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About Tim:

With more than 60,000 coaching sessions and 40+ years in the business, audition coach and premiere acting teacher Tim Phillips knows what works.

Audition For Your Career, Not The Job was written after 30 years of teaching and designed as a practical manual for the working actor. What Phillips is after are moment-by-moment, clear, specific, human truths that make you unavoidable on stage and screen, from character. 

Tim Phillips ignited the careers of Emmy award-winning Richard Schiff, Golden Globe nominee Wendy Malick, Nancy Travis, the excellent Robert Wisdom, James DuMont, Bruce Nozick (...) and many others. He's also helped catapult countless actors into more satisfying, long-term, confident careers.

Today, based out of Atlanta, he brings decades of NYC and LA-based experience to artists of every caliber across the country and now, thanks to Zoom, the globe. He coaches privately over the phone, via Zoom, and through Facetime.

Phillips' ethic and his teaching is human, individual, specific, and immediately applicable.

Try out the weekly class

Today I'm going to talk about what I find a sad subject, and it is about unsupportive friends and unsupportive family members.

And I'm gonna give you a few points and things to think about. So that you can have the support, at least from me, and I'll talk about getting more support in a moment, that helps you when you're dealing with this. 

Now, the first thing, and I know because, man, I hated this word when I first learned it, was boundaries.

Learning to set boundaries, clearly communicate your goals and values to others, and establish boundaries when necessary. 

This helps you to protect your energy and stay focused on what matters most to you without having that negativity affect you. 

Now, I think that's really important, and I'm going to say something about boundaries in a moment, but I also need to teach you this little phrase.

Don't go to the hardware store for lemons. 

If you know that a family member or a particular friend is not supportive of your acting career, here's an idea stop talking to them about it. 

Stop talking to them about it. You have a choice. Here's another idea. They call, you find them difficult to deal with this particular person. Don't pick up the phone. Let it go to voicemail. And call them back when you feel strong. 

When you feel strong. 

There's another great phrase. I just thought of it. I learned this in a 12 step program, which is Don't dial pain. Or don't text pain.

If that person, if you know that person, is not going to give you the empathy, the love, the support that you need, go to someone else, and if you don't know who to go to, oh, for goodness sakes, please shoot me an email. 

Email me

The other thing here and it goes right into it, is you want to limit negative interactions.

When I go to places where I don't feel that I'm really going to be supportive, I remind myself that all I need to do is be civil and polite. 

And sometimes if it's like a party, I can ask questions. And just listen to other people. I don't have to be giving everything of myself. It's not required.

It's not my duty to entertain people. 

I can ask them how their lives are doing. And I am going to walk away feeling, one, good that I was there for another person, but two, also that I have protected myself. 

Limit negative interactions. 

If there are certain people consistently undermining your efforts, consider reducing the time you spend with them.

I always say there's another phrase that is arrive late and leave early, arrive late and leave early. 

And also, the restroom can be a wonderful place to just reconnect yourself, to gather your thoughts, to gather your resolve. 

If you're in situations that you can't get out of your family. 

For example, I, by the way my parents are the most supportive people in the whole world, so I can't imagine not having supportive family members.

But I have had unsupportive friends, so I can relate. 

You want to support yourself with positivity whenever possible to keep your motivation strong. That's one of the things that is so freaking wonderful about that weekly adjustment class. We are All supporting each other. It's such a wonderful class on that line.

Seek external support. We cannot do this on our own. It takes a village. We want to find like minded individuals who can uplift and encourage you and whether that is through an online community or getting a mentor or having supportive friends. 

Those are the people you want to be support surrounding you yourself with as much as possible because their reinforcement can balance out any negativity from other people.

I think it does so much more than balance it out. I think it tips the scale. 

Also, Remember to stay focused on your vision. Remind yourself of why you are pursuing your goals. 

And remind yourself that you are worth it. 

And that you were put on this planet for a reason. 

And it is worth you standing up for.

Focus on your vision. on your long term vision. 

When you do that, it helps you to remain steadfast, even when those around you may not. 

Support your choices. Don't abandon yourself, and don't abandon your dreams. You are worth it. You are worth it. 

Finally, respond with compassion. Oof, this is a toughie.

Sometimes, unsupportive friends or families, family, may be acting out because of their own fears or their own misunderstandings. 

Try to respond with empathy, but don't let their worries derail your progress. 

Focus on your path, knowing that their opinions do not define your self worth.

If someone is saying that I'm worried that you're in a risky job, with your goal of being an actor. 

Tell them that you can handle it. 

Tell them how much you love and appreciate that they're concern, but that you've got this and that all you ask is that they love you. 

They don't even have to support you, but just that they love you.

Just that they're your friend. And then you can make the mental note of whether they heard that or not, and of whether you go to them again. 

Whatever you don't quit five minutes before the miracle. Don't do it. Keep going. Consistence. Persistence. Tenacity.

Try out The Weekly Accountability Group

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Today I'm going to talk about the abandoned actor and this is something that I have been really delving into on a deeper level in my private work, the private work I do with clients, but also in my weekly classes.

And it's the idea of when we audition, or when we go to a set, or anything, maybe it could even be in your personal life when some kind of pressurized situation happens. We abandon ourselves. 

And I'm gonna start talking about I, just to make this easier to explain. 

I would abandon myself. Meaning, I would abdicate my feelings, my point of view, my talent to everybody else but myself, and that's what I mean by abandonment. 

One of my weekly classes is in my sister coaching company called Chiropractor for the Mind. And what I teach is emotional self sufficiency. 

And it's emotional self sufficiency, by teaching you emotional intelligence and teaching you to raise your intelligence emotionally.

And this idea of emotional self sufficiency, let me just talk about that for one moment, is that when I'm just talking about me, when I am emotionally self sufficient, that means whatever comes my way in life, I am able to coach myself, I am able to help myself out of that emotional confusion.

And emotional confusion is a problem for an actor because when you go in to do a scene, you want to be in the moment, emotionally on point. 

You want to be emotionally understood. 

You want to be able to access every single emotion in you in the moment. 

But if you are emotionally confused as a human being, oh boy, do we have a problem.

So here's the thing, through core work, which is all that I talk about, that's how we become emotionally unconfused. 

And it is also where this ability to coach yourself is so important, and that is especially important when it comes to this idea of how do you abandon yourself.

Now, a lot about abandonment has to do with feeling that you are a victim, thinking that you can't handle it, that you can't manage the situation you are in. 

But as all of my teachings have taught me and others, it is that we will never be given more than we can handle, but we will be given more than we can control.

I'm just going to use the audition situation to keep this easy. 

Why when we walk into a meeting or an audition, why do we feel the need to abandon us? 

Why all of a sudden does it matter what the writer, director, producer, casting director thinks, but not what we think? 

And one of the things I talk about with my private clients and in the weekly classes are, this idea that if I go in and pretend I am the character of Sally. 

If I believe I'm Sally, if the only person that I am focusing on that needs to believe that she is Sally is Peter Pamela Rose, guess what automatically will happen?

Automatically, everybody else in the room will. And I've only had to put the focus on making myself believe.

And when I do that, I am not abandoning myself. 

I am not abandoning myself. 

Now let's just talk about anxiety and abandoning ourselves.

 I want to talk about a few points of When I start to feel that I am, like, abdicating my responsibility for myself to someone else, the number one thing I need to do when that happens is, I need to become aware.

And I need to acknowledge my feelings.

I talk about awareness, acceptance and action. the first step in core work is becoming aware because you don't know what you don't know, right? 

So becoming aware. 

And as I am aware and I accept that, "oh, look, I am doing this," then I can, then that awareness happens, the acceptance that I am doing it happens, and then I want to move very quickly into action.

The subject of awareness and acknowledging is really about recognizing and validating my emotions and also allowing myself to say, "okay, it's okay to feel it," but this is the thing, if I try to say it's not happening, or just go away please, which is what I always like to say to my anxiety, it's not going to work.

I need to be in the room, with my feelings and go, this is happening, okay, how am I going to help myself with this? 

How am I going to walk through it? 

And this is the thing. I don't want to judge it. I just want to acknowledge it. 

Because as soon as I start to judge it as being something bad that is happening, that's me trying to get rid of it.

Not gonna work. It's not gonna work. 

I need to figure out how me and my, let's say, anxiety can function together so that I can say, Oh, look, there you are. Oh, okay. You don't want to eat. Okay. What do I know? I need to do need to make sure when was the last time I ate. Okay. It was an hour ago. Okay. Set my alarm for three hours from now. That's when I'm going to eat. 

In other words, I need to practice tough love with myself and support myself and love myself through the feeling of abandonment. 

I also recommend that when this happens, you immediately go to either talk to someone, Journal, talk to the universe, or listen to one of these podcasts, one of my core work podcasts.

Why do I say that? 

Because we need to get out of ourselves. 

We can't cure a sick mind with a sick mind. And when we're in that, we're a little sick. Our thinking is stinking. Stinky thinking. 

Journaling helps because our, the smarter part of ourselves, our higher coach gets in there and can help us.

Praying helps, okay, or reaching out to the universe, talking to a friend to get us back on point. 

Or, listening to a podcast like this to get yourself back, to get yourself back. 

The other thing that's very important is that I take care of myself. That's why I go to the food. I know when I get anxious, the number one thing I don't want to do is eat.

Therefore, I need to put myself on an eating schedule and then decide how much I'm going to eat and then I don't allow myself to get up from the table until I finish it. 

And if you think that I don't like doing this, you are correct. Not my favorite thing. But, it does work. Why? Because I'm going through.

The best way out is always through. 

The other thing is, I really need to challenge my negative emotions and my negative thoughts. 

What is my stinking thinking telling me? And how is it making me want to abdicate responsibility for whatever is going on in this moment? Because I am capable. 

I am the most capable person I know.

How am I going to take care of myself at this moment? What do I need to tell myself? What good things do I need to tell myself? 

And then, after I've done these things, then I need to put it all into action. 

Put it all into action. And not forget to Baby step it. Baby step it. 

It doesn't matter how small it is, because when we accomplish small tasks, we build what?

We need that thing that we really need when it comes to abandonment. Knowing that we have the ability to get ourselves out of it. 

Knowing that we have the ability to get ourselves out of it. To regain, to take back our power in that audition room. And focus on the job. Which is to act. 

There's no need to abandon yourself.

Stay with yourself, love yourself.

Time Management Workshop 

Ask Me Anything

I always find December to be actually the hardest time of the year. I feel like there are more demands put on me in all areas of my life.

I will allow myself just to be where I'm at.

So if you feel like you're starting the new year exhausted. I just wanted to say I hear you. I'm kind of there myself, but it's all right.

Find the pockets of time when you can take care of yourself.

The Language of Letting Go: 

"Make New Year's goals. Dig within and discover what you would like to have happen in your life this year. This helps you do your part."

If you want to change your own life, you need to take responsibility for it.

"It is an affirmation that you're interested in fully living in the year to come."

Goals give us direction. They put a powerful force into play on a universal, conscious and subconscious level. Goals give our life direction.

What would you like to have happen in your life this year?

"What would you like to do? What would you like to accomplish? What good would you like to attract into your life? What particular areas of growth would you like to have happen to you? What blocks or character defects would you like to have removed?

What would you like to attain? What little things would you like to attain? What big things would you like to attain? Where would you like to go? Where do you want to travel to this year? How would you like your mind to open this year? What would you like to have happen in your friendships? What would you like to have happen in your love life? What would you like to have happen in your family life?"

Remember, we aren't controlling others with our goals.

"What problems would you like to see solved? What decisions would you like to make? What would you like to have happen in your career?"

"Write it down. Take a piece of paper. Take the time out as an affirmation of you, your life. Your ability to choose. Then let it go. Certainly, things happen that are out of our control. Sometimes these events are pleasant surprises. Sometimes they are of another nature. But they are all part of the chapter that will be this year in our life and will move us forward in the story. The New Year stands before us like a chapter in a book waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals."

One of the things that I spent a lot of time over the holiday doing is going over my goals, motivations, and next steps and planning things out for 2023.

I'm really grateful for this year.

I want you to think of a few things that you are grateful for. 

• What's number one? Fill in the blank.
• What's the number two? Fill in the blank.
• And what's the third thing you're grateful for this year, in 2022? Fill in the blank.

Also, start to look forward to 2023.

• Are you looking to this year coming up with anticipation and excitement? Dread? Worry? Fill in the blank.
• What are the three emotions you are looking at 2023 with?

Feelings aren't facts.

Take your emotions out of your to do list. 

When we are worried or anxious, the real question is, "what are we not taking responsibility for?"

So if you have some sort of negative feeling toward 2023, ask yourself, "what are you not taking responsibility for?"

Ask yourself, How can I baby step and take responsibility?

Once taking responsibility, especially when you're frightened, especially when you're scared. When you're able to do that, you build so much self-esteem.

Take contrary action. 

Breathing Meditation

When you connect to your breath, you feel a little bit better. You feel a little more connected to what you're grateful for.

I wish you a wonderful, incredible holiday season. And an even better 2023.

Time Management Workshop

About Geneva:

GENEVA CARR is best known for her portrayal of Marissa Morgan on 6 seasons of the CBS television series BULL.  

Additional TV credits include Law & Order: SVU and Criminal Intent, Rescue Me, Younger, The Mysteries of Laura, Royal Pains, Elementary, The Good Wife, and Sex and the City.  

Film credits include Wonder Wheel, Love and Other Drugs, Ava's possessions, It's Complicated, College Road Trip, and the upcoming Asian Persuasion.

Geneva earned a 2015 Tony Nomination for Lead Actress in a Play for her performance as 'Margery' in Broadway's Hand To God. 

Additional NY theatre credits include Trevor, Just Sex, I Wanna Destroy You, Finding Claire, Rose's Dilemma, Clash by Night, Betty's Summer Vacation, and Boise. 

You have to create a space where you can find work for yourself.

Bull was my eighth pilot, which I like telling actors about because it doesn't happen overnight. This was my eighth.

Hand to God led to Bull on CBS. I did that for six seasons.

And the truth is, nobody loves to audition as much as me because it's a 30-second movie starring me right now.

I love to prepare. It's like going to the gym. It's like putting on a show. And you know that for 5 minutes, you have a captive audience.

Casting directors want to like you. They want to get to know you. So if you can put your nerves aside and realize that it's a real treat to be in that room.

You have to watch everything ON TV. 

"I don't put people on TV if they don't watch TV."

You can only be yourself.

Maybe it's easier for me now because I know who I am. I'm not apologizing for who I am. I can't please everyone. But the truth is, I don't like everyone, and the more you are authentically yourself, the more you will work.

If you want to build somebody up, give them an honest compliment. 

I had to go back to being an actor looking for work with a whole new toolkit.

The Director Tells the Story

Being a costar and a guest star has zero to do with being a series regular. It is very challenging being a series regular.

Costars and guest stars- savor those opportunities to learn because a series regular is really hard.

Ask Me Anything

Time Management Class

What to get Casting Directors, Managers, and Agents over the holidays. 

This year I'm suggesting one of two things: a thoughtful gift card or a charity donation.  

So a thoughtful gift card would be that you contact someone else in the casting office or agency and ask what their fellow employees like. 

"Hey, are they a Starbucks person, or are they a Costco person? Are they a McDonald's person or a Dunkin Donuts person?" 

And then, you can send them an electronic gift card.  

