We have wiped away the emotional cobwebs of the Depression Sessions and are ready for a little more unstructured fun. Christian picks up on Josh's brute force attempt to bring colour to the podcast before we both become self-conscious of our most overused phrases. We quickly move onto discussing workplace attire and some of the characters in our workplaces. Is there anything wrong with wearing an oodie to work? Is wearing a suit antiquated? 

Christian reflects on the clever parenting technique his Mum employed to make him do a law degree while Josh reckons with how casually he has adjusted to an increase in  spending to match his salary. We then grapple with the unfortunate reality that some people make more money than others despite their jobs having very little utility to the world.

We then change topic to a conversation about changing topics. Josh tells Christian about an attempted hard steer topic change at a recent party. Did he need a proper segue between topics or can Josh just launch into what he wanted to talk about? Christian reveals that he's always got a conversation "up the barrel" before he and Josh talk about whether they struggle to deal with silences in conversations. 

Josh then tells Christian about a new friend who carries a Rubik's Cube and we discuss people who become incredibly good at one thing. Finally, we agree that the best way to waste time is playing silly games with friends.

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On a cold Monday night in August 2024, tired from just existing, Josh and Christian decided to record Patch 133, "The Depression Sessions" aka Frankly Mr Chatly. For any first time listeners, this is not the Patch for you. 

Christian and Josh reflect on winter and the sadness of realising that you're already half way through the year. Christian and Josh then exchange some stories from a night out the week before; Christian looks like a little boy, Josh accidentally made a back zipper on his costume's pants.

After a rubbish day, how do you self soothe? Do you get cosy like Josh? Do you need to numb your brain like Christian? Christian and Josh discuss ASMR, weighted blankets and keeping your mind distracted.

Christian then asks Josh whether there's a healthy level of overthinking? How do you handle overthinking? Are you a good communicator? We then throw down some real introspection about our capacity to communicate with those around us. We also ask, what are your tools for falling asleep?

Finally, we get really depressed over the bottomless pit of online content. 

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Christian found a fantastic parking spot opposite the church at his nephew’s christening but isn’t sure whether the spot should be reserved for immediate family. Dion quickly finds a parallel to another moment Christian found a premium parking spot on the day of his auction. Does the finders keepers rule apply to parking spots? Or should you be considerate of those who may need to spot more than you? 

We then ponder, why do humans refrain from stealing those enormous mounds of gravel and mulch dumped in driveways? Dion reveals that he may be a mulch thief while Josh can’t help but equate driveway mounds with takeaway fish and chips. Can you take clippings of a neighbours rosemary bush? Do you feel safe leaving items outside your home unattended? Why aren’t we more concerned about mail theft? Is it because of all the dead snails in everyone’s mailbox? Should we have more faith in our community? 

Finally, Josh reflects on a recent temporary toilet experience and asks Dion and Christian what their ultimate setup would be.  Dion reveals that after walking into a temporary toilet, he goes in for a big little sniff while Christian fawns over a tap that provides constant flow via a foot pump mechanism. We also discuss, when do you feel rushed in the toilet and Patchwork’s first ever trigger warning. 

With very special guest Really Good and a naughty old man Dion goes to the library 

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Did you go on theme park rides as a child? How long should you suck on hard candy? How much hospitality do you show a tradesperson? 

With special guests, Oh Wow and of course, Really Good.

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Should you share roll on deodorant with someone else? Where should you use a small hot towel? Do you tuck in your sheets?

With special guests, Scrolling Through Time and a new friend, Plate or Bowl.

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Performing the perfect scooch manoeuvre; what to do with a wet tram seat and playing host for your housemate's guests. Featuring Oh Wow, Really Good and Tim Allen.

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In the first Patch for Season 4, Christian, Dion and Josh discuss packing for overseas holidays; when you should ask someone how their day's been and the efficacy of wearing a good looking, broken watch.

Featuring special guests, Oh Wow of the Week, Scrolling Through Time and Really Good.

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Our first ever live show is available to stream and watch. You can listen via your every day podcast app or you can watch us on YouTube HERE   

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Recorded live from The Grace Darling Hotel on May 25 2019.

For the first time in front of a live audience, Christian, Dion and Josh discuss being photogenic, printing out tickets for live events, washing down food with a drink and their 'pillow situation'. With very special guests, Forgive Me Father and a LIVE AUDIENCE! 

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Season 4 returns on Wednesday June 26! If you're craving some new WTP right now, head over to our Patreon for the FULL VIDEO of our first live recording from The Grace Darling Hotel in Melbourne (patreon.com/welcometopatchwork)

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Our final episode for Season 3. Featuring an unfunny friend's hilarious response; Dion suffers the chimes of Christian's cascading alarms and the link between gifts and events.

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Christian, Dion and Josh reflect on the Season 3 that was. Dissecting their poor hygiene, double-dipping and learning to stack the dishwasher. Featuring very special guest, Microbiologist Mark to serve Welcome to Patchwork a Petrie dish full of Season 3 corrections.

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With very special guest, Alex Dyson! Featuring Christian's failing green thumb, issues with tissues and hiding your spare keys for guests.

