The Save Your Sanity podcast offers episodes filled with the expert insights, validation, strategies, and support you need to recognize, manage, and recover from relationships with the relentlessly difficult, toxic--and often disturbing--people that host Dr. Rhoberta Shaler calls Hijackals®.
She offers invaluable help to stop the second-guessing, undermining, and crazy-making traits, patterns, and cycles you have encountered in relationships with folks like those. Understand the ways, whys, and hows that verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and spiritual abuse affect you over time. Whether the Hijackal is a partner, parent, ex, or colleague, what you will learn here will strengthen and empower you to step up, speak up, and stand up for yourself in healthy, assertive ways.
Many Hijackals have behaviors that are considered the same as those who are diagnosed as narcissists, borderlines, psychopaths, sociopaths, and histrionic personality disorder. These insights will help you to make the changes--and good decisions--to move from pain to power, and that's exactly what you want to do! Listen now.
This audio was recorded in 2006, long before Hijackals became Dr. Shaler's focus.
Rethinking Selfishness: "What if I told you that I now value selfishness? Would that be shocking? Not only do I value it, but I encourage others to value it and practice it."
In this first of our upcoming Legacy Files, Dr. Shaler explores the often misunderstood concept of selfishness and redefines it as a positive force. Throughout our lives, many of us have been taught that being selfish is wrong. However, Dr. Shaler encourages us to reconsider this notion, advocating for a type of selfishness that empowers us to better care for ourselves and, in turn, more genuinely care for others.
She delves into how practicing what she terms "positive selfishness" can actually increase our self-esteem, improve our personal freedom, and enhance our abilities to contribute to the world. In this discussion, we'll unpack the differences between detrimental selfishness and beneficial self-focus, explore the importance of setting boundaries, and debunk the myth that loving oneself is an act of neglect towards others. Join us as we lean into learning how to be positively selfish, and why it is crucial not just for personal happiness, but also for fostering healthier relationships.
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We are deeply saddened to share that Dr. Shaler passed away unexpectedly on April 3, 2024.
She left peacefully and without any further discomfort, full of grace. Rhoberta worked hard to maintain her energy to continue offering time and wisdom to clients, members, and strangers alike, who found her voice and demeanor comforting and strengthening as you each faced difficult and overwhelming experiences.
We know it was very hard for her to let go enough to leave her clients and fans behind, and that serving you all was her greatest joy.
If you need some time with her, please visit her youtube channel (youtube.com/@forrelationshiphelp) or listen to other episodes in this podcast. There is a wealth more information among all her body of work, that has not yet made it into the world. We will continue to surface this additional material and content from her deep archive to allow her voice and strength to continue helping you all.
DRAMA-DUMPING: The #1 Thing NOT TO DO When Meeting a Person for the First Time
Épisode 342
mardi 12 mars 2024 • Durée 33:45
Whether you're looking for a new friend or a potential new relationship, you don't want to be trauma dumping. When you let your whole story fly, someone else is likely to get crushed by it.
Out of the gate, with someone new, it's smart to establish a relationship dynamic based on balance, mutual sharing, and emotional maturity. Oversharing personal traumas can burden the budding relationship and skew its potential for growth.
Whether you're single, dating, or looking to improve your emotional connections, this episode of #saveyoursanitypodcast share strategies and practices you need, to proceed with care and confidence.
5 Good Things Narcissists PROMISE...but NEVER DELIVER!!!
Épisode 333
mardi 12 décembre 2023 • Durée 32:44
Narcissistic Hijackals know what you want. Yet, they withhold giving it to you. They know what you need. Yet, they refuse to fulfill it. They know how to make you happy, but prefer disappointing you.
Think deeply about these five "would be good" things narcissists promise but fail to deliver...and, they do it very deliberately. There are real deal-breakers...when you actually see them. Listen in. Don't be fooled by the promises!!!
HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:
5 good things that Hijackals promise you, that they won't deliver on
Why you need to be VERY clear that you are thinking you are being promised something that you will NEVER receive....except for a hot minute now and again!
Why mutuality is critical to a loving relationship
The most unlikely promises that won't be fulfilled....so sad.
How to Recognize When Hijackal Drama Turns to Trauma
Épisode 243
mardi 8 février 2022 • Durée 34:37
Do you allow yourself to acknowledge that you've been traumatized, or may have been? It's an essential beginning step for understanding why you feel a certain way, or have a particularly negative view of yourself. Emotional abuse can definitely create trauma within you. In this episode, you'll hear very specific information about trauma and how the body takes it in.
When you are traumatized, you often have diminished ability to describe the feelings you have in words. You need to be able to do that to recover. Freezing and/or collapsing are ways to protect yourself by shutting down. You need to overcome the overwhelm of that.
HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:
A definition of trauma and how it feels
Why you simply stop talking about the trama to suppress it
How you find yourself outside of the community you need
Why Hijackals--narcissistic and anti-social folks--need to isolate you
You want to be a good person, a nice person. Your parents probably wanted that for you, too. Yet, you find yourself on the receiving end of emotional abuse, and you don't understand what you did wrong.
Nothing, likely! Hijackals--narcissists, anti-socials, borderlines-histrionics--look for "nice" people who they hope will bend over backwards to do things for them. Especially, they are delighted by enablers who go the extra mile to allow the emotional abuse of Hijackals.No need to wonder about those dynamics as you'll soon see when you listen to this episode.
HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:
Why caretaking is not always a positive thing
How you get trapped to continue caretaking a Hijackal
Recognizing enabling so you can stop doing it
Escaping the trap of doing for emotional abusers what they can do for themselves
You cannot get blood from a stone, and you cannot get emotional intimacy with a Hijackal. Yes, in the beginning of the relationship, they do a good job of imitating a person with whom you could develop that emotionally intimate connection that lasts a lifetime. No, they actually don't have either the capacity or the willingness to do it, though.
Learn to recognize the clear signs of a person who will never let you close, or want to be close with you...because they are too emotionally immature. Sad. True. See these signs early in a relationship to prevent later pain.
HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:
What emotional maturity looks like in a relationship
Why you cannot have emotional intimacy with an emotionally immature person
11 ways emotional immaturity shows up
Why Hijackals cannot accept emotional intimacy but are comfortable with being emotional abusers
You can begin healing even while you're in an emotionally abusive situation, small steps and nano-seconds of healing. Understanding my phases of healing from emotional abuse encourages you to begin and continue the healing journey. Wherever you are--even if you have not started the journey yet, seeing there is a pathway can help.
If you want to be emerging empowered from a past or present in which you experienced emotional abuse, you need this episode. Understanding the blueprint and anticipating the process is wise, and will make you much less susceptible to going back to a Hijackal of any stripe....even a Hijackal parent!
HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:
Healing begins with realizing that and how you have been wounded
The three phases of the healing from emotional abuse process
Why it takes longer to heal than you want it to
Clearly see the patterns and ready for a change? I'm here to help.
10 Nasty Ways Hijackals Are Predictably Unpredictable
Épisode 239
mardi 11 janvier 2022 • Durée 31:40
Too many times, you hope a Hijackal will be different. They may even promise to be, or seem to understand the need to change. But, it's just for a hot minute, right? These ten ways Hijackals generally behave are ones you need to believe will never change...no matter what is promised. Really!
Hijackals and other narcissistic people are focused on meeting their own needs. Self-absorbed. Self-involved. Self-satisfyining. That's them. And, they want to control you and everything else they possibly can, especially in the home. Clearly see these patterns in them so that you'll recognize how frequently they occur. .
HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:
Recognize how frequently these ten predictable behaviors show up
Don't expect Hijackals to change. They almost never do.
Narcissists & other Hijackals repeat these patterns to control you.
Clearly see the patterns and ready for a change? I'm here to help.
12 Ways Fawning Keeps You Stuck in Emotional Abuse
Épisode 238
mardi 4 janvier 2022 • Durée 41:14
The Fawning Response creates a constant imbalance in a relationship. Hijackals love that! You're helping them control you, and you sure don't want to do that for a moment longer, right?
Fawning happens when you attempt to avoid conflict and trauma by appeasing people and demonstrating or feigning interest to earn the approval of others. Sadly, it also causes you to deny your rights, interests, thoughts, feelings and to abandon what's healthy in adult relationships: equality, reciprocity, and mutuality. You may avoid conflict in the moment but you're also giving up too much.
HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:
Recognizing the fawning response
12 Ways fawning makes a Hijackal happy
Why narcissistic people want you to fawn...and then, make you wrong for it
8 steps to take to stop the fawning response and reclaim your power
Ready to take back your power and give up fawning? I'm here to help.
When you deeply think about these eighteen reasons, you'll recognize eighteen things you can heal so you won't attract, or keep, an emotional abuser. It's a BIG step to recognize these because you are capable of changing...especially when you know exactly what and why to change. The Hijackal, the emotionally abusive person, will not change.You will...once you clearly see what' needs to change!
Emotional abuse is something you get used to even while you're hating it. It needs to stop, right? In this episode, you'll recognize steps you can take to make that so, and feel good.
HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:
18 reasons that Hijackals are drawn to people pleasers
Definition of people-pleasers & their traits
Insights into what you need to heal to say no to emotional abuse
How Hijackal parents set you up for Hijackal relationships
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