If you're booking a lot. Yes. You want to be thinking more $50, $75, $100.  

But if you're a new client or you haven't been booking that year, or there's a casting office that has maybe thought of you a few times throughout the year. A simple $20 gift card. A $25 gift card is fine.  

Defaults: 

• Amazon, you can buy anything there.  
• Starbucks, you can get food, you can get coffee, you can get tea 

Or, the charity donation, which, again, you could ask someone in the office or even ask that person, "I'd like to make a donation to a charity of your choice this year. Would you please let me know what charity you support?"  

And then you make a donation in their name.  

Or you could choose a charity yourself. The Actors Fund or Broadway Cares Equity Fights AIDS are wonderful charities that the industry recognizes.  

The gifts are just tokens. 

A well-written card, something that says something from the heart, is also a wonderful, wonderful way for you to show your appreciation.  

You're not going to buy your way into that casting director's heart. You're not going to buy your way into that agent or manager's heart.

You're just genuinely letting them know that you appreciate how they have thought of you this year. 

Time Management Workshop

About Andi:

Andi Matheny is a 25-year veteran of Hollywood who started the Andi Matheny Acting
Studios in 2010 and has coached hundreds of actors to book their first roles in TV and
film.

Andi has had a recurring role on The Resident as Dr. Kelly Whitley, starred
opposite Sara Rue in The Hallmark Channel Movie True Love Blooms, opposite Kelsey
Grammer in the film High Expectations, opposite Phylicia Rashad in the Oprah Winfrey
production David Makes Man and opposite Ryan Phillippe and Patrick Duffy in the
comedy Lady of the Manor, written and directed by Justin Long. Other notable credits
include Devious Maids, The Mentalist, Ugly Betty, Zoey 101, The Suite Life of Zack and
Cody, and The Shadow Effect.

Andi hosted the talk shows Friends or Lovers, Essentials, Fit Resort and Spa, and Kwik
Witz. She appeared in dozens of commercials, including a worldwide campaign for
Olay.

Andi won the Jury Prize for Best Florida Film for her directorial debut The Newest
Member at the 2017 Sunscreen Film Festival. Her web series Good Morning St. Pete!
which she wrote, directed, and starred in, won Best Web Series at the 2018 Sunscreen
Film Festival and garnered her the Best Leading Actress Award at the 2018 Tampa Bay
Underground Film Festival.

Andi's groundbreaking book "Act ALIVE: The Essential Guide to Igniting and Sustaining
Your Working Actor Career" was published in 2022 and debuted on Amazon at #3 in
Acting and Auditioning. 

Get the book: Act Alive

How hosting has changed. 

Human beings are interesting. 

hHere is a thing that beginning actors and even experienced actors do. They'll look at a script, right? And the script will say things like, "I hate you, you have ruined my life, blah, blah, blah." And everybody jumps to the conclusion of, "Well, this is an angry scene, and I got to say, I hate you, and you've ruined my life."

The hot person confrontation is when you find somebody, this "hot person" in your life who has screwed you over, and now you're kind of doing the fantasy version of talking to them the way you wish you could have talked to them in that moment.

As a coach, I'm not interested in your excuses. I'm interested in what you're going to do about it. In spite of all the odds against you. 

If your job is to act, you better get fucking good at acting.

Understand what casting directors had been trying to get through my head, which is, I want you to be good. 

When you audition, you are solving somebody's problem. So when you have the working actor mindset, you show up in a collaborative, helpful spirit to help solve the casting director's problem because the casting director has pressure on them to fulfill all of these roles.

As soon as you make it about the other person and not about you and your ego, that's when your bookings are going to start soaring.

Art comes from a totally different place. You've got to be connected. You have to be connected from your soul, from a soul level, to what you're doing. 

Sometimes the less, the better.

Ask Me Anything

Marianne Williamson

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." 

My manifesto for my life is to inspire.

It is the one word that I feel describes what my purpose on this planet is to do. I wake up, and I show up for duty.

What's your one word purpose?

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

And I believe it is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us because it is not our darkness that we need to take responsibility for. But it is our light. It is our talent.

Every single one of us has a purpose. 

As your life gets bigger, it requires more of your attention.

Because I cannot give away what I have not given myself.

You not being your best; who the fuck does that serve?

You hiding your talent that has been so freely given to you? Who the hell does that serve? 

You're not being generous and fabulous and showing your light and being who you really are. Who does that serve? The answer is no one except maybe your ego.

There's the ego mindset, which is finite and is only what is in me. And then there is the universal mindset, which is infinite. Which plugs into that universal intelligence.

There is power in serving. Because when you serve, you get out of yourself. When you are out of yourself, and you are serving, you are no longer in fear.

I am so done with playing small so that people around me feel more comfortable.

If you don't feel comfortable being around me, don't hang around me.

I want to concentrate on serving one because it makes me happy. Inspiring brings me more joy than anything else in the world, no matter what form it is.

It's not my job to help you feel better by diminishing myself.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

If you go on social media and you see somebody do something. And it makes you feel bad about yourself. Ask yourself, what do I not want to take responsibility for? 

When one of your friends wins an award or one of your friends makes a short film, and it gets voted best something at the Grand Canyon Film Festival. Congratulate them.

Thank them for showing you that it is possible. 

Isn't that much better than just feeling shitty about yourself? That doesn't serve anybody. That doesn't do anything. 

I want to inspire you to do something. To be brave. To serve, because when you serve through your craft, through your talent, you are a positive force in this world. And, my God, we need a powerful force.

So be that in your world.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. That is the power of serving as an actor.

By you doing your work as an artist. You help other people, but you also help yourself, which only enables you to help more people.

Ask Me Anything

"I was 35 years old the first time I spoke up to my mother and refused to buy into her games and manipulation. I was terribly frightened and almost couldn't believe I was doing this. I found I didn't have to be mean. I didn't have to start an argument. But I could say what I wanted and needed to say to take care of myself. I learned I could love and honor myself and still care about my mother the way I wanted to, not the way she wanted me to." 

Take a step back and observe. 

I tell myself, mouth shut.

If you are using your mind to govern your brain while you are with family over the holiday and you start to spot the stuff going on.

You can simply remain quiet and just observe it:

• Maybe go to the kitchen.
• Make yourself a cup of tea. 
• Make yourself a cup of coffee.
• Go to the bathroom.
• Say, "You know what? My legs are a bit stiff. I'm going to go for a walk."
• Understand that you don't need to be trapped into it.

You can observe it and can choose how you are going to respond to it.

I also recommend bringing some sort of a journal.

I also find that if there is a pet in the house, that's a great always a great diversion to go to the pet if you need a touchstone because animals are the presence keepers.

Drop the rope.

The best frickin' piece of advice I can give is when somebody goes at you, respond in kindness.

It's not that you're not participating. It's that you're taking care of yourself.

Just for this holiday. Take care of your emotional self.

Say less. Be kind. Be there for others.

Here's an old thing I've used to use quite a lot, put on your bubble suit.

When you get to where you are arriving or if you're taking a train or a plane, go to the public restroom, and bend all the way down to the floor. Imagine yourself stepping into an imaginary bubble suit. Pull it up around your head. Clench it tight and know that in your little bubble suit, you are safe and secure.

Ask Me Anything

Control versus trust.

"There was a time in my life when I felt so afraid of and overwhelmed by the very act of living. That I actually wanted to make out a schedule for each day of my life for the next five years. I wanted to include all the chores I had to do when I would do them, even when I would schedule relaxation. I wanted to get some order into what felt so incredibly overwhelming. I wanted to feel like I was in control."

How many times have I woken up in the morning and just gone, "Oh my God, I don't know how I'm going to be able to face this day?" How many times have I woken up going, "How am I going to take a step forward?"

And the fact of the matter is, I can't control anything.

The only thing I can change is myself and my attitude.

And the whole thing I think about anxiety is that anxiety is about control. 

Remember, we will never be given more than we can handle. But we will be given more than we can control.

"Controlling is a direct response to our fear, panic and sense of helplessness. It is a direct response to feeling overwhelmed. And to distrust. We may not trust ourselves, our higher power, or the universe. The plan. The process of life. But instead of trusting, which is really what we need to be doing, we revert to trying to control. We can approach this need to control by dealing with our fear. We deal with fear by trusting ourselves, our higher power, the love and the support of the universe, the plan, and this process we call life.  And the recovery of ourselves. We can trust that when things don't work out the way we want. The universe does have something better planned."

Sometimes we don't immediately see it. And we want to see it immediately. Why do we want to see it immediately? Well, because we want to control.

My job is not to control. My job is to show up. And do the next right thing. The next thing on my plate.

"We can trust ourselves to get where we need to go. Say what we need to say. Do what we need to do. Know what we need to know. Be who we need to be and become all we can become. When we are intended to do that, when we are ready. And when the time is right."

So imagine that. Just imagine that.

When we are ready.

When the time is right.

We can trust our higher power, the universe, whatever the heck you want to call it, to give us direction.

We are always doing the very, very best we can in each and every moment. We need to trust. 

"We can trust. All that we need on this journey shall come to us. We will not get all we need for the entire journey. Today, we shall receive today's supplies today. And tomorrow's supplies tomorrow. We are never intended to carry supplies for the entire journey. The burden would be too heavy. And the way was intended to actually be light. Trust in yourself. We do not have to plan or control or schedule all things. The schedule and the plan have been written. All we need to do is show up. The way will become clear and the supplies will be amply provided for us and clearly provided. One day at a time. Trust in yourself. Trust in the universe. And trust in today."

Ask Me Anything!

Have some fun.

How important that is, for your instrument as an actor, but also for you as a human being.

"So have some fun. Loosen up a bit, enjoy life. We do not have to be so somber and serious. We do not have to be so reflective, so critical, so bound up within ourselves and the rigid parameters others and often ourselves have placed around us."

One of the things when I was starting out as a young actress, I would always be quite somber and serious.

It wasn't until doing this work that I allowed myself to be a little bit more silly because it was almost like I felt like it wasn't safe for me to have fun.

I think that I had this idea that I had to work, work, work, and I had to be miserable, and it had to be hard. And that's just not the way it is.

Because when we relax and we have fun, and we play, that's when we enjoy our lives the most, but also how we enjoy a scene or acting the most.

The best actors are so relaxed and in the moment.

"This is life, not a funeral service. Have some fun with it. Enter into it. Participate. Experiment. Take a risk. Be spontaneous. Do not always be so concerned about doing it right. Doing the 'appropriate thing.'"

Just do the next right thing.

It's moving from "do the next thing right" to "just do the next right thing."

One is a very healthy way of thinking, and the other is very judgmental.

Do I want to choose the healthy way, or do I want to go the way I've always done it. 

"Do not always be so concerned about what others will think or say. What they think and say are their issues, not ours. Do not be so afraid of making a mistake. Do not be so fearful and proper. Do not inhibit yourself so much."

Just let go. Take a risk. See what happens.

"To keep our faces towards change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable."

"We were not intended to be so inhibited, so restricted, so controlled. These repressive parameters are what other people have imposed on us, what we have allowed to be done to us."

We teach people how to treat us.

We can also reteach people how to treat us. But that involves setting boundaries, that involves standing up for ourselves. That involves allowing us and allowing ourselves to be free.

"We were created fully human. We were given emotions. Desires, hopes. Dreams. Feelings. There is an alive, excited, fun-loving child in us somewhere. Let it come out. Let it come alive. Let it have some fun. Not for just 2 hours on a Saturday evening. Bring it with us. Let it help us enjoy this gift of being alive. Being fully human and being who we are."

That's what I would describe as great acting, that it is about being fully human, about being fully alive, about being unrestricted, about being fearless.

And I find, again, the more I can do that in my own life. The more that can be brought into the art of acting.

"So many rules. So much shame we've lived with. It simply isn't necessary. We have been brainwashed. It is time now to free ourselves. Let ourselves go and enter fully human into a full life. Don't worry. We will learn our lessons when necessary. We have learned discipline. We will not go awry. What will happen is we will begin enjoying life. We will begin enjoying and experiencing our whole self. We can trust ourselves." 

Anxiety is about feeling like we can't handle it. And the fact of the matter is we can handle it.

"We have boundaries now. We have a foundation. We can afford to experiment and experience. We are in touch with ourselves and our universe. We are being guided. But a frozen inanimate object cannot be guided. It cannot even be moved. Have some fun. Loosen up a bit. Break a few rules. We won't be punished. We don't have to allow people to punish us. And we can stop punishing ourselves. As long as we are here and alive, let's begin to live." 

I want to give you a tool: Listen to my other podcasts. Listen to all of the core work podcasts. Listen to them once. And then listen to them again with a pad and paper. Take notes. And writing it down. It's so, so powerful.

Ask Me Anything

Letting go of timing

Be humble to the moment

"Time thou must untangle this, not I. It is too hard a knot for me untie."

That nagging feeling of like, "why isn't it moving faster?"

That's what this is all about.

The Language of Letting Go

"When the time is right. How often have we heard those words from a friend? From the universe. From anyone. We sometimes want things so badly: that job, that check, a relationship, a possession. We want our life to change. So we wait sometimes patiently, sometimes anxiously wondering all the while, when will the future bring me what I long for? Will I be happy then? We tried to predict, circling dates on the calendar, asking questions. We forget that we don't hold the answers. The answers come from the universe. And if we really listen closely, we will hear them. When the time is right. When the time is right. Be happy now."

And when it comes to being uncomfortable, meaning being in process, that makes even more sense. Because who wants to be in process? We want to get there.

If I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, I have the power to change my life. 

Because in order to make that kind of a change, like a huge change in your life, you're going to have to do things that you're not so comfortable doing.

Exercise:

• I want you to think of the things that you so want to have happen. 
• And then I want you to also think about how you will need to change in order to make those things happen.
• I also want you to look at how you can enjoy the process of making it happen.

Try out The Weekly Accountability Group

Book a Free Consultation with Peter

This podcast is called what's at stake. AKA the most important podcast you'll ever listen to. 

There's that phrase that says that life is not a dress rehearsal. 

And for those of you who are in your teens, 20s, 30s, and I'll be even honest, your 40s, I didn't get that then. I didn't. 

I didn't get that life is not a dress rehearsal, but this is it. I didn't get that till 51.

It was the end of COVID, and I was sitting on the balcony in our then apartment, and it was a beautiful apartment, it overlooked Marina del Rey and the water. And I realized at that moment. That I was not living up to my full potential in my life, and I had just had a year off as we all did of being isolated, and I don't know maybe that's what it took, a year of slowdown, to have it really sink in that this is it.

There's not going to be another 50 again.

There's not going to be another 49, there's not going to be another 48, there's not going to be another 47 and go all the way down to zero. 

There isn't going to be that anymore. That this is it. 

And what do I want to do with it? And while I was saying, what do I want to do with it? 

What do I want to do with this gift?

Because it seemed to me, at 51, I was not really showing up for what I really wanted. and what I really wanted the second act of my life to be.

And it started out with, I looked I was, I remember the way I was sitting and I looked down at my waist and I went, there's a really healthy body underneath there. 

And I started with that, I started with the discipline of, and I'd always exercise because I had a back injury when I was at Guildhall, and I started with that, and I started with that discipline, and I took that discipline into everything, because how we do one thing is how we do all things.

And I want to read you a quote that I think also influenced my decision. 

And you know where this homework assignment is going, right? 

It's a Jen Sincero quote, and she writes the badass books.

