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TitreDateDurée
#87 - Why You’re Triggered by Your Partner w/ Thais Gibson03 Sep 202400:48:12

You are in for a TREAT with this episode, which truly felt like a therapy session for me. I sat down with Thais Gibson who has over a decade working as a practitioner and specializes in blending attachment theory, psychology, and subconscious reprogramming. 

 

We discuss what Thais refers to as the “relationship shadow” and explore why our partners can be so dang triggering (it’s not what you think!) and how to navigate these triggers more mindfully.

 

For more about Thais, check out:

 

Website: https://university.personaldevelopmentschool.com/

 

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool

 

Learning Love book: https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/learning-love

 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thepersonaldevelopmentschool/

Additional resources:

#86 - The Realities of Healing Relationship Anxiety27 Aug 202400:21:14

Have you ever felt like you were not going “fast enough” in your journey to heal relationship anxiety or ROCD? Maybe you’ve seen other people share their wins and felt like you’re just not getting it. It’s easy to beat ourselves up when we compare to other people’s highlight reels–but today I am peeling back the curtain of what healing relationship anxiety actually looks like. 

 

Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! 

Montage Fallacy article by Herbert Lui

Additional resources:

#77 - Helpful Advice From a Divorce Lawyer25 Jun 202400:30:59

I was pleasantly surprised when I listened to a podcast with James Sexton, a divorce lawyer who’s seen the ups and downs of couples for 25+ years in his career and has a lot of wisdom to share from it. 

 

Today’s episode focuses on a key thing he sees that leads to relationship breakdown: 1. Not knowing what you want or need, and 2. Not knowing how to express what you want or need. I explore different categories that it can be helpful to explore your needs in, two book recommendations to help you get started, and tips for HOW to communicate needs in a helpful way.

 

If you want to explore this more in private coaching…

Sign up here.

 

If you’re loving the podcast…

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Books mentioned in the episode:

Eight Dates by John and Julie Gottman

Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson

*Amazon affiliate links

Additional resources:

 

#76 - A Reframe to Help Relationship Anxiety: Zooming In and Out18 Jun 202400:16:53

This simple reframe has helped me (and dozens of my clients) in moments of relationship anxiety: zooming in when you’re thinking too big-picture, and zooming out when you’re hyper-fixated on something in the present moment. I explain why this matters in your relationship and specific examples of zooming in and out to help manage your anxiety.

 

If you’re loving the podcast…

JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.

Additional resources:

#75 - Healing Unworthiness: From Trauma to Self-Worth w/ Sarah Baldwin11 Jun 202400:49:40

This topic is LONG overdue, and that is feeling unworthy and how this affects our life and the ways we show up in our relationships. I’m thrilled to have had the chance to speak with Sarah Baldwin, who is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and expert in the field of trauma resolution. 

 

We explore reasons we feel unworthy, how to become kinder to ourselves, how to reconnect with our body if we’ve been stuck up in the mind our whole life, what it means to be connected to your ‘truth,’ and more. 

 

For more of Sarah’s work:

 

https://www.sarahbaldwincoaching.com/worktogether

If you’re loving the podcast…

JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.

Additional resources:

 

#74 - Speaking Up For Your Needs in a Relationship w/ Gayane Aramyan04 Jun 202400:43:08

Are you clear about what your needs are in a relationship? If so, do you communicate them openly with your partner?  If you answered no to either question, you’ll enjoy this conversation. Our partners cannot read our minds, especially if we are not even sure what we’re expecting in the first place, so it’s important to take time to think about these things.

 

To explore this, I chatted with Gayane Aramyan, a marriage and family therapist who specializes in perinatal mental health support for women and couples. She’s been with her husband for 15 years and has learned a lot along the way of how to continue to speak up for your needs (and clear out resentments) through lifes’ transitions (including becoming parents).

 

For more of Gayane’s work:

 

https://www.therapywithgayane.com/

https://www.instagram.com/therapywithgayane/

If you’re loving the podcast…

JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.

Additional resources:

#73 - What if I've Had Relationship Anxiety/ROCD from the Beginning28 May 202400:18:59

Common questions I am asked are “what if I never had a honeymoon phase?” and “is it bad if I’ve had relationship anxiety/ROCD from the beginning of my relationship?” 

 

My two cents is how long we’ve had RA/ROCD is less relevant than what is contributing to the RA/ROCD…and that’s exactly what I explore in this episode! What factors may have contributed to RA/ROCD being there from the beginning, and how to move forward if this is your experience.

 

If you’re loving the podcast…

JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.

Additional resources:

#72 - Is it Normal For Healthy Love to Feel Boring?21 May 202400:39:58

Have you ever felt bored in your relationship and worried that something is wrong? Maybe you’ve wondered “is this normal, shouldn’t things feel more exciting than this?” I’ve been there, and this has been a trigger I have struggled with myself, so I wanted to explore it more. 

