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In this episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, I have a conversation with Desireé B. Stephens about her 10 conscious steps to talking to kids about global crisis.
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We talk about:
* 7:30 What inspired Desiree to write about talking to kids about global crisis
* 9:50 1- Start with consent not control
* 12:30 How to rest, reset, resist
* 15:00 2- Ask, don’t assume
* 16:34 3- Name the reality, not the details
* 20:24 4- Honour their hidden hives
* 24:00 5- Let them see your grief with boundaries
* 28:00 6- Link emotions to actionable compassion
* 31:00 7- Revisit, don’t one and done
* 35:00 8- Build their critical consciousness
* 39:00 9- Co-creating boundaries for when it’s too much
* 42:00 10- Root it all in relationship, not rhetoric
Resources mentioned in this episode:
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* Concious Parenting for Social Justice Collective https://parentingdecolonized.com/join-the-collective/
* IG post: Conscious Steps to Talking with Kids about Global Crisis with Desiree B Stephens
* https://desireebstephens.bio/digitalproducts
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Interview Transcript: Talking with Kids about Global Crisis with Desireé B. Stephens: Episode 205
Sarah: Today's guest is Desiree B. Stephens, and we are going to be talking about 10 Conscious Steps to Talking with Kids About Global Crisis. With everything that's going on in the world right now, it's so important to know how to effectively talk to our kids about what's happening and to help them become social change-makers, rather than wanting to turn away from everything scary.
I loved this conversation with Desiree. I was inspired by her and the work that she does, and I thought it would be a great overlap to have her come on and talk to us about this topic.
On her Instagram, she asks the question: Ever wonder how decolonization and whole self-healing can transform our world? She and I would both agree that adding conscious parenting—or peaceful parenting—to that is really important. It's one way we are changing the world. Slowly, yes, but still changing the world.
Hey Desiree, welcome to the podcast.
Desiree: Hello. How are you, Sarah?
Sarah: Good. I'm so glad! We’ve crossed paths a couple of times, but we've never really sat down to talk. I’m so glad to have this opportunity.
Desiree: I am as well.
Sarah: So, tell us about who you are and what you do.
Desiree: Okay. Well, my name is Desiree B. Stephens, and I used to open up on TikTok and say, I pathologize whiteness as a system. What I do is believe in dismantling systems through somatic and trauma-informed practices and education. We work on removing shame spirals and touching on the root of the oppression that intersects us all.
Sarah: Awesome. I found you—well, I knew you from Yolanda Williams—but I also came across an article you wrote on Substack that someone forwarded to me. That’s what we’re going to be talking about today.
But I was also looking at your Substack, and you write about everything from parenting to history, decolonization, and politics. You cover a lot of really interesting topics. I encourage everyone to check it out—we’ll link it in the show notes.
The article that really piqued my interest was titled 10 Conscious Steps to Talking with Kids About Global Crisis. This is something I get asked about a lot, and honestly, I’ve never felt like I had great answers. Now you do! So I’m excited to hear about your steps. I think conscious parents are really struggling with this right now. I know I am, both personally and as a professional.
My kids are older, so they have a little more understanding—not that it makes it easier, but at least they can use logic a little bit more. Whereas little kids are like, but why?
You opened your article with the line: The world is burning and our children are absorbing the smoke. How do we talk to them about war, injustice, genocide, climate collapse, and economic fear? Just a few light dinner table topics, right?
So what inspired you to write this? And then let’s get into your ten steps.
Desiree: What inspired me was simply that I am a conscious parent. I think we’ve all traversed different parenting styles over the years. I’ve been parenting since I was 17 years old. My youngest just started first grade, and over the years I’ve always had conversations with my children about what’s happening in the world.
I think where parents struggle is that it’s innate to want to protect our children. Protection often looks like insulation. But in this current climate—having parented through the ‘90s and now parenting kids who have access to the entire world—it doesn’t matter if we talk about it or not. They’re going to find out. They can get on TikTok, and parental controls don’t stop that.
So I asked myself: how can I do this in a trauma-informed way? How can I honor their bodies? Because, like you said, we can’t logic our way through colonization, genocide, starving people, or climate collapse. None of it makes sense.
What we can do is trust what our kids are feeling, what they’re going through, and what they’re hearing from friends. So I began sitting down with them and asking: What did you hear about today? How did that make you feel? Where did that show up in your body?
