Dan Savage is officially the first guest of The Love Drive relaunch and it's the perfect way to kick off the relaunch.

Dan is a legend in the world of sex, love, and relationships. He is the host of the Savage Lovecast, the writer of the long-running Savage Love advice column, and someone whose work has shaped how many of us think and talk about sex.

In this episode, Shaun shares the story of double texting Dan to beg him to be on the show, how he used to refer to himself as the ‘younger and straighter Dan Savage,” and gets into why he downloaded Grindr. 

They get into herpes stigma, Shaun’s personal experience, Dan’s GGG philosophy, polyamory, age-gap relationships, and the politics shaping modern dating. They also talk about why straight men are often judged more harshly for sexual curiosity, why erections do not always equal arousal, and Dan’s pushback on the Burned Haystack Dating Method.

There is also a candid conversation about Shaun’s past work as an erotic masseur in San Francisco, along with detours into Heated Rivalry, sexual openness, and the campsite rule.

This one is sexually explicit, very funny, and full of honesty.

Timestamps:

(00:42) Shaun introduces Dan Savage

(04:12) Dan Savage joins The Love Drive

(09:36) Herpes stigma and the truth about disclosure

(15:54) Heated Rivalry and what straight people can learn

(21:33) Why straight sex needs more honesty

(25:05) Shaun’s erotic massage story

(28:26) Sex work, loneliness, and human connection

(33:38) Politics, masculinity, and modern dating

(40:46) Burn the haystack or stay open to love

(52:39) Why straight men are judged for curiosity

(01:09:20) Age gaps, the campsite rule, and leaving people better

Send Shaun your questions at +1 (415) 494-9559 or email him at podcast@thelovedrive.com. Voicemails and voicememos are preferred, but texts/emails are OK too. 

To submit a guest, please do so here: https://shaungalanos.com/podcast/

If you’re listening on Spotify or watching on YouTube, please leave a comment. Shaun loves hearing from you. And leave a review wherever you listen.

Links:

https://savage.love

https://www.instagram.com/dansavage/

Love Camp: https://shaungalanos.substack.com/p/summer-camp-isnt-just-for-kids-love

Connect with Shaun:

Retreats and latest offerings: https://bit.ly/m/thelovedrive

Read my blog: https://shaungalanos.substack.com

The Love Drive Podcast: https://shaungalanos.com/podcast/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive/

More About Shaun: https://shaungalanos.com/about/

Buy me a coffee: buymeacoffee.com/thelovedrive

I’m both very excited and a tad nervous about relaunching my old podcast, The Love Drive.

Excited because I love having conversations about sex, love, and relationships with other experts, thought leaders, and everyday people. Hosting a podcast is great fun, by the way. And I still have so much to learn about the subject.

And, nervous because a lot has happened over the past few years, and my confidence in many areas isn’t where it used to be. I’ve also felt a lot of grief since my father passed a few years ago, and I’m feeling more tender and vulnerable ever since. 

And yet, here we go.

Here's a sneak peek of what you can expect this month.

New episodes on Tuesdays and Thursdays for the month of March.

Thanks for being here, and enjoy!

A little pep talk on finding great people to love and that no, all the good ones aren't taken (and you should be careful about that belief - confirmation bias is a doozy!)

What happens when the values you hold dear don't line up with those of your partner? How do you leave a loving relationship, knowing that you deserve more? How do you both honor your relationship, and celebrate it, while honoring yourself and leave it?

Today, we explore those answers. 

To book a coaching call

https://thelovedrive.com/coaching

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

Grieving a relationship takes time. And it's OK to start dating when you're still thinking about your ex. And you need to be upfront about it. How can you trust that the next relationship will be as good or better than the last? How do you stop comparing your new partner to your old partner?

Today, we explore those answers. 

To book a coaching call

https://thelovedrive.com/coaching

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

What's so scary about a man being vulnerable? How can we learn to accept, welcome, and celebrate men who show us their sadness, their pain, and their soft side? What can women do to let men know that it's safe to put their guards down and open up?

Shana James is a coach and host of the Man Alive podcast. She works with men on a daily basis, challenging their conception of what it means to be a man. Together, we explore the softer side of men and the implications that can have on relationships.

 

What you'll learn (or why you should care):

• How to set a container to hold a man's vulnerability

• What men can do to begin opening up to their partner in a safe way

• The importance of regular heart to heart check-ins and how to do them

 

Where to find Shana James:

Website https://shanajamescoaching.com/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/truesuccessformen/

 

Resources and Links

The Man Alive podcast https://shanajamescoaching.com/man-alive-podcast

 

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Newsletter https://thelovedrive.com/newsletter

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/thelovedriveshow/

Your relationship needs intimacy, passion, and commitment if you want it to stand the test of time. Not only that, you need enough of these three qualities to help you get through the rough or dull parts. And lastly, you need realistic expectations of what a relationship can realistically provide.

Dr. Robert Sternberg is a professor of Human Development at Cornell University, the author of The New Psychology of love, and has been writing on the subject of love for over 30 years.

