SIMON AAArghh!! SOUND PAPER BEING SNATCHED AWAY ELEANOR Argh, indeed. [reading] YE OTIS GHOSTE, Ye Onlie True and Originale Spook, Beware of Ye Imitationes. All others are counterfeits. SIMON No more games! [bellowing] When Chanticleer [rooster] has sounded twice his merry horn, deeds of blood will be wrought, and murder shall walk abroad with silent feet! ELEANOR That would be you? SOUND ROOSTER CROWS - ONCE. [PAUSE, WAITING] SIMON [muttered] Come on. ELEANOR Perhaps you should go frighten it. SIMON [muttered] Once more - for daddy. ELEANOR It's not going to happen. SIMON Nonsense, it always happens. ELEANOR [pause] Nay. I hear nothing. SIMON Perdition seize the naughty fowl, I have seen the day when, with my stout spear, I would have run him through the gorge, and made him crow for me an 'twere in death! [a bit whiny] Every time, throughout all known history, that such an oath has been sworn, chanticleer has sounded his blasted horn twice. Where is its respect for tradition? ELEANOR Perhaps, dear husband, it is an American rooster. MUSIC
SCENE 13. AMB OUTSIDE SOUND TWO HORSES REINING IN FROM A GALLOP VIRGINIA [laughing] I let you win! CECIL [teasing] Nonsense. Good breeding. VIRGINIA So your blue blood makes you faster? CECIL Not mine. The horse. VIRGINIA [chuckles] SOUND HORSES WALKING CECIL Have you been well since I saw you last? VIRGINIA Yes, very. No ghost. CECIL None? VIRGINIA I warned everyone about the anniversary, but nothing - well - a turnip ghost was found in the upper hall, but I am quite certain that can be attributed to my brothers. CECIL How ... remarkable. VIRGINIA Cecil, would you do me a tremendous favor? CECIL Anything... Virginia. VIRGINIA Would you-- Could you take my horse to the stable? I fear I've torn my habit and want to get upstairs before anyone spies me. MUSIC
SCENE 14. AMB BACK HALLWAY SOUND [OFF SLIGHTLY] LIGHT ECHOEY FOOTSTEPS SIMON [gusty sigh] SOUND [COMING ON] FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE VIRGINIA Hello? [gasp] You! SIMON [gasp] You! VIRGINIA [anticipating being scared] Ahh! [pause, nothing happens, confused] Oh! SIMON Pfft. Don't fret yourself, girl. I cannot seem to gather myself for the effort. This is the one room where I can truly be alone. My wife haunts me in every other chamber. VIRGINIA Should I leave you--? SIMON Stay a moment. [overly casual] If you wish. VIRGINIA My brothers are going back to Eton tomorrow, and if you behave, no one will annoy you. SIMON Behave myself? Absurd. I must rattle my chains and walk about at night. It is my only reason for existing. VIRGINIA That is no reason at all. SIMON Why else would I be here? VIRGINIA Mrs. Umney told us - you killed your wife. SIMON It was purely a family matter. My wife was very plain, never had my ruffs properly starched, and knew nothing about cookery. VIRGINIA [adamant] It is very wrong to kill anyone. SIMON Oh? Her brothers starved me to death. VIRGINIA Oh, Mr. Ghost -- I mean Sir Simon - I have a sandwich in my case, would you like it? SIMON I never eat anything now; [beat, softening] but it was very kind of you. You are much nicer than your horrid, rude, vulgar, dishonest family. VIRGINIA Stop it! It is you who are rude, and horrid, and... and as for dishonesty! You stole my paints for your ridiculous bloodstain. First you took all my reds and I couldn't do sunsets, then it just got ridiculous - who ever heard of emerald-green blood? SIMON [meek, sulky] What was I to do? It is very difficult to get real blood. Your brother began it all with his Paragon Detergent, so I saw no reason why I should not have your paints. VIRGINIA [annoyed, decisive] Good evening! I will go and ask papa to get the twins an extra week's holiday. SIMON Please! Don't go, Miss Virginia. I am so unhappy, and I really don't know what to do. I want to sleep and I cannot. VIRGINIA That's quite absurd! It is very difficult sometimes to keep awake, especially at church, but even babies know how to sleep, and they are not very clever. SIMON I have not slept for three hundred years, and I am so tired. VIRGINIA Have you no place where you can sleep? SIMON [wistful] Hmm. Far away beyond the pine-woods, there is a little garden. The grass grows long and deep, with great white stars of hemlock flower, and the nightingale sings all night long. The cold crystal moon looks down, and the yew-tree spreads out its giant arms over the sleepers. VIRGINIA [awed] You mean the Garden of Death. SIMON Yes, death. Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, and listen... to silence. To have no yesterday, no to-morrow, to be at peace. [eager] You must help me. You can open for me the portals of death's house, for love is always with you, and love is stronger than death. VIRGINIA How could I--? SIMON You must weep with me for my sins, because without remorse, I have no tears; and pray with me for my soul, because I have no faith. Then, perhaps, the angel of death will have mercy on me. [pauses, waiting, then sighs in despair] VIRGINIA [deep breath, courageous but shaky] I am not afraid, and I will ask the angel to have mercy on you. MUSIC - LONGER
SCENE 15. AMB FRONT HALL HIRAM Virginia is nowhere to be found. Even the [rustics] are helping search for her. Washington, my boy? [confidential] The fish-pond? WASHINGTON Nothing. HIRAM Good. Don't tell your mother we checked. The poor woman is already nearly prostrate. CECIL It is the ghost. I know it! He was jealous of our happiness and spirited her away! If only you had allowed our engagement, sir, none of this would have-- HIRAM Balderdash, Cecil [mispronounced see-sul]. First thing in the morning, I will engage Scotland Yard-- SOUND CLOCK STRIKES TWELVE - LOUD CRASH SOUND VIRGINIA STEPS OUT OF A SECRET DOOR CECIL Virginia! HIRAM Goodness Gracious! WASHINGTON [excited] A secret door! HIRAM Good heavens! child, where have you been? Cecil and I have been riding all over the country looking for you, and your mother has been frightened to death. VIRGINIA I have been with the ghost. CECIL [rather melodramatic gasp] How did you escape? VIRGINIA Oh, Cecil, he is at peace, now. He had been very wicked, but he was really sorry for all that he had done, and now-- [almost a sob] SOUND DOOR FLUNG OPEN, FOOTSTEPS MRS. OTIS My own darling! Thank God you are found; you must never leave my side again! [mmm - like a big hug, then] What is this? VIRGINIA Sir Simon gave me this box before he died. WASHINGTON But he's been dead for centuries. VIRGINIA Only half dead, I think, would be more accurate. Now he's entirely dead. Finally able to sleep. GROVER What's in the box? OSCAR Yeah! Open it! HIRAM Your sister can open the box or not as she pleases. She's not to be ordered around by monkeys like you two. SOUND SMALL WOODEN BOX OPENS MRS. OTIS Goodness! MRS. UMNEY The long-lost Canterville jewels! Aaah. SOUND BODY DROP MRS. OTIS [exasperated sigh] She's fainted again. MUSIC
SCENE 16. AMB VIRGINIA'S BEDROOM SOUND GENTLE GIRLISH SNORING ELEANOR [coming on, exasperated ghostly groans] SOUND LADYLIKE CHAINS VIRGINIA [waking] Huh? Sir Simon? ELEANOR [somewhat annoyed] No. You've seen to that, so now I have nothing better-- VIRGINIA Are you Lady Eleanor? ELEANOR [surprised] Yes. He-- he told you--? VIRGINIA He gave me something for you. SOUND DRAWER PULLS OUT VIRGINIA There. ELEANOR A handkerchief? VIRGINIA Open it. ELEANOR But there's nothing-- VIRGINIA Look closer. ELEANOR A spot? VIRGINIA A tear. ELEANOR [stunned] He ... cried--? VIRGINIA He said he was very sorry for having killed you. ELEANOR [skeptical] Oh? He did, did he? VIRGINIA And for ruining your best bodice. ELEANOR [believing] Oh! VIRGINIA He hoped you could forgive him now and move on as well. He wants you to join him, where the nightingales sing, and he can give you a bouquet of white flowers. ELEANOR Yes. [sigh] I could do with some sleep. MUSIC - rise and out CLOSER OLIVIA Now that you know how to find us, don't be a stranger - we have enough of those already...
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| Atomic Julie - Beyond the Yellow Fog (pt 5 of 8) by Emmett McDowell | 05 Oct 2021 | 00:16:19 | |
Finding out this ship is special. | |||
| 19 Nocturne Boulevard - CHILLIN' - Reissue | 30 Sep 2021 | 00:35:10 | |
When eccentric recluse Simon Strong, who lives in a perpetually chilled state, vanishes (leaving some rather suspicious remains behind), Cast List "What kind of a place is it? ******************************************** Chillin' This didn’t actually begin with me choosing to adapt another Lovecraft story (in this case "Cool Air"). Frankly, I really liked the 1999 short film, and have a soft spot for the version made for Night Gallery back in the 70s, so I never really considered Cool Air as a priority for adaptation - it had already been done well. Plus it was kind of low hanging fruit - one of the simpler, more straightforward stories to adapt. Previous to this, I had produced Within the Walls of Eryx, and even before that, while studying screenwriting, I had practiced adaptation by playing with The Thing on the Doorstep, turning it into an hour-long screenplay that I eventually re-wrote into an episode of 19 Nocturne Boulevard. Nope, this started when my niece Krystal and I went to see the film Juno. We enjoyed the movie, and leaving it I decided I wanted to write a sassy teenage character, and started clicking through plots in my head that I could slap her into. The irony of sticking a character HPL would undoubtedly loathe into one of his stories did not escape me, and when "Cool Air" crossed my mind, it basically started to write itself. I hammered out the script in less than a week and sent it to Krystal and asked if Amber sounded reasonably authentic, since Krystal was right about that age herself. Her response was "Could I please play her?" She did, and did a great job. I really love working with and encouraging kids in the arts. Sig and Laurie (mentioned in the story as Amber's folks, but in reality my own dad and stepmom) came to watch the recording session with Krystal and be supportive, and Laurie at least can be heard in the bloopers in the end. I also owe great thanks to my friend Robyn who helped with the punk rock details. She knows rock history back and forth and I knew I just needed the right comment or two to make the character really pop. The story adaptation is extremely loose - in the original, a writer moves into a flat below a doctor who keeps his rooms unnaturally cold, and finds out that the doc has maintained his life, long past standard death, by keeping himself perpetually chilled, presumably at least in part to prevent decay. Rather than going the doctor/science route for my version, I went with magic and reanimation. I did work a little hint into the story that Simon might be considering some further hocus pocus to preserve himself, but which might involve harming Amber, and he decides he can't. On the other hand, Amber's slightly guilty concern about having her backpack possibly searched and her disregard for the missing "spooky books" might just indicate that she's not quite ready to let go yet. The original story "Cool Air" is also notable in that a female character is actually quoted as speaking - the landlady of the flats. Of course, this is only so she can be a terrible ethnic stereotype, but at least she actually talks, and may be the only female in all of HPL's major works who does. Stay tuned at the end of this for a short clip of the German version of Chillin' (retitled "Eiskalt") from Contendo Media!!! ******************************************** CHILLIN' Cast: Olivia (host) Amber Sorensen (16), punky teen Simon Strong (60s), aged punk rocker Det. Howard Upton (30s), tough cop Det. Phyllis Jermyn (30s), nice cop Bouncers OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a police station, can't you tell? MUSIC MODERN COP DRAMA STING SOUND THUNK OF TAPE RECORDER TURNING ON. AMBIANCE INTERVIEW ROOM - WHIR OF TAPE RECORDER. OCCASIONAL SCUFFLE OF CHAIRS UPTON Name? AMBER [mocking] Sorensen. Amber. S-O-R-E-N-S-E-N. O-N is Norwegian. UPTON What? AMBER [said a million times] O-N is Norwegian, E-N is Danish. UPTON So you're Danish? AMBER [disgusted noise] Do I sound Danish? Uch. Like my great great great great great was. UPTON Then why--? JERMYN I understand. My name gets misspelled all the time. Let's move on. Present are detectives Howard Upton and Phyllis Jermyn [pronounced "german", pause] J-E-R-M-Y-N, and Amber Sorensen, with an E-N. UPTON Age? AMBER I have the right to remain silent. I have the right to an attorney. If I cannot afford one, one will be ... assigned? Allotted? I should know this - I watch enough Law and Order. UPTON [sigh] We don't read witnesses their rights. That's for suspects. Age? AMBER [sullen] You got my I.D. What does it say? UPTON Hmm. You don't look 21. JERMYN [sympathetic] You really don't. AMBER Fine. So it's a fake - I want to speak to the D.A., like trade my information in return for a slide on the bogus I.D., can I‑‑?? SOUND PHONE BEEP UPTON Oh, turn that off. Not just silent, either. Off. SOUND PHONE BEING TURNED OFF JERMYN We're really not interested in prosecuting you. We just want to know about Simon Strong. UPTON The alleged Simon Strong. AMBER Dude. He was the full meal deal, you know. I watched videos of his band, from like before I was born, and it was totally him. UPTON Then who was the deceased? AMBER Like I said, it was him. What? Do you ride the short bus? UPTON It couldn't be him, because you said you spoke with him recently, and-- JERMYN [cutting him off] Let's start at the beginning. How did you meet Mr. Strong? AMBER [miserable] He hates being called Mister. [deep breath, blasé lies] I was making a delivery-- MUSIC
SFX HEAVY METAL/PUNK MUSIC FADES INTO THE BACKGROUND, AMBER BECOMES VOICE OVER. AMBER [v.o.] --of, some box or other. I got inside, took the wrong turn-- SFX MUSIC IS MUFFLED BY DISTANCE, BUT CLEARLY LOUD SOUND AMBER'S HEAVY BREATHING UP CLOSE - SOUNDS LIKE ECSTASY, BUT IT'S JUST PANIC AND EXERTION. AMBER Oh, shit! AMBER [v.o] I was supposed to go to the manager's office-- SOUND HEAVY FOOTSTEPS APPROACH AT A RUN SOUND AMBER'S BREATHING QUICKENS. HER FOOTSTEPS TAKE OFF QUICKLY. BOUNCER [off] Get back here, dogmeat! AMBER [v.o] And I just knocked on the wrong door. SOUND HEAVY FEET ARE DISTANT, BUT APPROACHING. SOUND AMBER'S FEET GET CLOSE. SOUND SLAM OF BODY AGAINST DOOR. POUNDING ON DOOR AMBER Let me in! They're after me!!! Please! SOUND POUNDING CONTINUES. HEAVY FEET GET CLOSER AMBER Please! I - I'm having a heart attack! Let me in or I'll totally die! SOUND SLIDING DOOR OPENS AMBER Whoa! SOUND STUMBLING STEPS FORWARD, BODY FALLS, SLIDING DOOR SHUTS. SFX MUSIC CUTS OUT COMPLETELY. AMBER Oh. Shit. Look, I'm-- SOUND SCUTTLING ACROSS WOOD FLOOR SIMON [filtered, mechanical sounding] Look into the camera please. AMBER Camera--? Oh. [shivers slightly] SOUND A COUPLE OF HESITANT FOOTSTEPS AMBER Hi! Look, can you just tell me how to get out of here? There's no need for -- SIMON [filter] What was that about a heart attack? AMBER Oh, that. That was - that was bullshit. [joking] I had it removed - years ago.
AMBIANCE INTERVIEW ROOM [CUTS IN SUDDENLY] UPTON Was your relationship with this Mister Strong, sexual? AMBER Ew!!! He was like my great grandad's age - like, even older than you! JERMYN [coughs away a laugh] You say you made the delivery and just happened to "make friends" with Strong? Everyone else says he was a complete recluse. Didn't like people. AMBER Nah. He liked people, but he was really sick. I mean, like ill, not deviant. SIMON [on filter] Step through. SOUND DOOR SLIDES OPEN MUSIC
AMBIANCE COOL ROOM - THE HUM OF A HEAVY FREEZER UNIT AMBER [gasps at the cold] Whoa! Um, can I just go? I promise not to try any -- SIMON [unfiltered, but rough and almost a whisper] What WERE you trying? AMBER I ... really just wanted to hear the band, but your guys caught me. I mean, I assume since you're here, they're yours-- SIMON I own the club, yes. AMBER [after a slight silence] Okay, is it just me or is your heater broken? [brr noise] SIMON [dry chuckle] AMBER [noticing something] Dude! SOUND A COUPLE OF EXCITED FOOTSTEPS AMBER Can you watch, like, the whole entire club from here? SFX ELECTRIC WHEELCHAIR SHIFTS SIMON [disinterested] I can-- AMBER Omigod! Do you have sound? Is there a button? SIMON --but it gets boring after a while. AMBER They're totally bumping uglies in the bathroom, right there! Look! Look! SOUND SWITCH AMBER [annoyed] Hey! MUSIC
AMBIANCE INTERVIEW ROOM CUTS IN UPTON Sick? What kind of disease did he have, Ebola? The state of that body-- JERMYN We really shouldn't go into that yet, Howie. AMBER What time is it? UPTON What? Why? AMBER Just asking. You made me turn my phone off. I have a curfew. JERMYN Would you like us to call home for you? AMBER [shrug] Nah. UPTON And your parents, they approved of all this? AMBER My folks are... Cool. They don't care-- UPTON Like they don't mind that hair cut? AMBER Sig and Laurie let me do dumb stuff cause they know I won't do anything stupid. UPTON Like spending all your time hanging out in a bar? AMBER It's a club. And, for a rocker, Simon was pretty uptight about underage boozing and ...stuff. UPTON [leaps on it] Stuff? What kind of stuff? AMBER What? Stuff. Just ... stuff. Dude, you need to switch to decaf. Or valium. UPTON Did you ever see this man with any illegal substances? AMBER Well, he had all kinds of medications - being sick and all, and I [sounding mock sorry] I guess I forgot to look them all up in the handy dandy book of all things illegal. UPTON I thought prescription pills were the latest thing these days. AMBER Only with the kind of freak whose parents go to shrinks and who have time to sit around and stare at carpet lint. I got better things to do. JERMYN Like what? AMBER Plus it's dangerous. You know what viagra can do to-- What? JERMYN What kinds of things do you like to do? AMBER I-- like music, I write. I function as a higher organism. UPTON She means what do you plan to do with your life, Amber Sorensen with an E-N? JERMYN Actually I was just-- AMBER What do you want, a mission statement and a business plan? Dude, I'm 16. UPTON I knew what I wanted to do at 16. AMBER [muttered] But your ass is so tight it whistles. JERMYN [tries not to snicker] UPTON Hmm? AMBER [louder] I bet your dad was a cop. UPTON So? AMBER Nothing. Just you seem like maybe you grew up with it. UPTON Are you gonna follow in your folks' footsteps? AMBER [flat and sarcastic] Oh, yeah. Weddings are my life. JERMYN We don't want to keep you here all night - curfew, and all that. What was wrong with your friend? AMBER Simon said he had some kind of wasting thing -- MUSIC
AMBIANCE COOL ROOM SIMON Munoz syndrome. I have to carefully regulate my body temperature. AMBER So you're, like, Mr. Freeze? Not exactly Ahh-nold, there, string bean. SIMON And I have to avoid excitement. AMBER [pause] That's a hint, eh? Can I at least get out without going through the American Gladiators? SOUND SLIDING DOOR OPENS AMBER Thanks. Hey, if you get completely bored or anything, my I-M is-- SIMON No. AMBER Um, ok. You just seem kinda lonely. SOUND HER SLOW FOOTSTEPS SFX WHEELCHAIR SHIFTS AGAIN SIMON Perhaps you could come back tomorrow, during the day. I could use someone to run errands for me. The pay would be reasonable. AMBER Could I watch the band? SIMON You could watch from here, but you'd have to dress warmly-- AMBER I'll bring a parka! MUSIC
AMBIANCE INTERVIEW ROOM UPTON Are you adopted? AMBER [flabbergasted] What? Whoa! I think there are some low-flying non sequeters in here. Did you see where that came from? JERMYN Uh... no. UPTON You call your parents [checks notes] um, Sig and Laurie. AMBER Doh, everyone does. [slow and condescending] Those are their names, Billy. UPTON Most kids your age still call their folks mom and dad. AMBER Maybe most kids your age. Most of us would rather be cremated. [shrugs] mm. Except to their face. The folks still like to think we're all the same little rugrats they knew and love. [snort] UPTON So you make a point of lying to your folks? AMBER There's that non-sequeter again. You should really get a bug zapper. JERMYN You probably think of it as "humoring them" rather than lying. UPTON Two faced is two faced. AMBER If you can't be two-faced, you shoulda found a better one to be stuck with. UPTON Look here-- AMBER I bet you never get to play good cop. UPTON What? JERMYN Howie, maybe we should take a break. Get some water. UPTON [growl] I'm fine. JERMYN Would you get me some? Amber? AMBER Uh, sure. UPTON [annoyed noise] SOUND STOMPS OUT, DOOR SLAMS AMBER Wow. Where do I get one? JERMYN Don't be fooled - I'm not always the good cop. AMBER Oh? JERMYN You say you don't do drugs. We could test you-- AMBER [disgusted noise] pssh. JERMYN --and go through your backpack-- AMBER [worried] Huh? JERMYN But I'm going to trust you on that, because you walked right past one of our drug dogs on the way in, and I don't think you're the type to get caught in a stupid lie. AMBER [thinks, then] You think I'll get caught in a smart one? JERMYN Let's just agree that I won't underestimate you, and you do me the same favor. MUSIC
AMBIANCE COLD ROOM SOUND DOOR SLIDES OPEN SIMON You can leave it there. SOUND FOOTSTEPS AMBER Hey. Wassup? SOUND WHIR OF WHEELCHAIR TURNING SIMON [annoyed] What? AMBER Just making conversation. SIMON "Wassup" isn’t conversation. AMBER It is if you answer. Besides, with most of my friends, I-M-H-O, O-M-G, L-O-L is conversation. Wassup is practically a monolog. SIMON [snort, then painful noise, trying not to cough] Well. [dismissive] Now that that's settled-- AMBER [overly casual] If you want me to go, just say. [shrug] I got stuff to do. SOUND a MOMENT, then FOOTSTEPS GO AWAY SIMON [calling] You... you wanted to watch the band? MUSIC
AMBIANCE INTERVIEW ROOM SOUND DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS UPTON Your water. SOUND WATER BOTTLES GET SLAMMED DOWN, ONE BY ONE JERMYN Thank you. Howie. UPTON [makes disgruntled noises] AMBER Yeah. Cheers, Howie. UPTON [disgusted noise] Huh. AMBER Look, my parents actually like me to use their names - makes them feel like they're helping me assert my personhood or something. I do it to humor them. UPTON Fine. UPTON [trying to sound unconcerned] We need a physical description of the alleged Mr. Strong. AMBER Watch a video of Madness Machine on Youtube. Then figure older. A bunch older. UPTON How very...specific. How tall was he? AMBER That's kind of a pickle. I never saw him stand up - he was always in his bumper car. UPTON What? JERMYN The mechanized wheelchair. AMBER He had to avoid exerting himself [thinking] OK, so imagine classic Simon, then really thin - like even more than heroin-chic, maybe almost to starving third world skinny. JERMYN Could it have been faked? Perhaps something in the way he dressed? AMBER Doubtful, Phyllis. He usually kicked it in jams. Not much to hide behind. UPTON Speak English. AMBER [sounding british-ish] The subject in question had a strong tendency to desport himself in capacious yet abbreviated trousers, much as those the predominant choice of American surfboard riders lean toward. JERMYN [Snicker] UPTON You mean he wore shorts. In that cold? MUSIC
AMBIANCE COLD ROOM SIMON If it bothers you, I could put something else on. AMBER Yeah, 'cuz like you're so tasty, Bubba-Ho-Tep, that I'm gonna totally jump on you if you keep wheeling around half-naked like that. [beat] Nah - it's kinda creepy, but I'll adjust. Like having a weird uncle. SIMON [wheezy laugh] AMBER But a cool one. I mean - not just [brr], but cool. SIMON I must be, since you're neglecting your social whirl to spend time here in this arctic wasteland. AMBER Oh, yeah - I have to sneak out the window to get away from the endless line of bimboons waiting to take me to the prom. SIMON Bimboon? AMBER It's like someone in a boy band, The guy equivalent of a bimbo. SIMON [laughs] MUSIC
AMBIANCE INTERVIEW ROOM UPTON He scooted around in a wheelchair, wearing shorts, and you didn't think that was odd? AMBER Duh. Of course. UPTON But you never told anyone about him? AMBER He'd'a been pissed. Plus people woulda thought - you know - creepy stuff. UPTON What if he decided to try something? AMBER Beep beep. I can outrun a wheelchair. At least as far as the stairs. UPTON And what if he could really get up? AMBER I doubt it, Billy. He didn't have any little blue pills. UPTON [flustered] I didn't-- I meant get up and walk. AMBER Yeah you did. You're the one who's all worried he's gonna go perv on me. UPTON If you were my daughter-- AMBER Get out of the way of the door. One of us would probably be dead. MUSIC
AMBIANCE COLD ROOM AMBER The bottles - it's all for your illness, right? Like the meth lab in the bathroom? SIMON [shocked] It's not a--! AMBER Doh, yeah. I was kidding. So is it a big secret experiment thing? SIMON I - I keep tracking down recipes for preparations and elixirs that ... that might help me. Some seem to work for a little while, but nothing ... lasts. MUSIC
AMBIANCE INTERVIEW ROOM JERMYN [snap] Howie. Did you have any more questions? UPTON What about his hair? AMBER [snapped back] What? It looked pretty much the same. UPTON A-ha! Too clever for his own good. AMBER Not every guy over 50 needs canned hair, Billy. UPTON And this guy claimed to be THE Simon Strong. AMBER I already told you he was. I didn't even know who that was that first time, cause like I'd never heard of him before, but soon as I could, I googled him and voy-la! UPTON Vwa-la. AMBER [whispered] Beep Beep. UPTON What? JERMYN For the record, Simon Strong was the lead singer and songwriter for a punk band called Madness Machine in the mid to late 1970s. AMBER American punk band. UPTON Who cares? AMBER [earnest] It's important - British punk was British punk and American punk was-- JERMYN But you'd never heard of this band before you met Strong? AMBER [sigh] Pre-cisely. Funny sort of six degrees thing, though - once I saw the band name, it clicked, 'cuz my grandad had one of their albums in his LP collection. Serious. How's that for whoo-OO-oo [spooky noise]? UPTON [disbelieving snort] Your grandpa listened to punk? AMBER Duh. He willed his tattoos to science. Stay back from the door, Billy. JERMYN You said you met Mr. Strong --? AMBER Halloween night. That's why they had such a cool band in the house. JERMYN About nine months, then. And how often did you see him? AMBER Most days. I did his shopping and stuff and stopped in for a chat. MUSIC
AMBIANCE COOL ROOM SIMON Are you a retard? The Sex Pistols were totally the Monkees of punk. They were a made band. Their manager put them together. AMBER [teasing] I suppose you met him too? SIMON Once. How much respect can you have for a guy who also created Bow Wow Wow? AMBER Bow Wow What? SIMON You must ride the short bus. Beep beep, Billy, don't stand in the way of the door. [wheezy chuckle] The Ramones, now, they were the real thing. They lived punk. AMBER You're pretty feisty for an old crip who's s'posed to keep frosty. SIMON [dry chuckle] MUSIC
