DESCRIPTION:

As a young parent, I was on a quest for answers, constantly seeking solutions to my child's behaviors. I believed that parenting was about applying techniques and strategies to mold my child's behavior. However, a pivotal moment came when I stumbled upon a quote by Dr. Gordon Neufeld: "Parenting is not about what you do with your child. It's about who you are to your child."

This quote sparked a profound shift in my perspective. I realized that effective parenting goes beyond mere actions; it's about embodying a powerful  nurturing presence for our children. This realization led me to explore different parenting styles and to uncover the ideal dynamics in parent-child relationships.

In today's episode, we'll delve into the four main types of parenting styles, examining their strengths and limitations, and lay the groundwork for our exploration of what I have coined the Nurturing Alpha role as parent.

We will explore: 

• Characteristics of the Nurturing Alpha Role: Identifying the key traits that define this parenting approach.
• Skills of a Nurturing Alpha Parent: Discovering the essential skills needed to embody the Nurturing Alpha role.
• How to Become a Nurturing Alpha: Practical steps and insights to help you cultivate this empowering presence as a parent.

Join me on this transformative journey towards becoming a Nurturing Alpha parent. Tune in to episode 104 of The 3D Parent Podcast and discover how you can embody the Nurturing Alpha role to cultivate deeper connections with your children and foster their emotional well-being.

Do you have a highly sensitive child? Take the quiz to find out!

https://www.the3dparent.com/quiz

READY TO TAKE YOUR PARENTING TO THE NEXT LEVEL?:

For 3D Parent Coaching Services:

• If you're looking for personalized guidance and support, consider exploring my parent coaching services. Let's work together to tailor the 3D Parent Approach to your unique parenting journey. CLICK HERE to book a complimentary parent coach consultation call.
• Interested in Receiving 2 Free Parent Coaching Sessions? Become a Parent Coaching Guest on the podcast and receive 2 free parent coaching sessions, one to be recorded on my podcast and one private follow-up session to check in and see how implementing the coaching strategies is going for you and your family. CLICK HERE to contact me about this opportunity and let's tackle your parenting concerns together. Your experience can inspire and support other parents facing similar struggles.

CONNECT WITH ME:

• The 3D Parent on Instagram
• The 3D Parent on Facebook
• JOIN: The 3D Parent Lounge Private Facebook Group
  
  
  

SHOWNOTES:

Let's rewind a bit to my own journey as a parent. Like many of you, I found myself lost in a sea of conflicting advice, wondering if there was a magic formula to navigate the challenges of raising children. I voraciously consumed parenting books, hoping to uncover the secrets to managing my child's behavior, but soon realized, I was missing the mark.

It wasn't about mastering the latest discipline technique or implementing rigid routines. Instead, it was about embodying a fundamental shift in perspective, one that Dr. Gordon Neufeld beautifully encapsulates: "Parenting is not about what you do with your child. It's about who you are to your child."

This quote struck a chord with me, prompting a profound shift in my approach to parenting. Rather than fixating on external strategies, I began to explore the essence of my role as a parent. Who did I need to be for my child in order to effectively lead, guide, influence, and teach her? How could I cultivate a relationship built on trust, understanding, and genuine connection?

This realization marked a turning point in my journey. It propelled me to delve deeper into the realm of parenting styles, seeking not just a label but a true understanding of what it means to nurture and guide a child. And that's when I stumbled upon the familiar territory of authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and neglectful parenting styles.

Let's break them down, shall we?

• Authoritarian parents are all about strict rules and discipline, with little room for negotiation. It's all about obedience and punishment.
• Authoritative parents, on the other hand, blend rules with warmth and fairness. They prioritize open communication and positive relationships while enforcing boundaries.
• Permissive parents take a more hands-off approach, allowing their children considerable freedom with minimal rules and boundaries.  
• Neglectful or uninvolved parents, sadly, provide little guidance or attention to their children's needs, resulting in a lack of nurturing and support.

Among these, authoritarian parenting often takes the spotlight for its perceived effectiveness. But here's where it gets confusing – authoritarian or authoritative? Many of us, myself included, struggle to keep those terms straight. And even when we understand the style, it's not always clear how to embody it in our daily interactions with our kids.

And that's where my concept of Nurturing Alpha comes in—a term I coined to encapsulate the essence of effective parenting. Think of it as a refined approach to authoritative parenting, with an emphasis on connection and leadership. A nurturing alpha embodies the qualities of a compassionate leader within the family—a blend of strength and warmth, discipline and nurturing.

So, what does it mean to be a Nurturing Alpha? It's about leading with understanding, respect, and empathy—not through fear or strict rules, but through connection and compassion. It's about creating a home environment where children feel valued, secure, and understood—a place where boundaries and limits are set with love and empathy, fostering emotional growth and resilience.

Characteristics of the Nurturing Alpha Role:

Let's dive deeper into the essence of the Nurturing Alpha role as a parent—or even as a teacher, coach, babysitter, or nanny. This isn't just about parenting; it's about embodying a compassionate leadership style that nurtures growth and connection.

Compassionate Leadership with Compassion: Someone who exudes warmth and kindness, yet commands respect and authority—that's the nurturing alpha in a nutshell. It's about striking that delicate balance between empathy and leadership, creating a safe and supportive environment for our children to thrive in.

Emotional Regulation: this doesn't mean being calm and collected all the time. Emotional regulation is about mastering our own emotions so we can respond thoughtfully and appropriately to our children's needs. Whether it's a gentle reminder to stay away from a hot stove or a comforting embrace during a meltdown, a nurturing alpha knows how to navigate the emotional landscape with finesse.

Attunement to Needs: Nurturing Alphas are masters of tuning in to their children's needs, both emotional and physical. They're not just reacting to behavior—they're digging deeper, understanding the root causes, and responding with sensitivity and insight.

Support through Emotional Challenges: Nurturing Alphas are the rock-solid foundation that children can rely on when the going gets tough. They offer stability, strength, and unwavering support, guiding their children through life's ups and downs with love and compassion. Whether it's a scraped knee or a broken heart, they're there to lend a listening ear and a comforting hug.

 

Skills of a Nurturing Alpha Parent

Nurturing Alphas are the real MVPs of parenting, blending the best of authoritative techniques with a deep focus on building strong connections with their kids. They're like the mama bears guiding their cubs through the wilderness or the papa ducks keeping their ducklings in line on the pond. —firm yet gentle, protective yet nurturing. That's the essence of a Nurturing Alpha.

Now, let's break down the key skills of Nurturing Alpha parents:

Personal Skills:

Confidence in Authority: Nurturing Alphas exude confidence in their role as guides rather than controllers. They stand tall, maintain eye contact, and lead by example.

Well-Tempered Personality: Emotional stability is key for nurturing alphas. They keep their cool even in the face of meltdowns, preventing conflicts from escalating and maintaining harmony within the family.

Attunement to Needs: These parents have a knack for tuning in to their children's needs, both emotional and physical. They're like emotional detectives, decoding behaviors and addressing deeper issues effectively.

Technical Skills:

Leading with Connection and Playfulness: Nurturing Alphas prioritize building strong bonds through positive interactions rather than fear or coercion. They lead with connection, using playfulness to engage with their children and strengthen their relationship.

Setting Firm Boundaries with Care: While nurturing alphas set firm boundaries and limits, they also express care.Respectful boundaries are enforced to help children learn self-discipline and responsibility.

Anticipating Attachment Needs: These parents proactively seek out and fulfill their children's attachment needs, trumping the need for security and affection rather than waiting for their child to come to them.

Becoming a Nurturing Alpha:

Becoming a Nurturing Alpha isn't about perfection—it's about progress. And trust me, you've already got what it takes to shine as a Nurturing Alpha. So, let's roll up our sleeves and talk about how we can become the Nurturing Alphas our kids need us to be.

 

• Build  Self-Awareness and Emotional Regulation:
  • Recognize and tame those triggers. It's all about responding thoughtfully to parenting challenges without losing your cool. Seek support from coaches or therapists to help you understand and manage your emotional hot buttons.
• Practicing Empathy and Active Listening:
  • Remember, our kids are still learning the ropes of this whole emotions thing. Practice empathy and active listening to truly understand what's driving their behaviors. Be curious, not judgmental, and dive below the surface to uncover the root causes.
• Deepening Attachment and Connection:
  • Take the lead in nurturing a secure, loving relationship with your children. Be proactive in seeking out opportunities to connect and bond, trumping their needs for connection with your steadfast presence and affection.
• Discipline with Dignity:
  • Focus on guidance and leadership, rather than punishment and control. Respect your child's developmental stage and needs, and aim to guide them with empathy and understanding. Check out episodes 88 and 89 of the 3D Parent Podcast for a deep dive into Dignity in Discipline.
• Strengthening Emotional Intelligence and Behavior Decoding Skills:
  • Dive into the world of child development and emotional intelligence to better understand your little ones and their needs. Whether it's through reading, podcasts, or one-on-one coaching, equip yourself with the knowledge and tools to support your children's emotional growth.

So, there you have it—a roadmap to becoming a Nurturing Alpha. Remember, it's not about getting it right every time; it's about showing up, learning, and growing alongside your children.  Thanks for tuning in, and I look forward to exploring more parenting insights with you on the next episode of the 3D Parent Podcast.

In this week's episode of The 3D Parent Podcast, we welcome Meghan Leahy, noted parenting columnist for The Washington Post and author of the book, Parenting Outside the Lines. Meghan's columns resonate with readers through their insightful, practical advice on parenting. This episode offers a glimpse into her motivations for pursuing a career as a parent coach and columnist, along with key moments that shaped her approach to parental guidance.

We will discuss the significant challenges that today’s parents encounter, particularly in fostering deeper connections with their children and managing expectations for acknowledgment and appreciation.

Join us for a thoughtful conversation with Meghan Leahy, as we explore effective strategies for navigating the complexities of parenthood.

Do you have a highly sensitive child? Click the link below to take the quiz to find out!
https://www.the3dparent.com/quiz

READY TO TAKE YOUR PARENTING TO THE NEXT LEVEL?:

For 3D Parent Coaching Services:

• If you're looking for personalized guidance and support, consider exploring my parent coaching services. Let's work together to tailor the 3D Parent Approach to your unique parenting journey. CLICK HERE to book a complimentary parent coach consultation call.
• Interested in Receiving 2 Free Parent Coaching Sessions? Become a Parent Coaching Guest on the podcast and receive 2 free parent coaching sessions, one to be recorded on my podcast and one private follow-up session to check in and see how implementing the coaching strategies is going for you and your family. CLICK HERE to contact me about this opportunity and let's tackle your parenting concerns together. Your experience can inspire and support other parents facing similar struggles.

CONNECT WITH ME:

• The 3D Parent on Instagram
• The 3D Parent on Facebook
• JOIN: The 3D Parent Lounge Private Facebook Group
                                                                                                                                                                                        

Connect with Meghan:

Website: Meghan Leahy Parent Coach

Facebook: Meghan Leahy Parent Coach

Book: Meghan Leahy - Parenting Outside the Lines

Podcast: Meghan’s Substack | Meghan Leahy | Substack

 

SHOWNOTES:

Today, we're stepping "outside the lines” with special guest, Meghan Leahy, a multifaceted individual juggling the roles of parent, writer, coach, and lover of reality TV. Meghan brings a wealth of experience to the table as a parent to three children, two dogs, and a devoted partner of 23 years. With a diverse background encompassing numerous degrees, certifications, and trainings, Meghan humbly acknowledges that the more she learns, the less she feels she knows. She wears many hats, including that of a parent coach, author of the insightful book "Parenting Outside the Lines," and a parenting columnist at The Washington Post. She's also deeply rooted in Zen Buddhism and is often found soaking up the sun on a beach.

Meghan Leahy’s  journey into the world of parenting coaching and writing is a tale of transformation, fueled by a deep understanding of the struggles many families face. As she candidly shares, she wasn't the model child; in fact, she was the kid who challenged every behavioral norm in the book. For her parents, navigating her adolescence was akin to a high-wire act without a safety net.

It's this firsthand experience of being the impossible kid to parent that fuels Meghan's passion for supporting parents today. She understands the frustration, the exhaustion, and the overwhelming love that accompanies raising a challenging child. And it's this empathy that forms the foundation of her coaching philosophy.

But Meghan's journey wasn't a straight path from rebellious teenager to parenting expert. She stumbled into teaching after college, only to realize that her penchant for honesty and authenticity didn't always align with the rigid structures of academia. Yet, it was during her time as a teacher that she discovered her gift for connecting with young people on a deeper level.

Her journey took a decisive turn when students began confiding in her about sensitive topics like relationships and sexuality. Meghan realized that she needed more than just a teaching degree to support these kids effectively. So, she pursued further education, earning a counseling degree from Johns Hopkins University.

Armed with a newfound understanding of family dynamics and human behavior, Meghan embarked on a journey of self-discovery. She attended parenting classes, volunteered in her community, and eventually became a certified parenting coach. And it's this openness to the organic flow of life that defines Meghan's approach to parenting and coaching. She doesn't believe in one-size-fits-all solutions or cookie-cutter advice. Instead, she encourages parents to trust their intuition, embrace the messiness of parenthood, and stay open to the unexpected twists and turns along the way.

In her column for the Washington Post and her book, "Parenting Outside the Lines," Meghan brings this same spirit of authenticity and openness to her writing. She tackles tough questions with compassion and offers insights that challenge conventional wisdom. Her responses are refreshingly unpredictable, reflecting her belief that there's no single right answer when it comes to parenting.

Meghan's Take on the Biggest Obstacles Modern Parents Encounter in Building Meaningful Connections with their Children:

In today's fast-paced world, parenting has become a high-stakes balancing act, with challenges that seem to multiply by the day. From juggling work demands to managing screen time battles, modern parents are facing obstacles that previous generations could hardly imagine. But what are the biggest obstacles that parents face today, and how do they impact our ability to forge meaningful connections with our children?

According to Meghan, one of the biggest obstacles facing parents today is the lack of support systems. In our society, we're bombarded with messages about what it means to be a good parent, yet we're provided with scant resources and support once the baby arrives. From inadequate childcare options to a lack of community networks, parents are often left feeling isolated and overwhelmed.

But perhaps the biggest hurdle of all, in Meghan's opinion, is the pressure to conform to a singular, idealized version of parenting, often perpetuated by folks writing, talking, and sharing on social media. In a country as diverse as ours, with myriad cultures, religions, and belief systems, there's no one-size-fits-all approach to raising children. Yet, we're bombarded with conflicting advice and judgments, leaving us feeling like we're constantly falling short.

Adding fuel to the fire are the systemic problems that plague our society, from unworkable work-life balances to racism to the ever-present pull of technology. As Meghan observes, we live in a world where our kids are simultaneously expected to excel academically while being bombarded with screens from dawn till dusk. It's a recipe for confusion and frustration, with parents caught in the crossfire. But amidst these challenges, Meghan urges parents to resist the pressure to conform to unrealistic standards and instead focus on what truly matters: nurturing meaningful connections with their children. 

In the ever-evolving landscape of parenting, one of the most profound lessons we can learn is the power of losing our balance. It may sound counterintuitive, but as Meghan Lahey eloquently puts it, feeling unsure is not a sign of weakness; it's a sign that you're actively engaged in the act of parenting.

Take, for instance, Meghan’s analogy of a tree pose in yoga—a moment of precarious balance where the only certainty is that you will inevitably fall. But what if falling out of the pose was not seen as a failure, but rather an opportunity for growth? This is the essence of parenting outside the lines: embracing uncertainty, navigating challenges with grace, and finding wisdom in moments of vulnerability.

In her book, Meghan explores the idea that parenting is not about having all the answers or achieving perfect outcomes. Rather, it's about cultivating a mindset of curiosity, resilience, and compassion. It's about recognizing that parenting is messy, unpredictable, and profoundly human. And in those moments when we feel most uncertain, we have an opportunity to tap into our intuition and wisdom, rather than seeking external validation or quick fixes.

This perspective challenges the prevailing notion that every misstep or moment of uncertainty is a failure. Instead, Meghan encourages parents to approach parenting with a sense of openness and humility, recognizing that there is no one "right" way to raise a child. It's about embracing the journey, with all its twists and turns, and trusting in our ability to navigate the challenges as they arise.

Part of this journey involves redefining our definitions of “emergencies” in parenting. In a world where every missed homework assignment or skipped practice feels like a crisis, Meghan reminds us to prioritize what truly matters. Drawing on Ross Green's model of problem-solving, she encourages parents to discern between genuine emergencies and everyday challenges that can be addressed with patience, compassion, and collaboration.

And perhaps most importantly, Meghan emphasizes the importance of resilience and self-compassion in the parenting journey. She acknowledges that we will inevitably make mistakes, but it's how we respond to those mistakes that matters most.

How do we let go of a desire for gratitude and validation from our children?

In our conversation, we touched upon the subtle yet significant desire we parents can have for appreciation and gratitude from our children. As parents, we pour our hearts and souls into nurturing our children, from preparing meals to chauffeuring them around town. Yet, when our efforts seem unnoticed or unappreciated, it can stir up feelings of resentment and frustration. But as Meghan so aptly puts it, perhaps we're seeking something that isn't ours to claim. Our children, especially in today's fast-paced world, may not express gratitude in the ways we expect. They're engrossed in their own worlds, navigating the complexities of growing up. And while it's natural to desire validation, pinning our happiness as parents on our children's gratitude sets us up for disappointment. 

So, how do we let go of this need? Meghan suggests a radical idea: embracing resentments. Yes, you heard that right. Resentments can be powerful indicators that something's not right in our parent-child dynamic. They're like alarm bells ringing, telling us to pay attention and make some changes. So, if you find yourself stewing in resentment because your kids don't seem to appreciate all that you do for them, don't ignore it. Meghan encourages us to write it down, get it out, and let yourself feel it. Then, once you've released some of that pent-up frustration, it's time to dig a little deeper.

Ask yourself: why does this bother me so much? Is it because of something from my own childhood? Is it because I'm not taking care of myself enough? Is it because I'm expecting too much from my kids?

And then, once you've identified the root cause, it's time to take action. Maybe it means setting clearer boundaries with your kids and teaching them the value of pitching in more around the house or getting a job . Maybe it means prioritizing self-care so that you're not constantly running on empty. Maybe it means reevaluating your own expectations and letting go of the need for validation.

Do No Harm: what does Meghan mean by this and why is it a powerful choice?

In parenting, there's one guiding principle that stands out: do no harm. It's a mantra borrowed from the medical field, a reminder that sometimes, inaction speaks louder than action. I use this phrase in my parenting and in my work with clients as a parent coach. Meghan uses this mantra as well in her work so I wanted to ask about her perspective. 

So, I asked Meghan what "do no harm" means to her in the realm of parenting. Meghan delved into the idea that doing no harm isn't about doing nothing at all—it's about making active choices that prioritize emotional safety for both parent and child. Meghan also brought up this cool analogy with the vagus nerve and our nervous system. Basically, when we're in a state of non-reaction, it's because we feel safe. We're like, "Hey, I've got this," instead of shutting down or freaking out. It's about feeling secure enough to stay present, even when things get tough. Meghan emphasized that choosing emotional safety, even if it means slowing down and being patient with ourselves and our children, is a big deal.

She talked about how parenting nowadays often feels like speaking a second language. We're trying to learn this whole new way of doing things, one that's more introspective and compassionate. And let's be real, that's not how most of us were raised. It's like we're navigating uncharted territory, trying to find our way without a map.

