Explorez tous les épisodes du podcast TOTAL MASSACRE

Zombie month concludes with a modern masterpiece of the genre, 2016's TRAIN TO BUSAN. It's a fast-paced, fast-zombie film that went viral in the streaming age, and Rowan, Carli, and special guest Bryant Francis are here to talk about why it totally deserved its acclaim. Uh, also, Kev is here and they didn't like it, so, surprise conflict amongst our survivors! 

Zombie month continues with RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, a nihilist zombie horror-comedy that's both as authentically punk and fake Hollywood punk as you can get. Either way, the energy is good, the special effects are good, the characters are good, and Rowan, Kev, and guest Zack Handlen are all here having a great time. 

Our origin story month continues with BRAZIL, Terry Gilliam's masterpiece of dystopia, satire, fascism, and air ducts that helped inspire Carli and somehow Kev hadn't seen?!? We talk about terrorism, masculinity, production, fantastic British actors, Terry Gilliam's mixed reputation, and so much more.

TOTAL MASSACRE returns after a quick break with MOON, the Duncan Jones film Rowan selected as the movie important to how and why she's on this podcast. We've got all kinds of Sam Rockwell content as well as Rowan explaining the three main forms of Hollywood science fiction, and how Moon changed her perception of what seemed to be possible. Plus special guest Christy Admiraal. Also cute robot emoji! Also a problematic robot voice.....

Yeah that's right we're doing a Wes Anderson movie on TOTAL MASSACRE. And after Fantastic Mr. Fox it's our SECOND Wes Anderson movie. That's just how much Rowan and Kev love ASTEROID CITY, our final pick for SF Comedy Movie April. We also have special guest Kris Lorischild who loves Wes Anderson....less. It's a fun discussion where we discuss the limits or benefits of artificiality, aliens as a metaphor, star after star just killing it, and of course, that we're all deeply emotionally wounded people.

By Grabthar's Hammer...it's TOTAL MASSACRE on Galaxy Quest!

Science fiction comedy month starts off with BACK TO THE FUTURE, Robert Zemeckis' smash 80s hit. Rowan, Carli, and Kev are rejoined by Mike Williams to discuss whether this was the first Marvel movie, how damn good Michael J Fox is, the difficult tightrope of making a family-friendly movie about American history and of course, time-travel incest. 

Conference rooms! Meetings! Political machinations! Scientific breakthroughs! And a giant fucking monster with lasers shooting out of his back! It's SHIN GODZILLA time here on TOTAL MASSACRE, as Carli, Rowan, and Kev are joined by Gojira fan Alex Kazanas to discuss this extremely 2014 and also compelling look at what if Godzilla had consequences? Also the main character is named Rando, that's pretty sweet. 

Modern Monster Movie March continues with Jordan Peele's magnificent 2022 film NOPE, one of the most beloved films we've discussed on TOTAL MASSACRE! Rowan, Kev, and Carli are rejoined by Ellie Warren to talk about what to do with films where there's 16 different metaphors at once, Stephen Yuen stealing the show a bit too literally, and a truly magnificent monster both inside and out. 

It's time for Modern Monster Movie March! We open with Bong Joon-Ho's breakthrough 2007 classic, THE HOST! Rowan, Kev, Carli, and Carli's fiance Bryant get together to talk about what Korean cinema does and how this film its, how fucking rad Bae Doona is, how fucking rad Song Kang-Ho is, how fucking bad America is, and a heartwarming story of child alcoholism.

Get ready to run up a wall and kick a zombie dog in joy, as this week Madi Emenheiser joins us to close out Schlockuary with Paul W. S. Anderson's RESIDENT EVIL! Is this cinema's most memorable death laser grid? Is it possible to tell all the brawny white guys apart? Should Milla Jovovich and Michelle Rodriguez have kissed? Answers to all these questions and more in our latest episode! 

What is the nature of memory, and how fuckin' rad is it to have a swordfight with two metal baseball bats? These are the deep philosophical questions asked by the magnificent DTV action schlockfest UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: DAY OF RECKONING. We invite number one Jean-Claude Van Damme superscholar Abby Waysdorf on board to join Kev, Rowan, and Carli in dissecting a surprisingly great and influential action movie.

It's zombie month over on TOTAL MASSACRE, as Rowan, Carli, and Kev all check out a classic we've never actually seen before, DAWN OF THE DEAD (1978). We invite horror fan Jack McDonald along, and talk about tremendous editing, the rarity of seeing the collapse from the side of the people in authority, capitalism, how cool Ken Foree is, the implicit and explicit discussion of race, and how horror movies struggle with endings in the most fascinating ways. Let's go ice skating together! 