AMBIANCE INTERVIEW ROOM JERMYN When our people searched the "residence" over the club, they found a number of, um - unusual items. AMBER Like? JERMYN The enormous refrigeration unit that apparently kept the place fairly, um-- UPTON Meat locker-ish. AMBER [wry] So he was cool. So? UPTON According to electric company records, he was using enough energy to be frozen. AMBER And? What, didn't he pay his bill? It's his business what he does with his juice. UPTON There are a lot of things you can do with that much juice. Things, for instance, that the narcotics squad would be very interested in. AMBER [exasperated] Beep beep. UPTON I am getting really sick of-- JERMYN Amber. Can you shed any light on the occult paraphernalia he apparently collected? AMBER It's not like I had the run of the place. We'd just hang in the main room - where all the video consoles are. He talked about some old books, though. JERMYN Did you ever see anyone else with him? Did he talk about other visitors? AMBER Oh, heck no. He didn't like people to see how sick he was, but like, since I already knew, he had somebody to talk to, right? AMBIANCE COOL ROOM SOUND DOOR SLIDES SHUT AMBER Hey! SIMON [anxious] You're late. AMBER [aping his wiped out voice] "Hi Amber, so glad to see you." SIMON I was exp-- [slight chuckle, sigh] I am. Yes. AMBER You worried about me or your [singsong] Special Delivery!? SIMON It's here? AMBER No, it's a phone book I wrapped up and sent the long way, let's see, through - wow. Egypt and London? That's tight! SIMON Open it, please. AMBER 'kay. SOUND PAPER UNWRAPS FROM LARGE BOOK. AMBER Oh, jeez - you got so ripped off. SIMON What do you mean? AMBER This is such a gag gift. It's like from that movie - "I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul!" SIMON Give it here. [pause] Ah. No, this is the real thing. The dark jewel of any occult collection. AMBER [sniffing] Ok, so it smells older than Bruce Campbell, but still -- SIMON I need to be alone. Come back next Wednesday. MUSIC
AMBIANCE INTERVIEW ROOM AMBER He did burn incense and drink weird stuff. I figured it was alternative medicine, or maybe Kabbalah - that's all the rage with the red carpet crowd, right? UPTON Did he ever say what was wrong with him? AMBER Mun-yoes syn-drome, Billy. UPTON Stop calling-- JERMYN But what is Munoz syndrome? Did you ever, say, Google it? AMBER Well, yeeah. There were a couple - but they had longer names, and were like degenerative eye diseases, so I figured, you know, that wasn't it. UPTON Did you ever ask him? AMBER Well, right off I asked if it was catching, and he said no, so I figured that's all I care about, and if wants to talk about it he'll say. MUSIC
AMBIANCE COOL ROOM SIMON Munoz syndrome is extremely rare. I contracted it almost thirty years ago-- AMBER Ooh! Let me guess. When you [reporter voice] "vanished from the public eye"! SIMON Where--? AMBER Wikipedia. Shh. I'm shushing. SIMON My band was in New Orleans, when this came on. Normal medicine couldn't help, so I turned to the uh, folk practitioners. AMBER Like Voodoo? No wonder you're buying all creepy books and incense. SIMON It's a lot more serious than movie voodoo, but that's close. AMBER And the cold? SIMON It slows my metabolism. AMBER Mine too - Brr. SFX THE HUM OF THE FREEZER DIPS FOR A MOMENT SIMON [gasps and holds his breath until the power returns] AMBER Wha--? SIMON [very tense] The wiring's getting old. AMBER So get a new fridge. SIMON No, the building's wiring. Between music and lights and all, it carries quite a load. AMBER You should move, then - and before summer. Seriously. SIMON How can I go anywhere? I have to stay a constant level. AMBER I dunno. [thinking] Hey, ice cream truck - I once saw this movie where they were carting a corpse around in the back-- SIMON [strong] No. No. Tomorrow, maybe you could look at generators. MUSIC
AMBIANCE INTERVIEW ROOM JERMYN But he was well off - according to the IRS. AMBER He spent a buttload on his creepy books and exotic bags of dirt and stuff. [catching herself] Or, that's what he told me. UPTON And he trusted you to carry around these expensive packages? AMBER I didn't know what they were. I'd probably have freaked and got all paranoid. He said other people were after them, too. UPTON [eager] Other people? Do you think they might have taken the books after Strong disappeared? AMBER Tscha. He didn't disappear. He's dead. Beep Beep. UPTON [takes in an angry breath] JERMYN Ok, let's go back-- UPTON No, let's talk about this. You're saying that the corpse you discovered in that - what you call "the cold room" - was the person you knew as Simon Strong. AMBER It had to be. UPTON Then pray explain to me how it could be that that body had been dead for well over a decade? AMBER [shrug, statement] You're wrong. UPTON So all our experts are wrong. And you know better. AMBER [trying] Your experts obviously aren't familiar with Munoz Syndrome. That's all. UPTON Right. So you know better. You know what I think? JERMYN [warning] Howie... UPTON No, Phyl. Not this time. I'm getting tired of this little girl, trying to live in a dream world. She needs a dose of harsh reality. AMBER [hysterical laughter] Harsh reality? [can't stop laughing] You don't have a clue how harsh reality can get. [breaks down into tears] MUSIC
AMBIANCE COLD ROOM SIMON Turn the thermostat down a bit, would you? AMBER Down? Dude, my eyeballs are already icing over. SIMON [pause] Maybe you shouldn't come here any more. AMBER [upset] What? [beat, then blasé] And lose the school credit I'm getting for looking after the elderly and infirm? Uh-uh. SIMON [slight wheezing laugh, turns into cough, then deep breath] I... I probably won't last much longer. AMBER No way! You're fine! Well, not fine, but‑‑ SIMON It's been coming for a long time. And the elixirs aren't working any more. Nothing is working. AMBER The book can't--? SIMON I thought there would be things I could ...bring myself to do, but it's not worth it. AMBER It's always worth living. SIMON When I'm gone, take it and burn it. Promise? AMBER If you can't use it, sell it! Use the money to get more colder. You'll be fine. SIMON No. SFX POWER DIP, THEN HUM RETURNS SIMON [long shaky breath] I always think it will be the last one. AMBER I'LL buy you a generator. SIMON Have you seen the gas prices recently? Cooling takes too much energy - even if you get one, I won't be able to afford the gasoline. MUSIC
AMBIANCE INTERVIEW ROOM AMBER [still breathing in little gasps, coming down from a crying jag] SOUND WATER BOTTLE OPENED JERMYN Drink. SOUND PLASTIC BOTTLE SET ON TABLE UPTON [annoyed] Are you through? AMBER [cough, sniff] UPTON So, here's what I think is going on. This guy has been trying to establish himself as Simon Strong, famous recluse and mysterious celebrity. AMBER That's too dumb even for the short bus. UPTON Oh, yeah? Dumb to the tune of half a mil a year. Between the club, which the real Strong did purchase in December of 1979, and the royalties on his old music - particularly the musical um, chunks, or segments-- JERMYN Riffs. UPTON Yes, whatever, that people used in their own-- JERMYN Sampled. UPTON [deep annoyed sigh] During the 80s and 90s-- [waits, but there is no interjection] --he had pots of money rolling in. AMBER Which he spent on books and crud. I told you. UPTON Kid, no one spends that much on books. Did you ever actually see these books, or did you just bring him book-shaped packages? AMBER [silent for a beat] No, I guess I never actually saw them. UPTON I say he's been salting it away, staying around long enough to move everything to the Caymans and then - Voy-la - take a powder. AMBER But the body-- JERMYN [sadly] WAS the real Simon Strong. Dental records have confirmed it. But Amber, he'd been dead for a very long time. UPTON Which explains the cold. The fake didn't want the - uh - deceased stinking up the place. AMBER [muttered] Yeah, easier to freeze the whole place, than just pack a corpse in a chest freezer. JERMYN Are you up to telling us how you discovered the body? AMBER [very subdued] Sure. I got to the club, and everything was dark. I freaked-- Well, I got really worried, and ran up to his room. The body was just... there... and it was... JERMYN --In an advanced state of decomposition. AMBER Yeah, that. MUSIC
SFX NO SOUND OF FRIDGE, JUST DISTANT STREET NOISES. SOUND DOOR SLIDES OPEN WITH DIFFICULTY. AMBER [Grunts] Dammit, open! damm---it [squeaks through] Simon! Simon? [almost chokes] What is-- oh jeez! SOUND HESITANT FOOTSTEPS SOUND SQUISHY MOVEMENT NOISE AMBER What the he-e-e-ll? SIMON [Almost inaudible] Turn off the flashlight. SOUND CLICK FLASHLIGHT OFF AMBER I'll get you some ice, I'll --- SIMON Damage is done. Don't go. I wasn't sure if I wanted you here or not -- for this. AMBER Can I--? Do you need--? SIMON Don't... touch me. Please. Just listen. Listen! Take the books and burn them. I need to know you will. AMBER Yeah, sure. SIMON I- I've willed the club to you. Don't get your hopes up, the police aren't going to .... [trails off] AMBER Simon! [breaking down] I don't want you to die. You can't die! [etc., sobbing] SIMON This isn't -- I... haven't... been living... for a long time. Let me go. AMBER No! SIMON Shh! AMBER [controls herself] Shushing. [gasp] SIMON In 1977, I O.D.ed on heroin and, [gasping cough] -- I... died. It was never reported because a local Bocor brought me back... AMBER [small voice] Like a zombie? SIMON [sigh, not quite a chuckle] I knew you'd understand. AMBER But we can do it again, right? Bring you back? SIMON [dying, trailing off] Beep Beep. Get out of the way of the door, Billy.... AMBER [sobs] MUSIC
AMBIANCE INTERVIEW ROOM AMBER Guess I'm glad it ain't him - the ... borscht. But he was cool. For an old dude. UPTON If he contacts you in any way-- AMBER [dryly sarcastic] Oh, sure. I'll be right on the phone to you. UPTON Do you understand the meaning of accessory to fraud? Harboring a fugitive, maybe? AMBER Well, I do watch a lot of TV. Besides, it's not like I'm getting anything out of it. UPTON The club has been transferred into your name, Amber Sorensen with an E-N. The heirs of the real Simon Strong will probably contest it. AMBER Pff. Don't care. Are we done? JERMYN You'll have to wait a few minutes while your statement is typed up. Once you sign it, you're good to go. AMBER Sure. Hey, did your CSI guys really not find any books or anything at the scene? JERMYN Nothing of any importance. UPTON And no clue to his offshore account. AMBER Hmm. Oh well. [grunts with effort] SOUND CREAK OF LIFTING A HEAVY BACKPACK ONTO HER BACK JERMYN You going to be OK without a coat? It's a bit chilly out tonight. SOUND DOOR OPENS. SFX OFFICE NOISE. SOUND COUPLE FOOTSTEPS AMBER Really? [laughs] Nah. I'm cool. SOUND FOOTSTEPS LEAVE. MUSIC MODERN COP THEME, FADE OUT CLOSER OLIVIA Now that you know how to find us, you'll have to come back. Maybe next week? Don't be a stranger - we have enough of those already... ******************************************** | |||
| BINGO THE BIRTHDAY CLOWN, episode 3 (19 Nocturne reissue of the day) | 16 Apr 2023 | 00:08:23 | |
Episode 3 "Talent Show" It's all for the children. And... where do all the old Starrettes go? | |||
| Atomic Julie - Beyond the Yellow Fog (pt 4 of 8) by Emmett McDowell | 28 Sep 2021 | 00:20:36 | |
Chapter 5 - The trip to Jupiter goes ... oddly | |||
| 19 Nocturne Boulevard - THE OUTPOST - Reissue | 23 Sep 2021 | 00:38:30 | |
[The Outpost won the Gold Mark Time Award for best sci fi audio drama for 2008] You wake up, millions of light years away, in a place nothing like home. Cast List
Episode and incidental music from the album "...go..." by Sulatus (www.sulatus.cbl.pl). Show theme: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) "What kind of a place is it? Would you believe it's a habitat, in an asteroid cloud, in a distant corner of the galaxy?" ********************************************************* The Outpost This story was very loosely inspired by the movie Suna No Onna (Woman in the Dunes), from 1964; directed by Hiroshi Teshigahara from the novel by Kôbô Abe, as adapted by Eiko Yoshida, starring Eiji Okada and Kyôko Kishida and the sand. It's an awesome film - superficially about a man who is trapped by a small town and placed with a woman as her new husband. In the film, he's an office worker and amateur entymologist seeking to make some kind of name for himself by finding a new species of bug on his day trip to a beach. He falls asleep and wakes to find he missed the last bus, but a local town has someone who will take him in for the night - a woman who lives at the bottom of this odd huge sand pit. The whole town live at the bottoms of these pits, and we slowly realize that the sand has built up over the town for generations, and they just dig out the areas around the huts by night and have the sand taken away. The woman lost her husband and child in a sandslide and cannot handle the work of digging the sand all by herself, so they have placed the man with her as her new husband - letting him down and taking away the ladder. The man also finds out that he's not the only one - other men in other houses were similarly abducted. I didn’t want to work with any of that for my story, specifically since I had determined to make it a gender reverse, and a woman kidnapped and handed to a man to be trapped as his wife is kind of ... a lot of real history. So I focused on the subtext and themes of the movie. At its heart, it's a culture clash, the man representing "modern japan" (in the 60s) and the town and woman being so traditional that they won't even leave ancient homes that are being devoured by the sand. In modern life, people are cogs, and he's coming from a life where he's basically interchangeable - hardly even missed when he vanishes - into one where the good of the community and the comfort of the partner are directly affected by the actions of the individual and each person is therefore important. That gave me a more satisfying framework to play with. By creating these two cultures - the efficient and interchangeable people she comes from - where even her personal achievements are somewhat generic - and the humble, personal, and individual life in the asteroids, where he takes time to respect the dead, and is proud of his little triumphs. I also wanted an equivalent to the sand. The film is basically a three character piece, with the sand as much a presence as the two people in it. I made the outpost, with its gripes and problems, sounds, and needs, as similar to that as I could. I like to think it's the writing that makes this episode really great but I give a lot of credit to my costar, for being able to bring to life a male character that is strong without being overbearing, who is in control without being controlling, and who is never ashamed to feel. That left me free to be a bitch. Of course the climax comes in both stories when the captive has a chance to walk away. I won't spoil it. **************************************************************** THE OUTPOST Cast:
OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's an outpost in an asteroid cloud, can't you tell? MUSIC AMBIANCE INSIDE OUTPOST MU LAMBDA EPSILON [Millie] SOUND MACHINE AND ELECTRONIC NOISES, SLOSHING OF LIQUID VANESSA [waking up noises, then with a start, coughing] GRANT Easy now. Just breathe. VANESSA [breathing, coughing a bit] GRANT Tell me. Do you know your name? VANESSA My what? Of course. GRANT Tell me your name. VANESSA Vanessa 9 [breaks into coughing] GRANT [incredulous] Your name is Vanessa 9? VANESSA Don't be stupid. It's Vanessa 98949. How old do I look? [coughing] GRANT [not a clue] Um... VANESSA Where am I? GRANT I'll tell you whatever you wanna know. Later. You're all wrung out. VANESSA Nonsense. I am ordering you to tell me-- GRANT Now there ain't no call to get huffy, miss. VANESSA [offended] Where is your Vox? I plan to let her know precisely-- GRANT My what? VANESSA [altering slightly] Your Vox? The one who gives you orders? GRANT Ain't got none. VANESSA There must be a female around here somewhere! GRANT Nope. Just me. And you. VANESSA What the hell kind of place is this? [pain] ooh.... ah. GRANT There, now. You lie back down and get yourself some rest. [fogging out] Waking from deepsub is no cakewalk... MUSIC VANESSA [waking sharply again, gasp] Ohh. SOUND SWOOSH OF POD HATCH OPENING, HESITANT FOOTSTEPS, A STUMBLE VANESSA Where is that throwback? Hmm? SOUND SHE PICKS UP A NOTE AND A RADIO VANESSA [reading] Frequency 12. great. [louder, commanding] Frequency 12. SOUND NOTHING VANESSA [more strident] Frequency 12. [Ugh!] SOUND RADIO UNIT BEING SHAKEN, CRACKLES TO LIFE VANESSA [hesitant] Frequency 12? Is there anyone here? GRANT [on filter] No need to holler. VANESSA Your comm unit isn't set to recognize my voice! GRANT [baffled] Oh. I'll... see what I can do. You need anything? VANESSA [snap] No. Well, I could use something to eat. GRANT All righty. I have to finish up something, and I'll be down as soon as I can. SOUND CLICK RADIO OFF VANESSA What? You get down here immediately! Ugh! SOUND THROWS RADIO UNIT - SOMETHING SNAPS MUSIC SOUND SHE PACES SOUND DOOR SWOOSHES OPEN, HE ENTERS, DOOR SHUTS GRANT [sigh] All righty. Brought you some chow. VANESSA [seething] It's been almost an entire hour! GRANT [matter of fact] You caught me outside. Was quicker to finish what I was doing than to come in and get back out again later. VANESSA Give me that. SOUND TRAY RATTLES GRANT [grunt of effort] No. VANESSA What? How dare you? GRANT You're in my home, and if you can't be civil, then ... well, I can be downright rude too. VANESSA There must be someone else here - I will report your behavior--! GRANT Nope. Just me. Like I told you. VANESSA Take me to your comm unit-- GRANT No. VANESSA [faltering] But I-- GRANT You can ask nicely. VANESSA [indignant] What? How can you even look me in the face and say such a thing, male? GRANT [beat, then sigh] Call me again when you're in a better mood. SOUND FOOTSTEPS, DOOR SWOOSHES OPEN VANESSA [up] The-- [deep breath, forces herself to a nicer tone] The radio is broken. GRANT Broken? Hold up. SOUND SETS TRAY DOWN. PICKS UP RADIO VANESSA I... shook it. It wouldn't listen to me! SOUND RADIO SHAKES, RATTLES GRANT Hmm. Looks like I'm gonna have to get in there. SOUND VANESSA TRIES TO BE SNEAKY, GRABBING SOMETHING TO EAT GRANT But I still don't understand what you're saying about-- [sees her eating, makes an impatient noise] VANESSA [around a mouthful] You expect me to starve? I just woke from deepsub. I require caloric intake. GRANT [sigh, tsks] SOUND HIS FOOTSTEPS LEAVE, DOOR SWOOSHES SHUT MUSIC SOUND TINKERING WITH MACHINERY - LITTLE ZAP NOISES, ETC. VANESSA Just ...about ...there! SOUND BLIP AS SOMETHING TURNS ON RECORDER [crackly] Life pod B-L-T-L-1-4-5, ship Xanadu, designated X-14-Z-3-J--2-0-5-- VANESSA [real relief] Finally - a civilized voice! Recorder. Play back the Xanadu's final entry. RECORDER Final log entry of star cruiser Xanadu. G-vector, Delta quadrant, encountered space debris. Explosion. Unknown cause. Xanadu evac mandated. Pods loosed at ship day 172, T-vector, speed normal. VANESSA Calculate time in transit. RECORDER Calculating. One thousand, three hundred and eighty two days since Xanadu Evac. SOUND DOOR OPENS VANESSA Four years--? GRANT [off] You were on a star cruiser? VANESSA [gasp] SOUND BONKS HEAD AS SHE REACTS GRANT That musta been interesting. VANESSA Yes, I am part of the crew of the Star Cruiser Xanadu, bound for Ganymede 800 in the Gargon nebula. There will be people looking for me. GRANT [rueful] Not here they won't. VANESSA What do you mean? GRANT I don't know what all your specs there are, but first, no one much comes this far out, and second, well, I do know the Gargon Nebula is hellagone from here. VANESSA You have to let me contact someone. GRANT Nope. I don't have to do anything. VANESSA I order you! As third under-lieutenant subchief, engineering bay 5 of the star cruiser Xanadu, I command you to take me to your comm room. GRANT Pff. SOUND DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS LEAVE VANESSA [very last second] Please. GRANT [off, leaning in] Wish I could. Left you some food there. SOUND DOOR SHUTS MUSIC SOUND ELECTRONIC MENDING NOISES SOUND DOOR OPENS GRANT Whatcha doing? VANESSA Keeping busy. What do you want? GRANT You about ready to come out? VANESSA Out of what? GRANT The room here? VANESSA The room? [working up] You kept me locked up in here, and now you ask-- GRANT Door don't even lock. I was wondering why you never-- SOUND HER STOMPING FOOTSTEPS VANESSA Door open! See? Nothing happens! GRANT Well o'course not. Doors don't have ears. VANESSA Normal doors take orders. Radios too. GRANT You're an underengineer sub chief thingee and you don't even know how to work a door? VANESSA Normal doors take orders! GRANT Well, I guess we're all a bit old fashioned here. This is how you open the door. Wave your hand right here-- SOUND WhoooosH. DOOR OPENS VANESSA [sullen] Oh. I see. Wait! GRANT What? SOUND SLAMS HIM UP AGAINST THE WALL VANESSA You said we're all a bit old fashioned - who is "we"? GRANT [controlling some strong emotion, at being slammed against a wall] Well - um - I was including the doors and all. [deep breath] Since you like t'talk to them all. SOUND SHE LETS GO MUSIC GRANT [off] To the left there. SOUND DOOR SWOOSHES OPEN. A COUPLE OF FOOTSTEPS, THEY SLOW VANESSA This is it? GRANT [pride] Yup. Millie's brain center. There are 42 more like her spread throughout the cloud - um, here. SOUND BUTTONS PUSH. SCREEN HUMS TO LIFE GRANT Pretty, huh? VANESSA It's rubbish. GRANT [hurt, but covering] Millie has 12 chambers - each a self-sealing unit, in case of breaches - and a backup-- VANESSA How do you call out? GRANT Hmm? VANESSA Out! How do you call out! I need to make arrangements to get the hell out of here! GRANT It don't quite work that-- VANESSA Nothing here works! Nothing works at all! [almost hysterical] SOUND SLAP VANESSA [stunned gasp] GRANT Now I'm real sorry about that, but you need to breathe. And let me finish my sentences. VANESSA I could have you up on charges so fast! GRANT Well, not here, you couldn't. [sigh] Now, as I was about to say, you can call the other habitats, or the quarterly supply ship - if he's in range. Just might be - he come through here only last week. VANESSA Another male? What is this, throwback central? GRANT What you got against fellows? VANESSA [disgusted noise] Males have been proven inferior and in the civilized galaxy have been effectively relegated to a purely functional capacity. GRANT You mean where you come from is all ladies? Don't it get boring? VANESSA What? What are you implying--? GRANT Just - well, how do you have kids? VANESSA GRANT So everyone has to have kids? VANESSA No one "has" children. [shrugs, indifferent] Everyone donates genetic material, and it's automatically matched up with compatible fertilizing agents. Children belong to the community, and are raised in a proper safe environment, under supervision. GRANT But - those poor little boys and girls-- VANESSA Girls. GRANT [sigh] Them poor little kids, never knowing who their - mommas are. VANESSA They're cared for by properly trained personnel. Much better for their long-term physical and mental health. How would someone like me, with a career on a star cruiser, ever find that sort of time? GRANT That's real sad. VANESSA Not to mention, I haven't spent my life immersed in study of childhood ailments and development. GRANT Well, neither did my mama. VANESSA Yes. I'm sure. GRANT [hurt, slightly annoyed] Look, you can mock me, and turn your nose up at Millie, but don't you never speak ill of my mama. SOUND CRACKLE OF STATIC LASSITER [scratchy, on filter] Hey Grant? You there? Grant? You there? SOUND SQUEAK OF CHAIR, CLICK GRANT Yup. Whatcha need? LASSITER [scratchy, on filter] That capsule thing you sold me - you got yours to work OK? GRANT [hurried] Ah, hell. Let me call you back, Lassiter. SOUND CLICK VANESSA [absolute fury] Sold? GRANT I got work to do. SOUND SLIGHT SCUFFLE, SHE BLOCKS HIM FROM LEAVING VANESSA [not quite screaming] Was he talking about a deepsub pod like mine? GRANT [muttered] I find all sorts of things. VANESSA You sold a - a - a PERSON to that - that male? GRANT What makes you think the pod weren't empty? VANESSA That's slavery! And you know what that means? GRANT Don't matter. Sides, what would I do with two of y'all out here? VANESSA The same as you're doing with one - nothing at all! GRANT [standing up to her a bit] Yup. long as I'm talking to you, I'm doing nothing at all. Like I said, I got work to do. SOUND HE LEAVES, DOOR MUSIC VANESSA It was one of these switches-- SOUND RADIO STATIC VANESSA Yes! [lower, into the mike] Lassiter? Come in Lassiter? LASSITER [scratchy, on filter] Huh? Who's this? VANESSA I'm at .... Millie. LASSITER [scratchy, on filter] Excellent - it did work! You tell Grant to let me know what he did, y'hear? VANESSA To wake up the woman in the pod? LASSITER [scratchy, on filter] Yeah. [eager] I can't wait. VANESSA [warning] Lassiter. You do know it's vastly illegal to rescue someone and then force them into slavery, don't you? LASSITER [scratchy, on filter] What? VANESSA If you press her into service, you are committing high seas slavery, according to Rule 4715 D of the unitary code. LASSITER [scratchy, on filter] Is Grant there? Can you put him on? VANESSA Shut up! LASSITER [scratchy, on filter] Jeez. VANESSA Lassiter. I will make a bargain with you. LASSITER [scratchy, on filter] I dunno-- VANESSA I will help you revive the survivor, if you will -- let me talk to her as soon as she wakes up. LASSITER [scratchy, on filter] Sure. VANESSA And if you understand that I will find a way to come over there and kill you if you hurt her in any way. LASSITER [scratchy, on filter] Hurt her? Hey! I paid good money for-- VANESSA Agh! MUSIC YASMIN [scratchy, on filter] What do I do? VANESSA Be placating - we have to try and get together, make our way home. YASMIN Aye-aye, Vox. Data mode for now. I await your word. VANESSA Remind him I will kill him if he hurts you. YASMIN He doesn't seem very threatening. I could put him down if I have to. VANESSA Good. Engineer Vanessa 98949 Out. YASMIN Yasmin 222338 Out. GRANT [sad] Whatcha doing? SOUND CHAIR WHIPS AROUND VANESSA Huh? GRANT I see you found your friend. VANESSA We were part of the same crew. I have rank, so I told her I would protect her. It's my duty. GRANT Protect her? From Lassiter? He ain't some kinda -- of -- I ain't even sure what you're thinking he is. VANESSA A man. SOUND GETS UP FROM CHAIR GRANT [realizing] Are you afraid of me? VANESSA [thinks, then] You hold all the cards. All you have to do is refuse me food, and I'm helpless. GRANT I wouldn't do that! VANESSA You already did. GRANT I was trying to get you to-- Look, if I wanted to actually hurt you, I gotta blaster for that. I just wanted you to think twice and act civil. VANESSA How many more were there? GRANT More? VANESSA Of the deepsub pods. Did you just find the two? GRANT [grudging] Four. Total. Lassiter's was the last to revive, so all of y'all are all right. VANESSA All right? Let me talk to them! GRANT You gotta learn to stop giving me orders. You're not my momma. VANESSA Your mother is--? GRANT She died. Since then... [shrug] I got work to do. VANESSA [belligerent] What is this work that seems to constantly demand your attention? GRANT You ask nice, you'll get a lot more answers. VANESSA [beat, then