Divorce Coaches Academy – Détails, épisodes et analyse

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Divorce can knock the wind out of the protector identity many men carry. We explore what happens when that role shakes, why so many dads go silent, and how outcome-oriented coaching can turn conflict into a proving ground for empathy, clarity, and calm co-parenting. 

In this DCA Podcast episode, Tracy welcomes JH Harper, a DCA-certified ADR divorce coach and executive communication coach, who works primarily with fathers. Together we get practical about the tools that actually help: the three phrases men struggle to say without a caveat (“I’m sorry,” “I don’t know,” “I need help”), cognitive empathy through role-play, and the SCARF model for mapping triggers around status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness, and fairness.

We dig into the stories men tell themselves—about failure, blame, and masculinity—and replace them with questions that move things forward. What kind of dad do you want to be in five years? What experience do you want your child to have at big milestones when both parents share the room? Instead of staring at the obstacle, we focus on future mapping, micro-scripts for hard conversations, and agreements that stabilize kids’ routines. JH shares how fatherhood becomes a live wire to empathy and purpose, and why “combat is optional” can be a north star during negotiations and co-parenting.

You’ll hear honest talk about the loneliness men face, shifting gender roles, and the subtle ways language in the divorce space can exclude fathers. Most of all, you’ll get a playbook for redefining strength as accountability, presence, and calm leadership. If you or a dad you love is navigating separation, this conversation offers a way to lift your eyes from the rear-view mirror to the horizon line of a healthier family dynamic.

If this resonated, share it with someone who needs it, subscribe for more real-talk on divorce and conflict, and leave a review to help others find the show. Your feedback shapes future conversations.
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JH Harper is a DCA® Certified ADR Divorce Coach. A former journalist, he is also an executive coach who works with high-profile leaders globally on communications principles. He lives in New York City. 

To follow and connect with JH:

Divorce Transition Coaching For Men: Website 

The Good Change: Substack newsletter

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcecoachfordads 

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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When love gets loud, decision-making gets messy. We sit down with family law attorney, mediator, and certified ADR divorce coach Lauren Fair to unpack why support from family and friends often feels good in the moment but can quietly anchor clients in rigid positions. From “my cousin got the house” jurisdiction myths to the rallying effect of loyal allies, we trace how emotional justice can overshadow long-term interests and derail reasonable agreements.

Together we map a different path: neutrality, structure, and reality testing. Lauren shares how she helps clients separate feelings from facts, weigh costs against outcomes, and align choices with core values like stability for kids, financial sustainability, and healthier communication. We talk through funding dynamics—when a parent pays for services and expects a say—and how to reset power imbalances without blowing up negotiations. You’ll hear practical tools you can use immediately: boundary scripts that honor love while declining directives, somatic cues to sense whether a choice is grounded, and a simple framework for designing a support circle on purpose.

For clients, treat advice as data and keep your hands on the wheel. For family and friends, the most loving move is to listen more and fix less. And for coaches, expect outside opinions to surface weekly and have a clear protocol ready to normalize the noise, test realities, and protect client agency. Love and protection matter, but clarity and resolution move families forward.

If this conversation sparked insight, subscribe, share it with a colleague, and leave a review. Your support helps more professionals and families move from chaos to clarity.

To reach Lauren and learn more about her practice, visit https://www.sensiblesplitdivorce.com/legal-team/lauren-m-fair/  or reach her by email at lauren@sensiblesplitdivorce.com 

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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When alcohol concerns collide with custody arrangements, families need more than good intentions—they need accountability. Laura Crossett joins the Divorce Coaches Academy podcast to reveal how Soberlink's remote alcohol monitoring system transforms high-conflict co-parenting situations into manageable, child-centered arrangements.

Laura brings rare insight as both a recovery professional and former monitored client herself. "I saw firsthand the drastic improvement in my family relationships," she shares, explaining how objective test data eliminated the need for accusations or defensiveness. Her 18-year recovery journey and decade of experience with Soberlink technology offer authentic perspective on rebuilding trust between separated parents.