Number one NEMESIS superfan Joe Gibson joins Rowan, Carli, and Kev to talk about Albert Pyun's 1992 cyberpunk action film, as the first installment of our SCIFI ACTION SCHLOCK month. Is NEMESIS an underrated cult classic? 66.6% of our panel is down for that! There's action mudslides, improvised bullet elevators, and heads that open up to shoot guns, like come on. There's also a plot or something. It's messy. 

TOTAL MASSACRE REQUEST LIVE month concludes with our friend Ryan Swen returning to JE T'AIME JE T'AIME, our first French movie! Our first science fiction movie from prior to the 80s! It's about science fiction and time travel through film editing, and it's a fascinating examination of one man's messed-up life, what it's like dating depressed girls, post-war trauma, and hilariously dry humor. It will always be three o'clock. 

TOTAL REQUEST MASSACRE month continues with our good friend Brian Smawley's pick CASSHERN, billed as the first live-action anime adaptation! It's, uh, a lot, as Rowan and Kev join Chef Lu Bu to talk about cool masks, genocide, WWII guilt, adapting massive stories, and really cool hair!

It's a Patreon request special as TOTAL MASSACRE takes on 1998's DARK CITY! Is this the most 90s film in existence? Who is even the protagonist here? Is it even really science fiction? Wait, that leading man isn't a time-traveling Oscar Isaac? Carli, Kev, and Rowan are joined by special guest, artist David Bednar, to discuss!

All these episodes....like tears in the rain. Rowan, Kev, and special guest Jon Arthur check out the programming of the seminal science fiction BLADE RUNNER for Dickcember. It's a film we all respect but none of us truly love, which we try to puzzle out on the show. Is Ridley Scott just a cold director? Is the odd tinge of 80s anti-Asian paranoia part of it? Also, what is the nature of criticism? Is Harrison Ford the coolest person to ever sip whiskey depressedly? There's a lot going on here, okay!

Dickcember opens with a nasty little 1990s b-movie that leaves the our panelists a bit torn up: SCREAMERS, starring Peter Weller. Rowan, Carli, Kev, and special guest Jack McDonald (also the creator of our intro!) get a lil' rowdy talking matte paintings, Canadian acting chops, not-that-Jennifer Rubin, what makes P.K. Dick such a useful guy for adaptation, scary sing-song children, and the most terrifying thing a science fiction film can have: an opening crawl gone horribly wrong.

Steven Spielberg month on TOTAL MASSACRE concludes with MINORITY REPORT, which also kicks off Philip K Dickcember -- it's a double whammy! It's also a double whammy for Steven Spielberg, who manages to balance a taut sci-fi thriller with a bouncy, almost comic, group of set pieces. Join Rowan, Carli, and Kev as we talk about runaway eyeballs, weird little guys, Colin Farrell's moustache, and whether this film deserves to be placed with the top tier of Spielberg films.

Spielberg month continues with one of the most divisive films we've seen, Spielberg and Kubrick's ambitious, wildly atonal, mesmerizing 2001 film AI. Good? Bad? Treacly? Cynical? Hard science fiction? Metaphor for love? Herald of the robot apocalypse? Defender of the downtrodden mecha? One thing Rowan, Kev, Carli, and special guest Ryan Swen can all agree on: Jude Law's sexbot rules. 

Alien Invasion month concludes, and Spielberg November begins, with CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND, an incredibly influential film for several of our most beloved Fox shows of the 1990s, although not Melrose Place. Is this a dry run at other films Spielberg would do better later? How much awe can be shown in a single movie? What happens when Dad meets a sexy widow with the same hyperfixations as he does? Those practical effects! That music! A synth that saves mankind! All this and more, discussed by Rowan, Kev, and returning guest Ellie Warren.

TOTAL MASSACRE's Alien month concludes with the black sheep of the franchise that's the black sheep of franchises. ALIEN: RESURRECTION is widely considered the worst of the series or at least the original run, but what this podcast presupposes is: what if it's actually some weird, icky, goofy fun? Kev, Carli, and Rowan are all in agreement, as is special guests David Bednar, who runs down what actually makes for an Alien film, and why Avatar and Fargo both are but Alien 3 isn't. Rowan also mentions Babylon 5. Multiple times. 

Alien Invasion month continues with TOTAL MASSACRE heading to Scotland for a little sexy creepiness with Scarlett Johansson and 2013's acclaimed science fiction film UNDER THE SKIN. "This whole thing smacks of gender!" Rowan Kaiser proclaims, and yeah, she sort of always does that but it's hard to disagree this time. Esther Rosenfield and Carli Velocci also have many thoughts on Scotland's ugly-beauty, Johansson's fantastic performance, who is the threat and who isn't from scene to scene, relationships to 2001 and other SF films, and more!

