Do you suffer from "should itis"?
I should exercise more
I should be more productive
I should spend more time with my kids
I should spend more time outside
I should go to bed earlier
I shouldn’t drink so much
I should eat better
I shouldn’t eat so much sugar
I should be happy
I should be more grateful
I shouldn’t be so greedy!
It shouldn’t take me this long.
I should do better
I should know better
I should BE better
Whatever the “should, or shouldn’ts” are on your list, they always add up to the same thing: “You should be better, you should know better, you’re not doing it right.” It leaves you feeling like you’re not enough as you are.
We have been taught, mistakenly, that if we don't "should" ourselves into action, we will become lazy, useless, worthless lumps. And worse, if we don't "should" ourselves into being good, we won't be good!
The irony is that while we think by shoulding all over ourselves, we’ll get ourselves into action, the opposite happens - we end up feeling overwhelmed and guilty, which causes us not to do any of the things we think we “should”.
Feeling guilty and overwhelmed breeds inaction and stagnancy…it keeps you stuck. So, the more you feel like you “should” do something, the less likely you are to actually do it.
There are exactly zero circumstances in which “I should…” is the most specific, accurate, powerful, and useful language to express a thought.
You could literally stop saying the word should forever, and you wouldn’t be missing anything. There is always a better, more accurate and more helpful linguistic choice.
So, when you hear yourself saying, or thinking, "I should...", get curious. Where did you learn this should? To whom does this should really belong? Whose voice do you hear when you “should” on yourself this way? Do you actually agree with this should? What are you afraid will happen if you don’t do this thing you’re telling yourself you should do?
It has been drilled into us what we "should" want - by parents, peers, media, society - to the. point where we no longer know what we actually want, and often confuse the two.
Rarely do we say “I should” about stuff we feel totally aligned with, so let the word be a red flag indicating where you’ve internalized something that doesn’t quite feel right, or aligned to you.
Uncovering and exposing our automated “shoulds”, digging into them, untangling ourselves from the web of self-imposed obligation by getting clear and honest about what you want, is how we become the conscious creators of our lives, the bosses of our brains, the authors of our own stories, and the thinker of our thoughts,
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