In this episode, I explore:

  • 3 reasons why healthy love can feel boring
  • What inner work you can do if you feel disappointed by boredom
  • What actions you can take in your relationship if you feel bored 

If you’re loving the podcast…

JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.

Additional resources:

 

#71 - Trusting Your Intuition in Your First Serious Relationship w/ my client14 May 202400:51:57

It can be so hard to trust ourselves when there is so much relationship information and advice out there. Even well-meaning friends and family can add their two cents when sometimes, we really didn’t need it!

 

In this episode, I sat down with a client of mine who shares her journey of trusting her intuition in her first serious relationship. We also explore the fear of being attracted to other people and how to discern if you should listen to other people’s advice.

 

To get access to the “Is it Anxiety, or Intuition?” webinar that’s mentioned in the episode…

JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.

Additional resources:

 

#70 - Healing Anxiety Through Nervous System Regulation w/ Amanda Armstrong07 May 202400:49:49

Today we’re diving into something that has a big impact on our overall mental health and wellbeing; our vagus nerve. Amanda Armstrong, neuroscience and trauma-informed anxiety & depression coach (and now AUTHOR!) is back on the podcast to help walk us through how to improve our mental health by working with our vagus nerve - the nerve that connects our brain and body, and regulates our nervous system.

 

Amanda has so much wisdom to share (check out episode 50 in case you have not heard that one yet) and I was very excited to bring her back for another conversation.

 

To order Healing the Vagus Nerve book and dive more into Amanda’s world:

Order Healing the Vagus Nerve on Amazon (here)

Website: https://www.riseaswe.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amandaontherise/?hl=en

If you’re enjoying the podcast…

JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.

Additional resources:

#69 - If My Relationship Isn't Easy, Am I Forcing It?30 Apr 202400:57:38

In this episode, I address advice like “a relationship should feel mostly positive / easy / joyful in order to be worth it”, and “if the balance swings negative or if the association is that the relationship is difficult or complex then it’s a red flag.”

 

If you’ve ever wondered “shouldn’t this be easier?” – this episode is for you!

 

The article I mentioned in the podcast is here: https://www.lionsroar.com/intimate-relationship-as-a-spiritual-crucible/

If you’re enjoying the podcast…

JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.

Additional resources:

 

#68 - Build Healthy Realtionship Habits w/ Gottman Method Therapist Anna Aslanian23 Apr 202400:45:22

There is so much to learn from the Gottman Method of therapy, which is based on 40+ years of relationship research thanks to the work of John and Julie Gottman. I wanted to discuss how we can apply some of these key lessons to build better relationship habits, and was grateful to have a conversation with Anna Aslanian, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who’s a certified Gottman Method therapist. 

For more about Anna, check out:

https://www.instagram.com/mytherapycorner/

https://mytherapycorner.com/

https://www.gottman.com/author/anna-aslanian-lmft/

If you’re enjoying the podcast…

JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.

Additional resources:

#85 - How to Help Someone w/ Relationship Anxiety + ROCD20 Aug 202400:31:16

If you are the partner of someone with relationship anxiety, this episode is for you.

 

If you have relationship anxiety and want to be able to ask your partner for more intentional support, this episode is for you!

 

Thank you to the help of the You Love and You Learn community on Instagram for this episode. I received dozens of answers to the question “how does your partner help you navigate relationship anxiety?” to influence this episode.

 

I cover:

  • How to help a partner with relationship anxiety
  • What to say and what not to say when they’re in an anxiety spike
  • Setting boundaries to protect your own energy 
  • Is giving reassurance helpful, or not?

…and more

 

PS–the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit is LIVE! You can get it here.

Additional resources:

#67 - The Unintended Consequences of Healing16 Apr 202400:43:26

‘Healing’ and growth are usually looked at as good things. But what happens when it becomes something we’re doing to try and be perfect and fix all the ‘bad stuff’?

 

If you feel like you ‘should’ be on a healing journey and growing, or else you’re doing something wrong and not going to live up to your ‘potential’ – this episode is for you. It’s a set of reminders that I come back to often, especially when my inner perfectionist tells me I’m not ‘healed’ enough.

If you’re enjoying the podcast…

JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.

Additional resources:

 

#66 - 5 Signs of Perfectionism in Relationships (and Life) w/ Kayla Licari09 Apr 202400:44:57

Perfectionism has been a big theme on the podcast, but it’s sooooo needed! I truly think perfectionism is one of the biggest impacts on how we show up in our life and relationship, so this episode is for all my high achievers who put the bar so high for themselves and others around them.

