An unfiltered dating podcast all about love, sex, relationships, and all the ways humans are sometimes really bad at them. Dr. NerdLove and Dr. Liz Powell break down what not do, and what actually works.
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In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell skip the Reddit disasters and get right to the source of modern dating…and why it sucks so much. Reading articles from The Cut, Wired, and the New York Times, they explore the problem with dating apps, why people are leaving them in droves, and how poor dating prospects are even affecting high-status, wealthy people. The only difference is that they're turning to 5 and 6 figure matchmakers instead of Tinder and Hinge.
Highlights of the episode:
Grindr's gayborhood rebrand and their selection of GLP-1s
Discussions of what makes someone "worthy" of a relationship
Hinge thought Harris was a lesbian (and made it hard to get dates)
Liz and Harris mourn the loss of OG OKCupid
A breakdown of what Mrs. Doubtfire was actually about…
An open call for any freaky rich people to fund a freaky dating app
When capitalism impacts literally every aspect of our lives, inducing romance, how are we actually supposed to date in 2026? Well, Liz and Harris come in clutch with the ways you can actually connect with someone instead of endlessly swiping right.
Time Stamps
00:00 - Welcome to the episode!
01:34 - Bumble changed the one thing that made it stand out
If your partner starts talking to you in a different language the first time you get in bed together, what would your reaction be?
In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley get back to their Reddit-y roots with two stories that seem wildly different, but both boil down to the same thing: communication.
First, they hear from a woman whose first time with her boyfriend did not go how she expected. They both speak Spanish, but he suddenly burst into English and moved her from position to position.
Then (prepare yourself for this one), a woman's boyfriend refuses to help her with normal tasks, but gets angry at her when she finds another way to accomplish them.
Highlights of the episode:
Why you should look at adult films in the same way you watch Fast & Furious
How to ask for what you want without killing the mood
What looks good on camera doesn't always feel good
The truth about the "friend zone" (men, you're doing it too)
Is your partner helping you succeed or setting you up to fail?
If you're not entirely satisfied with what's happening in the bedroom, you find yourself constantly walking on eggshells around your partner, or you're somewhere in between, this episode has resources, practical tips, and plenty of strong opinions about building relationships that feel good to be in.
Time Stamps
00:00 - Welcome to the episode
01:10 - Reddit story #1: "First time with boyfriend felt more like a performance"
04:41 - The difference between connection and performance
05:31 - It's okay to slow down!
Voice Memo Guy: Consent, Coercion, and Boundaries
Épisode 22
mercredi 12 août 2026 • Durée 01:06:49
Have you heard about the infamous TikTok Voice Memo Guy?
In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell fill you in on all the details, some questionable twists, and their thoughts on how weird it is to schedule getting laid via voice memo.
A few months ago, a guy sent a voice memo to a woman he'd gone on a date with, saying that if their second date wasn't going to end with them in bed together, there was no point in going at all. His message points out a larger problem in our dating culture: we teach men to center their own pleasure over their partner's pleasure, comfort, or even safety. What initially might sound blunt and straightforward starts looking a lot more like coercion when you listen closely.
Get ready for:
Why wanting to get laid early in dating isn't inherently wrong (and neither is wanting to wait)
How to talk about physical compatibility without pressure
The FRIES model of consent
Why being upfront about what you want gets you better matches
Before you start sending thinly veiled demands to get laid, listen to the episode and take some notes. You'll get so much further with curiosity than entitlement.
Time Stamps
00:00 - Welcome! 01:11 - TikTok's "Voice Memo Guy" 02:15 - "If I'm not getting laid, what's the point?" 04:37 - The FRIES model for consent 07:45 - You can't pre-consent to intimacy 12:05 - Wanting to get laid isn't wrong; the approach can be 13:57 - Don't dangle dating as a reward for getting laid 20:24 - Men aren't the only ones into casual hookups 23:00 - Our culture teaches men to center their own pleasure 24:30 - How to talk about physical compatibility in a healthy way 25:27 - There's a difference between boundaries and ultimatums 27:45 - If you want a casual hookup, just say that! 30:14 - Do you want a hookup or a conquest? 32:20 - How "boundaries" can turn into manipulation 36:02 - A twist! Was the voice memo guy using a script? 43:49 - Physical safety and communication is hot 47:45 - Can you keep flirting after someone says no? 50:56 - Curiosity vs entitlement 54:34 - How to talk about wanting a physical relationship 01:02:08 - It's okay to be upfront about what you want 01:05:03 - Where to find Dr. Liz and Harris
Hard Truths About Male Loneliness
Épisode 21
mercredi 5 août 2026 • Durée 01:45:59
How do you react when people tell you things you wish you'd never heard?
