Kel from Expansive Connection coaching joins us to discuss some of the benefits and challenges one may encounter when choosing to explore the non-monogamous lifestyle. Kel shares from her perspective of being a certified relationship coach and also from her experience being non-monogamous with her partner.

Resources mentioned:

We Gotta Thing podcast episode 33: "How the Lifestyle Strengthens our Relationship"

We Gotta Thing podcast episode 41: "A Licensed Counselor (and swinger) Breaks Down Jealousy"

Sex and Psychology by Justin Lehmiller- podcast episode 215: "Dealing in Differences in Relationships"

Having experienced counseling ourselves over the past few months, we invite Catherine from Expansive Connection to talk with us about how those in non-monogamous relationships benefit from getting guidance from professionals. Also, we share some exciting news about the future of the We Gotta Thing podcast! 

Chris and Nancy share their amazing and unique story of finding the lifestyle through a period of intense emotional exploration after being together for more than 20 years. We've learned that no relationship journey into the lifestyle is the same but we so all experience our own twists and turns. We hope you enjoy listening to them tell their story!

Many couples ask about how to 'successfully' navigate a clothing optional resort. How do we find couples like us? How do we socialize with others without them thinking it's an invitation to play? How do we let couples down if we don't want to play? How do we interact with couples the day after we play?

Listen in as we discuss our own experiences and how we see others managing this very common dilemma. 

In advance of our group trip to Temptation Grand Miches in the Dominican Republic we visited the resort to experience it ourselves. Through construction delays, supply chain disruptions, hurricanes and normal growing pains the resort is now open for business! Listen in as we describe what we enjoyed and what we think still needs to be improved upon to bring it up to par with the Desire Pearl and Riviera Maya resorts in Mexico.

We hear story after story about the difficulties many (and mostly newer) couples in the lifestyle experience when encountering 'cliques' while attending events, visiting clubs or attending parties or meet and greets.

Are they really cliques or could it be our perception of others based on things we observe or the feelings we experience at such events? Will they really reject us or ignore us if we have the courage to approach them or could this a predisposed fear of rejection?

Join us as we dig deeper into what cliques really are and how to manage and navigate groups in an unfamiliar and sexually charged environment.

Listen in on our conversation with our friends "J&B 2.0" as they share their particular story of how they discovered and began exploring the lifestyle together! They are funny, smart and very real as they share their experiences in hopes of helping others who may be embarking on a similar journey.

Origin Stories is an interview based podcast format that we will occasionally publish to help you experience the diverse and unique lifestyle journeys of others.

Finding lifestely events and then choosing which event is the best fit for your approach to the lifestyle can be difficult and often confusing. Listen in as we chat with event host Cate from Libertine Events and the Wanderlust Swingers podcast. We'll share insights and answer questions from couples exploring the lifestyle and facing the same challenges.

Listen in as our event guests discuss working through their individual fears, anxieties and challenges at a clothing optional resort during our week together at Desire Pearl Resort just south of Cancun, Mexico.

We sit down with four of our lifestyle friends and share real stories about what it's like to experience hurt feelings during an event and how to dissect, debrief, discover and confront the root cause of the issue.

As much as it hurts sometimes, we discuss why we think it's important to work through the issues together in order to experience personal growth and strengthen our relationships.

We discuss four distinct behaviors we consider to be deal breakers to moving forward and possibly making new lifestyle friends and connecting with potential play partners.

1. Sharing opinions on politics, religion or other emotionally charged topics
2. Being closed minded or  judgmental toward others
3. Being 'tone deaf,' or not being able to read the room
4. Trying too hard to make something happen

What do you think? What behaviors do you consider to be deal breakers?

Listen in as we review the brand new "The Eden" section of Desire Riviera Maya! We also enlist the help of many of our friends in a live recording from the resort to share how they challenged themselves to become a bit 'less vanilla' during our recent group trip.

Finding your tribe, making lifelong friends, connecting for sexy playtime and growing your primary relationship are just a few ways to define 'success' in the lifestyle.

Many may mistakenly believe you can just fill out a profile and 'show up' to quickly enjoy these benefits. We have learned that just like in life, you must both put in the hard work over a period of time to experience all the lifestyle has to offer.

Are you ready to put in the hard work? We believe the reward is worth the effort!

New Relationship Energy (NRE) is that sexual buzz we feel when we first meet and connect with a couple or individual. We discuss navigating this heightened state of emotional and sexual feelings by processing it, understanding it, keeping it in perspective and responding to it in a healthy  way.

NRE can feel scary and risky but we believe if it's understood and managed well it can provide a super charged experience and be very meaningful (and a whole lot of fun) for all involved.

As the idea and exploration of consensual non-monogamy continues to grow we have noticed the need for organized community. The different flavors and diverse approaches means that one size does not fit all needs. 

We invited our friends Fin and Emma from the Normalizing Non-monogamy podcast to chat with us about their community and how the four of us see how communites are forming and how to find the one that fits you best.

Here are a few communities to explore:

• Normalizaing Non-monogamy community
• We Gotta Thing community
• Multi-amory community
• Bloom community platform
• Bonobo network 

Not only do they offer a 'judgment free' zone but they bring their certified credentials and experience in the lifestyle.  Learn more about what an experience will be like with Catherine and Expansive Connection below.