 

What you'll learn (or why you should care):

• The triangular theory of love (intimacy, passion, and commitment)

• The importance of defining what loves means to you

• How putting the other first can lead to long term relationship satisfaction

 

Where to find Dr. Robert Sternberg:

Website https://lovemultiverse.com/

 

Resources and Links

The triangular theory of love http://www.robertjsternberg.com/love

The New Psychology of Love by Dr. Robert Sternberg and Dr. Karen Sternberg https://amzn.to/34Q8gZd

 

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Newsletter https://thelovedrive.com/newsletter

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/thelovedriveshow/

 

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

Kindness matters when it comes to life, relationships, and how we speak to ourselves. Like Roxan says, " anything else ain't shit" and I agree. 

Roxan McDonald is a writer, teacher, and creator behind the spiritual_af Instagram account and today we talk about the importance of kindness in all areas of our life.

 

What you'll learn (or why you should care):

• The importance of passion, safety, and kindness to founding great relationships

• How to use attraction to cultivate all sorts of relationships 

• The concept that you are loveable, no matter what

 

Where to find Roxan McDonald:

Website https://www.roxanmcdonald.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/spiritual_af/

Spiritual AF... or Whatever podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/spiritual-af-or-whatever/id1478665758

 

Resources and Links

Eat to Love book by Jenna Hollenstein book https://amzn.to/36fpYqs

Jenna Hollenstein on The Love Drive Podcast https://thelovedrive.com/relational-self-awareness/

 

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Newsletter https://thelovedrive.com/newsletter

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/thelovedriveshow/

 

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

Change is incredibly hard. There's no doubt about it. And yet, the biggest obstacle to change is often fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of failing, and fear of making the wrong decision. What if that fear didn't exist? What then? What crazy life could you dream up, and then make happen? Would you still be in your current job and in your current relationship? Maybe. 

Dr. Jeremy Goldberg is a recovering scientist, lover of life, and empowers folks to change their life daily. We explore how to overcome our limiting beliefs and we go deep on how to win at the game of life. We drop the secret cheat codes to succeeding at life and you don' want to miss it. It could quite possibly change your life.

 

What you'll learn (or why you should care):

• The secret to winning at the game of life

• How death is the biggest motivator to getting anything done

• How to win at comparing yourself to others

 

Where to find Dr. Jeremy Goldberg:

Website https://www.longdistancelovebombs.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/longdistancelovebombs

 

Resources and Links

Loving Bravely by Dr. Alexanda Solomon book https://amzn.to/36fpYqs

Dr. Alexandra Solomon on The Love Drive Podcast https://thelovedrive.com/relational-self-awareness/

 

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Newsletter https://thelovedrive.com/newsletter

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/thelovedriveshow/

 

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

If you haven't heard part 1, I strongly recommend you start there.

One of my former clients shares what prompted her to reach out to me, what the session felt like from beginning to end, and what lasting effects she experienced from receiving loving touch and attention from me. 

We explore the importance of slowing (everything) down, what giving loving touch looks (and feels) like, and why it's crucial to be curious about your partner's sexuality. 

You don't want to miss this one. 

Resources

Aphrodite's Daughters: Women's Sexual Stories and the Journey of the Soul by Jalaja Bonheim

Get The Love Drive Booklist

https://thelovedrive.com/booklist

Emotional Availability Program starts Nov, 7th 2019

https://thelovedrive.com/bemoreopen

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

I'm a former erotic masseur. I don't talk about that part of my life very often, but when I do, I record a whole podcast episode on it. Find out what it was like providing erotic massage to women in San Francisco. I answer every question you might have about the topic. From what it costs, to how I found my clients, and what brought me to start that practice in the first place. You're not going to want to miss this one. 

Get The Love Drive Booklist

https://thelovedrive.com/booklist

Emotional Availability Program starts Nov, 7th 2019

https://thelovedrive.com/bemoreopen

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

Hey, lovebirds. It's been a while since I've shared with you what's happening for me. There's been a lot of growth for me in the last two years (and especially in the last 6 weeks) and wanted to take this opportunity to share some of it with you. I'm also taking this time to talk about how The Love Drive came to be, what kind of work I'm currently doing, and where The Love Drive is headed. 

The Love Drive original taxi videos

The booklist

The newsletter

How to support the podcast

Communication is the foundation of healthy, fulfilling, and loving relationships. 

How do you deal with a partner who is uncommunicative? At what point do you accept that you have different needs when it comes to communication? And how much are you willing to sacrifice to keep the good parts of your relationship?

To find out about my upcoming group program and future live singles events, join the newsletter: https://thelovedrive.com/newsletter

Get The Love Drive Booklist

https://thelovedrive.com/booklist

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

I'm excited to re-launch (and teach) one of my most popular courses: The Emotional Availability Course - Open up to Love

 

www.feelyouremotions.com

  This course is for you if you want to: https://shaungalanos.mykajabi.com/emotional-availability-landing?fbclid=IwAR2F9DOLXO_i1e1I67tY_UAIRlwKCPI_9vwV_jFbpIsxT6BAwtj3hmXq8KA Become more emotionally available to those that matter Recognize emotional availability in others Experience more intimacy in your current relationship Learn to sit with and process emotional discomfort Turn towards intimacy with an open heart Learn to open up slowly to people who are safe and loving   You'll walk away with: Seven Ways to Identify Emotionally Available People How to Avoid Shutting Down When It Gets Too Intense Three Techniques to Release Emotional Anxiety and Fear How to Talk About Your Feelings With Courage (even if you're not sure what you're feeling) The Importance of Holding Space for Your Loved Ones The Four Types of Unavailability Preventing You From Finding Love   You'll get: 5 hours of live training with me All sessions recorded with English captions All your questions answered (through live recorded Q&A and written questions) Lifetime access to the session videos (download them after the course is over) Lifetime access to my private Facebook group Downloadable PDF of all techniques and scripts A 100% money-back guarantee if you're not happy with the course   www.feelyouremotions.com   We'll meet over four weeks starting August 11. All sessions are 90 minutes in length and recorded if you can't attend live.   Thursdays, August 11, 18, 25, and September 1 at noon PST / 3 PM EST / 7 PM GMT   Sign up before August 5 and get $50 USD off the course price and free access to the Simple Relationship Communication webinar ($77 value).   This month-long course starts on August 11. $247 before August 5, $297 after.   If this course resonates with you, I hope you join us.   www.feelyouremotions.com

