Nope! We're Not Monogamous – Détails, épisodes et analyse

What if the secret to better sex, stronger orgasms, and more confidence isn’t another relationship hack—but your pelvic floor?

This week, I’m joined by Jana Danielson, sensual health and pelvic floor wellness expert, Pilates master instructor, and creator of the Cooch Ball (yes, that’s really what it’s called). Jana and I met in a group for sex-positive professionals, and even though she’s delightfully monogamous—we don’t discriminate against the monogamous here—her work is pure gold for every body.

We talk about the 14 muscles that literally make or break pleasure, why so many people struggle with tension or numbness “down there,” and how breathwork, movement, and curiosity can completely transform your sensual life.

Whether you’re poly, monogamous, or somewhere beautifully in-between, this conversation will help you reconnect with your body, your desire, and your pleasure—because honestly, you deserve to feel amazing in your skin.

💎 In this episode:
• The science of the pelvic floor and why it matters for everyone
• How stress and tension affect orgasm and desire
• What the Cooch Ball actually does (and why you’ll love it)
• Simple daily practices to boost blood flow, confidence, and turn-on

💖 Learn more about Jana or get the Cooch Ball at  https://bloombetter.life/ellecia

🌀 Support the show for just $3/month at patreon.com/notmonogamous
— it makes a huge difference and keeps these real, open-hearted conversations flowing.

Send us Fan Mail

FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster
FLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark! 

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, relationship coach Ellecia Paine dives into the emotional cost of silence in open relationships and polyamory.

If you’ve ever swallowed your truth to keep the peace, or stayed quiet because you were scared of rocking the boat, this conversation will help you find the courage to speak up with honesty and compassion.

You’ll learn how to:

→ Recognize when you’re betraying yourself by staying quiet

→ Understand the fears that keep you silent in non-monogamy (rejection, loss, shame)

→ Speak your truth without exploding or shutting down

→ Create emotional safety for hard conversations with partners or metamours

→ Reconnect to your own inner honesty and nervous system safety

Because pretending your desires don’t exist won’t protect your relationship, it’ll rot it from the inside.

Your truth might hurt for a moment, but hiding it will hurt forever.

Send us Fan Mail

FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster
FLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark! 

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

“What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just be happy with what I have? Why do I keep wanting more when I already have a ‘good’ relationship?” 

If that question has been looping in your head, this episode is for you. Spoiler: there’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve just been taught your whole life that love only “counts” if it fits in the monogamy box—even if that box is crushing you.

I’m getting real about my own story—how I contorted myself in my first marriage until I barely recognized who I was, why I stayed way too long, and how my second marriage turned into something more honest, more spacious, and more us once I stopped shrinking and started telling the truth.

We’re diving into:

• The sneaky, everyday ways self-erasure shows up in relationships.
• Why “compromise” isn’t the same as collaboration (and how to tell the difference).
• How your nervous system tries to keep you small—and how to rewire it so you can take up space.
• A quick grounding practice you can use before those scary, important conversations.
• Six tools to help you be fully yourself without automatically burning it all down.

If you’ve ever thought you’re “too much” for wanting more—more love, more connection, more you—this one’s your permission slip to stop twisting yourself into a shape you don’t even recognize.

Links & Resources:

• Join Breaking Free From Monogamy → https://www.elleciapaine.com/breakingfree
• Hang out with me on TikTok → http://tiktok.com/@elleciapaine

Share the Love:

If this episode hit home, send it to your partner, your best friend, or that one person who’s definitely tired of playing small. Let’s stop pretending everything’s fine and start talking about what love could look like when it actually fits.

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

I am so excited to share with you this conversation with Emily Gindlesparger. Emily is the author of Please Make Me Love Me, an intimate memoir of opening her relationship, coming into a queer identity, forming multiple intense, long-term relationships, and ultimately, learning to live by her own terms. She expresses herself so beautifully and, in this conversation, shares from such a heartfelt place her journey from monogamy to non-monogamy to monogamy, and finding herself along the way. 

Professionally, Emily is a book coach and ghostwriter at Scribe Media, where she helps authors tackle the emotional journey of writing, tap into the wisdom of their experience, and share it with the world. 

💨 TLDR;

• 8:45- Opening up
• 15:43- Finding Safety in Non-Monogamy
• 19:38- Being Honest With Yourself
• 27:12- Making Time For Yourself
• 29:18- Letting Go of Self-Judgement to Live Authentically
• 40:54- Building in Time to Feel Your Feelings

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.