making an effort] What is it that you do all day? GRANT Salvage. Used to be mining, but the cloud here grabs every lump of crap out of the nearest 10-20 sectors, so salvage pays a helluva lot better. VANESSA Salvage? GRANT And maintenance. Millie here's old. I keep her limping along, but it's truly full time. SOUND DOOR OPENS GRANT Come on. I'll show you where the food units are. Then you ain't gotta wait on me if you get hungry. MUSIC GRANT So this switch here changes the band - you gotta jiggle it a bit, here, sometimes. And this list here shows all the other habitats - the ones up top are closest - most reliable for contact. Next down, these three - well - I ain't heard from them in a while. Not even sure they're still... functional. VANESSA Vacated? GRANT No one vacates. Not unless-- But [trying to convince himself] comm equipment goes down sometimes - a lot - and it's a bitch to get the right parts. VANESSA All the habitats are as old as ...this one? GRANT Yeah, they were built for miners - never really meant to be permanent, but you know how things go. VANESSA Why don't you leave? GRANT Leave? VANESSA If you sell your salvage, it must go somewhere. Someone must be buying it. Why don't you just go, too? GRANT Why? VANESSA You say it's a full time job just keeping this place from falling down around your ears. So find another place. GRANT But this is my home. I was born right here in Millie. VANESSA It is falling apart. I hope you don't think I plan to stay here with you. GRANT [beat, then neutral] Course not. But you do owe me. VANESSA [indignant again] Owe you? GRANT I rescued you. I pulled your damn pod in here and I woke you up. VANESSA That's -- GRANT And I've been feeding you and letting you breathe my air - which ain't cheap, I should point out. VANESSA Then let me get out of your air. GRANT First you gotta ... you know...pay me back. VANESSA [suspicious] How, exactly? MUSIC SOUND ELECTRONIC REPAIR NOISES VANESSA Damn! Bloody stone-age tools! SOUND CLICK RADIO TURNS ON, VERY CLEAR AND NO STATIC VANESSA Ha! GRANT [on radio] What? VANESSA [a little winded] I patched your antenna into the router from the pod's emergency signal - some serious interface issues, let me tell you - but you should get much clearer signals now. GRANT [on radio] [congratulatory] Damn. MUSIC SOUND CLANK OF METAL DROPPED VANESSA Damn. GRANT Everything all right? VANESSA Half my damn solar cells were damaged in the landing. GRANT So? VANESSA I was thinking I'd jury rig them into something, get you a little extra free power. Bloody hell. MUSIC SOUND SOLDERING IRON SPARKS, STOPS, FACEPLATE UP GRANT That's a nice bead right there. VANESSA Yeah, I think I'm getting the hang of it. Now watch this. [command] Chicken! SOUND VENDING MACHINE RUMBLES, THEN CLUNKS GRANT Holy cow! VANESSA Well, chicken, but yes - you get the idea. I still have to code the machine's other foodstuff options in for voice. I'll need to get your voice into the system sometime, too. GRANT [mood dropping] Right. O'course. So I can do it myself. VANESSA [not noticing] Absolutely. MUSIC VANESSA You didn't have any trouble making contact? I appear to be at the very arse end of the cloud, so they're out of my range from here. Damn these archaic -- YASMIN I... got them. You may be disappointed, though. VANESSA Why? YASMIN Helen 74589, and Griselda 80281 ... um... do not ... wish to participate. VANESSA What are you saying? YASMIN They have become attached to this place. VANESSA How the blazes--? YASMIN Griselda declined any details, but Helen seems to find some - companionship in the man Conrad and his children. VANESSA [disparaging] Children. At least we've only got men to deal with. YASMIN [iffy note] Yes. MUSIC SOUND MACHINE DISPENSES FOOD VANESSA Sit down. GRANT Sit? Why? I always eat standing. VANESSA You practically sleep standing. I have never seen you relax. GRANT Last time I just sat and waited was... VANESSA Yes? GRANT [evasive] Don't know. doesn't matter. VANESSA Why not sit? GRANT Too much to do. VANESSA Please. SOUND BEAT, THEN SQUEAK OF A CHAIR VANESSA Haven't I helped at all? GRANT Oh, yeah - many hands make light work, like momma used to say, but there's always more to do. [beat] But the repairs are real good. If this keeps up, I can maybe repressurize capsule 14. [trails off] VANESSA Do you need the space? GRANT [hurt but covering] Never hurts - could put some more hydroponics in there, maybe put in some greens and generate oxy of my own. Why not? It's like minting money. VANESSA You'd be better off with algae tanks. They take more processing to make them palatable for eating - much more - but they've been genetically manipulated to give a much higher O2 to cubic foot ratio, and they require less nutrient. GRANT I'd have to get it from somewhere-- VANESSA Shouldn't be difficult - most cruisers have algae tanks, and all you need is a dip to start with and some growth media. The tank - well you could pretty much put anything together, if you're not too concerned about sterile edible conditions - but for oxy production, anything that will contain the growth medium and keep the temp stable will do. You'll need U-V simulators, too-- GRANT Yeah. [sigh] Maybe you can send me some when you get home. VANESSA --you could re-make one room for food plant growth and have the algae - What? GRANT Nothing. VANESSA There's even better technology out there, you know. I'm surprised you're not more curious. GRANT Well, I figure it's like this - of all you've talked about so far, doors that listen and whatever, this algae thing is the only one that seems like it'd fit into my life. Everything else is like - so far beyond me, I don't see it mattering much. VANESSA But you would know. You would have something to - to work toward. GRANT Something to chase? Something to... miss. Something to worry about not having? Nah. I figure, easier just to assume you're gonna tell me you can shit blueberry cobbler - it's all well and good, but I don't wanna do it. And goodness knows I don't wanna eat it. VANESSA [laughing] Cobbler? GRANT I-I got things to do. VANESSA Let me help. GRANT [breath] Nah. It's all outside - I gotta hawk in some stuff. VANESSA [brightening a bit] Outside? In a suit? GRANT [very unhappy] Yes. VANESSA Let me help! GRANT No. VANESSA Why? Are you afraid I'll run away? GRANT [muttered] No, just ...float away. VANESSA What? SOUND HE GETS UP GRANT It's my job. I have to do it. VANESSA Do you have two suits? GRANT Yes. VANESSA Many hands make light work. GRANT [thinks, then] No. VANESSA Look, I've put in my 100 hours on simulators, plus over 300 hours working on the hull in stagnant space. Goodness - you've even got gravity here-- GRANT Minimal gravity. VANESSA Point is, I know my way around a suit! GRANT [finally snappish] Look! If things didn't have to be done, I'd never get into one of those damn things myself! There's no way I'd put you in that kind of danger. VANESSA You don't - you don't like being out there? SOUND DOOR WHOOSHES OPEN VANESSA But - but I enjoy-- SOUND HIS FOOTSTEPS EXIT GRANT You don't want to be here and that's fine. I'd rather see you leave on the cargo ship than [barely controlled] floating off into blackness... SOUND DOOR SHUTS MUSIC VANESSA Can you ask your Lassiter something? YASMIN [on filter] You can talk to him yourself. VANESSA I just want to know about suit drifts in this area. YASMIN Why? VANESSA [overly casual] Just something Grant said. YASMIN Ah, here he is - You can help Vanessa, can't you? [teasing, fond noise] Hmm? LASSITER [on filter] Sure. What you need? [snickers, then aside] Stop that! MUSIC GRANT Chicken. SOUND DISPENSER DISPENSES FOOD VANESSA How old were you? GRANT [completely startled] what? VANESSA When your father drifted? GRANT [tightly controlled] Why do you care? You don't even have a father. [beat] I should get back to-- VANESSA No. Unless you actually physically move me, you're not leaving this room. Talk to me. GRANT [mumbled] I don't want to talk to you. VANESSA Why? GRANT [swallows, then sighs, speaks very quietly] The more I talk to you, the more I'll miss having someone to talk to - later. [sniff] Get out of my way. VANESSA No. I've lost people in space too - I did my time in the corps, shipboard accidents... I- I understand. GRANT It's different with family. VANESSA Show me. GRANT I was 12 when my father's line got tangled, and he had to cut it - then something in the piece he was salvaging blew, and - it took forever for him to be completely out of sight - he kept talking right up to the edge of radio range.... VANESSA [pause, then sincere, if dry] I feel for you. GRANT Thank you. VANESSA I wish I knew what to say. GRANT That's all right. [deep breath] I've got work to do. SOUND HE WALKS AWAY VANESSA Your food? SOUND HE DOESN'T SLOW - DOOR SHUTS MUSIC VANESSA How do you talk to them? YASMIN [arch] It's not always in the talking. What's wrong? VANESSA I want to - offer him sympathy, but he just walks out of the room. He says he... just wants to ignore me until I leave. YASMIN Are you still planning to leave? VANESSA Aren't you? YASMIN Well. No. VANESSA Why? Is it the sex? YASMIN Well... That's part of it - you have to admit it's kind of fun. VANESSA I don't - haven't. YASMIN Maybe that's why he's avoiding you. VANESSA But don't you want to go back to your job? Your home? Don't you want your life to have some meaning? YASMIN Meaning? What meaning? VANESSA I was on the way to making full chief engineer - and I would have been the youngest to reach that grade. Ever, YASMIN [dry] You would have impressed everyone. VANESSA Don't talk like that about my goal. The point of ... everything. YASMIN And who benefited from this goal? VANESSA I would. The ship would. Everyone on it. YASMIN And someday someone would reach that rank even younger, and when you retired, someone else who could do the job just as well would take over, and no one would even remember you. VANESSA I would-- YASMIN Unless you did something like - I don't know - discover an alien race or die to save a bunch of people - but how often does that really happen? VANESSA I once prevented an explosion because I spotted a faulty valve. YASMIN And I'll bet every person you saved came and thanked you. VANESSA [somewhat dissatisfied] The point of preventing a disaster is so that no one knows they were ever in danger. YASMIN [sigh] MUSIC AMBIANCE SPACESUIT. BUZZ, BREATHER, ECHO SOUND BOTH - this scene - on filter throughout VANESSA You needed help--? Oh! GRANT It's jammed. I can't shift it alone. VANESSA I see. Hold on. SOUND METAL IMPACT GRANT Is your line secure? VANESSA Yes. I checked and double checked. Hmm. GRANT Do you think the person inside is still all right? VANESSA Won't know if she is till we clear some of this debris. [beat] Looks like it still has some power. GRANT Help me shift this plate - I think it'll clear some of this. VANESSA Hold on - No, not that. There's too much leaning on it, and we don't know which way it'll fall. GRANT What then? VANESSA Um.... This. I think this is the key piece, and I don't see anything it can bring down with it. BOTH [Grunt with effort] SOUND A BUNCH OF STUFF SHIFTS GRANT Ah hell. VANESSA What? [seeing the damage] Oh. GRANT At least we should be able to get it clear, now. VANESSA Let's lighten the load - get the corpse out of there. GRANT No. VANESSA Why? GRANT You want to just dump her out, right here? VANESSA Why not? She's dead. GRANT She still deserves some respect. I'll do it, if you don't want to be bothered. VANESSA Do what? GRANT Bury her. MUSIC SOUND HATCH SHUTS, HELMETS COME OFF. SOUND OF REMOVING SPACE SUITS SOUND SOMETHING DROPS VANESSA [sharp gasp] GRANT Hey? What's wrong? VANESSA [in pain] Nothing. GRANT Let me-- [sigh] You shoulda come back in earlier - your fingers are nearly blue. I told you the heat circulation in that suit ain't up to snuff. VANESSA I'm fine. GRANT Give me your hands. VANESSA What? GRANT Let me warm your hands fro you. SOUND BEAT, THEN SKIN ON SKIN, AS HE SLOWLY CHAFES HER HAND. VANESSA How do you do that? GRANT Hmm? VANESSA [gasp] Your hands are... warm. GRANT They just come that way. Here, hold your hand here while I-- VANESSA In your jacket? GRANT Just do it. Give me the other one. SOUND SLOW CHAFING AGAIN VANESSA They're fine now. I'll go and-- GRANT I don't like that nail color there. Can you feel this? VANESSA Yes. I'm perfectly capable of-- GRANT This? VANESSA [a bit more irritated] Yes. I know what the-- GRANT This? VANESSA --difficulties with cold can be, and-- what? GRANT This? VANESSA [startled] No. GRANT Here. [puts her finger into his mouth] VANESSA [long gasp, startled, amazed, and aroused] GRANT [talking around her finger] Stop squirming. VANESSA Let - let go. Let go! GRANT Need to get the circulation back. Heat and suction. VANESSA Ahh! SOUND SLIGHT STRUGGLE, SHE PULLS HER HAND FREE GRANT [mouth noise] Look. Whatever it is you don't like about this - is it worth losing a finger over? VANESSA [long beat, erratic breathing] No. [gasp as he takes her finger again] MUSIC GRANT [talking on the radio] Thanks for the heads up Lassiter, but it'll happen or it won't. Glad you're doing well, and... and congrats. LASSITER We're real happy. GRANT Out. SOUND CHAIR TURNS GRANT [startled] Oh! VANESSA Congrats? GRANT Lassiter and Yasmin are pregnant. VANESSA [bothered] Oh. GRANT Well, they're pleased. VANESSA I didn't mean to sound... I'm just confused. GRANT Well, it won't be for much longer. Quarterly cargo ship will be here in the next couple of hours. VANESSA Grant? GRANT Don't worry - by my calculations - we're pretty much square, in fact you're a bit ahead, hooking up those solar panels and all-- VANESSA Grant-- GRANT So I'll just cover the cost of your trip, at least as far as-- VANESSA Grant! GRANT Damn, now you got me lost. VANESSA Grant, I-- GRANT I appreciate your help here... Vanessa. Got me ahead of my schedule. [cracking a little] Um, I should go and get the cargo ready. SOUND CHAIR SQUEAK, FOOTSTEPS, THEY STOP VANESSA Grant. I need to know something. GRANT Whatever I can help with. VANESSA Would you-- Do you-- [a breath] What will you do? GRANT When? VANESSA If - when - if I go. GRANT Same as I done before. Nothing's gonna change. VANESSA You should have kept Yasmin or Helen - they love it here. GRANT Yasmin loves Lassiter. And Helen-- VANESSA [snapping him back] Grant. Why me? GRANT [muttered] You're ...the prettiest. VANESSA I ...am? GRANT Yup. I looked at you and I knew that if I was ever gonna take a chance, it'd have to be on that one. [sniff] VANESSA Tell me you want me to stay. GRANT N-no. VANESSA You don't - want - ? GRANT You go home. Have a good life. I got cargo to move. SOUND HE SHOVES PAST HER MUSIC SOUND RADIO TURNS ON LASSITER Grant? You there? GRANT Um - yeah. LASSITER How'd it go? GRANT I'm doing all right. Even ordered an algae starter culture. LASSITER But your ...lady--? GRANT Oh, I'm still ahead, even after her ticket-- LASSITER Ticket? Ticket? You let her leave? GRANT Course. [breaking down] She - sh-she don't belong to me. LASSITER She woulda gotten used to it. GRANT I had to get used to being all alone. How could I do that to--? VANESSA --to me? SOUND CHAIR TURNS FAST GRANT What-- What happened? Did they-? Did you miss it? LASSITER Grant? Grant? VANESSA I decided there was a better use for the cost of my passage - negotiated for three more solar panels, and a couple more oxygen tanks for the suits. GRANT I don't understand. VANESSA It was what Yasmin said, about being important to someone. GRANT But I never said you were-- VANESSA You said it every time you couldn't look me in the face. GRANT But what do we do now? VANESSA We build a tank for the algae. Many hands make light work. GRANT Many hands make light work. VANESSA Oh, yes, and-- GRANT And? VANESSA This-- SOUND NOISY KISS, RUSTLE OF AN EMBRACE VANESSA Not bad. You could use a little practice. GRANT [gasping a bit for breath, making a joke] Well - I may have had my 100 - and then some - hours of simulation, but I never actually took one of those there out for a spin. VANESSA [chuckles] Wait till you see the rest of the equipment...! CLOSER OLIVIA Now that you know how to find us, you'll have to come back. Maybe next week? Don't be a stranger - we have enough of those already...
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| Atomic Julie - Beyond the Yellow Fog (pt3 of 8) by Emmett McDowell | 21 Sep 2021 | 00:26:31 | |
Chapters 3 and 4! The ship finally gets into orbit, and with difficulty must try and escape law enforcement. | |||
| 19 Nocturne Boulevard - WHERE ARE YOU NOW? - Reissue | 16 Sep 2021 | 00:31:32 | |
[warning - mature themes and explicit violence] A surreal Q&A session reveals the workings of a victim's mind. Cast List
Music: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover Photos: Alan Bridges (courtesy of Stock Xchange.com) "What kind of a place is it? Don't you know where you are?" *********************************************************** Where are You Now? This is a weird ass episode. I wrote this very deliberately in a stream of consciousness style, probably inspired by a weird dream, but I don't remember specifically. I did write the entire script in roughly one sitting, then cast and recorded it immediately - I wanted to see if I could make an entire episode in a single week, which I basically did. The most challenging effect in this was throwing the chiffoniere down the stairs. I actually have a sort of sequel - more in tone than using the same character(s), obviously - in mind, and may do it someday. A big part of the idea for this was to make the vast bulk of the dialog mine, so I didn’t have to get too much out of other people, thus making it a quicker recording turnaround. SPOILER ALERT!!! I'm going to explain, sort of, what this episode is and what it means, at the end of the transcript, below. A lot of info will be there, since most of my memories of making this are tied up in why I wrote what I wrote. *********************************************************** WHERE ARE YOU NOW? Cast:
OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Don't you know where you are? MUSIC
SCENE 1. SOUND A SLOW CHORD, WHICH STAYS UNTIL NOTED DOC Where are you now? MARNIE [startled awake] What? DOC Can you hear my voice, Marnie? MARNIE Yes. DOC Where are you now? MARNIE [slightly panicked] I - I don't know. DOC Tell me what you see. MARNIE I see a room. DOC Are there people in the room? MARNIE [fear] Yes! DOC You are safe, Marnie. Calm down. Now tell me what you see. MARNIE [calm, almost robotic] I see five people sitting at the table. DOC Are you sitting with them? MARNIE No, I'm in the corner. DOC Do they know you're there? MARNIE [ominous] Oh, yes. DOC Tell me what they look like. MARNIE There's a very old man, a small boy, a girl who looks a bit older than the boy, a police officer, and a very large man with a bag over his head. DOC Is there food on the table? MARNIE No. It's not here yet. DOC Good. Tell me one thing about the little girl. MARNIE Her eyes can suck your soul. DOC Good. And the old man? MARNIE He has a scar on his leg that aches when it rains. DOC Good. Has the food arrived yet? MARNIE The one with the bag is named Harold. DOC Please answer only the questions I ask you, Marnie. MARNIE [frightened, small] I'm sorry. DOC I forgive you. MARNIE I love you. DOC That was not the question. MARNIE [trying to remember] Um. Um. The food! No. Still no food. DOC Good. Are you comfortable? MARNIE [lying, almost a whisper] Yessss. DOC Very good. Tell me about where you are sitting. MARNIE I'm in the corner. DOC Are you in a chair? Look down. MARNIE It's a chair with wheels, and straps. DOC Straps? Are you strapped in? MARNIE [breathing hard, getting louder and louder] Yes - my hands are - hands are - I can move them, but the leather cuffs - like movies about crazy people! DOC Are you crazy? MARNIE [almost a wail] No! DOC Can you control yourself, Marnie? MARNIE [a couple of gasping breaths, then quickly] Yes! DOC I can help you. MARNIE [wail] No! No! [gasp, then tight but controlled] No. I'm all right. DOC For now. MARNIE I feel... peachy. DOC [beat] Your hands are restrained. What else? MARNIE There's a strap around my chest, and I can feel one around my legs. DOC Do the people talk? MARNIE Yes. Some. They're waiting for someone. DOC Someone? Or the food? MARNIE [almost hysterical] I don't know! DOC What do they say? Tell me exactly. MARNIE I'll try-- DOC [still even and calm] Trying isn't going to cut it, missy. MARNIE [noisy gulp] DOC I know you can do it. MARNIE [sob] The man with the bag doesn't talk at all. DOC Harold? MARNIE Yes, Harold. DOC And? MARNIE The policeman says-- MUSIC FADES OUT, NO OTHER TRANSITION
SCENE 2. FRED You shoulda seen her! Jumped clean over the fence. BOY I can do that. OLD MAN Pancakes. FRED You can't 'cause - 'cause you're a little butterball. BOY I'm magic. GIRL [pronouncing] You are a shoe. SOUND CLATTER OF SPOON DROPPED ON PLATE OLD MAN Pancakes! Pan! Cakes! FRED [panicky, trying to calm him] Shh! Shh! Pancakes, yes. It's all coming. Shh. Clouds. [dropping to a whisper] Little white fluffy clouds. OLD MAN [drawn out whisper] Pancakesssss. Pancakes. SOUND MOMENT OF SILENCE, THEN
SCENE 3. MUSIC COMES IN WITH A CHORD DOC [sigh] You know what happens when you lie to me. MARNIE [resigned groan] I'm not lying. DOC Pancakes? MARNIE [almost a sob] Yes. DOC The food - is it there yet? MARNIE [sharp gasp, then frightened] It's coming! DOC Good. Let's move forward. Who brings the food? MARNIE [awe, fear] Momma. DOC Tell me. MARNIE [mounting fear] Perfect. Plastic. Pearls. Each hair in line, like sweet little soldiers. DOC She is carrying--? MARNIE [rising fear] She ...has a cart. There is a covered dish. DOC What are you wearing? MARNIE [snapped back] What? DOC I ask the questions. MARNIE I'm sorry! DOC What are you wearing. Look down. MARNIE Oh. [beat] T-shirt, jeans - I can feel ... sneakers. DOC And--? MARNIE What? DOC [warning] And--? MARNIE My clothes? They're... torn up - I think I was in a fight. DOC [calm again] Are you injured? MARNIE [beat] My ankle hurts. I'm scratched up. My... head... DOC [avid] Is there blood? MARNIE I - DOC [avid] Is there blood? MARNIE I - I don't think it's mine. DOC Tell me who then. MARNIE [on a long sigh] Jerry. DOC How? MARNIE [shocked] I found him in the barn. He was flopped over the edge of the ...hayloft - I thought he was dead. There was blood everywhere. [starting to sob] Dripping all over me. DOC What did you-- MARNIE [interrupting, still sobbing] Then he - he moaned. MUSIC FADES OUT
SCENE 4. JERRY [very weak] Marnie! MARNIE [whispering] Jerry! Oh, god - Jerry! SOUND CREAKING OF LADDER JERRY Help... me.... MARNIE Here, let me move you - [grunt as she drags him] JERRY [moans, trying to keep quiet] MARNIE Oh, god. JERRY It's bad. MARNIE I think so. It's too dark. JERRY [gasping, in agony] No. It was the kid. You have to get out of here! MARNIE But you-- JERRY I ... I'm not going anywhere ... you gotta go and get help! MARNIE Where? JERRY Just get the hell out! The woods-- MARNIE [smothered gasping sob] JERRY [whisper] Shit! HAROLD 3,4 shut the door...? SOUND BARN DOOR CREAKS OPEN MARNIE [smothered gasping sob] SOUND SILENCE, THEN
SCENE 5. MUSIC CUTS IN DOC Is that when they took you in? MARNIE No. Jerry distracted him. DOC Who? MARNIE Harold. DOC [satisfied, smug] Harold. MARNIE [sobbing] After I jumped out the window, I heard Jerry scream. DOC [warning] Did I ask? MARNIE No? DOC You don't sound very sure. MARNIE [quick, panicky] No. You didn't ask. I'm sorry. DOC I think you need a reminder-- MARNIE Please! I remember! [long beat, then] I... love you. DOC Pancakes. MARNIE Pancakes? DOC Is the food on the table? MARNIE [long shaky sigh of relief] Yes. DOC Where did you sleep? MARNIE [blindsided] What? DOC Where did you sleep? MARNIE I didn't.... Oh, I was... knocked out. The food‑‑? DOC Please try and keep up. When were you knocked out? MARNIE That was later - after... Jerry. DOC Who did it? MARNIE Harold, I said it was Harold. DOC That knocked you out. MARNIE Oh, no. He did Jerry. DOC You're not following. Let's have a break. MARNIE [long wail] No!!! SOUND ELECTRIC HUM MARNIE Umumumumum. [jittery series of hums, like being electrocuted] MUSIC OUT SOUND HEARTBEAT
SCENE 6. AMBIANCE WOODS, CHEERFUL SOUND CRUNCHING OF WALKING JERRY Marnie? MARNIE Yeah? JERRY Uh, This camping trip isn't too bad, eh? I mean, I know you didn't want to-- MARNIE [sweet] It's not too bad. Gloria had to beg me to get me to come, but... It's OK. JERRY I mean, what can you say against nature, right? Fresh air, secluded lake. Perfect for... skinny dipping? MARNIE I brought a suit. JERRY Ah... It'll be cool. MARNIE Probably freezing - that's a glacier-fed lake. But, yes, it will be fun. JERRY Good. You don't mind ... Gloria being kinda busy all the time? MARNIE Oh, you noticed? [laughs] She and Tim haven't stopped fooling around since we got here. MUSIC SUDDENLY CUTS IN
SCENE 7. DOC Better now? MARNIE [gasping, shuddering, trying to force words out coherently] Better. Yes. Of course. DOC Good. Let's continue. MARNIE [snorty sob, then deep breath] All right. DOC Jerry died. MARNIE [almost a sob] Yes. DOC You loved him. MARNIE I think so. DOC You don't know? MARNIE I - I liked him, but we were just getting to know... each... other? [afraid she said something wrong, gasping snorty sobs] DOC [beat, then slightly disdainful] How sweet. MARNIE [she calms a bit] DOC Did you screw him? MARNIE No! DOC Of course not - pure sweet innocent you. MARNIE I-- I don't-- DOC [casual] Shut up. MARNIE [hiccuping gasp] DOC Where is Gloria? MARNIE Gloria? [starting to cry] She's my best friend. DOC Was that the question? MARNIE She... she... Um [trying to remember] she's dead? DOC [sigh, tsks] MARNIE No - no! She's - was - in the van. DOC Very good. [beat] When did you find her? MARNIE Uh - after the barn. I was trying to get away. [suddenly remembering] Jerry gave me the keys. DOC Good old Jerry. Go on. MARNIE I ran to the van, and Gloria and Tim ... were... [sobs] DOC Please be specific. MARNIE [through sobs] They were in the middle of - you know-- DOC Sex? MARNIE Yes. They were together, and someone had cut off... both... their... heads...! DOC [Tsks] MARNIE The heads were lined up next to them... like they were watching. DOC Charming. MARNIE Checking their progress. DOC Has the food arrived? MARNIE [gasp, stops herself from speaking, then dead calm] Yes. Momma is in the room. DOC What does she do? MARNIE [getting agitated] She opens the dish. DOC What is in the dish? MARNIE [almost incapable of speaking] Sssteam. DOC Look down at your lap. MARNIE [snort, hiccup] Yes. DOC What do you see? MARNIE My knees. Blood. The carpet. I'm glad the blood is all tacky, so it won't drip and ruin the carpet. They would be so angry. DOC Are they talking? MARNIE Yes. DOC Don't look. Just speak the words. MARNIE Momma says-- MUSIC OUT
SCENE 8. MOMMA Three cheers for the founder of the feast. FRED Hip hip hooray-- [tapers off, when he realizes no one else is with him] Oh. LITTLE GIRL Can I eat the tail? LITTLE BOY Pancakes. OLD MAN PAN CAKES! FRED You just had to set him off! Didn’t you? HAROLD [quietly] 1-2 buckle my shoe. OLD MAN PanCAKES! Lovely golden brown. MOMMA Nothing like a nice dinner together.