Meghan's message really hits home when she talks about the invisible victories of parenting. You know, those moments when you manage to keep your cool instead of losing it, or when you choose understanding over judgment. It's not flashy or glamorous, but it's so important. She hopes that everyone has someone in their corner, cheering them on for these quiet wins, because they're just as meaningful as the big achievements. 

THANK YOU MEGHAN LEAHY!!!!

As we wrap up this enlightening episode overview, I want to take a moment to express my gratitude. Meghan Leahy has graced us with her wisdom and insights on podcast, and I couldn't be more thankful for her time and perspective. Now, if you're as captivated by Meghan's insights as I am and you want to continue learning from her, I encourage you to connect with her on social media and buy her book. You can follow her on her socials by clicking the links above in these show notes. Take care, and we'll catch you on the next episode of The 3D Parent Podcast!

DESCRIPTION:

“ My oldest craves more of my time and attention and takes out his frustration on his siblings, especially his younger brother. He is very dismissive and even insulting to his brother.”- Caitlin, Mom of 3 boys

In this special episode of The 3D Parent Podcast, I’m going to help out Caitlin, a devoted mom of three, whose eldest son feels a bit left out lately. He's craving more attention and sometimes ends up picking fights with his little brother. 

Feeling stretched thin and overwhelmed, Caitlin wonders how to fill each child's emotional bucket without stirring up more competition. How can she offer one-on-one time without igniting jealousy? And in the chaos of sibling squabbles, how can she intervene effectively?

As a fellow parent of multiple children, I know the feeling of being pulled in all directions and I'm here to lend a hand. Using my 3D Parent approach, we'll start by gaining clarity on the situation: Is it Caitlin, her children, or their dynamic as a family unit that needs attention? Let's dive in and make sense of what is going on in this family so we can move towards finding some practical solutions to ease the tension and restore harmony in Caitlin's household.

READY TO TAKE YOUR PARENTING TO THE NEXT LEVEL?:

For 3D Parent Coaching Services: 

If you're looking for personalized guidance and support, consider exploring my parent coaching services. Let's work together to tailor the 3D Parent Approach to your unique parenting journey. CLICK HERE to book a complimentary parent coach consultation call.

Interested in Receiving 2 Free Parent Coaching Sessions? Become a Parent Coaching Guest on the Podcast:

Are you ready to share your parenting challenges and triumphs? Become a parent coaching guest and receive 2 free parent coaching sessions, one to be recorded on my podcast and one private follow up session to check in and see how implementing the coaching strategies is going for you and your family.  CLICK HERE to contact me about this opportunity and let's tackle your parenting concerns together. Your experience can inspire and support other parents facing similar struggles.

CONNECT WITH ME:

The 3D Parent on Instagram

The 3D Parent on Facebook

**JOIN: The 3D Parent Lounge Private Facebook Group*

FULL EPISODE #94 SHOW NOTES:

Today's episode is a special one where we're giving you a behind-the-scenes look at a coaching session. I'm excited for you to see how we tackle real parenting challenges head-on.

I'm thrilled to welcome my special guest Caitlin, a devoted mother of three from Redmond, Washington, who recently shared her heartfelt struggles with sibling rivalry in a candid discussion on a parenting podcast. In a touching submission, Caitlin opened up about the challenges she faces as her oldest son seeks more attention and lashes out at his siblings.

The scenario Caitlin described is a familiar one for many parents—her oldest child's longing for attention manifests in behavior that is dismissive and even hurtful towards his younger siblings. Despite her efforts, Caitlin finds it difficult to sympathize with her oldest son's actions, leading to a cycle of tension and conflict within the family. Recognizing the need for support, Caitlin and her son have both embarked on separate therapy journeys to address these issues head-on. However, Caitlin finds herself facing her own past experiences with sibling rivalry, which only adds more layers of complexity to the situation and leaves her feeling overwhelmed with guilt.

As Caitlin navigates the delicate balance of meeting each child's needs while maintaining harmony in the household, she seeks guidance on effective strategies for fostering positive sibling relationships. Her questions reflect the common dilemmas faced by parents in similar situations: 

• How can she ensure each child feels valued without inadvertently favoring one over the others? 
• How can she carve out quality time for individual bonding without exacerbating jealousy or competition among her children? 

My 3D Parent Coaching approach began with helping Caitlin find her sense of direction as she pondered my 3 “Scan the Situation” questions: "Is it me? Is it my child or children? Is it us?" These questions allowed for a deeper exploration of her parenting challenges. With refreshing honesty, Caitlin admitted feeling stretched thin and overwhelmed by the demands of motherhood. She candidly admitted, "I think I'm definitely a piece of the puzzle," acknowledging her feelings of being stretched thin and grappling with guilt over not spending enough time with her children.

One of Caitlin's primary concerns revolved around imaginative play, an area where she admittedly struggles. "I don't really know how to “pretend play," she admitted, highlighting the discomfort she feels when engaging in activities like building Lego sets or embarking on fantasy adventures with her children. I reassured Caitlin that she's not alone in this struggle, emphasizing that each parent has their own strengths and challenges. As Caitlin delved deeper into her concerns, she uncovered her belief in the value of independent play for children. However, she realized that her desire to foster creativity sometimes clashed with her instinct to intervene. 

The conversation also touched upon Caitlin's past wounds related to sibling rivalry and her instinctive "mama bear" response to conflicts among her children. Amidst the challenges, Caitlin expressed her deep longing for harmonious family moments. "I just want everyone to get along," Caitlin admitted, reflecting on her desire for unity within her family.

 Next, we dove into the second question, “ Is it my child/children?” Caitlin opened up about her eldest son's struggles with separation anxiety and intense emotions, shedding light on his behavior shaped by his drive towards seeking contact and closeness since infancy. Despite his articulate nature, he tends to bottle up his feelings, masking his inner turmoil. This emotional intensity often translates into verbal outbursts directed at his younger siblings.

As we discussed the final facet of our exploration– the, "Is it us," question – I introduced Caitlin to the concept of the “Karpman Triangle”, a psychological framework for understanding a common dysfunctional family system. Caitlin recognized the roles she, her children, and her husband often fell into: the rescuer, the victim, and the victimizer. "It's like we're stuck in this cycle," Caitlin lamented, acknowledging the detrimental impact it had on their relationships. Breaking free from this cycle required intentional effort and awareness, which I assured Caitlin was possible.

We also addressed Caitlin's perception of a scarcity mindset, particularly with her attention and affection. Her "mama bear" reactions stemmed from fears and insecurities, influencing her responses to conflicts among her children. By confronting these fears and adopting an abundant mindset, Caitlin could create a nurturing environment for her family. Handling sibling conflicts was another concern for Caitlin, who often felt panicked and unsure of how to intervene effectively. To help her manage these situations, I introduced the concept of "incident management" and outlined three essential steps: do no harm, take charge, and circle back later.

Part 1 of our coaching session concluded with a message of empowerment, as I  reassured Caitlin that she possessed the tools to overcome her challenges. "You and your husband are the answer," I affirmed, emphasizing the importance of self-reflection and proactive problem-solving in parenting.

Now, I know after hearing this parent coaching session and all of the nuanced details of what is likely causing all the conflict for Caitlin and her family, you might be ready to hear some proposed solutions. I’ve got them, but you will just need to be a little patient and tune in next week for Episode 95, Part 2 of this recorded parent coaching session where we will discuss ways to alleviate the struggles Caitlin and her family are currently facing.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LISTENING …

“Let's raise children who won't have to recover from their childhood.”  - Pam Leo

 

On this episode of the 3D Parent Podcast, I want to go deep in discussing deep connection with your children.  First we’ll look at a couple of studies regarding the different types of connection that can be used to classify young children.  Then we’ll discuss in depth the different stages of attachment and what stage looks like.

 

Before the conclusion of the episode, I will also identify some roadblocks for you that are common challenges that come up for parents in trying to establish a connection with their child.  Finally, I will give you some tips so you can start incorporating connection at every attachment stage to help you reach your goal as a parent as your child’s secret keeper.

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, share it on Instagram and tag me, @the3Dparent

 

Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode?  I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here!

 

Grab your free copy of the 10 Steps To Get Back in Control of Your Children here!

 

CONNECT WITH THE 3D PARENT

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Facebook

 

RESOURCES:

Connection to Parenting by Pam Leo

Aha! Parenting

The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J Siegel

The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn

Dr. Neufeld’s Six Stages of Attachment

“You need to develop a sense of curiosity about your child, and you cannot get sucked up into the emotions of what’s going on.”

 

This week on the podcast I will be talking about the 3D Parent approach and how you can start making that transition in your home today.  Now, this won’t be easy, especially if you are used to trying to control your child’s behaviors with rewards and punishment. This may feel very foreign to you and you may feel like you have no idea what you’re doing.  That is completely normal, but I want to encourage you to not give up.

 

In this episode I will break down the difference between approaching your child’s behaviors from a behaviorist perspective vs. a developmentalist perspective, and how to start making the transition to nurture their development without trying to force them into a box.

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, share it on Instagram and tag me, @the3Dparent

 

Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode?  I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here!

 

Grab your free copy of the 10 Steps To Get Back in Control of Your Children here!

 

CONNECT WITH THE 3D PARENT

Instagram

Facebook

 

RESOURCES

The Neufeld Institute

Hold on to Your Kids by Dr. Neufeld

“The answers were not in a book or a workshop.  The answer was right there in front of me … I had to get to know [my daughter] on a much deeper level …”

 

Welcome to the 3D Parent Podcast!  This week on the podcast I will be giving you an introduction to my background, my passions and how parenting with dignity, direction and deep connection can change your relationship with not only your child, but with your spouse as well.

 

Before I became a certified parent coach, I taught in various educational settings for over 10 years and have ALWAYS had a passion for helping children.  But when I became a parent, and couldn’t find the answer to help my child, I realized a new passion: teaching parents how to cultivate deep connections and understanding with their children.

 

To hear the whole story you’re going to have to listen to the episode!

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, share it on Instagram and tag me, @the3Dparent

 

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DESCRIPTION:

In today's episode, we'll explore how you can support your child through moments of heightened anxiety and help them build resilience for the future. Anxiety is a natural part of life, it isn't something to be feared or avoided. It's a natural and necessary human emotion that helps us navigate the world safely. However with anxiety disorders on the rise among children and adolescents, it's more important than ever for parents to understand how to support their children through this challenging emotion and provide a sense of safety. Today, I'll be giving you practical tools to help you do just that.

Here's what you'll learn in this episode:

• The significance of building a securely attached  relationship with your child, which serves as your most parenting powerful tool in guiding them through difficult emotions, like anxiety.
• Understanding co-regulation and how it empowers you to help your child manage overwhelming emotions by utilizing your own regulated emotional state.
• A proactive strategy called "Name It to Tame It," which involves personifying your child's anxiety to help them separate it from their core identity and regain control over this powerful emotion.
• Six practical steps to effectively co-regulate with your anxious child, including selecting suitable stress and anxiety regulation tools, reassessing their anxiety level, and repeating the co-regulation process as needed.

Now, if you're looking for more insights into anxiety and parenting, be sure to check out episode 50 of "The 3D Parent" podcast, where I cover a range of tips and perspectives on parenting an anxious child. It's a great companion to today's episode and can provide you with even more valuable information.

Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of The 3D Parent Podcast. If you found this content helpful, be sure to share it with fellow parents and caregivers. And don't forget to subscribe for our weekly episodes  and more insightful episodes on parenting!
 
SHOWNOTES:

Hey there, fellow parents! Today's episode is going to be a bit different than our usual discussions because we're diving deep into a topic that's close to many of our hearts: anxiety in children. If you've ever found yourself wondering, "What do I do when my child is experiencing anxiety," then stick around because I've got some specific strategies to share with you.

Now, before we get into the nitty-gritty, I want to give a shoutout to a previous episode where we covered the broader topic of parenting an anxious child. If you haven't listened to Episode 50 yet, titled "Parenting an Anxious Child," I highly recommend giving it a listen. It's a great companion to today's episode and covers some essential do's and don'ts, along with practical tips and perspectives for navigating anxiety in your child.

It's important to recognize that anxiety itself is not inherently negative. In fact, it's a fundamental human emotion that serves a valuable purpose. However, when a child experiences overwhelming or frequent anxiety, it can be cause for concern. With children and adolescents facing anxiety at unprecedented rates, it's more important than ever for parents to understand how to support their children through these challenges.

Anxiety can be a tough nut to crack because it's not always driven by rational thoughts and it certainly doesn't come with an easy fix. But as parents, our role is to provide a sense of safety and support so our kids can weather the storm of anxious feelings and emerge stronger and more resilient on the other side.

Before we delve into the strategies, I want to emphasize the importance of seeking professional help if you feel your child's anxiety is worsening or significantly impacting their daily life. While this podcast episode offers valuable insights, it's not a substitute for the expertise of healthcare professionals.

Throughout this episode, I'll be sharing practical strategies to help you support your child through their anxiety journey. From creating a safe space for open communication to teaching coping skills, each strategy is designed to empower both you and your child.

Anxiety can manifest in various ways, affecting not only the child but also their family dynamics. If you observe changes in your child's behavior, such as reluctance to participate in activities they once enjoyed or difficulty coping with daily tasks, it's essential to address these concerns promptly.

Untreated anxiety can escalate over time and may lead to other mental health issues or behavioral disorders. Therefore, early intervention is key. Start by consulting your child's pediatrician, who can provide valuable insights and recommendations for further evaluation or treatment.

In the show notes, you'll find a link to an article titled "When to Seek Additional Support for Your Child's Anxiety," which offers detailed guidance on assessing your child's needs and approaching the topic with them in an age-appropriate manner.

Even if your child receives outside help, your role as a parent remains crucial. Therapy sessions typically occur for a limited time each week, leaving ample opportunity for you to provide ongoing support and guidance at home. Your deep connection with your child serves as the foundation for effective parenting, especially when addressing difficult emotions like anxiety.

Now, let's take a step back and consider the bigger picture. Before addressing specific strategies, it's essential to nurture a deeply connected relationship with your child. As I discussed in Episode 87, "Parenting with Deep Connection," your relationship with your child is your most powerful tool. Building a secure, deeply connected bond lays the foundation for providing effective support, especially during challenging times like anxiety.

A secure attachment with at least one significant caregiver is essential for a child's emotional well-being and development. This connection enables you to come alongside your child, understanding their emotions and providing the support they need. By nurturing this deep connection, you create a safe space for your child to express their feelings and navigate difficult emotions like anxiety.

So, what exactly is co-regulation? Simply put, it's the ability for a parent or caregiver to use their own regulated emotional state to help a child regulate their difficult or overwhelming emotions, like anxiety. 

Now, let's talk about why co-regulation is so important, especially for children who may not yet have developed the skills to regulate their emotions independently. This could be due to their age, temperament, or the nature of their current circumstances. For example, younger children or those with highly sensitive temperaments may need to rely on their parents for a longer period of time to help them manage feelings of anxiety.

The beauty of co-regulation is that it enables a parent to not only help to regulate their child, but also to model coping skills that children can carry with them into adulthood. By modeling healthy ways of managing emotions, parents are laying the foundation for their children to become emotionally resilient individuals who can eventually face life's challenges independently and with confidence.

Understanding a proactive tool called "Name it to Tame it"

Now, let's dive into some strategies, starting with a proactive tool called, "Name it to Tame it.”

This strategy involves helping your child name and personify their anxiety. By giving your child’s anxiety a name like, “Spike” or “Sheila,” you're helping them separate their anxiety from their core identity. This can empower them to feel a sense of control over their emotions, reducing feelings of overwhelm. Naming their anxiety allows children to acknowledge it as a part of themselves, but not all of who they are. This strategy draws from therapeutic approaches that focus on understanding and managing different parts of oneself.

To implement this strategy, have a conversation with your child about anxiety or their worries and its physical manifestations, such as feeling panicked or experiencing an upset stomach. Help them understand that these feelings are normal and can be managed. Then, encourage them to come up with a name for their anxiety. Make it a fun and creative activity to help them feel more comfortable with the concept. Remember to reinforce the importance of using this name when discussing their anxiety in the future.

Now, I’ll walk you through the Six Steps to Co-regulate with your Anxious Child:

Step 1: Center Yourself

Imagine it's the day of your child's first karate class, something they've been eagerly anticipating. But when the moment arrives, they're overwhelmed with anxiety and refuse to go. As a parent, your first instinct might be to feel anxious too. Step one reminds us to center ourselves before attempting to co-regulate with our child.

For example, Take a few deep breaths and place your hand over your heart. Say to yourself something like, "I am safe. This is not an emergency. This is just a moment and will pass." Before you can effectively support your child, it's essential to regulate your own emotions. Children often pick up on their parents' anxiety which up-regulates and increases their anxiety, so taking a moment to center yourself is crucial.

Step 2: Acknowledge Your Child's Anxiety by Name

Remember when you helped your child name their anxiety? Now's the time to acknowledge it. 

Say something like  "Hey, buddy, I see Spike's here today. That's okay. We'll work through this together."

By referring to your child's anxiety by its chosen name, you help them recognize that it's a separate part of them, not their entire identity.

Next, ask your child where they feel Spike in their body. Are they feeling Spike's presence as butterflies in their stomach, tightness in their chest, or tension in their throat? By pinpointing the physical sensations associated with Spike's visit, your child becomes more aware of how their body responds to anxiety.

This awareness is crucial because it helps your child recognize that anxiety is not an overwhelming force but rather a temporary state that can be managed. For instance, they might realize, "Whenever Spike shows up, I feel a knot in my stomach," or "Spike is hanging out in my chest, making it hard to breathe."

By identifying where Spike resides in their body, your child gains insight into their emotional and physical experiences. This self-awareness forms the basis for managing anxiety more effectively in the future. It's like shedding light on the dark corners of their mind, enabling them to confront their fears directly.

Moreover, as your child learns to recognize the physical manifestations of their anxiety, they become better equipped to cope with it. This newfound awareness empowers your child to take control of their emotions and navigate through moments of heightened anxiety with confidence and resilience.

Step 3: Rate the Anxiety

Let's explore step three of helping your child manage anxiety. Here, we're diving into the crucial task of gauging the intensity of your child's feelings. Asking your child to rate their anxiety level on a scale of 1 to 10 might seem simple, but it's a powerful tool for building emotional awareness. It's like taking a temperature check of their emotions. Picture this: you sit down with your child and gently ask, "On a scale of 1 to 10, how big is Spike right now?"

This simple question opens up a dialogue about their feelings. Maybe Spike is feeling like a 10, ready to burst out of their skin, or perhaps Spike is a more manageable 7, but still making their presence known. Whatever the number, it provides a starting point for understanding and addressing their anxiety.

Asking your child to rate their anxiety not only increases their self-awareness but also activates their thinking brain. When we focus on numbers and bodily sensations, we move away from the primal fight-flight-freeze response and into a space where rational thought can prevail. It's like flipping a switch from panic mode to problem-solving mode.

Imagine your child says, "My anxiety feels like an eight." That's a significant number, signaling a high level of distress. Now, armed with this information, you're ready to move on to step four – choosing an emotional regulation tool.