Now, I'm going to be honest with you, I did change one little bit out of this quote for the purposes of this podcast, but I think you'll get why I did that.

"Because this is what I realized. You're gonna have to push past your fears. 

Fail over and over again. And make a habit of doing things you're not so comfy doing. 

You're gonna have to let go of old limiting beliefs and cling to the decision to create the acting career that you desire like your life depends on it.

Because guess what? Your life does depend on it."

And that's the truth.

That's the truth, and that's the realization that I got at such a deeper level three years ago. 

You're going to have to push past your fears, and you're going to have to fail over and over again. 

And you're going to have to make a habit of doing things you're not so comfy doing.

And I talk about with my in my weekly class with actors, if you're interested in that. It is a very affordable class, and we offer a class for free. 

I talk with them about how when you're exercising, when it starts to feel uncomfortable, that's when you're building strength.

Not hurt. But when it starts to feel uncomfortable, that's when you're building strength. 

Guess what? That's what it's like in life too. 

It's doing the uncomfortable things. 

So if you are ready to do some uncomfortable things, if you're willing to push past your fears and fail over and over again because the other thing I have learned is that it is in my biggest mistakes, I have my biggest lessons and I have my biggest growth.

Let me repeat that. It's when I have my biggest mistakes that I have my biggest growth. 

I have my biggest learning. 

And you're gonna have to make a habit of doing things that aren't so comfy, if you are willing to do that. And finally, really and become.

I hope you will honor me and let me honor you. That's actually where I want to go. Let me honor you with a free consultation. Let's talk this out. You're not alone in this journey. You don't have to be alone. 

About Michael:

Michael Kostroff is an established TV and stage actor best known for his role as unscrupulous gang attorney Maury Levy on HBO's legendary series, The Wire. In addition to his many television gigs, he's toured with The Producers and Les Misérables, appeared on regional stages all across the country, served as an advice columnist for Backstage, created the popular workshop "Audition Psych 101" (which focuses on the psychological side of auditioning), and written four books, including his recently published manual, The Stage Actor's Handbook: Traditions, Protocols, and Etiquette for the Working and Aspiring Professional.

The gospel of low expectations. My philosophy is very different from the popular philosophies—no one's entitled to a career. If you decide this is what you want to do, then you're signing on for the unemployment, the insecurity, the inconsistency, and you don't get to complain about it.

Yeah, I love being an actor, but it's not dependent on credits or being employed. It's who I am and what I've chosen to do with my life. So sign on for the whole thing. Not just the days when you work.

Remind yourself that this is a job, and you are being paid to do it, so you need to show up and do it.

The reason that the psychology of auditioning is my specialty is because I was miserable at it. I hated every moment of it. I was terrible at it, and I was all in my head about stuff. And I had to pick it apart to get to the place where I am now, which is I enjoy it.

Most auditions do not result in jobs. That's math. It's not because we suck. It's just applying mathematics. And I realized that I was putting all my energy and focus into figuring out how to get a job.

And when I realized that is not going to happen 99% of the time, there has to be another reason to go to an audition.

And now, I relish the opportunity to be an actor and play a role. And I have a much better time auditioning.

And as soon as I said, You're not getting the fucking job; I started to go, Oh, okay. Well, then, I'm going to make the choices I would make if I had the role because I'm only going to do it for one performance. Let's. Let's invest in it. Let's make the decisions. Let's do all the choices. Let's do it my way.

Because I can't guess what they're going to like or not like.

I think self-knowledge is essential for actors. Because I really know myself. Thank you. Thank you. I'm able to morph into these other characters from it, from a place that's truthful and neutral.

I think that to really play those roles well. You know, you have to make a case for your character.

You need to be the best advocate for your character.

That is sometimes difficult because sometimes the person who we have the hardest time advocating for is ourselves.

I really want actors to step into their authority as actors.

Trying to predict what people will respond to is the enemy of good acting.

Just going, "I don't know if they're going to pick me. Probably they won't. But here's how I'd like to play this scene today."

It's hard for us to believe in our own work. I think that's very challenging.

It is more effective for me not to think in terms of whether I am a good actor or not a good actor. Instead, I've got stuff to do in this scene.

Get yourself so busy with the thoughts of the character and the objectives of the character. I always say when I'm in the scene; there's nobody else who can do it. I'm the only one who can convince these people that my wife is trying to kill me.

My mantra is you're not getting the fucking job. Trying to get the job is not conducive to getting a job because nobody wants to watch an actor try to get a job. You're not getting the fucking job. There's no fucking job. Now, convince these people that your wife is trying to kill you. That's what you got to do.

You do your prep, and then you've got to throw the Frisbee. You got to let it go. And that's scary. That's risky because you're your ego wants to control it.

My best days are the days when I'm the passenger; I'm the copilot. I'm here to show up and to be of service on this day.

Rip off the Band-Aid and deal with it because it will not get easier.

I really have no tolerance for actors who are always going on about how unfair the business is. Correct. What do you want to do now?

Keep the focus on yourself.

When somebody is bitter about that or something else, I always ask, "so what's the payoff? Okay, so they're going to be casting more actors of color. So does that mean you try less? Oh, oh, I get it. So you don't have to take responsibility now."

Whenever I'm in some negative place, I ask myself this question, What are you not taking responsibility for?

Take your emotions out of your to-do list.

I'm trying to take judgment out of my to-do list, also.

The Stage Actors Handbook

And it details our traditions, our protocols, our superstitions, our particular language, and our particular chain of command that you just mostly learn from screwing up.

Alfred Molina said, "look; when you transfer from the rehearsal hall to the theater, everything will go wonky."

Bebe Neuwirth wrote about the importance of your physical script and taking notes.

Stephanie Bloch wrote about leading a company and the responsibilities of being the lead.

About Christin Baker:

Christin Baker (A Baker Production) is an award-winning director and Emmy-nominated producer. She has been playing with video producing and storytelling since she was 13 after her family got their first VHS camcorder. She started out directing music videos, and SNL parodies with the neighborhood kids and moved on to start her own digital distribution and production company, tellofilms.com.

She is the co-founder of Tello Films, which focuses on stories for the lesbian/queer community. Tello is the first lesbian/queer network to receive an Emmy Nomination. The series Secs & EXECS has received a 2017 Emmy Nomination for Mindy Sterling, Outstanding Actress in a Short Form Comedy/Drama Series. In 2019 the series "Riley Parra" received 2 Emmy nominations for actresses Liz Vassey and Carolyn Ratteray.

Christin is passionate about telling relevant and meaningful stories. Christin was early in the streaming content creation and founded Tello Films in 2009. She is an expert on distributing and creating original content (features, shorts, and series) as well as creating a platform for monetizing niche entertainment. Christin is also passionate about directing and was awarded Best Director for her work on Maybelle at the 2016 London Raindance Film Festival. Christin is a member of the Producers Guild of America as well as the Television Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences.

Christin just wrapped directing her 4th Lesbian/Queer Holiday RomCom "Merry & Gay" and is working on the 2nd feature for her Thriller Franchise Scare BNB called "Scare BNB: Double Booking." That follows "Christmas at the Ranch," "I Hate New Year's," and "Season of Love," which was the first Hallmark-esque Lesbian/Queer Holiday RomCom.

Actors making their own content and the power that has for them.

As a director and producer, I love when I know an actor has tried their own hand at making a project because their respect for what we're going through is significantly greater.

I think so much of acting is waiting to be called upon. Right? Like you go to an audition, you send in your tape, you send in your tape, and then you sit back, and you wait for someone to say yes or no to you.

And so I think any time you can put your energy into something active, that's like telling your own story, I think just energetically that helps you and puts you in your own action.

I always think work begets work.

If you can, it can be very helpful when the gender of the person you're acting with is the same as who's reading with you. 

Don't have the camera too close to your face.

So I've seen some audition tapes, and this is for people who are probably very green, who are listening to your podcast--I've had audition tapes sent in where no one is reading with the person on camera.

Do your best to have someone reading with you that that's going to give you, you know, something even if it's yourself.

I can sometimes tell within 10 seconds. And if the person isn't right, I move on.

The most important thing is to like make a choice, make a bold choice that I can see.

I'm an actor's director. I love playing with actors on set. I love that, like knowing if they can make a choice. And if I don't like that choice, I'll make a correction. But I know that like they're going to come to the table having thought about it and giving me something interesting.

Favorite qualities of actors who you love to work with:

1.  I really love working with an actor who can make a quick pivot.
2.  The eyes are so important, you can literally see that shift in the eyes, and it's absolutely like it's incredible.
3.  I love actors when they have that instinct to move. 

What is the process of how you make an independent film?

• You have to kind of figure out the business of it.
• I wanted to get investors, meaning you have to set up an LLC.
• Then you have to ensure that LLC owns the rights to the script in the movie and the project. And often, those LLCs will be called like the name of the film.
• A crowdfunding campaign. For me, that was a perfect place to start.
• Accredited investors

There are certain producers out there that have investors who are sitting out there waiting to invest in projects. And I know that sounds crazy. And I think it's like this magical fairyland, but it is true. And so when they get A-list stars or a big name, they can go back to their, you know, multimillion-dollar or billionaire pockets and go, "hey, we have Nick Cage. We need another $5 million, and those people will give it to them." 

If you don't have those people, casting an A-list star in your movie will not get you investors.

What it will get you on the backend is like press and a decent distributor. It lets you have those multimillionaire billionaire people. It will not get your money on the front end.

What do you think are other misnomers about raising money for film?

• I have also heard people say to me, especially in the LGBTQ community, "Oh, investors aren't always looking for their money back, like they take it to a project they believe in."
  • Okay, so that's true for a few investors out there.
  • Do not go into a situation ever thinking investors only want goodwill.
• Your first and most important job is telling a great story.
• The second is to get your investors their money back because if you do, they'll give it to you again.

Words of wisdom to actors who want to make their first feature film?

• The first one is to do favors for other people so that when it's your turn to make your movie, they will do favors for you.
• Talk to people who have done it before and just talk to them and say, Hey, what mistakes did you make? What did you want to know? Who did you like working with?

Crowdfunding Mistakes:

1. They ask for what they want and not what they can raise. 
2. People always think, "if I hit my goal too early, people won't give money to me."
3. Don't do T-Shirts!
4. You should always have stretch goals in mind.

We support the LGBTQ community, here is a list for additional reading and watching!

Ask Me Anything!

Being the Alpha Class for SAG-AFTRA

"Most of us want to be liked. We want other people to think of us as nice, friendly, kind, and loving. Most of us want the approval of others." 

What I started to learn was that people not liking me was survivable.

That not everybody had to like Peter. Not everybody had to approve of Peter. But the number one person who did need to approve of Peter, who did need to like Peter. Who did need to love Peter was Peter.

"Since childhood, some of us have been trying to get approval, trying to get people to like us and think highly of us. We may be afraid people will leave us if they disapprove of our actions."

I survived. And not only did I survive, but I also thrived. Because I no longer was looking for that person's approval. I was looking for my own.

What was so scary about people leaving me was that I didn't know how to love myself. But guess what I learned? I learned. It's something that you can learn.

Please guide me. Please guide me to love myself. Please guide me to approve of myself. So I don't ask agents, casting directors, and managers for it. Because guess what? Them approving of you is not their job. 

"In order to live happily, to live consistently with a way our higher power or the universe wants us to live and to tap into a way of life that is in harmony with the universe. We need to let go of our extreme need for approval."

If that casting director, agent, or manager doesn't like you, and that's probably not what it is, they're just passing on you because they don't feel they can serve you. You will survive.

But it's about you gaining perspective on yourself. And you approving of you. That is so important.

"These unmet needs for approval and love from our past give others control of us today."

I can control whether I give my power away.

"These needs from the past can prevent us from acting in our own best interest and being true to ourselves. Acting in her own best interest."

I want to act in my own best interest. I don't want to give my power away anymore. I want to be true to myself. Even if it upsets the people who mean most to me in the world, we can approve of ourselves.

In the end, that's the only approval that counts.

On Camera with Katie Flahive 

"Too often, we try to gain a clear perspective before it is time. That will make us crazy. We don't always know why things are happening the way they are. We don't always know how a particular relationship will work out. We don't always understand the source of our feelings why we've been led down a particular path. What is being worked out in us? What we are learning. Why do we need to recycle? Why we had to wait? Why we needed to go through a time of discipline, or why a door closed? How our present circumstances will work into the larger scheme of events is not always clear to us. And that is how it needs to be. Perspective will come in retrospect. We could strain for hours today for the meaning of something that may come in an instant next year. But let it go. We can let go of our need to figure things out. And we can let go of our need to feel in control. Now is time to be. To feel. To go through it. To allow things to happen. To learn. To let whatever is being worked out in us just take its course. In hindsight, we will know. It will become clear. For today being is enough. We have been told that all things shall work out for good in our life. We can trust that to happen. Even if we cannot see the place, today's events will hold in the larger picture."

I cannot tell you how many times I have tried to force a decision. 

"Time, thou shall untangle this, not I. It is too hard a knot for me to untie."

That will allow me to have perspective. Unfold before me instead of me trying to unfold it.

 "We don't always know why things are happening the way they are. We just don't. I don't know. I haven't got a clue. But sometimes it's best for me just to say; you know what? I don't know. And you know what?

There's no shame in saying you don't know. There's no shame in it. You don't have to know everything.

All you have to do is suit up and show up and do the very, very best you can.

The time that we need in order to gain perspective.

It's not something that we can force, but what we can do while we're waiting for that perspective is we can take care of ourselves.

"We do not always know how a particular relationship will work out. We just don't. But we can ask for guidance. Guide me. Show me what you need me to do in this particular relationship. We don't always understand the source of our feelings.

"We don't always understand why we've been led down a particular path. Guide me. Show me. Show me what you need me to learn on this path. Show me what you need me to learn in this particular day."

Lessons are recycled in us. And when I just kind of say, yeah, I'm not going to deal with something, or I'm not going to take responsibility for whatever this particular lesson I'm being taught in life is, I find that that lesson recycles. It recycles with just a little more urgency and just a little more; I hate to say it, pain because pain is an excellent motivator.

Along with perspective and waiting for perspective on your life, I find that takes a lot of humility. And humbleness. Because to gain perspective, we need to say, "I don't know." And to obey a higher power or a universe, we need to say, "I can't. You universe can. So I'm going to let you universe take over."

If you have discipline, you can do anything. And that includes waiting to gain perspective.

And this question, Why did that door close?

"Look back, don't stare."

And again, remember, forgiving is not forgetting. It's letting go of the past.

Perspective will come in retrospect.

"Now is the time to be. To feel. To go through it. To allow things to happen. To learn."

To be curious.

"Let whatever is being worked out in us take its course."

So that is the challenge I put before you today. And listening to this podcast is to implement those tools of asking for help and asking for guidance in trying to gain perspective in your life and in your acting career.

Time Management Workshop

The Language of Letting Go

"The more I cling to my past, the more I'm wasting my energy."

When you have a computer, and you have a program minimized, understand that that program is still using battery life on your computer. 

"Not even God can change the past." 

"Holding on to the past, either through guilt, longing, denial, or resentment, is a waste of valuable energy. Energy that can be used to transform today and tomorrow."

I want to transcend my past so that I have more energy to fulfill my day.

"I used to live in my past. I was either trying to change it or letting it control me. Usually both."

