Meet Jody Day, an icon, an inspiration, and a pioneer in creating community for non-parents 💝

From the episode:

- how Jody worked through her childless grief to feel as childfree as if she’d chosen it

- why everyone along the non-parent spectrum needs to unite to fight against the powers of pronatalism

- Alterkin, Jody’s innovative, in-person, intergenerational community of non-parents who vow to support each other as they age

We are Childfree is an independent podcast and we rely on community support to keep going. Please consider becoming a Dolly Patron, starting at €5 a month. You’ll get full episodes, exclusive portraits, access to the chat and free childfree stories straight to your inbox.

Help us get to 2000 members, to cover the costs of celebrating and supporting childfree lives for one more year! Find out how to become a Dolly Patron at wearechildfree.substack.com

🔗 Links

Find Jody at Gateway Elderwomen  Book: Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on The Decision Not To Have Kids - edited by Meghan Daum Book: The Baby Matrix: Why Freeing Our Minds From Outmoded Thinking About Parenthood & Reproduction Will Create a Better World - Laura Carroll Book: No One Talks About This Stuff - edited by Kat Brown

We spill the childfree tea on the complicated feelings that come up when we find out our friends are pregnant. It’s something almost all of us will face at some point - so we surveyed the childfree community to get the truth about the topic!

Then, in a re-released Ask WAC chat, we rally round a couple whose friend groups are now full of parents, with little time for anything but their kids. This is such a tricky problem, so we tapped the We are Childfree community hive mind for some stellar support and amazing advice!

If you’d like more support making and keeping friends, you can join Zoë and a small group of childfree cheerleaders for a live workshop to feel seen, supported, and connected - especially when your friendships are shifting 🤗

Links

Childfree Cheer Camp Presents: Navigating Friendships 🤗

Survey: Navigating Friendships 🤗 Help us help you!

Podcast: Claiming Zero - Friendship Before and After Kids

This is a very special episode of the podcast! I interviewed Orna Donath, the author of Regretting Motherhood, for an exclusive We are Childfree member event, and our conversation was so full of inspiration and insight that I had to share a preview with you all.

Listen in to hear how…

🔥 Regret often comes from societal pressures, not from our own choices

🔥 Choosing not to have children can be a radical act

🔥 We’re not the first! We’re continuing the legacy of women who’ve chosen to live childfree for generations

This podcast was brought to you by the generous support of the We are Childfree member community. To hear the full interview and get invites to exclusive member events, join our community of childfree cheerleaders at wearechildfree.com/join

Thank you so much for your support 🙏

Links

🔮 Live Masterclass: Create Your Childfree Life Vision 🔮

Read Regretting Motherhood by Orna Donath

Meet Lydia, a 53-year-old childfree trailblazer who welcomed us into her wonderful home in Athens, Greece, and opened up about her two decade journey to fulfilment. Her story has so much to teach us, especially that it’s never too late to embrace who you are and create the life that’s right for you 💖

This podcast was brought to you by the generous support of the We are Childfree member community. To hear the full interview, and unlock a beautiful portrait of Lydia living her best life in Athens, join our community of childfree cheerleaders at wearechildfree.com/join

Thank you so much for your support 🙏

Links

🔮 Live Masterclass: Create Your Childfree Life Vision 🔮

Portrait: “If there is something I regret, it is the fact that for so many years, I just didn’t know who I was.” - Lydia, Greece

How do you decide whether to have kids or not? That's the question from a self-proclaimed fencesitter that we put to the We are Childfree community for this classic episode of Ask WAC! (Originally published as a bonus episode on August 28, 2023)

How can you even imagine life as a parent? How do you separate external pressures from your own inner feelings? Listen to find out!

If you have a problem you'd like the community's help with, email hello@wearechildfree.com with "Ask WAC" as the subject line.

Questions from We are Childfree members get priority! To jump the queue, get episodes a week early, and find your community of childfree cheerleaders, join us at www.wearechildfree.com/join/ 🙌

Links

"My choice to be childfree is important to me, because I have a very special relationship with my body.” - Léa, Berlin
Podcast: No regrets, with 78 year-old childfree trailblazer Marcia Drut-Davis
Without Children: The Long History of Not Being a Mother by Peggy O'Donnell Heffington

How do you decide whether to have kids or not? That's the question from a self-proclaimed fencesitter that we put to the We are Childfree community for this classic episode of Ask WAC! (Originally released as bonus episode on July 28, 2023)

How can you even imagine life as a parent? How do you separate external pressures from your own inner feelings? Listen to find out!

If you have a problem you'd like the community's help with, email hello@wearechildfree.com with "Ask WAC" as the subject line.

