Unfucking Midlife with Ashley Kelsch – Détails, épisodes et analyse

Summary of the Podcast

Today I am diving deep into the transformative power of combining cognitive work with nervous system regulation, especially in the context of dating, relationships, and healing trauma with Elisabeth Kristof, founder of Brain-Based Wellness and co-host of Trauma Rewired, the Apple Top 100 podcast.

Our conversation reveals why many people find themselves stuck in repeated patterns—like unhealthy relationship dynamics or emotional cycles—and how understanding the brain and body connection can help break free from them.

Tune in to gain a better understanding of how trauma and subconscious beliefs, often stored in the body, drive behaviors, even when we intellectually know better.

By addressing these deeper layers and equipping ourselves with tools to regulate the nervous system, it becomes possible to create healthier relationship patterns, build resilience, and open the door to meaningful change.

If you want to explore more of Elisabeth’s work, you can start with two weeks for free by going to Brain-Based Wellness.

What You’ll Discover:

* The Root of Relationship PatternsLearn how unresolved trauma and stored beliefs in the body can lead to repeated cycles of unhealthy relationships.

* The Role of the Nervous System in DatingDiscover how disregulation, such as being stuck in fight, flight, or freeze modes, can impact your ability to connect and create intimacy.

* Practical Tools for ChangeExplore actionable strategies to regulate your nervous system, process emotions, and develop a greater sense of safety in your body.

* Breaking the CycleUnderstand how integrating cognitive reframing with body-based practices can help you finally move past old patterns and step into healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

* Neuroplasticity in ActionGain insight into how the brain’s ability to adapt and rewire allows for profound, lasting transformation when paired with body-focused work.

By the end of this episode, you’ll walk away with the knowledge and tools to start shifting ingrained patterns, make empowered choices in dating and relationships, and foster a deeper connection with yourself and others. Whether you’re recovering from past trauma or seeking to build healthier relationship habits, this podcast offers a roadmap for real, sustainable change.

Bio: Elisabeth from Brain-Based Wellness

Elisabeth Kristof, MA, is an expert in nervous system health for trauma resolution and behavior change. She is the founder of Brain-Based Wellness, an online platform that trains the nervous system and body to resolve old patterns, improve performance and increase well-being. She is co-host of Trauma Rewired, the Apple Top 100 podcast that teaches you about your nervous system, how trauma lives in the body and what you can do to heal.

Elisabeth is a certified applied neurology and somatic’s practitioner who has been in the wellness industry since 2007. She works with entrepreneurs, athletes, leaders and creatives to improve resilience, manage stress and regulate emotions through intentional, science-based brain training.

Her research and work with hundreds of clients taught her that healing and change must occur in both the body and the mind, that each body, mind, and nervous system is unique, and most importantly, that with the right tools, we are all capable of healing.

She is also the founder of Neuro-Somatic Intelligence Certification, an ICF-accredited course that teaches leading-edge, somatic coaching that creates client transformation from the body to the brain.

Learn more about her work and offerings at Brain-Based Wellness.

Unfucking Midlife is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

 Hey there, and welcome to Unfucking Midlife. I'm Ashley Kelsch your host, and I'm so excited you're here. Whether you're in midlife, approaching it or just curious about what it's all about, this podcast is for you.

Let's face it, Midlife is a mind fuck. It's the, um, phase of life, the pause where we stop, rethink, and figure out what's next.

It's a time of big shifts and transitions, and society has all these expectations about how we're supposed to age, how we're supposed to behave, what we're supposed to accept as our time is up.

 Honestly, I'm not here for that. This podcast is having real conversations and sharing raw stories about the stuff people don't always talk about.

We're diving deep into dating sex and relationships and what it actually looks like in midlife. I'll also touch on other topics like money, parenting and self-discovery.

 I'll be interviewing women who are out there living it, embracing it, and facing the challenges while rewriting the rules to live their truths.

These are the people who inspire me and I think they'll inspire you too. The best part, this isn't about pretending everything's perfect. It's about being real, being vulnerable, and finding connection and community in our stories.

A little bit about me. I'm a former lingerie and sexual wellness shop owner turned dating and relationship coach, writer, and podcast host.