How do you navigate moving 3,000 miles away from your high school sweetheart? Do you promise to keep in touch every day? Or do you trust that if you're meant to be together, nothing can keep you apart?

To find out about my upcoming group program and future live singles events, join the newsletter: https://thelovedrive.com/newsletter

Get The Love Drive Booklist

https://thelovedrive.com/booklist

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

Our greatest fear is that we'll end up alone. Either our partner will leave us, or we'll never find someone to grow old with.

What if we let go of that idea? What if we learned to live in the present moment, with no expectation that the love we have will be forever? What if we stopped looking for the perfect partner?

What then?

To find out about my upcoming group program and future live singles events, join the newsletter: https://thelovedrive.com/newsletter

Get The Love Drive Booklist

https://thelovedrive.com/booklist

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

Online dating can suck. Especially when you're using it to get an ego boost, or because you're bored. And especially when the folks on the other end of the screen are doing the exact same thing. 

No wonder it's hard to connect with people in a meaningful way.

So if looking for the lover of your life online is depressing, what else can you do? What did folks do before dating apps? 

Let's explore just that. 

~~~

How can we stay present when we're waiting for the other shoe to drop?

What about when we're terrified of losing the partner we love so much? 

How can we feel gratitude for the present moment and live in the here and now? 

To find out about my upcoming group program and future live singles events, join the newsletter: https://thelovedrive.com/newsletter

Get The Love Drive Booklist

https://thelovedrive.com/booklist

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

How can we stay present when we're waiting for the other shoe to drop?

What about when we're terrified of losing the partner we love so much? 

How can we feel gratitude for the present moment and live in the here and now? 

Welcome to Free Love Advice

Get The Love Drive Booklist

https://thelovedrive.com/booklist

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

How do you tell the new person you're dating that you're going to die much sooner than you'd planned? What are the effects of long-term cancer treatment on your sex life? How can one remain grateful and enjoy living life knowing that you might only have a few years left to live? 

That's what we're exploring today on The Love Drive. 

Resources and Links

There Is No Good Card for This book by Dr. Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell: https://amzn.to/325AbD2

 

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

It can be incredibly vulnerable to receive, especially if you've been a giver or an over-giver your whole life. To receive means believing yourself to be worthy of attention, respect, care, compassion, and love. Intellectually you might believe this, but do you feel it in your body?

Janne Robinson is an author, poet, friend, and a woman of distinction and we talk about the power of receiving. We dive into what blocks us from receiving the gifts this world and it's people have to offer us. To give and to receive means being available to ourselves which is some of the most challenging work we'll have to do in this lifetime.

 

What you'll learn (or why you should care):

• The power of receiving as an act of giving

• The importance of compassion and empathy when it comes to seeing people for who they are and not their actions

• How to receive love, vulnerability, and openness

 

Where to find Janne:

Website https://www.jannerobinson.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/jannerobinson/

 

Resources and Links

This Is For The Women Who Don't Give a Fuck book https://amzn.to/2KGpNfk

I am a Woman of Distinction poem https://www.jannerobinson.com/pages/i-am-a-woman-of-distinction

Rea-Ann Wood-Schatz from Integrity Seminars https://integrityseminars.com

Gay Hendricks and The Big Leap https://hendricks.com/

The Big Leap book https://amzn.to/2z4Vcl0

Brenda St Louise is a Certified Money Coach https://www.brendastlouis.com/

Meet Prem, the healer from Crete https://www.facebook.com/healthyself.prem/

Attached, the book on Attachment Theory by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller https://amzn.to/2HeT5iP

 

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Newsletter https://thelovedrive.com/newsletter

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/thelovedriveshow/

 

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

Pleasure is fundamental to happiness, productivity, and health. And in this hyper-productive world, we're likely to put pleasure on the back burner as we strive to get more shit done.

Euphemia Russell is a pleasure educator, and they believe that it's best to do less, better. I agree. Let's focus more on cultivating pleasure within ourselves (and with others) and less on being productive (and oh so busy!)

They've dedicated their life to resourcing people with practical pleasure and embodiment tools through coaching, writing, and facilitation. And they were a delight to connect with on the topics of pleasure, passion, and the power of slow sex.

 

What you'll learn (or why you should care):

• The role of the central nervous system in pleasure activation

• How to release stress in the body using simple daily pleasure practices

• The power of slow sex and the importance of pleasure mapping

 

Where to find Euphemia:

I Wish You Knew Website https://www.iwishyouknew.net/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/sex.iwishyouknew

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sex.iwishyouknew/

 

Resources and Links

The Power of Slow Sex Online Workshop https://www.iwishyouknew.net/thepowerofslowsex

Dan Savage's Hump Film Fest https://humpfilmfest.com/

Trauma Resources Blog Post https://www.iwishyouknew.net/traumaresources

Spoon Theory Explained https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory

Make Love Not Porn (not discussed in the podcast but an excellent resource for real sex videos) https://www.makelovenotporn.com/

Euphemia's Newsletter https://www.iwishyouknew.net/contact

The Love Drive's Newsletter https://thelovedrive.com/newsletter

Emotional Availability Post https://www.instagram.com/p/BzypVxthIXx

 

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Newsletter https://thelovedrive.com/newsletter

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/thelovedriveshow/

 

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

It's nearly impossible to have deeply connected relationships without vulnerability. And unfortunately, we weren't taught how to be vulnerable in school, or why it's important to stay open in your partnership. And, it's even harder for men to be vulnerable because the messaging has taught us that being vulnerable is a sign of weakness, when in fact, it's a relationship strength. 