Questions from We are Childfree members get priority! To jump the queue, get episodes a week early, and find your community of childfree cheerleaders, join us at www.wearechildfree.com/join/ 🙌

Links
"My choice to be childfree is important to me, because I have a very special relationship with my body.” - Léa, Berlin
Podcast: No regrets, with 78 year-old childfree trailblazer Marcia Drut-Davis
Without Children: The Long History of Not Being a Mother by Peggy O'Donnell Heffington

Do childfree people ever regret their decision? That's the burning question we put to the We are Childfree community for this classic episode of Ask WAC! (Originally released as a bonus episode on June 14, 2023)

How many childfree people experience regret? Where does that regret come from? What does it feel like? Listen to find out!

If you have a problem you'd like the community's help with, email hello@wearechildfree.com with "Ask WAC" as the subject line.

Questions from We are Childfree members get priority! To jump the queue, get episodes a week early, and find your community of childfree cheerleaders, join us at www.wearechildfree.com/join/ 🙌

Links
MSU study confirms: 1 in 5 adults don’t want children — and they don’t regret it later
Childfree by Choice: The Movement Redefining Family and Creating a New Age of Independence by Dr Amy Blackstone
Podcast: No regrets, with 78 year-old childfree trailblazer Marcia Drut-Davis
Regrets, hot and cold on The History of Emotions Blog

“How do you pave the way for your childfree future?”

We help out a childfree woman who’s facing down 40 and wondering what it means for her future that she didn’t have kids? There’s tons of great advice from the childfree community here, about finding role models who inspire you, defining your own purpose and living life on your own terms!

If you have a problem you'd like the community's help with, email hello@wearechildfree.com with "Ask WAC" as the subject line.

Questions from We are Childfree members get priority! To jump the queue, get episodes a week early, and find your community of childfree cheerleaders, join us at www.wearechildfree.com/join/ 🙌

Links

🔮 Live Masterclass: Create Your Childfree Life Vision 🔮

Mrizi I Zanave Agroturizem

People: Miley Cyrus Reveals Why She's Not Sure She Wants to Have Kids

Miley Cyrus & Dolly Parton - Wrecking Ball & I Will Always Love You [Miley’s New Year’s]

Podcast: Life just gets better and better, with Cindy Gallop

Podcast: Taking the road less-travelled, with 65-year-old clinical psychologist Shelley

“We both wanted kids but I’ve changed my mind - how do we talk about this?”

The childfree community shares their advice and experiences with someone who’s found herself on the other side of the “kids fence” as her husband. Find out what men think about fatherhood, how to help your partner understand your side of things, and how to work to create a life that’s right for the both of you 🫶

If you have a problem you'd like the community's help with, email hello@wearechildfree.com with "Ask WAC" as the subject line.

Questions from We are Childfree members get priority! To jump the queue, get episodes a week early, and find your community of childfree cheerleaders, join us at www.wearechildfree.com/join/ 🙌

Links

Share your Story with We are Childfree!

Nikki Glaser: Someday You’ll Die

The Baby Decision: How to Make The Most Important Choice of Your Life by Merle Bombardieri

“How do you steer the conversation away from kids?”

Listen in as the childfree community rallies around someone whose friends have kids going off to college, and can’t talk about anything else! Find out how to support the mothers in your life and foster reciprocal relationships, even if it sometimes means boring them to tears about your dog 🐾

If you have a problem you'd like the community's help with, email hello@wearechildfree.com with "Ask WAC" as the subject line.

Questions from We are Childfree members get priority! To jump the queue, get episodes a week early, and find your community of childfree cheerleaders, join us at www.wearechildfree.com/join/ 🙌

Links

Share your Story with We are Childfree!

Reggie Watts on Instagram: “Table for 1 please”

Reggie Watts on Twitter: “If I never have or adopt children…”

*Demographic Research:* The timing of parenthood and its effect on social contact and support

“My new coworkers keep asking me if I have kids. What should I do?”

That’s the burning question we answer with the help of the childfree community, for someone who’s started a new job where the watercooler conversations are… not cool.

If you have a problem you'd like the community's help with, email hello@wearechildfree.com with "Ask WAC" as the subject line.

Questions from We are Childfree members get priority! To jump the queue, get episodes a week early, and find your community of childfree cheerleaders, join us at www.wearechildfree.com/join/ 🙌

Links

Private Parts Unknown: Pet Loss, Part 2 - Working Through the Grief & Guilt of Losing a Beloved Pet with Beth Bigler of Honoring Our Animals

Sunday Herald: Shirley Manson - ‘I’m not married anymore’

@garbage on Instagram

We are Childfree podcast: Life just gets better and better, with Cindy Gallop

We are Childfree report: Unseen, Unheard & Undervalued

We are Childfree: Building Bridges at Work

Natasha is a British-Asian woman who was born with a bicornate uterus, who found out at 21 that carrying a child to term would be very difficult and dangerous.

This helped Natasha make a careful, considered choice about being childfree, but it was the final disappointment for her traditional Hindu parents who she’s now cut out of her life.

This was an eye-opening conversation about growing up in England as someone of South Asian heritage, being “not brown enough” for some people, and breaking free of your family’s rigid expectations to create a lovely childfree life for yourself.