I sit down with Kayla Licari, a physician associate turned coach that helps perfectionists conquer overwhelm in love and life. After realizing she was burning out from overachieving, perfectionist loops that were ruining her marriage, she knew she had to find a way through and now helps others do the same.

We talk about 5 signs of perfectionism in your relationships and life; control, fear, judgment, resentment, and prioritizing your needs last.

For more of Kayla’s work, check out her Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themedicalperfectionist/

JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.

Additional resources:

#65 - Mastering Your Mind Drama w/ Rebecca Ore02 Apr 202400:49:25

Does it ever feel like your mind just won’t stop throwing thoughts at you? In this episode, I sit down with relationship coach Rebecca Ore to talk about how to ‘master your mind drama’ and take your power back from anxious thoughts and feelings. 

She shares her own journey of going from feeling insecure in relationships to valuing herself and feeling worthy through simple, tangible tools and reframes that you can use right away!

Resources Rebecca mentioned in the episode:

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers

Loving What Is Byron Katie

For more of Rebecca’s work:

Website: www.rebeccaorecoaching.com

Podcast: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2028082

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rebeccaorecoaching/

JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.

Additional resources:

#64 - Relationships Are Big Opportunities to 'Look in the Mirror'26 Mar 202400:30:24

Our partners and relationships are constantly reflecting things back to us, and if we’re willing to ‘look in the mirror’ we can learn so much. One way we can learn from our relationship is to notice when we’re projecting; “when we see the self in the other.”

In this episode, I normalize projecting (you’re not doing something ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’), give examples of projections in my relationship so you can notice them more in your own, and share steps to shift out of projection into more self-awareness (including 6 journal prompts to help you reflect).

If you’re enjoying the podcast…

JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.

Additional resources:

#63 - From Triggered to Trusting Yourself w/ McKell Kristen19 Mar 202400:47:28

Do you feel like you’re constantly comparing your relationship to others around you? Maybe you see a couple break up then worry you’re doomed to break up too. Or you see another couple doing something “better” than you and feel like your relationship isn’t good enough.

In this episode, I chat with relationship anxiety coach McKell Kristen about how to shift from being triggered about other people’s relationships to building a deeper trust in yourself and your relationship.

She shares the 3 R’s of self-trust and how to shift your perspective around relationship comparisons.

For more of McKell’s work, check out her Instagram https://www.instagram.com/mckellkristen/ and her free guide that she mentioned in the episode: https://relationshipanxiety.com/guidetolove/

JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.

Additional resources:

#62 - The "I'll Be Happy When..." Trap in Relationships12 Mar 202400:30:48

I’ll be happy when…

I find The One

my anxiety goes away

my partner acts this way

my partner looks just right

my feelings are what I expect them to be

these thoughts go away

We place so many rules on ourselves and our partners, and sometimes expect the perfect conditions to be in place in order for us to be happy or be content. In this episode, I break down why this “I’ll be happy when” trap isn’t helping ourselves and our relationships, and give you 5 practices to shift out of this.

JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.

Additional resources:

#61 - Cultivating Self-Compassion w/ Dr. Kristin Neff05 Mar 202400:50:33

In this episode I got to sit down with Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research who has been recognized as one of the most influential researchers in psychology worldwide. We talked all about her findings about self-compassion and how creating a more compassionate relationship with ourselves influences how we show up for others.

This episode covers:

  • the 3 pillars of self-compassion
  • how to implement the pillars of self-compassion in your life
  • how to feel your feelings without getting lost in them
  • Kristin’s findings on self-compassion within relationships
  • tools to help you practice self-compassion

…and more.

Check out Kristin’s website here: self-compassion.org

Check out Kristin’s Ted Talk here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvtZBUSplr4

Check out the self-compassion test here: https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-test/

JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.

Additional resources:

 

#60 - Taking Ownership for Relationship Anxiety w/ my client27 Feb 202401:05:28

A lot of times in our relationships, it’s easy to look at our partner and notice all the things they could be doing better. “It’s you, not me.”

What’s not-so-easy is taking the time to understand how our own beliefs, patterns, and past experiences contribute to the dynamic. “It’s not you, it’s me.”

In this episode, I sat down with a past private coaching client of mine who used to hyper-focus on all the ways her partner could be better.

She’s not 100% “fixed” (and that no longer is her goal), but she’s made big shifts in how she relates to her partner (and herself). I can’t wait for you to hear her story, and know you will learn a lot!

JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.

Additional resources:

#59 - Sex, Anxiety, and Sex Anxiety20 Feb 202401:20:33

If our sex life doesn’t match the steamy scenes from the movies, it can bring up a lot of anxiety: “am I with the right partner sexually?” “are we having enough sex?” “is our sex passionate enough?” etc.

And the ironic part is that all the pressure we place on ourselves and our sex life to be amazing can create the opposite outcome—feeling distracted and disconnected.