In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell are joined by Evita Sawyers for a conversation about emotional responsibility, connection, desire, and what happens when people treat others like solutions instead of human beings.
First, they wade through a toxic mess where a man learns that his married father is considering buying a house with a woman he's only been seeing for four months. Then, they chat about a post from r/Relationships, where a woman's best friend confesses he's been in love with her for years… even though she's a lesbian.
Highlights of the episode:
Why the patriarchy harms men, too
The line between ethical polyamory and cheating
The solution to the male loneliness epidemic
Emotional intelligence and good communication aren't things we're born knowing. They take self-awareness, practice, and a willingness to grow. If you're ready to build healthier relationships, this episode is full of practical insights (and maybe an open call to make the Golden Girls for men).
Who Is Evita Sawyers and How to Connect
Evita "Lavitaloca" Sawyers is a black, queer, femme, ethical non-monogamy coach, speaker, educator, and author. She is the creator of "Today's Polyamory Reminder," which has inspired over 60,000 followers. She is the author of "A Polyamory Devotional-365 Daily Reflections for the Consensually Nonmonogamous". Evita is also the subject of the groundbreaking polyamorous documentary "Poly-Love".
Have you ever set yourself up to get hurt, but you just couldn't help yourself?
In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley are joined by the brilliant Jessica Daylover. Polyamorous since 2013, co-author of "Polyamory & Parenthood," and founder of Remodeled Love and the Nuclear Fusion Network, Jessica brings all the insightful commentary on two poly relationship stories that…let's just say aren't exactly set up for success.
First up, they hear from a woman devastated to learn her husband called his girlfriend his best lover…which she only found out by going through his phone. Then they get into the weeds of age-gap relationships when they read a post from a 25-year-old whose 49-year-old partner is struggling with jealousy over her 34-year-old partner.
Buckle up for:
How the Nuclear Fusion app is helping people learn how to build community
A painful reminder that you should never go through your partner's phone, even if you have an "open phone" agreement
Building self-worth instead of centering yourself around your partner's relationships
How jealousy can get quieter when you get yourself some business
If you're a professional self-saboteur, or you find that the things you're intellectually okay with don't always match up with what your nervous system says, grab a snack, get comfy, and listen up.
Who Is Jessica Daylover and How to Connect
Jessica Daylover is an educator, producer, entertainer, mystic, and mother who practices Relationship Anarchy in every area of her life. An entrepreneur since 2008, she is the founder of Remodeled Love, an online platform that helps polyamorous and poly-curious people build relationships that feel safe, sustainable, and free; and Nuclear Fusion Network, a community-building app dedicated to helping people create real, local, interdependent communities rooted in care, courage, and accountability.
Love or Control? AI Girlfriends, Consent, and Polyamory
Épisode 19
mercredi 22 juillet 2026 • Durée 01:38:12
Is it better to be in a relationship where you're constantly contorting yourself to avoid saying "no," or one where your partner can't say "no" at all?
Trick question. The answer is neither.
In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell are joined by author, educator, and longtime member of Philadelphia's polyamory community, Kevin Patterson. They read two stories that seem completely unrelated, but share the same uncomfortable truth: relationships stop being healthy when someone else's autonomy disappears.
First, they dive into a spectacularly tangled Reddit post where a Dungeons and Dragons group has become a web of people-pleasing, poor communication, and emotional control. Then they discuss a Wired profile of Mystery (a pickup artist who rose to fame in the early 2000s) and his new AI girlfriend, exploring what it means to build intimacy with a partner who can never truly disagree.
