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It's been a case of the 'Bad' (Arsenal, 0-1), the 'Fugly' (Coventry 1-2) and the 'Good' Brentford (3-1) in the past week and next up we welcome Qarabag to the WHL on Thursday in the Europa followed by an Old Trafford showdown that never disappoints in terms of tragedy against a knock-kneed Yanited on the Weekend.

We deep the City - Arsenal game, Rodri's ACL, Haaland lobbing the ball at Gabriels head after a 97th minute equaliser and spend some time discussing the travesty of that 2nd half as Assna went a man down and played a 5-4-0.

We turn our attention to the Brentford game which overall was much more coherent against an admittedly lower order team but the signs are that the side is looking more settled and clearer in what they can expect of each other as their roles are tweaked and modified to get the best of what we have. 

"Stay humble, huh?" 

COYS

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Newcastle away...🥶 Well at least we didn't have our arses handed to us...So...there's that.😇

Pep Guardiola called it. "Pre season is over" with the first 3 games before the nations league tomfoolery and Spurs in that time have drawn, won and lost... 🤠

Cardoso, Lo Celso and Dan Burns OG's...yummy.😜

Assna next.... oooo yeah

Up the Spurs

An opening Leicester 1-1 draw and a resounding victory (4-0) against a zombie Everton team at home... It's the 2024/25 season ladies and gentlemen and we've got Europa bollocks to contend with so don't get too comfortable. 

It's Porro, Bissouma, Son and Romero all leading the charge and it's the Newcastle graveyard next. Ouch.

The strangest game.

Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool away when we've all mentally checked out. Auuuugggghhhhhhffffttttt. Here's to relegating mighty Burnley at the weekend!

ROLL ON NEXT SEASON!

Ange Postecoglou's system relies on pull backs which in turn lends itself to Own Goals, this week we discuss whether Ange gets a goal bonus for  these rather delicious opposition resilience breakers. Spurs have created the most OG's in the league so we ask does that mean that Spurs are saving on goal and assist bonuses this season and does Levy give a Ange a pat on the back each week?

Big end to the season coming up - Arsenal, Liverpool and City!

We interrupt our transmission to play a hand of Football Trivial Pursuit (circa 2005) because Tottenham were so awful in their 3-0 humbling at the hands of a buoyant Fulham. 

Top 4 is still very much on, but crikey it's going to be bumpy! Luton at home next. Come on!!!

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Spurs will decide where the title goes. Nice warm up for next year. Yeah booooiiiiii

AFCON and the ASIAN cup is over for our boys. Injuries are thing of the past and everyone is back. We have scores to settle...and no Europe to distract.

We 5th and dangerous...most nourishing.

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Timo Werner appears out of nowhere, Radu Dragusin arrives and dreams of Madrid (according to chatty agent) and VDV and Romero might be fit for Old Trafford. 

Son, Biss and Sarr won't be with us and the January transfer window is gaping and yet we've already got 2 in the sack.

A narrow victory over Burnley in the FA Cup is discussed with City to come next (cheers Mabbsy!) although we they get nowt from Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, so no danger there then.

And of course it's Goodbye for now, to Eric Dier...he still loves me you know.

Happy Caddying for Harry!

#COYS

A power-lifting City 3-3 last gasp draw, a gut-dropping 1-2 at the hands of the Spammers and a resounding Barcodes pummeling 4-1 - that's entertainment folks! Things are looking up. Onto the City Ground!

We discuss giving Romero the armband, to keep his value high and on the pitch, why 2019 sucked the life out of Ten Hag and why Richarlison will "helicopter" past hangdog Steve Cooper and reveal more than just his pubis...

But wait, is that VDV back on the grass, I see boys? COOOOMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEE OOOOOOONNNNNNN!

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Well, the Ange love-in was vomit inducing anyways and 2 defeats on the bounce represents the death of that. (which is a relief) We are now faced with pure and unadulterated shit-stormery through course of December with no International breaks to catch our fall.

After an egregious slice of cataclysmic misfortune against Chelsea that repeatedly had it's way with us, in the end, we firmly and most resolutely perished on our swords - which is something. 