Jayson Gaddis is the founder of The Relationship School, and the host of The Smart Couple Podcast, and is actively doing the work to help folks have healthier and more connected relationships. 

What you'll learn (or why you should care):

• The importance of vulnerability and courage in your relationship

• What it means to be emotionally available and how to move towards it

• How relationships will highlight your areas of development and your zones of discomfort

Where to find Jayson Gaddis:

The Relationship School https://relationshipschool.com/

The Smart Couple Podcast https://relationshipschool.com/podcast/

Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/therelationshipschool

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/jaysongaddis

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/therelationshipschool/

Resources and Links

Raising Boys to be Better Men with Rachel Guise https://thelovedrive.com/raising-boys-to-be-better-men-with-rachel-giese/

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

Loneliness is a systemic issue, and a huge problem in the United States (and probably around the world). It's hard making friends as an adult, and lots of folks are unsatisfied with their adult friendships. So what are we to do?

Jillian Richardson is the creator of The Joy List NYC and the author of Unlonely Planet: How Healthy Congregations Can Change The World and today we're talking about how to make friends as an adult living in a society that it isn't set up for connection and community. 

What you'll learn (or why you should care):

• How connection is the best way to heal trauma

• Skills required to crate connection and make new friends

• The importance of creating the spaces you want to see in the world

Where to find Jillian Richardson:

Website https://www.thatjillian.com/

Subscribe to The Joy List https://joylist.nyc/

The Book Unlonely Planet: How Healthy Congregations Can Change The World

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/joylistnyc

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thatjillian/

Resources and Links

Adult Children of Alcoholics https://adultchildren.org/

Woman Within https://womanwithin.org/

The Drama of The Gifted Child by Alice Miller https://amzn.to/2K2Paru

Take the ACE (Average Childhood Experiences) and Resilience Test https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/

Medi Club http://www.thebigquiet.com/medi-club

ISTA https://www.schooloftemplearts.org/

Santropol Roulant https://santropolroulant.org/en/

Friendtimacy by Shasta Nelson https://amzn.to/2YubgLr

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

If you aren't listening to the How To Human Podcast with Sam Lamott, here's your chance. I'm airing the episode we recorded together in November of 2018. Sam interviewed me about my creative process, the origin story of The Love Drive, and how I came to do the work I do today. 

We also get real and raw, because that's how Sam is, about our sexual shame, the importance of reducing that shame and how to love when we haven't been shown how. Don't miss this episode; Sam is a skilled interviewer, a phenomenal podcast producer/editor, and a brilliant human. 

Where to find Sam Lamott and the How To Human Podcast:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hellohumans.co/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hellohumans.co/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HelloHumans_co

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

Today's guest is Yana Tallon-Hicks, a past podcast guest on how to be an ethical hookup, ethical slut, sex writer, therapist, and author of ‘Hot and Unbothered: how to think about, talk about, talk about, and have the sex you really want.’

In this episode, Shaun and Yana talk about sex, shame in receiving feedback from our partner(s), and trying new things more than once.

Shaun and Yana take listeners' questions all about sex, answering doubts such as, Will vibrators desensitize my clitoris? How to be more comfortable with my body? How to squirt, deal with premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction, and more!

What you'll learn (or why you should care):

• How to find new sex activities to try with yourself and your partner
• Porn and its role in sex education
• Why blowjobs are hard to give

The Yes/No/Maybe List

Where to find Yana

Yana on Instagram

Yana’s website 

Order Yana's new book - Hot and Unbothered.

 

Join The Lovebird Club

A private community for those who value love, trust, and intimacy.

For contributing lovebirds only: https://thelovedrive.com/thelovebirdclub 

Learn more about Shaun Galanos

Website https://www.shaungalanos.com

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive 

Newsletter https://thelovedrive.com/newsletter

Today we're talking about love and depression. How can we love when we're struggling with a mental health issue? How can we support those we love when they're fighting depression?

Joelle Pouliot is a journalist, works for a mental health organization in Montreal, and has struggled with the effects of depression on her ability to love. 

Warning: This episode is not a substitute for therapy, psychotherapy, or a doctor's visit. Neither of us is trained in psychiatry. This is a conversation between a love coach and someone who has struggled with depression and mental health and should not be used to diagnose or treat any mental health disorders. 

For immediate assistance, please call 911. 

What you'll learn (or why you should care):

• Self-care for the person struggling with depression

• How to love someone with a mental health issue

• The importance of acknowledging your feelings of depression, and when to say 'enough'

Where to find Joëlle Pouliot:

Website https://joellepouliot.com/

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

Asking for your needs to me bet can be scary because the risk is that your partner will say no. And sometimes, it's easier to stay in a relationship that sort of meets your needs than to risk not being in one at all because asking for exactly what you want leads to the end of the relationships. And that's the risk. But the payoff is that you might just get everything you ask for if you can come up with the courage to ask for it.

This episode is a follow-up episode to last weeks conversation about how challenging early-stage dating can be. 

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

Dating is hard. How are we supposed to show interest, but not too much? Is it best to be pursued or to be the pursuer? What if you don't want to date online? Are you supposed to talk to strangers on the street?!

Early-stage dating can be awkward, scary, and downright unpleasant. It can also be exciting, sweet, and fun. Knowing how to navigate the landscape will give you the upper hand. I like to say that I don't play games because I don't know the rules, but that's not entirely true. I know some rules, and I got some tips.