Read Natasha’s story on We are Childfree: “It was very much a decision thrust upon me at a really young age so it’s probably why I’ve thought about it more than my peers.”

Join your community of childfree cheerleaders and sign up for a We are Childfree membership today!

Maria Coffey has lived A LIFE. She started travelling in her teens, desparate to escape safe, settled life in the UK and see the world. From Morocco to Malawi to the remote Solomon Islands, Maria’s adventures have taken her to places and people she never would have experienced had she had children. Now 73, Maria looks back on a life full of love and loss, of risks and rewards - but no regrets!

Follow Maria on Instagram and read her memor Instead: Navigating the Adventures of a Childfree Life (a We are Childfree book club favourite!)

Join your community of childfree cheerleaders and sign up for a We are Childfree membership today!

We are Childfree community member Lisa Jansen is really living up to her idea of a “life done differently”.

Based in New Zealand, Lisa left her cosy corporate life behind to live in a van for a summer - which turned into 5 years on the road! She’s just published a memoir called Life Done Differently, in which she shares the ups, downs and all the life-changing experiences of full-time van life.

We’ll be discussing Life Done Differently in the We are Childfree book club on September 21st. To join in, become a We are Childfree member today!

How do you decide whether to have kids or not? That's the question from a self-proclaimed fencesitter that we put to the We are Childfree community for this episode of Ask WAC!

How can you even imagine life as a parent? How do you separate external pressures from your own inner feelings? Listen to find out!

To get the full episode, join We are Childfree today 🤗

And if you have a question or problem you'd like the community's help with, email hello@wearechildfree with "Ask WAC" as the subject line, and we'll tap into the childfree hive mind for a future episode! 🐝

Do childfree people ever regret their decision? That's the burning question we put to the We are Childfree community for the very first episode of Ask WAC!

How many childfree people experience regret? Where does that regret come from? What does it feel like? Listen to find out!

Sources for this episode:
The incredible We are Childfree community. Join us!
MSU study confirms: 1 in 5 adults don’t want children — and they don’t regret it later
Childfree by Choice: The Movement Redefining Family and Creating a New Age of Independence by Dr Amy Blackstone
Podcast: No regrets, with 78 year-old childfree trailblazer Marcia Drut-Davis
Regrets, hot and cold on The History of Emotions Blog

If you have a question or problem you'd like the community's help with, email hello@wearechildfree with Ask WAC as the subject line, and we'll tap into the childfree hive mind for a future episode! 🐝

To get more Ask WAC, other bonus episodes PLUS the support of our wonderful community of childfree cheerleaders join We are Childfree today 🤗

Author Sari Botton calls her hysterectomy the best thing that ever happened to her, a true blessing. An older Gen Xer, she never felt entitled to choose not to be a mother, and at 40, found herself in a fertility clinic getting a diagnosis that gave her “permission” to live a happily childfree life. Sari has such a unique perspective, and it was amazing getting to talk about embracing a choice that was chosen for you, and the forces that want to strip us of our choices.

Check out Oldster Magazine, Sari’s incredible newsletter which explores what it means to travel through time in a human body, at every phase of life.

Read “My biological clock can’t tick fast enough” by Sari Botton.

Join the We are Childfree membership for a video version of this podcast.

The first man we’ve ever had on the pod! We’ve had a lot of requests to hear from couples about how they navigate the childfree choice together, so we reached out to Xander, husband and business partner of sex therapist Vanessa Marin. The couple opened up on their Pillow Talks podcast about their decision not to have children, in what proved to be their most popular episode ever!

Xander told us how they arrived at their choice, and when they did, how this “domino belief” gave them permission to create a life together that truly fulfils them. It was great to hear from a man about how his experience differs from his wife’s, how they’ve coped with their families’ expectations, and how they counsel parents about their relationships and sex lives.

Check out Vanessa and Xander Marin on vmtherapy.com and their Instagram.

Pillow Talks: The Truth About Why We’re Child Free

Pillow Talks: How To Decide If You Should Have Kids Or Not. And Are We Still Child Free By Choice?

Join the We are Childfree membership for a video version of this podcast.

Here's your first sip of Childfree Tea, the brand new bonus podcast from We are Childfree!

Join founders Zoë and James for an emotional update on the ups and downs of running a global childfree community. Get the latest on our beautiful fur baby Olive, our wonderful coverage in The Guardian, meeting childfree icon Cindy Gallop and our plans to hit the road.

To get more Childfree Tea, exclusive community interviews and answers to your burning questions, become a We are Childfree member today!

Cindy Gallop is the older childfree role model we all need! She calls herself the “Michael Bay of business” because she likes to blow s**t up - most famously as the founder of the revolutionary social sex platform MakeLoveNotPorn.