The Chelsea debacle (after being so close to 2-0)  represented the most gut-flipping of matches since the UCL final in 2019 (seems so far away doesn't it?) but in playing a high line with 9 men, it sent a message....that we are coming for you our way, which is something that confuses our gawping opponents who would elect for sitting in and defending for their lives - how very undignified - which says to me the Ange way is the right way...our way... and I love that.

Onto Villa with Dier and Davies. Oh My!

COYS

Crystal Palace 1-2 (Ward OG & Son). Still top. It's November. Crimes! Until we play City I don't know where we are.

ARRRRRGGGHHHHFFFFTTT.

We discuss El Classico, the Manchester derby and the return of Pochettino!

Hurrah

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We can go 5 points clear with a win against a Eze and Elise-less Crystal Palace. My word. 

We look back on Fulham at home (2-0, Son, Maddison) and spend some time on our own personal football odyssey to Barcelona for a veterans, 5-aside tournament. We bombed. But what a tear up! 

Up the Spurs.

No words, we are top of the league.

How on earth do Arsenal beat us? Dey fucked.

Snatching a 2-1 victory against a relegation fancied Sheffield United with a 98th (RICHY) and 100th (KULU) minute winner sets up the Arsenal nice and cozy. 

We are a different Spurs. We are the same. 

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Ashley Barnes couldn't save Burnley this time as Vincent Kompany got his city arse handed to him. 

We discuss international break and Sheffield Next!

Up the Spurs...

This week we discuss how defenestration works during a transfer window; the cozy Bournemouth victory on the South Coast and the ignominious exit of the the League Cup at the hands of Marco Silva's Fulham. 

Turf Moor next!

Welcome to the madhouse Brennan Johnson!

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The start of the Ange dynasty began a heroic 2-2 draw against Brentford followed by an emboldening 2-0 victory against an expensively assembled and crap Yanited.

Our esteemed panel discuss scoring a goal with the aid of a concussion and Yves Bissouma nutmegging Casemiro and thus taking all his UCL medals in one fell swoop.

We finish by trying to talk about Bournemouth but how knows anything about them.

Should be fun, Enjoy!

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Our best player is going to leave...or is he? Pre season has been less than ideal, bounced around the sub continent with very little to show for it. But, Spurs are different, back to the old, something perhaps we should never have turned our back on but here we are. 

Toughen up guys cos the season will be wild. 

It's the dead zone of football and podcasts are truly scraping the barrel. We aren't dead but we are bloated with preseason tittle tattle. 

We discuss Harry, Hojbjerg, Vicario, Solomon and Van de Ven and our new vibes manager Angelos Postecoglu who we all hope is something more than just vibes. But hey, the back 4 is back (with no one able to fill these ranks) and wingbacks are a thing of the 70's and we merely have 6 of those, but no matter.

I think we might be going back to a mid 90's isn't Ruel Fox tricky era. Oh good freakin' God.

SPURS 2-3 BOURNEMOUTH. A grizzly affair. 

Apologies are in order - throughout the episode admin was testing out a wet fart sound effect (seemed fitting) that would record live but it didn't make it onto the imported files(we'll investigate this). So it would appear to the listener that we are laughing at nothing (again, fitting given Spur's finale to the season).

So to be clear that whenever we laugh for no reason(this happens a fair amount)...imagine a sloppy fart sound effect and an accompanying actual turd, I find it helps with finding closure with this chod that won't flush kinda season. 

Bournemouth at home. We lost...Ha. 2-3

Well as long as we're building for the ffffuuuuut... ah forget it.

Enjoy the show.

So VAR in the end cut shorter Conté's reign (by 10 weeks).

Wiithout that BS decision at Southampton Spurs would have been 3rd and the Italian would still be here. I suppose it's better this way. Oh well the football was excrement...but his first full season? Ouch.

But we've kept all Conte's staff...whichh means he's still here, so it was a personality contest and no one likes you. Fine. 

In other news FIFA has decreed that Paratici can't function as a DOF, well, at least we got Romero before his black book got seized and good luck in football jail.