Alex has a podcast with Kyran Wheatley called Mirth!

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Christian takes a deep dive into smelling better, decoding washing machines and signing the back of credit cards. Plus Forgive Me Father, Oh Wow and of course, Really Good.

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Christian has finally found the elderly neighbours he’s been looking for and, typically, they came in the form of a bowl of tomatoes. Dion questions the neighbours' motives and warns Christian by recounting the parable of his neighbour in sheep’s clothing. We then chat about rubbish collection and Josh laments finding a mystery coffee cup at the bottom of your freshly emptied bin. 

Are you confident when cutting food in half? Are you worried about the dreaded ‘bigger half’? Does a muffin deserve better than Dion ripping it in half like a maddened primate? Josh falls on his sword and will always let his partner take the half they want while Christian proclaims that we’ve given individuals too much power to control the size of their slices. Dion wants to know, how an orange should be cut and we discuss the fundamentals of sharing. 

Dion then asks us to ponder the age old question, what is a businessman? We dissect the words ‘cofounder’ and ‘entrepreneur’ and make fun of Josh for his pronunciation of the words. Stocks, briefcase, suit, computer - are these businessman? If the briefcase is flat, where does the lunch go? And why do people still wear a suit to work? 

With very special guests "Scrolling Through Time" and "Patchword Of The Day"

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Christian sweats over his water bottle, refusing to catch up with new friends and Josh wonders how many reminders you need to give people before an event. Plus Quick Quiz, Oh Wow and of course, Really Good.

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Josh takes advantage of the facilities, skipping the queue and the limits to housemate sleepovers.

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Josh keeps a text message close to his chest, a cross to the Australian Open broadcast and presenting a funny video to a friend.

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Josh tries to find Dion's hidden bar, trusting GPS directions, the Hubba Hubba Rooibos challenge and Forgive Me Father.

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A Patchwork Christmas special featuring the return of Timmy and Santa, saying goodbye at gatherings and interacting with children.

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The final instalment of Mr Minute, elevator chat, Dion's deception and disappointing actions by restaurants.

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Signing legal documents for friends, setting alarms in the morning and employee name tags. With special guests Mr. Minute and Wheelie Good.

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Patchword of the Day, the last time you dropped your phone and the concept of food envy. With special guests Mr Minute and Really good!

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Featuring Andy Lee from the Hamish & Andy duo, blinking in photos, birthday cards and the Andy-pasto. With very special guests Forgive Me Father, Mr Minute and Really Good.

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Featuring Josh eating an apple cutting the crust and answering questions about your holiday. With special guests, Mr. Minute and Really Good.

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Ohhhhh wow! We're back from 7 months off and we're out of practice. We kick off by recalling a micro highlight from our trips abroad: Christian visited a Christian themed amusement park, Dion visited a capybara themed amusement park for ducks and Josh watched a man interact with natural history. 

Christian starts the episode proper by lamenting his ability to casually organise an event. Are you someone who can casually put together an event and be fine not knowing who is coming and when? If an invite says, "get there anytime from 4pm", what arrival time would be considered late? Should you ask your 'core group' to arrive earliest? We then celebrate 'Regrets Only' invites.

Josh then asks Christian and Dion for the techniques they employ to subtly glance at someone else. Dion admits that he struggles to find people using clock face directions - "your 5 o'clock" while Christian worries about a quick turn around resulting in a punch in the face. We then plan out the best ways to guide another person as they attempt a subtle glance and how to avoid being caught. As per Welcome to Patchwork, we then quickly touch on our greatest insecurities... no problem. 

Finally, Dion discloses the average number of photos taken per day on his trip and we go on to discuss the utility of holiday photography. Do we actually need to take photos on our trips given ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING HAS ALREADY BEEN DONE AND SAID AND THERE IS NO POINT EXISTING ANYMORE? Also... how good is a candid shot?    

We also play Sound Check and Time to Think.

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Tales from Tasmania; Dion tries sleeping in a hostel and how to store your cups. With special guests Mr Minute and Really Good.

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Christian's Apple watch purchase and Josh's biscuit eating habits. With special guests Mr Minute, Do You Remember? and Really Good.

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#MugQuest, Dion's increasing frustration with Google Home, our discussion about the party pop-in pops back in and the Curry, No Hurry Cross-Examination. With very special guests Oh Wow of the Week and Really Good.

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The Patchwork host cheatsheet, we revisit email signatures and what to do with mail that's not yours. With a special retrospective-style take on Oh Wow of the Week and Really Good, plus Josh vs. Google; our final Rooibos Challenge for the Season.

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Josh's Bone to Pick with a listener, the Patchwork hosts get dressed up, debating Dion's deliberate misappropriation, getting out of conversations and our thoughts on gyms. With very special guests Oh Wow, Really Good and Baby Boomers Booting Up.

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Christian and Dion's defining tram ride, Pythagoras pulls the short stick; being distracted on tours, taking photos with celebrities, leaving notes for strangers and Josh does some investigating. With very special guest, Oh Wow, Really Good and some Patchwork Nursery Rhymes.