Our bodies tell us something. If they say, “My tummy hurt,” that’s anxiety. For example, if a child hears about a school shooting, then suddenly doesn’t want to eat and complains of a stomach ache, they’re not sick—they’re anxious. I can’t tell them, You’re safe, there’s a security guard at school. That doesn’t erase their fear.
So the question is: how do we process those feelings and help them engage in social justice within a framework that makes sense to them—usually, the home?
Sarah: That’s such a good point—that none of it makes sense, and that the fear is real. I love that one of your steps is asking them what they already know. But before that, you have a step that I think is so important: start with consent, not control. Can you talk about that?
Desiree: I believe in consent in all things. We often talk about consent in the context of sex—like, don’t touch me here, that’s my no-no square. But consent is much broader. A touch on the shoulder could be the lead-in to inappropriate behavior. Most children who are harmed are hurt by someone they know, who has built trust.
So for me, consent extends to all things—including conversations. That ties into the second step, which is: What have you heard? But it begins with consent: Would you like to talk about this today? How are you feeling? Do you have questions?
It lets them lead and make a choice. Because sometimes, even I don’t want to talk about it. Sometimes I just want to eat dinner or relax, not think about the world burning. And if I feel that way, surely they do too.
Sarah: You know what I love about that? I think of my oldest child, who’s 24 now. From day one, he carried this existential angst. He cares so deeply about everything we’re talking about, but he’s always had a hard time putting it down.
As he was growing up, I kept saying, It’s amazing that you care so deeply and you go to protests, but you don’t have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. That’s such an important lesson—and it’s embedded in your idea of starting with consent.
Desiree: Exactly. Right now, I’m in what I call a season of rest, reset, resist. On my Substack, I’ve been writing lessons on these themes: two on resting, two on resetting, and two on resisting.
There’s no way this work can be sustainable if we live in constant crisis. If we only focus on the terror, we lose the joy. But joy and rest are also acts of resistance. They are resilience.
For example, in my work on decolonization, I remind people that these systems have existed for thousands of years. And yet—we’re still here. That should bring joy. It’s proof of resilience.
White-bodied people who are new to anti-racism work or activism often burn out quickly. They go to every march, every meeting, until they’re exhausted. And I ask: When are you just going to take a walk? When are you going to gather with friends and celebrate?
This doesn’t have to feel like an emergency all the time. That sense of urgency is one of the pillars of supremacy culture. Not everything is urgent. We’re still here.
Sarah: Yeah.
Desiree: And that’s why it’s so important to balance. Otherwise, kids end up feeling crushed under the weight of global crisis, on top of their own developmental changes. Sometimes the best response is: Okay, baby, breathe.
Sarah: Yes. And so, by starting with consent, you give them the choice to say, Tonight I’m just going to play video games, even if there was a school lockdown earlier that day.
Desiree: Exactly. That’s fine. Because later is coming. These conversations are not going away.
Activism has to be sustainable. You have to know your capacity. Not everyone can march. Some people write emails. Some people color with their kids and talk about it during that time. That’s valid too.
Sarah: I love that.
Desiree: Coloring with your kids, reading children around the world books, talking about culture—these are beautiful, simple ways to weave in social justice. It doesn’t have to be violent or traumatizing.
Sarah: Yes—because if you traumatize people, they shut down. And then nothing gets done.
So, your second step is ask, don’t assume. Ask them what they’ve heard, what they know, and how they feel. And your third step is name the reality, not the details. Tell us about that.
Desiree: This changes with age. I have children from adulthood down to six years old. So, for example, when my kids ask about expensive sneakers, I explain: They cost $3 to make, using child labor. That’s why I won’t pay $300 for them.
That’s naming the reality—without overwhelming them with traumatic details. Similarly, with Gaza, I don’t need to show my kids graphic images of starving babies. That’s traumatizing. The reality is enough: This is happening. People are suffering.
Children don’t need trauma dumps. We can speak clearly without overwhelming them. For a younger child, it could be as simple as: Some leaders are hurting people, and some people are standing up to stop it.
Sarah: Right. And you use examples at home too, like play-fighting among siblings. One child steps in and says, That’s too rough. That’s social justice on a small scale.
Desiree: Exactly. Small examples at home translate to global understanding. We can show kids that standing up for others matters. And then we help them find their own capacity—whether it’s writing letters, talking about it, or making a video.
Sarah: Yes. And if you just pour out trauma, kids will shut down.
