Overcoming Betrayal &amp; Addiction – Détails, épisodes et analyse

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

QUOTES

“It’s not about you. It’s not how hot you are, how much weight you can lose, it’s not about any of that. No matter what, they’re gonna act out.”
“Why would you sleep with someone you don’t trust? If you don’t trust him, don’t let him in your bed.”
“Sex addicts prove that you can have sex without intimacy.”

When Do I Need Help for My Addiction?

jeudi 27 juin 2024 • Durée 01:00:16

Dr. Rob and Tami share what a couple can expect when they sit down and talk with Dr. Rob in person or over Zoom when they are ready to address their infidelity and addiction issues. How do you know if a residential treatment is right for you? What do you do when your spouse still continues to lie to you after formal disclosure? All these questions answered, and more!

TAKEAWAYS:

[0:45] How long does it take to rewire a porn-addicted mind?

[4:50] Addicts think, ‘they can’t live without this’ but when they take a pause they realize that they didn’t die. That they can push through.

[6:45] My husband said he’d be honest about the affairs going forward. This has been a complete lie. Where do I go from here?

[8:45] Whatever you do, don’t give up on you.

[14:15] Unfortunately, you may never get what you want from that person.

[20:25] I fluctuate between me being a horrible person vs. me being a good person that just did a horrible thing. How can I differentiate?

[25:55] I struggle to take ownership. Not sure what I should do?

[34:25] If you have a question about your spouse’s addiction, write it down. Collect them, and then sit down at a scheduled time and talk about them.

[37:45] How do you know if residential treatment makes sense for you?

[45:00] What does it mean to do a consultation with Dr. Rob?

RESOURCES:

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

QUOTES

“The brain doesn’t get rewired, it’s not a motherboard, but it does adapt.”
“You’re getting the kind of message that you have to work on your own life and what you want from the other person, you may never get; as much as you deserve it.”
“Guilt is a good thing. Healthy guilt I made a mistake, I need to go back and fix it. Guilt is good information.”

Am I Just Having Fun, or Is This a Full-Blown Addiction?

mercredi 8 novembre 2023 • Durée 31:48

Dr. Rob and Tami break down the gray area between just having fun, being “at-risk” for an addiction, and being a full-blown addict. It can be difficult to define the line fully when you’re in the middle of a “good time.” Dr. Rob offers various considerations for you to think about to determine whether you’re barely teetering the line or if you’re in a bad and unsustainable place.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:35] I believe my partner is a narcissist and a sex addict. He’s hurting me but I can’t seem to walk away. How can I just leave him?

[8:40] Have a three-circle plan! You need a healthy plan that will value you.

[10:50] Can you become addicted to friendships?

[15:50] My betrayed partner doesn’t believe me anymore, even when I’m telling her the truth. Do I just agree with her?

[22:30] Is there an in-between stage where someone can be between “at-risk” for an addiction vs. being a complete addict?

[26:55] Do I need to do yet another formal disclosure with my addict? We just don’t have the money for another therapist right now.

RESOURCES:

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

My Wife Has a Pattern of Infidelity, but I Love Her

vendredi 3 novembre 2023 • Durée 26:50

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a betrayed partner about his wife’s recurring infidelity. What first begins as innocent text messages with a stranger quickly turn sexual for her. It’s a pattern that has repeated over and over. As he is trying to save the relationship, he wonders if this is all due to her traumatic and awful past where she was a victim of sexual abuse as a child. Dr. Rob clarifies on what might be going on with a female sex addict.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:35] My wife goes through the same sexual infidelity patterns. Is this due to unresolved childhood sexual trauma?

[8:45] When your wife acts out, what are some of the consequences that happen?

[14:40] There is a men’s betrayed partner group that you can attend to get the support you need!

[16:00] I told my children about my addiction. One of them is extremely Christian and disapproves. How do I heal the relationship with my children?

[22:05] Focus on the work and let go of the outcome. It might not be possible to repair the relationship so soon after recovery.

[22:55] Now that I am in recovery, I am finishing within minutes. This has never happened before. What’s going on?

RESOURCES:

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

She Cheated on Me! And Yet, I’m the One in Recovery?

jeudi 26 octobre 2023 • Durée 32:30

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from an addict who has also been betrayed by his spouse. They have both hurt each other with their addictions/infidelities, however, it seems unfair that he’s in treatment for his demons and she is running around scot-free. Dr. Rob and Tami explain how you can move forward and focus on your own recovery despite experiencing a betrayal from your partner.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:45] I’m absolutely DONE with my addict. I can’t move out yet, so what can I do for my own safety?

[5:00] I feel like I’m repressing my sexuality when I’m sober. Because of this, I can’t seem to be sober for long periods. How do I become healthy?

[8:50] Recovery is all about doing things; positive and good things for you.

[9:45] How can I communicate to my separated spouse that I’m on a good recovery path now?

[12:25] My SA is just not taking recovery seriously. How long does it take to stop messing up and get serious about this?

[18:20] My wife has had a sexual affair. I'm not innocent either, but I feel like I’m the punching bag in this whole situation. Why am I the bad guy here?

[21:50] My addict is just a mess. How can I safely disengage from all this pain?

[25:15] When does it make sense for me to go back to dating as an addict?