An audition where I didn't feel I did my best with the casting director, and then that casting director called me in again. What I used to do is then go, Oh, that casting director doesn't like me. So yeah, I will probably mess this one up as well.

Instead of going, Wow, that casting director called me back even after an audition where I didn't feel I did so well. Hey, wow. This is an opportunity to show that casting director how good I am and do an audition that I feel good about.

But when I'm holding on to my past, I'm not in the frame of mind where I can do that.

But when I've let go of that past, when I've transcended that past, I am in a place of power.

I am in a place where I can claim who I am and show the best work that I know I can do. 

"I constantly felt guilty about things that had happened, things I had done, things others had done to me, even though I had made amends for almost everything. The guilt ran deep. Everything somehow was my fault. I could never just let it go."

One is, is that the definition of shame is believing that there is something fundamentally wrong with you.

"I held on to anger for years, telling myself it was justified. I was in denial about a lot of things. Sometimes I tried to absolutely forget about my past, but I never really stopped and sorted through it. My past was like a dark holy crap cloud. I can speak cloud that followed me around, and I couldn't shake clear of it. I guess I was scared to let it go. Afraid of today. Afraid of tomorrow."

That's the other thing when we don't work through the anger. The frustration, then, why hasn't it happened for me in our acting careers? The only thing it does is hold us back. And I think it's impossible to force yourself to forget something.

There's a fear of success and a fear of failure. I always say those two things are opposite sides of the coin.

But, what it is, is about taking responsibility for your past choices—taking responsibility for where you are today—and then understanding that you have a responsibility. And most importantly, and this is what is exciting, is the opportunity, the incredible opportunity I have. You have. We all have to shape our future.

Trace it. Face it. Erase it. 

And then that is how it will be. Let go. Forgiving is not forgetting. It's letting go of the hurt.

"I've even developed gratitude for my failed relationships because they have brought me to who and where I am today."

All of the "failures" have actually been opportunities to learn.

I automatically develop peace with my new past.

Time Management Workshop

About Jeremy:

Jeremy Redleaf is an Emmy and Streamy award-winning artist and entrepreneur. He tells stories and creates experiences through his Brackets Creative shingle, including "Odd Jobs," the Streamy Winning web series, "3rd Street Blackout," a feature film (Available on Peacock), and the SYFY special "Who Won the Year?" He's the co-founder of Caveday, a global community built around having a healthier relationship to work. Follow him at @jeremyredleaf on all the platforms!

The ultimate multi-hyphenate.

"Every time I was waiting for the phone, he was going out to make something. And I started to get a little jealous of that because it can be disempowering to wait to hurry up and wait or just to wait."

How empowering it is to make your own films, to make your own work.

Successful working actors are very curious.

Curiosity sometimes just comes out of necessity.

"Well, as soon as I built some self-esteem, I encountered, you know, fiercer dragons."

At some point, I started to identify with being brave and being and being like in the arena and facing the dragons.

The most successful people do what they most don't want to do by noon. 

I find for me that being in a community helps a lot. You know, just to know that other people are fighting similar battles is enough for me usually to sort of go like, "cool, I'm just one of the gang."

We all have these sorts of voices of self-doubt.

When I'm faced with a challenge, I go, "Okay, now, if I don't deal with this now, this sucker is going to repeat this kind of situation is going to repeat itself down the road, and it's going to be more painful and more uncomfortable." 

There's ego, and then there's the universe or divine or spiritual.

And with ego, it's finite because it ends and begins with me. But with the universe, it's infinite. And so, do I want to tune my radio dial into Infinite, or do I want to tune my radio dial into Finite?

When you act and are in the flow , you transcend your ego and are connected to the infinite.

Yeah, the best way out is always through.

"I am willing, I am willing, I am willing."

I don't think that we're talking enough about the pandemic in terms of like what it has done to our sort of artists' souls.

Monologue Class with Andrew

Time Management Class 

The victim trap.

Being a victim is just a way for me not to take responsibility for my life and when I am, quite frankly, scared.

The Language of Letting Go

"The victim trap. The belief that life has to be hard and difficult is the belief that makes us a martyr. We can change our negative beliefs about life and whether we have the power to stop our pain and take care of ourselves."

Assignment: Ask yourself

• Do I believe that life has to be hard and difficult?
• And then, if I believe life has to be hard and difficult, how do I operate out of that?
• What are the things, what are the thoughts that I think, what are the actions that I do that indicate that?

Because what we're trying to do here is to spot where we are a victim. So I'm immediately in this podcast episode just slamming you right into homework, giving you assignments on how to change so you can get out of this harmful thinking and belief pattern.

"We aren't helpless. That is the Truth. With a capital T, we can solve our problems."

I try and think of my problems as challenges. They're challenges for me to face. And every time I meet a challenge, I become more successful. Why? Because I gain more self-esteem.

Assignment:

• Make a list of challenges in your life and start putting them into categories.
• A category of what is mine to solve and a category of what is not mine to solve.
• And then those that are not yours to solve, what you want to do is you want to put them aside.
• And you want to focus on that list of challenges and problems that are your responsibility.

Taking responsibility for ourselves pays enormous dividends.

Using each problem that comes our way to prove that life is hard and we are helpless. Well, this is something called codependency, and it is the victim trap.

"Life does not have to be difficult. In fact, it can be smooth. Life is actually good. We don't have to "awfulize" it to ourselves or to anyone else. We don't have to live in the underside of life. And I just want to add that we can be on top. Now, that doesn't mean that we're not going to have challenges that sometimes feel insurmountable."

We do have power. More power than we know, even in the difficult times. And the difficult times don't prove life is bad. They are just part of the ups and downs of life, and often they work out for the best. We can change our attitude. We can change ourselves. And sometimes we can even change our circumstances. Life is challenging. Sometimes there's more pain than we asked for. And sometimes there's more joy than we ever imagined. But it's all part of the package. And the package is good. We are not victims of life. We can learn to remove ourselves as victims of life. By letting go of our belief that life has to be hard and difficult, we can make our life so much easier."

Whatever challenge I'm going through, it is survivable. And not only is it survivable, but by surviving, I gain that thing that can only be earned and not be bought no matter how much money you have. And that is self-esteem.

And for an actor, self-esteem and confidence are the two magical ingredients that core work gives you.

Time Management Workshop

Letting go of chaos.

Language of Letting Go, Melodie Beatty

What causes chaos? Well, what causes chaos is control.

"No good work comes from unrest."

And what I have learned about that is how true that is. Because if I don't rest, if I don't fuel up, I cannot be of service to other people around me.

Wake up in the morning and say "Good morning, universe. This is Peter, Pamela Rose, and I am showing up for duty." And I know that kind of sounds crazy, but it takes a lot of pressure off the day.

When I get overwhelmed, all I need to do is simply ask for help, ask for strength, ask for wisdom.

And what does that look like? I'll do it right now. "Give me strength. Please guide me. Show me, show me what it is you want me to do. Show me the things that you need me to do today so I can be of maximum service to other people on this planet."

"Unrest, fear, anger, or sadness may motivate us. These feelings are sometimes intended to compel action. But our best work emerges after these feelings have been replaced by peace. We will not accomplish our task any sooner or any better by performing it out of a sense of urgency, fear, anger or sadness."

And that's also why I think it's so important to do what I just did: stop and take a step back. And asking for wisdom and asking for guidance and asking for strength, asking for concentration, asking for brainpower. Or for more bandwidth.

"Let go of unrest. Let peace fill the void. We do not have to forfeit our power, our God-given or universe-given personal power, or our peace. Our peace to do the work as we are called upon to do today."

And again, sometimes I need to think that what the universe wants me to get done in a day and what Peter Pamela Rose wants to get done in a day are often two very different things.

And the universe is much kinder.

What's amazing about that is that I can plug into that universe any time I can ask for that guidance. I can. Ask for that peace. I can ask for that wisdom.

And I love that phrase "to do what we are called upon to do today," because I'm only responsible for today. I only need to do today. 

I can't live for yesterday. I can plan for tomorrow. I can prepare for tomorrow. I can do something today that my inner self will thank me for a year from now.

But the fact of the matter is, I can only do today.

And that acknowledgment helps to let go of the chaos.

"We will be given all the power we need to do what we are meant to do when it is time. Let peace come first. Or I like to say let prayer come first or let asking come first, then proceed. The task will get done naturally and on time."

You're taking your hands off the wheel and trusting the universe, which is the pilot, to steer.

Time Management Workshop

About Molly:

Molly Noerenberg is a life and embodiment coach for performing artists. As a coach, Molly helps people make transformational changes in the way they connect to themselves, their bodies, and their unique nervous systems so that they can bring their most authentic selves into the world. Working with Molly means you will have someone on your team with unwavering belief in what is possible for you. As a coach, Molly has an incredible passion for helping performers connect to their truest essence and finding ways to express themselves that make them feel truly alive.  

A fellow performer and singer, Molly has spent her entire career supporting the hearts, minds, and lives of performers. Molly is a certified Life Coach from the Health Coach Institute(formerly Holistic MBA), received her Bachelor of the Arts in Vocal Performance from Carnegie Mellon University, her Masters of the Arts in Vocal Performance from New York University, and her Advanced Certificate from NYU in Vocal Pedagogy. Molly is the founder of the coaching practice ExpressedLife.com, in addition to serving on the faculty of NYU Steinhardt, and being the co-founder of the NYC Vocal Studio.

The unchecked thoughts and beliefs are actually standing in the way of us just showing up.

It creates that feeling in your body too.

Catabolic energy and anabolic energy

if it's always someone else's approval, permission, or job to decide if you're good enough, then what a miserable experience that will be in your life.

Most artists want to perform at the highest level. But at each new level of success, we unlock a whole host of mindsets, stories, theories, and thoughts that we have to unpack and look at.

It's tolerance of really uncomfortable, painful feelings.

Walking through that fear is far less than continuing to live with it. 

One of the things I learned about anxiety was that it's survivable. I always thought it was going to kill me.

Anxiety is Manageable, Survivable, and I can handle it. 

Actors who have performance anxiety:

• Number one, go to your body.
• Ask: How am I feeling?
• Have a systematic way.
• What does this body, what does this brain need to feel the most connected to myself, to be free to do the work that I came here to do?

The clarity and the courage to look at, "who am I? Who do I want to be in the world? How do I contribute? What makes me feel alive?"

And for so many actors, it is their acting work. And so what am I willing to do? Or find a way to do so that I can put myself in the position to be in my zone of genius? Like, how am I willing to work on this?

Celebration and revelry of what you have the gift to do and to really like prioritize if there's something that makes you come alive.

Do you know how many people are walking around just feeling like shells of themselves?

The world needs more people who feel like themselves to connect to whatever they're doing.

We deserve to find a way to get to that place, free ourselves, and be in a position to do the work we came here to do. 

Obsessive versus harmonious passions. And for many of us, we were kind of like taught and trained that the only way to succeed is to have an obsessive passion, and that is a way to succeed. And a lot of people find a lot of success that way. But there are a lot of other people who are much more fulfilled through a harmonious blend of our passions.

"I want to feel good."

We're not taught how to feel good or how to honor our feelings, or how to notice how even just notice how we feel. 

Schedule a free consult with Molly

Making The Most Of Casting Director Workshops

Two Week Monologue Slam

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Time Management Workshop

Surviving Slumps

I'm talking about not only slumps in your career but also emotional slumps.

"A slump can go on for days. We feel sluggish, unfocused and sometimes overwhelmed with feelings we can't sort out. We may not understand what is going on with us. Even our attempts to practice recovery or core work behaviors may not appear to work. We still don't feel emotionally, mentally, and spiritually good as we would like."

 "Don't play yesterday's rehearsal."

When you're feeling shitty, you're trying to understandably recreate the feelings you felt so great about yesterday. 

But it's kind of like eating. You can't eat for yesterday, and you can't eat for tomorrow. You can't breathe for yesterday, and you can't breathe for tomorrow. The only day you can eat and breathe and drink for is today.

When I am in a slump or negative space, the best thing I can do is accept it. 

The Three A's: awareness, acceptance, and action.

Use your mind to govern your brain, to notice your behaviors.

It's better that you just accept:

• You're not going to get a lot done today
• You got so much done on Monday and Tuesday.
• You were operating at number ten, energy solving lots of number ten problems
• You're tired; you're burnt.

When I'm overwhelmed with feelings, I find the best tool is to stop.

Magic happens when you put a pen in your hand, and you write and allow those feelings to come out.

Don't try and live yesterday. 

Stop. And try and be and get yourself to where you are at and go into that awareness. And acceptance helps you to get out of that slump faster.

"In a slump, we may find ourselves reverting instinctively to old patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving, even when we know better. We may find ourselves obsessing, even when we know that what we're doing is obsessing and that it doesn't work."

Have you ever had a day where you're exhausted from thinking? It's such an emotional hangover.

But what can we do? I'm always about what I can do to help myself, transcend that slump, and transcend that time.

When I find myself reverting to an old pattern, I go through the steps that I've talked about before in these podcasts: Stop. Take a step back. Observe. Ask myself, "is this healthy for me or unhealthy for me?" And then make a choice to respond to it. 

When you do it, you want to physically stop, and then you physically want to take a step back or adjust yourself in that seat.

Distance so you can ask yourself if your thoughts are healthy or if your actions are healthy or unhealthy. And then you can respond to it.

 "A response is a reaction with a thought and a pause behind it."

"We may find ourselves looking frantically for other people to make us feel better the whole time, knowing that our happiness and our well-being does not lay with others."

My happiness comes from within.

My happiness is my choice.

Dr. Wayne Dyer has a great phrase. "I want to feel good."

Because when I feel good, I can give goodness to others. And I always feel that that is my purpose on this planet. My purpose on this planet is to give good to others.

"The other thing that when we are in a slump is that we may take things personally that are not our issues and reacting in ways we've learned all too well that does not work. Remember that when you're in a slump, it won't last forever. These periods are normal. Even necessary. They are. These are days to get through or, as I like to say, days to transcend. These are days to focus on core work behaviors, whether or not the rewards occur immediately. "

These are sometimes the days to let ourselves be and love ourselves as much as possible. Sometimes you need to give yourself a break mentally.

And sometimes, it's about taking the foot off the gas a bit.

"We don't have to be ashamed. No matter how long we have been doing core work, we don't have to unreasonably expect more from ourselves. We don't ever have to expect ourselves to live life perfectly."

When a plane is on autopilot, it's only on course 10% of the time. And then the other 90% of the time, it's trying to find the course.

Get through the slump, and it will end. "This too shall pass."

 And that means for the good stuff as well. That's why living in the day is so important.

"Do something today that you one year from now will thank you for." 

Understand that it's all part of the process if you're still in that slump and are still trying to get better mentally.

"Practice, one recovery in one small area, and we begin to climb uphill. Soon the slump will disappear. We can never judge where we will be tomorrow by where we are today."

Surviving slumps is so darn important because it can change at any time.

We must stay balanced because this is such an up and down business, and that's just the business part. We haven't even gotten to the work.

And when you find yourself in a slump, understand that it's not permanent.

You will get better. You will survive. This is survivable.

Take responsibility for your life.

Try out The Weekly Accountability Group for Free

We are going to be talking about the importance of fun.

So I'm going to be really honest with you, this is a topic that I have had so much trouble with. 

Yeah, I have had trouble having fun. 

I thought that, I don't know, life was to be endured. And even though I had a positive, natural positive attitude, I didn't know how to have fun. I had no idea how to have fun.