TOTAL MASSACRE is back! In science fiction form! We've rebranded to a science fiction podcast, promoted Carli and Kev to co-host/regular panelist/organizers, gotten a new intro and art, and decided to explore a derelict spaceship in order to make sure we get our shares! What could possibly go wrong?

Joining us on this expedition is freelance writer and jury-rigged flamethrower expert Zack Handlen. We talk Hawaiian work shirts, proper first contact protocol, the worst-fitting underwear of all time, casting a creepy android, and what it's liking "knowing" ALIEN through pop-culture osmosis without having actually seen ALIEN!

TOTAL MASSACRE checks out ALITA: BATTLE ANGEL, Robert Rodriguez and James Cameron's 2019 anime/manga adaptation, with guests Kev Koeser, Brian Smawley, and Esther Rosenfield. We talk about mean mommy Jennifer Connolly, double jump-kicks, whether audiences were ready for earnestness, and gender euphoria. I guess it's a pretty wide-ranging conversation.

Netflix month continues (ends?) with the small-scale action thriller KATE, Mary Elizabeth Winstead's attempt to do her JOHN WICK. Does it work? Why is it set in Japan? Remember that moment when she breaks the bottles to get herself claws, that was so sweet! Rowan is joined by Kev and new guest Jon Arthur to break down what works and what doesn't and also more bottles.

We've finally done it! After a year of attempts our RRR show has come to fruition, with Carli and Ellie rejoining Rowan to talk about the power of friendship! The power of tigers! The power of nationalism! The power of dance! The power of tigers on fire! We also talk seriously about whether the right-wing politics get in the way of the film, characters who simply disappear, and if the closest Hollywood equivalent is...Zack Snyder?

TOTAL MASSACRE kicks off Netflix Month in anticipation of Rowan canceling Netflix with THE NIGHT COMES FOR US, an utterly brutal Indonesian action film from Timo Tjahjanto starring Joe Taslim and Iko Uwais of THE RAID. We talk meat hooks, fast punches, broke bones (human), grenades, sniper rifles, broken bones (inhuman), lesbians, kukri, pool balls, and also like, emotions and structure and how this film should be playing in hotel rooms late at night but can't because Netflix. 

TOTAL MASSACRE's science fiction month concludes with the biggest space marine story of them all, James Cameron's ALIENS. Rowan is joined by Carli Velocci and Ellie Warren to talk about James Cameron, Sigourney Weaver, production design, James Cameron's obsession with Titanic, trauma, cats, and Jim Cameron's career! Game over, man!

It is a glorious day full of joy-joy at TOTAL MASSACRE, as Rowan Kaiser, Carli Velocci, and Brian Smawley engage in a discussion of DEMOLITION MAN! Is our trio of panelists a match for Sandra Bullock, Sylvester Stallone, and Wesley Snipes? Is this three films in one that somehow all work? Could we live in a world where the only restaurant is Taco Bell? And did someone in the production owe Denis Leary money? All this and more, only on TOTAL MASSACRE!

TOTAL MASSACRE returns with a good ol' fashioned bug hunt with absolutely no hidden subtext whatsoever thanks to STARSHIP TROOPERS. Rowan is joined by Citizens Kev Koeser and new guest Christopher Dole to discuss many things that are definitely not fascist, such as practical and computer effects, evil Neil Patrick Harris, eviller Michael Ironside, teen drama in times of war, and of course, hardcore nudity.

Chris is also plugging the fundraiser for Arden Season 3: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/arden-s3-midsummer-in-new-york-city

TOTAL MASSACRE finally checks in with Donnie Yen with FLASH POINT, a movie that has an incredible 20-minute climax including some of the best martial arts choreography we've ever seen, and also at least an hour before then of an utterly baffling cops and robbers thriller with no action scenes. It's a weird one, folks, but we had a fun show with Rowan joined by Ryan Swen, Brian Smawley, and Mike Williams.

Alien month continues with yet another controversial, wildly visionary, endlessly compromised thriller with tremendous production design -- the first of that batch, David Fincher's ALIEN 3. It's a grim movie but a fun show, as Rowan, Kev, Carli, and new guest El Loughney discuss the massively different cuts, doomed production, how this all relates to Babylon 5, comedy xenomorph kills, and just how good Charles Dance and Charles Dutton are in this!

Merry Christmas! TOTAL MASSACRE is covering the greatest Christmas movie argument of all time, DIE HARD, with Rowan, Kev, and our very own Santa Claus Brian Smawley. We talk about copaganda, lighting, influence, Alan Rickman's sneer, and good old fashioned American masculinity, what a neat present to open!

