Bi Men Unfiltered is a place for honest conversation about discovering yourself and what it means to be a modern bisexual man. Discussion ranges from thoughtful and hilarious to unfiltered and NSFW raunchy as the hosts explore sex, dating, attraction, and the realities of being a bi guy. We'll talk about identity, relationships and community—all with the authenticity of two guys who have lived it. No shame, no stereotypes, just real conversations—heartfelt and hot.
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Données mises à jour le 15/10/2026
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You found the guy. You did the vibe check. Now what? Sam and Grayson walk through the first in-person encounter with a new male partner: the nerves, the logistics, and the awkward "now what?" afterward. Grayson recounts his first planned meetup, arranged over AOL and set in an adult theater long before smartphones. Sam shares his, which began with an ATM eating his card. They cover what to negotiate beforehand (boundaries, experience level, who hosts, porn or no porn), how to prep if you're hosting, first moves, hand and oral technique, why speaking up mid-play matters, and the swallow conversation you need to have before the moment arrives. Plus: why kissing can feel more intimate than oral, and a cautionary tale about a kiss that ended a threesome before it started.
Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.
Word of the Week: Cut / Uncut A two-for-one you'll see constantly in men seeking men profiles. Cut means circumcised; uncut means uncircumcised. It has nothing to do with muscle definition, despite what Grayson first assumed.
Glossary
Docking: Non-penetrative play where one partner's foreskin is drawn over the head of the other partner's penis.
Vibe check: A low-stakes public meetup, such as a drink or a meal, before hooking up to confirm you're both comfortable.
Hosting: Whose place the encounter happens at. The alternatives include a hotel, an adult bookstore or theater, or a car.
Post-nut clarity: The shift in mood right after orgasm, which can range from relaxed to second-guessing everything.
Apps mentioned
Sniffies: Map-based cruising platform for gay, bi, and bicurious men; runs in a web browser rather than an app store app
Grindr: Location-based dating and hookup app for gay, bi, trans, and queer people
Next episode: It's mailbag time. Sam and Grayson dig into the questions, topics, and stories you've sent in.
Connect with us: Email podcast@bimenunfiltered.com with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" if we can read it on the show — and if you'd like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.
Almost every bi man asks himself this at some point. Sam and Grayson take Kinsey scale and Klein grid quizzes (Grayson retakes his on air), then get into who actually decides. Do you need an IRL experience to count? Do fantasies make you bi or bicurious? What about the bi-cycle, being bisexual but heteroromantic, or being in a straight-passing relationship? They talk imposter syndrome in gay spaces, being told you have to "prove it," and how pop culture from Friends to Seinfeld assumes everyone is one or the other. Grayson's wife gets better at pointing out cute firefighters, and Sam previews a bi night at a bathhouse. The bottom line: there's no test to pass, and labels are a convenience, not a requirement.
Heads up: 18+, adults only.
Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.
Word of the Week (and Resource of the Week): the Kinsey scale and the Klein grid The Kinsey scale, from Alfred Kinsey's 1948 research, rates sexual behavior and attraction from 0 (exclusively heterosexual) to 6 (exclusively homosexual), with 1 through 5 in between. There's no official Kinsey test, but you can take an unofficial Kinsey scale quiz. The Klein Sexual Orientation Grid, developed by Dr. Fritz Klein in his 1978 book The Bisexual Option, goes further: seven factors (attraction, behavior, fantasies, emotional preference, social preference, lifestyle, and self-identification) rated across your past, present, and ideal future. It's a self-reflection tool, not a diagnosis.
Other terms: Bi-cycle: the shift in how strongly you're drawn to one gender or another, week to week or even day to day. It doesn't make you less bi. Heteroromantic: romantically attracted to a different gender, regardless of who you're sexually attracted to. Bicurious: interested in or wondering about same-sex experiences.Straight-passing: being read as straight by others, often because of who you're partnered with.
