Let's Talk About Sex, Really – Détails, épisodes et analyse

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This is my first movie/show review about a new show that has been getting a lot of buzz lately. I've been seeing sexy posters all over NYC for this new FX limited series starring Michelle Williams and the cover of NY Magazine touted it as the "kinkiest show on TV."  So, is it? Does it live up to the hype.  How kinky is it? I had to see for myself. And after a weekend binge I'm here to give you the lowdown.

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Are you curious to know more about open marriages or polyamorous relationships?  In this episode of "Let's Talk About Sex Really," Dr. Alisa Kriegel dives into the world of non-monogamy. With her expertise as a therapist and personal research, she explores the realities of open relationships, polyamory, and consensual non-monogamy. Dr. Kriegel dispels the myths, emphasizing that true non-monogamy isn’t about affairs or casual flings—it’s about communication, consent, and honesty. She discusses the challenges (jealousy!), the tools (like "R.A.D.A.R talks"), and the work required to make these relationships thrive. Whether you're curious or committed, this episode offers insights and resources, including recommended reads like The Ethical Slut and Polysecure. Tune in for a no-shame, real talk on what non-monogamy truly means.

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***Explore Dr. Alisa's recommendations from this episode!***

 Book & Articles:
 
"The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
   URL: https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Third-Practical-Relationships/dp/0399579664  

"Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships" by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá** 
   URL: https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Stray-Modern-Relationships/dp/0061707813 

"Multi-Amory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships" (related to the Multiamory podcast/book) 
   URL: https://www.amazon.com/Multiamory-Essential-Tools-Modern-Relationships/dp/1637740832  

"I Opened My Marriage. Maybe I Should Have Tried an Affair" (New York Magazine, The Cut) by Haley Mlotek

https://www.thecut.com/article/open-marriage-divorce.html

Additional Resources:
Multiamory Podcast (Official Website)*
   URL: https://www.multiamory.com 

RADAR Talk Resource (from Multiamory)
   URL: https://www.multiamory.com/radar  

"Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy" by Jessica Fern
   URL: https://www.amazon.com/Polysecure-Attachment-Consensual-Nonmonogamy/dp/1944934987 

"From Sexless Marriage to Sex Goddess: A Memoir" by Alisa Kriegel

URL:  https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/From-Sexless-Marriage-to-Sex-Goddess/Alisa-Kriegel/9798896360063
 

Podcast Instagram: Let’s Talk About Sex Really** 
   URL: https://www.instagram.com/letstalkaboutsex_really 

General Non-Monogamy Communities and Courses: 
   - Dr. Kriegel references online courses, groups, and therapist networks specializing in polyamory and kink. For exploration, consider: 
     - [Polyamory Weekly Podcast](https://polyweekly.com/) 
     - [Open Love Communities](https://www.openlove101.com/) 


Enjoy exploring these resources, and let curiosity guide your journey! 🤔💕

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Did you know that men on average orgasm during sexual encounters and intercourse far more frequently than women?  Statistics often show a difference of as much 40% more.  This wide gap is often referred to as THE ORGASM GAP.  In this episode Dr. Alisa Kriegel talks about possible causes for these differences and more importantly, explores ways in which we can start to close the gap! 
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Shame is something that comes up a lot with regards to sex. We all have our own stories that bring up feelings of shame and judgment toward ourself and sometimes toward others.  It often comes from our own discomfort as well as from the messages we have heard.  In this episode Dr. Alisa Kriegel shares some stories, including the one that inspired her to start this podcast.  She also recommends  ways for you to let go of the shame and  create more pleasure and positivity around sex in your life!

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***This Episode has been recommended as a "Listeners' Favorite" ***
We talk about how we fit with our partner in many ways, personality, temperament, chemistry.  But there is an important fit that gets less focus.  Genital fit.  In this episode, Dr. Alisa shares a personal story about a time when the fit was less than perfect and what she learned from that. As well as what a lesser-known section of the Kama Sutra has to teach us about this important topic for ultimate sexual pleasure!  