In this episode what I wish I learned about sex earlier (so I’d have lower sex-pectations) and how to show up intentionally when it comes to sex so it causes less anxiety.

If you’re looking for a group of like-minded people alongside you as you build a more secure, loving relationship with your partner (and yourself), join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community! For just $7/month you get access to a live Q&A coaching call, exclusive content only on Patreon, instant access to my webinar library (normally $108), and weekly community posts and discussions. Click this link to join.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Additional resources:

#58 - 5 Life-Changing Relationship Rules w/ Kimberley Quinlan13 Feb 202400:50:27

In this episode, I talk with Kimberley Quinlan, LMFT, about 5 relationship rules that changed her life. She’s been married for 20 years and has so much wisdom to share.

 

Here’s a sneak peek at the 5 life-changing relationship rules:

1. It is not your job or my job to manage our family’s emotions.

2. It is not your job to please the people you are in a relationship with.

3. They are allowed to have their feelings about our choices.

4. It is okay if they struggle to understand us.

5. You get to (and they get to) change their mind or change, period.

 

This conversation is jam-packed with helpful reminders about how to navigate the challenges that can come from relationships.

 

For more information about Kimberley and her offerings, check out her website: https://kimberleyquinlan-lmft.com/ 

Additional resources:

#84 - Why We Sabotage Healthy Relationships w/ Dr. Morgan Anderson13 Aug 202400:38:47

If you have ever felt like your healthy relationship is boring and the “vibes are off” – this episode is for you! I sat down with Dr. Morgan Anderson, a clinical psychologist, relationship coach, and host of the “Let’s Get Vulnerable” podcast. 

 

In this episode we discuss:

  • Why Morgan rejected, sabotaged, and avoided available love for so long
  • What emotional availability looks like 
  • What happens when we prioritize vibes, spark, chemistry
  • 3 reasons why we sabotage healthy relationships

…and more.

For more of Morgan’s work, check out:

Her Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmorgancoaching/

Her free resource: Www.drmorgancoaching.com/gift

If you’re loving the podcast…

JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.

Additional resources:

#57 - "Do I Stay, or Do I Go?"06 Feb 202400:37:55

“Do I stay or go?” “How do I know if a relationship is worth saving?” These are not-so-simple questions to answer, and can cause a lot of discomfort because of the uncertainty they drum up. 

 

In this episode, I explore three ways to reflect on these questions (not to get 100% certainty, but to get curious about how you think and feel); Are you looking for permission to stay or go? Are you willing to accept the consequences that come from the decision? What parts of you are looking to stay, and what parts of you are looking to go? (And what is the motivation of these parts?)

Additional resources:

#56 - "Are We Too Different?"30 Jan 202400:41:51

Have you ever wondered if you and your partner are too different? Too many personality clashes? “How will this ever work?”

 

In today’s episode I explore why personality differences can feel so threatening and challenging, some reframes about personality differences to help you see them in a new light, and give strategies to navigate personality differences with more acceptance. 

 

In the episode I mention my “is it anxiety or incompatibility?” webinar, which you can get here: https://www.youloveandyoulearn.com/ra-or-incompatibility-webinar

Additional resources:

#55 - The Gifts of Long Distance Relationships w/Hannah of @healingwithhan__23 Jan 202400:48:11

Long distance relationships can be very challenging, especially if you’re getting pressure from external sources. “When are you going to be living together?” “Are you sure you’re not wasting your time?” “You should only do long distance if you have an end-date in sight”

 

In this conversation I talk to Hannah Frewin of @healingwithhan__ about the ups and downs of long distance and how she went from being anxious and doubtful about her relationship and partner to feeling fulfilled within herself and then her relationship.

 

Hannah shares how her own healing journey completely transformed the way she thinks about long distance, and has so much wisdom to share!

 

For more about Hannah, check out…

Her Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healingwithhan__/?hl=en

 

Her free training: https://healingwithhan.mykajabi.com/opt-in

#54 - Jealous About Your Partner's Past? w/ Eva Thompson16 Jan 202400:47:49

Have you ever been jealous (or extremely jealous) of your partner’s past? Perhaps you’ve ruminated on their ex’s, asked them questions about their past, or felt like you can’t compare to people they’ve dated or been with intimately.

This experience is a little something called retroactive jealousy (RJ), and I’m excited to bring on Eva Thompson who helps people overcome retroactive jealousy and get rid of intrusive thoughts and mental movies about their partners past.

In this episode we talk about:

  • Eva’s personal experience with ROCD and retroactive jealously
  • what retroactive jealousy looks and sounds like in a relationship
  • the reasons why someone experiences RJ
  • why ROCD and RJ feel so real
  • what to do about RJ, how to turn it around

…and more.