Step 4: Choosing an emotional regulation tool

Step four invites you to select from a range of tools designed to help your child manage their anxiety. From deep breathing exercises to mindfulness techniques, there's a wealth of options to choose from. Let's delve into ten of these tools to give you a starting point:

• 1. Box Breathing:
• This technique involves breathing in for four counts, holding for four counts, exhaling for four counts, and then holding again for four counts. It's like guiding your child through a calming breathing exercise, akin to creating a pattern of relaxation.
• You repeat this cycle four times, which helps slow down their heart rate and reduces stress hormones, giving them a sense of control over their emotions.
• 2. Short Inhale/Long Exhale Breathing:
• With this method, your child quickly inhales for one count, then exhales slowly for eight counts. It's like teaching them to take a deep breath to let go of tension, like releasing a balloon slowly into the air.
• Doing this helps regulate their heart rate and reduces stress hormones, providing a sense of calm amidst chaos. 
• 3. Five Senses Mindfulness Technique:
• Encourage your child to notice five things they can see, four things they can hear, three things they can touch, two things they can smell, and one thing they can taste. It's like inviting them to a sensory scavenger hunt, grounding them in the present moment.
• Engaging in this activity reduces their sense of alarm and activates their thinking brain, helping them focus on the here and now.
• 4. Visualization:
• Guide your child to close their eyes and imagine their overwhelming feelings as a heavy coat on a hot day. Then, have them visualize taking off this coat, feeling the relief wash over them. It's like helping them paint a mental picture of letting go of burdens.
• This exercise encourages them to connect with their emotions, providing a sense of relief and empowerment as they release their stress.
• 5. Vagus Nerve Massage:
• Use your fingers to massage the bones behind and in front of your child's ears with medium-firm pressure. It's like giving their nervous system a gentle massage, soothing any discomfort or upset.
• This technique is particularly helpful for calming anxiety-related stomach issues, easing nausea, and reducing overall anxiety levels.
• 6. Big Belly Laughter:
• Share a joke, funny story, or watch a humorous video together to trigger laughter. It's like sprinkling a bit of joy into their day, lifting their spirits and easing tension.
• Laughter releases stress and tension, helping your child feel lighter and more relaxed.
• 7. Crying:
• Create a safe space for your child to express their emotions through crying. It's like offering them a release valve for their feelings, allowing them to let go of pent-up stress and sadness.
• Crying is a natural and healthy emotional release, helping them process their emotions and move forward with a sense of relief.
• 8. Quick Exertion of Energy:
• Engage in brief physical activities like jumping jacks, walking, or dancing to release pent-up energy. It's like hitting the reset button on their mood, boosting their spirits and reducing stress hormones.
• Physical activity helps your child feel more grounded and centered, promoting a sense of well-being and calm.
• 9. Creative Expression:
• Encourage your child to express themselves creatively through drawing, writing, or playing an instrument. It's like giving them a blank canvas to explore their emotions, providing an outlet for self-expression.
• Creative activities help your child process their feelings and gain insight into their inner world, fostering emotional growth and resilience.
• 10. Give a 20-Second Hug:
• Share a sustained hug with your child for 20 seconds or more to decrease stress hormones and increase bonding hormones. It's like wrapping them in a warm embrace, comforting and reassuring them.
• This physical connection helps regulate their emotions, strengthening your bond and providing a sense of security and support.

 

Step 5: Reassess Anxiety Level

Once you've guided your child through the emotional regulation tool of your choosing, it's time to check in and see how they're feeling. This step is crucial for understanding the effectiveness of the tool and determining if further support is needed.

Reassessing your child's anxiety level involves asking them to rate their current level of anxiety. Encourage them to express how big their feelings of anxiety are now compared to before using the regulation tool.

Start by asking your child to rate their anxiety level again. You might say something like, "Let's see how big Spike feels now. Can you give me a number?" Ideally, you'll notice a decrease in their anxiety level. From my experience, when using these strategies with my own children, anxiety levels almost always decrease, albeit not always completely.

If their anxiety has decreased to a comfortable level, that's fantastic! You've successfully helped them manage their emotions. But if it hasn't decreased enough, don't worry. That's where step 6 comes in.

Step 6: Repeat if Necessary

Here's where you circle back to step four and repeat the same regulation tool. Repeating allows your child to become more familiar with it, potentially enhancing its effectiveness with each repetition. Encourage your child to engage in several more rounds of the chosen technique, aiming to further reduce their anxiety level. If they seem tired of the same technique or you feel another strategy might be a better fit, feel free to mix it up a little until the desired lessoned state of anxiety is achieved. 

The goal here isn't to eliminate anxiety entirely. Instead, the focus is on empowering your child to recognize that they have tools at their disposal to cope with anxiety.

CONCLUSION

In wrapping up, I sincerely hope that the strategy we've delved into today leaves you feeling more empowered as a parent of an anxious child. Building a strong foundation of connection and attachment with your child serves as a cornerstone for numerous aspects of their well-being, especially when it comes to co-regulation.

These steps aren't just theoretical; they've been tried and tested in the trenches of real-life parenting. I've witnessed firsthand how they've made a difference in my own children's lives. Take, for example, my child who struggled with stomach issues due to anxiety. The vagus nerve massage became her go-to technique, offering relief even in school without drawing attention to herself.

Then there's my other child who found solace in box breathing during times of stress at a new school. Not only did she use it for herself, but she also taught it to her peers, spreading calmness in her surroundings.

What's remarkable about these strategies is their portability. While initially introduced with your guidance, children often internalize them, using them independently when you're not around. They become the tools your child carries with them, empowering them to navigate and endure their experiences with anxiety in the future.

I want to express my gratitude for joining me on this episode of the 3D Parent Podcast. As you embark on implementing the Six-steps to Co-regulate with your Anxious Child, I encourage you to share your experiences with me. Let me know which strategies resonate most with your family and any additional techniques you've found effective. Together, we can continue to learn and grow in our journey of supporting children experiencing anxiety!

Episode Resources:

Episode #50 “Parenting an Anxious Child” 

Episode #87 "Parenting with Deep Connection"

Article: “When to Seek Additional Support for Your Child’s Anxiety”

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DESCRIPTION:
Ever find yourself caught in the tug-of-war between absolute love for your child and the occasional, “I'm finding it impossible to deal with my child right now," moment? If so, you're not alone! Join me on Episode #92: “"I Love My Child, But Sometimes I Can't Stand Him," where we're diving headfirst into the candid realities of parenting a more challenging child. 

Join me as we unpack:

• Understanding the "why" behind your child's behavior
• Move past resentment and embrace acceptance, creating a foundation for a more positive parent-child dynamic.
• Practical tips to let go of comparisons and celebrate your child's unique personality and strengths.
• "Discipline with Dignity" techniques that promote cooperation and mutual respect

This episode is for you if:

• You feel like you're constantly on edge with your child.
• You struggle with shame, guilt, and self-doubt about your parenting skills.
• You wish you could connect with your challenging child on a deeper level.
• You're looking for practical tools to manage your child’s frustrating behaviors.

Remember, you're a loving, resilient, and capable parent doing your best. With the appropriate support, self-compassion, and a growth mindset, you can overcome any challenge and cultivate the loving, connected relationship with your child that you aspire to. Tune into Episode #92 for a fresh perspective and practical support. 

SHOWNOTES:

Ever find yourself grappling with conflicting emotions towards your child? It's an experience that many parents share but might hesitate to openly discuss. 

Challenging children often exhibit attitudes that can be tough to handle. When a child's demeanor is sweet, calm, and affectionate, it's easy to embrace them, but what about those moments when their attitudes provoke unexpected emotions?

How do you open yourself up to connect with a child who may seem a bit more challenging to understand?

I get it. I've been there too. In fact, I used to be wracked with guilt every time I had those fleeting thoughts of frustration or impatience. But here's the thing – those thoughts don't make you a bad parent. They make you human. And as a parent coach, I've heard it time after time from other parents wrestling with similar feelings.

Various factors that contribute to a complex child's behavior

• Vulnerability to Love--A Prickly Defense Mechanism: Sometimes, challenging children present rough, prickly exteriors because they find love and connection too vulnerable. It's uncomfortable for them to be lovable and endearing, often due to a highly sensitive temperament or past hurts. Understanding this vulnerability is crucial in fostering a compassionate approach.
• Subconscious Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: Believing They Are Unlovable: In some cases, challenging children come to believe that they are unlovable. This belief becomes almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy, influencing their behavior and interactions with others which are often annoying, off-putting, or even mean spirited. As a parent, it's essential to consider your role in this dynamic – do your actions unintentionally contribute to their negative self-perception?
• Building Inner Narratives--Seeds in Formative Years and the Impact of Words and Actions: For a young child, the formative years are crucial in shaping their self-worth and self-esteem. The comments and feedback they receive, both at home and in their broader environment, contribute to the narrative they internalize. Consider the phrases you use when frustrated: "I don't want to be around you when you act like this" or "Why are you always so negative?" The impact of these words goes beyond the moment, shaping your child's sense-of-self. Reflecting on the language used by caregivers, teachers, peers, and siblings is equally important.
• Parental Grief--Facing your Sadness and Disappointment: If you are struggling to connect with your complex child and feel yourself wishing your child was different than they are, you probably experience a lot of resentment and shame. I want to help you make a shift away from these difficult feelings. The first step is acknowledging and normalizing your own parental grief. You might have envisioned your child and your experience as a parent being very different than it currently is. This disappointment is difficult to face and likely fills you with equal parts of resentment and guilt. The first and most crucial step is to forgive yourself for the feelings of disconnection with your child and acknowledge that it's okay to experience this grief in parenting a complex child. Let's recognize the importance of allowing ourselves to feel the sadness associated with the challenges we didn't anticipate.

How to move past Resentment and Towards Acceptance

• Acknowledging the Unforeseen Reality--Letting Go of Disappointment: As parents, none of us envisioned this reality when we dreamt of having children. The image we had in mind might have been different from the challenging child we are parenting. It's essential to find and feel the sadness around what is, letting go of the disappointment of not getting the child we imagined. Acknowledge the grief and adjust your vision to the reality of your unique and complex child.
• The Importance of Privacy--Processing Grief Away from Your Child: Acceptance also means learning to adjust to the reality of your child's temperament and challenges. Grieve the adjustments you need to make, whether it's opting out of certain activities or events because they might be too overwhelming for your child. Feeling sadness about what you're missing is valid, but it's crucial to keep this grief work away from your child. Avoid exposing your child to the emotions associated with these adjustments. Seek a trusted adult – your spouse, partner, friend, parenting coach, or therapist – to process these feelings with. This private space allows you to navigate the complexities of parenting a challenging child without burdening them with your emotional journey.
• Letting Go of Comparisons--A Key to Overcoming Resentment: Comparing your child to others, whether in your household or observed in your social circles, often leads to resentment. Dr. Brené Brown defines resentment as a feeling related to perceived unfairness or injustice, often stemming from hidden envy. Remember, as a parent, you cannot control who your child is. Let go of comparisons that only serve to amplify resentment and hinder your ability to connect with and accept your child.
• Understanding the Impact of Envy--Overcoming Resentment: Envy is a powerful emotion that fuels resentment. When we envy the perceived ease of other parents' experiences, it deepens our frustration and resentment towards our own parenting journey. Acknowledge that your child is unique, and comparisons only serve to magnify a sense of unfairness. Embrace the reality that your child is an individual with their own set of challenges and gifts, and your journey is incomparable to others.

How to Grow Your Acceptance Instead of Your Resentment

• Embrace Your Child's Uniqueness: First and foremost, recognize that your child's challenges are not a reflection of you. Let go of the fantasies you held about who your child should be and grow alongside them. Invest time in getting to know your child deeply. The more you focus on understanding them, the more you'll uncover their wonderful and unique gifts.
• Cultivate Curiosity and Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations: Become genuinely curious about your child. Release unfair expectations that might have clouded your perception. Your child possesses numerous positive attributes; seek them out, elevate them, and express your observations to your child. This fosters a sense of gratitude for the incredible individual they are.
• Practice a Gratitude Parenting Routine: Commit to a daily gratitude practice in parenting. Reflect on the lovable aspects of your child, even if you find it challenging initially. Create a space for positivity by acknowledging and appreciating their unique qualities. Consider implementing a gratitude journal or daily reflection to reinforce this practice.
• Celebrate Victories and Reflect on Progress: In the midst of challenges, it's crucial to celebrate victories—no matter how small. Take moments to reflect on your journey, comparing your current situation to past challenges. While the road may still be tough, acknowledging progress reinforces your resilience and strengthens your ability to face future obstacles.
• Understanding Your Child's Struggles: A Shift in Perspective: To truly connect with your child, it's essential to shift your perspective on their actions and behaviors. Remember, their outward expressions reflect internal struggles. Recognize that your child, when frustrated or explosive, is not intentionally making your life difficult. This paradigm shift allows you to approach parenting with more compassion, patience, and empathy.
• Developing the Ability to Mix Feelings: Acknowledging mixed feelings is a vital aspect of emotional maturity. As a parent, you may sometimes lose the ability to mix your emotions, leading to reacting out of frustration. A gut check can help you assess your feelings towards your child. If you find yourself avoiding time with them, it's an opportunity to refocus your efforts and connect more deeply.

Practical Steps to Stay Grounded as a Parent 

• Reflect and Refocus: Assess your feelings towards spending time with your child. If you're hesitant or repelled at the idea of spending time with your child, consciously take note, realign with your parenting intentions, and make an extra effort to connect.
• Delight in Your Child's Presence: Visibly show delight in your child's presence, even if you're working through initial defenses. Authentic feelings will follow as you actively engage and appreciate your child's company.
• Discipline with Dignity: Another thing that you can do to grow your compassion, your patience, your empathy, and be able to accept this charge you've been given to parent your particular child is to practice discipline with dignity. We delved deeper into this topic in episodes 88 and 89 of our podcast, and today, let's explore how this method can contribute to the growth of these essential qualities.
• Informed Decision-Making: To truly embrace Discipline with Dignity, start by making informed choices tailored to your child's unique needs. While acknowledging the grief of saying no to certain activities, shift your focus to conscientiously deciding what will be appropriately challenging for your child without overwhelming them. Balancing your complex child's needs with those of the entire family is important. Occasionally, you may need to make different decisions for various family members. Other times, you may need to plan proactively and set your child up for success in family activities, like a concert. Consider bringing headphones to manage sensitivity to loud sounds or providing activities to engage the child when the event might extend beyond their comfort zone.
• Retroactive Discipline: Embrace the power of 3D Parent “Retroactive Discipline,” particularly through “Circle Back Conversations.” Address problematic behaviors without inducing shame or blame, creating a safe space for your child to reflect upon their previous intense emotions. Retroactively addressing hurtful statements helps your child understand that they are not defined by their outbursts and are capable of making amends.
• Acceptance Without Judgment: Make space for your child's intense emotions without judgment. Accept and validate their feelings, reinforcing that it's okay to feel upset or express negative thoughts. Foster a family culture where mistakes are acceptable and ruptures within relationships are always repaired and strengthened as a result.
• Consistency in Parenting Approach: Consistency in parenting, especially for complex children, is vital. Caregivers and parents need to be on the same page and avoid bouncing between supporting and punishing behaviors. 
• Build Resilience Within Yourself: Parenting a complex child requires resilience. Embrace the concept of the frustration traffic circle, with emphasis on the need to move from wanting to control or change the child to accepting and adapting to their needs. Acknowledge the potential impulse towards lashing out in frustration and instead, redirect yourself toward acceptance.
• Seek Individual and Community Support: No parent should walk this path alone. Feeling isolated can amplify difficulties and drain your emotional reserves. Seek out individual support with helping professionals, such as parent coaches or therapists. Additionally, consider joining a supportive community - whether online or in-person. Online parent support membership groups, like The 3D Parent Village, local co-op gatherings, or online forums offer a safe space to connect with others who understand your struggles. 

As parents, we often pour ourselves into our children, neglecting our own needs. But remember, you can't pour from an empty cup. Prioritize activities that replenish your energy and emotional reserves. This could be anything from taking a walk to spending time with friends or pursuing a hobby you enjoy. By taking care of yourself, you'll be better equipped to handle the challenges of parenthood.

An Affirmation for the Resilient Parent:

In closing, here is my gift to you, an affirmation I wrote to read whenever you're feeling overwhelmed or discouraged:

“Today, I am setting an intention to parent with warmth and strength. I will not avoid setting a limit, negotiate, debate, give in, or give a “yes” when I need to give a “no.” I accept that my kids may have tantrums and meltdowns over the limits I am generously going to set. I will anticipate push-back, but I will not let that trigger me or lead to a tantrum of my own. I will remember that my children are young and sensitive and sometimes their behaviors are a reminder of that. In these moments, I will remember that they are not trying to give me a hard time, they are having a hard time. I will not transfer my anger or frustration onto my kids or lash out at them through my words, tone of voice, or actions. I will not blame my kids for the difficult feelings I may have about being their parent and how hard it is for me right now. I will remind myself that I only get one shot to raise each of my children and I am committing to give them the best parenting I can because they deserve nothing less.” -Beaven Walters, The 3D Parent

Episode Resources and Links:

Book: Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown

Podcast Episodes I Referenced:

#86 Parenting with Direction
#87 Parenting with Deep Connection 
#88 Parenting with Dignity in Discipline Part 1
#89 Parenting with Dignity in Discipline Part 2

 

READY TO TAKE YOUR PARENTING TO THE NEXT LEVEL?:

**For Coaching Services** If you're looking for personalized guidance and support, consider exploring my parent coaching services. Let's work together to tailor the 3D Parent Approach to your unique parenting journey. CLICK HERE to book a complimentary parent coach consultation call.

**Become a Podcast Guest** Are you ready to share your parenting challenges and triumphs? Become a guest and receive a free parent coaching session on my podcast, CLICK HERE and let's tackle your parenting concerns together. Your experience can inspire and support other parents facing similar struggles.

CONNECT WITH ME:

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Parenting is a beautiful yet challenging journey, especially when faced with the complexities of raising unique and dynamic children. In this heartwarming episode, we dive into the world of emotional regulation through mindfulness with the incredible Aparna Venkatraman, the passionate founder of Beauty in Parenting. Aparna's mission with Beauty in Parenting is clear—to support families worldwide in fostering heart-centered connections. Drawing from her 20 years of experience, she guides parents through the intricacies of emotional regulation, offering insights that touch the soul. Parents, this is an episode you don't want to miss!

Some points we will discuss include:

• Mindfulness practices for emotional regulation in parents and children.
• Deep breathing techniques.
• Meditation techniques
• Family connection activities

We all get swept away sometimes. We lose our breath, our patience, our way. We yell, we cry, we wonder if we'll ever find our sanity again. But guess what? We're not alone. And within each of us, there's a wellspring of resilience, a reservoir of strength waiting to be tapped. On this episode, Aparna shows us the power of mindfulness–that quiet revolution that starts with a single inhale, a deliberate exhale.

Did you enjoy today's episode? If yes, share it with your fellow parents with "extra" kids! The more the merrier, right?

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CONNECT WITH APARNA:

Website: Beauty In Parenting - Coaching for Parents of Babies, Toddlers & Teens

Instagram: @‌beautyinparenting

Facebook: Beauty In Parenting

Free Self-Care & Priorities Chart (1-page pdf): Beauty In Parenting LLC

SHOWNOTES:

In this episode, I’m excited to welcome a special guest, Aparna Venkataraman. Having 20 years of experience connecting with 1000s of families in schools, children’s hospitals and non-profit organizations since her teens, Aparna Venkataraman is the founder of Beauty In Parenting and is a worldwide parent coach, meditation-breathwork teacher, motivational speaker and wellness advocate for doTerra essential oils. With her approachable nature, strong intuition and problem-solving skills, she guides parents of babies, toddlers and teens, couples and extended family to empower themselves and build healthy relationships with one another through effective communication, creating boundaries, self-care, confidence-building and lighthearted mindfulness techniques.