Cindy never wanted children, adores being single, dates younger men casually and recreationally for sex, and doesn’t give a damn what anyone else thinks! She’s become an icon for Gen Z on TikTok, who can now say “I have seen my future and it is bright.” Join us for a pep talk about being unapologetically yourself and designing your own life, a life that gets better and better!

Find Cindy at cindygallop.com and MakeLoveNotPorn, and check out her revealing episode of What’s Underneath on StyleLikeU.

Cindy and I both recommend the incredible book “Why Have Kids?: A New Mom Explores the Truth About Parenting and Happiness” by Jessica Valenti.

Join the We are Childfree membership for an exclusive video version of this podcast.

Enjoy some classic We are Childfree! My conversation with clarity coach Keltie Maguire is one of our all-time most popular episodes - we still hear from people who say this conversation has helped them either work out whether they want kids or not, or to accept their ambivalence and move forward with their lives.

If you’d like more help navigating your ambivalence, check out the online workshop we’re running in collaboration with Keltie, “Kids or childfree?”. If you’re tired or making endless “pros and cons” lists, feel like time is running out to make a decision, or if you’re worried you’ll make the wrong choice and end up regretting it, this is the workshop for you! Pick up your ticket here and Keltie and I will see you there 💝

Like a lot of artists, portrait photographer Laura Zalenga is a dreamer. She imagines a future when generations live together, so the older people she met during her "Beauty of Age" project feel useful, and younger folks can benefit from their experience and wisdom. In this utopia, childfree people and parents support each other, and everyone has access to the education and choices that allow them to live the life that's right for them. What a wonderful world that would be! This was a super inspiring conversation with a fellow photographer who reminded me of the power of art to change how people think, how they live.

Find Laura at laurazalenga.com and follow her on Instagram at @laurazalenga. Her incredible "Beauty of Age" Adobe Creative Residency project can be found at beautyofage.myportfolio.com

And the podcast episode she mentioned is Sterilised at 23, with Daniela Echeverry from season 1 of We are Childfree.

Join the movement at wearechildfree.com ✊

It can be hard trying to decide if you want children or not, and it can be doubly difficult when there are two people involved in the decision. That’s why I wanted to speak to today’s guest, Melanie Hunter, who went with her husband to couple’s therapy, specifically to unpack the question: should they have kids? It was fascinating to hear about how they made an intentional choice to be childfree, and heeded their therapists’ advice that, if you’re not going to make a baby, you should create something else together: a purpose, a life.

Follow Melanie on Instagram @melaniehunter888.

Check out the great work of Best Buddies International.

And the book Melanie referred to is C**t: A Declaration of Independence, by Inga Muscio.

A listener asks: what do you say when a child asks, do you have kids?

This one goes out to all the cool aunts, childcare professionals, and our wonderful childfree community who offered such great advice!

If you have a problem you'd like the community's help with, email hello@wearechildfree.com with "Ask WAC" as the subject line.

Questions from We are Childfree members get priority! To jump the queue, get episodes a week early, and find your community of childfree cheerleaders, join us at www.wearechildfree.com/join/ 🙌

Links

Winery: Vinarija Bošković

A Bit Fruity podcast: Christian Indoctrination in Homeschooling

The New York Times: Women Who Said No to Motherhood

Story: Mary Gay, 79, USA

We are Childfree: Share Your Story

#DefundPawPatrol

Eva zu Beck knows more than most about finding the courage to put yourself out there as a strong, childfree woman. She’s a solo adventure traveller with millions of YouTube subscribers who - like the rest of us -struggles with being real, instead of trying to be perfect. In this super candid chat we shared about trying not to minimise ourselves, about setting boundaries and taking the freedom to find ourselves over and over again. Such an inspiration!

Find Eva on YouTube at Eva zu Beck and Unplugged.

Check out Zoë and We are Childfree community members in Eva’s video, “I Don't Ever Want to be a Mother. Here's Why”.

Join your childfree community at We are Childfree.

I invited Emma Hollen onto the pod because of a super-entertaining Twitter thread about her struggle to get a tubal ligation, and her eventual success, at age 30. As a pansexual, non-binary person, Emma doesn't feel that she fits the narrow definition of "woman" that society would force her into. And, as a science journalist, she taught me a lot about the diversity of the natural world, our place in the universe, and our chemical urge to procreate - which is distinct and different from some people's desire to have and raise a child. 

Read the Twitter thread that tells the story of Emma's sterilisation... with GIFs!

Listen to the podcast episode Emma referred to, No doubts, with journalist Sarah Chebaro.

Jerra Latrice Mitchell is such an inspiration! She knew she was a teenager that she didn’t want kids, but later when she was diagnosed with fibroids and learned she couldn’t get pregnant, that brought up some big emotions that she needed to work through. Recognising that black women face different expectations around motherhood, and different experiences of infertility, Jerra created a space for other childfree and childless women called Unfertilized Eggs. I loved getting a fresh perspective on life without children, from someone who’s doing incredible work in this space.

