On Attachment – Détails, épisodes et analyse

So many of us spend our lives orienting around what other people think of us — seeking approval, avoiding disapproval, and constantly scanning for reassurance that we’re doing, saying, and being the “right” thing.

If you lean towards anxious attachment patterns, this makes perfect sense. The foundation of the anxious attachment pattern is an external orientation — learning to attune to others for safety, validation, and a sense of self. When we’ve never had a steady internal anchor, other people become our compass.

But that comes at a cost. We lose touch with our own truth — our values, our preferences, our intuition — and live our lives by borrowed standards. And the more we outsource our worth, the more fragile it becomes.

In this episode, we explore how to shift from being other-referenced to self-referenced:

• Why anxiously attached people are especially sensitive to others’ opinions

• How external orientation keeps us anxious and disconnected from ourselves

• What it actually means to develop an internal compass

• Practical steps to build self-trust and integrity

• How to tolerate disapproval without collapsing into shame

Ultimately, caring less about what others think isn’t about indifference — it’s about self-trust. When you truly respect and stand by yourself, other people’s opinions carry less weight. You stop needing to convince anyone of your worth, because you already know it.

One of the most common questions after a break-up is: when will I be ready to start dating again? Sadly, there’s no hard and fast rule, no magic timeline, and no moment where you’ll suddenly feel 100% confident and never wobble again. Readiness isn’t about the calendar — it’s about how you’re feeling, the work you’ve done, and the mindset you're bringing with you. 

In this episode, I’ll share:

• Signs you may not be ready yet (like still being in the thick of grief, rumination, or longing for your ex)
• Signs you might be moving toward readiness (like curiosity about meeting someone new and clarity around your standards and patterns)
• How to approach dating again with intention and self-compassion
• Why dating itself can stir up new layers of grief — and how that doesn’t mean you’ve failed or gone backwards

If you’ve been wondering whether to dip your toes back in the dating pool, this episode will help you manage your expectations, recognise where you’re at, and approach the process in a way that feels grounded and intentional.

Highlighted Links

• Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
• Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

Additional Resources

• Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
• Join my email list 💌
• Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
• Visit my website

If you struggle with a harsh inner critic — whether it shows up as perfectionism, relentless self-judgment, or shame about the past — this episode is for you. We’re unpacking the roots of that punitive inner voice, how it tries to keep us safe, and the real cost it can have on our self-worth, our nervous system, and our ability to grow. We’ll also explore what it looks like to relate to ourselves differently: to meet our inner critic with compassion rather than fear, and to begin the process of forgiving ourselves for the things we wish we’d done differently.

In this episode, we’ll cover:

• The role of the inner critic and what it’s really trying to do
• Why punishing yourself doesn’t lead to growth (and what does)
• Why self-forgiveness can be so difficult
• How to hold responsibility without collapsing into shame
• Practical ways to begin softening your inner critic and making peace with your past

Highlighted Links

• Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
• Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

Additional Resources

• Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
• Join my email list 💌
• Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
• Visit my website

In today's episode, we're talking all about stress and the profound impact it can have on our relationships. We live in a world where stress is chronic and constant - and not only does that spell trouble for our health and wellbeing, but it can leave us feeling lonely, resentful and disconnected in our partnerships. 

We'll cover:

• how stress can exacerbate existing attachment dynamics
• why we aren't designed for chronic stress and what it does to us
• how our nervous system's stress response affects our perception and our stories
• tips for managing stress more adaptively as an individual and within your relationship

Highlighted Links

• Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
• Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

Additional Resources

• Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
• Join my email list 💌
• Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
• Visit my website

In today's episode, we're talking about what to do when your partner doesn't want to work on the relationship. This is an incredibly common dynamic, to have one partner who wants to actively work on things and another partner who is more resistant (which can often overlap with anxious-avoidant dynamics).

We'll cover:

• why your partner might be feeling resistant to doing "the work"
• how different people make meaning out of needing to work on a relationship
• ways to dismantle fear stories your partner might have
• why it's entirely valid to value growth in a partnership

Highlighted Links

• Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
• Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

Additional Resources

• Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
• Join my email list 💌
• Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
• Visit my website

In today's episode, we're talking all about trust & trustworthiness. Trust is something that many people struggle with, oftentimes as a direct result of past experiences where trust has been breached. And as we'll discuss in today's conversation, trust is about so much more than honesty. My hope is that you'll walk away from today's episode with greater clarity about why you might struggle with trust, and the steps you can take to remediate this in your relationships. 

We'll cover:

• the interplay between trust and trustworthiness
• the five pillars of trust
• how self-trust and relational trust are connected
• building trust through small acts over time

Click here for my Building Trust masterclass 💻

Highlighted Links

• Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
• Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

Additional Resources

• Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
• Join my email list 💌
• Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
• Visit my website

In today's episode, we're exploring healthy interdependency. Interdependency is often cited as a key trait of secure functioning relationships, and yet many of us lack a clear picture of what healthy interdependency actually looks and feels like - especially if you have a history of insecure attachment patterns.

We'll cover:

• the spectrum from codependency to hyper-independence 
• interdependency as a healthy middle ground
• how different attachment styles relate to codependency, independence and interdependence
• signs of healthy interdependency in a relationship

JOIN THE WAITLIST FOR MY NEW COURSE ON ANXIOUS-AVOIDANT RELATIONSHIPS

Highlighted Links

• Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
• Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

Additional Resources

• Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
• Join my email list 💌
• Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
• Visit my website

In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts around anxious attachment & open relationships. While not being my personal experience, this is an area I receive a lot of requests and questions around, as various non-monogamous relationship structures grow in popularity. 

We'll cover:

• common struggles of anxious attachment and how they might show up in an open relationship structure
• the importance of having a strong relationship to self when exploring open relationships
• communication, boundaries and self-advocacy
• why you should never agree to open a relationship just to hold onto someone

Highlighted Links

• Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
• Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

Additional Resources

• Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
• Join my email list 💌
• Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
• Visit my website

You've probably heard about the 5 Love Languages as pioneered by Gary Chapman. In this episode, I’ll share how to navigate the very common situation of having different love languages to your partner. We'll also cover how love languages interface with anxious-avoidant dynamics, and offer insights and practical tools on how you can share your love language with your partner so they can understand how to love you the way you want to be loved (and vice versa)!

We’ll cover:

• The 5 love languages: words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, gift giving, and quality time
• The benefits of knowing your love language, and your partner's
• How love languages play out in anxious-avoidant dynamics

Find me on my new Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/@stephanierigg/

Highlighted Links

• Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
• Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

Additional Resources

• Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
• Join my email list 💌
• Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
• Visit my website

Mismatched libido in a relationship is a challenge that a lot of couples face. In today’s episode, I’ll be answering a listener's question of how to navigate mismatched libido in a relationship, particularly in an anxious-avoidant dynamic. I’ll guide you on strategies to break the anxious-avoidant spiral, by initiating open dialogue and finding a middle ground between both partners.

We’ll cover:

• Why it's unrealistic to expect your libidos to be in sync all the time
• How anxious and avoidant attachment styles relate to sex and intimacy
• Tips for reframing a partner's lack of interest in sex

Use the code PODCAST50 for 50% off the Sex and Attachment Masterclass - https://www.stephanierigg.com/sex-attachment

Highlighted Links

• Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
• Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

Additional Resources

• Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
• Join my email list 💌
• Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
• Visit my website