SCENE 9. DOC Are there empty chairs? MARNIE No. They are all here. DOC What about your chair? MARNIE I'm in it. DOC Are you? Look back. MARNIE I'm strapped in. DOC You must have got free. MARNIE Yes. I-- [gasps and catches herself] DOC What? MARNIE I'm sorry. That wasn't the question. DOC Good girl. SOUND ELECTRICITY MARNIE [hums and groans with the jolts] SOUND HEARTBEAT
SCENE 10. AMBIANCE OUTSIDE, PLEASANT WOODS JERRY Don't worry about it. It was probably just a hiker or something. MARNIE [mildly worried] But he looked so weird. His face was like a puzzle. JERRY It was just the bushes. MARNIE I know. JERRY I bet it was the weird guy we saw on the road on the way in. You know, the one that just stood there and stared as we drove past. You know. Now, we all agreed this weekend is for fun. SOUND SPLASH MARNIE What was that? JERRY What? MARNIE The splash? JERRY Wow, you need some serious relaxation. MARNIE But I heard a splash, and -- Something wet? JERRY Nonsense. [fading out] It's just last night's rain. DOC [whispered voice, very spooky] Marnie. MARNIE Jerry! I know you must have heard that! JERRY Marnie, you're making yourself into a basket case. There's nobody for miles around! It's perfectly safe. MARNIE But that voice-- DOC [quick echoey whisper] Marnie. MARNIE It knows my name! DOC Wake up! SOUND WOODS VANISH
SCENE 11. MARNIE [Crying] Why can't you just leave me? DOC Now, that wouldn't do either of us any good, would it? MARNIE I want to stay there. With my friends. DOC And die? MARNIE [hiccups sobs, then uncertain] Yes. DOC I don't think that's quite true. MARNIE Yes. DOC You fought so hard to get here. MARNIE I walked on broken glass. DOC Poor toes. Poor little piggies. MARNIE [resigned] What do you want? DOC I ask the questions. MARNIE [sigh] Fine. Go on. DOC I also give the orders. MARNIE [beat, sniff] I'm ready. DOC Maybe you can learn the rules. [beat] Very good. Where are you now? MARNIE Right here. DOC Are you? MARNIE [unsure] Yes. DOC Close your eyes and when you open them, you will see clouds. MARNIE Clouds? DOC Do you see them? MARNIE I'm afraid. DOC Open your eyes. MARNIE Clouds.
SCENE 12. OLD MAN k-k-k-k-ake. LITTLE GIRL Burn it. MOMMA Dig in! FRED Again? LITTLE BOY There's a face in my soup.
SCENE 13. MARNIE [screams] DOC Don't backslide. MARNIE [screams and sobs] DOC [tsks] And we were making such good progress. [sigh] SOUND SINGLE SHORT JOLT OF ELECTRICITY MARNIE [gasps to a stop] DOC Just right. Thought I was going to lose you. MARNIE I can't look! Not at that! DOC Have to toughen you up. MARNIE I can't-- DOC Look down. MARNIE My lap. DOC And in your lap? MARNIE Hands. DOC Restrained? MARNIE Yes. DOC Really? MARNIE [unsure] Yes? DOC Then how will you escape? MARNIE I... can't. DOC That is not the right answer. MARNIE Please help me! DOC Are they very tight? MARNIE No. But if I get loose, they'll see. DOC But if you don't get loose while they eat, you will end up in the clouds. MARNIE Pancakes. DOC Precisely. Can you pull loose? MARNIE I have to brace it against my leg. DOC Good girl. Now you're thinking. Describe the room. MARNIE The table-- DOC I know about the table. Where are the windows and doors? MARNIE The windows are steamed over. DOC Doors? MARNIE Momma came from the kitchen. To my right. [slowly, carefully looking around] There's a door beside me. Over my left shoulder. DOC Watch them. Tell me what they're saying while you get your hands free. MARNIE I can't-- DOC Do you want it again? MARNIE No! [beat, breathing harshly] I can't look at them. DOC Listen. MUSIC
SCENE 14. LITTLE BOY I'm not hungry. LITTLE GIRL I'll eat yours. I want to grow up big and strong. OLD GUY [mmm mmm mmm - chewing noisily] HAROLD Five, six. FRED Tasty, momma. As usual. MOMMA Oh, you! MARNIE Almost. DOC Talk to me, not them. MARNIE It hurts. DOC Life is pain. MOMMA Clean your plate, Hun. FRED He's a little butterball. MOMMA [cold as ice] That's not nice. FRED Sorry, Momma. Sorry! I love you. MOMMA Did I ask you? Harold - look at this mess. HAROLD Lay them straight? MOMMA You can take him and hose him off. FRED Yes, momma. MOMMA And soak that pillowcase. [cutesy] Can't have my good linens all stained. FRED Can I finish eating first? MOMMA [cold] I don't know, can you? FRED May I? MOMMA [sweetness] Of course, dear. MUSIC
SCENE 15. MARNIE My right hand is free. DOC Don't struggle too much. These buckles are tough for a reason. MARNIE I think the one with the bag-- DOC Harold. MARNIE --is watching me, but I can’t tell. DOC Does he say anything? MARNIE No... DOC Once you get your wrists free, what will you do? MARNIE The strap around my chest-- DOC And your legs? MARNIE I don't think that one is very tight. DOC Don't underestimate it. MARNIE Why are you helping me? DOC [kindly] I ask the questions. MARNIE Right. Sorry. DOC No need. Who am I? MARNIE What? I mean, I don't understand. I don't know. DOC I think you do. MARNIE No. I don't know why I'm here. DOC But you're not. MARNIE Not what? DOC Is your wrist free? MARNIE Yes. DOC Move your hands slowly to the buckle, then quickly unhook it. MARNIE Slowly. DOC Cats see movement. MARNIE Rods or cones? I forget. DOC Clouds. Watch the clouds. Unhook the strap. MARNIE Freeze. They're looking. DOC Don't move. Let them forget. MUSIC
SCENE 16. FRED Should we feed HER? LITTLE GIRL Throw something at her. MOMMA A night without supper will do her good. Take Harold - there's a good boy. FRED Yes, momma. LITTLE BOY I want a finger. Can I take a finger? MOMMA If you're good. I'll save one for you. LITTLE BOY Good as goat. OLD MAN Gold. Gold is good. Golden brown. Pancakes.... k-k-cake! MOMMA Yes, popsy. All good. MUSIC
SCENE 17. DOC And now? MARNIE They're looking away. Maybe they will leave me. DOC Not if they see your wrists are loose. Quick - choose. MARNIE Choose what? DOC Unbuckle and run or pretend you're still secure and wait. MARNIE My ankle hurts. DOC Then sit. MARNIE I'll put my hands back. DOC We will see. MARNIE D'you think they will? DOC I can't see the future. MARNIE Isn’t this a memory? DOC Is it? MARNIE Where did I go when I got free? DOC I ask the questions. MARNIE But I don't remember. DOC Take it one moment at a time. Who am I? MARNIE A doctor? DOC Medical? MARNIE No. DOC Ah - now you're thinking. Let's get through this. MARNIE They've left the room. DOC You are alone? MARNIE The old man is still here. They'll come back for him. DOC What can you do about that? MARNIE I'll run. DOC He'll yell like a klaxon. MARNIE I've got the buckle undone. Now my legs. DOC Why don't you kill him? MARNIE What? DOC I ask the questions. MUSIC FADES TO "ROOM TONE"
SCENE 18. SOUND STUMBLING FOOTSTEPS MARNIE I'm sorry - I thought I didn’t hear you right. You said to-- DOC There are always pancakes in heaven. MARNIE Open the gates and let him [exertion] IN! OLD GUY Oof! [dying noises] SOUND SQUISH OF KNIFE INTO FLESH, GUSH OF BLOOD DOC Is there another knife? MARNIE I have it-- SOUND METAL COVER FALLS TO FLOOR MARNIE [wail] No! DOC Stop. MARNIE [quick] I'm sorry. The platter! Oh, god! DOC Steam. Clouds. MARNIE Jerry! DOC Don't look. MARNIE I can't -- DOC Jerry is gone. Do it for him. MARNIE [hissing whisper] Yesss. DOC Knife? MARNIE Cleaver. DOC Nice. MARNIE [turning a bit gleeful] Cleaver. Momma. Kitchen. DOC Sounds like a plan. MARNIE Thank you. DOC I love you. MARNIE [serious] That means a lot.
SCENE 19. SOUND KITCHEN DOOR SWINGS OPEN DOC Keep down. MOMMA Hmm? What? SOUND HIGH HEEL FOOTSTEPS MOMMA Who's playing games? MARNIE [whispered] Come just a little closer. SOUND A COUPLE MORE FOOTSTEPS MOMMA Hello? DOC Now! MARNIE Ungh! SOUND KNIFE CUTS NYLONS, LEG. MOMMA [screams] SOUND BODY COLLAPSES, SHOE SCRABBLES ON TILE FLOOR, BLOOD SPURTS DOC Neatly done. Hamstring. Quick or slow? MARNIE No time. Ungh! SOUND KNIFE GOES IN AGAIN MOMMA [gurgling, choking] SOUND HANDS SKITTER ACROSS TILES, THEN FLOP AND DROP DOC [long sigh] Such a pretty color. MARNIE Looks good on her. DOC Four to go. MARNIE Jerry said it was the kid who... [almost breaks] ...got ...him. DOC You're finally taking this all seriously. SOUND THUMP OVERHEAD MARNIE How many stairs would the house have? SOUND DOOR OPENS A CRACK DOC [kindly] I ask the questions. You'll have to count them. MARNIE I should see if there's something longer. DOC Tablecloths can cloud the issue. MARNIE You and your clouds. SOUND FEET COMING DOWN THE STAIRS DOC six, five, four-- MARNIE Three, two one --- SOUND DOOR STARTS TO OPEN, THEN IS SLAMMED SHUT, BODY FALLS FRED [yell, groan] DOC Full point. SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN AGAIN FRED Momma? What are you doing--? MARNIE I ask the questions. DOC I love you. FRED I think you broke my-- urk! SOUND KNIFE PLUNGES INTO THROAT FRED [gurgling as he dies] DOC It's quite warm, isn’t it? MARNIE Yes. DOC Hot. MARNIE Boiling. DOC [concerned] Steam? MARNIE [dismissive] Clouds. DOC [satisfied] Yesss. Time to go hunting. MARNIE Rods or cones? DOC Sticks and stones. MARNIE [chuckles]
SCENE 20. SOUND CAREFUL FOOTSTEPS UP THE STAIRS SOUND CREAK, FEET STOP DOC Steady. Where are you now? MARNIE Almost to the top. DOC What do you see? MARNIE Hallway. Doors. DOC And behind you? MARNIE Just the stairs. DOC [stern] Did you look, or just guess? MARNIE [panicky] Sorry! I'll - I'll look. It's stairs. The door at the bottom is shut. DOC Did you shut it? MARNIE [almost a wail] I don't remember! DOC Calm down. One, two buckle my shoe-- HAROLD [off, calling] Three four, shut the door-- MARNIE [quiet, calming herself] Five six. Pick. Up. Sticks. DOC Harold is looking too. MARNIE [calm again] Yes. DOC Don't forget the children. MARNIE [breaks a little] Jerry DOC Yah, dear Jerry. HAROLD [coming closer] Seven? eight? Lay them straight? MARNIE [very quietly] Marco! DOC [chuckles nastily, then] Here in the hall, or one of the rooms? MARNIE Here. Here I have someplace to go-- SOUND DOOR WRENCHED OPEN AT BOTTOM OF STAIRS HAROLD Nine, ten - a big fat hen! DOC What will you do now? SOUND FOOTSTEPS COMING UP STAIRS SOUND GRIND OF FURNITURE BEING MOVED MARNIE [exerting herself] No one ever fights them. That's why. DOC What was the question? HAROLD Eleven, Twelve - dig and delve. MARNIE [exerting] Why do they always win? DOC Excellent. MARNIE I love you. DOC Of course. SOUND GRIND OF FURNITURE ENDS, HEAVY SOMETHING GOES THUMPING DOEN THE STAIRS MARNIE Hah! HAROLD [scream of outrgae] DOC Don't get too full of yourself-- SOUND STAB MARNIE [gasp of pain] LITTLE GIRL [flat] You broke the chiffonier. DOC It's low. You'll live. For a while. Kill her. MARNIE She's just a kid! SOUND SHUFFLING FOOTSTEPS BACKING UP, SMALL CHILD FOOTSTEPS STALKING, INTERMITTENT DRIPPING DOC You do not ask the questions! MARNIE [meek and in pain] No. I'm sorry! LITTLE GIRL We could have played. [tsks] SOUND KNIVES SHARPENING MARNIE You hurt me! LITTLE GIRL If I didn't, Harold would just have to. MARNIE I- I can't! DOC No time for breaks now. Give or take. [beat, solemn] I love you. MARNIE I'm sorry. SOUND MARNIE DASHES FORWARD MARNIE Ung! SOUND PICKS UP GIRL AND TOSSES HER DOWN THE STAIRS LITTLE GIRL [noises of indignation as she falls] SOUND THUMPS AND BUMPS DOC [whispered] No breaks. MARNIE I'm... hurt. SOUND STICKY NOISE DOC You should go home. SOUND [OFF] DOOR SLAMS OPEN MARNIE Harold! DOC In here! MARNIE Aah! HAROLD [incoherent high pitched scream] SOUND BODY SLAMS AGAINST DOOR, DOOR SLAMS OPEN, BODY TUMBLES INTO ROOM. MARNIE SCOOTCHES AWAY FROM DOOR.
SCENE 21. SOUND MARNIE SCRAMBLES UP TO HER FEET DOC Out the window. MARNIE [panting heavily] SOUND FOOTSTEPS DRAG ACROSS THE ROOM, DRIPPING. SOUND POUNDING ON THE WINDOW MARNIE It won't open. DOC It is glass. MARNIE [long gasping breath, then] ungh! SOUND WINDOW SHATTERS DOC Out! MARNIE But I can't see-- DOC You can see what's in here. MARNIE [scream as she jumps] SOUND ELECTRIC NOISES
SCENE 22. DOC Where are you now? AMBIANCE NIGHTTIME, OUTSIDE MARNIE I'm on the ground. What should I do? DOC [rueful] You don't ask the questions. MARNIE Zap me again. DOC It's much too late for that. Why aren't you running? MARNIE I think I'm broken. DOC Will that stop you? MARNIE I don't care any more. DOC Are you absolutely sure? SOUND DOOR BANGS OPEN, OFF MARNIE [crying, crawling] DOC Is it bad? MARNIE Yes. DOC I am sorry. MARNIE I know. HAROLD [howling] DOC I love you. LITTLE BOY [off] There she goes! HAROLD [howling] SOUND CHAINSAW REVS DOC Where are you now? MARNIE In deep shit. DOC Where? MARNIE Out back. SOUND HEAVY FEET RUN ACROSS GRAVEL, COMING ON DOC Where are you going? SOUND BODY DROPS MARNIE [muffled, crying] Nowhere. DOC Nowhere? MARNIE [panting, crying a little] I can't. My leg. SOUND ROAR OF CHAINSAW GETS CLOSER DOC What do you want? MARNIE How can you ask that? DOC It's my job. MARNIE [beat] Jerry-- DOC But Jerry's-- MARNIE [sob] Yes! DOC Very well. Let's take that break. SOUND ELECTRIC HUM MARNIE Umumum SOUND HEARTBEAT
SCENE 23. AMB NICEY WOODS SOUND FOOTSTEPS JERRY [teasing] What took you so long? MARNIE [bright] Sorry. Got a little caught up. JERRY Is there anything wrong? MARNIE No, Not anymore. JERRY Wanna go down to the lake? MARNIE More than anything. SOUND FOOTSTEPS IN LEAVES SOUND ECHOEY, DISTANT - CHAINSAW, MARNIE'S SCREAMS CLOSER OLIVIA Now that you know how to find us, you'll have to come back. Maybe next week? Don't be a stranger - we have enough of those already...
*********************************************************** The "Truth": This story is going on inside the disturbed mind of a victim of a "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" type event. Her boyfriend and other friends were killed by this creepy family of cannibals, and she was captured and chained to a chair. At first it sounds like she is being psychoanalyzed after the fact, but eventually it becomes clear that this is not "after" anything, she is still stuck in the events she is describing. The "Doctor" voice is, in fact, inside her head, and seems to represent her logic or her survival instinct - keeping her head clear and focused while the rest of her is busy panicking. For example, the voice guides her to look around, to avoid things that are disturbing, and to focus on getting herself free. When all else fails, Doc "shocks" Marnie into a faint, where she experiences a pleasant flashback/dream to calm her down before returning to reality. To add to the dreamlike atmosphere of the story, and the connectedness of the two, the voices of Marnie and Doc are both played by me, and rotate - moving across the soundscape to trade places - very slowly throughout the episode. At the end, when there is no remaining hope, Marnie begs Doc for the shock - so she can be unconscious and "in a better place" when they ultimately kill her - and Doc kindly allows it. | |||
| Atomic Julie - Beyond the Yellow Fog (pt2 of 8) by Emmett McDowell | 14 Sep 2021 | 00:20:11 | |
Gavin Murdock is ambushed before he can even get on his new ship! Will he be able to accomplish his clandestine goals? | |||
| 19 Nocturne Boulevard - THE SAKI QUARTETTE - Reissue | 09 Sep 2021 | 00:34:37 | |
Adapted by Julie Hoverson from several stories by Saki (H.H. Munro).
Four girls waiting for punishment tell tales of pranks they've pulled. Cast List
Shock Tactics
The Boar-Pig
The Storyteller
The Open Window
Alice's stunt doubles
Music: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover Photo: Daniel O'Connell (courtesy of Stock Xchange.com) "What kind of a place is it? Why it's an Edwardian girls' school, can't you tell? This way to the Headmistress' office..." http://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/UBooks/OpeWin.shtml ************************************************************* [transcript follows] The Saki Quartette Adapted by Julie Hoverson from several stories. I am a huge fan of H.H. Munro, who wrote under the pen name Saki in the early years of the 20th century. His career ended prematurely when he was killed in The Great War at the age of 46. Saki is mainly remembered today for the amazing story "The Open Window," which I encourage everyone to read before listening to this episode, so I don't spoil it for you. It's available on Project Gutenberg, you can get a reading on librivox, it's around. It is considered to be one of the best short stories ever written in English, right up there with The Lottery by Shirley Jackson. While Saki wrote a number of supernatural, suspense, or speculative stories, his forte was relatively cruel humor - but always inflicted on those pompous enough that you didn’t feel too badly for them. And since nobody really got hurt - unless you take it from a modern "mental damage" perspective, you can laugh. Clovis Sangrail was an ever-recurrent character who sailed through many stories leaving havoc in his wake, but Vera from The Open Window reappeared from time to time as well (later described as a "flapper") - the two of them intersecting in The Almanac. This episode is an homage to Saki, and incorporates elements from four of his short stories - Shock Tactics, The Boar-Pig, The Storyteller, and of course The Open Window - with a bit of wrap story that is entirely my own. Three of the four principal girls were from my old high school's drama department, the fourth was me. Several of the other voices were drawn from ART (American Radio Theater). It's not a perfect recording - we can't seem to keep the pronunciation of "aunt" straight between us (including me) - and I hadn’t yet learned how to clean tracks perfectly yet, but overall it's fun and quite funny. Episodes like this were one reason I determined form the start that I wasn't going to nail myself into a "horror story" format. The name "19 Nocturne Boulevard" is suggestive of the dark side, but open-ended enough to go anywhere I wanted to go. And as an aside, it has nothing to do with nocturne alley, is it, from Harry Potter? Several people have commented on that, but when I created 19 Nocturne Boulevard, it was sometime around 2006, and I hadn’t - I may have heard of Harry Potter, but I never actually read the books. This was entirely on my own. It’s not a pun like Nocturne alley - nocturnally - was. I remember the summer of sitting there and thinking I want a number, and an address that sounds cool - what's a cool street? While sitting around at meetings of American Radio Theater. ******************************************************** SAKI QUARTETTE
Cast:
[Shock Tactics]
[Boar-Pig]
[Storyteller]
[open window]
OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's an Edwardian girls' school, can't you tell? This way to the headmistress's office. MUSIC CHEEKY MUSIC FADES INTO SOUND CHEERFUL RUNNING CHILDREN, THEN FADES SOUND CLOCK TICKS LOUDLY, then under [three girls sit on a bench outside the headmistress' office, waiting to be punished] SOUND COUGHS, FIDGETS. SMALL FOOT KICKING CHAIR. HELEN Why send us here if we're only to wait? NORA [startled] Huh? What? HELEN Oh, Nora. I wish I could sleep with my eyes open. I said, 'Why--' ALICE [superior] To put us into the proper frame of mind. To contemplate our misdeeds. HELEN That's silly - I've been thinking about anything and everything BUT my misdeeds. ALICE That's adults for you. SOUND FOOTSTEPS APPROACH. MATILDA SITS. MATILDA Well, well. Fresh blood? ALICE They don't look very promising. HELEN [huff] I'll have you know I've been called on the carpet plenty of times-- MATILDA [sweetly, cutting her off] --don't care. Besides, I wasn't referring to that. [aside, to Alice] You're right, they're not much good. I think one of 'em is a waxwork. ALICE Oh, well-- SOUND DOOR OPENS. SLOW FOOTSTEPS. VERA [heaves a deep sigh] Your turn, Miss Tramplethorpe. ALICE Once more into the breach. SOUND BENCH SQUEAKS AS SHE STANDS. SLOW FOOTSTEPS. DOOR SHUTS. VERA If you don't mind, I'll join you for a bit. NORA But you should be getting back-- SOUND FOOTSTEPS, BENCH MATILDA Not a mannequin, then. No one will notice, at least for a bit. Was it truly awful, Vera? VERA Rather. SOUND MUFFLED BY DOOR, SOUND OF SIX SMACKS [RULER ACROSS HAND] UNDERLIE THE TALKING. NORA What did you do? What did ...she do? VERA I? I did nothing. I will swear it to my grave. MATILDA It's vulgar to ask for details. HELEN I talked back to a teacher. I've been told. She didn't make any mention of it at the time, but I got a note sending me here. NORA It's all quiet now, is it ...over? MATILDA Of course not. There's always castigation. HELEN Isn't that immodest? MATILDA [sighs impatiently] VERA It means Miss Twicket will be talking at her for some time. Then there may be more strokes, depending on whether she is contrite. NORA Are you contrite? HELEN [superior] It's vulgar to ask. VERA [chuckles] But I'm not. It was entirely worth it. [to Matilda, over the smaller girls] I'll have to get back soon, Matilda, should we have a quick go-round? MATILDA Without Alice? SOUND ALICE WAILS, MUFFLED BY THE DOOR. VERA [wincing] She'll likely be a while. MATILDA What about the small fry? NORA That's not very nice. HELEN I'll have you know-- VERA Oh, let's. They'll never split on us - will you? NORA But - but - but what is it you--? HELEN [eager] I'll never tell. I'm not a sneak. NORA But we don't even know what-- MATILDA Promise or you'll never know. HELEN I promise. I'll never reveal anything, even under torture with wild horses. NORA Well... HELEN If you don't promise, you're doing me out, too. NORA [reluctant] I don't know. Ow! [she's been pinched] I won't tell!! VERA and MATILDA laugh. VERA It's not so very awful, ducklings. We have a bit of a club - we call it the Ducks and Geese. We each take any chance we get to play little tricks on people, and then share the stories. We're the ducks... HELEN And they are the Geese? MATILDA Yes. And whomever has the best story, wins. NORA Wins? What? MATILDA Vera here is quite a champion liar. VERA [correcting] I prefer the term "romancer." MATILDA We always meet here, so we all have to get ourselves into scrapes from time to time, just so we can link up. HELEN [excited, but controlling herself] How does one join? MATILDA You have to have a story. Something good. I've got a lovely one from last summer holiday. VERA Oh, I expect I can top it. SOUND SLAPPING AGAIN, SIX OF THE BEST. ALICE [off] [HOWLS in pain] HELEN [chagrined] Oh. Goodness. [beat] well, I haven't really... NORA I would never-- MATILDA [dry] I'm shocked. [to Vera] Oh, well, we'll have to talk later. Perhaps Alice will be out soon. HELEN Since I didn't know to prepare, what if I have a truly lovely story, even though it wasn't me that did the joke? MATILDA I don't think so. Sorry. VERA Well... We might listen. It will pass some time, and then we can deliberate. MATILDA It had better be good. HELEN I think so - My older brother has a friend-- VERA Oh, not a friend of a friend tale - those are old enough to have beards. HELEN --this friend is quite the card. MATILDA An ace or a joker? HELEN His name is Clovis Sangrail. [SILENCE FOR A MOMENT] VERA Oh-ho! MATILDA Truly? You know Clovis? Perhaps we should make you a member just on the basis of that. NORA Who is Clovis Singrill? VERA [very superior] Sangrail. He is our own Jove - the very top of the tree when it comes to our sort of japes. MATILDA Absolutely the lobster's dress shirt. Though if I do say so myself, a distant cousin of mine, Reginald, is starting to make a good showing. VERA Go on, then. You must tell us your Clovis story. We might decide to be kind, even if it would be nepotism of a sort. MATILDA Clever by association. What was your name, again, duckling? HELEN Helen. Well, my oldest brother Bertie was chafing terribly, since being nearly 20, he felt mother should stop reading his private correspondence. VERA Oh, I cured mine of that long ago. HELEN Yes, but Bertie's simply not assertive - not on his own. SOUND MUSIC FOR FLASHBACK SCENE HELEN [fading] So one day, a letter arrives... MRS. HEASANT [off, a wail, then coming on] Ohhh! Helen! Oh, heavens, Helen! Bertie is in the toils of an adventuress! [ominously] Her name is Clotilde! HELEN Truly, mother? Where? In the rose garden? MRS. HEASANT No! In the post! HELEN How did they fit in the post? MRS. HEASANT Hssh! Listen to this: "Bertie, carissimo, I wonder if you will have the nerve to do it. Don't forget the jewels. They are a detail, but details interest me. Yours as ever, Clotilde. Postscript - Your mother must not know of my existence. If questioned swear you never heard of me." HELEN Clotilde? I don't know of any-- MRS. HEASANT Well, your brother certainly does! HELEN Perhaps he only just-- MRS. HEASANT Oh, no! "As Ever" she says! As ever! They've been carrying on under my very nose for ...who knows how long. HELEN [narrating] When my brother returned home, mother braced him with the incriminating Clotilde, and of course he denied it. MRS. HEASANT How well you have learned your lesson! HELEN He really didn't make much of it, and when she insisted he would have no dinner unless he confessed, I saw him take rather a quantity of sandwich materials up to his room with him. Then, with the next post: NORA [completely enthralled] Another letter? HELEN Oh, yes. SOUND INSISTENT KNOCKING ON DOOR BERTIE [muffled, speaking through door] What is it this time? MRS. HEASANT Miserable boy! What have you done to Dagmar? BERTIE [muffled] It's Dagmar now, is it? It will be Geraldine next. MRS. HEASANT [in absolute hysterics] That it should come to this, after all my efforts. It's no use; Clotilde's letter betrays everything. [reading] "Poor Dagmar. Now she is done for I almost pity her. The servants all think it was suicide. Better not touch the jewels till after the inquest. Clotilde." [leaves off with a wail] SOUND DOOR OPENS BERTIE I don't suppose this letter betrays who this Clotilde is? Seriously, mother, if you go on like this I shall have to go fetch a doctor; I've often enough been preached at about nothing, but I've never had an imaginary harem dragged into the discussion. SOUND DOOR SLAMS HELEN Mother could have used a doctor, for she was utterly purple about the face from screaming, and had to go and have a lie down - at least until the next post. SOUND KNOCKING ON DOOR, MUCH SUBDUED MRS. HEASANT [also much subdued] Bertie? Bertie, darling? BERTIE What is it this time? Have I stolen the Mona Lisa? MRS. HEASANT No. You... have another letter. From ... Mr. Sangrail. SOUND DOOR IS FLUNG OPEN BERTIE [not giving an inch] Why not go on and tell me what he has to say? MRS. HEASENT [clears throat, then reads, much abashed] "Dear Bertie. I hope I haven't distracted your brain with the spoof letters. You told me the other day that ...somebody... at your home [ahem] tampered with your letters, so I thought I would give them something exciting to read. [slowing with embarrassment] The... shock might do them good..." HELEN [finishing up] And then, Bertie threatened to get a nerve specialist in to look at mother, since she was obviously far too highly strung - and she couldn't possibly stand the scandal, she said - and they agreed he wouldn't - but only if she would stop. Reading his mail, you see. NORA [concerned] But, did she? HELEN [ominous] So far. MATILDA We'll review your application. Next? NORA I? Oh, I truly don't have anything... VERA [warning] You'd best think of something. We can't have outsiders hearing all our secrets. MATILDA I'll go ahead and tell mine - it's not so exotic as to cause a panic, and it will give this little gosling time to think. VERA I suppose so. What do you think, Helen? HELEN [surprised and thrilled] Me? Oh! [trying to sound grown up and important] Oh. I think we should give her one more chance. She had no time to prepare, after all. SOUND SMACKING AGAIN FROM WITHIN, ALICE WAILS MATILDA Speaking of preparing - I'd best be quick, as I believe I'm next for the chop. Very well, I was staying with my aunt in the country, and it was the day of a very important garden party - some princess was attending and everyone wanted to come. My aunt gloated over the guest list for days. VERA What is it with aunts? It's as if we all have at least one who is utterly impossible. NORA [something is coming to her] Ah! Aunts... MATILDA Mine told me to be on my best behavior, and to imitate my insipid cousin, Claude, which would have been quite horrible. HELEN [bold, trying to sound knowing] I think everyone must have a cousin Claude or Eggbert, or ... something [falters] as... as well as an aunt... MATILDA [sigh, eye roll] So... so, when they got on me for eating too much raspberry trifle at luncheon, they said over and over that Claude would never do a thing like that. So when Claude went down for his nap - imagine, he's all of 11 and still goes meekly to afternoon naps like an infant. GIRLS [SNICKER] VERA He's the type who will end up married to someone quite overbearing. HELEN Like an aunt? GIRLS [SNICKER TERRIBLY] MATILDA While he was napping, I took the opportunity to take a huge dish of raspberry trifle and force feed it to him - well, much of it got on his sailor suit and the bed, but enough went down him that they will never again be able to say he's never eaten too much raspberry trifle. VERA Oh, that's a good one! NORA I do have a story! MATILDA I'm not finished - that is merely the prologue to my tale, explaining why I was sitting in the back paddock, rather than prancing about the garden party with Claude and Auntie. NORA Oh! I'm so-- VERA Shh. Pray continue, scherezade. HELEN I thought her name was Matilda? VERA Oh, hush. MATILDA [taking a deep breath] So I was sitting in a medlar tree, being stupefied with boredom, when I saw two ladies, dressed as if for the garden party, sail through the paddock in an attempt at infiltration. HELEN Weren't they rather obvious? MATILDA There was really no one there to see, excepting myself. And they never once looked up as they passed by. Well, with no ulterior motive in mind, I decided to let aunt's prize boar-pig, Tarquin Superbus, into the paddock behind them. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I knew the gate they were aiming for was locked and they would be forced to come back the same way. GIRLS [GIGGLE] SOUND MUSIC FOR FLASHBACK MATILDA So, when they did... SOUND OUTDOORS AMBIANCE. BIRDS. SLIGHT PIG SNUFFLING IN THE BACKGROUND MRS. STOSSEN [fading in] I stopped Mrs. Cuvering in the road yesterday and talked very pointedly about the Princess. If she didn't choose to take the hint and send me an invitation it's not my fault, is it? SOUND DEEP PIG NOISES MISS STOSSEN Oh! MRS. STOSSEN Oomph! [pulling up short, irritated] What? Oh! What a villainous-looking animal, it wasn't there when we came in. MISS STOSSEN It's there now, anyhow. I mean, what on earth are we to do? BOTH STOSSENS Shoo! Hish! SOUND CLOSER, DEEP PIG NOISES MATILDA [slightly off] If you think you'll drive him away by reciting lists of the kings of Israel and Judah, you're laying yourselves out for disappointment. MRS. STOSSEN Oh! Little girl! MISS STOSSEN Can you find someone to drive away-- MATILDA [French] Comment? Comprends-pas. [cohm-oh? cohm-prawn pah - what? I don't understand] NOTE MATILDA'S FRENCH IS REASONABLY SMOOTH. MRS. STOSSEN'S IS VERY BAD. MRS. STOSSEN Oh, are you French? Etes vous Francaise? [et voo fran-sehz? - are you French?] MATILDA Pas du tout. Suis Anglaise. [pah doo toot. sweez ahn-glehz - not at all. I'm English] MRS. STOSSEN Then why not talk English? I want to know if-- MATILDA Permettez-moi expliquer. [pair-meh-tay mwa eks-plee-kay - let me explain] [narrating again] And I went into a rather long description of Claude and aunt and the raspberry trifle, ending with -- [slightly off again] ...and as an additional punishment I must speak French all the afternoon. I've had to tell you all this in English, as there were words like 'forcible feeding' that I didn't know the French for. Mais maintenant, nous parlons francais. [may mant-noh, new par-lon frahn-say - and now, we will speak French] MRS. STOSSEN Oh, very well, tres bien [tray bee-ehn]. [with much difficulty] La, a l'autre cote de la porte, est...um... [la, a low-truh coat de la port, ehst... - there, on the other side of the door, is...] MISS STOSSEN Oh, goodness, un grenouille? [uhn grahn-wee?] MRS. STOSSEN No, no. I'm reasonably certain that's a frog. Oh, yes - un cochon. [uhn koh-shawn - a pig] MATILDA Un cochon? Ah, le petit charmant! [uhn koh-shawn? Ah, le pet-eet shar-mont! - a pig,oh the little sweet!] MRS. STOSSEN Mais non, pas du tout petit, et pas du tout charmant; un bete feroce! [may noh, pah doo too peh-teet, ay pah doo too shar-mont; un bet feh-rohs! - but no, not at all little, and not at all sweet; a beast ferocious!] MATILDA Une bete. [Oon bet] A pig is masculine as long as you call it a pig, but if you lose your temper with it and call it a ferocious beast it becomes one of us at once. French is a dreadfully unsexing language. MRS. STOSSEN For goodness' sake let us talk English then. MISS STOSSEN Is there any way out of this garden except through the paddock where the pig is? SOUND OUTSIDE AMBIENCE ENDS ABRUPTLY SOUND FOOTSTEPS IN HALLWAY GIRLS [SHUSH THEMSELVES, PRACTICALLY STOPPING BREATHING, AS THE FOOTSTEPS GET CLOSER.] NORA [Hiccups. She tries to smother it, but cannot.] HELEN [whispered] Shh. Hold your breath! SOUND THE FOOTSTEPS ARE RIGHT ON THEM, AND STOP. HELEN [gasp] NORA [Hiccups continue. She is almost crying with the effort of trying to stop.] SOUND FOOTSTEPS GO OFF. AS SOON AS THEY ARE OUT OF EARSHOT-- VERA Whew. She's a tartar. MATILDA Not a sympathetic bone in her body. HELEN Why didn't she say anything? VERA She knows we're already in for it. NORA Well, [hiccup] you've already been in for it - was it really that [hiccup] bad? SOUND AS IF ON CUE, SMACKING AND ALICE'S WHIMPERS FROM BEHIND THE DOOR. NORA [gasps - her hiccups are now gone] HELEN So what happened with your boar-pig? Did he devour the invaders? MATILDA Devour them? Oh no - Tarquin Superbus prefers rotten fruit to interlopers any day. They bribed me to lead him away. I don't think they were best pleased about it, once they realized what a sweet disposition he has. NORA But of course, they were in the wrong, trying to crash a party like that. So you were merely punishing them. VERA Right and wrong have less than nothing to do with it. We're not the courts, or even public opinion. A joke is a joke, even if it's on a perfectly nice person who doesn't deserve it in the least. MATILDA Though it is much more fun, and less likely to get one into severe hot water, when the person joked on can't complain without revealing their own shortcomings. NORA I -- VERA Speak up gosling. A sentence is comprised of at least two words. NORA [whispered] I might ... have a story. MATILDA Five! And with a full stop. Alright, then, pray continue. NORA We were on a train. It was some years back, and my aunt was exceedingly boring. There was a gentleman in the carriage with us, and when he stooped so low as to criticize my aunt's storytelling abilities, she dared him to tell one. MUSIC FOR FLASHBACK NORA [sounding very young throughout flashbacks] Yes, please - tell us a story! [narrating] Anything would have been better than my aunt's stories - you would have thought she was never a child herself. MATILDA I say, there's an idea - perhaps aunts arrive like motorcars, fully assembled from the factory? VERA Shh. Give ear to the duckling. NORA [pause] Oh, me? Yes. Well, the story-- SOUND MUSIC FOR FLASHBACK. TRAIN LOOP BEHIND BACHELOR BACHELOR Very well. Once upon a time, there was a little girl called Bertha, who was extraordinarily good. She did all that she was told, she was always truthful, she kept her clothes clean, learned her lessons perfectly, and was polite in her manners. She was ...horribly good. VERA [slightly off] Can one be horribly good? Truly? MATILDA [slightly off] Claude. Definitely. VERA [agreeing] Mm. BACHELOR She was so good, that she won several medals for goodness, which she always wore, pinned on to her dress. They were large metal medals and they clinked against one another as she walked. No other child in the town where she lived had as many as three medals, so everybody knew that she must be an extra good child. NORA [young, gleeful] Horribly good. BACHELOR The Prince got to hear about Bertha, and said that as she was so very good she might walk in his park. NORA [young] Were there any sheep in his park? BACHELOR No. There were no sheep. NORA [young] Why weren't there any sheep? BACHELOR Because the Prince's mother had once had a dream that her son would either be killed by a sheep or else by a clock falling on him. The Prince never kept a sheep in his park or a clock in his palace. VERA Oh, very good. MATILDA Was this fellow passenger by any chance a long, lithe, languid type with a somewhat nasal voice? NORA No, why? VERA She was wondering whether you've encountered Clovis as well. Roll along. NORA Oh, so, um, he said the park was full of little black, gray, and white pigs, and -- BACHELOR --Bertha was rather sorry to find that there were no flowers in the park. She had promised her aunts, with tears in her eyes, that she would not pick any of the kind Prince's flowers, and she had meant to keep her promise, so of course it made her feel silly to find that there were no flowers to pick. NORA [young] Why weren't there any flowers? BACHELOR Because the pigs had eaten them all. VERA [to Matilda] You know, I'm becoming quite convinced you're right, though the story hardly sounds vicious enough for Clovis. NORA Oh, I just haven't gotten to the-- um... VERA To the "um..."? Very well. NORA Bertha was just thinking-- BACHELOR [falsetto] --'If I were not so extraordinarily good I should not have been allowed to come into this beautiful park,' and her medals clinked against one another to remind her how very good she was. Just then an enormous wolf came prowling into the park to see if it could catch a fat little pig for its supper. The first thing that it saw in the park was Bertha; her pinafore was so spotlessly white and clean that it could be seen from a great distance. MATILDA I have never heard a better argument against cleanliness. I shall go out and get myself despicably filthy forthwith. HELEN After your visit inside. MATILDA [annoyed] THANK you. I had actually managed to forget that for a bit. NORA [quickly jumps in] Bertha saw the wolf and she began to wish that she had never been allowed to come into the park... BACHELOR ...She ran as hard as she could, and the wolf came after her with huge leaps and bounds. She managed to reach a shrubbery of myrtle bushes and hid herself. The wolf came sniffing among the branches, its pale grey eyes glaring with rage. Bertha was terribly frightened, and thought to herself: [falsetto] 'If I had not been so extraordinarily good I should have been safe in the town at this moment.' However, the scent of the myrtle was so strong that the wolf could not sniff out where Bertha was, so he thought he might as well go off and catch a little pig instead. VERA Definitely not Clovis. NORA [cross, almost yelling] LET ME FINISH! MATILDA Hmph! Well, proceed. NORA Bertha trembled and the medal for obedience clinked against the medals for good conduct and punctuality. BACHELOR The wolf heard the sound of the medals clinking and dashed into the bush, dragged Bertha out, and devoured her to the last morsel. All that was left were her shoes, bits of clothing, and three medals for goodness. HELEN Were any of the little pigs killed? MATILDA and VERA laugh somewhat scornfully NORA Funny, that's just what my brother asked. No. They all got away. We all agreed it was the most beautiful story we'd ever heard - well, except for aunt, who seemed to find it highly improper. MATILDA We shall have to write to Clovis and find out if he's been engaged in the railway storytelling circuit. VERA [chuckles] NORA This was some years ago, when I was quite young. VERA and MATILDA chuckle again. HELEN joins in, but a bit too loudly. VERA I fear, my darlings, that I shall still take the palm today, for I had occasion recently for the most stupendous jape of all... [PAUSE] HELEN Well? VERA I am composing myself. NORA [gasps] MATILDA Oh, not again. NORA [hastily reassuring] No, no. VERA I am ready. I must be careful and include all the vitally important details, for this was more than a mere trick on an aunt... SOUND MUSIC FOR FLASHBACK VERA [narrating] There was a tedious little man visiting our neighborhood for some sort of rest cure. [to Nuttel] Do you know many of the people round here? NUTTEL Hardly a soul. My sister stayed nearby some four years ago, and she gave me letters of introduction to some of the people here. VERA [calculating] Then you know practically nothing about my aunt? HELEN More aunts? MATILDA Aunts are universal. Now Shh. NUTTEL Only your aunt and uncle's names and the address. VERA Uncle. Oh I see. [confidential] Aunt's great tragedy happened just three years ago. That would be since your sister's time. NUTTEL T-Tragedy? VERA You may wonder why we keep that French window wide open on an October afternoon. NUTTEL It is quite warm for the time of the year, but ... tragedy? VERA [ominous] Out through that window, three years ago to a day, Aunt's husband and brothers went off shooting... and never came back. In crossing the moor, they were engulfed in a treacherous piece of bog. Their bodies were never recovered. [voice breaks] That was the dreadful part of it. Poor aunt thinks that they will come back some day, with uncle's little brown spaniel, and walk in that window just as they used to do. [almost a whisper] Do you know, sometimes on still, quiet evenings like this, I almost get a creepy feeling that they will all walk in through that window-- [shudder] NUTTEL Uh, yes... SOUND DOOR, SWIFT FOOTSTEPS AUNT I hope Vera has been amusing you? NUTTEL [spooked] She has been very... interesting. AUNT I hope you don't mind the open window. My husband and brothers will be home directly, and they always come in this way. NUTTEL Um, yes. [changing the subject] Um, yes - [awkward pause] the doctors agree in ordering me complete rest and an absence of mental excitement. On the subject of diet, they are less in agreement. AUNT [bored] Ah? NUTTEL Some opine that toast with marmalade is better for digestion, while other lean more towards toast without. AUNT [yawns] NUTTEL Still other physicians insist on no toast at all. On the subject of eggs... AUNT [brightening] Aha! Here they are at last! Just in time for tea! VERA [narrating] I put on my best look of wide-eyed fear and stared - I always think of cats when I do that. NUTTEL [confused] What? [panicked] Ahhh! SOUND RUNNING FEET, DOOR OPENS, SLAMS CLOSED. NOTE MILK THIS MOMENT FOR SUSPENSE SOUND OMINOUSLY SLOW, SQUISHY FOOTSTEPS APPROACH. DOG YIPS MOURNFULLY, then UNCLE Here we are, my dear. Who was that who bolted out as we came up? AUNT A most extraordinary man, a Mr. Nuttel. Could only talk about his illnesses, and dashed off without a word of good-bye or apology when you arrived. One would think he had seen a ghost. VERA I expect it was the spaniel. [the awful truth] He told me he had a horror of dogs. He was once hunted into a cemetery somewhere on the banks of the Ganges by a pack of pariah dogs, and had to spend the night in a newly dug grave with the creatures snarling and grinning and foaming just above him. Enough to make anyone lose their nerve. MATILDA Oh, bravo - two for the price of one! NORA How could he be afraid of a Spaniel? They're so-- HELEN Silly! She was romancing! NORA Oh. [thinks] Oh! MATILDA And her uncle wasn't dead either. NORA Well, I - I think I realized that. SOUND ALICE SCREAMING FROM BEHIND THE DOOR - HORRIBLE AGONY HELEN What? NORA Eek! VERA [slightly shaken] That sounds dreadful! MATILDA [very shaken] And I'm next! SOUND ALICE SCREAMING TAPERS OFF TO A GURGLE MATILDA Poor Alice! HELEN Maybe the headmistress will wear herself out before she gets to us -- VERA [calculating, then dry] Perhaps, but then, she'll just summon a few prefects to help. HELEN Really? But - but what could she be doing? VERA [knowing] Let's see, shall we? SOUND SLIGHT CREAKS AS SHE TIPTOES TO DOOR VERA Shh. [pause] ALICE [Screams, muffled] SOUND DOOR SWINGS OPEN ALICE AAH! [notices door] Ahh? SOUND SCRAMBLING FEET, THEY ALL COME TO LOOK NORA Where's the headmistress? MATILDA Oh, jolly good one, Alice. You gave me such a turn. SOUND SLOW SERIES OF HAND CLAPS ALICE Yes, yes. No autographs, please. Screaming does dry out my throat. HELEN It was just you...? MATILDA I believe, this time, that Alice takes the laurel. VERA Oh, I don't think so. MATILDA Whyever not? VERA [grinning like a fiend] Who do you think sent round the sham detention notices to bring us all here? SOUND A MOMENT, THEN GENERAL APPLAUSE NORA [confused] Oh? [getting it] Oh! MUSIC OLIVIA Now that you know how to find us, don't be a stranger - we have enough of those already...
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| Atomic Julie - Beyond The Yellow Fog (pt1 of 8) By Emmett McDowell | 09 Sep 2021 | 00:18:44 | |
A new 8 part series! Chapter 1 - Gavin Murdock gets himself a berth on a venusian slaver ship with a unique spacedrive. But what is his secret motivation? | |||
| 19 Nocturne Boulevard - Jack. In the Box. - Reissue | 03 Sep 2021 | 00:34:58 | |
[transcript below] Reissue episode of the week! Jack. In the Box. Shortly after WWII, a crate full of parts appears on a young divorcee's doorstep. Can she and her young son figure out what it is and what it's for? ...And how will this affect the fate of the world?. Cast List Jack/Unit X-14 - Greg Porter Music: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) and Jonathon Roberts (jmtr.com)
"What kind of a place is it? ************************************************************* This was an early comedy romance episode I wrote specifically with A-R-T - American Radio Theater - in mind. This was recorded with A-R-T in Marge's dining room. I would like to point out that the title is not "jack-in-the-box" but Jack[period] in the box [period]. It's a subtle distinction, but it does make it mean something a bit different. I also want to point out right away that the whole Chinese suspicion subplot was meant to be silly and a clue to how disconnected from reality Mrs. McGruder is, not serious. Keep in mind this was written ten years ago and set in the 1940s. I have nothing but disgust for any frickinh racists who are currently, in real life, harassing people of Asian descent, particularly the elderly. The transcript is on the page here, and you will note that the first couple of "radio shows" heard in the background in this episode are in the main script, but after that, they got too complicated to write in between lines and I moved them to the end so they could be recorded "of a piece". The shows are clear parodies of The Shadow, I love a Mystery, and Flash Gordon. This also marks the first appearance of Tunis the Unstoppable, whom I later used in Bingo the Birthday Clown. I realized recently that I haven't yet included the full text of the opening sequence of 19 Nocturne Boulevard in any of my transcripts. My apologies, and it will follow. It originally started out much longer, but I whittled it down until it was just the right length. Platinum Death Ray Forever! ******************************************************** 19 Nocturne Boulevard Opening VOICE: 19 Nocturne Boulevard CABBIE: Nocturne Boulevard? Not far. When you hit Howard, hang a right. Howard meets Philip at a weird kind of angle, then you cross James and Poe. You can't miss Nocturne, it's just past the Automat. VOICE: 19 Nocturne Boulevard, your address for suspenseful stories of the speculative, strange, and supernatural. [VOICE, or OLIVIA] Tonight's story is [title] [also might include warning about violence or language here] OLIVIA: Yes. This is 19 Nocturne Boulevard, won't you step inside? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why it's a [episode specific location] ***************************************************** JACK. IN THE BOX.
Cast:
OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a run-down bungalow apartment court, can't you tell? SCENE 1. MUSIC CREEPY SCI FI AMBIANCE VERY ALIEN POCKAM The interview will be conducted in the unit's assimilated language. MOCKAM Report, unit X-14. JACK [very robotic in all scenes with aliens] Report. Earth viability as target for invasion-- MUSIC BREAK
OLIVIA Oops. My mistake. Here's that bungalow court...
SCENE 2. MUSIC A BIT OF MELODRAMA - VERY 40s AMBIANCE OUTSIDE. TRAFFIC NEARBY SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL. DOOR OPENS SLIGHTLY OFF. MACGRUDER [slightly off] Trudy? Trudy! SOUND FOOTSTEPS STOP TRUDY [sigh] Mrs. MacGruder. SOUND FOOTSTEPS SWIVEL IN GRAVEL TRUDY I'll have the rent on-- MACGRUDER [slightly off] Oh, no this is ... When? TRUDY Friday. Um, what, then? MACGRUDER [coming on] You got a package! TRUDY What? I didn't-- MACGRUDER I was thinking just that. What's Trudy Garfunkel doing ordering stuff--? TRUDY I didn't! MACGRUDER On her little government salary, and I knew she-- I mean, you-- wouldn't, so then I wondered if maybe it wasn't that deadbeat man of yours-- TRUDY He's not mine- he hasn't been for a long time-- MACGRUDER --Might have sent something for the boy, so I figured no harm in letting the movers into your place - I hope you don't mind - but I wanted to let you know before you walk in and trip over it or anything. TRUDY Thank you for the warning. SOUND FOOTSTEPS - BOTH OF THEM TRUDY You don't have to-- MACGRUDER I better go come along and make sure, since if I let it into your place and it turned out to be something dangerous, well I'd never forgive myself. On the other hand, I was just thinking it might just be a vacuum cleaner, so I was just thinking if it was a vacuum cleaner, then I would knock a whole dollar off your rent - each week - if you just let me use it. [gasps] TRUDY The box is that big? I mean big enough for a vacuum? SOUND FOOTSTEPS STOP MACGRUDER Lands sakes! You just have to get a gander at it! [beat] Well? Open it. SOUND A COUPLE OF ALMOST HESITANT STEPS ON STONE, THEN KEY IN LOCK TRUDY Did the movers say anything when they--? MACGRUDER Say anything? Well, I expect they did, but they didn't really seem to speak much English. Didn't worry me much though - they were big Italian looking fellers, not Chinese at all. SOUND KNOB TURNS TRUDY Chinese? Why Chinese? MACGRUDER Oh, I heard it on the radio just the other day, about the Chinese. Not sure what they said, but I'll tell you, you better check your laundry reaaal good. TRUDY [dubious] All right. SOUND DOOR OPENS. A COUPLE FOOTSTEPS, THEN PULLED UP SHORT TRUDY [gasps] MACGRUDER Didn't I tell you? TRUDY You said a box - I didn't expect a crate! How'd they get it through the door? MACGRUDER Crate. Box. I said it was big enough for a vacuum. TRUDY [joking] Or some Chinese. MACGRUDER You think so, too? Well, you better open it now - maybe this is how they plan to invade or do whatever it was the radio was saying about them. I'll stay with you while you do it, so that I can run back and call the army if they come popping out of there. TRUDY I really doubt it's a box of Chinese people. MACGRUDER You better check! SOUND SCRABBLING AT WOOD. TAPPING - SOUNDS PRETTY SOLID. TRUDY I don't know how to open it. MACGRUDER Here, I'll go and get a hammer. We'd better get this done quickly! TRUDY Yes, I'd rather have this sorted out before Timmy gets home. MACGRUDER [going off] Oh, well, that too - I was thinking that "Love of a Generation" will be coming on the radio real soon. TRUDY The radio. Tsch. [almost chuckling] Chinese.
SCENE 3. MUSIC SPACE AMBIANCE SPACE SHIP MOCKAM Status of Earth readiness to hold off an invasion fleet? JACK The earth is fully prepared to repel all invaders. POCKAM What? We have seen no evidence--! MOCKAM Explain.
SCENE 4. MUSIC 40s MELODRAMA SOUND SQUEAK OF NAILS AS CRATE LID IS PRIED OFF MACGRUDER What is it? TRUDY Let me get the lid off before you go jumping in - you don't want the nails to get you. MACGRUDER [sniffs] Well, it doesn't smell Chinese. TRUDY [takes breath as if to say something, then sighs] No. SOUND HEAVY LID FALLS TO FLOOR MACGRUDER Well, someone sent you a box of excelsior - sure it wasn't your ex husband? He seems the type to be making a big deal out of nothing. SOUND ROOTING AROUND IN PAPER SHREDS TRUDY Every belonging he ever had wouldn't fill this darn thing. No, the only time he remembers to send us anything is the occasional model airplane for Timmy's birthday - and they're always late. MACGRUDER You're better off without him. Just like Ermintrude on Romances of the Great White Way. She dumped a crumb who would-- TRUDY I found something! SOUND METAL CLANG AS SOMETHING IS PULLED OUT OF PAPER SHREDS MACGRUDER Well... It could still be a vacuum cleaner. TRUDY Here - set this down somewhere. MACGRUDER Hmph. Well, I can't be standing around here all day, and if there's nothing more in there but scrap metal-- TRUDY Aha! Papers! MACGRUDER Instructions? SOUND RIFFLE OF MANY PAGES TRUDY Um... Maybe. I don't think it's in English. MACGRUDER Lessee. I knew it! Chinese! SOUND TAPS PAPER
SCENE 5. MUSIC SPACE AMBIANCE SPACE SHIP MOCKAM Which country or continent has the largest potential resistance force? POCKAM Who do we capture first, in other words? JACK [strange stuttering noise] Uh, uh, The main army is not that of any surface nation, but a hidden underground force-- POCKAM Explain! Underground? JACK The minions of Tunis the Unstoppable are counted in the millions.
SCENE 6. MUSIC 40s MELODRAMA SOUND [off] DOOR SLAMS OPEN, FEET RUNNING IN TIMMY Hey mom! I'm starvin-- TRUDY [absently] Close the door. SOUND PAGES TURN TIMMY Whoa! What in Hi-ho Silver is that? TRUDY Huh? [coming out of it] Oh! Young man, I should make you march right back outside and come back in like a civilized human being, and not like a-- a-- TIMMY Bucking bronco? TRUDY No, that was last week. Um, a-- TIMMY Crazy apeman? TRUDY Fine. Like a crazy apeman. But I happen to be busy. TIMMY If-- TRUDY Ask like a-- TOGETHER --civilized human being. TRUDY [swallows a chuckle] TIMMY What is it, then, mom? It looks -- well--? TRUDY Honestly, I'm not sure. Grab yourself an apple in the kitchen, and come and help me find a part that looks like this--
SCENE 7. MUSIC SPACE AMBIANCE SPACE SHIP POCKAM [worried] Of what nation is this Tunis the unstoppable? Has he no enemies on Earth? JACK [sounding slightly human] He is the secret master of the world. His armies are legion.
SCENE 8. MUSIC 40s MELODRAMA SOUND SQUEAKY. METAL PIECES BEING PUT TOGETHER. FINALLY SNAPS IN TRUDY There! [pause, sigh, gasp] Goodness! Look at the time! It's nearly dinner! TIMMY Ah, bananas! I missed the start of Ralph Richardson, Thug Breaker! SOUND SCRAMBLE ACROSS THE FLOOR. RADIO TUNING IN TRUDY Don't wanna keep me company in here while I get set to feed you? SOUND RADIO CRACKLE, WARMING UP TIMMY Oh, c'mon mom! Ralph just found the smuggler's lakeside warehouse, and then they caught him and tied him to a piling and the tide's coming in! SOUND RADIO MUSIC ANNOUNCER [very tinny] ...that's why Alfalfa-bet is your best bet for breakfast. Ask any horse what he likes and he'll say-- HORSE VOICE Alfalfa-Bet! ANNOUNCER And now, hear the creaking of the piling? SOUND PILINGS CREAK ANNOUNCER Hear the lapping of the incoming tide? SOUND TIDE LAPS ANNOUNCER But can we still hear Ralph? RALPH [A couple of manly grunts] TIMMY C'mon Ralph! You can get loose!