And you know what that hurt? That hurt my acting career and that hurt my ability to act because I wasn't experiencing all emotions, especially the really good ones. 

But the thing is that when we as casting directors, agents, managers are meeting with you, we want to be with people who are Professional, but also are fun to be around people that we want to work with, that we want to be on a set with day in and day out now.

Okay, that might not apply for the casting director or the agent or the manager, but I am going to be working with you a decent amount. 

So yes, it does apply to that, but it really applies in your auditions. 

Are you having fun? Do you know how to have fun? 

And if you don't, that's okay. 

You can have fun learning, and you may make mistakes while having fun. 

I've certainly done that. 

I thought something was going to be fun, and then it really wasn't. 

In fact, I hated it. 

Anyway, so I'm going to read a little thing out of Melody Beattie's Language of Letting Go.

"Have some fun with life, with the day. Find the good things in the day. Find the fun things in the day. Life is not a drudgery. That is an old belief." 

And as I said, truly an old belief of mine. 

"We can let go of it. We are on an adventure. And this adventure is life. It is a journey. Events will come to pass that we cannot even fathom."

I think that's one of the gifts of being deaf. Age is that with age, you begin to appreciate life more. You begin to appreciate the day more. 

And lately I've had podcasts and podcasts that will come up about being decisive, making mistakes.

You can have fun with all of this. 

The big thing is we want to create the best life and career and experience with this one amazing shot we have on this planet. 

"We want to try and replace our heaviness and weariness of spirit with joy. Surround yourself with people and things that bring lightness of spirit as opposed to that heaviness.

Become sensitive to happiness, to lightness, to the incredible wonder of life. 

The journey, it really can be an exciting adventure. Let yourself be. Enjoy it."

One of the mantras that I gave myself recently, creating amazing experiences in my life is fun for me.

Creating amazing experiences in my life. is fun for me. 

Again, fun. It's so important. You want to be around people who are fun. 

Why would that stop in a casting office? Why would that stop in an agent's office? Why would that stop at a manager's office? Why would that stop in auditioning? 

Have fun. This business can be fun.

It can be exciting.

Yes, it can also be trying. But let's have fun on the adventure.

Katie's Interest List

David Cady Commercial Class

Andrew Dolan's Monologue Slam

About Rick:

Rick first started acting in 1990 when he was cast as Tony in the long-running Off-Broadway hit Tony N' Tina's Wedding. He later made his Broadway debut in the Neil Simon comedy Proposals.

His first film role was in the 1996 short film The Dutch Master, which also starred a young Mira Sorvino.  He recently appeared in Mank, directed by David Fincher. 

In addition to numerous TV roles, including Friends, NCIS, and General Hospital.

Rick also does voice-over work for commercials and video games. Some of his more notable works include Civilization V, Halo 5: Guardians, Batman: Arkham Knight, The Darkness II, and Grand Theft Auto V. In 2010; he voiced Vito Scaletta, the main protagonist of Mafia II and its 2016 sequel, Mafia III.

He is the co-writer and star of the one-man touring show "Channelling The King."

"You need to believe in yourself that that's what you want for yourself."

Know your place on the set.

Professionalism:

• Show up
• Know what your job is
• You're bringing something that they need
• Know your worth
• Do it to the best of your ability

"The job of an actor is to know that you are enough."

How being physically fit benefits you as an actor.

Make The Most Of Casting Director Workshops 

Two Week Monologue Slam With Andrew Dolan

Three-Week Commercial Workshop

"If there is anything I've learned with the astounding amount of core work I've done, it's these three things: Give up living in the past. Be in the present. And don't allow yourself to project into the future." 

It's so freaking simple, right?

And yet I find it so hard.

"Not even God can change the past."

The mistakes I've made and my regrets, in some ways, informed the person I am today.

I don't want to beat myself up for that anymore.

Try to find the compassion and to really look at it and "go, wow, you are really scared. You know you are really brave."

Compassion, but also understanding how much strength it took to get through those difficult moments and then using that strength to help you in your present moments when you get scared.

So if you're someone who likes to live in the past:

• Look at those times
• Go back and listen to Episode 102; What is Your Strength Story?
• Jot down and remind yourself of how resilient you are

Let's talk about the present.

What I find interesting about me, at least in being in the present, is how much I avoid it.

Use your mind to govern your brain.

"What if--? Peter, is that the present? Okay. What are you doing in the present? Okay. I'm brushing my teeth. Okay, well, let's be here and brush my teeth.

But what if--. Peter. You're not in the present. What are you doing now? Well, now I'm washing my face. Okay, so why don't you wash your face and just be here in the present? Okay. Wash my face. Wash my face. Wash my face. But what if--."

This is an old habit of mine, projecting into the future the "what ifing." And the fact of the matter is, that makes you cuckoo. 

One of my dearest childhood friends taught me this lesson. And her name is Beth Singer. And I remember being in junior high school and always wanting to be the more popular kid. And yet I hung out with these three young girls. There was just something about Beth, and she always made me laugh. She was just hilarious. She loved fresh fruit as I did. She had the greatest cackle laugh. And I think back to that time that in that present moment when I was growing up with her, how could I ever have wanted to be with anybody else?

She passed away from liver cancer on Mother's Day, her 39th birthday.

I was lucky enough to visit her before she passed, and she said to her husband as I was leaving, "Pam and I had a nice visit."

And what kills me about that? It's such a simple thing. It was such a simple thing. I got to hang out with my childhood friend six months before she passed. And it was something in the present moment.

With the present moment. You're never going to get it back. And I'm never going to get my friend back. I have my memories of her, but I will never get her back.

And if there's anybody who has taught me about value, the present moment, and its Beth.

I encourage you to think:

1. From your past, what you're thinking of is those moments when you had so much strength and tenacity.
2. And in the present moment, what are those moments that you really were in the present that you would never give up?

So now I'm going to move to projecting into the future.

"Remain fluid."

When you're projecting into the future, what you're really trying to do is control.

Except the thing is that's not your job. Your job is to manage. Your job is to handle your life. Your job is not to control it.

The future will come. It will come faster than you even can imagine.

When I'm projecting into the future, I'm actually not preparing for it. When I'm projecting into the future, I'm trying to control it—but not doing what I need to do to create the future I really want to have.

"Do it, or it's never going to happen."

If you don't change this particular habit, the things you're trying to do for the future aren't going to happen.

Instead of projecting into the future, instead of trying to control the future, you need to be preparing for it by staying in the moment. 

When projecting in the future, I start to go a little crazy because I'm trying to control the uncontrollable.

Instead of projecting into the future and what you want to have happen and maybe the fantasy of being whatever it is you want to be, ask yourself, Well, what do I need to do now to prepare for it?

 Upcoming Classes:

• Jason Sasportas
• Andrew Dolan
• David Cady
• Katie Flahive

The Language of Letting Go:

"Have you ever been around people pleasers? They tend to be displeasing. Being around someone who is turning themselves inside out to please another is often irritating and anxiety producing."

 "If you spot it, you got it."

So notice that if someone's irritating you, ask yourself, "what is it about that person that is irritating me? And is that also something that I do?"

"People pleasing is a behavior we may have adapted to survive in our family. We may not have been able to get the love and attention we deserved. We may not have been given permission to please ourselves, to trust ourselves, or to choose a course of action that demonstrated self-trust. People pleasing can be overt or covert. We may run around fussing over others, chattering a mile a minute, and when what we are really saying is, I hope I'm pleasing you. Or we may be covert, quietly going through life, making important decisions based on pleasing others."

If you grew up in a family that question when you do something that is good for you or will question your choices or will question your judgment. 

That and those formidable, formidable years of your life will make you doubt yourself.

Anxiety is about not feeling that you can handle a situation. 

The connection between people pleasing and anxiety

If you grew up, if your background was trying to stay out of trouble, if your background was trying to protect yourself, that is the fertile ground for which anxiety can then grow and flourish in your adult years, which is all about feeling that you cannot handle a situation that is in front of you.

Understand that we will never be given more than we can handle, but we will be given more than we can control.

Overt Energy Actors— "I hope you like me. I hope you like me. I hope you like me."

Or Covert--- we just will allow other people to make big life decisions for us. Because we feel that we don't have the right to make such a big choice in our lives.

Have you ever been in an audition where you walk into a room, and you just cannot stop talking?

This gives your power away as an actor.

But also, what it does is basically you're asking the casting director for validation.

And that is one hell of a responsibility to put on them. And one that I actually feel very uncomfortable doing because who the hell am I to do that for you? Because the person who needs to be doing it is you.

As a casting director, I want you to come into the room or into the session, and I want you to know that you are enough, that you can do the job that I have hired you for or brought you into the audition for. And I know that I'm in good hands.

Not the actor who keeps repeating, "like me." Or, "Hey, is this okay? Is this okay? Is this okay? I just want to make sure I'm doing this right. "

That makes me feel like you want me to do the work for you. You are unprepared, but also that you don't have the confidence in yourself to do this job or to do this audition.

No matter how talented you are, by the time you do that audition, I already have that seed in my mind. 

"When in doubt, leave it out."

In other words, it's okay for me not to say so much. 

"Taking other people's wants and needs into consideration is an important part of our relationships. We have a responsibility to friends, family and employers. We have a strong inner responsibility to be loving and caring. But people pleasing backfires. Not only do others get annoyed with us, we often get annoyed when our efforts to please do not work as we have planned." 

"Expectations are premeditated resentments." 

"The most comfortable people to be around are those who are considerate of others but ultimately please themselves."

As a casting director, the actors that I like to bring into casting sessions and the actors that I like to hire for jobs are those actors who I know that they are enough, who know that they can do that job, who I know have done the work. And so I know that I am in good hands.

Those actors who are not going to be focused on pleasing me, but focused on doing their job, which is to act.

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Humility and being humble

Where is that balance between showing off, which is what some of the best Actors do, but then in the promotion or acknowledging success, finding humbleness?

That emotion of humiliation:

• I've been at this so long, and how come I'm not making a living?
• Or How come things aren't working for me?
• I feel so humiliated.

 "Humility was a tough concept for me to comprehend. Taught from childhood to place the wants and needs of others always above my own. I equated humility with taking care of others. And ignoring my own feelings and needs."

Being taught, you always think of the other person first.

And although that is a lovely concept, if you're always thinking of other people, you are drying up your own well.

The problem is you cannot give from a dry well. 

You cannot give money from an empty pocketbook.

Because when you truly take care of yourself, you can truly take care of other people.

And it is only when you have a full well that you can truly give to others. 

The problem is, is that when you're giving from a dry well, what happens is that resentment builds up.

"I have learned that true humility is not degrading. It doesn't require that I neglect my own needs. In fact, humility is not measured by how much I do for other people. But my willingness to do my part in my relationship with a power greater than myself and my understanding of that." 

Say these words: I am willing, I am willing, I am willing, I am willing to show up. I am willing to do what is required of me.

I am willing to learn my lessons.

Humility is learned often when there has been maybe a touch of humiliation, or I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Actors, as artists, are to be vessels for the universe's work, to be vessels for the universe's work. But to do that, we need to be willing, and we need to have a certain level of humility about where we are at. 

Responsibility is being willing.

By saying, "I'm willing to take responsibility. And what I'm saying I'm willing to take responsibility for is doing those things that will move me to that next level and learn that life lesson."

Take responsibility for the thoughts that go on in your head.

We're not responsible for our first thought. But we are responsible for our second.

And so when I say I'm willing and I'm in that place of humility, I can say, "Hey universe:

• I am willing.
• I am willing to step up,
• I am willing to dress up.
• I am willing to show up.
• I am willing to take responsibility for my life, happiness, and career.
• My health"

 "As my understanding of humility becomes clear, I am better able to do my part. I take responsibility for myself and for others. And I also realize that it is better. That when I need strength, or I need help, that I go to that higher knowledge, that higher power, that energy that makes the sunshine, that that is a better use of my energy and my time."

"Part of learning humility is learning to contribute to my own well-being. Today, I will do something loving for myself that I might normally do for someone else."

Negotiating conflict in your career and in your life. 

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Melodie Betty's Beyond Codependency

"Core work is about more than walking away. Sometimes it means learning to stay and deal. It's about building and maintaining relationships that work."

Core work is about more than walking away.

And there's a great quote from Richard Bok that says, "The best way out is always through."

We're not responsible for our first thought, but we are responsible for our second.

My first thought in this conflict situation was, "I'm out of here." But my second thought, which is the one I was responsible for, was a very healthy thought. And it was, "the best way out is always through."

It's about building and maintaining relationships that work. 

Not everybody's going to like you, and not every work relationship is going to be perfect and brilliant.

It is important to cultivate relationships with those people who you do gel with, who you do want to work with, who you do have that synchronicity with, and have those people be a part of your tribe.

"Problems and conflicts are a part of life and relationships with friends, family, loved ones, and at work. Problem-solving and conflict negotiation are skills we can acquire and improve with time."

And the words there that I really want you to pay attention to are and improve with time.

Because another one of my favorite slogans is "progress, not perfection."

Progress, not perfection. Sometimes when I'm dealing with a conflict that I find particularly uncomfortable, just the fact that I pick up the phone and tell the person or meet the person and say, "this is uncomfortable," is half the battle. 

The best part is, is if I can state how I felt or how I feel and what I need with leaving the word "you" out.

You express how you feel and what you need, but you leave that critical word "you" out so that you keep your needs and your feelings with you and not put them on the other person.

"Not being willing to tackle and solve problems in relationships leads to unresolved feelings of anger and victimization, terminated relationships, unresolved problems, and power plays that intensify the problem and waste time and energy."

I don't really have that much time, nor do I have that much energy to waste. So I need to make sure that my time and my energy are spent as efficiently as possible. 

Those conflicts that I need to negotiate need to be dealt with sooner rather than later.

Imagine a computer, and imagine programs running on the computer, and you minimize the programs so that they're just sitting on your toolbar at the bottom. The fact of the matter is, is that those programs are still using energy battery from the computer.  

When you don't negotiate conflict or some challenge or some issue in your life. That little program just keeps burning your battery. It just keeps burning your bandwidth.

It's taking away from the energy that you need to be focusing on the things that you really want to be doing. Because we need that energy to manage our time and to do those difficult tasks. 

"Not being willing to face and solves problem solve problems means we may run into that problem again."

If you don't take responsibility for the conflicts in your life, how the hell do you expect to have success at a higher level where you're going to be negotiating far bigger conflicts?

"Some problems with people cannot be worked out in mutually satisfactory ways. Sometimes the problem is a boundary issue we have and there is no room to negotiate." 

When working on a conflict, look for a win-win situation.

"In that case, we need to clearly understand what we want and need and what our bottom line is. 

How you figure out what you want and what you need:

• Get out paper. Get out a pen.
• magic happens when a pen gets in the hand and you put it on the paper.
• I want you to write your "fuck you letter" to this person
  • saying everything that you wanted,
  • everything that they disappointed you with
  • everything you ever wanted to say to this person.
• And then I want you to go for a walk or run or, you know, go exercise or go clean your house or just do something.
• And then I want you to come back to it.
• And maybe that's after a night's sleep.
• And I want you to read what you wrote.
• I want you to read your fucking letter, okay?
• And I want you to really write down the facts of what you wanted, what you needed, and what your bottom line is.
• And then look for a way to healthfully communicate that to that person so that you're taking the hurt or the sting or the heat out of the wound. 