Want to connect with Emily?
Website: emilygindlesparger.com
Instagram: @emilygindle
Medium: @emilygindlesparger

📚 Books mentioned: 

● Please Make Me Love Me: A Memoir, by Emily Gindelsparger

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia 

Get free shipping on my favorite toys!!

👀 Find Us Online
           - Website
           - Facebook
           - Instagram

Credits
- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine
- Editor/Producer: Danny Walters
- Hosted on Buzzsprout

About Us

Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, ki

Send us Fan Mail

FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster
FLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark! 

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

This week I am talking to Leah Carey. Leah is a sex and intimacy coach and she's the host of Good Girls Talk About Sex. We talk about her evolution from someone who didn't talk about sex and who was very sexually repressed to someone who talks about sex a lot, very publicly. We also talk a lot about learning to share your needs and she shares her experiences and a tool for you to try at home!

Leah works with people to explore new avenues of their sexuality and fulfill their greatest desires like diving back into the dating pool after a long time away, or having first time queer experiences, or investigating consensual non monogamy or learning how to communicate about kink. Her superpower is radical empathy. She reflects your true sexual nature back to you without judgment, so you can see yourself without shame. 

💨 TLDR;

• 4:41- The Journey to Non Monogamy
• 19:52- The Journey to Sexual Connectedness
• 25:40- The Power of Sex Workers
• 30:48- Recognizing What Works for YOU
• 44:32- Trolls vs. The Uninformed
• 50:29- Tools for Speaking Your Desires

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.

Want to connect with Leah? 

www.Leahcarey.com
Instagram @goodgirlstalk
Facebook

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia 

Get free shipping on my favorite toys!!

👀 Find Us Online
            - Website
           - Facebook
           - Instagram

Credits
- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine
- Editor/Producer: Danny Walters
- Hosted on Buzzsprout

About Us
Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life

Send us Fan Mail

FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster
FLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark! 

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Today I am giving you a sneak peek into our community Facebook group, also called Nope, We're Not Monogamous and a workshop we had last week! In that workshop, Elizabeth Claire de Lune and I explored boundaries.  We talk about rules and agreements versus boundaries, why we often don't develop a good sense for our boundaries and why safety is important for healthy relationships with yourself and with others. 

Elizabeth Clair de Lune helps humans at all stages of the divorce process - navigating the dissolution, building the resilience and new identity afterwards, and creating what’s next after you’ve found your footing again. She shows you how to harvest the lessons of high conflict, difficult experiences so that you can have the resilient backbone you need to offer your heart fully.

Leave a review and let us know what you think or get exclusives by joining our Patreon.

💨 TLDR;

• 5:43- Boundaries and Agreements vs. Rules
• 11:04- Connecting Your Body with Your Boundaries
• 19:35- Finding the Edges of Your Boundaries
• 29:54- Growing at Hyperspeed in Non-Monogamy
• 32:45- Creating Safety in Non-Monogamous Relationships
• 39:25- Safety vs. Security
• 49:24- The Difference Between Boundaries, Needs, and Wants
• 53:49- Creating Intentional Intimacy

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.

Want to connect with Elizabeth Clare de Lune on Facebook or her website, www.elizabethclairdelune.com
Class Registration

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia 

Get free shipping on my favorite toys!!

👀 Find Us Online
    - Website
    - Facebook
    -

Send us Fan Mail

FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster
FLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark! 

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

This week I’m talking with my friend, Ashley Thibodaux. Ashley helps women find safety to rest in and believes that the only way to speed up is to slow down. We talk a lot about how to find safety in your relationship choices and how to create a list of non-negotiables, boundaries, and requirements of what you need in your relationships.

Ashley leads programs, 1:1 coaching, fitness + rest classes rooted in creating safety in the body and coming home to your heart. Her mission is to deepen her connection with herself therefore creating deeper relationships with others. Then, she guides women to do the same. 

💨 TLDR;

• 3:04- Labels and Non-Monogamy
• 6:02- Seeing Outside of the Box of Monogamy
• 15:27- To Tell or Not to Tell?
• 19:06- Recognizing Your Shame
• 24:45- Finding Safety in Non-Monogamy
• 30:20- The List
• 42:25- Dating in Non-Monogamy
• 48:37- Setting Boundaries
• 52:35- It’s All About You

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.

Want to connect with Ashley?
Instagram
Sassy + Spiritual Facebook Group

📚 Books mentioned: 

● The Desire Map, Danielle LaPorte

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia 

Get free shipping on my favorite toys!!