Check out Unfertilized Eggs.

Recommended reading: the Women’s Health limited series Black Women & Infertility.

Read more childfree stories, and find out when the We are Childfree online community launches at wearechildfree.com

Anna Brooke was born with a health issue which means that pregnancy and childbirth could be very dangerous for both herself and the child. Over time, she came to accept that she wouldn’t be able to have biological kids of her own. So instead of becoming a mother to the teen daughter she used to write to in her diary, Anna now works as a high school teacher. She’s showing her students that there are other ways to live. I’m so happy to be able to complicate the narrative around people without children, and super grateful to Anna for being so open, honest and vulnerable about her childfree journey.

Check out Anna’s artwork here.

The books we discussed in this episode: Regretting Motherhood by Orna Donath, Selfish, Shallow and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers On The Decision Not To Have Kids, edited by Meghan Daum, and The Nine Lives of Rose Napolitano by Donna Freitas (who’s been on the We are Childfree podcast!)

This podcast is made possible by the generous support of the We are Childfree membership community. Join us at wearechildfree.com

For Jenny Castano, being childfree is so much more than a lifestyle choice - it’s meant having the freedom to create the life she’d always dreamed about. When she moved from Colombia to Queens, New York, as a teenager, Jenny already knew that she wanted to learn English, go to college, find a profession and travel the world. Check, check, check - she’s done all that! Even though she’s too modest to admit it, Jenny is a real trailblazer helping to make the world a better place.

Follow Jenny on Instagram (and her adorable bunny Mochi!) at @jencastano

We recorded this episode before the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade. To find out how you can support abortion access, check out the resources at https://wearechildfree.com/links

Read more childfree stories, and find out when the We are Childfree online community launches at wearechildfree.com

We are Childfree is back for season 2 with one of my dream guests! Caitlin Durante is an LA-based comedian and co-host of the Bechdel Cast, which takes a look at movies through an intersectional feminist lens. I spoke to Caitlin a year after her tubal ligation, in the run up to what she’s calling “raw dog summer part 2”! We shared our experiences getting permanent birth control, the hoops we had to jump through and the dumb comments we heard from doctors, nurses, and random dudes. Join us for a lolsob as we dive deep into a convo about feminism, film, fertility and f*****g the patriarchy 🔥

Follow @caitlindurante on Twitter, and read this amazing thread about her tubal ligation. Listen to the Bechdel Cast and Caitlin’s solo podcast, Sludge: An American Healthcare Story, starting with this episode which compares a man and woman’s experience getting permanent birth control.

If you’re seeking permanent birth control, the childfree subreddit has a couple of useful resources: a list of childfree-friendly doctors all over the world, and a sterilisation wiki full of information and resources.

Read more childfree stories, and find out when the We are Childfree online community launches at wearechildfree.com

Keltie Maguire is a clarity coach who's originally from Canada and now lives in Germany. It's only in the last six months, as she nears her 40th birthday, that Keltie's reached a 95% confidence in her choice to embrace a life without children. That last 5% is super important, because Keltie isn't someone to fully close the door on any possibility, preferring to live the most dynamic life possible. You'll hear about how for Keltie, like so many of us, the desire to be a mother simply never arrived, and how she found her way through this ambivalence, towards a joyful, fulfilling life. This one's a must-listen if you aren't sure whether you want children or not, as Keltie and I swap strategies for finding clarity and feeling comfortable with the life path you're currently on.

Find out more about Keltie at keltiemaguire.com and check out The Clarity Podcast wherever you get podcasts.

Listen to the We are Childfree episode with 78-year-old childfree trailblazer Marcia Drut-Davis, and my interviews with other older women role models Barbara Krulik and Shelley.

The books we talked about in this episode are The Baby Decision: How to Make The Most Important Choice of Your Life by Merle Bombardieri, and Wanting: The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life by Luke Burgis.

This episode is from the best of season 1 of We are Childfree. Sign up to the newsletter to be first to find out when season 2 launches 👉 https://wearechildfree.com/newsletter

Shelley is a clinical psychologist and second-wave feminist who's been fighting for our rights since the 70s. She was an early beneficiary of Roe vs Wade, which legalised abortion in the US, and chose to be sterilised at 21. Now that she's 65, it was a pleasure to look back with her over an action-packed life, to see how far we've come in the struggle for gender equality and bodily autonomy... and why we're still fighting! Shelley was the perfect person to speak to about the question of whether to have kids or not, as she's helped many women think through their options, and her example lights the way for anyone interested in taking the road less-travelled. If you're curious about the childfree choice, this one's packed full of advice and insights that could help your decision. And if you've made up your mind, this episode will give you an absolute icon to look up to!