Desiree: Exactly.
Sarah: So step four is honor their hidden hives. What does that mean?
Desiree: Kids have their own communities, their own secret lives. Online especially, they connect globally—with Palestinian friends, Jewish friends, Congolese friends, kids in red states, kids with MAGA parents. Their reach is global in a way ours never was.
So, honoring their hidden hives means respecting that their conversations matter. Ask: What are you and your friends talking about? What do they think? Don’t dismiss them as “just kids.” They often understand more than we do.
Sarah: Yes! I remember being dismissed by adults as a child, and how frustrating that felt. I had real thoughts and opinions. That’s a kind of adult-centrism, and I know that’s a theme in your work.
Desiree: Exactly. Center kids in their own lives. What matters to them matters—just like what matters to us in our friendships.
Sarah: Okay, now step five: Let them see your grief, with boundaries. This is a hard one for me. I cry easily when talking about these topics, but I don’t want to traumatize my kids.
Desiree: But why do we think crying is traumatizing?
Sarah: I guess I worry that if they see me overwhelmed, they’ll feel overwhelmed too.
Desiree: The opposite can also happen. If you never let them see you grieve, they may feel they have to hold it in as well.
Our parents and grandparents grew up in eras of war, enslavement, displacement. They learned to “button it up” and carry on. They raised us to believe there’s “no crying in baseball.”
But my parenting journey has been about humanizing myself. I don’t want my kids to only realize I’m human after I die. If they see me cry about a world in crisis, that teaches them it’s okay to feel deeply too.
Now, the boundary is important—we don’t completely fall apart in front of them. They still need to feel safe. If a parent collapses emotionally, kids may feel like they have to take care of the parent. That’s the line we don’t want to cross.
Sarah: Yes—that’s exactly what I was worried about.
Desiree: Right. So we want to find that balance of communal care. We take care of each other here, right? Let’s set aside a moment for grief. How are you feeling? What are you grieving today?
What made you feel sad? What made you feel displaced? What made you feel unheard, unseen, unloved? Let’s get into that. Let’s feel that for a moment. And then — what could feel different? What could we all do better as a community?
This made me feel bad when you said that. I share with my kids: “When you don’t do X, Y, and Z, it makes me feel like you don’t care about what I think. And that hurts me.” Right? I don’t want to be a parent who just seems angry. I want to be clear that I’m hurt. That hurt my feelings.
And I love you so much, I care about you so much, that your feelings matter to me — but I also want to matter to you. And that, for me, is communal care.
Sarah: You mentioned a couple of sentences back about “what can we do,” which links nicely into your next step: link emotions to actionable compassion.
There’s that Mr. Rogers quote about whenever anything bad is happening, look for the helpers. And research shows that when you have big emotions without feeling like you can do anything, that’s when kids (and adults) turn cynical.
So maybe you could give us a couple of examples. You already mentioned going to marches and emailing. But what are some other things you’ve done with your kids, or that you’ve seen other people do with their kids, that connect emotions to actionable compassion?
Desiree: Well, again, it all ties together. What’s your capacity? What are you able to do that’s long-term and sustainable?
When the George Floyd protests were happening, my eldest was outside. She said, “Absolutely not. I’m not going to march, I’m not going to take risks.” I said, “Okay, but how do you feel? Do you feel like you’re making a difference?”
She started going out with water and sandwiches. That turned into a nonprofit — Feed the Revolution. Donations poured in. We even had to get a storage unit for all the water and dry goods. That’s linking compassion and passion with actionable steps. It was something she could do safely.
And that’s how you bring in community care. Other people couldn’t march, but they could bring food, bring water, or look for the helper.
With kids, it might look different. If they have a Discord group, maybe they can have a conversation once a week: What are your thoughts on this? How do you feel? That’s activism too. Sharing, course correcting, letting people know, “Hey, that was harmful. Can we do better?”
So: What are you feeling? What do you have the capacity for? What’s sustainable? And what can we do?
Sarah: And you mentioned even some quiet things, like coloring with your kids, learning about kids around the world, lighting a candle at home, making art for peace, or helping someone locally. Even helping actions that aren’t tied to a “cause,” but are just about kindness.
Desiree: But that is the issue, right? Because then you start raising helpers.
The other day, we had some leftover curry. My son Kira said, “I don’t want any more… but can we box it up and give it to somebody?” I said, “I love that. Great. Let’s microwave some rice, put it in a container, and go outside to share it.”
