Friends in Formation – Details, episodes & analysis

Host James Catford, co-host Richella Parham, and guest contributor Grace Pouch discuss listener questions on discerning God’s voice, the temptation to judge others, and best practices for shepherding children’s spiritual formation.

Kicking off the relaunch of Friends In Formation, James, Richella—and new host Tiana Spencer—discuss three listener questions: how to stop measuring your spiritual life by the world's standards, why genuine adult friendship feels so rare (and how to find it), and how to break free from the overwhelm of too many books and courses.

Want to Suggest a Question?

To submit a question for James, Richella, and Nate to consider discussing on Friends in Formation, email friends@renovare.org.
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In this month’s episode of Friends in Formation, Nate, Richella, and James answer listener questions about training in joy, how to be a "friend in formation" to a spouse with dementia, and knowing when to confront someone's sin.

[1:13] I’ve been a (hopefully) honest apprentice of Jesus for over 50 years, but I've always struggled with a lack of joy in my life. I recently came to the thought that perhaps experiencing joy is something that needs training, much like learning how to live in the constant flow of grace. If this is true, what spiritual disciplines might be best to allow a person to enter into a greater experience of joy. Thank you again for your willingness to share your tremendous expertise in Kingdom living in this setting. I feel as though I'm getting to know the three of you in an interesting, very pleasant way. I look forward to actually meeting you in about 50 years.

[15:22] Three years ago, the love of my life came down with dementia. Her dementia has progressed to the point where she's unable to communicate verbally. And a little while ago, her safety and my own health, led me to place her in a home. I visit her on a regular basis and want her to know that she's not only loved by me and our family, but that our heavenly Father loves her as well. I know there is a communication of the heart. So I try to sing to her simple love songs, like “You are My Sunshine,” as well as hymns that she grew up with, as well as holding her hands while I pray for her. I want her to know the peace that will sustain her as we journey together through this horrible disease. Do you have any suggestions? How can I be a “friend in formation” to her?

[25:49] It sounds like you hold to a reticence in confronting, except when absolutely necessary. Can you flesh that out a bit, in light of Galatians 6:1, Matthew 18:15-17, and other passages that seem to instruct us that part of love is to kindly address others. How do we discern when it is necessary, good and loving to address someone else's sin?

Resources

• Dallas Willard, Life without Lack
• Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline

Want to Suggest a Question?

To submit a question for James, Richella, and Nate to consider discussing on Friends in Formation, email friends@renovare.org.
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[1:26] In the stage of life me and my husband are in—we have three young children, jobs, and we are involved in our local church, there are lots of opportunities to do good things. When I sit down and look at our family calendar, I feel overwhelmed and unable to do all that I set out to do! How do I know what to say "no" to, and how do I say "no" without feeling guilty?

[16:20] When moving forward to understand some of the deep riches of other Christian traditions that have not been familiar to me I sometimes find myself looking back at my own stream of origin and being pretty grumpy. Does anyone else find this happens to them? Any tips on not falling, ironically, into judgementalism about our ‘family of origin’ in our faith?

[26:20] Does Christianity have a "body" problem? What is the body and what is its connection to our spirituality as it relates to formation?

Resources

• Richard Foster, Streams of Living Water
• Dallas Willard, Renovation of the Heart (chapter 9)
• Richella Parham, Mythical Me

Want to Suggest a Question?

To submit a question for James, Richella, and Nate to consider discussing on Friends in Formation, email friends@renovare.org.
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In this month’s episode of Friends in Formation, Richella, James, and Nate answer listener questions about the easy yoke Jesus talked about, experiencing true freedom, and spiritual formation in marriage.

Show Notes

[1:20] Is it possible to practice the spiritual disciplines out of a place of peace and rest from day one following Jesus, or is the easy and light yoke only the prize at the end of the journey? It just feels so often like the spiritual disciplines are another form of religious performance, and the rest Jesus promises remains a distant hope.