SCENE 9. MUSIC SPACE AMBIANCE SPACE SHIP MOCKAM [suspicious] We have seen no evidence of this Tunis the unstoppable. JACK He is said to be an ancient sorcerer, who is capable of hiding his every movement. POCKAM That's ludicrous! Explain this title of Sorcerer! JACK One who manipulates the ether and the world around him through mental abilities, rather than the use of devices or scientific artifices. MOCKAM AND POCKAM [gasp]
SCENE 10. MUSIC 40s MELODRAMA SOUND RADIO BACKGROUND The SPOOK Of course you could not see me, for I have the cloak of ancient darkness to protect myself! THUG 1 Oh no! THUG 2 You said it. He's got us. There ain't no way out. SOUND MUSIC SWELLS SOUND CLICK. RADIO OFF TIMMY Well, that's a fine how d'you do! TRUDY It's time for bed, and we've nearly finished putting this... thing... together. TIMMY I still say it's a robot! Look, arms, legs - everything. TRUDY A robot would look as silly as anyone else without a head. Up, up! TIMMY [moving slowly off] You'll look through the shavings again, won't you? See if there's anything else in the box? TRUDY Aye, Aye, captain. Now scoot!
SCENE 11. MUSIC SPACE AMBIANCE SPACE SHIP MOCKAM Is this planet Earth very populated with these... sorcerers? JACK From my research, they are few but very powerful. POCKAM Bah! Even such as these cannot withstand our platinum death ray!
SCENE 12. MUSIC 40s MELODRAMA SOUND [off] DOOR SLAMS OPEN, FEET RUNNING DOWN STAIRS TIMMY [off] Mom? SOUND FEET STOP FOR A SECOND, THEN COME ON RAPIDLY TIMMY [panicky, coming on quickly] Mom! Where'd it go? SOUND FEET SLIDE ONTO KITCHEN TILES, THEN SKID TO A STOP TIMMY I- I'm -- Whoops! TRUDY [very amused] Timmy, you should join us for breakfast. I would like you to meet... [considers] Jack. Jack [searching for a name] Box- Bocscome - Boscome. Jack Boscome. TIMMY Sorry to break in like this, sir. Mom. Um, pleased... to meet you? TRUDY [almost laughing] Well, shake his hand! TIMMY [whispered] He's not moving - is he OK? TRUDY [finally breaks down and laughs] Jack here? Why he's just peachy. SOUND SLAP ON THE BACK. SFX WEIRD MECHANICAL NOISES BEGIN. VERY LOW TIMMY What'd you do? TRUDY I just - I must have pushed his switch or something. TIMMY Oh! He's-- Oh! He sure looks ... real with a head and all. SFX WHIRRING, ETC., GETS LOUDER, THEN OUT JACK [very mechanical sounding] I am unit X-14. I am at your service. TRUDY Well, he looks real, but he don't sound it. SOUND [off] KNOCKING AT FRONT DOOR TRUDY [sigh] That will be Mrs. MacGruder, about the vacuum cleaner. Or the Chinese. TIMMY What vacuum cleaner? Huh? JACK Explain. What is Chinese. SOUND RAPID FOOTSTEPS TIMMY [fading out under] Oh, Chinese are folks who come from across the ocean and don't talk like us, and they cook good food... TRUDY [calling back] Timmy, make sure and keep Jack in the kitchen. I don't know WHAT Mrs. MacGruder would make of him. SOUND DOOR. UNLOCKING CHAIN AND BOLT. DOOR OPENS MACGRUDER So? Did you -uh - manage to ... uh? TRUDY It's just... Well, apparently it's Ken's idea of a joke. MACGRUDER I thought you said he wouldn't-- TRUDY It was all filled with random pieces of metal, and when I got to the bottom, there was a note from him. Tsch. He said it was supposed to be some sort of .... um, furnace... but it didn't even have all the pieces. MACGRUDER [suspicious] Why would he send such a darn fool thing? Your furnace here is fine, isn't it? I can always get Bob in to-- TRUDY No, no! Um, it was just that... the last time he bothered to stop by, we--we were living in a place with a dicey furnace. MACGRUDER [after a long moment] Man like that, you're better rid of him. TRUDY I'll see about selling the bits for scrap or something. MACGRUDER Take your time - you can always burn the crate and the shavings. [joking, going off] Save on your furnace worries... TRUDY [agreeing noise] SOUND DOOR SHUTS QUICKLY BUT NOT QUITE SLAMMED TRUDY Whew. SOUND HEAVY FOOTSTEPS APPROACH JACK Explain. What is a "Ken".
SCENE 13. MUSIC SPACE AMBIANCE SPACE SHIP MOCKAM [sotto] We may need to reconsider the invasion plans. POCKAM [sotto] I do not agree- MOCKAM If these sorcerers can withstand our invasion-- POCKAM I think the information unit is faulty. MOCKAM That is impossible - the unit must tell the truth. That is its function. POCKAM It may not know the truth. I say we wait until the other units have been retrieved.
SCENE 14. MUSIC 40s MELODRAMA SOUND CLICK - MUSIC CUTS OUT SFX TUNING IN RADIO JACK Explain. What is--? TIMMY Shh. Now this is a really good show. Jake, Mack, and Frenchy are the B-9 detective agency. And they're about to go head to head with the crime syndicate. SFX MUSIC IN BACKGROUND - PARODY OF I LOVE A MYSTERY OPENER - SEE SCRIPT AT END SOUND KNOCK ON DOOR TIMMY Mom! The door! JACK Mom! SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON LINO, THEN WOOD. TRUDY BRUSHES HER HANDS TOGETHER TRUDY You two. You should be doing your homework. I let you put it off all weekend-- TIMMY But the show! Besides, Jack here'll help me with it, won't you Jack old boy? JACK Explain. What is homework. SOUND KNOCK ON DOOR AGAIN TRUDY Yeah. A big help. SOUND KNOB, DOOR OPENS A BIT TRUDY Yes? Oh! Susan! SUSAN Aha! [chiding] You remember my name! TRUDY [realizing] Oh, no... Last night...! SUSAN Are you going to just keep me out here on the doorstep while I read you the riot act for standing me up? You left me high and dry on a Saturday night, with two sailors and only one pair of feet! TRUDY I-- [thinks] Let me take you to the corner coffee shop - to make it up. SUSAN What? Why? TRUDY Um, Timmy isn't feeling well, so I really don't want to wake him. TIMMY [off, sickly sounding] Mommy? SUSAN [mollified] So that's it. [sigh] You better stay. TIMMY [off, coughing] SUSAN Kids. I love em, but I'm not sure I could keep em. You gonna be in to work tomorrow? TRUDY He's much better than he was. Just needs rest. SUSAN OK. But next time - you could at least call! See ya manyana! TRUDY Bye! [pause, whew] SOUND DOOR SHUTS, QUICK FOOTSTEPS SFX RADIO COMES ON - SCENE PLAYS IN THE B/G TRUDY Thank you honey! [hug noise] TIMMY [boy hug reaction] Moooom! The shooow. JACK Explain. What is sick. TIMMY Ssh! TRUDY C'mon Jack, and I'll explain. SOUND FOOTSTEPS SFX RADIO RECEDES AGAIN SOUND FEET ON LINO TRUDY Have a seat? JACK As you instruct. SOUND SQUEAK OF CHAIR TRUDY [chuckles] You look so darned human, I keep forgetting you're a machine. JACK I am X-14, designated Jack Boscome. TRUDY Glad you like the name. JACK Explain. What is Like. TRUDY First sick. Hmm. Well, that's a toughee. Humans, like machines, have lots of parts that all work together - and when one of the parts doesn't work right - like instead of breathing, you start coughing - that's what it means to be sick. JACK Repair seems the obvious answer. Explain. TRUDY Well, see you might be repairable - like if you broke a spring or something, you could just go in, take out the spring and put in a new one, but it doesn't work that way for living things - If one of our parts starts to break, it has to fix itself. JACK Processing. Corollary - Timmy is sick. Which part is broken? TRUDY [ashamed] Well, he's not really sick. That was a lie. My friend Susan keeps trying to fix me up with guys, and I -- well, I really just forgot, we were so caught up with having you working and all. JACK Explain. What is lie. TRUDY [rueful] Oh, boy...
SCENE 15. MUSIC SPACE AMBIANCE SPACE SHIP MOCKAM Three more units! POCKAM Three? Nonfunctional? MOCKAM Worse - three more we could not retrieve effectively, so destruct function was activated. POCKAM Only five still functional! When is retrieval? MOCKAM It is being done.
SCENE 16. MUSIC 40s MELODRAMA SOUND POUNDING ON DOOR, FOOTSTEPS, DOOR OPENED QUICKLY TRUDY [breathless] Yes? Mrs. Mac-- MACGRUDER [furious] Don't you Mrs. MacGruder me with that innocent look on your face, young lady! TRUDY But--! I--! MACGRUDER I know you have a man in here. I've seen him through the window. What kind of a place do you think I'm running here? And you with a child in the house! TRUDY Oh, but he's-- JACK [slightly off, sounding less robotic] Trudy? Is there a problem? TRUDY [thinking fast] Mrs. MacGruder, this is Jack Boscome. He's a-- a [moving closer, whispering] He's a vet. Battle fatigued. Our office sent a memo around, asking for people willing to open their homes to these boys. How could I say no? MACGRUDER [much softened] But it's-- TRUDY He stays in the living room. On the couch. He's really good with Timmy. TIMMY [off] Jack? Hey, ask me that question again. On my homework. TRUDY See? JACK [off] What is the capitol of Idaho? MACGRUDER [resigned] You should have told me. TRUDY I wanted to wait and see if it was going to work out first. I didn't want anyone to make a fuss right away - he's still pretty nervous, you know? MACGRUDER That's why he never leaves the house, eh? TRUDY Yup. MACGRUDER All right. All right. No monkey shines, now! TRUDY Cross my heart. SOUND DOOR SHUTS TRUDY Whew. JACK [coming on, sounding just like a robot] Explain? What is battle fatigue? [then softening] I should probably know.
SCENE 17. MUSIC SPACE AMBIANCE SPACE SHIP MOCKAM They are all disabled. All but the X-14 unit. POCKAM All? But we landed thirty-- MOCKAM Apparently we both overestimated and underestimated the humans. Twelve were rendered nonfunctional in assembly, six were completed and placed in government hands and had to be destructed, and eight were never even opened. POCKAM Records show these beings are much more curious and greedy than that. Wait. What of the other three? MOCKAM [almost reluctant] They tried to resist retrieval and were destroyed.
SCENE 18. MUSIC 40s MELODRAMA SFX SCENE 2 PLAYS ON RADIO IN B/G [following line about Death-O-tron] TIMMY Man, I wish we had a Death-o-tron landship. I wouldn't have to walk to school any more. JACK But you are not afraid? What if Tunis comes here. His landship will crush this house. TIMMY [exasperated sigh] Jack. Tunis is just a story. Did you really think all this stuff on the radio was true? JACK Why would it not be true? Explain. TIMMY It's ... fun. Like make believe. Everyone makes stuff up - you mean you don't have stories where you come from? JACK I don't know where I come from. My memories begin when you assembled me. TIMMY Oh, hold on [listen to the final part of the scene, then as the announcer comes on]. That's kind of sad. You're sort of just a kid, too. [pause] But you learn real fast.
SCENE 19. MUSIC SPACE AMBIANCE SPACE SHIP MOCKAM We must assume this data is correct. POCKAM I would prefer a second opinion. MOCKAM Of course, but we cannot take chances. There is another planet in the Gargon Nebula whose dominant life form hasn't yet left the ground. They should be easy to conquer and enslave. POCKAM The Gargon Nebula is light years from here! We should-- MOCKAM We are under orders. No unnecessary chances.
SCENE 20. MUSIC 40s MELODRAMA AMBIANCE PARTY - SMALL CROWD. RADIO MUSIC PLAYS IN THE B/G TRUDY [whispered] Just stick to the plan. They all want to meet you. You remember? JACK I am unable to forget. The plan is if the answer to a question is awkward, I ask them what they like on the radio and let them talk. TRUDY Right. Everybody here practically lives for one show or another. You thought Timmy was stuck on his shows- wait until Mrs. MacGruder starts regaling you with the plot from "my fifth husband." Just don't go thinking anything they say is real. JACK Timmy explained-- SOUND DOOR OPENS MACGRUDER [coming on] Trudy! You look lovely. And this must be-- JACK Jack Boscome. MACGRUDER I hear you were in the army? JACK I-- [uncomfortable beat, error noise] uh, uh, would rather talk about you. Do you listen to the radio? MACGRUDER [fading out] Oh, just occasionally... BRIEF MUSIC - TIME PASSES - SAME SCENE SUSAN Oh-ho! TRUDY What? SUSAN Nothing. Just Oh-ho. Can't a girl Oh-ho a friend without someone thinking maybe she just put all the pieces together and realized why said friend is no longer interested in coming out on Saturday nights? TRUDY Jack? Oh, he's just-- SUSAN Living in your house. Where do I sign up? TRUDY Oh, that reminds me - I told Mrs. MacGruder he was a vet, and the office set it up. Don't let on, OK? SUSAN Oh-ho! BRIEF MUSIC - TIME PASSES - SAME SCENE CHUTNEY [coming on] You, boy! JACK Me? I am Jack-- CHUTNEY We met earlier, remember? JACK [almost mechanical sounding] You are Colonel Chutney. 12th mobile. Great War. Medal of-- CHUTNEY It isn't a test, my boy. Don't try so hard. [pause] I wanted you to know that there is someone here who understands your condition and what you've been through. JACK Explain? CHUTNEY I've seen a number of cases - of course, we called it shell shock - but it's all the same thing. If you ever need to talk to anyone, and don't want to disturb the ladies. I'm just across the court. JACK [more and more lost and confused] Talk? CHUTNEY About your experiences in the war. Battle fatigue is nothing to sneeze at-- JACK Oh! Yes. Yes, sir. CHUTNEY [chuckles, then insinuating] What sort of action did you see? JACK Sir? Do you listen to the radio, sir? CHUTNEY Oh, you can't trust the radio for intelligence. Everything on it is either so covert no one would recognize it or outright fiction. Were you with infantry? JACK [almost panicking, getting more robotic] Sir? I cannot answer that. CHUTNEY You can't shock me, son. JACK [error noise, very bad] uh, uh, uh, I was slugged, and tortured. Tied up while the water came in. Flooded with gas. [drawing from a radio episode from earlier] CHUTNEY [shocked] P-O-W? I am so sorry, my boy. No wonder. I won't ask you any more. Just know that I'm always ready to listen.
SCENE 21. MUSIC SPACE AMBIANCE SPACE SHIP MOCKAM What shall we do with this unit? POCKAM X-14? The only logical choice is to vaporize it. Its memory cells are congested with data from this planet. It is easier to assemble a new unit than to refresh this one.
SCENE 22. MUSIC 40s MELODRAMA AMBIANCE OUTSIDE, NIGHT SFX SOMEWHERE A RADIO PLAYS ROMANTIC MUSIC SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL TRUDY You were marvelous. I was so worried when Colonel Chutney buttonholed you like that. JACK [almost teasing] Explain. What is buttonholed? TRUDY [chuckles fondly] Only three weeks, and you sound like any other guy. And you look so real. I-- It's nice having a man around the house, you know. Timmy loves you, and the way you fixed the furnace! JACK Machines make sense. Humans are confusing. TRUDY Don't I know it! I- I confuse myself sometimes. JACK Explain? TRUDY I can't. Some things are just inexplicable. Like ... love. JACK Explain? TRUDY I- well... Love is a lot like "like". Just stronger. JACK A feeling of attachment and a desire to be near the object of the feeling? TRUDY More or less. JACK As an example, you love Timmy? TRUDY Yes! JACK And Timmy loves-- Jake, Mack and Frenchy. TRUDY [chuckling] Yes. JACK Do you think love can be learned? TRUDY I-- Well, I really don't know. JACK If this is a topic you do not wish to discuss, we can talk about radio shows. TRUDY [laughing] No. It's just a topic that no one finds easy to discuss. JACK I would like to learn more. MOCKAM [on filter] Unit X-14! Unit X-14! Prepare for imminent retrieval. JACK Did you hear that? TRUDY What? JACK [sigh, starting to sound more and more robotic] I am a robot. TRUDY I know, but somehow it doesn't matter. JACK I may come to understand feelings such as love, but I cannot feel them. TRUDY You once said you could never lie, and look how that turned out. JACK I have completed my time with you. [error noise] uh, uh, uh, uh, I have no feelings for this world or its inhabitants. Uh, uh, I will fulfill my mission. TRUDY Jack, what's wrong? SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL, AWAY TRUDY Jack!
SCENE 23. MUSIC SPACE AMBIANCE SPACE SHIP JACK [very robotic] I am capable of further use. POCKAM What? Did you speak out of turn, X-14? JACK Destroying me-- this unit would be a waste of resources. Logic dictates utilizing all capabilities. POCKAM What did they teach this thing down there? no wonder three units had the self-motivation to destruct themselves. MOCKAM The unit cites logic. Let it continue. JACK This unit has assimilated enough to remain out of the hands of government entities, and to blend into society on the planet below. MOCKAM True. JACK Continued data gathering is always of use. MOCKAM One unit is not enough to gather all the data we would need for a full scale attack - not in our projected time frame. JACK If you go to the Gargon Nebula, this unit can continue to gather information for your return. MOCKAM It might work, at that. POCKAM But it will be forty of this planet's years before we would return from the Gargon Nebula!
SCENE 24. MUSIC 40s MELODRAMA TRUDY [sigh] No, Colonel. He had a -- a bad relapse and had to -- go back to the hospital. CHUTNEY [on phone] Too bad. Good boy, that. When he comes back... well, a divorcee like yourself could do a lot worse. TRUDY [trying not to cry] I-- I know. I have to go, Colonel, there's someone at the door. SOUND AS IF ON CUE, KNOCK ON DOOR SOUND PHONE HANGS UP SOUND RUNNING FEET, DOOR FLUNG OPEN TIMMY [off, yelling, happy and excited] Hey mom! It's a big wooden box! TRUDY [excited gasp] Huh? END **************************************************** RADIO SCENE 1 ANNOUNCER --in the underground caves beneath the tiny mining town. MUSIC STING JAKE Look, Mack! It's Frenchy! FRENCHY Ooooh. MAC Well, dip me in honey and roll me in a haystack! He's been slugged! FRENCHY [bad french accent] Jake? They took the scrimshaw! I couldn't stop them! JAKE I know, Frenchy. Mack, Check that door - see if it's clear. We'll have to leave Frenchy someplace safe while we go after the Syndicate boys. If they find him, he'll be tortured, or worse. SOUND SHAKING LOCKED DOOR MACK Well boil me fer a rutabaga sandwich, the door won't open! JAKE What's that noise? MACK Sounds like someone went and left a faucet running. FRENCHY Jake! The floor! It is water! JAKE So that's the plan, is it - they'll drown us here like rats! MUSIC STING **************************************************** RADIO SCENE 2 SNAP HARPER As long as we have breath, he won't rule the world. Are you with me Amanda? AMANDA COOL Anything you say, Snap! SNAP HARPER If we can just get to the central coolant chamber of his death-o-tron landship, Amanda, I think we might be able to-- TUNIS [on filter] To -- what? Go on Snap Harper, I am -- powerfully interested. AMANDA COOL Tunis the Unstoppable! Snap! He's found us, but how? SNAP HARPER He must have listening devices planted in these service crawlspaces. Blast Tunis's cleverness! TUNIS I would return the compliment, Snap Harper, but it would be pointless. AMANDA COOL Oh, Snap! TUNIS For you are about to die! Flood the room with gas! MUSIC STING ANNOUNCER After just a short word from our sponsor, Tunis the Unstopppable will outline his cunning plan for doing in Snap Harper. But first-- --END--
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| Atomic Julie - Run, Little Monster! (Part 2 of 2) by Chester S. Geier | 31 Aug 2021 | 00:25:28 | |
In a future ravaged by atomic war, a girl growing up on a farm realizes she has something special. TW: tense scenes that could (but don't) turn into sexual assault. | |||
| 19 Nocturne Boulevard - Within The Walls of Eryx - Reissue | 26 Aug 2021 | 00:35:14 | |
[Transcript below] Adapted by Julie Hoverson When Kenton Stanfield takes a job on Venus hunting for power crystals, he finds the hazards of the job too much to handle. Cast List
Music: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) "What kind of a place is it? Would you believe it's a mining colony ___________________________________________________________________ Within the walls of Eryx Adapted by Julie Hoverson from the original story by H.P. Lovecraft and Kenneth Sterling. This was the second story I ever tried to adapt - the first one I did as an audio drama. I had previously adapted The Thing on the Doorstep into a short film script - which I much later rewrote into an audio drama, and that will come up when it comes up. This one was also one of the original ten episodes I put together for the series. You can see, I was starting with an easy writer to adapt.... H.P. Lovecraft. HAH! Since then, I have actually adapted a LOT of Lovecraft, and one of the reasons his writing is so hard to translate into other mediums is that much of his genius is in his actual use of words, and unless you quote his long descriptive passages word for word, you lose that. And if you do quote large chunks of it, you might as well just make an audio book. I try and walk a fine line. As an aside - I know the title of the story is actually "IN the Walls of Eryx", but that always bothered me as being incorrect - the RATS are IN the walls (in the story The Rats in the Walls). These guys are WITHIN the walls - between the actual walls, you know? In the Walls of Eryx was one of HPL's many collaborations and rewrites. Little is known of Kenneth Sterling, the high school student and aspiring writer who sought Lovecraft's help, but he was clearly a sci fi fan - Eryx is unusual among Lovecraft's works as being a pure scifi story, with very little horror or mythos or mythical background to it, even if Lovecraft is generally credited with a complete rewrite and expansion of Kenneth's original idea. In the 1930s, when this was written, a common sci fi trope was that Venus was a steamy jungle planet, often populated by some lizardy species, and it appears as such in this story. The other details are fairly unique to Eryx. Since the original story was all one man's report, technically written out, I had to pull scenes from his story and create them, and the characters in them, from whole cloth. Not to mention adding somebody - "Miss Manners" - he could report in to throughout the story, to add some audio texture when Kenton was technically out on his own, as well as the voice for his "recorder" unit, which also functions as a sort of encyclopedia, and helps break up the heavy data dump of "this is how Venus works". Perhaps the weirdest thing to try and portray in audio is the very "visual" presence - or absence - of the walls themselves. A maze of invisible walls. Or the native Venusians - whose weird cries were originally geese, if I remember correctly. I think I slowed them down and ran them backward, or something like that. I also chose to tell this story vastly out of order, to give a sense of foreboding from the very start, as the audience hears how bad Kenton is doing, winding down, but still without giving away how it will ultimately end. To make the time shifts clear, since they happen throughout the story, I created three different background ambiances for his log entries - since they have no other point of reference - each with his breather machinery getting a bit clunkier and running down. Beyond that, everything rested heavily on Reynaud LeBeouf, the actor playing Kenton, to create the stages of the character's downward spiral. We did record each set of scenes separately, out of order, essentially, so all the chatty beginnings were all at once and the weak and wearied end at the end. Rey is one of my core group of go-to actors, and you'll hear him a lot in 19 Nocturne Boulevard. This was also recorded with the help of A-R-T - American Radio Theater - and many of the actors in it were part of that group. A-R-T is a group of old time radio enthusiasts who focused on re-creating old episodes and working on the occasional newer play. Having been part of the group for years before I began 19 Nocturne Boulevard, I featured various actors from A-R-T in a number of my episodes. _______________________________________________________________ WITHIN THE WALLS OF ERYX Cast: Kenton J. Stanfield (M/25), space prospector Frederick N. Dwight (M/30), space prospector Marshall Miller (M/40), commander Dana Manners (F/30), contact at control Supply Clerk (any) Recorder, mechanical voice (any)
OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Would you believe, it's a mining camp on the steamy jungle planet we call Venus? NOTE: "AMBIANCE" CUES ARE FOR BACKGROUND SOUNDS THAT CONTINUE THROUGHOUT EACH SCENE. THEY ARE DETAILED AT THE END OF THE SCRIPT MUSIC SCENE 1. KENTON'S LOG AMBIANCE LOG 5 KENTON [filter, weak] Venus month 6, day 14, nighttime. Kenton J. Stanfield. Perhaps my final report. [rasping bark of almost laughter] My fifth whole day. Canteen went dry at noon. Food tablets not dangerously low... yet. Chlorate cubes are my real worry. I feel...weak from my forced economy in oxygen, and from my constantly mounting thirst. MUSIC
SCENE 2. MINING BASE SOUND TWO MEN WALK IN A FACILITY KENTON [hale & hearty] You're still using Carter oxygen units? But they're so darn heavy! MILLER Budget's god around here, kid. You'll see. We're not funded like the government. KENTON A Dubois mask isn't that much more, and does the job at half the weight. Saves on chlorate cubes, too. MILLER Just figure how much "not much more" IS when multiplied by over a hundred prospectors. If you last up here, you can always get yourself a Dubois. [chuckles] Once you start making the big bucks. KENTON The way you say that... MILLER Oh, it happens. Just not that often. MUSIC
SCENE 3. KENTON'S LOG AMBIANCE LOG 5 KENTON [filter, weak] I do not know the time. It is dark. There is something damnable... something uncanny... about this labyrinth. I could swear that I had eliminated certain turns through charting, and yet each new trial belies some assumption I had thought established. Never before did I realize how lost we are without visual landmarks. MUSIC
SCENE 4. JUNGLE SOUND SLIGHT, RHYTHMIC BEEPING CONTINUES UNDER ENTIRE SCENE [crystal detector] SOUND [FILTER] CRACKLE OF RADIO INTERFERENCE INTERMITTENT THROUGHOUT. DANA [filter] Hey greenhorn! This is your contact, Dana Manners, speaking. [chuckle] That's Miss Manners, to you. You got me for a glorious half hour. KENTON What? Why only--? DANA [filter] Don't none of you boys ever crack a manual? [quoting] "The company's only rebroadcast orbiter is a" - well, it's a dang fast critter - so it "provides a window for one half hour approximately every six hours for each sector." And that's your first five minutes. Care to waste some more, or you plan to make some kinda report? KENTON [chuckling] Sorry! OK, my coordinates-- SOUND different beeping [pocket recorder] DANA [filter] Good-Ness. Did you bring your blankie, too? All that boring info is sent up automatic-like. KENTON [worried] But... my log, too? DANA [filter] [pause, prolonging the agony] Nah, takes too much juice. This way, you get to edit out all your little personal comments and naughty little secrets before handing it over for archiving. KENTON [relieved] Oh. Good. DANA [filter] So you one of those boys who grew up just panting to work on Venus? KENTON Actually, I wanted to be a writer. Venus just pays better. Now it seems like I-- DANA [filter] --got hustled out of the base the minute your feet touched the sweet soggy ground? Y'ain't the first. "Here's your mask, grab your suit, what's yer hurry?" KENTON Pretty much. MUSIC