So now he’s learning about not wasting food, about climate collapse, about taking care of community. And people often think it has to be big. “Oh, you need to feed 50 people.” But you fed one. That matters.
Sarah: Even if it’s just your next-door neighbor who doesn’t cook much — bring them some food.
Desiree: Or the burned-out parent who’s doing all the caretaking. How nice would it be to say, “Hey, I got dinner for you. I know you’ve already fed your kids. Let someone take care of you.”
That shows your children you can make a difference without it having to be huge. The fatigue comes from feeling like we need to combat everything at once. That’s overwhelming, and overwhelming leads to burnout.
Sarah: Right.
Desiree: Liberation isn’t one-and-done. It isn’t a single conversation. It’s a practice, a relationship, a rhythm. You’re modeling that the truth takes time, and we don’t have to rush.
Sarah: I love that. It’s like conversations about sex, right? You don’t have one talk and then you’re done. You keep talking as kids grow and change.
Desiree: Exactly. When I talk about liberation work and decolonization, it’s about creating a culture shift. None of us like to feel lectured to. Making it conversational changes everything. It becomes about solution-finding: there’s a problem, what’s the solution, what are the steps?
That teaches kids that even if a problem can’t be completely eradicated, we can do something. Harm reduction matters. How can we create less harm and do more good?
Sarah: And it leaves space for thought and choice. For example, my daughter’s iPhone screen broke. She wondered if she should just buy a new phone. I told her, “I’m not going to judge you, but my value is: fix what’s still good.” It might not be the most practical or cheapest option, but it feels better ethically.
So we talked. And then she made her own decision.
Desiree: Yes, exactly. It’s harm reduction again. And you gave her the choice — you didn’t say, “Absolutely not.”
Sarah: Right.
Desiree: That’s powerful.
Sarah: Okay, so your next step is build their critical consciousness. This means inviting them to go deeper — asking questions like, “Who benefits from this system? What would fairness look like? What do you wish adults would do differently?”
Desiree: Yes. The safest place to practice that questioning is at home. But that’s hard in a hierarchical society.
Sarah: Right, you’re like, “Question other people, not me!” (laughs)
Desiree: Exactly. But raising reflective rebels — kids who can think critically, even with us — is essential.
We even did this around bedtime. My kids didn’t want a set bedtime. I explained why rest matters. Then we co-created a boundary: “Okay, stay up as late as you want, but you have to get up happily, on time, and not be dysregulated at school.”
It lasted less than two weeks! They realized for themselves that lack of sleep doesn’t work. That’s better than me saying “Because I said so.” They learned through experience.
Sarah: That’s such a good example of co-creating boundaries. What does that look like in the context of activism and social justice?
Desiree: It’s about recognizing reality. Not everyone is open to these conversations, especially because they’re kids, and also because they’re Black and neurodiverse. They need to know when to call me in, and when to stand firm with a respectful “no.”
For example, my kids don’t do homework. I don’t want them indoctrinated into an 80-hour work week. They come home to rest, play, and have a balanced life. That’s our boundary.
Sarah: Yes, that’s so good.
Desiree: And finally, root it all in relationship, not rhetoric. If I don’t trust you, I won’t have conversations with you. Punitive parenting “works,” but only out of fear. The opposite of fear is radical love.
Our kids need us to see them as human beings and build real relationships with them. That includes repair when we mess up. Restoration is key.
Sarah: Yes.
Desiree: Parenting is inherently hierarchical, and that creates a power imbalance. It can be abusive if we’re not conscious of that. So our goal is to shift from power over to power with. That’s how we raise kids who believe in communal power — and who grow up ready to change the world.
Sarah: I love that. That’s a hopeful place to stop. Thank you so much.
Desiree: Thank you.
Sarah: One last question I ask all my guests: if you could go back to your younger parent self, what advice would you give?
Desiree: Parent the child in front of you. That’s the best advice I ever got. Don’t parent from your own trauma.
Sarah: Beautiful. And where can people find you?
Desiree: My Substack is desireebstephens.com
— that’s Stephens with a PH. I also co-host Parenting Decolonized with Yolanda, and we run a parenting support group. I’ll share those links.
Sarah: Perfect. We’ll put all of that in the show notes. Thank you again.
Desiree: Thank you.
Sarah: We’re all out here trying to change the world. Slowly, but sustainably.
Desiree: Absolutely.
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