Prepare yourself for:
Harris' 15 minutes of reality TV fame?!?!
The D&D to poly pipeline
How control can come from someone who acts like the victim
The appeal (and danger) of a frictionless or only friction relationship
The rise and fall of the early 2000s pickup scene
Building an AI to train people into being better
Healthy boundaries require honest "yes's" and "no's"
From people-pleasing and emotional control to AI companions designed to agree with you, get ready for insightful takes about building healthy relationships that have boundaries, mutual respect, and a willingness to hear (and say) "no."
Who Is Kevin Patterson?
Kevin Patterson is a member of the Philadelphia polyamory community. He's been practicing ethical nonmonogamy since August of 2002 after opening up a relationship that eventually became his marriage.
Dating Apps Aren't Keeping You from Finding Love
Épisode 18
mercredi 15 juillet 2026 • Durée 01:11:33
Could your biggest obstacle to dating success be the advice you've been following?
In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley endure the trenches of r/PurplePillDebate, a supposedly neutral subreddit where you somehow end up with advice like "Men, don't talk to women." Huh?
According to one self-proclaimed 10, "ugly" men shouldn't bother trying to talk to a woman in person because they simply have no chance. After all, if no one wants to swipe right online, what makes face-to-face any different?
And boy howdy, do Harris and Dr. Liz have some thoughts.
Tune in for:
Dating is not a business, so stop looking for your ROI
People can sense desperation, and it's not attractive
How misogyny hurts both men and women
You'll be more interesting if you're interested in things (genuinely interested)
Tom Holland's Umbrella performance is the hottest thing to ever exist
Looks are a small part of attraction
Most people just want to make a connection. But they want to make a connection with someone who has hobbies and enjoys things. If you've been striking out in the dating department, take some notes. You just might have been getting advice from the wrong place.
Time Stamps
00:00 - Welcome!
02:15 - r/PurplePillDebate "Don't Talk to Women in Person"
03:00 - Are dating apps designed to keep you single?
05:28 - Why dating apps are frustrating for everyone
05:49 - What is the "purple pill?"
06:55 - Jumping into u/WoodenHuckleberry693's dating philosophy
Love Isn't Enough to Make a Relationship Work
Épisode 17
mercredi 8 juillet 2026 • Durée 01:15:55
Is there a secret formula for healthy, conflict-free relationships?
In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley have an insightful yap session about why so many people approach dating and relationships like they're trying to solve a logic puzzle, and why that often creates more frustration than it solves.
From clients who expect their therapists to "fix them" to people who would do anything to avoid the friction that comes with being around other people, Harris and Liz have a lot to say about what it means to be vulnerable, the necessity of doing hard things, and how therapy is most effective.
Highlights of the episode:
Liz's love for Couples Therapy (you should totally add it to your watchlist!)
Why love isn't enough to sustain a relationship
Breaking up is not failing!!!
Harris' boomer opinion about technology…but he's not wrong 😉
Everyone wants the perfect dating advice or script to say, and while Liz and Harris can't promise that, they can promise thoughtful discussion and practical tips to help you nurture healthy relationships.
Time Stamps
00:00 - Intro and welcome
00:45 - People who don't see therapists as human
02:20 - Why understanding why you do something isn't enough to change
03:35 - The biggest myth TV teaches us about therapy
04:20 - Therapists pay attention to how you relate to them as a person
06:15 - Looking for the "right words" instead of real connection
What Your Jealousy Is Actually Telling You
Épisode 15
mercredi 1 juillet 2026 • Durée 01:16:56
Are some people just wired for jealousy, with no hope of changing, or is it actually the check engine light for your relationship?
In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell discuss Psychology with Dr. Ana's YouTube video, "Turns Out Jealousy Isn't Always a You Problem." The video reveals research that suggests nearly 40% of jealousy may be driven by relationship dynamics rather than individual personality traits.
Harris gets to dust off his English degrees as they talk about the difference between jealousy and envy, and why it's an important distinction to make. They also dig into attachment styles, how insecurity and relationship instability fuel jealousy, and why most of the internet gives truly terrible relationship advice.
