Older Women & Friends: Stories of Aging Well – Détails, épisodes et analyse

Melinda Blau is 81, but many of her dear friends are much older. These women populate her new book, The Wisdom Whisperers, and provide younger women (at 80, I must be a spring chicken!) with a playbook to draw from and relate to our own lives.

When Melinda wrote her sixteenth book, she wanted to title it, "I want what she has!" She was deeply moved and impressed by the older women, most of whom were in their 90s and 100s.

I asked Melinda what characteristics the wisdom whisperers had in common:

* Interest in others - a very robust social life

* A Purpose - a reason to wake up every day and live it to the fullest

* Gratitude for their good fortune that they have had long, fruitful lives and for the people in their lives, past and present

* Humor - Laughing with others

& Yes, independence. The women were the CEOs of their own lives

Melinda calls these women "old ladies." She got some flak from family and friends. But she was undeterred. "Old," she says, "is just an adjective. It describes me and others in the age group. These old ladies give me hope about aging, and that's such a good thing to have."

The beginning of your life is about making memories. The end of life is about remembering.

Zelda from The Wisdom Whisperers.

https://melindablau.com/

 https://www.amazon.com/dp/1640657134?ref_=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_E3WDVZDAFZEWP0FKKD7N_2&bestFormat=true

OR your local library.

Maybe you've seen the Showtime special, "Funny Women of A Certain Age" or "More Funny Women of A Certain Age," or -- you guessed it--even "More Women of A Certain Age." Today's guest, comedian Carole Montgomery, is the mover and shaker behind the shows and continues to tour with a stellar cast. Women show up in carloads, busloads, campers, and hoot and holler at the uninhibited, outrageous comedy about aging. No subject is off limits.

• In this episode of "Older Women & Friends," Carole talks about the importance of having girlfriends--the value of friendship as we age
• The negative stereotypes about older women & how comedy can open the door to show how ludicrous most of these misconceptions are
• The female comedians like Lily Tomlin, Joan Rivers, and Phyllis Diller, who set the stage for the next generation
• Humor and the importance of laughter that takes us away from physical and mental pain
• Her love of being in the spotlight, she was always funny
• Changes in the industry that now sports a plethora of female comedians.

& So Much More!

Check out the schedule below. There may be a show coming to a city near you.

woacashow@gmail.com

https://www.funnywomenofacertainage.com/

https://www.funnywomenofacertainage.com/podcast

https://www.funnywomenofacertainage.com/tour

From the outside, Eleanor Vincent's childhood appeared idyllic. But behind the veneer of a loving, supportive environment was a darker secret: her mother was depressed, Eleanor was abused, and both her parents were same-sex gays and bitterly unhappy. "Our job--my siblings' and mine -- was to protect our parents and not let their secret out." During a year when her father lived in New York to pursue acting, her mother had a female lover. The tension was palpable.

One can only imagine how all of the stress, confusion, and anger molded Eleanor and impacted her choices in life, including her choice of men.

She met her first husband when she worked as a cocktail waitress to augment her salary from a Montessori teaching job. The marriage lasted just four years. They had one child, a girl. At age thirty-two, Eleanor married again. By her mid-30s, she was a single mom with two children to raise.

Eleanor was single for the next thirty-five years until she met and married for a third time at age seventy-one.

If only her story ended there in a happy, supportive marriage. But Eleanor had unwittingly fallen in love with a man who had Asperger's, a developmental disability (some disagree with that categorization), or a person with different brain wiring from neurotypical brains. Didn't she see worrisome signs when they were dating? Yes. But she chose to minimize or overlook them because there was so much good in the relationship. (Some warning signs included no eye contact, inability to talk about emotions, and social awkwardness.)

"I had no idea what that would look like in a day-to-day relationship with a partner," Eleanor said. "It was upsetting, confusing," she said. "He love-bombed me and fooled me into thinking that being in a relationship with me was something he wanted more than anything."

Eleanor tells the rest of the story in her new book, Disconnected: Portrait of a Neurodiverse Marriage. She talks to me in this fascinating episode about what can happen when two people come together but don't realize that their brains are wired differently and that the ensuing struggle may doom the marriage, no matter how either partner tries.