Join us as we try to stay sane and optimistic in a world that is anything but.

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

Whether we're telling boys to "man up" or warned that "crying is for girls" young men are subjected to damaging messages about manliness: they must muzzle their emotions and never show weakness, dominate girls, and compete with one another. And yet we wonder why many men are emotionally unavailable. 

Rachel Giese is a journalist and author of Boys: What It Means To Become A Man. Her new book examines the myths of masculinity and the challenges facing boys today and how we might consider doing it differently. 

What you'll learn (or why you should care):

• The effects of toxic masculinity on boyhood development

• The dangers of raising boys in the 'man box'

• How we can expand our current definition of courage and strength to include vulnerability, authenticity, and transparency when it comes to emotions. 

Where to find Rachel Giese:

Website http://www.rachel-giese.com/

Twitter https://twitter.com/rachelagiese

Mentioned on the podcast:

Rachel's book, Boys https://amzn.to/2Xx2VpQ

WizeGuys https://www.centreforsexuality.ca/programs-workshops/wiseguyz/

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

The data is wrong. Forever we've been told that men are more sexually promiscuous and have a need to 'sow their oats' while women are more fulfilled in long-term monogamous relationships because they value love, stability, and emotional connection more than men. Wrong. The data suggests that women are more sexually adventurous, promiscuous, and cheat more than men but because that goes against the popular narrative, we've been dismissing it. 

Dr. Wednesday Martin is an author, cultural critic, feminist, and her new book is all about female sexuality and female infidelity and it's called Untrue: Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Infidelity Is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free. We debunk some pretty big myths and explore why we've been thinking about women's sexuality all wrong. 

What you'll learn (or why you should care):

• Why women struggle more maintaining sexual desire in long-term monogamous relationships than men

• What to do when you no longer feel desirous of sex with your male partner

• How come women are more sexually adventurous and cheat more than we think they do

Where to find Dr. Wednesday Martin:

Website http://wednesdaymartin.com/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/wednesdaymartinphd/

Mentioned on the podcast:

Wednesday's book, Untrue https://amzn.to/2RizMsX

Christopher Ryan and Cecilda Jetha's book, Sex at Dawn https://amzn.to/2KXissf

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

From clothing to flirting, from our fascination with youth and innocence to the orgasm gap, every aspect of women's lives is dictated by their status as sex objects, and it's a problem. 

Journalist, columnist, actress, and now author Lili Boisvert wrote a book on how women are set up to fail at sex, the problem with over-sexualizing women and under-sexualizing men, and how we can start to reverse this dangerous dynamic.

What you'll learn (or why you should care):

• The dangers of women having a passive role in courtship, sex, and life

• Why the patriarchy insists that we do not sexualize men like we do women

• How we can begin to change the dynamics at play for more bedroom and worldwide equality

Where to find Lili Boisvert:

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/lili.boisvert

Facebook page for Les Brutes https://www.facebook.com/lesbrutestelequebec

Mentioned on the podcast:

Lili's book, Screwed: How Women Are Set Up to Fail at Sex https://amzn.to/2F2ggfj

Dr. Ian Kener's book, She Comes First https://amzn.to/2Em8w7D

The movie, The Graduate https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0061722/

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

Jealousy can be one of the most frustrating emotions that you'll face in your relationship. It can drive you to insanity. But what if you'd found a way to turn that jealousy upside down; what if you could derive pleasure out of situations that used to drive you mad? 

Blogger, researcher, and author Marie-Claude L'Archer wrote the book on compersion, a relatively new term in the polyamorous community that means just that. Compersion is the act of deriving pleasure from seeing your partner happy with another person. And guess what? It's not just for polyamorous folks. You can start accessing this emotion in your monogamous couple today, and we'll show you how. 

What you'll learn (or why you should care):

• How to derive pleasure from seeing your partner happy with another person

• How getting your needs met will make everything better for everyone

• Dealing with insecurity in your relationship

• Ways to get your needs met through various avenues lead to happier relationships

Where to find Marie Claude L'Archer:

Website https://hypatiafromspace.com/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/blogpolyamour/

Mentioned on the podcast:

Marie Claude's book, Compersion: Polyamory Without Jealousy https://amzn.to/2KqAD9E

Marianne Williamson's' book, A Return to Love https://amzn.to/2Em8w7D

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

Remember the story of my first sex party? There were two main characters in that story; the woman with the red fishnet dress, and the one with curly hair in the black dress.

I thought it might be fun to interview the woman in the little black dress and get her side of the story. From meeting up in line at the bathroom, to the awkwardness around introducing me to her fiancé, she shares what was going through her mind that night.

If you'd like some free love advice of your own, send me a message and tell me what you'd like support with: https://thelovedrive.com/contact/

Or, visit me on Instagram for Free Love Advice Fridays: https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive/

If you'd like to support The Love Drive and become a contributing lovebird, then I invite you to do so here: https://thelovedrive.com/join/

Relationships are hard, messy, and confusing, and they will never stabilize. Bummer, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Susan Piver is a meditation instructor, best-selling author and she shows us how to meet that instability with your partner and how to turn it into love. 

Susan took The Four Noble Truth, a Buddhist concept, and applied them to love and relationships. She's here to share how it made a large impact on her relationship and how you can start using these tools right away. 

What you'll learn (or why you should care):

• The importance of cultivating inner kindness towards yourself and your partner

• What to do when you realize that your relationship will never stabilize 