Exploring With Toys
Épisode 9
mardi 29 septembre 2026 • Durée 01:33:20
Toys aren't just for women, and nothing you put in your butt changes who you are. Sam and Grayson open their collections and talk through cock rings (silicone, metal, and how to size one), glans rings, masturbation sleeves, dildos, prostate massagers, and butt plugs, plus body-safe materials, flared bases, and why you should never store silicone toys touching each other. Grayson shares how his wife's years selling home-party sex toys stocked his drawer, and why his first prostate massager seemed like a waste of money until he stopped trying so hard. Sam reports back from his first spanking party. Plus: a listener's story of being blackmailed after chatting on apps, and why bi men need community.
Heads up: 18+, adults only.
Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.
If you're struggling: In the US, call or text 988 or visit the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Free, confidential, 24/7.
Find your people:r/BisexualMen on Reddit and its support Discord (not a hookup server).
Word of the Week: P-spot — the prostate, a walnut-sized gland a few inches inside the rectum toward the front of the body. It's packed with nerve endings, can be stimulated internally or externally through the perineum, and feels good regardless of orientation.
Other terms: Perineum: the skin between the balls and the anus, a.k.a. the taint. Cock ring: a silicone, rubber, or metal ring worn around the base of the penis (and usually the balls) to keep blood in for firmer erections. Glans ring: a ring worn just behind the head of the penis. Flared base: a wide base that keeps a toy from slipping all the way inside. Non-negotiable for anything going in your butt. Body-safe: made of non-porous materials like silicone, glass, or stainless steel. explains what to look for.Aftercare: the care partners give each other after play, whether that's a hug, rubbing the area, or checking in.
Marcus' Bi Journey
Épisode 8
mardi 22 septembre 2026 • Durée 01:26:15
Our very first guest! Marcus is in his early fifties, married for about 30 years, with two kids — and he came out to himself only a couple of years ago, in the emotional wake of the November 2024 election, blurting it out loud before he'd consciously worked it out. He takes Sam and Grayson through a decades-long slow burn: childhood clues he shelved, growing up in the '80s with no bi representation, a coworker "date" he didn't recognize as one, and a parents'-generation view of bisexuality that stuck with him. Being both demisexual and sapiosexual, Marcus needs a real connection before attraction shows up, which makes hookup apps a poor fit and the search for a guy genuinely hard. And his coming-out story takes a turn none of us saw coming! Plus: a mini-topic on apps versus connection, and how a hookup can slowly grow into a friend with benefits.
Heads up: 18+, adults only.
Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.
Word of the Week: Demisexual — someone who feels sexual attraction to another person only after an emotional bond has formed. It says nothing about which gender(s) you're drawn to, just how attraction develops.
Other terms: Sapiosexual: primarily attracted to intelligence or someone's mind. Marcus is both demisexual and sapiosexual. ENM (ethical non-monogamy): an openly agreed, everyone-consents arrangement to have more than one partner. FWB (friends with benefits): a friendship that includes a physical relationship. Vibe check: a low-pressure in-person meet (often coffee) to see if you click before anything physical.
Apps mentioned: Feeld for open-minded, ENM, poly, and curious folks; Sniffies, a map-based cruising app; and Grindr, the household-name app for gay, bi, and queer men.
Exploring with toys — butt toys, cock rings, and more (and a certain Transformers thread returns). Join us.
J-O Clubs
Épisode 7
mardi 15 septembre 2026 • Durée 01:16:44
Sam and Grayson pull back the curtain on j-o clubs — the men's group events that have run quietly across the country since 1980. What they are, why they're one of the lowest-pressure ways for a bi or curious guy to explore in person (no apps, no flakes, no ghosting), how to find one near you, and what to expect inside: the rules, the consent culture, wristbands and first-timer orientations, admission and lockers, and what a typical night looks like — from big, well-run clubs to a smaller one with its own house style. Plus club etiquette, watching vs. joining in, ‘finishing’ considerations, and more. Also: host updates, the Word of the Week, a mini-topic on underwear, and the Resource of the Week.
Heads up: 18+, adults only.
Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.
Word of the Week — Frot: short for frottage (from the French frotter, "to rub"), sexual rubbing between men, usually penis-to-penis, with no penetration. A staple of j-o clubs and an easy one-on-one option.