To dive deeper into Eva’s work, check out the below:

Website:

https://overcomingrelationshipanxiety.com/

One on one sessions:

https://calendly.com/overcomingrelationshipanxiety/45min

Additional resources:

#53 - Comparison in Relationships09 Jan 202400:38:40

Do you tend to compare your relationship to others a lot?

Does it make you feel like your relationship isn’t up to par?

I’m right there with ya—comparison is something I’ve had a hard time with for most of my life. AND, it’s also something I’ve really worked on in the last few years and I’ve been able to see improvements in.

In this episode I dive into why comparison happens, what type of person is most likely to compare, the types of comparisons that can come up, how to change our relationship to comparison, and some reminders about comparison…

…all in the hopes that you can look at comparison in a new way and feel inspired to respond to it more intentionally.

Additional resources:

 

#52 - Leaning into Discomfort in Your Relationship w/ Robert James02 Jan 202401:02:27

In this episode, I sit down with Robert James, an OCD & anxiety coach who having spent years struggling with OCD, finally learned to overcome & now helps others to do the same.

We talked all about what it means to “lean into discomfort” in our journey to navigate relationship OCD and relationship anxiety (or general OCD and anxiety). Relationships bring up uncomfortable emotions at times, and if we shy away from them or react to them every time—we will be in for a bumpy ride.

Robert shares more about:

  • what leaning into discomfort looks like
  • how to practice acceptance in your relationship
  • the cycle of OCD and anxiety that often results in compulsive behaviors (and what to do instead)
  • how intentionally being in uncomfortable situations helps to reduce the fear of them
  • his journey with relationship OCD

You can find out more about Robert and his work at his website - https://www.robertjamescoaching.com

APPLY FOR PRIVATE COACHING HERE.

This is for you if you are in a relationship that you really want to work out yet your anxiety gets in the way, and you know that having someone who’s been in your shoes to guide and support you as you learn to navigate moments of anxiety would be invaluable.

Additional resources:

 

#51 - 6 Ways to Manage Relationship Impostor Syndrome26 Dec 202300:38:35

Do you ever worry that other people will discover that your relationship isn’t as shiny and perfect as they think it is? Or that you’ll somehow be exposed for experiencing relationship anxiety?

In this episode I’m responding to a You Love and You Learn community submission where someone shared they have a fear that “even though I am confident and content with my partner and relationship, someone else may see through it and call us out on our ‘bluff’ - that we are incompatible, not right, etc. No one has ever said this to us but the fear is there”

This episode talks more about that fear, how it contributes to relationship impostor syndrome, and 6 ways to manage relationship impostor syndrome.

Thank you so much for listening to the You Love and You Learn Podcast this year!

#50 - How Default Survival Responses Affect Relationships w/ Amanda Armstrong19 Dec 202301:04:47

In this episode I got to sit down with Amanda Armstrong who is a neuroscience and trauma-informed anxiety & depression coach. Amanda helped share more about how to understand our and our partner’s default survival responses, which play a HUGE role in how we show up in our relationships.

We talked about:

  • what a default survival response is and how it affects our life
  • how our default survival responses are formed
  • understanding our partner’s default survival response
  • how the different survival responses in a relationship can affect the dynamic
  • how we can use this awareness to show up differently in our life and relationship

…and so much more!

The below links share more about Amanda and and her work:

https://www.riseaswe.com/

https://www.instagram.com/amandaontherise/

https://pod.link/1674685974

Here are the podcast episodes that inspired this conversation:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6dqYmqtnjRQ2geRRrgB8Y8?si=9af8d8ff50ed4225

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5F5w3yVYCcihx2swMxr20m?si=01ae54e1ce674d3f

Additional resources:

 

#49 - Let Go of Controlling Habits in Your Relationship w/ Natalie of @anxiouslovecoach12 Dec 202300:59:50

One of the most challenging things to practice in relationships (and life) is releasing control of things that are not in our control. And one thing that is most definitely not in our control is our partner (or any other human), though there are many times where we end up unintentionally trying to control them.

 

This may not be intentional, but it’s something that can wear down a relationship if we are not mindful. In this episode, I bring back Natalie Kennedy of @anxiouslovecoach to discuss:

  • Her personal story and insights of letting go of control in her relationship
  • How we let go of control in our relationships 
  • If we want to have our partner lead us vs. leading them - how do we change our habits?
  • What is surrender in partnership?
  • How can we let go while also getting our needs met at the same time?
  • How to know if your relationship will meet your needs or not

…and so much more!

Check out more of Natalie’s work here:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/anxiouslovecoach/?hl=en

Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-anxious-love-coach/id1518652051

Additional resources:

#48 - Behind-the-Scenes of My Life and Relationship Amidst a Transitional Time05 Dec 202300:45:46

In this solo episode I’m sharing 7 reflections that have come up (or revisited my consciousness) over the last few months since moving home from Sweden with Nate.