• How to create a safe and welcoming container for your partner

• The Enneagram and how to use it to understand how your partner communicates

Where to find Susan Piver:

Website https://susanpiver.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/susan.piver/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/piversusan/

Mentioned on the podcast:

Susan Piver's book, The Four Noble Truths of Love https://amzn.to/2YGiGHE

Sam Harris' book, Lying https://amzn.to/2VOKgWw

Marianne Williamson's' book, A Return to Love https://amzn.to/2Em8w7D

The Wisdom of the Enneagram https://amzn.to/2YCKLjh

The Open Heart Project https://susanpiver.com/open-heart-project/

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

Welcome to Storytime, a new segment from The Love Drive. Today, the story of both my first and second sex parties: how terrified I was at both, why you should check your lube to make sure it's not hand sanitizer, and the importance of friends who can support you through new experiences. Enjoy; I sure did. 

If you'd like some free love advice of your own, send me a message and tell me what you'd like support with: https://thelovedrive.com/contact/

Or, visit me on Instagram for Free Love Advice Fridays: https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive/

If you'd like to support The Love Drive and become a contributing lovebird, then I invite you to do so here: https://thelovedrive.com/join/

Seerut K. Chawla, an integratic psychotherapist discusses about the dangers of cancel culture and of “Instagram therapy”. 

In this episode, Seerut and Shaun talk about the problems with dating in the modern world, why older men date younger women and the idea of being a forever-student.

 

What you'll learn (or why you should care):

• How consistency and hard work trump talent and the fallacy of the "overnight success"
• How to deal with short bouts of depression
• How to speak to yourself more kindly, while staying accountable

 

Where to find Seerut:

Seerut on Instagram

Seerut’s webiste

Seerut on Twitter

 

Join The Lovebird Club

A private community for those who value love, trust, and intimacy. Group support and weekly calls.

For contributing lovebirds only: https://thelovedrive.com/thelovebirdclub 

 

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/ 

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive 

Newsletter https://thelovedrive.com/newsletter

Julia is in love with a much older man. They met when she was in her early twenties and they never expected it to last this long. Julia has dreamed of getting married since she was a little girl, and she's highly motivated to because of how successful her parent's marriage was. The only issue is, her partner refuses to get married. How can they navigate something that is a deal breaker for each other, while also desperately wanting to stay together?

If you'd like some free love advice of your own, send me a message and tell me what you'd like support with: https://thelovedrive.com/contact/

Or, visit me on Instagram for Free Love Advice Fridays: https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive/

If you'd like to support The Love Drive and become a contributing lovebird, then I invite you to do so here: https://thelovedrive.com/join/

This is part 2 of Making Space For Someone New. If you didn't listen to last weeks episode, I recommend you do to get the full story. On today's episode, Samantha and I discuss ways for her to meet new people, to expand her dating pool, and what would happen if she posted pictures of herself with her wheelchair on dating sites. And then, I check back in with Samantha, some three months later to get up to speed on her love life.

If you'd like some free love advice of your own, send me a message and tell me what you'd like support with: https://thelovedrive.com/contact/

Or, visit me on Instagram for Free Love Advice Fridays: https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive/

If you'd like to support The Love Drive and become a contributing lovebird, then I invite you to do so here: https://thelovedrive.com/join/

Samantha is in love with a man who in many ways meets her needs. But in a few very fundamental ways, he does not. Samantha struggles with meeting new people, made more challenging by the fact that she has a visible disability. Her needing to use a wheelchair makes it harder for her to meet new people. Does she stay with a person who partially meets her needs, or jumps into the dating scene knowing that it's harder with folks with disabilities?

If you'd like some free love advice of your own, send me a message and tell me what you'd like support with: https://thelovedrive.com/contact/

Or, visit me on Instagram for Free Love Advice Fridays: https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive/

If you'd like to support The Love Drive and become a contributing lovebird, then I invite you to do so here: https://thelovedrive.com/join/

Erica met her then boyfriend at the age of 19 years old. She walked into Chemistry 101 and was immediately smitten by the tall, quiet, hunk of a man. She was also drawn to a very specific part of his anatomy that was quite hard to miss.

Erica and I talk about her on again off again relationship with Eric (that's right. Meet Erica and Eric) and the particular way in which they slowly opened up their relationship to include other partners. Welcome to Real Love Stories, a new segment from The Love Drive Podcast. 

If you have a Real Love Story of your own, send me a message and tell me a little about it. I might pick it for my next recording: https://thelovedrive.com/contact/

If you'd like to support The Love Drive and become a contributing lovebird, then I invite you to do so here: https://thelovedrive.com/join/

We can't flirt and seduce like we use to. The landscape is changing and what we used to get away with no longer works. It's time to step up our seduction game, but how are we supposed to know what works when different people react to different approaches.

Thank goodness for people like Dr. Alison Ash. She's a sex and intimacy coach, educator, and the founder of TurnON.love. She's the host of a fantastic workshop called Sleaze-Free Seduction Skills and she's here to show us how sexy seduction can be when it's done with respect and honesty. Let's dive in. 

What you'll learn (or why you should care):

• The Three-Part Invite to minimize your risk of getting it wrong

• How The Almost Kiss takes the guesswork out of the first kiss

• What you can do to make talking about consent sexy

• Real life examples of sleaze-free seduction you can start using right away

Where to find Dr. Alison Ash:

Website http://www.turnon.love/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/turnon.love/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/turnon.love/

Mentioned on the podcast:

A list of Alison's workshops http://www.turnon.love/upcoming