[18:08] I have been thinking of freedom - Galatians 5:1. I notice when I talk with other Christians that there is fear and resistance when it comes to freedom. Why is that if this is something Christ wants us to truly experience? What does true freedom look like in ordinary everyday life? Are there practices that help position us to experience true freedom more as Christ desires for us?

[31:18] How can we work toward a faith-filled marriage? What can spiritual formation look like in the context of marriage? How do each of you share spiritual life with your spouses?

Resources

• Evelyn Underhill’s Prayer Book, by Robyn Wrigley-Carr
• Sacrament of the Present Moment, by Jean-Pierre de Caussade

To submit a question for James, Richella, and Nate to consider discussing on Friends in Formation, email friends@renovare.org.

In this month’s episode of Friends in Formation, Nate, James, and Richella answer listener questions about the difference between spiritual formation and discipleship, transforming negative thoughts, and virtual spiritual interactions and the role of rootedness.

Show Notes

[1:44] What is the difference between spiritual formation and discipleship?

[14:28] Dwight L Moody says "Character is what you are in the dark."  My early morning, just woken up thoughts, are often fearful, negative, and sometimes bitter. Once I focus on, say Psalm 23, The Lord's prayer or some other quiet, spiritual reading or reflection I feel the bubbling bitterness leaving me, and as the day unfolds, I do pray, reflect, and ask Jesus to be with me in all parts of my day. I am worried, however, that the real me is to be found in those first angry thoughts. Can I reach a point where these thoughts don't feature without suppressing them through gritted teeth?

[29:49] We are moving to more and more virtual spiritual interactions. But somehow I think God means us to be rooted in place, location, family, people. How should we as Image-Bearers handle this new challenge?

Resources

• Let Go, by François Fénelon
• The Seeking Heart, by François Fénelon

In this month’s episode of Friends in Formation, Richella, Nate, and James answer listener questions about the Streams, moving small groups toward spiritual formation, and building lifelong friendships in this time of loneliness.

Show Notes

[1:47] In December's podcast, James mentioned six different “Streams” of Christian tradition: contemplative, holiness, charismatic, social justice, evangelical and incarnational (sacramental). Could you please talk more about them, both as they relate to the church and to an individual Christ follower? Also, I grew up in a church who used "missional" language. Is this a concept that is related to the 'streams'?

[18:25] I’ve been a pastor for 15 years, and most groups seem to be more curriculum based/Bible study rather than actually focused on formation. Do you have any thoughts about how existing classes or small groups can move toward becoming more focused on spiritual formation or any thoughts on how to change the culture of a church to be more focused on spiritual formation? Is it better to start new groups than trying to change existing groups? Can you share resources related to spiritual formation groups? Do you have information about Renovaré spiritual formation groups?

[31:14] A question I've been wondering about revolves around the topic of friendship. Even before the social distancing of the last couple of years there has been a trend in loneliness. Often, as we grow older and especially as we get further from our school years, it becomes increasingly more difficult to make and build friendships. Are there any practices you would recommend for responding to loneliness and for making and building friendships throughout all of life?

Resources

• Streams of Living Water, by Richard Foster
• The Making of an Ordinary Saint, by Nathan Foster
• Spiritual Formation Workbook, a Renovaré Resource
• Devotional Classics, a Renovaré Resource
• Lyfe, Resources from the Bible Society UK

Want to Suggest a Question?

To submit a question for James, Richella, and Nate to consider discussing on Friends in Formation, email friends@renovare.org.
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In this episode, Nate, James, and Richella answer listener questions about reconciling Jesus' “easy yoke” with Paul's “beating his body to make it his slave,” remaining healthy while carrying other’s burdens, and Bishop Desmond Tutu’s “seamless robe” between religion and politics.

[:50] How do you reconcile the gentleness of the easy yoke that Jesus talks about regarding our efforts toward our spiritual formation (Matthew 11:28-30) with the more brutal approach that Paul talks about when he says he "beats his body" ("punish" NRSV) to make it his slave (1 Corinthians 9:27)?