This is me pulling the curtain back and sharing some behind-the-scenes of how my life and relationship have looked in this transitional time. My hope is it helps you feel less alone as you navigate the inevitable ebbs and flows of your relationship. 

If you’ve been enjoying the podcast, I’d greatly appreciate you leaving a 5-star rating and/or leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts with how the podcast has helped or impacted your life. Thank you so much for listening! I appreciate you.

APPLY FOR PRIVATE COACHING HERE.

This is for you if you are in a relationship that you really want to work out yet your anxiety gets in the way, and you know that having someone who’s been in your shoes to guide and support you as you learn to navigate moments of anxiety would be invaluable.

Additional resources:

#83 - Taking Our Partner Off The Pedestal w/ Charisse Cooke06 Aug 202400:49:27

I loved this conversation because time and time again this comes up in the work I do with clients (and it was a pattern in my own relationship). I sat down with Charisse Cooke, who is a London-based relationship psychotherapist with over 20 years experience. She helps individuals, couples and groups develop relationship skills and define love in a way that has meaning for them. 

 

In this episode we discuss:

  • what love addiction is and how we can take the thrill of the chase to extremes
  • what happens when we put our partner on a pedestal and have an idealized version of them
  • the question “do I love them, or am I just attached?”
  • what love is and what love isn’t so we can be more mindful
  • how our expectations and past traumas create certain patterns on our relationship

…and more.

For more of Charisse’s work, check out:

Her Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/charissecooke/

Her website: www.charissecooke.com

If you’re loving the podcast…

JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.

Additional resources:

 

#47 - Should You Tell Your Partner About Relationship Anxiety?28 Nov 202300:31:48

Should you tell your partner about your relationship anxiety? If so, how?

I’m often asked questions like: "How much should you disclose about your relationship anxiety to your partner to avoid making them feel bad or scared?"

Today I’m answering that question and telling you:

  • 3 things to consider before going to your partner about your anxiety
  • 3 things to consider if you do decide to have a conversation about your anxiety
  • A script you can use when you tell your partner (if you decide to)
  • What to do if they respond badly

…and more.

 

– 

APPLY FOR PRIVATE COACHING HERE.

This is for you if you are in a relationship that you really want to work out yet your anxiety gets in the way, and you know that having someone who’s been in your shoes to guide and support you as you learn to navigate moments of anxiety would be invaluable.

– 

Additional resources:

#46 - Do God/The Universe Give Signs About Your Relationship? 21 Nov 202300:54:24

In this week’s episode I got to sit down with a married couple who each experienced their own versions of relationship anxiety and are now married for 4+ years.

Joy is a licensed marriage and family therapist/relationship coach, and Mathieu is a relationship coach, and i n this conversation we address a common question in the relationship anxiety space - the question of “Is God/The Universe giving me signs about my relationship?”

We cover:

  • Joy and Mathieu’s relationship anxiety stories and experiences
  • Are God/The Universe trying to give us signs about whether to stay or go?
  • Do we have free will or are things predetermined?
  • Is there such thing as the perfect decision?
  • How does our intuition play into this?

…and more

Check out more of their work here:

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/joyrossignol/ 

Podcast - Connected and Committed https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/connected-and-committed/id1619614442

Additional resources:

#45 - Making Your Relationship Work w/ Mallory of @makemarriagework14 Nov 202300:45:18

I sat down with Mallory, a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and 1/2 of @makemarriagework to talk about what it takes to make a relationship work.

We cover:

  • What skills are helpful to resolve conflicts
  • Is conflict in a relationship bad? How do we shift our perspective of it?
  • What repairing disagreements looks like in real-time
  • What it means to stay emotionally in-tune with our partners
  • Tips for people to strengthen their relationship

…and more!

For more of Mallory’s work:

Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/makemarriagework/?hl=en

Her free workbook: https://www.mallorywolfgramm.com/free-resource

Book coaching with her: https://www.mallorywolfgramm.com/coaching2023

Additional resources:

 

#44 - Will I Suffer With Relationship Anxiety/ROCD Forever? w/ Christine07 Nov 202300:51:04

Very grateful to bring you another conversation with a private coaching client of mine, Christine. These conversations are so important for me because I want to peel back the curtain of others who experience relationship anxiety/ROCD to show you that you’re not alone and that you don’t have to suffer for the rest of your life,

Here’s what we talk about in this episode:

  • Christine’s journey with relationship OCD and what themes popped up for her most frequently
  • The fear that not doing compulsions (like ruminating) will mean you’re ignoring your intuition
  • How expectations of what type of partner we’ll end up with affect our ability to enjoy our relationship
  • Fear of regret and missing out on a past relationship, “the one who got away”
  • How Christine responds to ROCD moments now compared to how she used to (hint: it’s a way that helps her feel more peace and less anxiety)

…and so much more!