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Are you someone who isn't having sex frequently or barely at all. Maybe it's been months or years even.  You're not alone.  Sexless marriages and relationships are much more common than you may realize and nothing to be ashamed of.  Dr. Alisa Kriegel explores  underlying causes so that you can know where to begin if you want to make changes to your sex life. It's possible!

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Do you need to feel desire or be "in the mood" as a prerequisite for sex?  Waning feelings of desire for a partner or for sex at all is not uncommon.  In this episode I share two major recent discoveries about desire and how it can change the way we've been taught to understand it's role in sex.  After all, knowledge isn't only power; in this case it's pleasure!

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Just like sex,  there are so many ways to do a podcast about sex. This premier episode will help you know more about who I am, why I'm excited to share this with you, and what it's all about.    Honest talk, pleasure focused, and shame free. It's a warm up to see if it's a fit and you're  ready to jump into the next episode and all the ones that follow!  Thanks for checking it out!  

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Publish: Feb. 09, 2021 @ 8PM Edit

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In today's episode Dr. Alisa Kriegel discusses the need for a broader definition of sex, moving beyond traditional view of "sex" mainly referring to penetration & "p in v" intercourse.  By expanding how we define sex with also expand the many ways we can explore sex and pleasure. As always, she encourages open conversations with your partner for all the ways to experience sensual and sexual touch and pleasure. 

References in the podcast:

NY Times article on the Orgasm Gap

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/06/well/family/orgasm-gap-women-age.html?smid=url-share

Emily Nagoski, PhD, Come Together

Ian Kerner, PhD,  She Comes First

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Valentine's Day is here again—the hearts, flowers, candlelight dinners, and grand gestures plastered all over Instagram. Let's be honest, a lot of this is driven by the hope of romance and sex. But from what I've seen with clients, friends, and even in my own life, it often leads to pressure, obligation, and the feeling that we're failing to live up to some rom-com ideal. So, can we ditch the once-a-year pressure and figure out how to weave romance into our lives every single day?

At the end of the day, we all crave love. We want to feel loved. Deep down, it's about connection and validation—feeling seen and heard, not just for the polished, perfect parts of ourselves, but for the messy, flawed bits we desperately hide, fearing they'll make us unlovable.

In this podcast, Dr. Alisa shares several  time-tested and "lab-tested" ways to cultivate real romance and deepen your relationships. These are for EVERY DAY,  you absolutely don't need a holiday as an excuse for romance.

Radical Vulnerability:

• 36 Questions to Fall in Love (New York Times): https://36questionsinlove.com

The core idea is that mutual vulnerability creates closeness. As the study's authors put it, "One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.”

The Small Things That Add Up to Lasting Love:

• Gottman Love Lab - Accepting Your Partner's Bids: https://www.gottman.com/blog/turn-toward-instead-of-away/

John and Julie Gottman can predict with 94% accuracy whether a marriage will last, simply by observing couples for 15 minutes. One of the biggest factors? How often a couple "turns toward" their partner instead of "turning away."

"Turning toward" means accepting "bids for connection."  We can do this by saying YES, showing interest, having curiosity to learn more. 

Examples of bids to accept:

• When your partner calls your name from another room
• When your partner says, "This is an interesting ______ I'm reading"
• When your partner suggests something they'd like to do, "I'd love to see this concert."

Learn to Speak Your Partner's Love Language:

• Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages:
  • Words of Affirmation
  • Quality Time
  • Physical Touch
  • Acts of Service
  • Gifts

You can take the quiz here (although there's a cost for a full report)

https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

The secret is learning their language, not just speaking your own. Can you give a "gift" based on your partner's love language, not what you would want? Be creative!  Listen to the podcast for some ideas! 

Or, better yet, share this bid for connection with your partner and listen (and learn) together! 💕

Thank you for being here.

You can find the video version of this podcast at: 

https://www.youtube.com/@dralisakriegel

Find more about me at:

https://alisakriegel.com/