This episode is from the best of season 1 of We are Childfree. Sign up to the newsletter to be first to find out when season 2 launches 👉 https://wearechildfree.com/newsletter

In Donna Freitas' new novel, The Nine Lives of Rose Napolitano, the eponymous heroine faces a dilemma. Before she got married, her husband promised her he didn't want children - but now he's changed his mind. Could happily childfree Rose will herself to become a mother in order to save her relationship, and if so, what might her life look like? Author Freitas found herself in this very scenario in her real life, and it made her question everything - her lack of a maternal instinct, her worth as a woman, what kind of future she could hope for, without children - or her husband - in it. It was so enlightening to speak to someone who's looked at the childfree choice from every possible angle, as a scholar of religion and gender studies, and the author of a Sliding Doors-style plot that dares to ask: what if...?

Learn more about Donna at donnafreitas.com and follow her on Instagram at @donnafreitas.writer. If you're childfree and would like to be interviewed by Donna for an upcoming project, contact her on donnamariefreitas@gmail.com.

You can buy The Nine Lives of Rose Napolitano in the US on bookshop.org, in the UK at Waterstones and in Italian at Mondadori (with more languages on the way!)

This episode is from the best of season 1 of We are Childfree. Sign up to the newsletter to be first to find out when season 2 launches 👉 https://wearechildfree.com/newsletter

Doreen Caven was raised in a Catholic household in Nigeria, and she was a baby feminist even before she knew what the F-word meant. At an early age, she saw the role she was expected to fill, as a wife, a mother, submissive to men, and she wasn’t having any of it. Doreen and her younger sister, also childfree, now live in Los Angeles and run The Girls Like Me, a wonderful platform which amplifies the voices of African women, who are too often left out of the narrative around feminism and female empowerment. She shares her thoughts on religion, patriarchy, and how to shake off strict gender roles and soar to success!

Follow Doreen on Twitter @doreenglm and check out The Girls Like Me on Instagram at @thegirlslikeme

This episode is from the best of season 1 of We are Childfree. Sign up to the newsletter to be first to find out when season 2 launches 👉 https://wearechildfree.com/newsletter

OK this one’s a doozy! Even if you’re sure you want kids, society’s going to try and pressure you to doubt yourself and change your mind. And when that happens, how do you separate those external influences from your true heart’s desire. We offer some guidance, with the help of our wonderful childfree community!

If you have a problem you'd like the community's help with, email hello@wearechildfree.com with "Ask WAC" as the subject line.

Questions from We are Childfree members get priority! To jump the queue, get episodes a week early, and find your community of childfree cheerleaders, join us at www.wearechildfree.com/join/ 🙌

Links

Podcast: No regrets, with 78 year-old childfree trailblazer Marcia Drut-Davis

Masterclass: Create Your Childfree Life Vision

Book: The Baby Matrix

Podcast: Don’t fear regret, with Orna Donath

Podcast: Kids or Childfree

Podcast: Navigating ambivalence, with clarity coach Keltie Maguire

Mohita Solanki was born in India, where pronatalism is everywhere. Her parents hoped their daughters would have children one day, but also insisted they get an education - and it’s this education that Mohita credits with opening her eyes to different options, other ways of living. Determined to live the life they wanted, Mohita and her husband left for Melbourne, Australia, where she works as a data analyst and runs a meetup group for 80 childfree women. We had a super eye-opening chat about her home culture, how patriarchy is all around us - in every country, even in our heads - and her hopes for the next generation.

If you're in Melbourne, you can join Mohita's group for childfree women here.

This episode is from the best of season 1 of We are Childfree. Sign up to the newsletter to be first to find out when season 2 launches 👉 https://wearechildfree.com/newsletter

In 1974, Marcia Drut-Davis appeared on TV news show 60 Minutes, explaining to her in-laws and the American public watching that she’d decided not to have children. The backlash was swift and severe: Marcia lost her job as a teacher, had her life threatened (and her dog’s!) and faced judgment from pro-natalists and even some in the childfree community. For 46 years, she’s been fighting to show the world, and childfree people ourselves, that we are valuable, that our choices are valid, and that can be as loving and nurturing as any mother. It was a privilege to look back on a life well-lived with a true childfree icon who blazed a trail for the rest of us.

Follow Marcia on Instagram @childfree_guru, join her Facebook group Confessions of Childfree People, and read her books Confessions of a Childfree Woman (2013) and What?! You Don’t Want Children? (2020).

Read the book that started it all for Marcia, The Baby Trap (1971) by Ellen Peck.

Watch part of Marcia’s 60 Minutes interview on the wonderful documentary To Kid Or Not To Kid (2018) And support another doco,  currently in development and also featuring Marcia, My So-Called Selfish Life.

This episode is from the best of season 1 of We are Childfree. Sign up to the newsletter to be first to find out when season 2 launches 👉 https://wearechildfree.com/newsletter

For 20 years, Dr Kate Tomas has worked with badass women and non-binary people to radically improve every element of their lives. In this open and empowering conversation, Kate shares professional insights and her own journey, from trying to get pregnant to living her best, ethically non-monogamous, childfree life.