APPLY FOR PRIVATE COACHING HERE.

This is for you if you are in a relationship that you really want to work out yet your anxiety gets in the way, and you know that having someone who’s been in your shoes to guide and support you as you learn to navigate moments of anxiety would be invaluable.

Additional resources:

#43 - 7 Ways to Reduce Perfectionism In Our Relationships31 Oct 202300:34:48

Welcome back for part 2 of this 2-part series on perfectionism in our relationships. Be sure to check out episode #42 before diving into this one!

In this episode I share 7 ways to reduce perfectionism in our relationships. 

Sneak peek:

  1. Notice when perfectionism shows up in your relationship and life and what the effects are
  2. Come up with a meaningful “why” to grow or change
  3. Practice self-compassion and compassion for others
  4. Cultivate new, helpful beliefs that poke holes in perfectionism 
  5. Stop comparison to other people’s “perfect moments” on social media
  6. Focus on what is good enough, what is working, and what you appreciate
  7. Brush moments of perfectionism off and move forward 

APPLY FOR PRIVATE COACHING HERE.

This is for you if you are in a relationship that you really want to work out yet your anxiety gets in the way, and you know that having someone who’s been in your shoes to guide and support you as you learn to navigate moments of anxiety would be invaluable.

Additional resources:

 

#42 - How Perfectionism + Expectations Affect Relationships24 Oct 202300:32:46

Do you often feel disappointed in your relationship (or life) when things don’t go how you expect they will?

Do you have very specific ideas of how your relationship (and life) “should” feel or look, and worry that anything different means it’s “wrong?”

In this episode I share what perfectionism and Perfect Moment Syndrome (coined by author Sarah Wilson) are and how they affect our relationships.

I also explore how expectations affect how happy or unhappy we are in our relationships.

If this is resonating with you and you want to reduce perfectionism in your relationship…

APPLY FOR PRIVATE COACHING HERE.

This is for you if you are in a relationship that you really want to work out yet your anxiety gets in the way, and you know that having someone who’s been in your shoes to guide and support you as you learn to navigate moments of anxiety would be invaluable.

Additional resources:

#41 - Creating a Safe Space for Your Partner w/ Alexis 17 Oct 202300:40:06

I’m SO excited to bring you this conversation with Alexis, a past private coaching client. We worked together almost 3 years ago, and yet Alexis continues to use tools and practices from our work to this day.

Learning to show up in your relationship in a more grounded way is possible, and I wanted you to hear from someone who’s experienced relationship anxiety and learned how to navigate it in a much more helpful way.

Here’s what we cover in this episode:

  • Alexis’ relationship story and what led her to want to get help with relationship anxiety
  • What does creating a safe space for your partner look like?
  • How people-pleasing and caring what others think affect your relationship
  • The pressure to do things by a certain timeline in your relationship
  • Should you tell your partner about relationship anxiety? If so, how and when?
  • The importance of self-trust within your relationship

…and so much more!

APPLY FOR PRIVATE COACHING HERE.

This is for you if you are in a relationship that you really want to work out yet your anxiety gets in the way, and you know that having someone who’s been in your shoes to guide and support you as you learn to navigate moments of anxiety would be invaluable.

Additional resources:

 

#40 - Should You Set Social Media Boundaries w/ Your Partner? (& other popular questions)10 Oct 202300:37:55

In this special guest interview episode, I join actor and YouTube host Kate Easton for a conversation about relationship anxiety. She interviews me and we talk about:

  • How to set boundaries with our partner if they’re showing up in a way that makes us uncomfortable on social media
  • Reminders about comparing our relationship to someone else’s on social media
  • How much should we share about past relationships to current partners
  • How to not let our past relationship patterns affect our current relationship
  • Anxiety about not being in a relationship while other people around you are in relationships
  • A practice I share with my clients when you’re feeling anxious or out of control
  • “Is it anxiety or intuition?”

I loved this conversation because it discussed topics that hadn’t quite made their way to the You Love and You Learn podcast yet…enjoy!

Join October’s cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coaching here

Check Kate out here: instagram.com/itskateeaston

Yoga Nidra YouTube channel I mentioned in the episode: https://www.youtube.com/@SarovaraYoga/videos

Additional resources:

#39 - Why Do I Think About My Ex? w/ Lindsay O’Brien03 Oct 202300:45:05

Have you ever thought about an ex while in your healthy relationship? (maybe even an ex you’d been in an unhealthy relationship with?)

In today’s episode, I sit down with Lindsay O’Brien, a Dating Coach, Breakup Mentor, and Energy Healer who went through her own journey from divorce and narcissistic abuse to appreciating healthy, stable love.