(03:28) Aparna's Story: I sit down with Aparna to hear more about her story and what led her to this work.

Aparna shares her intricate journey, starting from being a premature baby to grappling with childhood anxiety and depression due to emotional distance. Her studies in psychology and child development paved the way for impactful work with diverse groups, all while harboring a deep desire to support families. A pivotal year marked by loss, floods, and leaving a toxic relationship spurred Aparna to create "Beauty in Parenting," aiming to support families globally in finding heart-centered connections.

I can't help but resonate with Aparna's story, and I bet many of you can too. It's a beautiful blend of personal struggles and professional growth, highlighting the importance of emotional well-being in parenting.

(08:00) Exploring Aparna's Focus on Moms:

I asked Aparna what led her to specifically support moms. Aparna opens up about her personal journey, sharing a glimpse into her challenging relationship with her own mother during her upbringing. This connection, or rather, disconnection, played a pivotal role in shaping Aparna's perspective. As she delves into her experiences as a toddler teacher, she shares that she began to notice a pattern — the profound impact of parent-child relationships on a child's behavior, development, and stress levels.

The decision to focus on moms stemmed from a profound realization–the multifaceted role moms play in their children's development. She dives into the complexities, acknowledging the tendency for moms to prioritize others, often neglecting their own needs. The struggle to express these needs becomes a common thread among many moms.

(10:58) Aparna's Involvement on working with Dads: Now, you might be wondering if Aparna exclusively works with moms. Well, the answer is no. I had the same question, and Aparna clarified that while her primary focus is on supporting moms, she does work with dads too.

In our conversation, Aparna expressed her openness to supporting fathers who seek guidance on various aspects of parenting. She recognizes the importance of dads in the family dynamic and is willing to lend a helping hand. This inclusivity extends beyond individual coaching sessions. Aparna emphasizes the significance of family systems, acknowledging that a holistic approach involves considering the dynamics between all family members. In her coaching practice, she not only addresses individual needs but also explores how the entire family can thrive collectively.

As we navigate through this discussion, it's evident that Aparna's approach is rooted in empathy and understanding. Her personal journey, combined with her professional experiences, has shaped a coaching model that goes beyond surface-level solutions. Aparna believes in the transformative power of identifying moms' needs, core values, and priorities, ultimately enhancing communication within the family.

(10:24) What is mindfulness

Let's start with the basics - what exactly is mindfulness? According to Aparna, it's all about heart-centered awareness and being present in the moment. For her, it started in her college days, during a tough semester. The calm it brought her was like a breath of fresh air. Here's what she had to say, "I really loved that feeling of calm that came over me, that feeling of presence. And also being in community too.”

Mindfulness, as Aparna describes, is the ticket to being in the moment. It's about connecting with your family, knowing where you're at in life, and waving goodbye to those worries. Aparna's got a nifty trick up her sleeve - a daily reminder on her phone to take five or ten deep breaths. Simple, yet game-changing.

"And the more I'm tuned into that, the less worries come, the less I feel, you know, dread for my day, or stress for my da,” says Aparna.

Now, let's get practical. Aparna drops a strategy bomb on us. She suggests taking those five or ten deep breaths daily. It's not just a suggestion; it's a life hack. Aparna emphasizes, "It's a practice of really having your mind and your body become aware of the times when you need to feel that sense of calm before you become burnt out.”

Here's where I chime in. I can vouch for Aparna's tip. It's deceptively simple but incredibly effective. I shared with her my struggles with consistency, and she agreed, "But when I do things like a very simple and quick mindfulness practice, like just five or 10 deep breaths, man, does it really change the way that I feel in my body?"

And there it is, the clarity we all crave. Aparna acknowledges that it's about follow-through and consistency. But, as she points out, it's about meeting parents where they're at and not adding to their stress. She's all about integrating practical, shorter, and more effective techniques into daily life.

(13:03)

So Aparna specializes in both meditation and deep breathing. Curious about how Aparna found her way into this practice, I asked her. She shared, "I created meditation for myself about seven, eight years ago during this time of transition." It's a personal journey that became a powerful tool for understanding triggers and finding peace amidst life's chaos.

Meditation, as Aparna explains, is not about becoming the perfect, peaceful person you might envision on a serene yoga mat. It's about sitting or lying with your thoughts and emotions, observing them, and learning to let them go. Aparna emphasizes the beauty of sitting with and understanding the waves of life that wash over you. In Aparna's words, "It doesn't have to be with a yoga mat or a meditation cushion, or you have to have an environment that looks really pretty and nice. It's more for you as well too." Remember that, folks—it's about your journey, not Instagram-worthy setups.

Now, let's talk about deep breathing and breathwork. Aparna spills the beans on how this practice is a fantastic tool for tackling stuck emotions, health issues, or grief. Aparna breaks it down brilliantly. Meditation is that still, quiet space where you connect with yourself, while breathwork is more active and intentional, a conscious effort to release what's bubbling up inside you. It's like a dance between stillness and activation.

I couldn't help but share my own experience with Aparna. Meditation can be a challenge, especially for someone with a busy brain like mine. But Aparna, being the guiding light she is, reassured me: "That just means I need more practice and to give myself grace for it being challenging."

For those with ADHD or focus issues, Aparna highlights the effectiveness of breathwork. It's a tool, a proactive and active one at that, providing an alternative for those finding stillness in meditation a tad challenging. She notes that while meditation might take time to develop, breathwork can be an easier entry point for many.

(16:46)

So, I had this heart-to-heart with Aparna, and she laid out the goldmine of benefits that a mindfulness practice can bring into your life. It's not just about personal calm; it's about creating a ripple effect that touches your entire environment.

I asked Aparna to spill the beans on what people can gain by committing to a mindfulness practice. Brace yourselves, because what she shared is nothing short of transformational.

According to Aparna, personally, it brought more calm into her mind and body. The stress levels took a nosedive, and she found herself reacting less to family and setbacks. But it goes beyond personal peace – mindfulness helps you observe, accept, and have more grace and compassion for yourself and others.

In her own words, "It'll help you to not see as many tantrums and meltdowns in life, whether you've got young ones or you've got teens or older children." And guess what? It's not just a personal journey; it extends to your relationships and connections with others.

Then, Aparna shares a practical tip about using deep breathing to help a child going through anxiety. She talks about a client who traced their fingers and practiced deep breathing, turning it into a shared regulation time. As I reflect on my own experiences with my kids, I resonate with how these practices not only aid in the moment but strengthen the parent-child bond.

Aparna emphasizes the trust and confidence built through these practices. It's not just about the exercise; it's about the shared experience and the osmosis effect of regulated emotions. And guess what? This is especially powerful for parents dealing with complex kids – those with ADHD, autism, sensory processing differences. It's about recognizing how you're wired, understanding your child, and building a toolbox that'll help you both navigate the decades to come.

(25:35)

So, my chat with Aparna took an interesting turn when we discussed tools for parents dealing with heightened emotions, especially when parenting complex kids.

“One of the things that most commonly is a challenge for parents of complex kids is being able to regulate their own nervous systems, their own reactivity in the moment of heightened emotion.”

Aparna sets the stage by addressing a universal challenge—parental reactivity. Acknowledging the struggle is the first step, and Aparna offers not just sympathy but tangible tools for those caught in the whirlwind of heightened emotions.

Aparna's Tool #1: Sensory Objects - Stress Ball:"Sometimes it's having a sensory object like a stress ball."

Aparna introduces the concept of sensory objects, emphasizing the need for tangible tools. The stress ball becomes more than a simple object; it's a lifeline, a grounding force for both parents and children in the storm of emotions.

Aparna's Tool #2: Essential Oils and Aromatherapy:"I support others in essential oils and aromatherapy."

Essential oils and aromatherapy emerge as soothing companions in the journey of emotional regulation. Aparna's support for these practices extends beyond mere suggestions; it's an invitation to explore the profound impact of scents on emotional well-being.

Aparna's Tool #3: Physical Gesture - Hand on Heart:"Placing a hand on your heart. I love doing that when I'm doing deep breathing, especially."

The power of physical gestures takes center stage. Placing a hand on the heart becomes a ritual, not just for deep breathing but for reconnecting with oneself. Aparna introduces a simple yet transformative practice to foster self-awareness.

Aparna's Tool #4: Establishing Boundaries with Space:"Taking a step back and telling your child, hey, I'm going to take a moment, I need some space."

Aparna draws from her experience as a toddler teacher to highlight the importance of boundaries. It's not just about physical space; it's about setting healthy boundaries, teaching both parent and child the value of a momentary pause.

Aparna's Tool #5: Physical Gestures - Leaning Back, Eye Contact, Walking Away: "Sometimes just remembering when you're in the midst of, you know, this is really stressing me out that you can lean back."

The nuances of physical gestures become crucial. Aparna suggests leaning back, making eye contact, or even walking away. These actions, seemingly small, hold immense power in diffusing tension and providing clarity in challenging moments. She not only empathetically addresses the societal pressure on parents to be omnipresent. This realization serves as a pivotal moment—an acknowledgment that it's okay to step back, creating a foundation for the upcoming educational insights but also offers a liberating perspective—a gentle reminder that setting personal boundaries isn't a luxury but a necessity. This shift in mindset aligns with the overarching theme of self-compassion and intentional parenting.

(27:06)

Also, Aparna shared valuable insights into the dos and don'ts of mindfulness practices, addressing frequency, duration, and optimal times during the day.

As we explored the do's and don'ts of mindfulness practices, the conversation naturally shifted towards setting ourselves up for success. Aparna shared her valuable insights, and it felt like we were uncovering secrets to creating a balanced and serene life.

Aparna's practical advice centered on the concept of a "calm corner." This isn't just for toddlers; it's a tune-in place for adults, a sanctuary where you can connect with your feelings, regulate yourself, and find peace. She advocated for parents to create this haven not just for themselves but also for their children, fostering a sense of familiarity and tranquility. She also provided practical advice on incorporating mindfulness into daily routines, suggesting morning and bedtime as opportune times. She also addressed the challenges of transitioning from work to home, offering solutions like using noise-canceling headphones and a "do not disturb" sign. The advice extended to parents, reminding them to set healthy boundaries and prioritize self-care without succumbing to guilt. Aparna highlighted the positive impact on parent-child and partner relationships, emphasizing the connection that arises from taking a little time for oneself.Aparna recommended setting reminders on phones and wearing comfortable clothing to reinforce the importance of these moments. She touched on the potential feelings of guilt but stressed the benefits of recharging and sustaining energy.

In Aparna's own words, "I love helping families create some sort of a calm corner." She emphasized the significance of finding a peaceful space, whether it's a dedicated corner or a personal sanctuary within your home. • Towards the end, she discussed the significance of being present and connecting with children and partners, fostering healthier relationships through mindful practices.

(34:20)

Before we wrap up the conversation, we explored insightful deep breathing techniques tailored for various emotional states, including anger, frustration, mental focus, and sleep.

Aparna shared a delightful visualization technique for managing anger and frustration. Imagining holding a dandelion or bubbles, inhaling for four seconds, and exhaling with a whistle sound provided a unique and uplifting approach. We discussed how this simple practice can release pent-up emotions in a healthier way.

The discussion smoothly transitioned to mental focus, where Aparna introduced a sensory technique. By rubbing palms together, placing hands over the nose and mouth, and inhaling essential oils, individuals can enhance mental focus. Aparna emphasized personalization, suggesting oils like frankincense or citrus based on preferences.

For sleep, Aparna outlined a bedtime routine, including dimming lights and creating a calm environment. She detailed a breathing practice with hands on the bed, emphasizing the rhythm of inhaling for four seconds, holding for seven, and exhaling for eight. This practice aims to promote deeper and longer sleep, benefiting those with varied sleep challenges.Aparna's practical advice extended to the use of essential oils for mental focus, offering a free wellness consultation for interested listeners. She encouraged the incorporation of these techniques into daily life, emphasizing the adaptability of the practices based on individual preferences and needs. The bedtime routine for sleep was presented as a short, effective practice, demonstrating its versatility with or without accompanying music. Aparna highlighted the potential benefits for both individuals and children as we explored these techniques, the focus remained on the simplicity and accessibility of incorporating mindfulness into daily routines, creating a toolkit for emotional regulation.

Wrapping up our discussion, Aparna shared a personal aspect of her family life – a love for cooking together. From traditional Indian dishes to festive meals, the family finds joy and connection in preparing and enjoying food. The use of music during these cooking sessions enhances the experience, fostering a present and shared environment.

(43:51)

If you've been nodding along with the insightful conversation we just had with Aparna, you're probably eager to know how to tap into Aparna's expertise, and infuse more mindfulness into your parenting routine, First stop, https://www.beautyinparenting.com. Here, you'll find a free self-care priorities chart that's like your roadmap to scheduling more "me time" and savoring those sweet family victories.

Aparna also offers a six-week parent coaching program, a deep dive into creating a self-care plan, establishing a calm corner, effective communication, and crafting an easy daily routine. This is where expertise meets your unique challenges.

Connect with a vibrant community of parents in Aparna's free Facebook group, "The Sanctuary Self-Care Space." Delve into daily self-care inspiration and participate in occasional challenges focused on incorporating more "me time" into your life. It's a virtual sanctuary where support and ideas flow freely.

For real-time updates and engaging content, follow Aparna on Instagram and Facebook under the handle "@BeautyInIParenting." Engage with her posts, share your experiences, and become part of a community that values your journey. Aparna loves hearing from parents like you and connecting on a deeper level.

A huge shoutout to Aparna for being the fantastic first guest of Season Two on the 3D Parent Podcast. Your insights into self-regulation through mindfulness practices have truly set the tone for an incredible season ahead.

Thank you, Aparna, for sharing your wisdom with us. And to all you wonderful parents, your journey to mindful parenting and self-regulation is just a click away!

Ready to reclaim your mornings from the clutches of chaos? Yes, you read that right. I'm back to talk about morning mayhem again! Episode #6 of Season 1 of the podcast was all about this topic, and here I am again, 84 episodes later, still battling the same beast. But hey, that's the beauty of parenting, right? It's a constant journey of growth and learning, and sometimes we have to revisit the same challenges over and over again.

Why I Chose This Topic (Again!)

There are a few reasons why I felt compelled to bring up morning mayhem once more.

• I'm still in it myself: Let's be honest, mornings can be tough for everyone. But for parents of highly sensitive children or kids with ADHD, anxiety, or other challenges, they can be chronically chaotic.
• Something is in the water: Maybe it's just coincidence, but I've been hearing from a lot of clients lately who are also struggling with mornings. So, I thought it would be helpful to share my own experiences and the strategies I'm using to try to tame the morning beast once again.
• A chance to demonstrate the 3D Parent approach applied to a common challenge: I created the 3D Parent approach as a framework for helping parents navigate the challenges of raising complex children. And what better way to showcase it than by applying it to a real-life problem I'm facing myself?

Dive deep into Episode #90 where I tackle the common challenge of difficult mornings head-on armed with The 3D Parent Approach! You'll discover practical strategies, insightful tips, and a healthy dose of empathy to help you transform your mornings from battlegrounds to blissful beginnings.

READY TO TAKE YOUR PARENTING TO THE NEXT LEVEL?:

**For Coaching Services** If you're looking for personalized guidance and support, consider exploring my parent coaching services. Let's work together to tailor the 3D Parent Approach to your unique parenting journey. CLICK HERE to book a complimentary parent coach consultation call.

**Become a Podcast Guest** Are you ready to share your parenting challenges and triumphs? Become a guest and receive a free parent coaching session on my podcast, CLICK HERE and let's tackle your parenting concerns together. Your experience can inspire and support other parents facing similar struggles.

Are you drowning in the sea of guilt about past parenting choices, or minimizing their impact by saying "I turned out fine"? Stop! Both extremes do your child a disservice. This episode of The 3D Parent Podcast dives deep into the the three phases of Discipline with Dignity: Proactive Discipline, Active Discipline, and Retroactive Discipline. Together, we'll learn how to build a secure connection with your child, navigate challenges together, and set healthy boundaries without resorting to drama. 

Here's what you'll discover on this jam-packed episode:

• Why minimizing past hurts doesn't help: Unhealed wounds can impact your child unconsciously, affecting their emotional development and future relationships.
• The ultimate goal of 3D parenting: Foster authentic maturity, healthy emotional development, and a secure, deeply connected relationship with your child.
• The power of proactive discipline: Get ahead of conflicts by building trust and connection with your child. Learn the "Connect before Direct" strategy and watch those power struggles fade away.
• Setting structures and rules: Establish clear expectations around common areas of conflict, avoiding future frustration.
• Talking through challenges: Prepare your child for situations that might be tricky, reducing anxieties and promoting positive choices.
• Active discipline for tough moments: When your child needs a firm limit, learn the Adaptive Cycle framework and use your authority to help them adapt to frustration with resilience.
• Incident management without parental escalation: No more yelling or threats! Discover "The 3 Do's of Incident Management": 1)Do no harm, 2)Do take charge, and 3) Do circle back later when emotions are calm.
• Retroactive discipline: Repair and reflection: Learn the "Circle Back Conversation" to address past problems, build remorse, and encourage responsibility.

Congratulations, parents! You've completed The 3D Parent Bootcamp. I hope you're feeling inspired and empowered to apply The 3D Parent model in your parenting journey. Remember, you have everything within you to provide what your child needs to grow, mature, and flourish.

READY TO BLOOM IN YOUR PARENTING JOURNEY?

Subscribe to The 3D Parent Podcast and unlock the magic of The 3D Parent Approach. Remember, you are the gardener, your child is the seed, and together you can blossom into a thriving parent-child relationship.

READY TO TAKE YOUR PARENTING TO THE NEXT LEVEL?:

•  For Coaching Services:
  • If you're looking for personalized guidance and support, consider exploring my parent coaching services. Let's work together to tailor the 3D Parent Approach to your unique parenting journey. CLICK HERE to book a complimentary parent coach consultation call.
• Become a Podcast Guest:
  • Are you ready to share your parenting challenges and triumphs? Become a guest and receive a free parent coaching session on my podcast, CLICK HERE and let's tackle your parenting concerns together. Your experience can inspire and support other parents facing similar struggles.

CONNECT WITH ME:

The 3D Parent on Instagram

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EPISODE RESOURCES:

Traffic Circle Graphic

Pam Leo’s book, Connection Parenting

The Neufeld Institute

Tired of yelling, time-outs, and power struggles? You're not alone. Traditional discipline methods often leave both parents and children feeling frustrated, hurt, and disconnected. But what if there was a better way? A way to guide your children towards good behavior while preserving their dignity and nurturing your relationship? 

This episode of The 3D Parent Podcast introduces Discipline with Dignity, a revolutionary approach that redefines discipline as leadership, teaching, and guidance with respect. We'll dive deep into common discipline methods and expose their hidden pitfalls, from the fear-based tactics of yelling and spanking to the emotional manipulation of shaming and guilting.

But this isn't just about what not to do. We'll also equip you with the two essential tools for effective
Discipline with Dignity: your deeply connected relationship with your child and your clear leadership as the "nurturing alpha."