[27:20] Is it common for terrible people to try and get “honorable” jobs to look good/better on the outside?

RESOURCES:

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Why Should I Write Down All My Anger and Hurt?

vendredi 20 octobre 2023 • Durée 31:34

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about the healing properties a journal practice can have. A listener wrote that her therapist wants her to journal out the resentment and anger that her SA has caused her, but the mere thought of doing this gets her re-triggered and angry all over again. Is there really a point to all of this aside from re-remembering the betrayal?

TAKEAWAYS:

[:25] My SA husband’s entire family has suffered from some sort of sexual addiction or abuse. Is all of this hereditary?

[8:30] How can intermittent reward cause or enhance relationship addiction?

[16:15] What’s the point of writing my betrayal down? I feel so angry just thinking about it.

[18:50] If you have a lot of anger inside you, a journal practice can be very healing.

[19:45] My addict is weaseling out of our initial agreement. What should I do?

[26:05] If you’re not doing the work, then it doesn’t matter what you say or do.

[26:15] He’s sober but still can’t be intimate with me. He says he feels shame. Is this just an excuse?

RESOURCES:

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Can Harm Reduction Be Considered Sober?

mercredi 11 octobre 2023 • Durée 28:48

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about whether it makes sense for an addict to be put on a harm reduction treatment for sex addiction. A listener writes in wondering if he should completely stop or if reducing the impact and damage through harm reduction is a good starting point. Dr. Rob sets the record straight on what he thinks about harm reduction and honesty.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:45] My partner admitted he’s a liar and a cheater, but will not admit he’s an addict. He doesn’t “relate” to it. Will he ever be sober?

[5:20] How can someone not be co-dependent if they have no sense of self?

[12:30] I’m not ready to tell my family about his addiction, but I also feel like I’m hiding a big part of myself from them. How do I manage both worlds?

[15:50] How do I let go of old PTSD? I keep retraumatizing myself.

[20:05] My husband says all the right things but there’s no real empathy.

[25:20] I have been sober for a year, but I still use harm reduction techniques. Does this still count as sober?

RESOURCES:

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

I Really Want to Change but My Empathy is Broken

mardi 10 octobre 2023 • Durée 33:02

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a listener who is struggling to be a more empathetic person to their partner. Despite his best efforts, he can’t seem to be present and emotionally available for her. Is this because he has ADHD? Is he just broken? How can he fix this? Dr. Rob and Tami offer a more detailed insight into what might actually be going on.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:25] How do I build trust with myself again to pick better after dating a sex addict?

[2:35] Date them long enough to see if they have the ability to self-reflect.

[7:15] My empathy is broken. How do I change?
[11:45] I found out my same-sex partner has been acting out with the opposite sex. Is it because her needs just aren’t being met or is this addiction?

[18:25] I think I’m addicted to him, but I’ve read that you can’t be addicted to a person. How do you explain this?

[20:15] What are sex addicts actually addicted to?

[28:15] Is there a rough draft of what healthy boundaries look like?

[30:15] Dr. Rob offers some examples of what a boundary would look like with an addict.

RESOURCES:

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

He Is Super Jealous Despite Being the One Who Cheated on Me!

jeudi 28 septembre 2023 • Durée 27:49

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about what to do when your addict is incredibly jealous when you have friends of the opposite sex. It seems very hypocritical when they’re the ones who caused harm and cheated in the first place. Dr. Rob and Tami talk about how to set healthy boundaries with someone who is out-of-their-mind jealous.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:35] How do I believe my addict is being honest without a polygraph?

[6:25] My boyfriend is obsessed with his niece. Very touchy with her. This seems very strange.

[11:30] He accuses me of being close to other men despite him being the one who cheated. How can I be calm when addressing this behavior?

[15:55] He’s never been honest about him acting out. I have to catch him in the act. What should I do?

[20:00] You’re incredibly focused on him and his needs, but what about you? What are your needs?

[21:05] My husband dropped two big bombs on me. Is this marriage just over?

RESOURCES:

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

The 12-Steps Just Don’t Work For Me. I Just Don’t Fit In

vendredi 22 septembre 2023 • Durée 31:45

Dr. Rob and Tami discuss what an addict can do if the 12-step program just isn’t for them. Should they stop going? Should they keep white-knuckling it? Tami offers resources for those who feel very out of place at these particular meetings. When it comes to recovery, getting the help you need and doing so correctly is the most important step in the process.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:35] I noticed my SA and other SA men do not have healthy male friendships. Is this normal?

[4:15] If these unhealthy female relationships make you uncomfortable, you need to voice your concerns.

[6:45] My SA wants guarantees from me that I’ll still be with him once he enters into a program. How do I handle this?

[11:00] Every therapist says addiction isn’t about the sex, however, my addict says otherwise. What do you think, Dr. Rob?

[14:30] Why do addicts have intimate avoidant attachment issues?

[18:05] I don’t seem to fit into the 12-Step program but I still go anyway. Is there any chance I can find integrity without attending these particular meetings?

[24:55] What does a healthy sexual relationship look like in a married couple?

[27:40] If you’re a betrayed spouse, please read Dr. Rob’s book Prodependence. It will help clarify any questions you might have.

RESOURCES:

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com