Everton, next. 

Oh whatever.

#COYS

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😶‍🌫️3-3 against bottom of the table Southampton. 3-1 up with 15 to go. Ouch. I even watched Brentford during the week to get a steer on them. Sheeesh.☹️

😡Conté has done a "Burnley" and given us piece of his mind in what has become his yearly address but will he be around to pick up the pieces after this instance of oratorical fireworks where no prisoners were taken. ☠️They were obliterated and then phlegm'd on.

BOMBACLATENACCIO

💣💣💣

Fakinel. We are on the floor. 2 goals in 6 games. Out of the FA Cup, Adama'd at Molineux and then 180 minutes of slow fade to black against AC Milan for Spurs to exit the UCL.

This is a tough one.

Recorded straight after the game. Too annoyed to publish immediately. Here we are. 

We did beat Nottingham Forest, so, Top 4 is still on but twas a bitter blow ending a turd of a week.

Enjoy! uck'Well!

2-0 v Chelsea. (Skipp, Kane) 26th feb 2023

For 20 years Chelsea have been a jacked up Frankenstein, today, a bloated corpse circumventing FFP by being execrable. We’ll enjoy this one.

This week we salute academy graduate Oliver Skipp, fulfilling his boyhood dream of scoring for Spurs; 13 years in the making.

For all the shite that surrounds the game…Stories like Skipp’s reminds you that football cannot be tamed.

Top 4 is very much on with important games coming up…Just like last year - and even though the injury list makes for unpleasant reading...the team works despite it's lack of frills. 

Up the Spurs. 

🤪Lloris - retired from international football, Bale plays golf full-time, Paratici could be going to jail, Doherty is fired (mutually), Kane top Spurs scorer ever, we finally get Porro, City to get relegated due to financial tomfoolery and Conté's bile duct expl🤬des. It's been a fun few weeks for Spurs and, dare I say it, things are aligning rather nicely. 

🤓We look back at City 1-0 (Kane)  and look ahead at the train-wreck that is AC Milan right now in the UCL!

#Coys

"End of the World" after Villa (0-2) they said -  but then the Palace away (0-4) victory was so comprehensive, which makes everything strangely the same.  Listen close, Tottenham will go to the wire... it will be most absorbing...

Arsenal next...most delectable.

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We're back, the World Cup was wonderful, but the world really knows what time it is... and the Premier league is all that anyone could wish for...until you draw 2-2 with Brentford...

The Hackney Marshes maestros talk the World Cup shinning lights and what it takes to beat off the attentions of Chelsea, Manchester United, and Arsenal. 

We're in store for a wild few weeks. Don't get scared now!

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This week it was Tottenham's turn to feel the wrath of the scourge of top flight football: VAR. We chat through the advertising potential of VAR adbreaks and why 60 second countdowns are the answer with fireworks and dancing ferrets.

We discuss playing a weakened team against Newcastle United (1-2) which backfired horribly in a match which consisted of the fewest minutes of ball-in-play in Premier League history and then we set our sights on our home fixture against Sporting Lisbon (1-1) taking Group D down to the wire where all 4 teams could qualify next week in the final game.

We lavish praise upon Bryan Gil and Rodrigo Bentancur because they are Gods of hellfire.

To the Velodrome!!!

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🤣Eintracht (H 3-2), 😒Everton (H 2-0) and 🥶Manchester United (A 2-0)

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. 

Up the Spurs, still third, top of Champers league group...it's quite good, you know...but fack me, we've got loads to do.☠️✊🧶

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Arsenal, Frankfurt and Brighton. 352's, 1st Saint Marco Regiment and Gian Piero Ventrone. 

Frankfurt and Everton at home. ticking over nicely.

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Sporting Lisbon sucker punch (2-0) and a Leicester City mauling (6-2)... On track firmly, we are.

🧉A comfortably uncomfortable 2-1 win (Hojbjerg and Kane) against a Fulham side that until only until the last knockings of the match offered any resistance; which was preceded by an utterly forgettable (1-1) draw versus West Ham at the London Stadium in a match that we've all seen hundreds of times before- but nowadays we don't tend to lose. So a Hurrah would appear to be in order!