Here's what you'll learn:

• Why traditional discipline methods often backfire and can damage your relationship with your child.
• The true meaning of discipline: to lead, guide, create order, and impart knowledge with respect.
• The two essential tools for Discipline with Dignity: a strong connection and clear leadership.
• Real-world strategies to address common behavioral challenges without resorting to outdated tactics.
• How to embrace your role as the "nurturing alpha" and guide your children with confidence.

Discipline with Dignity is more than a parenting technique; it's a shift in mindset. It's about treating your child with the respect they deserve while still providing the guidance they need to thrive.

Ready to ditch the drama and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship with your child?
Subscribe to The 3D Parent Podcast now and discover the power of Discipline with Dignity!

Bonus: Don't miss Part 2 of this episode, where we'll delve deeper into specific strategies for meeting your child's needs and building a healthy parent-child dynamic!

READY TO TAKE YOUR PARENTING TO THE NEXT LEVEL?:

•  For Coaching Services:
  • If you're looking for personalized guidance and support, consider exploring my parent coaching services. Let's work together to tailor the 3D Parent Approach to your unique parenting journey. CLICK HERE to book a complimentary parent coach consultation call.
• Become a Podcast Guest:
  • Are you ready to share your parenting challenges and triumphs? Become a guest and receive a free parent coaching session on my podcast, CLICK HERE and let's tackle your parenting concerns together. Your experience can inspire and support other parents facing similar struggles.

CONNECT WITH ME:

The 3D Parent on Instagram

The 3D Parent on Facebook

**The 3D Parent Lounge Free Facebook Community**

Are your kids acting out, withdrawing, or just not quite themselves? It might be a sign they're starving for connection. Beyond food and water – a deep, secure bond with you is the greatest need your child has, and it's more crucial for their well-being than you might think. In this episode, I'll dive into the second "D" of The 3D Parent Model: Deep Connection.

You'll discover:

• Why attachment is the secret weapon of emotional health: Maslow had it wrong, folks! This isn't just about basic needs; a secure connection with you paves the way for stronger self-esteem, resilience, and even academic success.
• The 6 stages of attachment: From seeking physical contact as a baby to wanting to share their deepest secrets as a teen--this framework helps you understand your child's evolving needs.
• Is your child's connection cup running empty? Learn to recognize the signs of insecure attachment, from clinginess to withdrawal, and discover what you can do to turn things around.
• Actionable steps to deepen your connection: No more vague advice! I'll give you practical tips for every age, from simple rituals and "special time" to navigating the tricky world of teenage communication. 

This isn't just another parenting podcast. It's a blueprint for building a foundation of love and security that will last a lifetime. So ditch the screens, put down the to-do list, and tune in to the episode that could change everything for your family. More than just parenting tips, this episode is a call to action. It's time to prioritize connection and break the cycle of relational connection starvation that so many children experience. By investing in this crucial bond, you're not just building a stronger relationship, you're contributing to the conditions which will result in a thriving, resilient adult.

Don't wait! Subscribe to The 3D Parent Podcast now and:

• Uncover the secrets of secure attachment and its impact on your child's emotional health.
• Learn practical strategies to deepen your connection at every stage of your child's development.
• Become the nurturing parent your child needs and unlock their full potential.

READY TO TAKE YOUR PARENTING TO THE NEXT LEVEL?:

•  For Coaching Services:
  • If you're looking for personalized guidance and support, consider exploring my parent coaching services. Let's work together to tailor the 3D Parent Approach to your unique parenting journey. CLICK HERE to book a complimentary parent coach consultation call.
• Become a Podcast Guest:
  • Are you ready to share your parenting challenges and triumphs? Become a guest and receive a free parent coaching session on my podcast, CLICK HERE and let's tackle your parenting concerns together. Your experience can inspire and support other parents facing similar struggles.

CONNECT WITH ME:

The 3D Parent on Instagram

The 3D Parent on Facebook

**The 3D Parent Lounge Free Facebook Community**

In this eye-opening episode, I guide you through the art of asking the RIGHT questions in parenting. In the fast-paced world of parenting, it's easy to get lost. The concept of "Parenting with Direction" emphasizes the significance of cultivating curiosity about oneself, one's child, and the parent-child relationship. This curiosity acts as a compass, guiding parents through the intricate journey of understanding their child and their parenting challenges.

The importance of asking the right questions cannot be overstated. Many parents instinctively ask, "What should I do when my kid does _____?" when faced with challenging behaviors. Redirecting this focus towards decoding behaviors and understanding the root cause sets the stage for a more effective parenting strategy. In this episode, I will guide you through decoding behaviors. Decoding behaviors is not about controlling them but understanding their origins. By asking critical questions – Is it me? Is it my child? Is it us? – parents begin to unravel the complexities of their child's behavior. This process is foundational to becoming the true expert on their unique child.

Points we discuss include:
● Introduction to 3D Parent Approach: Parenting with Direction
● Asking the Right Questions
● Emotional Maturity and Development
● Assessing for Behavioral Challenges
● Parenting with Directional Focus

READY TO TAKE YOUR PARENTING TO THE NEXT LEVEL?:

•  For Coaching Services:
  • If you're looking for personalized guidance and support, consider exploring my parent coaching services. Let's work together to tailor the 3D Parent Approach to your unique parenting journey. CLICK HERE to book a complimentary parent coach consultation call.
• Become a Podcast Guest:
  • Are you ready to share your parenting challenges and triumphs? Become a guest and receive a free parent coaching session on my podcast, CLICK HERE and let's tackle your parenting concerns together. Your experience can inspire and support other parents facing similar struggles. 

CONNECT WITH ME:

The 3D Parent on Instagram

The 3D Parent on Facebook

**The 3D Parent Lounge Free Facebook Community**

Get ready to unearth the secrets of becoming Nurturing Alpha parent on our latest episode! This episode of The 3D Parent Podcast introduces the concept of parenting like a gardener inspired by developmentalism rather than outdated behaviorism, AKA sculptor parenting.

Forget rewards and punishments, coercion and control. Instead, foster a fertile environment where your child can naturally blossom into their most authentic self. We'll explore:

• The Gardener vs. Sculptor: Why shaping behaviors often backfires, and how focusing on fostering growth leads to genuine maturity.
• Decoding Behavior: Understand the "why" behind your child's actions, instead of getting stuck in the "what."
• Building Secure Attachments: Discover the power of connection and empathy in shaping positive parent-child relationships.
• Overcoming Common Barriers: Learn to manage your own emotional regulation, set healthy boundaries, and build confidence as a parent.

Stop trying to control and start nurturing. Become the guide, the supporter, the safe haven that allows your child to unfold their unique potential. Ready to ditch the drama and cultivate a thriving relationship with your child? Subscribe to The 3D Parent Podcast now and discover the transformative power of the Nurturing Alpha approach.

Bonus: In the next episode, we'll dive deep into the first "D" of 3D Parenting: Direction. Learn how to guide your child with clarity and empathy, without resorting to manipulation or control.

READY TO TAKE YOUR PARENTING TO THE NEXT LEVEL?:

•  For Coaching Services:
  • If you're looking for personalized guidance and support, consider exploring my parent coaching services. Let's work together to tailor the 3D Parent Approach to your unique parenting journey. CLICK HERE to book a complimentary parent coach consultation call.
• Become a Podcast Guest:
  • Are you ready to share your parenting challenges and triumphs? Become a guest and receive a free parent coaching session on my podcast, CLICK HERE and let's tackle your parenting concerns together. Your experience can inspire and support other parents facing similar struggles.

CONNECT WITH ME:

The 3D Parent on Instagram

The 3D Parent on Facebook

**The 3D Parent Lounge Free Facebook Community**

EPISODE RESOURCES:
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Dr. Lindsay Gibson

Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown

Hold Onto Your Kids by Dr. Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate 

Description:

Does your child drag their feet when it's time to hit the books or complete chores? Or do you ever find yourself scratching your head, wondering how to get them out of bed in the morning or to convince them to maintain basic hygiene habits? Whatever the case, motivation isn't always easy, even for adults. We all have moments when we struggle to find the drive to tackle certain tasks. So how can we make sense of this challenge when it arises in our children? That's precisely what we're going to uncover today! 

In this episode, we'll explore the various factors that can contribute to a child's lack of motivation. From neurodivergent conditions like ADHD and autism to social challenges, learning disabilities, and even mental health issues like anxiety and depression.

But more importantly, we'll discuss:

• The pitfalls of lecturing, shaming, minimizing the child's struggles, and engaging in power struggles.
• Understanding the concept of neuroplasticity and how positive thoughts and beliefs can wire the brain for positivity.
• The importance of deep connections between parents and children and how we can use this connection to foster a sense of purpose, and empower children to find their own solutions.
• Introducing the concept of a Motivation Menu as a tool to enhance motivation, energy, and focus by incorporating activities that stimulate the release of dopamine.

Let's dive in and discover how we can help our children unlock their potential and embrace a more motivated approach to life. Tune in to learn how you can make a positive difference in your child's journey toward greater motivation and fulfillment.

READY TO TAKE YOUR PARENTING TO THE NEXT LEVEL?

For 3D Parent Coaching Services:

• If you're looking for personalized guidance and support, consider exploring my parent coaching services. Let's work together to tailor the 3D Parent Approach to your unique parenting journey. CLICK HERE to book a complimentary parent coach consultation call.
• Interested in Receiving 2 Free Parent Coaching Sessions? Become a Parent Coaching Guest on the podcast and receive 2 free parent coaching sessions, one to be recorded on my podcast and one private follow-up session to check in and see how implementing the coaching strategies is going for you and your family. CLICK HERE to contact me about this opportunity and let's tackle your parenting concerns together. Your experience can inspire and support other parents facing similar struggles.

CONNECT WITH ME:

• The 3D Parent on Instagram
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• JOIN: The 3D Parent Lounge Private Facebook Group

Episode Resources:

 ***CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD YOUR MOTIVATION MENU COPY***

Article: https://drsandygluckman.com/why-your-child-is-unmotivated-and-what-to-do-about-it/

Jessica McCabe Video:  “How to Give Your Brain the Stimulation it Needs”.

Article: https://www.parentingforbrain.com/how-to-get-kids-to-do-chores/

Article: https://www.edutopia.org/article/reframing-rewire-student-brains/#:~:text=Neuroplasticity%20is%20how%20our%20nervous,well%2Dbeing%20in%20all%20moments.

Article: https://www.edutopia.org/article/reframing-rewire-student-brains/#

SHOWNOTES:

In this episode of the 3D Parent podcast, we're going to delve into this common challenge, exploring the various reasons why children may struggle with motivation and, most importantly, what we can do to support them.

Before we jump into solutions, let's remember that struggling with motivation is a common issue, and it doesn't mean that your child is destined for a lifetime of apathy. By understanding the root causes and implementing some practical tips, we can help ignite that spark of motivation within them.

So, why might your child be lacking motivation? Well, there are several factors to consider. Firstly, it could be something inherent to their individual makeup. Conditions like ADHD, autism, anxiety, or depression can all play a significant role in how motivated a child feels. These conditions can affect their ability to focus, regulate emotions, or perceive tasks as overwhelming.

Now, let's roll up our sleeves and get down to business. When it comes to understanding why children struggle with motivation, it's essential to adopt a multidimensional perspective. Here at the 3D Parent podcast, we like to break it down into three key questions, starting with our own children.

1. Is it my child?
The first question we need to ask ourselves is, "Is it my child?" Sometimes, what we perceive as a lack of motivation in our children may actually be rooted in underlying issues such as ADHD, anxiety, depression, or learning disabilities. These challenges can significantly impact a child's ability to stay focused and engaged, making it essential for us to observe and assess any potential barriers hindering their motivation.

Additionally, factors like self-esteem, frustration tolerance, and boredom threshold can also influence a child's motivation levels. Children who struggle with low self-esteem may doubt their abilities and feel discouraged from even attempting tasks, while those with a low frustration tolerance may give up easily when faced with challenges. Similarly, children with a low boredom threshold may resist activities that don't immediately captivate their interest.

2. Is it me?
The next question we need to consider is, "Is it me?" Sometimes, our own expectations as parents can inadvertently contribute to our children's perceived lack of motivation. We may place undue pressure on them to excel academically or perform exceptionally in extracurricular activities, without considering their individual interests and priorities. It's essential to align our expectations with our children's goals and aspirations, fostering a supportive environment where they feel empowered to pursue their passions on their terms.

Furthermore, our own ability to manage frustration and stress can also impact our children's motivation levels. If we find ourselves focusing on our children's apparent lack of motivation as a way to avoid addressing our own sources of stress or frustration, it's essential to engage in some introspection and work on managing our own expectations. By modeling resilience and flexibility, we can create a positive atmosphere where our children feel encouraged to explore their interests and take ownership of their goals.

3. Is it us? 

Lastly, we need to ask ourselves, "Is it us?" Sometimes, our children's resistance to certain tasks may stem from a desire for autonomy and independence. They may feel stifled by our attempts to control or micromanage their actions, leading to a sense of rebellion rather than genuine motivation.

Now, let's talk solutions.

So, let's say you've done your homework and identified that, yes, your child is struggling with motivation. What's next? Well, first things first, let's talk about what NOT to do.

Avoid lecturing or shaming your child for their lack of motivation. This only serves to shut them down further and damage your relationship with them. Instead, validate their feelings and offer support and understanding.

Avoid fighting over tasks or minimizing their struggle. Recognize that we all have different strengths and weaknesses, and it's okay for your child to find certain things challenging.

Avoid rescuing your child from their struggles or over-accommodating. Let them experience the natural consequences of their actions (or lack thereof), as this can be a powerful motivator for change.

And finally,

Avoid relying too heavily on external rewards or punishments to motivate your child. While these tactics may work in the short term, they can hinder the development of intrinsic motivation in the long run.

Now that we've covered what to avoid, let's talk about what you CAN do to support your child.

• Seek Professional Help: If you suspect that your child's lack of motivation may be due to underlying issues such as ADHD, learning disabilities, or mental health struggles, don't hesitate to seek professional help. Early intervention and support can make all the difference in helping your child overcome these challenges. If your child's motivation struggles are impacting their performance at school, don't hesitate to reach out to teachers, school counselors, or resource support specialists. 
• Address Self-Esteem: Focus on helping your child build self-esteem and a positive mindset. Encourage them to set achievable goals and work towards them. Celebrate their successes, no matter how small, and remind them of their strengths and abilities.

• Introduce Neuroplasticity: This fascinating area of neuroscience teaches us that our brains are capable of change and growth throughout our lives. Teach your child to the concept of neuroplasticity to help them understand how their thoughts shape their reality.

• Utilize Positive Reinforcements Sparingly: Extrinsic motivators like sticker charts and rewards can be effective in the short term but may not foster long-term intrinsic motivation. Use them strategically for specific tasks or goals but focus on building internal motivation over time.

• Building Intrinsic Motivation Through Relationships: Deepening your connection with your child can be a powerful motivator in itself. By nurturing a strong bond, you can instill a sense of responsibility and altruism that drives your child to take action out of love and care.

• Embracing Body Doubling: Body doubling, or doing tasks together with your child, can make daunting tasks feel more manageable. Whether it's tackling chores or homework, being present and supportive can help motivate your child to get things done.

• Empowering Your Child: Finally, empower your child to find their solutions by creating a "motivation menu." Encourage them to identify activities or tasks they enjoy and use them as rewards or incentives for completing less desirable tasks. By giving them a sense of autonomy and control, you can tap into their natural motivation and drive.

 

So, what exactly is a motivation menu? Before we dig into the details, let's give credit where credit is due. This brilliant concept was inspired by none other than Jessica McCabe, the powerhouse behind "How to ADHD."

Think of it as a toolbox filled with activities carefully curated to boost dopamine levels—the neurotransmitter responsible for pleasure and reward. By incorporating dopamine-boosting activities into your child's routine, you can enhance their mood, increase their motivation, and improve their overall well-being.

Categories of the Motivation Menu:

Think of the motivation menu as a four-course feast for your child's brain, with each category offering a unique flavor of motivation. Here's how it breaks down:

• Appetizers: Quick, five-minute mood boosters designed to kickstart your child's motivation. Think jumping jacks, breathing exercises, or a fun word puzzle.
• Entrees: Longer activities that your child loves but take more time. This could include playing an instrument, gardening, or building a Lego masterpiece.
• Sides: Accompaniments to boring tasks that make them more bearable. Fidget toys, background music, or even a virtual study buddy via video chat.
• Desserts: Occasional indulgences that provide a dopamine hit but require moderation. Screen time, social media scrolling, or watching YouTube videos.
  

Creating Your Child's Motivation Menu:

Now that you understand the categories, it's time to get creative and brainstorm activities with your child. Think about what brings them joy, what energizes them, and what helps them focus. Encourage them to come up with a diverse range of options to keep things interesting.

Once you've compiled your list, organize the activities into their respective categories and voila, you've got yourself a motivation menu! But how do you actually use it to motivate your child? Let's walk through a couple of examples to illustrate this process.

Using the Motivation Menu in Action:

Imagine your child is facing the daunting task of folding laundry, a chore that's been looming over them for days. Instead of nagging or bribing, you turn to the motivation menu for inspiration. Start by assessing your child's mood and energy levels, then help them choose an appetizer to boost their motivation.

Maybe it's a quick dance party to their favorite song or a five-minute drawing session. Once they've got that dopamine flowing, they can tackle the task with renewed energy. And don't forget to reward them with an enticing entree or dessert once they've completed the chore.

In another scenario, let's say your child needs to memorize lines for a school play but feels overwhelmed and anxious. By incorporating activities from their motivation menu, such as tidying their room or listening to music, you can help them shift their mindset and approach the task with confidence.

As you implement the motivation menu, remember to schedule regular breaks to recharge and refocus your child's energy. Encourage them to use desserts sparingly and prioritize activities that promote balance and well-being.

And here's a little gift for you: a downloadable motivation menu packet in the show notes! This handy resource includes a blank template for creating your child's menu, along with sample activities to get you started! So gather 'round the table, whip up some motivation, and let's feast on the delicious rewards of a job well done! Thanks for tuning in, and until next time!  

In this episode of the 3D Parent Podcast, I’m introducing a unique model for parenting I call the 3D Parent Approach. The 3D Parent Approach is NOT your typical one-size-fits-all parenting strategy. You won't find quick tips, tricks, or overly-simplified solutions here that only leave you and your child more frustrated. We're skipping the coercion, manipulation, fear, or any discipline practices that damage the precious parent-child relationship. The 3D Parent Approach is a breath of fresh air—an empathetic, holistic approach informed by the research in developmental psychology, attachment theory, and neuroscience. It's a paradigm-shift away from mainstream parenting strategies that often fall short, and towards a connection-based, intuitive approach. Points I discuss include:

• What the 3D Parent Approach is NOT
• What the 3D Parent Approach IS
• Components of the 3D Parent Approach (the 3Ds + 1P)
• My Personal Reflections and Journey

Basically, I'm pulling back the curtain and introducing you to The 3D Parent Approach—a simplified model specially crafted for the superheroes among us, the parents of complex kids. This isn't about mere survival; it's about thriving in the rollercoaster ride of parenting.

 Ready to Take Parenting to the Next Level?

•  For Coaching Services:
  • If you're looking for personalized guidance and support, consider exploring my parent coaching services. Let's work together to tailor the 3D Parent Approach to your unique parenting journey. CLICK HERE to book a complimentary parent coach consultation call.
• Become a Podcast Guest:
  • Are you ready to share your parenting challenges and triumphs? Become a guest on my podcast, CLICK HERE and let's tackle your parenting concerns together. Your experience can inspire and support other parents facing similar struggles.