Content warning: brief discussions of childhood abuse, infertility and abortion.

Follow Kate on Instagram at @katetomasphd

This episode is from the best of season 1 of We are Childfree. Sign up to the newsletter to be first to find out when season 2 launches 👉 https://wearechildfree.com/newsletter

Celebrating an amazing year for We are Childfree, and an amazing first season of the podcast! 🥳 I was lucky enough to speak with 20 inspiring women and gender diverse people from all over the world, of all ages, from twenty-somethings up to role models in their 60s and 70s. Join me as I share my top 5 moments of season one, from my conversations with a women's spiritual empowerment mentor to a trailblazer who's been campaigning for the childfree for nearly 50 years. Oh, and I share some news about the exciting stuff that's coming next for We are Childfree. 🙌

Sign up to the We are Childfree newsletter to be first to find out when season 2 - and those exciting new things! - launch 👉 https://wearechildfree.com/newsletter

Keltie Maguire is a clarity coach who's originally from Canada and now lives in Germany. It's only in the last six months, as she nears her 40th birthday, that Keltie's reached a 95% confidence in her choice to embrace a life without children. That last 5% is super important, because Keltie isn't someone to fully close the door on any possibility, preferring to live the most dynamic life possible. You'll hear about how for Keltie, like so many of us, the desire to be a mother simply never arrived, and how she found her way through this ambivalence, towards a joyful, fulfilling life. This one's a must-listen if you aren't sure whether you want children or not, as Keltie and I swap strategies for finding clarity and feeling comfortable with the life path you're currently on.

Find out more about Keltie at keltiemaguire.com and check out The Clarity Podcast wherever you get podcasts.

Listen to the We are Childfree episode with 78-year-old childfree trailblazer Marcia Drut-Davis, and my interviews with other older women role models Barbara Krulik and Shelley.

The books we talked about in this episode are The Baby Decision: How to Make The Most Important Choice of Your Life by Merle Bombardieri, and Wanting: The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life by Luke Burgis.

Shelley is a clinical psychologist and second-wave feminist who's been fighting for our rights since the 70s. She was an early beneficiary of Roe vs Wade, which legalised abortion in the US, and chose to be sterilised at 21. Now that she's 65, it was a pleasure to look back with her over an action-packed life, to see how far we've come in the struggle for gender equality and bodily autonomy... and why we're still fighting! Shelley was the perfect person to speak to about the question of whether to have kids or not, as she's helped many women think through their options, and her example lights the way for anyone interested in taking the road less-travelled. If you're curious about the childfree choice, this one's packed full of advice and insights that could help your decision. And if you've made up your mind, this episode will give you an absolute icon to look up to!

We are Childfree was just named Childfree Group of the Year!

Find out when the We are Childfree online community launches at wearechildfree.com

Elizabeth Ho is an actor who you might have seen on the Netflix stoner sitcom Disjointed featuring an up-and-coming star called *checks notes* Kathy Bates. She's also a postpartum doula, which has given her a close-up view of motherhood, and the mom role that Hollywood may soon expect her to play. Elizabeth knows "bone deep" that she doesn't want kids, and she's content to support her community, her parent friends, and she's happy being the weird other part of the family, the most authentic expression of herself.

In this episode, Elizabeth brought up my previous conversations with 78 year-old childfree trailblazer Marcia Drut-Davis and environmentalist Marie Fisher, from whom I learned that "mother is a verb". And I mention the United Nations Population Fund's report on bodily autonomy, which you can find here.

Follow Elizabeth at @realelizabethho on Instagram, Twitter and TikTok
And check our her adorbs Shih Tzus, Cooper and Coco on Instagram @hanginwithmrcoops

We are Childfree was just named Childfree Group of the Year!

Find out when the We are Childfree online community launches at wearechildfree.com

In Donna Freitas' new novel, The Nine Lives of Rose Napolitano, the eponymous heroine faces a dilemma. Before she got married, her husband promised her he didn't want children - but now he's changed his mind. Could happily childfree Rose will herself to become a mother in order to save her relationship, and if so, what might her life look like? Author Freitas found herself in this very scenario in her real life, and it made her question everything - her lack of a maternal instinct, her worth as a woman, what kind of future she could hope for, without children - or her husband - in it. It was so enlightening to speak to someone who's looked at the childfree choice from every possible angle, as a scholar of religion and gender studies, and the author of a Sliding Doors-style plot that dares to ask: what if...?

Learn more about Donna at donnafreitas.com and follow her on Instagram at @donnafreitas.writer. If you're childfree and would like to be interviewed by Donna for an upcoming project, contact her on donnamariefreitas@gmail.com.

You can buy The Nine Lives of Rose Napolitano in the US on bookshop.org, in the UK at Waterstones and in Italian at Mondadori (with more languages on the way!)

We are Childfree was just named Childfree Group of the Year!