SCENE 5. KENTON'S LOG AMBIANCE LOG 5 KENTON [filter, weak] ...Continued. The effect of all these fr-fruitless wanderings is one of profound discouragement. I can understand how poor Dwight must have felt. His corpse is now just a skeleton, and the sificlighs and farnoth-flies are gone. MUSIC
SCENE 6. MINING BASE AMB CANTEEN, EATING MILLER It's all about the crystals, kid. You read the manual? KENTON Well... MILLER You had an entire rocket trip and--? KENTON [sheepish] Well... There was this poker game-- MILLER [oh lord!] Save me from greenhorns with less sense than kittens! That book could have saved your life, you know. KENTON Well, I figured there'd be time-- MILLER There's never enough time. Men who can withstand the strains of crystal hunting here on Venus are few and far between. Most - like yourself - last no more than three trips. KENTON What makes you think--? MILLER Prove me wrong. DWIGHT [off mike] Hey! Miller! MILLER See that? Now there's a guy who knows his beans. DWIGHT [coming closer, gloating] Miller! Read it and weep! SOUND paper FLOURISH. DWIGHT Twenty-three carats! MILLER Twenty-three? That's-- DWIGHT Right there in black and white. Beat that! MILLER [to Kenton] Kenton, this is Dwight - Fred Dwight, one of the brightest stars of the Terra Nova Corp. DWIGHT The brightest star. Ken, is it? Well, Ken, there ain't no one else out there's netted as many total lifetime karats as me. Over seven hundred. KENTON Oh. Um, I don't-- MILLER Kid skipped the manual. DWIGHT Pfah. OK, it takes about 20 karats to power, say the entire city of Chicago for a year. Shoot, by my calculations, I've kept the entire eastern seaboard lit for the last five! MUSIC
SCENE 7. KENTON'S LOG AMBIANCE LOG 4 KENTON [filter, tired] Nightfall. There is nothing to do but persevere. Dwight would have got out if he had kept on a minute longer. It is just possible that somebody from Terra Nova will come looking for me before long, although this is only my fourth day out. MUSIC
SCENE 8. SUPPLY OFFICE SOUND OBJECTS BEING BROUGHT OUT AND SET DOWN SUPPLY CLERK Suit fit OK? Last chance. KENTON Feels fine. MILLER With the tropical atmosphere out there, you better be sure - five days is a long damn time to chafe. KENTON [chuckles] I understand. I'm sure. So my tour is five days? MILLER To start with. You remember Dwight? Now there's a long-hauler. Does about 2 months - earth months, 60 days - on most trips. SUPPLY CLERK Food tablets. One week. SOUND BOX being set down. MILLER But then, he's been Cytherean for over a decade. KENTON Cytherean? MILLER Means "of Venus" to us long-timers. We feel "Venusian" sounds too damn silly after all the crummy movies. SUPPLY CLERK Breathing unit. SOUND larger box KENTON Cytherean. Got it. MILLER Dwight's practically one of the locals. You seen them yet? SUPPLY CLERK Chlorate cubes. One week. SOUND another box KENTON Only pictures - now THAT part of the manual I did look over. [shudder] Creepy little buggers, aren't they? MILLER Little? Ken, Ken, Ken. [sigh] You didn't look hard enough - on average, the lizard-men run seven feet tall! KENTON Holy--! SUPPLY CLERK Recording unit. SOUND box MILLER Don't worry too much. They're-- well, they're not harmless, not by a long chalk, but they're... manageable. KENTON So those...tentacles they've got for arms...? SUPPLY CLERK Crystal detector. SOUND box. MILLER Arms, legs, tongue, who knows what they are - Yup, four or five feet long on some of them. We call them lizard-men, what with the greenish, scaly skin and all, but they're not really like anything back home. KENTON [awe] Seven feet tall... SUPPLY CLERK Flame pistol. Fully charged. SOUND box. MUSIC
SCENE 9. KENTON'S LOG AMBIANCE LOG 4 KENTON [filter, tired] Four days out. I think. I am resolved not to hasten matters as Dwight did. His grinning skull has just turned toward me, shifting by the groping of one of the scavengers that are picking him over. The ghoulish stare of its empty eye-sockets is worse than the tentacled onlookers that stand gloating around the invisible barrier laughing at me. Another day and I shall go mad, if I do not drop dead from exhaustion. MUSIC
SCENE 10. JUNGLE SOUND strong, rhythmic beeping THROUGHOUT SCENE [crystal detector] KENTON You still there, Miss Manners? DANA [filter, very crackly throughout] Just another coupla minutes. What's your beef? KENTON I've got a reading on my crystal detector - looks like a big one. DANA [filter] Them things ain't reliable for size, just direction. Could be just an itty bitty one, real nearby. KENTON Well, what's the terrain like due, um... SOUND beeping gets slower, then picks up again AS HE TURNS KENTON North, I think, of my current position? DANA [filter] North? [prolonged crackle] --Erycinian highlands-- [crackle] --last known position of-- SOUND crackling. CLICK - radio turned off. KENTON Great. On my own again. Recorder? RECORDER [filter, mechanical voice] Ready. KENTON Erycinian highlands? RECORDER [filter] A plateau mapped by Matsugawa from the air fifty years ago. Designated 'Eryx' One of the few areas of any size on Venus noted for a lack of vegetation-- KENTON Off. Lack of vegetation? That'll be a relief. Anything to get out of those rubbery creepers and overhanging fronds. MUSIC
SCENE 11. KENTON'S LOG AMBIANCE LOG 3 KENTON [filter, normal] Month 6, Day 12, my third day out. Afternoon. In less than an hour, I saw that the jungle growths were thinning out, and by five o'clock - after passing through a belt of tree-ferns with very little underbrush - I emerged on a broad plateau. My progress now became rapid, and I saw by the wavering of my detector-needle that I was getting closer to the crystal I sought. MUSIC
SCENE 12. KENTON'S LOG AMBIANCE BAR - MAINLY MALE VOICES MILLER Some brainy types insist they're intelligent. DWIGHT The lizzies? [dismissive] Screwballs. KENTON Well, they build cities-- DWIGHT Anthills. Beehives. And we don't try to make treaties with bugs, do we? Hmm? KENTON But they talk... don't they? MILLER That's been debated for years. There seems to be some pattern to the tentacle movements-- DWIGHT Yeah, and bees dance. I've been out there longer than just about anyone, and they're nothing but a damn nuisance. MILLER A religious nuisance. DWIGHT So they worship the crystals. Big deal. They can't use 'em - don't even know they do anything more'n glow. If we wanna change things, we got about two real choices-- MILLER [ironic] Try and civilize them, like we did with everyone back home? DWIGHT Nah - they're way too primitive for that. I say we either gotta cage 'em up like the animals they are-- MILLER We've tried THAT one before, too. DWIGHT Or we can just blow em all away. Why not? They're not decorative, useful, or even edible. They don't do ANYTHING worth keeping 'em around. MUSIC
SCENE 13. KENTON'S LOG AMBIANCE LOG 4 KENTON [filter, tired] Note to self. Um, day - fourth. Fourth day. I racked my brains with speculations regarding the material, origin, and purpose of the strange edifice. That the hands of men might have reared it, I could not for a moment believe. Human knowledge does not include any perfectly transparent, non-reflective solid such as the substance of this building. Did a forgotten race of highly-evolved beings precede the man-lizards as masters of Venus? The strange and seemingly non-practical building and its material suggests a religious purpose. MUSIC
SCENE 14. PLATEAU SOUND RADIO STATIC KENTON Contact? You back yet? Manners? Damn. SOUND crackling static. radio CLICKS off KENTON This is just... nuts! SOUND two thunks - pounding on stone wall KENTON What the heck is this stuff? SOUND pounding, hand groping along wall KENTON Hmm. Smooth. Cool to the-- SOUND RADIO STATIC DANA [filter] Contact here. Report? KENTON Have I got a report for you! I found an invisible wall! MUSIC
SCENE 15. KENTON'S LOG AMBIANCE LOG 5 KENTON [filter, weak] Fifth day out, and I doubt I will see a sixth. Very weak. Did not sleep much till daylight. Must save chlorate cubes, so I'm nearly suffocating for lack of oxygen. Can't walk much of the time, but ma-manage a crawl. Those damnable green things keep staring and laughing with their tentacles, and sometimes they gesticulate in a way that makes me think they share some terrible joke, just beyond my perception. MUSIC
SCENE 16. PLATEAU DANA [filter] Listen to me real careful now, Ken. You need to close your eyes and start backing up. Right this minute. KENTON What? My recorder unit lists nothing about invisible walls-- DANA [filter] You backing up yet? Ignore anything you see or hear-- KENTON Why, for crying out loud? DANA [filter] Get yourself clear first, then check your recorder's entry for mirage-plants. Move your backside! Them things're deadly. KENTON Wait. No... Wait a minute. I'm in the middle of the plains of Eryx. No plants within a half mile. Nothing to see but mud, and-- [cuts himself off] SOUND BEEPING [crystal detector] DANA [filter] [beat] Yeah? Mud and ...? KENTON [evasive] Hmm? Oh, the walls. But you can't SEE them because they're invisible. MUSIC
SCENE 17. KENTON'S LOG AMBIANCE LOG 3 KENTON [filter] Third day, supplemental. What made my heart leap was a smaller detail, whose position could not have been far from the plain's exact centre. It was a single point of light, blazing through the mist and seeming to draw a piercing, concentrated luminescence from the yellowish, vapor-dulled sunbeams. This, without doubt, was the crystal I sought. I could hardly wonder, as I glimpsed the distant glow, that those miserable man-lizards worship them. MUSIC
SCENE 18. PLATEAU SOUND squishy footsteps, intermittent throughout KENTON --maybe 20 feet tall - I managed to throw a handful of mud about that high, and it went over. DANA [filter] I ain't got any maps or archives with specifics for that locale. Not a popular spot, seeing as there's none of the streams them crystals show up in. KENTON No streams, but plenty of damp - the whole plateau is-- [slight shudder] --like a solid sheet of slimy mud, with a light frosting of ground mist. DANA [filter] Could this wall thing be some kinda natural phenomena? KENTON Too smooth. Very regular. Slightly curved, too, I think. Ovoid. DANA [filter] You writers and your big ole words... Been all the way round yet? KENTON I don't think so, but I can't really tell-- DANA [filter] [condescending] Well, did you hit your own dainty little footsteps again? KENTON Not a chance. The mud is so liquid, it just doesn't take - not even for a minute. It's like I haven't been here before. DANA [filter] I need you to mark your position and come back to base, Ken. This is way outside standard procedure. You hear me? KENTON Got it. I'll get out of here pretty soon. I just wanted to-- SOUND BEEPING [crystal detector] SPEEDS UP SLIGHTLY. THEN IS MUFFLED. KENTON --to get all the way round, just once. DANA [filter] Honey, I'll be flat out of range in two shakes. I don't want to worry you none, but if anything happens out there, it could be days before help'll arrive. KENTON Days? But a lander would only‑‑ DANA [filter] Manpower and money, old son. Base only has a dozen resident staff, and none of us is jungle-worthy. We gotta wait for some of you roughnecks to wander on home, THEN the company has to pay fer their time fer a rescue. Why d'you think they load you up with plenty of ammo? Much cheaper. KENTON It's a wonder they bother. DANA [filter] [serious] And death benefits. KENTON What? DANA [filter] They're cheaper, too. MUSIC
SCENE 19. KENTON'S LOG AMBIANCE LOG 5 KENTON [filter, weak] Horror and despair. Baffled again! I had been deceived once more, and was apparently back where I had been on my first futile attempt to leave the labyrinth. Whether I screamed aloud I do not know - perhaps I was too weak to utter a sound. I merely lay dazed in the mud for a long period, while the greenish things outside leaped and laughed and gestured. MUSIC
SCENE 20. MINING BASE KENTON Isn't this a lot of ammo? I mean, seven clips-- DWIGHT One a day - that's pretty average. Save 'em for the trip home. The lizzies don't usually try much right away - that is, until you got one of their precious crystals. The worst you can expect before you make a find is pot-shots with blow-gun darts. KENTON Blow-guns? That's it? DWIGHT Don't scoff. One of those darts'll slice through your suit like butter. All it needs to do is nick you and the local germs do the rest - if the insects don't get you first. [beat] If you don't get back to base in time... Well, you noticed the bartender's hand? KENTON [gulps] The hook? DWIGHT Um-hmm. MUSIC
SCENE 21. KENTON'S LOG AMBIANCE LOG 3 KENTON [filter, normal] Late afternoon, third day. I have said that even from a great distance the shining object's position seems indefinably queer - a slight mound rising from the slime and mist. Now - at about a hundred yards - I could see plainly just what that mound was. It was the body of a man in one of the Company's protective suits, lying on his back, with his oxygen mask half buried in the mud a few inches away. In his right hand, crushed convulsively against his chest, was the crystal which had led me here - a spheroid of incredible size, so large that the dead fingers could scarcely close over it. I wondered who the man was. MUSIC
SCENE 22. PLATEAU KENTON Holy cow! SOUND THUMP ON WALL KENTON Dwight? SOUND THUMPING ON WALL, HURRIED SPLISHING FOOTSTEPS KENTON Oh, jeez. [SOUND: THUMP] But the walls-- [SOUND: THUMP] How could he-- [gasps] Woah! SOUND splash in the watery mud as he finds a gap. MUSIC
SCENE 23. KENTON'S LOG AMBIANCE LOG 3 KENTON [filter, normal] There was an opening about three feet wide. Without a moment's hesitation I stepped through and advanced two paces to the prostrate body - which lay in what seemed to be an intersecting doorless corridor. It gave me a fresh curiosity to find that the interior of this vast enclosure was divided by partitions... MUSIC
SCENE 24. BAR SOUND TIN CUP SET DOWN DWIGHT [a bit drunk] I hope I die out there. SOUND LIQUID POURS KENTON You want to die? DWIGHT No - don't WANT to, just that when I do, I hope it's out there. In the jungle. The scavengers'll strip me clean in a coupla hours and no one'll ever know what happened. MILLER Just make sure you're dead first. Some of them bugs don't wait. KENTON Will they really--? MILLER That's why the suits are made the way they are - like cellophane, but thicker. No weave, no tiny holes for bugs to get in through. KENTON But the suit doesn't cover everything--? DWIGHT Ah, they don't like the breather. Smells bad or something. So your head is pretty safe... as long as you don't take it off. MUSIC
SCENE 25. KENTON'S LOG AMBIANCE LOG 3 KENTON [filter, normal] Looking about for some possible cause of death, my eyes lit upon the oxygen mask lying close to the body's feet. Probably carelessly buckled, so the weight of the tubes worked the straps loose - wouldn't've happened with a Dubois sponge-reservoir mask. MUSIC
SCENE 26. PLATEAU KENTON Well, Dwight, old buddy, you got your wish. At least this baby won't go to waste. [grunts] Let go! [grunts again] Aha! SOUND a couple of squish-steps KENTON Waitaminute. Wait... Rigor mortis, it... it doesn't last... Manners, you there? SOUND crackle of radio KENTON Recorder? RECORDER Ready. KENTON Rigor mortis. RECORDER A condition of deceased flesh. A spasming of muscles-- KENTON How long does it last? SOUND rustling, slapping noises far in background RECORDER Rigor begins 3-7 hours after termination of life, and lasts approximately 12 hours. KENTON Off. Holy--! Dwight... SOUND rustling, slapping noises build KENTON What in sam hill--? [what the heck?] MUSIC
SCENE 27. KENTON'S LOG AMBIANCE LOG 3 KENTON [filter, normal] It was a group of a dozen or so of those detestable man-lizards emerging from the forest far off across the plain. When they drew nearer they seemed less truly reptilian - only the flat head and the green, slimy, frog-like skin carrying out the idea. They walked erect on odd, thick stumps, which made curious noises in the mud. The motions of their tentacles - if the theories are right - indicated that the things were in animated conversation. MUSIC
SCENE 28. PLATEAU DANA [filter] You asleep? KENTON [bummed] Would it matter? DANA [filter] You sound real down. Tell mama Manners all about it. You may not have a lot of time, though, there's some sunspot activity predicted for tonight, so I may have to miss a date or two-- but you can forgive a girl for that, can't you? KENTON I-- I'm lost. DANA [filter] Nonsense. You're nowhere near uncharted territory. Just punch into the recorder-- KENTON Oh, I know exactly where I am. But I'm still lost. DANA [filter, half joking] Is this where I start telling you to back away quickly? KENTON The invisible wall? Well, it's more like-- DANA [filter] Like what? An invisible barn? KENTON --An invisible ...maze. I can see the entire plain from here, the trees are at the edges, the sky above, but I can't... get... out. DANA [filter] Have you tried taking every left fork? That usually-- KENTON There's something else. I-- There's a crowd of the lizard-men just waiting at the entrance - ready to jump me if I manage to escape. DANA [filter] Two things-- KENTON I need some help-- DANA [filter, sadly] Ain't gonna happen. [crackle] Not for a couple days. Sunspots play havoc with landing vehicles, same as communications. KENTON So I just-- DANA [filter] Listen to me Ken. You've never tried shooting one of them things, have ya? The flame guns are particularly nasty. Them critters go up like oily rags. Once you get one or two of 'em, the others'll head for the hills. They don't really wanna fight-- DWIGHT [filter, distant and echoey] That is, until you got one of the precious crystals. KENTON Oh. [resolved] No. DANA [filter] No? No what? KENTON I'm not giving it up. DANA [filter] That's the spirit, Ken. Long as you're in a safe place, just sit tight, and we'll get a rescue party in, soon as possible. KENTON [considering] You mean other prospectors, right? DANA [filter] Yep. KENTON Maybe I will be out of here by then... MUSIC
SCENE 29. KENTON'S LOG AMBIANCE LOG 4 KENTON [filter, tired] Fourth day. Shortly after dawn. The alluring crystal, the body of the man who seized it before me - these have acquired a dark and threatening meaning. Dwight was a victim, too. He must have been trapped some time ago, and failed to find his way out. His mask probably didn't slip accidentally. Rather than face a lingering death he solved the issue by letting the lethal atmosphere do its work. The horrible irony of his fate lay in his position - only a few feet from the exit he failed to find. And now I'm as trapped as he'd been. MUSIC
SCENE 30. plateau KENTON [tired, but not quite exhausted - yet] Recorder. RECORDER [filter] Ready. KENTON Location - central chamber. Describe? RECORDER [filter] Round chamber. Six irregularly spaced egresses. KENTON Progress? RECORDER [filter] You have 27 times attempted the exit you designated "door in line with corpse and tree". KENTON Yeah, well... Then I realized three of the doors all line up that way. There's just not enough difference in perspective. RECORDER [filter] You have recorded 43 trips out of the central chamber. KENTON I know. With no way to mark anything, I can't tell which door is which. RECORDER [filter] You have attempted to score the wall with your knife, and with your flame pistol. You have tried to make a mark in ink, and smear it with mud. You have reported no success. KENTON Picking a damn door at random would do me more good. RECORDER [filter] Correlating the turns you have thus far recorded, a random choice would give you odds of 1 in-- KENTON Off. MUSIC
SCENE 31. KENTON'S LOG AMBIANCE LOG 5 KENTON [filter, weak] This, then, is the end. Three days, taking me nowhere. My strength is gone. It was no common series of mischances which made me lose my way in this roofless, unseen tangle of corridors. Far from it. Beyond doubt, the place is a genuine maze - a labyrinth - a trap set to catch humans. MUSIC
SCENE 32. PLATEAU KENTON [weak, not on filter] Hiya Dwight. Hey, buddy. SOUND weak pounding on wall, splishes of vague movement in the mud. KENTON You got it all over me. You almost made it, old pal. Almost... SOUND RUSTLING AND SPLISHING [Kenton takes out his recorder] KENTON Recorder on. RECORDER [filter] Ready. SOUND ALIEN NOISES GET LOUDER. KENTON [weak] I have just taken the great crystal out of my pouch to look at in my last moments. It shines fiercely and menacingly in the red rays of the dying day. The leaping horde have noticed it, and their g-gestures have changed in a way I cannot understand. I am ... growing ... numb. SOUND ONE LAST LABORED EXHALE, MACHINE SLOWS, THEN A MOMENT OF SILENCE. MUSIC
SCENE 33. GENERAL QUARTERS [NOTE: Miller is dictating, not playing back, so he is NOT on a filter] MILLER Operative A-49, Kenton J. Stanfield left Terra Nova early on six-twelve, for a short-term trip. Due back 13th or 14th. Did not appear by evening of 15th. Followed last reported location to Erycinian Highland. Brought plane down nearby and corner of the wing crashed on unseen obstruction. Approaching on foot, we came up short against a smooth, invisible barrier. Located skeleton of Operative B-9, Frederick N. Dwight of Koenig's division, and aforementioned deceased, Stanfield. We had great difficulty in getting to Stanfield, but finally succeeded. We shall bury Dwight and Stanfield in the company graveyard, and ship the crystal on the next-- SOUND beep [phone]. MILLER Off. SOUND phone picked up. MILLER Miller. DANA [filter] I heard-- MILLER Yeah. DANA [filter] And I'm real sorry. Boy seemed real nice-- MILLER He was. Keep it under your hat, but I think this is the last straw. DANA [filter] Last straw? MILLER [sigh] I have been warned. The next rocket'll be carrying marines. DANA [filter] [shocked] Oh. Well. I AM sorry. MILLER Yeah. SOUND HANGS up PHONE. MILLER Recorder on. SOUND CLICK. RECORDER [filter] Ready. MILLER [sigh] Personal note. I am impressed not only with the irony of Dwight's fate, but with that of Stanfield as well. We found a doorway some fifteen feet past Dwight. Beyond this was a hall and ... oh, hell... Stanfield could have reached the outside by walking twenty-two feet if he had just found the opening directly behind him. MUSIC END | |||
| BINGO THE BIRTHDAY CLOWN, episode 2 (19 Nocturne reissue of the day) | 14 Apr 2023 | 00:08:26 | |
"Liberate" "Star Crunch - Star Crunch! Written on a sort of dare from the never-to-be-forgotten Bill Hollweg, the entire 30 script arc was written in about a month, and made... well... more slowly. | |||
| Atomic Julie - Run, Little Monster! (part 1 of 2) by Chester S. Geier | 24 Aug 2021 | 00:28:18 | |
In a future ravaged by atomic war, a girl growing up on a farm realizes she has something special. TW: tense scenes that could (but don't) turn into sexual assault. | |||
| 19 Nocturne Boulevard's THE THRICE TOLLED BELL - Reissue | 19 Aug 2021 | 00:40:13 | |
Reissue of one of 19 Nocturne's earliest episodes (from October 2008). Includes notes from Julie about the history and making of 19 Nocturne Boulevard. (transcript below cast list) THE THRICE TOLLED BELL An homage to classic Hammer films. Cast List MUSIC
Toy-Box Trio (http://www.myspace.cpm/toyboxtrio) Voices recorded with the assistance of Ryan Hirst of Neohoodoo Studio "What kind of a place is it? __________________________________________________ THE THRICE TOLLED BELL intro
This was one of the first ten episodes of 19 Nocturne Boulevard that I made and put out, back in late 2008. I can't recall, specifically, what order I made them in. I've mentioned previously that Brokensea audio hosted a new spooky episode every day in October for a big spooky month event, and several of my first batch of episodes debuted during that event. But this episode, in particular, is literally attributable to Bill Hollweg, the master of disaster of Brokensea, he who will ever be missed. In the couple of months leading up to the October event, he posted a challenge to all comers, to write him a script with the following parameters:
...To the best of my memory, anyway. So I sat down and wrote The Thrice Tolled Bell, but then didn't want to give the script up to anyone else! I don't recall if he had any other entries, but Bill took it all with a roaring laugh and loved what I made. I loved including the stock types of characters - the lunkheaded servant; the straight-laced housekeeper; and the sexy chick played by (in this case) my best Britt Eckland voice. I even snuck in an obviously semi-nude scene, just because I could, and it fit the genre. This was also my first attempt at commissioning music, since for once I couldn't find *quite* what I wanted among the massive catalog (even back then) of Kevin MacLeod of Incompetech.com, who I can never thank enough for what he makes available for beginning and not for profit storytellers of all kinds. I don't recall much of the process, but I got one piece of music that I used bits of throughout and it was quite effective. When I was casting this piece, I still had a limited pool to draw from, since I was trying to stay local and work mainly with people I could actually direct in the studio. One of my actors, Beverly Poole, was still in high school, and the doctors in this piece were some of her classmates. But I needed the right voice for Mrs. Farge, the irascible housekeeper. I was still seeking when I went to Beverly's school play Twelfth Night (which did a lot of gender cross casting, and Beverly played Malvolio to extreme hilarity), and the voice of Fabian (pretty sure that was the role) struck me and after the play I caught up with Beverly and shouted (well, not shouted, but it was excited and urgent) "Bring me that voice!" and Molly Tollefson was recruited, accent and all. I've never cared much for auditions. Either doing them or holding them. It's just me. I'd always rather grab an actor I've heard, or recruit someone from a show I like than have to evaluate from a bunch of recorded voices. Plus, I hate being "mean" and having to turn everyone else down. ____________________________________________________ SCRIPT THE THRICE TOLLED BELL (an homage to Hammer Studio horror films)
TW: disrespectful references to sanitarium patients and a "halfwit" character, in keeping with the time the script is set as well as the general character types of the Hammer Films franchise. ...also nudity.