I've spent years working with women, hearing their stories, and learning just how powerful it can be to open up about the stuff we're usually told to keep quiet. So what can you expect from Unfucking Midlife? You'll hear candid interviews, some solo episodes where I share my own experience and maybe even a few surprises along the way.

If you're ready to start Unfucking Midlife, make sure to subscribe so you don't miss an episode.

In this episode, I get candid about my journey from being a "self-help slut" – constantly consuming personal development content, collecting certifications, and chasing the next breakthrough – to discovering that real transformation came from something much simpler.

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS:

* I reveal how I spent over $50,000 on certifications and countless hours consuming self-help content, yet still found myself repeating the same patterns with different names, zip codes, and job titles

* The wake-up call that made me realize all my sophisticated knowledge wasn't creating the changes I wanted

* How we use "sophisticated buffering" to distract ourselves from discomfort – not just through obvious escapes but through seemingly productive, socially acceptable activities

* Why the self-help industry thrives on convincing us the solution is in their system, when we already know what we need to do but aren't ready to do it

* The power of the "umm" moment in midlife – the pause where we don't know the answers yet and don't need to force them

* How sitting with uncomfortable feelings instead of trying to fix or escape them literally rewired my nervous system

* The "ancient technology" practices that actually created lasting change – available for free and requiring no special training

MEMORABLE QUOTES:

"You already know what you need to do. You're just not ready to do it yet."

"The $50 billion self-help industry thrives on convincing you the solution is in their system, their method, their framework. But what if the most radical act of self-help was simply being honest about what you already know?"

"The answers you're seeking aren't in another person's system. They're in the quiet space you've been avoiding."

"I spent the last 20-ish years making decisions from fear, scarcity and desperation... The unfortunate part of being in that negative state is that you can rarely make a positive decision from there."

"Midlife is when all our clever strategies start to break down. It's when we realize we can't outrun ourselves anymore."

If this episode resonated with you, please rate, review, and share with someone who might benefit from it. Your support helps more women discover how to unfuck their midlife.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

* COMPANION WORKSHEET: I know the irony in this but hey, for paying subscribers who I like to create extra value for, here is a guided worksheet to see if you can become less slutty with self-help and gain a little awareness on finding those answers within your UMMM practices —you’ll find it in the HERE.

In this week's episode of Unfucking Midlife, I sit down with my best friend and personal stylist extraordinaire, Laurel Kinney, for the conversation we promised you nearly a year ago (better late than never, right?).

After almost a decade of unfucking and styling life together, Laurel and I dive into her transformative journey from Austin hustler to Taos artist. What started as a pandemic escape evolved into a complete life reinvention when she decided to sell her Austin home and make Taos her permanent residence.

We explore how stepping away from hustle culture allowed Laurel to reconnect with her artistic passions and blend them with her styling expertise. She shares how her annual trips to a nudist camp surprisingly transformed her relationship with body image (in the best way possible), and yes, we both confess our newfound obsession with protein intake because... midlife.

Curiously, we realized after recording that we didn't discuss relationships or men at all—which, as I texted Laurel immediately after, "says a lot" about where our priorities truly lie these days.

Other topics include the unexpected challenges of homeownership, the emotional psychology behind shopping habits, and why midlife might actually be your most iconic era yet.

Whether you're contemplating a major life change or simply curious about what happens when two friends chat candidly about reinvention, this episode offers honest insights into making peace with change and embracing who you really are.

To learn more about Laurel and/or to follow instagram:

Laurel Kinney Personal Stylist

Laurel’s Personal Instagram

Laurel’s Painting Instagram

Share your thoughts in the comments—

What happens when we rethink love, relationships, and personal growth on our own terms?

In this episode, I’m re-airing my conversation with Molly Roden Winter, author of More: A Memoir of Open Marriage. Since our talk last year, her book has become a bestseller and a go-to reference for conversations about women reclaiming their sexuality in midlife.

Molly’s story isn’t just about open marriage—it’s about self-discovery, the emotional complexities of motherhood, and navigating relationships with honesty and resilience.

