HERself – Détails, épisodes et analyse

Let’s be real — when it comes to chores, our kids could definitely be doing more. We’ve mentioned this topic before, but today we’re finally diving in headfirst: what are age-appropriate chores and responsibilities for kids?

Inside the Kiefer and Green homes, things look a little different — and there’s room for improvement in both. In a world where everyone shows their highlight reels, we want to keep it honest. Yes, we have strengths, but we also have areas where we’re still figuring it out.

Amy shares her goal of raising boys who can fully take care of themselves one day — the kind of men who know how to cook, clean, and do laundry without being asked. She doesn’t want any future partner looking at her like, “Who did you raise?” Abby opens up about the pressure she felt to be overly responsible as a child, and how she’s making sure her own kids don’t carry that same weight. Both agree: the men in our homes play a huge role in setting an example that everyone participates in keeping a household running.

Then we get into one of the biggest debates — should kids be paid for chores? Amy shares exactly how much her boys earn for certain tasks and what’s still expected of them for free. Abby’s family takes a different approach, focusing on teamwork and shared responsibility — and she explains why that works so well for them.

We also break down what age-appropriate chores actually look like — from toddlers learning independence through simple tasks, to preschoolers pitching in with supervision, to elementary-aged kids taking real ownership around the house. And for those preteens? You might be surprised by just how capable they are when given the chance.

As you listen, think about what your family is doing well. Celebrate that! And then take one small step toward helping your kids grow their confidence and independence through everyday responsibility.

Listen to Episode #308. Our Core Parenting Pillars We Stand By: https://www.herselfpodcast.com/listen/episode-308-core-parenting-pillars

Website where we found these lists of age appropriate chores: https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/chores/the-ultimate-list-of-age-appropriate-chores/

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

BETTERHELP: 10% off first month at: http://betterhelp.com/herself

JONES: https://www.jonesdairyfarm.com/

Let’s connect!

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Today we’re welcoming Claire Lerner back to the podcast! Claire specializes in helping parents understand and support big reactors—kids whose emotions and reactions tend to run higher and deeper than most.

Our first episode with Claire was one of our most popular, so we knew we had to bring her back for round two. If you’re parenting a child with a sensitive temperament, this episode will leave you feeling seen and equipped with real strategies to help your family thrive.

In this conversation, we dive deeper into what works—and what doesn’t—when parenting spirited kids. Amy opens up about what she used to do differently before learning more about emotional regulation, and why she no longer feels like there’s no hope. Claire reminds us that growth for these kids starts with growth in us as parents—and with the right tools, things really can get better.

We talk about what to do when traditional talk therapy isn’t the right fit, and how to handle it when your partner isn’t on the same page. Claire also shares how to navigate the tricky moments when siblings point out that your big reactor seems to get “different rules,” and what to do when their emotions seem even bigger in public settings. She explains why confidence and praise can be complicated for deeply feeling kids, and how to shift your language so it encourages them. We even cover what to do when a big reactor crosses a line with a younger sibling.

Claire brings in real-life examples from her work, and we include some of the listener questions you submitted ahead of time. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed or worried that things will never improve, this episode will remind you that progress is possible—it’s never too late to reconnect and help your child (and yourself) grow.

Visit Claire’s Website: https://www.lernerchilddevelopment.com/

Follow Claire on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lernerchilddevelopment/

Listen to episode #157 with Claire Lerner: https://www.herselfpodcast.com/listen/clairelerner

Claire’s new book Big Reactors: https://amzlink.to/az00iZb3Kz7XS 

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

VUORI: 20% off first purchase at: http://vuoriclothing.com/herself 

LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF 

CORNBREAD HEMP: 30% off with code HERSELF cornbreadhemp.com/herself

Let’s connect!

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Conflict is a natural part of every relationship—whether it’s in marriage, friendship, family, or work. In this week’s episode, we’re diving into the 5 different conflict styles (the accommodator, the avoider, the compromiser, the competitor, and the collaborator) and exploring how they show up in our lives.