There are, however, steps couples can take to try to heal and remain partnered. Eleanor outlines those on her website and in her new book. There is hope, but it's a tough road ahead. For Eleanor, the road ended in divorce.

https://www.eleanorvincent.com/author/epvince/

https://www.vineleavespress.com/

https://shorturl.at/mLNVa

& Wherever books are sold

What can grandparents do to foster a strong relationship? How can a grandparent be the GEO, Grand Parent Officer?

Are you a grandparent who will spend time with your grandchildren, particularly around the holidays? If not, how will you share and engage with your grandchildren from a distance at any time of year?

There are 47 million grandparents in the United States, with an average age of 67. This may be a surprise: 71 percent of grandparents are still working. So, what can these grandparents do to nurture the relationship? How can they engage? How can a grandparent be the GEO, Grand Parent Officer?

Kerry Byrne is a researcher, collaborator, and entrepreneur in aging, care, and connection. She is the Founder of The Long Distance Grandparent, a mission-driven business, that helps grandparents build strong bonds with their grandchildren – no matter the distance between them.

There is so much to unpack in this episode of "Older Women & Friends." Perhaps most important are the stories grandparents share, stories that show a grandparent facing challenges, floundering, and then succeeding. These stories are important for generations to come. Even if it seems as if a grandchild is not listening, she is.

Kerry outlines many things that a grandparent can do to foster and nurture a relationship that is beneficial for everyone. Among these suggestions is the over-arching importance of a grandchild feeling seen, heard, and listened to. There are many ways to accomplish this goal:

* Engage in what a grandchild does and your activities as well

* If you're still working, share your job. Mail some selfies of you in the workplace. Text or write about some of the challenges.

* If you can't be there for holidays like Thanksgiving, come up with a game like the Gratitude Game. (Listen to the episode to find out how the game is played.)

* Mention qualities of a grandchild that you admire: a good listener, a good friend, a good fill-in-the-blank.

* Relish your high-quality relationships and how your example creates a generation of less ageist generations.

Like any relationship, the one between grandparent and grandchild is a lot of work. You juggle not only that connection but the one with your children and your own. But the payoffs are worth the time, energy, and creativity.

You can assume your role as Grandparent Encouragement Officer (GEO) and create beautiful connections.

https://thelongdistancegrandparent.com/

https://www.instagram.com/thelongdistancegrandparent/p/CcQ-ryLLMj9/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/kerry-byrne-phd-20953528/?originalSubdomain=ca

"My favorite species is the human species." ----- Lucinda Sykes, retired MD

Did you know that new science links prescribed sleeping pills to an increase in your chances of dementia and Alzheimers?

Sleeping pills don't put you to sleep; they sedate the brain and prevent it from giving itself a power wash that gets rid of material ultimately connected to disease.

This episode's guest is Lucida Sykes, retired MD and current sleep coach. You may have listened to an earlier episode with Lucinda. This is a Command Performance.

"Millions of older women are being taken from their families," Lucinda says. Her grandmother is a case in point. Every night, Lucinda went to the drugstore

to pick up her grandmother's sleeping pills. She died in her 60s from complications now understood to be partially due to sleeping pills.

When we can't fall asleep, our mind tends to catastrophize. We think of the worst possibilities and ruminate about them over and over again.

So, what are some useful ideas when we can't fall asleep?

*Get out of bed

*Do something that relaxes you, and engages you (puzzles, needlework, reading, etc.)

*Dim the lights - avoid blue lights; instead, surround yourself with amber and pinkish tones

*& More

The key is to avoid stimulation when you sleep and create an uncluttered space outside of the bedroom that calms and relaxes you. Maybe the room is full of fragrances like lavender or maybe there is a sound system that plays calm music.

There is so much more research packed into what is an informative, fast-paced episode of "Older Women & Friends."

https://lucindasykesmd.com/

https://www.joyfulafter50.com/about

https://lucindasykesmd.com/my-story/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucinda-sykes-md-71a25651/?originalSubdomain=ca

Did you know that sometime between 2030 and 2035 it will be the first time in American history that more people will be 65+ than people 18 years and younger?