Were you upset that the recent Sight & Sound poll barely included action at all? Neither were we, it's totally understandable, but it DID motivate us to see what a similar poll would look like if it was just action, so we did it. Rowan is joined by Brian Smawley, Kev Koeser, and actual Sight & Sound voter Ryan Swen to discuss the results. Is there a surprise in the top 2? What's the newest movie to make the list, and the oldest? Did Kev get Speed Racer on the list? Is it time for TOTAL MASSACRE to get into animation? All these questions and more will be answered on our biggest show ever!

Tom Cruise rides a goddamn plane! Rebecca Ferguson wears a yellow dress! Simon Pegg turns the energy up! Ving Rhames wears a jaunty hat! Jeremy Renner...is also there! It's MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: ROGUE NATION and Rob Zacny and Stella Sacco are here to break down the best film in the best series, maybe.

TOTAL MASSACRE is back for Septomber and three of Tom Cruise's best action movies! This time we're covering Michael Mann's COLLATERAL with Cruise as the terrifying Vincent, Jamie Foxx as his new best bud Max, and Brian and Kev joining Rowan to discuss what was the height of cool in 2004.

It's Judgment Day everyone! Thrill to the nuclear holocaust of Rowan explaining her overall theory of T2! Chill to Dylan's description of the time he launched a years-long project to give a distant connection a Terminator lore-based LARP! Also Carli and Naomi are here and they're great too!

Rowan, Carli, and Brian are hyped up (mostly) for the brand-new installment in the PREDATOR franchise, Dan Trachtenberg's PREY. Themes of nature and colonialism? Check! A cool Predator design? Check! A story of growing up and coming into your power with alien monsters around? Definite check! Impact font on the title card and a dope cello? You better believe that's a check!

Rowan is rejoined by Brian Smawley aka Chef Lu Bu for Jackie Chan ad Michelle Yeoh's near-death stunt experiences in 1992's SUPERCOP! What is going on with Maggie Cheung's character? Why are they in Thailand to blow up an outpost? How influential was this movie on action around the world? And holy shit is that an actual helicopter blade while they're fighting????!?

Our month of Michelle Yeoh continues with one of her international breakthrough films, CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON. There are parts of this movie we love, but, why are they all in the second half? How is Rowan an enlightened centrist on romantic flashbacks? And how fast are those punches and kicks? They're super fast, right??

Carli, Rowan, and Kev are joined by special guest Rebekah Valentine for the hit multiverse movie of the year, EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE. We talk about its parallels to the Wachowskis and Edgar Wright, the joy of seeing this cast pull this off, and wait a minute are they really going full Wong Kar-Wai????

TOTAL CASHACRE closes out with a huge day for Rowan: she watches her first Michael Mann movie, HEAT. Have you heard of this thing? It's like, really good. It's got Robert De Niro AND Al Pacino! Wild wild shit.

It's Alien month here, and we're having a nice calm episode of TOTAL MASSACRE as we do a leisurely scientific expedition of 2012's PROMETHEUS, where nobody has strong opinions, nobody has an agenda, and definitely nobody dies horribly from excessive arrogance, and DEFINITELY nobody has to have a horrific alien abortion that also removes all subtext from the body! Carli, Kev, and Rowan are joined by resident Alien-liker Zack Handlen to talk about bad androids played well by bad people, characters announcing their motivations, extremely shiny toys, and the hubris of making the film, the hubris of the characters in the film, and the hubris of us trying to discuss the film.

Rowan is joined by Rob Zacny and Carli Velocci to introduce Carli to the joy that is the MISSION IMPOSSIBLE series and discuss De Palma's MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 1. We talk about the best ways to understand the series, shockingly weak reviews, the terrifying nature of a single bead of sweat, how much Rob loves helicopters, and Tom Cruise sprinting!

TOTAL CASHACRE returns with Rowan's favorite comfort film, FANTASTIC MR. FOX. Wes Anderson's animated delight involves not one but five different heists, George Clooney being suave again, tweens being difficult, and all the Whack-Bat you can handle. HOTBOX!

TOTAL CASHACRE returns from a brief hiatus (Rowan moving) with the quintessential modern heist film OCEAN'S 11. Kev joins in and we talk about smoothness, coolness, light, charm, and weird Cockney accents.

One year of TOTAL MASSACRE means it's time for our reward: the greatest action movie of our age, MAD MAX: FURY ROAD. Rowan, Abby, Kev, and Jay dive into the smartness and the dumbness, Chekov's flaming guitars and poles, car armor tactics, Tom Hardy's mumbling, and mostly just how this is the greatest thing ever.