Before we wrap up this heart-to-heart, I want to extend the deepest gratitude to each and every one of you. Your excitement and warm welcome upon my return after a bit of a hiatus have been nothing short of overwhelming. It warms my heart to know that you've been eagerly tuning in, listening to all the episodes, and sharing your thoughts. As we embark on this new chapter, I can't contain my enthusiasm for our weekly rendezvous through the podcast. I'm thrilled to be back, and I can't wait to share more insights, stories, and laughter with you every Sunday. Your presence and involvement make this journey all the more special. I'm genuinely excited to speak with you all again, week after week, as we navigate the beautiful chaos of parenting together! Until next time, sending you all the positive vibes and parenting strength. Take care, and see you soon!

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This is our big announcement. Season 2 is on the way. Hear all about what I have planned on The 3D Parent Podcast, launching January 14th, 2024!

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“Parents, your job is not done yet. Your role has changed but it’s not done.”

This week on the 3D Parent Podcast, I’m going to share my insight and top tips with you on how you can navigate the tween:teen transition within your child. This is a period of time where many parents can find themselves uncertain or unclear on how to approach the shifts happening in their children’s behavior. I want to share my top seven tips that I found useful as I was navigating this transition with my own children.

We will go over topics such as: 

• My top seven tips to navigate the tween:teen parenting transition.
• The importance of space and understanding as your child expresses new behaviors and ways of communicating.
• How you can empower your child rather than enable.

Navigating the tween:teen parenting transition is far from easy. I know when I experienced this phase within my two children, I found myself quite uncomfortable at first. Know that it’s normal and you will get through this transition. Parents, remember, your job is not done yet. Your role may have changed, but your job is far from over.

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share it your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent 

Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode? I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here! 

Grab your free copy of the 10 Steps To Get Back in Control of Your Children here!

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In this episode of the 3D Parent Podcast, I’m discussing the uneven distribution of emotional and mental labor and how this impacts parenting partnerships. Emotional and mental labor is the work required for both logistical and psychological aspects of families. It doesn’t usually affect marriage partnerships until after couples have children. And the sad truth is that typically, one person in a marriage is doing the majority of the work. In heterosexual couples, it’s usually women. In the episode, I’ll illustrate what this unequal division looks like and how it can impact your family.

Points we discuss include:

• Examples of emotional and mental labor
• Who takes on the work
• The impacts of the unequal distribution of labor
• What to do about it

Carrying the majority of mental and emotional labor for your family is exhausting, but the first step to changing it is awareness of it. I encourage you to talk about this issue and share this episode with people you care about to get the discussion going. I hope that this episode validates your experience and gives you some tools for starting to shift the unequal balance.

I’ll see you back here after the summer break! Stay tuned for some exciting and fresh content in August. Have a great summer vacation.

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share it your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent 

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EPISODE RESOURCES: 

The Bulk of Emotional Labor Falls on Moms

Moms Do More Invisible Labor

The Hidden Load

In this episode of the 3D Parent Podcast, we are talking about sleep-away camp and whether or not your child should go. This can be a wonderful opportunity for your child to grow in maturity and independence, make new friends, and just have an incredibly fun summer experience. Today, I’ll guide you through some things to consider as you decide whether attending a sleep-away camp would be a good option for your child. 

Points we discuss include:

• Possible benefits of sleep-away camp
• How to prepare your child for camp
• How to help your child hold onto your connection when you are apart
• Post-camp “re-entry”

Sleep-away camp can be an invaluable experience for children. They have the opportunity to make memories and friendships that last a lifetime. However, your child may not be ready for it yet, or it may not ever be a good fit for them. You have to find the opportunity that’s best for you and your family. I hope this episode helps you take the necessary steps to make this decision.

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Schedule a free parent coach consultation/interest call! 

 

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EPISODE RESOURCES: 

Homesick and Happy: How Time Away from Parents Can Help a Child Grow

In this episode of The 3D Parent Podcast, I’m talking about why kids don’t listen to their parents. This is an issue I hear many parents talk about in my coaching practice, and I also have personal experience with this issue as a mother of four children. Parents often assume that kids don’t listen because they are being disrespectful or lack discipline. But it’s actually an issue with how parents communicate. 

Points we’ll discuss include:

• The reasons children don’t listen
• How parents can fix the issue

We all would love our children to do what we say just because we are the parent. But it doesn’t work like that. And ask yourself: do you like to be ordered, threatened, punished, or lectured? Neither do your kids! A relationship-focused approach to communicating with your kids is always better and sets them up for respectful communication with others in the future.

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EPISODE RESOURCES: 

How to Get Your Child to LISTEN!

10 Reasons Your Kids Don’t Listen to You

In this episode of The 3D Parent Podcast, I’m discussing the difference between natural and imposed consequences and how they affect our children’s behavior. All parents want their children to grow into true maturity and take responsibility for their actions. The traditional methods of issuing rewards and punishments may seem to work, but it ultimately backfires. In the episode, I’ll talk about how to use natural consequences and our relationship with our child to help them grow and learn from mistakes. 

 

Points we discuss include:

• The difference between natural and imposed consequences
• The problem with imposed consequences
• Using natural consequences to our advantage
• How our connection with children influences their behavior

I hope you'll think a little bit more about the use of both natural and imposed consequences and how they affect your children. When your children make a mistake, I invite you to take a step back and get to the reason why the mistake was made in the first place. Instead of jumping right into issuing an imposed consequence, take a step back and see if you could figure out the root of the behavior. Perhaps nature can teach the lesson through a natural consequence, and you can see if you can help your children come up with their own solution in a way to make things right in the future.

In this episode of The 3D Parent Podcast, I’m sharing the surprising benefits of pet ownership for children. Taking care of animals can help children develop responsibility, empathy, and motivation. It can be wonderful for both their physical and emotional health. 

 

Points we discuss include:

• How pet ownership helps children develop into maturity
• The ways animals can help regulate emotions
• Points to consider before bringing animals into your family

 

While pet ownership is a big responsibility, it can bring so much joy into the lives of children. Should you decide to dive into pet ownership, you might discover and experience all the hidden benefits a pet can provide for your child and find a new way to connect as a family through your pet(s).

 

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share it your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent 

 

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EPISODE RESOURCES:

25 Benefits for Kids Growing Up with Pets

How Pets Can Help Children with Mental Health and Development

The Best Pets for Kids at Each Age

12 Best Pets for Kids

13 Low Maintenance Pets for Kids

Episode 19: The Power and Importance of Play

Episode 23: Parenting the Highly Sensitive “Orchid” Child

Episode 42: Parenting Dominant “Alpha” Children

Episode 47: Encouraging Empathy in Children

Episode 50: Parenting an Anxious Child

Episode 70: How to Help the Child who Bullies

In this episode of The 3D Parent Podcast, I’m focusing on finding the best school fit for highly sensitive children. Typical or traditional school environments can often be highly overwhelming and even wounding for highly sensitive children. An overly stimulating classroom can cause high alarm for children with this temperament. Today we will examine the unique needs of children who are highly sensitive and discuss how to make the best decision for your child and your family.

 

Points we will discuss include:

• How traditional school environments affect highly sensitive children
• Special considerations for the schooling environment of highly sensitive children
• How to know if your current school environment is working or if it’s time for a change

If you have a highly sensitive child and a typical school environment seems like it is not a good fit for your kid or is not working, you may be right. Realize that you may need to go down a different path than you anticipated or change your child’s world if it is not working. And remember that what’s needed now will not necessarily be what is needed forever. Trust yourself to make the best decision for your child and your family. 

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EPISODE RESOURCES:

Episode 23: Parenting the Highly Sensitive “Orchid” Child

The Perfect School for Highly Sensitive Children Article

 

“Time-outs use your relationship as something that can be given and then taken away; it makes your relationship with your child conditional.”

Time-outs are a widely utilized parenting technique. A time-out is a punitive consequence used to “teach a lesson” to a child. While this technique is popular and recommended by many professionals, there is evidence that time-outs do much harm and very little good for the parent-child relationship. That’s why in this episode of The 3D Parent Podcast, I will share why time-outs are problematic and suggest ways to discipline without using time-outs.

Points we will discuss include:

• Why time-outs are so widely used
• How time-outs can strain the parent-child relationship
• Alternative strategies to using time-outs

Discipline choices either contribute or detract from the conditions which are optimal for growth, maturation, and the development of self-control. You cannot force maturity through time-outs. In fact, you may even stall true maturation and make it more difficult to have the power to influence your child through your deep connection. 

Perhaps it is the time-out itself which needs a time-out! I hope that you will think twice before giving a time-out and try a connecting strategy instead.

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share it your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent 

 

Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode? I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here! 

 

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EPISODE RESOURCES:

The Trouble with Time-outs article by Deborah Macnamara

DESCRIPTION:
Welcome back to another episode of our podcast, And I'm thrilled to have Sarah Moore back with us, an expert in conscious parenting, founder of Dandelion Seeds Positive Parenting, and author of "Peaceful Discipline: Story Teaching, Brain Science & Better Behavior." If you're tuning in again, you might remember Sarah from a fantastic chat we had a while back about fostering healthy sleep habits for our kids. That was Episode 72, in case you're feeling nostalgic and want to give it another listen.

Now, I'm super excited to bring Sarah back on board for another riveting discussion, this time diving into the gifts of highly sensitive children.

Points we will discuss:
• Why people tend to have a negative view of high sensitivity
• The positive aspects of sensitivity
• Some of the mistakes parents make when they have a sensitive child
• How parents can nurture the gifts that come with high sensitivity

If you're intrigued by our discussion and want to learn more about supporting highly sensitive children, be sure to tune in to the full episode with Sarah Moore. And don't forget to check out her book, "Peaceful Discipline: Story Teaching, Brain Science & Better Behavior," for valuable insights and strategies.

Do you have a highly sensitive child? Take the quiz to find out!

https://www.the3dparent.com/quiz

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Episode Resources:

Sarah’s Book: Peaceful Discipline: Story Teaching, Brain Science & Better Behavior

Get exclusive discounts to Sarah’s  programs: Dandelion Seeds Positive Parenting - Dandelion Seeds Positive Parenting

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Threads: Sarah R. Moore 🌟 Author & Conscious Parenting Trainer...


SHOWNOTES:

Remember when Sarah and I delved into sustainable sleep habits for kids in episode 72? Well, this time around, Sarah and I are back to tackle another essential parenting topic: highly sensitive children and their incredible gifts.

Now, as I relaunched the podcast, I knew I wanted Sarah back to explore another parenting topic. When I asked her what she was passionate about discussing, she suggested diving into the world of highly sensitive children and their parents. And guess what? I was all in! 

Like many of us, Sarah's upbringing was shaped by a highly sensitive parent—her single mom. Growing up in that environment, Sarah not only inherited her mother's sensitivity but also witnessed firsthand the challenges and strengths it brought.

Why do people tend to have a negative view of high sensitivity?

In my recent conversation with Sarah, she shed some light on why people tend to have a negative view of high sensitivity. Sara’s perspective is that part of the problem lies in the misconception that all sensitivity is the same. She continued by sharing that there are two distinct types: highly sensitive and hypersensitive. And understanding the difference is key to shifting the narrative around high sensitivity.

Sarah mentioned that highly sensitive children possess a temperament trait that they're born with. It's not something they can change any more than they can change their eye color or their natural inclination to be introverted or extroverted. This sensitivity is measurable on brain scans and is simply part of who they are. On the other hand, hypersensitivity is an adaptive behavior, often stemming from a lack of emotional support and validation during childhood. These are the children who believe they have to exhibit big, dramatic behaviors just to get noticed. They may have learned that they aren’t safe or valued unless they express themselves  in extreme ways.

And here's where the misconception arises—people tend to lump all sensitive behaviors into one category, assuming that every sensitive child is hypersensitive. But that couldn't be further from the truth. Highly sensitive children may indeed have big feelings, but it's not the same as consistently exhibiting negative behaviors as a result of learned hypersensitivity.

So, why does this distinction matter? Well, it shapes how we approach and support these children. Highly sensitive children thrive in environments that validate and nurture their sensitivity, whereas hypersensitive children may require additional support to unlearn negative behaviors and build healthier coping mechanisms.

Are there positive aspects of sensitivity? If so, what are they?

I kicked off this part of the discussion by acknowledging the common tendency to view high sensitivity through a lens of struggle and difficulty, particularly from a parenting standpoint. When parents seek guidance, it's often because they're grappling with how to navigate their child's unique temperament within a world that may not readily accommodate it. But, as I emphasized, it's essential to shift the narrative away from labeling traits as inherently positive or negative. Instead, explore the multifaceted gifts that high sensitivity brings to the table.

Sarah emphasized that just as we don't categorize emotions as strictly positive or negative, the same principle applies to high sensitivity. Instead, she suggests looking at the unique strengths and gifts that come with it. Among these gifts are:

• Empathy: Highly sensitive children often display an exceptional capacity for empathy, extending beyond their years. They deeply understand and care about the feelings and needs of others, demonstrating compassion from a young age.
• Creativity: Many highly sensitive children are naturally inclined towards creativity, excelling in artistic pursuits such as music, dance, and visual arts.
• Compassion: Tied closely to empathy, these children show a heightened sensitivity to the suffering of others, both humans and animals, and are driven to alleviate it.
• Intuition: Highly sensitive children possess a strong intuition, often making wise decisions based on gut feelings. This intuition can extend beyond conventional understanding, leading to insights that seem almost supernatural.
• Detail-oriented: They are keen observers, noticing subtleties and nuances that others might overlook. This attention to detail fosters a deeper understanding of the world around them.
• Deep thinkers: Highly sensitive children tend to ponder complex issues from a young age, grappling with moral questions and societal injustices. Their introspective nature often leads to profound insights and convictions.
• Leadership with empathy: Empathetic leadership, a rare but invaluable trait, is often found in highly sensitive individuals. These leaders prioritize compassion and understanding, fostering inclusive and supportive environments.

Sarah adds another layer to the discussion by highlighting the importance of nurturing highly sensitive children's ability to trust themselves. When empowered to trust their intuition and inner wisdom, these children develop a strong sense of self-confidence and authenticity. They become adept at navigating life's challenges with grace and resilience, unafraid to stand up for what they believe in.

However, Sarah also offers a word of caution to parents and caregivers.  While the capacity for deep empathy and connection is indeed a gift, it can also leave highly sensitive individuals vulnerable to exploitation or burnout if boundaries are not established. Teaching children discernment is crucial, ensuring they invest their emotional energy in relationships that are mutually supportive and healthy.

Understanding and celebrating the gifts of highly sensitive children is essential for their healthy development. By recognizing their unique strengths and nurturing their self-trust, caregivers can empower these children to thrive in a world that may not always understand them. Through empathy, creativity, intuition, and compassionate leadership, highly sensitive individuals have the potential to make profound contributions to society while cultivating rich, fulfilling relationships along the way.

Understanding the unique needs and common parenting mistakes with highly sensitive children: 

Highly sensitive children experience emotions in a big way. Think of it like turning up the volume on your feelings. The highs are higher—the joy, the connection, the happiness—they're all dialed up a notch. But, on the flip side, the lows can feel more intense too. Anger, grief, frustration—they're all part of the package.

Now, as parents, it's crucial that we create a safe space for our children to express these emotions. Rather than dismissing or minimizing their feelings, we need to validate them. This is their reality, and by accepting and acknowledging their emotions, we help them feel heard and understood.

One of the key traits of highly sensitive children is their incredible capacity for empathy. Even at a young age, they're attuned to the emotions of others, often picking up on subtle cues that others might miss. I remember Sarah sharing a story about her own daughter noticing the emotions of strangers in a store. It's moments like these that highlight just how emotionally in tune these children can be.

But here's the thing—high sensitivity isn't just about emotions. It's also about how these children experience the world around them. While they may not always have sensory issues like sensitivity to tags on clothes or loud noises, in general, they are more sensitive to their environment. So, if your highly sensitive child asks you to turn down the music or complains about bright lights, it's not just them being difficult—it's them genuinely feeling overwhelmed by their surroundings.

Also, highly sensitive children come in all shapes and sizes. Some might be introverted, while others are extroverted. But regardless of their personality, they're all taking in more of the world around them than the average person. It's like their senses are turned up to full blast, and it's up to us as parents to help them navigate this sensory-rich world with grace and understanding.

How can parents nurture the gifts that come with high sensitivity?

When our highly sensitive children express themselves through big emotions, Sarah urges us to become detectives of the heart, seeking to understand what lies beneath the surface. What are they feeling? What do they need from us in the moment? By asking these questions and truly listening to our children, we open the door to meaningful connections and opportunities to support.

However, Sarah also warns against the pitfall of becoming the “fixer” of all our children's problems. She recognizes the importance of allowing our children to experience discomfort and disappointment, knowing that it's through these struggles that resilience is built. Instead of rushing to solve every challenge, Sarah encourages us to show up fully for our children, offering unwavering support while also empowering them to find their own solutions. One of the most poignant aspects of Sarah's message is her emphasis on “being-the-calm in our children's storms.” She acknowledges that it's natural to be affected by our children's intense emotions, but she challenges us to see it as an opportunity to model healthy coping mechanisms.

Wow, what an enlightening discussion we've had today with Sarah on The 3D Parent Podcast! I want to extend a heartfelt thank you to Sarah for her incredible contribution and encourage you listeners to keep exploring, keep learning, and keep nurturing the beautiful gifts of your highly sensitive children. Take care, and we'll catch you on the next episode of the 3D Parent Podcast!

“Most problematic behaviors are driven by an unmet need. So the question is not what to do, but rather, what’s the cause?”

In this episode of The 3D Parent Podcast, I’m focusing on one of the most common questions I get in my coaching practice. Many parents ask how they should respond to particular behaviors of their children. They ask, “What should I do when my child behaves like…” I can tell in their questioning that they are looking for a tool, trick, or fitting punishment/consequence to match and solve the behavior. However, what they should be asking instead is, “What is driving this behavior?” When parents can name the cause of the behavior, then they will realize they know how to respond.

Points we will discuss include:

• Six essential needs our children have
• What it looks like when these needs are met and unmet
• How to determine and respond to our children’s needs 

Parents, remember that it’s not about “what to do when…” That’s the wrong question. Asking that question is causing you to lose your sense of intuition and direction. Instead, it’s about asking what unmet need is driving the behavior. I invite you to put on your 3D Parent lens and determine what unmet need is causing the behavior and then provide the answer by meeting the need.

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share it your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent 

 

Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode? I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here! 

 

Schedule a free parent coach consultation/interest call! 

 

CONNECT WITH THE 3D PARENT:

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EPISODE RESOURCES:

Episode 19: The Power and Importance of Play

The Science of Emotion Course

Discipline without Distress Book

Empowering Communication Booklet

In this special episode of The 3D Parent Podcast, I’m giving a live coaching session of myself working with a parent on a specific challenge they are facing. We’ll dive into the history and causes of the problem, as well as discuss potential solutions using the 3D Parent approach. I am joined today by Lauren, a mom of an 18-month-old boy, Baby J. Baby J is a spirited and adventurous little boy, but he sometimes has outbursts of emotional aggression. In the episode, I discuss with Lauren how she can help Baby J better express his emotions.