We share personal stories and examples of how conflict plays out differently in our marriages versus our friendships. Abby opens up about realizing her conflict style might not be what she originally thought after reflecting with her husband, Colin, who leans more toward the “need to be right” style. Amy talks about how she used to lean heavily on avoidance but, through therapy, has been growing into a more collaborative approach.

Inside this episode, you’ll learn:

• What the 5 conflict styles are and how they show up in relationships.
  
  
• Why saying “we never fight” might actually mean you’re not speaking up for yourself.
  
  
• Why our conflict styles can look different in marriage vs. friendships.
  
  
• How to decide which relationships are worth working through conflict for.
  
  

Remember: the goal isn’t to avoid conflict altogether, but to understand how you (and those around you) approach it so you can move toward healthier resolutions.

• Read the article on the 5 conflict styles here.

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

GOODR: Free Shipping with code HERSELF: https://goodr.com/herself

FORAGE KITCHEN: Check out your nearest location

CORNBREAD HEMP: 30% off with code HERSELF cornbreadhemp.com/herself

Let’s connect!

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Today’s topic idea came from a friend of ours. She explained that her partner is going through a rough stretch at work and it’s trickling into their home life. She was wondering how she can help him and how she can make sure this issue is not taken out on their kids. We decided to dedicate an entire episode to what happens if one of the two of you has a tough stretch of life.

We give real life examples from both ourselves and our partners. Both of us have been there. We know what it’s like to go through tough seasons as individuals and what it’s like to have a partner go through a rough patch. We help break it down into three parts; finding the root cause, pulling the other person out of their rut, and how to stop their bad mood from bringing you down.

A common theme that comes up throughout this episode is the importance of self-awareness. We get it that it’s not your responsibility to make sure your partner is happy all the time. It is up to them to recognize what their triggers are and to communicate with you what will help them during this tough time. And the way to help your partner out in times of need is going to be different for everyone. 

You and your partner are two different people. When they are going through a rough patch it’s just not easy. We have to normalize that as humans we are going to go through hard things. It’s important to ask ourselves how can we help each other, how can we best support each other, and be there for one another? How can we take some things off their plate while also knowing that we exist outside of them too?

Sponsor: 10% off at BETTERHELP: http://betterhelp.com/herself

Sponsor: Year’s Supply of Vitamin D3K2 and Five Free Travel Packs from AG1 with Your First Purchase: www.drinkag1.com/herself

Links & Resources:

Enroll in the HERself Self-Care Course

Let’s connect!

HERSELF SHOP: https://herself-podcast-favorites.myshopify.com

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was produced and edited by @pivotballchange.

This is a special episode that was originally recorded for the other podcast that Amy & I host; Pursuing HER Purpose. I (Abby) get behind the microphone with our other co-found of that business, Kat Herro, and together we share what it’s like to have a traveling spouse. May you are the traveling one or may it’s your partner, either way this episode is going to fill you with so much insight into what this lifestyle is all about. 

We go through how often Kat and I’s partners are gone, what they do ahead of time to set the family up for success, and what the expectations are for both themselves and their partners when they are gone. Kat and Abby share what systems work best for them when their spouses are out of town including having something fun planned in advance, having groceries delivered, and even making bath time a longer than usual activity with the kids.

Having a partner who travels for work can be taxing in more ways than one. But we want you to know that you’re not alone. It’s easy to slip into that angsty comparison place. We hope this episode not only gives you ideas for how to make the time your partner is away easier but also something that you can actually look forward to.

Sponsor: 10% off at BETTERHELP: http://betterhelp.com/herself

Sponsor: 30% off Blissy Pillowcases: https://blissy.com/pages/herself code: HERSELF

Links & Resources:

Enroll in the HERself Self-Care Course

Follow Pursuing HER Purpose on Instagram; @pursuingherpurpose

www.pursuingherpurpose.com

Let’s connect!