🚣We discuss the Marseille game (we know nothing but they look shonky in quick transition) and the upcoming Manchester City game at the weekend which is always a blast!

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👍A 0-2 victory at newly promoted Nottingham Forest courtesy of Harry Kane leaves Spurs sitting pretty in the top 4 after 4 games behind Arsenal and Manchester City. 

👺We discuss the splendour of Richarlison and how we must all used to attritional football and enjoy the tears of others, interspersed with some moments of genius to lighten the mood, just enjoy the "W's kids!

🤕We then turn our attention to the transfer window being bricked up; then West Ham, Fulham and Marseille in rapid succession... things are hotting up in what will prove to be a real bezerker season but one with real promise. 🤹‍♀️

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#coys

🐺Wolverhampton (1-0 Kane) was a bit of a dirge but in a long season with a World Cup in-between, Spurs will need to keep ticking over with results like these whilst Liverpool, Chelsea and Manchester United look to gory rebuilds. 🐐We discuss the rare genius of Harry Kane and look ahead to malformed Forest. (They are too early in their development to be any good and we should prevail.)

🖕And finally we discuss the devious skullduggery of Cuti Romero and how he mysteriously sat out the Wolves game citing an injury - but akin to a hitman who is required to lie low in a flea ridden desert hotel for a few days to let the incident (attempting to pull Cucurella's hair disguise off) "blow over" our mad bastard central defendsive enforcer has announced himself fit for Nottingham Forest just as the PGMOL cop car has turned the corner...Sharp practice from a Spiky team. Up the Spurs 

2-2 v Chelsea. We ate turd for 90minutes and stole a point from Satan's clammy and mostly dead clutches.

We discuss, hair pulling, Cuti cutting Havertz in half, evil, spitting on Eric Dier's shorts, Rich-snarlison, vomit, the absurd ambidextrousness of Perisic, the soon to become crowd favourite Bissouma and the enduring and flailing menace of bottom placed Manchester United.

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Enjoy the show.

It was the 1st game of the 2022/23 season and Tottenham appear to be cooking. Southampton wilted 4-1 to a Spurs team that had purpose, poise and an unrelenting appetite to tenderise. Ahem.

We the turn our attention to Chelsea in the 2nd game of the season at Stamford Bridge aka "The Dark Shrine of fallen idols" full of unheralded confidence; and that's not something you can often say in the last 20 years.

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Cheers

The Tottenham Chronicles team.

🤩Tottenham are on the precipice of something truly terrifying; a team and head honcho who feel that they could crush the football universe. 🙀 This is a rare event  and one that must be honoured, so rejoice.

Spurs are teetering, inconceivable notions have been dreamt, impossibilities suddenly seem tangible and so as of now, the Spurs army feel tall, perhaps the most substantial we've ever felt in recent memory...So obey this treasured moment; and despite almost 30 years of flickering light perhaps we this season we could burn brighter than ever before. Oh do bring the pain; but not for us, season 2022/23 is nigh. 🧟

This is the most comfortable transfer window in recent memory: UCL qualification, an incredible group of players that is being bolstered daily by assassins and a manager that brings the pain...and as for everyone else they are recovering from Ryan Mason's wedding piss up!

We talk Richarlison, Perisic and Bissouma and how the art of deception is Conté's secret weapon.

Nuno Espirito Santo, Pacos de Ferreira, Antonio Conte and NS Mura; this season has been a wild ride comprising of pain, hardship and more pain, but inexplicably we are now 90 minutes away from Champions league football. 

Soccerball, eh?

Our best night ever against our made up arch rivals and ill-conceived Arsenal followed by a dry Burnley match ( did you really expect anything less?) culminating in an Arsenal gut drop for the ages against Newcastle which sets up a final match of the season against an already relegated Norwich…what could possibly go wrong?

But if it all goes right...some of the best attacking talent in the World will be representing in the World's finest knock out competition...or it might be Eddy Nketiah!!!

We are building right!

UP the Spurs.!