The Perfect Pickup Line blog post https://thelovedrive.com/the-perfect-pickup-line/

What Women Wished You Knew About Oral Sex https://thelovedrive.com/what-women-wished-you-knew-about-oral-sex/

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

What would it look like if we approached food, eating, and how we view our bodies not with restriction, fear, and shame, but rather with love and compassion? Lucky for us, someone can show us how. Jenna Hollenstein, MS, RDN, CDN is a non-diet dietitian, meditation teacher, and the author of the book: Eat to Love - A Mindful Guide to Transforming Your Relationship with Food, Body, and Life.

I don't normally pre-order books but when I saw this one being promoted by Susan Piver on Facebook, I jumped. 

I wasn't disappointed, and you won't be either by this conversation. Jenna is warm, knowledgable, and a delight to speak with about disordered eating, the dangers of 'magical eating', and what we can do to cultivate compassion for ourselves and our bodies. 

What you'll learn (or why you should care):

• What the heck is 'magical eating' and why the diet industry is hell-bent on selling it to you

• How mindful and intuitive eating can bring peace to your relationship with food and your body

• Why diets don't work and what you can do instead

• How meditation can transform your hunger and fullness awareness

Where to find Jenna Hollenstein:

Website https://www.eat2love.com

Eat to Love book: https://amzn.to/2IhfWMa

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/jennahollenstein

Mentioned on the podcast:

The Body Respect book by Linda Bacon https://amzn.to/2UFZ3Bd

Michael Carroll https://www.shambhala.com/authors/a-f/michael-carroll.html

Gail Dines | Anti-Pornography Activist, Lecturer, Author, and Professor http://gaildines.com/

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Become a Contributing Lovebird

Support The Love Drive here https://thelovedrive.com/join/

Emilie Guimond Bélanger is a sex coach, founder of the Institute of Desire in Montreal, and a teacher of Orgasmic Meditation. She grew up having painful intercourse and got fed up with the lack of pleasurable sensation. At one point, decided to do something about it. 

She discovered Orgasmic Meditation, learned from some of the best teachers, and now makes it her life's work to help women reconnect them to the pleasure that sex can bring. 

What you'll learn (or why you should care):

• What the heck is Orgasmic Meditation and how can it help with pleasure

• A step-by-step description of the practice

• Resources on finding a partner and ways to approach the conversation

• What non-sexual benefits it can bring to your life

Where to find Emilie Guimond-Bélanger:

Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/ommontreal

Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/159929948007031

Website https://www.institutdudesir.ca/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/silvykhoucasian

Mentioned on the podcast:

The Institute of OM https://instituteofom.com/

Lynne Forest https://www.lynneforrest.com/

Montreal OM Meetup Group https://www.meetup.com/OM-Montreal/

The 38 Orgasmic Meditation Meetup Groups https://www.meetup.com/topics/orgasmic-meditation/

Learn more about The Love Drive

Website https://thelovedrive.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive

Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/thelovedriveshow

Coco McKenzi is an inspirational speaker, sexual assault survivor, and transformational coach who has helped hundreds of women over the last 3 years live their most radiant lives after sexual abuse. When Coco was assaulted, she desperately tried to find resources that could help her make sense of what had happened, and how to move forward.

Overwhelmed with resources that were hard to understand, she set out to create the one guide that was easy to read and could help survivors begin the road to recovery as quickly as possible. Her purpose isn't only to help survivors recover but to help them create true power and extraordinary bliss post-sexual abuse.

What you'll learn (or why you should care):

• How to begin recovering from sexual assault

• The importance of telling someone, and of reporting your assault

• Ways to begin feeling into your body again

• Why the healing journey is worth it

Where to find Coco McKenzi:

Website | http://www.cocomckenzi.com/

Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/cocomckenzi

Mentioned on the podcast:

Coco's free book "Fresh" - The Starting Point Post Sexual Abuse https://coco-mckenzi.mykajabi.com/opt-in

Emily Nagoski's blog post What to do When Someone Tells you They Were Assaulted 

International Council of Thirteen Indigenous Grandmothers http://www.grandmotherscouncil.org/

BioDynamic Breathwork and Trauma Release Therapy https://www.biodynamicbreath.com/

Find out more about The Love Drive here: https://thelovedrive.com

The woman I'm speaking to today doesn't like the way her partner touches her, nor does she like to give the kind of touch that he wants. Are they doomed to have a mismatch in what they want, or is there a way to invite curiosity into the bedroom?

Together, we explore how bringing curiosity, compassion, and respect to your conversation about what you need in bed can lead to greater connection and closeness with your partner.

If you'd like your very own free love advice, head over to thelovedrive.com/freeloveadvice or email me at shaun@thelovedrive to find out how I can help. 

Silvy Khoucasian is a relationship coach with a passion for helping individuals and couples have healthier relationships with themselves and others. She also creates a ton of beautiful content on Instagram, a lot of it centering on boundaries and attachment styles. Today, we deep dive on boundaries - what they are, how to set them, and what to do when they're being violated. 

What you'll learn (or why you should care):

• What the heck boundaries are and the four types of boundary violations

• The difference in how men and women process and talk about emotional reactions

• The importance of repairing after a boundary violation has taken place, and how to do

• How to bring safety and respect to a conversation about boundaries

Where to find Silvy Khoucasian:

Website | http://www.silvykhoucasian.com

Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/silvykhoucasian

Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/SilvyKhoucasian

Mentioned on the podcast:

Silvy's Boundaries Program https://bryanreeves.com/boundaries-silvy/

Harriet Lerner's book - Why Won't You Apologize? https://amzn.to/2XRCBnJ

Brene Brown's book - Rising Strong https://amzn.to/2XRCBnJ

Rokelle Lerner's book - Living in The Comfort Zone: The Gift of Boundaries in Relationship https://amzn.to/2T09ECe

Find out more about The Love Drive here: https://thelovedrive.com

Welcome to The Love Drive Helpline, where I answer questions you submit via voicemail.

Leave your question here: https://bit.ly/lovedrivehelpline