HERSELF SHOP: https://herself-podcast-favorites.myshopify.com

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was produced and edited by @pivotballchange.

Jamila Souffrant, from Journey to Launch, is on the podcast today. We’ve had financial experts on the show before and we know these types of episodes always hit! But we feel that you’ll especially vibe with Jamila. She is a mom of three, a money coach, a podcast host, and a certified financial education instructor. Her own journey with money and how she too is learning along the way is so relatable.

There are different ways to approach your finances. Jamila explains that during different stages of life you may approach money differently. You could be an aggressive investor at one point versus extremely frugal at another. She explains things like what the FIRE acronym stands for and what her “guacamole lifestyles” mean in her new book; Your Journey to Financial Freedom.

We know that finances can feel like an all or nothing approach. Jamila gives a fresh take on how you can look at a side hustle and how to get on the same page as your partner when it comes to still valuing each other's independent financial goals. Another thing our generation tends to think is that our parents didn’t teach us enough about money. If you want to start having money talks with your children, Jamila gives some advice on where to start.

We loved so many of Jamila’s answers during this interview. You’ll be able to take her real life examples, implement them right away, and not feel overwhelmed while doing so.

Sponsor: 20% off at Vuori Clothing: https://vuoriclothing.com/herself 

Sponsor: Visit SitkaSeafoodMarket.com to Save 20% on All Holiday Specialty One-Time boxes. Enjoy  either Day Boat scallops, Dungeness crab or the Salmon Variety Box. Sale ends December 9. 

Links & Resources:

Enroll in the HERself Self-Care Course

Jamila’s Podcast; Journey to Launch

Order Your Copy of Jamila’s New Book, Your Journey to Financial Freedom

Follow Jamila on Instagram; @jamiliasouffrant

Let’s connect!

HERSELF SHOP: https://herself-podcast-favorites.myshopify.com

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was produced and edited by @pivotballchange.

We have Dr. Sumi Raghavan on the show today. If you’ve heard of Dr. Becky Kennedy, who has been on the show before, Dr. Sumi consults for her parenting company. She also collaborates with other psychologists who support women and mothers.

Throughout this interview Dr. Sumi does such a great job of empowering our listeners to feel confident and break free from mom guilt. She lets us know that if a system isn’t working for us, it’s not our fault. Instead, she gives us techniques we can use to move forward through community and finding support from the people around us.

Dr. Sumi answers our questions on how we can create more space for rest and how we can help ourselves understand that rest is necessary. We live in a culture that loves to value being over-productive. Dr. Sumi explains how we can move away from this lifestyle. She also shares her concept of “anti-work Wednesday”; what it is and why she created it.

Sponsor: Visit SitkaSeafoodMarket.com to Save 20% on the Sitka Seafood Intro Box! Get this 3 week trial for only $63. Sale ends December 9. 

Sponsor: 10% off at BETTERHELP: http://betterhelp.com/herself

Sponsor: Year’s Supply of Vitamin D3K2 and Five Free Travel Packs from AG1 with Your First Purchase: www.drinkag1.com/herself

Links & Resources:

Enroll in the HERself Self-Care Course

Follow Dr. Sumi on Instagram

Dr. Sumi’s Website

Let’s connect!

HERSELF SHOP: https://herself-podcast-favorites.myshopify.com

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was produced and edited by @pivotballchange.

We are sharing the microphone with a married couple who also happen to be couples counselors specifically for parents. Erin and Stephen Mitchell join us today to talk about the tough decisions we have to make as parents, starting with do we want to have more kids? They go into their own story on this very subject and share the struggles they had to overcome to come to a final decision. Not only do they bring the humanity behind therapy, but also with Stephen’s PhD in medical family therapy and Erin’s masters in counseling and psychology, they’re able to bring in so much more. 