Find out when the We are Childfree online community launches at wearechildfree.com

This is part two of my conversation with the incredible Dana, who came through childhood abuse and infertility to create a fulfilling and rewarding life. Listen to part one for Dana's childfree journey, which brings us to the story of how she and her husband became guardians and role models for the young people in their life. They volunteered to train military cadets, earning their trust so that they became confidantes - Dana even advised a woman who graduated from her youth group on her own decision to have children or not. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and any village would be lucky to have someone like Dana in it. This is an emotional one - as you'll hear, it literally brought me to tears!

We are Childfree was just named Childfree Group of the Year!
Find out when the We are Childfree online community launches at wearechildfree.com

Enjoy part one of my conversation with the incredible Dana, a Filipino immigrant to the US who overcame childhood trauma to make sure that the kids in her life were looked after. She went through so much as a child, but that hasn't stopped her from living her life to the fullest, becoming a guardian to her godchildren and a role model for many other young people who look to her for support. When she met her husband, they found that they shared fertility issues, which became an unspoken ally in their decision to embrace a life without children. Dana is a testament to how we can go through so much in our lives, and to not just survive, but thrive.

We are Childfree was just named Childfree Group of the Year!
Read more childfree stories, and find out when the We are Childfree online community launches at wearechildfree.com

We rally round a childfree couple whose friend groups are now full of parents, with little time for anything but their kids. This is such a tricky problem that we’ve all either faced or one day will, so we tapped the We are Childfree community hive mind for some stellar support and amazing advice!

If you have a problem you'd like the community's help with, email hello@wearechildfree.com with "Ask WAC" as the subject line.

Questions from We are Childfree members get priority! To jump the queue, get episodes a week early, and find your community of childfree cheerleaders, join us at www.wearechildfree.com/join/ 🙌

Links

Study: Parents spend more time with children now than they did 50 years ago

The Cut: Adorable Little Detonators

Report: Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation

Meetup Group: Cape Coral Childfree Women

Book: We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships

Childfree Trip: Belize: Jungles, Mayans & Manatees With Zoe

Book: Harpy: A Manifesto for Childfree Women

Daze used to think they had two options: become a homeschool mother on a farm in the valley where they grew up, or become a nun. Instead, they left their tiny fundamentalist Catholic community and went to college, where they learned about the outside world and their inner self. In recent years, Daze has found the language to describe who they really are: non-binary, autistic and childfree. It was fascinating to hear about how undiagnosed mental illness runs through Daze's family, how their own neurodivergence helped persuade a doctor to perform a tubal ligation, and to share our frustration at the state of the world, and the things we hope will change.

Read more childfree stories at wearechildfree.com
And follow We are Childfree on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook 🖤

Imungu Kalevera defies the expectations for Kenyan women in a few ways. She's queer, childfree and a self-proclaimed career feminist, all of which make her a real rarity in majority Christian, sub-Saharan Africa. On a personal level, she's challenged her family's beliefs about all these parts of her identity, showing them that she can still create community, contribute to society and love the children in her life. And she had so much to teach me about the fight for gender equality in her country, and what needs to change in sex education, childcare, the health system, and the expected roles of men and women. Imungu is a pioneer, a passionate activist, and a wonderful conversationalist! 

If you're childfree and in sub-Saharan Africa, Imungu would love to connect with you on Facebook :)

Read more childfree stories at wearechildfree.com
And follow We are Childfree on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook 🖤

Barbara Krulik has lived a life! An independent curator and cultural manager, she came of age in New York, where like-minded creatives formed the core of a chosen family that has been there for her through to her 60s, and now spans four generations. In her early 20s, she decided she didn't want children, and has pursued a life of "solo polyamory" ever since, living alone but loving to spoil and nurture her friends and lovers. It was fascinating to hear what drove Barbara to avoid entanglements, all the places her work has taken her, and to learn about a social housing project being developed in the Netherlands, so that unrelated people from different generations can create a caring home together. Barbara is living proof that you don't need a partner, or children, to be fulfilled - a true inspiration.

Listen to Zoë guest on the Private Parts Unknown podcast, to hear her own childfree journey and what drove her to start We are Childfree.

Read more childfree stories at wearechildfree.com
And follow We are Childfree on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook 🖤

Siyu is an only child of China's one-child policy, born in a very traditional part of the country. Yet, her parents never pushed her towards motherhood, and she's been able to lead a modern, international life, staying in three countries and six cities in the last five years. As the host of a Mandarin feminist podcast, Siyu was the perfect person to speak to about how her country is now trying to boost falling birth rates by allowing couples to have three children, and the expectations for women there. It's fascinating how such a personal decision has taken on political and social implications far beyond individual families.

Read about China's new three-child policy on Wikipedia, its implications for women's rights in the Washington Post, and other factors that could hamper population growth on Al Jazeera.

Read more childfree stories at wearechildfree.com
And follow We are Childfree on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook 🖤