We discuss the fear of disrupting family harmony when adding a second child, only to realize love expands rather than divides. We also explore how long-term relationships teach us to navigate conflict, and how personal growth doesn’t follow a set path but unfolds in ways unique to each of us.

There’s humor, raw honesty, and an invitation to break free from societal norms—whether that means rethinking marriage, embracing personal freedom, or simply giving yourself permission to explore what truly makes you happy.

No matter where you stand on open relationships, there’s something here for anyone looking to untangle love, identity, and self-acceptance.

I’d love to hear your thoughts...

Have you read More: A Memoir of Open Marriage?

What parts resonated with you—or didn’t?

Could you relate to Molly’s experiences with love, motherhood, or personal growth?

How have your own relationships challenged or reinforced what you thought you knew about love and commitment?

Share your thoughts in the comments—I look forward to the discussion.

A 6’5” professional poker player, master mindset coach, and stroke survivor, Donna has spent decades studying the game of high-stakes decision-making. What she’s learned? Your mind is your greatest asset—and your biggest opponent.

“Poker is the ultimate metaphor for life,” she says. “It’s about patience, strategy, and knowing when to go all in. But the real game? It’s happening inside your head.”

The Mindset of a Winning Player (in Poker & Life)

Donna’s journey to mastering mindset didn’t begin at the poker table, but it was there that she honed the skills that would later save her life. When she suffered a stroke that left her unable to speak, she turned to the very techniques she had used to stay sharp under pressure. In the ultimate test of mental resilience, she reprogrammed her brain—one thought at a time.

So how do you train your mind like a pro? Donna shares three key principles:

* Control Your Inner Dialogue – In poker, doubting yourself costs you the game. In life, it keeps you stuck. Learn to reframe negative self-talk and play from a place of confidence.

* Know When to Fold (or Push Forward) – Recognizing when to walk away is just as important as knowing when to double down. Life, like poker, requires both boldness and discernment.

* Stay in the Game – Losing one hand doesn’t mean losing the game. Mental endurance is about refocusing after setbacks and making the next best move.

Want to Play to Win? Join Donna’s Free Masterclass

The greatest players—and the most successful people—understand that mindset is everything. If you’re ready to master yours, don’t miss Donna’s Speed Shift Yourself Talk Masterclass where she will teach you how to reframe self-talk, reprogram your subconscious, and play the game of life on your terms.

👉 Sign up today at www.donnablevins.com/speed. And for those ready to level up, there’s a special upgrade with exclusive coaching and bonus materials.

About Donna Blevins

Donna Blevins is a professional poker player, mindset coach, and transformational speaker who has spent decades helping people master the mental game—at the table and in life. A former journalist and competitive strategist, Donna took the lessons of high-stakes poker and applied them to personal growth, resilience, and self-leadership. After using her own techniques to recover from a stroke, she now teaches others how to rewire their self-talk, shift their subconscious programming, and bet on themselves.

👉 Follow Donna Here:

Instagram

Facebook

LinkedIn

YouTube

Thanks for tuning into this episode of Unfucking Midlife! This one’s on me so feel free to share it with someone! Let’s face it, Midlife is a mind fuck— we can’t Unfuck it alone!!

You think you’re just being funny when you say “I’m old.”But your cells don’t get the joke. They’re not rolling their eyes—they’re listening. And they’re responding.

Every time you trash-talk your age, your memory, your body, your energy level—your nervous system takes it as fact. Cortisol spikes. Inflammation rises. Cellular aging accelerates.

🧠 Thoughts trigger chemicals.🧬 Chemicals affect your cells.📉 And that becomes your health trajectory.

This week’s Unfucked in Under 10 breaks down the real biology behind why your words matter—especially in midlife—and how to unfuck the script you’ve been fed.

We’re not here to fake positivity.We’re here to interrupt the decline narrative and choose something more powerful.

Watch the full episode on YouTube or listen wherever you get your podcasts.Then drop a comment and tell me—what’s one belief you’re ready to subtract from your life?

RELATED:

Unfucking Midlife is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Caught yourself saying "I'm old" lately? I have, and it's time we talk about why this seemingly innocent phrase might be stealing years from our lives.