[16:42] What are the practices you engage in to remain healthy in the midst of heavy burdens you're helping carry for others?

[30:06] Bishop Desmond Tutu once said that religion and politics are a seamless robe. I think I agree with him, but I’m really troubled by the way churches and Christians in North America have become so bitterly divided by politics over the past decade or two. How should churches, as well as Christians individually, handle political issues? Should we remain silent on them in order to maintain the unity of the Spirit? Or do we need to lovingly speak out about how our spiritual values should affect our political priorities and then just love each other despite our sometimes major differences? If it’s the latter, I’d appreciate any advice you can give on doing that, as it’s especially hard now that both sides equally fear that our country’s entire future is at stake. 

Resources

• Renovation of the Heart, by Dallas Willard (chapter 9)
• The Journal of John Woolman, edited by Phillips P. Moulton
• Streams of Living Water, by Richard Foster
• Weight of Glory, by C.S. Lewis
• Culture Care, by Makoto Fujimura

Want to Suggest a Question?

To submit a question for James, Richella, and Nate to consider discussing on Friends in Formation, email friends@renovare.org.

Show Notes

In this month’s episode of Friends in Formation, Nate, Richella, and James answer listener questions about practices to help keep centered on Christ with a busy schedule, returning to church when you are not feeling loved there, and the struggle of judging family members.

[1:21] I am an older student attending junior college and working at the school newspaper part time. I find it a struggle to keep up a rhythm of life because so much of my schedule is dictated by what my professors assign or the chaotic nature of working at a newspaper. In this arena the unexpected is common. What types of practices would you suggest to help me keep centered on Christ?

[15:58] My question wants to be: Why are church people so unloving… so rigid in being right that they fail to love people in such sad places? And why should I go back to church now, if that’s what I’m going to face?

[27:34] God has made me aware of my judgmental attitude towards my family members. How can I grow in this area and not only keep my comments and advice to myself, but also let go of that judgement which is in my heart?

Resources

• Life Without Lack, by Dallas Willard
• An Unhurried Life: Follow Jesus’ Rhythms of Work and Rest, by Alan Fadling
• The Journal of John Woolman, edited by Phillips P. Moulton

In this month’s episode of Friends in Formation, Richella, Nate, and James answer listener questions about losing faith, contentment, and where to start with spiritual practices.

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[1:25] The three of you have been addressing questions/concerns from parents who are grieving at the waning faith of the children they so lovingly raised. I'm writing as the 22-year old son of two God-fearing parents. To put it try to put it concisely, here is my question: I barely know a life outside of church & a personal relationship with Jesus. All through high school and college I gave a lot of my life to serving ministries. But now that my faith is slipping away, I feel like not only a square peg in a round hole at church, but having lost a sense of mission/purpose, I also feel like a square peg in a round hole in the world. Losing faith has been doubly alienating. What advice do you have for someone who grew up in the church and is now losing faith? When I'm in a circle praying at Bible study, I ask myself, "what am I even doing here?" I want my conviction-driven life back, but I don't know how.... and it's just so hard.

[13:52] Paul says in Phil 4:12-13 that he has learned to be content through the strength of Christ. I lack contentment big time. I've looked for discussions of how to learn contentment but not found any that are not simplistic. Would you please speak to how one can learn contentment? 

[28:17] I work with college students who are just beginning to become aware of their internal lives and engage in the spiritual rhythms. My question is: How do you begin to introduce spiritual practices to people who have little experience in engaging with their inner lives?

Resources

• Everything Happens for a Reason, by Kate Bowler
• A Spiritual Formation Workbook, by James Bryan Smith and Linda Graybeal
• Lyfe, resources from the British Bible Society
• Starting Your Spiritual Journey, Videos on the Streams by Joe Davis
• The Making of an Ordinary Saint, by Nathan Foster