Crazy!

Today's guest, gerontologist Jeanette Leardi, is one of this podcast's favorite guests. We first talked in June 2003, and since then she has a new book out, Aging Sideways: Changing Our Perspectives on Getting Older.

Jeanette's story is fascinating. She became a gerontologist in her late 50s after taking care of her older parents for ten years. She was blown away at how poorly older people were treated and decided to try to change people's minds about aging. The way we age is not preordained and in many ways, we can be our stewards and enjoy the complex but magical journey as we age.

There is a fear that permeates the cultural view of dementia or any of its categories.

The facts: Only 10% of people 65 + have dementia

For those 90+, the rate jumps to 33.3%, but that means that two-thirds of much older Americans will not have to confront dementia.

And that's good news!

Another topic Jeanette and I discussed is the lack of rituals for older people. Sure, there are birthdays, anniversaries, and other important events, but nothing specifically for older women and men. Rituals help clarify meaning, and they give us a chance to celebrate. Jeanette suggests a multi-generational ritual when we celebrate aging instead of dreading it. Imagine the benefits: younger generations will love celebrating right along and might not have such a negative, jaded view of getting older. And there is the opportunity for older people to welcome newcomers into the fold. I don't know, something akin to ceremonies we've observed: sororities, fraternities, graduations, professional highlights, retirement, and on and on.

Did you know that our brains continue to create new brain cells and that the super highways help us see the what-ifs, the middle ground between good/bad, yes/no . . . ? Our brains may work more slowly because of the wealth of experiences over a lifetime. I like to liken our memory to a card catalog. Remember those? It took us time to find the book( s) we were after but with patience we were rewarded.

Finally, Jeanette and I discuss creativity in older age and how our creativity differs from that of younger people. She details four characteristics of creative folks and reminds listeners that all of us are creative daily as we choose the words we want to use, and the stories we tell to our friends and family. This is a time to pursue whatever gives us pleasure and stokes our creativity. This a time when we are not so dependent upon what others think about us and how we choose to spend our time. It is freedom to be embraced.

How did your recent doctor's appointment go? Did you get the care you needed? Were all your questions answered? Did you feel as if you were a valued patient whose health mattered?

If you're like many patients--often older women--the answer to some of these questions is "No!". Everything was rushed. You were in and out too quickly—the time you spent jotting down questions before your appointment seemed like a waste. What was the point if you left the doctor's office confused, frustrated, and angry?

After an episode of "Older Women & Friends" about breast cancer, one about problems associated with the pelvic floor, and other health-related episodes scheduled for the future, I felt it important to have a guest who could help define the steps all of us can take to communicate with doctors and get the care and respect we deserve. We know ourselves and our history better than anyone. It's key that we understand how to share that information and to advocate for ourselves.

Dana Sherwin was a top hospital administrator for thirty-five years. But when she was diagnosed with a rare blood disease, she made the difficult decision to leave her profession. Her cancer treatment included chemo and, eventually, a bone marrow transplant. She was in the hospital for five weeks and spent many more in her recovery.

Along the way, she paid close attention to the care she received. She began to figure out what made a doctor-patient relationship work well and what did not. She admits that she made mistakes along the way and decided to develop the steps for patients of all stripes and health issues and, for that matter, regularly scheduled appointments, that help get the best medical care. "The Thinking Patients" is the result.

There are five important steps that Dana suggests and that she details in this episode:

• Preparation
• Language
• Questions
• Participation
• Courage
• 
  

Dana is a five-year cancer survivor and credits her doctors and her self-advocation. She is grateful for the opportunity to help others become "thinking patients."

https://www.linkedin.com/in/desherwin/

What is the pelvic floor? Where is it located in the body? What does it do? What are the potential issues created by a weak pelvic floor?

You might be surprised to learn that millions of young and older women experience problems--many of them uncomfortable and embarrassing--with their pelvic floor.