The conversation explores how Soberlink works—a portable breathalyzer with built-in identity verification through digital photography, providing court-admissible, tamper-proof results in real time. What makes this technology particularly valuable is its ability to shift the dialogue away from addiction labels toward practical child safety. Rather than demanding lifelong sobriety, the system simply asks: "Can you commit to being alcohol-free during your parenting time?" This approach reduces stigma while keeping focus where it belongs—on children's wellbeing.

Perhaps most powerfully, Soberlink creates pathways for children to maintain relationships with both parents when drinking concerns might otherwise limit contact. For concerned parents, it offers freedom from hypervigilance and constant worry. "You can actually do something fun for yourself instead of worry," Laura notes, highlighting how the technology allows both parents to be more present and emotionally available.

Recognizing financial accessibility matters, Laura details the Family Assistance Program and new device rental options that make monitoring more affordable across different income levels. For divorce coaches, family law attorneys and parents navigating this challenging territory, Soberlink represents more than technology—it's a neutral third party that verifies compliance, eliminates accusations, and helps families move forward with confidence.

Are you a DCA certified divorce coach? Ask us about the Soberlink-DCA Affiliate program

Visit the Soberlink website: www.soberlink.com/divorce/family-law

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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Are you certified but feel like you're ready to elevate your practice? This week we have the pleasure of talking with two certified, practicing divorce coaches who recently completed DCA's ELEVATE program to add an ADR divorce coaching certification to their credentials.

Heather Cary and Carolyn Jacobs give us the inside scoop on their backgrounds, their initial certification, their decision to pursue additional ADR training, and how the DCA foundations, frameworks and skills have provided just what they needed to take their coaching practice to the next level.

ELEVATE is a new option for CDC certified divorce coaches who are looking to add ADR and conflict resolution skills. The ELEVATE program includes every lesson, every module, and every resource that our new divorce coaching students have access to. We believe our ADR approach is so revolutionary that we just couldn’t leave anything out. The coaching frameworks and approach to divorce fundamentals look and land differently when viewed and taught through an ADR lens.

Listen in as Heather and Carolyn describe how learning to speak ADR language, working with clients to focus on conflict management, and delivering an effective coaching session every time has increased both their impact with clients and their bottom line.

Find Heather:
Website: www.heathercarycoaching.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/the_mindful_divorce
Meetup: www.meetup.com/portland-divorce-support
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/heather-cary-b1640b104

Find Carolyn:
Website: www.allyindivorce.com
Instagram www.instagram.com/allyindivorce
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/carolyn-jacobs

Learn more about DCA® or  any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:
Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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When people find out what we do, it's not unusual to hear “UGH, I wish I’d known you when I went through my divorce. I made so many mistakes.” In this week's episode, we’re reviewing the five common mistakes people make and talk about how a divorce coach helps clients sidestep those mistakes and save time, money, relational damage and emotional energy.

Right now the average divorce with attorneys in the US will cost each party somewhere in the neighborhood of $15-20,000 and can easily exceed 6 figures when you add in custody battles, forensic accounting, discovery, depositions, motions, and all the other professionals and processes. Certainly legal fees can add up quickly when conflict escalates, but there are many other costs that clients pay when divorce mistakes are made.

When clients are stressed and overwhelmed and/or driven by emotions like anger, sadness, vengeance, jealousy, or indecision, their lives are impacted on every level. While those costs are much harder to quantify, they aren’t hard to observe.

Studies show that an employee can lose 40% of their productivity when going through a divorce, costing many companies millions of dollars in lost revenue. Clients who are struggling to manage their own emotions aren’t able to attend to the emotions or needs of their children in a healthy way. And when people are experiencing these costs of divorce, they may act and make decisions that don’t reflect their best selves or their best interests.

Listen in as Tracy and Debra dive into the 5 most expensive divorce mistakes and talk through the coaching tools you can use with each.


Learn more about DCA® or  any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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If you’re working in the world of divorce, chances are that a number of your clients are going to be dealing with feelings of betrayal. In this episode we’re going to dig into how betrayal impacts emotions and decision making and discuss how you can work with clients struggling with the double whammy of betrayal and divorce.

Research presented to the Senate indicates that 56% of divorce cases involve one party having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites. According to the American Psychological Association, infidelity in the United States is said to be responsible for 20-40% of divorces. A Bankrate survey reports that 1 in 4 Americans keep financial secrets from their partner.