👀 Find Us Online
        - Website
        - Facebook
        - Instagram
Credits
- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine
- Editor/Producer: Danny Walters
- Hosted on Buzzsprout

About US
Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, s

Send us Fan Mail

FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster
FLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark! 

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

What the heck is human design and what could it possibly have to do with my relationships? I've worked with Amber for about six months, and the information that I got was so validating; for my relationships, for my business, and for my parenting. It was kind of mind blowing to have someone speak out loud, all of these pieces of me that I kind of knew were there, but I hadn't put into words. If you have any curiosity about human design, and what it might have to do with your relationships, a big piece of this is self acceptance and validation. And we all know that this is the key to moving through relationships, especially non monogamous relationships in a way that keeps us feeling loved and safe and connected. 

Amber Keyes is a Business Success Mentor who began her Human Design journey in 2014. She is deeply passionate about this system as the quintessential tool for all things business, and loves weaving her expertise in simplified business strategy, emotional regulation tools, mindset, and human design to help her clients create THEIR life, and THEIR business, on THEIR terms. She says the best thing about her work is watching her clients unsubscribe from unhelpful societal shoulds and step fully into their creative power, especially when it comes to making money doing what they love. When she isn't helping her clients with confidence, clarity, or consistent sustainable income, she is walking her dog, making memories with her son, and enjoying the life that her business affords her. 

💨 TLDR;

• 3:54- What is human design?
• 9:22- Human Design and Relationships
• 21:39- Radical Self Acceptance
• 26:33- Human Design and Compersion
• 28:17- Am I the Non-Monogamous “Type”?
• 38:38- Sex and Human Design

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.

Want to connect with Amber?

Join me in my Facebook Group, Your Life, Your Biz, Your Way With Human Design  

Ways to work with me

Use Code NOPE for $111 off a 90-Minute Human Design Discovery Session

📚 Tools mentioned: 

● Find your Human Design Type

📰 Subscribe to

Send us Fan Mail

FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster
FLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark! 

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

I'm talking to Tia Lynn, the Sexy Biz Babe who helps women own their confidence and power in the bedroom and the boardroom. We have a really great conversation around overcoming shame, enjoying things for yourself, and experiencing compersion. 

Tia helps online female entrepreneurs stand out in a crowded market by owning their Purpose, Pleasure, and Power, so that they can organically attract more clients with ease. Her methods are known to increase self-confidence, income, and to have the best sex of their life! 

💨 TLDR;

• 3:20- Exploring Non-Monogamy
• 5:48- Moving Past Shame
• 19:34- Communication in Non-Monogamy
• 26:49- Avoiding Comparison
• 27:59- The Joy of Gratitude
• 29:29- Embodying Sexy, Confident, Non-Monogamy

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.

Want to connect with Tia?
Facebook- www.facebook.com/levelupwithtiaa
Instagram- www.instagram.com/sexybizbabe/

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia 

Getting It on In a Group - Intentional Threesomes, Foursomes, & Moresomes Course

👀 Find Us Online
           - Website
           - Facebook
           - Instagram

Credits
- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine
- Editor/Producer: Danny Walters
- Hosted on Buzzsprout

About US
Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general.

Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it's worth

Send us Fan Mail

FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster
FLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark! 

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

As we all know, the mental health impact of the pandemic combined with the process of opening up a monogamous, long term marriage can create a lot of challenges to overcome. Today we're talking about unwinding codependency, some of the mismatch that came up in the speed at which each of them wanted to open the relationship, some jealousy, fitting it into life while raising kids and running a business,  and so much more. 

Today I'm talking to Rachel Symington, aka the successful lazy bitch, and her husband Greg. They live in rural Kentucky with their two little kids and have been married for over a decade. They decided to become non-monogamous the summer of 2021, and have been exploring all of the aspects that come along with that. 

💨 TLDR;

• 2:15- Transitioning from monogamy to non-monogamy
• 8:39- Working Through Codependency
• 15:14- Motivation and Compersion
• 29:55- Nuclear Families and Kids with Non-Monogamy
• 34:44- Dating in Non-Monogamy
• 41:30- Lazy Successful Non-Monogamy

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.

Want to connect with Rachel?
Instagram
Facebook

📚 Books mentioned: 

● And That’s Their Family, by Kailee Coleman

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia 

Getting It on In a Group - Intentional Threesomes, Foursomes, & Moresomes Course

👀 Find Us Online

           - Website
          - Facebook
          - Instagram

Credits
- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine
- Editor/Producer: Danny Walters
- Hosted on Buzzsprout

About Us

Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps peo

Send us Fan Mail

FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster
FLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark! 

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237