We discuss how to take our ex’s off the pedestal to be more present and appreciative of the person in front of us.

Join October’s cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coaching here

For more of Lindsay’s work:

Instagram: @thereallovealchemist

Website:

https://thereallovealchemist.com/

YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCV3W4vAqYSBs6vU4E1vWx-g

Additional resources:

 

#38 - What Does it Mean to be Two-Feet-In a Relationship?26 Sep 202300:27:58

In this episode I answer a question from a You Love and You Learn community member: “you’ve mentioned something along the lines of ‘choosing to be all in and not one foot in, one foot out’ - I find myself feeling one foot out but I’m not sure what to do to feel two feet in. What does it mean to be two feet in? I say it in my head but then I’m not sure I’m choosing so in my actions.”

Join October’s cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coaching here! (enrollment closes October 13th and spaces are limited).

Additional resources:

#82 - How to Make Room for More Joy 30 Jul 202400:24:07

Do you ever notice yourself feeling good, then suddenly an anxious voice pops up saying “wait, shouldn’t I be worrying about something?” or “if I don’t worry about this–how will I figure it out?”

 

I’ve been here, and I used to sabotage most of my good feelings by jumping straight back into worry. In this episode, I explore:

  • Why fear can try to block us from experiencing joy
  • What patterns to look for (worry withdrawals, resistance)
  • How to respond to these patterns differently and widen your tolerance for joy 

PS–be sure to join my Instagram broadcast channel lovin’ and learnin’ for the latest updates on a new exciting offering I have coming soon. 

If you’re loving the podcast…

JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.

Additional resources:

#37 - Is your Relationship Healthy? w/ Dr. Molly Burrets19 Sep 202300:47:38

Have you ever questioned if your relationship is healthy or healthy “enough”? In this conversation with Dr. Molly Burrets we explore:

  • what it means to be in a healthy relationship
  • how to parse out what advice to listen to online when it comes to healthy relationships — we hear so much “this is healthy” or “this is not healthy” — how do we decide?
  • normal things in a relationship that get labeled as unhealthy
  • a tool to help you determine if something in your relationship should be addressed or not
  • differentiating between “I want this in my relationship” and “I should do this in my relationship”

…and more.

If you're worried you're in an abusive relationship, review signs of an abusive relationship here. 

Check out more of Dr. Molly’s work below:

Website: https://www.drmollyburrets.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmollyburrets/

Additional resources:

#36 - Communication, Conflict, and Connection w/ Jocelyn and Aaron Freeman 12 Sep 202300:39:29

Strengthening communication, navigating conflict, and deepening connection are 3 important pillars of a healthy relationship. I got the chance to chat with Jocelyn and Aaron Freeman of @meetthefreemans to explore these 3 pillars.

In this episode we cover:

  • how Jocelyn and Arron’s different upbringings, communication styles, and ways they responded to emotion affected their relationship
  • how to strengthen communication in your relationship
  • how often you should have relationship ‘check-ins’
  • how to “fight better” and repair disagreements
  • how couples can strengthen their connection

…and more.

Check out more of the Freeman’s work here:

Website: https://www.meetthefreemans.com/

Book: https://www.meetthefreemans.com/argument-hangover

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/meet_thefreemans/?hl=en

Additional resources:

#35 - Is Your Relationship Boring, or Are You?05 Sep 202300:28:53

Do relationships inevitably become boring after the “honeymoon phase” ends? If we’re feeling bored in our relationship—is that a sign something is wrong? I explore these questions and how to strike a balance between finding excitement in a relationship while also knowing that excitement 24/7 isn’t the goal.

If you’re ready to confidently navigate relationship anxiety…

Apply for private coaching here.

Additional resources:

 

#34 - Becoming More Securely Attached w/ Elizabeth Gillette29 Aug 202300:43:09

With all the buzz of attachment theory, it’s easy to think being securely attached is “better” and being insecurely attached is “worse.” But what if we were able to shift this perspective and bring a kinder, gentler approach to attachment theory?

In this episode, I sat down with Elizabeth Gillette, LCSW, who is an attachment specialist that supports her clients in developing secure ways of relating and improving their relationships.

We cover:

  • where our attachment styles originate
  • how to interrupt the guilt + shame that comes up during an insecure moment
  • “the work” needed to become a secure, loving partner
  • how to show up with more authenticity and integrity

…and more!

Here are the books Elizabeth Mentioned in the episode:

  • Hold Me Tight - Sue Johnson
  • Diane Poole Heller - The Power of Attachment
  • No Bad Parts - Richard Schwartz 
  • Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection - Deb Dana

Stay connected with Elizabeth here:

Additional resources:

 

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