Betrayal Trauma occurs when the actions of another violate the trust on which a relationship was built and it can cause lasting changes in the areas of the brain responsible for regulating emotion, thought, and memory. 

Many symptoms arise immediately after a betrayal trauma, while other symptoms can begin months or even years later. In one survey, more than 33% of respondents reported having continued symptoms more than 5 years after the discovery of the betrayal.These symptoms can complicate the divorce process and the inherent conflict involved.

Listen in as we explore how different people respond to trauma and how they have different coaching needs. We also share how to identify if your client might need additional mental health support and offer some scripts you can use to gently introduce this idea.

Learn more about DCA® or  any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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These days with all the talk of narcissists, domestic violence, intimate partner violence, and coercive control, we get a lot of questions from divorce coaches about how, when or whether they should be working with clients involved in these situations.

In this episode, we clarify the specific role a divorce coach plays and examine those circumstances where coaches need to be cautious that they’re not crossing the line into advising, advocacy or UPL in their efforts to protect clients dealing with high conflict or intimate partner violence.

We set the stage by defining the terms divorce coach, educator, advisor and advocate. then we walk through a couple of hypothetical scenarios with a client we call "Michelle" to demonstrate the difference between coaching, advising, and advocacy. 

Resources to have on hand:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: thehotine.org 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
• Local Domestic Violence Resources: womenslaw.org

So how do you figure out what your role as a divorce coach should be when conflict is ramping up? We share 3 guidelines that will help you make decisions:

1. Your Comfort Zone
2. Your Consult Call
3. Your Coaching Agreement
4. Your Professional Ethics

Learn more about DCA™ or  any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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It’s Thanksgiving and we’re so thankful for all of you who take the time to listen each week. We thought it might be a great opportunity for you to get to know us a little better and get a sneak peek behind the scenes at the DCA podcast.

Listen in as Tracy and Debra talk (and laugh) about:

• how they record the podcast each week
• why they started the podcast
• what brought them to the profession of divorce coaching
• their proudest achievements
• their personal obsessions
• the first time they met in person
• who they'd love to collaborate with and why
• their dream podcast guest

We had a ton of fun recording this and hope you enjoy this more personal view into the people behind the microphones.

Have an idea for a future topic or episode? We'd love to hear from you.


Learn more about DCA™ or  any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

In last week's episode, we talked about why people resist change and did a quick review of the 5 SCARF domains - status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness, and fairness. Today, we want to dive deep into the domain of certainty and discuss how uncertainty impacts both resistance to change and conflict.

We consistently see a perfect storm of someone’s tolerance for risk, their resilience and their emotional intelligence come together to either weather the uncertainty and changes that divorce brings or create more waves by feeling afraid and resisting them.

To the human mind, uncertainty equals danger. If your brain doesn't know what’s coming next, it can’t protect you. So it has a tendency to assume the worst, over-personalize threats, and jump to conclusions. Did you know that our brains find psychological uncertainty just as (if not more) painful than actual physical pain?

We crave certainty and safety. No wonder the uncertainty of divorce has the potential to create so much chaos.

We discuss the results of scientific studies as well as research with elite athletes and then share 4 coaching strategies and some powerful questions to use with clients struggling with uncertainty. 

Our role is to support clients in their resilience, their decision making, and their emotional management so they are in the best possible position possible to deal with the almost guaranteed uncertainty that comes along with divorce and co-parenting.

Learn more about DCA™ or  any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Nov TED Talk Discussion Group: Sign Up Here
Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

In this episode, we’re talking about working with those clients whose resistance to change is creating obstacles to negotiation and could potentially be escalating conflict. And resistance to the inevitable changes that divorce brings can cause everything from avoidant behaviors to decision making that’s downright destructive.

As divorce coaches, helping clients examine and dismantle that resistance can go a long way toward creating a more collaborative divorce and co-parenting environment.

We talk about how people typically cope with and react to change, what resistance really is, common resistance patterns, and how it shows up in divorce and co-parenting.  Then we review the #1 tool you can use to help clients bust through the resistance that's keeping them stuck.

When we help clients gain clarity about the reasons behind their own resistance to change, we open up possibilities for growth.


Learn more about DCA™ or  any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com