~~~

Today's question comes from Stephanie. [edited for brevity's sake]

 

"I just recently met a guy on Saturday. We met and had an instant connection, hung out all day, and ended up having sex. Do you think that that screws up the beginning of a relationship? "

~~~~

 

Leave your question here: https://bit.ly/lovedrivehelpline

Most of my links: https://www.shaungalanos.com/hello

My online courses: https://www.shaungalanos.com/courses

Support my work: https://www.shaungalanos.com/join

Galen Erickson is a men's relationship coach and facilitates workshops and men's circles in Seattle, WA. We discuss what it means to be a man in today's world, how traditional toxic masculinity and a more sensitive, heart-centric version of masculinity are at odds with each other, and what men can do to learn how to connect to their emotions more fully. 

What you'll learn (or why you should care):

• How men can learn to take more risks

• The differing views on consent between men and women

• The importance of male vulnerability in forming healthy relationships

• Alternatives to traditional male sexuality

Where to find Galen Erickson:

Website | http://www.galenerickson.com

Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/passionalchemist/

Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/erickson.galen

Mentioned on the podcast:

Mantak Chia's book - The Multi-Orgasmic Man: https://amzn.to/2TfgpFb

Brene Brown on Shame and Vulnerability: https://brenebrown.com/

Brene Brown's book - Daring Greatly: https://amzn.to/2EMzKVn

Katherine Woodward Thomas's book - Conscious Uncoupling: https://amzn.to/2tQhHHy

Marnia Robinson's books - Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: https://amzn.to/2XAjjTy

 

Find out more about The Love Drive here: https://thelovedrive.com

Dr. Alexandra Solomon is a love nerd, there's no denying it. She's dedicated her life to the pursuit of learning about love and teaching those around her how to love. She's a clinical psychologist, a professor who teaches the Marriage 101 class at Northwestern University, the author of my new favorite book, Loving Bravely, and so much more.

This is a lovely and sincere conversation about vulnerability, boundaries, relational self-awareness, attachment theory, and so much more. 

What you'll learn (or why you should care):

• Why relational self-awareness is key to a healthy relationship

• That reason that even therapists need therapists

• The importance of boundaries 

• Why we choose partners that trigger our old wounds

Where to find Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

Dr. Alexandra Solomon on the Web | http://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/

Dr. Alexandra Solomon's book, Loving Bravely: https://amzn.to/2XgVZdk

Dr. Alexandra Solomon on Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon

Dr. Alexandra Solomon on Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/dralexandrasolomon

Mentioned on the podcast:

Ester Perel's book: Mating in Captivity: https://amzn.to/2EeC99S

Sue Johnson on Emotional Focused Therapy: http://drsuejohnson.com/emotionally-focused-therapy-2/what-is-eft/

Geneen Roth's book Women, Food, and God: https://amzn.to/2Ew4Bph

Marsha Linehan, Ph.D. and Dialectical Behavior Therapy: https://behavioraltech.org/

Brene Brown on Shame and Vulnerability: https://brenebrown.com/

Imago Therapy - Getting The Love You Want: http://imagorelationships.org/

Find out more about The Love Drive here: https://thelovedrive.com

Is the juice worth the squeeze? Are you putting work into a relationship that is no longer serving you? Are you trying to find a way to make something work that perhaps will never work? 

This episode might be for you. 

If you'd like some Free Love Advice of your own, book yourself on my calendar and let's record a podcast together. 

www.thelovedrive.com/freeloveadvice