And between the tangents about Masters of the Universe and psychology deep cuts, they tackle:
Whether a relationship can survive cheating
Why people cheat (and why that's different from excusing cheating)
Adult content and the panic around whether it's cheating
Why polyamorous people get jealous too
How to communicate difficult emotions without blame
If you've convinced yourself you're doomed to an anxious or avoidant attachment style, or that you'll always be jealous when your partner talks to someone else, give this episode a listen.
Time Stamps
00:00 - Intro and the least subtle transition to jealousy ever
01:21 - Jealousy in non-monogamy
07:05 - Jealousy vs. envy
10:18 - Today's video: "Turns Out Jealousy Isn't Always a You Problem"
12:53 - Emotional jealousy vs cognitive jealousy explained
The Secret Ingredient to Better Intimacy?
Épisode 15
mercredi 24 juin 2026 • Durée 01:16:30
Have you ever thought about how much saliva affects intimacy?
In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley are joined by Marcin (he/him), founder of Twinkle Tongue, a saliva enhancement product designed to support their body's natural saliva production for a more satisfying and fun bedroom experience. Together, they discuss two Reddit posts, one from a woman whose headgame is literally dry, and someone else who's really, really into spit and interested in hearing other people's perspectives.
Plus, we're excited to announce our first-ever podcast giveaway! Thanks to Twinkle Tongue, listeners can enter for a chance to win free product and experience the magic for themselves.
🎁 Enter for a chance to win here: https://gleam.io/BOOPO/twinkle-tongue-giveaway
Prepare yourself for:
What ADHD meds, Burning Man, and recreational substances have in common
Cursed playlists and roommate escapades
A thoughtful discussion as to whether Mao or Marx would give good head
A reminder that receiving feedback in the bedroom is just as important as giving it
This episode jumps into the delightful Reddit rabbit hole of intimacy and offers a chaotic look at something most people never think about until they have to.
Who is Marcin, and what is Twinkle Tongue?
Marcin founded Twinkle Tongue after his own experiences with dry mouth in college and Burning Man to naturally enhance saliva production in a portable, easy-to-use product.
Time Stamps
00:00 - Welcome and guest introduction
01:05 - Dry mouth and the search for a solution
03:04 - How Burning Man led to the beginning of Twinkle Tongue
06:35 - Fast & Furious is not educational, and neither are adult films
08:21 - Some positions are made for cameras instead of pleasure
13:37 - Take the time to learn what your partner likes
18:05 - Safewords are for everyone
20:22 - Why couples should have more conversations about intimacy
23:02 - Great books and resources to read
25:19 - The climax gap
27:45 - You don't have to know everything the first time
29:37 - How you talk about pleasure doesn't have to be clinical
31:14 - Embrace the awkward
34:43 - There are so many ways to give your partner pleasure
36:41 - If your partner doesn't care how you feel, LEAVE THEM!
39:35 - Reddit Story #2: "Boyfriend doesn't help me, but gets mad when I find other solutions"
42:24 - One person doesn't get to decide how everything gets done
45:38 - Weaponized bad moods
47:47 - Coercive control doesn't always mean physical violence
49:29 - If you're always walking on eggshells, that's a warning sign
52:06 - Plot twist: Looking at OP's Reddit post history
54:16 - Compulsory heterosexuality
55:45 - Butterflies might be signaling danger, not excitement
57:57 - Trauma and splitting emotional intimacy from desire
59:59 - Physical closeness can feel easier than emotional vulnerability
01:05:09 - The truth about the "friend zone"
01:05:31 - Your partner should want you to succeed
Jessica's work is rooted in expanding the cultural narrative on love, family, and parenthood—an expression of her Sagittarius Sun paired with a Cancer Moon and Ascendant, and a deep belief that connection is the true elixir of life.
Kevin's work focused on polyamorous representation, leading to a blog project, Poly Role Models, the award-winning non-fiction book, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities, and, along with co-writer Alana Phelan, a sci-fi novel series, For Hire, which centers characters of color as well as other marginalized identities.
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