Expansive Connection

Expansive Connection in the We Gotta Thing Community

NNM Enneagram Episode 1

NNM Enneagram Episode 2

NNM Enneagram Episode 3

NNM with Catherine

Some use the term 'jealous' when these things happen but we'd like to dive a little deeper and talk about why we use the the word envy as opposed to jealousy.

We reflect back on our experience of being outed and discuss what we've learned (and are still learning) during the process. Yes, it's painful but it's not the end of the world!

Listen in as our guests share their Desire Pearl 2021 snapshots in a recorded-live conversation from the resort! Some are thoughtful and meaningful, some are sexy and others are downright hilarious! Oh, and we share ours as well...

Our new 'What's Your Thing?' sexy and smart card game is now available!

Here is our updated Naughty Stockings list just in time for the holiday shopping season (or any season really)...

This month we discuss why other couples reject us when reaching out from a lifestyle dating site and how to improve our chances of success in the future.

This episode complements our episode 62 "Putting Yourself Out There - Lifestyle Profiles 2.0" and our blog post on the same topic titled "Our First Online Couple Profile."

Most of us have mastered being 'adult-like' in all aspects of our lives. We are experienced at life. We are parents, spouses/partners, coaches, employees, teachers, leaders and friends. We've become accustomed to situations that require a mature and thoughtful response (most of the time anyway!).

However, when engaged in non-monogamy we can experience new things and perhaps even some new feelings. We are sharing ourselves and our partners initmately with others. Our relationship is now at risk so the stakes are high. Situations will arise that invoke strong emotions in a way we may not have experienced before and it can be difficult not to act out in ways that may hurt others or push them away.

In this episode Catherine, a licensed therapist from Expansive Connection Coaching talks about what is happening inside our brains and how we might be able to anticipate and respond 'like adults' when things don't go as we expect.

We discuss the importance of trust from four different angles: trusting your relationship, trusting each other, trusting other couples and trusting who you are becoming in the lifestyle.

Also, I (Mr Jones) share my first ever experience getting waxed...

Group play can be fun but also tricky! In this episode we explore the benefits and pitfalls and share our perspective on how we approach and navigate playing in larger groups.

We also recap our very first Desire Mansion takeover event!

No matter how long you've been in the lifestyle you are going to make mistakes. So we've come up with a few tips to help you minimize those mistakes and make your play experiences more meaningful and fun!

In this episode we discuss how our perceptions change to our reality the more we are exposed to actual events. All of us have pre-lifestyle perceptions, newbie lifestyle perceptions and even veteran lifestyle perceptions that can change- but only if we take a step (or two) forward and try new things.

Blog post mentioned: That One Time in Band Camp

There are perceptions in the lifestyle that a woman must be 'bi-something' to attract and connect with other couples. On the men's side of things there is a double standard and a stigma attached to being 'bi-something' in the lifestyle.

In this episode our goal is to dispel some myths and share our personal views around each in an attempt to provide a safe space for sharing thought provoking conversations in the lifestyle. We believe these conversations must occur for people's minds to be opened and more accepting to those interested in exploring being 'bi-something' in the lifestyle.

Perhaps you have not had your first play experience yet or haven't had one in a very long time due to the current pandemic.

Preparing for that first play experience creates a lot of build up, anticipation and nerves. No matter how that first time goes one can lose sight of the fact that it's only one experience and should not be the benchmark for all future play times in the lifestyle!

Do you struggle with if, when and how to tell other couples you're not interested in meeting? What about after you've played and you've lost interest? What if they ask you why you aren't interested?

What if you are the recipient of a 'let down' message? Do you want to know why or would you rather just move on to the next couple? Does the sting of rejection ever get easier?

We invite you to listen in as we discuss this topic from both sides!

Not only does real life often get in the way of engaging in the lifestyle, but simply staying sexually connected as a couple is a struggle. Add a global pandemic to the mix and you have the perfect storm of events that make this struggle almost impossible to avoid.

In this episode we really don't have solutions to the issue, we simply share where we are in this so that as a couple you know you are not alone.

We believe there are three important components of compatibility that we need to consider when trying to find connections with people in the lifestyle: General Compatibility, Safety & Health Compatibility and Sexual Compatibility.

In this episode we define these components, discuss why they are critical for success and how to know if such compatibility exists when you're meeting new friends.

In this episode we discuss the idea that there is a unique language spoken by those in the swinging lifestyle. We believe this language is comprised of four distinct elements: the language of speaking, the language of listening, the language of the body and the language of behavior.

We also believe becoming fluent in this language will help smooth the pathway forward and help you more easily connect with others.

Being vulnerable is not easy and may not come natural for some, espcially when exploring the lifestyle. We tend to wall off our personal lives because we're worried about people knowing too much about us. We don't want to be known. We're here just to have some sexy fun, right?

In this episode we talk about how being vulnerable has led to some amazing friendships as well as a lot of sexy fun with people who care. The more we share the more we gain confidence, become more attractive to others and most importantly discover our authentic selves!