It's a winner takes all (perhaps) in the penultimate, penultimate match of the season between 4th and 5th to maybe decide who will go into the prequalifying rounds of a competition that neither team can possibly win. 

Oh, this one is for the ages alright. 

It's a match as big as the 1991 FA Cup semi final at Wembley...and 5 years since Arsenal finished above Spurs in the league.

Can Tottenham survive the might of Rob Holding, Elneny, Cedric Soares and Eddy Nketiah?

This is the biggest, albeit spuriously rearranged, game for Spurs since 2019...

Take it all.

#coys

Losing to Brighton at home (0-1) and drawing away at Brentford (0-0) after obliterating Newcastle, Villa, Everton and Leeds to be 2 points behind 4th place with 5 games to go. The Nause-a-coaster continues apace. On the plus side, Europa league looks like it's in the Bag. Yeeeeeeeeaarrrruuhhhhvomithghgffft.

This week we discuss West Ham having bigger games than playing Spurs as they are rolled over (3-1), Newcastle sent packing with Shelvey at centre back (5-1), Romero being better than Diaz and looking forward to ripping the souls out of Arsenal in the play off to piss on United's grave. Top 4 here we come! Extended happy days!

COYS

A United loss and a painful reminder Ronaldo is the 34th best player on the planet at 37; followed by a Brighton routinely far from routine 0-2 victory that will only be remembered for Harry Kane's Pepsi endorsement by kicking a Coca-Cola bottle that we can only assume was lobbed by a Spurs fan. 

Heady days! Top 4 is somehow still on and the Arsenal rearranged defeat is still to come. Vamos!

We discuss the devil of Romero, Kane's insuperable brilliance and Kulusevski at Brommapojkarna of Stockholm Europe's largest football organisation with 247 age teams of mutiple age groups comprising of 3000 players. Dejan must have been a player to get through that lot.

9 Goals in 2 games without reply against Leeds and Everton to go some way to banishing the horror of our recent home defeats to set up a prize shitshow against feckless Manchester United at the Weekend. 

We talk loan players, the PSG collapse and why Marcos Llorente needs to sign for Spurs and why 2 images spliced together of Maradona's Body in 1986 and Matt Doherty's implacable face of 2020 has caused a minor internet sensation. Behold: Matt Maradoherty!

No crap quizes or rubbish competitions. Just crap. Enjoy!

Crickey! 6 points against the champions elect this season, then the abject and yet absurdly inevitable Burnley reverse to be supplemented by the beating of a soon to sacked Bielsa's Leeds and then another flacid away day at Middlesbrough in the Cup which leaves everyone connected with Spurs ever so slightly numb and wishing away the months until the Summer. 

Don't you just love this ridiculous game?

We discuss Conte and what the hell is going on, and conclude that Abramovich's departure via the back door after 20 years will benefit Spurs in the years to come. 

In Cont we Trust.

This week we discuss the end of the world plus the Southampton (2-3) and Wolverhampton Wanderers (0-2) defeats. 

...whilst reminiscing on our trip to the San Siro 11 years ago. FFS.

Top 4 is on; and Conté expects no less. Oh and by the way, Harry Kane is back.

We discuss the Leicester miracle, the Chelsea debacle and the Brighton  routine victory in the FA cup to set up Middlesborough in the next round.

And we welcome Kulusevski and Bentancur to the club whilst semi mourning the loss of Ndombele, Lo Celso and Dele Alli. Bryan Gil remains superb.

It's been an encouraging start under Conté but we expected no less, Liverpool escaped with a draw, Palace rolled over 3-0, Southampton delivered a drab 1-1 draw and a Watford last minute victory through Davinson Sanchez which has left Spurs within touching distance of the top 4 before our humbling 2-0 against Chelsea in the Carabao cup where "we looked like a team of Darren Caskeys" before our 3-1 victory against Morecambe in the F.A Cup to set up a tie against Brighton.

We discuss the magnificence of Lloris and why the organisation has failed Tanguy and ruminate on why inverted wingbacks has convinced us that Adama Traoré should be signed; along with a sword swallower and a bearded lady for good measure before Arsenal at the weekend.