Because it's so important that when we are dealing with conflict, we are responding and not reacting.

 "A response is a reaction with a pause and a thought behind it." 

"Some problems with people, though, can be worked out, worked through, and satisfactorily negotiated. Often there are workable options for solving problems that we will not even see until we become open to the concept of working through problems in relationships rather than running from the problems."

Remember: they're looking for a win-win as well. And so they are willing to meet me halfway. And when that happens, it's fucking awesome. 

"To negotiate problems, we must be willing to identify the problem. Let go of blame and shame and focus on possible creative solutions. To successfully negotiate and solve problems in relationships, we must have a sense of our bottom line and our boundary issues so we don't waste time negotiating non-negotiable issues."

Those non-negotiable issues are what you have distilled from your "fuck you letter."

Because you have written down how you feel and what you need and what your bottom line is. So you already know that going into your conversation.

"We need to learn to identify what both people really want and need and the different possibilities for working that out. We can learn to be flexible without being too flexible. Committed, intimate relationships mean people are learning to work together through their problems and conflicts in ways that work in both people's interests."

And in order for you to uplevel, those areas of your life that you most don't want to face, need to be faced.

What is holding you back? 

Anger towards the Industry.

When you have felt like:

• Well, maybe this isn't for me
• It seems to be a club that I can't get into.
• Or it feels like everybody who has any power hates me.
• And how can I want something so badly but not be accepted into that club?
• What is wrong with me?
• Am I defective?
• Am I not good enough?

And all of that can sometimes lead to a tremendous amount of anger. And there's nothing wrong with anger. Anger is just an emotion.

I'll let you in on a secret: It doesn't kill you. It's survivable. Anger, confrontation, all of it is survivable.

From the book Courage to Change.

"It seems to me that many of us deal with our anger in inappropriate ways, denying it, we stuff it, or we go off in a fury directing the feelings outward. I, for one, opt for avoidance of any conflict, and then I turn into a doormat." 

Learning how to deal with anger.

• Learning how to set a boundary.
• Write down your feelings.
• It's taking the heat out of the emotion when you do that journaling.
• Then look over it and then say, "this is how I feel, and this is what I need."
• Now you can do this directed at the industry as a whole.
• How do you feel?
• What are your angry feelings towards the industry, and what do you need from the industry?

So the exercise is writing a letter, note, or email, if you'd like to, the industry as a whole.

"It says denying it meaning, denying anger or denying our feelings. We stuff it, or we go off into a fury."

So it's again, it's that pendulum. We're either doing nothing, or we're going way off, you know, way off our rocker. And the other thing that it says is "opt for avoidance or conflict or turn into a doormat."

Neither one of these are helpful.

What is helpful is transcending our feelings.

There's that wonderful quote from Richard Bock. "The best way out is always through."

"The 12-step programs encourage us to acknowledge our feelings and to be responsible for how we express them. The problem is not that I get angry, but I do not know how to direct my anger appropriately."

And again, feelings aren't facts, but it is important that we feel them.

That tool of journaling and writing out the answers to these two questions how do I feel and what do I need? 

We are responsible for how we react or respond to our feelings.

"A response is a reaction with a pause and a thought behind it."

Ask: What is an appropriate way for me to express this either to the industry as a whole or to another human being?

I want to work with an actor who is excited about the industry.

"Lately, when I feel like hitting somebody, I take my pillow and beat the daylights out of my bed. When I want to wipe someone out, I attack a dirty oven. I try to release my anger as soon as I can so that I won't build resentments that will be harder to get rid of later."

When you have anger, I can do a couple of things.

• One, you take a pillow if you have workout gloves, that's great because again, you want to love yourself through the process of getting the anger out and you attack your mattress with your pillow. 
• Two, when you do that have your pen and journal right there so that you can then even get out the mental emotion.

Writing how you feel and what you need.

And then again, taking that step back and looking at it and saying, okay, how can I say this in a healthy way? 

He says, "I'm learning to communicate my anger to I may not do it gracefully, and my words may not be well received." 

Progress, not perfection.

"It means facing the awful discomfort called conflict. But I can't run away anymore."

We don't want to go through that discomfort of our anger at the industry because it's something that we so want to be a part of.

But I do think what is so important is that we deal with that anger, that we transcend that anger, that we walk through that anger.

Feelings are learning how to be with you.

It's important to learn about your anger as well and look at your anger in terms of what you want so desperately: to be a working actor and be in the industry.

So looking at that and your resentment is such an incredible gift to the artist and performer you are.

Email assistant@actingbusinessbootcamp.com for Katie's FREE Class July 19th.

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beatty.

"How sick and tired we may have become of people telling us to be patient or learn patience.

 How frustrating it can be to want to finally have something or to move forward and then not have that happen. How irritating to have someone tell us to wait while our needs have not been met. And we're in the midst of anxiety, frustration, and inaction."

Anxiety is always about fear of the future. And in terms of patience, it's, of course, that we're afraid it will never happen.

Working actors take the action and let go of the result. And our patient.

"Well, maybe it'll never happen. Maybe. It won't happen for me."

If we can turn that energy of frustration into action as opposed to inaction

The lowest form of energy is victim. It's where we feel we can't do anything. We're totally powerless.

You can use your patience and feel the patience.

We want to move from inaction to being in action and to take responsibility.

"Don't confuse the suggestion to be patient with the old rule of not having feelings. It is essential to feel our feelings."

The three A's are awareness, acceptance and action.

Now, what does feeling the feelings look like?

• Making yourself a cup of tea and journal
• It doesn't matter what you write.
• Write crap.
• It doesn't have to be good.
• Do a brain dump. Write it down.

"Being patient does not mean we go through the sometimes grueling process of life and recovering ourselves without having the feelings. Feel the frustration, feel the impatience, get as angry as you need to about not having your needs met, feel your fear."

And that fear again that we're not going to get what we want.

Your goals, your thoughts, and your actions.

So if your goal is to be a working actor, your thoughts all need to be aligned with that goal.

All those action steps also need to be aligned with those thoughts, with your goal of to be a working actor. 

"Controlling are feelings will not control the process. You cannot control the process. But what you can do is handle it."

You can't control the process, but you can handle it. How do you handle it? By using your mind to govern your brain through your thoughts, and also taking the actions that are required in order to achieve your goals.

You take those actions, you let go of the results. 

We find patience by surrendering to our feelings again. That's that process of acceptance. 

"Patience cannot be forced. It is a gift. One that closely follows acceptance and gratitude."

When we work through our feelings to fully accept who we are and what we have. We will be ready to be and have more.

Because the universe is infinite and your success can be infinite.

You just need to practice patience, awareness, acceptance, and action. And taking the action and letting go of the result.

Katie Flahive's Free Demo Class 

I just don't have time to get sick!

How I deal with overwhelm.

• Get grateful
• Ask, is that something that I actually want in my life?
• Remember, "No is a complete sentence."
• Another way I deal with overwhelm is excellent time management.

So the first thing about overwhelm is this. Again, if you're overwhelmed, look at what you're overwhelmed with.

So I've got two choices. One, I can choose to eliminate something I really want to, or I can fucking deal.

Take your emotions out of your to-do list.

Overwhelm is about avoiding doing the things that, if I did them, I wouldn't be overwhelmed. 

I get overwhelmed because I'm spending so much emotional energy and emotional time not doing the thing that if I just did it, it would help me to feel less overwhelmed. 

"Feeling overwhelmed isn't surprising. Being surprised about it is." 

The feelings of overwhelm go hand-in-hand with anxiety.

The fact of the matter is, is that we will never be given more than we can handle. But we will be given more than we can control. 

And that is the thing about overwhelm; you are the one who determines whether you are overwhelmed or not.

Maybe you're not feeling as optimistic as I am about overwhelm. Maybe it's getting you down. If that is the case, I want you to take 15 minutes.

• Get a cup of tea or coffee or something that soothes you.
• And just sit down and think about your priorities and what it is you really want in your life.
• And what really needs to get done?
• Think of your days in terms of 24 hours.
• What do you need to do today that really needs to get done
•  And what can wait for tomorrow, the next day, next week, or next month?
• Be good to yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Love yourself.
• And know that no matter what, you can handle it.

About David:

DAVID CADY is currently a professor of commercial and musical theatre performance at AMDA, NYU, and Pace University.

Prior, he was a casting director for Donna DeSeta Casting for close to 30 years.

In addition to countless commercials, his casting credits include the original Dirty Dancing, Disney's Enchanted, Michael John LaChiusa's The Petrified Prince for the Public Theater, and the world premiere of Andrew Lloyd Webber and Jim Steinman's Whistle Down the      Wind, directed by Harold Prince.  

He was an original cast member of Stephen Sondheim and George Furth's Merrily We Roll Along, and can be seen in Lonny Price's film about the experience, The Best Worst Thing That Ever Could Have Happened.

Actors don't think like the rest of us. They have a very, very particular way of doing things, and that can lead to actors getting stuck.

You need accountability.

It's important for actors to engage with that other part of their brain and realize that it is a business. 

It's important that you do something for your career that makes you want to vomit in your mouth just a little bit every day.

In order to be successful, you need to do things that push you out of your comfort zone. You need to do things that get you to that next bit, to that next level of success.

It's such a competitive business, and every single actor is competing, and you are competing with yourself.

It isn't just about your talent.

Your agent is probably not going to do much more than submit you for work.

The misconception is that agents are going to mold your career.

Actors are sensitive people, but, in David's experience, agents, managers, and casting directors are not sensitive people.

The first job is being the best actor that you can be and continuing to study and be in class and get better at what people are ultimately going to hire you to do.

And then the second job is to learn how the business works.

Understanding yourself is going to make you just a better craftsman, but it's also going to help you as a person get out of your way.

If you don't understand what's holding you back, then it's just going to keep holding you back. 

I think the people who are going to get furthest are the people who love it, love the work, who love writing letters, sending out pictures and resumes, and doing the mailings. They're jazzed by it. They're excited by it. 

It's about having the confidence to meet yourself before anybody else tells you that you're good.

The first tool when dealing with procrastination-- awareness.

Using your mind to govern your brain. 

And I'm going to put a challenge to you. Whatever day you're listening to this podcast, I want you to see if you can separate yourself just a little bit from your procrastination.

Put your hand directly on your face. You can't see; you cannot be aware. But then, when you remove your hand from your face about a foot, well, you're in a place to observe your hand. You can see the lines. You can see the veins. And that is the place of power when starting to look at changing something. 

Becoming aware of when you procrastinate and how you procrastinate.

Take your emotions out of your to-do list. 

The second part of change is acceptance. Accept how you procrastinate.

Then we move to action.

This is when you need to start asking yourself, how bad do you want it?

"Do something today that you'll thank yourself for a year from now."

One of the things that I started to look at was the difference between how I was spending my time and how I wanted to spend my time.

What are the real goals that you want to be looking and want to be achieving?

Time management course that I am teaching on June 21st and June 28th.

Empowering questions:

• What do you want to be spending your time on?
• What do you actually want to be spending your time on?

And I think one of the biggest parts of procrastination for me is that my next steps are vague. So if my next steps are vague, I'm not going to do it.

 How do you create a goal?

If your actions are vague and your goals are vague, guess what? The universe is going to give you a whole buttload of vague.

Deciding what you want, why you want it, and how, and then how to make that specific.

You need an ego-proof way of making sure that stuff got done.

The huge thing about "shoulding" all over yourself is that it takes up your energy. And that energy is the energy you need to get your goals done.

Get life to work for you instead of against you. 

Don't procrastinate.

Procrastination is really understanding why. What makes you tick?

And I think the more we understand how we tick and how we operate, the better. We understand ourselves as actors and how we act.

Book a free consultation!

Today I'm going to talk about something that I have found to be extremely helpful. 

And that word is being decisive. 

Now, sometimes when I'm decisive, I make mistakes.

But this is the thing. Everything is fixable. 

And mistakes are how we grow. 

But in my being decisive, what happens is that things get put in order, into motion. 

And the thing is that if I keep doing what I've always done, which can be being wishy-washy about something or procrastinating with something because I just don't know what to do.

By the way, this is why I'm recommending these free consultations with me so we can get you out of that kind of mess. 

What happens is that when I set myself a clear path and I get decisive about things start to happen, big things start to happen. 

And I find that making a decision, and then following through with that decision is sometimes the most valuable thing I do in a day.

So today I'm going to talk, I have five points about decisiveness. 

They are efficiency and time management, confidence, reduce stress and anxiety, opportunity seizing, and clear direction and focus. 

So I'm going to talk about each of those subjects and how being decisive has helped me and how I feel it can help you.

So efficiency and time management, decisiveness helps in making quick decisions. Quick and effective decisions and saving time and increasing productivity. 

So this is the thing. Not making a decision is making a decision and it keeps you stuck as an actor. 

And this is the thing. I don't want to waste any more time in my life.

I've got a finite amount of time on this planet and I want to make sure that I am enjoying it. Every single moment of it, and the things that I'm doing for my life and my career are moving me forward, not backward, and certainly not keeping me stagnant. 

So what happens when I'm more decisive?

I take less time, humming and hawing. And that is, that's why I'm offering the free consultation, because I want you to stop humming and hawing. 

Either decide you're going to work with someone to get your shit in gear, or don't. 

But, for goodness sake, let's make a decision. So what happens is that when you make a decision, chances are, when you leap, the net will appear and the universe will support you.

And that's why that decision will be effective. 

Also when I make a decision, I decide what I'm going to do instead of hemming and hawing about what I should do. What happens is that I save time and that is time that could be spent effectively working on the acting career. 

Also because I'm saving that time, I have increased productivity.

I get more done creating more Opportunities. 

So I'm going to actually jump to opportunities here. Because what happens is that when you do more things, you put yourself more out there, more people know about you, more opportunities can exist. 

And decisiveness allows individuals to capitalize on opportunities quickly before they are lost to hesitation.

See, I want as many agents, casting directors, managers, producers, directors, writers to know about you, but how do you get in touch with them? 

I want to show you how to do that. I want to also encourage you to be decisive in your career, whether you're working with me or not, but even by listening to this, you are working with me a little bit so that you can have opportunity.

Bill Timoney, who is going to be on Broadway with Our Town, he always says, and he's such a friend of Acting Business Boot Camp, he says, "you want to have as much access to opportunity as you can." 

And that's what I like to help actors to access. access to opportunity. 

The other thing about being decisive is it makes you more confident.

Decisive individuals often exude confidence, which is crucial for effective leadership and inspiring trust. 

So this is the thing. I am a casting director. I hire actors, I audition actors that exude confidence, who are good at their job, and almost more importantly, know they are good at their job.

And that inspires trust in me, the casting director, to either directly hire them for a job or to continue auditioning them so that they have access to opportunity. 

Now I'm going to talk about how being decisive reduces stress and anxiety.

Because making prompt decisions reduces stress and anxiety associated with prolonged uncertainty and indecision. 

That's the thing. The more you procrastinate, the more anxiety and stress you build up. 

It's time to eradicate that from your life. 

The stress and anxiety that is caused by indecision, it doesn't have to be there.

How do I know that? Because I used to be a hand wringer, a pearl clencher, a hyperventilator about making a decision. 

But once I started to get decisive, things started to happen. 

And finally, let's talk about how being decisive in your acting career gives you clear direction and focus. 

It helps you to align your efforts and your resources toward achieving specific goals, which is, hopefully, to be a working actor.