Key terms: "No lips below the hips" (jacking only, no oral) and "no poles and holes" / "nothing goes inside anybody's anything" (no penetration) are the standard club rules. Commando: no underwear.
Finding a club: Start with the New York Jacks club list — NY Jacks is the original (est. 1980) and the template most clubs follow. Not on the list? Search your nearest major city plus "jack-off club" or "masturbation group."
Telling your partner was Episode 4. This time it’s everyone else. Sam and Grayson go wider on coming out — to your parents, your kids, your friends, your coworkers — and the harder question beneath it all: should you come out at all? They cover the factors that actually matter (timing, community, safety, employment, custody), share their own stories and get practical: in-person vs. text, scripting it, and bracing for the questions and biphobia that may follow. Plus a listener email, the Word of the Week on romantic orientation, and a mini-topic: what would you tell your younger self?
Heads up: 18+, adults only.
Disclaimer: The hosts aren’t medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.
Word of the Week: heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic — who you’re romantically drawn to (a different gender / the same gender / more than one), which can differ from who you’re sexually attracted to.
Other terms
Heteroflexible — primarily straight, open to in-the-moment possibilities.
Biphobia — dismissal of bi people, e.g. “pick a side,” “it’s a phase,” “bisexuality isn’t real.”
Straight-presenting — a person or couple others assume is straight, like a bi man partnered with a woman.
You’ve come out, told your partner, and gotten the okay — now how do you actually find a guy? Sam and Grayson turn this one into a field guide for bi and bicurious men: the health prep to handle first, a platform-by-platform tour, how to build a profile that works, first-contact etiquette, red flags, negotiation, the vibe check, and the encounter itself — down to the aftermath. Plus listener feedback, a Word of the Week, and cautionary meetup-gone-wrong stories.
Heads up: 18+, adults only.
Disclaimer: The hosts aren’t medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.
Word of the Week: NPNC — No Pic, No Chat.
Terms this week
PrEP — medication taken before exposure to prevent HIV.
DoxyPEP — doxycycline taken after a risky encounter (ideally within 24 hrs) to reduce syphilis, chlamydia, and gonorrhea risk.
Side — a guy who enjoys non-penetrative sex over anal.
DL / down low — men seeking discreet same-sex encounters without being out or with their partner’s knowledge.
Vibe check — a low-stakes public meet to confirm identity and comfort before playing.
How do you tell a partner you're bi — whether you're two weeks into dating or twenty years into a marriage? Sam and Grayson split it into two conversations: "I'm bi," and, if applicable, "I want to act on it." Both revisit their own disclosures — Sam reads the email he sent his future wife two weeks into dating, and Grayson recaps telling his wife after years of getting close.
The practical core: whether there's a benefit to telling at all, and how a partner might take it — their views on LGBT people, a religious or conservative background, the "close to home" shift, biphobia rooted in HIV/AIDS-era fear, and the "why now / were you deceptive?" question. Then preparing, timing, and framing. Word of the Week is DADT; the mini-topic is bringing up fantasies.
Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.
Terms
DADT (don't ask, don't tell) — an agreement not to disclose details of other relationships; often one partner has "permission" to explore while the other stays monogamous
The two conversations — "I'm bi" (identity) and "I want to act on it" (acting on it); distinct, and the second doesn't automatically follow the first
Kinsey scale — a 0–6 orientation scale; in his email Sam calls himself a 2 (predominantly heterosexual, more than incidentally homosexual)
Dead bedroom — a relationship in which sexual activity has largely stopped
Fluidity — orientation and tastes can shift over time
Grayson walks through his path — a teenage sleepover fumble, an early fascination with nudity, and the college roommate he watched porn with, escalating from parallel jerking off to mutual to oral, all while both insisted they were straight in the early-'90s Bible Belt. From there: a complicated three-year relationship with a woman that enjoyed gay/bi porn, the Penthouse Forum letter that [SPOILER], early AOL and adult-theater hookups, and getting so tired of explaining how he was straight when he liked dicks that he finally landed on "yes, I am bi."