We know that the decision of how many children to have shows up constantly for this community. Some couples can fight on this topic for months and months, some even years. Erin and Stephen share what you should be asking yourselves, as individuals, if this is a topic of tension in your household. And what about if you’re grid locked - one person is a no and the other is a yes. They share how you can move forward in this situation.

Finances are another topic of discussion that cause stress for couples. Do you feel like you can never get on the same page as your partner when it comes to money? And what about a career change? How do you decide as a couple if this is the next right move for your family? Erin and Stephen bring forth the idea of asking what the truth behind the story we are telling ourselves is with these issues. They also share how to help your partner feel seen and heard when their opinion differs from your own.

We both had so much to reflect on after this conversation. Erin and Stephen still have issues, even though they are experts in this area. We all have things that we can continue to work on inside our relationships. And, when we throw kids in the mix, it only elevates the demands and responsibilities we feel when making tough decisions. We hope this episode allows you and your partner to revisit some of the stories underneath the surface and that together, as a couple, you can understand each other just a little bit better and decision fatigue can be less of a burden.

Sponsor: 10% off at BETTERHELP: http://betterhelp.com/herself

Sponsor: 20% off at Vuori Clothing: https://vuoriclothing.com/herself 

Links & Resources:

Enroll in the HERself Self-Care Course

Follow Erin & Stephen on Instagram

Erin & Stephen’s Website

Erin & Stephen’s Podcast

Let’s connect!

HERSELF SHOP: https://herself-podcast-favorites.myshopify.com

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY

Many of us are craving our own holiday traditions yet we are trying to please our parents at the same time. When is it our turn to enjoy the holidays? We can’t be expending all our energy into others and expect there to be time to dedicate to our own families. Today we hope you leave this episode feeling inspired, with some new strategies to try this holiday season, and definitely with some solidarity.

We understand that juggling the holidays is complicated. It’s so easy to say, “set a boundary. Say no.” But when other people’s feelings are at risk, it’s just simply not that easy. We share where we draw the line and say no. Being flexible when you can is key but also know what you’re going to hold near and dear to your immediate family.

We reached out to our community and asked you what was the most stressful for you during the holidays. We go through your hot takes on topics such as gifts, kids being crabby, sleeping arrangements, perfectionism, and the mom’s mental load this time of year. 

To make this holiday season a little bit more about you and less about everyone else you might have to have that hard conversation with your loved one or your in-laws. If anything, we suggest making your partner take some things off your plate! Keep it simple, delegate, and get ahead of what you can.

Sponsor: 30% off Blissy Pillowcases: https://blissy.com/pages/herself code: HERSELF

Links & Resources:

Enroll in the HERself Self-Care Course

Let’s connect!

HERSELF SHOP: https://herself-podcast-favorites.myshopify.com

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was produced and edited by @pivotballchange.

This episode is all about step families, blended families and how to deal with exes. Even if that’s not your current situation, opening your eyes to the challenges that stepparents face is really important. And that’s exactly what today’s guest, Jamie Scrimgeor, helps us do. 

Jamie has a background in psychology and social service work. She is now a certified life coach who specializes in step family dynamics. Jamie also hosts her own podcast, is a content and community creator, she’s a wife, a mom to three stepchildren and one of her own.

In our conversation with Jamie she shares what she would like those of us who aren’t stepmoms to understand about those who are. She also shares what the most common challenges are that come up for stepmoms. We know that blending a family with stepchildren and an “ours” baby can bring up a lot of emotion. Jamie shares her own personal story with this and why it’s the best thing that has happened to her family.

One topic that isn’t often talked about is the mental load of a stepmom. Jamie shares her insights on what contributes to stepmom mental load most often and also shares her reframes to help you release the guilt, shame, and judgment of others when it comes to divorce.

Links & Resources:

Enroll in the HERself Self-Care Course

Jamie’s Website

Jamie’s Podcast

Jamie’s Membership

Let’s connect!

HERSELF SHOP: https://herself-podcast-favorites.myshopify.com

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was produced and edited by @pivotballchange.