Find Jerry HERE and make sure to check out his book RETURNING .
"For nearly five decades, I lived with the palpable pain of unhealed trauma and shame. Growing up in a house filled with poverty, substance abuse, and physical, sexual, and emotional abuse left me with profound wounds.
The trauma and abuse started as early as I can remember and so did my use of drugs and alcohol. At age five my parents began giving me alcohol to reward me for chores. At 9 I began using drugs with family members, and by the time I was 14 I was in rehab for drug and alcohol abuse.
At 17, I decided to change and devoted my life in service to God, I served as a pastor for 13 years, and spent 16 years serving the poor. None of this removed the shame. The pressures and failures of trying to be a “good Christian” and to “please God” only filled me with more shame.
By my mid-forties the never ending need to try and prove myself turned me into a workaholic, wrecked my nervous system and led to severe burn-out. I was emotionally numb, suicidal, having constant anxiety and panic attacks, and was drinking myself to death.
Finally it all fell apart. Over a two-year period, I had a heart attack, open heart surgery, a stay in rehab, a second divorce, and another visit to rehab.
My last stay in rehab opened my eyes to the unhealed trauma and deep shame I was living with. I saw how my drinking and destructive behaviors were my best efforts to survive the pain I was in.
On my final day of rehab during my last group session, I spoke the words, “I am worthy of my own love.” When I said those words something tangibly shifted deep inside me.
For the first time in my life, I realized that the source of my suffering wasn’t just the pain of trauma but a separation from love, my own love. I decided at that moment I was going to learn what it meant to love myself, and how I could heal my life.Since that day, I have been researching and experimenting with the ways we heal. A journey that has taken me around the world and into places and spaces I never dreamed I would have ventured into.