So again, clear direction and focus and being decisive provides clear direction and focus, helping you to align your efforts and resources towards achieving specific goals. 

And that's what I want to help you to do in these consultations, is I want to hear where you are at and where you want to go and how we can align your efforts and your resources and my resources to help you to achieve that goal of becoming a working actor.

About Don:

Don Fullilove is an American screen live-action and animated voice-over actor who has had roles in numerous projects over the course of his fifty-year-plus career in both films and television.

He portrayed Hill Valley Mayor Goldie Wilson in the first Back to the Future film, as well as Goldie's grandson, hovermobile salesman Goldie Wilson III in Back to the Future II.

Donald, who graduated from Crenshaw High School in Los Angeles in 1976, currently resides in Burbank, California.

"Maintain the cockiness. Don't be an asshole because the cockiness is your strength against what the business is going to throw against you."

"At one point in my career, I wasn't working, and I said, well, maybe your ass needs to go to school."

Putting the ego aside and learning to love the work.

Sign up for Time Management Workshop

Melody Beattie and her book, Language of Letting Go.

Spokes on a wheel metaphor

When you want to up your game, everybody else around you wants to keep the status quo.

Often, the people you love most and are the closest to you are the ones who are the least supportive and accepting of you wanting to achieve a whole new level.

The Bubble Suit:

• going into difficult work situations
• friendship situations
• situations when it's not totally comfortable saying, but you need to speak your Truth.

In your bubble suit, you are loving and protecting yourself.

"And what is most important for me and what is most true for me."

When you want to up your game and achieve something that maybe you just haven't yet, but know in your gut and your heart you can do and you're working so hard, yet those people aren't supporting you.

And Melody Beattie says, "many of us have anger towards certain members of her family. Some of us have much anger and rage, anger that seems to go on year after year, day after day, month after month. For many of us, anger was the only way to break the unhealthy bondage or connection between a family member and ourselves."

And I call this, and many other people call this detaching with an ax. And sometimes, when it becomes abusive, verbally abusive. Sometimes that's what you need to do. That is a choice.

The number one thing you must do is protect yourself.

She goes on to say that "it was the force that kept us from being held captive, being held captive mentally, emotionally and sometimes spiritually from certain family members."

And the fact of the matter is that sometimes I would go along with things that friends would say or something that a family member would say because I could go along with them and then not take responsibility for my talent, dreams, or goals.

Ultimately, what happens is that those dreams do not get achieved. Those goals do not get done.

The importance of putting your feet to the fire every single day to get those things that you want to do to up your game.

They do not do it without your cooperation.

It is essential to allow ourselves to feel. To accept.

Awareness, Anger, and Action.

Our anger or feelings towards family members without casting guilt or shame on ourselves. And it's also important to examine our guilty feelings concerning family members, as anger and guilt are often intertwined.

Shame is believing that there is something defective about yourself. And my sweet darling honey bears. There is absolutely nothing defective about you.

Melody Beatty says, "We can accept. We can even thank our anger for protecting us. We can also set another goal which is taking on our freedom. And the thing is this is that understand that freedom has a price and that price is this, that we are responsible for freeing ourselves and then maintaining our freedom in everything we do. Once we take back our freedom or our own power, we will not need our anger."

We want to think healing and loving thoughts.

The point of power is in the present moment.

Thank the universe for your feelings. Feel them. Release them.

Ask the universe to bless and care for your families and for yourself.

Time Management for Actors

May 21st and 28th

7-10 pm EST

Learn more HERE

Two Day TV Script Analysis Workshop w/ Katie Flahive

Saturday & Sunday

June 4 & 5

3-6PM 

$199

8-10 students 

Sign up HERE

This class will be a 2 day intensive that helps the actor develop the understanding of how to break down acts/character/plot points/tone/tempo in a network and streaming platform pilot. 

Day 1: Elements will include: the table read, the breakdowns from casting

Day 2: Implementation of script analysis with a mock audition. Actors will choose from the script/breakdowns which role they want to read for- adjustments for camera/audition will be given and feedback with the room will be offered.

Katie Flahive TV Class - MONDAYS or WEDNESDAYS

MONDAYS

6-9PM EST

June 13, 20, 27, July 11 (skipping 4th of July) 

SIGN UP HERE

WEDNESDAYS

7-10 PM EST

June 15, 22, 29, July 6

SIGN UP HERE

In this class, we will look at how to break down scripts for episodic, streaming platforms, pilots, and network hour and half-hour drama/comedy. 

Sides will be sent to each person, specifically addressing type and where they are in the industry. 

Audition style setting will be the main focus in the class (students will be working with materials each week under the timeline and expectations of what they would be in the real-world scenario of the audition). 

About Katie:

Katie Flahive is Ted Sluberski's right-hand woman and is an accomplished actor and singer working in theatre, film, TV, animation, audiobooks, and commercials. 

Katie is also a company member of The Actors Center in NYC. She recurs on the Hulu Series The Looming Towering and the seventh season of Venture Brothers on Adult Swim. 

Her other recurring and guest role appearances include Law and Order: SVU, Chicago PD, Glow, The Affair, Nurse Jackie, Feed the Beast, and Blue Bloods. She has worked as an on-set coach in both LA and NYC.

Katie is THE person to train with if you're looking to break into film and TV or if you're looking to deepen your on-camera performance.

Why acting training is so important

How to get the job!

The difference between the audition, the callback, and the job.

How you behave in the world is how you're going to be as an actor.

Your job is to be available, flexible, and willing to play.

Maturity is knowing what you can actually get done in a day.

Take your emotions out of your to-do list.

How bad do I want it?

How to change limiting beliefs to thoughts that work for you.

The need for a communal approach.

Vulnerability is an actor's greatest asset in their work, but it's also the greatest liability outside of their work and in their business.

My own journey with vulnerability.

I felt that as an actor, I wore my heart on my sleeve. And although that really helped me in my work, I found it to be a real problem was when wasn't getting a callback or I wasn't getting the job, and that it made it very, very difficult for me to live my own life.

The emotions must live in the work, and you have your own life.

CORE WORK:

• Go to the core work episodes, listen once, then go to a coffee shop, listen, pause and journal.
• You must feel safe going to those emotional places, then leave it in the work.

Understand that the work is not yours. Once you do it, it is the world's.

From The Language of Letting Go:

"So being vulnerable and quoting kind of little bits from melody, body and language of letting go is about learning to share ourselves with other people and learning to admit our mistakes and expose our imperfections, not so that others can fix us or rescue us or feel sorry for us, but so that we can love and accept ourselves. So that we can love and accept ourselves."

When we are auditioning, we are putting forth our imperfections.

And then when we're putting that into work and then passed over, that can hurt.

But again, I ask you to give it that separation, and if you have a hard time giving it separation from work to who you are.

"Many of us are fearful of sharing our imperfections or our vulnerability because it makes us feel so vulnerable, overvulnerable. Some of us have tried being vulnerable in the past, past, and people have tried to control, manipulate or exploit us or they made us feel ashamed."

If that is true for you, think about how difficult that would be for you as an actor.

The importance of understanding how you tick and who you are.

Feelings aren't facts. They are energy, not facts.

It's only a thought, and a thought can be changed.

"Some people have been hurt by being vulnerable. They have shared things with people who didn't respect our confidence or may have told someone something at the wrong time. And that scared them away."

Some of the best actors have had immense pain in their life. And they know to use that pain in their work, but not indulge in it in their life.

Eric Nelsen is a 4x Emmy Award & Tony Award-winning actor and producer.

He is currently starring on the Paramount+ hit tv series, 1883 alongside Sam Elliott and Tim McGraw.

He has been seen on the big screen in NIGHTMARE CINEMA, opposite Academy Award Nominee Mickey Rourke, in RAVAGE opposite Academy Award nominee Bruce Dern, A WALK AMONG THE TOMBSTONES opposite Academy Award Nominee Liam Neeson, and COMING THROUGH THE RYE opposite Academy Award winner, Chis Cooper.

Some of his favorite tv roles include a series regular in Hulu's revival of ALL MY CHILDREN, a recurring role in Showtime's THE AFFAIR and working opposite Kevin Bacon in THE FOLLOWING, opposite James Spader in THE BLACK LIST, opposite Adam Driver in GIRLS, and opposite Denis Leary in ERASE.

Notable producing work includes WAKEFIELD starring Bryan Cranston and Jennifer Garner, and THE INHERITANCE on Broadway.

Instagram: @EricNelsenOfficial

Just ask.

Remain teachable.

Actors who have longevity are open to learning.

We are dropping this podcast in honor of Mother's Day but also on the actual day she gave birth to me!

Food, Drink, and Celebrations of the Hudson Valley Dutch (American Palate)

Her Latest Cookbook

Advice: "When I'm stuck in a story, I talk to someone else."

Keep doing what you're doing and enjoy it!

Learn more at peterrose.com

Work hard to keep your brain tight so your nasty messages in your brain don't have power.

Having a relationship with their highest wisdom, that will help you solve all your problems.

"Hell no! I am not under any circumstances going to let this happen."

Is this real or is this my ego?

"It is coming, it is baffling, it is powerful"

Take care of yourself and do what you set out to accomplish.

Managing Emotions 

About Amelia:

Amelia Campell was most recently in the Lucille Lortel nominated Coal Country at The Cherry Lane Theater. She was nominated for a Tony Award for her first Broadway play Our Country's Good in 1991.

Additional select theater: Broadway: A Small Family Business; Translations; The Herbal Bed; Waiting in the Wings; A Streetcar Named Desire. Off B'way: Middle of the Night(Keen Company); Taking Care of Baby(MTC); The Exonerated(Culture Project); The Fall to Earth(59E59); Philip Roth in Khartoum(LAByrinth); The Misanthrope(NYTW); Tryst(Promenade); Love, Janis(Village Theater). Regional: A Midsummer Nights Dream; The Night of the Iguana; Desire Under the Elms.

Film & T.V includes Anthony Arkin's "Sender"; "Things Like This"(upcoming); "I Am Michael"; "Stand Clear of the Closing Doors"; "Coming Up Roses"; "Leaves of Grass"; "The Paper"; "Bull"; "Mindhunter"; "The O.A."; "Alpha House"; "Third Watch"; "Law&Order"/"Law&Order Criminal Intent"; "A Dog Year"(HBO) "My Louisiana Sky"(Showtime).

Amelia has been an acting coach since 2005. She co-created the audition workshop "What's Stopping You?" with Jack Doulin at HB Studios. She also co-created the groundbreaking on-set/on camera workshop "Being On Camera" with Anthony Arkin, which they have been teaching together since 2012. They currently teach their workshops at Primary Stages school ESPA. Amelia teaches at Pace University in their FTVC B.F.A. Acting program.

What makes Amelia nervous about auditions:

• Expectations for what good means
• What is your personal best?
• Rejection is constant
• That little voice still shows up

"The biggest thing you have to sell is yourself."

Humans are messy and flawed, and you have to remember as an actor you have to be that too.

Prepping for an audition:

• First step: Script analysis
• Start to get a sense of what I'm wearing and hair
• Shoes can even help
• Read it and move around
• You have to think of an audition as your role for the time you are working on it

"Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever has."

Learn to apologize less.

Tips for Newbie Actors:

• Pay attention
• You don't know everything
• Be interested and curious
• Want to learn and grow
• Choose to grow into the best version of yourself
  • What is that?
  • What does that look like?

It's ok to be new and it's ok not to say anything.

When in doubt leave it out. Listen and absorb.

Sign up for Adrienne Stern

Monologues with Andrew Dolan

Katie Flahive Classes

Feeling triggered by other people's posts.

"Sometimes I feel social media affects my confidence or self-esteem, even though I know it's primarily used as a highlight reel. Some actors post every single audition they go on to Facebook or Instagram. Others post throwback photos from past shoots or opportunities that they've had. And it can trick us into thinking, Well, why am I not there yet? A good example for me is there was of another actor same age as me, kind of type wise, playing similar roles. You know, we're different, but we're not different kind of a thing. And you know, she has some really good credits on stage on film, and she also has the advantage of, you know, coming from, you know, people who have been in the business before. And she loves posting a lot. And sometimes, you know, I feel like, I don't know the answer to how I should be investing energy into social media and how much, you know, I should be investing in myself."

And really, the question that she's asking is, you know, how much stock do you put in this kind of a thing? Why not me? 

And I kind of want to turn that around and say, well, why not you? 

"Losers focus on winners. Winners focus on winning."

Keep the focus on your life. You've only got one. 

I can't focus on somebody else's life because it's not mine to live. I only have mine. 

Ask yourself: How I can make it the best possible life I can? What are the things that are required of me to do that?

Get the focus off of other people and get it onto yourself

Write down areas of your life:

• Social
• Career
• Finances
• Family
• Hobbies
• Health

Ask for each: Where am I and where do I want to go?

Because if you want good health, but you're thinking, "I'm always sick", that's not working.

That needs to be aligned. "I feel good, I want to feel good."

And then also it's about the actions. EX: I really want to be in great shape. 

Your thoughts need to be "my body works wonderfully for me. I'm in fantastic shape."  

How social media can be helpful: When you see a friend starting to get real success, here's an idea. Support them. 

Somebody else's success does not take away from yours. That's ego talking. That's little t truth. 

Universal Truth is infinite. There is enough success out there for everyone, so if Joey just put the lead in a Broadway show or the lead opposite Denzel in a film that does not take away from you? 

Say if they can do what I can do it too. 

• Get closer to that person. 
• You want to know how they did it. 
• What did these people do?
• What did they think?
• What was their process before they became successful?
• Ask them: What was it like? What is it like when it's tough? What is it like, when you just started out?

Because it's from that that you can get the inspiration to apply it to your own life. 

So when it comes to social media and seeing your friend's success. Embrace it. Embrace it.  

Turn it on its head, let it motivate you to focus on what you want, and if you don't know what you want.

What is your ideal career? It's one of the first things I ask. Because then we got to align your thoughts. 

We got to align your actions, and we've got to get your acting training up to snuff. 

So in terms of the trap of social media for actors, again, I ask you to turn it around. 

Practice contrary action. And that is not only with your actions but also with your thoughts. Instead of resenting, support. Instead of wanting to pull away from that person, go closer to them. Congratulate them. Ask how they did it. What advice they would have. 

Be curious, be curious about your friend's success. 

That's how you learn. That's how you get successful.  

I so, so strongly believe that you need to do that, the thing that scares you most in life. Is the thing you want to learn how to manage and handle and transcend. 

So that you can ultimately shine your own light. Because the world needs you. 

So don't get stuck in the trap of social media. Embrace social media and the success that it can give you to motivate you to get the focus on your life and get you into that real positive stream of energy that is out there for you.

About Andrew:

Andrew Dolan's credits include American Daughter (Broadway), Strictly Dishonorable (Vineyard), Pink, Ted Kaczynski (SPF), What Then (Clubbed Thumb), Tree House (NY Stage & Film), Measure for Measure (Target Margin) UK: Edmond (National Theatre). The Woods (National Studio), Boy from the Book (English Touring Theatre).

Regional: Mamba's Daughters (Spoleto Festival), Burn This, Marco Millions, Cyrano, 12th Night, Hapgood (ACT), Substance of Fire. Savage/Love (Magic Theatre), Loot, Amadeus (Arizona Theatre Co.), Road to Nirvana, Down the Road, Boy's Life, Coming Attractions (Encore Theatre).