 

In the episode, we discuss:

• Emotional frustration in young children
• Spirited and sensitive temperaments
• Ways to deal handle emotional aggression

 

Emotional aggression is a common issue, especially in young children who don’t have full language acquisition yet. Understanding the root of their frustrations and learning to help them express their emotions is very helpful in managing their outbursts.

 

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share it your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent 

 

Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode? I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here! 

 

Schedule a free parent coach consultation/interest call! 

 

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Today’s episode of The 3D Parent Podcast is based on a question-- “What makes a good parent?” I recently learned that the number one searched question on the internet when it comes to parenting is “how to be a good parent.” I’m really curious how we define good parenting and how we judge whether we are or aren’t good parents. In today’s episode, I want to define what makes a good parent and hopefully provide you with some relief that you are, despite your challenges, a good parent. 

 

Some points we’ll discuss include:

• What makes a good parent (and who defines this)
• Embracing real-life “non-Instagrammable” moments
• How to end perfectionism and trust yourself 

 

If you’ve googled “how to be a good parent,” please know that I am 100% confident that you already are. Stop worrying about how you or your kids compare and measure up, and remember that parenting is a journey to embark upon, not a race to be won. That journey is sure to come with many twists and turns, complications, and surprises. So trust that journey, and trust yourself. 

 

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share it your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent 

 

Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode? I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here! 

 

Schedule a free parent coach consultation/interest call! 

 

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“Kids are born knowing how to sleep. Our job as adults is to create an environment where sleep feels like a safe and happy place.”

In this episode, I’m excited to welcome a special guest, Sarah R. Moore! She is the founder of Dandelion Seeds Positive Parenting. As a certified gentle parenting coach, she's a regular contributor to international parenting magazines, as well as frequent guest on podcasts and parenting summits. She offers a popular series of mini-courses, webinars, and expert interviews. She's currently writing two books that will be released this year. I’m excited to have her on the podcast to share her perspective on a more gentle approach to children’s sleeping habits. 

Some points we will discuss include:

• The conventional wisdom around sleep training and the problems behind it
• How the Cry it out (CIO) method affects your child
• How parents can trust their intuition when it comes to making decisions for their children

Ultimately, you know what is best for your family, and you can feel confident trusting your instincts. We hope this episode has helped you feel less conflicted and confused about making decisions around children’s sleeping habits. 

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share it your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent 

 

Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode? I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here! 

 

Schedule a free parent coach consultation/interest call! 

 

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EXPERT INTERVIEWS

“Parenting is a great lesson in this pandemic. Parenting is a master class. You can make all the plans you want, but that doesn't mean they're going to work out.”

In this episode of The 3D Parent Podcast, I’m sharing your thoughts and reflections on a year of pandemic parenting. It has been one year since the arrival of Covid-19 in the United States, and I wanted to reflect on this past year. I put out five questions on social media and collected responses from you, my listeners.

 

The five questions I asked were:

• What has been the hardest part of parenting during this last year?
• What has/have been your family’s silver lining(s)?
• Is there anything you hope to continue when more typical life returns?
• If you could go back to March 2020 and offer your past self any advice, what would it be?
• Is there anything you never want to see, do, or hear again (related to parenting)? 

 

In the episode, I read listeners’ responses to these questions, as well as share my own reflections. It was very interesting to hear a diverse group of people respond to these questions. I hope hearing these reflections helps you feel less alone in your own pandemic parenting. Please keep the conversation going with me on social media! I want to hear from you.

 

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share it your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent 

 

Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode? I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here! 

 

Schedule a free parent coach consultation/interest call! 

 

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“A child who bullies is capable of transformation.”

 

In this episode of The 3D Parent Podcast, I’m talking about how to help children who bully others. Most of the conversations I hear around bullying are focused on the victims of bullying. It’s being forgotten that bullies are deeply wounded children who also need help.

 

We will go over topics such as:

• Why children become bullies
• What is and is not effective in preventing bullying
• How relationships can change bullies

 

I hope this episode reminds you that bullies are still children who need us and that it gives you some ideas about how you can help wounded children.

 

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share it your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent 

 

Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode? I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here! 

 

Schedule a free parent coach consultation/interest call! 

 

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EPISODE RESOURCES:

Reclaiming our Students Book

*Trigger warning: I will refer to youth suicide and self-harming behaviors as it relates to bullying. Please proceed with caution if talking about this topic is a trigger for you.*

 

“When children feel seen, heard, and accepted for who they are in their parent’s eyes, they won’t believe that they don’t belong or are without value like the bullies want them to believe.”

 

In this episode of The 3D Parent Podcast, I am talking about how you can “bully-proof” your child. It’s no doubt that parents want their children to find acceptance and belonging with their peers. Unfortunately, we know that this is not always the case. As parents, we cannot completely protect our children from bullying, but we can work to boost their self-esteem and help them feel loved and supported so that the words of a bully will not hurt them as much. 

 

We will go over topics such as:

• What bullying is and isn’t
• Developing a connection that can cushion your child from the blow of harsh treatment from others
• Helping your child orient to adult caretakers rather than peers

 

I hope this episode gives you practical ways to support your child. Remember that you cannot protect them from everything, but you can be as supportive and nurturing as you can to help them. 

 

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share it your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent 

 

Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode? I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here! 

 

Schedule a free parent coach consultation/interest call!

 

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EPISODE RESOURCES:

Episode 3: Cultivating a Deep Connection with Our Children

Hardened or Hardy Article

Hold on to Your Kids Book

“Clothing confidence comes from really owning the fact that if a piece of clothing doesn't fit, that's the only thing. That means it doesn't mean that your body is too big. It doesn't mean that it's too tall or too long or too curvy or too whatever. It just means that this piece of clothing doesn't fit.” --Holly Chayes

In this episode of The 3D Parent Podcast, I’m joined by style coach and consultant Holly Chayes. We are talking about how personal style is a form of self-care and self-expression and how to maintain that as a parent.

 

We will go over topics such as: 

• How clothing can profoundly affect the way you feel
• How body acceptance comes into play with personal style
• How to balance the needs of your life with the wardrobe you want

 

I hope this episode helps you think about the style you want to express and how you can balance that with all your responsibilities as a parent. 

 

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share it your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent 

 

Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode? I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here! 

 

Grab your free copy of the 10 Steps To Get Back in Control of Your Children here!

 

CONNECT WITH THE 3D PARENT:

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CONNECT WITH HOLLY:

WEBSITE

PODCAST: TALKING ABOUT CLOTHES WITH HOLLY CHAYES

FREE E-BOOK: PERSONAL STYLE FUNDAMENTALS

“You have to keep the kids at the pinnacle of the decision-making. They are the true north.” --Merry Senn

 

This week on The 3D Parent Podcast, I’m discussing co-parenting with special guests Merry and Ashley Senn. Merry and Ashley are good friends of mine from the theater community. They have been married for just over five years. They live in Edmonds WA and share 2 boys Calvin (12) and Sawyer (9). Years of friendship and couplehood have led them to begin their own podcast, Your Friends Ash & Mer. They have honest and mostly hysterical conversations about marriage, parenthood, and making it through this life together. The highlight of their show is when Ash & Mer talk to their incredible friends from every facet of their life and bring their unique and incredible stories to their podcast listeners. They are great examples of people who make co-parenting look easy, despite its challenges.

 

We will go over topics such as:

• Common challenges of co-parenting
• Navigating family transitions and custody arrangements
• Tools parents can use to make co-parenting easier

 

Merry and Ashley say that keeping their children at the pinnacle of their decision-making is crucial. If you keep their best interests at heart, then the best decisions will be made. Co-parenting is challenging, but with good communication and strategy, it is manageable. 

 

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share it your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent 

 

Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode? I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here!

 

CONNECT WITH THE 3D PARENT:

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In this episode of The 3D Parent Podcast, I want to take the opportunity to speak to people who consider themselves allies in the fight against systemic racism. This episode is an opportunity for you to assess where you and your family are when it comes to your commitment to be an anti-racist family. 

 

We will go over topics such as:

• The history of Black History Month
• How Black History might actually uphold white supremacy
• The cycle of inaction

 

I hope this episode will help you evaluate where you are and help you move forward in your commitment to anti-racism. 

 

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share it your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent 

 

Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode? I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here! 

 

Grab your free copy of the 10 Steps To Get Back in Control of Your Children here!

 

CONNECT WITH THE 3D PARENT:

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DESCRIPTION:

Hello, wonderful listeners, and welcome to a special milestone episode, the 100th edition of the 3D Parent Podcast! First and foremost, I want to extend my heartfelt gratitude to each and every one of you. Your support, your feedback, and your dedication to listening to this podcast have been the driving force behind its success. It's your enthusiasm that fuels my passion for sharing valuable insights and guidance on parenting through each episode.

In today's fast-paced world, it's easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of daily life. But amidst the chaos, it's essential to recognize and address our children's innate need for connection. They crave our time, our attention, and most importantly, our presence. And that's where the 100 Minute Connection Challenge comes in.

Now, for this momentous episode, I wanted to switch things up a bit and stay true to the theme of 100. So, I've devised an exciting challenge for you – the 100 Minute Connection Challenge. This challenge is designed to inspire you to deepen the bonds with your children over the course of a week. Because let's face it, one of the most vital aspects of parenting is nurturing a strong, secure, and heartfelt connection with our kids.

Throughout this episode, I'll be sharing all the details of this challenge, including how it works and what you can expect. But wait, there's more! I've also created a downloadable PDF bingo board, with a link to download found in the show notes. This bingo board serves two purposes: to inject an element of fun into the challenge and to hold yourself accountable for completing the 100 minutes of connection activities with your child in the coming week.

READY TO TAKE YOUR PARENTING TO THE NEXT LEVEL?:

For 3D Parent Coaching Services:

• If you're looking for personalized guidance and support, consider exploring my parent coaching services. Let's work together to tailor the 3D Parent Approach to your unique parenting journey. CLICK HERE to book a complimentary parent coach consultation call.
• Interested in Receiving 2 Free Parent Coaching Sessions? Become a Parent Coaching Guest on the podcast and receive 2 free parent coaching sessions, one to be recorded on my podcast and one private follow-up session to check in and see how implementing the coaching strategies is going for you and your family. CLICK HERE to contact me about this opportunity and let's tackle your parenting concerns together. Your experience can inspire and support other parents facing similar struggles.

CONNECT WITH ME:

• The 3D Parent on Instagram
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Episode Resources:

CLICK HERE to Download The 100 Minute Connection Challenge Bingo Board PDF 

Book: “Hold On to Your Kids” by Gordon Neufeld, Ph. D. and Gabor Maté, M.D.

Blog: www.71toes.com

CLICK HERE: Episode 87 of The 3D Parent Podcast: Parenting with Deep Connection

SHOWNOTES:

Hello and welcome to Episode 100 of the 3D Parent Podcast! Can you believe it? We've hit the big 100! I'm genuinely thrilled to have reached this milestone, and I'm deeply grateful for your continued support and engagement. So, to mark this special occasion, I wanted to do something meaningful, something that reflects the essence of what this podcast is all about: nurturing strong connections between parents and their children.

I've been pondering what to do for this significant episode, and I wanted to keep it aligned with our theme of 100. Hence, I present to you the 100 Minute Connection Challenge – a week-long challenge dedicated to strengthening the bond between you and your child.

Why this challenge? By dedicating just 100 minutes of your week to intentionally connect with your child, their behavior will become more manageable, meltdowns will become less frequent, and the overall atmosphere at home will become more harmonious. Sounds pretty amazing, right?

Connection is at the core of what I talk about on the 3D Parent Podcast. It's one of the 4 key components of my 3D Parent Model – Deep Connection. And for good reason! Human beings, especially children, thrive on meaningful connections, particularly with their primary caregivers. When that bond is strong, children flourish and grow. But when it's lacking or superficial, it's noticeable in the relationship dynamic.

That's why I'm challenging you to give this 100 Minute Connection Challenge a go. Trust me, I've seen firsthand the incredible impact it can have. In my one-on-one parent coaching sessions, I often start with focusing on connection because many behavioral issues stem from relational issues. When parents prioritize connecting with their children, those challenges often start to fade away.

Now, let's talk about why this challenge is impactful, especially in today's world. Our children are craving connection more than ever. In our busy lives filled with work, school, activities, and endless distractions, it's easy to overlook the importance of quality time spent with our kids.

Sure, you might be spending time together with your children, but how much of that time is truly focused on genuine connection? Often, our interactions with our children revolve around tasks and obligations. We're busy ticking off to-do lists rather than simply enjoying each other's company.

That's where the 100 Minute Connection Challenge comes in. It's a reminder to slow down and prioritize moments of genuine connection. And don't let the seemingly small timeframe fool you. 100 minutes spread out over a week may not sound like much, but when it's dedicated solely to bonding with your child, it can make a world of difference.

But before we dive into the specifics of the challenge, let's take a moment to understand the signs of connection hunger in our children. Dr. Gordon Neufeld's work on attachment stages sheds light on this topic, highlighting six key stages: proximity, sameness, belonging/loyalty, significance, love, and being known.

When children are craving connection, they may exhibit behaviors such as separation anxiety, clinginess, insecurity, or a constant need for attention. These are all signs that they're working to fulfill their attachment needs, seeking reassurance and closeness from their primary caregivers.

As parents, it's crucial for us to recognize these signs and respond with empathy and understanding. Instead of viewing them as attention-seeking behaviors, we should see them as signals of unmet needs, a call for connection and reassurance in a world that often feels overwhelming.

So, what can we do to address this connection hunger and create a more secure attachment with our children? It starts with restoring a sense of rest – a state where our children feel safe, supported, and free from the burden of seeking our attention through problematic behaviors. When our children are in this state of rest, we'll see them thriving, exploring, and embracing their true selves. That's the essence of childhood – to be free to grow and discover without the burden of seeking connection. And as parents, it's our responsibility to nurture a foundation of trust and unconditional love with our children.

Strategy for Providing Rest in Relationship

“Trumping the Needs”
This is one of my absolute favorite strategies for fostering deeper connections with our children. This concept, derived from the work of Dr. Gordon Neufeld, is a game-changer for parents who notice their children exhibiting what we call "working behaviors." You know, those signs that they're seeking connection and attention from us.

Trumping the needs is all about shifting away from the typical parent-child dynamic. Instead of waiting for our children to come to us with their needs and demands, we take the proactive approach. We seek them out. We initiate the connection. We pursue our kids with intention and enthusiasm.

Now, if you're interested in delving deeper into this topic, I highly recommend checking out episode number 87 of the 3D Parent Podcast. In that episode, I explore the six stages of attachment in detail and offer insights on how to identify and address them. But for now, let's focus on trumping the needs.

Let’s say, your child hasn't asked for a hug, but you sense they could use one. So, you go ahead and give them a big, warm hug before they even realize they need it. That's trumping the needs in action. By being proactive in our approach to connection, we can fill our children's connection cups before they even know they're empty.

But it doesn't stop there. Another aspect of trumping the needs is going above and beyond what's requested. Let's say your child asks for a bedtime story. Instead of simply reading a book, you make it an interactive adventure, complete with sound effects and character voices. You exceed their expectations and make the experience even more special. Or perhaps your child randomly tells you they love you. Instead of just saying "I love you too," you respond with "I love you to infinity and beyond," borrowing a line from Buzz Lightyear in Toy Story. It's these little moments of going the extra mile that can truly strengthen the bond between parent and child.

Now, on to the 100 Minute challenge:

Let's talk about diving into this 100-minute challenge I've prepared for you. The goal? To amp up your efforts in connecting with your children over the span of a week. Think of it as a little gift to yourself and your kids – a chance to strengthen those bonds and create some magical moments together.

Now, I know what you might be thinking: "But I have more than one child! How do I make this work without leaving anyone out?" Well, here's the trick: while I encourage you to spread the love across all your kids, I also suggest focusing extra attention on one child, especially if you're feeling a bit disconnected from them lately.

Think about it like this: choose the child you're currently struggling with the most in terms of your relationship. That child who seems to bring out the most friction or oppositional energy – they're your top pick for this challenge. By devoting intentional time to connect with them, you might just turn things around for the better.

Now, let's get into the nitty-gritty of this challenge. I've whipped up a downloadable bingo board filled with connection activities for you to tackle. You can find the link under “Episode Resources” right  in these show notes. This bingo board is your roadmap for the week ahead, guiding you through 100 minutes of intentional bonding with your child.

But hey, if some of the activities don't quite fit your vibe or your child's interests, no worries! I've included a blank bingo board in the PDF where you can jot down your own ideas. The key is to spend a total of 100 minutes over the week engaging in these connection activities. 

Let's take a peek at some of the activities on the bingo board:

Five special time sessions (10 min. each): these are golden opportunities for one-on-one quality time with your child. No screens, no distractions, just you and your kiddo. Whether it's a fun activity they've been wanting to do or something you lead, the choice is yours.

Write a little love note (2 min.): Write a simple love note to tuck into your child's lunchbox, backpack, or coat pocket for them to discover. It's a tiny gesture that'll bring a big smile to their face. Who doesn't love a surprise love note?

Make a special snack (5 min): Spend five minutes whipping up a special snack for your child. Get creative – maybe make a fruit masterpiece or check out Pinterest for some creative snack-spiration. It's all about showing your child that you were thinking of them and that they are worth your extra effort.

Back massage or foot rub (5 min.): Need to unwind? How about a five-minute back massage or foot rub for your child? It's a simple way to show them some love and relaxation. Plus, it's a win-win – they get pampered, and you get some quality bonding time.

10 Affirmation Fingertip Activity (10 min.): Inspired by a blog called 71 Toes, this activity involves brainstorming 10 positive words to describe your child. Then, using a permanent pen, write one letter of each word on the tip of your child's fingers, explaining why you chose each word along the way. It's a beautiful way to boost their self-esteem and deepen your connection..

Connection Phrases (30 sec.): For those days when time is tight, we've got some 30-second activities up our sleeve. Just a quick phrase out of the blue, like "I was thinking how lucky I am to have you as my child" or "I love who you are," can work wonders in strengthening your bond.

Conclusion:

Some of you might be a tad skeptical. You're probably thinking, "Is spending just a little over an hour and a half really going to make that much of a difference?" Well, hear me out. Sometimes, it's the small, intentional efforts that yield the biggest impact. So, even if you're not entirely convinced, I urge you to give it a shot. Trust me, I've seen firsthand, both in my personal life and through my work as a parent coach, how dedicating a bit of extra time to connect with your child can create ripples of positivity throughout your relationship. Remember, nothing is more crucial than the relationship you share with your child. When you're facing challenges or feeling lost as a parent, always come back to this foundation: connection. Whenever you're unsure, focusing on strengthening your connection with your child is always the right move.

So, let go of your worries and concerns for a moment. Set them aside and channel your energy into nurturing that bond. Commit to a week of intentional connection and observe how it transforms your dynamics.

So, are you up for the challenge? 