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Dion's chilling discoveries, Christian leverages a favour and we discuss the best ways to tell someone to shut the f**k up. With very special guests, Oh Wow, Really Good and the final instalment of Curry, No Hurry.

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The lesser of two carbonated evils, getting trapped by the Offside rule, Patch #24 gets reviewed, the metrics of cancelling plans and Part 2 of Curry No, Hurry. With very special guests, Oh Waleed of the Week and Really Good.

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The Highs and Lows of Josh's Great Social Experiment; Murphy's Buttered Toast, the Future of Cigarette Packaging and Part 1 of another Christian epic, 'Curry, No Hurry.' With very special guests, Really Good, Oh Wow and Trent's Rooibos Challenge.

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This week and we're joined by comedian, writer, "Two In The Think Tank" podcast host and mug recipient Andy Matthews. Featuring Patchwork catering, a visit from the Thompsons and Andy forgets to turn on Petrol Station mode. With very special guests Oh Wow, Show and Tell and Really Good.

Andy's Podcast: 'Two In The Think Tank' http://stupidold.com.au/podcast

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Dearest Patchworkers, we're taking a bit of a break. Christian is doing some extended travel so there won't be regular releases for pretty much the rest of the year.

We can't thank you enough for your support over the last 6 years. Looking forward to being back in your favourite podcatcher sometime again in the future. But for the moment, it's goodbye. Big hugs and three loud kisses oxxx

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Melbourne based comedian, Laura Dunemann, visits the WTP studios to discuss her very concrete fear of flying, fighting over the front seat and kissing fruit. With very special guests Oh Wow, Show N Tell and Really Good.

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The A to Zincs of living a healthy lifestyle, dealing with cluttered inboxes and Josh, again, proves frugal with his approval. With very special guests Oh Wow, Forgive Me Father and Really Good.

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Christian can't let silence sit, Dion can't stop blinking and Josh tells us about his experiences going cold chappie. Featuring specials guests House Swap, Oh Wow and Really Good.

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Josh’s attitude to takeaway food containers, Dion gets his shoes repaired, Josh and Dion confront their friend Jackson, paying for meals, a new Rooibos Challenge, Oh Wow of the Week and Really Good!

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Christian uses Google Home for the first time, we discuss our toilet habits and transitioning to adulthood, Christian wins a competition he never entered, Dion opens the door on an unsuspecting victim. Plus, Oh Wow of the Week and Really Good.

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Christian and his friend bring holy bread to a music festival, meshy shorts, ruggers, and what constitutes underwear, unfriending someone on Facebook, and Christian whimps out. Plus Forgive Me Father, Oh Wow of the Week and Really Good!

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In this special Christmas Patch, Josh gets no love from a girl at Officeworks, we chat about our Christmas experiences, including gift giving and visiting Santa, with special guests Oh Ho of the Week and Really Good!

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Dion visits Christian's Italian Grandparents house, Josh attempts to get repairs done in his rental house, we discuss if you should wait for your friend to enter their house after dropping them off, as well as if there are too many hellos and goodbyes in the world. Also featuring regulars 'Oh Wow of the Week' and 'Really Good'

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Dion dirties Christian’s car, the perfect voicemail message, The Confessional, discussing life’s routines including sleeping and clipping nails, and of course, Really Good!

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Dion's mum reviews Patchwork, revisiting dirty laundry protocol, childhood bedrooms, becoming a man, revisiting bullying, Oh Wow of the Week, Rooibos Challenge, Christian as an Extra again and Really Good.

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Christian receives a mysterious hand gesture from a concerned citizen but manages to decipher it. 

We also ponder the age old question - what's the difference between 'tips' and 'advice'? Christian's psych definitely got it wrong when asked about travel tips. This conversation devolves into Christian and Dion bullying Josh for having the audacity to talk to his friends about things that he is passionate about. 

Dion tells us his strategies for picking an aisle when he needs to traverse through the chemist. We also discuss what we love to browse in the pharmacy while waiting for our script.

With very special guests "Scrolling Through Time" and "Sound Check"

This will be the last full episode of Welcome to Patchwork for quite some time. We've got a little clip for you coming next week, with details. It's been real. 

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Christian tells us about his ethnic upbringing (again), we revisit gift-giving, Josh hosts a houseparty, a sketch that didn't make the cut, Monotoly returns, Sah Great and a different take on 'Really Good' and a very special guest.

Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us, get an extra mini-patch every-second week and get access to behind-the-scenes videos. Visit https://linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork for more info and links to our social media.

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

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What to do when your fly is undone, have food in your teeth or notice clothes tags showing, conventions relating to sneezing and bless you, the Mattress Story, rules for “Established In”, Oh Wow of the Week and Really good.

Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us, get an extra mini-patch every-second week and get access to behind-the-scenes videos. Visit https://linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork for more info and links to our social media.

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

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Josh sells stuff on Gumtree, Burgo's Storage Unit, A Casual Quest, Christian's infamous escapade, Mad Lifts, sustainability and Really Good.

Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us, get an extra mini-patch every-second week and get access to behind-the-scenes videos. Visit https://linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork for more info and links to our social media.

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.