In this week's episode of Unfucking Midlife, I'm getting real about the language we use about ourselves and how it's literally aging us faster. Research shows that women with positive beliefs about aging live an average of 7.5 years longer than those who don't. Let that sink in.

In this episode, I dive into:

* The shocking research on how self-talk affects longevity

* My personal story about being told I was "average" and how it shaped decades of limiting beliefs

* Why we're so uncomfortable when women speak confidently about themselves

* The exact language shifts that can add years to your life

* How to rewrite the scripts from your younger self that no longer serve you

I share the social media reel that stopped me in my tracks — a woman boldly declaring "I don't fuck with average" — and why her confidence initially made me uncomfortable. Then I get vulnerable about my own "average" story and how one person's well-meaning words programmed my thinking for decades.

The stories we tell our bodies today become the reality we live tomorrow. It's time to choose those stories more carefully.

Mentioned in this episode:

Foria Wellness (26% off): foriawellness.com/unfuckingmidlife

"The Wisdom of Menopause" by Dr. Christiane Northrup

Affiliate disclosure: I earn from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you.

Watch the full episode here:

Unfucking Midlife is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Welcome back to the follow-up everyone's been asking for. After "Slut for Self-Help" became my most-listened-to episode ever, it's clear we've all been caught in the same cycle—consuming endless advice while staying stuck in the same patterns.

This week, I'm diving deeper into why we keep seeking external solutions instead of trusting our own wisdom. Spoiler alert: almost everything in the $50 billion self-help industry is just repackaged ancient wisdom with fresh branding and a fucking app.

What we're unpacking:

* Why the Glennon Doyle Substack drama perfectly illustrates how we try to control external circumstances to feel better internally (and why that never works)

* The one thing that has to happen BEFORE any book, podcast, or course will actually create lasting change

* How your brain literally evolves when you learn to think for yourself instead of following someone else's blueprint

* Why facing uncomfortable truths without immediately trying to fix them is the secret sauce nobody talks about

The bottom line: You already have more wisdom than you think. You just can't hear it over all the noise of seeking, fixing, and avoiding.

Be real with me - how many self-help books are sitting on your shelf right now collecting dust?

P.s—> I'm happy to announce I'm going back to the place men love to hate me—YouTube—to start posting videos as part of getting Unfucked in under 10 minutes a week. If you’re interested in receiving, click on the video above and subscribe!

Unfucking Midlife - Because midlife is a lot of things, but it doesn't have to be fucked.

What if everything you've been told about midlife is completely backwards?

In this week's episode, I'm breaking down the biggest lie we've been sold about getting older - and why your 40s might actually be when life REALLY begins.

In this episode:

* Why "midlife crisis" is outdated BS (call it midlife CLARITY instead)

* The 6 fears that get louder after 40 (and why you're finally equipped to handle them)

* Why your mind isn't ready for real success until midlife

* How to stop using your past as evidence against your future

* The midlife advantages you didn't have in your 20s

The truth: You're not having a breakdown. You're having a breakthrough. Your emotional regulation peaks in your 40s, your confidence stabilizes, and you finally have the pattern recognition to know what actually works.

Society tells us we're too late. Science proves we're right on time.

As we're talking about reclaiming your power and pleasure in midlife, I wanted to share something that's been a game-changer for so many women in this community. Sexual wellness is such an important part of Unfucking Midlife, and finding products that actually work and feel good in your body can be transformative.

Check out my favorites from Foria Wellness and receive 20% off!

These are life changing all-natural sexual wellness formulas for your intimate needs. From menstruation through menopause, they've created products specifically designed to support women through every stage of life. Whether you're dealing with dryness, discomfort, or just want to enhance your intimate experiences, these are the products I personally recommend and trust.

Referenced in this episode:

* My Substack post "I Had It All, Remember" (free to read)

* Reflection worksheet (available for paying subscribers)

Listen or watch: You can listen wherever you get your podcasts, press play on the audio above, or watch the full episode on YouTube below.

Prefer YouTube? Subscribe to my channel for the video version of every episode plus bonus content.

Unfucking Midlife is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.