“We felt there were a lot of opportunities to expand our knowledge of the world and to have our children increase their ability to interact in a meaningful way with people that didn't look like them and that didn't speak like them.”   This week on The 3D Parent Podcast, I’m discussing if au pairs may be right for your family. My family has hosted a total of eight au pairs over the years, and I want to share my experience and tips with you about the au pair process.   We will go over topics such as:

• What an au pair is and how it’s different from a nanny

• Pros and challenges of having an au pair

• Tips on the au pair matching process

• How to welcome your au pair into your home

  While having an au pair takes patience and flexibility, it can be a wonderfully enriching experience for your whole family. I hope this episode helps you decide if having an au pair is the right fit for your family.   If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share it your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent    Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode? I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here!    Grab your free copy of the 10 Steps To Get Back in Control of Your Children here!   CONNECT WITH THE 3D PARENT: Instagram Facebook The 3D Parent Lounge Facebook Community     EPISODE RESOURCES OH MY, AU PAIR! BOOK

“We tend to sometimes not be able to differentiate between somebody else's problem stress, worry, frustration and our own.”   This week on the 3D Parent Podcast, I’m discussing parenting tips for empaths and highly sensitive people. I’m defining Highly Sensitive People, or HSPs for short as people who have sensory processing sensitivity and about 15-20% of the population fits into this category. Being an HSP parent presents challenges, but there are also many gifts.     We will go over topics such as:

• Challenges for HSP parents

• Stress-relieving activities

• How to see your sensitivity as a gift

  With healthy skills in place, you will come to see your sensitivity as a gift and will be better able to manage your and your child’s emotions.   If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent    Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode? I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here!    Grab your free copy of the 10 Steps To Get Back in Control of Your Children here!   CONNECT WITH THE 3D PARENT: Instagram Facebook The 3D Parent Lounge Facebook Community   EPISODE RESOURCES Unlocking Us Podcast Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle

“Rewards are problematic because you're not calling upon your attachment and connection with your child to motivate change. You have to go to something external that you feel might have an influence on your children because you don't.”   This week on the 3D Parent Podcast, I’m discussing the use of bribes and rewards with children. While these kinds of external motivators can sometimes be helpful, using them for long-term discipline actually creates more problems.    We will go over topics such as:  

• What makes bribes and rewards problematic

• How rewards can affect children’s development

• When using external motivation can be helpful

  To help children mature, we have to stop treating them like rats in a Psychology experiment! To grow emotionally, they need to learn how to self-regulate and be internally motivated. I hope this episode inspires you to take a different and more effective approach to your parenting.   If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent    Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode? I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here!    Grab your free copy of the 10 Steps To Get Back in Control of Your Children here!   CONNECT WITH THE 3D PARENT: Instagram Facebook The 3D Parent Lounge Facebook Community

“Your healthy meal is healthy for your children and a good way of introducing healthy eating at an early stage.”

 

This week on the 3D Parent Podcast, I’m joined by Dr. Orlena Kerek. She trained as a pediatric doctor in the UK. She now lives in Spain with her four children. She teaches families to enjoy healthy eating and living without having to think about it. She is the author of the book Feeding Toddlers and also hosts the podcast Fit and Fabulous at 40 and Beyond. Today we are discussing how to encourage healthy eating habits in your family. 

 

 

We will go over topics such as:

• How to help your children become healthy adults
• How to manage picky eaters
• Vegetarian diet in children

If you set the foundation of healthy eating now, your children will form habits that will carry them through their lives. I hope this episode empowers you to make healthy decisions for your family.

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share it your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent 

Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode? I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here! 

Grab your free copy of the 10 Steps To Get Back in Control of Your Children here!

 

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“You're going to make a change. It's going to be uncomfortable. You're going to maybe not know what to do at times.”

 

This week on the 3D Parent Podcast, I’m outlining the 5 steps of the 3D Parent reset. These steps will help you give your parenting a reboot in the New Year. This can really make an incredible difference for your family and for the way that you parent. 

 

 

We will go over topics such as:

• Taking a one week to detox from punishment and to up your connection game
• Really listening to your children and keeping your responses to a minimum 
• Inserting more joy into your family routines

 

My hope is that this episode gives you a framework you can use as the start of revolutionizing your parenting and family dynamic. You can take your family in a direction that is aligned with your values. 

 

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share it your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent 

Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode? I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here! 

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This week on the 3D Parent Podcast, I will be giving tips that you and your family can use to connect and reflect with each other on New Year's Eve or New Year’s day. This episode is meant to guide you and your family in the right direction while leaving behind any baggage from 2020. I will dive into some fun game ideas and different activities you could use with your kids. Even some activities for the adults!

 

We will go over topics such as:

• Ending 2020 on a positive note and starting the New Year off fresh. 
• Ten ideas and activities you could use to bond with your family during your New Year celebration. 
• Questions you and your family could ask each other to reflect from the past year.

 

Given the year that we had, it is important that we create a family connection in a fun and creative way. Don't stress yourself out trying to have the best New Year celebration, instead make it a celebration you will remember with your loved ones. I hope you are all able to close this year’s chapter and open a new book of possibilities for 2021. 

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share it your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent 

Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode? I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here! 

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“You don’t need to seek out preschools and daycare for your children to become socialized. It can still be a great fit for your family but remember it’s not something you need to do.”

 

This week on the 3D Parent Podcast, I will be talking about young children and their socialization needs. I want to address a few myths, one of the biggest being, that daycares and preschools are the way to develop your children socially. I will also dive into the importance of the adults your children are surrounded by, and the role this plays in the socialization development.

 

We will go over topics such as:

• How peer interactions are not key to early socialization of young children.
• Weighing the pros and cons of a daycare or preschool environment for your child.
• The main ways your child is influenced to develop socialization skills. 

 

My hope is that this episode brings you peace of mind if you are a parent who has been feeling pressure to put your child in a preschool or daycare environment simply to promote socialization. Remember, you are what your child needs in order for them to reach their full potential! 

 

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share it your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent 

Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode? I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here! 

Grab your free copy of the 10 Steps To Get Back in Control of Your Children here!

 

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“This is the year where you can be making, baking, watching things and reading things because you're not as scheduled and you have more time. Let's take advantage of the benefits that come from a less scheduled holiday season.”

This week on the 3D Parent Podcast, I will be talking about alternative ways to have yourself a merry COVID Christmas this year. With the restrictions in place, this year's Christmas surely won't feel the same. That doesn't mean families can’t get creative and find new ways to still experience the magical holiday spirit!

We will go over topics such as:

• New activities families can explore to create new holiday traditions
• Creative turnarounds to still enjoy traditional holiday activities while maintaining safety and keeping social distancing
• Possible ideas to get you started on your very own holiday bucket list

With lockdowns and safety restrictions, the holidays don't seem so fun and exciting as before. Thankfully, there are many resources for us to explore so that we can keep our family safe and still celebrate holidays with joy and excitement.

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share it your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent 

Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode? I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here! 

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This week on the 3D Parent Podcast, we're bringing in a professional mediator expert/parent educator and coach, Susan North. Susan will be joining us to discuss possible solutions to sibling fighting. We will be talking about the golden nuggets from her book The Opposite of Combat: A Parent's Guide for Teaching Siblings How To Collaborate & Solve Their Own Conflicts.

We will go over topics such as:

• Susan's journey and what inspired her to write a book on siblings conflict.
• How mediation meets 3D Parent Approach.
• Why meditation is preferred over arbitration as solution to sibling fighting.
• Collateral benefits of mediation.

While siblings fighting is a common occurrence in a household, many parents are struggling more than ever with increasing conflicts due to the stay-at-home set-up that we have today. If you are having a hard time dealing with mediation around your home, maybe it's time for you to explore Susan's philosophies and guidelines so you'll be equipped with the knowledge and skills necessary to help children of all ages navigate their own conflicts.

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share it your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent 

Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode? I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here! 

Grab your free copy of the 10 Steps To Get Back in Control of Your Children here!

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“I encourage you to embrace and make space for your children's frustration to move. It might be the answer as to what's been missing from your parenting and self-care practice during this period of high frustration.”

This week on the 3D Parent Podcast, I will be talking about making space for frustration which is very timely considering there is a high-level of frustration building up around the pandemic. Thankfully, there are a lot of easy-to-do activities that can help us and our children find the much-needed emotional release.

We will go over topics such as:

• The importance of embracing and expressing frustrations in our family and our society.
• What foul frustration is all about and key behaviors to identify if your children are struggling with it.
• Three categories of emotional playground including specific emotional release activities you can easily try the comfort of your home!

When exploring the activities mentioned in this episode, remember that there is not a single activity that will work on all children. So I encourage you to have patience and understanding when trying to help your kid move their frustrations. 

If you have enjoyed this episode of the podcast, take a screenshot, head on over to Instagram and share it your IG stories and tag me, @the3Dparent 

Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode? I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions.  Please share your parenting question here! 

Grab your free copy of the 10 Steps To Get Back in Control of Your Children here!

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DESCRIPTION:

Hey there, wonderful parents, and welcome back to the 3D Parent Podcast! Joining me today is Natasha, a supermom raising two incredible girls, ages seven and eleven.

Natasha kicks off our session by sharing her concerns about her tween daughters' growing fascination with trends, brands, and materialistic values. She's noticing shifts in her behavior, from sweetness to occasional sassiness, and she's feeling the strain on their once-close relationship. Natasha also wonders about finding the delicate balance between offering support and letting her daughters navigate their own paths as they grow up. These are common challenges many parents face as their children transition from childhood to adolescence.

Here are the burning topics what we'll cover:

Trend-Oriented Culture: We'll explore how to navigate the materialistic trends that seem to dominate tween culture and discuss ways to instill deeper values beyond brand names.

Managing Sass and Sensitivity: Natasha's facing the challenge of balancing her daughter's sweet, sensitive side with those moments of unexpected rudeness. We'll share some practical tips for maintaining a strong, respectful relationship during this “rollercoaster” phase.

How Much to Intervene vs. Empower Independent Problem Solving: We'll delve into the delicate art of knowing when to step in and when to step back, offering insights on providing support without smothering independence as our tweens navigate the ups and downs of life.

The emotional rollercoaster of tweenhood can sometimes lead to unexpected behavior, leaving us parents wondering how to handle those off-cuff rude moments without losing the precious bond we share with our child. Throughout this episode, we'll explore how to strike a delicate balance between setting boundaries and maintaining a strong, supportive relationship with our tweens.

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SHOWNOTES:

Let me introduce you to our guest, Natasha. Natasha is a super mom, raising two incredible girls—one almost seven and the other newly 11. As a fellow mom and friend, Natasha and I often find ourselves deep in conversation about the joys and struggles of parenting tweens. And today, we're inviting you to join in on the conversation as we tackle some of the challenges Natasha is facing.

Let's address Natasha's concerns, one by one. First up, the trend-oriented nature of today's youth. It's no secret that tweens are heavily influenced by trends, from fashion to technology to social media. But how do we navigate this trend-centric culture without losing sight of what truly matters?

Next, we'll tackle the rollercoaster of emotions that come with tweenhood. Natasha's concern about her oldest daughter's sudden mood swings is one that many parents can relate to. We'll discuss ways to navigate these hormonal changes with empathy and understanding, maintaining a strong parent-child bond even in the face of off-cuff rude moments.

And finally, the age-old question: when to step back and when to step in? As our tweens grow older, it can be challenging to find the balance between independence and support. We'll explore strategies for knowing when to give our tweens space to navigate challenges on their own and when to offer a helping hand, whether it's in navigating friendships, schoolwork, or other areas of their lives.

Before we dive into the nitty-gritty of tween development, let's take a moment to reflect on a simple yet powerful approach to addressing parenting challenges. When faced with any issue, whether it's with our kids or within ourselves, it's helpful to ask three fundamental questions:

1. Is it my child?
2. Is it me?
3. Is it us?

As we explore the questions Natasha raised, it becomes clear that the challenges she's facing are multifaceted and deeply rooted in her daughter's developmental stage. So, let's roll up our sleeves and dig deeper into understanding the complexities of tweenhood together.

At the heart of Natasha's concerns lies the developmental stage her daughter is currently navigating: early adolescence. At the age of 11, tweens, like Natasha's daughter, are embarking on a journey of self-discovery marked by significant changes in brain development.

During this phase, the brain undergoes what can be described as "renovations." Neural pathways are pruned and restructured, particularly in the prefrontal cortex—the region responsible for impulse control, risk assessment, and emotional regulation. However, this remodeling process doesn't reach completion until the mid-20s, leaving tweens and teens with a brain that's still a work in progress.

One key takeaway from this is understanding the challenges tweens face in regulating their emotions. Unlike adults, tweens struggle to hold multiple feelings in mind simultaneously. Instead, they often react impulsively to strong emotional impulses, much like their preschool selves. This limitation in emotional regulation is not a sign of defiance or disrespect but rather a reflection of their brain's developmental stage.

Parenting modern tweens is challenging, but  let's take a moment to reflect on the pivotal role you play in your tween's life. As we guide our tweens through the ups and downs of adolescence, it's essential to embody a “S.P.A.A.,” that’s an acronym I created to represent a parent who is a Supportive, Pleasant, Approachable Adult—a S.P.A.A.

So, what exactly does it take to be a S.P.A.A.? Let's break it down:

• Don't Take Moodiness Personally: Tweens and teens are notorious for their mood swings, but remember, it's not about you. As a S.P.A.A., refrain from taking their moodiness personally and instead approach them with empathy and understanding.
• Avoid Making Them Feel Responsible: Your child's feelings, reactions, and mistakes are their own. As a S.P.A.A., resist the urge to burden them with your emotions or make them feel responsible for your reactions.
• Respect Their Space: Understand that your tween may not always want to talk, and that's okay. Be present, but don't pressure them to open up. Make yourself available when they're ready to share, without bombarding them with questions.
• Be Curious, Not Judgmental: When your child makes decisions or declarations that may not align with your preferences, approach it with curiosity rather than judgment. Show genuine interest in their perspective and respect their autonomy.
• Offer Support Without Being Overbearing: As a S.P.A.A., refrain from constantly offering suggestions or trying to fix every problem. Instead, be a supportive presence and offer guidance only when explicitly asked or consented to.
• Embrace Imperfection: Mistakes and failures are part of the learning process. Encourage your tween to view setbacks as opportunities for growth, rather than expecting perfection.
• Encourage Their Ideas: Avoid dismissing your tween's ideas as unrealistic or idealistic. Instead, validate their creativity and encourage them to explore their interests and passions.
• Avoid Threats and Punishments: Developmentally normal behaviors such as moodiness or mistakes should not be met with threats or punishments. As a S.P.A.A., focus on constructive communication and problem-solving.
• Be a Listener: Finally, prioritize listening over lecturing. Your tween doesn't need a world-class lecturer—they need a supportive and attentive listener who validates their feelings and experiences.

Navigating a Trend-Oriented Culture with your Tween:

When your tween expresses a desire for the latest trend or brand, it's essential to engage them in a conversation rather than passing judgment. Ask probing questions to understand their motivations better. Why do they want that specific item? What draws them to that brand? By fostering open dialogue, you can gain insight into your tween's mindset without imposing your opinions.

While it's natural to have concerns about materialism and consumerism, it's essential to approach the situation with empathy. Remember, we live in a society inundated with marketing messages and peer influences. Instead of criticizing your tween's choices, use these moments as opportunities for meaningful conversations.

Moreover, when it comes to purchasing high-ticket items like Sephora products or designer clothing, consider the occasion and your budget. If it aligns with your financial means and your tween's desires, there's no harm in indulging them occasionally. After all, birthdays and holidays are times for celebration and joy. However, in between these special occasions, consider implementing an allowance system. By giving your tween a sense of financial responsibility, they'll learn the value of money and understand the cost of their desired items. 

It's easy to view our tweens' fascination with trends and brands through an adult lens, but remember, they're not approaching these things in the same way we do. It's all part of their journey of self-discovery—a process of exploring who they are and expressing themselves in their own unique way. So, let's ditch the judgment and approach their interests with curiosity and understanding.

Responding to Sass/Rudeness while Maintaining a Close Connection:

It's essential to understand that all behavior is communication. When our tweens display sass or rudeness, it's often a sign that they're struggling with their emotions or feeling overwhelmed. As parents, our initial response should be one of empathy and compassion, rather than reacting with frustration or anger.

One valuable mantra to keep in mind when faced with sass is "do no harm." This simple phrase serves as a reminder to pause and reflect before responding. By taking a moment to collect our thoughts, we can avoid escalating the situation and respond with empathy and understanding.

Dr. Ross Green's insight that, "kids do well when they can," offers another perspective on tween behavior. Remembering that our children are doing the best they can in the moment can help us approach their sass with patience and compassion.

It's also essential to recognize that tween sass is often driven by impulse rather than malicious intent. During this stage of development, their brains are undergoing significant changes, leading to increased impulsivity and emotional dysregulation. Understanding this can help us respond with empathy, knowing that our children are struggling to navigate their emotions. Instead of reacting with judgment or shame, we can choose to respond with curiosity and compassion. 

How much to intervene when a tween is struggling?

Assessing Your Tween's Developmental Stage:

As parents of tweens, it's crucial to understand where our children are on the developmental bridge between childhood and adulthood. Just like crossing a physical bridge, at times, our tweens are closer to their wiser, more grown up versions of themselves, while at other times, they may be closer to their younger, more childlike selves. When your tween is struggling with emotional regulation or seems overwhelmed, they might be leaning more towards their younger, less mature side. In these moments, they need extra support and understanding, much like we would provide for a younger child.

Setting Expectations Based on Maturity:

On the flip side, when your tween demonstrates signs of maturity and responsibility, such as handling stress without constant meltdowns, it's essential to adjust our expectations accordingly. For instance, if your tween forgets to clear the table after dinner during a particularly tough day, it might be a sign that they need a bit more grace and understanding. However, if they consistently demonstrate maturity but slip up occasionally, gently reminding them of their responsibilities can be both appropriate and empowering.

Choosing When to Intervene:

One of the most significant challenges of parenting tweens is finding the balance between being a partner and a problem-solver. While we want to be there for our children and provide guidance, it's equally important to allow them space to navigate their challenges independently.

Learning from Mistakes:

Finally, it's essential to recognize that allowing our tweens to make mistakes and learn from them is a vital part of their growth and development. While it may be tempting to swoop in and fix every problem, giving them the opportunity to navigate challenges on their own fosters resilience and self-confidence. Sometimes, stepping back and letting tweens experience the consequences of their actions, can provide the most powerful opportunity for growth.

Parenting tweens in the modern world is no easy feat, but by understanding our children's developmental stages, setting appropriate expectations, and empowering them to navigate challenges, we can help them thrive during this critical period of self-discovery. Remember, it's okay to let go of the wheel sometimes and allow our tweens to find their own course, even if it means they stumble along the way. After all, it's through those bumps and falls that they'll learn and grow into resilient, capable individuals.

So, here's a gentle reminder: make a conscious decision not to let temporary friction turn into something permanent. Your relationship with your child is precious, and it's worth preserving, even during the most challenging times. Let's choose understanding over frustration, empathy over anger, and patience over reactivity.

That's a wrap for today's episode! Join us next time for more insightful discussions on parenting.

This week on the 3D Parent Podcast, I'm going to dive into an overdue topic, raising kids in a screen-filled world. It has become one of the most prevalent topics that parents think about, and probably will continue to do so. I'm going to share personal narratives, as well as questions to ask yourself, in terms of how to deal with screen time in your household.

We will go over topics such as:

• My family’s journey on navigating the screen-filled world including the highs and lows
• My personal insights, reflections, and learning in dealing with screen time
• Essential questions you need ask yourself when it comes to deciding your family’s rules and regulations on screen time

There is not a one size fits all recommendation in terms of dealing with a screen-filled world. Each situation will look a bit different for each family, so remember that the decision on screen time and gadget-restrictions should always depend on what works for you and your family members. As this is only the first part of this particular topic, feel free to share your particular concerns so we can address that in upcoming episodes.

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