Dr. Nabila Noor, a urogynecologist and physician specializing in pelvic floor problems, joins me in this informative episode. Dr. Noor explains how we can take preventative measures like specific exercises to strengthen our pelvic floor and, if those measures are unsuccessful, the simple, fast surgeries that can solve any of the following problems:

• bladder leakage
• "Gotta Go, Gotta Go syndrome
• Frequent Urinary Tract Infections
• Bowel problems
• Sexual dysfunction
• Pelvic organ prolapse
• & More
• 
  

I don't know about you, but I'd never heard of a urogynecologist, a pelvic floor physical therapist, or the scope of problems caused by a weak pelvic floor. So, I was all ears during this episode.

Dr. Noor was born in Bangladesh and came to the U.S. at age 18 to attend Smith College, an all-girls school that encouraged her to focus on women's health. After receiving her degree as an OB-GYN, she spent an additional three years pursuing a urogynecology specialty. It is a relatively new field, about 20 years old, which is probably why many of us had never heard of it.

If Dr. Noor has one message above all others it is that pelvic floor problems can be solved and that no woman should have to deal with any of these often embarrassing, often painful conditions for years without any hope of leading a normal life. Dr. Noor gets so much joy when a patient returns to the office for a post-surgical checkup. They could kick themselves for not having gotten help earlier but are so damn happy to resume a full life.

Dr. Noor is an enthusiastic spokesperson for all that can be done to remedy pelvic floor problems, and she is anxious to spread the word. She has a large media presence, and you can check her out at any of the following:

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/@drnabilanoor

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drnabilanoor/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61557585516981

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-nabila-noor-9b5b2930/

Yep, we are all caught up in habitual ways of thinking and acting. We turn on our default programming to autopilot and more often than not talk to our boss, partner, or child the same way we have forever.

Ronnie Loaiza is a certified life coach and a certified habit coach. Who knew there was something called a habit coach? Ronnie explains that she helps people create doable habits that get them to their goals instead of temporary or unsustainable hacks, militant discipline, or willpower. "People grow with tiny steps," Ronnie says.

Ronnie was born in the U.S., but she and her mother moved back to where the rest of the family lived. When her parents, her two siblings, and Ronnie returned to the States permanently, Ronnie didn't speak a word of English. Okay, maybe a word or two. She went to kindergarten as a Spanish speaker and quickly picked up English like a sponge.

Ronnie is by nature an adventurous woman who loves to travel. After college, she traveled to France for a five-month program. She stayed for five years. After France, she resided in Los Angeles, where she still lives today.

After suffering from painful back and hip issues and after trying every kind of modality--shots, massage, physical therapy, spinal decompression, and on and on--she gave up. But when her husband suggested that she see a trainer who came highly recommended, she was not gung-ho but gave it a try. Within a matter of weeks, much of her pain was gone. So when her trainer suggested that she become a trainer as a forty-six-year-old, she laughed.

But at some point, she decided to take a chance and `worked her tail off to get her certification through the Certified Life Coach Institute. When she realized that she was spending a lot of her time talking with her clients about their goals and the barriers to achieving them, she explored, studied, practiced, and was eventually certified as a Habit Coach Pro.

Ronnie is a spirited woman who talks fast and springs into action with ease. You can listen to her episode on "Older Women & Friends" as of 9/26. While you're at it, check out some of the past episodes.

If you like this episode and, hopefully, others, please text someone you think will enjoy the podcast. Word of Mouth is what helps grow "Older Women & Friends."

https://ronnielolifecoach.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ronnielolifecoach/

ronnie@ronnielolifecoach.com

Deborah Charnes has been a solo traveler since she was sixteen. She has been around the world on a quest of sorts to learn as much as she can about the cultures, traditions, and people of other countries. During her travels, she has met mentors and gurus, each of whom taught her something important about achieving health and happiness. Her book, FROM THE BOXING RING TO THE ASHRAM, is a distillation of some of those teachers and the ways they have impacted her life. When she’s not on the road, Deborah blogs about travel and currently writes for the “Ethel” a newsletter for women 55+ sponsored by AARP. She is a certified bilingual yoga therapist and a holistic health coach.

https://thenamastecounsel.com/

https://thenamastecounsel.com/book-from-the-boxing-ring-to-the-ashram/