TV/Film: House of Cards, Your Honor, Chicago Med, Blue Bloods, Bull, Elementary, Good Cop, Blacklist, Handsome Harry Unstoppable, Partners in Crime, 28 Days, Being Human, David Letterman. all Law & Orders, Conviction, Return of Jezebel James.

Training: Bowdoin College, American Conservatory Theatre.

He is an award-winning playwright and screenwriter. His play, The Many Mistresses of Martin Luther King won the Ovation Award for Best New Play in Los Angeles. He also has an extensive voiceover career. He has taught at Stella Adler, ACT, AADA, and TheFreemanStudio.

Operative words and images and how much you can throw away.

Identify the core emotion of the script.

Find the words and phrases you can act upon.

That's when you lean into everything you have to give.

"Find the good stuff."

Your body needs to be engaged even when your full body isn't on the camera.

Mentality: practice as hard as you play.

One quality a CD looks for in an actor: I know I am in good hands with them.

Self-esteem needs to be earned by yourself.

Monologues:

• Find a cut that works
• Always leave them wanting more
• Catalogue of works
• Casting yourself is 70% of the game
• Don't be lazy, find material that works for you

Sign up for Andrew's Monologue Class

Ground yourself in the realities so you are ready to play.

The purpose of technique is to fill in the gaps when the inspiration fails.

Use the conscious side of your brain so your unconscious can be free.

So you can feel: I got this.

Get the Free Class!

Today, I'm going to talk about mistakes. 

Something that I'm going to be honest, I am not very excited about. Meaning that like I don't even want to admit to you, let alone myself, I'm not perfect.

Because my name is Peter Pamela Perfection Rose. 

And just like things to be all neat and buttoned up and look good. 

And here's the thing, when I started this podcast, I remember the first few actually the first episode I did, it took me two hours to do it. 

And then I finally said to myself, there is no way I will ever do this, or keep this up if this is how long it's going to take me. 

Because I was trying to get it perfect and I was trying to say, oh, I'm going to do one thing and it's going to be like this, to only find out that maybe that wasn't the best way. 

And so what I decided was, is that in this weekly podcast, come what may, no matter what, I was going to do one every week.

And sometimes I batch them. I do a few in advance. 

But I never really do more than four in advance. 

So always, what you're hearing, I've recorded very recently. 

And the other thing that I decided was that I was just going to be who I was. I wasn't going to edit unless it was absolutely necessary.

Absolutely necessary, including the interviews, because what I wanted you to see was that you could accomplish something, and not be perfect. And come on. If you've been listening to my podcast, you've heard me stumble. You've heard me say things wrong. You've heard me go off, get lost on a tangent and come back.

You have heard me make so many mistakes. 

And I've just recorded a podcast, because I am batching this one but like I said, you will be hearing it very soon. Where I really felt like at the end I went off and then a phone call came in and I just felt off and I was like, Ugh, should I re record?

And I said, No. No, I shouldn't. Because again, what I want to show you is, what I want to emulate in my work is that you don't have to be perfect, that this is a podcast that if you're expecting perfection, you're not going to get it, okay?

Go listen to somebody else. I'm not perfect. I'm not going to do this podcast perfectly, but what I always will be is honest, and I will always be talking from the heart. 

A lot of my older clients call me mama bear and they are my baby bears. 

And I feel what a good mama bear does is she teaches her baby bear how to fish. 

And she teaches through example. 

And that's always how I wanna teach. And when I talk about the core work, I'm always talking about the work that I've Guinea pigged on myself, on my own, anxiety, on my own imperfection, on my own character defects, and then coach you to do it.

Because I figure if I have done it with myself, coaching you is a piece of cake because I have to go up against all of my own messiness and I do it with lots of mistakes. 

So I have a couple of books I'm going to be reading from today and talking about this mistakedom.

The first one is actually a Hazelden meditation book called In God's Care.

It starts with a quote from Ethel Barrymore. How appropriate. "You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself."

"Do we sometimes think the whole house of cards will come tumbling down if we make one false move? 

There's nothing wrong. with making mistakes. That's the way we've learned in the past and that's how we're learning now.

We laugh affectionately at the foibles of others. Sometimes it's irresistible. But we can laugh at our own with the same good humor."

And, one of the things I find about life is not taking myself so seriously and not beating up on myself when I have made a mistake. 

There are times when I've made some really big mistakes, and I need to go back and take responsibility for that.

But most of the mistakes. are just little mistakes where I'm tumbling over my words or I'm in a recording session and I misread something. 

I just say, okay, pick up and I go on. 

The fact of the matter is that in life, everything is fixable. 

And when we do something wrong, we make a mistake.

I just saw something on social media and it was Simone Biles as a small girl doing the vault. And it was in a meet and she didn't do that well. 

And then they showed her ten years later, doing a far more complicated vault. And it was perfect. It's through making our mistakes that we grow.

And it's okay not to be perfect. 

But this is the thing, it doesn't really matter that I tell you it's okay that you're not perfect. You need to go through the same process that I go through. 

Which is, I need to know it's okay with Peter Pamela Rose, that Peter Pamela Rose isn't perfect. The reading goes on to say "living a spiritual life doesn't mean we have to be grim.

In fact, increasing joy and merriment is an unavoidable result of turning our will over to that of the universe's. Now we can relax and enjoy life, and that includes enjoying our less than perfect selves."

And that's the other thing, I think, that in mistake making, that when I make a mistake, I go to the universe.

I start talking with the universe. 

And I talk a lot about in this podcast and in my weekly classes about your relationship, that incredible relationship that is open to you with the universe. 

Everybody has it, whether you want to acknowledge it or not, is up to you. I just think that, acknowledging it and practicing a relationship with it makes life a lot easier.

And the thing is that with that relationship, when I make mistakes, I can go to that energy and say, wow, I really screwed up here. Please guide me, show me what it is I need to do. 

The thing is that I can also give you my experience of being an actor. I've been a professional actor for over 30 years.

And let me tell you, when you're starting out, there is no mistake that is career ending. There is no mistake that is career ending. All it is, is a learning experience.

I'm going to go on a little bit more here now. 

The Language of Letting Go

"Many of us picked on ourselves unmercilessly before getting into the core work. We may also have had a tendency to pickon ourselves after we begin the core work because what has starts to happen is we become aware."

 and that's the whole thing is a mistake is a wonderful opportunity to become aware.

And the thing is that we cannot become better. We cannot become more skilled unless we have awareness about what we are doing. 

And I always talk about that awareness, acceptance, and action. 

And why do I talk about it so often? I talk about it so often because it is such a key part of the process of becoming better.

Better in our lives, creating a better life for ourselves, and creating a better acting career for ourselves. 

If I was really doing this, I wouldn't be doing that again. 

Ugh, how many times have I said to myself this, Oh, I should be further along. I should be further along in my acting career. What the, who, who said that?

I did. Who said that? 

That is just making things so much harder for you. 

There's a wonderful phrase that Louise Hay says that I love which is, "Stop, stop beating up on yourself. Stop it. Stop it. Be nice to yourself. Be kind to yourself. That's going to go so much further."

These statements that we say this, if I was really doing this, I wouldn't do that, or I really should be so much at my age, I should be so much further along than I am.

These are statements that if we indulge in them, we are feeling some sort of shame. And when we are feeling shame, we are feeling that we are defective. And you are not. Defective. 

We do not need to treat ourselves this way. There is no benefit. 

And that's the thing. Perfectionism leads to procrastination, leads to paralysis.

And I don't want to be paralyzed by shame because shame blocks us. 

But self love and self acceptance enable us to grow and change. 

Again, we need mistakes in order to grow. 

Now that doesn't mean I'm going to go out and try and make mistakes. 

But it does mean that when we make them, we can be kinder to ourselves.

If we truly have done something we feel guilty about, we can correct it with an apology, an amend, or an attitude of self love and self acceptance. 

Sometimes when I do something to someone else, I need to forgive myself first, and then go ask for forgiveness. 

And this is the thing, even if we slip back into old shaming behaviors or old thinking or feeling or behaving, we don't need to be ashamed.

We are all going to regress from time to time. 

It's two steps forward, one step back. 

Sometimes it's five steps forward and seven steps back. 

But ultimately we are, if we stick to this work, we are moving forward. 

That's how we learn. That's how we grow. We relapse. We recycle. It's an important, necessary part of recovery.

And when I talk about recovery, I'm talking about recovering our true selves. 

Because when we recover our true selves, we can bring that into our acting work. And what does that give us? It gives us truth. 

It's those performances that are so undeniably truthful that we are seeking to do, to seek to achieve.

And the way out of recycling is not shaming ourselves because what that does is that puts us into a shame spiral that just gets us deeper and deeper in. 

So much pain comes from trying to be perfect. Perfectionism, or trying not to make mistakes, is impossible unless we think of it in a new way.

Perfection is being who we are and where we are today. 

It's accepting and loving ourselves, Just the way we are. 

We are each right where we need to be in our lives, in our career. 

Now that doesn't mean you can't do things to change things up. 

But what it does mean is taking off the pressure of yourself and start treating yourself as the beautiful child of the universe.

"By working on your acting training, you become more qualified for better acting jobs."

Core work--> so you can clean out the gunk that stands in the way of receiving opportunities that you have previously prevented yourself from receiving.

Matt Corboy Interview: "Don't put me into the role; put the role into me."

The chunk of ice metaphor.

Talent is undeniable.

Use your mind to govern your brain.

One baby step by one baby step.

How do I counteract that negative voice inside of me?

Practice contrary action.

One moment at a time, one minute at a time.

Louis Haye:

Affirmation: It is safe to look within

"My Life Doesn't Work:

I never get to do what I want to do. I can't please anyone. I don't know what I want to do. There is never any time for me. My needs and desires are always left out. I'm only doing this to please them. I am just a doormat. Nobody cares what I want to do. I have no talent. I can't do anything right. All I do is procrastinate. Nothing ever works for me, and so on. Plus, whatever else you have created for yourself. All these I have heard and more.

Whenever I ask a new client what is going on in his or her life, I usually get one of the above answers. Or maybe several of these answers. They really think they know the problem. But I know these complaints are only outer effects of inner thought patterns. Beneath the inner thought patterns is another deeper, more fundamental pattern that is the basis of all the outer effects. 

I listen to the words they use as I ask some basic questions:

1. What is happening in your life right now?
2. How is your health?
3. What do you do for a living?
4. Do you like your work?
   1. If yes, why?
   2. If no, why?
5. How are your finances?
6. How is your love life?
7. How did the last relationship end?
8. And the one before that?
9. Tell me about your childhood briefly?

I watch the body postures and the facial movements. But mostly, I really listen to the words they say. Thoughts and words create our future experiences. As I listen to them talk, I can readily understand why they have these particular problems. The words we speak are indicative of our inner thoughts. Sometimes, the words they use do not match the experiences they describe. Then I know that they are either not in touch with what is really going on, or they are lying to me. Either one is a starting point and gives us a basis from which to begin."

Relationships: I attract how I treat myself

Outer effects of inner thought patterns

Underneath the thoughts are your belief systems.

How to change your belief system.

Actions create a new motherboard.

"It gets better; it gets worse; it gets different; it gets real."

When it gets hard, resiliency is being built.

Whatever challenge is being given. It is only going to help you in the long run.

Stop rest, deal with the tired, then realize your life is getting bigger.

About Matt:

Matt Corboy is a journeyman actor who has appeared in over 100 television shows and movies as well as over 125 national commercials.

Most notably, he was Cousin Ralph in the Academy Award-winning movie, The Descendants, alongside George Clooney; Officer Ray Carlson on Emmy Award-winning television series The Shield; and most recently, four episodes as Matt Dickson on This Is Us that aired this February on NBC.

When you're new, it's OK to be new, and you don't have to pretend that you're not. 

• That goes back to like being your authentic self.
• Nobody expects the first time you're on set to just be like, "Yeah, hey, I just came from my trailer, and I'm ready for it." 
• You don't have to put on airs of anything. 
• Keep your mouth shut, observe, let it happen to you, and learn.

There's nobody on this planet who does you better than you.

The sooner you realize that authentic you is good enough. The faster you will start booking. 

"Don't put me into the role; put the role into me."

The more you do that; the more people will say, "Oh my God, that's not how we saw it, but God, this guy just owned it."

The actors that continue to work have that enthusiasm every time they're on the set. 

SIGN UP FOR KEN REA'S MASTERCLASS

The Language of Letting Go:

"When I meet people or get in a new relationship, I start putting all these repressive restrictions on myself. I can't have my feelings, can't have my wants and needs, can't have my history, can't do the things I want, feel the feelings I'm feeling, or say what I need to say. I turn into this repressed, perfectionist robot instead of being who I am. Me."

In auditions in the past, I would put restrictions, repressive restrictions on myself. 

• Don't laugh too hard. 
• Don't push
• Don't flub.

The fact of the matter is, I'm far more charming being imperfect. 

If I am repressing myself and feeling like I can't have my wants in my needs, and I need to make this podcast absolutely perfect or, people aren't going to listen to it. 

It's actually the opposite. 

When you have the courage to be yourself. You are magnetic, people are attracted to you.

Sometimes we feel like, "Oh, I'm going to be judged" or "What would they think of me?" Or "what are they thinking of me?"

And the funny thing is that, especially in acting, if you're worried about what they're thinking of you, you're not acting in that scene. And therefore your work is not moment to moment. It is not special. It is not courageous. It is not playful and dynamic.

But, who else can we be? Who else would you want to be? We don't need to be anybody else. 

"I just need to allow myself to be my imperfect self, living, and breathing, and being here as I am." That is that's neat. That's cool. That's magnetic. That's playful. That's fun. And that is what gets the job. Not even the job, but the connection with the casting director. 

You don't audition for the job. You audition for the relationship.

We may be afraid that if we just relax and be ourselves, the other person will shame us. 

And shame is a belief that there is something defective about you. And shame is tough to heal, but it's not impossible. 

When we have shame and we feel that maybe there is a part of us that is not good enough and there's that fear that somebody else might see that too.

But the Truth, the truth with a capital T (the energy that knows best, the universal Truth) is, of course, that is bullshit. 

There may be damage, but that damage can be healed. And the only one who can heal it is me or you. 

When we are relaxed and we accept ourselves, we then thereby give permission to other people to do the same. And isn't that the greatest gift? 

"By you letting your light shine. You thereby allow others to let their light shine."- Marianne Williamson.

• I no longer want to dim my light so that other people will feel more comfortable. 
• I no longer want to lessen my own power so that others will feel more powerful or less insecure. 
• How do I take that energy, that passion within, and just allow it to explode? 
• If others don't appreciate us, do we really want to be around them?
• Do we need to let the opinions of others control us and our behavior? 

Empowering Questions:

• How do I let the opinions of others control me and my behavior?
• How can I start to let that go? 
• And what will that look like? 
• What will my life look like when I allow myself to let that go? 

Giving ourselves permission to be who we are can have a healing influence on our relationships. 

• The tone relaxes
• We relax
• The other person relaxes 
• Everybody feels a little less shame

Truth: Who we are is all we can be, and it is enough. 

One of my favorite affirmations: I am enough, I am enough, I am enough.

"It gets better, it gets worse, it gets different, it gets real." 

"When I'm in that feeling of being enough. I give others permission to know that they are enough."

So today, whatever day you're listening to this. Give yourself permission to be enough.