The back half is the coming-out arc: his wife coming out to him first, his own disclosure and her mixed initial reaction, years of chickening out, and the profile update about 18 months ago where he finally finished the job — plus the same-room agreements he and his wife built and where he's at now. Word of the Week is compersion; the mini-topic is threesomes and moresomes, fantasy vs. reality.
Disclaimer:The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.
Terms
Compersion — joy caused by another person's happiness, especially seeing a partner enjoy another partner; often called the opposite of jealousy
Same-room / same-room-only — an agreement that any play with others happens with both partners present in the same room
Vibe check — a low-pressure, in-person meet to gauge compatibility before anything physical
MFM / MMF / MFF / MMM — threesome/moresome shorthand; the letters that touch indicate who plays with whom (MMF = the two men play; MFM = they don't)
Hotdogging — simulating sex between the butt cheeks without penetration
Links & resources
Multiamory — website, book, podcast, and Discord from Dedeker Winston, Emily Sotelo Matlack, and Jase Lindgren; book: Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships:
Sam's Bi Journey
Épisode 2
mardi 11 août 2026 • Durée 01:19:00
In this episode, Sam walks through his whole path — from a first, giggling encounter with a Playgirl magazine as a kid, through teenage confusion in a world that only offered "gay or straight" options, to the college girlfriend who finally handed him the word "bisexual." He talks candidly about early exploration, learning his boundaries, discovering men's masturbation clubs, his first kiss with a man, a three-year relationship, coming out to a future wife two weeks into dating, a long monogamous marriage, and rediscovering himself after divorce. Grayson listens, reacts, and draws out themes many Gen X bi men will recognize.
The second half gets practical: how fear of HIV/AIDS impacted a young bi Sam and how modern prevention methods (PrEP, DoxyPEP, and U=U) changed the picture, plus a frank, funny mini-topic on solo self-care (wink). Kicking off with the Word of the Week — "side" — this one is equal parts personal story and useful information.
Disclaimer: The hosts are not medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing in this podcast should be considered medical, legal, or psychological advice. Be sure to speak with a qualified provider about testing, medications, and your own health and relationships.
Terms
Side — enjoys sex with men but generally neither tops nor bottoms (oral, mutual masturbation, making out)
Top / bottom / verse — the three general "positions" you'll see on hook-up or gay dating apps, in addition to "side"
The "What are you into" talk — the pre-meet compatibility conversation, generally between two men
PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) and DoxyPEP (doxycycline post-exposure prophylaxis) — doctor-prescribed medications for prevention of certain STIs
U=U (Undetectable = Untransmittable) — a person who is HIV-positive but takes their medications and has an undetectable viral load
Gooning / pup play — masturbation or puppy-acting play subcultures
Links & resources
Word of the Week Dr. Joe Kort Side Guys (book)"Side Guys" Facebook group — search "Side Guys" on Facebook (Kort's group, ~9,000 members)
Watch:The Bisexual Problem, the video on bi representation in media that Grayson and Sam discuss.
Where do you land on the Kinsey scale or Klein grid? Still wondering if you're bi enough? Write in. Spoiler: the answer is yes.
Next episode: It's a mystery! And it's spooky season. Meanwhile, what's the most bisexual Halloween costume? Tell us.
Resource of the Week:The Heart of Jacks podcast, hosted by the founder of Rain City Jacks, on the history and culture of j-o clubs. The series has wound down (no new interviews), but the back catalog is worth a listen.
Next episode: Our guest Marcus shares his bi journey.
Connect with us: Email podcast@bimenunfiltered.com with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" if we can read it on the show — and if you'd like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.
Podcasts mentioned
Chaps Out — UK- and Ireland-based podcast where gay and bi men share stories of coming out later in life.
Next episode: Finding a Guy — apps and how to actually approach exploring bi desires in real life.
Connect with us: Email podcast@bimenunfiltered.com with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" to have it read on the show; same address to be a guest). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.
Feeld — the ENM/kink/couples dating app Sam used for his MMF meet: https://feeld.co
Next episode
Telling Your Partner — whether, when, and how to tell a partner you're bi, and the "I'm bi" vs. "I want to act on it" split. As Grayson's story shows, even with a partner who's also bi, it can still bring real anxiety.
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