Join our community and download our brand new WGT app here!

We talk a lot about all the special friendships we've made in the lifestyle and many of you express frustration over finding the type of connections we describe.

In this episode we offer tips on what it takes to be successful finding and building special relationships with those who will become true friends! 

It's not a secret that engaging in the lifestyle can be expensive! In this episode we discuss budgeting tips for your lifestyle adventures and why we prioritize spending money on us as an investment in our relationship.

Men are programmed through all aspects of life to avoid showing interest in other women. But now we are in this lifestyle where other women expect us to show some interest. This is so confusing! How are us guys supposed to know when you ladies are interested in getting to know us better?

Get out your notepads for this episode as Mrs Jones sets us all straight in the matter...

Before entering the lifestyle or becoming experienced in the lifestyle we never imagined doing some of the things we've actually done and things we've learned about the lifestyle. We share how our perspectives change over time and also share what some of our listeners have to say about their own experiences!

Mentioned: Room 77 Podcast with Richard and Lauren

As we are mired in the current pandemic many of us are being pulled back away from our social and sexual mindsets. When we are concerned about our jobs, our children, our families and our health we need to be deliberate to ensure our relationships and our sexuality is a priority!

We discuss the difficulty of resolving the tension between who we are wired to be as humans and who we are trained to be by society.

Mentioned in this episode:
Brene Brown Unlocking Us Podcast
Casual Toys store
We Gotta Thing website

Erectile Dysfunction and Performance Anxiety are often misunderstood by many in the lifestyle. Numerous couples experience this issue but don't take the time to acknowledge, openly discuss, research and confront the issue head on.

Normally us guys would rather get a prescription for a performance enhancing medicine but never understand and treat the underlying health and psychological issues.

Mr Night returns to give us his professional opinion and we share our views as an experienced lifestyle couple.

As we all focus on staying well during this pandemic we thought it a good time to talk about a few health related issues and how they impact our lifestyle journey.

"Mr Night" is a certified Family Nurse Practitioner of 20 years and is also a certified Bio-identical Hormone Replacement Specialist. He and his wife "Mrs Night" are also in the lifestyle and join us to discuss how diet, exercise, hormones and supplements can be used to proactively manage our health as we age.

Questions for "Mr Night" can be sent to us through our We Gotta Thing website.

To learn more about hormone replacement and how to find a reputable provider visit worldlinkmedical.com

We've all heard the term 'opposites attract' when talking about relationships. Does the same hold true when finding connections in the lifestyle? Do we search for people just like our partners or do we find ourselves attracted to those who are the opposite?

Listen in as we discuss our preferences and what we're still learning about ourselves and each other as we continue to navigate this lifestyle.

Mentioned:
Casual Toys
USA Transfers
Everlywell STI Testing
Double Date Nation
Kasidie
Desire Resorts Discounts

We are all guilty of creating false narratives and making up those stories in our heads as we consider approaching another couple in the lifestyle. Sometimes we don't even give the other couple a chance because we are certain we know the ending of the story! We convince ourselves that they are out of our league, or they won't find us attractive, or they will probably just reject us.

We talk with our friends Andi and Dave from the lifestyle dating site Double Date Nation about how we can all recognize when we begin telling our own story and how to intervene to help create the true story!

In this episode we discuss the issue of 'Kissing and Telling' in the lifestyle. How do you feel about couples sharing personal details about a private play experience? Do you share details with others to include the names of your play partners? Is there ever a good reason to Kiss and Tell? Listen in as we discuss our opinions in the matter!

Are you the type of person who puts the feelings of others above of your own? Do you want to have a stronger voice when someone suggests something you don't necessarily want to do? You are not alone! Listen in as we discuss how and why this happens in a non-monogamous lifestyle and what the potential fallout, consequences and sometimes benefits can be!

Listen in on our conversation with a resort full of imperfect but beautiful ladies! The ladies of Desire discuss what they've had to realize and overcome in order to enjoy and grow into the lifestyle. Along the way the are discovering real transformation both in themselves and in relationships with their partners.

We all agree consent is a bedrock principle in the lifestyle but most conversations around this topic focus on verbal consent.  We'll talk about using our words but will also consider two additional dimensions: non-verbal consent (body language) and giving yourself consent.

Topic- Some people are either put off by the term "swinger" or have misperceptions of what it really means today. We've decided to use the term 'Social Sexy' to describe how we view and engage with others in the world of ethical non-monogamy.

Mentioned: Our friend "Ess" is a boudoir photographer. Check him out on Instagram and read his recent blog post on our website!

We discuss identifying red flags in other couples and how to respond when you see them. We also talk about red flags that pop up within your own relationship and how, if left unresolved can lead to you becoming a red flag to other couples. Listen in as we work through one of our own red flags!

When first considering reasons for entering the lifestyle making lifelong friends is not normally the goal. But after getting used to connecting with people and having some sexy playtimes we begin to realize how 'human' our lifestyle friends are and how these friendships are sometimes deeper, more meaningful and more real than any we've had before.

We talk about our pathway to discovering our tribe in the lifestyle and just how special some of these friendships have become!