Cast (All various British accents except Dracula):
OLIVIA What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's an Edwardian asylum, can't you tell? MUSIC SOUND HEAVY DOOR CRASHES SHUT SOUND FOOTSTEPS - ONE SET LIMPS ODDLY WALLACE Right through here - sir, miss. Now this is one of the saddest cases we have, sir, truth be told. Once he was the finest psychiatric mind in Europe - perhaps even the world. MICHAEL Always tragic when a good mind snaps. The same fire that feeds genius also devours and leaves madness in its wake. WALLACE Yessir. MIRANDA What sort of madness does he suffer from? WALLACE Miss? I dunno that I should-- MICHAEL Go ahead, Wallace. Miss Locksley is not merely my fiancée, but a very competent and highly trained psychiatric nurse. We will be working in tandem to try and bring my late father's asylum into the 20th century. MIRANDA [sadly] From what I've seen, it will take quite some doing. WALLACE [stiff] Sir, I dunno 'bout that, but your father was a very good and brilliant man - though the last ten years or so, since your mother died, begging your pardon, sir, he seemed to lose interest in everything. MICHAEL Did he - not even treat the patients? WALLACE He left much of that in the hands of Dr. Trevalian. MICHAEL Why did he not send for me? I could have spent my residency here instead of in Budapest. I could certainly have learned as much from father as I did from Dr. Bulovic! WALLACE Sir, if you don't mind me speaking above me place, I think your father - well, he didn't want you to see him... like that. MICHAEL But I might have been able to help him! WALLACE I don't think naught could have helped him - not at the end, there. MICHAEL [British agony] He should have sent for me. MIRANDA Dearest. He did what he thought was best. I'm sure your father thought very highly of you - otherwise, why should he have left this institution under your care? MICHAEL Of course, you're right. [condescending] Always the practical one. MIRANDA One of us needs to be, and you must save your energy for the needs of the patients. MICHAEL Well, show us this paragon, Wallace. WALLACE Sir? MICHAEL The doctor you say was so sadly struck down. WALLACE Oh, yes sir - sad it is to see great men crumble. SOUND KNOCK ON HUGE IRON BOUND DOOR WALLACE Herr Doktor? Young Doctor Pettigrew wishes to speak with you. VAN HELSING [muffled, behind the door] Enter. WALLACE Ah. Here we go, then. SOUND OPENING LOCKS AND BARS ON DOOR WALLACE Dr. Pettigrew, Miss Locksley-- [ta-da!] Doctor Van Helsing. MUSIC GORVI Gorvi done mopping. Gorvi eat now? MRS. FARGE Tis not dinner time yet, ye pillock. Yer s'posed to muck out the barn t'make room for that motorcar the new head brought wi' 'im. GORVI Mo-to-cah? What is mo-to-cah? MRS. FARGE An engine of Satan. If god had wanted us to speed about in great smoking heaps of metal, he wouldn'a made horses. GORVI [wail] Gorvi hungry! MRS. FARGE Off wi' ye! I've no time for this today - must have everything ready for inspection by the new head. And here's hoping he doesna choose to sack us all. Shoo! SOUND GORVI LEAVES - HEAVY FOOTSTEPS, RICKETY DOOR OPENS, CLOSES AMBIANCE OUTSIDE BRITT [off, barely audible, singing] When that I was and a little tiny boy-- GORVI [leering chuckle] SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON GRASS SPEED UP GORVI Pretty pretty britty. Pretty... golden... BRITT With a hey-ho, the wind and the rain-- SOUND FINGERS SQUEAK ACROSS GLASS, TINY WINDOW SLIDES OPEN - SINGING IS NOW CLEAR, WITH SLOSHING OF WATER, BATHING GORVI Oh-ho! BRITT A foolish thing was but a toy, for the rain it raineth every day... GORVI [smothering his delighted chuckles] SOUND DRIPPING AS A LEG IS RAISED OUT THE WATER. BRUSH SCRUBS BRITT Hey-ho, the wind and the rain, for the rain it raineth every day... GORVI [Bursts out with a shriek of delight] BRITT What? [gasps] Oh no! SOUND HEAVY FOOTSTEPS RUNNING ON GRAVEL GORVI [breathing heavily] No scream, no scream. Gorvi not bad. No scream, pretty Britty. SOUND SHIFT TO INSIDE BRITT [screams piercingly] SOUND [INSIDE] DOOR OPENS, FEET RUSH IN NURSE What is it miss? BRITT Someone was looking at me! A man! NURSE [condescending, fading out] Of course. Don't you worry. We'll sort it all out... SOUND SHIFT TO OUTSIDE SOUND GORVI RUNNING GORVI [panting with exertion] SOUND OPENS HUGE OLD DOOR, RUNS IN MUSIC MICHAEL After Wallace's admonitions, this is hardly what I expected. VAN HELSING I am quite aware of my condition, my dear doctor Pettigrew. You're fortunate enough to catch me on a good day. MICHAEL Perhaps you would indulge me with your own diagnosis? VAN HELSING Simple, really. Bouts of severe depression, which, I am ashamed to admit, I... treat... unsuccessfully... with over-use of alcohol. MICHAEL Dipsomania? VAN HELSING I would consider it more a symptom than a core disease, but you understand how difficult it is to be objective. MICHAEL I appreciate your frankness. MIRANDA I trust you are comfortable here, doctor - this is hardly a typical cell. More like a suite in an expensive hotel. VAN HELSING Dr. Pettigrew - the elder - was very kind, and understood that reading... helps me to ...moderate... my humors. MICHAEL If only more patients could respond to such simple, constructive therapies. [chuckles] VAN HELSING [slight chuckle, indulgent] MIRANDA The human mind is a fabulous, complex organ. VAN HELSING It is amazing. MUSIC AMBIANCE ECHOEY ROOM - ABANDONED CHURCH GORVI [muttering] Pretty pretty. Gorvi likes pretty golden Britt. [heavy sigh] Britty no like Gorvi. Gorvi only look. DRACULA [creepy echoey voice] Do you want her? GORVI Who... is there? Please? DRACULA [creepy echoey voice] Help me, and I shall help you in return. GORVI Where are you? Gorvi is alone? DRACULA [creepy echoey voice] Return later and bring a shovel. I shall show myself. GORVI You - new doctor? DRACULA [creepy echoey voice] Do you want this pretty Britt you long for? GORVI Oh, want! [licks his lips] Yes. MUSIC AMBIANCE DINNER NOISES SOUND LARGE PLATTER SET DOWN MIRANDA [cold] Thank you, Mrs. Farge. SOUND FOOTSTEPS TAP AWAY MIRANDA [anxious] Are you certain you want to do this, Michael? I realize your father-- TREVALIAN They expect it, even look forward to it. Besides, they should be given the chance to meet the two of you. You needn't worry, it is only the most stable of the inmates. SOUND FEET RETURN MRS. FARGE [announcing] Miss Mecklin. TREVALIAN Miss Locksley, Dr. Pettigrew, may I present Miss Britt Mecklin. BRITT Pleased to meet you, Doctor. Miss Locksley. MICHAEL Charmed. MIRANDA Lovely. TREVALIAN Will you have a seat? SOUND CHAIRS SHIFT AS HE SEATS HER, THEN THEY SIT MIRANDA It would be somewhat indelicate to discuss cases during dinner. There will be time tomorrow to familiarize ourselves-- MICHAEL Of course. BRITT I have nothing to hide. I have come to realize that it is only in my subconscious that people watch me. Understanding it is all in my head does not stop it from frightening me, but makes it more bearable. MICHAEL [reassuring] We shall work on that. MUSIC AMBIANCE STORMY NIGHT OUTSIDE ECHOEY STONE ROOM SOUND SQUEAKY DOOR OPENS, GORVI'S FOOTSTEPS GORVI Gorvi brings shovel! DRACULA [creepy echoey voice] Have you light? GORVI Gorvi have a candle. DRACULA Do you see the bell? GORVI Bell? DRACULA The bell. You must move the bell. GORVI No bell. Gorvi see no bell. DRACULA It is metal. It is large. Move it, or I shall unleash the fires of hell upon you! GORVI Ahhhhh! SOUND SHOVEL CLATTERS TO FLOOR, FEET RUN, SLAM MUSIC SOUND WATER INTO METAL TUB. DISHES BEING WASHED SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN MRS. FARGE Don't you dare--! [surprised] Oh! Lucas! TREVALIAN Lena. I simply couldn't take it any more. Having to kow-tow to that ... boy doctor and his miserable cold fiancée. MRS. FARGE Lucas. You shoulda been put in charge! TREVALIAN I know. [snarl] Blood runs thick. MRS. FARGE Dr. Pettigrew shouldna've looked over yuir years o'loyalty - Yuir unstinting devotion! TREVALIAN There's no time for that now. We must bide and see what they decide to alter -- SOUND BACK DOOR SLAMS OPEN, GORVI RUNS IN MRS. FARGE What the divvil is wrong with ye, y'idiot? Running about in the rain like a madman! TREVALIAN Calm yourself, Lena. MRS. FARGE Tis easy for ye to be charitable. Ye dinna haveta squeeze work outta him like blood from a turnip. Turnip! That's what y'are! GORVI Gorvi not turnip. Gorvi scared. TREVALIAN What frightened you? MRS. FARGE [over her shoulder] Perhaps a slight breeze. TREVALIAN Shh. Gorvi, tell me everything. MUSIC SOUND VAN HELSING'S DOOR UNLOCKS, OPENS VAN HELSING Right on time. WALLACE 'Ave I ever missed? SOUND DOOR SHUTS, WOODEN LEG FOOTSTEPS WALLACE Were it a good idea, d'yer think, to tell them you was an alcoholic? VAN HELSING I needed a reason for my presence here that wouldn't require overmuch explanation. Speaking of spirits, have you--? WALLACE [chuckling] 'Course. Would I let yer down? SOUND SITS. ODD, HEAVY UNSCREWING NOISE VAN HELSING Your thoughts on the new administrators? WALLACE Well, 'e'll never 'ave an 'appy life, not wit' that one. She's cold, and no mistake. VAN HELSING Truer words were never said. WALLACE 'Ee seems... well-intentioned... but I don't see 'ow you'll be able to tell 'im much. Not wi'out proof. SOUND BOTTLE PULLED OUT OF WOODEN SHELL WALLACE And there y'are. Better use for me wooden leg, I'll never know. [hinting] 'Cept the one... SOUND BOTTLE OPENS VAN HELSING Care to stay for a game of chess before you strap it back on? WALLACE Don't mind if I do. MUSIC AMBIANCE STORMY NIGHT GORVI There door. Gorvi no go in again. TREVALIAN In the old chapel? Dr. Pettigrew always insisted it was on the verge of falling in. [sigh, to Gorvi] Not safe. No go in. GORVI He say Gorvi move bell. He yell at Gorvi. TREVALIAN Poor halfwit. TREVALIAN Run along back to the kitchen, Gorvi. No need to wait out here in the wet. GORVI Doctor be careful! TREVALIAN Of course. Go on. SOUND GORVI RUNS OFF SOUND SQUEAKY OLD DOOR OPENS TENTATIVELY TREVALIAN Hmm. Sounder than I expected. SOUND DOOR SHUTS, MUFFLES SOUND OF RAIN SOUND TAP ON WALL TREVALIAN Here's the shovel-- SOUND PICKS UP SHOVEL TREVALIAN And that must be the bell... SOUND SLOW FOOTSTEPS TREVALIAN That explains a lot - who's ever seen a huge bell sitting on the floor? Hardly even recognizable under all those cobwebs. Must have fallen... DRACULA [creepy distant whisper, piteous] Help me. TREVALIAN Hello? DRACULA Help. Please. The bell. It came down and trapped me. TREVALIAN I see. Hmm. [thinking] Wait, the cracks in the flags below it are... covered in dust - that bell fell ages ago! DRACULA Please. Help. TREVALIAN Where could that voice be coming from? DRACULA [closer whisper, becomes command] Move the bell. Anything you want - it will be yours. TREVALIAN I doubt you could give me what I truly want. DRACULA Oh, yes. I can give you such things.... Come, close to the crack in the bell, and tell me what it is you... crave. MUSIC MICHAEL Darling? MIRANDA Yes, Michael? MICHAEL Do you think you can stick it here? MIRANDA Of course. You know I'm fully prepared to take on anything you need me to do. MICHAEL I know, but - well, you won't hate it or anything, living in the country like this? MIRANDA I shall immerse myself in work. Just as you will. Side by side. MICHAEL Should I-- May I-- sit next to you there on the settee, then? MIRANDA Michael! We are to be wed in the spring. I just want to make certain - living here without a proper chaperone, and all-- MICHAEL Of course, darling. I - I think I shall turn in. Get an early start in the morning. MIRANDA That sounds very wise. SOUND TAP ON DOOR MIRANDA Yes? SOUND DOOR OPENS, MRS. FARGE ENTERS, PICKS UP TRAY MRS. FARGE Did ye need anything further tonight? MIRANDA No, we were--- SOUND IN THE DISTANCE, A BELL TOLLS SOUND TRAY CLATTERS TO FLOOR MRS. FARGE [gasp!] MICHAEL Why Mrs. Farge, whatever is the matter? MRS. FARGE [haunted] That be the bell up t'old kirk. MICHAEL Come, now, it's never done that before? MRS. FARGE [ominous] Nay - I've been here nigh on 15 years, and that bell has nivver rung. SOUND FOOTSTEPS AWAY MRS. FARGE [slightly off] But I wouldna go seeking it - not even if m'very life depended on it. MUSIC VAN HELSING [considering] Mmm. Check. SOUND BELL TOLLS IN THE DISTANCE WALLACE Wazzat? VAN HELSING What? WALLACE [worried] The bell - don't you hear it? VAN HELSING Nonsense. Hmm.... Go and check it. If it is, we might have a problem on our hands. SOUND BELL TOLLS IN THE DISTANCE WALLACE I'll get going-- SOUND QUICKLY STRAPPING LEG BACK ON VAN HELSING Wait! Just in case. SOUND BOTTLE SLOSHES WALLACE Is it--? VAN HELSING It should help. WALLACE Every bit does. Leave the door open, shall I? MUSIC BRITT [waking] Eyes! Someone at the window? [muttered] I will not go look. I will not-- SOUND TAPPING AT THE WINDOW DRACULA [creepy voice] Open the window that I may bask in your radiance. BRITT [breathing heavily, bosom heaving] It is not real. I must take my solace in the lord. SOUND OPENS DRAWER, TAKES OUT BIBLE BRITT God, please give me strength! SOUND SOMETHING FLAPS AWAY INTO THE NIGHT, ANNOYED MUSIC MICHAEL Are you certain you'll be all right? I could bring in a cot - there's a couch in my dressing room--? MIRANDA No, Michael, I will be fine. Kiss me quickly and go to bed. SOUND QUICK KISS MIRANDA Sleep well. SOUND DOOR SHUTS MIRANDA [sighs] Men. [chuckles] SOUND RAP AT THE WINDOW, BUT SHE DOESN'T NOTICE DRACULA [distant, creepy, heavy breathing] Yessss. SOUND LETS HER HAIR DOWN, BEGINS TO REMOVE CLOTHES MIRANDA [humming to herself] SOUND HEAVY GOWN LAID ON THE BACK OF A CHAIR SOUND STEPS APPROACH THE WINDOW SOUND TAPPING SOUNDS ON THE GLASS DRACULA [creepy whisper] Open the window. MIRANDA Hmm? MIRANDA How vexing. Tree branch? We'll see about that--! SOUND LATCH TURNS MUSIC MIRANDA [Off, scream!] MICHAEL Good god! SOUND FLINGS OFF BEDCLOTHES, FOOTSTEPS MICHAEL [calling] Miranda! Darling! I'll be right there! SOUND DOOR FLINGS OPEN, A FEW STEPS. DOORKNOB RATTLES, POUNDING ON THE DOOR MICHAEL [frantic] Miranda! Open the door! SOUND KNOCKING MICHAEL I'm coming in! SOUND HEAVY THUMP MIRANDA [calling from behind the door, spooky sounding] Michael? Whatever are you doing? MICHAEL Are - are you - all right? SOUND DOORKNOB RATTLES MIRANDA [close now] Of course, darling. I woke from a... strange dream. Nothing to fret over. MICHAEL [off] If... you're... quite certain. MIRANDA When am I not? MICHAEL [off] Well. Sorry. I-- MIRANDA Go back to bed, dear. We'll talk tomorrow. SOUND [off] MICHAEL'S FOOTSTEPS RECEDE MIRANDA [long sigh] Well...? DRACULA [husky] Very good, my most delectable one... SOUND SEXY NECK NIBBLING MIRANDA [ecstatic gasp] MUSIC SOUND WOODEN LEG STEPS SOUND BRISK KNOCK ON A DOOR WALLACE Doctor, sir? It's morning, it is. MICHAEL Come on in, Wallace. I'm up. SOUND DOOR OPENS, STEPS APPROACH MICHAEL Is Miranda-- Miss Locksley up? WALLACE Feeling poorly, she says. Wooden even 'ave the drapes open. Travel don't suit 'er? MICHAEL Hmm. I suppose I might breakfast with Dr. Trevalian, then. WALLACE I ain't sure where 'e can be found, sir. Went out last night and ain't come back. MICHAEL Does he do that often? WALLACE Can't say, sir. MICHAEL [sigh] I hate to breakfast alone. WALLACE Ahem, sir. Doctor Van Helsing would be glad of your company. MUSIC MRS. FARGE Gorvi! Gorvi! Where is that bloody idiot? SOUND DOOR OPENS GORVI [whimper] MRS. FARGE What the divvil is wrong wit' ye, ye mongrel? Get out here! GORVI [whimpering] Gorvi no like! MRS. FARGE Gorvi like breakfast? GORVI Yes. Please. MRS. FARGE Gorvi will get up and work, then! GORVI Aye, Mrs. Farge. MRS. FARGE Go fetch some water from the well, ye brute - and while you're out, you might look where you last left Lucas-- Dr. Trevalien, that is - and see wha' he's been up to all night. GORVI No! No go to old door! No! MRS. FARGE I'll get the whip! GORVI [whimper] SOUND SCUTTLES OUT THE DOOR MUSIC SOUND VAN HELSING'S DOOR OPENS VAN HELSING Come in, dear fellow! Wallace? WALLACE [leans in] Yessir? VAN HELSING [muttered] The chapel? WALLACE [muttered] Never made it, sir, the inmates was restless last night. VAN HELSING Today then? WALLACE Better anyway. [significant] Better light. VAN HELSING I hope so. SOUND MICHAEL ENTERS MICHAEL Sorry? Do you mind if I sit down with you? VAN HELSING Never meant to exclude you, dear boy. Simply thought I'd heard something last night that couldn't have been. MICHAEL The bell? VAN HELSING You heard it as well? MICHAEL Of course. Why? VAN HELSING Would you do me an enormous favor? MICHAEL If I can - I have a busy day ahead of me, and Miranda's - a bit under the weather. VAN HELSING Soon as we finish here, then, go along with Wallace to the old chapel. Take a look at the bell. Would you? MICHAEL Why? VAN HELSING [considers] Hmm. That's a tale for after you've looked. [changing tone, chatty] Do you, by any chance, play chess? MUSIC SOUND KNOCK ON THE DOOR MIRANDA [dead tired] Go away! MRS. FARGE Dinna want to start organizing everything? MIRANDA Oh, blast. SOUND STUMBLING FEET, DOOR OPENS MIRANDA Can you help me? I feel weak as a kitten. MRS. FARGE You do look a wee bit pale. I'll fetch something hearty to drink. MIRANDA [shudder] I couldn't face anything heavy. MUSIC AMBIANCE OUTSIDE SOUND WALLACE AND MICHAEL WALKING OUT TO CHAPEL MICHAEL Humoring a delusion is not the right answer - in most cases. WALLACE You 'eard the bell, too, sir. MICHAEL But why go look at a bloody bell? SOUND DOOR CREAKS OPEN WALLACE Come along, then. SOUND FOOTSTEPS GO IN, SLOW, THEN STOP SOUND DOOR SHUTS WALLACE [quiet but fervent] Oh, my gracious lord. MICHAEL What is it? Oh! That must have been-- SOUND DASHING FORWARD MICHAEL [urgent] Help me move it! WALLACE I fear it's too late for Dr. Trevalian. MICHAEL Help me! BOTH [grunting and heaving] SOUND BELL ROLLS, BUMPS, AND THUMPS INTO A WALL MICHAEL Good god! WALLACE Sir? MICHAEL You're right. He's gone. That thing must have fallen and crushed him. WALLACE Shouldn't there be more blood, sir? MICHAEL Not necessarily. We'll get him back to the infirmary and take a look. WALLACE I'll go for a stretcher, then, shall I? MICHAEL Just a moment! Is this the bell we heard? WALLACE Yes, sir. MICHAEL [echoey - inside the bell] But there's not even a clapper! WALLACE 'asn't been rung in decades, sir. MICHAEL What are all these markings on the inside? WALLACE Wouldn't know, sir. Though I don't doubt Doctor Van Helsing could 'elp you. MICHAEL [coming out] Really - why would he--? WALLACE I think 'e was 'ere when the bell fell, sir. MICHAEL It must have been sitting here - the clear circle on the ground - but this is odd-- MUSIC SOUND DOOR BURSTS OPEN, MICHAEL STORMS IN MICHAEL I demand an explanation. Who, precisely, was trapped under that bell? VAN HELSING [calm] What? MICHAEL I saw the marks of fingernails! Trying to scratch a way out! Wallace said you were there, along with my father. I want to know what you did. VAN HELSING Sit. [up] Wallace? WALLACE Yes, Sir? VAN HELSING Please check on the residents, particularly any comely females. SOUND WALLACE GOES OUT, SHUTS DOOR CAREFULLY VAN HELSING Now, my boy... MICHAEL You're not "mad" at all, are you? You've lived here all this time-- VAN HELSING Shh. Shh. You need to hear this. 15 years ago, your father called upon my services to help him with a rather difficult problem - a rash of unusual deaths and nightmares among the female inmates. Having had a great deal of experience with such obsessions and delusions, I was able to spot the problem immediately - a vampire. MICHAEL [incredulous] A vampire? One who believes he must steal life from the living? VAN HELSING No delusion - a true creature of the night. MICHAEL Preposterous! VAN HELSING Humor an old man. This was not just any vampire, but Dracula - the lord of all vampires, whom I have sworn to destroy. MICHAEL But the bell? VAN HELSING We trapped him. Blessings etched on the inside - some from when it called the faithful, others we added - kept him penned. Simply putting a stake through his heart, as would do for most vampires, is not sufficient for Dracula. Far too simple for those who follow the dark arts to summon him back across the dark divide! MICHAEL But there must be a way-- VAN HELSING What do you think I have been researching all these years? I believe I have the answer, but first we must locate him. MICHAEL Why should I believe any of this? VAN HELSING Ask your fiancée. MUSIC MRS. FARGE Let me fetch the doctor. BRITT Yes. You can't be too careful! MIRANDA [trying to be strong] Nonsense. I'm just tired. I'm... not used to the country. BRITT Someone was looking into my room last night. MRS. FARGE Nonsense. You know that's all in your mind. BRITT No, it was real! Eyes. At the window. MIRANDA Red eyes? BRITT You saw them too? MIRANDA [evasive] Don't be silly. How could it be? SOUND DOOR BURSTS OPEN, FEET DASH IN, THEN STOP MIRANDA [gasp] MICHAEL Oh, goodness. I'm sorry, but darling, there's something I must ask-- VAN HELSING [coming on, commanding] Remove that scarf and show us your neck, if you please. MIRANDA [gasps and faints noisily] SOUND BODY DROP MUSIC VAN HELSING --resting normally. Despite the slight anemia, she should recover. We must watch her very closely, though, my young friend. MICHAEL How could this have happened? Miranda is the most sensible of women-- VAN HELSING Does it take a fanciful mind to be attacked by a rabid dog? No! In fact, a more fanciful mind is often better prepared to ward off such evil. Witness Miss Mecklin. BRITT Me? VAN HELSING What did he say to you, at your window? BRITT It was just noises - scratching. VAN HELSING Come now, there were words - if not in your ears, then in your mind, were there not? BRITT [sniffling] It's my subconscious. Not real. VAN HELSING This time, I'm afraid, is much different. You must help us. BRITT He just said "open the window". VAN HELSING But it was definitely a "he?" BRITT It is always men who are watching me. VAN HELSING Did he say where he might hide by day? BRITT No. I am so sorry! VAN HELSING Never mind. You did well. Keep your bible close tonight. BRITT Oh, yes! MUSIC GORVI [muttering] No more for Gorvi. He will sleep now. No more work. Gorvi will-- SOUND DOOR OPENS, QUICK STRUGGLE DRACULA [hissing whisper] Silence! GORVI [hand over his mouth] Mmm! DRACULA Shut the door. SOUND DOOR SHUTS DRACULA You did not release me, but I can overlook that, if you will serve me now. GORVI [muffled] Mm-hm! [yes] DRACULA Good. I still know what you want. The oh-so-lovely miss Britt. GORVI [muffled] Mm-hm! [eager yes] DRACULA Then this is what you must do... MUSIC SOUND DOORS BEING LOCKED, WINDOW SHUTTERS SECURED VAN HELSING I appreciate your humoring me, Michael. MICHAEL Of course. VAN HELSING Bringing everyone here to my rooms. MICHAEL I assume you think we may be safe here? VAN HELSING As safe as anywhere else. MIRANDA How can we all sleep? VAN HELSING You may lie on the couch, if you need to. Michael and I will remain awake. On guard. BRITT I can help guard as well. VAN HELSING Did you bring your bible? BRITT I could not find it! VAN HELSING Never mind, I think we have whatever we may need. Wallace? WALLACE [grim] Absolutely, sir. MICHAEL What if he doesn't come here? VAN HELSING He must. I circled the patient rooms and staff quarters with poppy seeds and salt. He will never get across that. MICHAEL So he will have to come here, or--? VAN HELSING --or starve. MUSIC TIME PASSES VAN HELSING We can slow him with spells, or stake him through his heart, but to truly banish his soul to the purgatory he so richly deserves, only holy water will suffice - and not a mere sprinkling, a veritable dousing. MUSIC TIME PASSES VAN HELSING Vampires are irredeemably evil. The only way to save miss Locksley from this hellish fate is to destroy this monster before she loses the last spark of humanity. As long as her soul does not depart her body, she can be saved. MUSIC TIME PASSES SOUND MOST ARE SLEEPING VAN HELSING This will be it. Are you ready? WALLACE Can't wait to see how it turns out, sir. VAN HELSING Good man. SOUND KNOCK AT THE DOOR VAN HELSING Ah... It begins. GORVI [muffled] Gorvi is alone? Let Gorvi in! WALLACE Bloody idiot. VAN HELSING You may be more correct than you know. Wait for my signal. Michael, wake up, get the ladies into the dressing room, back there. Whatever you do, do not open the door until you are certain it is morning - you may have to restrain miss Locksley, if Dracula has enough of a hold over her. Can you? MICHAEL Yes, I think so. VAN HELSING Move, then. There's a good lad. VAN HELSING Take this-- SOUND RATTLE OF NECKLACE CHAIN VAN HELSING It offers some protection. SOUND CROWD GOES OUT, DOOR SHUTS VAN HELSING Now. WALLACE Right. Gorvi? Is there anyone with you? GORVI [muffled, but clearly lying] No. Who would be with Gorvi? VAN HELSING [laugh] No one alive. Throw open the gate. WALLACE A'right. Just a moment. SOUND DOOR THUMPS VAN HELSING [hissed] Stay back. SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN, HITS WALLACE WALLACE Uhh! SOUND BODY DROPS AND SLIDES ACROSS FLOOR VAN HELSING Wallace! WALLACE uhh...[out cold] SOUND HEAVY BOOTS STRIDE CONFIDENTLY INTO ROOM VAN HELSING Dracula! DRACULA You stand between me and destiny, old man. Step aside and I shall kill you quickly. VAN HELSING Never. Back, foul fiend! DRACULA [hisses] You believe you can tame me? I have seared my flesh on your so-clever prison walls so many times, I have scars. VAN HELSING And yet, you do not approach. DRACULA Only a fool uses his hands to dig when he has a shovel... Gorvi! GORVI [flying leap] Master! SOUND BODY DROP - CROSS DROPS VAN HELSING Unh! DRACULA [evil laugh] And now, my most precious enemy, prepare to meet your well-deserved fate! SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN MICHAEL No! SOUND MICHAEL STORMS IN VAN HELSING Dammit, boy! You've ruined it! Do what you want with me-- DRACULA Of course, herr doktor! You have always cared more for others than for yourself. [commanding, hot] Come to me, my darling! MIRANDA [breathless] I must go--! MICHAEL No! Get back! BRITT Miss Miranda, you can't! GORVI Britt! MIRANDA [snarling] Let me pass, strumpet! SOUND SHORT CATFIGHT MIRANDA Ugh! [hurling Britt] SOUND BRITT ENDS UP IN DRAC'S ARMS GORVI [upset] Britt! DRACULA A gift? For me? You are too kind. MIRANDA My love! You don't want her! DRACULA She is merely the aperitif, my dearest darling - [hot] you alone can satisfy me. MIRANDA [ecstatic sigh] DRACULA Now, my pale blonde flower.. BRITT [struggles for a moment, then goes limp with a sigh, breathing hard] SOUND FANGY NOISE GORVI No! Gorvi wants Britt! VAN HELSING Wallace! Ready! DRACULA Imbecile! SOUND THUMP AS GORVI HITS DRACULA SOUND HEAVY THROW, BODY HITS WALL, NECK CRUNCH GORVI [dying noises] DRACULA Miranda, show your devotion - come and hold this delectable morsel for me. SOUND RUNNING FEET WALLACE Yaaaah! VAN HELSING Kick him! DRACULA [very slight] Oof. WALLACE [struggling] DRACULA [chuckles nastily] And now what do you do? I have your leg. WALLACE [triumphant] Yes! SOUND CLICK, SMALL EXPLOSION SOUND MUCH WATER SPLASHES, HISSING BURNING NOISE DRACULA What? No! [shrieking in agony] Ahhh! MICHAEL Good God! VAN HELSING Holy water!. DRACULA But how? I would have seen a bottle. Ahh! VAN HELSING Wooden leg. WALLACE And a small blasting cap. DRACULA Ahh! [receding] SOUND LIQUIDY HORRIBLE PUDDLY NOISE WALLACE Uh, Sir? Can I get a hand? VAN HELSING Certainly. I'll even give you a leg up. MUSIC END
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| Atomic Julie - Theft by Bill Venable | 17 Aug 2021 | 00:21:44 | |
Tough question - keep drinking and writing, if your muse is little green men? | |||